You will see this on all of my posts. I used this account when I was 13-14 and some of the content I am not happy about. I am sorry to anyone who read my posts and was rightfully offended by any of it. I will likely not use this website again, just FYI.

Last edited by Wizard Anon on Thu Apr 15, 2021 3:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

Edgeworth's Bedroom 6:54am - Edgeworth is sleeping and then Gumshoe barges behind him.

: Mr Edgeworth! I just woke up on the floor. I was playing Cooking Mama and a women hypnotized me.

: Detective!

: She was with her magical psychic powers and...

: Detective, I'm going to turn around now and you'd better be on fire. You're standing there in flames and the only person who can put you out is me! Because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!

*Beams with pride*

Also, you messed up with the syllables on your haiku. It's 5-7-5. Yours is 6-9-8

---

: You know, I don't know why there's so many arguments about who should be with who. I mean...I'm OBVIOUSLY the best fit for Nick! I...



: Foolish fool dreaming foolish dreams of a foolish spiky-head fool. It's ME who will bring Mr. Phoenix Wright to his knees, licking my feet!

: B-b-b-but you don't even like him! Why are you...

: Oh, but I want to break him. I want to do everything. I'll defeat him in court, then I'll defeat him out of the court. He WILL bend under the strike of my whip...and then, when I feel he's become sufficiently subservient...then I might consider letting him be my sex slave.

: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

: Hey, were you two talking about Mr. Wright?

: What in....there are two fools now? And they sound....exactly the same....

: You know, I still haven't thanked him enough for getting my sister off the hook. I...*ahem*. I think I'm possibly attracted to him. Scientifically speaking of course.

: YOU TOO?!

: Oh no you don't. Foolish fool with a foolish sense of foolish fashion, and foolishly oversized glasses. Mr. Phoenix Wright will be mine to dominate!

: STOP IT! Nick's mine! Mine! MIIIIIIIIIIIINE!

: Is everyone talking about Mr. Nick?

: Pearly! Not you too! I...

: Ahem....mn, Pearl's clothing is always too tight...

: S-S-sis! Tell them! Tell them how close me and Nick are! Pleaaaaase?

: I'm not sure I should say anything. I was the one that took his virginity after all.

: ...

: ...

: ...

: ...should I have not said anything?

: I think we all know what must be done...

: In order to claim Phoenix Wright as our own...

: We must...

: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! SIS, HOW COULD YOU!!!!

*Maya runs off, sobbing, leaving everyone stunned....*

: I don't know what she's so torn up about. I used her body to do it...

...

: ...that's horrible. Scientifically speaking, or otherwise.

: Oh, I wouldn't say that. After all, one time I...

*Inside Wright and Co. Law Offices*

: You know...Maya has been gone for a long time...I wonder...

: Wright, get your ass back here. You said you'd show me your Wii.

(From outside) : WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

: Did you have to shout that?!...for some reason, I get the distinct sense that I'm screwed....and not in the good way.

: Look at it this way. After you get horribly maimed, you can sue and blame Nintendo for it.

: (whimper)

---

THE ADVENTURES OF CROIK AND ANDERS

This daily business sure is fun!

It sure is!

*Ding dong*

I'll get it! *opens door*

Why, hello there, pretty little girl...

WTF are you?

My name's....Theodore Vanderworth...I'm your new neighbor...

And I care why?

I'm required by law to go around the building informing people that I'm a convicted sex offender...yes...

Oooookay...*closes door*

*muffled* Yes..

WTF?

TO BE CONTINUED.... Yes...

You will see this on all of my posts. I used this account when I was 13-14 and some of the content I am not happy about. I am sorry to anyone who read my posts and was rightfully offended by any of it. I will likely not use this website again, just FYI.

Last edited by Wizard Anon on Thu Apr 15, 2021 3:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Here's is my nintendo wii.
Phew... there is still a chance he's not gay.

---

That other guy's post made me decide we need a PW D&D Parody, but I suck too much to make one.

Live, from Edgeworth's bathroom Brisbane, Australia, it's the Harry Miste In The Disguise Of Phoenix Wright Show!

: Hello and welcome. Now for something completely different, we'll introduce our first guest. Star of the up and coming DS game Gyakuten Saiban 4, Housuke Odoroki.
* comes out *
: Good to have you here Odoroki.
: Same here.
: First question, who the hell are you for all those that don't?
: Are you serious? This is a forum about GS4! They all should know!
: Answer the question damnit.
: Uhh... Odoroki Housuke, defense attorney. My first case was saving a hobo's life-
: I've had sick to death of everyone calling me a damn hobo! I'm a piano-playing, poker master working at a Russian restraunt!
: Do you have any money?
: Well, the restraunt takes 7/8 of my winnings, so no.
: That's generally what we call a 'hobo'.
: NO! A hobo is someone 'with little or no money and no living area'
: Where do you live?
: Uhh... nowhere.
: Case closed. Now get out of the studio.
: Fine! *walks off*
: That was awkward.
: I've seen worse. Next question, why the hell did they choose a 15 year old magician as your partner? We've all seen the / pairings, but will the fanbase be disturbed when they see / ?
: Meh. They've already tackled that kind of crap already.
: Uhh... no they haven't.
* puts in a videotape *

: That doesn't really count.
: It would have annoyed the guys over at the censor board anyway.
: Uhh... yeah.
: Next question, in 25 words or less, what do you hate about your new game?
: The prosecutor. Have you even seen the guy? The rockstar look attracts all the fangirls, and then they start to attack me. ME! Why me? Why-
: You're done-
: -I don't care whether he's in some ultra-cool rock band called 'Garyuu Wave', these gimmicks are getting old! I bet if he loses, he's gonna grab a bat and start biting the head off it-
: Stop it! Stop it! Oh god, the mental images! They haunt me! Get him off, get him off!
: And I swear, if his goddamn brother comes up to me one more time and calls me Daijobu-kun or whatever the hell he calls me, I will- *gets knocked out and sent to backstage*
: And stay out!
---
NEXT EPISODE: Harry interviews , and Theodore Vanterwilt .

---

More of... THE GYAKUTEN SAIBAN CHARACTER GRAND PRIX!!!

Welcome back to GS-CGP!

Previously, our contestants just found out what the Second Stage of our contest is... THE PIRATE TREASURE HUNT!

Now, you may be wondering how exactly the Pirate Treasure Hunt's gonna go about.

And now the Judge will tell us!

*At the pier...*

Exactly what do you mean by "Pirate Treasure Hunt"?

It's simple, really. You shall embark on a maritime expedition to find Treasure Planet, I mean, an island hidden somewhere in the Ocean Central**. There are two treasure chests there, and whoever finds them first will clear the stage. Whatever remaining trios must also disband in order for you to all progress.

Yeah, but WHY do our trios have to disband?

Whatever remaining trios MUST disband because...

*Super Close-Up* You shall form A PIRATE CREW!!!

WHAT?! A PIRATE CREW?!

*Nods* That's right. Right now, there are 12 of you. You shall form 3 Pirate Crews with 4 members each. Unlike the Trio Appeals Phase, a.k.a. Kakashi's Bell Test, you will not be given the chance to choose your crewmates. Instead, I will assign your crew members. Once that's done, you'll be given a map and a ship, as well as 72 hours to find the treasure. The crew that does not find the treaure...

& WILL BE DISQUALIFIED!!!

*To Derek and Kyle* HEY!!! I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT!!! *Ahem* Anyway! I will now assign those for the positions of the Captain, First Mate, Navigator, and a Shipwright in case your ship gets damaged.

LOL, ShipWRIGHT, LOL.

I will now announce who the Shipwrights for Crews 1, 2, and 3 will be... For Crew 1! Your Shipwright will be... HOBOHODO RYUUICHI!!!

