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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Today’s Sporking: Bath Time

Rating: :sahwit: 1 x Sahwit. This fic honestly isn’t bad at all. The only potential problem with it is that the situation it presents is rather unlikely (but then again, so are most of the situations in the series..). Both Phoenix and Maya are entirely in character here; the author did very well with making the dialog and narration regarding the characters believable. I figured it would be enjoyable to see them reacting to this short story in the sporking theater, so without further ado…

Let’s meet our sporkers!:
:phoenix: "Haven’t I been through enough of this already?!"
:maya: "Oh, this is so exciting!"
:edgeworth: "There had better be good reason for interrupting my work."


Three dark silhouettes are seen from behind, sitting in a row and preparing for the sporking. All three appear to be about the same height while sitting if the bun of hair of the middle person is taken into account.

Maya: *puffed out cheeks* "It’s NOT a top knot!"

Edgeworth: "Of all days, it had to be this one."

Phoenix: *staring past Maya* "What are you talking about?"

Maya: "Edgeworth, why does it seem like you just got out of bed?"

Edgeworth: "The water in my house wasn’t functioning appropriately this morning, and I was thus unable to bathe myself."

Maya: "Don’t worry, Nick skips his showers all the time!"

Phoenix: "Hey, wait, w-what?!"

The lights dim in the theater.

Bath Time, written by Lex Lexa

Phoenix: "…"

Maya: "We were just talking about a bath! How ironic!"

Edgeworth: "It isn’t irony, Maya, it is a coincidence."

Phoenix leant on the door of the living room, observing Maya, well checking up on her. She was not her usual self on this cold winter day. In fact, you could barely see her underneath all the blankets he had wrapped around her.

Edgeworth: *folds his arms* "I see where this is going." *crosses legs, pulls out a magazine and begins reading*

Maya: "Nick, what does he mean?"

Phoenix: "I have no idea."

“So Yoda, have you finished your soup?” Phoenix asked, smiling.

Phoenix: "Y’know, considering the fanfics we usually encounter, this one doesn’t seem to be that out of character, if at all."

Maya: "I was thinking the same thing."

Edgeworth: *peers up from his magazine, frowns*

Maya looked up at him, eyes glazed over and her little face flushed, “Mmmhmmm” As Phoenix took the bowl from her, Maya weakly grabbed his arm. “Why do I feel like this Nick?”

Edgeworth: *not even looking up* "I would assume the self-evident fact that you are ill would suffice as an answer to this unnecessary inquiry."

“Because Maya, when you insist on playing in the snow for hours with just your Yukata on, you get sick”

Phoenix: *nudges Maya* "That does seem like something you would do, Maya."

Edgeworth: "I am inclined to agree."

Maya: *looking back and forth at them* "Heeeey!"

Maya pouted, “But you were playing too! Why aren’t you sick? It’s not fair!”

Maya: *claps hands together* "Nick, if I were sick in real life, you would get sick with me too, right?"

Phoenix: "Umm… sure I would…"

Edgeworth: "I’m afraid that’s not entirely under your control, Wright."

Nick chuckled, “Someone needs some more Cold Killer X…” Nick crouched down in front of her and felt her forehead with his hand, with a concerned look he said, “Wow, even Cold Killer X can’t break your fever” Maya began to wrap herself tighter in her pink fleece blanket, tears forming in her eyes, she began to cry and tell Nick how much her body ached. Stuck with ideas on how to help other than offering pain killers, Phoenix offered her comfort by stroking her head.

Phoenix: "But how could I stroke her head without the big knot on top getting in the way?"

Edgeworth: *smirking* "It’s almost like it’s a-"

Maya: "Shut up!"

“Well,” he began, an idea forming in his mind, “If your body aches, how about a nice hot bath?”

Edgeworth: *bringing magazine down a little, glaring at screen* "Just as I expected."

Maya: *peeking over* "Hey, that’s an issue of Steel Samurai!"

Phoenix: *looks over at Edgeworth, smirking*

Edgeworth: "W-what is?" *sweating*

“Meh. I don’t know… I like it here on the sofa…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll start running it for you,” Phoenix offered, Maya nodded and slumped back into the sofa.

Phoenix: "Uhh…"

Edgeworth: "It appears you too have caught the direction of this fanfic, Wright."

Maya: "What? Where is it going?!"

After collecting a pile of dirty tissues and safely disposing of them, he got on with running the bath for Maya. She had been teary eyed all day but he’d never had imagined the struggle to get Maya off the sofa and away from the Steel Samurai DVDs. Phoenix was also never allowed to be too far away from her- her fever and self pity had made her unusually needy. Phoenix couldn’t blame her of course; she was nowhere near as bad as he was when he got a case of “man flu”. Just as he was about to get back to work, he heard a voice all too familiar.
“Niiiiick…can you come here?”

Edgeworth: "I sincerely hope you disinfected your hands upon disposing of the bacterial Kleenex."

Phoenix: "'Man flu'?"

Phoenix sighed and lent his ear against the bathroom door, when it fell open. “GAK! MAYA! Why did you leave the door unlocked?!”

Maya: *daring smile* "Ooh, Nick, can’t I get one moment of privacy?"

Phoenix: *blushes* "It’s FIC!me, not the real me!"

Edgeworth: "Trusty magazine…" *face disappears behind magazine*

“Nick! You’re right I do feel a bit better!” She smiled sleepily, lying in the bath on her front, head poking above the water. Phoenix convinced himself that it could only be the deliriousness from her fever that could lead her to being so…
“Niiiick, will you please… stay in here? In the bathroom?”

Edgeworth: *throws hands in the air* "I might as well borrow your copy of Titanic."

Phoenix: "Well, at least we’re still in character…"

Maya: "NO! It’s my only copy!"

Phoenix promptly marched over and shut the shower curtain, “Maya…” he exasperated, “I can’t stay in here while you’re…”
Please…” She said poking her head out of the curtain, refusing to stay hidden.

Maya: *bumps Phoenix with elbow* "This is getting pretty intense, Nick!"

Phoenix: *deadpanned*("I can’t imagine actually being in this situation.")

Nick couldn’t deny such a cute face, her hair tied up in a bun at the top of her head, her cheeks bright red.

Phoenix: "Why is the narrator referring to me as “Nick”?"

Maya: *ponders for a moment* "Maybe the narrator is Larry!"

Edgeworth: "Nonsense. I see no random outbursts or overuse of the Caps Lock key."

He noted to himself that he didn’t actually SEE anything, so he felt it was okay to sit in the bathroom with her and keep her company. He rolled up his shirt sleeves and took a seat on the toilet seat cover. He shook his own head at how weird this way, how he couldn’t resist Maya’s cuteness. By what can only be compared to guilt, he looked down at the floor while chatting to her, in case he caught even a glance at her bare skin through the tiny gap in the shower curtain.

Edgeworth: "I should applaud you, Wright. You have the self-control of a true man, yet your actions are that of a twelve year old."

Phoenix: "..You couldn’t just leave it at the compliment, could you?"

Edgeworth: "I’m afraid not."

“So you’re feeling better?” He asked awkwardly

Edgeworth: "Wright, your ability to speak clearly under pressure here appears similar to your courtroom composure."

Phoenix: "H-hey!"

“Mmm, yes this bath is lovely!” Maya suddenly popped through the shower curtain again.

Maya: "…I want a hot bath! Nick, make me a hot bath!"

Phoenix: "Never."

Phoenix froze and went bright red as she reached her soap covered arm out to him, all Phoenix could do was watch as Maya grabbed his tie and saw himself getting gradually closer to her smiling, flushed face. “Nick..?”

Phoenix: *Turning bright red*

Maya: *pokes Phoenix, smiling*

Edgeworth: "Er..just how far is this going to go…"

Phoenix: "It says it’s rated Fiction K."

Edgeworth: *Sighs with relief*

He instinctively grabbed hold of her wet hand, looking into her sleepy, glazed over eyes, “What’s that Maya?”
She pulled him closer and pressed her lips against his, Phoenix embraced Maya- refusing to acknowledge how soaked his shirt was getting. “Thanks for looking after me today…”

Edgeworth: "Well…at least that’s over. Although, my complaints are few and far between considering the overall quality of the writing."

Phoenix: "I suppose you’re right. What’d you think, Maya?"

Maya: *blushing heavily* "Umm…it was nice."

Phoenix: "?"

Edgeworth: *smiles*

They exit the sporking theater.


As this was my first sporking, I would genuinely appreciate some feedback. Did I stay in character okay? What kinds of improvements could I have made? Anything I did well? Thank you for reading :phoenix:
Check out my PW Fan Song :)
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Turnabout Rebirth
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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As this was my first sporking, I would genuinely appreciate some feedback. Did I stay in character okay? What kinds of improvements could I have made? Anything I did well? Thank you for reading :phoenix:

Never change. I have never seen someone so endearingly polite and nice to the author in their sporking, and I'm all about that. Some writing is so unbelievably terrible that you can't help but laugh, but most of the targets of sporking end up being fairly mediocre but harmless fic. You seemed to have fun with this, and you weren't mean-spirited about it at all! Everyone wins.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Nice spork, WrightBrother. :)

There is still room for improvement, but for a first spork, it's really good and fun to read.
So please take the following as encouragement to improve, rather than hostility.I would like to read more sporks from you.

-Ideally try to avoid having the characters talk/react to your script. They can't read or hear what the cursive says, they can only read/watch/hear the fic and the management's messages via the speakers. The only exception should be the introduction right before the sporking, where they may react to what you say to introduce them, since it's not clear where they are at that point.

-Maya should not call Edgeworth "Edgeworth" (in much the same way that your friends should not call your mom "mom". Not everyone uses the same name for the same character). ;)

-Edgeworth is mighty ballsy to openly read a magazine like that during the sporking. We should keep him aware of the fact that this is a rule violation and likely to earn him a punishment. He's also mighty ballsy to bring another treasured Steal Samurai magazine with him after Maya already nabbed one.
Or does this spork take place before that one, or during the time screw? (This is a possibility, but it would be good to know.)

-If you want one sporker to react to another sporker's comment, it's important to have this happen before anyone else comments. If you have to squeeze a third person's comment in between them, then the delay should be reflected in the replying sporker's answer (like having them mention that it's rude to interrupt, or repeat the part they answer to). Just think of text flow in real life.
Bad example:
Person 1: I hear you're a vegetarian, Alice. Do you still eat eggs?
Person 2: This egg salad is delicious! You'll have to give me the recipe.
Alice: Yes, I do. Thanks for asking.

Good example:
Person 1: I hear you're a vegetarian, Alice. Do you still eat eggs?
Alice: Yes, I do. Thanks for asking.
Person 2: This egg salad is delicious! You'll have to give me the recipe.

Also good example:
Person 1: I hear you're a vegetarian, Alice. Do you still eat eggs?
Person 2: This egg salad is delicious! You'll have to give me the recipe.
Alice: Yes, I do eat eggs, person 1. Thanks for asking.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Is it just me or is the general quality of fanfics improving? Seems sporkings dont happen that much anymore
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I think the quality has gone up somewhat, yes. But also, has changed it so that you now can't copy-paste from the fics. There are some tricks for this, but I personally had to search for a while until I found something that worked for me.
I am now currently working on a spork, but can't tell how long I'll be writing on it. Could be a while because I want to make sure I don't screw up this time.
I sincerely hope that others will also write sporks again.
Potential sporkers who can't work with fanfiction after the change could pm me, maybe what worked for me will work for you.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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adit2789 wrote:
Is it just me or is the general quality of fanfics improving? Seems sporkings dont happen that much anymore

Ace Attorney fics have always had decent to great quality in general. Of course there are exceptions.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
I sincerely hope that others will also write sporks again.

I want to try sporking something, but I can't seem to find any suitable fanfics to spork. Any ideas?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Erulissë wrote:
Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
I sincerely hope that others will also write sporks again.

I want to try sporking something, but I can't seem to find any suitable fanfics to spork. Any ideas?

This is the same problem I faced. Considering that you can't search by rating, just look for one and nitpick, it doesn't necessarily have to be HORRIBLE. Despite the thread being called "Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!".

Last edited by Builderkid107 on Mon Apr 28, 2014 3:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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They don't seem to write quite the type of badfic as they used to, nowadays, that much is true.
My suggestion to you depends on whether or not you're motivated to check what fics have already been sporked.
If you will do so, and thus be able to tell the sporked from the unsporked fics, I recommend searching for certain keywords (use Google instead of that are likely to get some bad results. Such keywords could be, but are not limited to: Misspelled character names, any variation of "lol" and "lmao", "kissed", "blind date" and the likes, "doctor", "oc", "thingy" and "(random monster of the week)".

If you do not want to check all the sporks for the fics they reviewed, just search for most recent result, check the descriptions and amount of words, and pick one (just don't pick "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Following the Law", because I'm working on that one).
Oh, and ideally avoid crossovers, at least if the second series is too present. It can be fun, but there's always the risk of half your readers not being familiar with the series.
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Good job, everybody. Maybe I should spork something? I have some bad AA fics I've been hoarding for my spork blog... although I'm not confident in my ability to write canon character sporks, as opposed to OC sporks... :yogi:
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Well, if anyone needs help with canon characterization or just an editor for their spork, I'm available. I DO run a blog where I break Ace Attorney down into localization differences and get to know the characters pretty well, as well as their Japanese counterparts.

Go for it, Airey. It's been a while since our last sporking, and we shouldn't let this thread die. This theatre was one of the reasons I joined these forums for.
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Well, if anyone needs help with canon characterization or just an editor for their spork, I'm available. I DO run a blog where I break Ace Attorney down into localization differences and get to know the characters pretty well, as well as their Japanese counterparts.

Go for it, Airey. It's been a while since our last sporking, and we shouldn't let this thread die. This theatre was one of the reasons I joined these forums for.

I... I guess. First off I need to go find the fics I've been hoarding, I guess.

Has anyone read the one where Wocky Kitaki stands trial for raping someone with a sausage? That one was crazy enough to make an easy starter, but unfortunately I can't remember the title.

Edit: I FOUND IT but it's a bit longer than I remember. So. Um....
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Little advice: It's generally a good idea to keep the material in this thread at least vaguely below an R rating, since you never know who your readers may be. We can and do dance around the Yaoi tree alright, just... i don't know, I guess ask a mod or something if the material you want to quote is too explicit.
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Fair point. (Although IIRC it wasn't shown, just kinda talked about in court.) Still, just because of length, I was planning on getting something else. The main problem is the fact that Wrightworth fics are basically my punching bags, but I'm not sure I'd be able to write Phoenix and Edgeworth sporking them. (It'd either be too obvious that I'm a Wrightworth shipper myself, or I'd be too over-the-top in making fun of it and it'd be out-of-character and/or come across as ship-bashing. Sigh.)
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If that's your biggest problem, why don't you have some fun with it and have not the two themselves, but the people closest to them spork it? (For Phoenix, that would likely be Maya or Trucy. For Edgeworth, I'd say Kay, Franziska or Gumshoe, if you want to ruin their work relationship). You just know that the aftermath would be less than pleasant, and depending on whom you pick, you could have a fair amount of ridicule and/or shock going on in the theater.
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Hmmm... well, maybe I'll just go find some random AJ-era fic, since I'm best at writing Trucy and Apollo. Does anyone have any on hand? I don't.
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Pick one: ... formatid=0
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Okay, let's give this a shot. Disclaimer: while this is hardly my first time sporking/my first time sporking AA fanfiction/my first time sporking with a canon AA characters, this is my first time sporking without one of my own OCs. So... bear with me here... I fear I might not have had enough snark to go around.... Many thanks to Pessimistic_Fool for giving me the link where I found this and also to Rubia Ryu for egging me on.
This fic is called "A new Ace Attorney" and yes, that is how it's capitalized. I'll give this one Sahwit. It's not that bad, it's just really blah and Franziska is out-of-character.

Today's sporkers will be...
Hobo Nick
:hobohodo: "It's been a while."
Apollo Justice
:apollo-shock: "I didn't ask for this..."
Trucy Wright
:trucy: "Cheer up, Polly! This one isn't supposed to be that bad!"

We open up in our sporking theatre, which appears to have fallen into disuse lately. Already seated is a casually-dressed (and possibly drunk, we just don't know) Phoenix Wright, along with his daughter Trucy.
Phoenix: ...and that's why you always make sure to lock your windows. Always.
Trucy: I don't think anyone would be able to get past all the stuff piled in front of the window at the Agency anyway, Daddy.
They are interrupted as Apollo Justice is unceremoniously shoved into the theatre.
Apollo: OUCH! Ugh... *picks himself up* What did I do to deserve this?
Phoenix: Come on, Apollo. It's not that bad.
Apollo: This place has been empty for months, though! And even before that, the last time I was here-
The lights begin to dim.
Trucy: Ooh, Polly, sit down! It's starting!
Apollo: Ugh, fine... they didn't even provide us with popcorn this time...
"Your hands are shaking…"

"You should be more worried about yourself."

Trucy: So, who's talking to who? Any bets? Daddy?
Phoenix: Well, Franziska's in this one, right? One of them's probably her.
Trucy: ...I don't think either of those lines sound like anything she'd say, though.
Franziska turned her head towards the subway windows and watched the city quickly pass them by. Phoenix placed his hand over Franziska's and said, "You didn't need to come. I know where the courthouse is…"

Phoenix: Ooh, I was right.
Trucy: Yeah, but how come the other person's you?
Apollo: Don't tell me this a shipping fic...
Phoenix: Relax, Apollo. You're not being paired up with anyone.
Apollo: ...don't tell me you read the script already. And you're not sharing.
Phoenix: *shady grin*
A slight smirk formed on Franziska's lips as she replied, "Please, without me, you'd be nothing more than a lost dog…" Phoenix chuckled a bit and looked out the window as well.

