Apollo: Say, does anyone think the management's been awfully quiet today?
Speakers:
The Management would like to remind Apollo Justice that the "M" is capitalized.Apollo: Um... okay....
Edgeworth: Wright got away with "management" earlier, though.
Speakers:
In that case, the Management would like to extend the same reminder to Phoenix Wright.Maya: *whispers* I don't think the Management's heart's in it today.
Phoenix: *whispers back* I think they're probably saving it up for something crazy. I wonder what happens in this chapter?
Quote:
"You disgraced Wright," Edgeworth snapped.
Edgeworth: ...oh no. Ohhhh no.
Phoenix: Ha. I already regret making that comment.
Edgeworth: In that case, everything that follows is your fault.
Phoenix: H-Hey...
Quote:
Before solitary confinement, Kristoph Gavin was the genius defense attorney, who was also a cunning murderous criminal. Insanty got the better of him. Miles Edgeworth was face to face to the man he always knew was the one who set up Phoenix Wright. He had a feeling Kristoph was trouble, but Phoenix wanted to get closer and find the truth on his own. It lead him to his grave, or so Edgeworth thought.
All: ...
Phoenix: Um, wasn't I alive, like, two chapters ago?
Maya: Well, to be fair, this is Edgeworth's first appearance in this fic.
Apollo: This is about to get really stupid, isn't it?
Edgeworth: ... *puts fists on armrest*
Quote:
It could not have been the Wright he know that was good at poker. He remembered playing poker with him at school; he was rubbish.
Phoenix: ...because obviously I couldn't have improved over the course of over fifteen years?
Edgeworth: Nnngh-! My truth-bar!
Maya: Why are elementary-schoolers playing poker anyway?
Quote:
If Kristoph was a genius, he was capable of doing heinous acts. He continued in disgust, "but wasn't enough for you was it Gavin? You lured him into your darkness, killed him and hired someone to pretend as him, while you hid his body."
Apollo: (Hm... a body-double... that's actually a pretty interesting idea. Where have I seen that before?)
Speakers:
The Management would like to request that Apollo Justice not reveal any spoilers.Apollo: I wasn't going to...
Edgeworth: What would Kristoph Gavin even
accomplish by doing that, though?!
Apollo: To be fair, I still don't know what he accomplished by murdering two people.
Phoenix: Getting me disbarred. More or less.
Apollo: ...and why did he do that?
Phoenix: (Good question. I wonder what's behind those black psyche-locks, anyway?)
Speakers:
The Management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that speculation on presumably important plot points is forbidden in the sporking theatre.Phoenix: I didn't even say anything!
Quote:
"My oh my Edgeworth," cackled Kristoph. He flipped his bleach blond locks over to his shoulder and pointed up, still glaring at Miles. "You've gone mad. Why on earth would I want to do that?"
Maya: Oh, look, the fic's bringing up the same points you are!
Edgeworth: Nn- ...another hit to my truth-bar...
Quote:
"Aside from the fact you're insanely jealous, I believe it's because of this woman." Edgeworth replied as he presented the former genius a picture of an innocent looking woman. Her face was bright and gave off a pure expression. Braids were a substitute for a tiara for her strong shade of red hair. Kristoph held the picture close to his heart and became intrigued. "Dahlia Hawthorne, she was executed three months before Wright was disbarred – when you killed him."
Phoenix: (K-Kristoph and Dahlia... in league?)
Maya: What's wrong, Nick? Why do you suddenly look so horrified?
Phoenix: I am
so glad this is only fictional.
Quote:
"You saw his suicidal note," Kristoph reminded him. "Do you still have it in your pocket?"
"Of course," Edgeworth responded. He took out an old piece of paper, which was hiding in his pocket for eight years.
Edgeworth: Wait. I think Wright has been murdered, yet there was a suicide note... that I've apparently been keeping in my pocket for eight years, during which time I apparently never changed my clothing? *truth-bar explodes. Repeatedly* Ungh...!
Phoenix: Um. Maybe you knew it was fake?
Edgeworth: That doesn't change the fact that it has apparently been in my pocket for
eight years.
Quote:
"I was going to investigate it myself, but I never got round to doing it.
Edgeworth: O-Over the course of eight years? And I thought Wright was dead?!
Quote:
One thing I did do was to study the hand writing, and the writing of this note in my hand does not belong to Wright."
Maya: See, Edgeworth? You figured out it was a fake!
Phoenix: That's probably why you thought I was murdered!
Edgeworth: But you're
still alive! You were in this fic
three chapters ago!! *truth bar explodes* Gah!
Apollo: ...I guess that explains why Mr. Wright was acting like a cardboard cut-out, though.
Quote:
"Dahlia and I were going to run away together," Kristoph admitted. He turned his head, refusing to look at Edgeworth. "He should have died instead of her."