*Given his Shipwright tools* ... Riiiiight.

For Crew 2! Your Shipwright will be... KAMINOGI SOURYUU!!!

*Receives his Shipwright tools* Yes!!! ... Hey, what's a Shipwright again?

For Crew 3! Your Shipwright is... Oh, dear... It's, um...

Just get on with it!

But... It's... YOU.

WHAT?! ME?! *The Judge gives her her tools* THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!! ME, KARUMA MEI... A SHIPWRIGHT?

Hahahahahaha! Mei is a Shipwright! Mei is a Shipwright! You are just like Franky! Franky, Franky, Franky!

SHUT UP!!! *Whips Mitsurugi*

CROCODILE!!! I mean, OWWWW!!!

*The Judge asks the Shipwrights to wait by their ships.*

Now for the Navigators! Crew 1's Navigator is... AYASATO CHIHIRO!!!

*Receives her map and compass* Now if I only knew how to use this...

*Chihiro goes to her crew's ship.*

Crew 2's Navigator is... HOUDZUKI AKANE!!!

*Gets her map and compass from the Judge* Ooh! It's the newest model of Scientific Compass!

*Akane goes to her crew's ship.*

Crew 3's Navigator... MINUKI!!!

*Receives her map and compass* YAY!!! I know how to turn this compass into a rabbit! Wanna see?

Er, no thank you.

*Minuki goes to her crew's ship.*

Now, I shall announce who the First Mates are... For Crew 1! NARUHODOU RYUUICHI!!!

*Receives a telescope* Cool! I'm a First Mate!

*Naruhodou meets up with his crewmates.*

For Crew 2! MITSURUGI REIJI!!!

*Receives his telescope* YEAH!!! EVERYBODY STAND UP! AGERO KYOU ICHIBAN NO JIKAN DA—

Please refrain from singing nobodyknows+ songs out loud!

Oh, right. Sorry 'bout that!

*Mitsurugi goes to Ship #2.*

And now for Crew 3! GARYUU KYOUYA!!!

*Receives his telescope* Peace, yo.

*Kyouya goes to meet his crewmates.*

Now that all the other positions have been filled up, I can now announce who the CAPTAINS are...

(I wonder who our crew's captain'll be...)

The Captain for Crew 1 is...

(Please be someone cool, please be someone cool!)

It's...

(Even Odoroki would be cool to have as a Captain! Come on, Your Honor! Say it!)

THE CAPTAIN FOR CREW 1 IS... AYASATO MAYOI!!!

...

WHAT?! MAYOI?! A PIRATE CAPTAIN?! NO WAI!!!

DATTEBAYO!!! THAT'S SO AWESOME!!!

*The Judge hands Mayoi a strange fruit with a spiral pattern.*

Eh? What's this-ttebayo? What do I need an old fruit for?

Trust me, you'll need it.

*Mayoi goes to her crew's ship, much to Naruhodou's discontent.*

Crew 2's captain... ODOROKI HOUSUKE!!!

*Given his fruit* Wow! Me? Captain? I'm honored, really! ... Oh, and thanks for the Devil Fruit—

Shh!!! It's a plot device! Don't blurt out what it is yet!

*Salutes* Aye!

*Odoroki goes to his ship.*

Finally, we have Crew 3's Captain... AYASATO HARUMI!!!

WHAT?!

*Receives her fruit* Ooh! This looks yummy!

Now don't eat it yet! I will give all the Captains a signal to eat the fruits.

'Kay!

*Harumi goes to her ship, but can't climb up. Kyouya assists her onboard.*

(Our Captain's a 10-year old girl... Aww, man...)

Ahem. Now that all crews are in their respective ships... You may now give yourselves a distinct Pirate Crew name.

*Onboard Ship 1...*

Cool! Let's call our crew... Uh... I know! THE MAGATAMA PIRATES!!!

No.

Huh?

We are NOT naming our crew "The Magatama Pirates".

But... It's a good name!

No it isn't.

YES, IT IS!!! *Begins to cry*

Naruhodou... DON'T MAKE MY LITTLE SISTER CRY!!!

GAH!!! Yes, sir! I mean ma'am! I mean... Please don't kick me!!!

Hey, Younger!Me, how about "The Poker Pirates"?

I don't even get any interest in poker until after 7 years...

Pfft. Fine. I'm staying silent.

Why not just "The Objection Pirates", then?

... I like that! Alright! We are now the OBJECTION PIRATES-ttebayo!!!

*Onboard Ship 2...*

So, uh, whaddya guys want our crew name to be?

"Coffee Pirates".

"Cravat Pirates"!!!

"Scientific Pirates".

Hmm... Well, all of those sound like cool Pirate Names, but I was think more around the lines of, uh... "SOKO DA PIRATES"?

Nope. That sucks. "Coffee Pirates".

"Cravat Pirates"!!!

How about "Fire Pirates"?

Nope. That sucks. Too cliché. "Coffee Pirates", for the win.

Actually, "Fire Pirates" doesn't sound too bad.

Well if you could insert "Cravat" in there somewhere... Oh, okay! "Fire Pirates" sounds cool!

Nope. It sucks.

*Calls out to the Judge*Your Honor, we're the Fire Pirates! That's our official name!

... I still think it sucks.

*Onboard Ship 3...*

LET'S CALL OURSELVES "CIPHER POL 9", OR "CP9" FOR SHORT!!!

...

...

... Hami-chan... You do know that name's already taken, right?

Hmph. By an Anti-Pirate Organization, no less.

Aww, but it sounds cool!

Listen here, Harumi! We are not calling this crew "CP9"!!!

... Yes, ma'am.

Good. I have a box of chocolate to reward you for your obedience!

Hey! That's bribery!

Hmm... Our crew still doesn't have a name...

"Whipping Pirates".

WHAT?! KARUMA-SAN, THAT'S A NAME OF AN S&M CLUB!!!

What does "S&M" mean?

GAH!!! It's, uh...

FOOL!!! YOU DARE DIRTY THE MIND OF THIS LITTLE GIRL?! *Whips Kyouya*

*Gets whipped* OWW!!! Hey, you were the one who brought it up!!!

Stop whipping Kyouya-kun!!!

Hmph. Whatever. Just give this crew a name already!

"Garyuu Wave Pirates"...?

NO!!!

You know, this is taking up our time... How about just "Magic Pirates"?

NO!!!

*Suddenly appears from nowhere* I like "The Glasses Pirates"! *Disappears*

GLASSES PIRATES, IT IS!!!

Naruttebayo...

*Back at the pier...*

*With megaphone* ALRIGHT!!! IT IS NOW TIME TO CAST OFF!!! ... BUT BEFORE THAT... CAPTAINS!!! EAT YOUR DEVIL FRUITS!!!

*All the Captains eat their Devil Fruits.*

*Onboard Ship 1...*

*Eats fruit* Whoa... I'm feeling kinda woozy-ttebayo...

*All of a sudden...*

MIZU MIZU NO MI!!!

*The water in the sea suddenly moves as Mayoi does.*

WTF?!

Mayoi's gained Devil Fruit powers!!! That was a Logia-Type Devil Fruit, the Mizu Mizu no Mi, a.k.a. the Water Water Fruit! She has the ability to control water!!!

Dude, it's like... Waterbending. LOL.

*Onboard Ship 2...*

*Eats fruit* Eww... This tastes like old banana pies!!!

*Again...*

Whoa!!! MERA MERA NO MI!!!

*Odoroki suddenly lets out a large fire blast.*

Amazing! Odoroki, you've gained the ability to control fire!!!

*Sheepish look* Well, we are the Fire Pirates, after all... Ehehehe.