Trucy: Daddy's sense of direction isn't that bad.
Phoenix: Come on, Trucy, give me some credit.
Apollo: Am I the only one who's noticed that you're apparently taking the subway to the courthouse?
Trucy: ...but, the courthouse isn't that far away from our house.
Apollo: Exactly!
Now 25 years old, Franziska has grown into a beautiful young woman. She is still a deadly opponent in court, but her whip is now out of the picture. Also, she grew her hair out.

Phoenix: Wait. Her whip is out of the picture? *starts laughing* As if we could ever be so lucky!
Apollo: Yeah, I remember the one time I was in here with her-
Trucy: I heard you were a horse.
Apollo: Moving on!
After a few minutes, Franziska realized that Phoenix was beginning to play with her hair. Franziska smacked Phoenix's hands away and shouted, "Will you stop fooling around? How can you act so calm? YOU'RE BEING SUSPECTED FOR MURDER!"

Trucy: I'm surprised it took her so long to notice!
Apollo: And why is she shouting all of a sudden?
Trucy: Maybe she's trying to outdo your Chords of Steel.
Apollo: Ha. I'd like to see her do that!
Phoenix placed a finger over Franziska's lips and said, "Don't worry, honey. The defense attorney I was assigned to is new at this job, but he has a lot of promise!"

Franziska glared at him and muttered, "You always act like a goddamn child…" "That's why I married you, babe!" Phoenix exclaimed as he quickly flashed the wedding ring on his finger.

Trucy: Daddy! You got married and you didn't even tell me?!
Phoenix: I'm pretty sure I wouldn't survive marriage to Franziska anyone. No one could.
Apollo: Well, it could be possible if she wasn't using her whip anymore.
Phoenix: Well, surviving marriage to an out-of-character Franziska would be much easier, I guess.
Franziska smiled and kissed Phoenix slightly on the lips. "It's ironic that you're the older one in this relationship…" she muttered as the subway train began to slow.

Phoenix: Hey. I'm not that immature.
Apollo: (I wouldn't be too sure about that, Mr. Wright...)
As the married couple walked out of the station, Phoenix asked, "Are you going to watch how it turns out?" Franziska shook her head and replied, "No, I don't think I can handle it. Call me when it's over, okay?"

Phoenix: *raises eyebrows* Franziska not being able to handle a trial?
Trucy: Maybe it's just some completely unrelated lady who just so happens to also be named "Franziska".
Just before Franziska went back inside, Phoenix kissed her on the lips and whispered, "I love you…" Franziska did the same and walked away before Phoenix could see her cry.

Apollo: Why is she crying? Does she not think I can get you acquitted?!
Phoenix: Well, it's not like the real Franziska likes defense attorneys very much.
Apollo: Yeah well this one apparently doesn't have much faith in you, either. ...not that you were doing a great job of not being suspicious.
Phoenix: And? All's well that ends well, Apollo!
Hosuke Odoroki, a 22-year old man fresh out of law school, wasn't exactly too pleased with his mentor at the moment. "Where the hell is he?" Odoroki muttered as he kept eyeing his wristwatch.

Trucy: Hosuke... Odoroki...?
Apollo: Oh right, that's my Japanese name.
Trucy: That's silly. Why not just call you Apollo?
Phoenix: This fic was published before your game even came out in Japan.
Speakers: The management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.
Phoenix: What? It's true!
Trucy: Why would you write a fanfic for something that hasn't come out yet...?
Not only was his mentor, Garyu Kirihito, late, but the trial was about to start in half an hour! Odoroki cursed under his breath and muttered, "How long does it take him to pick up the defendant and bring him here? I mean, Mr. Kirihito said he even KNOWS this guy! He should be easy to spot!"

Trucy: So I guess Garyu Kirihito must be Kristoph Gavin, then.
Apollo: Yeah. ...boy am I glad he didn't get dragged in here to spork with us again. That was a disaster.
Phoenix: I feel like I should be taking offense to that "easy to spot" remark.
Trucy: Oh, you don't look weird, Daddy. Just unique!
Apollo: (...I'm not even going to touch that one.)
Suddenly, in the middle of his ranting, a light-red Ford drove up and screeched slightly against the curb. "Sorry I'm a little late!" called a blond man as he climbed out of his car.

Trucy: I'm pretty sure light red and pink are the same things.
Phoenix: Well, not according to some people.
Apollo: I assume the blond man is supposed to be Mr. Gavin, but I'm having a hard time imagining him say "Sorry I'm a little late!" without being sarcastic.
Odoroki tossed his hands in the air and shouted, " A LITTLE late?! The trial's about to start in 20 minutes! Did you find this 'Mr. Wright' person?"

Apollo: ...and now I'm shouting at him. Do I have a death wish or something?
Another door on the car swung open and a man wearing a black coat and a strange blue cap stepped out of the car. He also looked like he could use a good shave.

Phoenix: It's... not so much a black coat as it is a gray hoodie.
Trucy: And your beanie's not strange!
Apollo: It's right about using a good shave, though.
Phoenix: I think I look fine just the way I am.
"Are you sure THIS guy is our defendant? He doesn't look much like someone who's being accused of murder." Odoroki asked. Phoenix smirked and replied, "Well, you don't look much like someone who's a defense attorney. How about that?"

Trucy: I'm afraid to ask what you think someone accused of murder looks like, Polly.
Apollo: I'm just more concerned about the fact that Mr. Wright apparently doesn't think I look like a defense attorney.
Phoenix: Trust me on this - anyone wearing an attorney's badge looks like a defense attorney. Whether or not that badge belongs to them, or if it's even real, is completely irrelevant.
Apollo: O...kay... (I'm afraid to ask.)
'This guy's a jerk.' Thought the sullen attorney as he walked back inside the courthouse to prepare himself, leaving the two men outside to relive the 'good old days'.

Apollo: (Not entirely sure I'm wrong there.)
Phoenix: Ha, reliving the good old days with Kristoph Gavin. That's a good one!
Odoroki let out a nervous sigh as he made sure his tie was on straight. Slowly, the doors into the courtroom began to open. Suddenly, all of his nervousness vanished. With a look of determination in his eyes, Odoroki stepped up to the defense's chair and thought, 'No matter what, I will prove my defendant innocent!'

Trucy: I thought there weren't any chairs behind the defense bench. I sure didn't see any.
Apollo: I'd actually kind of like that. It does get a little tiring standing in the same place for hours on end.
Phoenix: It beats sitting in the same place for hours on end, pretending to play piano....
The scuffling of feet and shushed voices filled the courtroom as the jury piled in to take their seats and observe the show. Soon, the judge entered as well, his white beard swaying slightly as he moved.

Apollo: Wait, a jury?
Phoenix: Maybe this is an AU where the MASON system actually went over well.
Trucy: I thought this was already an AU.
Phoenix: I guess my being married to Franziska somehow made the Jurist system return. *pauses* Not worth it.
Kirihito placed a reassuring hand on Odoroki's shoulder and whispered, "Just stay calm and don't lose focus. You can do this…" Odoroki smiled confidently and nodded.

The Judge's gravel banged against the desk, signaling the start of the trial.

Apollo: ...I'm trying to imagine Mr. Gavin being reassuring... it isn't really working.
Trucy: If I were you, Polly, I'd be kinda scared.
Apollo: If I were me in the fic, I'd probably be wondering what happened to my name.
The lights come back on.
Apollo: Oh, that's it?
Trucy: See, I told you it wasn't that bad!
Phoenix: I almost wish we'd gotten something longer.
Apollo: Please don't jinx us, Mr. Wright.
Trucy: Well, if we're done here, we'd better get going! My show at the Wonder Bar starts in... *pulls watch out of magic panties* ...fifteen minutes!
Phoenix: You're coming, of course, Apollo?
Apollo: Uh... sure.
And so our intrepid sporkers file out of the theatre. By the time Trucy's show started, they have most likely already forgotten what exactly this fic was about. However, perhaps the sudden revival of the sporking theatre after months of inactivity doesn't bode well for them... who knows?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Pre reading thoughts: Wait, so you wrote an entire spork in like two hours? That's not a very safe way to do this... you had no time to proofread, or let it set and improve. Or are you some kind of robot? Do they build robots for that? ^^
well, let's see... I must say I'm feeling cauteous about reading this.

Thoughts while reading:
-It's good that you gave us the title of the fic, but for future sporks, please remember to also state the author. Just for the sake of continuity, you know.

-I like your transition into the theater. Very good work there. Very nice style.

-Uh, just another detail for future sporks: Please use um... an empty line (sorry, I don't know the English word... I mean the thing where you press Enter twice) between characters to make it easier to read. I made this mistake myself in the past, but it really does look better with more space. For narration, you can use any type of brackets, and again, put it in its own line. This is just for readability, as it can look like the narration is still said by the characters if it isn't set apart from them.

-How does Hobo Phoenix know that Franziska is in the fic? Did he get a script? If so, you should mention that. The cast was not quoted, so he can't know it from the fic. (Okay, I see he did have a script. Still, the Franziska thing leaves the reader confused until this comes up.)

-That horse joke will never die, will it? Poor Apollo... XD

-What the heck, suddenly Japanese name in the fic? O.o
And Apollo actually knows it's his name? Has somebody been googling himself? ;)

-Love your little "anyone wearing an attorney's badge looks like a defense attorney" jab there. Overall, I feel like the sporkers are well written and interacting nicely with each other.

-I notice you put a comma in "If I were you, Polly". I can't emphasize enough how much I appreciate that.

Conclusion: Yup, you look like a robot to me. So, were can I order some of your type? That would surely help me write my own spork faster. ^^
Joke aside, I think you did very well for your first attempt. I liked it.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Aw, thanks. I'll keep double spacing and bracketing in mind for future installments. And I completely forgot about crediting the author, I'm so used to keeping it anonymous to prevent harassment.
Also, I've been sporking since 2010, so that's why I'm pretty quick about it. Hehe. :yogi:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Sorry for double posting, but it has been a few days... I was wondering.

I have a fic in mind. It is terrible. Absolutely insane. At least five Sawhits. It has I think two sex scenes, both of which can be completely cut out without sacrificing the integrity of what plot there isn't.
It's also 24 chapters long.

I'm determined to spork this. I was wondering, though, if I should put it here or on my spork blog. Thoughts, anyone?
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If it's that long, I would suggest two things:

1) Divide it into several sporks f maybe two or three chapters each. You could also make a break between parts, so that the amount of new text to read wouldn't be overwhelming (we've done this before, there can even be other sporks between parts). If it's still too much, you could also hide some of it under a spoiler tag.

2) Where possible, cut out the quotes and replace them with a short summory of what happens in the fic. Just make sure to mark these bits as fic narration (by bolding them and putting them in a separate space, for example).
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Title: Law Plus Chaos
Author: ChloboShoka
Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
Honestly, this is getting into Dahlia territory. It's supposed to be a crackfic, and the author is aware that everyone is out-of-character, judging by the tags, but it's just... awful. We have incest, rape, Godot being Apollo's father, Larry/Alita Tiala, and Edgeworth being brain-melting levels of stupid in the first couple chapters. It all goes downhill from there.
This will just be the first two chapters.

Today's sporkers will be...
Hobo Nick!
:hobohodo: "Why didn't I get a script this time?"
Apollo Justice!
:apollo-shock: "Do I have to?"
Trucy Wright!
:trucy: "What's the worst that could possibly happen?"
Resident Sporking Bitch, Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: "I thought I was free of this godforsaken place!"

[We once again open up in our sporking theatre, which appears to have been dusted somewhat in the last few days. Once again, Phoenix and Trucy Wright are already seated, and former appears to be actually... sober.]

Phoenix: I heard that!

Speakers: The Management would like to request that the sporkers refrain from commenting on the descriptive narration.

[Apollo Justice enters the sporking theatre, this time of his own free will, assuming you ignore how quickly the door closes behind him.]

Apollo: -all right, all right! I'm in! *takes his seat* Stupid troops...

Trucy: Aren't we supposed to have a fourth person today?

[Trucy's question is answered by the sudden loud commotion just outside the theatre doors, followed by a certain pink-suited prosecutor being literally thrown in.]

Edgeworth: *thud* OUCH! Nnngh... *sits up* I thought this place was done for! *glares at narration* And for the last time, my suit is-

Speakers: Once again, the Management would like to request that the sporkers refrain from commenting on the descriptive narration.

Edgeworth: Hmph. *takes his seat next to Phoenix, looks at co-sporkers* And once again I'm out of my era, too.

Phoenix: Oh, cheer up, Edgeworth. What's the worst that could happen?

Edgeworth: Don't jinx it. ...would you happen to have a script?

Apollo: None of us have a script.

[The lights begin to dim.]

Trucy: Shh, it's starting!

Apollo never expected his career to lead him where he was now. Seduced by his half-sister, united with his father and facing court against top prosecutors. His chaotic personal life can either make or break him. Ultimate crack-fest!

Everyone: *freezes*

Apollo: ...wh... WHAT?!

Edgeworth: I believe that is the summary.

Apollo: No, I mean, what's this about "seduced by his half-sister"?! I DON'T HAVE A HALF-SISTER!!

Phoenix: (...I knew I was forgetting something!)

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that plot-important revelations should be kept inside the games, not the sporking theatre.

Trucy: ? Daddy, do you know something about-

Phoenix: No.

"Thank you for the coffee, Butzy!" Godot smiled shaking hands with the Prison Officer. "Without coffee I am seriously going to die."

Phoenix: Wait, is that supposed to be Godot talking?

Edgeworth: One sentence in and it's already out-of-character. I honestly don't know what I was expecting.

It was hard being limited on the one drink he adored. The decaffeination was driving him crazy. Prison was tough enough as it was, being guilty of murder.

Apollo: He's in prison for murder and he's worried about the coffee?

Phoenix: Actually, I'm pretty sure that bit is in-character.

Edgeworth: I suspect that being limited to only one coffee a day would do more than drive him crazy, though.

Phoenix: Oh yeah.

It was all Dahlia's fault; she was the one who placed her in a coma, she was the one that made him kill Misty Fey. He didn't want to, but he had to protect Maya for Mia's sake. If only he could see Mia again, just for a second, he would tell his 'kitty' how much he wanted to be with her again.

Edgeworth: I certainly hope the fic doesn't make a habit of summarizing things we already know.

Trucy: Actually, I have no idea what it's talking about.

Edgeworth: You are not the target audience.

Phoenix: And I'm pretty sure he called Mia "kitten", not "kitty".

"My pleasure," Larry saluted. "I'm surprised you're still here."

They had postponed his execution again. To be honest, Godot didn't seem to care anymore; he just wanted to escape this hell.

Edgeworth: A desire I can relate to.

Speakers: The Management would like to note that dying in the sporking theatre is strictly forbidden.

Edgeworth: Oh, shut up!

ndulging himself to the fragrance of coffee was his perfect escape in life. Sometimes, Maya would channel Mia's spirit. He could still have an essence of Mia in his life again. "Ah, just the way I like it." he grinned. His taste buds gave approval. His real name was Diego Armando, but he preferred to be known as Godot in prison. And Godot shall be his name, until he finally feels free.

Apollo: I vote we just cut out everything that the audience is already supposed to know.

Edgeworth & Phoenix: Seconded.

Trucy: I still don't know what it's talking about, though!

Apollo: You should read through Mr. Wright's old case files, then.

"You seem to be enjoying your coffee too."

"Mr. Wright has seemed to have lost his way," Godot announced, "since being disbarred.

All: ...

Edgeworth: what possible universe do these two lines of conversation fit together?!

Kristoph was responsible for his downfall. He shares my cell. A lawyer can only cry when it's over," Godot was proud of this one-liner and truly believed it.

Edgeworth: And now he's spouting completely irrelevant lines in response to his own dialogue.

Phoenix: I know Godot can be hard to keep up with, but this is ridiculous...

"Mr. Wright must have cried and cried. Inside he must still felt a bitter hunger for Gavin's downfall. Years to this present day, he has finally satisfied his hunger. Gavin's eyes have created a thunderstorm."

Trucy: Daddy?

Phoenix: Yes, Trucy?

Trucy: What does this even mean?

Apollo: We probably shouldn't question it, Trucy.

"I HATE THAT GAVIN DUDE!" Larry shouted, "He is just evil!"

"Then I will think of you, too; when the hot coffee drools down his cheeks." Godot washed his cup down in an instant. He was then in need for another. "That's why I got put in solitary confinement; I threw coffee at him. So any kitties been catching your eye lately Butzy?" he asked for the sake of a conversation.

Edgeworth: Oh, now he wants to carry on a conversation.

Phoenix: He's supposed to be friends with Larry here, right? ...shouldn't he know that's a dangerous topic with him?

Edgeworth: ...suddenly I feel very afraid.

"Oh yes," Larry exclaimed. "Where to start, my sweet Iris; she's so sweet. Mimi is so adorable, and her past is so tragic – I want to hug her. I will miss pink April May and her bouncy boobs! I need to see Phoenix's daughter, I think her name was Lucy – she sounds AMAZING."

Edgeworth: Who let him into a women's prison?

Apollo: I think he's supposed to be the guard.

Phoenix: Forget that. Did no one notice the problem with his last statement?

Trucy: name's not Lucy?

Phoenix: You're underaged.

