Thanks. I think I'm gonna need it.

Today's Episode: Leapin' Logic Part IV

*We begin where we always have begun, in the Sporking Theater*

Phoenix: Looks like this author is going to try and maintain the record of longest story sporked. I'd ask them to quit while they're ahead, but I doubt they'd listen to me.

Edgeworth: One question, Kay. What are you still doing here? Franziska should have recovered by now.

Kay: Well, Maya and I never settled our bet, and we think it'll be settled in this chapter.

Maya: Besides, we don't want a repeat of last time with Ms. von Karma nearly shocking herself to death over the grammar.

Edgeworth: I suppose not. We seriously need to talk to the Management about that.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Mr. Miles Edgeworth that there is a suggestion box in the lobby.

Edgeworth: And that is somehow going to pay for Franziska's medical bills?

Speakers: You'd be surprised.

Edgeworth: I'd argue, but I think I'll need a full Truth Bar to get through this next level of Hell.

Phoenix: I see what you mean. When we last left off, Ms. von Karma bumped into you kissing some woman we didn't know.

Maya: It's probably just to spark a jealousy conflict. This is a shipping story after all.

Phoenix: We don't need any more reminders of that, Maya.

Kay: Brace yourselves, guys. I have a feeling this is gonna be a bad one.

Edgeworth: Now we're back to me being the narrator, apparently.

Phoenix: Just for the record, there are times when multiple narrators in one story can be effective, right?

Edgeworth: This is true, Wright. But trust me, this isn't one of those times.

Phoenix: Just checking.

Kay: Um, I'm not exactly snack-crazy like Maya is. Does this author believe Maya and I are interchangeable or something?

Maya: Sure seems like it.

Edgeworth: From what I hear, that's a common critique of you, Kay.

Kay: I know, and it annoys the hell out of me. Get this straight, people. We have similar roles and similar personalities. Key word there being similar. That's it. I'm not Maya 2.0 or whatever.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Ms. Kay Faraday...

Kay: That breaking the Fourth Wall is strictly prohibited. Honestly, you think I care at this point? Besides, as long as I was here, it had to be said.

Speakers: Huh. Touché.

Maya: You have to teach us that.

Kay: *flashes a goofy grin* Sorry, trade secret.

Phoenix: *deadpan* Oh, a knock at the door. I wonder who it could be? The suspense is just killing me.

Edgeworth: Well, unless this is a detective or a fellow prosecutor, I'm taking this surprisingly well.

Maya: What do you mean?

Edgeworth: Well, it's not common for a random stranger to just barge into a prosecutor's office.

Phoenix: I dunno. I did that a few times, if you'll remember.

Edgeworth: That was a special circumstance, Wright.

Edgeworth: Can't say that I do, madam.

Maya: Wow! You're psychic, Mr. Edgeworth! Now, predict how the story ends so that we can get out of here!

Edgeworth: If I could do that, would I be sitting here in the first place?

Maya: *sulks* Aww.

Phoenix: Do they have that in Germany?

Edgeworth: I wouldn't know. I was too busy studying for the Bar to worry about such mundane things.

Maya: That's our Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: Wait, so did I recognize her, or didn't I?

Phoenix: You're asking me?

Edgeworth: Why would I automatically assume that she wanted to go out for coffee with me?

Maya: Well, apparently, you haven't seen her in a long time. Maybe she just wants to catch up.

Edgeworth: Ms. Fey, I don't even know who this woman is! I even got her name wrong, for Pete's sake!

Phoenix: Now you know how I felt during the whole "Codename FRIEND" nonsense.

Kay: *singing* When a felon's not engaged in his employment (his employment),
Or maturing his felonious little plan (little plan),
His capacity for innocent enjoyment ('cent enjoyment),
Is just as great as any honest man (honest man).

Everyone else: ...

Kay: There. Now none of you are allowed to complain about my singing ever again.

Maya: Didn't you complain to me about references that went over people's heads?

Kay: That was an observation, not a complaint.

Edgeworth: Besides, I honestly think it's a clever critique of the author's lack of proofreading.

Edgeworth: I must agree on that score, if only because this woman is a complete stranger to me.

Phoenix: It's the same problem all over again. Authors insert people into our lives that we're supposed to know, but we obviously don't.

Maya: When will they ever learn?

Phoenix: Considering how recently this story was written, probably never.

Edgeworth: I will admit, my studies took priority over many things in that time. But perhaps antisocial is a bit harsh.

Maya: Phooey. It's still a grey area. Mr. Edgeworth's not out of character, but he isn't really in character, either.

Kay: Character Consistency Limbo!

Phoenix: Wait, so did you like him then or now?

Maya: And how would she know what Mr. Edgeworth was like now unless she was stalking him since high school?

Edgeworth: Nnngh. The very thought of that makes my skin crawl.

Phoenix: Join the club.

Edgeworth: *turns bright crimson*

Kay: Okay, that was random. And was that Susan or Carol or whoever just talking, or was it Mr. Edgeworth?

Phoenix: Makes no sense either way, so who cares?

Kay: C'mon, Maya. Doesn't that seem a little out of character for Mr. Edgeworth?

Maya: The sentiment is consistent, but his expression isn't. It's still a grey area.

Phoenix: The expression doesn't even make sense. What, is she still advancing at him as he tries to hold her back? It would've helped to tell us that.

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Apparently the "no" part.

Kay: Smiling after being dumped like that? Yeah, no.

Phoenix: She gave up surprisingly easily for a stalker girlfriend.

Maya: She'll be back. This is a shipping story, after all.

Edgeworth: *through gritted teeth* Can we please get back to the nonsensical case now? I'm starting to miss that.

Phoenix: You're preaching to the choir.

Kay: Bitter, kinda. Contrived, definitely. Confusing as all hell, you bet.

Edgeworth: And that's all I know about her, really. Well, that and that she had an inexplicable crush on me.

Phoenix: Which came out of nowhere, by the way.

Kay: Told ya it was contrived.

Phoenix: I love how this woman can't get her story straight. Either she was stalking Edgeworth since high school, or she found out about his popularity recently and decided to ride on his coattails. Either way, she is a pretty disgusting woman.

Edgeworth: Agreed.

Edgeworth: Actually, I think Wright summed it up better.

Phoenix: Well, we can all agree Ms. von Karma's out of character. She doesn't discard that whip unless she's aiming to quit her job as a prosecutor.

Edgeworth: And she certainly wouldn't do so out of jealousy.

Phoenix: Wait, it's not what it looks like!

Edgeworth: Considering that we're not entirely clear on what it looks like, that excuse might not wash.

Kay: Wait, if this takes place after the Investigations series, that statement doesn't make sense.

Phoenix: That didn't stop the author from ignoring my quest to reclaim my badge and randomly breaking Iris out of jail.

Kay: Point taken.

Maya: Mr. Edgeworth tries to explain, Ms. von Karma won't hear of it, they break up, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, and eventually they kiss and make up. Can we leave now?

Edgeworth: Ms. Fey, I truly wish it were that easy.

Maya: Wake me when it's over. *starts to fall asleep*

Phoenix: Maya! *wakes her up*

Maya: C'mon, Nick! I just called it down the line! The author's not missing a beat!

Phoenix: Even so, I'm not letting you abandon us like that.

Edgeworth: No, that would be the first twenty minutes of this atrocity.

Kay: Press it yourself. I'm not your maid.

Phoenix: Keep in mind, Edgeworth just suffered a pretty emotional blow.

Kay: Yeah, a contrived emotional blow.

Phoenix: How does one shout with news?

Phoenix: Wait, so I just solved the mystery offscreen?

Maya: Wow! Congrats, Nick!

Edgeworth: That story might've been worth exploring. Instead we get this uncomfortable romantic tripe.

Maya: Wait, who's Connor again?

Edgeworth: Yumihiko Ichiyanagi, one of my antagonists from Investigations 2.

Maya: Oh. Then, wait. That question doesn't make sense.

Kay: I think the author meant, "Would you do the same if Yumihiko was in Ms. von Karma's position?" It was just poorly worded.

Edgeworth: Much like the rest of this insufferable tale.

Phoenix: Maybe now we'll get some answers in this weird case. Like how it's an international incident.

Phoenix: Did I somehow expect you to teleport or something? It's not like my office is right next door to yours, Edgeworth. Twenty minutes seems like a pretty reasonable time to wait.

Maya: Tell Fic-You that.

Kay: Because she's throwing a hissy fit over a plot contrivance.

Edgeworth: Count yourself lucky that she isn't here to hear that, Kay.

Kay: Or, that works too.

Phoenix: Wait, isn't Agent Lang staying in the city for the purpose of this case? Why would he need to drive?

Kay: Plot contrivance, Mr. Wright. Plot contrivance.

Phoenix: So, either he's going to be here sometime in the near future, or in half an hour. Who would say something like that? This is not how people talk.

Edgeworth: Case in point. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here.

Maya: I knew you'd come through for Pearly!

Phoenix: My question is does this fact add anything to the story?

Kay: And the survey says: No.

Maya: Overused shipping story clichés, that's what happened.

Phoenix: I'm still waiting for the part where she beats me up for hanging out with Iris instead of Maya.

Maya: You're a glutton for punishment, aren't you, Nick?

Phoenix: You know what I mean, Maya. *mutters under his breath* You do kinda have a point, though.

Phoenix: Pearls I can kinda understand, seeing as she's an incurable romantic. But seriously, what do I care about Edgeworth's love life?

Maya: Do you really want an answer to that, Nick?

Phoenix: No, not really.

Phoenix: Again, why do I care about this? And didn't Pearls already slap him?

Edgeworth: I would've emphasized the "me" as well, but that's the least of the author's problems.

Kay: What, now Agent Lang cares that you made Ms. von Karma cry? What was that all about?

Edgeworth: Hopefully, we'll never find out. But seeing as the author could very well intend to continue this story, that's merely wishful thinking.

*the lights come on*

Edgeworth: That, was uncomfortable on so many levels.

Phoenix: Love stories tend to make you feel that way, don't they?

Edgeworth: Bad ones, at least.

Maya: And the worst part is our bet still isn't settled. Mr. Edgeworth's still in Character Continuity Limbo.

Kay: Ah well. There's always next time.

Edgeworth: Please, Kay. Please don't insinuate that there's a next time.

*And so, our sporkers survive another chapter of plot contrivances. Will there be an explanation for the case? Why did Lang punch Edgeworth? Will Maya and Kay's bet ever be settled? Find out next time on Sporking Theater!*

---

And the hits just keep on coming.

Today's Episode: Leapin' Logic Part V

*We return to the Sporking Theater, as we normally do*

Edgeworth: You are more of a glutton for punishment than I thought, Kay. Why do you keep coming back?

Kay: I still have a pack of Swiss Cake Rolls on the line, Mr. Edgeworth. And I'm not leaving until my bet with Maya is settled.

Maya: Well, last time, everyone hated Mr. Edgeworth because a woman he never met before kissed him. I wonder if that's going to be resolved.

Phoenix: I'm more curious about how I solved the case offscreen. And how it's an international incident.

Edgeworth: As am I. Anything to distract me from the romantic nonsense.

Kay: *singing* Waist deep in the Big Muddy, and the Management says to push on.

Speakers: Har har.

Maya: Um, that kinda went over my head.

Phoenix: I'll explain it later, Maya.

Edgeworth: Actually, we're not quite sure. We believe it's because of Franziska, but would you mind enlightening us, Agent Lang?

Edgeworth: Again, the confusion of to and too.

Maya: That makes...

Edgeworth: *glares* Don't say it.

Maya: Eep! *clams up*

Phoenix: Also, what story? The extremely contrived one about a stalker smooching Edgeworth and Ms. von Karma getting upset about it?

Kay: Most likely.

Phoenix: Great.

Edgeworth: Questions end with a question mark. What about that concept is so difficult to grasp?!

Phoenix: I swear, these people need to hire proofreaders. It would at least give us one less thing to complain about.

Edgeworth: I suppose there are worse ways to introduce a flashback.

Kay: See the previous chapters for examples.

Edgeworth: Homophones are not interchangeable!

Phoenix: Wow. For a second, I thought Edgeworth would break his self-imposed ban on all caps.

Edgeworth: It hasn't gotten to that point yet, Wright.

Phoenix: Refresh my memory, were Ms. von Karma and Agent Lang on a first-name basis?

Edgeworth: Not really, no.

Phoenix: Okay, just checking.

Edgeworth: And you're not ordering a drink while you're talking to her why, exactly? If anything, I would've offered to buy her a drink as well.

Phoenix: Eh, I'd feel iffy about that. Remember, this is Franziska von Karma we're talking about. If she's in a bad mood, stretching out an olive branch to her is an invitation to get whipped.

Edgeworth: Not all the time.

Kay: Oh great. Because of this contrived love triangle enacted by someone we don't know, she thinks that all men are scum.

Maya: To be fair, I think she's aware of the fact that she's not thinking straight. That's why she said she didn't want to deal with men at that moment.

Kay: Huh?

Maya: It's a shipping story. Not even the lousiest of shipping authors would go that far unless they wanted to add a slash pairing to the mix, and I don't think that's what the author's going for.

Maya: Good, because we don't want to hear it. We got sick of it the first time.

Phoenix: If the point of this is to establish why Ms. von Karma shows up in a drunken stupor later, I'm gonna lose it.

Maya: And what if there is no point?

Phoenix: Then I'll give the author a medal for wasting our time. He/she can put it next to their "Longest Fic Ever Sporked" trophy, which he/she insists on keeping.

Phoenix: Hey, Agent Lang! I just solved the case offscreen while you were doing who knows what! Pretty cool, huh?

Edgeworth: How does someone use a word correctly and incorrectly in the same sentence?! This is intolerable!

Maya: Did she just call herself foolish?

Phoenix: Ms. von Karma, wherever you are, you are lucky Kay's taking your place on this one. You wouldn't have survived.

Phoenix: You know, you wouldn't have deduced that without Ms. von Karma's comment about wanting to not deal with men. Otherwise, she could've easily been talking about her older sister.

Edgeworth: Very astute, Wright. Although I'm not sure about whether or not to give the author brownie points for thinking about that.

Maya: Ooh, ooh! Give them to me! I want brownies!

Phoenix: Aren't you poised to win two hamburgers from Kay if Edgeworth stays in-character for the whole fic?

Maya: That's my dinner stomach. I have a dessert stomach, too.

Phoenix: *sighs* You and your multiple stomachs.

Kay: *takes out a deck of cards from her satchel* Pick a narrator! Any narrator!

Phoenix: So we were right. He did hit Edgeworth because of Ms. von Karma.

Maya: Wait, what does he care about Mr. Edgeworth's love life?

Edgeworth: Furthermore, wasn't there a kidnapping case we were supposed to be solving?

Phoenix: Seems like our fictitious counterparts are thinking the same thing. Alright then, let's get some answers!

Phoenix: Did I also figure out what makes the case an international incident?

Everyone: ...

Phoenix: Can I field this one?

Edgeworth: By all means.

Phoenix: Thanks. *deep breath* HOW THE HECK WERE WE SUPPOSED TO FIGURE THAT OUT?! I mean, it's an interesting plot, and it makes sense given the title. But seriously, this just comes out of nowhere!

Maya: Maybe if the author spent more time focusing on the investigation and less time on the shipping fluff, we wouldn't be so utterly confused.

Phoenix: Okay, the pumpkin patch can be related to Cinderella, but I wouldn't have seen the connection back when we started sporking this mess.

Edgeworth: Honestly, neither would I.

Phoenix: Wait, the author isn't bothering to explain the connections in this exposition dump? Now it's even more confusing!

Edgeworth: I can deduce from what we know that the sewing museum relates to Sleeping Beauty, while the aquarium might be connected to The Little Mermaid. But if this is the case, the theory quickly falls apart.

Phoenix: Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

Edgeworth: The only connection to fairy tales in each kidnapping case is the scene of the crime. The evidence, with the exception of the shoe in the pumpkin patch, does not support the theory, or if it does, it's not readily apparent how. Because so much time was devoted to the romance, as Ms. Fey has stated, there was no way for the audience to follow along and solve the mystery along with the characters.

Kay: Not to mention that now our kidnapper looks like a total pervert. This story is rated T for Teen, right?

Phoenix: And on top of all that, we still don't know how this is an international incident!

Kay: You're telling me.

Phoenix: Wait, I thought I solved the whole thing offscreen. How do I not know this?

Edgeworth: *smug grin* I knew you were bluffing, Wright.

Phoenix: Why would I bluff about this? Especially considering I managed to connect everything in a way hardly anyone saw coming.

Edgeworth: *Truth Bar damage* Nnngh. Still as formidable as ever, Wright.

Phoenix: Why wouldn't I?

Phoenix: Okay, I'll admit technology is not my greatest strength, but I like to think I'm more tech savvy than someone who lived in the mountains for several years. No offense to Iris or anything, but I doubt Hazakura Temple has a good wifi connection.

Maya: Note to self: Get wifi connection for Hazakura Temple.

Phoenix: You mean we have to sit through more of this nonsense?

Edgeworth: I for one hope not.

*the lights come on*

Maya: Aw, our bet still isn't settled.

Kay: Well, this one didn't focus a lot on Mr. Edgeworth, so that's probably why.

Phoenix: I am still pissed off about this sudden revelation about the fairy tale connection. There was no way to see that coming, and yet it was brought up as if it was supposed to be obvious.

Edgeworth: And it might've been, if the author didn't waste so much time with the romance. That's the sad part.

Phoenix: No, the sad part is that there might be more of this.

*And so our heroes survive another round. Will Edgeworth and Franziska live happily ever after? Will the fairy tale connection be explained? Are the kidnapper's motives truly as creepy as Kay says they are? Find out next time on Sporking Theater!*

---

Last edited by Little_Thief on Sat May 18, 2013 12:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

Time for more.

Today's Episode: Leapin' Logic Part VI

*We begin in the Sporking Theater, as is our wont*

Phoenix: This author clearly doesn't know when to pack it in.

Kay: Well, it is sporking policy that the author doesn't know they're being sporked. They probably haven't heard what we have to say.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Ms. Kay Faraday that breaking the Fourth Wall is strictly prohibited.

Kay: You should know by now that's not going to stop me.

Maya: I just hope our bet is settled soon. I'm getting hungry.

Phoenix: You're eating a bag of popcorn right now.

Maya: So? *munch munch munch*

Edgeworth: Actually, it would be in Kay's best interest if the bet were settled now. You would have to wait until the very end, Ms. Fey.

Maya: Don't try to discourage me, Mr. Edgeworth! I still say you're going to stay in-character for the rest of this story.

Edgeworth: *shrugs* It doesn't matter to me. What matters is that we get an explanation for the revelation last chapter.

Phoenix: I'm pretty sure we're not that lucky.

Phoenix: Looks like we're in the double digits now. This author is clearly planning on maintaining their record.

Phoenix: Well, maybe if we established this connection earlier and explained it better, we wouldn't be having this problem, would we? Also, I don't think Iris would whine about something like this.

Edgeworth: Another confusion of homophones with there and they're. Why am I not surprised?

Maya: *opens her mouth*

Edgeworth: The question was rhetorical, Ms. Fey. Don't answer it.

Maya: *pouts* You're no fun.

Phoenix: Okay, that was semi-weird.

Maya: Semi-weird?

Phoenix: Well, you never had a problem with me and Iris being together. You even poked fun at me for it. But again, Iris wouldn't need comforting over this, so the statement still feels out of place.

Maya: Oh. Gotcha. *munches on her popcorn*

Edgeworth: Alright, I'll give the author some credit on this one. The first published story of Cinderella was indeed in a French book of fairy tales.

Kay: And once again, the kidnapper looks like a pervert.

Phoenix: I don't know if I'd go that far.

Kay: C'mon, Mr. Wright. It's obvious this guy has a sick fetish for fairy tale princesses and heroines.

Edgeworth: At least, that's the only conclusion we can draw right now. The author hasn't explicitly told us the motive yet.

Phoenix: No, as Edgeworth explained, it actually kinda makes sense. I just wished it was explained to us properly instead of being dropped on our heads out of nowhere.

Edgeworth: Unless I'm drawing connections to the crime scenes I already investigated with Franziska, there's no reason for me to say this.

Phoenix: Well, you were right, Edgeworth. You were drawing connections to the crime scenes you already investigated.

Kay: But we still have no idea how the other crime scenes are connected, or if we do, it's not readily apparent.

Maya: It would've been if the author spent more time on the investigation and less time on the stupid romance. And no, I'm not letting that go.

Kay: Well, that came out of nowhere.

Phoenix: Wouldn't be the first time that happened in this story.

Maya: Thanks, Iris. But I got my own. *munches on her popcorn*

Maya: What's wrong with Sleeping Beauty? There's nothing in that story that Pearly's too young to understand.

Phoenix: Considering how much she wants me and Maya to be together, I wouldn't be surprised if that story was one of her favorites.

Phoenix: Well, now it does. It didn't before that big revelation last chapter.

Kay: I think we were sidetracked by the romance and the plot contrivances. Remove those two elements, and we would've been able to figure it out no sweat.

Edgeworth: Or at the very least, it would've made more sense once we figured it out.

Edgeworth: Again, credit where credit is due. The author really knows quite a bit about fairy tales, and the connections do make sense now that they're explained to us.

Maya: But because we spent so much time with the romance, the revelation came out of nowhere.

Phoenix: Not to mention that we still don't know how this is an international incident.

Edgeworth: Let's see if I can work this out. The kidnapping in the woods where the picnic basket was found was Little Red Riding Hood, the hair salon girl from Germany is Rapunzel, and that's about all I can gather.

Phoenix: *playfully* You were holding out on us, weren't you, Edgey?

Edgeworth: Hardly. I probably would've figured it out sooner had this been more competently written.

Kay: Wow, this sporking's getting stale. I feel like we're just repeating ourselves.

Phoenix: Well, what else is there to say?

Phoenix: I like Edgeworth's reason better. At least for Red Riding Hood, we still don't know how Hansel and Gretel fits into all this.

Edgeworth: Besides which, your personal preferences are not relevant to the matter at hand, Agent Lang.

Kay: Almost makes you wonder why he brought it up in the first place.

Kay: I'd say it's more perverted than mean, but you'll probably figure that out when you're older.

Maya: You're not letting that go, are you?

Kay: Nope!

Phoenix: Well, look at that. We found the victims. Case closed.