But that's a hax!!! You can already transform into a Combusken! PLOT HOLE!!!

Ah! I forgot to tell you! ALL THOSE WITH THE ABILITY TO TRANFORM INTO POKéMON... SHALL HAVE THAT ABILITY DISABLED!!!

Ah... Right.

*Onboard Ship 3...*

*Eats fruit* Gross!!! This is yucky! Twix Bars still—

Ooh! Looks like she's finally transforming!

She's... She's...

SUNA SUNA NO MI!!!

*A giant sandstorm suddenly comes out of nowhere and hits the other two ships.*

Whoa!!! She can control sand!

Awesome!!!

*Back at the pier...*

ALRIGHT!!! YOU MAY NOW CAST OFF!!!

*A giant gust of wind blows. All ships release their sails and cast off!*

*Onboard Ship 1...*

*Checks map* Hmm... It appears our starting point is a body of water known as "One Current"** and to get to Ocean Central, we need to pass through other bodies of water known as "Two and Three Current"**...

How far away is Two Current, anyway?

We have to pass a HUGE whirlpool first, and, if we survive, we'll be in Two Current.

Well, you just wake me up when we get there. *Randomly falls asleep*

WHAT?! Hey! Future!Me, wake up! We need you to watch the ship in case she gets damaged!!!

*Snores*

Damn it.

Hehe! It's okay for Hobohodo-san to sleep for now-ttebayo! I mean, we're still pretty much in a boring part of the ocean, anyway...

*Elsewhere... Onboard Ship 2...*

*Uses telescope* Looks like Mayoi's crew is only a few miles ahead of us...

Hey! Chihiro's on that ship! *Yanks Mitsurugi's telescope* HOT DAMN!!!

Hey! That's mine! Give it back!

*Still looking through the telescope* Oh, yeah!!!

GIVE IT HERE!!!

*Mitsurugi tries to get the telescope from Souryuu, and the two enter a dust cloud fight... thing.*

H-Hey! Stop fighting, guys!

MY TELESCOPE!!!

I'M NOT FINISHED "STARGAZING" YET!!! ARGH!!!

*Souryuu suddenly drops the telescope in the water.*

YOU DROPPED MY TELESCOPE INTO THE SEA!!!

What?! But we needed that telescope to find the island—

Aww, man! Why couldn't you guys just avoid that fight?

It was his fault!!!

Well, at least we've still got the map and compass. So far, we're going in the right direction.

*Sighs and slaps his forehead* Okay... We need to find a way to get a replacement telescope first.

But where are we gonna find one?

Ooh! I've got an idea!

*Mitsurugi whispers something in Odoroki and Akane's ears. The three nod, look at Souryuu, and make evil grins.*

*Sips coffee* Huh? What're you staring at?

*A few minutes later...*

*Tied to the mast* HEY!!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!! GET ME OFF THIS MAST!!!

Haha! NO WAY!!! Since you dropped our telescope, YOU will be the new one!!!

WHAT?! AND HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THAT?

Ready, Akane-chan?

Yep! *Brings out a radio and plays a song*

Radio: Yo! Kaminogi, he was just 27, when his coffee built a strange machine! It's designed to view a world unseen! He's gonna catch 'em all 'cuz he's Godot Phantom!

... Mitsurugi-san, what the heck?

Hehe! Just watch!

Radio: When it didn't quite work, his coffee just QUIT!!!Then, Souryuu took a look inside of it! There was one big flash,then everything just changed! His molecules got all rearranged!!!

When he first woke up he, realized he had snow white hair and glowing red eyes! He could walk through walls, disappear, and fly! He was much more unique than the other guy!

It was then that he knew what he had to do! He had to stop all the ghosts that were comin' through! He's here to fight, for me and you!

He's gonna catch em all, 'cuz he's Godot Phantom! He's gonna catch em all, 'cuz he's Godot Phantom! Gonna catch em all, 'cuz he's Godot Phantom!

Mitsurugi-san, are you serious about this?

HELL YEAH!!! *Points to Souryuu* Just look!

Gonna... catch 'em all... Pokémon!

WHAT? NO!!!

Gonna... catch 'em all... Godot Phantom...

All right! It's working!!!

... GOING GODOT!!!

*Souryuu suddenly goes into Godot Mode, a la Danny Phantom's "Going Ghost".*

YEAH!!! *Uses visor as a telescope* We're 500 nautical miles away from a giant whirlpool!

& WHOA! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!

Yeah! I am the man! Cravat man!

*Onboard Ship 3...*

NAVIGATOR!!! Where are we?

We're 300 nautical miles away from a giant whirlpool! After we pass that, we'll end up in Two Current.

Good! First Mate! Where are the other pirates?

They're way behind, Captain! ... Wait a minute! YOU'RE NOT THE CAPTAIN, HAMI-CHAN IS!!!

Yeah! You're just the Shipwright!

KA-WHIP!!!

SILENCE, FOOLISHLY FOOLISH FOOLS!!!

Hami-chan! You're the Captain! Do something!

Ooh! I know! *Summons...*

Mei, stop acting like the boss when you're not! *Poof*

What she said!

... Yes, Captain...

& *Snigger* LOL...

*Back on Ship 1...*

Hmm... This is getting boring... Sis, are we near the whirlpool yet-ttebayo?

Nope, not yet... *Sees a shadow* Wait. What's that?

It could be trouble! Dattebayo! First Mate Naruhodou-kun! Take a look!

... Aye, Captain. *Uses the telescope*

Well?

AHH!!! IT'S A SHIP... WITH A LION'S HEAD!!! AND IT'S COMING STRAIGHT AT US!!!

It's... Its'...

*The Lion Ship stops facing Ship 1. Someone wearing a mask comes out and enters Ship 1. The other people on the ship wear masks as well.*

??? 4 Hello! I've come to challenge you to a Davy Back Fight!

*Snores*

Who are you-ttebayo?!

??? 4 I am...

*The person removes his mask.*

I AM MONKEY D. LUFFY, THE ONE WHO WILL BECOME PIRATE KING!!!

*The other people on the Lion Ship remove their masks as well.*

AND THESE GUYS ARE SOME OF MY CREW!!!

...

WE ARE THE STRAW HAT PIRATES!!!

NO WAI!!!

*Snores*

Oho! Looks like the Objection Pirates have been challenged by the Straw Hats!

I wonder, though... where are Nami, Robin, Chopper, and Franky?

... I don't know either, Kyle! Looks like we're just gonna have to find out on...

& THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GYAKUTEN SAIBAN CHARACTER GRAND PRIX!!!

... TO BE CONTINUED.

** Not a real body of Water in One Piece.

---

Last edited by Orcaizer Al on Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

: Hey, Hos! Da Badga's in da haus!

: Time for some quality pimpin'! Crank up the music, gals!

: Ooooohhhhh, you see me hoverin' da streets, but you dare not near meh!

: Even the bitchiest of bitches knows who ownz teh city!

: From the drugstore with deh warez to the gold chain stores!

:I own Bangers, Hos, Cheapies and all the Whores!

: Everything is mine, bitch, you better phear Da Blue!

: 'cause you know I-I-I-I-I I'll serve and protect you!

(He's the Gangsta!!)

: Yo! Yo!

(The Blue Badga!)

(He's the Gangsta!!)

(The Blue Badga!)

: Pimpin' is my game, you better stay there!

: Unless you score a 10 on my pimpin-bitchometar!

: My Ho's are tah sweetchucks, they'll do what I tell them to!

: Even the pimpiest of pimps are jealous of what I do!

: And to all my Hos - old and new,

: You know I-I-I-I-I I'll serve and protect you!

(He's the Gangsta!!)

: I'm so Gangsta!

(The Blue Badga!)