Edgeworth: Meaning, of course, that Larry is still in-character.

He rambled on about the women non-stop. "I am so going to miss Lana and Iris. Man, the Skye family have a reputation for beautiful women cause Detective Skye is so pretty."

"How delightful," Godot referred to his drink of choice, not Larry's words. It was clear to why Larry was still single: he chatted non-stop about girls and put a lot of them off. "This blend reminds me of her." he muttered to himself. "We shared this on our first date."

Apollo: one really pays attention to this guy, do they?

Edgeworth: It's better that way.

"I really want to go out with Alita; she's like a fallen angel, Do you know her?" Godot felt completely in the cold.

"No," Godot responded, "but do tell me more about this kitty of yours."

"Words alone can't express her sincerity mixed with attitude." Larry bragged on, blushing in in the progress. "I know she's a murderer, but I can get past that. Her ex-boyfriend was a brat and she only did it in self defense. Inside she must be wonderful. My wonderful Alita; how I love you so." He flashed a picture of Alita to him. "Look at her cheeky expression; so cute. Her yellow top is wonderful and the angel wings give her much more grace. She has an excellent taste in fashion."

Trucy: ...huh.

Apollo: This does not bode well.

Phoenix: I could actually see Larry doing this, though.

"Well, you have all the time in the world to win her heart," Godot told him. "Right now I'm just waiting for an escape."

"YOU'RE ESCAPING PRISON?" Larry snapped. "Sorry, you can't do that."

Apollo: That's an... awfully mild reaction for a prison guard to have.

Edgeworth: At least the author has a passable grasp of Larry's character.

Phoenix: Somehow, I get the feeling the rest of us won't be so lucky.

Trucy: Cheer up, Daddy! We don't even know if you're in this yet!

"Not like that," Godot responded. "I'm talking about more coffee." He grinned at Larry, "maybe if you spent more time trying to impress ladies than talk about them you would get more luck. You talk the talk, but you need to walk the walk too."

"Wow, thanks for the advice Godot," Larry cried out, "you're amazing." Larry patted Godot's shoulder, smiling with glee. "I need to give Alita a present tomorrow. I'll give you extra coffee tomorrow, and here's some more coffee beans and instants if you need them." He stocked the cupboard up with what seemed like an unlimited supply of coffee.

Phoenix: ...and somehow, I'm having a hard time believing that Godot would touch instant coffee with a ten-foot pole.

Apollo: He certainly sounds like an... interesting man.

Phoenix: You have no idea.

"That will be wonderful, thanks."

Larry left Godot to feast upon his coffee, whilst he marched to the women's cell in a hurry. He had to watch Alita sleep.

Trucy: ...that's kinda creepy.

Edgeworth: Remind me again how he became a prison guard? For a women's prison?

Apollo: That for some reason has that Godot guy in it?

Phoenix: I don't think the author thought this through.

Trucy: Hey, the next chapter's starting!

Edgeworth: *deep sigh*

Apollo was working hard in the office. Phoenix and Trucy seemed to be absent today. Well, it gave them a chance to work in silence. It's always been loud around Trucy since they both found out that they were half siblings.

Apollo: Wait, WHAT?!

Trucy: Hmm, must be an AU fic. Although... it would actually explain a lot.

Apollo: But you're younger than me! How am I supposed to have any younger siblings if I don't have parents?!

Phoenix: ...

Edgeworth: you know something about this, Wright?

Phoenix: Shh!

Trucy seemed delighted, and could never take her eyes of him. It wasn't just any old stare too, it was a romantic one. Perhaps he was thinking too much; he couldn't put Trucy on trial for romance. Or could he? He was still a bit shaken up what happened a month ago.

Apollo & Trucy: !

Phoenix: This really, really does not bode well.

He didn't know weather to regret it or not. They didn't know that they were related till after the one night stand. He did kind of feel bad for taking advantage of Trucy's hyper mood. Well, he had to admit, Trucy was cute.

Phoenix: She's also underaged!

Apollo: I assure you, Mr. Wright, I have absolutely no plans on your daughter. At all. Ever.

Trucy: I am cute, though.

She was quirky and fun to hang to be around. No, he shook his head, he didn't want dirty thoughts of his half-sister. That would be throwing Phoenix and Trucy's help back at their faces.

Phoenix: Yes, it would. *glares at Apollo*

Apollo: What? I swear, Mr. Wright! I have no plans on Trucy!!

Phoenix could technically be a father to him, or a step-father.

Apollo: Okay, that's just disturbing.

Edgeworth: The idea of Wright being a father in the first place is disturbing on its own.

Trucy & Phoenix: Hey!

He took care of Trucy like his own child. He was essential for the first few of his cases and helped put Kristoph Gavin behind bars. If he found out that he slept with his adoptive daughter, he probably would need anger management. Phoenix was about to re-take his bar exam at some point. The last thing he wanted was to stress Phoenix out of failing his exam.

Phoenix: Oh, no, Apollo. Don't worry about the exam. Worry about what I would do to you.

Apollo: That's - that's not me up there!!


Trucy suddenly jumped on the table. It rained cards. Apollo jumped of his seat catching a card that slipped to his palms. Trucy giggled smiling at him. A card placed in her hand too.

"Hey there Polly!" Trucy cried out.

Apollo: Well, at least this part's in-character. She does that all the time.

Phoenix: Trucy, you really should let Apollo work.

Trucy: It's not my fault he's boring!

[Apollo explains to Trucy that the prosecutor for tomorrow's trial will be Franziska von Karma. Trucy points out that it's his first trial that's not a murder case.]

From what I've heard, she sounds ruthless: she's only lost to Phoenix. Klavier's bragged about her non-stop! He went on about how she's a prosecuting princess."

"Is she's from Germany?" Trucy said.

Trucy: I don't know. Is she's?

Edgeworth: I'm very glad that Franziska is not actually here with us.

Phoenix: Although we should probably still point out that she calls herself the "prodigy prosecutor", not "prosecuting princess".

Edgeworth: Well, yes. That too.

"Yeah," Apollo replied. "That must be how Klavier knows her. He also said he was not afraid to use her whip in the courtroom."Must concentrate on the trail tomorrow. He could get knocked out by whips if he wasn't fully focused or prepared. The mental image frightened his intelligence off.

"I could ask Daddy about her," Trucy offered her help, "he should know a lot of stuff about her. She sounds mean. Anyway, Daddy's introducing you to Maya. I could ask him then."

"Who's Maya?"

"She used to be Daddy's assistant; she's really nice. I was good friends with her cousin, Pearl too. " Trucy giggled. "Polly..."


"I wanna show you a trick, which involves a stick."

Apollo: Oh no.

Trucy: I don't like where this is going, Polly.

Phoenix: That's an understatement.

Apollo remained silent: he just gained focus, which he didn't want to lose now! Trucy's skirt as getting shorter by the second... he shook his head again. "Come on Apollo," he whispered to himself, "Franziska sounds lethal, I gotta make sure all the evidence and paper work is ready."

"You okay Polly-babes?"

"What the- of course I'm fine!" He used used to being named Polly, but babes seemed to have randomly escaped Trucy's tongue.

Edgeworth: "Polly-babes" is quite possibly the stupidest nickname I have ever heard, and I have heard a lot of stupid nicknames.

Phoenix: I don't know. Remember that one fic that kept calling you "Miley Edwo-"

Edgeworth: Don't finish that sentence.

[Apollo worrys about his trial tomorrow. The defendant is Wocky Kitaki.]

"Aww," Trucy wrapped her arms around her half-brother. Deliberately placing her chest in level with his head. "You are scared, maybe I should lighten you up." Her constant bouncing became uncomfortable for Apollo. "You're so cute when you're nervous Polly-babes."

"Not in the way I thi-"

Before he could even ask, his worst fear had been realized, he was cut off by a passionate kiss.

Apollo: Gah!

Phoenix: Why was the talk about the trial cut out, but not this?!

Just like the last time, Trucy's breasts gave a softness against his chest. Her lips playing on and around his mouth and tongue. "Another thing," Trucy whispered. "We should try a sixty-nine, we never got to do that last time. I got 6 hearts on my card," she flashed the card with six red hearts on to Apollo. He gulped becoming silent. "Your card has to be 9 hearts in order for this trick to work. Have I got my magic panties on today?" she asked herself. "Let's check." She lifted her skirt more showing the panties that Apollo could very well remember. "Yes I have, I need them for this trick too. Now show me your card."

Trucy: ...but... I don't wear my magic panties.

Apollo: Is that really the issue here?

Trucy: I'm trying to ignore everything else. Shh.

"Incest is illegal in some countries you know," Apollo warned. He lost focus again; Trucy was an expert in distraction. He was sure it was illegal in some countries, not to mention morally frown upon.

Edgeworth: And Trucy is underaged, too. Why is no one arresting him?

Apollo: I'd arrest me.

Phoenix: So the fic openly acknowledges that incest is wrong... and yet we all know it's going to continue anyway.

Trucy: I don't like this, Daddy.

Phoenix: I know.

Trucy didn't seem to mind or care, as if she embraced what was forbidden. He didn't recall asking to see Trucy's trick bit he thought it would be best to get it over and done with first. He gulped the minute he checked his card, the nines at each corner and the hearts counted up to nine so clearly.

"Not incest," Trucy replied. "IT'S WINCEST! Now show me the card."

Phoenix: That's an awful pun.

Edgeworth: It's no worse than your usual fare.

Apollo: Again, is that really the issue here?!

Apollo flashed the card and Trucy jumped with joy.

"Okay now Apollo, put your free down my panties," Trucy requested.

"WHERE?" Apollo shrieked. He scooted back, speechless and unable to find words. Did he really have to do it? He squinted, scratching his head and turned away. Leaving Trucy out stone cold.

Phoenix: So at what point do they start cutting out the sex scenes? ...they are going to cut out the sex scenes, right?

All: ...

You know you want to." Trucy winked holding his hand. "Let's have some fun."

"I think your idea of fun has gone way too far!"

"Daddy doesn't have to know."

"Don't you think we should close the door?" Apollo spat out.

Edgeworth: No, don't. Then someone can wander in and report the two of you.

Apollo: Mr. Edgeworth, I think we all know that is not going to happen.

Trucy frowned staring at him whilst removing her cape. He stared down for a second and noticed her rubbing down below. She was letting out some small squeals. Apollo dashed near the door and pulled the door handle towards him. Not long after the slam, Trucy's arms held a strong grip on Apollo. Trucy pulled Apollo's jacket and claimed his lips again. There was no way out of this one. At last, Apollo filled Trucy's request, and his fingers tickled her backside. "Just get it over and done with," he muttered to himself.


Their clothes had vanished. Trucy hugged his bare skin. Apollo felt as if his stomach had exploded. Their chests compressed together, almost like a battle field. Trucy's hat bounced on the carpet, revealing inches of various fabric. "Our clothes are in there?"

"Yes," Trucy replied, "it's a good trick, took me ages to master it."

Edgeworth: This is... disturbing.

Apollo: You're not the one getting raped by your underaged half-sister up there! Why are we half-siblings in this, anyway?!

Phoenix: Trucy, you don't know a trick like that, do you?

Trucy: ...nope!

Phoenix: Good. Keep it that way.

[They have sex.]


"That was fun!" Trucy exclaimed. She handed Apollo his clothes. "It's a really hot day today." Trucy pondered off near the windows, slipping on her clothes. Apollo sighed: Trucy was so carefree. Apollo gulped until his half-sister was decent. By the time her cape rested upon her neck, Apollo was dressed in an instant. Only one word could describe how he was feeling: thrilled.

Edgeworth: No. That was not fun. That was a moral outrage.

Phoenix: I feel like we're going to be put on an FBI watchlist just for being in this theatre.

"You know, we're lucky no one just walked in on us right." Apollo mentioned. "I think we'd be screwed if we were."

"The danger of it was pretty fun though, right?"


"NICK!" someone screamed just as Phoenix was about to enter the door.

Phoenix: Wait. Have I been in there the whole time?

Trucy: I think it was supposed to be an unannounced scene change.

The voice sounded like it was from a familiar woman. Phoenix turned seeing a familiar girl behind him. He could never forget those purple robes and dark hair, nor the way those eyes used to sparkle to burgers. It was his former assistant: Maya Fey.

"Hey Maya," Phoenix responded. "What's up?" Maya froze and gasped at his appearance.

Phoenix: I don't look that different from how I used to.

Edgeworth: Yes, you do.

Phoenix: Shut up.

"You've changed a lot since getting disbarred." Maya admitted. "I didn't know weather it was you or not." She knew this was a different Phoenix she used to know. He was a huge contrast to the lawyer in the smart blue suit.

Edgeworth: Smart blue suit? I don't think I've ever seen you wear one. A cheap blue suit, on the other hand...

Phoenix: There's a badfic right in front of us and you choose to make fun of me?

Edgeworth: Yes. And?

"But I love the hat. " She found the aqua hat, with papa stamped in pink with a badge stamped adorable. It stood out to his darker clothes. "Nick, you've matured a lot since we first met. "

"Gee thanks," Phoenix chuckled. "So being the master in Kurain must be a huge responsibility huh?"

"Yeah, it's hard work, don't get a lot of free time on my hands now. Working with Franziska's the hardest though."

Phoenix: What does working with Franziska have to do with being the master?

Apollo: I'm... kind of afraid to find out.

Phoenix felt a tint of laughter, "Nice one Maya. Glad to see you're still the Maya I used to know. How's Pearls?"

"Well, she's really good. She says she misses you and Trucy." Trucy and Pearl were in the same school for a couple of months, until Trucy had to change schools. He hadn't seen much of Pearl since. "Pearl's got a new cellphone, quite an expensive one. I did have to ask for a donation from Franziska though."

"I see," responded Phoenix.

Edgeworth: I really can't see Franziska handing out money like that.

Trucy: Aw, is Pearls in this fic, too?

Phoenix: I really hope not.

"Anyway, I've come to wish you good luck on re-taking your exam." Maya replied. "I would have done it by e-mail, but our computer broke and Franziska lets nobody touch her laptop. Besides, I thought it would be better to wish you good luck in person. I also visited Iris in prison."

"I should have visited her last week," admitted Phoenix, "she seems to be doing well. "

"Did you hear Nick?" excitement rose in Maya's voice, "Iris is getting released next week."

"I thought she got some years left?"

"She's getting off early for good behavior."

Phoenix: And I guess we can add Iris to the list of people that we really hope aren't in this fic, but probably are.

Edgeworth: I'm putting myself on that list, too.

"Does Pearl know about Iris being her half-sister?" Phoenix asked out of curiosity. Two months before losing his badge, Pearl and Iris were involved in a murder case. At the time, Pearl had no idea that she had two half-sisters: Dahlia Hawthorne and Sister Iris. Dahlia was executed but returned from the dead to put Iris in prison. He wasn't surprised that Iris was getting sent free early for good behavior after he found out he had been dating his ex's twin.

"I told Pearl about Iris six years ago." Maya replied, "she asked Aunt Morgan about it. Morgan requested to see me, then she slapped me."

Phoenix:, how? Isn't Morgan still in prison?

Apollo: Don't tell me they took the safety glass out of the visiting room.

Trucy: I think the author probably forgot it exists.

"Mad old woman," Phoenix chuckled.

"Maya, who's that fool with the foolish hat!" a woman's voice called. A slender dress around her body, blending with her tights. Her body language and sharp and meant business. Nothing had changed about Franziska Von Karma, who marched towards them. A firm grip on her whip, and a cold face. Everything about her was in proportion, as she eight years ago. Her hair gave an aqua shine. Her fierce eyes added to her hard-looking appearance. Franziska looked ready to whip someone right now. Maya jogged up to her, dragging Phoenix's jumper.

"Franzy it's Nick! He's retaking his bar exam!" Phoenix grinned.

Franziska froze. "You've changed so much Wright," Franziska said, shaking hands with him. "... I hardly recognized you."

Phoenix: I haven't changed that much, though! I'm still the same person.

Edgeworth: For the last time, yes, you have.

Apollo: Am I the only one wondering what "everything about her was in proportion" means?

Trucy: No.

"I hope you've been treating Maya well," Phoenix responded, scratching on his aqua hat. "I see you haven't changed one bit, Von Karma."

"As you can see," Franziska folded her arms. "I am still the beautiful and perfect prosecutor. Maya Fey is fine. I shall have no problems beating this Justice boy tomorrow."

"I wouldn't take your confident too far if I were you," Phoenix warned Franziska.

Apollo: I'm doomed, aren't I?

Edgeworth & Phoenix: Yes.

"You do not have to worry, Mr. Phoenix Wright," Franziska smiled, "the trial shall go according to plan."

Phoenix had no idea what she meant by 'according to plan'. All he knew, was that Apollo was in for some hot whipping. "Anyway Maya," Phoenix asked, "wanna meet Apollo and Trucy?"

"Of course," Maya replied clapping her hands. She pulled onto Franziska's blank sleeve, "you should come too, Franzy."

"He's just in here work- OOPS!" Phoenix caught them in the act. Apollo and Trucy broke another of their passionate kisses. Trucy gasped and Apollo froze – his hand resting on her waist.

Apollo: ...and then they called the police and Trucy and I were arrested and we never discussed this fic again. The end!

"Hi Daddy." Trucy waved. Apollo hid under the desk as soon as he could. "I was just showing Polly a trick, which um... required privacy."

"Seems like I caught you in a bad time Apollo," Phoenix admitted. "Sorry for the intrusion."

Phoenix: Wait. Something's not right here.

