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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Your mother is so fat, she uses an epileptic instead of a vibrator.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Pixlking wrote:
Your mother is so fat, she uses an epileptic instead of a vibrator.

MAJOR LOL


Racist joke (No I am not racist but I think this is funny)
Spoiler:
What is the worst thing you can call a black man beginning with the letter 'N'


Neighbor

Nothing.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

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Billy Mays could sell giving up to Rick Astley.
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Life's a Happy Song when there's someone by your side to sing along!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Billy Mays could kill three celebirties and throw in an extra one at no cost!
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

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Spoiler: Some can be quite offensive :karma:
BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A KETCHUP POPSICLE TO A WOMAN IN WHITE GLOVES

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ICE TO A POLAR BEAR

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DIET WATER

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL HOUSE INSURANCE TO HOBOS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THE TORAH TO HITLER

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL KRYPTONITE TO SUPERMAN

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL TURDUCKEN TO VEGANS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL LIFE INSURANCE TO A DEAD CORPSE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A DEPICTION OF THE PROPHET MOHAMMED TO A MUSLIM

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A PC TO STEVE JOBBS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A MAC TO BILL GATES

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL BILLY MAYS TO BILLY MAYS

BILLY MAYS CAN SELL OXYCLEAN TO A COKE DEALER

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CONDOMS TO THE POPE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AN ETCH-A-SKETCH TO MICHAEL J. FOX

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CHRISTIANITY TO SATAN

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL BOOKS TO BLIND PEOPLE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL TECHNOLOGY TO AN AMISH PERSON

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ANNE FRANK A DRUMKIT

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A FIRST AID KIT TO CHUCK NORRIS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ROCK BAND TO HELLEN KELLER

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL PEG-LEGS TO NINJAS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL STEPHEN HAWKINS' "A BRIEF HISTORY OF TIME" TO CROSS-EYED DYSLEXICS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL EVOLUTION TO CHRISTIANS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL WATER TO THE OCEAN

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A BLUE MUSHROOM TO MARIO

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL H1N1 VACCINES TO FISH

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL METALLIC BRAKES TO SLOWPOKE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL LIFE INSURANCE TO MICHEAL JACKSON

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL RAINCOATS IN THE SAHARA DESERT

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A COKE ZERO TO THE COKE GUYS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CAPSLOCKS TO EVERYONE IN THIS THREAD

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THE ANTICHRIST TO THE MORMONS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A ROSE TO MEGAN FOX

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SIDEWALKS TO HOBOS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DEATH TO THE GRIM REAPER

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL-ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A COAL POWER PLANT TO AL GORE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL JESUS TO SATAN

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL WATER TO POSEIDON

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL EVERY BRIDGE IN NEW YORK

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A TWO GIRLS ONE CUP DVD TO NUNS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SOMEONE OVER 18 YEARS OLD TO PEDOBEAR

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL HIS OWN SWEAT TO MUSLIMS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THE IDEA OF SELLING

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AN EYEPATCH TO LEELA

BILLY MAYS COULD MAKE OSAMA BUY A HAMBURGER

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DOG MEAT TO PETA

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A TUTU TO CHUCK NORRIS.....AND HE WOULD WEAR IT

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SEASHELLS BY THE SEASHORE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AIR

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A WHEELCHAIR TO SUPERMAN

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ATHEISM TO THE POPE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SUN BLOCK TO A HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL READING GLASSES TO A COMPLETELY BLIND PERSON

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL FINGERLESS HANDS TO A BULIMIC

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL PROPANE AND PROPANE ACCESSORIES TO A PROPANE GUY

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AN ABORTED FETUS TO A PRO-LIFER

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL PUBLIC HEALTH CARE TO REPUBLICANS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL YOU FRENCH LESSONS, IN RUSSIAN

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SOBRIETY TO STUDENTS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ROCK AND ROLL TO DISCO STU

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL PUSSY AT AN ALL MALE GAY BAR

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL C02 TO THE OZONE LAYER

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL REALITY TO BARACK OBAMA

BILLY MAYS COULD DIVIDE BY ZERO AND SELL THE RESULTS TO MIT

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL LARGE QUANTITIES OF LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY TO RAGINGLY HOMOSEXUAL MEN

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CAGES TO SONG BIRDS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL FREE HEALTH CARE FOR $500

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SUSAN BOYLE TO MICHAEL JACKSON

