Board index » Non Phoenix Wright » Wright & Co. Law Offices

Page 16 of 19[ 756 posts ]
Go to page Previous  1 ... 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19  Next
 


Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Prolific Writer

Gender: Male

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:34 pm

Posts: 305

Okay, just a fair warning. This one is so stupid that it's ingenious. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A priest, a nun, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar together. The bartender takes one look at them and exclaims, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"

:sillytrucy: :-P :knock-knock:
Some call me eccentric. I call myself creative.
My Fanfiction
My Fan Trial, Spirit's Turnabout
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Fantina's perfect little Franny!

Gender: Female

Location: UK

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 11:33 pm

Posts: 3474

Little_Thief wrote:
Okay, just a fair warning. This one is so stupid that it's ingenious. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A priest, a nun, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar together. The bartender takes one look at them and exclaims, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"

:sillytrucy: :-P :knock-knock:


Have you ever seen the film Keeping Mum? They used that joke.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Prolific Writer

Gender: Male

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:34 pm

Posts: 305

Chloe wrote:
Little_Thief wrote:
Okay, just a fair warning. This one is so stupid that it's ingenious. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A priest, a nun, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar together. The bartender takes one look at them and exclaims, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"

:sillytrucy: :-P :knock-knock:


Have you ever seen the film Keeping Mum? They used that joke.


Can't say that I have. I just heard that one from a friend.

Anyway, here's an odd one I heard a while back. It's not the best one I heard, and the punchline might not be work safe, but whatever.

Spoiler: Animal Farmers
Three animals, a turtle, a buzzard, and a rabbit, decide to start up a farm. This was not the best idea, for the land they decided to farm was not all that fertile. After weeks of not being able to grow anything, the rabbit decides to take what little money they had and go buy some fertilizer. The turtle and the buzzard see him off as he makes his way to town.

After a few days with not a word from their friend the rabbit, the turtle and the buzzard become quite destitute. Suddenly, to their surprise, they manage to strike oil on their farm. Excited by their new-found fortune, they immediately report their findings and become millionaires overnight.

Now the rabbit had managed to buy the fertilizer, but had gotten lost on his way back to the farm. When he finally got back home, he was surprised to see a large mansion where the farmhouse used to be. Confused, he walked up to the mansion and pounded on the door. It was answered by a butler.

"May I help you, sah?" asked the butler.

"Just what is going on here?!" exclaimed the rabbit. "What happened to the farm?! Where's my friend Turtle?"

"Mr. Tur-TLE is down by the well." said the butler.

"Well, where's my friend Buzzard?"

"Mr. Buzz-ARD is out in the yard."

Frustrated and confused, the rabbit then said, "Well, you can go tell Mr. Tur-TLE and Mr. Buzz-ARD that Mr. Ra-BBIT is here with the shit!"

Some call me eccentric. I call myself creative.
My Fanfiction
My Fan Trial, Spirit's Turnabout
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Call me Ishmael.

Gender: Male

Location: Sweden

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 4:16 pm

Posts: 2434

Little_Thief wrote:
Okay, just a fair warning. This one is so stupid that it's ingenious. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A priest, a nun, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar together. The bartender takes one look at them and exclaims, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"

:sillytrucy: :-P :knock-knock:

Admittedly I laughed more than I should have.
Wife: sparkleranger78, daughter: feedmechocolate247
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Komikero

Gender: Male

Location: Las Islas Filipinas

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:56 am

Posts: 493

Not much of a joke as it is a truthful observation, but I still like it.

Q: How many fanboys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to actually screw in a new light bulb and another nine to whine like idiots about how much better the old light bulb was.
Image

I'm a professional comic artist and illustrator. Click on the above logo to visit my official website.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Prolific Writer

Gender: Male

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:34 pm

Posts: 305

Okay, here's another one that's not all that great, but still has a place in my heart.

What do you get when you cross and elephant with a rhino?
Spoiler: Punchline
El-eph-i-no. :sillytrucy:

Some call me eccentric. I call myself creative.
My Fanfiction
My Fan Trial, Spirit's Turnabout
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Idol of Polar Bears

Gender: Male

Location: Norcal

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:37 pm

Posts: 4351

A complex number says to pi, "Be rational." Pi responds, "Get real."
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: None specified

Location: Under your nose

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2009 5:53 am

Posts: 374

--"What was the Mayan civilization's favorite sandwich filling?"