Edgeworth: Did you just... buy Trucy's incredibly obvious lie?

Apollo: And are you completely letting me get away with kissing your daughter?!

Trucy: Who is your half-sister in this fic, remember!

Phoenix: ...

"Yes you did, " Apollo snapped burying himself under the desk. "You could have knocked. "

"Anyway, Apollo and Trucy, this is Franziska Von Karma and my old assistant Maya Fey. Maya and Franziska, this is my lovely daughter Trucy, and her half-brother, Apollo Justice." Apollo witnessed her trademark whip pondering on the floor. He felt uncomfortable watching her swing the leather about. Apollo was surprised how pretty she was: he was expecting someone large and perhaps hideous. Someone who looked a bit like Wocky's mother. Her facial expressions were a contrast to Maya, who waved to them in glee.

Phoenix: Wow. I guess I really am.

Edgeworth: This is disturbing.

Trucy: So... I guess for this fic, Daddy could be replaced with a cardboard cut-out.

Apollo: I think even a cardboard cut-out would be disgusted at walking in on us.

"I love your clothes, Trucy" Maya cheered, "and Apollo your hair rocks, too." At least Maya was kind, thought Apollo.

"So this incest loving fool is the lawyer tomorrow?" Franziska asked less than impressed. He wouldn't be shocked if incest was forbidden in Germany.

Edgeworth: Why is Franziska the only one bringing it up?

Phoenix: And even then it's still an extreme under-reaction! Why isn't she whipping Apollo?

Apollo: Please don't wish things like that on me.

Trucy: Did no one notice that Polly apparently doesn't know if incest is illegal in German or not? No? Okay.

"It's wincest Miss Pretty-Lady!" Trucy responded back. Apollo considered Trucy lucky to have dodged the firing whip.

"That's the man!" Phoenix replied, still amazingly cool about it.

Edgeworth: That pun is still awful.

Phoenix: I like how the fic points out that my reaction isn't normal.

Apollo: I think you're giving the fic too much credit, Mr. Wright.

As if Though Apollo figured he was just doing it because he had guests with him. "I guess I should get some noodles. Wanna join Maya?"

"Sure!" Maya accepted his offer without hassle. "By the way, good luck for tomorrow, " Maya told Apollo, "you'll need it."

With that, Maya, Phoenix and Franziska left the office, leaving Apollo and Trucy alone again.

Phoenix: I think they've already demonstrated that they can't be left alone together.

Trucy: Good thing this fic is nothing like real life, right, Daddy?

Phoenix: Yes. Very good thing.

Apollo: (I don't like the way he's looking at me...)

[The lights come back on.]

Edgeworth: Well. I'm glad that's over.

Speakers: The management would like to inform you that there are still 22 chapters to go.

Edgeworth: Nnngh!

Trucy: Wait, are we all going to be sporking the next 22 chapters?

Speakers: No, there are plans to swap out some of the sporkers.

Apollo: Oh, good.

Edgeworth: I don't like the usage of the word "some" here...

Phoenix: Well, at the very least we have a break between this and chapter three. Come on, Trucy.

Apollo: Yeah, let's get out of here.

Edgeworth: (There has to be somewhere where Lang's goons can't find me...)

[And so our sporkers leave. Thanks to the fact that none of them have a script, they have only gotten the smallest taste of the madness that awaits them. It's funnier that way.]
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Gender: Female

Location: Germany

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2011 1:42 pm

Posts: 233

You sure are a fast one.
Thoughts while reading:

-The spork is a tad long. There were complaints about oversized sporks in the past, so maybe you could put some of it under a spoiler tag? I don't know where other people draw the line at what's a good size or a bad size, but it's about half the current page size, so I'd guess that some might find it too big..

-One thing your introduction reminds me of is the severe lack of good character reaction emoticons in this forum. In the old one, we had a larger selection, and it was easier to find a fitting reaction. Pity we couldn't keep those.

-I like your "commenting on descriptive narration" bit. It's a very nice addition to the fourth wall rule.

-Seriously, dude, you can't tell pink from slightly blueish red? You need to widen your visual spectrum, my friend. ;)

-No plot relevance inside the theater? You are running one strict regime there. Your sporkers are going to love you.

-Now "dying in the sporking theater is strictly forbidden", I love this spork already. :D

-Ooh, I spy a reference to an older spork. References to older sporks are always great!

-I'm actually surprised how relatively relaxed in-theater Phoenix is about Trucy watching herself making out with Apollo. I might be wrong, but I would imagine him trying to distract her or at least pretend what she's seeing is not what is actually happening. He probably wouldn't succeed, but I still think he'd try. But again, I might be wrong.

As a side note: I don't want to debate off-topic stuff on this thread, but just as a piece of info, while incest between siblings is still illegal here in Germany, the law forbidding it is a very debated one, and there are movements to legalize it. I assume that it might be changed in the not too distant future. Then again, we are still waiting for a lot of other very debated laws to be changed.

As another side note: Since this thread is barely visited (or at least the lack of comments leaves me with that impression), there's really no need to rush your sporks. Take your time. ;)
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

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I'll probably end up getting through this relatively fast, TBH. It's summer break right now and I have next to nothing to do.

How much should I put underneath a spoiler tag next time? I think I'll stick to the two chapters format, but should I put the whole spork under a spoiler tag, or just the second chapter? Maybe even separate spoiler tags for the two chapters? Although that'd really be overkill, wouldn't it.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Location: Germany

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I think if you put the second chapter under a spoiler tag, that should be fine.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Law Plus Chaos, part two.
I need to get a hobby that doesn't involve making fun of people on the internet.

Today's sporkers will be...
Hobo Nick!
:hobohodo: "I'm beginning to wonder if the Management thinks that's my actual name."
Maya Fey
:maya: "I get snacks, right? Right?"
Miles Edgeworth
:edgeworth: "Shocker."
The current Management's personal favorite, Franziska von Karma
:whip: "What? Personal favorite?"
"Ahem. The Management would like to request that all sporkers refrain from commenting on their own introduction."

[We once again open up in the sporking theatre, which does not appear to have been cleaned since, uh, yesterday. Once again, a more-sober-than-usual Phoenix Wright is already seated, although instead of his daughter, he is with his (former?) assistant, Maya Fey.]

Maya: Where are the snacks? They said there would be snacks.

Phoenix: The Management is filled with sadists, Maya. You forget that.

Maya: Aww. *sits back in seat, pouts*

[Miles Edgeworth and Franziska von Karma enter the theatre, the former seething and latter looking almost bored.]

Phoenix: I guess I'm the one out of my era this time.

Franziska: Is that your excuse for dressing so foolishly?

Maya: Aw, it doesn't look that bad.

Phoenix: I'm afraid to ask about the emphasis there.

Edgeworth: Can we please drop the niceties and get this over with?

[Franziska and Edgeworth take their seats and the lights dim.]

"Another rose," Franziska muttered, holding the the petals up to her nose. "The fool's been given them me for five years, and I still haven't found out who." Two years after Maya joined forces with her, she had received various gifts from an anonymous person.

Franziska: If it's been five years, I certainly would have found out who has been sending them by now. *whips screen*

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Franziska von Karma that damaging the theatre equipment is strictly forbidden.

Maya: Wait, why does it say I "joined forces" with Franziska?

The reason she hasn't found out who this person yet, because she simply didn't have the time to be fooling around. They were not related to being a prosecutor, so they were useless to her. She had to constantly remind Maya that they were both very busy women.

"Your admirer must be very good at being secret," Maya smirked, passing her the box of chocolates. Maya was the master of her village, and yet she still had a child at heart.

Franziska: I would think that at some point over the last five years I would have had a spare half-hour.

Edgeworth: You don't think very highly of your "secret admirer", do you?

Franziska: They are clearly a cowardly fool.

Phoenix: (I think anyone would be wise to keep their distance, though.)

Maya: Guys, if I'm the Master now, why am I goofing off with Franziska? I know I'm not the most responsible person in the world, but...

"The fool even knows my favorite chocolate," Franziska stroked the magenta box. "One of these a day will be sufficient, because I put on two ounces this week. I must work that off."

"Well, the perfect prosecutor deserves nothing but the best." Maya smiled, clapping her hands. "And since it's only two ounces, you can work that work easily."

"Of course Maya Fey."

Edgeworth: I don't think you need to concern yourself over two ounces, Franziska.

Franziska: I am aware of that. *whips Edgeworth*

Edgeworth: Nngh...

Maya: Why am I getting along so well with Franziska, though?

Phoenix: We don't know, Maya. You probably should stop questioning it.

"So what do you think about Apollo Justice then?" Maya asked. "He looks really nice, especially his hair."

"He's simply an incest loving fool," Franziska replied. Her face remained fixed on the mirror, applying mascara on. "As I said before, I shall have no problem beating him in court. " She couldn't see how Maya could find a person into incest cool. Confidence oozed from her posture and voice. Her strong voice showed her German roots.

Franziska: What is this about incest?

Phoenix: Don't ask me.

Edgeworth: We were trying very, very hard to ignore it yesterday.

"You're very confident today Franzy." Maya stepped up behind Franziska. Maya pouted for a few seconds, her fingers tucked behind her hair. "You know, maybe you should take Nick's advice."

"I don't need that fool's advice." Franziska mumbled. "I am very sure it will go to plan."

Maya: I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to get away with calling her "Franzy", though. Maybe I should try it?

Phoenix: I wouldn't-

Franziska: *whips Maya* That is for even considering applying Larry Butz's inane nickname to me.

Maya: Oww...

"What's this plan though?" Maya asked, rather unsure what she meant.

"This is where your foolish behavior comes in handy."

"Hey, I'm not fool-"

Maya: Well, the fic's right about one thing, at least.

"No time for foolish bickering, Maya Fey." Franziska interrupted, then dug into a cabinet. "Do I always need to remind you that we have very limited free time. So we must work as hard as we can now." Franziska pulled out a medium sized bottle, containing aquamarine liquid. "Here it is," she placed the bottle in Maya's hand. Maya stared with a puzzled look, that transformed into excitement.

"Wow vodka!" Maya exclaimed. "Can I have it?"

Maya: Wait, actual alcohol in an Ace Attorney fic?

Phoenix: But the most we have in the games is grape juice...

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Maya Fey and Phoenix Wright that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.

Edgeworth: Where's Kay when you need her?

"Yes. You can drink it if you want."

"Aww thanks."

"Now the plan, is for you to distract the defense." Franziska said.

"Distract them?" Maya asked before gulping the bottle down. "Isn't that a bit unfair?"

Phoenix: Yes.

Maya: I still don't know why I'm working with Franziska.

Franziska: I assure you, Maya Fey, this would never happen in real life.

"No," Franziska replied. "wear something foolish! Foolish enough to distract people. Test it out on Gumshoe if you wish."

"Gumshoe rang me today," Maya giggled clapping her hands. "He was really worked up."

"What did Scruffy say?"

"He told us to kick some ass!" Maya punched her fist in the air as she shouted, "and to give that Kitaki the guilty verdict he deserves. Then went on about how much he must pay for hurting Maggey."

Phoenix: Oh, so Maggey was the victim?

Maya: Wait, the author killed off Maggey?!

Edgeworth: No, it mentioned last chapter that this wasn't a murder trial.

Maya: Oh... so, what kind of trial is it?

Edgeworth: I'm afraid to find out, actually.

"So do you have anything in mind on what to wear?" Franziska asked Maya, curious to her response.

"Foolish eh?" Maya thought to herself. "Well, I know that skimpy clothes can be distracting.

Maya: W-Wait, I wouldn't- Nick, make them stop!

Phoenix: What am I supposed to do?!

I know!" Maya cried out. "How about a sexy theme? I'll just look in your wardrobe in here, there must be something that's foolish, yet sexy." Maya browsed through Franziska's office wardrobe.

Franziska: I would not have any foolish clothes in my personal wardrobe, much less "sexy" clothes! *whips screen*

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Franziska von Karma that-

Franziska: And how will you stop me?! *whips speakers*

Speakers: We ...hmm. We'll think of... something.

Phoenix: (Remind me to not be around after they punish Franziska.)

Maya knew that Franziska was always prepared, so she had some of her clothes here for convenience. "Franzy, you're so cool, you're clothes here are amazing. Wow purple fishnet tights!"

Edgeworth: ...purple fishnet tights?

Phoenix: Purple... fishnet tights...

Franziska: *whips Phoenix* Phoenix Wright! You had better not be imagining me in them!!

Phoenix: I was not! I swear I was not!

Maya: Moving on...

"I'll be making my way to the courtroom now," Franziska announced, collecting her files and her whip. She was secretly offended: her clothes were never foolish.

Edgeworth: At least the author has a somewhat passable grasp of Franziska's character, too.

Franziska: And how is the author's grasp of your character, little brother?

Edgeworth: I'm not in this.

Maya: ...yet.

Phoenix: And now that Maya's jinxed it, we'll only need to wait.

"But it's not until an hour."

"Gives us both time to be ready," hissed Franziska. "Meet me in the prosecution lobby at 8:45 sharp."

Phoenix: ...but court doesn't start until 10:00. Right?

Franziska: Some of us prefer to be on time, Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix: I've never been late to court! Why do you all think I have?!

Maya: Because it seems like the kind of thing you'd do, Nick.

Phoenix: Thanks, Maya.

Edgeworth: Has no one noticed that according to Maya's comment, this chapter must take place around 9:00... and yet Franziska asks Maya to meet her at 8:45?

Maya: I guess I finally got that time-manipulating fur coat!

Yesterday was pretty much embarrassing for Apollo. Phoenix didn't say a word to him, nor looked at him in the eye since yesterday. Surely it was related to what he saw him and Trucy. It could have been a lot worse, if he walked on during sex. That would have just been unimaginable. The trail was starting soon, and Wocky was different to when he first saw him. He was much calmer that usual. At the same time, a bitter tone leaked in Wocky's voice. First being betrayed by his fiancée, and now potentially someone else.

Phoenix: Wait, what?

Maya: I think it was an unannounced transition.

Edgeworth: Whatever it was, it certainly makes it difficult to pretend that the last chapter never happened.

"I can't believe Dessie did this to me." Wocky moaned. "She told me she was pregnant, that the baby was mine. My angel and I were gonna be a family, man. She never told me she was already married." Wocky faced the floor, with drained eyes. His arms were folded showing shame. "You'll help me get through, right?"

Phoenix: Wait. Dessie?

Maya: As in, Dessie DeLite?

Franziska & Edgeworth: Who?

Phoenix: Somebody who is about to be grossly out-of-character, if this is going where I think it's going...

"Of course we will!" Trucy responded. "Polly will get you out of this mess, right Polly-babes."

Maya: P-Polly-babes? What?

Franziska: Well, I suppose it isn't the most foolish nickname I have ever seen in a fanfiction.

Phoenix: Are you only saying that so that I don't bring up "Francheska"?

Franziska: ... *whips Phoenix*

Phoenix: OUCH! (Okay, I deserved that...)

"I'll do my best..." Apollo could only say. He put on a brave face, despite being secretly shaky.

"You seem a bit shaken," Phoenix muttered.

"A-about yesterday..."

Phoenix: Never happened. Next question!

"I'll talk about that with you, after the trial." Phoenix breathed, "Von Karma sounds scary, don't she? Trucy was saying you were frightened of her."

"Not really..."

"Don't worry," Phoenix chuckled, "you don't have to hide anything from me."

"You were the one who defeated her in trail for the first time, right?" Apollo asked.

"Yes, I was," Phoenix admitted, "she took it very well: she whipped me unconscious."

Franziska: Any smart comments, Phoenix Wright, and you will be seeing a repeat performance.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that all sporkers remain conscious while in the sporking theatre.

Franziska: Oh, shut up! *whips speakers*

Speakers: We would also like to inform Franziska von Karma that we remembered about a certain feature of her seat that was installed in a previous sporking. This is your final warning.

"That's awful, Daddy!" cried out Trucy. "You let her do it? She should be fired for that!"

"She whips the judge too." He told her daughter, "don't worry Trucy." He placed a hand on her shoulder, "if she even tries to whip you, I'll sort her out."

Franziska: I would like to see you try.

Maya: You probably shouldn't take her up on that, Nick.

Phoenix: Yes, thank you, Maya.

Trucy hugged Phoenix whilst grabbing onto Apollo's hand. Phoenix then turned to him, "Put it to you this way Apollo, If you lose there'll be trouble!" Phoenix told him, "and if you win there'll be double."

"Heya!" Maya Fey had burst into the lobby like a bull in a china shop.

"Hey Maya," Phoenix responded as Maya banged on his chest. "What are you wearing?" He said it in a rather pleasant tone with a bit of shock.

"Franzy told me to wear something foolish," Maya said, "so I did. The sexy theme was my idea." Foolish? More like ridiculously skimpy. The leather skirt just about covered her buttocks. The fish net tights weren't enough to cover the flesh and her top was just as revealing as her magenta jacket. A magenta bra was just about visible. Those mauve high heels dazzled like diamonds. "These shoes are sure a killer to walk in."

Maya: Wh- I'm wearing whaaaaaaat?!

Phoenix: Sometimes I wish the courtroom actually had a dress code.

Franziska: Wait, are these the clothes that Maya Fey got from my wardrobe?! I will not stand for this foolishness!! *whips screen, gets electrocuted by seat* AAAGH!

Edgeworth: Maybe we should just move onto the next passage.

Apollo didn't understand why girls walked in shoes when they are unable to walk in them straight.

Phoenix: I'm with Apollo here.

Maya: Actually, so am I.

[Court begins.]