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THINGS THAT HAVENT BEEN INVENTED TO PEOPLE WHO DONT EXIST

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL HAS ANYONE REALLY BEEN FAR EVEN AS DECIDED TO USE EVEN GO WANT TO DO LOOK MORE LIKE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ALLAH TO CATHOLICS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL OXYCLEAN TO VINCE SHLOMI

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL KKK MEMBERSHIP TO WILL SMITH

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL VEAL TO VEGETARIANS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A VACATION TO HAWAII TO DRACULA

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A SOUL PLANE DVD TO ANYBODY

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL OBAMA A WHITE HOUSE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THE ASSHOLE OF THE INTERNET TO E. COLI

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A DEHUMIDIFIER IN THE SAHARA

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL YOU THE SOLUTION TO THIS DILEMMA

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CIGARETTES TO THE SMOKE FREE AMERICA

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL WATER TO A FISH

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DEMOCRACY TO NORTH KOREA

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CRACK TO MCGRUFF

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SAND TO A BEACH

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A MALE PROSTITUTE TO ELLEN DEGENEROUS

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL VIOLENCE TO BUDDAH

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A HUMMER TO A LIBERAL

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A HYBRID TO A CONSERVATIVE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A CONDOM TO A PROSTITUTE

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DEATH TO AN IMMORTAL

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A MAGIKARP TO RED

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL FAIL TO MILES EDGEWORTH

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A HUNGER STRIKE TO MAYA

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL P/E TO PEARL

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A BONDAGE MASK TO FRANZISKA

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DECAF TO GODOT

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A WIG TO APOLLO

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DAMON GANT TO YOU

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SOMETHING DECENT TO FACEBOOK

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CEREAL THAT ISN'T A PILE OF CRAP.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Quote:
BILLY MAYS COULD SELL P/E TO PEARL


Wow, he really can sell everything. *impressed*
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My CR family~ Mother: Naturally Lazy//Father: Phoenix_Apollo//Brothers: JadeRoach and Game Over
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BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A BACKSTAGE PASS TO A RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE CONCERT TO RUSH LIMBAUGH

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL EVERY STOCK JIM CRAMER RECOMMENDED LAST WEEK TO WARREN BUFFETT

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AN INDULGENCE TO JOHN CALVIN

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A BACON CHEESEBURGER TO PAMELA ANDERSON

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SHINIGAMI EYES TO LIGHT YAGAMI

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A SELF-CLEANING TOILET TO PHOENIX WRIGHT

BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A PURITY RING TO MADONNA
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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I think I already posted this, not sure...

Spoiler: OK, ITS RACIST, AND I DON'T MEAN IT BUT I FIND IT FUNNEH
One Paki on the moon, there's a problem
10 paki's on the moon, there's a problem.
1000 paki's on the moon, theres a problem.
100000 paki's on the moon, theres a problem.
All Paki's on the moon?
The problem is solved!



:karma:
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ಠ_ಠ
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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What kind of bird sticks to sweaters?

A Vel-Crow.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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A True English Diva-To-Be <3

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I heard this truly awful one yesterday, but since it's kinda law-related I thought I'd post ti here.
Q: What's the difference between the law and an ice-cube?
A: Nothing, they're both just-ice
EPIC FAIL XD
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Apply directly to the forehead

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What's the difference between a good girl and a bad girl?

Spoiler: Dirty
Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations.

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls love Italian food...
Bad girls love Italian waiters.

Here are some Oxymorons
Spoiler: Saving A LOT of space
Act naturally

Happily married

Microsoft Works

Holy war

Found missing

Resident alien

Minor Catastrophe

Affordable housing

Near miss

Great depression

Canadian army

Phone sex

United nations

Advanced BASIC

Genuine imitation

Death benefits

Airline Food

Good grief

Same difference

Almost exactly

Sensitive man

Government organization

Everything except

Civil War

Good kid

Sanitary landfill

Alone together

Legally drunk

Silent scream

British fashion

Living dead

Small crowd

Business ethics

Soft rock

Butt Head

Military Intelligence

Software documentation

New York culture

New classic

Sweet sorrow

Childproof

"Now, then"

Synthetic natural gas

Christian Scientists

Passive aggressive

Taped live

Clearly misunderstood

Peace force

Extinct Life

Temporary tax increase

New and improved

Computer jock

Plastic glasses

Terribly pleased

Computer security

Political science

Tight slacks

Definite maybe

Pretty ugly

Twelve-ounce pound cake

Diet ice cream

Rap music

Working vacation

Exact estimate

Religious tolerance

Freezer Burn

Honest Politician

Jumbo Shrimp

Loners Club

Postal Service
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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The 24 hour news channels will run nothing but Bill Mays infomercials during Michael Jackson tributes.