"MAYO"


--"Why does NASA insist upon marrying its workers?"

"To tie the Astro-knot"


--"Why are pirates so popular?"

"They just arr"
Image
Inspector Grosky is prepared to arrest you in style with finesse with his chesthair sheltering innocent kittens.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Prolific Writer

Gender: Male

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:34 pm

Posts: 305

Recently went to a great show where there were a lot of great jokes. Here are some of my personal favorites (Warning, not entirely safe for work):

Spoiler: Stork Humor
Kid: Mommy, where do babies come from?

Mother: The stork.

Kid: Oh. Well then, who fucks the stork?


Spoiler: The Praying Man
A devout Jew spends sixty years of his life praying at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem twice a day. One day, a newswoman approaches him.

"Sir, what is it that you pray for?" she asked.

The man replied; "Well, I pray for peace between all religions, I pray for all of the wars and conflicts in the world to stop, I pray for all who are sick, I pray for everyone to get the same opportunity, and I pray for an end to poverty."

"Wow. And how does that make you feel?"

"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."


Spoiler: Test Results
A worried housewife calls a hospital.

Wife: Hello? I'm calling in regards to my husband, who just got tested. His name is David Brookheimar.

Nurse: Well, let's see... I have two files on a David Brookheimar, and they both got tested. One has syphilis, and the other has Alzheimer's.

Wife: Well, how will I know which one is my husband?

Nurse: Okay, here's what you do. Send him out to pick up a loaf of bread. If he finds his way home, don't fuck him.


Spoiler: Retiring Gentlemen
Two old friends meet each other at a beach resort.

Sheldon: Jacob! You retired?

Jacob: Yeah, I retired.

Sheldon: But, why? You're the most savvy businessman out there.

Jacob: Well, here's what happened. There was a fire at my factory, and it burned down. I got a comfortable insurance settlement, and so I decided to retire.

Sheldon: You know, the same thing happened to me. A tornado tore through my factory and destroyed it, I got a comfortable insurance settlement, and so I retired, too.

Jacob: A tornado? How do you start a tornado?


Spoiler: The Talking Dog
A man sees a sign advertising a talking dog. He walks up to the owner and asks to see it.

The owner shrugs. "Sure, why not?"

So the man goes around back and he sees a dog lying there.

"Excuse me, are you the talking dog?" he asked.

"Yes, I am." said the dog.

The man was amazed. "Wow! How did you learn to talk?!"

"Well, other dogs barked, I talked, it just came naturally."

"So, did you capitalize on your talent at all?"

"Well, I did do a brief stint with the CIA. They dropped me in the Soviet Union, and everyone would tell me their secrets because, well, I'm a dog. After the Cold War was over, I came back here and went on a lecture tour. After that, I found a nice poodle, settled down, had a litter. Now I'm retired, and I just write my memoirs."

The man was stunned, and rushed back to the owner. "Excuse me, sir. How much for the dog?"

The owner shrugged and said, "Eh, ten bucks."

The man was shocked. "Ten bucks?! But that dog's amazing! Why so cheap?"

The owner looked up and said, "What, are you kidding? That dog's a fucking liar. He never did any of that shit."


And here's a bonus joke not from the show. I'll give a cookie to anyone who can get it (it's very old-timey).

Spoiler: The Talking Dog 2: Electric Boogaloo
A man takes a dog to a talent scout and claims that his dog can talk.

"That's ridiculous." said the scout.

"No, I'll prove it." said the man. "Rover, what's the texture of sandpaper?"

The dog says, "Ruff!"

"What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Roof!"

"You ain't fooling me!" snarled the scout. "Get out of here!"

So he throws the man and his dog out of his office. The dog then turns to his owner and says:

"Maybe I should've said DiMaggio?"

Some call me eccentric. I call myself creative.
My Fanfiction
My Fan Trial, Spirit's Turnabout
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

In Justice We Trust

Gender: Male

Location: Southern California

Rank: Admin

Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2007 6:31 pm

Posts: 4160

Little_Thief wrote:
And here's a bonus joke not from the show. I'll give a cookie to anyone who can get it (it's very old-timey).