"The prosecution is ready," Franziska interrupted, leaving a smirk across her face. She wagged her finger at Apollo. "The main question is actually is the defense ready?"

"What do you mean Miss Von Karma?"

"Well," Franziska, "just wondering if his affair with his half-sister is going to effect this trial?"

Edgeworth: I still wonder why Franziska is the only one who seems to be having a relatively normal reaction.

Franziska: As reprehensible as it is, I doubt it actually has anything to do with the trial.

Phoenix: Can we please stop talking about this? Seriously, I'm trying to pretend that the author didn't put my daughter in an incestuous relationship here.

Edgeworth: I believe that that relationship forms the backbone of this story, Wright.

Phoenix: You don't have to remind me!

"The defense is in fact ready Your Honor," Apollo responded, gritting his teeth. "No need to worry, Miss Von Karma." Why did she have to bring it up on a rape trial?

All: ...

Edgeworth: A rape trial? There's a reason why we don't do those!

Maya: Wait, when it mentioned someone hurting Maggey earlier-

Phoenix: Let's really, really not go there, Maya.

[Franziska intimidates Apollo, then is asked to give her opening statement.]

"With pleasure," Franziska mouthed before she bowed. Maya passed her some files, but just as she was about to read, Maya fought for the spotlight.

"Can I do the opening statement please?" Maya begged. "If the court doesn't find any problem with that?" She gave what seemed to be puppy eyes to the judge.

"Usually, it's the prosecutor's job," the judge told her, "but I see your excitement. I see no problems with it since you're in the prosecutor's bench. So your opening statement please, Miss Fey."

Maya: But... why am I Franziska's co-counsel?

Franziska: That is hardly an open position, Maya Fey.

Maya: Well, it's not like I was planning on asking for it.

Just like that, she was allowed to give an opening statement. Franziska smirked and tapped her foot. This seemed to be rather odd to Apollo. He rather hoped that Maya's fashion exposure didn't effect his opinion – or his preformance. Maya the piece of paper back, and read out to the court, "Wocky Kitaki, the defendant visited Mrs. DeLite with the intention of raping her with a sausage."

All: ...

Edgeworth: No one ask.

Maya: A saus-

Edgeworth: Don't. It's what the author wants.

"A SAUSAGE?" the judge cried out. His eyes received a wake up call.

"What do you mean by sausage?" Apollo had to ask. He wasn't sure weather they mean an actual one or something else. Nothing in the court records mentioned a sausage being involved. He hoped that Maya had misread the paper.

Phoenix: So, what kind of drugs was the author on? Any guesses?

Franziska: *whips Phoenix*

Phoenix: AAGH!

"The ones you get in hot dogs of course," Maya replied in glee. "The sausage was in fact from Mrs. DeLites's freezer. The prostitution and I..."

"Did you just say prostitution?" the judge gasped as if his ears were sensitive like baby's skin.

"She said prosecution, Your Honor." Franziska responded.

Maya: Ha ha, get it? Because "prosecution" sounds like-

Phoenix: Maya, again, let's not go there.

"Apologies for interrupting: must be my ears."

"I'm sure Maya said Prostitution." Trucy whispered to Apollo. She pouted and mentioned, "the opening doesn't seem to make sense. Like why would Wocky rape someone with sausages? He never mentioned it at all."

"She did!" Apollo nodded. "And you're right Trucy, the opening statement makes absolutely no sense at all." It didn't even need telling, it showed. The mere thought of penetrating people with sausages gave an oddly disturbing image.

Edgeworth: It's almost like the fic is making fun of itself.

Franziska: "Almost" being the operative word here.

Edgeworth: Of course. If it were self-aware, that would give it some redeeming feature.

"It would be easier for us then?" Trucy asked him, her pout had vanished.

"I'm not sure, Miss Von Karma seems to be using Maya for some sort of wild plan to win this."

Franziska: What sort of foolish plan would require the aid of Maya Fey?! *whips screen, gets zapped* ARGH!

Maya: Wait. Tell me again why I'm on first-name basis with this Apollo guy?

Phoenix: ...that should probably be the least of your concerns, Maya.

"The prosecution and I have have copies of their MSN story. The latest one suggests the defendant and the victim agreed to meet each other at the night of the elder cape. Needles to say..."

"Where did needles come from?" Apollo had to interrupt Maya. The opening statement was starting to become hilarious, but it not pleasant for Wocky. Needles never came up during investigation either. A leather thread whacked across Apollo's face and bounced on his shoulder.

Edgeworth: That's probably the least threatening description of a whipping I've ever seen.

Franziska: *whips Edgeworth*

Edgeworth: Gnngk- what was that for?!

Franziska: Just checking to see if my whip was still threatening.

"Will you stop interrupting Miss Maya Fey, Mr. Apollo Justice?" demanded Franziska. Those fierce eyes alone showed she meant business.

"Needless to say his plans failed!" Maya continued. "When the victim's husband, walked in on them. Poor Ron DeLite alerted the police in a dress. This was where the defendant made his escape wearing nothing but a jacket. Kitaki was arrested for gross indecency. With Bum Delight's call- "

"Ron DeLite, May-"

"SILENCE!" boomed Franziska, her whip violently caused havoc on Apollo's chest. In a soothing voice she faced Maya and smirked. "Carry on, Maya Fey."

"With Ron DeLite's call, Kitaki became charged with rape." Maya sighed as she finished her opening statement.

Edgeworth: That was the worst opening statement I've ever seen, for more reasons than the author intended.

Phoenix: I'm afraid that the rest of the trial will go this way, too.

Edgeworth: Of course it will.

"Hmm DeLite," the judge hummed. "That name rings a bell. And I certainly remember the defendant from a previous case."

"Eight years ago," Maya reminded, "Ron DeLite was framed by Luke Atmey for murder."

"Yes it is becoming very clear to me now," the judge nodded. "It's impossible to believe that Mrs. DeLite could make this up. They are both obviously devoted to each other. And the court will accept the copy of this MSN conversation as evidence. Although I have no idea what MSN is about."

"It's a program where you can send instant messages on the computer." Apollo told him.

"Ah it's computer stuff," the judge seemed satisfied with that answer. "That explains it, I am not a computer expert b- OUCH!"

Phoenix: At least the Judge-whipping is... somewhat normal.

Franziska: Barring Maya Fey's involvement and my under-reaction to the apparent incest, the author still seems to understand my character. For the most part.

Phoenix: So, is that better or worse than being a cardboard cut-out?

Edgeworth: The more you talk about your characterizations, the more worried I am about what will happen to my own.

Maya: At least none of you are dressed like hookers!

"Before we get off topic," Franziska muttered with the whip above her head. "Her cold voice remained soothing. The prosecution would like to call Detective Dick Gumshoe to the stand."

"Very well." the judge nodded in agreement. "Does the defense have any objections?"

"Before we do," Apollo quickly found an opportunity. "I just want to point out something. This should be plain-fully obvious but the the opening statement made absolutely no sense! I had to interrupt." And another whip hit his shoulder again.

Phoenix: On the plus side, Apollo is actually doing his job!

Edgeworth: All that means is that we'll have to sit through a completely nonsensical court scene.

Phoenix: Eh. Apollo's trials are normally like that.

Maya: ...I fear for him.

Phoenix: Minus the rape and nonsense from the pro- okay, a different type of nonsense from the prosecutor.

"The court has found some rather strange things today," confessed the judge. "Please Mr. Justice, do explain the flaws of the opening statement."

"I think we should hear the the statement again," Apollo suggested, "in a more clearer tone with the right words. The flaws will speak for themselves." Trucy passed him a piece of paper from her pocket. "Kikati visited DeLite with the intention of bringing her a message. Sausages were never mentioned during investigation. The message was placed on DeLite's freezer. By the way Your Honor, your hearing is fine – she did say prostitution. Copies of their MSN history suggests the defendant and Mrs. DeLite agreed to meet each other on the night of the alleged rape. Needless to say, things went wrong. The Mr. DeLite, walked in on them and called the police in distress. Kitaki escaped before Mr. DeLite called the police, just when he was arrested for gross indecency. He was later arrested for rape at the police station."

All: ...

Franziska: ...did the defense attorney just give the opening statement?

Edgeworth: I really don't think that's what you should be focusing on, Franziska.

"You fools," Franziska muttered. Apollo had never such heard a stronger German accent from a woman. "At least appreciate Maya Fey's efforts. She has got a bad case of dyslexia."

Maya: What? No I don't.

Franziska: Why would I let a dyslexic assist me in court? Or anyone, for that matter! *whips screen, zap!* Aaaaah!

"So what did the note say?" asked the judge. Obviously ignoring the fact the trail was going shaky.

"The note said bring on the boobs," Apollo stuttered, "SORRY, I mean booze." Just as expected, a sharp slap by the whip landed on his chest.

Edgeworth: *sigh* This is an incompetent trial, even for a questionable fanfic.

Phoenix: At least it's not as bad as some of the others we've seen.

"Serves you right, Apollo Justice," Franziska giggled without any remorse. She turned to face the judge, "I would also like the point during the defendant's arrest he was very rude to the police officer and offended his wife."

"Unforgivable!" Maya snapped.

An uncomfortable silence arouse in the courtroom. Unimpressed faces seemed to be aimed at Maya. Franziska was tempted to whip every single one in the court room until they begged on their knees, yearning for sheer forgiveness.

Edgeworth: Hm. ...that appears to be the end of the chapter.

Maya: Who ends a chapter like that? That's not so much an ending as it is... just stopping their writing there.

Franziska: If that is the end of the chapter, are we done here?

Phoenix: No, apparently we're doing this two at a time.

Spoiler: The next chapter begins.
Maya: And it's under a spoiler tag, too?

Edgeworth: Saving space, I wager.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that all sporkers refrain from meta-commentary.

Iris gazed out of window of her cell. Just a few more days and she would be free.

Phoenix: Wait. What about the trial?

Edgeworth: What trial?

Franziska: Are you two fools going to spend the entire spork in a state of willful amnesia?

Maya: If you want, I'm sure there's a fire extinguisher around here somewhere-

Phoenix: Maya, no. Just no.

[Pointless exposition in the form of summarizing Iris' term in prison. Her personality is ostensibly the same. Phoenix has been visiting her.]

Maya: Hey, Nick?

Phoenix: Yeah, Maya?

Maya: Have you actually visited Iris in jail in the past few years?

Phoenix: ...

Edgeworth: Maybe you shouldn't ask that.

"Hello Sweet-Iris!"

It was Larry's voice. She remembered Larry when Misty Fey came to stop Morgan's plan to kill Maya. And of course Larry could never forget the nun he once fell in love with.

"Evening, Larry."

"Just a few more days and you're a free woman!"

"Yes," Iris smiled and felt like a a young girl jumping up and down.

Franziska: Is she... actually jumping up and down?

Edgeworth: I believe it's trying to describe a feeling of excitement.

"LARRY!" A quick bouncy feeling from Larry's neck, and the pink sleeves that surrounded him made it clear it was April's voice. As he mentioned to Godot, he thought April was like a breath of fresh air. Her and Mimi were a right pair of devious chicks, nevertheless he admired them all. The ladies in the prison cell and the chats with Godot really made work enjoyable. His lips curled in glee.

"Hey April," Larry cried out. "How's it going?" He left Iris to pray.

Phoenix: Okay, again, why is Larry a guard at the women's prison?

Maya: I thought they used female guards there.

Edgeworth: I am fairly certain that they do.

"I'm getting released tomorrow!" April shrieked in happiness. This wasn't the first time April had been in prison, but Larry didn't know what she was in for this time.

"I know," Larry replied. "I'm sure gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too." Larry couldn't help but pay attention to her bouncy chest. April giggled, bouncing her chest harder. "I'm sure you'll miss these! He he."

Franziska: ...

Phoenix: Before you say anything... yes, she was really like this.

Franziska: Of all the foolish fools...

"Sure! Are you going to keep in touch with anyone?" Larry asked.

"Maybe, I hope to keep in touch with Iris, since she's going to be released the day before me." April had spent ten years in prison for trying to help her lover get away with murder for murder. Redd White his name was, he became a close friend with Frank Sawhit – the man who tried to frame him for murder of dear Cindy. Larry remembered Frank's actions like a man stabbing a stranger's pet hamster away. Oh Cindy, poor Cindy. Hatred forever burned in his heart for Frank. Frank and Redd would taunt him in every shift he had to guard the men's part of the prison gates. The insults they gave were monstrous, also another reason to prefer the women's part of the prison. With the male prisoners he was stressed and found work unbearable. The only male prisoner he liked talking to was Diego, better known as Godot.

Edgeworth: Oh, so this is a co-ed prison.

Phoenix: We have those?

Edgeworth: No. I believe the only co-ed facility in Los Angeles is for juvenile offenders.

The downside of Diego was that his coffee obsession was ridiculous. His diet was simple: anything with pure coffee. Bitter was just the way he liked it. He saw Diego for the first time in almost five years in an awful state. Stripped from his visor and manly figure, and replaced by bruises and egoistic bones. He waited for death. Diego's confused eyes made him an even sorrier sight. He was a state, and everyone in the block feared and neglected him till he was a gallery of bruises. Larry's tears danced on his cheek . He was determined to help Diego recover. The solution was shockingly simple: a dose of coffee and Godot was up and about again.

Maya: he was bruised... because he was being neglected?

Phoenix: I like how all it took to get him back to normal was some coffee.

Maya: Yeah, sounds about right.

"That's a wonderful picture you drew yesterday, Larry," another woman spoke after April May bounced out of his sight. She was a fine woman, light brown hair and a yellow top with angel wings.

"Alita!" Larry cried out. "How are you sweetie?" His right arm slipped over Alita's shoulder as she smiled.

"I'm fine, and you, Larry?" Alita replied as she fiddled with his buttons. "About this escape plan?" She whispered in a much quieter tone.

"We'll talk about that in your cell okay?"

Franziska: Larry Butz is assisting in an escape plan?!

Edgeworth: Maybe "we'll talk about that in your cell" is some sort of code for sending her to solitary confinement as punishment for plotting an escape?

Phoenix: I think we all know that's note true, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Nngh...

"That's fine." Alita and Larry stepped into Alita's cell and Larry locked up her cell and he sat besides her on her plain bed.

Maya: Did he just lock himself in a prison cell with a convict?

Phoenix: Hey, Larry's not that stupid! He, uh...

Edgeworth: ...well, he hasn't done anything like that, anyway.

Phoenix: Yet.

"You know how much I hate it in prison!" Alita's cute happy face became one of anger and sorrow.

"Don't worry," Larry whispered, whilst his hand crawled around Alita's pale legs. He leaned over as his lips were close to his ear, "I'll get you out of here. I'll hide you in a temple and make you a nun."

"A nun?" Alita gasped, placing a hand on her heart. "Larry..."

Phoenix: Well, I suppose her being a nun won't really stop him.

Franziska: Phoenix Wright! *whips Phoenix*

Phoenix: I didn't even say anything that bad!

Edgeworth: ...this time.

"The temple's the last place they will find you." Larry cupped her cheeks and kissed her cheek. "Sister Bikini is lovely and Sister Iris is kind too. "

"As in Sister Iris from here?"

"Yeah, and don't worry - I'll visit you as much as I can," he promised. He sealed a kiss on her lips, Alita's face froze as her eyelids closed. "While you're at the temple, I'll find a safe place for you." Larry was sure of it; he was in sensationally in love with Alita.

Phoenix: Just like he was sensationally in love with Cindy, Kiyance, Missy, Mia, Franziska, Heidi, Belle, Bennifer, Katty Tom, Donna, Naomi, Dessie, Miranda, Miharu, Mindy, Banjolina, Iris...

Maya: That's a lot of names, Nick.

Phoenix: I didn't even get half of them.

"Can you try and make twenty thousand dollars?" Alita hissed as she threw herself onto Larry.

"I'll do my very best, Alita."

"So when are we going?"

"Hopefully this week." Larry cradled Alita, tangling his fingers in her hair. "You'll be a free woman one day, I promise you that."

Franziska: I cannot believe that this foolish fool is going to foolishly attempt a foolhardy prison-break scheme.

Edgeworth: It's just in the fanfic, Franziska.

Phoenix: Yeah, the real Larry would never do that.

Edgeworth: ...probably.

Maya: Well, there are women involved here...

"You won't forget the money will you?"

"Of course I won't," Larry told Alita, "sure it's gonna take a while to get it all."

"You're so wonderful Larry..." she mumbled before falling asleep in his lap.

Maya: How is Larry supposed to come up with twenty thousand dollars, anyway?

Edgeworth: If I am involved in his money-making scheme somehow, I'm leaving.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that leaving during the sporking is strictly prohibited.

[The lights come back on.]

Maya: But that was the end of the chapter. Isn't the sporking over now?

Speakers: We meant for future reference.

Maya: So, we're allowed to leave now.

Speakers: Yes.

Maya: Alright, come on, Nick! Let's go! *jumps up, drags Phoenix out of the theatre*

Franziska: All things considered, that was not actually that bad.

Edgeworth: Yes, well, just be glad you weren't here yesterday.

[Our remaining two sporkers leave for their respective homes. Will tomorrow hold another spork in store for them? It may very well... or the current Management may be busy tomorrow. Who knows what the future will bring?

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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I just remembered about Franziska von Karma: Ace Grammar Nazi.
Ugh. I'll be sure to include that the next time I have Franziska in the theatre.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Rank: Decisive Witness

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Once again, thoughts while reading:

-Dude, you're so strict. Now the poor sporkers aren't allowed their intro reactions? Poor things. ^^

-And if you're not allowing Franziska to damage the theater, you should probably take her whip from her before she enters the theater. Just talking from experience here, she's shown little respect for our interior in the past. Unless you can think of an effective punishment to control her?

