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Re: Random conversations/chatroomTopic%20Title
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Gettin' Old!

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Sjibbey wrote:
Pierre wrote:
Hey sorry for the delay. Yeah I passed my viva :kristoph: I'm on track to doctorhood and that feels super weird. Gotta tell friends and family to stop calling me "Doctor" cause it's so strange.

The viva went well, I've been given all the thumbs up. Things will still be getting verified and documentation processed, then I can properly call myself a Counselling Psychologist (or a Chartered Psychologist). Sadly, there'll be no big graduation ceremony cause of Covid, and I'd love a nice meal out somewhere but things are limited as is.

Now to exhaust myself in looking into jobs :sadshoe:


Congratulations on passing! Although, before you start a new job consider taking a break/holiday for a few weeks. When you start at your new position it will be hard to get an extended period of absense, so you'll want to recharge yourself first from all the stress of the study and the past year.

I wouldn't let this event go uncelibrated. It's unfortunate you can't get a ceremony or a big party, but a small gathering of family and/or friends is in order for such an occasion wouldn't you agree?


Thank you Sir Jibbey!

Small gathering of family sure that's available, we went to lunch in the local pub, but friends? That's trickier to pull together with tiers and lockdown and whatnot. Something sometime, maybe next week I'll be able to do something.

Also parents are putting plenty of pressure on me to apply for Jobs already so eh XD
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I'm smart now. Gotta get paid.

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Halfway through my one week off between quarters. Passed the last quarter with all As, which is a first for me. Haven't really been doing anything but playing video games, but I'm having a bit of fun. Sucks to feel like I'm wasting a day by doing nothing, but I earned a decent break. Hopefully next quarter isn't too tough, but I have a feeling it's going to be.

But once I get past that, I can start internship and hopefully it's either virtual or really close to where I live. I don't wanna have to drive two hours to the major city to work every day. Fingers crossed, ya know?
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★ I wanna Yabba Dabba Die ★

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Me and Kidd got our second Pfizer dose today.
I've also been drawing a lot lately. Especially waifus lol. Latest Waifu Art.

I hope everyone is doing alright. It's been quiet here lately.
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Re: Random conversations/chatroomTopic%20Title
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Gettin' Old!

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Art still looks great Dawn! Congrats on your second vaccine! Be as strong as Science can make you!

Yeah I'm keeping it together well enough. Think I'm pretty emotionally drained to be honest. Got lots of good things coming up but it's hard to get too hype about them because of it.

I'll have a flat of my own by next week which should be cool. Moving to the city. I've started my new Job this week but I'm kinda terrified of performance anxiety.
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You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
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Happy Maria

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Good luck Pierre! And yeah congrats Dawn.

I've been vibing mostly, not much on my end.
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★ I wanna Yabba Dabba Die ★

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Pierre, I'm not sure why, but I can't reply to your PM. I'm hoping you see this comment lol :nick-sweat:
If anything try to message me on IG, FB, or Twitter. ^^
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Re: Random conversations/chatroomTopic%20Title
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Gettin' Old!

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bratty waifu wrote:
Pierre, I'm not sure why, but I can't reply to your PM. I'm hoping you see this comment lol :nick-sweat:
If anything try to message me on IG, FB, or Twitter. ^^


Huh weird! I'll try that!
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You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
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I'm smart now. Gotta get paid.

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Jesus a whole quarter's gone by. Anyway, I find out where I'm being placed on Tuesday and I'm a little nervous. Thankfully most of the placements are WFH but still...these feelings of Imposter Syndrome are real.
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Happy Maria

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Apparently it's been 5 years since I joined CR now dang. Feel like I've become a different person since honestly lol.
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High level play

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Time seems to move faster every year. I joined this site in my early 20's and a couple of months ago I turned 30. My account on CR will turn 10 next year.

I'm taking it (really) slow with playing the 'new' Great Ace Attorney games. I'm around the halfway mark of the 2nd game, but lately i'm slipping into a habit where I stop just before I complete a game. There's just too little time to play everything and do everything I want. Currently playing Divinity original Sin 2 with my cousin after he's done with his baby for the day.

Also making decent progress playing my bass guitar. I plan on entering an event the music school hosts where starting students (Singer/Drums/guitar/bass/keyboard) perform songs together. Seems like a lot fun to me!
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.

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I'm smart now. Gotta get paid.