Phoenix: ("Run away together"? Does the fic mean to say they were... in love? Sort of? What if they had a kid? A... child of both Kristoph and Dahlia... that would be...)
Maya: Nick? Nick, what's wrong?
Phoenix: ...
Quote:
"But they're both dead now."
Kristoph's laugh haunted the detention center even more. His fists were flying in almost every angle they could. "Miles Edgeworth, you are so... so ... so ... so ... STUPID! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Edgeworth: I agree!! This fictional version of myself is an absolute disgrace to my name!
Apollo: Meanwhile, I'm kind of curious as to what the author means by "his fists were flying in almost every angle they could". Is he punching the air?
Maya: What was his breakdown sequence like?
Apollo: Um, floating objects and later going Super Saiyan.
Maya: ...yeah, I can't help you.
Quote:
"So tell me, where is his body?" Edgeworth snapped.
"I wrote the suicide note!" Kristoph slipped out.
Edgeworth:
For the sake of argument, let's say that fic-me is correct about Wright being dead. Fic-me has already accused Gavin of murder, and already knows that the "suicide note" is a fake. Ergo, it stands to reason that fic-me already knows that Gavin was the one who wrote it.
Phoenix: I'm impressed you can even talk about this without receiving a penalty.
Edgeworth: Lucky for me. I'm on my last legs here.
Maya: On the plus side, if Edgeworth passes out, Kay will probably show up and give us a continue-button, right? And then we can get her to disable the speakers.
Speakers:
The Management would like to remind Maya Fey that plotting against the Management is strictly prohibited.Quote:
"I handed it to you, and as for Phoenix Wright. He. Is. Still. Alive. It worked on you, just like Dahlia said it would.
Edgeworth: But why would I fall for it in the first place?! My reasoning for the Wright running around in this fic being a fake one is
utterly imbecilic!! ...gnghk! *steadies self in seat* My truth-bar is almost out...
Phoenix: Hang in there, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: Yes, thank you, Wright. Very helpful. Just what I needed.
Phoenix: You're welcome.
Quote:
She visits my sleep you see, she helps make me relax and gives me orders. Charming lady don't you think?"
"YOU DECIEVING SWINES THE PAIR OF YOU!" Edgeworth roared. "I've never met a man and a woman so sick and twisted."
Apollo: ...so, what was Dahlia like, exactly?
Maya: You don't want to know.
Apollo: (On one hand, she can't be any worse than Mr. Gavin. But on the other hand, judging by Mr. Wright's expression every time she's mentioned... Ms. Fey is probably right.) *sighs*
Quote:
Seething in anger, Egdeworth glared at Kristoph. No matter how much he wanted to punch his guts out, it wasn't worth it. "Since you're not going to tell me, I'll find him myself! You're just a worthless insane man."
Phoenix: "Find him" meaning "find the body" or "find the real Wright because he clearly isn't dead and yet the one who's been hanging out with Trucy and Apollo is still obviously not the real one"?
Edgeworth: Nngh... Wright, please, don't make this any worse than it already is.
Phoenix: Sorry.
Quote:
"You're the fool in this." Kristoph pointed at him. "Eight years, and you thought he was dead. But I just told you he was alive." Kristoph's calm smirk left a chilling aroma in the cell. Too chilling for Egdeworth to spend another second. "You obviously expect him to care about you now?"
Apollo: Ouch.
Phoenix: If this happened in real life, I'd probably be wondering who killed the real Edgeworth and replaced
him.
Maya: See, Edgeworth? Nick really does care!
Edgeworth: How comforting.
Quote:
"You have an illness that will never be cured." Egdeworth hoped those words would be last he would have to say to Kristoph. As he left the cell, the disgraced attorney's body froze, yet his lips allowed a flood of insane laughter to fill the air.
Edgeworth: Th-that's the last of me in this fic, right?
Maya: What, you don't want a chance to redeem yourself?
Edgeworth: No, I want a chance to refill my truth-bar and forget this ever happened. *groans* I need to lie down.
Speakers:
The Management would like to inform Miles Edgeworth that lying down in the sporking theatre is strictly prohibited. Also, the floors are dirty. Wouldn't want your nice pink suit to get messed up, would you?Edgeworth: Grr...
Phoenix: If it makes you feel any better, we're almost halfway through the chapter. (Okay, more like a fourth of the way through. But what he doesn't know can't hurt him, right?)
Quote:
"Krissi, don't be such an epic failure..." Dahlia Hawthorne's ghostly voice echoed in his head. The repetition of her words silenced him. "Krissi, you epic failure... You should have let him continue thinking Feenie was dead."
"Dahlia," Kristoph mumbled as if he fell week to his knees.
Apollo: ..."Krissi"?
Maya: "Epic failure"?