-Jesus, Franziska is in a really whip-happy mood today, huh? I pity her fellow sporkers.

-I wish we still had Asa around to draw us Franziska in purple fishnet tights. Just think what that must look like!

-Ooh, electrocuting device, nice. >:D But still, it might be easier to just take the whip away from Franziska next time.

-Oh, don't rely on the sporkers to nicely stay in the theater. You have to prevent them from leaving. If the doors are broken again, try placing some guards or maybe a trap or two, as long as it leaves them still able to spork.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

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Did you know there's a case on AAO called Turnabout Sex Missile and it's basically the craziest thing ever? Because I sure didn't until last night!
Anyway, enough small talk. Law Plus Chaos, part three.

Today's sporkers are...
Hobo Nick!
:Hoboright: "...are we allowed to comment on our introductions again?"
Maya Fey!
:maya: "I smell popcorn."
Apollo Justice!
:apollo-objection: "I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN HERE!!"
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: "I'm going to be in the entire sporking, won't I? I'm not even in this fic yet!"

[We open up, as is expected, in our sporking theatre, where today's sporkers are already seated. Maya Fey has been given a single bag of popcorn, which she has already finished. Phoenix Wright has brought Apollo Justice up to speed on what happened in the last two chapters. Miles Edgeworth is sulking brooding.]

Apollo: ...and the author thought this was a good idea because...?

Phoenix: If I could look into the author's mind, do you really think we'd still be here?

Maya: Do you think they'll give me another bag of popcorn when the fic starts?

Edgeworth: That seems unlikely.

[The lights dim.]

Maya: Come onnnnnn, popcorn! Gimme popcorn!

[Maya Fey does not receive popcorn.]

Maya: This place sucks.

Edgeworth: You're only now coming to that conclusion?

"Despite this shaky start," the Judge killed the silence that dominated. "Witness step forward please?"

A tall beefy man took to the stand, with raven hair and scruffy coat. An instant look of disdain on his face occurred the moment he laid his eyes on Wocky. His teeth gritted a seething breath. The whip whacking his shoulder made him return to his senses.

Phoenix: I take it this is Gumshoe.

Edgeworth: Who on earth associates the phrase "raven hair" with Detective Gumshoe?

"Your name and occupation please, Scruffy?" Franziska asked.

"I know the drill pal," Gumshoe nodded. "It's Detective Dick Gumshoe."

"And you solemnly swear the evidence you shall give, shall be the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"I sure do, pal."

Apollo: When have we ever done that in our courts?

Edgeworth: Never.

Phoenix: Maybe that's why no one ever gets arrested for perjury?

"Mr. Gumshoe," the judge said. "Congratulations to you and your wife for new your baby boy."

"Thanks, I named him Copper, pal."

"What a fine name that is."

Maya: That's actually a pretty cute name for Gumshoe's son. Although the idea of Gumshoe being a father kind of worries me.

Edgeworth: If Wright can be a semi-decent father, so can Detective Gumshoe.

Phoenix: Hey!

Maya: I meant more along the lines of being too poor to afford anything for his kid.

"Copper-Pal is a cute name," Trucy whispered to Apollo.

"If you say so," Apollo said, despite thinking it was a weird name.

Phoenix: Trucy is definitely smart enough to pick up on the fact that "pal" isn't an actual part of the name.

Apollo: So am I, for that matter. Where is Trucy, anyway?

Phoenix: I asked Edgeworth to tell Kay to convince the management to keep her out of this sporking from now on.

Apollo: ...I see. How did that go?

Edgeworth: I have no idea what Kay did, but as you can see, Trucy is not here.

Maya: It probably won't last, though.

Phoenix: Shh, Maya. Let me hope.

Franziska stepped in, "Mrs. Maggey Gumshoe is still in maternity. So Scruffy will have to give his testimony and leave."

"Objection!" Apollo shouted. "How am I suppose to cross-examine the witness when he's not here?"

"Both the prosecution and the defense has raised good points," the judge hummed.

Edgeworth: The cross-examination shouldn't take too long. There's no real reason for him to leave so early.

Maya: You really are a slave-driver, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Gnngh.

"You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you. You feel like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much..."

"I think that's Klavier's voice!" Trucy whispered to Apollo. "I wonder who he's singing it to?" The courtroom turned silent, as a melody of a man invaded the court's proceedings.

Apollo: ...w-what?

Phoenix: He wasn't in this trial until a moment ago, right?

Edgeworth: You've been here as long as I have, Wright.

Phoenix: Well, this trial is insane enough already that I could have missed it.

Turning around they found no trace of anyone singing. Soft music echoed in the courtroom as the man continued to sing in a sweet tone. "Maybe he's singing it to Ema?"

"He could have chosen a better time than this," Apollo grumbled.

Apollo: Is he... interrupting a trial by singing over the PA? (And why does that seem like something he'd do?!)

Maya: Why exactly does Trucy assume he's singing to Ema, anyway?

Edgeworth: Most likely she's serving as a mouthpiece for the author's ships.

Klavier had indeed tumbled down from the ceiling. Bleached blond locks swayed to one side, dressed in jet black and attached to chains. "At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive." Klavier flew his way over to a brunette dressed in white cloak, who was nibbling on her snack of choice. Most of them known her as Ema Skye.

Phoenix: Others, however, knew her as-

Apollo: Did Prosecutor Gavin just come down from the ceiling?!

Edgeworth: What on earth is he attaching the chains to?

Maya: Maybe they're left over from the time Max Galactica wanted Nick to "dancingly descend" into court?

Edgeworth: ...I beg your pardon?

Phoenix: (Yeah, thanks for letting me finish my joke, Apollo.)

"You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you." He winked at her and blew her a kiss.

Ema munched away, trying to avoid Klavier in whichever way possible. That didn't stop Klavier: he only just started.

Apollo: So at what point does Ema just punch him?

Maya: It'd be funny if he got punched, and that makes him go flying, but he's still attached to the chains so he starts swinging around the courtroom-

Phoenix: That's enough, Maya.

Maya: ...and then hits the Judge in the face on accident and gets a penalty.

Apollo: (I'd pay to see that, actually.)

As the music started, the judge and Maya both tapped their feet. Klavier clipped a spare harness on her belt and his fingers rested on her hips. He then held her into her chest and moved around the courtroom with Ema dropping her bag. "I love you, baby, and if it's quite all right, I need you, baby, to warm a lonely night. I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say..."

Edgeworth: ...wasn't it just stated that Ema was trying to avoid him?

Apollo: So... not only is Prosecutor Gavin interrupting a trial in order to swing around from the ceiling, but he's also... sexually harassing Ema?

Phoenix: Looks like it.

Apollo: Why doesn't she just punch him?!

Maya: And why doesn't Franziska just whip him?! Seriously, she's right there!

Edgeworth: Yes, Franziska would never let anyone interrupt her trial, especially like this.

The judge had to duck under his seat, and some of the people watching the court had to be weary too.

Phoenix: We're weary already.

Maya: It's just a typo, Nick.

Phoenix: I know! I was trying to make a joke!

Apollo: At least it wasn't a pun...

Apollo and Trucy bent down, just in case. Franziska froze trying to act professional. A contrast to Maya, who clapped her hands. Ema's face of shock was visable to everyone. She tried hard not to scream.

Maya: Punch him! Punch him!

Edgeworth: I think that at this point, she'd probably get dropped if she punched him.

Maya: Punch him anyway and make him pay the medical bills!

"Oh, pretty baby, Don't bring me down, I pray. Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay and let me love you, baby. Let me love you." Klavier shamelessly kissed Ema with passion, not caring if there was at around thirty people in the room. Everyone stood up for an applause, apart from Franziska and Apollo. Klavier was fortunate enough to dodge three whipping attempts from Franziska until the fourth vibrated the chains on his belt. Meanwhile Maya nibbled on some snackeroos, which fell on Franziska's hair.

Maya: Oh, now she starts whipping him.

Edgeworth: This is definitely sexual harassment.

Phoenix: Well, I guess it could be ambiguous. Once Klavier picked her up, the only emotion Ema is described with is "shock". So I guess she could be enjoying it?

Edgeworth: That seems extremely unlikely.

Apollo: Also, they're called Snackoos, not "snackeroos".

Phoenix: I really don't think that's the issue here, Apollo.

"What a lovely love confession," the judge smiled as he applauded the blonde prosecutor.

"Danke Herr Judge. It was Fräulein Fey's idea – she said you all needed some cheering up."

"OBJECTION! Franziska snapped. "Klavier Gavin has just interrupted our trial in the most foolish way possible."

Edgeworth: And in this fanfic, the voice of reason will be played by Franziska von Karma.

Phoenix: Fifty bucks she does something incredibly stupid by the end of the fic - no, the end of the chapter.

Edgeworth: Don't drag me into your gambling, Wright.

Maya: You're on, Nick!

Phoenix: No way. If you lose, you'll borrow money from me to pay me off anyway.

"I'll let you off this time Gavin," the judge told the rock-loving prosecutor. "Do it again, and I'll no choice but to give you a penalty."

"That's fine my me Herr Judge."

"Bailiff help remove Mr. Gavin and Miss Skye out immediately"

Apollo: ...the Judge is taking this awfully well.

Phoenix: Well, stranger things have happened in his court, at least.

"The next person to interrupt this court of holy judgment shall feel the wrath of my whip!" Franziska threatened them, with violent whip lashing about just like how Maya entered the defense lobby with what she was wearing. Apollo gulped, knowing that she was looking for an excuse to whip him.

Edgeworth: I don't think she needs an excuse.

Apollo: Did I mention how glad I am that she's not here right now?

That was the least of his worries, Maya looked as her breasts were going to be exposed. He couldn't help it – they were right in front of him.

Maya: A-APOLLO!!

Apollo: No! Not me! Fic-me!!

In a shockingly soft voice Franziska said, "now, you better testify, before you get interrupted again, Scruffy. HOLD IT! Mr. Apollo Justice you disgusting fool," Franziska mumbled, whipping him to show her outrage. Her tone became soft and bitter, "ogling Maya Fey and Trucy Wright at the same time, you disgusting foolish pervert."

Phoenix: Apollo!


"I wasn't do-" Apollo shrieked out in a raspy voice trying to explain. But no reason would ever be enough. He feared her angry pose.

"A fool who doesn't think is more foolish than a fool who foolishly thinks!" barked Franziska.

"Quit using the word fool," slipped out of Apollo.

"I refuse to accept orders from you Apollo Justice!" The whip caused havoc on the prosecution stand, and Maya was lucky not to get hurt.

Edgeworth: I'm surprised she didn't whip him directly.

Phoenix: I guess we were wrong about the author having a passable grasp of Franziska's character.

Apollo: Of all the things for her to be out-of-character on, whipping fic-me is probably the least worst.

Maya: I dunno. Your "getting hit by a whip" face is pretty funny.

Apollo: M-Ms. Fey! (I should have know that Mr. Wright's old assistant would be a psychopath.)

"Would the prosecution and the defense please leave their personal issues outside my court?" the judge requested.

Maya: When has that ever happened? It feels like half our trials are all about Nick and Edgeworth's personal issues.

Phoenix & Edgeworth: Shut up, Maya.

Maya: It's true, though. You can't hide from the truth!

Apollo: (Now I wish I could have seen some of those trials.)

"Mr. Gumshoe, please testify about the arrest."

"Okay," Gumshoe started. "My wife went into labor, so I drove her to the hospital. I saw Wocky tied up on a tree, wearing nothing but a jacket. I didn't do anything about cause all I thought about was Maggey and the baby. After Maggey went to hospital, I went down at the scene and arrested him for gross indecency. He was charged with rape at the police station."

"I'm curious about one thing," Trucy told Apollo. "Maya used to be Daddy's assistant, and I'm wondering why she would want to join sides with Miss Von Karma?"

Apollo: How is that relevant?

Maya: I dunno, but I'd like to know that myself.

Phoenix: More to the point, Gumshoe is being awfully dedicated here. He left his wife in childbirth in order to go arrest someone.

Maya: He definitely deserves a pay raise for that, right, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I am not about to increase Detective Gumshoe's salary based off of something a fictional version of him did.

Phoenix: (I'm pretty sure you've cut his pay over some of the things fictional versions of him did, though.)

[Apollo cross-examines Gumshoe. According to him, Wocky and Dessie had some sort of sex, and then Ron tied Wocky to a tree and left.]

"You also mentioned Wocky Kitaki offended you deeply," Franziska added.

"Sure!" Gumshoe snapped. "He was damn right rude! He kicked me, punched me and called my wife fat! That's unforgivable."

"Hold it, how could he have called your wife fat?" Apollo asked.

"A picture of my wife last week," Gumshoe replied, he showed the photo of a pregnant brunette in glasses. "It fell out my pocket and in these exact words, the defendant said: 'EW Who dat fat mother fucker, oink oink oink oink?' I arrested him straight after that."

All: ...

Apollo: ...Wocky doesn't talk like that.

Edgeworth: For that matter, neither does Detective Gumshoe.

"Wocky was drunk at the time," Apollo stated reading through some files. From the way it looked, it seemed that Gumshoe only arrested him for offending Maggey.

Maya: I was gonna comment on that, but now I'm glad I didn't.

Edgeworth: I suppose this fic could be capable of moments of self-awareness.

Phoenix: They're rare, though.

Edgeworth: Oh yes. They definitely are.

"I could smell it off him a few feet way," Gumshoe admitted. "Must have had a thousand units of alcohol!"

"Mr. Gumshoe..." Apollo became sort of scared about what Gumshoe had just said, "a thousand units of alcohol can kill you."

"Indeed it can," the judge said playing with his gavel. "Of course the defendant's words were out of order. The court will accept the traces of seaman and clothes as part of evidence. And I think Gumshoe, you will be wanting to head back. We may need you later but for now, you may go."

Apollo: "Traces of seaman"? What?

Maya: Obviously they found signs that a sailor had been there.

Phoenix: I'm afraid to ask what kind of signs those would be.

Maya: Um, it smells like brine? And he left a seagull there.

Phoenix: One that escaped the werewolf?

Apollo: What?

Maya & Phoenix: Nothing.

"We shall call the victim herself, Desirée DeLite to the stand." Franziska oozed in self confidence and her image of perfection. Desirée DeLite, was a beautiful blonde in a shimmering biker's suit. Nerves had settled into her face. She took to the stand and seemed rather horrified. Franziska stared at her, as she said, "witness, state your name and occupation."

"I'm Desirée DeLite," she sweetly responded, "and I'm a motorcycle rider."

Apollo: What kind of occupation is that?

"What kind of an occupation is that?" Apollo muttered quietly, but enough for Trucy to hear.

Apollo: ...

Phoenix: And for your next trick, you should predict how this fic ends so we can get out of here!

Apollo: At this point, I'm not even sure I want to know.

[The prosecution and witness make small-talk. Okay, not exactly, but there's really nothing going on at all.]

Trucy gasped out loud, bounced onto Apollo as they both landed on the ground at the same time Franziska's whip of fury lashed on the defense bench. The judge fell off his chair in shock and it started to get chatty again. The elderly judge returned to his throne and banged the gavel down. The next bang of the gavel happened just as Apollo and Trucy got up. One final crash with the gavel and everyone was paying attention.

Apollo: Did I even do anything to deserve that...?

Edgeworth: You clearly lack experience with Franziska.

"Sorry Polly," Trucy whispered in his ear. "I'm not letting Miss Von Karma whip you like that!"

The judge's eyes had widened and his lips became slippery. "T-the court shall take a break for half an hour." The gavel strikes once again, and then the judge fainted.

Maya: Um, why? Because Franziska whipped somebody?

Phoenix: You'd think he'd be used to that by now.

Edgeworth: This is the end of the chapter. I believe the author merely needed a reason to break.

Spoiler: The second chapter begins playing.
Apollo: Say, does anyone think the management's been awfully quiet today?

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Apollo Justice that the "M" is capitalized.

Apollo: Um... okay....

Edgeworth: Wright got away with "management" earlier, though.

Speakers: In that case, the Management would like to extend the same reminder to Phoenix Wright.

Maya: *whispers* I don't think the Management's heart's in it today.

Phoenix: *whispers back* I think they're probably saving it up for something crazy. I wonder what happens in this chapter?

"You disgraced Wright," Edgeworth snapped.

Edgeworth: ...oh no. Ohhhh no.

Phoenix: Ha. I already regret making that comment.

Edgeworth: In that case, everything that follows is your fault.

Phoenix: H-Hey...

Before solitary confinement, Kristoph Gavin was the genius defense attorney, who was also a cunning murderous criminal. Insanty got the better of him. Miles Edgeworth was face to face to the man he always knew was the one who set up Phoenix Wright. He had a feeling Kristoph was trouble, but Phoenix wanted to get closer and find the truth on his own. It lead him to his grave, or so Edgeworth thought.

All: ...

Phoenix: Um, wasn't I alive, like, two chapters ago?

Maya: Well, to be fair, this is Edgeworth's first appearance in this fic.

Apollo: This is about to get really stupid, isn't it?

Edgeworth: ... *puts fists on armrest*

It could not have been the Wright he know that was good at poker. He remembered playing poker with him at school; he was rubbish.

Phoenix: ...because obviously I couldn't have improved over the course of over fifteen years?

