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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Moo.

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2 men have been found. One has been eating batteries, the other eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other off.
Moo.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

[Words]

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Lol, I see what you did there.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Look! A doot!

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What do you get when you are on you hands and knees?

You get very dirty.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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...

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Grancko wrote:
2 men have been found. One has been eating batteries, the other eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other off.


Ice-Ice wrote:
Hey. I ran out of jokes. I hope this one wasn't posted.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Ice-Ice wrote:
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters?

A Vel-Crow.


The three best jokes. EVER.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Moo.

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justis76 wrote:
Lol, I see what you did there.

Heheh. I made it up on a spot.
Moo.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

[Words]

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Impressive.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Grancko wrote:
Heheh. I made it up on a spot.

No you didn't. I've seen it before.
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^ Click for my graphics ^
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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lying is bad

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Two men were caught burglarising a high rise apartment. Suddenly, police sirens wailed and an announcer announced (yeah, totally) "We've got you surrounded!"

One of the burglars opened the window and told his compadre, "quick, jump out and let's make our escape!"
The other one protested, "But we're on the thirteenth floor!"
"This is no time to be superstitious!"
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

[Words]

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I don't think burglarizing is a word. "Robbing", maybe. Lol otherwise.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Moo.

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Nadindi wrote:
Grancko wrote:
Heheh. I made it up on a spot.

No you didn't. I've seen it before.

I hadn't
Moo.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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lying is bad

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Grancko wrote:
Nadindi wrote:
Grancko wrote:
Heheh. I made it up on a spot.

No you didn't. I've seen it before.

I hadn't

It's not like it actually matters

Spoiler:
Condoms aren't completely safe. My friend was wearing one when he was hit by a speeding bus.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Grancko wrote:
Nadindi wrote:
Grancko wrote:
Heheh. I made it up on a spot.

No you didn't. I've seen it before.

I hadn't


Coppo wrote:
Two drug addicts were caught by the police, one was taking gunpowder from fireworks, the other was taking battery acid. One was charged and one was let go.

From page one. By me. My dad told me it.
Spoiler: Do a nice thing today,
Give your computer some love. <3
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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lying is bad

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There we go. Oh well...still, no point in starting arguments.

Spoiler:
How do you double the value of your pitiful car? Pour a gallon of Gasoline into it.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

[Words]

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Uh...what?
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Look! A doot!

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Spoiler: A Little Rasist
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Moo.

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Coppo wrote:
Coppo wrote:
Two drug addicts were caught by the police, one was taking gunpowder from fireworks, the other was taking battery acid. One was charged and one was let go.

From page one. By me. My dad told me it.

Oh. I hadn't seen. :O
Moo.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Pretentious? Moi?

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Here's one my friend told me a few days ago.

Spoiler:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Look! A doot!

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Did you hear that Tiger Woods is changing his name to Cheetah?
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Till the landslide brought me down...

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Ice-Ice wrote:
Did you hear that Tiger Woods is changing his name to Cheetah?

i get it xD
• °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•* • °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•*• °♦ ♥ ♦°
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Francis!
Francis who?
Francis full of crazy fench men!

No offence to French people, I like france. I just find the joke funny.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

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silhouette wrote:
Here's one my friend told me a few days ago.

Spoiler:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."

I said this exact joke before.
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Life's a Happy Song when there's someone by your side to sing along!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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lying is bad

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Spoiler: Long and not mine.
A man was driving down the road when his car broke down near a monastery. he went to the monastery, knocked on the door and said:
My car has broken down. Could I possibly stay the night?"

The monks graciously accepted him, fed him dinner, and even fixed his car. But as the man was drifting off to sleep, he heard a strange sound. The next morning he asked the monks what the sound was, but they said "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man was mystified but thanked them anyway and went on his way.

Some years later the same man broke down again in front of the same monastery. Once more, the monks fed him, fixed his car, and allowed him to stay the night. Just as he was falling asleep, he heard the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning he asked what it was, but the monks relpied: "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man was so frustrated that he said: "Look, I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what the noise was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks said: "You must travel the Earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these numbers, youw ill become a monk."

The man set about this daunting task. For the next fifty he years, he traveled the length and breadth of the globe, miraculously obtaining the number of grass blades in suspended animation and grains of sand. Armed with this information, he returned to the monastery and announced his findings.

The monks replied: "Congratulations. You are a monk. We will now show you the way to the sound."

The monks led him a large wooden door and told him: "The sound is right behind that door."

They gave him the key to the door and he opened it. Behind the wooden door was another door made of stone. The monks gave him the key and he opened it, only to find another door made of silver. HE demanded the key to that door from the monks and was given it. As he opened the door, it revealed yet another door, this time made of copper. HE asked for the key to the copper door, certain that this would reveal the answer to the secret that had troubled him for over half a century, but behind it he merely found another door, this time made of iron. On and on he went, through doors made of emerald. ruby, and gold, until finally the monks said: "This is the key to the last door."

The man was hugely relieved. He unlocked the door, turned the knob, and behind that door he was amazed to discover the source of that strange sound.

But I can't tell you what it was, because you aren't a monk.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

[Words]

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Old.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Breaking hiatus.

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Tiger Woods jokes.

What's the worst part of Tiger's game?
Spoiler:
His Short drives.


You know what the difference between Tiger's golf ball and his Buick is?
Spoiler:
His golf ball can actually travel about 350 yds.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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What the Devil is going on here?

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My sis told me with . She Got this off a TV show for kids.

What do you call a Shark in a Tree?
A shark.
What do you call a Shark Driving a car?
A Shark
What do you call a Shark that sings pop songs?
SHARK-ira.
"OBJECTION OBJECTION..."
~
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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Shark-ira...oh my god.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Zhang Juanli (Rabbit)

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Jesus Saves...