Ironically his last product was engrave it.

Celebrities normally die in 3s, but Billy Mays threw his in for free.

God took care of the free shipping and handling.

Billys last words..."But wait theres more!
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

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Ice-Ice wrote:
The 24 hour news channels will run nothing but Bill Mays infomercials during Michael Jackson tributes.

Ironically his last product was engrave it.

Celebrities normally die in 3s, but Billy Mays threw his in for free.

God took care of the free shipping and handling.

Billys last words..."But wait theres more!

LOL, that's a good one.

Spoiler: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A Private Tutor. :keiko:

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Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 7-8-9.

Q: Why was the cookie crying?

A: Because it felt so crummy.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Till the landslide brought me down...

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Spoiler: stupid one
Q-What is the only ant that can kill and RAPE a human?
A-Gant

• °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•* • °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•*• °♦ ♥ ♦°
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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SnowWright wrote:
Spoiler: stupid one
Q-What is the only ant that can kill and RAPE a human?
A-Gant


I lol'd.

Spoiler: Tortoise joke.
One day, three Tortoise went into a resteraunt. They ordered 3 vanilla ice creams, and when they were about to eat them,the clouds outside darkened.
"Juniour, could you pop down to our house and get the umbrella so we don't get wet when we leave." Mr. tortoise said, and Jr hopped off his seat to go to their house to get the umbrella.
4 days later, Mrs Tortoise sighed. "We better eat Jr's Ice cream. It's starting to melt." She said. straight after, a voice from the door said,
"If you eat it I won't go!"


Dumb joke, i know :P


Spoiler: Chemical joke.
Poor old stinky,
He's dead and gone,
His body is no more.
For what he thought was H20
was H2s04. (Or is it h20s4? I forget.)

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Spoiler: Lawyer Joke
A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.

A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"

The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"


I just love this one. :redd:
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SnowWright wrote:
Spoiler: stupid one
Q-What is the only ant that can kill and RAPE a human?
A-Gant


That's a really good joke.

Scarred_owl wrote:
Spoiler: Chemical joke.
Poor old stinky,
He's dead and gone,
His body is no more.
For what he thought was H20
was H2s04. (Or is it h20s4? I forget.)


Spoiler:
If it's sulfuric acid you're looking for, it's H2SO4. Except think of the 2 and 4 as subscripts (I have no idea how to do subscripts in BBCode).

"Descole? You don't mean Mr. I-Like-to-Wreck-Things-with-Mechanical-Monsters-and-Dress-Up-as-Posh-Ladies Descole?" -Emmy Altava

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H2SO4.

Font size 65 seems to work well enough.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Breaking hiatus.

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It may not be a verbal joke, but it made me laugh pretty hard.
Spoiler:
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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...

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LordWolfODonnell wrote:
It may not be a verbal joke, but it made me laugh pretty hard.
Spoiler:
Image


That's not really a joke as much it is a macro.
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Anime-Planet.com - anime | manga | reviews
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SnowWright wrote:
Spoiler: stupid one
Q-What is the only ant that can kill and RAPE a human?
A-Gant


......I love you.
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Moo.

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SnowWright wrote:
Spoiler: stupid one
Q-What is the only ant that can kill and RAPE a human?
A-Gant

Haha, I couldn't stop laughing.
Moo.
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Time for you to sleep.

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Spoiler: Oh no it's racist!
Ever tasted Somalian food?
Neither have they.

Why no, I'm not a racist. (Necessary disclaimer.)
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Parents: Chloe, CoffeeProsecutor Brothers: K_V_N, Auraion, OriginalBubs Son: Rarikou
Thanks to Midnight Jasper for the stuff.
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:)

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I got this from someone who my mum goes to work with.

Spoiler:
Imagine if all retailers started making thier own condoms, and kept their own name.
Tesco Condoms, every little helps.
Peugot condoms, the ride of your life.
KFC condoms, finger licking good.
Pringles, once you pop you can't stop.
Burger King Condoms, home of the whopper.
Andrex Condoms, soft strong and very long.
Mcdonald's condoms, I'm loving it.
Polo Condoms, the one with the hole... OH FUCK!


Last edited by Chloe on Sat Nov 28, 2009 12:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Chloebabes wrote:
I got this from someone who my mum goes to work with.