Phoenix: Maybe we should just move on. Oh look, a line break!
[Court is back in session for the trial of Wocky Kitaki. Dessie prepares to give testimony.]Quote:
"With what Desirée DeLite has been though," Franziska responded. "I find we must handle the trial sensitively."
"Sensitive my ass," muttered Trucy, who remained furious.
Phoenix: Trucy doesn't talk like that.
Apollo: Mr. Wright... there's no need to sound like you're going to hunt down the author and murder them.
Phoenix: Murder? That's a little drastic. ...then again, I'm still unable to forget what they made her do in the second chapter.
Apollo: ...I'll defend you.
Quote:
"I met Wocky online. It was a random group chat." Desirée started her testimony, "Wocky quickly added me, started calling me a sexy angel . He also asked to see my breasts and he asked it everyday. My body too."
"That must have been strange," the judge commented.
"When did this all start?" Franziska asked her in a gentle voice.
"Three months ago."
"Did you fulfill his requests?" Franziska asked.
"No, I was too scared." She hugged herself from the stand. "I could never betray Ronnie like that."
Edgeworth: If this has been going on for about three months, why didn't she just-
Phoenix: For the sake of your truth-bar, Edgeworth, I'll field this one. *clears throat, points dramatically* Why didn't she just block him?!
Edgeworth: Thank you, Wright.
Apollo: Somehow I don't think this is actually going to be explained in the fic.
Quote:
"Your marriage is very strong isn't it?" Franziska asked. Apollo failed to see any sensitive vibe in Franziska – it certainly wasn't genuine.
Edgeworth: Franziska does have a sensitive side.
Maya: She does? Really?
Edgeworth: Yes. It's highly repressed. Also, don't tell her that I said that.
Quote:
A ruthless aroma was still present in the court room. She was desperate to crush him, he knew it and had to defend Wocky as well as himself. There was bound to be a contradiction somewhere. He didn't buy Franziska's sudden gentle nature because it was most likely an act to pull the court around her little finger.
"Ronnie and I are still very much in love," Desirée said. "Today is our anniversary, and we plan to renew our vows soon. Ronnie's not a thief anymore, and I'm so proud of him. I'm having a baby with him too."
Maya: Gee, the DeLites certainly took their time in having a kid, huh? How old were they when we met them?
Phoenix: Let me think. Uh, Ron was 23 and Dessie was the same age as him. And this is about eight years later.
Maya: I'm surprised they don't have any children by this point in the fic, then.
Apollo: Maybe the author was too lazy to make any OCs.
Edgeworth: That's just as well.
Quote:
"What a beautiful marriage!" Franziska's facial expressions turned even more serious almost like a porcelain doll. Again, Apollo didn't buy that. "Now on to the actual crime itself. Be explicit as you can."
"Well, Wocky and I met up near his mansion. We went to the noodle stand had shared some noodles together. We were having fun, then we bought some vodka and beer and drove to my place.
Edgeworth: Why did-
Phoenix: Shh, I got this. *points dramatically* Why did Dessie invite Wocky over if he'd been harassing her online for three months?!
Edgeworth: I have one penalty left, Wright. I'm not
dying.
Apollo: I don't think the fic is going address this, either.
[Dessie describes her rape, which ended when Ron ran in and saved her.]Quote:
"It weren't no rape," Wocky snapped. "She was loving it man, that dyke is gonna lie." Apollo's bracelet had been acting strange all through the second half of the trial. It was only until Wocky spoke, it stopped. He was sure of it now – Wocky was innocent. Acknowledging it would not be enough, he needed to prove it. Although the stack of evidence suggests otherwise, his bracelet would not deceive him.
Apollo: I'm not sure about this, but theoretically, if someone was twisted enough, then they could lie about this and not get picked up by the bracelet.
Phoenix: And that's one of the many reasons why we don't do rape cases.
Quote:
"Dyke?" pondered the judge.
"Dessie was telling me on MSN about her lesbian desires so I assumed the dyke who caught us called the police."
"Another person saw you?" the judge asked again.
"I think he means the victim's husband, Ron DeLite." Franziska moaned. Apollo knew it: Franziska couldn't stay gentle for long.
Maya: "Moaned"? I've never heard Franziska moan anything. Except in some bad fanfic, I think.
Edgeworth: Yes, well, surprisingly enough, a bad fanfic is in fact where you are currently hearing Franziska moan.
Quote:
"Woah, Whipping-chick, you're saying she's got a dick?" Wocky asked, at the price of a bruise curtesy of the whip.
"It's Franziska Von Karma to you, and Ron is male."
"He looked like a proper chick to me, especially the way he cried. Just like a lil girl."
Apollo: Well, that's pretty rude.
Edgeworth: This entire line of conversation is distasteful. Especially since they keep slinging around slurs.