Spoiler: The Talking Dog 2: Electric Boogaloo
A man takes a dog to a talent scout and claims that his dog can talk.

"That's ridiculous." said the scout.

"No, I'll prove it." said the man. "Rover, what's the texture of sandpaper?"

The dog says, "Ruff!"

"What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Roof!"

"You ain't fooling me!" snarled the scout. "Get out of here!"

So he throws the man and his dog out of his office. The dog then turns to his owner and says:

"Maybe I should've said DiMaggio?"


I've seen that same joke in a Looney Tunes cartoon. George "Babe" Ruth and Joe DiMaggio were both very skilled athletes who played for the most hated baseball team in the United States (though Ruth also spent time with the Red Sox).

I'll take my cookie now. It better not have any nuts in it.
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

Gender: Female

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2008 5:53 pm

Posts: 3435

General Luigi wrote:
Little_Thief wrote:
And here's a bonus joke not from the show. I'll give a cookie to anyone who can get it (it's very old-timey).

Spoiler: The Talking Dog 2: Electric Boogaloo
A man takes a dog to a talent scout and claims that his dog can talk.

"That's ridiculous." said the scout.

"No, I'll prove it." said the man. "Rover, what's the texture of sandpaper?"

The dog says, "Ruff!"

"What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Roof!"

"You ain't fooling me!" snarled the scout. "Get out of here!"

So he throws the man and his dog out of his office. The dog then turns to his owner and says:

"Maybe I should've said DiMaggio?"


I've seen that same joke in a Looney Tunes cartoon. George "Babe" Ruth and Joe DiMaggio were both very skilled athletes who played for the most hated baseball team in the United States (though Ruth also spent time with the Red Sox).

I'll take my cookie now. It better not have any nuts in it.


Image
What do you think this is, a frat party?
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

In Justice We Trust

Gender: Male

Location: Southern California

Rank: Admin

Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2007 6:31 pm

Posts: 4160

Somehow, I knew even before reading it that your post was a response to my use of the word "nuts". You've gotten predictable, DoMaya.
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

Gender: Female

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2008 5:53 pm

Posts: 3435

General Luigi wrote:
Somehow, I knew even before reading it that your post was a response to my use of the word "nuts". You've gotten predicktable, DoMaya.



Image

Sorry it's just the way my mind works.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Prolific Writer

Gender: Male

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:34 pm

Posts: 305

General Luigi wrote:
Little_Thief wrote:
And here's a bonus joke not from the show. I'll give a cookie to anyone who can get it (it's very old-timey).

Spoiler: The Talking Dog 2: Electric Boogaloo
A man takes a dog to a talent scout and claims that his dog can talk.

"That's ridiculous." said the scout.

"No, I'll prove it." said the man. "Rover, what's the texture of sandpaper?"

The dog says, "Ruff!"

"What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Roof!"

"You ain't fooling me!" snarled the scout. "Get out of here!"

So he throws the man and his dog out of his office. The dog then turns to his owner and says:

"Maybe I should've said DiMaggio?"


I've seen that same joke in a Looney Tunes cartoon. George "Babe" Ruth and Joe DiMaggio were both very skilled athletes who played for the most hated baseball team in the United States (though Ruth also spent time with the Red Sox).

I'll take my cookie now. It better not have any nuts in it.


Don't worry, it's chocolate chip. Here. And I offer my utmost congratulations for getting the joke. :goodman:

:cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie:

I know where you're coming from, by the way. I can't stand nuts in pastries, either.
Some call me eccentric. I call myself creative.
My Fanfiction
My Fan Trial, Spirit's Turnabout
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Too bad. Waluigi Time.

Gender: None specified

Location: 667 Dark Avenue

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2011 8:37 pm

Posts: 419

I've got some really stupid pirate jokes. They're stupid, but hell, I like them.

What do you call a thousand pirates in a room?
Spoiler: answer
Avast conspiracy.


What do you do to prevent pirates from robbing your house?
Spoiler:
Fill your lawn with beavers.


Did you hear about the pirate who took up boxing?
Spoiler:
He had a killer left hook.