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Started my third week of internship. Had my 22nd birthday on Thursday. Man, I wasn't even 14 when I joined this site. Fucking hell, how time flies.
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★ I wanna Yabba Dabba Die ★

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Dang it's been like 8 years for me. Y'all saw me in my old relationship and my current one and everything lol.
Nice to see that everyone has their own thing going on now. I'm still trying to be a successful artist. ♡
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Re: Random conversations/chatroomTopic%20Title
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Gettin' Old!

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Psshaw! Dawn your art is great. Already a successful artist I'd say.

My life's been wild lately. Graduated, got a job, finally moved out.

Now I'm living in Glasgow, working from home, earning a decent salary and learning to survive on my own for the first time in ages. It's real scary but pretty exciting. I'd never expected I'd need to make this step on my own so it's hellah lonely for sure but eh I don't think that's something I can really do much with.

By most accounts: I'm successful.
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Happy Maria

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Congrats Pierre :D Love to hear it!
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bratty waifu wrote:
Dang it's been like 8 years for me. Y'all saw me in my old relationship and my current one and everything lol.
Nice to see that everyone has their own thing going on now. I'm still trying to be a successful artist. ♡


Pierre wrote:
My life's been wild lately. Graduated, got a job, finally moved out.

Now I'm living in Glasgow, working from home, earning a decent salary and learning to survive on my own for the first time in ages. It's real scary but pretty exciting. I'd never expected I'd need to make this step on my own so it's hellah lonely for sure but eh I don't think that's something I can really do much with.

By most accounts: I'm successful.


Imsoproudofthiscommunity.jpg

It's nice to be part of a community where I can share things from my life/interests seperate from the 'real world'. I feel like this outlet has helped me develop the person I am today. It's nice to also see others doing well!

I was able to do something on my bucketlist, which was to play/jam with a band. I started playing the bassguitar with some light nudging from my friends. One plays drums, one piano/keyboard and one guitarist. Add me on bass and you have a band (without vocals).These guys have been playing music for the most of their life so everyone had to adjust to my 'level', but the experience was exhilarating to me. The drummer even threw in some vocals and some signs to help me get back on track when I lost the rhythm.

Best thing is that I see these guys almost on a weekly basis and the practice room we used is owned by the drummers parents. So the likelyhood of more jam/practice sessions is pretty high.
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.

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I'm smart now. Gotta get paid.

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Ach, power was out for like 9 hours today. Not fun. Hope you're all still doing well as we move into the holiday season.
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We had a great D&D session this week which i want to share. It's been 2 years since we started this campaign, at the start we were first time players and DM. I feel like this session showed our growth (from being murder hobo's)

After growing a bit to confident in our abilities last session ended with all of my party members unconscious, after challenging an archmage and a legendary warrior combo.I was able to surrender just before we were wiped (act of mercy from DM) and thrown in a dungeon to be fed to the monster down there.
I revived my unconscious but not dead teammates, had a short break to restore hp and went on to defeat the local monster baddy eating citizens and merchants.

This time luck was on our side. There was a small corridor which allowed us to exit 1 by 1, but was too small for the monster to go through. With a offensive and a defensive tank in the front and the mages cycling in and out from the back we racked up the damage pretty fast. He was resistant to fire damage, but our wizard can nullify fire resistances.
This monster struggled to reach us, and by the time he figured out that keeping us in the corridor was advantageous for us he was already pretty much dead.

With immediate danger averted we now needed an escape plan. The entrance was closed (locked gate), but we came up a plan to use the feeding shute to escape. Out wizard casted 'spider-climb' on us, we conjured a magical sound (a lot of people celebrating) and a big patch of fog. With the intention to draw the guards and confuse them.
We escaped through the chute and managed to avoid the warrior/mage combo. We left immediately since we succesfully drew the guards to our cellar.

Once we escaped we continued on our main quest. We left a few loose ends there, but at least we also still have our lives.
Next on the agenda was obtaining a guide which will guide us through a swampy marshland. We are looking for a legendary item smack in the middle of it (but probably cant reach).
we heard that the 'bollywoog' creatures can do this for us. We set course for their homeland of Aqulis.