Maya: To be fair, Ron wasn't exactly the most masculine person in the world.
Edgeworth: That's no excuse.
Quote:
"What you thought doesn't matter." Franziska fondled her whip. "I don't think you know how serious your crime really is. You don't even have the maturity to accept the fact you're crimes were revolting. Understandable since your father used to be a mob boss. "
"Like I said," Wocky remained cool, "she was loving it."
Apollo: Wocky staying cool seems a little unlikely.
Phoenix: And now Franziska's
fondling her whip. Great. How long until they have to cut out another sex scene?
Edgeworth: Please no. They're still in the courthouse.
Quote:
"I've had enough of you," Franziska barked at Wocky. "I don't want to hear another word from you. I think it's time for our decisive witness: Ron DeLite!"
Maya: You'd think the
victim would be the decisive witness. *pause* Wow, that was a weird sentence to say. I'm so used to murder trials...
Edgeworth: *sigh* In the author's defense... there's always the possibility of the victim lying due to a personal vendetta against the accused, so having another witness who can corroborate the victim's claims
is incredibly important in real life.
Phoenix: So the author got something right?
Edgeworth: I sincerely doubt it was intentional.
Quote:
The judge went on to say: "I think cross-examination will be hard. It is rock solid and we have enough evidence to show that Mrs. DeLite was raped."
"Hold it!" Apollo cried out. "The defense will like to carry out a cross-examination." Not even three fresh whips from Franziska were going to help change his mind.
"You're cold hearted, Apollo Justice." Franziska's comment was worthy of a palm hiding his face – she was the cold-hearted one here.
"Yes Mr. Justice don't be so mean." It was obvious who side the judge was on. He just wished the jurist system was used today. What was Miss Von Karma, a witch? "Sorry, but cross examining Mrs. DeLite will get us nowhere. You can cross examine Mr. DeLite all you want, Mr. Justice. "
"Fine," Apollo said quietly. He had just realized lots of potential contradictions and the judge became blind.
Maya: ...so how come the Judge randomly went blind at the end of all that?
Apollo: I don't know, but I kind of envy him.
Quote:
In the witness box, a timid looking person stood. It was Ron DeLite. Apollo wasn't surprised Wocky called him a girl. Cinnamon hair shaped as two springy buns from either side screamed out feminine more than masculine. A bright green costume decorated with yellow tails appeared as if he was going to a fancy dress party. "Witness you're name and occupation please?"
"I'm Ron DeLite, I don't have a job at the moment... PLEASE DON'T HIT ME WITH THAT WHIP THING!" Ron quickly hid under the stand and his shaking was clearly heard.
Maya: In retrospect, it's probably a good thing that the real Ron's never met the real Franziska.
Phoenix: Also, he's still married to Dessie but doesn't have a job at the moment. Oof. What happened to their consulting firm?
Quote:
"Don't worry," Maya told Ron, "Franziska wouldn't dare whip you: she's on your side."
"Thank you."
Phoenix: Maya, didn't Mia ever tell you not to lie through your teeth like that?
Edgeworth: And what, exactly, is the difference between that and bluffing?
Phoenix: Well, clearly, um... shut up.
[Ron describes walking in on Dessie and Wocky. After crying for five minutes, he chased Wocky down and tied him to a tree.]Quote:
"Where were you coming home from?" Apollo dived straight into cross-examination since he wasn't allowed to cross-examine the victim.
"From... work."
Apollo banged his hand on the desk, then responded: "You just said you were unemployed."
"Yeah but... but I am, but I'm not." Apollo could perceive his mumbling and twitching as Ron's nervous habit.
Phoenix: I don't think you need your powers for that, Apollo.
Maya: This guy is one giant walking nervous twitch, though. How would that even
work?
Apollo: Um, it's not like I haven't perceived really nervous in general people before. It's not even that much more difficult.
Speakers:
The Management would like to request that Apollo Justice stick to the trend of keeping all references to canon more or less before Dual Destinies.Apollo: I thought breaking the fourth wall was prohibited?
Speakers:
The Management is exempt from the rules. Obviously.Quote:
"According to this, you were working as an escort."
All: ...
Edgeworth: Well, it's certainly not the most immoral thing to happen in this fic so far.
Phoenix: And we're only on chapter six out of 24.
Edgeworth: Please, Wright, don't remind me.
Quote:
"PLEASE CUT IT OUT!" Ron yelped. Apollo considered the yelling as a sign of a nervous habit too.
"No need to yell Mr. DeLite," the judge said. He faced Apollo and said: "Mr. Justice continue with the cross-examination."
"Has your wife been behaving weirdly since three months ago?" Apollo asked. He knew this would get somewhere. Get to the point that Desirée was in a relationship with Wocky.
Apollo: ...which wouldn't actually prove anything. Dragging the victim's name through the mud won't help me here.