Spoiler: Sort of long
There is one pirate ship said to be commandeered by one of the bravest pirate captains of all time. A sailor on the ship sights a navy vessel. "Captain, there's one enemy ship approaching!" The captain replies, "Fetch me my red shirt." The battle rages on for a long time, and the pirates eventually win. The next day, a sailor sights five navy vessels. "Captain, five enemy ships!" Once again, he asks for his red shirt. The fight is eventually won by the pirates. That night, while they celebrate, one sailor asks the captain why he asks for his red shirt all the time. He replies by saying that if he were ever to be wounded in battle, the sailors wouldn't be able to see it and thus would continue fighting courageously. The next morning, a sailor sights a hundred navy ships. "Captain, it's Her Majesty's entire navy!" This time, the captain replies, "Fetch me my brown pants."


Spoiler: Also sort of long
A pirate captain is docked at a port, signing up crew members. He tells all the recruits not to make fun of his son, who has no ears, or else they'll be thrown off the ship. A pirate with a peg-leg boards the ship and stares at the captain's son. "What are you looking at?" he asks. "Oh, I was just looking at your leg. Take good care of that leg, or you'll have a peg-leg like me." the pirate says. "Fair enough." says the son, and he sends him on his way. A second pirate, this one with a hook, boards. He, too, stares at the captain's son. "What are you looking at?" the son asks. "Oh, I was just looking at your hand. Take good care of that hand, or you'll have a hook like me." the pirate says. "Fair enough." the son decides, and sends him on his way. A third pirate boards, this one with an eyepatch. He stares at the captain's son with his one good eye. "What are you looking at?" asks the son. "Oh, I was just looking at your eyes. Take good care of those eyes or you'll have to get glasses, and won't have ears to hold them up." says the pirate. He was then thrown off the ship.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

The King of All

Gender: None specified

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2012 3:30 am

Posts: 566

Spoiler: 3 girls
One night, 3 girls asked permission from their dad to go out with their boyfriends
Girl 1: Dad, I'm going out with Pete to eat.

Dad: Sure.

Girl 2: Dad, I'm going out with Lance to dance.

Dad: OK.

Girl 3: Dad, I'm going out with Rex-

Dad: YOU'RE STAYING HERE!

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye-deer! :moe-laugh:
The king of all, Sir Duke
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

You know, a Mario game!

Gender: Male

Location: Canada, eh?

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2013 11:05 pm

Posts: 1955

Okay, so there's this bar that has a magic mirror that when you tell a lie into it, you get sucked in. So an ugly redhead looks into it and says "I think I'm very pretty." and she gets sucked in. A fat brunette looks into it next and says "I think I'm very skinny" and she gets sucked in. A blond looks into it next and says "I think-" then she gets sucked in.
My let's Play channel! Shameless plug!
Current Project: Sly Cooper & The Thievius Racoonus
My Twitter Account
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

The King of All

Gender: None specified

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2012 3:30 am

Posts: 566

dimentiorules wrote:
Okay, so there's this bar that has a magic mirror that when you tell a lie into it, you get sucked in. So an ugly redhead looks into it and says "I think I'm very pretty." and she gets sucked in. A fat brunette looks into it next and says "I think I'm very skinny" and she gets sucked in. A blond looks into it next and says "I think-" then she gets sucked in.

Ha it took me a second to get it. :redd:
The king of all, Sir Duke
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

You know, a Mario game!

Gender: Male

Location: Canada, eh?

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2013 11:05 pm

Posts: 1955

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!
What do you call a psychic midget that just escaped from prison? A small medium at large!
How do you catch a moose? You dig a great big hole, and you put peas all around the outside. When the moose comes up to have a pea, you kick him in the hole!
What do you call four Mexicans sinking in quicksand? Quatro Cinco!
My let's Play channel! Shameless plug!
Current Project: Sly Cooper & The Thievius Racoonus
My Twitter Account
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Idol of Polar Bears

Gender: Male

Location: Norcal

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:37 pm

Posts: 4351

Spoiler: How can you tell if a Chinese man is gay?
He walks into a restaurant and asks for Sum Yun Gai.

Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

You know, a Mario game!

Gender: Male

Location: Canada, eh?