We heard these creatures love shiny things and are easily impressed by authoritive figures. We prepared 100 shiny copper coins by polishing them to impress them.
After encountering some bollywoogs (frog like humanoid creatures) we offered the coins, but they demanded a lot more in order for their help. In addition, paying is not a certain way to get help, we could get scammed here.
Later we encountered a small group of 3 bollywoogs. We came up with a new plan: cast 'Hold person' on all 3 bollywoogs, cast a (hail) storm on our surroundings and convince the 1 bollywoog which resisted the 'hold person' spell
that he was the chosen one of destiny and he must fullfill his fate by guiding us through the swampy marshland.

He agreed, but also added that an item was necessary to see through the mist in the marshland. This item was in the center building of Aqulis, which in turn is a pretty heavy guarded fort.
The bollywoog helped us get inside the fort, where we found out that bollywoogs are incredibly bureaucratic creatures. The fort consisted of multiple checkpoints where forms are necessary tot pass through the gate. Getting in was pretty easy since our 'chosen' bollywoog filled these forms for us.
After arriving in the center of Aqulis our froggy friend couldn't help us further and agreed to wait near the swamp.
The center building is always being watched from theguardtowers. On the left side of the building is a window, where we could see the item (lantern) we needed to progress.
We had little time to come up with the heist, but we obscured the view to the windows with mist, went to talk to the guards in the watchtowers at the same time (and ask where we can find their merchants)
while our mage 'shadow stepped' in and out, leaving an illusion in place of the real lantern.

This illusion lasted 1 hour, so we had some time to visit the shop, which pretty much wasted our time. We couldn't go to the exit since we tried the 'wrong' door and once we got
to the correct one it meant filling in paperwork. We didn't put all our stuff and money on the form, so when the creature wanted to check our personal effects we gave him the shiny bag of copper coins and while he was counting those we casted 'spider-climb' so we could walk along the walls and bypass the last and only gate in our way.

The session ended there. I definitely saw the DM laughing a bit coy with all these open ends, so we will get our retribution eventually.
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.

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Happy Maria

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Past midnight here so happy new year guys!!!
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Gettin' Old!

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Couple days late but its been a busy few days.

Happy New Year Soco!

Guess I did a lot last year, but my New Years Resolution for this one is to get a cat.
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In Justice We Trust

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Max's kidneys are starting to weaken. He'll be eighteen early next month (he's a rescue with an unknown birthdate, but he's thought to have been born very early in March 2004), so it's unsurprising that he's having health problems. Thankfully, my family is willing and financially able to get treatment for that. It won't exactly bring him back to the way he was when he was younger, but it'll probably give us a few more years with him barring some other, less manageable tragedy (e.g. cancer). There's also the risk of me or someone else screwing up and injuring him. The odds of injury should be negligible, as the injection site's supposed to be devoid of any organs, important nerves, etc., but being the paranoid wreck I am, I imagine it'll take at least a few more sessions before I'm able to do this without having to constantly check on Max afterwards out of fear that I've accidentally killed him. I'm just relieved he seems to be handling the procedure well; if he can handle a needle in him for a few minutes a day, then that's one thing, but if it's too traumatic for him, we won't do it anymore.

Edit: He's still alive as of more than five hours after injection, so I'm pretty confident I at the very least didn't make some sort of fatal mistake, though as luck would have it, he's been coughing/sneezing a fair amount. I think it's unrelated, as he was like that before his treatment today (probably just happened to catch a cold around the time treatment began). Still, between my paranoia about Max and now the war in Ukraine, I'm unsure how much sleep I'll be getting in the near future.

February 28 Edit: I'm starting to get the hang of things. My family and I are still testing out ways to make this more comfortable for him. Today's injection went quite smoothly.
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I've felt worse.

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Is it weird that I kinda miss getting into days long forum arguments over petty subjects? Not so much the vitriol that came with it but they usually provided an opportunity to take a deep look into an otherwise obscure topic.
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"It's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up. Stay curious, stay weird, stay kind, and don't let anyone ever tell you you aren't smart or brave or worthy enough." -Stanford Pines, Gravity Falls
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The [[Big Shot]]

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tiger_festival wrote:
Is it weird that I kinda miss getting into days long forum arguments over petty subjects? Not so much the vitriol that came with it but they usually provided an opportunity to take a deep look into an otherwise obscure topic.