Edgeworth: Not quite. We still don't know why the kidnappers released the victims without any form of ransom, nor do we know why all of them are so psychologically traumatized. Some of it fits with the fairy tale theme, such as the girl in a coma being connected to Sleeping Beauty, but there is no logic behind their actions other than the fairy tale motif. They clearly don't want money, and they don't seem to be making some kind of radical statement, or if there is one, it doesn't make sense. Our criminals' actions seem to be completely arbitrary.

Kay: I still say they're sick perverts.

Phoenix: Solving the case? Edgeworth just said that there are still questions left unanswered. Like how the heck is this an international incident?

Edgeworth: Alright, there's something I should point out here. There's another reason that these connections weren't obvious.

Phoenix: Another one?

Edgeworth: Indeed. And it ties into what I believe to be the author's greatest strength, which is the extensive knowledge of fairy tales.

Phoenix: Oh? How so?

Edgeworth: This mystery seems to be tailor-made for those who are deeply familiar with fairy tales. Anyone who is not familiar with the material cannot form the connections on their own, such as the one Sister Iris mentioned above. Who else besides those who know the story of Thumbelina inside and out would connect the locket and the pond from the prologue with that story? Very few, I would imagine.

Phoenix: Any way to fix that?

Edgeworth: Certainly. Have the kidnapper leave passages from the stories at the crime scene. And they wouldn't have to be that obvious, either.

Maya: You mean make the Riddler the kidnapper? That'd be awesome! "Riddle me this, Miles Edgeworth!"

Edgeworth: Not exactly what I had in mind, but even that would be better than this tripe.

Edgeworth: Are you talking about the victim or the character? While the former makes sense, you still have to establish that to the reader. You can't just make us guess.

Phoenix: Establishing things is not this author's strong suit, Edgeworth. I thought you would know that by now.

Kay: Rose petals and mirror, yes. Teacups, I'm not so sure.

Maya: How are the teacups not important? They danced and sang and everything!

Edgeworth: *groans*

Edgeworth: That's the least of my conundrums.

Phoenix: The most would be how in the name of all that is holy is this an international incident?! Ten chapters in and they still haven't explained that!

Phoenix: If it's really really famous, how do we not know what it is?

Edgeworth: And if this implies that there will be a future kidnapping, the kidnapper releasing all of the prisoners makes even less sense. If this was a warning for future kidnappings, the victims would be released one at a time, not all at once. This only serves to further prove that the motive behind the kidnappings is completely illogical and arbitrary.

Kay: And perverted. Don't forget perverted.

Edgeworth: That would imply logic. Sick logic to be sure, but logic nonetheless.

Phoenix: Wait, who knew it was going to happen, the boyfriends? That doesn't make sense, unless they're the kidnappers, which in and of itself doesn't make sense.

Edgeworth: And if they had these suspicions, why did they not contact the police and have them investigate before the kidnappings took place?

Kay: Just another plot contrivance, Mr. Edgeworth. I've grown to expect those by now.

Kay: Nah, I already did that joke.

Edgeworth: I'm pretty sure kidnapping is a crime no matter what the motive is. Not to mention we have no reason to think that there are different motives behind the kidnappings. In fact, it's clearly stated that they're all interconnected.

Maya: Wait, now that stalker of yours is involved, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: If she is, I have no idea how.

Edgeworth: One, how can I prove that? Two, why would I want to prove that? Three, what exactly would I be trying to prove? As far as I'm concerned, she's completely irrelevant to the case at hand.

Maya: Tell Fic-You that.

Maya: It was Susan. No, wait! Carol!

Edgeworth: Also, why would I have my yearbook on hand?

Kay: Plot contrivance, that's why.

Edgeworth: And, how did I know her surname if I didn't even get her first name right?

Kay: *singing to the tune of Ode to Joy* Plot contrivance, plot contrivance...

Phoenix: That answer your question, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Nnngh...

Edgeworth: And once again, we have no logical flow from one idea to the next. We have no reason to suspect that this stalker of mine has anything to do with the kidnappings, let alone that she's one of the kidnappers.

Phoenix: What, we were doing it illegally before? Why? And since when is Iris a hacker?

Maya: Since the plot called for it. *munches on her popcorn*

Phoenix: Wait, I thought Agent Lang was looking that up. The author really must not be paying any attention.

Kay: And it appears you got her name wrong again, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: An easy mistake to make when I don't even know the person.

Maya: Yeah, Mr. Edgeworth. Show some consideration.

Edgeworth: Nnngh...

Phoenix: And once again, that came out of nowhere. She wasn't even an established character until what, seven chapters in? And even then, all she did was create dramatic tension for the ill-conceived romance.

Edgeworth: I'd say that the author was afraid of making the mystery too obvious to solve, but that would be giving them too much credit.

Edgeworth: So, they stage all these kidnappings just to build up to another kidnapping based on Snow White. This scheme makes less and less sense every time we get more information about it.

Maya: Yeah, the only way it would make sense if it was the Riddler behind everything.

Edgeworth: I would gladly take that over this Carol Smith woman I don't even know. Some better grammar would be nice, too.

Kay: No, I'm the Yatagarasu. Who's Point?

Maya: *bursts out laughing* Good one! *high fives Kay*

Phoenix: *chuckles slightly*

Edgeworth: *sighs*

Phoenix: We already figured that out five minutes ago. Try to keep up, author.

Phoenix: What impostor? We never mentioned anything about an impostor, let alone an imposter.

Edgeworth: Just a simple spell and grammar check. That's all I ask.

Phoenix: And this is brought up as if everyone is supposed to know what I'm talking about. This author makes too many assumptions about their audience.

Maya: At least he/she isn't really insulting our intelligence this time.

Phoenix: No, but I'd argue that he/she went too far in the opposite direction.

Kay: That, doesn't fit the kidnappers' MO at all. They wanted Little Red Riding Hood, not the wolf.

Phoenix: I like how even the author admits that there is no real reason for this to be considered an international incident.

Edgeworth: How would I know that? All I know is that Agent Lang bumped into her at the bar.

Kay: Ignoring that, Mr. Edgeworth does have a point. Ms. von Karma doesn't really have anything to do with fairy tales.

Maya: You forget, this is a shipping story. We already established that the kidnappers were planning to go after her, even though knowing Ms. von Karma, that is the dumbest idea in the history of ever.

Phoenix: I can vouch for that. I have the whip marks to prove it.

Edgeworth: Alright, that's stretching things a bit. She paid for the room, so for the time being, it does belong to her.

Edgeworth: Further proving the point that these kidnappings are arbitrary. They could've easily gone after any number of German girls, most of whom would probably fit the story of Snow White better than Franziska. Though again, it's clear the author did their research into fairy tales, as the story of Snow White did originate in Germany.

Phoenix: I wish they would put more effort into other things.

*the lights come on*

Kay: Pay up, Maya. No way would Mr. Edgeworth care so much about a woman he barely knows.

Maya: But he still had a point. There was no reason to suspect Susan or Carol or whatever her name was. He's still in Character Consistency Limbo as far as I'm concerned.

Kay: But it's so obvious that he defended her for emotional reasons.

Maya: Kay, nothing this author says is obvious. Everything comes out of nowhere.

Phoenix: Either that, or it's something only people who are really fairy-tale-savvy would get.

Edgeworth: The worst part is that if this story continues, the romance is going to take center stage once again. I am not looking forward to that.

Phoenix: I don't think anyone is, Edgeworth.

*And so, our sporkers leave the theater, Kay and Maya arguing about their bet all the way. How will Franziska von Karma be kidnapped? What are the kidnappers planning? And what animal walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and three in the evening? Find out next time on Sporking Theater!*

---

Last edited by Little_Thief on Sat May 18, 2013 12:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yay! I love this thread! I used to get so annoyed at bad AA fanfiction. Especially one's that made Nicky and Edgey into wife-beating jerks. Why would they wright (ha!) something like that!

Anywho, these are hilarious. I'd like to do one myself. I haven't been on fanfiction for ages so it'll be fun!

---

The answer was Man, in case anyone was interested.

Today's Episode: Leapin' Logic Part VII

*We begin in the Sporking Theater (I know, big shocker, right?)*

Phoenix: So, you two settled your bet?

Maya: Yeah. We agreed that Mr. Edgeworth slipped out of character for that one moment he defended his stalker.

Edgeworth: Well, if that's the case, what's Kay still doing here?

Kay: Oh, we decided to go double-or-nothing on the kidnapper's plot. I say they're perverts.

Maya: And I say their plot isn't going to make any sense whatsoever. And if I win, I get two burgers and two bowls of miso ramen.

Kay: And if I win, I get two packets of Swiss Cake Rolls. One of them to give to Gummy, of course.

Phoenix: *shrugs* Okay then, whatever makes you girls happy.

Edgeworth: I'm sure we all know what would make me happen right about now, but we don't really have any control over that.

Phoenix: That we do not.

Phoenix: This is probably going to be from Ms. von Karma's point of view, considering where the last chapter left off.

Kay: Wait, what? No establishing caption? No first-person narration? What gives?

Maya: Also, who's "she"? Ms. von Karma?

Edgeworth: Most likely, since it was established that she got a drink from the bar before storming out on Agent Lang. But the author not establishing this simply baffles me.

Phoenix: I know what you mean. This is sloppy, even for this author.

Phoenix: Was there any point to that exclamation?

Edgeworth: Probably to catch the reader up on what is going on. The drink is obviously going to play the part of the poisoned apple from the Snow White story.

Maya: How delightfully random.

Edgeworth: There's no reason to separate those two thoughts. I do believe we can add sentence structure to the casualty list.

Maya: Other than that, it seems to be the typical angsty shipping stuff. Can I go to sleep now?

Phoenix: For the last time, Maya. You're not abandoning us.

Edgeworth: Oh, no. This is going to be painful.

Kay: And cue the flashback caption.

Kay: Um, hello? Where's the flashback caption? *take a bullhorn out of her satchel and begins shouting into it* FLASHBACK CAPTION TO THE SET!

Edgeworth: *winces* Not in my ear.

Kay: Oops. *puts the bullhorn away* Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Anyone want to guess what tense the author is shooting for here?

Edgeworth: Great. If there's anything this story was lacking, it was more homonym confusion.

Phoenix: Also, what's the point of not naming the prosecutor she's talking to?

Kay: It's either the running joke about Winston Payne's lack of presence, or the author was just lazy. Judging by how much effort was put into this chapter, I'm banking on the latter.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Ms. Kay Faraday that breaking the Fourth Wall is strictly prohibited. Not that you're going to listen to us, anyway.

Kay: You'd better believe it.

Edgeworth: *groans* I knew this would be painful.

Phoenix: Yeah, I hear you, Edgeworth. We can only hope that the author handles this with grace and dignity.

Maya: So much for grace and dignity.

Edgeworth: Nngh, indeed. The sentiment is alright and all, but Franziska's overreaction is uncalled for.

Phoenix: Yeah, the only thing that would justify that reaction is if this was a shipping story or something.

Edgeworth: Nnngh...

Kay: Wait, this is the explanation the author gives us as to why she had shorter hair when she was older? That is so contrived, it's almost ingenious.

Edgeworth: Though the prospect of Franziska wearing her hair long for five years is hard to swallow.

Kay: Hence why it's so contrived.

Phoenix: Four months? What did Edgeworth's case have to do with why Ms. von Karma wanted to get revenge against him? I thought she didn't care about her father.

Edgeworth: If that was the least of this story's problems, I'd be thrilled. At least it would spark some interesting debate.

Phoenix: Um, are we back in the present? That's something you have to establish, author.

Kay: Hmm. Maybe it's not laziness. Now that I'm looking at it more carefully, I think this chapter was rushed.

Maya: Rushed? The author's not on a deadline or anything.

Edgeworth: And given how sporadic the updates have been, there was no reason to assume that the author was in any kind of hurry.

Kay: Hey, just throwing the possibility out there.

Maya: Anyone have anything to say about the actual dialogue?

Kay: Nothing that already wasn't said before. The awkward wording, the angst-filled shipping plot point, it's all there.

Kay: Show of hands. Who didn't see that one coming?

Maya: At least she's not in a drunken stupor, right Nick?

Phoenix: Not that this is much better. It's just part of a contrived kidnapping that makes no sense.

Kay: No, I still say the kidnappers are perverts.

Kay: Ms. von Karma, what's going on over there? Ms. von Karma?! MS. VON KARMAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

*MGS Game Over music plays over the speakers*

Speakers: Who?! What?! When?! Where?! Why?! How?!

Maya: I thought you already did a Metal Gear Solid joke.

Kay: *flashes a goofy grin* I know, but I couldn't resist messing with the Management like that. It's kinda my thing.

*the lights come on*

Phoenix: Wait, that's it?

Kay: Ah-ha. More proof that this chapter was rushed.

Edgeworth: I guess we'll only know for sure when more chapters come out.

Phoenix: When?

Edgeworth: In the immortal words of Dante: "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

Phoenix: Say no more, old friend.

*And so, our sporkers survive another round. Was this chapter truly rushed? What dangers lie in store for Franziska von Karma? And how the hell did Kay drum up that musical cue at the end? We probably won't get an answer to that last one, but for the rest, find out next time on Sporking Theater!*

---

Guess what time it is, folks?

Today's Episode: Leapin' Logic Part VIII

*We open in the Sporking Theater, as usual*

Kay: Alright, guys. I sent some tea and crumpets to the Management as a Christmas present, so they promised not to bug us about the Fourth Wall for this chapter.

Phoenix: I still don't know why that works, but hey, anything to make this experience less annoying.

Maya: Now if only they'd show us some good stories around here.

Edgeworth: Merely wishful thinking, Ms. Fey. Though your sentiments are shared.

Maya: *deadpan* Oh goody, just what I wanted.

Phoenix: Now now, Maya. It's the thought that counts, after all.

Edgeworth: The only thought that has gone into this atrocity is the overly complicated kidnapping plot, and even that doesn't make sense.

Phoenix: Okay, good point.

Phoenix: Hopefully it won't be like last time where everything felt rushed.

Phoenix: You know, I should really learn to keep my mouth shut about things like this.

Kay: Well, this chapter was written on Christmas Eve. It's not entirely implausible that this chapter was rushed, too.

Edgeworth: It still doesn't excuse the sloppy writing. I mean, where are we? Last we checked, Franziska was out cold in her hotel. And who's talking?

Phoenix: I, guess it's you, Edgeworth. You're pretty much the only other narrator in this story.

Edgeworth: Yes, but the audience should not have to guess this sort of thing.

Phoenix: Hey, no argument here.

Maya: And? And? Am I just going to leave it at that?

Phoenix: Looks like it. Also, Iris has a car now, apparently.

Edgeworth: And the author forgot how to pluralize as well. Brilliant.

Edgeworth: I'm getting quite tired of this homophone confusion. Also, the author has no idea how I, or in fact adults in general, talk.

Maya: I didn't know you were so afraid of riding in cars, Nick. Is that why we don't have a car?

Phoenix: No, of course not! I just prefer public transportation, that's all.

Maya: *clearly not believing him* Right.

Phoenix: Oh, and I'm sure you'd feel just fine racing down a busy Los Angeles street at who knows how fast.

Maya: I don't know, it actually sounds like fun!

Phoenix: *groans* Someone help me...

Kay: I have to go with Maya on this one. I mean, what's the worse that could happen?

Phoenix: Does that answer your question?

Kay: Very much so. Right, let's move on.

Kay: Um, Los Angeles is a city, you know. There are things called streetlights.

Edgeworth: Actually, this is another example of the author's failure to establish important details. We all assumed that the hotel Franziska was staying at was the Gatewater Hotel, which if I recall sits right next to Wright and Co. Law Offices. There's no reason for us to drive unless Franziska found lodging somewhere else.

Phoenix: How much do you want to bet that they put Ms. von Karma in some countryside hotel just to milk the Snow White motif for all it's worth?

Edgeworth: Not entirely implausible, considering everything else. But even then, the author should establish that we drove out of the city.

Maya: Um, remind me again, who's Conner?

Edgeworth: Yumihiko Ichiyanagi, from Investigations 2.

Kay: And now we come to the reason for the tea and crumpets I gave to the Management. Brace yourselves, folks. Things are about to get spoiler-y.

Phoenix: Please tell me I'm not the only one finding that hard to believe.

Maya: I'm actually not sure what to believe. I mean, are we still in the city, or on the highway, or on some country road? I-I just don't know anymore!

Kay: I'd say we're in a plothole.

Maya: A plothole?! *hugs Phoenix* Help me, Nick! I don't want to turn into a Muppet!

Phoenix: Maya, relax! This fic is really not that crazy.

Kay: Kudos to everyone who got the reference, by the way.

Edgeworth: Right, so now we're randomly abducting people to help us with this mystery. Why aren't we leaving this to the police?

Maya: Because Interpol has the month off.

Phoenix: But we don't even know how this is an international incident!

Maya: I never said that explanation made sense.

Phoenix: My question is who likes crazy driving? And why is Iris such a madwoman behind the wheel?

Edgeworth: Well, we are trying to see if Franziska is safe, so we are in a bit of a hurry.

Phoenix: And in that case, I really wouldn't panic like that. I'd be just as determined to get there as anyone else.

Kay: Let's just say that nothing about this driving scene makes a lick of sense and move on.

Edgeworth: I'm sorry, who is my doppelgänger addressing here? The audience?

Phoenix: Looks like it.

Edgeworth: Not really much point to this breach of the Fourth Wall, is there?

Phoenix: Not much.

Edgeworth: Still, it is pretty harmless. I suppose writing in the first person often leads to conversational slip-ups like this. At least I think it was a slip-up, there's no real indication about whether or not this was intentional.

Kay: What? It's a legitimate question.

Maya: Did you really need to call him an idiot, though?

Kay: I'm going to say that I didn't, but only because we already established that the driving scene makes no sense in the first place.

Kay: Geeze, Yumihiko. Take a chill pill. *sighs* Mr. Edgeworth, I thought he was over this crybaby stuff.

Edgeworth: He was. I feel as though the author's grasp on continuity from the games gets looser and looser with each chapter.

Edgeworth: Well, that question doesn't make any sense. Also, why would I whine like that?

Maya: *whines* I thought you wanted whining~!

Edgeworth: Um, no, I didn't.

Maya: And it sails right over his head.

Kay: While Yumihiko acting like this still doesn't make sense, I kinda see where he's coming from.

Kay: Too bad Fic-Me is kinda slow on the uptake. Also, we weren't threatening him to get in the car, we just abducted him for no good reason.

Kay: Maya, does your cousin ask this to everyone?

Maya: Sometimes. She mainly sticks to talking about me and Nick being an item, though.

Phoenix: It kinda would make sense for her to expand her horizons as she got older, but the problem is she isn't that much older in the context of this story.

Edgeworth: My fear of elevators is irrelevant to the matter at hand. What's more, my retort does not make sense, even if we were to ignore the homophone confusion. Wright isn't afraid of elevators.

Phoenix: I don't know, Edgeworth. It's still a semi-accurate reaction.

Edgeworth: I, suppose.

Maya: Pointless romance is pointless. Also, I thought this was a shipping between Mr. Edgeworth and Ms. von Karma, not Nick and Iris.

Phoenix: Also, why am I acting like this? Iris is right, we have more pressing matters to attend to.

Maya: Because shipping story?

Phoenix: But this story isn't even really about me and Iris! You just said that!

Maya: Well, it sounds better than "I have no flipping idea."

Phoenix: Okay, good point.

Kay: Oh, now the author decides to establish stuff. Yeah, we get it! You guys went up in the elevator! You don't need to write a monologue about it!

Edgeworth: Unless it offers insight into the characters, which in this case, it does not.

Edgeworth: I believe the term is room service. Besides, Franziska was only really mad at me. There's no reason for this charade.

Kay: Also, why didn't we brief Yumihiko on the way? Actually, don't answer that. We already established that the driving scene makes no sense.

Edgeworth: Again, it's room service.

Kay: Wait, Ms. von Karma knows Yumihiko, doesn't she? Wouldn't she recognize his voice?

Phoenix: A better question would be does him being here have any point whatsoever?

Kay: Wait, I thought we already tried that. That's why we're at the hotel, isn't it?

Edgeworth: And once again, the author is not following their own writing.

Edgeworth: I suspect the hotel staff would frown upon this. Which begs the question, why didn't we tell them about the mystery? They could've helped. Hell, why didn't we report to the front desk at all? Aren't you supposed to do that when you go to a hotel?

Kay: I think the author just wanted an excuse to make Yumihiko act like a maid. I have no basis for this theory, other than there's no other reason for Yumihiko to be here.

Kay: Okay, if it turns out we walked in on Ms. von Karma naked, I win the bet. The kidnappers are perverts, end of story.

Edgeworth: That wouldn't make sense. Then again, nothing about our antagonist's motivation does.

Phoenix: And I'd know this how?

Phoenix: Yeah, that was kinda established last chapter. It's not really a dramatic reveal if we already know what it is.

Kay: Also, there was very little doubt that it'd be anything else.

Edgeworth: So, the poison just knocked her unconscious? Why didn't the kidnappers take her then? This plot still doesn't make any sense.

Kay: I still say they're perverts.

Phoenix: Wait, is the author critiquing their own writing? Or is he/she actually talking to the characters?

Edgeworth: What I find more puzzling is the author's complaint of the lack of the fairy tale motif. Trust me, author. You have that part nailed down. Now try to expand beyond that and have the villain's motivation make some actual sense.

*the lights come on*

Kay: I'll try to scrounge up some more tea and crumpets in case Yumihiko plays a bigger role in this, although I doubt he's going to.

Edgeworth: Agreed. This chapter actually made less sense than anything leading up to it. The quality of this story is really slipping.

Kay: Meh, it still could've been rushed because of the holidays. We'll know for certain next time.

Phoenix: I really hope there isn't a next time.

*And so, our sporkers survive another round. Is the author rushing through these chapters? Was there a point in putting Yumihiko in the story? And did anything in that driving scene make any sense? Okay, that last one is pretty obvious, but for everything else, find out next time on Sporking Theater!*

---

Last edited by Little_Thief on Sat May 18, 2013 12:18 am, edited 3 times in total.

If they're doing Snow White, it would be funny if Victor Kudo was Grumpy. Dumb, but funny.

Um, that wouldn't really make sense in the context of this story. Which already doesn't make a whole lot of sense, so make of that what you will.