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2013 11:05 pm

Posts: 1955

An overweight man is looking through the paper and he sees an ad saying "Guaranteed weight loss program! Works in just a few days!". Since he needed to lose the weight, he calls the number on the ad. They ask him "We have two programs, the basic program and the advanced program. Which would you like to try first?" The man replies, "The basic program, since I'm just starting out." A few hours later he hears a knock on his door, and when he opens it, he sees a beautiful woman, wearing nothing but shoes, holding a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours!" So he chases after her, catches her, and has his way with her behind the bushes. A few days later he calls them up again. "I'd like to try the advanced program now!" "Are you sure, sir, it's very strenuous." "Yes, I'm Sure." A few hours later, he hears a knock on his door, and he opens it to find a large, hairy man, wearing nothing but shoes, holding a sign saying "If I catch you, you're mine!"
My let's Play channel! Shameless plug!
Current Project: Sly Cooper & The Thievius Racoonus
My Twitter Account
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Walking the path of heaven, ruler of all

Gender: Male

Location: sweden

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 7:27 pm

Posts: 1163

A seal walks into a club.
Image
Awesome sig made by Nadindi.
My otp's are. MayaxLarry and PhoenixxFranziska
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

The King of All

Gender: None specified

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2012 3:30 am

Posts: 566

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Sea you later.
The king of all, Sir Duke
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

You know, a Mario game!

Gender: Male

Location: Canada, eh?

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2013 11:05 pm

Posts: 1955

A woman goes to the store and buys a cucumber. The cashier asks if she wants it sliced for her. The woman replies "I've got an ass, not a slot machine!"
My let's Play channel! Shameless plug!
Current Project: Sly Cooper & The Thievius Racoonus
My Twitter Account
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

The cape is self-fluttering

Gender: Female

Location: The Bostonius

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Apr 22, 2008 10:00 pm

Posts: 2823

dimentiorules wrote:
A woman goes to the store and buys a cucumber. The cashier asks if she wants it sliced for her. The woman replies "I've got an ass, not a slot machine!"


LMAO
"Descole? You don't mean Mr. I-Like-to-Wreck-Things-with-Mechanical-Monsters-and-Dress-Up-as-Posh-Ladies Descole?" -Emmy Altava

Image
...NAILED IT
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Apollon Flame

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sun Oct 05, 2008 10:14 pm

Posts: 1638

So a seal and a walrus walk into a bar...
Spoiler: Cue punchline...
Seals and walruses *can't* walk. :gregory: *badusm-tish*

A King

in name


alone...
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Idol of Polar Bears

Gender: Male

Location: Norcal

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:37 pm

Posts: 4351

Spoiler: What did the cadaver say to the priest?
Nothing, silly. Dead people can't talk!

Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

You know, a Mario game!

Gender: Male

Location: Canada, eh?

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2013 11:05 pm

Posts: 1955

A guy is having trouble picking up women on the beach, so he goes to his best friend for advice. His friend says "What you've gotta do is get rid of those trunks, you need a speedo. Then you take a potato and put it down the speedo." A few days later the man comes back. "It didn't work! Everyone laughed at me!" To which his best friend replies "No, no, you have to put the potato in the front!"
My let's Play channel! Shameless plug!
Current Project: Sly Cooper & The Thievius Racoonus
My Twitter Account
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Simply Batty

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4672

Spoiler: Long shιt
A man and his wife are living happily in their middle class home. One day,the man gets a letter from the Maldives. His wife gives it to him,but upon reading it,his face becomes pale. When she asks him why,he doesn't respond. Instead,he asks,'Do you have a deck of cards?' The wife,being a frequent poker player.says she has several. The man responds,'Give me a heart. Any heart.' She gives him a king of hearts. He immediately leaves the house. Later that night,he comes back,but with a scar on his nose. When his wife asks what happened,he doesn't say a word.

Exactly one month later,he gets another letter,but this time from Hong Kong. After reading it,his reaction is the same. This time,he asks for a diamond. His wife gives him a queen of diamonds. He leaves right after. At midnight,he comes back with a slash on his wrist. His wife bandages the cut,but he still remains silent. The next month,another letter arrives from Chicago. His reaction remains unchanged,but this time it's a club. His wife gives him the jack of clubs. He says it's perfect,and leaves with it. When he comes back in the middle of the night,he's missing an eyeball. His wife immediately takes him to the hospital,where he is given a prosthetic eye. However,he pleads the fifth on the events that transpired.