No it isn't, it means you actually cared about the opinions and viewpoints of another person, and didn't just want to present a view and be heard and not listen.
Forums were the best at that, there are no other platforms that come close to the concise slow paced conversation that the best ideas are presented and expressed by.
Sites like Twitter and Facebook have too many arguments that go in circles because 90% of the replies are to the OP, people are in too much of a hurry to read the ACTUAL discussion going on.
And Discord moves too fast, there's an expectation that you just type in short bursts. You can't present an argument, so people just post links so someone else can talk and think for them.
Even when I didn't like how a conversation/argument went, I still appreciated that I learned something new. We're connected with so many more people on social media, and no one is actually connecting.
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Yeah it's a shame. I don't mind waiting a couple of days for a response, but when the forum gets this slow it doesn't trigger you to regularly check the site.
Although I still would like to shoot the breeze with everyone here. I don't expect it though, with the release of the Great Ace Attorney people didn't really return to the forum, although activity was relatively higher around that period.

Been a long time since I made a new friend
Waitin' on another black summer to end

Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.

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Gettin' Old!

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Yeah, forums are quiet and it's a shame with the past but I guess I'm less active because I'm so busy with other stuff now so I don't mind so much. Got regular social activities and a good network of friends and fun stuff to do that I think my social needs are met. Got plenty of cool things beyond Ace Attorney to do just now though I really should get around to finishing Resolve but Triangle Strategy is taking my time just now.

On the plus side, check out this rad Ghost Trick poster I nabbed at a Convention a few weeks ago.

Spoiler: MASSIVE
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My 3DS broke;-;

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Pierre wrote:
Yeah, forums are quiet and it's a shame with the past but I guess I'm less active because I'm so busy with other stuff now so I don't mind so much. Got regular social activities and a good network of friends and fun stuff to do that I think my social needs are met. Got plenty of cool things beyond Ace Attorney to do just now though I really should get around to finishing Resolve but Triangle Strategy is taking my time just now.

On the plus side, check out this rad Ghost Trick poster I nabbed at a Convention a few weeks ago.

Spoiler: MASSIVE
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Ok, this poster is one of the coolest thing I´ve ever seen, Ghost Trick´s amazing and this poster is incredible
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Gettin' Old!

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AshuraMage wrote:
Pierre wrote:
Yeah, forums are quiet and it's a shame with the past but I guess I'm less active because I'm so busy with other stuff now so I don't mind so much. Got regular social activities and a good network of friends and fun stuff to do that I think my social needs are met. Got plenty of cool things beyond Ace Attorney to do just now though I really should get around to finishing Resolve but Triangle Strategy is taking my time just now.

On the plus side, check out this rad Ghost Trick poster I nabbed at a Convention a few weeks ago.

Spoiler: MASSIVE
Image

Ok, this poster is one of the coolest thing I´ve ever seen, Ghost Trick´s amazing and this poster is incredible


Ain't it just? I got like four posters from this stall, was incredible! They even had some great Ace Attorney ones. Think the artist is H0lyhandgrenade if you are interested in looking them up.
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You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
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My 3DS broke;-;

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Pierre wrote:
AshuraMage wrote:
Pierre wrote:
Yeah, forums are quiet and it's a shame with the past but I guess I'm less active because I'm so busy with other stuff now so I don't mind so much. Got regular social activities and a good network of friends and fun stuff to do that I think my social needs are met. Got plenty of cool things beyond Ace Attorney to do just now though I really should get around to finishing Resolve but Triangle Strategy is taking my time just now.

On the plus side, check out this rad Ghost Trick poster I nabbed at a Convention a few weeks ago.

Spoiler: MASSIVE
Image

Ok, this poster is one of the coolest thing I´ve ever seen, Ghost Trick´s amazing and this poster is incredible


Ain't it just? I got like four posters from this stall, was incredible! They even had some great Ace Attorney ones. Think the artist is H0lyhandgrenade if you are interested in looking them up.

Thx, the artist´s really good! Sadly, his instagram only has 1 AA art, but still, the woman´s really good at drawing!
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I'm smart now. Gotta get paid.

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Hey all. Wow I haven't checked in in like...6 months. Whoops. God, time flies when you're old.