---

Although I have only seen a few driving scenes in the (almost) hundreds of fanfiction I have read, I can safely say that never have I ever been witness to such a terrible, random, and out-of-place driving scene!

Great sporking, Little Thief! Keep up the good work.

We don't know yet how many perps there are, but it might be tough to pull together seven of them. I'm guessing a witness who saw Franziska with the kidnappers would call the cops, so the other options for the dwarves are mannequins or other kidnapping victims. Or something abstract, like a bottle of sleeping pills for sleepy.

Thank you! And yes, that driving scene was totally nonsensical, even for this story. Also, seeing this is your first post, allow me to be the first to welcome you to Court Records.

Now with that out of the way, onwards and upwards!

Today's Episode: Leapin' Logic Part IX

*We begin in the Sporking Theater (you were expecting maybe the Gatewater Hotel?)*

Phoenix: Well, this chapter was written long after the holidays have ended. So hopefully, it won't feel as rushed as the previous two.

Maya: I thought you were going to keep your mouth shut about that sort of thing.

Phoenix: Oh, right.

Kay: Well, it's too late for that. This chapter is probably going to be rushed.

Phoenix: Eh, I still have a bit of hope.

Edgeworth: Do I need to repeat the Dante's Inferno quote?

Phoenix: Okay, good point.

Maya: I wonder if this'll be lucky thirteen or unlucky thirteen?

Phoenix: Knowing our track record here, probably unlucky.

Edgeworth: Oh, how lovely. Another pointless flashback.

Kay: I dunno. It doesn't feel entirely out of place, given where the previous chapter left off.

Edgeworth: That doesn't make it any less pointless, Kay.

Edgeworth: If Franziska is talking, just call her Franziska. You don't need the air of mystery if you're going to address her by name in the next sentence.

Kay: Also, it appears the author has forgotten how to use pronouns.

Phoenix: Am I alone in thinking those two thoughts don't really connect?

Edgeworth: I suppose in some sense they do, but the way it's presented, it does feel a bit disjointed.

Maya: And, that's a bad thing?

Kay: *singing* I want to be in America,
Okay by me in America,
Everything free in America,
For a small fee in America!

Phoenix: Oh, how I wish I was watching that right now instead of reading this garbage.

Edgeworth: The real irony is that in the original Japanese version, she was from America.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Mr. Miles Edgeworth that breaking the Fourth Wall is strictly prohibited.

Kay: Hey! What happened to the tea and crumpets I sent you?

Speakers: We ran out. We still appreciate the gift, though.

Kay: Don't worry, guys. I'll be sure to find more when we have a chapter with a lot of AAI2 spoilers.

Maya: *singsong voice* Someone's in denial~! This is a shipping story~!

Phoenix: Maya, count yourself lucky that Ms. von Karma is not here to hear that.

Maya: Will do, Nick!

Edgeworth: The sentence would feel more complete if there was a "but" or "however" in there. As it stands, it just sounds awkward.

Phoenix: Much like the rest of this story's dialogue?

Kay: *rimshot*

Maya: Where did you get that drum set? No, wait. Let me guess. Trade secret?

Kay: *flashes a goofy grin* Yup!

Edgeworth: Does the author just like omitting words for no reason? There's nothing grammatically wrong with the sentence or anything, but in this context, the word "too" would've helped.

Phoenix: Oh, goody. It's been a while since the author had that problem.

Kay: Nostradamus, ladies and gentlemen!

Edgeworth: *cringes* Don't even joke about that, Kay.

Kay: Oh, right. Sorry.

Edgeworth: I would say the author has an aversion to commas, but they're still used at the end of the quotations. I'm not sure what to make of that.

Phoenix: I do.

Edgeworth: You do?

Phoenix: Yeah, it shows that this is lousy writing.

Maya: *rolls her eyes* Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Edgeworth: And once again, there's no reason for me to say that. This story must strictly be written through stream of consciousness. There's no other reason for the author to follow their own writing so loosely.

Phoenix: What problems? If they're talking about the bullies, she's got a riding crop right there, and she's not afraid to use it.

Edgeworth: I certainly wasn't aware of any problems growing up. In retrospect, we were taught a faulty philosophy of law, but other than that, nothing really noteworthy.

Maya: Ah, good old shipping fluff. Don't you love it?

Phoenix: Not really, no.

Maya: Yeah, me neither.

Kay: I suddenly regret making that Nostradamus joke.

Edgeworth: Why do you think I scolded you for it?

Edgeworth: Actually, it didn't turn out well. In fact, it could've gone a whole lot better. I don't know why I would say that.

Kay: Maybe because it could've gone a whole lot worse, too.

Edgeworth: Alright, maybe.

Phoenix: *deadpan* Yay, more awkward wording. Seriously, Edgeworth. This author has no idea how you talk.

Edgeworth: Or how adults talk, for that matter.

Edgeworth: I'm pretty sure that sort of violence in the courtroom only happens once in a blue moon.

Phoenix: Not for me, it doesn't.

Edgeworth: I meant life-threatening violence.

Phoenix: So do I.

Maya: Yeah, that's what this story was missing. More shipping fluff.

Edgeworth: Not to mention it's shipping fluff that doesn't make sense. I'd trust Franziska to take care of herself.

Maya and Kay: *conga line chant* Padding padding pad-ding! Padding padding pad-ding!

Phoenix: Hey, Edgeworth. Feel like dissecting that last sentence there?

Edgeworth: I fear my Truth Bar would be completely depleted if I tried.

Maya: And of course, it ends with shipping fluff. Why am I not surprised?

Phoenix: What do you think we've been doing all this time?

*The lights come on*

Kay: Well, I take it back. It didn't really feel rushed. It just felt, out of place and horribly written.

Edgeworth: That's nothing new.

Maya: Well, it can only get better, right guys?

Edgeworth: Again, do I need to repeat the Dante's Inferno quote?

Maya: Well, someone has to keep spirits high around here!

Edgeworth: *sighs* Fair enough.

*And so, our sporkers leave in high spirits thanks to Maya. Will the author improve? Will Edgeworth and Franziska reconcile? And did this flashback add anything to anything? Okay, that last one's a given, but for everything else, find out next time on Sporking Theater!*

---

A very good sporking!
This chapter was really short and for some reason I doubt it has something to do with the actual (shipping) story. As for the sporking itself, I really like the returning jokes, such as Maya's "shipping story" remindings (*sniff sniff*...I can smell Pearl's influence on Maya here). Kay saying "Nostradamus" comment was definitely fitting and also funny.
In the earlier parts of this sporking the characters asked themselves, whether there were beauty queens (I think that was it) or high schools in Germany. I just wanted to mention, we don't have high schools and beauty queens here. /smartass modus off

Hope to see more soon! Keep up the great work.


As for the other sporkings. I've read quite a lot in the old thread. It kept me busy for two days because they were simply priceless. XD
Makes me want to write one on my own...but I don't read many fan fics actually. Anyway, hopefully this sporkings will be continued here.

---

I love the contrast between the good dialogue in the sporking and the lousy dialogue in the fic.

Looks like we have more ground to cover. Allons-y!

Today's Episode: Leapin' Logic Part X

*We open up in the Sporking Theater*

Phoenix: I can't believe this has been going on for ten parts now. Doesn't this author know when to quit? No one answer that, please.

Kay: Actually, according to what little reviews the author has gotten, people actually like this. And not in the ironic fashion either. At least I think, it's hard to tell with the internet.

Edgeworth: Just more proof of the decline of culture in our society, I suppose.

Kay: Says the man who enjoys the Steel Samurai.

Edgeworth: *clears his throat loudly* Let's just get on with this, shall we?

Maya: What? What's wrong with the Steel Samurai?

Edgeworth: *glares at Maya*

Maya: Okay, shutting up now.

Kay: Alright, let's see where the author drops us off after that pointless flashback.

Edgeworth: Well, that sequence was pointless. Also, nice work misspelling 'unconscious'.

Phoenix: I'm beginning to miss the establishing captions. Those were some of the only signs that the author was putting any effort into this thing. Can we have those back, please?

Edgeworth: While we're wishing for things, can we ask for some proper sentence structure?

Maya: And maybe a burger, too.

Everyone: *stares at Maya*

Maya: What? I'm hungry.

Phoenix: And, when exactly did you do that? From what I gathered, we drove straight back from the hotel.

Edgeworth: Great. The opening lines were not only pointless, they made no sense.

Kay: Alright, I'm calling it right now. From here on out, none of the driving scenes make sense.

Maya: What are you sorry for? You really didn't do anything wrong. If anything, Ms. von Karma should be the one who's sorry for jumping to conclusions.

Phoenix: Like she usually does.

Kay: *rimshot*

Edgeworth: You are really enjoying the fact that she's not here, aren't you, Wright?

Phoenix: *slyly* Maybe.

Phoenix: Alright, I'm not touching that one with a ten-foot pole.

Kay: Um, Agent Lang? That's not really an objection. Heck, it doesn't even have much to do with what my duplicate said.

Edgeworth: I have a feeling the author is just using random words to keep him/herself from saying "said" all the time.

Phoenix: Um, am I alone in thinking that this argument is pointless and nonsensical?

Maya and Kay: Nope.

Edgeworth: Not at all.

Phoenix: Okay, that's what I thought.

Edgeworth: Why the two separate sentences at the end there? That kind of thought should be merged together with a comma.

Maya: Yeah, talking like that would just sound awkward.

Kay: I call not it!

Maya: Not it!

Phoenix: *palms his face* You two are so immature.

Kay: Looks like my pervert motive theory is gaining more evidence by the minute.

Edgeworth: This author seriously needs an editor.

Phoenix: I could say the same thing about every other author whose work we reviewed here.

Maya: What does that even mean? Is that the name of the powder? If so, how the heck did he know?

Edgeworth: How in the world did we come to that conclusion? Especially considering that their plan was completely thwarted when we rescued Franziska.

Phoenix: More importantly, how did the kidnappers know we were on their trail? We don't even know who they are yet!

Maya: Except for Susan. Or was her name Carol?

Edgeworth: I'll be relieved when this tripe is over and done with.

Phoenix: Again, how do the kidnappers know about us?

Edgeworth: I'm more curious about the woodsman message. If I recall correctly, the woodsman let Snow White escape. And that part of the story came before the poisoned apple.

Phoenix: Well, that held the tension for all of fifteen seconds.

Phoenix: Preferably someone who was with us from the beginning and not shoehorned into the story for no particular reason?

Edgeworth: Nngh. These grammatical errors are starting to give me a migraine.

Maya: Believe us, Ms. von Karma. It's just as crazy as it sounds.

Edgeworth: Tiredness? Tiredness?! When would I ever use a word like that?!

Kay: *takes out a checklist* Let's see, establishing captions, an editor, a thesaurus... Hmm, what else does this author need?

Phoenix: To get a clue? To take a hint? To tell us how this is an international incident? To...

Maya: *clasps her hand over Phoenix's mouth* We get it, Nick.

Edgeworth: I can't even begin to fathom how Sister Iris deduced all that.

Maya: So, the whole Edgeworth/Franziska/Susan or Carol or whatever her name was love triangle was just part of the kidnapper's plan? That's lame.

Phoenix: While this does explain how they knew about our investigation, it just opens up several other questions.

Phoenix: I just love how Ms. von Karma's reaction to all this is pretty much a more subdued version of ours when we first found out.

Edgeworth: Yes, I said that not five minutes ago. Come on now, author. Try to keep up.

Phoenix: Why are we worried about Ms. von Karma being killed at all? I thought this was a kidnapping case.

Phoenix: Um, question. What about blunt objects, like a baseball bat or something? Would those work?

Phoenix: So we go straight from stabbing him to shooting him. Yeah, makes perfect sense.

Kay: *goes back to her checklist* I'll just add exclamation points and subtly to the list.

Phoenix: Hmm. Guns, kung-fu. *holds out his hand and shifts them back and forth like a scale* Yeah I can see how those two can be confused.

Maya: Wha-? Huh? That- I think my brain just broke.

Maya: That's what I want to know.

Kay: *singing* Oh we're gonna fight fire with fire!

Edgeworth: I'm not sure how, though.

Phoenix: Oh great. It's a cliffhanger. Meaning there's gonna be more.

*the lights come on*

Edgeworth: Well, the quality isn't getting any better. If anything, it's getting worse as time goes on.

Phoenix: I'm dreading the day when it just finally dissolves into an incoherent mess.

Maya: Chin up, Nick! We'll find a way to get through it like we always do!

Phoenix: Hopefully with our sanity intact.

*And so, our heroes survive another round. Who is the woodsman? Who are the kidnappers? And are the kidnappers idiots, perverts, or both? Find out next time on Sporking Theater!*

---

Last edited by Little_Thief on Sat Feb 16, 2013 2:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

I just want to say that this thread is awesome and everyone who's made a spork here is awesome! I'm a big fan of Mystery Science Theater and Rifftrax, so to see so many sporks carry on the fun is great! I've laughed pretty hard at the current fanfic being sporked! It's a good thing too, since the fanfic is so incredibly long.

Since it's so long, I hope you don't mind if I post a little spork of my own to add a little variety. It's a short crack-fic that involves the Apollo cast, so there shouldn't be any contradictions with the spork going on right now. It probably won't be as good as the spork going on right now, but I'd like to try one out at least.

(By the way, does anyone else think that "spork" is a really fun word to say? I can't be the only one who thinks this, right?)

Anyway, here's the info for this crazy one-shot...

Title: The Fanfic Police
Rating: One for the minor grammar mistakes that pop up and one for the "plot" of this crack-fic. It's not horrible per se, it's just... Out there. Really out there.
And the lucky sporkers are:

Apollo Justice!
Wha-?! I thought this place was dead!

Trucy Wright!
It's been a while since I've been here! But there's still that scent of magic in the air! Or maybe it's just the popcorn...

Klavier Gavin!
Heh, looks like Herr Forehead can't keep his abnormally large forehead out of trouble, ja?

And Ema Skye!
MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

That's everything. Now on with the show!

(The camera opens up inside the legendary sporking theater. More specifically, at the snack booth where the smell of day-old popcorn lingers in the air. The camera pans across towards the door to Theater #1, where the sporkings always take place. However, today the doors are already closed with a sign taped across the middle that says: SPORKING IN PROGRESS: DO NOT DISTURB. A smiley face has been added at the end, though who added it is anyone's guess. The camera continues to pan across to the theater next door, whose doors are wide open. Inside Theater #2, Trucy can be seen sitting down in the middle seat of the front row. She's trying to cheer up Apollo, who is sitting down next to her and is looking anything but cheery.)

Trucy: Aw, don't be such a stick in the mud, Polly! I'm sure it's not going to be that bad!

Apollo: Not that bad?! You don't know what these... fans are capable of coming up with, Trucy! Heck, the first time I had the "honor" of coming to this place, the fanfic I was sporking had me as a horse! A HORSE, for crying out loud!

Trucy: ...(a big grin spreads across her face)

Apollo: ...If you're thinking about putting me in a horse costume, the answer is no.

Trucy: But it'd be so funny, Polly! Not to mention the Wright Anything Agency would be getting a lot more attention if we had you advertising for us in a horse costume!

Apollo: (Yeah, from the local insane asylum...)

Trucy: Besides, I heard from one of those Interpol guys throwing you in that today's fanfic is really short! And even if it is as bad as you say, I'll still be here to give you moral support! So stop worrying about it!

Apollo: Uh, t-thanks for that, Trucy. (Well, she does have a point. Maybe today won't be so bad after-)

(The sound of footsteps coming in interrupt Apollo's monologue. Surprised, the two turn their heads toward the door and see Klavier and Ema approaching the front row. Klavier has his usual teasing grin on his face, while Ema looks as grumpy as Apollo. They reach the front row and stop in front of the duo.)

Klavier: Looks like we're just in time for the party, ja?

Apollo: P-Prosecutor Gavin! What are you and Ema doing here?

Klavier: What, you're on a first name basis with Fraulein Detective and not me? I'm hurt, Herr Forehead!

Apollo: (Maybe I'd be on a first name basis with you if you'd stop with that annoying nickname!)

Klavier: If you must know, the two of us are simply here to observe.

Trucy: "Observe?"

Klavier: Well, we're not exactly in today's ballad. We're just here to watch over the presentation and make sure no one does anything... criminal.

Ema: For the record, I didn't volunteer for this. I was forced to come here thanks to this glimmerous fop. Who did volunteer for this, I should mention.

Apollo: Wait, so you, Prosecutor Gavin, came to this dump of horrid literature... WILLINGLY?! Are you insane?!

Ema: Hmph, that's what I told him on the way over here. But no, he just drags me from the precinct with a paper copy in his hands and says, and I quote, "This story could give us a possible reason to arrest Herr Forehead." All without a warning, too... (opens a bag of snackoos)

Apollo: What?! What possible reason could this fanfic give you two to arrest ME?!

Klavier: Sheesh, do you have to shout every other sentence, Herr Forehead? That gets annoying real quickly.

Apollo: (sweating) (This coming from the guy who says "ja" at the end of every other sentence?)

Trucy: (folds her arms in thought) Um, Prosecutor Gavin? Can I ask you a question?

Klavier: Hm? What is it, Fraulein?

Trucy: How exactly did you get a copy of the story for today? I mean, we didn't even hear about this story until just a little while ago.

Klavier: Ah, I have the answer to that. You see, the management meant to send the copy over to your little agency. However, they mixed up your address with my office and I got the copy instead. I meant to give it back to you, but I confess my curiosity got the better of me and I read the story instead. Once I finished the story... well, let's just say I felt like Fraulein Detective did when she got her new fingerprint set the other day, ja?

Ema: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Apollo: (Great, she's already eating before the story even starts. Not a good sign...)

Trucy: That makes sense. But why do you think you need to arrest Polly? I mean, he hasn't done anything criminal yet!

Apollo: "Yet?" Thanks for the vote of confidence, Trucy...

Klavier: (grins) As for that... Well, let's just start the fanfic here and you'll see what I mean.

Apollo: Fine. Let's just get this out of the way. The sooner we finish, the better...

(Klavier sits down next to Trucy and gestures for Ema to sit next to him. Ema gives the rock star/ prosecutor a sour look before pointedly moving towards Apollo and sits down next to him.)

Klavier: Ach, you wound me with your actions, Fraulein Detective!

Ema: And yet, you're still breathing. Lucky me... MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Apollo: (I suppose it'd be too much to hope that the sound of her munching will drown out the sound of the fanfic...)

Trucy: Shh! The story's starting!

Klavier: Achtung, baby! Let's rock!



Ema: We have fanfic sign. Hooray for us... MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Apollo: "Crack fic?" That's a cause for arrest right there!

Klavier: (pulls out a microphone out of nowhere) You promised you'd never go back... But now I find you here consuming crack... I thought that you were better than the rest, but now I must put you under arrest...

Trucy: Wow, that was incredible! Do you always have a microphone on you?

Klavier: Well, you never know when inspiration will suddenly hit you, ja?

Apollo: Or when you're suddenly invited to a karaoke party...



Apollo: What the-?! I work WHERE NOW?!

Trucy: Y-You're not working at the agency with us, Polly? I thought you liked working with me...

Apollo: O-Of course I do, Trucy! And last time I checked, I'm still employed at the Wright Anything Agency, and not at this comma infested office!

Ema: Scientifically speaking, I doubt every single alarm in the building would go off just because a faulty ID card was swiped. If we had an alarm go off every time a detective tried to open a locker that wasn't theirs, we'd never hear the end of it.

Klavier: Speaking from personal experience, Fraulein? *KA-TONK* Ah, danke for the snack...

Trucy: Wait, why is Polly an intruder if he works there? Is there something I'm missing?



Trucy: ...Oh. Never mind...

Apollo: Why do I have an entire security team about to shoot me?! All I did was swipe an ID card through a scanner!

Klavier: Well, you can be quite intimidating with your voice, Herr Forehead. Maybe they've heard of your Chords of Steel and mistook them for a weapon of some kind?

Apollo: B-But I "work" there! They should know all about me! Not to mention I'm about as threatening as Mr. Hat!

Ema: I'm more concerned about the last part of that sentence. Is Mr. Wright so desperate for cash that he's resorting to stealing Apollo's job from him?

Trucy: I know that Daddy is planning on taking the bar exam again, but there should be enough room for both him and Polly, right?



Apollo: I realized I worked at the Wright Anything Agency, apologized, and walked out of that crazy building. The end.

Trucy: And then he assured his wonderful assistant that he'd never leave the agency ever again and generously supplied her with a whole week's worth of pudding!

Apollo: (I still don't understand what's so wonderful about getting pudding...)



Apollo: ................... What.

Klavier: Herr Forehead's speechless! This has to be a first!

Ema: So after being told you no longer work there due to being replaced by Mr. Wright, your immediate response... is to write fan fiction? Scientifically speaking, that doesn't make any sense.

Apollo: Ema, this doesn't make sense no matter what language you speak!

Trucy: Well, Polly's statement really seemed to frighten the guards, seeing how loud they gasped. They were so horrified, they even misspelled no!

Apollo: Ugh, at least I know this can't possibly get any worse...



Apollo: ...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Ema: Don't you know never to say that? Things can always get worse. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Trucy: (angrily) You have your own cave?! How come you never told me about this, Apollo?! I thought you promised not to keep incredibly awesome things secret from me!

Apollo: Okay, one, I never made a promise like that. Two, I don't have a computer, much less a secret cave named after me. Three, I apparently retreat to this cave to write FAN FICTION. How is that even remotely awesome?!

Klavier: You know, the author never actually said where "Justice Cave" actually is. It'd be quite amusing if this cave of yours is underneath Capcom Offices, ja?



Klavier: Ach, there goes that theory. My apologies.

Apollo: Great, now I have a car named after me too? I don't even have a license!

Ema: You know, with the names and locations given here, I'm starting to wonder if the author has you confused with someone else...

Klavier: (pulls out the microphone again) Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, Forehead! Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, Forehead! Na-na- *KA-TONK KA-TONK KA-TONK* Ach! Stop that, Fraulein Detective!

Apollo: Remind me to get you another bag of snackoos once this is over, Ema.

Ema: (grins) I'll hold you to that, Apollo.



Trucy: You even have your own laser grid?! That's it, you're showing me this cave as soon as we're out of here, Apollo!

Apollo: I told you, already! I don't have a secret cave!

Ema: So your ultra secret password is "Objection?" And I suppose your PIN number is 1234...

Klavier: ...And your e-mail password is password...