: Yeah! Da Badga! Yeah!

(He's the Gangsta!!)

(The Blue Badga!)

(He's the Gangsta!!)

: Whoow!

(The Blue Badgah-ah-ah!)

---

Last edited by Mikker on Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

So it's Naruto/One Piece/Pokemon now. Great stuff, Al.

---

stealed from Gamefaqs board XDD

: "Knock knock!"
: "... (Nobody home...)"
: "Knock knock! Come on, that's your cue to say 'Who's there?'"
: "..."
: "Come on, humor him. Who's there?"
: "Interrupting cow."
: "Interrupting c-"
: "MOOOOOO! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha!" [Etc.]

---

It's right in my world. And if you read kind of odd like me, it's right.

---

Remember Page 4-ish when we were doing Super Robot Wars crap? Here's a belated extension.

Ware koso WAAAAAAAAAAAAA, Ware koso WAAAAAAAAAAAAA, BARAN DOBAN!
Ban! Ban! Ban! Ban!

What a?
It's SRW Alpha humor.
Japan-only humor at that.
Only because American copyright laws would eat Banpresto alive! Support Free Public Use! FIGHT DA POWAA!

Very funny! Though, if that was a Logia-Type Devil Fruit, the Mizu Mizu no Mi or the water water fruit, wouldn't that counter the natural weakness of devil fruit users? Mayoi controls water, so shouldn't the sea accept her?

Wow, and nobody notices my made-from-scratch gangsta badger song? Impossachivable!

---

That has to be the best shutdowm of I have ever seen. Al, You once again amaze with your humor. I can't wait for the next part!

[[Random paintball tournament]]

Hey Phoenix!

Huh?

*nailed right between the eyes*

---

Very possachivable. It was on okay idea but I hate gangsta references.

Nobody noticed my mocking Paynes voice/Tales of the Abyss? What have I gotta do? Phoenix Wrong it?

---

NOTE: This is funnier if you've played Hotel Dusk.

Damn it, Mr. Phoenix Wright! You're pissing me off so much today! But I've got something special in store this time.

Ack! The whip!

No, it's something else.

Franziska takes a huge metal pole and slams Phoenix in the back of the head with it with all her might, and then walks away. Phoenix falls unconscious.

Later, Phoenix wakes up in his office on the sofa.

Nick! You're awake! I'm glad to see you're okay...

WHAT A!? Where am I?

It's me, Maya. Remember? This is your office?

What's with your weird getup? And what am I doing in this dump?

This dump is your office, Nick! I'm Maya, your assistant, remember?

Nick?! NICK!? My name's not Nick; it's Hyde. Kyle Hyde. And I work alone until I can...

WHAT!?

What's wrong with Mr. Nick?

I don't have time for this crap! Move it, you little brat! I've got to find Bradley!

Phoenix runs to the door and bumps into Larry who was passing by the sidewalk.

What the hell? Jeff, you stupid pretty boy! Watch where you're going!

Wha... Jeff? What's wrong, Nick?

Phoenix runs off to the Gatewater Hotel.

Hmm, this dump has improved since last time I saw it.

Would you like a room, Mr. Attorney?

Me, an attorney? I'm just a door-to-door salesman who used to be on the force, but an attorney? You know I used to be an officer, Louis!

I'm dreadfully sor- Louis? My name is not Lou-

Shut up, Louis! Find Dunning Smith! I want to check back into Wish!

Wish, sir?

You know, Room 215? Smith thought it was a great idea to name the rooms, but I thought it was a crock.

Sorry, sir. But somebody is already checked into Room 215 and we do not name our rooms. And I do not know of any "Dunning Smith"

Do I look like a sir to you!?

Phoenix angrily runs to the stairs and goes to the second floor to find Room 215. Phoenix approaches the door and knocks on it.

These doors must be sound-proof. Stupid doors...

The door opens and Oldbag steps out.

What do you want, whippersnapper?

WHAT!? Helen, what the hell are you doing in my room!?

Who's Helen!? Get out of here, you stupid youngin'! Back in my day, we all respected our elders very much. Everyone was so nice to the older people because they were the wisest, but society has deteriorated in a way to such as-

I don't have time for this crap! Get out of my room!

Will Phoenix ever remember who he really is? Who else will he confuse from being from Hotel Dusk? Will I stop asking you these questions! Find out next time!

---

This is split in two or three parts since the track it's copying based off of is six minutes long.


Galstaff, are you sure you've decided to haggle with the blacksmith?
YES! And I'm using my Ring of Charms which adds a +10 to all convincing roles!
You don't have to remind me. [rolls dice] You seem to have convinced the blacksmith to lower the price of the sword.
Rock and roll! I use the sword!
What do you mean, you use it?
I swing it around to see if it's magical!
Wha...wha....you can't tell if a sword is magical by swinging it, it's not a lightsaber.
Well, whatever. However, I'm supposed to find out if it's magical.
It's called a Detect Magic spell.
I didn't wanna use that up!
Well, say you slept for six hours after you cast it.
Fine. Okay. Detect Magic.
It's not magical.
Duuuuuuude! He said it was a magical sword!
He was lying.
He said he never tells a lie!
He was lying when he said that.
Duuuuuuuude!
Hey, hey, hey, look who brought the Mountain Dew!
Yeah!
Right on!
Fly by night to Mountain Dew...
[Over Edgeworth's singing] Galstaff, as you are standing on a dirt road swinging a very unmagical sword, you see the strangest sight. A halfling thief is wandering toward you, singing Fly by Night.
Nightblade!
Hey, hey!
It's Nightblade the halfling thief, and he's carrying a twelve pack of Mountain Dew.
No way! His character's carrying Mountain Dew too?
If I roll a ten or above then yes. [Rolls dice] Eleven.
[ and cheer and laugh]
Here's your character Nightblade. Where's Picard the elven ranger?
He's coming. And he's bringing his girlfriend.
And your point is?
Well, she's gonna want to play.
Fine. She can play. Anyone can play. We're a round year endorsed high school activity with membership open to the student body. I don't care if...Manfred von Karma wants to play as long as he brings his own dice. If Chinami Miyanagi wants to play advanced Dungeons and Dragons with us, she can play Titania.
Ooooooh.
Isn't that your character?
She's not my character, I'm the DM. Sometimes I have to send non player characters along with you to provide vital information.
Yeah, but it seems like mostly you just end up talking through Titania.
Well whatever! Now we have a girl to play Titania.
Hey guys. What's up.
[Various welcomes from and ]
Hey hey hey! Picard!
Chinami, do you know everybody here?
I'm in biology with Larry.
GALSTAFF!
And you're...
He's Nightblade!
Miles.
And Phoenix!
Are you gonna play D and D with us?
I really don't know all the rules.
[ and laugh]
There aren't any rules, it's a game of the imagination.
Ohhhhh. Okay.
This is your character sheet. Your name is Titania.
Oooh, what does this stuff mean?
I'll help you.
Okay.
Well, it's way after four o'clock, so can we get started?
[ and make various confirmations.]