Anyway, now that I've upset the actual old people here I guess I should give an update. I finished my internship and got kept on. Now I'm making that real engineer money, which is definitely nice. Been working full-time, so its practically my dream job because I don't have to leave my room. I'm like a NEET with dedicated working hours. So not a NEET, I guess. It's kind of crazy how much time has passed since I was really active on here, and I've gotten nostalgic over those days of blasting through like four pages in a day of posting. Kinda wish I could go back to those days, but like DoMaya (wassup dude, hit me up on discord sometimes) said, Discord just moves too fast. The benefit of having forums like these is that you can get kinda in-depth in one post. Maybe if you set a timer for posting on discord to every like, 5 minutes, people would write longer posts like these but not as often. That way you could sort of replicate the feeling of longform forum posts. I'm just spitballing, but I genuinely love the forum format. (Say longform forum format 10 times fast, huh?)

As for my personal life, I started making youtube videos. I would love to link some of my work here, but I don't want to dox myself involuntarily. I know how the internet is and it would probably be pretty easy to connect this account (where I went in-depth about growing up through middle school and high school/college) to my new accounts (where I'm trying to stay mostly anonymous and not offer a lot of personal details). I trust you guys, but not the wider internet. I'm still on discord, so if you'd like to chat on there, let me know. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Probably. Definitely.

Anyway, time to disappear for an extended period of time that hopefully isn't 6 months again. I miss you guys.
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High level play

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Wait, is there a CR dedicated discord? Secondly, is it very active?
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In Justice We Trust

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Sjibbey wrote:
Wait, is there a CR dedicated discord? Secondly, is it very active?

Sort of. We're affiliated with the Ace Attorney Discord. How active it is is something I don't consider myself qualified to comment on, as I don't know what's normal in terms of a Discord's activity.
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I'm smart now. Gotta get paid.

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I dipped in there for a little bit a few years ago, and I do remember it being fairly active. We did have a new release recently so activity might have picked up since then.
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High level play

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To satisfy my curiousity I'll try to find and join the discord. My experience with Discord so far is pretty limited, but enjoyable so far. I mainly use it to talk/game with people I know.

Builderkid107 wrote:
As for my personal life, I started making youtube videos. I would love to link some of my work here, but I don't want to dox myself involuntarily. I know how the internet is and it would probably be pretty easy to connect this account (where I went in-depth about growing up through middle school and high school/college) to my new accounts (where I'm trying to stay mostly anonymous and not offer a lot of personal details). I trust you guys, but not the wider internet. I'm still on discord, so if you'd like to chat on there, let me know. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Probably. Definitely.


Well I tried looking up BuilderKid on Youtube with a clean YT search history, but its mostly minecraft channels. For better or for worse, that name will allow you to go incognito for a while.
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.

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I'm smart now. Gotta get paid.

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Sjibbey wrote:
To satisfy my curiousity I'll try to find and join the discord. My experience with Discord so far is pretty limited, but enjoyable so far. I mainly use it to talk/game with people I know.

Builderkid107 wrote:
As for my personal life, I started making youtube videos. I would love to link some of my work here, but I don't want to dox myself involuntarily. I know how the internet is and it would probably be pretty easy to connect this account (where I went in-depth about growing up through middle school and high school/college) to my new accounts (where I'm trying to stay mostly anonymous and not offer a lot of personal details). I trust you guys, but not the wider internet. I'm still on discord, so if you'd like to chat on there, let me know. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Probably. Definitely.


Well I tried looking up BuilderKid on Youtube with a clean YT search history, but its mostly minecraft channels. For better or for worse, that name will allow you to go incognito for a while.


There's a couple levels of obfuscation between then, which is helpful. It's also helped by not really having much of an online presence these days. I think this forum is where I most active for the longest time, at least in a public archived form. So ya know, w/e. I'll probably never get to the level of popularity where someone would want to do a bunch of digging on me, but never say never I guess.
Re: Random conversations/chatroomTopic%20Title
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The [[Big Shot]]