Trucy: ...And your password for your diary is swordfish...

Apollo: (sweating) Okay, the point is made people! (And my passwords are much more secure then that!)



Ema: Considering you were just fired and are about to be writing fan fiction, I fail to see how you could proudly strut at all... scientifically speaking.

Trucy: Clearly, it's because he has a secret cave that no one else in the world has! Duh!



Apollo: N-NINE BILLION?!

Ema: Scientifically speaking... that's impossible. There isn't even nine billion people in the world today!

Trucy: Wow, I didn't know your story could transcend the universe! You must be the best writer in the world, Polly!

Apollo: (grins) R-Really? (Looks like something good came out of this story after all...)

Klavier: Don't look so smug, Herr Forehead. The author never actually said where you uploaded your story to. For all we know, you could have uploaded it to your blog and fixed the number yourself to make it seem like a universe-shattering hit!

Apollo: (Aaaaaaaand there goes that good feeling. *sigh*)

Trucy: Still, I'm going to read your court write-ups from now on!



Ema: (imitating the message You're... MUNCH ...under arrest... MUNCH ...for writing a story online. MUNCH

Apollo: You know, pausing to eat the snacks during your message kinda ruins the effect... *KA_TONK* (Great, more chocolate rain from cloudy Skyes...)

Klavier: (pulls out the microphone once more) Put your hands in the air... And make your way down the stairs... You thought you could take me for a fool, but now I'm about to lose my cool!

Trucy: "Nine bill-on?" I hope Daddy never has to pay a bill as big as that...



Trucy: Wait, the cave has a door?

Apollo: I guess it does. I mean, the cave has to connect somewhere, right? Though that doesn't explain how they found the door in the first place when the cave IS A SECRET ONLY I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT!

Klavier: No need to shout. We can hear you just fine.

Apollo: Look, I'm barely hanging on to what's left of my sanity. Give me some leeway here!

Trucy: Hang in there, Polly! I think we're almost done!



Trucy: *Gasp!* Oh no! They got Polly with a-a-... What did they get you with?

Ema: I... don't know. I've never actually heard of a gun like that before.

Klavier: Neither have I. I'll be sure to check that out once this is over...

Apollo: Wait, wait, wait! If I still had my laser grid on standby, why didn't I just go to the other side of the grid, turn it on, and then bolted out in my car while the cops were trapped?!

Ema: Good point. Why didn't you do that, Apollo?

Trucy: Yeah, why didn't you do that, Polly?

Klavier: Yeah, why didn't you do that, Herr Forehead?

Apollo: ...You know what, forget it. I don't care anymore. Just finish this, already.



Apollo: Thanks for wrapping that up in the most cliche way, author. Really appreciate it.

Trucy: Yeah, everyone knows a dramatic sting only works when there's a cute chipmunk turning dramatically in tune!

(The lights turn back on.)

Apollo: Hallelujah! I thought it would never end!

Klavier: Herr Forehead, that was barely three hundred words long.

Apollo: I stand by my statement.

Klavier: Heh, I admit, you handled this fic quite well, save for a couple of annoying shouts. I honestly thought you'd snap by the end and try something like burn the theater down.

Apollo: Really? Is that why you thought I should be arrested?

Klavier: Nah, that was just an excuse I made to come down here. After all, it's much more amusing to see you get flustered up close, ja?

Apollo: (Why am I not surprised? *sigh*)

Klavier: Well, it's been fun, but I'm heading back to my office. Thinking up those lyrics in there has got me itching to compose a new song...

Trucy: Ooh, can I come? I've always wanted to see a Gavinner's song made from the beginning!

Apollo: (You've never even heard of them until a few months ago!)

Klavier: Heh, why not? I can't resist a cute face like that! I'll give you a ride home too, so your father doesn't have to worry.

Trucy: Yaaaaay! This is going to be awesome! See you later, Polly!

(And with that, Trucy happily follows Klavier outside the theater towards his motorcycle. Apollo frowns and turns toward Ema, who just finished off the last of her snackoos.)

Apollo: Um, didn't you ride with him over here?

Ema: Hmph, he certainly tried to get me to ride with him! But I'm not that foolish. I followed him over here in my car.

Apollo: Ah, gotcha. Well, I'll just be going-

Ema: Hold it! Aren't you forgetting our little deal? You know, when I stopped the fop from annoying us with his auto-tuned voice?

Apollo: (Ack! I almost forgot about that!) R-Right, sorry! I'll come with you and get your bag of Snackoos-

Ema: Ah-ah-ah! You don't owe me ONE bag, you owe me ELEVEN bags, remember?

Apollo: WHAT?! Since when?!

Ema: Remember State vs. Tobaye? When you and Trucy oh so carelessly neglected to guard Lamiroir's room and made my life that much harder? I clearly told you that ten bags of Snackoos would be enough to make me forgive you. And seeing that I've never gotten those bags, I think now is the perfect time to collect them. With interest!

Apollo: You've got to be kidding!

Ema: I never kid when it comes to science and Snackoos. Now, let's get going! Unless, of course, you want to stay here and wait for whatever management has planned for you next...

Apollo: N-No, I'm fine! Let's... let's go get your eleven bags of Snackoos!

Ema: That's the spirit, Apollo! I'll even give you a ride home after you're finished. My treat!

Apollo: Yeah... thanks. (*sob* Goodbye, my paycheck. I'm going to miss you...)

(And with that, Apollo sadly follows Ema out of the theater and towards her car.)

Really? This is how fans picture Apollo's reaction to Phoenix being the main character in GS5? Oy vey, this premise was doomed from the beginning.

Good work on the sporking, mate. I was really left in stitches.

---

Thanks, Little Thief! Your sporkings have been excellent so far, so to hear you praise this sporking gives me a big confidence boost! I'm sure the fanfic was written as a joke, but the humor left a little to be desired, in my opinion. Still, there have been way too few sporkings that feature Apollo and his friends, so to have one that features them front and center was my motivation for getting this out!

I'm actually thinking of doing another Apollo-centric one later tonight. I was browsing online and saw a couple of fanfics that seem perfect sporking material. Though I probably won't finish until tomorrow or so.

Alright, just finished the latest spork. I think this is the longest I've ever spent working on something like this. I'm really happy with the end product, though. Let's get to it!

Title: Love is Truly Magical
Rating: One for the grammar mistakes present in the fanfic, one for the annoying second-person style of writing, and one for the incredibly cheap and blatant self-insert in the story. Seriously, it's quite grating.
Please welcome back to the theater:

Apollo Justice!
You know, I think I liked it better when I was ignored...

Trucy Wright!
I never back down from a performance, whether on stage or in the theater!

Klavier Gavin!
I'm always up for an encore!

And Ema Skye!
I better make sure I have plenty of Snackoos to survive this...

And now, your feature presentation!

Episode 2: Turnabout Friendship.

(The camera opens up inside Theater #2 of the sporking theater again, as Theater #1 is still busy. Apollo and Trucy are inside the theater, sitting in the same spots as they were a couple of days ago. Trucy is eating some popcorn with glee, while Apollo just has a look of resignation on his face.

Trucy: Are you sure you don't want anything to eat, Polly? The management said today's fanfic won't be anything gross, so you don't have to worry about throwing up all over the place!

Apollo: Thanks for the offer, but I'd rather not eat anything from this place of torture. Besides, just being here is making my stomach feel queasy enough...

Trucy: (shrugs) Suit yourself! (continues to wolf down the popcorn)

Apollo: (She's eating the bag at a pace that would make Ema jealous...)

(The sound of footsteps entering the theater causes Apollo and Trucy to turn to the door. Klavier and Ema are making their way to the front once more, with Klavier holding what appears to be a copy of the script in his hands.)

Apollo: (Speak of the devil...) What, here for some more "observing?" I'll try and make sure I have a mental breakdown today, so you can get your money's worth.

Klavier: Very funny, Herr Forehead. As it turns out, according to the script I've been given, we're actually in today's little sonnet. Therefore, the management is making our attendance mandatory for today.

Trucy: Really? You two are characters in this story?

Ema: Actually, it appears only our names are mentioned. We don't make a physical appearance, but apparently, just having your name mentioned is enough to make you miss a day of work to read bad fanfiction. What a pain...

Apollo: You're telling me... Wait a minute. Prosecutor Gavin?

Klavier: Yes, Herr Forehead?

Apollo: If you and Ema are only appearing in name... (dramatic finger point) then why did YOU receive the script again?! The script should have gone to either Trucy or me!

Klavier: (shrugs) Don't look at me with those fierce eyes, Herr Forehead. If I had to guess, the management just enjoys watching you go into a story like this completely blind. Makes it much more funnier that way.

Apollo: (sweating) (Ugh, why is the joke always on me...?)

Trucy: Aw, cheer up, Polly! It's not like this is anything new to you! We're always going in blind in court, but that never gets us down!

Apollo: (Speak for yourself!)

Ema: If we're done exchanging pleasantries, can we get this started? I don't want to be here any longer than necessary.

Klavier: Of course, Fraulein Detective. Let's do this!

(Klavier and Ema sit down in the same spots as they did yesterday. Once they are properly seated, the lights turn off and the story appears on the screen.)



Trucy: So true! Love is something so pure and wonderful, it draws people closer to one another, like they're under a magic spell!

Ema: Not to be rude, but how exactly would you know something like that? Mr. Wright doesn't seem like the type of father to let you start dating at such a young age.

Trucy: That may be the case, but who said love was restricted to dating and marriage? Love can come from anywhere! From friends, from family, and even from a dog or some other kind of pet! That's part of what makes love so magical!

Klavier: Beautifully said, Fraulein!

Apollo: Now if only this magic was powerful enough to make this fanfic disappear...



Trucy: What?! Daddy has a whole day dedicated to him and this woman? Why wasn't I told of this?! Then I could help Daddy show his love to my new Mommy!

Klavier: Don't ask me, Fraulein. Although that name sounds familiar...

Apollo: (Maya? Where have I heard that name before?)

Ema: I'm pretty sure a day like that doesn't exist. I mean, I've never heard of a day celebrating the existence of a couple that's not exactly together.

Klavier: Not to mention the date hasn't been given. We don't even know when this "day" actually occurs.

Trucy: If that's true... then that means any day could be Daddy and New Mommy Day! I'll just have to make sure Daddy spends every single day this year with my new Mommy so he doesn't miss out!

Apollo: This is going to be one awkward year for Mr. Wright...



Apollo: E-Excuse me?! Who am I dating again?!

Klavier: Isn't it obvious? You're dating "You," Herr Forehead!

Ema: So he's dating himself? Scientifically speaking, that's a very one-sided date... (opens a bag of snackoos)

Klavier: I believe "You" in this case refers to the reader. It appears that the author has decided you should date all of your fans, so they've come up with a plan to make sure every fan has a chance to date you. You lucky dog!

Apollo: L-Lucky?! What kind of person do you think I am?! I don't want to date more then one woman at a time! I'd just be playing with their hearts!

Ema: Relax, only the fop here thinks you'd like that. And he thinks the best way to die is by having all of his fangirls smother him until he can't breathe. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Klavier: You know me too well, Fraulein Detective. *sighs* And what a way to go...



Apollo: So this "You" person who represents my fans knows Trucy? Have you ever heard of anyone like this before?

Trucy: No, I can't say that I have. I've always been on the move with Daddy, so I haven't made that many friends. If I had, I would definitely remember this "You" person!

Ema: I can already tell I'm going to be annoyed by this second-person narrative. A style like that should only be used for self-help books and Choose Your Own Escapades books. Not for second-rate fanfics like this! MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Apollo: I'd much rather be in a Choose Your Own Escapades book than this. Heck, I'd even prefer to be in one of those violent endings that scarred me when I was a kid!



Apollo: (sweating) Oh yeah, this self-insert style is TOTALLY not going to get old real quick. Nope. Not at all.

Klavier: I wonder if this (y/n) person is new in town. It'd be rather hard to miss a big stadium like the one I play my concerts in, ja?

Trucy: I'm already starting my first show? Isn't that a little too soon considering I only recently found out I inherited the Gramarye rights?

Ema: When would you start your own show then?

Trucy: (folds her arms in thought) Hmm... Well, I'd like to have Uncle Valant out of prison so he could help me set up everything. And I bet Daddy wants me to at least finish high school before I become the world's most famous magician. So I'd probably have to wait at least a couple more years before I can even think about starting my own show.

Apollo: (grins) (I wonder if Trucy is patient enough to wait that long. Heh, I bet she gets a great deal before her senior year and takes it without even thinking of the consequences...)

Klavier: Something the matter, Herr Forehead? You look like you're dying to say something...

Apollo: N-Nope! Nothing at all! Let's continue!



Ema: (sarcastically) A young man in red? Gee, I wonder who that could be... MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Apollo: Why does it have to be me? Red's not the only color in my outfit, you know!

Klavier: Oh really? Then why is it that whenever I see you in court, I can immediately tell it's you based on that blood-red outfit and that impossibly large forehead?

Apollo: Nngh...

Trucy: (arms folded in thought) Hey, Polly? Can I ask you something?

Apollo: Hm? What is it, Trucy?

Trucy: When it says at the end, "Trucy's hand clamps over her half-brother's mouth," who are they referring to? Cause I don't remember having a brother before I lived with Daddy...

Apollo: "Half-brother?" I don't know. I mean the only other person besides the dreaded (y/n) so far here is me and I'm not- (recoils back in shock) W-Wait! T-They're not saying-!



Apollo and Trucy: W-WHAAAAAAAT?!

Klavier: Heh, now this is a plot twist! (takes the last of Trucy's popcorn for himself)

Apollo: H-How could they get our relationship so wrong?! Trucy's my assistant! I may be protective of her at times, but that doesn't mean we're related! I don't even know who my family is!

Trucy: Y-You don't? That's really sad... Would you like a family, Polly? I mean, we're close enough already that we practically are family...

Apollo: Um, thanks for the offer Trucy, but it's not that simple. I mean, I'd like to know who my real family is before I could make a decision like that...

Ema: (smirks) Heh, I just thought of something.

Apollo: Huh? What is it?

Ema: Well, you're related to Trucy in this story, right? And Trucy's father is Mr. Wright, right? So if you're related to Trucy, does that kinda make Mr. Wright YOUR father as wel-?

Apollo:OBJECTION! NO! NO! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT!

Ema: Just something to think about...

Klavier: (finishes off the popcorn) Well, that was very enlightening! Let's move on!



Klavier: (pulls out his microphone from before) You only spared me a passing glance... But I felt as if I was in a trance... I knew right then we were meant to dance, and that our meeting was certainly not by chance...

Apollo: "Sidekick?!" Now the author's just making fun of me! I'm the one that leads the defense in court, not Trucy!

Klavier: Oh, I'm not sure about that, Herr Forehead. At the very least, I know I feel more nervous when she's the one speaking rather than you.

Ema: True, she does seem more composed up there then you do.

Apollo: (Ugh, what is this, National Pick On Apollo Day?)



Apollo: Again, with the (y/n)? I'm not sure how much more of that I can take!

Trucy: Hmm... I know! Let's turn it into a game!

Apollo: A game? Like what?

Trucy: Simple! Every time we see (y/n) pop up from now on, someone has to come up with a statement on the fly! Then the rest of us has to determine if that statement is true or false. If we get it right, we get a point. But if the person giving the statement fools everyone, they get three points! Whoever has the most points at the end of this sporking wins whatever prize I pull out of my magic panties! What do you say?

Klavier: Heh, I'm never one to turn down a friendly game. I'm in!

Ema: If pretty boy here thinks he can win, then I feel obligated to knock him down a peg. I'm in as well!

Trucy: What about you, Polly?

Apollo: Eh, why not? Anything that gets my mind off of this story...

Trucy: Yay! Let's keep an eye out for that symbol from now on!



Trucy: Hey! You can't be so casual when referring to Daddy! You have to show him some respect!

Apollo: (No matter what his appearance says otherwise...)



Klavier: Who knew the little Fraulein could be so frank about her father's relationship? Maybe Herr Wright should be a tad bit stricter when talking about this subject, ja?

Trucy: (beet red) W-Well if Daddy really is in a relationship, w-why wouldn't I be happy about him and Mommy m-m-m....

Klavier: Ha! The little Fraulein's face is redder than Herr Forehead's pants!

Trucy: S-Stop it! I-I'm only fifteen, you know!

Apollo: (puts his index finger against his forehead) (There's that name again! I know I've read that name before...)

Ema: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Apollo: (sweating) (Ugh, it's not like I can concentrate with Ms. Snacks A Lot over here...)

*KA-TONK*

Apollo: (She Snackooed me.)



Trucy: (blushes again and covers her face)

Klavier: Who also knew Herr Wright would be so open with his affections? And right in front of the Fraulein's dressing room too! That'd be quite a sight for her to walk into, ja?

Trucy: (her face reddens again to the point of looking like a ripe tomato)



Ema: "Oi?" Who says that anymore, outside of a character from Harry Potter?

Klavier: Now there's a story! (pulls out the microphone and lowers his voice) Trucy Wright and the Embarrassing Fanfic: coming soon to a bookstore near you.

Apollo: (can't help but join in) Now there's a best seller! I can see the books flying off the shelves right now!

Trucy: Hey! Aren't you supposed to be on my side?!



Apollo: (Maya... Maya...) ...Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Ema: Agh! Don't do that! You almost gave me a heart attack!

Apollo: I remember! I remember where I've seen that name before!

Trucy: You mean Maya? Well who is she?!

Apollo: I've seen her name written in Mr. Wright's case files all the time! She worked with him... (dramatic close-up) as Mr. Wright's own assistant!

Trucy: Whaaaaaaat?!

Klavier: (snaps his fingers) Ah, now I remember! I overheard one of the prosecutor's at the office mention a top-knotted young girl helping out Herr Wright in most of his cases. Funny, though. I never saw a beauty like that helping him when I faced off against Herr Wright in court.

Trucy: But if she worked with Daddy, then where is she now? I want to meet her! I wanna hear all about how she and Daddy worked together to save so many people!

Apollo: (I wouldn't mind hearing this myself...)



Ema: ...(glares at Apollo)

Apollo: H-Hey! Don't glare at me like that! Fic!me said it, not Real!me!

Ema: Hmph. Just be careful what you say. Otherwise... I'll show you just how grumpy I can be. (munches at an incredibly fast pace)

Apollo: *gulp*

Klavier: Our little insert here seems to know you personally, Fraulein Detective. I didn't know you were so outgoing with total strangers! *KA-TONK KA-TONK KA-TONK KA-TONK* Augh! Those really do hurt! Onkel! Onkel!



Trucy: Um, why would I run into a closet to change when I'm in my own dressing room? Couldn't I just force Apollo and Mystery Friend out of the room and then change?

Apollo: Stop, Trucy. You're being too logical. You might hurt the author's brain.



Ema: Forgive me, but I just can't imagine any part of Apollo being light. Especially anything that pertains to his voice.

Klavier: Or him being smooth to the ladies as well.

Apollo: Gee, thanks...

Trucy: Never mind that! I just saw (y/n)! That means we can finally get our game underway!

Klavier: Well, what are you waiting for? Take the first verse, Fraulein!

Trucy: Okay, listen up! My statement is: Prince Charles was a member of the great Magic Circle in 1975! True or False?

Apollo: (Leave it to Trucy to come up with a magic question. Considering she probably knows every little known fact about magicians, I'd say...) I'm going to say that's true.

Ema: Prince Charles? I can't see any member of the royal house partaking in any kind of "magic." I'll say false.

Klavier: I don't know. Leaders always seem to have one odd hobby or two while in office. I agree with Herr Forehead. That's true.

Trucy: Ding ding ding! That's right! A point for Polly and Prosecutor Gavin!

Ema: What?! No way!

Trucy: Don't worry, Ema! You can have the next question and try to stump them if you'd like!

Ema: Hmm... (begins thinking)



Apollo: (flinches in preparation of being showered with snackoos)

Ema: (still deep in thought thinking of a good question)

Apollo: (sighs in relief)



Apollo: Or maybe it's because we've never heard of you before and you keep trying to step in and meddle in our lives!

Trucy: Whatever the case, it's time for the next question! Ema?

Ema: Aha! I've got it!

Klavier: Well, don't leave us hanging in suspense already. Hit it!

Ema: Heh, it's time to wipe that smirk off your face, fop! Try this science statement: There are 62,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body. Yes or no?

Trucy: .......Yes?

Klavier: .......No?

Apollo: .......Maybe so?

Trucy: Apollo! Don't be so wishy-washy! You have to commit to an answer!

Apollo: Fine... (Well, if anyone would know this, it'd be Ema...) ...Yes?

Ema: Lucky guess! That was, in fact, true!

Klavier: Ugh...

Trucy: That means Polly and I get a point! You're doing great, Polly!

Ema: (smirks) At least I tripped up the fop. That makes the round a success in my book!

The "plot" then decides to stop so Apollo and "You" can have an unnecessary dance to a heart-breaking song. Trucy peeps in and snaps a photo at the end, undoubtedly for blackmail purposes afterward.

Klavier: I never knew you were such a gentleman while dancing, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: S-Shut up!



Apollo: "Pearl?" Another name I don't recognize...

Klavier: I do recognize that (y/n) though! Now it's my turn to take the stage!

Trucy: Ooh, this is so exciting! What's your statement?

Klavier: (runs hands through his hair) Let's rock out to this statement: Bob Dylan's title, Highway 61 Revisited is named after the route that goes through his home state of Iowa. True or False?

Apollo: (Hm, it sounds innocent enough to be true...) *ba-dump* ...! (D-Did my bracelet just react? Wait, the way Gavin is playing with his hair... Is that a nervous twitch?)

Ema: Heh, even I've heard of this song before. You can't fool me, fop! That's true!

Trucy: I'll agree with Ema! True, true!

Apollo: ...False. I'm saying false.

Trucy: Huh?

Klavier: ...Not bad, Herr Forehead. Maybe you're smarter than I give you credit for.

Ema: What?! So that was false?! I know that was named after his home route!

Klavier: It was, my musically talented detective. But his hometown was in Minnesota, not Iowa!

Trucy: Really?! That's very sneaky of you!

Klavier: Danke, little Fraulein. Though not sneaky enough to slip by Herr Forehead, ja?

Apollo: ...



Ema: "And why are my redundant questions so redundant?"

Apollo and Trucy: *snicker*



Klavier: "Exerience?" You can't just make up words like you do in court to get out of trouble, Herr Forehead! Especially in front of the ladies!