Spoiler:
Imagine if all retailers started making thier own condoms, and kept their own name.
Tesco Condoms, every little helps.
Peugot condoms, the ride of your life.
KFC condoms, finger licking good.
Duracell condoms, once you pop you can't stop.
Burger King Condoms, home of the whopper.
Andrex Condoms, soft strong and very long.
Mcdonald's condoms, I'm loving it.
Polo Condoms, the one with the hole... OH FUCK!


Don't you mean Pringles Condoms?
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:)

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Yeah I think that's what it meant. XD
I found some more from here
Spoiler:
Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide
FCUK condoms - no comment required.
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Renault condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!!
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of an animal


And the ultimate......
The Manchester United Condom... One Yank and your whole world falls
apart
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This is a terrible joke by my mother.

Person 1: What does the cow say?
Person 2: Moo.
P1: A cow says moo.
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Ice-Ice wrote:
This is a terrible joke by my mother.

Person 1: What does the cow say?
Person 2: Moo.
P1: A cow says moo.


Don't get it
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Pierre wrote:
Ice-Ice wrote:
This is a terrible joke by my mother.

Person 1: What does the cow say?
Person 2: Moo.
P1: A cow says moo.


Don't get it


Well, if I'm reading it correctly, the joke is that a cow says moo, not a person. Otherwise, it's just being playfully redundant.

In either case, as Ice-Ice said, it's a terrible joke.
"Descole? You don't mean Mr. I-Like-to-Wreck-Things-with-Mechanical-Monsters-and-Dress-Up-as-Posh-Ladies Descole?" -Emmy Altava

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Adrian in black wrote:
Pierre wrote:
Ice-Ice wrote:
This is a terrible joke by my mother.

Person 1: What does the cow say?
Person 2: Moo.
P1: A cow says moo.


Don't get it


Well, if I'm reading it correctly, the joke is that a cow says moo, not a person. Otherwise, it's just being playfully redundant.

In either case, as Ice-Ice said, it's a terrible joke.


Thats stupid.

It'd work in the time old case of "Anidiotsayswhat?" but "What does a cow say?" is a blatant question not a joke.
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Moo.

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Ice-Ice wrote:
This is a terrible joke by my mother.

Person 1: What does the cow say?
Person 2: Moo.
P1: A cow says moo.

Liek whut. Weird
Moo.
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Location: U.S.A.

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 2:29 am

Posts: 383

Hey. I ran out of jokes. I hope this one wasn't posted.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

And if it was.....

Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Apply directly to the forehead

Gender: Male

Location: New Mexico (If you can find any more empty space, your in Paris Hilton's brain)

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:35 am

Posts: 315

I want a house right next to Carnegie Hall so then when people ask for directions to my house I just say "Practice, Practice, Practice and make a left"
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"Too Awesome to Die"

Gender: Male

Location: New Arcadia

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:01 pm

Posts: 712

Spoiler: Do you want to hear a (sexist) joke?
Women's rights

Child of Lida_Rose and Aliucon. Married to yuzikichan0! Father of Ha³ and Apollo72.
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Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Gender: Male

Location: CA

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2009 1:26 am

Posts: 4993

Facebook. Facebook is a joke.

And so is this website, but that's on purpose.
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Life's a Happy Song when there's someone by your side to sing along!
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FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Gender: Female

Location: in ur pants LOLZ!!!11 nah, for serious, the UK.

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:08 pm

Posts: 165

I've never been good with jokes. Oh well, here's one.

On an aeroplane, there is an English man, a Scottish man, an Irish man, an American man and a Mexican man, as well as other passengers. Suddenly, the pilot comes running out and shouts, "Listen up everyone! This plane will crash unless four people jump off! But the thing is... we have no parachutes!" The English man bravely stands up and says, "I'll do it for Queen and country. God save the Queen!" And he jumps out of the plane. The Scottish man simply says, "Scotland f'rever!" And jumps off the plane. The Irish man says, "Long live Ireland!" And jumps off the plane. The American man stands up and says, "Remember the Alamo!" And pushes the Mexican off the plane.

Sorry if that offended anyone. D:
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Apply directly to the forehead

Gender: Male

Location: New Mexico (If you can find any more empty space, your in Paris Hilton's brain)

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:35 am

Posts: 315

Some music jokes

-How do you turn a violin into a viola
-Sit in the back and don't play

-How does a lead singer change a light bulb
-He holds it and the world revolves around him

-How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb
-None they just steal someone else's light
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Look! A doot!

Gender: None specified

Location: U.S.A.

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 2:29 am

Posts: 383

What kind of cupcakes do dogs like?
Pupcakes!

What is a dogs favorite salty snack?
Pupcorn!
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