Edgeworth: Because it usually helps you?
Apollo: That wasn't what I meant. (Please stop glaring at me. I did nothing to deserve this.)
Quote:
"Her shopping sprees have cut down dramatically," Ron confessed. "Dessie used to spend it like water but she's making an effort to stop."
Apollo decided to press further and asked, "was that the reason you stole things and decided to become an escort?"
"What a foolish question!" Franziska's harsh critique was beginning to be ignored.
"Originally yes," Ron said. "But we've been doing good. Dessie's cut her spending habits and I'm not breaking the law anymore. No one else will employ me, so I stuck to the job."
Apollo: How is this even relevant?
Edgeworth: Also, prostitution is actually illegal in California.
Maya: So I guess this case will end with Ron getting arrested. Again. For the third time.
Edgeworth: Well, no, since I don't think the author is aware of this.
Quote:
"Desirée DeLite is not the victim in this case!" Trucy decided to talk straight. "She must have known about how much money the Kitaki mansion had. That's why she set Wocky up."
"Just like your 'father' Trucy Wright," Franziska responded. "Full of foolish theories."
"If my daddy's theories are so foolish, than why is he the only one's who has defeated you in court?" Trucy asked.
Maya: Oh snap!!
Phoenix: As hilarious as that is, I'm afraid of what would happen if Trucy ever actually said something like that in front of Franziska.
Maya: How traumatizing do you think it is to see your father whipped half to death right in front of you?
Phoenix: As I said, I'm afraid of what would happen.
Quote:
"The first was a scam. The second was a fluke," Franziska replied.
"Soar loser," Trucy whispered to Apollo.
"What Trucy's just said has made a whole lot of sense!" Apollo glanced at two case evaluations from eight years ago, where Ron was the defendant in both trials. "Your wife only used you for money!" Apollo announced to Ron. Presenting both evaluations to the court he could back up his claim: "You see, the real victim is the defendant. Mr. DeLite was broke, so she used Wocky to get a hold of the family's money."
Apollo: I'm going to look like such a sociopath if this ends in a "Guilty" verdict.
Phoenix: The DeLites weren't like that anyway. Just so you know.
Quote:
"You can't possibly prove this," Franziska said.
"I just did." Apollo smirked. "Here's a photo taken on the night of the alleged crime!" Apolllo had presented a clear photograph with Wocky's hands round her waist, and Desirée's lips pressed upon his mouth.
Apollo: Uh... where did I get that from?
Maya: I guess you forged it. Don't you know it's bad to present forged evidence in court, Apollo? They could take your badge for it!
Phoenix & Apollo: *awkward silence*
Edgeworth: Moving on...
Quote:
"Objection! " Franziska banged her bench with her whip. "The photo and the evaluations mean nothing. Wocky Kitaki could have still raped her after the picture was taken."
"Not rape if it's willing," Apollo explained.
All: ...
Apollo: I take it back. I'm going to look like a sociopath even if Wocky gets a "Not Guilty" verdict.
Quote:
"STOP TALKING ABOUT DESSIE LIKE THAT [incredibly long "PLEASE" cut for the sake of page-stretching]"
"You did have to steal for her," Apollo confirmed looking though Ron's profile. "You were also blackmailed into doing things just for money – such as stealing and becoming an escort. Mrs. DeLite's affair could ruining the marriage. That's why you two took advantage of his drunken state and framed him for rape!"
Ron simply yelled out, "CUT IT OUT! PLEASE STOP YELLING AT [incredibly long "ME" cut for the sake of page-stretching]"
Maya: At least the author got Ron's speech patterns down!
Edgeworth: I am very glad I was overseas for that trial, then.
Quote:
"I cried for five minutes and I chased after him – this what you said in your testimony, but doesn't make sense." Apollo told him. "How did you know where he was, if you spent five minutes crying? It's impossible."
"Witnessing the rape shocked him!" Maya yelled out. "If I walked in and saw Pearly getting raped I would have done the same thing."
Maya: Actually, if I walked in and saw Pearly getting raped, I'd channel Andre the Giant and rip the rapist a new one.
Phoenix: Assuming Pearls doesn't do that first.
Quote:
Apollo waited for Ron's response, but he got nothing. "For the five minutes you were crying, you and your wife could have made a quick plan to make sure Wocky didn't escape. Full of flaws but a plan nonetheless."
"It wasn't like that!" Ron sobbed. He buried his head in his hands unable to stop crying. "I didn't want him to get away with hurting Dessie. So after I finished crying I chased after him on the motor cycle and saw him unconscious. I tied him up somewhere the police could see him."
Edgeworth: ...as opposed to hauling him into the police station, where he could be arrested without exposing his naked body to whatever unfortunate pedestrian happened to walk by.