---

Part 2

You've been chatting with Galstaff in the village road, and you now see Picard the elven ranger approaching.
And Titania.
No, she's not here.
Where am I?
Titania, you're in darkness.
Is there anything here?
You're in darkness.
I turn on a light!
[ and laugh]
Thomas Edison appears in front of you and says 'Idiot! I haven't been born yet!'
I attack him with my sword.
[ and laugh]
What?
He's not really there. That's DM magic.
What?
It's a joke, Chinami.
I don't get it.
Come on, Wright, you're confusing her.
I'm gonna go to the snack machine.
Wait! You guys are in the village.
Hey, I can still hear you! Let's go to the tavern!
Nightblade is wandering off to the tavern.
As usual. Nightblade always goes to the tavern.
So, am I still in darkness?
Maybe you should light a torch.
Does anyone have another quarter?
I light a torch.
Very good. You are in a room. BUT NO MORE HELPING!
What's in the room?
Nothing.
I go to the door.
There is no door.
Wright!
The characters were in a certain place at a certain time at the end of the last adventure. I can't put her on a fluffy cloud just because she's your girlfriend.
Well, where is she?
If you can't remember, then your CHARACTER can't remember!
Well, my CHARACTER casts a Locate Person spell.
[rolls dice] She's on the fifth sublevel of the Queen Spider's dungeon, REMEMBER?
Oh, brother.
Am I in the tavern yet?
YES!
Does anyone have an extra quarter, cause otherwise I have to get Funyuns.
Galstaff!
Yes, my friend of steady arrow and ready wit!
We have to rescue Titania.
I will accompany you! If you'll kill the blacksmith that sold me this sword!
Yeah, kill the blacksmith. That sounds fun.
Don't kill the blacksmith! That's stupid!
So what, are we doing it wrong now? He told me to kill the blacksmith! I kill the blacksmith!
Your character wouldn't do that!
What makes you such an expert?
The blacksmith turns into a dragon and eats you!
Wha?
Huh?
The Funyuns are stuck in the machine!
I'm gonna go home. I'm just in a stupid dark room anyway.
Chinami! Wait! Don't go!
Call me later okay?
Okay.

---

Part the Third

What the hell is your problem?
What's yours?
I don't know what you're talking about!
YEAH RIGHT! Don't get mad at me because your girlfriend didn't have a good time. For god's sake, this is ADVANCED, Godot.
Advance this!
Shut up!
Oh, THAT'S creative.
I'm not worried about my creativity, Godot, I'm the dungeonmaster. I control worlds, universes. Every potion you drank I mixed. Every magic item you find I put it there. Do you remember when you killed that hill giant?
I rolled a twenty, double damage.
You rolled a nineteen, Godot. I fudged it. That giant would have killed you, man. But I admired your spark. You wanted it so badly so I helped. Because I wanted to. And I help people when I want to. And right now you're roasting in the hot belly of a platinum dragon, so why don't you ask yourself where your priorities lie?
Are we still playing?
Yeah.
In that case, Galstaff casts a Friendship spell on both of you!
Friendship, what kind of gayness is that?
Shut up you gay!
I'm not gay! I go to the tavern with wenches!
Yeah! Male GAY wenches!
F**k you!
Will you guys shut up! Titania is here.
Titania?
She says 'What?'.
How did you get out of the dungeons?
'I took my Bag of Holding inside out, wrapped it around me and walked through the dungeon walls.'
You can do that?
'It's all in the dice.'
Let's go on an adventure.
Should we get Chinami?
NO! You play Titania.
Titania gives you a crystal. She says 'Anytime you need me, you can use this.'
Um, are you guys being funny?

---

nice XDD what is that D&D history? Video, sound or what?

---

It's from something called the DeadAle Wives or something. I don't know. I got it from a friend of mine.

---

Is it on the Internet? If so, can you PM me a link?

You can find one on Newgrounds.com as 8-bit D&D.

Those are parodies of the two DnD based skits from the Wisconsin based improv group The Dead Alewives.

THANK YOU! I wasn't sure about it.

Back on topic now.

What are you looking at?
I'm looking at you.
Oh, yeah, right. Sexyyyyy.
Shut up.
You like it.

---

An animated skit to the first of the two skits was included in the PS2/PC game Summoner as an Easter Egg.

The two skits are also referenced a lot during actual DnD based gaming, as well as quotes from the film "The Gamers" by Dead Gentlemen Production, no connection to the Dead Alewives. A sequel named "The Gamers: Dorkness Rising" is currently in post-production and, unlike the first one, has backing from Wizards of the Coast.

Also, there are three references to the first skit are found in the MMORPG Guild Wars in the format of an NPC named Galstaff, and Ogre slaying knife adding +9 against Ogres, even though the Ogre enemies are under a different enemy classification so the bonus does nothing, and an enemy known as "The Darkness" so yes, you CAN attack The Darkness.

<.<

>.>

What? I'm a RPGA Herald Level Dungeon Master. I need to know stuff like this.

Kingdom of Loathing also allows you to attack The Darkness while affected with Temporary Blindness. If you manage to get Magic Missile, you can generate Cheetos (well, KoL's analog) by casting it at the darkness.

That was so damn random...

---

PHOE-NIX-WRIGHT!: THE ABRIDGED SERIES

Phoe-Nix-Wright! was filmed in front of a live studio audience.

*School*

Hey, Edgeworth! Earth to Edgeworth! Hey, are you in there? It's your move!

Sorry, Nick. But doing this British accent makes it difficult to concentrate on card games.

I know what you mean! My voice is pretty crazy, too. I'm thinking about changing it.

By the way, the Judge has a super-rare card!

Groovy!

Indubitably!

Rare card? That sounds vague enough to be the Blue-Eyes White Dragon. And since I'm a child billionaire in charge of a huge gaming company, I obviously have nothing better to do than go check it out.

*Udgey's Store*

Hey Udgey, can we please see your super rare awesome chocolatey-fudge coated mega super card?

I don't see why not. Here it is, the Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

That's.. the least threatening name for a monster I've ever heard. What kind of mook would want a card like that?

(pushes the others out of the way) I'm here for your Blue-Eyes, old man, and I won't take no for an answer. Now give it to me.

No.

Curses. Foiled again. I'm going to go hire some thugs to kidnap you now. I'm a billionaire, so nobody will even think of pressing charges. (leaves)

That Wellington kid needs to get laid.

Big time!

*Later that night*

(phone rings)

(answers) Hello? Game shop!

I kidnapped the Judge, Phoenix, and then I dueled him into submission. So could you get over here and call an ambulance for him? I have far too much money to be expected to do it myself! (hangs up)

Wait, who is this?

*At WellingtonCorp*

Judge! Are you okay?

For some reason, playing a card game has caused me to become severely injured!

That's right. And now, watch this! (tear's Udgey's Blue-Eyes in two)

Udgey's special super rare awesome super card!

What the heck did ya do that for?

So that it could never be used against me.

If that's the case, why not just tear up every card in the whole world?

Shut up and duel me.

Don't worry Udgey, I'll win this duel with your deck.

Wa-Wait a minute: I've been injured, so you're going to just steal my deck and go play cards with your arch rival?

Pretty much.

No wonder your mentor died.

(brandishes a marker) Gather round, everyone, and I'll mark us with a special sign!

(A smiley face on Phoenix, Edgeworth, Franny, and Larry's hands)

Uh, Franziska, hey not for nothing but... ain't this permanent marker?

Oh. Whoops!

Why were you even carrying that thing around in the first place?

I'm a kleptomaniac! I stole it from school.

Hey, my wallet's missing!

Wellington took it!

It's time to duel!

Wait, did your testicles just drop in the last 5 seconds or something? What the heck happened to your voice?

(A hologram of Hitotsume Giant appears)

Holy evidence! Real monsters!

Actually, they're just super-advanced holograms created for the sole purpose of enriching the experience of a children's card game!

Okay seriously, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Who wastes all their money on something like that?

The guy who's going to beat your pasty lawyer butt with three Blue-Eyes White Dragons, that's who!

Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?

Yeah, so?

That's against the rules, isn't it?

Screw the rules, I have money! Now draw your last pathetic card, Phoenix, so I can finish you!

The Judge's deck HAS no pathetic cards, Wellington! Except maybe for Payne. But it also has THIS: The unstoppable

Aaargh! It's not possible! Nobody's been able to summon THAT!