Finally,exactly one week letter,another letter arrives from London. The man upon reading the letter sighs and asks for a spade. The wife gives him an ace of spades. Nodding,he leaves. However,he doesn't return at all the next day. The worried wife informs the police and they go searching for him. They find him in an alleyway massacred and mutilated,barely alive. They rush him to the hospital,but it seems he won't live. A few weeks later,when the husband is nearing his death,the wife asks him to tell her what happened. The man agrees. 'What happened was that-'

And then he died

Image
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: Male

Location: Dominican Republic

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2013 6:06 pm

Posts: 715

Southern Corn (SC) wrote:
Spoiler: Long shιt
A man and his wife are living happily in their middle class home. One day,the man gets a letter from the Maldives. His wife gives it to him,but upon reading it,his face becomes pale. When she asks him why,he doesn't respond. Instead,he asks,'Do you have a deck of cards?' The wife,being a frequent poker player.says she has several. The man responds,'Give me a heart. Any heart.' She gives him a king of hearts. He immediately leaves the house. Later that night,he comes back,but with a scar on his nose. When his wife asks what happened,he doesn't say a word.

Exactly one month later,he gets another letter,but this time from Hong Kong. After reading it,his reaction is the same. This time,he asks for a diamond. His wife gives him a queen of diamonds. He leaves right after. At midnight,he comes back with a slash on his wrist. His wife bandages the cut,but he still remains silent. The next month,another letter arrives from Chicago. His reaction remains unchanged,but this time it's a club. His wife gives him the jack of clubs. He says it's perfect,and leaves with it. When he comes back in the middle of the night,he's missing an eyeball. His wife immediately takes him to the hospital,where he is given a prosthetic eye. However,he pleads the fifth on the events that transpired.

Finally,exactly one week letter,another letter arrives from London. The man upon reading the letter sighs and asks for a spade. The wife gives him an ace of spades. Nodding,he leaves. However,he doesn't return at all the next day. The worried wife informs the police and they go searching for him. They find him in an alleyway massacred and mutilated,barely alive. They rush him to the hospital,but it seems he won't live. A few weeks later,when the husband is nearing his death,the wife asks him to tell her what happened. The man agrees. 'What happened was that-'

And then he died


Spoiler:
I can't believe I fell for another one of these...

Signature loading, please wait...


Last edited by Cesar Zero on Thu Feb 02, 2017 11:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Simply Batty

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4672

You feel for this? Yeah,it was very emotional ,huh? No soap,radio.
Image
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: Male

Location: Dominican Republic

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2013 6:06 pm

Posts: 715

I don't get what you mean, your post has nothing to do with my what my original, unedited post says.
Signature loading, please wait...
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Simply Batty

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4672

Good save

Spoiler: Contradictory Brackets
A hippopotamus is enjoying itself in the lake when it sees a crocodile starting to jump into its pond. It goes to it and says,'Hey mang,don't jump into your lake like that. You're going to cause a huge mess.' '

'Fine,hippo.'

'Don't let me see you jump in there again,dude. Totally not gnarly.'

Then the hippo immediately jumps into its lake,causing a huge mess. The crocodile comes over and says:

'Wow,isn't that a bit hippo-critical?'


.....


'Don't you mean hypocritical, dude?',asks the smartass hippo.

'Shut up you hippo',says the croc and he kills him

------

"Hey,did you know that my parents both have a PhD?",asks a man to his friend.

"No", the friend responds.

"Well,for their final assignment,they had to write a whole essay on thermodynamics or something."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. My mother wrote '[',and my father wrote ']'."

"Wait,what? I don't understand. How could-"

"Didn't you get it? They wrote in total a pair of parenthesis!"

Then his friend shoots himself

Image
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Trainer Gold - Johto Champion.

Gender: None specified

Location: Travelling the Pokemon World

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sun Jan 10, 2016 6:08 am

Posts: 461

Some Geography Jokes:

Did you hear about the Europeans who were going so fast?
Spoiler:
They were Russian.


What do you an Eastern Asian flower?
Spoiler:
A Franjapani.


Puns about Australian towns:

Where would you find lots of unmarried people?
Spoiler:
Singleton

Similar Joke: Where would you hear lots of singing?
Singleton.


Where would you find the best scones?
Spoiler:
Scone.