...and only takes half damage!
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You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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:)

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I'm so fat that I went to the zoo, walked past the hippo's and they all started singing: 'WE ARE F-A-M-I-L-Y!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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I gots two 8)


Dr. Smith sleeps with one of his patients in a weak moment. He is tortured with guilt. In one ear his conscience is saying "you're a single man, don't worry about it". In the other ear his conscience is saying "you're a fucking vet you sick bastard!".

---

Spoiler: a bit rude
A girl talks her boyfriend into trying a new drink. She orders a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys Irish Cream and a shot of lime juice. First you put a bit of salt on your tongue, then you drink the shot of Baileys. "Mmm smooth, rich and pleasant" he thinks. Finally he drinks the lime juice.

In one second the sharp lime hits his taste buds, in two seconds the Baileys curdles, at three seconds the salty curdled taste turns into mucus, at four seconds in triggers his gag reflex.

But being manly he swallows the foul tasting drink. He turns to his girlfriend and says "what the hell was that drink called?"

She smiled sweetly and said "BLOWJOB REVENGE!".

Imagesee how it withers before my flower of justiceImage

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

[Words]

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OH GOD! @ first one. Bestiality for the loss. XD
2nd one: Lol... had to read over it a second time, but I got it. Nice...
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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The cape is self-fluttering

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loobywright wrote:
Spoiler: a bit rude
A girl talks her boyfriend into trying a new drink. She orders a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys Irish Cream and a shot of lime juice. First you put a bit of salt on your tongue, then you drink the shot of Baileys. "Mmm smooth, rich and pleasant" he thinks. Finally he drinks the lime juice.

In one second the sharp lime hits his taste buds, in two seconds the Baileys curdles, at three seconds the salty curdled taste turns into mucus, at four seconds in triggers his gag reflex.

But being manly he swallows the foul tasting drink. He turns to his girlfriend and says "what the hell was that drink called?"

She smiled sweetly and said "BLOWJOB REVENGE!".


That is the single most greatest joke ever.
"Descole? You don't mean Mr. I-Like-to-Wreck-Things-with-Mechanical-Monsters-and-Dress-Up-as-Posh-Ladies Descole?" -Emmy Altava

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...NAILED IT
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

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For a girl, maybe. It's more of a girl joke than a guy joke.
But at least I know now not to drink that if a girl ever offers me the stuff.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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:)

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loobywright wrote:
I gots two 8)


Dr. Smith sleeps with one of his patients in a weak moment. He is tortured with guilt. In one ear his conscience is saying "you're a single man, don't worry about it". In the other ear his conscience is saying "you're a fucking vet you sick bastard!".

---

Spoiler: a bit rude
A girl talks her boyfriend into trying a new drink. She orders a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys Irish Cream and a shot of lime juice. First you put a bit of salt on your tongue, then you drink the shot of Baileys. "Mmm smooth, rich and pleasant" he thinks. Finally he drinks the lime juice.

In one second the sharp lime hits his taste buds, in two seconds the Baileys curdles, at three seconds the salty curdled taste turns into mucus, at four seconds in triggers his gag reflex.

But being manly he swallows the foul tasting drink. He turns to his girlfriend and says "what the hell was that drink called?"

She smiled sweetly and said "BLOWJOB REVENGE!".


I love the last one. <3
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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They're good 'uns aren't they, my aunty sent me them lmao.


justis76 wrote:
For a girl, maybe. It's more of a girl joke than a guy joke.
But at least I know now not to drink that if a girl ever offers me the stuff.


OR whenever a guy girl is sucking you off, don't force them to swallow or she'll try and get you back :think:
Imagesee how it withers before my flower of justiceImage

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Zhang Juanli (Rabbit)

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loobywright wrote:
They're good 'uns aren't they, my aunty sent me them lmao.


justis76 wrote:
For a girl, maybe. It's more of a girl joke than a guy joke.
But at least I know now not to drink that if a girl ever offers me the stuff.


OR whenever a guy girl is sucking you off, don't force them to swallow or she'll try and get you back :think:


It's why you ditch them after they swallow...after all you don't wanna kiss the mouth that drinks that stuff. :yuusaku:

Nah I'm kiddin I'm not like that :garyuu:
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You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Haha some people are into that though D= Ever heard of rainbow kisses? That shit is rank AAARGH
Imagesee how it withers before my flower of justiceImage

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

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loobywright wrote:
Haha some people are into that though D= Ever heard of rainbow kisses? That shit is rank AAARGH


What's a rainbow kiss? Sounds disgusting, whatever it is.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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The cape is self-fluttering

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loobywright wrote:
They're good 'uns aren't they, my aunty sent me them lmao.


justis76 wrote:
For a girl, maybe. It's more of a girl joke than a guy joke.
But at least I know now not to drink that if a girl ever offers me the stuff.


OR whenever a guy girl is sucking you off, don't force them to swallow or she'll try and get you back :think:



Spoiler: Sam Kinison agrees!
Warning!! Much, much filth within. (Click the play button to listen)

http://new.music.yahoo.com/sam-kinison/tracks/dont-swallow--34609185

"Descole? You don't mean Mr. I-Like-to-Wreck-Things-with-Mechanical-Monsters-and-Dress-Up-as-Posh-Ladies Descole?" -Emmy Altava

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...NAILED IT
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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@justis - Google it, I really don't want to have to type it out haha
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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2 more...

How do Chavs put fires out?
With their Ho's.

Your'e so butters, your mom spreads you on toast! (That one sucked.)
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