Really? Is that because it's so rare?

No, it's because this game makes no sense, nobody could figure out how to do it.

Nobody except ME! , OBLITERATE!

Big brother! Is it time for my cameo yet?

How.. how could you summon ?

Wellington, if you really wish to know, then TALK TO THE FINGER! (Mind-crushes Richard)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrghhhhhh. (faints)

*Hospital*

(Wakes up) I wet myself.

*White's Castle*

Mr. White, sir, it seems the reigning Trial Monsters Champion has been defeated by... someone named Phoenix. Also, it's time for your sponge bath.

Mmmmmmmm. (teeth flash)

End

Hey hey hey, fun time! Goofin' off Martian style, wakka wakka!

And now, random Ansem Retort/Phoenix Wright goodness!

WARNING: PROFANITY


I don't remember why I'm here. Actually, I don't remember much of anything.
You lost your memory? Are you some mysterious and dark hero who fights some great evil in order to restore your lost memories?
I lost my memories? Awesome! Now I can be mysterious and angsty and shit!
0000
[ shoots ]
I give this death a nine out of ten.
Thanks Greg. See you in hell.
You too.
0000
Tell me again why you're the judge?
Hey, if you know a better method than rock-paper-scissors, tell me.
0000
[ killed Neil]
Hey, Neil, wanna go catch a....WHAT THE HELL?
OJ DID IT!
0000
You just killed the entire cast of the OC.
You're complaining?
Nah, you'll probably get an award or something.
Let's go. I want to kick that Simon guy in the nuts.
0000
KA-STAB!
Are you making your own sound effects?
I'm easily amused.
No shit.
CHING-BATTLE!
Okay, that's so not a sound effect.
0000
Yo voy a comer tu cabeza!
Great, now this game's bilingual.
0000
Quiero el jugo de el gato!
WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL HERE?
00000
So do you have a plan?
I've been in a lot of turnabouts, each one more final than the last. All of them involved complicated plans that failed miserably. So this time, I'm going to wing it.
Coming from you, that fills me with absolute terror.
0000
[ makes some amazing revelation in court]
Courtroom: ........
I believe I speak for everyone when I say WHAT THE FUCK?
0000
[After GS 1 Case 4]
Why do I get the feeling that this is merely the prelude to much greater conflict?
I'm a fricking god!
Oh yeah, that's why.
0000
It's true what they say: if you stare in the abyss long enough, the abyss begins to stare back.
Hi, Edgeworth!
Damnit Wright! Get out of the @#$% abyss!
0000
Where are your pants?
PANTS ARE FOR THE WEAK!
0000
Dr. Stiles, what's this feeling? It's like the world's a better place because Franziska's here, even if I can't be here, just knowing that she's happy is enough for me. What is this?
That's love right there.
Really?
Yeah. Or cancer.
00000
I DEMAND FUNNEL CAKE!
0000
Is there really a bomb in his kidney?
You mix surgery and vodka, who the hell knows what weapons are in what organs.
0000
You know, all the times I spent with Phoenix...I can't remember it. It feels important...though.
We're amnesia buddies!
0000
Von Karma, is the prosecution ready?
My mind and body are totally focused on the trial ahead. I'm also on steroids.
Rest assured, the defense is also focused and on performance enhancing drugs.
I AM SO HIGH! I'm hungry. Who wants to go to 7-Eleven?
Well, he's taking some sort of drug.
000000
[GS3 just finished]
You ever wonder what will happen in the fourth game?
No. I never wonder what will happen in the fourth game. EVER!
0000
If you don't believe me, just google it.
Wright, I'm not going to google naked-hide-n-seek.
0000
[During production of GS2]
Director: You better have found the original cast.
Lackey: It just so happens they're on the way. Most of them were placed on airplanes.
Director: Most of them?
Lackey: Well, Edgeworth chose an unorthodox method of travel.
Ride, my world killing god whale! Ride into battle!

---

For some reason, it double posted. Ah well.

IGNORE ME!

---

Its joke time! YAY!

(Dear God NOOO!)

(Someone please kill that clown!)

(I hate listing to his jokes.)

There were two cows, one says "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". The one other says "I was going to say that."

AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA!

.................................................

Tough crowd. Here's a better one. Why did the Mexican throw his wife off the cliff? Tequila!

AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA!

The clown said a funny?!

OMFG THAT WAS SO FUNNY!

Now if only all his jokes were that funny. In fact I have a very funny joke.

Lets here it Wright.

Why do women have boobs? So you got something to like at why you are talking to them!

That joke is so true. Edgey needs his along time.

You can't say that about women! They are not objects!

Oh be quiet Gymshoe!

It seems Mr Wright is funny after all.

Splended Wrighto. That joke was really funny.

Where the fudge did you come from!?

The toilet.

Too much information!

*Mia walks in* What are you all laughing about?

We're telling jokes!

Really? I love jokes. Lets hear some then.

OKAY! There were two cows, one sa....

Quiet Moe! I think Mia would like to hear a decent joke such as my one.

Erm Nick! I don't think that joke is best told to someone like Mia!

Trust me, she will love it. So Mia, Why do women have boobs?

Erm Wright.

So you got something to look at why you are talking to them!

...

Erm Wright.

*nudges Mia* So you got something to look at why you are talking to them!

I'LL KILL YOU! *starts whipping Phoenix*

OW! THE PAIN AND THE WHIP! PAYNE!!!!!!!!!!!

Did someone call me?

OW! NO I DIDN'T YOU OLD FOOL! I'M IN PAIN!

Oh. 'leaves'

OW OW OW!


*5 Minuets later in Grossberg's Office*

You wanted to see me Mr Grossberg?

Yes indeed. Thanks to you and your sexist joke the office is getting sued by Mia. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!?

Mia, Mia? Was she the one me and Edgeworth videoed doing a dump in the girls bathroom.

.........

Because what happened? The tape got stolen.

THAT WAS YOU! *throws a metal pipe at Phoenix*

THE PAYNNEEE!

Why do people keep calling me?


*One hospital trip later*

Mr Wright seems to be waking up.

Will he be alright?

I think so although I have no idea how to remove the pipe.

WHAT! I HAVE A PIPE STUCK IN ME! AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?

I'm the Doctor.

Doctor Who?

No, I'm just the Doctor.

Can I request for a different Doctor?

Erm, No.

It was ever between him or the women in pink with nice bongos. So I choose him.

(This just proves he is gay.)

So will someone tell me how this happened?

Indeed! Nick was telling a joke.

May I hear the joke?

Sure but hang on for a sec. *checks to make sure no females are around*

Okay, why do women have boobs?

*walks in*

So you got something to look at while you are talking to them!

AHA AHA AHA!

THAT IS SO SEXIST! WOMEN ARE NOT OBJECTS! *injures Phoenix, Edgeworth and Stiles*


*10 minutes later*

Lets never speak of this joke again.

Agreed!

*Walks in*

OMG! SHE'S COME TO FINISH THE JOB! SOMEONE TOSS ME OUT THE WINDOW!

*insert more violence towards Phoenix, Edgeworth and Stiles.

*Location: Gant's bedroom, FG(AOF)NIHT Studios*

* and are on a bed making out. Both are in nothing but their underwear*

I love you, Nick! Don't ever leave me.

Don't worry, my dear Maya. As long as Chinese Infantry is writing this, I'll always be with you.

*Continue make-out scene. Then Maya stops*

Hold on, something is itching me.

* removes her bra, revealing her breasts*

(Sweet! No objections here!)

That's better!

*Resume / snog-fest*

*Bursts in* Hey guys!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT! *Covers breasts*

Who said you could come in.

Dude, I'm the author, Chinese Infantry. I possess this guy in order to...