Which city is full of friendly Australians?
Spoiler:
Mateland.

To all the creepypastas, Romans, etc.
http://pa1.narvii.com/5806/85074bd75bdf ... 9d1_hq.gif
YOU JUST MESSED WITH THE WRONG PERSON!!!

Hydrophyl the Feraligatr is going to rearrange the Phantom's kneecaps! You never know, I used him, and only him - to defeat the entire E4 and all of Kanto's Gym leaders, believe it or not!

I've become a DeviantArt member! Link to my DeviantArt Here:
http://articuno32.deviantart.com/
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Simply Batty

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4672

This one is purdy lit fam

Spoiler: Good shίt
A magician brings three of his students to his chamber and unveils a mirror. 'This mirror will suck you in if you tell it a lie.'

Eager to test it out,the first student (who has an elder brother) says,'I am my father's favourite child.' But he gets sucked in. 'Well',says the magician,'Apparently his brother was more loved. His dear old daddy must have lied to him. Oh well. Next!'

The second student (who likes to drink soda) says,'Pepsi is my favourite beverage.' But he too gets sucked in. 'I suppose he confused Coke with Pepsi',says the magician. 'You! You have to undergo this too',he says to the third student.

And the third student (who's a Trump supporter) says,'I believe that Donald Trump will be a good president.' The mirror does not respond for a second

And then it explodes because what he said is subjective so technically it's not a lie.

End

Image
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: Male

Location: Dominican Republic

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2013 6:06 pm

Posts: 715

Southern Corn (SC) wrote:
This one is purdy lit fam

Spoiler: Good shίt
A magician brings three of his students to his chamber and unveils a mirror. 'This mirror will suck you in if you tell it a lie.'

Eager to test it out,the first student (who has an elder brother) says,'I am my father's favourite child.' But he gets sucked in. 'Well',says the magician,'Apparently his brother was more loved. His dear old daddy must have lied to him. Oh well. Next!'

The second student (who likes to drink soda) says,'Pepsi is my favourite beverage.' But he too gets sucked in. 'I suppose he confused Coke with Pepsi',says the magician. 'You! You have to undergo this too',he says to the third student.

And the third student (who's a Trump supporter) says,'I believe that Donald Trump will be a good president.' The mirror does not respond for a second

And then it explodes because what he said is subjective so technically it's not a lie.

End


But he said he believed he would be a good president. The real paradox is how someone who actually believed that was smart enough to be a magician's apprentice.
Signature loading, please wait...
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Simply Batty

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4672

Student,not apprentice. For all you know,the guy had hundreds of students and he might've just brought three random novices with him
Image
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Trainer Gold - Johto Champion.

Gender: None specified

Location: Travelling the Pokemon World

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sun Jan 10, 2016 6:08 am

Posts: 461

Person A: How do you get out of Iraq?
Person B: I-ran. (I run, geddit?)
To all the creepypastas, Romans, etc.
http://pa1.narvii.com/5806/85074bd75bdf ... 9d1_hq.gif
YOU JUST MESSED WITH THE WRONG PERSON!!!

Hydrophyl the Feraligatr is going to rearrange the Phantom's kneecaps! You never know, I used him, and only him - to defeat the entire E4 and all of Kanto's Gym leaders, believe it or not!

I've become a DeviantArt member! Link to my DeviantArt Here:
http://articuno32.deviantart.com/
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: Male

Location: Dominican Republic

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2013 6:06 pm

Posts: 715

Student678 wrote:
Person A: How do you get out of Iraq?
Person B: I-ran. (I run, geddit?)


Wait, why did you point out the obvious "I run" part like that was the joke instead of the "Iran" pun?
Signature loading, please wait...
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Simply Batty

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4672

I ran is past tense. I think it would have made more sense for person 1 to say,'How DID you get out of Iraq' myself
Image
Image
Page 16 of 19 [ 756 posts ] 
Go to page Previous  1 ... 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19  Next
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  

 Board index » Non Phoenix Wright » Wright & Co. Law Offices

Who is online
Users browsing this forum: Google Adsense [Bot] and 2 guests

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to:  
News News Site map Site map SitemapIndex SitemapIndex RSS Feed RSS Feed Channel list Channel list
Powered by phpBB

phpBB SEO