Apollo: I do have a point, though. How did he know where Wocky was? Did the motorcycle have some weird Kitaki-detector?
Maya: Wouldn't it just tell you to go east?
Phoenix: Kitaki-detector, Maya. Not Kentucky-detector.
Quote:
"And then Gumshoe came to the rescue!" Maya added.
"Explain how Wocky got the bruise on his face," Apollo requested.
"He knocked me out big time." Wocky admitted. "It was like this, Dessie was loving it, Ron screamed like a girl punched me in the face and I woke up tied to a tree."
Apollo: ...could a man that looks like that really hit that hard?
Phoenix: Well, he did used to work in security.
Maya: At least eight years ago.
Quote:
"Did my whip say you could speak?" Franziska showed her wrath on Wocky by giving him five whips for good measure.
"Whip's can't talk..." said Apollo.
"Shut up your foolish mouth you foolish moron! I am it's voice!"
Edgeworth: "Foolish
moron"?
Maya: Maybe the author can't write Franziska after all.
Quote:
"Yeah, I punched him..." Ron admitted. "I never seen Dessie so scared. She told me it was rape and I just cried for not being there for her. I couldn't understand what Wocky was saying, and thought he was going to punch me. So I punched him before he could even try to hit me. I threw something on his head and be was knocked out. So I dragged him to the tree and tied him up there. I'm sorry! I'm sorry. If I get on trial for this I plea temporary insanity."
Edgeworth: I doubt he'd be put on trial for that in the first place.
Phoenix: It'd be justified defense of another person. Also, the insanity plea is terrible.
Edgeworth: I am aware.
Quote:
"You tried to kill Wocky that night?" Apollo had asked so suddenly.
"OBJECTION!" Maya roared out.
"PLEASE DON'T WHIP ME!" Ron bailed, and then began to cry like a baby as he muffled up his tears. Apollo wished that he would act his age.
"This isn't cross-examination!" Maya snapped, scurrying out of the prosecution bench to hug Ron. "Mr. Justice is being a bully!"
Apollo: I'd actually agree with you there.
Maya: I still have no idea why I was behind the prosecution's bench in the first place.
Quote:
"I agree with Maya Fey. This foolish excuse for cross-examination has to be stopped!" Franziska ordered. "Look at what it's doing to the witness. Aside from the fact your claims are foolishly outrageous, and fresh from the world of foolish foolery surrounded by nothing but fools, Ron DeLite has the mind of a gentle toddler. And little children and fragile minds don't just make up foolish stories like this!"
Phoenix: ...did Franziska just character-assassinate her own witness?
Maya: Seems like something she'd do.
Phoenix: Yeah, but still. She just pretty much accused him of being mentally disabled. That's a new low, even for her.
Edgeworth: Be very glad she isn't in here right now, Wright.
Quote:
"Objection!" Apollo snapped back. "The witness isn't a child, he's an unstable man who's thirty one. To be honest, I think the witness is a crazy attention seeker."
"PLEASE CUT IT OUT!" Ron yelled out, his cinnamon hair started to bounce like springs. Maya tried to comfort him by rubbing his back.
"You insolent fool!" Franziska bellowed. "THAT THAT!" She attacked the defense bench with a series of sharp whips. She didn't care how many times she did it, nor did it matter to her who got hurt. Franziska didn't stop until Apollo collapsed.
"POLLY!" Trucy screamed.
Apollo: Ooh. I'm down.
Phoenix: "THAT THAT!"? Was that supposed to be "Take that!"?
Maya: The world may never know.
Quote:
"You have no proof Mr. Apollo Justice. Therefore it's the end." Franziska curtsied to the court. "I win!" Her tone of voice had become sweet.
The judge nodded as he banged the gavel. "I think the trial has come to an explosive close. I am ready to give my verdict." Franziska's eyes were closed, and her lips curled. Trucy gritted her teeth at the woman, then her knees dropped to Apollo's side – he was knocked out.
Apollo: Wait, she actually whipped me unconscious?
Phoenix: Don't worry, Apollo. It happens to the best of us.
Apollo: ?
Quote:
She didn't like Maya for calling Apollo a bully, but despised Franziska Von Karma much more. It wasn't because she whipped her, but because Franziska had hurt Apollo, physically, mentally and verbally. It was far too early for the judge to give his verdict. Trucy thought the judge was taking pills that made him dumb. However, it was the least of her worries, she only cared about Apollo's recovery. "The court finds Wocky Kitaki guilty!"
Apollo: Trucy's awfully mean in this fic.
Phoenix: Well, from the summary on, it was obvious that the only way out was to pretend that the girl on the screen is a completely unrelated person who just happens to share the name.
Apollo: Wait, "from the summary on"? Trucy wasn't mentioned in the summary. ...well, I guess she was, but we didn't know it was her until the fic explained it.
Phoenix: ...uh...