I know, I know, but did you have to barge in during Maya and I's alone time?

Well, yes, because the show is about to start after I air the commercial. Seeing as you are both almost naked, please remove your boxers or panties and proceed to the hot tub when ready. *Leaves*

*Commercial*

Hello, fangirl or fanboy. My name is Chinese Infantry. Chances are good you've wanted to write your own fanfic and chances are even better that you are a Yaoi nut. However, you blow ass and your best line is "The one guy stuck his penis in the other guy's butt and pushed until he blew his load!" Not a problem with the latest product on the market: "Chinese Infantry's Yaoi Fanfiction Creator." Just enter the name of the fandom, the two male characters that you want to be a couple, add in a few adjectives and you'll be on your way to writing a touching tale of love between two men in no time flat!

*Fangirl* I tried making decent Harry/Draco fanfiction for awhile, but most of the reviews I got were negative! Thanks to Chinese Infantry's Yaoi Fanfiction Creator, people actually admire my work!

Even if you are a veteran author, this product can make a simple task for you even simpler. And quicker too. You can crank out epic Boy/Boy love novels at record speed! Just listen to this celebrity testimonial.

*Croik* It's hard being the life of a Webmaster and a Fanfiction author. Trying to do both while maintaining other interests at the same time. I bought Chinese Infantry's Yaoi Fanfiction Creator and now I actually have time to do other things. Thanks so much *smiles*.

This product is only $34.99 US Dollars, but act now, and we'll give it to you for only $29.99. YOU SAVE $5.00. And also from Chinese Infantry is the "Chinese Infantry's Yuri Fanfiction Creator", the utimate tool for creating lesbian fanfiction. Another celebrity testimonial:

*Can'tFakeTheFunk* My fanfic "Follow the Fool" won me critical acclaim, but I feel like I needed to produce more quickly to please my fans. Thanks to Chinese Infantry's Yuri Fanfiction Creator, writing Friska/Adrian fanfics has never been quicker!

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*End commercial*

And now, our feature presentation!


Chinese Infantry presents (and kinda wishes he hadn't):

FOUR GUYS (and one freeballer) NAKED IN A HOT TUB! Some guys got together in a hot tub and instead of having sex with each other's asses, they decided to form an unrehearsed discussion group.

We have: , the masturbator, , the flamer, , the pimp, , the clueless, , the new addition to the group (despite what the title says), and now, the Group Moderator and Ace Attorney himself: PHOENIX WRIGHT!

As much as I enjoyed the intro, I would like to express disappointment to Chinese Infantry for barging in and cutting short Maya and I's alone time...

Let's get one thing straight, Wright! "Alone Time" is only funny when I'm the one involved. For everyone else, it is a pointless gimmick!

...and selling out to Yaoi fangirls.

Hey, I need the money!

Then do something else, like, I dunno, pull a Casino Heist or make a computer worm that steals money and cover it up by sinking an oil tanker or something...

Not only are both of those illegal, but they've already been done in the movies.

Ohh yeah, which ones?

...I'll give a slice of pie to whoever can answer it.

Whatever. Anyways, we have quite a show for you tonight, but first a few things. First of all, we have a new permanant group member: she hosts her own discussion group and is my girlfriend, despite what the other assholes say. Please welcome: MAYA FEY!

Ok, a few things...

What is it, Edgeworth? (And why did you object in Japanese?)

First of all, she's a girl.

So...

I do believe this is "Four Guys Naked in a Hot Tub" is it not.

Actually, it's Four Guys (And one freeballer) Naked in a Hot Tub, and why are you complaining?

Yeah, why are you complaining, bitch? Is it because you don't like women and instead *insert rant about how Phoenix and Edgeworth are gay lovers here*...HEY! DON'T JUST TAKE MY SPEECH AND REPLACE IT WITH AN ACTION! WHY, I *insert pimp-slap threat here*

Godot, you're not funny. Continue, Edgeworth.

Wouldn't Maya joining the group mean we have to change the title.

Nope!

Why?

I'll just use the "tight budget" excuse if anyone asks.

But...

Plotholes sealed! Anyways, the second thing I need to cover before we begin is a fan request. I have here the letter that was sent:

Dear Phoenix,

Why don't you put the topic: Why every character from GS serie transform into a pokemon?

I know it's from Orcaizer Al fics, but it would be cool they saying about it =)

Sincerely,
Zerud

Thank you, Zerud. I think it would be cool we saying about it, too, so we have a special guest here with us to answer the question. He couldn't come in person, but I was about to set up a video broadcast with him. Please welcome: ORCAIZER AL!

*TV Screen turns on and Orcaizer Al appears*

*Flips Orcaizer off with both hands* HIYA SHITHEAD!

*Squeezes Maya's shoulder* Maya, dear, be more polite with our guests.

But Nicky, he made fun of me in his skits.

Orcaizer Al: Don't worry about it, Naruhodou, the feeling is mutual.

Nice of you to share your hatred for my girlfriend, Orcaizer. Ohh yeah, and could you possess a smilie or something. It would look inconsistent with you having the only text next of all of us.

Orcaizer Al: Ok, sure thing!

Hmm, time for me to boost some *Possessed* WHAT A!? *Possessed by Orcaizer* Ok, how's this?

Perfect, Orcaizer. Here's the letter *insert letter reading here*

Hmmm, well the main reason is I happen to be a fan of both Pokémon and Gyakuten Saiban. Then I started making funnies about Odoroki turning into a Combusken because of his "Passionate Heart Burning Red" or some shit like that. Afterwards, I got carried away and wondered "What would the Pokémon equivilants of the other Gyakuten Saiban characters?" Then the rest you can see in my funnies.

Hmm, that's a perfectly logical explanation. Alright, thanks for joining us tonight, Orcaizer Al!

It was no problem!

BYE ORCAIZER! I HOPE YOU GET RUN OVER BY A TRUCK, YOU ASSHOLE!

BYE MAYOI! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON RAMEN, YOU OVEREATING BITCH!

Whatever, you two can resume you fight later, now do you turn this thing off *presses button on remote, channel changes*

VERN! HEY VERN! I'VE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET UP!

Nope, that's not it.

Hand me the remote, I'll try.

No, don't

*hits buttons, new channel appears*

Shit, that wasn't it either.

*On screen, Adrian is naked and chained to a table, stomach down. Franny is next to her, wearing bondage leather and brandishing a whip.*

Say it, bitch!

*Moaning* More, Mistress Franziska! WHIP ME MORE!

TAKE IT! LET ME HEAR YOU SAY IT!

MORE! HARDER!

Ok, enough of that, put this rubber ball in your mouth *places ballgag on Adrian's mouth* TAKE IT, SLAVE, TAKE IT!

*Insert muffled moans of lust through ballgag here*

*Off screen*

Yeah! Don't change the channel, Maruhodou! This is truly the playa's cup of coffee right here, bitch!

WHAT? THIS IS HORRIFIC, THIS IS...

Heeeey, this isn't bad at all *hand reaches for...well...some alone time...*

Maya, I though you were straight...

Ohh my precious Nicky-kins, there comes a time in every woman's life where she questions her sexuality, whether she is bi-curious or is simply trying to turn on some nearby guys. *Kisses Phoenix*

Oh ok. Gumshoe, why are you diverting your eyes?

...This brings back traumatic memories of what she used to do to me, pal.

(Yeah, no suprise there!) Very well then...

EDGEWORTH? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

Well, if you must know...

I BE STROKIN' (That's what I be doin')
I BE STROKIN'
I STROKE IT TO THA EAST! AND I STROKE IT TO THA WEST!
AND I STROKE IT TO THE WOMAN THAT I LOVE THE BEST!