Apollo: Hey, I don't make up words! And I really doubt Trucy would just suddenly include me in her magic act without any preparation besides giving me a costume and just expecting me to go with the flow!

Trucy: Yeah, that's really dangerous! I don't want any accidents to happen on stage due to poor planning!



Klavier: *snicker* You would be in the closet, Herr Forehead...

Apollo: OBJECTION! You can't make a snide insinuation like that without any proof!

Trucy: Never mind Polly's closet preferences! I saw a (y/n), so you have to make a statement, Apollo!

Apollo: M-Me? (Ack! Quick, Justice, think of something you know that they don't! ...Eureka! I've got it!)

Ema: Judging by the way you're smirking, I assume you're ready?

Apollo: (smirks) Oh, I was born ready! (This is it! Here comes Justice!) Here's my statement: Hair gel works better on dry hair than wet hair! True or fal-?

Ema, Trucy, and Klavier: True.

Apollo: (recoils back in shock) Wha-?! H-How did you all know?!

Ema: A statement like that isn't exactly rocket science, you know.

Klavier: Yeah, I've known that since I was just starting out in court.

Trucy: And Daddy told me that when I started getting interested in hair products! Either way, everyone except Polly gets a point! So Polly now leads me and Mr. Gavin by just one and Ema by two!

Apollo: Urk... (Well, that was a dud...)



Apollo: So now I'm a pervert as well? This just keeps on getting better and better...

Trucy: A-Anyway, I see another (y/n), so let's move on to round two!

Klavier: We should be back to you, ja? So what do you have prepared for us next?

Trucy: Hmm... (twiddles her fingers in thought) Aha! Try this statement: The original word for magic meant to designate a priestly class! True or false?

Ema: Hmph. I can't exactly see magic having an affiliation with religious priests. I'm saying false!

Apollo: (Trucy doesn't exactly look sure, even though my bracelet isn't picking up anything. Maybe she's hiding her tell...?) I'll say false as well.

Klavier: Heh, I can't let the bandwagon get too far ahead of me! One more for false, please.

Trucy: Hah! Got you all! That one was true!

Ema: Really?! You've got to be joking!

Trucy: It's true! The original word was "magus" from Persia, which designated the priest class over everyone else! And since I fooled you all, that means I get three points! I'm in the lead!

Apollo: (Gah! She hid her truth with a false tell! She's good!)

Klavier: Quite the bluff you pulled there. You really are Herr Wright's daughter.

Trucy: Aw, thanks! It was nothing!



Klavier: (sweating) Weird?! There's nothing weird with my hairstyle!

Ema: Oh, give me a break. When you're in a courtroom with Apollo and his hair looks more normal than yours, something is definitely wrong with you.

Apollo: Exactly! ...Hey, wait a second!

Trucy: Hey, I think it's perfect for him! His hairstyle makes it look like he's about to pierce the heavens themselves with his hair!

Klavier: You flatter me, Fraulein. Although it is true...

Ema: Don't look too flattered, fop. Your ego is already big enough for the two of us. Any more, and your pretty little head will weigh too much and fall onto the floor.



Trucy: That's all the preparation I give them? Again, I would never give them so little info before going through a potentially dangerous magic trick! Too much could go wrong if they don't know what to do!

Apollo: (I wonder just what magic tricks Trucy does have planned when she's ready to act on the Gramarye rights...)



Ema: (looking very annoyed) I know the author is trying to be "cute" here, but having this Maya girl sit on his lap is really unnecessary. We've already seen how affectionate the two are. There's no need to rub it in our faces anymore! MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Klavier: (grins) What's wrong with wanting to show affection to the person you love, Fraulein Detective? If I didn't know better, I'd say you're jealous of the lovely couple. *KA-TONK KA-TONK* And that strong response isn't helping your case...



Apollo: That's how you start your big premiere? Kind of a weak act to open with if you ask me...

Trucy: Hey! How many other people have YOU seen pull objects through a pair of panties? You just think it's weak because you've seen it happen so many times!

Apollo: Point taken...

Ema: Anyone else notice the author just kinda gave up in the middle of that paragraph? This is why proofreading before submitting is so important... *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH



Apollo: Hold it! I was just standing next to Self Insert a minute ago! Now I'm suddenly crawling through the air vent? That's not magic, that's a contradiction!

Trucy: Ignore the contradiction! We have a doubleheader on our hands! Ema and Klavier now have to give their statements back to back!

Ema (grips the bag of snackoos she's eating from) Alright, here's mine: The most abundant element in the atmosphere is oxygen. Yes or no?

Apollo: *ba-dump* ...! (My bracelet's reacting again! She must be giving a lie! Although it doesn't look like Trucy notices her tell... Is it true when she said her perceiving skills aren't as strong as mine?)

Trucy: That makes sense. After all, we all need oxygen to breathe, right? I'm saying true.

Klavier: You could say it makes sense... "scientifically speaking!" I agree with the Fraulein!

Apollo: (I better pretend that I know what I'm talking about...) I don't know. I think that's a little too obvious to be true. I'm saying that statement is false.

Ema: Heh, I'm impressed, Apollo! You saw right through that lie! It's actually nitrogen!

Trucy: Wow, you're some sort of science wizard, Polly! Another point for you!

Klavier: Guess I made a fool of myself there, ja? No matter, just like the Who, I won't get fooled again! Now try this statement on for size: If you play the lyrics of a certain section of Stairway to Heaven backward, you hear a Satanic message. Richtig or falsch?

Trucy: T-That's just scary! False, false!

Ema: Wouldn't surprise me if he was in league with the devil... I'm saying it's true.

Apollo: (I couldn't see any tells, and I doubt he's clever enough to fool my bracelet...) I agree with Ema. True.

Klavier: My apologies to the young Fraulein, but it is true. And Fraulein Detective, that is quite the stereotype if I say so myself...

Trucy: A-Anyway! Polly's now tied for the lead with me, while Ema and Mr. Gavin are tied for third! We only have one last question left, so make it count when it comes, Polly!



Apollo: You know, it'd be really nice if the author actually showed us Self Insert doing the trick with Trucy before instead of just assuming we'll swallow their words at face value. Maybe then, I'd actually care.

Ema: Moreover, how exactly did you perform this trampoline trick so many times? I can't imagine the Wonder Bar has that much room to make it believable.

Trucy: I don't know! I've never performed a magic trick with a trampoline there before! (thinks) ...Although that WOULD be a neat trick if I could pull it off...

Apollo: (sweating) (Uh oh, she has an unhealthy gleam in her eyes. We'd better move on quick before an idea forms in her head...)



Apollo: !!!!!! (T-TWO METERS OFF THE GROUND?!) (grips Ema's arm in terror and closes his eyes)

Ema: Ack! W-What are you doing, Apollo?!

Trucy: P-Polly?! Are you okay?! Answer me! Polly?! POLLYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Ema: Settle down, Trucy! Apollo's fine! He looks like he just had a nasty shock. Must've been when he read he just jumped over six feet in the air onto a small trampoline.

Klavier: (looks uncharacteristically serious) I guess he hasn't yet conquered his fear of heights, ja?

Ema: What gave you that idea?! The deep breaths? The closed eyes? The look of horror etched on his face? The way he's gripping my arm so tight I can feel my blood stop? The-

Apollo: O-Okay, I get it, Ema! (Apollo opens his eyes, lets go of Ema's arm, and tries to look composed) S-Sorry about the arm... B-But I'm fine now! Really!

Klavier: Are you sure you're fine, Herr Forehead? You're really sweating up a storm...

Apollo: Yes, I'm f-fine! Like my Chords of Steel says, I'm Apollo Justice and I'm f-f-f-fine!

Trucy: (twiddling her fingers together) I-If you say so...



Klavier: For all of the attention our author's been giving the show, we're not exactly seeing the performance in its intended glory. Must be eager to show off more of the romance between Herr Forehead and the viewers, ja?

Apollo: ...

Trucy: P-Polly? Are you sure you're okay?

Apollo: Gah! Y-Yeah, I'm fine! I-I just zoned out a little bit there, that's all. I just want this to be over...

Klavier: For what it's worth, we're almost at the end. Just a little bit longer, Herr Forehead...



Ema: Ouch. If Apollo really caught our little self-insert princess at the velocity she's at after jumping off a two meter platform or higher... Scientifically speaking, that would be quite painful for him.

Apollo: !

Ema: A-Ack! Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you! Would you like the last of my Snackoos? Maybe that'll calm down your stomach...

Apollo: T-Thanks, but no thanks. I don't really feel like eating anything right now...

Ema: If you insist... (reluctantly eats the last of her snackoos)

Trucy: W-Well, would you like to finish up the game we have going on? That (y/n) did show up after all and it might take your mind off of the story...

Apollo: S-Sure... (To be honest, nothing's coming to my mind right now. I'll just say whatever fact comes to my mind first...) U-Um, well, excessive use of hair gel might cause impaired growth due to the amount of oil u-used... (Ugh, make that more obviously true, why don't you? Stupid...)

Trucy: ...Um, t-that definitely sounds like a false statement to me! Don't you two think so?

Ema: Y-Yeah, that's definitely false! If anything, it helps hair grow out faster!

Klavier: Agreed. You can't fool us with your obvious lies, Herr Forehead!

Apollo: ! (W-What's going on here?!) A-Actually, that statement was true...

Trucy: Really? We totally did not know that at all! Well, you get three points for expertly fooling us, so that means you win the game! You're the best at this, Polly!

Ema: Yeah, you're really... the bomb, Apollo!

Klavier: Heh, you not only have a large forehead, you also have a large brain!

Apollo: (Did... did they just let me win? But why...?)



Trucy: Why is Ms. Insert getting a rose after all of that?! If anything, the rose should be going to me for the performance! Or to Polly for catching her after a really high fall!

Ema: Agreed! Scientifically speaking, you and Apollo were definitely the stars of the show!

Klavier: After all, it takes a lot to fight your fears in front of a large audience, ja?

Apollo: (...They really are concerned for me, aren't they? In spite of all the teasing, they really do care...)

(The lights turn back on.)

Ema: It's over! And about time too...

Klavier: No objections there, Fraulein Detective. That was certainly more painful than the last story.

Trucy: But we all had fun! And that little game of mine definitely made the fanfic more bearable. R-Right, Polly?

Apollo: ... (Trucy... You've always been by my side, supporting me with my cases...)

Trucy: Anyway, let's draw your prize for being the best! (Trucy pulls out her magic panties, dramatically reaches in, and pulls out the winning prize.) And the lucky prize is...

Ema: (looks over Trucy's shoulder) ...Three free tickets to your performance at the Wonder Bar, tonight? That... actually sounds like a great prize! It'll be really nice to relax tonight after what we've all been through. R-Right, Apollo?

Apollo: ... (Ema... you may be grumpy and sour at times, but you're always willing to lend a hand, no matter how much it may put your job at risk...)

Klavier: Agreed. I find a night out with friends is always the best way to relieve your stress. Right, Herr For- er, Apollo?

Apollo: ... (Klavier... you may give me a hard time in court, but truth be told, you're one of the nicest guys I've ever met in my life...)

Trucy: (looks nervously at Apollo) Polly? You okay? You haven't spoken in a long time. I-If you don't like this prize, I can keep on searching until I do find a prize you like...

Apollo: ...... Trucy.

Trucy: !

Apollo: This prize you've selected for me... is the best prize I've ever won.

Trucy: (gasps) R-Really?! You really mean that?!

Apollo: Yes, yes I do. After all of the struggles I've gone through today, I can't think of anything else I'd rather do than see you perform up there with my good friends.

Trucy: (looks like she's about to burst into tears of joy) T-Thank you, Polly! Thank you so much! You really are the greatest!

Apollo: Gah! (She's hugging me so hard, my back feels like it's about to snap in two!)

Ema: (with a genuine smile on her face) Whew, that's a relief! I thought we'd lost you for a minute!

Klavier: (with his usual teasing grin) Yeah. But at least you're back to being the Herr Forehead we all know and love, ja?

Apollo: (smiling) Yeah... I really am fine. Trucy, Ema, Klavier... thanks for everything. I feel much better now!

Trucy: (adjusts her top hat) Well, what are we waiting for?! We've got to get to the Wonder Bar early if you're gonna get the best seats! Everyone flocks to the bar to see my panties, you know!

Apollo: (sweating) I still think you could phrase that a little bit better, Trucy...

Klavier: Why are we sitting here, then? The night is still young... and that's when I feel like rocking out the most!

Ema: It's been a while since I could spend a night to myself... I'm really going to have fun tonight!

Klavier: Well, what do you know? The Fraulein Detective does have a softer side after all!

Ema: Heh, don't spoil it, fop. Or that side will quickly disappear...

(Laughing, Klavier, Trucy, and Ema walk out of the theater towards the parking lot. Apollo follows them out, but trails behind them just a little bit.)

Apollo: (You know, all things considered, today wasn't a bad day. Sure, the fanfic was atrocious like always, but even good things can come from something bad. And today, I realized something very important. I learned that no matter how bad things can get... you can always count on your closest friends to bring you out of your funk. Heh, it's funny when you think about it. The fanfic was wrong on so many levels, but the title certainly was spot on...)

Trucy: Polly! What's keeping you, slowpoke? Hurry up, or you'll miss out on the best seats!

Apollo: Ack! C-Coming, Trucy!

Episode 2: Turnabout Friendship: The End

Last edited by Ben Lyon on Fri Feb 15, 2013 5:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

You, me, and the rest of the fandom, Apollo and Trucy. Hopefully GS5 will cover that.

Awesome sporking!

By the way, Little_Thief, I recall the first Leapin' Logic sporking mentioned that there were GK2 spoilers in it. I've avoided reading your sporks because of that, since the full translation won't be out for a while. How big a spoiler(s) is it? Also, did that only apply to the first one?

The GK2 spoilers are mainly in Chapter 1 (the actual Chapter 1, not the prologue). Beyond that, the sporkers give some little tidbits when I felt it made sense, but I've tried to make them as ambiguous as possible, so keep that in mind. They also touch on things that everyone else already knows (like De Killer coming back). If you're still concerned, I recommend glancing over the Prologue, Chapter 1, and Chapter 12 (when Yumihiko is shoehorned into the story for no apparent reason).

Also, Ben Lyon? You might want to fix the formatting on your latest sporking a bit. Otherwise, another job well done.

---

blahmoomoo: Thanks! I'm also curious as to what happened to Maya after Trials and Tribulations. Although if I'm being honest, I'm much more curious as to what Apollo and Trucy are up to for GS5. Here's hoping both questions are answered soon!

Little Thief: Thanks for the feedback! I didn't even notice the errors until I saw your reply. It should be all fixed up now.

I should have another spork with the Apollo crew up within the next couple of days. And there are quite a good number of fics to choose from...

I'm back! I just found a crackfic that is perfect material. Let the insanity commence!

Title: In The Role of A Gavin
Rating: One for Klavier ALWAYS SHOUTING IN CAPS and one for the pure, sweet, crack induced plot. Saying anything about the plot here would just ruin the surprise. Like the first fic I did, it's not horrible. But it is out there. Really out there.
Let's meet today's sporkers! And they are:

Apollo Justice!
You hate me. You really hate me.

Klavier Gavin!
Ready to rock and roll!

Ema Skye!
I better be getting extra pay for all the work I'm missing...

And his first time in the theater... Kristoph Gavin!
W-WHAT?!
...

Let the fun... begin!

Episode 3: Turnabout Reunion

(The camera opens up inside the hallway leading into Theater #2. Numerous Interpol agents are seen guarding the exits of the building. Apollo is seen walking towards the open theater. He passes by Theater #1, its doors still closed for the sporking inside. Apollo doesn't notice, as he's too busy grumbling to himself about being forced to come here once more.)

Apollo: Wonderful, just wonderful. It's been months since I've had a client, the rent for my apartment is coming up quick, and the only way I can get any kind of extra cash is by agreeing to read bad fanfics for the amusement of some higher power. Trucy is so lucky she gets to spend the day with her father...

(He walks inside Theater #2 towards the front row. To his surprise, Klavier is already sitting in his usual spot, with the script in his hands as always. He has an expression of reluctance and dread on his face, a surprising combination to Apollo. He sits down on the seat to Klavier's right, concern on his face.)

Apollo: Something the matter, Prosecutor Gavin? You look like you want to be here even less than I do. (And that's saying something...)

Klavier: ...

Apollo: K-Klavier? Can you hear me?!

Klavier: A-Ah! Sorry, Herr Forehead. I didn't hear you come up...

Apollo: Well, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost or something!

Klavier: Nothing. It's just... I was given the script for today's concert like usual. Except today, management told me they were bringing in someone to take your assistant's place. Someone who had an unexpected role in the story today. Fraulein Detective is bringing him over here right now as we speak.

Apollo: A new person? This is something different. Who is he?

Klavier: ...Herr Forehead, this isn't easy for me to say...

Apollo: ? (W-Why do I have this sudden chill going down my spine?) It's alright, Klavier. Whoever is coming over here, he can't be that bad-

(The sound of footsteps interrupt Apollo once more. He turns his head towards the door. Ema is walking down the aisle with today's special guest, who is bound in handcuffs. Apollo feels his blood turn cold; he had hoped never to see this man again for the rest of his life.)

Apollo: !!! (N-No way! I-It can't be...) K-K-K-KRISTOPH GAVIN?! W-What are YOU doing here?!

Kristoph: ...Justice. I see your voice is still as booming as it is unbearable.

Klavier: (gritting his teeth) And it seems you're still as blunt as you are inconsiderate... bruder.

Kristoph: Hmph. It's been months since the last time we saw each other, and you greet me like this? I thought you would at least display a courteous greeting before getting your "witty" insults in... Klavier.

Apollo: That doesn't answer the question! Why are you here instead of in your cushy little prison cell?!

Kristoph: Don't turn those hasty, beading eyes on me, Justice. Ask the science-obsessed detective next to me. After all, she's the one who dragged me from my cell.

Ema: (glares at Kristoph) You know, I have a tighter set of handcuffs if you want to keep on going with your sarcastic responses...

Kristoph: (smiling) Oh, I know. I just don't care, that's all.

Ema: ...Hmph. To answer your question, Apollo, the management here sent me a link of today's story and specifically requested I bring...him with me. I don't know what they were thinking...

Apollo: B-But what if he tries to make a break for it?! Or even worse, what's stopping him from trying to pull out some kind of crazy revenge scheme with no one else around?!

Kristoph: Oh? Don't tell me you've forgotten about the 99 Interpol agents guarding every exit in this wretched cinema?

Apollo: Don't patronize me! Of course I haven't forgotten! (Actually, I totally did forget about that...)

Klavier: Interpol has taken every security precaution in preparation for today, Herr Forehead. They've searched Kristoph for anything that could possibly be a weapon at least twice. They've sealed all escape routes they know. And he'll be cuffed to the seat the entire time. He won't escape. I won't let him.

Kristoph: Isn't this a surprise? You've really gone the extra mile in containing me here today. Just a pity you didn't show that energy earlier on in your career. Maybe then I wouldn't have had to.. assist you.

Klavier: ...

Apollo: (sweating) (The tension in here is so heavy, I can feel it crushing my brain. I knew I should have stayed home today...)

Ema: (handcuffs Kristoph to the seat next to Klavier and makes him sit down) Okay, let's get this over with. I know today is not going to be easy, but we're going to have to make due...

(Ema goes and takes her seat next to Apollo. The lights fade and the fanfic appears on the screen)



Ema: Which one? The irritating glimmerous fop? Or the cold, unrepenting psychopath?

Apollo: Please be option 1. Please, please be option 1...

Kristoph: Klavier, may I ask you a question?

Klavier: ...I suppose it can't hurt. What is it?

Kristoph: What exactly are we supposed to be doing? I must admit, I'm not sure what the purpose is for all of this.

Klavier: Ah, I see. To put it simply, we're forced into reading a bad fictional story about us and we make jokes about the story to make us feel better and to keep our sanity intact. Think of this as kind of a coping mechanism, ja?

Kristoph: (shakes his head) You have to make fun of someone else in order to feel better about yourself? What a childish motive to have.

Apollo: (Like you're one to talk!)



Kristoph: Ah, so the story here is written by Phoenix Wright. No wonder everyone here is so miserable.

Apollo: Hey!

Klavier: Another crack fic? (grins) Looks like it's time to retreat to the Justice Cave, Herr Forehead!

Ema: (smirks) Yeah, you don't want to be arrested by the Fanfic Police again, do you? Better turn on that laser grid of yours too!

Apollo: (sweating) Thanks for reminding me of something I've been desperately trying to forget these past couple of weeks. Some friends you two are...

Kristoph: "Justice Cave?" "Laser grid?" And here I thought you couldn't get any more ridiculous...



Kristoph: My office? I've never been back there ever since I killed Smith at that dreadful restaurant where Wright works. Doesn't this author know about my current... residence?

Klavier: (sweating) You decide to focus on that instead of the part where it's casually revealed I can fly?

Kristoph: I figured that part went without saying. Humans can't fly, in case you didn't know.

Klavier: (slams his hand on the armrest) Of course I know that! That's like saying the sky is blue! Or the earth is round!

Ema: (whispering to Apollo during the conversation) The fop's not starting out too good, is he?

Apollo: (whispering back) No, not really. He must have a lot of conflicting emotions going on, what with Kristoph back and all. I know I'm feeling uncomfortable here.

Ema: Me too, Apollo. Me too... (pulls out a bag of Snackoos)



Klavier: (puts his head in his hands) And so, my nightmare begins...

Kristoph: It seems you've now acquired Justice's grating voice, what with your constant shouting. I assure you, you have my sincerest condolences.

Apollo: I don't shout all of the time, you know!

Ema: "Terror Ema?" If I'm seriously going to be some kind of super-villain in this story, couldn't I at least get a better name? I feel like I've just been nicknamed by a six year old... *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*



Klavier: (stares at the screen for a second before laughing hysterically)

Kristoph: (adjusting his glasses) Dare I ask what's so funny? I fail to see anything amusing about this.

Klavier: Do you even need to ask?! It's you! Spontaneously breaking out into a complicated ballet move! In your office! This is the best image I've ever seen! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Apollo and Ema: (they're now laughing as well)

Kristoph: (glares at them all) You may all call this humor, but I beg to differ. This is nothing more than a pathetic attempt at low-brow comedy that's as insulting as it is flat.