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My discord is DoMaya Peace Walker#3027 if anyone cares to talk to me.
I don't post much on here because any major updates with my life are usually bad ones.
I couldn't see you on discord Builder, or maybe you have a different name and picture on there and I can't remember.
I got banned from the discord a couple years ago and they wont respond to me asking to return, I even filled out the form.
I'm going on 13 years of having Maya as my waifu, and she's one of the only comforts to me in life anymore. And even with that I find myself doubting that I would ever truly deserve her, or anyone's love. I've perfected the act of a sane man for my day to day life, but I can feel my mind slipping at times. I'm fortunate that I don't have any substance addictions to exacerbate the decay of my dwindling psyche.
I've mellowed out for the most part on some of my online interactions, the world is too hateful a place for someone who doesn't take it seriously like me. I've had a stable job for 4 years now so no homeless scares, and my family is healthy and growing. I have a 2 year old niece and a 4 month old nephew.
I finally talked to my father after over 10 years last week, the man has throat cancer.
He also gave me a nice long list of how many people I should have known from his side of the family are now dead. Two of them died around 30 to leukemia, and my honest to God reaction is me wondering why the hell I missed out, and that I'm glad I won't have any children to pass on this poison blood to.
Re: Random conversations/chatroomTopic%20Title
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DoMaya wrote:
My discord is DoMaya Peace Walker#3027 if anyone cares to talk to me.
I don't post much on here because any major updates with my life are usually bad ones.
I couldn't see you on discord Builder, or maybe you have a different name and picture on there and I can't remember.
I got banned from the discord a couple years ago and they wont respond to me asking to return, I even filled out the form.
I'm going on 13 years of having Maya as my waifu, and she's one of the only comforts to me in life anymore. And even with that I find myself doubting that I would ever truly deserve her, or anyone's love. I've perfected the act of a sane man for my day to day life, but I can feel my mind slipping at times. I'm fortunate that I don't have any substance addictions to exacerbate the decay of my dwindling psyche.
I've mellowed out for the most part on some of my online interactions, the world is too hateful a place for someone who doesn't take it seriously like me. I've had a stable job for 4 years now so no homeless scares, and my family is healthy and growing. I have a 2 year old niece and a 4 month old nephew.
I finally talked to my father after over 10 years last week, the man has throat cancer.
He also gave me a nice long list of how many people I should have known from his side of the family are now dead. Two of them died around 30 to leukemia, and my honest to God reaction is me wondering why the hell I missed out, and that I'm glad I won't have any children to pass on this poison blood to.


I think you deserve love Domaya. Love is hard to find, but worth the effort. At the very least having a mindset that you don't deserve love and/or will never get it will lead to a lonely (although peaceful) life. At least thats what I also tell myself in a similar situation.

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well, you might find
You get what you need" - Rolling Stones

I wish I could spill a secret recipe which will alleviate your concerns, but I face similar struggles. In 2006 my mother suffered from a very aggressive form of breast cancer. She survived against incredible odds, which means she is still here today, but toll of the treatment and ongoing procedures means all time I get to spend with her now feels like it could be the last. Although we all die eventually, her mortality weighs heavy on my soul. I had this feeling this monday, when she went to the hospital for another procedure (it all went fine)

Not to mention my car completely broke down on friday after work.
And I have a problem with my appartment, which I bought in September, but the previous occupants still have not left, which means I'm also stuck untill they do.

I know that feeling. You won't pull the trigger yourself because you're not a piece of shit who wants to cause suffering for others. Getting sick (result: Death) or getting killed in an accident would be acceptable in that case. I have a 2 year old niece and a 4 year old nephew. After I became their godfather that sentiment started to change for the better though.

What worked for me is building on foundation of things which 'fuel' me. Good bonds and/or interactions with family and friends which I like. Picking up a hobby which is good for me and cutting out obvious bad influences.
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.

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The [[Big Shot]]

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Sjibbey wrote:

I think you deserve love Domaya. Love is hard to find, but worth the effort. At the very least having a mindset that you don't deserve love and/or will never get it will lead to a lonely (although peaceful) life. At least thats what I also tell myself in a similar situation.

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well, you might find
You get what you need" - Rolling Stones

I wish I could spill a secret recipe which will alleviate your concerns, but I face similar struggles. In 2006 my mother suffered from a very aggressive form of breast cancer. She survived against incredible odds, which means she is still here today, but toll of the treatment and ongoing procedures means all time I get to spend with her now feels like it could be the last. Although we all die eventually, her mortality weighs heavy on my soul. I had this feeling this monday, when she went to the hospital for another procedure (it all went fine)

Not to mention my car completely broke down on friday after work.
And I have a problem with my appartment, which I bought in September, but the previous occupants still have not left, which means I'm also stuck untill they do.

I know that feeling. You won't pull the trigger yourself because you're not a piece of shit who wants to cause suffering for others. Getting sick (result: Death) or getting killed in an accident would be acceptable in that case. I have a 2 year old niece and a 4 year old nephew. After I became their godfather that sentiment started to change for the better though.

