Mighty Pirate, really!
Gender: None specified
Location: Insert Funny Location Here, Am Busy
Rank: Medium-in-training
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:30 am
Posts: 336
I really,
really hope you're in for a long rant. Otherwise, please skip my post.
Horror Films Specifically• Torture films. Sick blights on our society that promote gruesome violence and torture. They are not needed, not wanted, and are nothing but ugly, sinful messages of hate and pain. There is no point to them except to feed those who like carnage.
• Urban and mystical legends always being true. Just once, could a legend not be true?
• The "You deserve to die if you" message. It's so stupid how they promote that young people deserve to die if you drink, smoke, swear, and/or have sex.
• Loud blaring music accompanied with pop-out. A pop-out should be scary on it's own.
• Music during tense moments. It'd be more tense if there WAS no music to make it more realistic; there's no music in real-life.
• Serial killers know where they are hiding, running to, where the weapons are stored, and how to control their breathing if they're hiding in the shadows.
• No one ever runs so much they simply cannot move anymore or throw up. Especially not serial killers.
• Serial killers, murderous creatures, and the like don't die. So they can murder over ten or twenty people, but they continue to live? How fair is that?
* This is most annoying for Jason, Freddy, and the like. They murder and kill and massacre, but the moral of the story is that they deserve to live and murder more? Sheesh.
• Nerds are always socially awkward, usually with glasses. Why is intellect a bad thing?
• Serial killers being philosophical. No no no, look up history's most notorious serial killers, they are all psychotic with major mental problems.
• Worst upon worst of all, sympathy for the murderers or killers. "I pity that poor monster/man, even though he gutted my brother, my best friend, and tried to kill me."
* Or if the film tries to sympathize for the killer.
Romance Films,
and I'm a romantic, don't get me wrong.• Sex is a reward for any action men take in a relationship. It's like a chick flick's way to appeal to men.
• Men are always wrong. Look at the
The Break-Up.
• When women have to physically get "prettier" for men to notice them.
• Any lie, no matter how big or small or worst of all to prevent the other from being hurt, triggers a, "You lied to me," scene. *sighs*
• Men are always insensitive.
• Increased profanity in romantic films. You know people, Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn didn't curse, we don't need f-word and a-word and s-word in romantic films.
• Romance films always situated in a normal, real-life setting. Why can't we have sci-fi or fantasy movies primarly on romance instead of wars and fighting bugs/goblins/bug-like goblins?
• Men are also really slow.
• If the couple really hits it off, the writers just
have to throw in an argument scene. Especially if they have just had sex.
• Men who are so stupid that when they are in a great relationship with a great women, they are pulled towards any other female in the universe, or an ex who treated them badly.
• Finally, premarital sex. Can't ANY couple wait? Seriously, they're lucky they're not in a horror film.
Comedies, my favorite!• Sad scenes in comedies. No no NO! I don't want sadness, depression, angst, or tension in my comedies! I want comedy, pure comedy!
• The 'she's sexy I must do as she says' is so overdone. And how come women never go like this over men?
Action/Adventure• Cars. Do NOT. Blow up. (Except Pintos, thank you
Top Secret! :) )
• In fact, most stuff would not blow up if shot at or crashed.
• Especially if it's in space.
• Extra especially if anything blows up, except for the ship that the hero is on when it crash-lands.
• Most people, believe it or not, do not die instantly when shot. Besides the heart and brain, and even then, most do not die instantly. Shock takes a while too.
• Speaking of shock, no one goes into it when seriously injured, attacked by monsters, alien invasion, loved one killed in front of you, giant animal attack, etc.. Not even when the person is NOT expecting such a thing to happen (like monsters suddenly appearing in real life).
* Oh, and if someone actually DOES go into shock, they're portrayed as useless.
• Villians with exceptionally good aim miss the hero.
• In fact, anyone with exceptionally good aim missing someone in a hallway or out in the open.
• Soldiers, our finest, army and air force and navy and marines, being USELESS.
• Why do villains want to destroy the world? What do they gain from it? They must have some reason for wanting to destroy the world, otherwise the movie up until the end is pointless bickering! (And it better not be a secret!)