Edgeworth: Nnngh-! My truth-bar!

Maya: Why are elementary-schoolers playing poker anyway?

If Kristoph was a genius, he was capable of doing heinous acts. He continued in disgust, "but wasn't enough for you was it Gavin? You lured him into your darkness, killed him and hired someone to pretend as him, while you hid his body."

Apollo: (Hm... a body-double... that's actually a pretty interesting idea. Where have I seen that before?)

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Apollo Justice not reveal any spoilers.

Apollo: I wasn't going to...

Edgeworth: What would Kristoph Gavin even accomplish by doing that, though?!

Apollo: To be fair, I still don't know what he accomplished by murdering two people.

Phoenix: Getting me disbarred. More or less.

Apollo: ...and why did he do that?

Phoenix: (Good question. I wonder what's behind those black psyche-locks, anyway?)

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that speculation on presumably important plot points is forbidden in the sporking theatre.

Phoenix: I didn't even say anything!

"My oh my Edgeworth," cackled Kristoph. He flipped his bleach blond locks over to his shoulder and pointed up, still glaring at Miles. "You've gone mad. Why on earth would I want to do that?"

Maya: Oh, look, the fic's bringing up the same points you are!

Edgeworth: Nn- ...another hit to my truth-bar...

"Aside from the fact you're insanely jealous, I believe it's because of this woman." Edgeworth replied as he presented the former genius a picture of an innocent looking woman. Her face was bright and gave off a pure expression. Braids were a substitute for a tiara for her strong shade of red hair. Kristoph held the picture close to his heart and became intrigued. "Dahlia Hawthorne, she was executed three months before Wright was disbarred – when you killed him."

Phoenix: (K-Kristoph and Dahlia... in league?)

Maya: What's wrong, Nick? Why do you suddenly look so horrified?

Phoenix: I am so glad this is only fictional.

"You saw his suicidal note," Kristoph reminded him. "Do you still have it in your pocket?"

"Of course," Edgeworth responded. He took out an old piece of paper, which was hiding in his pocket for eight years.

Edgeworth: Wait. I think Wright has been murdered, yet there was a suicide note... that I've apparently been keeping in my pocket for eight years, during which time I apparently never changed my clothing? *truth-bar explodes. Repeatedly* Ungh...!

Phoenix: Um. Maybe you knew it was fake?

Edgeworth: That doesn't change the fact that it has apparently been in my pocket for eight years.

"I was going to investigate it myself, but I never got round to doing it.

Edgeworth: O-Over the course of eight years? And I thought Wright was dead?!

One thing I did do was to study the hand writing, and the writing of this note in my hand does not belong to Wright."

Maya: See, Edgeworth? You figured out it was a fake!

Phoenix: That's probably why you thought I was murdered!

Edgeworth: But you're still alive! You were in this fic three chapters ago!! *truth bar explodes* Gah!

Apollo: ...I guess that explains why Mr. Wright was acting like a cardboard cut-out, though.

"Dahlia and I were going to run away together," Kristoph admitted. He turned his head, refusing to look at Edgeworth. "He should have died instead of her."

Phoenix: ("Run away together"? Does the fic mean to say they were... in love? Sort of? What if they had a kid? A... child of both Kristoph and Dahlia... that would be...)

Maya: Nick? Nick, what's wrong?

Phoenix: ...

"But they're both dead now."

Kristoph's laugh haunted the detention center even more. His fists were flying in almost every angle they could. "Miles Edgeworth, you are so... so ... so ... so ... STUPID! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Edgeworth: I agree!! This fictional version of myself is an absolute disgrace to my name!

Apollo: Meanwhile, I'm kind of curious as to what the author means by "his fists were flying in almost every angle they could". Is he punching the air?

Maya: What was his breakdown sequence like?

Apollo: Um, floating objects and later going Super Saiyan.

Maya: ...yeah, I can't help you.

"So tell me, where is his body?" Edgeworth snapped.

"I wrote the suicide note!" Kristoph slipped out.

Edgeworth: For the sake of argument, let's say that fic-me is correct about Wright being dead. Fic-me has already accused Gavin of murder, and already knows that the "suicide note" is a fake. Ergo, it stands to reason that fic-me already knows that Gavin was the one who wrote it.

Phoenix: I'm impressed you can even talk about this without receiving a penalty.

Edgeworth: Lucky for me. I'm on my last legs here.

Maya: On the plus side, if Edgeworth passes out, Kay will probably show up and give us a continue-button, right? And then we can get her to disable the speakers.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Maya Fey that plotting against the Management is strictly prohibited.

"I handed it to you, and as for Phoenix Wright. He. Is. Still. Alive. It worked on you, just like Dahlia said it would.

Edgeworth: But why would I fall for it in the first place?! My reasoning for the Wright running around in this fic being a fake one is utterly imbecilic!! ...gnghk! *steadies self in seat* My truth-bar is almost out...

Phoenix: Hang in there, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Yes, thank you, Wright. Very helpful. Just what I needed.

Phoenix: You're welcome.

She visits my sleep you see, she helps make me relax and gives me orders. Charming lady don't you think?"

"YOU DECIEVING SWINES THE PAIR OF YOU!" Edgeworth roared. "I've never met a man and a woman so sick and twisted."

Apollo:, what was Dahlia like, exactly?

Maya: You don't want to know.

Apollo: (On one hand, she can't be any worse than Mr. Gavin. But on the other hand, judging by Mr. Wright's expression every time she's mentioned... Ms. Fey is probably right.) *sighs*

Seething in anger, Egdeworth glared at Kristoph. No matter how much he wanted to punch his guts out, it wasn't worth it. "Since you're not going to tell me, I'll find him myself! You're just a worthless insane man."

Phoenix: "Find him" meaning "find the body" or "find the real Wright because he clearly isn't dead and yet the one who's been hanging out with Trucy and Apollo is still obviously not the real one"?

Edgeworth: Nngh... Wright, please, don't make this any worse than it already is.

Phoenix: Sorry.

"You're the fool in this." Kristoph pointed at him. "Eight years, and you thought he was dead. But I just told you he was alive." Kristoph's calm smirk left a chilling aroma in the cell. Too chilling for Egdeworth to spend another second. "You obviously expect him to care about you now?"

Apollo: Ouch.

Phoenix: If this happened in real life, I'd probably be wondering who killed the real Edgeworth and replaced him.

Maya: See, Edgeworth? Nick really does care!

Edgeworth: How comforting.

"You have an illness that will never be cured." Egdeworth hoped those words would be last he would have to say to Kristoph. As he left the cell, the disgraced attorney's body froze, yet his lips allowed a flood of insane laughter to fill the air.

Edgeworth: Th-that's the last of me in this fic, right?

Maya: What, you don't want a chance to redeem yourself?

Edgeworth: No, I want a chance to refill my truth-bar and forget this ever happened. *groans* I need to lie down.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Miles Edgeworth that lying down in the sporking theatre is strictly prohibited. Also, the floors are dirty. Wouldn't want your nice pink suit to get messed up, would you?

Edgeworth: Grr...

Phoenix: If it makes you feel any better, we're almost halfway through the chapter. (Okay, more like a fourth of the way through. But what he doesn't know can't hurt him, right?)

"Krissi, don't be such an epic failure..." Dahlia Hawthorne's ghostly voice echoed in his head. The repetition of her words silenced him. "Krissi, you epic failure... You should have let him continue thinking Feenie was dead."

"Dahlia," Kristoph mumbled as if he fell week to his knees.

Apollo: ..."Krissi"?

Maya: "Epic failure"?

Phoenix: Maybe we should just move on. Oh look, a line break!

[Court is back in session for the trial of Wocky Kitaki. Dessie prepares to give testimony.]

"With what Desirée DeLite has been though," Franziska responded. "I find we must handle the trial sensitively."

"Sensitive my ass," muttered Trucy, who remained furious.

Phoenix: Trucy doesn't talk like that.

Apollo: Mr. Wright... there's no need to sound like you're going to hunt down the author and murder them.

Phoenix: Murder? That's a little drastic. ...then again, I'm still unable to forget what they made her do in the second chapter.

Apollo: ...I'll defend you.

"I met Wocky online. It was a random group chat." Desirée started her testimony, "Wocky quickly added me, started calling me a sexy angel . He also asked to see my breasts and he asked it everyday. My body too."

"That must have been strange," the judge commented.

"When did this all start?" Franziska asked her in a gentle voice.

"Three months ago."

"Did you fulfill his requests?" Franziska asked.

"No, I was too scared." She hugged herself from the stand. "I could never betray Ronnie like that."

Edgeworth: If this has been going on for about three months, why didn't she just-

Phoenix: For the sake of your truth-bar, Edgeworth, I'll field this one. *clears throat, points dramatically* Why didn't she just block him?!

Edgeworth: Thank you, Wright.

Apollo: Somehow I don't think this is actually going to be explained in the fic.

"Your marriage is very strong isn't it?" Franziska asked. Apollo failed to see any sensitive vibe in Franziska – it certainly wasn't genuine.

Edgeworth: Franziska does have a sensitive side.

Maya: She does? Really?

Edgeworth: Yes. It's highly repressed. Also, don't tell her that I said that.

A ruthless aroma was still present in the court room. She was desperate to crush him, he knew it and had to defend Wocky as well as himself. There was bound to be a contradiction somewhere. He didn't buy Franziska's sudden gentle nature because it was most likely an act to pull the court around her little finger.

"Ronnie and I are still very much in love," Desirée said. "Today is our anniversary, and we plan to renew our vows soon. Ronnie's not a thief anymore, and I'm so proud of him. I'm having a baby with him too."

Maya: Gee, the DeLites certainly took their time in having a kid, huh? How old were they when we met them?

Phoenix: Let me think. Uh, Ron was 23 and Dessie was the same age as him. And this is about eight years later.

Maya: I'm surprised they don't have any children by this point in the fic, then.

Apollo: Maybe the author was too lazy to make any OCs.

Edgeworth: That's just as well.

"What a beautiful marriage!" Franziska's facial expressions turned even more serious almost like a porcelain doll. Again, Apollo didn't buy that. "Now on to the actual crime itself. Be explicit as you can."

"Well, Wocky and I met up near his mansion. We went to the noodle stand had shared some noodles together. We were having fun, then we bought some vodka and beer and drove to my place.

Edgeworth: Why did-

Phoenix: Shh, I got this. *points dramatically* Why did Dessie invite Wocky over if he'd been harassing her online for three months?!

Edgeworth: I have one penalty left, Wright. I'm not dying.

Apollo: I don't think the fic is going address this, either.

[Dessie describes her rape, which ended when Ron ran in and saved her.]

"It weren't no rape," Wocky snapped. "She was loving it man, that dyke is gonna lie." Apollo's bracelet had been acting strange all through the second half of the trial. It was only until Wocky spoke, it stopped. He was sure of it now – Wocky was innocent. Acknowledging it would not be enough, he needed to prove it. Although the stack of evidence suggests otherwise, his bracelet would not deceive him.

Apollo: I'm not sure about this, but theoretically, if someone was twisted enough, then they could lie about this and not get picked up by the bracelet.

Phoenix: And that's one of the many reasons why we don't do rape cases.

"Dyke?" pondered the judge.

"Dessie was telling me on MSN about her lesbian desires so I assumed the dyke who caught us called the police."

"Another person saw you?" the judge asked again.

"I think he means the victim's husband, Ron DeLite." Franziska moaned. Apollo knew it: Franziska couldn't stay gentle for long.

Maya: "Moaned"? I've never heard Franziska moan anything. Except in some bad fanfic, I think.

Edgeworth: Yes, well, surprisingly enough, a bad fanfic is in fact where you are currently hearing Franziska moan.

"Woah, Whipping-chick, you're saying she's got a dick?" Wocky asked, at the price of a bruise curtesy of the whip.

"It's Franziska Von Karma to you, and Ron is male."

"He looked like a proper chick to me, especially the way he cried. Just like a lil girl."

Apollo: Well, that's pretty rude.

Edgeworth: This entire line of conversation is distasteful. Especially since they keep slinging around slurs.

Maya: To be fair, Ron wasn't exactly the most masculine person in the world.

Edgeworth: That's no excuse.

"What you thought doesn't matter." Franziska fondled her whip. "I don't think you know how serious your crime really is. You don't even have the maturity to accept the fact you're crimes were revolting. Understandable since your father used to be a mob boss. "

"Like I said," Wocky remained cool, "she was loving it."

Apollo: Wocky staying cool seems a little unlikely.

Phoenix: And now Franziska's fondling her whip. Great. How long until they have to cut out another sex scene?

Edgeworth: Please no. They're still in the courthouse.

"I've had enough of you," Franziska barked at Wocky. "I don't want to hear another word from you. I think it's time for our decisive witness: Ron DeLite!"

Maya: You'd think the victim would be the decisive witness. *pause* Wow, that was a weird sentence to say. I'm so used to murder trials...

Edgeworth: *sigh* In the author's defense... there's always the possibility of the victim lying due to a personal vendetta against the accused, so having another witness who can corroborate the victim's claims is incredibly important in real life.

Phoenix: So the author got something right?

Edgeworth: I sincerely doubt it was intentional.

The judge went on to say: "I think cross-examination will be hard. It is rock solid and we have enough evidence to show that Mrs. DeLite was raped."

"Hold it!" Apollo cried out. "The defense will like to carry out a cross-examination." Not even three fresh whips from Franziska were going to help change his mind.

"You're cold hearted, Apollo Justice." Franziska's comment was worthy of a palm hiding his face – she was the cold-hearted one here.

"Yes Mr. Justice don't be so mean." It was obvious who side the judge was on. He just wished the jurist system was used today. What was Miss Von Karma, a witch? "Sorry, but cross examining Mrs. DeLite will get us nowhere. You can cross examine Mr. DeLite all you want, Mr. Justice. "

"Fine," Apollo said quietly. He had just realized lots of potential contradictions and the judge became blind.

Maya: how come the Judge randomly went blind at the end of all that?

Apollo: I don't know, but I kind of envy him.

In the witness box, a timid looking person stood. It was Ron DeLite. Apollo wasn't surprised Wocky called him a girl. Cinnamon hair shaped as two springy buns from either side screamed out feminine more than masculine. A bright green costume decorated with yellow tails appeared as if he was going to a fancy dress party. "Witness you're name and occupation please?"

"I'm Ron DeLite, I don't have a job at the moment... PLEASE DON'T HIT ME WITH THAT WHIP THING!" Ron quickly hid under the stand and his shaking was clearly heard.

Maya: In retrospect, it's probably a good thing that the real Ron's never met the real Franziska.

Phoenix: Also, he's still married to Dessie but doesn't have a job at the moment. Oof. What happened to their consulting firm?

"Don't worry," Maya told Ron, "Franziska wouldn't dare whip you: she's on your side."

"Thank you."

Phoenix: Maya, didn't Mia ever tell you not to lie through your teeth like that?

Edgeworth: And what, exactly, is the difference between that and bluffing?

Phoenix: Well, clearly, um... shut up.

[Ron describes walking in on Dessie and Wocky. After crying for five minutes, he chased Wocky down and tied him to a tree.]

"Where were you coming home from?" Apollo dived straight into cross-examination since he wasn't allowed to cross-examine the victim.

"From... work."

Apollo banged his hand on the desk, then responded: "You just said you were unemployed."

"Yeah but... but I am, but I'm not." Apollo could perceive his mumbling and twitching as Ron's nervous habit.

Phoenix: I don't think you need your powers for that, Apollo.

Maya: This guy is one giant walking nervous twitch, though. How would that even work?

Apollo: Um, it's not like I haven't perceived really nervous in general people before. It's not even that much more difficult.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Apollo Justice stick to the trend of keeping all references to canon more or less before Dual Destinies.

Apollo: I thought breaking the fourth wall was prohibited?

Speakers: The Management is exempt from the rules. Obviously.

"According to this, you were working as an escort."

All: ...

Edgeworth: Well, it's certainly not the most immoral thing to happen in this fic so far.

Phoenix: And we're only on chapter six out of 24.

Edgeworth: Please, Wright, don't remind me.

"PLEASE CUT IT OUT!" Ron yelped. Apollo considered the yelling as a sign of a nervous habit too.

"No need to yell Mr. DeLite," the judge said. He faced Apollo and said: "Mr. Justice continue with the cross-examination."

"Has your wife been behaving weirdly since three months ago?" Apollo asked. He knew this would get somewhere. Get to the point that Desirée was in a relationship with Wocky.

Apollo: ...which wouldn't actually prove anything. Dragging the victim's name through the mud won't help me here.

Edgeworth: Because it usually helps you?

Apollo: That wasn't what I meant. (Please stop glaring at me. I did nothing to deserve this.)

"Her shopping sprees have cut down dramatically," Ron confessed. "Dessie used to spend it like water but she's making an effort to stop."

Apollo decided to press further and asked, "was that the reason you stole things and decided to become an escort?"

"What a foolish question!" Franziska's harsh critique was beginning to be ignored.

"Originally yes," Ron said. "But we've been doing good. Dessie's cut her spending habits and I'm not breaking the law anymore. No one else will employ me, so I stuck to the job."

Apollo: How is this even relevant?

Edgeworth: Also, prostitution is actually illegal in California.

Maya: So I guess this case will end with Ron getting arrested. Again. For the third time.

Edgeworth: Well, no, since I don't think the author is aware of this.

"Desirée DeLite is not the victim in this case!" Trucy decided to talk straight. "She must have known about how much money the Kitaki mansion had. That's why she set Wocky up."