What worked for me is building on foundation of things which 'fuel' me. Good bonds and/or interactions with family and friends which I like. Picking up a hobby which is good for me and cutting out obvious bad influences.


I'm sorry to hear about your Mother, and am glad to know that she's still hanging in there. I hope your apartment situation is sorted out soon. I knew from early on that I would end up alone, and I made peace with it. I'm just passing time until anyone who would care about me being gone either leaves first or forgets about me. I abandoned happiness a long time ago, and I think it's time to abandon love too. I can take the hurt, I've dealt with it for over ten years now, but I can't love selfishly. I could never do enough in this life to feel like I deserve my good fortune. Even in my darkest times, I was given comfort and guidance. I'll still live my life in pursuit of being a better person, someone who deserves happiness and love, but I don't believe I ever will, and that's ok.
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DoMaya wrote:
I'm sorry to hear about your Mother, and am glad to know that she's still hanging in there. I hope your apartment situation is sorted out soon. I knew from early on that I would end up alone, and I made peace with it. I'm just passing time until anyone who would care about me being gone either leaves first or forgets about me. I abandoned happiness a long time ago, and I think it's time to abandon love too. I can take the hurt, I've dealt with it for over ten years now, but I can't love selfishly. I could never do enough in this life to feel like I deserve my good fortune. Even in my darkest times, I was given comfort and guidance. I'll still live my life in pursuit of being a better person, someone who deserves happiness and love, but I don't believe I ever will, and that's ok.


If you truly live your life in persuit of being a better person, which is a noble effort for sure, means things should be heading in a positive direction. I wonder, would that also means that happiness and love wouldn't motivate you to be a better person? I realise these are pretty subjective, but I feel like shutting the door on these feelings would be a wrong move.

It might be a good idea, at least temporarily, to try out what would be different when you 'abandon happiness and love'. I'm not sure what you'll find on that path, but it's possible you can get something good out of it. Just remember you can try to rediscover these feelings when you feel like you've walked this path to it's natural conclusion.

In regards to my previous post, maybe the word 'deserve' isn't right in regards to love. It means putting in effort in to meet people en being continiously good/caring for them. Easy to say and I shamefully admit that I was complacent and took things for granted for a big deal of my life. I feel like i'm still like that to be honest, just a little less over time (which is improvement).

Finally, thanks for the encouraging words. In regards to my mother, there were a few complications with the second operation, but everything turned out to be fine in the end though. Still working on the appartment, finally done with all car troubles (fines, insurance etc) and even had two dates in the meantime. Both politely declined to a second date though. Small silver lining is that i've been invited to see the Rammstein show next week, which is, in my humble opinion, the greatest band you can find in Europe.

PS: forgot about the discord thing. I'll try again this weekend I suppose.
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.

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In Justice We Trust

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The situation with Max's kidneys is going well (relatively speaking), though a recent blood test found signs of inflammation in his intestines (something or other about a particular protein being more common in his blood than it should be). Hopefully, it's something trivial or harmless, though something fatal like cancer is certainly a possibility.

Edit: An ultrasound found no tumors, so that's good, although lymphoma remains a possibility. We'll have to keep an eye out for other symptoms, as my family's not interested in paying for a biopsy (considering his age, anesthetizing him for a biopsy could easily kill him anyway, to say nothing of the risks involved with chemotherapy).
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General Luigi wrote:
Edit: An ultrasound found no tumors, so that's good, although lymphoma remains a possibility. We'll have to keep an eye out for other symptoms, as my family's not interested in paying for a biopsy (considering his age, anesthetizing him for a biopsy could easily kill him anyway, to say nothing of the risks involved with chemotherapy).


Hopefully he'll make a full recovery. Wishing you the best and try to hang in there.


I'm probably the worst when it comes to discord. I always forget to look up the C-R discord when I'm at home. I'll try again later. Most people here are enjoying the summer vacation right now, so things have been slow lately.
I've been filling the time with extra music practice, exercise and games in everyone's absence. I even managed to practice 'jamming' with two friends. Although I'm still really green it's remarkable how much I've been able to learn within (a little less then) 2 years. I'm almost at my original goal from when I started playing, but I think im going to keep going further and aim to become an actually good musician with the bass.
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.

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