• Concussions are serious things. People can die from concussions, and those that wake up usually suffer mental slowness for a while, dizziness, and take time to recover, they don't just jump up.
Children• If kids get power in movies, they are facists that rival Stalin (minus killing). They are upstarts who immediate grate the nerves of anyone over 12. And the worst part of it is, give a good kid power in a movie, he becomes a dictator five minutes later, even in movies that aren't comedies.
• Being a brat = cute and endearing? No no no. Being huffy, uncontrollable, unreasonable, insulting, and worst of all, holier-than-thou, are all traits we don't like in kids. If you had the misfortune to see
Zoom, you know what I mean.
• Kids who are not known for lying or being dishonest not being believed. Especially if very strange things are happening.
• Kids being useless and/or setbacks in movies. Just once, I'd like to see a kid who can take care of himself (and not be a brat).
Political,
though I gotta warn ya, you won't like it if you're really leftist.
• Over-the-top preachiness on liberal policies.
American Dreamz,
The Day After Tomorrow,
Runaway Jury, anything by Michael Moore, all perfect examples. It's so one-sided, it's disgraceful, and you rarely see anything for the other side in major movies and documentaries.
• Christians and Catholics being portrayed as hate mongers, intolerant, preachy, and sometimes homicidal. Last time I checked, the religion that slaughters people over things like beliefs and cartoons wasn't Christianity but God (oops) forbid we are negative to them.
• No black villains in movies that aren't predominately black. There are white, asian, hispanic, british, russian, german, even canadian, but not black.
• Movies that incorrectly tell history.
Pearl Harbor is at the top.
Good Night and Good Luck comes in close, especially since they show people who were historically being interrogated as supposed communists, then fail to mention that they WERE communists.
• Criminals, like gangsters, pimps, career robbers, and especially
murderers being sympathized for and even shown as good people.
Other• I want intermissions back. Movies are about 2 hours long average nowadays, a bathroom break would be nice.
• When you have token characters that the movie is based on but do not appear until half-way into the film. Like say,
Transformers.
• Arrogant heroes who the whole world revolves around.
• Comic relief characters portrayed as annoying and/or useless. Just once, couldn't the funny guy be just as helpful and loved as, say, the love interest? (And not get killed? Comedy is my life, I support my comedy-in-arms comrades.)
• Heroes that trust the villain's word over those they care about. This ticks me off, especially when the liar doesn't even show proof of what he/she is saying, but the hero believes him/her anyway.
• When side characters are more interesting than main characters.
• Heroes that spare the villain's life, then turn their back to them. You just KNOW the villain is going to try to murder them the moment their back is turned.
• Villains who torture, murder, mass murder, rape, dictate, destroy, and slowly mutilate innocent people... get a quick death.
• Anyone who plays video games is portrayed as a nerd, and quite negatively too. (We all say BOO! to that, don't we? :) )
• Blond woman is smart and/or stern if she's wearing... (
DUN-DUN-DUUUUUN)... glasses!
• On the flip side, dark-haired women with glasses are always portrayed as 'ugly' and 'socially inept'.
• Californians are stupid and stoners. Lay off my state!
• Foreigners always speak English, even if you're in their country.
• Bosses, especially police chiefs, being more of a hassle to the hero than the villain is.
• The villain never having any strife, no falling-out with his followers, no problems right until he loses to the hero. (Like it or not,
Employee of the Month did a good job counterattacking this cliché.)
• A movie that can only progress if the character does something REALLY stupid.
• Trainers who are too strong and completely unlikable, even hateful (like
Kill Bill 2; I swear, that movie, though not bad, would have been twice as good if she showed that arrogant, racist, sexist jerk).
• Movie titles that contradict the movie, like
Alone in the Dark and
John Tucker Must Die (I had such high hopes for that movie, and they end up fighting over him and APOLOGIZE to him, sigh).
• Not enough zombie movies.
• No Phoenix Wright movie yet.
***
And worst of all, that we don't have
Mystery Science Theater 3000 anymore to take care of the bad films. Least there is Rifftrax. :)
PHEW! Could you tell I had a lot to get off my chest?