Klavier: Heh, if you don't want us laughing, then you shouldn't react so strongly. That just makes us want to tease you more, ja?



Apollo: I'm pretty sure it was burned up by Detective Crescend at Machi's trial. What's so important about it now?

Ema: Beats me. But if the world ever gets to the point where its survival depends on the fop's guitar, I'm leaving this world for good.



Klavier: (wincing) I don't sound like that in court, do I? Please tell me I don't sound like that.

Ema: Don't worry. Your voice is irritating, but in a condescending, smarmy way instead of in a way that makes your ears go deaf.

Apollo: (I love how she glares straight at me when she says that last part...)

Kristoph: (smirks) Technically, you shouldn't even be speaking now, considering your vocal cords have been ripped out and burned alongside your guitar. I imagine you would be in too much pain to even make a whisper.

Apollo: (And I love how he just grins while making that pleasant description... *sighs* What did I do to deserve this?)



Ema: -finally realized his Chords of Steel were incredibly annoying and decided to take a vow of silence?

Klavier: -finally screamed so loud his Chords of Steel upgraded into Super Saiyan Chords of Steel?

Kristoph: -finally realized his defense skills were amateurish at best and quit law forever to become a revenge-obsessed hobo?

Apollo: O-Okay, I get it already! (And aren't you just a bitter Betsy, Kristoph...)



Everyone: ...............

Apollo: (Ignore the screen, Justice. Maybe if you ignore it hard enough, the screen will just disappear and you'll never have to read this sentence ever again...)

Klavier: You know, I've always been able to find the right words to say in any given situation. Even when I'm performing a concert and forget the words to the lyrics. But this... I have nothing.

Ema: Scientifically speaking... I'm at a loss for words as well. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*

Kristoph: ...I think I'm starting to understand why you all loathe this experience so much. Just looking at this drivel is making me want to bash someone in the head with a bottle...



Kristoph: Actually, I told him to keep his voice down because the neighbors in the building next door were threatening to sue if he wouldn't stop his "voice training." It certainly wasn't because of this precious supply of Immutinasium or his unexplained ability to produce science out of thin air.

Ema: Chemical combinations? Hmm... (pulls out a pen and notebook and scoots in close to Apollo)

Apollo: H-Hey! What's with the sudden invasion of personal space?!

Ema: I'm looking to see if you really can produce chemical combinations with your voice! Can you make iron sulfide? Or barium fluoride? Or sodium chloride? Science needs to know!

Apollo: Look, there's no need for this! I inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide like any other human being! That's all, I swear!

Ema: Ugh, fine... (sits back down) Way to take all the fun out of experimenting...

Apollo: (Well excuse me if I don't feel like being one of your own guinea pigs!)



Apollo: Wait, so using this Immunity thing weakens the one who's using the power? Then why even bother having this ability in the first place?!

Ema: And what's with all the secrecy? Are they afraid that if these lawyers discover their society, they'll die from a really powerful objection? Because that's just silly.

Klavier: (pulls out his microphone) Why do you keep hiding secrets from me? I only want to protect the law, you see-

Kristoph: Do you really have to show off every time you get a chance? And here I thought being in jail would give me a respite from your music.

Klavier: ...! I-I told you, Kristoph! Whenever I get inspiration, I have to sing it out! The musician in me cries out for it!

Kristoph: Be that as it may, there's no need to impress us with your lyrical talent. We've all seen you perform, you know.

Klavier: Grr...

Apollo: (This guy is so cold! And to think I once respected him...)



Apollo: (sweating) Yeah, real scary. I'm absolutely trembling at the possible power I can possess here...

Kristoph: Hmph, your ability to stop lawyers from saying "Objection" is about as harmless as stealing forty cakes from a local bakery. Not to mention incredibly impractical...



Klavier: (grins) Look everyone! It's the return of Kristoph, the graceful ballet dancer!

Ema: He performs backflips with ease that can only be accomplished through years of intense practice!

Apollo: All while stopping lawyers from using their objection powers for evil! All in a day's work for the local ballet dancer!

Kristoph: ...With every passing second, I hate all three of you a little bit more...



Apollo: Okay, I get the whole Immunity thing. That kind of superpower is about as realistic for a lawyer as it's going to be. But what's with Prosecutor Gavin suddenly being able to fly through the air?! How can that possibly be explained?

Ema: It's magic, Apollo. They don't have to explain it.

Apollo: That's... that's just dumb!

Klavier: Oh, come on already! I don't say "ja" that often! This is just insulting...



Ema: Except, of course, I've never shown any desire to cause pointless mayhem and destruction in the city. Seriously, why does this author think I'm a perfect candidate for being a super villain?!

Kristoph: You mean, other than the fact you wear a lab coat wherever you travel?

Apollo: Or eat so many Snackoos, it makes people think you're a Snackoo-powered robot?

Klavier: Or that you never show any energy unless you're performing some kind of science experiment?

Ema: ...This is a conspiracy! You're all ganging up on me!

Apollo: *KA-TONK* (And here comes the Snackoo parade...)

Klavier: *KA-TONK* Ack! Can't you take a joke, Fraulein?

Kristoph: *KA-TONK* ...You know, you're very brave provoking a convicted murderer who's in the same room as you. Some people would call that bravery foolishness...



Klavier: Oh, now I'm shouting. Whereas before, I was merely whispering softly into my bruder's ear, ja- er, right?

Apollo: Heh, I guess some habits are hard to break, huh Prosecutor Gavin?

Klavier: How ironic coming from you, Herr Chords of Steel...



Klavier: Oh, really Fraulein Detective? Sounds to me like you're on some kind of power trip. Do I need to contact Criminal Affairs and have them arrest you?

Ema: Can it, Mr. Rock Star. Besides, if I was truly in control of the law, I'd be hiding in the background, not brazenly displaying my evilness for everyone to see. That would just get me arrested no matter what.

Kristoph: Yes, only a fool would display his hand for his opponents to see. It's much smarter to keep your hand to yourself, lest you let slip your trump card too early.



Klavier: (puts his hands up in the air) Whoa, stand back everyone! We have ourselves a hotshot over here!

Kristoph: Your theatrics are entirely unnecessary. If I wanted to watch someone overreact to a simple statement, I'd rewatch one of Phoenix Wright's trials. Or for that matter, one of Justice's.

Apollo: (Don't take the bait, Justice. It's just not worth it...)



Apollo: "Do a barrel roll!"

Ema: "Destroy the two exhaust pipes!"

Klavier: "Whoa! Help me!"

Kristoph: ...I have no idea what the three of you are talking about. Nor do I care. If you're all finished, let's move on. I'd like to get back to my cell while there's still light outside...



Kristoph: And why would that restrain me from saying the word perfect? That overzealous prosecutor doesn't have a monopoly on the word. Especially since, you know, he's dead.

Klavier: Maybe they're referring to his daughter? The lovely Fraulein who whips everything that crosses her path?

Ema: Ugh, don't tell me she's still around...

Apollo: Huh? There's a prosecutor like that?!

Klavier: Oh yes, Herr Forehead. Imagine a woman with Fraulein Detective's charming personality, her father's obsession with perfection, and a desire to hurt anyone she deems to be "foolishly foolish fools." That about sums her up, in a nutshell.

Apollo: That's one prosecutor I hope I never have to face...



Kristoph: Perhaps this absurd super power does exist after all. If it can cause your voice to sound perfect, then there must be some kind of power at work here.

Klavier: Hey, lay off the insults to Herr Forehead! You can't just push him around like that!

Ema: Yeah, only his friends are allowed to make fun of his ridiculous voice! Murderers like yourself are not allowed!

Apollo: Thanks, guys... I think...

Kristoph: (pushes his glasses up) How touching. Protest all you want. You know what I said is true...



Klavier: (pulls out his microphone) Good... good! Embrace the dark side! Feel the anger flow through your body! Let it consume you!

Ema: So you really can breathe fire? And here I thought the author was just exaggerating.

Apollo: (grins) Don't act so surprised. I am named after the god of the sun, you know.

Kristoph: You shouldn't place so much emphasis on a meaning, Justice. It makes you look rather... pretentious.

Apollo: (sweating) (This from the guy whose nickname is "The Coolest Defense in the West?")



Kristoph: And of course, my brother is more concerned about his latest date then cleaning up crime in the streets. What a shocking surprise.

Ema: (glares at Kristoph) Excuse me! The fop and I are NOT dating, thank you very much! I'd sooner go out with a porcupine than him!

Klavier: As you've said to my face numerous times before. Besides, my desire for the truth is much stronger than you give me credit for, Kristoph. Why else do you think I pursued your conviction so hard?

Kristoph: Oh, you certainly have a drive for the truth. (smiles) Especially when it's a truth told to you from someone else and you don't even question the motives that person has in telling you the "truth."

Klavier: ...

Apollo: O-Okay, let's just keep this story going, people... (Before Klavier is tempted to commit a murder of his own...)



Kristoph: I see you still have your power of manipulating the emotions of people, Justice. You really would make a fine villain in real life.

Apollo: OBJECTION! I don't have any desire at all to be a criminal, Gavin! Unlike some people, I actually care about upholding the laws in our court!

Kristoph: Oh really? So you're willing to abide by every law to protect your client? (smirks ) Including, of course, the proper admission of legitimate evidence?

Apollo: ...! (Ack! He's referring back to the first trial I had! H-How do I respond to this? I didn't know about the ace until after Mr. Wright told me, but I don't think that explanation will hold up...)

Klavier: Didn't we say to lay off the insults, Kristoph? Stop needlessly harassing Herr Forehead already!

Kristoph: ...Very well. I got my point across anyway. I'm sure that will be enough for Justice to understand.

Apollo: ...



Kristoph: ...No.

Klavier: K-Kristoph?

Kristoph: No no NO! (his right eye starts twitching) That insult to attorneys everywhere is NOT my lawyer! I'd rather face the death penalty than ever accept him as my lawyer! And when did we suddenly appear in a courtroom?! Not only does this go against the laws of reality, it's also illegal! You can't hold a trial without a proper arrest and decisive evidence to convict a suspect! And when did Justice of all people become a judge?! Ignoring the fact that he would have to recluse himself due to personal involvement in the case, he's not even fit to judge a chili cook off! This trial is out of order! This story is out of order! Everything is OUT... OF... ORDERRRRRRRR!!!! (starts panting heavily)

Klavier: ...

Apollo: ...

Ema: ...

Kristoph: ... (takes a deep breath and shakes his head) My apologies. I lost control of myself for a second there. That tends to happen when I feel absolutely livid.

Apollo: ... (I think I need a new pair of pants.)



Kristoph: Yes, my point exactly. At least someone in this story has their head on straight.

Ema: Said the man whose character is a ballet dancer/circus performer.

Kristoph: ... (his eye starts twitching again.)



Klavier: That explains everything... No, wait. I had it backwards. That explained absolutely nothing. How exactly is the Local level powerful enough to warp reality to your wishes? What did the Fraulein Detective do to make your Chords of Steel powerful enough to that point? And why did you bring him to a courtroom of all places?

Ema: You're just now asking these questions, glimmer boy? We're too far into the story to care at this point. All that's left is to see just how more insane this story gets before it's over.

Apollo: If that's even possible at this point...



Apollo, Ema, and Klavier: (the sound of hysterical laughter is heard once again)

Kristoph: (his eye twitches even worse) If you're done with your insulting laughter, I'd like to remind you that in this horrid excuse of a story, I really haven't done anything wrong. So my objection is quite valid.

Klavier: (wipes a tear from his eye) Oh, I understand that. Still, to hear you say that with such earnest... I don't think I've laughed that hard since Vongole thought your fingers looked like delicious bratwurst! That was quite the experience, ja?

Kristoph: ...



Ema: Oooooooh, the dreaded "standing in the courtroom" charge. Clearly a charge worthy of the death penalty, Judge Apollo. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*

Klavier: I wonder what Herr Judge would think of you sitting in his seat and pounding his gavel. I can't imagine he would be very pleased, ja?

Ema: Not to mention he really loves slamming that gavel of his. If anyone else dared to touch it, I bet a really large penalty would be coming his or her way...

Apollo: R-Really? Maybe I should make sure my next case is with a different judge...



Kristoph: ...Klavier, remove these handcuffs please.

Klavier: What? Why?

Kristoph: Because there's one more man I must kill. And I have to kill him now, while I still can.

Klavier: Are you crazy?! There's no way I'm going to release you after what you did!

Kristoph: ...Very well. Then I'll just have to break free myself... (begins straining against his handcuffs)

Apollo: Aaah! He's trying to escape! Stop him!

Ema: Relax, Apollo. I got this. SECURITY!

(Ten of Agent Lang's most trusted men rush in at Ema's shout and point their guns at Kristoph. Kristoph glares at the security team before reluctantly relaxing back against his seat. Satisfied, the men move away from the aisle and stop in front of the theater doors, waiting for any sudden movement.)

Ema: *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH* See? Problem solved. Now can we get back to the story?

Apollo: Y-Yeah, sure thing... (Can we wait until my heart stops trying to get out of my chest, at least?)



Ema: Heh, I always knew that girl was one smart cookie. Remind me to thank her for all she did to help me, Apollo.

Apollo: O-Of course, Ema... (Isn't there someone else you should be thanking too?! Hello?!)

Kristoph: (glaring right at the screen) Ah, yes, Phoenix Wright's precious daughter. I'll be sure to add her to the list as well...

Klavier: (looking sadly at Kristoph) Mein bruder... What's wrong with you?



Ema: M-Mr. Edgeworth is here?!

Klavier: Hmm? You know the famous Edgeworth, Fraulein?

Ema: Yeah, I know him! He was an old friend of my sister when I was growing up. He was one of the big reasons why my sister was found innocent at her trial! I've always admired how he's willing to stand for the truth no matter if the defendant is guilty or innocent!

Klavier: Oh really? Doesn't this sound like someone else in this room now?

Ema: Don't even try to put yourself in the same league as him, fop. You'll need to be much less glimmerous in your trials and much more simmerous, if you know what I'm talking about.

Apollo: ...No, I really don't know what you're talking about.



Kristoph: (shakes his head) It seems Mr. Edgeworth has realized I've committed no crime whatsoever. A wise man, if I do say so myself.

Apollo: What?! You can't be serious!

Ema: Sadly, I think he's right. If there's one thing Mr. Edgeworth believes in, it's finding the truth. If he knows that Mr. Gavin hasn't done anything wrong in this story, he'll most likely push for Mr. Wright to prove his innocence.

Apollo: B-But he can't decide that without even hearing testimony! Or looking at the evidence, for that matter!

Kristoph: Hmph. And you're supposed to be my impartial judge? I ask for a retrial.

Apollo: Grr...



Ema: (shudders) That glare hasn't lost its intensity, I see...

Apollo: Huh? Is he known for always glaring like this?

Ema: Oh yes. One glare from those pair of eyes, and anyone will confess just to get those eyes off of them. Mr. Edgeworth is unrelenting like that... (rapidly eats the rest of her Snackoos)

Klavier: The Fraulein is right. The first thing I remember hearing about Herr Edgeworth when I started my career is to avoid looking him in the eye if at all possible. Otherwise... you won't be able to move at all.

Apollo: I-I see... (There's another prosecutor I hope I never have to face...)

Kristoph: (smirks) Still, I know I'm innocent. And now, Mr. Edgeworth will say it to the rest of the court. I'm looking forward to this-



Kristoph: Wha-

Klavier: Wha-

Apollo: Wha-

Ema: Wha-

Everyone: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!



Ema: (stands up) NO! Stop this! I demand that the author stop this line of thinking at once!

Apollo: (stands up as well) Agreed! Abort! ABORT!

Klavier: (stands up too) Where did THIS line of thinking come from?! Couldn't the author at least give some kind of warning before throwing this curveball?!

Kristoph: (tries futilely to remove his handcuffs) Get me out of here! I demand that you free me so I can exact vengeance upon this disgrace of an au-



(The lights quickly come on)

Ema: ...Whew. At least he ended it there.

Klavier: I guess... But isn't this kind of a cheap ending? I mean, there was no indication about any kind of game being played before the author revealed it.

Apollo: It may be a cheap ending, but I'm just glad there is an ending! What an insane mess THAT fanfic was!

Kristoph: (breathing heavily once again)

Klavier: Kristoph? Are you alright?

Kristoph: Alright? Alright?! I just spent a half-hour of my very limited life reading the most insulting story to my character imaginable, and you have the unmitigated gall to ask me if I'm alright?!

Klavier: K-Kristoph! Please, calm down!

Kristoph: I'M DONE BEING CALM! When you've gone through as much as I've had the past year, you'd understand just how much effort it took me to remain calm! But now that I'm a dead man walking and now that I've finished reading this drivel, I've had enough! I'm killing you all right here, then I'm going to kill this author, and then I'll finally kill Phoenix Wright and everyone he holds dear! AND NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP-

(A tranquilizer dart suddenly shoots through the air and hits Kristoph in the neck. Kristoph jerks forward in shock before the drugs kick in and he slumps against the chair unconscious)

Apollo: W-What the-?! Who shot that?

(An interpol agent walks up from the door)

Agent: That was me! The subject looked like he was about to do something drastic, so I jumped in before he could act on whatever plan he cooked up.

Klavier: Nice reactions, Herr Agent. We'll be sure to send in a good report to your superior for what you've done.

Agent: Y-You're too kind, sir! We'll go ahead and take the subject off your hands! Could we have the key to his handcuffs, Ms. Skye?

Ema: Oh! Sure thing. Here you go!

Agent: Thank you! Okay, men! Let's move out!

(The interpol agents surround Kristoph, unlock him from the chair, and carry him out of the theater, with Kristoph's hands still handcuffed. Our three heroes watch them leave before letting loose a huge sigh of relief.)

Apollo: Whew! He's finally gone! I feel like I can breathe again!

Ema: You're telling me! My stomach feels like it can eat another bag of Snackoos!

Klavier: Y-Yeah... (looks down at the ground)

Ema: Hmm? Is something wrong, fo- er, Mr. Gavin?

Klavier: Nothing. It's just... that was the real him, wasn't it? That was really my brother that was with us today, ja?

Apollo: K-Klavier...

Klavier: When he was first convicted for Herr Smith's murder... I didn't want to believe it. The evidence was decisive, but I still held a small belief that maybe the evidence was wrong. He was my brother, after all! I didn't want to believe that the man I grew up with was a murderer! But then, during Frau Mishim's case... I saw him for what he really was. And then, today... he hasn't changed a bit, has he?

Apollo: ... (I-I don't know what to say...)

Klavier: During the whole time here, I just kept thinking: Was there anything I could have done differently? If I had known growing up the kind of man he would turn out to be... Could I have changed it? Could I have done something, anything, to change his fate? I-I don't know what to think...

Ema: ......You want to know what I think? I think you're over thinking this whole thing.

Klavier: F-Fraulein Skye?

Ema: Look, it was nothing that you said or did that made Kristoph into the man he is today. He made his own decisions and now he has to pay the consequences for them. I don't know what your home life was with him, but frankly, that's irrelevant. Because I know you were just as irritatingly naive back then as you are today. And if you were as nice as you are today... then Kristoph has no one to blame but himself for how he turned out.

Klavier: ...You mean that?

Apollo: Of course she means that! I mean, look at how you helped cheer me up the last time we were stuck in here! You've always been nice to a fault in all of our encounters! If you've been a nice guy like this your whole life, then Kristoph couldn't have had a better role model growing up!

Klavier: ...

Apollo: I understand you're still upset over the last case. Heck, I'm still trying to get over it myself. But don't go blaming yourself for Kristoph's fate. Because that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Klavier: ......Heh. And here I was considering a change to blues music.

Apollo: Huh?

Klavier: But you know what? You two have reignited my spirit. And now... (points dramatically in the air) I feel like rocking so loud, the whole world can hear me!

Ema: Looks like the fop has finally realized the truth. About time, too...

Klavier: Fraulein Detective... Herr Forehead... I want to thank you both for your kind words. I couldn't ask for a better partner and a better rival!

Ema: Just don't expect me to be like this all the time. I can't have you being all mopey in the courtroom! It'd reflect bad on my work, as well!

Apollo: ...(I admit, I was worried about him for a second there. But now... he looks much more like his old self. I never really thought about how he's been holding up after the last trial. I can only imagine the scars he's been hiding too...)

Klavier: Now that we've had our heart-to-heart, how about we get something to eat? My treat!

Ema: I wouldn't mind getting some food. How about you, Apollo?

Apollo: (Well, far be it from me to turn down free food...) That sounds good to me! Let's go!

Klavier: Achtung, baby! Let's hit the streets!

(And so, another sporking comes to a close. As the three friends make their way to the parking lot, they feel the bonds they share grow even stronger...)

Episode 3: Turnabout Reunion: The End

Yikes. I am really hoping that Kristoph does not become a recurring character. Don't get me wrong, he was funny and all (especially when he didn't get the pop culture references). But if he's gunning to kill someone over a crack fic, the Management might want to reconsider having him back.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I also think that this was the first time a sporker has been driven to such extremes, so congrats on breaking new ground. Not sure if I would want to go down that road, but whatever.

---

One moment, please.

I still love this thread. If anyone hasn't done this one yet, I have an offering:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8699196/1/S ... ic-Reviews

It'd be a sporking of a sporking of a fanfic. This author's attempts at sarcastic reviews aren't nearly as entertaining as the ones I've seen here, and I figure it'd be a nice addition.

I've considered working on one myself, but I usually don't read fanfics. And when I do, I am a very picky critic. I swear, my attention span can sometimes be as fleeting as a fly's.

Okay, carry on.

---

Someone has to spork THIS:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4225504/1/M ... -CRACKLAND
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4225504/2/M ... -CRACKLAND
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4225504/3/M ... -CRACKLAND

---

It's already been done in the other thread, but I think that was only Part 1. Continue? Y/N

It's been a while, but it's time we got back on track.

Today's Episode: Leapin' Logic Part XI

*We open in the Sporking Theater once again*

Phoenix: Well, the reprieve was good while it lasted.

Edgeworth: I hope the author took the time off to learn some proper storytelling.

Kay: If that happens, this is gonna be a really boring sporking.

Phoenix: Besides, I don't think we're that lucky.

Maya: Well, when we last left off, we had that Yumihiko guy creating this, weird plan involving American folk tales or something to stop this woodsman guy.