Speakers:
The Management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that plot-important revelations-Phoenix: I know, I know!
Quote:
"Just as I expected Apollo Justice," Franziska muttered for her opponent with a half hidden smirk, "...pathetic."
"That is all, this court is adjourned."
Justice was not served.
Maya: Don't tell me all that was just lead-up to a stupid name pun.
Apollo: It's not stupid.
Quote:
"It wasn't your fault Apollo," Trucy assured him. "Miss Von Karma cheated, and the judge gave his verdict out too soon!"
"Still, Wocky had faith in me," Apollo reminded himself, "and I blew it. Why did I have to go unconscious? I didn't lose because of Von Karma, I lost because I didn't have enough faith in Wocky." He felt an urge to throw his own fist at his face.
Phoenix: No, you definitely lost because of von Karma. She whipped you into unconsciousness.
Apollo: Thanks, Mr. Wright, but I look like a sociopath either way.
Maya: Yeah, your entire defense consisted of character-assassination and also a piece of forged evidence.
Apollo & Phoenix: *another awkward silence*
Maya: ?
Quote:
"Poor Wocky," Trucy murmured. "And little Plum too, she must be feeling awful."
"I knew Miss Von Karma was up to something," Apollo cried out. "Can't believe just realized what it was – she was distracting me."
"That wasn't a fair trial," Trucy reminded him. "You did your best!"
Maya: So, any bets on how long Apollo angsts about this?
Phoenix: Well, anyone to bet against except you?
Apollo & Edgeworth: No.
Phoenix: No bet.
Maya: Aww...
Quote:
A week has passed since Wocky's guilty verdict. Apollo stared at the roof with Trucy wrapping herself into his arms.
Phoenix: ...
Apollo: Why does this fic make is so hard to pretend that Trucy and I aren't in a relationship?!
Maya: An incestuous relationship at that, right?
Apollo: Thanks, Ms. Fey. I really needed reminding of that.
Quote:
He felt he was close to proving Wocky was in a relationship with Mrs. DeLite. His palm laid flat on his forehead. He hadn't seen Phoenix since that talk they had after the trial. It was the first time he lost a case, and he didn't really know how to deal with it.
Phoenix: You're sleeping with my daughter, who is your half-sister, um, in the context of this fic... and the discussion I have with you after the trial is about how you lost.
Apollo: Apparently.
Phoenix: I hope I was rubbing it in your face.
[Apollo angsts. Trucy suggests he push for a retrial and get Klavier as prosecutor.]Quote:
"Now I know to be careful about people online," Trucy admitted. "Once you feel better, we're gonna stand up to her," Trucy ranted as if she was planning something. "Anyway, what did Daddy say to you Polly?" Trucy asked, bouncing on top of him.
"He just asked questions."
"About what?"
"When he caught us, he asked about the details."
Apollo: What kind of details you could possibly need?
Phoenix: Favorite food, what times you're alone, worst fear, any allergies you have, least favorite way to die, and also if you happened to know Kristoph's atroquinine dealer.
Edgeworth: You answered that awfully quickly, Wright.
Phoenix: Well, a father's got to be prepared for every possibility.
Edgeworth: ...if you say so.
Quote:
"Does he know that we slept together?" she gasped, gripping onto his waist. "Did you tell him?"
Apollo shook his head. "No I didn't. I just said we got a little over excited and that it was only a kiss."
"Phew!" Trucy sighed. "You are my hero, Polly. How did he react?"
"He wasn't too happy," Apollo admitted, it would have been better to just tell Trucy. "He said the only reason he didn't freak out was because he had Miss Fey and Miss Von Karma with him. He said he got whipped by Miss Von Karma afterwards too."
Maya: Nick, if you and I ever walk in on your daughter kissing someone, I give you permission to flip out.
Phoenix: I still say I'm under-reacting.
Apollo: Everyone in this fic is.
Quote:
"I was kinda shocked that Daddy reacted so cool about it," Trucy admitted. "Since you got the day off tomorrow, how about we spend the day out with our mom?"
"Sounds like a good idea," Apollo replied, getting used to her fiddling. Before Trucy tried to kiss him, there was a knock on a door. "I wonder who that would be at this time of night?"
Edgeworth: The police. They're here to arrest Justice for statutory rape, and the both of them for committing incest.
Apollo: I'm actually hoping that will happen.
Maya: Too bad it won't.
Apollo: I know, Ms. Fey. I know.
Quote:
"I'll get it!" Trucy responded in excitement. "It might be Daddy!" Trucy dashed to the door like a sudden bolt of lightning. She opened the door and became startled: it wasn't Phoenix. Instead it was a woman with a gentle smile. She seemed to be a shrine maiden. Her hair was jet black and braids as pretty as the woman herself surfaced her head. "Hey there," Trucy said before giving an ecstatic curtsey. She also felt awakened by a wild fragrance of fresh chocolate.