(MORE INFORMATION THAT I NEEDED TO KNOW!)I GET THE POINT! HOW DO YOU TURN THIS THING OFF!? *Hits a button on remote, TV goes off* whew!

Hey, put that back on!

No, Edgeworth. You are not allowed to have alone time here.

But the dirty thoughts are still here. I'm going to have alone time regardless...

Then fill your head with thoughts of Oldbag naked having her alone time to you.

DEAR GOD *Loses erection*

Yes, think of her looking at naked pictures of you, picture her covered in baby oil rubbing her cl...

I GET THE POINT, WRIGHT! THE VERY DISGUSTING POINT!

Good, now lets begin. Issue number 1: The / pairing. The only reason Chinese Infantry likes it is because he saw some fanart of the two together and thought it was cute. Even so, he still likes Me/Maya better. The question is: WHERE DID IT COME FROM? There are absolutely no hints in the games anywhere of me and her being an item. Also, fucked up as it may be, there are one or two hints that could be used to hint an Edgeworth/Maya pairing but NONE HINTING A PAIRING BETWEEN ME AND FRANNY! Maya, we'll start with you.

Ohh no you don't. I'm the one that always starts.

Ugghh, Maya, do you mind if Edgeworth goes before you? He always went first until you joined.

Do I still get to go next, Nicky-kins? *insert cute eyes here*.

Of course you do, dear.

Thanks *kisses Phoenix*

Right, while you two fuck like rabbits, I'll state my point. I believe the main reason behind the You/Franny pairing is because of the way she acts towards you in court. You know how she always whips you?

(Yeah, I still have memories of getting knocked the fuck out that one time.)

Anyways, some people seem to think it's because she shows her affection in hostile ways. In short: she whips you because she loves you...

...and what about my feelings back?

Well duh? You'd need to feel the same way back or else the pairing wouldn't exist.

But how does this prove anything. Franny whips Gumshoe all the time, more than she ever whipped me. She even planted a FREAKING TRACKING DEVICE ON HIM! Wouldn't a Franziska/Gumshoe pairing be more logical?

It doesn't matter, because She's Adrian's lover anyways.

Says who?

Says that TV program we just saw and Can'tFakeTheFunk's fanfiction. Which reminds me, Edgey needs his...

OLDBAG NAKED! OLDBAG'S OLD, WRINKLY TITS COVERED IN...

OK, OK, I WON'T HAVE ALONE TIME!

Good. Maya, honey, you're next.

Thanks Nick! Personally, I think the thought of Phoenix and Franziska is laughable, because it couldn't be clearer that Nick loves me the most! YOU HEAR THAT, YOU PHOENIX/FRANNY SHIPPERS! NICK LOVES ME!

Well said, dear. I couldn't have put it any better myself.

What? That wasn't well said, bitch! That was poorly thought out and biased!

Right, this coming from the person who responds to everything by either referencing homosexuality or pimp-slapping.
Gant, give us your thoughts.

It's a het pairing. Therefore, my dear sir, I don't give a flying fuck!

Hmm, that was probably the most intelligent thing you've said the entire series. Now then...

BUT GROSSBURG/KAMINOGI, NOW THERE'S A PAIRING! DO YOU WANNA SEE MY FOLDER OF GROSSBURG/KAMINOGI YAOI?

Do you wanna shut the fuck up while you still sound intelligent? Yes? Good! Now then, Godot, your turn...

Personally, I think this pairing is COMPLETE BULLSHIT! I MEAN, ISN'T IT OBVIOUS THAT...

...Edgeworth and I are homosexual lovers, I know, I know...

NO, BITCH! THAT THERE ARE NO HINTS WHATSOEVER THAT THE PAIRING COULD EXIST. I seem to think it was made to give Maruhodou a girlfriend after some shithead thought of the Edgeworth/Maya pairing, bitch!

...Oh, ok then...

That, and Maruhodou and Edgeworth are gay lovers, bitch!

(Why is it that everytime people look as though they are going to change their ways, they don't?) Whatever helps you sleep at night. Gumshoe, give us whatever insight you can.

I don't like talking about her. She's mean.

We know...

*Cries*

There there, there there. Now then, Issue number 2: The Berry Big Circus crew. Something is wrong with them. Regina tries to marry a doll, Max Galactica dresses like a fairy and calls everyone sweetie, Moe's jokes suck, Ben's a pussy, and Acro is practically worthless now that he's in a wheelchair. Edgeworth, let's hear your opinion on the freak show that is the Berry Big Circus.

I think you just listed off everything I was going to say about these guys. That, and Russell was a fruit.

(But you never even met him.) Whatever. Maya, let us hear from you!

I think they are cute and funny. Especially Regina. She's so beautiful, even I still want to confess my love for her.

You know, Maruhodou, I was wrong for thinking you and Maya don't belong together. You two make an awesome couple, because you're gay and Maya's a lesbian!

I AM NOT, I'M JUST BI-CURIOUS.

That's just another way of saying "I wanna have sex with women!", bitch!

Do you want a kick in the crotch?

Do you want a pimp-slap in the face, bitch?

Do you want a bullet to the head, Godot?

Do you want to stop making idle threats and move on?

Uhh, yeah, sorry about that CI! Gant, your thoughts.

I don't care about the rest of them, but Acro and Bat? BOTH HOTTIES. I EVEN HAVE THAT PICTURE THAT LOG DREW OF...

Don't show us! I've seen it and I want to cry. Godot, take the floor. And if you even think about referencing Me/Edgeworth or pimp-slapping...

Ahh shut your Edgeworth-Fucking yapper before I pimp-slap you, bitch. Personally, I feel sorry for poor little Regina, for being raised in such a sheltered environment, bitch! I mean, she wants to marry a DOLL, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. If she was my little girl. I'd make sure she experience the world for what it was!

Since when did you care about children, Godot?

Since always, bitch! If there is anything I care more about that my hos or a cup of coffee, it's the children. Let's face it: children are our future. That's why I created the "Coffee Pimp Children's Foundation"! To help insure a better future for children worldwide.

Rrrright, a pimp who likes to help children. Now I have seen everything.

Have you ever seen / Yaoi?

GOD NO!

Then you haven't seen everything... *shudders*

You have my sympathies. Gumshoe, your thoughts on these freaks...

...Moe touched me in a place and in a way that made me feel uncomfortable...

THAT'S NOOO GOOD!

Good for you, Detective. Issue number...

Fuck this, I want to see Franny having bondage sex with Adrian *reaches for the TV remote, but it falls in the water* FUCK!

Good job, bitch, you broke the remote. Next time, stop thinking about Maruhodou's wang while handing sensitive equipment, bitch!

Ahh, fuck you. It's only the remote. It's not like it will break the TV or anything.

*TV explodes*

*Is speechless*

*Sighs* Edgeworth, call the TV repair crew.

Fine...

You know what, I just realized I would rather be in bed making love with Maya by a warm fireplace than doing this any longer, so I'm going to wrap this up. Next episode, assuming we get the TV repaired, we will discuss even more fascinating and wonderful topics that will scar you for life, kinda like Oldbag naked moaning with lust while having her alone time and...

WRIGHT, THAT ISN'T FUNNY!

Fine then. MEETING ADJOURNED *Goes off with Maya to work out what he just said he'd rather be doing*

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Last edited by Chinese Infantry on Fri Jul 20, 2007 1:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm pregnant your the father

AHHHHH IT HURTS
YOU CAN DO IT!
??? WAHHHHHHH
She's beautiful
WAHHHH
She looks familiar
Congrats
I'M SO HAPPY
YES I'M A GRANDPA
I lost your gift...
Whoa...i got u the steel samurai game for little Franny Edgeworth

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It's a response to Cevian. I just didn't bother quoting him.