Phoenix: Yeah, I'm betting none of that is going to make sense by the end of this chapter.

Edgeworth: That's a sucker's bet, Wright. Hardly anything in this story makes sense.

Phoenix: *opens his mouth to make a snarky comment, but then waves his hand dismissively* I'd like to think we're above wishing harm on the author.

Kay: And that's why we're all better than Kristoph Gavin.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Ms. Kay Faraday that breaking the Fourth Wall is strictly prohibited. Honestly, we don't even know how you know about that last sporking when you weren't even there.

Kay: *pouts* Yeah, I missed you, too.

Edgeworth: We'll start enjoying it when you start writing better.

Phoenix: I desperately hope that no one tries to break that record.

Kay: Oh, hey! An establishing caption! *waves* Hi, establishing caption! Where were you all this time?

Edgeworth: Not as detailed as the ones before, but it's better than nothing, I suppose.

Maya: Um, hello? Maybe the characters already know, but would you mind explaining the plan to the audience?!

Phoenix: Also, Pearl lives with me now, apparently. Either that, or the author forget to establish that we're now in Kurain Village for some random reason. Either way, I'm very confused.

Maya: Wow. That has to be some of the most lifeless consoling I have ever seen, not counting that story where I died and no one cared.

Phoenix: You will never let that go, will you?

Maya: I don't see why I should.

Phoenix: Good point.

Edgeworth: You're not on a comma budget, author. You can use as many as you need to.

Maya: Honestly, I don't think she's right on that one. Things will turn out the same.

Kay: Why say that?

Maya: Because this is a shipping story.

Kay: Ah.

Maya: I'm just as surprised as you are, Mr. Edgeworth. Seeing as I have no flipping idea what the plan is!

Phoenix: Sheesh, Maya. Relax.

Kay: I'd say that it was rude and/or perverted of Mr. Edgeworth to barge in like that, but seeing as I have no clue as to what she's doing, I'm just gonna let that one go.

Edgeworth: *bows* You have my thanks, Kay.

Maya: ...

Kay: Again, don't know what the plan is, so I'm not sure if I should be insulted by that or not.

Edgeworth: Came in handy, not cam. Honestly, you'd think the author would take the extensive vacation to do some proper proofreading.

Phoenix: Are we, actually going to see any of this plan being set up?

Edgeworth: I have a feeling this is the author's poor attempt at building suspense by revealing as little as possible. Usually, when the cliffhanger of "Here's the plan..." is employed, said plan is put into practice right in the next chapter.

Kay: Well, screw that noise! We've got pointless flashbacks to show!

Edgeworth: Nnngh...

Phoenix: Didn't we already have this flashback?

Maya: Oh no! We're caught in a time loop!

Kay: Given the nature of this theater, that wouldn't surprise me.

Phoenix: Okay, I'm pretty sure that exchange was not that flat and lifeless. Seriously, put a bit more effort into this so we can care.

Edgeworth: Why I complimented her hair, I have no idea.

Maya: I know why.

Kay: Let me guess. Because it's a shipping story?

Maya: *grins* You catch on pretty quick.

Kay: Pick a narrator and stick with it, author! Jeeze!

Phoenix: And once again, the flashback didn't add anything to anything. Unless it continues from Edgeworth's point of view, but even then it's pointless.

Edgeworth: I have found that the flashbacks are usually in the third person for some odd reason, so I doubt it will continue.

Edgeworth: Oh. Brilliant. Let's not only make the plan needlessly vague, but let's also throw all sense of grammar out the window just to make it more indecipherable.

Kay: Did an establishing caption kill your family while you were in the middle of writing this or something? We don't need the characters to tell us about the passage of time!

Edgeworth: The sentiments are shared, albeit for different reasons.

Phoenix: Iris, you're at least twenty five years old in this. You don't need to cling to me like a schoolgirl.

Maya: I thought you'd be okay with that.

Phoenix: Maya, I know Iris is stronger than that. Maybe even stronger than she herself thinks she is. This is just the author blatantly stating that we're a couple.

Maya: Well, no argument there.

Phoenix: Wow, Yumihiko. Turns out your brilliant plan was a bust. Congrats.

Edgeworth: This is an obvious fake-out and you know it, Wright.

Kay: Well, it would be if we actually cared. You haven't really given us a reason to be invested.

Maya: Um, hi, quick question. Why in the name of Mystic Ami couldn't you explain it in this chapter?!

Edgeworth: Again, it's the author's poor attempt at creating suspense.

Phoenix: What do you think we've been doing?

*the lights come on*

Maya: Well, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty pissed off at this chapter. Nothing was explained! At all!

Phoenix: Yeah, I'm pretty frustrated about that, too.

Kay: Well, apparently, we'll get our answers next time. Or at least some time before June 15th. Not sure why the author established that deadline for him/herself.

Maya: *pouts* The only thing that'll improve my mood is miso ramen. Nick...

Phoenix: Say no more, Maya. I get the picture.

*And so, our sporkers leave knowing next to nothing about what was going on. Will all be explained in the next chapter? What exactly is the kidnappers' plan? What exactly was Yumihiko's plan? Hopefully, we'll find out next time on Sporking Theater!*

---

Um, hi, I'm a lurker here who just got an account yesterday. Pardon the question, but my curiosity was killing me: in one of the sporks, Phoenix mentions there being a contradiction in the theater. Did anyone ever realize what it was, and if they did, can they tell me please? Thank you!

Well, that's enough clarity for me for one day, let me check the time, yes it's about that time.

Today's Episode: Leapin' Logic Part XII

*We open in the Sporking Theater*

Kay: Well, good news, guys. The author says that he/she is almost done.

Maya: Oh, thank Mystic Ami. Maybe now we'll get some answers.

Phoenix: Like how this mystery qualifies as an international incident?

Edgeworth: I wouldn't get my hopes that high, Wright.

Phoenix: Says the man who's going into this with no expectations at all.

Edgeworth: Nngh. Touché.

Kay: Let's just get this over with. I want to see who wins the bet. I still say the kidnappers are perverts.

Maya: *crossing her fingers* Please be the sweet kind, please be the sweet kind~.

Phoenix: I don't think that means what you think is means, Maya.

Maya: But I'm hungry!

Phoenix: Of course you are.

Maya: *pouts* Meanie.

Edgeworth: Yes, we already know this. This is almost exactly where the last chapter left off. We want to see what happens next.

Kay: We do?

Edgeworth: You know what I mean, Kay.

Edgeworth: How does that explain anything? The Wizard of Oz is not a fairy tale; it's a series of novels.

Maya: I thought it was a movie.

Edgeworth: No comment. *clears throat* Anyway, because the setup was so vague in presentation last chapter, there was no way for the reader to guess that this was what Yumihiko was planning, or what the plan actually was.

Kay: Yeah. I mean, was Little Thief supposed to play the holographic Oz or something? How was that going to help?

Phoenix: Glad to see the villain just come out and say she's a villain. We wouldn't want any complex motivations or anything.

Kay: Also, shouldn't that be a question?

Edgeworth: In all fairness, it could be misconstrued as a statement, but you're right. A question mark would make more sense.

Phoenix: Wow, this is just riveting. And by "riveting," I of course mean "I've seen more emotion from Charlie."

Maya: Hey! That's mean, Nick! What if Charlie heard that?

Phoenix: What if Char-? Do you listen to yourself sometimes, Maya?!

Kay: Also, I was unaware that smirking was a form of speaking.

Maya: I, can't follow this. At all.

Phoenix: Apparently, neither can the characters. This is just an incredibly contrived plot twist that makes no sense.

Kay: Well, on the plus side, Yumihiko had a point in this story.

Maya: And that point was?

Kay: No idea.

Maya: That's what I thought.

Edgeworth: Demanded. I'm not giving her an order; I'm asking about her motivation.

Maya: So, her motivation basically boils down to "How dare you get a happy ending! How dare you!"

Kay: Ooh, nice reference. Cookie to everyone who got that one!

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Ms. Kay Faraday that... Oh who am I kidding? You've not going to listen to us, anyway.

Kay: *smirks* You're learning.

Kay: Apparently, Ms. von Karma's tears defy the laws of physics.

Edgeworth: This is a bit late for an exposition dump. Usually, we have to figure these things out. The existence of Sasha was never hinted at or conveyed in a previous chapter.

Maya: Unless that woman's supposed to be Susan. Or wait, was her name, Carol?

Kay: Who cares? It's Sasha now, apparently.

Everyone: ...

Kay: Okay, a jar full of cookies for everyone who remembered that! Seriously, that scene was supposed to be important?!

Edgeworth: Not to mention that it's hopelessly contrived. She bullied Franziska, and because I helped her, she wanted to ruin her life and/or kill her? I've seen poor character motivations, but this is ridiculous.

Kay: Huh. I guess we both win the bet, Maya. The kidnapper's a pervert who gets off on Franziska's pain and her plan makes no sense.

Maya: Oh, neat! Hey, Nick...

Phoenix: Don't even think about it, Maya.

Kay: *condescending* Aw, look~. She still thinks we care about her nonsensical plot and convoluted motivations. *rifles through her satchel* I think I have a gold star in here somewhere.

Edgeworth: Please don't patronize the author, Kay. We're here to offer an honest critique.

Kay: I thought we were here because the Management likes to watch us read bad stories.

Edgeworth: *Truth Bar damage* Nnngh! Why did you have to remind me of that?!

Phoenix: So, she organized a whole team of criminals just to get to Franziska? Who does that?!

Maya: You mean besides the Riddler?

Kay: Hey, at least that guy has an excuse. This woman has the most ill-conceived motivations I've ever seen.

Edgeworth: Poor sentence structure once again rears its ugly head. Also, if you just wanted to kill Franziska, why kidnap the other women at all?

Phoenix: Let's just say this woman's motivations are about as easy to follow as Oldbag's ramblings and move on.

Maya: *slaps Phoenix* Bad Nick! No setting us up for an obvious cameo joke!

Phoenix: Ow! Okay, I'll be good!

Phoenix: Is it a bad thing that I'm agreeing with the villain on this one?

Maya: Not at all. I also think this is incredibly stupid.

Edgeworth: I weep for the editor who has to proofread this.

Phoenix: That implies that there was an editor.

Edgeworth: *Truth Bar damage* Nngh! Why must you be so formidable, Wright?

Kay: Wait, that actually worked? We just spray her with water and she drops Ms. von Karma like a sack of potatoes?

Phoenix: It also saps all of the drama out of the scene when it just coldly states that I'm explaining the situation. Hey, author. Here's a crazy idea. How about having me actually explain the situation?

Kay: Again, we shouldn't have the characters explaining the passage of time! That's what establishing captions are for!

Maya: Who's there?

Kay: *takes a door out of her satchel and slams it in Maya's face* The door!

Maya: Hey! That... *becomes perplexed* Actually didn't hurt.

Kay: Slapstick door. I never leave home without it. *flashes a goofy grin*

Edgeworth: It's become apparent to me that you never leave home without anything, Kay.

Kay: Hey, Gummy! Nice of you to drop in, randomly.

Phoenix: I say he got off easy. He goes through enough hardship without being a part of this contrived mess.

Kay: Wah wah wah wah~. *shrugs comically*

Phoenix: Considering that nothing about Yumihiko's plan worked except for the part with the squirt gun, that was a very weak joke.

Edgeworth: I'd complain that Gumshoe isn't usually this on top of things, but honestly, I think he could learn something from his brief portrayal in this story.

Phoenix: Wait wait, hold the phone. Were the investigators supposed to be the seven dwarves? That, I don't know what that is!

Maya: You mean besides confusing?

Kay: And perhaps mildly insulting.

Phoenix: Alright, fair enough.

Kay: Alright, I'll give the author this one. When it comes to love, Mr. Edgeworth is pretty oblivious.

Edgeworth: I'm sitting right here, Kay.

Kay: I'm well aware!

Edgeworth: *grumble mutter*

Maya: Cut to the hospital where Edgeworth and Franziska make up, the end.

*the lights come on*

Maya: Oh hey! Cool! Does that mean we don't have to read whatever comes after this?

Phoenix: Maya, you know we're not that lucky.

Maya: Phooey.

Kay: Well, at least we're in the homestretch. And at least Maya and I finally settled our bet.

Edgeworth: So, how is it going to be settled since you both won?

Maya: *looks at Phoenix*

Phoenix: *sighs* I'm not made of money, Maya.

Maya: C'mon, pweeease~! *makes puppy dog eyes*

Phoenix: *sighs again* Alright, fine.

Maya and Kay: Yay!

*And so, our heroes leave. Did Maya accurately call the last chapter down the line? Was the overly-complicated plot really necessary? And how much can Kay fit inside that satchel of hers? That last one will have to remain a mystery, but for everything else, find out next time on Sporking Theater!*

---

Man, has it been 3 months since I last posted in this topic? I really need to find a way to motivate myself more. Little Thief, you deserve a medal for going through 12 chapters of this and still going strong. You continue to crack me up with your sporks every time. And I totally laughed at that Kingdom Hearts reference. By the way, I appreciate your advice on my last spork and I agree it is best if Kristoph is just a one time character. I totally don't regret having him there for that story, though. The mental image of him performing ballet was too good to pass up.

Anyway, I now feel up for another spork. Let's keep this thread strong!

Title: Descent
Rating: One for excessive and unnecessary language, one for continuity issues, and one for the poorly developed pairing in the story. And what is the pairing, you ask? It pairs Apollo... with Daryan Crescend. Poor, poor Apollo...

The sporkers for tonight are...

Apollo Justice!
Like a zombie, this theater just won't stay dead...

Klavier Gavin!
Turn up the volume, because it's time to rock!

Ema Skye!
These barf bags being given to me is not a good sign. Better leave the Snackoos at home...

And special guest Daryan Crescend!
Heh, this has to beat sitting in a prison cell all day!

I can't seem to get rid of guest stars who happen to be in jail... Oh well, at least this one won't try to kill anyone here today! Now let's begin!

Episode 4: Revenge of the Turnabout.

(The camera opens up inside Theater #2 once more. Klavier is sitting in his usual spot with the script in his right hand and a barf bag in the other. He looks better than he did the last sporking, but he still has an uneasy expression on his face. Hearing footsteps, he turns to see Apollo walking into the theater. He's also holding some barf bags and he does not look happy about it. He walks over to the front and sits down on the seat to Klavier's right.)

Apollo: *sigh* You have some barf bags too? I can already tell today's story is going to be painful.

Klavier: More than you know, Herr Forehead. More than you know...

Apollo: W-What's that supposed to mean? Don't tell me I'm involved in whatever sick thought the author decided to indulge in today!

Klavier: .................

Apollo: ...Why aren't you saying anything?! Tell me I'm not involved!

Klavier: But that would be contradicting what you told me to do, Herr Forehead. I'm sorry, but the management told me not to let slip any details about today's main event to you. You're just going to have to go in blind once more.

Apollo: ... (Someday, I'm going to meet the management in person and give him a solid left hook to the jaw. I'm totally going to shout "Take that!" as I do it too...)

Klavier: By the way, where is Frau Wright? Is she not coming here again?

Apollo: Yeah, Mr. Wright is keeping her at the agency again. Something about trying to make some law books he's never read disappear permanently from the shelves. (How he passed the bar exam, I'll never know...)

Klavier: Ah, I see. Actually, it's for the best she's not here. We... have another special guest.

Apollo: What?! Don't tell me HE is-?!

Klavier: No, Kristoph isn't the guest. Apparently, the management was not expecting him to suddenly flip out like he did last time and has banned him for life. No, the guest is someone else. *sigh* Although, this will still be awkward...

(More footsteps come from the front. Ema once more walks inside with today's guest, who is also in handcuffs. He has a scowl on his face as he leers at Klavier and his shark-styled hairdo looks particularly fierce today.)

Klavier: Daryan Crescend... Looks like we're bringing the band back together for one last jam, ja?

Daryan: Hi Gavin. Screw you, Gavin.

Apollo: D-Detective Crescend?! He's the special guest?! You've got to be joking!

Ema: Sadly, this is no joke. Apparently, the higher ups just love bringing in criminals to read bad fan fiction. Must be their way of punishing them.

Apollo: (...And what do you call them bringing us in here?! A relaxing vacation?!)

Daryan: So, is anyone going to tell me why I'm in this run down theater with my backstabber of a friend and Spikey? Or am I just here to be mocked at?

Ema: Let me spell it out for you, shark fop. You're here today to react to a fan fiction in which you're the main character. You need to either make funny statements, point out inconsistencies in the story, or both. You will stay cuffed to the chair at all times. If you even twitch suspiciously, you will be tranquilized with extreme prejudice and hauled off back to solitary confinement. Are we clear?

Daryan: Is that all? Heh, I'm fine with that! It beats sitting in a jail cell counting the number of bricks, that's for sure!

Klavier: Just remember, this event is for one night only. Once the performance is over, it's back to your cell. And there will be no curtain call. Got it?

Daryan: Tch. Always got to be a stick in the mud no matter what, eh prissy pants? No matter. I understand I'm only here once. (smirks) But I'm going to have a real fun time making you all miserable while I have the chance!

Apollo: (And of course, he has to look directly at me when he says that. Who else would he look at?)

Klavier: Well, if everyone's been briefed, let's go ahead and get this show on the road. Fraulein Detective, if you would?

Ema: Yeah, yeah, I know the drill...

(Ema handcuffs Daryan on the seat to Klavier's left and then sits down next to Apollo. As she sits down, the lights go off and the title of the story appears on the screen.)



Ema: Descent where? Into despair? Because I've already reached that point, thank you very much.

Apollo: I always think I've gotten to a point where I've hit rock bottom, but then life decides to remind me it's still a long way towards the bottom of the ground. The story of my life...

Daryan: Hah! You two think you've descended into despair? Try having your best friend turn against you and have you thrown into jail for the rest for your life. Then we'll talk about despair!

Klavier: Need I remind you that you were guilty in that incident? Was I supposed to have turned a blind eye to the law in order to save a friend that showed no remorse for the crime?

Daryan: Isn't that what friends are for? You know, friends to the end and all that jazz?

Apollo: (I think that friendship ended the moment you killed Agent LeTouse, ex-Detective...)



Klavier: Whoa, Daryan! Do I need to put a bar of soap in your mouth? Or should I remind you of Gavinner's Rule #7?

Daryan: Very funny, man! I may have a foul mouth at times, but you know I'm never shouting them out left and right! I have a reputation to uphold after all!

Apollo: Rule #7? What's Rule #7?

Klavier: It states that all members of the band must present a family friendly image at all times when in the spotlight. That means no swearing, no drinking, no drugs... You get the picture. I wanted to show the world that the Gavinners would be a band that parents could let their children listen to without having to worry about them hearing anything that would upset them!

Apollo: ...But don't your songs always talk about murder and crime? That sounds very upsetting to me.

Ema: Yeah, I think you dropped the ball on that one, fop.

Daryan: Heh, that's what I said in our first meeting! But no, it's always been Gavin's way or the highway!

Klavier: A-Anyway! Let's move on!



Apollo: Wait, I'm in there too? Why am I stuck in there with Detective Crescend, of all people?! I didn't even know he existed until Agent LeTouse's murder!

Daryan: What? You've really never heard of the Gavinner's before? Hah! Have you been living under a rock these past seven years?

Klavier: Really now. I know you can be ignorant at times, Herr Forehead, but I didn't know you were THAT oblivious. Heck, I'm surprised you know where you are now!

Ema: Seriously. I may not be a fan, but even I knew of the Gavinners before I was assigned to glimmer boy. They're even in grade school textbooks nowadays!

Apollo: (What's with everyone ganging up on me? We're talking about a rock band, for crying out loud!)



Ema: Brilliant strategy there, MacGyver. Why don't you try using your hair to slice up the door for your next attempt?

Daryan: (glares) Does everyone have to diss the hair? Besides, I'd never react like I am right now! I'd just use the emergency phone in the elevator and wait for them to fix the problem. Easy peasy.

Klavier: What if the electricity is out, though? It'd be rather difficult to make contact then, ja?

Daryan: Well yeah, but it'd still be better than breaking my foot trying to kick open a steel door!

Apollo: It's nice to see that fic!me is just as detached to the story as I am. It's like he knows what kind of story he's in and just wants it to be over as soon as possible.



Klavier: Heh, sounds like Daryan's taking a page from Herr Forehead's book. When in doubt, press everything!

Apollo: Hey! I'm just trying to get as much information as I can in court! There's nothing wrong with that!

Ema: It's weird hearing Detective Crescend talk to Apollo without any malice. Are you starting to warm up to him, shark boy?

Daryan: Pfft! As if! There's no way I'd hang out with a screechy lap dog like him! There's only three groups I associate myself with: the band, the police force, and the ladies. Everyone else can go jump off a cliff for all I care!

Apollo: (Ladies and gentlemen, your role model for the family friendly Gavinners...)



Daryan: (recoils back in shock) W-What the deuce?! Where did that question come from?!

Klavier: Well, judging by the fic, I'd say it came straight from your mouth-

Daryan: Oh, bite me! You know what I mean! I would never in a million years ask that question to Sleeves! Why would I care about who he dates when I've never met him before?

Apollo: This sounds strange, but I agree with Detective Crescend. We're supposed to be enemies! There's no way we would casually shoot the breeze by asking each other personal questions!

Daryan: Oh, wonderful. You see what you've done, fic? You've made Sleeves and me agree on something! What kind of sick, twisted creature are you?!



Apollo: ...W-Why did I blush when I said that statement?

Ema: Well, scientifically speaking, people blush when they say something embarrassing or interact with someone they feel attracted to-

Apollo: I-I know that, Ema! What I mean is, why did I blush when Detective Crescend asked me that? I didn't say anything embarrassing and there's no way I'm attracted to him! ...Right?

Klavier: ...........

Daryan: (his hair droops) W-What's with the awkward silence, man? You're starting to scare me...



Apollo: Oh come on! Why is it that whenever I'm with Trucy, I'm either assumed to be her boyfriend or her brother? She's my assistant and my friend, but that's it!

Daryan: Hah! That's a strong reaction there, Sleeves! You sure you're not repressing your feelings for her? You should just let it all out, man! Tell her how you really feel!

Apollo: (Must... control... fist of death...)



Apollo: Yes, thank you! At least fic!me knows what a bad idea that is!

Ema: You agree with yourself, huh? Do you also agree with the statement that you'd lose to Mr. Wright in a fight?