Maya: Look, Nick! Iris is getting more than just a cameo!
Phoenix: Oh, wonderful.
Maya: And she smells like chocolate for some reason.
Edgeworth: That's probably the most normal part of the fic.
Quote:
"You must be Trucy," the woman said in a soothing gentle voice. Almost similar to how tender her mother sang. "I'm Iris. I baked you and your father some cake." A yellow box covered in aqua hearts and viridian swirls rested in her arms.
Apollo: Um, where? Didn't she just get out of prison?
Maya: It's street-cake. You cook it in a burning trash can.
Phoenix: And where did the box come from?
Maya: A different trash can, obviously.
Quote:
"Aww, that's so nice of you Iris," Trucy responded. "Daddy's not in at the moment, but do come in and make yourself at home." Trucy closed the door after Iris entered the room. "Apollo, a nice lady named Iris has made some cake for us, want some?"
Edgeworth: Neither Trucy nor Justice actually know Iris at this point. Shouldn't they be suspicious? At the very least, they should decline the cake.
Maya: Edgeworth, you should know better. Never decline cake!
Apollo: I've seen more than enough poisonings to agree with Mr. Edgeworth here...
Quote:
"Sure, why not?" Apollo replied, making his way to the lounge. Trucy placed some plates on the table and passed Iris a knife. The cake slid out of the box and onto the top plate. The spongy hemisphere was dressed in a silky white icing. Jelly babies in different colors were lying in random places and a lilac rose in the center. Trucy's hands had clasped in excitement.
Phoenix: No offense intended to fic-Iris, of course, but that sounds like one heck of an ugly cake.
Maya: I think it sounds delicious.
Phoenix: Well, I guess they aren't mutually exclusive.
Apollo: Okay, again, she just got out of prison, right? How did she make a
hemisphere cake of all things?!
Quote:
"That cake's so pretty!" Trucy squealed.
Phoenix: Well, no accounting for taste.
Edgeworth: I still don't understand why they let her in the office in the first place.
Phoenix: Don't question it too much. Your truth-bar, remember?
Edgeworth: Fainting would be a welcome relief.
Speakers:
The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that he is to remain conscious during the sporking.Quote:
"You made that yourself, Miss Iris?" Apollo asked. The details looked too fine to be made by hand.
Maya: So Iris is a robot in this fic?
Phoenix: No, because that would actually be interesting.
Quote:
At least, he could never made a cake as good as that – catering wasn't his forte. As soon as Iris cut the first piece, Trucy dived in.
Apollo: ...the piece that was just cut, I hope.
Phoenix: Yeah, don't want mysterious street-cake all over the Agency.
Quote:
"Yes I did," Iris replied. "How many pieces do you two want?"
"If I had the chance, I'd have all of it!" Trucy replied. "But we gotta save some for daddy and for you, Iris."
"Mr. Justice, how much do you want?"
"Just a small one thanks," Apollo replied. He found something strange about the way Iris spoke, she seemed nice but sickeningly sweet.
Phoenix: Aw, don't tell me this is one of those fics where Iris ends up being exactly like Dahlia?
Maya: You'd think it would have come up in-canon if she actually was.
Speakers:
The Management would like to remind Maya Fey that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.Maya: Apollo, this is your fault. You should have never pointed out how quiet the Management was being.
Apollo: Sorry, sorry. I just thought it was suspicious, is all...
Quote:
Her accent was an overdose on sweetness and seemed as if it belonged to a child. It didn't bother Trucy, as she sat next to him stuffing the cake in her mouth. It was pretty awkward to invite a stranger to their home. The pleasant side to it all was that the cake was delicious. "So how do you Mr. Wright?" Apollo asked Iris.
Iris tilted her head, adding sweetness to her lovely smile and replied, "Well, I'm his fiancé."
All: ...
Phoenix: But... she was just in prison. Like, two chapters ago. When did we get engaged?
Maya: At least it's relatively plausible!
Phoenix: Trucy would already know about it, though.
Edgeworth: Don't resist it, Wright. It's really the only thing in this fic so far that makes any amount of sense.
[The lights come back on.]Apollo: Well, on the plus side, I'm not the only one in a pairing.
Phoenix: Although I appear to be the only one in one that didn't
totally come out of nowhere.
Maya: Which, ironically, is apparently how the author tried to play it. Isn't that funny?
Edgeworth: Regardless, we are done here. We should not linger any longer than is necessary.
[And so our intrepid sporkers leave. Tune in next time for even more pairings from nowhere... which will probably scar you for life.]Edgeworth: What was that?
Speakers:
The Management thought you left. At any rate, you are still not allowed to comment on the descriptive narration. Go home.Edgeworth: Gladly.