Apollo: If it's regarding Trucy? Heck yes. He hulks out over anything that could threaten her. I bet I could take him in a regular fight, though. I did give him a nasty punch in the face once!

Ema: (gasps) R-Really?! Over what?

Apollo: (scratches his hair nervously) Oh! Um, I-I'll tell you later.

Klavier: Meanwhile, I see you still need to clean out your mouth, Daryan. Perhaps I should recommend some soap for your cell? It sounds like you need it.

Daryan: And have my cellmates warn me not to drop it every day? Are you insane?!



Daryan: (smirks) Don't I know it! Why else do you think we started the band in the first place? It certainly wasn't because of the music, I'll tell you that!

Ema: (rolls her eyes) Men. They'll do anything to get our attention.

Klavier: What can I say, Fraulein Detective? I can't resist having the eyes of every woman in the country on me.

Daryan: I'll say! You'll do anything to make sure the ladies focus on you. You'll even wear lipstick if it gets them to notice you!

Klavier: (chuckles) It works, ja? My actions brings the ladies in all across the country. Meanwhile, I think you'll find you attract a ... different demographic.

Daryan: If you're implying what I think you are, then give it up Gavin. I swing only towards the beautiful ladies, simple as that-



Daryan: ...No way...

Apollo: Oh no... I think I know where this is going... (nervously clutches his barf bag)

Klavier: (pulls out his microphone Kids, if someone tries to touch you in a place or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's no good!

Ema: Since when did Shark Boy here become a bisexual? Couldn't the author have let us know beforehand so this would be slightly less uncomfortable?



Daryan: Simple: I dare you to actually defend someone without having to rely on everyone else doing your job for you! Good luck with that, buddy!

Apollo: ! Why I oughta-! (starts to get up from his seat)

Ema: (grabs his arm and stops him) Whoa! Calm down, Apollo! He's not worth it!

Apollo: I-I-... Auuuuuugh! (reluctantly sits back down) Fine. I'll just pretend he's not here and is currently getting beaten up back in prison.

Daryan: Aw, did I get under your skin, Sleeves? Come and face me like a real man! You know you want to!

Apollo: I'm sorry, did you say something? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me proving your guilt and destroying your scheme to control the Chief of Police.

Daryan: ! Why I oughta-!

Klavier: Down, Daryan. Let's just move on and see what your dare to Herr Forehead is, ja?

Daryan: ...Tch. Fine. This dare better not be anything humiliating...



Daryan: ...

Klavier: ...

Ema: ...

Apollo: ... (slowly opens his barf bag)



Ema: ... (clears her throat) Sooo... anyone notice how the author doesn't address which character is speaking? Isn't that quite an error!

Klavier: (laughs nervously) Ah ha ha ha! Yes, that is certainly an embarrassing mistake, Fraulein! It's rather important to establish who's speaking in order to avoid confusion like this, ja?

Daryan: ... (gritting his teeth at the screen)

Apollo: ... (taking deep breaths in his barf bag)

Ema: ...We're doomed, aren't we?

Klavier: As good as dead, Fraulein Detective.



Apollo: G-Gyaaaaaaaaaaah! (pukes in his bag)

Daryan: What the hell, author?! WHAT. THE. HELL?!

Klavier: (grabs his head) And so it begins...

Daryan: Okay, author! Let's get some facts pointed out here! First, I am not gay. I'm only attracted to the ladies. Got that? Good! Second, I hate Mr. Puking-His-Guts-Out. I want to punch his lights out, not make out with him! Do you understand?! Third, that is not kissing. Kissing does not involve one person physically assaulting the other with their lips! And fourth, your prose is awful! "Pompadour?" "Waltz?" "Trying to kiss?" Here's a kiss for you: K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple Stupid! I shouldn't have to consult a thesaurus to understand what you're trying to say! Long story short: THIS. SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!

Ema: ... Are you finished?

Daryan: *pant* Oh, I have plenty more I could say. But since Mr. Clean here thinks I have a potty mouth, I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Klavier: How considerate of you, Daryan. Just know, this is only the beginning...

Apollo: (finishes puking and looks up) There's more?! You've got to be kidding...



Apollo: You're too slow, fic!me. I was done with this fic a long time ago.



Apollo: (buries his face in his hands) Why am I letting him do this to me?! Why haven't I knocked him out cold yet?!

Daryan: Hah! As if you could land a hit on me! I'd have you pinned to the ground before you could say "Objection!"

Klavier: Judging by the way this fic is going, you may end up doing that regardless.

Daryan: (glares) I. Hate. You. Gavin.

Ema: ...Is there any particular reason why Detective Crescend is rubbing Apollo's butt? Is this some kind of new asphyxiation recovery technique I've never heard of before?



Apollo: ... (wordlessly pukes into his bag again)

Ema: ...This is rated T, right fop? There's nothing here that will make this fic... not T, is there?

Klavier: Relax, Fraulein Detective. This is as explicit as it gets in this story. Although I would argue the salty language and implied themes should have been enough to warrant an M rating, regardless of how far our lovebirds have gotten.

Daryan: (clutching his seat) You know, Gavin, I thought I would never find someone I hated more than you. But now... I think I've found a strong contender for that top spot.

Apollo: (Ugh... I feel faint...)



Ema: Well, you said you weren't looking for anyone at the moment, and yet you were all too eager to make out with Detective Crescend. That kind of implies you were looking for someone after all.

Apollo: OBJECTION! I will never want to kiss Detective Crescend at any time in my life! Or the afterlife, for that matter!

Daryan: Likewise, Spike!

Klavier: Well, that's two things you two agree on. I think we're making good progress here!

Apollo and Daryan: Shut up, Gavin!

Klavier: (sighs) Fine, fine...



Daryan: (laughs) You're actually arguing that you've never kissed anyone before? What kind of a prude are you?

Apollo: (sweating) W-What's wrong with that? Isn't it better to wait until you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? That way, every kiss you have is special?

Daryan: Do you even hear yourself? Tell me what kind of fairy tale you're living in so I know which insult to use. Is it Sleeping Beauty? Snow White? Beauty and the Beast?

Ema: Oh, grow up Sharky. I think Apollo's argument is sweet. Dangerously naive and increasingly unrealistic in this society, but sweet.

Apollo: (As always, I can't tell if she's complementing me or insulting me...)



Daryan: What?! That was not great at all! And besides, I don't want to win this game! Hell, no one is winning this game!

Klavier: No one wins when it comes to gay chicken. The only way to win is not to play.



Ema: What exactly does a "yank" sound like? Scientifically speaking, I would expect more of a "screech" when the elevator starts back up. Or maybe even a "whir" sound.

Apollo: Who cares about the sound?! The elevator is back on, which means this stupid dare is finally done with! What a relief-!



Apollo: ...

Klavier: Herr Forehead? Are you okay?

Apollo: ...You know how I said earlier that I always think I've hit bottom, only for life to reveal there's more room to fall?

Klavier: Y-Yes?

Apollo: Ladies, gentlemen, Daryan, I submit to the Court Record Exhibit A: Descent. And I think you'll all agree that this evidence is decisive.

Exhibit A: Descent added to the Court Record.



Daryan: Dude! What am I doing here?! I may be guilty of a lot of things, but I would never be doing... this!

Ema: Um, fop, are you SURE this isn't an M fic?

Klavier: I-I was sure before, but I must admit, I'm starting to have some doubts...

Apollo: (looking very annoyed) Sure, why not throw in some implied rape? Why don't we bring out the rest of the Gavinners too? Can't let them miss out on the fun!



Apollo: Oh, well THAT's a relief. It's only going to be borderline physical/sexual assault. Yaaaaaaay.

Ema: Apollo, I'm starting to worry about the effect this fic is having on you.

Klavier: Same here, Herr Forehead. Remember, the fic is only temporary. We're almost at the end, so just hang on.

Daryan: What are you two, his support team? Weak! I've been suffering just as much as he has and yet you don't seem concerned about my mental health!

Ema: There's a reason for that, Jaws. Your mental health is non-existent.



Ema: Can someone remind me what the reward for whoever "wins" this dare is?

Klavier: I believe the reward is the loser has to pay for dinner, Fraulein Detective. Why?

Ema: I just wanted to see if the reward was worth it to go through this violent and unrealistic make out fest. Clearly, it isn't.

Apollo: There is no reward on Earth that could make up for what I've seen here. Just end the dare already...



Daryan: Finally, I do something sensible! Took me long enough...

Klavier: Looks like you and Herr Forehead lucked out on this one, ja?

Apollo: Not yet, Prosecutor Gavin. There's a catch here. There's always a catch when it comes to me.

Ema: Aren't you being a little pessimistic, Apollo? Your bad luck can't be that bad.

Apollo: Revealing catch in 3, 2, 1:



Ema: W-What?!

Apollo: *sigh* See? It's not pessimism if I'm right.

Ema: T-This is incredible! I've only seen this kind of luck occur with Mr. Wright. I must record this for further analysis...

Daryan: Why is this author so obsessed with me hurting Sleeves through my lips?! I want to hurt him with my fists! What doesn't this author understand about that?!

Klavier: For that matter, how can Herr Forehead even speak when his mouth is being blocked by Daryan's mouth? Wouldn't he sound more like "MMMMMMPHHHHH!!!"



Klavier: ...A hickey in his mouth? Isn't that kind of... impossible?

Daryan: I was thinking along the lines of "retarded," but that works too, I guess.



Apollo: HOLD IT! I wasn't the one who came up with this stupid dare! I don't deserve to be lumped into the same category as him.

Daryan: Wait a second! I may have come up with the dare, but you didn't exactly turn me down! You're just as much of a participant here as I am!

Apollo: Excuse me! Who was the one groping me and physically attacking me this entire time?! You're in a league of your own, Crescend!

Daryan: Hey! You never complained about that treatment at all in this story! You're just as sick as I am, punk!

Apollo: Am not!

Daryan: Are too!

Apollo: Am not!

Daryan: Are t-!

Klavier: Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty. Now can we please just end this already?



Klavier: (clenches his fist) W-What the-?!

Ema: Heh. Looks like even you can't get out of this fic unscathed, fop!

Klavier: W-What purpose did my character serve?! I contributed nothing to this story at all! You could've replaced me with a security guard and nothing would change! And how would I know they were stuck in an elevator when no one else seemed to know?!

Apollo: And why would I want to wear a scarf when the hickey was on my mouth?! Wearing a scarf would accomplish nothing except making me look stupid!

Ema: I don't know. But I do know one thing...

(The lights turn back on.)

Ema: ...This story is finally over.

Apollo: I-It is? Thank goodness...

Klavier: ...Whew. And not a moment too soon, ja?

Daryan: Hmph. On second thought, I've changed my mind. If these are the kind of stories you read here, I'd rather stick with the brick counting. At least that doesn't make me want to punch something.

Ema: Fine by me. It's time to take you back anyway. Let's go, fishy boy. (unlocks the chains to his seat while still keeping his hands cuffed together)

Daryan: Aw, it's time to go already? Doesn't Forehead Boy want a quick smooch before I go? He seems to like that stuff!

Apollo: (Ignore him, Justice. He's not worth it...)

Daryan: Oh, wait. I forgot you're actually crushing on that magic girl instead. Why don't you go smooch her instead? I can wait.

Ema: Shut up already!

Apollo: ...

Daryan: What, no response? Maybe you actually want to hook up with your mentor, the Forging Attorney himself! Or maybe it's your other mentor, Klavier's psychotic brother. Maybe I could tell him that the next time I pass his cell!

Klavier: You're going too far, Daryan!

Apollo: ...

Daryan: ...Heh. Too meek to even muster up a retort? I knew you couldn't face me like a man. Any last goodbyes before I go back to my cell?

Apollo: ...I just have two words for you, Daryan Crescend. (walks towards him)

Daryan: Oh really now? And what words are tho-?

Apollo: TAKE THAT!

(Apollo suddenly lashes out and nails Daryan with a left hook to the jaw. Daryan's eyes bulge in shock as his feet lift the ground. He crashes his head against the armrest and falls to the ground unconscious.)

Klavier: W-WHAT THE HECK?!

Ema: A-APOLLO?!

Apollo: ...Huh. Mr. Wright was right. Saying that does add more oomph to it.

(The agent who took out Kristoph before runs into the theater, gun drawn.)

Agent: W-What's going on in here?! I heard some shouting and- (notices Daryan on the ground) What happened to the prisoner?! Did he try to escape too?

Apollo: (quickly panics) O-Oh! N-No, he didn't, sir! H-He just, um... Uh...

Ema: H-He just tripped over his feet trying to get up and had a really nasty fall!

Klavier: And crashed into the armrest on his way down! Just a simple accident, could've happened to anyone!

Agent: ...Are you sure?

Ema: Of course, sir! (smiles as innocently as she can)

Klavier: Would I lie to you, Herr Agent? (flashes one of his patented Gavin smiles)

Apollo: Y-Yeah, what they said! (Sheepishly grins while scratching his hair)

Agent: (looks suspiciously at them all, but shrugs it off) If you all say so. Still, I'd like to have my men take him back, just in case.

Klavier: Of course, Herr Agent. Go right ahead.

Agent: Thank you, Herr- I mean, thank you, Mr. Gavin. Okay, men! Let's move out! ...Again!

(The same agents as before come in and carry Daryan out of the door and out of the theater.)

Klavier: We seem to have developed a nasty habit with our special guests, ja?

Ema: Never mind that! What the heck was that about, Apollo?! Have you lost your mind?!

Apollo: I-I'm sorry! I tried to control myself, but he just kept on aggravating me with his taunts and I... I lost my focus.

Klavier: You know, Daryan had very high scores on the physical tests when we went through training. Attacking a former detective like that was very rash and very foolish. He could have easily blocked that and done a number on you, handcuffs or not.

Apollo: I-I know that! Like I said, I'm sorry, okay? I'll try and control myself better next time! (Assuming there is a next time, of course...)

Ema: Good. I don't want to file your name under my next autopsy report, you hear?

Klavier: Heh, me neither. That being said... (grins) that was one impressive punch, Herr Forehead. I didn't think you had it in you.

Apollo: ...! You really think so?

Ema: Heh, I agree. I gotta say, for a moment there... (smiles) you were pretty cool, Apollo.

Apollo: ...(Huh. So this is what getting respect feels like. It feels kinda tingly inside...)

Klavier: Well! That wraps up another story here! Shall we get something to eat?

Ema: I'm up for that! I left my Snackoos at home in preparation for today and I'm starving!

Apollo: I'm game too. Just as long as there's something light for my stomach. (And I don't end up footing Ema's predictably large bill...)

Klavier: I'm sure we'll find something. But for now... (dramatic finger point towards the doors) let's rock on out of here!

(And with another story wrapped up, Klavier and Ema head outside. Apollo follows them out, but trails a bit behind.)

Apollo: (So another story ends. I gotta say, while I probably should have turned the other cheek, it felt really good to give that jerk what he deserved. Not to mention my friends actually seem to start respecting me! I wonder how I can keep their respect... Maybe with a tattoo on my bicep? Or an eyepatch over my eye? Ooh, how about a long coat that I can pose in and look tough-!)

Klavier: What's with the slow pace, Herr Forehead? Hurry up!

Apollo: Huh? Oh, s-sorry! (...Maybe I'll just get the long coat. It's the easiest and cheapest of the three.)

Episode 4: Revenge of the Turnabout: The End

I've been looking at these sporkings and they're just done great, especially with the Bad/terrible fanfics.
I'm Enjoying what you guys are doing and I'm considering doing a spork myself, when I have free time.

My word, that sporking was funny. I was truly in stitches the whole time.

I especially like how Daryan played off of the other characters so well. Although I don't remember him nicknaming Apollo "Sleeves." Meh, it's been awhile since I played the game, so I probably could've missed that.

Once again, nice work.

---

Alright, here goes my first ever sporking....hope it's good.
I give this fic a 4 x
Today's cast will include:


Phoenix Wright
"This...is just horrifying.."


Miles Edgeworth
"Please don't make me do this..."


Franziska von Karma
"Foolish fool of a foolish fan fic! You shall know the taste of my whip leather!"

Let's start the sporking shall we?

Phoenix and Edgeworth hesitantly enter the theater, with Franziska following behind them
Phoenix: So...a..c-crossover...
Edgeworth: This is going to be very painful...
Fraziska: *cracks her whip* Move faster!!
Edgeworth: Y-yoowwch!! We're moving!
(The projector starts up)

Fraziska: Favorite is misspelled, this will already be a travesty!
Phoenix: Silver Horror? Well they certainly got the last part right...
Edgeworth: I think the author also forgot to add a bit of punctuation to their remarks



Edgeworth: While I admit that Wright is rather dull
Phoenix: Hey!
Edgeworth: I must point out that it wouldn't take repeating myself 6 times in order for the message to get across, and I don't shout at random. Also if this takes place after the 3rd game, then my shouting shouldn't even scare Pearl, since hanging around Wright and Maya all day must certainly get her used to that.
Franziska: Enough with your foolish babbling Miles Edgeworth! Need I have to point out the most obvious flaw? The time skip, no mention of what happened during the flight, or even more background information! This is a sham of a fanfiction!
Phoenix: Speaking of Gumshoe where is he?
Edgeworth: Probably buying lottery tickets.



Phoenix: They certainly aren't holding back the evil-ness of the family.
Edgeworth: No they most certainly aren't, and the Dursley's in the Harry Potter series were never that abusive towards him.



Edgeworth: And just how would a 7 year old abuse victim somehow be able to ruin this whole charade with that much re-enforcement holding him back?
Franziska: Another misspelling, and bad grammar on top of that! *whip crack* This is truly the lowest form of fanfiction!
Edgeworth: I'd also like to point out that who is the 'both' when mentioning Wright? I assume they mean me, but in that case how would we both know it was a cupboard if something was blocking it?
Phoenix: Edgeworth if you keep pointing out little contradictions like this we'll be here all week..



Edgeworth: Well at least they got some part of my character correctly.
Franziska: What in the name of von Karma were those first and sentences about!? They made no sense what so ever!
Phoenix: So why am I here again...?
Edgeworth: I assume you have a role in this somewhere...
Franziska: It's supposed to be 'playing' and 'at themselves' you foolish! *whip crack* foolish *whip crack* author!!
Phoenix: L-let's just keep going!!



Franziska: Fitting that the foolish fool of a boy writes about a foolish fool of a lawyer!
Phoenix: *banging his head on something*
Edgeworth: I find this rather hilarious because now I have this mental image of Wright physically banging his head on the table. But back to the 'story'. Why would I wait two minutes to announce, in a rather childish manner to boot, that I simply want to go outside.
Franziska: And the grammar is off too! Does this author have no shame!?



Phoenix: Why me..
Edgeworth: Yes Wright, distract them! Don't ask me how or what, just do it!
Phoenix: Shut up Edgeworth..
Edgeworth: While on subject, I think that what 'myself' is doing is rather illegal.



Edgeworth: Now I defiantly know what was going on his illegal.
Phoenix: Watch out everyone!!! Edgeworth's angry!!



Edgeworth: *slowly clapping* Bravo Wright. A weak and starved 7 year old child locked in a cupboard, and the abuser flat out admitting it, and the only thing you can say is that.
Phoenix: *spluttering angrily* W-WHAT!? I-I would NEVER be that stupid!!
Edgeworth: I suggest you calm down before you blow a gasket.



Phoenix: Yes Detective! Illegally apprehend these p-
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! While I don't hate to bring your impersonation of me to an end, I must point out that despite what it seems, we were making a citizen's arrest.
Phoenix: Oh...
Edgeworth: But feel free to make fun of the fact a man wearing handcuffs tried to punch a boy, but got held back bye Maya of all people.



Phoenix: I can't really find anything wrong here...
Edgeworth: Neither can I. Franziska?
Franziska: *silent*



Edgeworth and Pheonix: W-WHAAAAAAAAAT?!!?
Edgeworth: A-ADOPT HIM!? W-what sort of poppycock is this?! I've barely met the child, yet alone managed in that small time frame to determine to become his legal guardian!!!



Edgeworth: I....I'm still in shock from the last thing said..
Franziska: Then allow me to handle this you foolish fools. I assume that the man called Snape is referring to Mile's real father, if not then how exactly is he related to the man, and how does he know about magic and the like?
Edgeworth: T-thank you...



Edgeworth: That at least seems a little better. At least in character for me at least...



Edgeworth: While the stupidity of Dumbledore is obvious, at least the author is finally managing to get my character back in line.
Phoenix: Why do YOU get your character set straight!? I look like a giant idiot!!
Franziska: So they got your character spot on then.



Phoenix: Alright guys. It's later. Got that?
Edgeworth: Yes.
Franziska: Yes.
Phoenix: Good.



Edgeworth: It seems the wizarding world as adapted our style of court systems.
Phoenix: Wait...so Fudge doesn't have a gavel or anything?
Edgeworth: Apparently not, since I'm not sure how much force one would have to put on their desk to make a sound large enough for that feat.



Edgeworth: This is actually quite accurate to our own court system. But I must point out that how is abuse NOT able to warrant a direct jail sentence to these people?
Phoenix: Stop questioning it. It's almost over...


(The Credits Roll)
Phoenix: There! It's over! Thank god!!
Edgeworth: That....that was truly horrific.
Franziska: There's another chapter.
Phoenix and Edgeworth: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The three leave, Edgeworth and Phoenix horrified.)

---

Little Thief: Glad you enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun writing Daryan's reactions to everything in the story. And yeah, he starts calling Apollo "Sleeves" when Apollo starts pointing out his lies in court as a passive-aggressive attack. Which I had a ton of fun translating over into the sporking.

shippersdreamer: Another sporker! Welcome to the club! For a first attempt, I thought it was pretty good. That crossover was painful to read, but the spork made everything better. I just have a couple of suggestions. First, I'd double space the people talking so it's easier to read. Second, I would take a look for any grammar mistakes before posting, if only to avoid the irony of having a spork criticize the fic for bad grammar, yet be guilty of the same thing.
For example, this sentence:

Edgeworth: Now I defiantly know what was going on his illegal.

While it sounds awesome, it still kinda wrecks the flow a little bit. Just something to look for next time.

Still, those are just some minor nitpicks. Like I said, it was still pretty good overall! Looking forward to chapter two! Of the spork, that is. Not the actual story.

(By the way, anyone notice the irony of Edgeworth being the one who knows about magic and being totally okay with it? If that doesn't scream "out of character," nothing does...)