"Just like your 'father' Trucy Wright," Franziska responded. "Full of foolish theories."

"If my daddy's theories are so foolish, than why is he the only one's who has defeated you in court?" Trucy asked.

Maya: Oh snap!!

Phoenix: As hilarious as that is, I'm afraid of what would happen if Trucy ever actually said something like that in front of Franziska.

Maya: How traumatizing do you think it is to see your father whipped half to death right in front of you?

Phoenix: As I said, I'm afraid of what would happen.

"The first was a scam. The second was a fluke," Franziska replied.

"Soar loser," Trucy whispered to Apollo.

"What Trucy's just said has made a whole lot of sense!" Apollo glanced at two case evaluations from eight years ago, where Ron was the defendant in both trials. "Your wife only used you for money!" Apollo announced to Ron. Presenting both evaluations to the court he could back up his claim: "You see, the real victim is the defendant. Mr. DeLite was broke, so she used Wocky to get a hold of the family's money."

Apollo: I'm going to look like such a sociopath if this ends in a "Guilty" verdict.

Phoenix: The DeLites weren't like that anyway. Just so you know.

"You can't possibly prove this," Franziska said.

"I just did." Apollo smirked. "Here's a photo taken on the night of the alleged crime!" Apolllo had presented a clear photograph with Wocky's hands round her waist, and Desirée's lips pressed upon his mouth.

Apollo: Uh... where did I get that from?

Maya: I guess you forged it. Don't you know it's bad to present forged evidence in court, Apollo? They could take your badge for it!

Phoenix & Apollo: *awkward silence*

Edgeworth: Moving on...

"Objection! " Franziska banged her bench with her whip. "The photo and the evaluations mean nothing. Wocky Kitaki could have still raped her after the picture was taken."

"Not rape if it's willing," Apollo explained.

All: ...

Apollo: I take it back. I'm going to look like a sociopath even if Wocky gets a "Not Guilty" verdict.

"STOP TALKING ABOUT DESSIE LIKE THAT [incredibly long "PLEASE" cut for the sake of page-stretching]"

"You did have to steal for her," Apollo confirmed looking though Ron's profile. "You were also blackmailed into doing things just for money – such as stealing and becoming an escort. Mrs. DeLite's affair could ruining the marriage. That's why you two took advantage of his drunken state and framed him for rape!"

Ron simply yelled out, "CUT IT OUT! PLEASE STOP YELLING AT [incredibly long "ME" cut for the sake of page-stretching]"

Maya: At least the author got Ron's speech patterns down!

Edgeworth: I am very glad I was overseas for that trial, then.

"I cried for five minutes and I chased after him – this what you said in your testimony, but doesn't make sense." Apollo told him. "How did you know where he was, if you spent five minutes crying? It's impossible."

"Witnessing the rape shocked him!" Maya yelled out. "If I walked in and saw Pearly getting raped I would have done the same thing."

Maya: Actually, if I walked in and saw Pearly getting raped, I'd channel Andre the Giant and rip the rapist a new one.

Phoenix: Assuming Pearls doesn't do that first.

Apollo waited for Ron's response, but he got nothing. "For the five minutes you were crying, you and your wife could have made a quick plan to make sure Wocky didn't escape. Full of flaws but a plan nonetheless."

"It wasn't like that!" Ron sobbed. He buried his head in his hands unable to stop crying. "I didn't want him to get away with hurting Dessie. So after I finished crying I chased after him on the motor cycle and saw him unconscious. I tied him up somewhere the police could see him."

Edgeworth: opposed to hauling him into the police station, where he could be arrested without exposing his naked body to whatever unfortunate pedestrian happened to walk by.

Apollo: I do have a point, though. How did he know where Wocky was? Did the motorcycle have some weird Kitaki-detector?

Maya: Wouldn't it just tell you to go east?

Phoenix: Kitaki-detector, Maya. Not Kentucky-detector.

"And then Gumshoe came to the rescue!" Maya added.

"Explain how Wocky got the bruise on his face," Apollo requested.

"He knocked me out big time." Wocky admitted. "It was like this, Dessie was loving it, Ron screamed like a girl punched me in the face and I woke up tied to a tree."

Apollo: ...could a man that looks like that really hit that hard?

Phoenix: Well, he did used to work in security.

Maya: At least eight years ago.

"Did my whip say you could speak?" Franziska showed her wrath on Wocky by giving him five whips for good measure.

"Whip's can't talk..." said Apollo.

"Shut up your foolish mouth you foolish moron! I am it's voice!"

Edgeworth: "Foolish moron"?

Maya: Maybe the author can't write Franziska after all.

"Yeah, I punched him..." Ron admitted. "I never seen Dessie so scared. She told me it was rape and I just cried for not being there for her. I couldn't understand what Wocky was saying, and thought he was going to punch me. So I punched him before he could even try to hit me. I threw something on his head and be was knocked out. So I dragged him to the tree and tied him up there. I'm sorry! I'm sorry. If I get on trial for this I plea temporary insanity."

Edgeworth: I doubt he'd be put on trial for that in the first place.

Phoenix: It'd be justified defense of another person. Also, the insanity plea is terrible.

Edgeworth: I am aware.

"You tried to kill Wocky that night?" Apollo had asked so suddenly.

"OBJECTION!" Maya roared out.

"PLEASE DON'T WHIP ME!" Ron bailed, and then began to cry like a baby as he muffled up his tears. Apollo wished that he would act his age.

"This isn't cross-examination!" Maya snapped, scurrying out of the prosecution bench to hug Ron. "Mr. Justice is being a bully!"

Apollo: I'd actually agree with you there.

Maya: I still have no idea why I was behind the prosecution's bench in the first place.

"I agree with Maya Fey. This foolish excuse for cross-examination has to be stopped!" Franziska ordered. "Look at what it's doing to the witness. Aside from the fact your claims are foolishly outrageous, and fresh from the world of foolish foolery surrounded by nothing but fools, Ron DeLite has the mind of a gentle toddler. And little children and fragile minds don't just make up foolish stories like this!"

Phoenix: ...did Franziska just character-assassinate her own witness?

Maya: Seems like something she'd do.

Phoenix: Yeah, but still. She just pretty much accused him of being mentally disabled. That's a new low, even for her.

Edgeworth: Be very glad she isn't in here right now, Wright.

"Objection!" Apollo snapped back. "The witness isn't a child, he's an unstable man who's thirty one. To be honest, I think the witness is a crazy attention seeker."

"PLEASE CUT IT OUT!" Ron yelled out, his cinnamon hair started to bounce like springs. Maya tried to comfort him by rubbing his back.

"You insolent fool!" Franziska bellowed. "THAT THAT!" She attacked the defense bench with a series of sharp whips. She didn't care how many times she did it, nor did it matter to her who got hurt. Franziska didn't stop until Apollo collapsed.

"POLLY!" Trucy screamed.

Apollo: Ooh. I'm down.

Phoenix: "THAT THAT!"? Was that supposed to be "Take that!"?

Maya: The world may never know.

"You have no proof Mr. Apollo Justice. Therefore it's the end." Franziska curtsied to the court. "I win!" Her tone of voice had become sweet.

The judge nodded as he banged the gavel. "I think the trial has come to an explosive close. I am ready to give my verdict." Franziska's eyes were closed, and her lips curled. Trucy gritted her teeth at the woman, then her knees dropped to Apollo's side – he was knocked out.

Apollo: Wait, she actually whipped me unconscious?

Phoenix: Don't worry, Apollo. It happens to the best of us.

Apollo: ?

She didn't like Maya for calling Apollo a bully, but despised Franziska Von Karma much more. It wasn't because she whipped her, but because Franziska had hurt Apollo, physically, mentally and verbally. It was far too early for the judge to give his verdict. Trucy thought the judge was taking pills that made him dumb. However, it was the least of her worries, she only cared about Apollo's recovery. "The court finds Wocky Kitaki guilty!"

Apollo: Trucy's awfully mean in this fic.

Phoenix: Well, from the summary on, it was obvious that the only way out was to pretend that the girl on the screen is a completely unrelated person who just happens to share the name.

Apollo: Wait, "from the summary on"? Trucy wasn't mentioned in the summary. ...well, I guess she was, but we didn't know it was her until the fic explained it.

Phoenix: ...uh...

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that plot-important revelations-

Phoenix: I know, I know!

"Just as I expected Apollo Justice," Franziska muttered for her opponent with a half hidden smirk, "...pathetic."

"That is all, this court is adjourned."

Justice was not served.

Maya: Don't tell me all that was just lead-up to a stupid name pun.

Apollo: It's not stupid.

"It wasn't your fault Apollo," Trucy assured him. "Miss Von Karma cheated, and the judge gave his verdict out too soon!"

"Still, Wocky had faith in me," Apollo reminded himself, "and I blew it. Why did I have to go unconscious? I didn't lose because of Von Karma, I lost because I didn't have enough faith in Wocky." He felt an urge to throw his own fist at his face.

Phoenix: No, you definitely lost because of von Karma. She whipped you into unconsciousness.

Apollo: Thanks, Mr. Wright, but I look like a sociopath either way.

Maya: Yeah, your entire defense consisted of character-assassination and also a piece of forged evidence.

Apollo & Phoenix: *another awkward silence*

Maya: ?

"Poor Wocky," Trucy murmured. "And little Plum too, she must be feeling awful."

"I knew Miss Von Karma was up to something," Apollo cried out. "Can't believe just realized what it was – she was distracting me."

"That wasn't a fair trial," Trucy reminded him. "You did your best!"

Maya: So, any bets on how long Apollo angsts about this?

Phoenix: Well, anyone to bet against except you?

Apollo & Edgeworth: No.

Phoenix: No bet.

Maya: Aww...

A week has passed since Wocky's guilty verdict. Apollo stared at the roof with Trucy wrapping herself into his arms.

Phoenix: ...

Apollo: Why does this fic make is so hard to pretend that Trucy and I aren't in a relationship?!

Maya: An incestuous relationship at that, right?

Apollo: Thanks, Ms. Fey. I really needed reminding of that.

He felt he was close to proving Wocky was in a relationship with Mrs. DeLite. His palm laid flat on his forehead. He hadn't seen Phoenix since that talk they had after the trial. It was the first time he lost a case, and he didn't really know how to deal with it.

Phoenix: You're sleeping with my daughter, who is your half-sister, um, in the context of this fic... and the discussion I have with you after the trial is about how you lost.

Apollo: Apparently.

Phoenix: I hope I was rubbing it in your face.

[Apollo angsts. Trucy suggests he push for a retrial and get Klavier as prosecutor.]

"Now I know to be careful about people online," Trucy admitted. "Once you feel better, we're gonna stand up to her," Trucy ranted as if she was planning something. "Anyway, what did Daddy say to you Polly?" Trucy asked, bouncing on top of him.

"He just asked questions."

"About what?"

"When he caught us, he asked about the details."

Apollo: What kind of details you could possibly need?

Phoenix: Favorite food, what times you're alone, worst fear, any allergies you have, least favorite way to die, and also if you happened to know Kristoph's atroquinine dealer.

Edgeworth: You answered that awfully quickly, Wright.

Phoenix: Well, a father's got to be prepared for every possibility.

Edgeworth: ...if you say so.

"Does he know that we slept together?" she gasped, gripping onto his waist. "Did you tell him?"

Apollo shook his head. "No I didn't. I just said we got a little over excited and that it was only a kiss."

"Phew!" Trucy sighed. "You are my hero, Polly. How did he react?"

"He wasn't too happy," Apollo admitted, it would have been better to just tell Trucy. "He said the only reason he didn't freak out was because he had Miss Fey and Miss Von Karma with him. He said he got whipped by Miss Von Karma afterwards too."

Maya: Nick, if you and I ever walk in on your daughter kissing someone, I give you permission to flip out.

Phoenix: I still say I'm under-reacting.

Apollo: Everyone in this fic is.

"I was kinda shocked that Daddy reacted so cool about it," Trucy admitted. "Since you got the day off tomorrow, how about we spend the day out with our mom?"

"Sounds like a good idea," Apollo replied, getting used to her fiddling. Before Trucy tried to kiss him, there was a knock on a door. "I wonder who that would be at this time of night?"

Edgeworth: The police. They're here to arrest Justice for statutory rape, and the both of them for committing incest.

Apollo: I'm actually hoping that will happen.

Maya: Too bad it won't.

Apollo: I know, Ms. Fey. I know.

"I'll get it!" Trucy responded in excitement. "It might be Daddy!" Trucy dashed to the door like a sudden bolt of lightning. She opened the door and became startled: it wasn't Phoenix. Instead it was a woman with a gentle smile. She seemed to be a shrine maiden. Her hair was jet black and braids as pretty as the woman herself surfaced her head. "Hey there," Trucy said before giving an ecstatic curtsey. She also felt awakened by a wild fragrance of fresh chocolate.

Maya: Look, Nick! Iris is getting more than just a cameo!

Phoenix: Oh, wonderful.

Maya: And she smells like chocolate for some reason.

Edgeworth: That's probably the most normal part of the fic.

"You must be Trucy," the woman said in a soothing gentle voice. Almost similar to how tender her mother sang. "I'm Iris. I baked you and your father some cake." A yellow box covered in aqua hearts and viridian swirls rested in her arms.

Apollo: Um, where? Didn't she just get out of prison?

Maya: It's street-cake. You cook it in a burning trash can.

Phoenix: And where did the box come from?

Maya: A different trash can, obviously.

"Aww, that's so nice of you Iris," Trucy responded. "Daddy's not in at the moment, but do come in and make yourself at home." Trucy closed the door after Iris entered the room. "Apollo, a nice lady named Iris has made some cake for us, want some?"

Edgeworth: Neither Trucy nor Justice actually know Iris at this point. Shouldn't they be suspicious? At the very least, they should decline the cake.

Maya: Edgeworth, you should know better. Never decline cake!

Apollo: I've seen more than enough poisonings to agree with Mr. Edgeworth here...

"Sure, why not?" Apollo replied, making his way to the lounge. Trucy placed some plates on the table and passed Iris a knife. The cake slid out of the box and onto the top plate. The spongy hemisphere was dressed in a silky white icing. Jelly babies in different colors were lying in random places and a lilac rose in the center. Trucy's hands had clasped in excitement.

Phoenix: No offense intended to fic-Iris, of course, but that sounds like one heck of an ugly cake.

Maya: I think it sounds delicious.

Phoenix: Well, I guess they aren't mutually exclusive.

Apollo: Okay, again, she just got out of prison, right? How did she make a hemisphere cake of all things?!

"That cake's so pretty!" Trucy squealed.

Phoenix: Well, no accounting for taste.

Edgeworth: I still don't understand why they let her in the office in the first place.

Phoenix: Don't question it too much. Your truth-bar, remember?

Edgeworth: Fainting would be a welcome relief.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that he is to remain conscious during the sporking.

"You made that yourself, Miss Iris?" Apollo asked. The details looked too fine to be made by hand.

Maya: So Iris is a robot in this fic?

Phoenix: No, because that would actually be interesting.

At least, he could never made a cake as good as that – catering wasn't his forte. As soon as Iris cut the first piece, Trucy dived in.

Apollo: ...the piece that was just cut, I hope.

Phoenix: Yeah, don't want mysterious street-cake all over the Agency.

"Yes I did," Iris replied. "How many pieces do you two want?"

"If I had the chance, I'd have all of it!" Trucy replied. "But we gotta save some for daddy and for you, Iris."

"Mr. Justice, how much do you want?"

"Just a small one thanks," Apollo replied. He found something strange about the way Iris spoke, she seemed nice but sickeningly sweet.

Phoenix: Aw, don't tell me this is one of those fics where Iris ends up being exactly like Dahlia?

Maya: You'd think it would have come up in-canon if she actually was.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Maya Fey that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.

Maya: Apollo, this is your fault. You should have never pointed out how quiet the Management was being.

Apollo: Sorry, sorry. I just thought it was suspicious, is all...

Her accent was an overdose on sweetness and seemed as if it belonged to a child. It didn't bother Trucy, as she sat next to him stuffing the cake in her mouth. It was pretty awkward to invite a stranger to their home. The pleasant side to it all was that the cake was delicious. "So how do you Mr. Wright?" Apollo asked Iris.

Iris tilted her head, adding sweetness to her lovely smile and replied, "Well, I'm his fiancé."

All: ...

Phoenix: But... she was just in prison. Like, two chapters ago. When did we get engaged?

Maya: At least it's relatively plausible!

Phoenix: Trucy would already know about it, though.

Edgeworth: Don't resist it, Wright. It's really the only thing in this fic so far that makes any amount of sense.

[The lights come back on.]

Apollo: Well, on the plus side, I'm not the only one in a pairing.

Phoenix: Although I appear to be the only one in one that didn't totally come out of nowhere.

Maya: Which, ironically, is apparently how the author tried to play it. Isn't that funny?

Edgeworth: Regardless, we are done here. We should not linger any longer than is necessary.

[And so our intrepid sporkers leave. Tune in next time for even more pairings from nowhere... which will probably scar you for life.]

Edgeworth: What was that?

Speakers: The Management thought you left. At any rate, you are still not allowed to comment on the descriptive narration. Go home.

Edgeworth: Gladly.

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Umm... even if fic!Apollo did prove that Wocky and Desirée were in a relationship, it wouldn't make him immune to being accused of rape. The trial part (the fic, not the sporking) was incredibly painful for me to read because of that...

Anyway, hello everyone! This is my first time here in the forums, and I found this thread some days ago. I'm loving the sporkings until now, please keep up the good work! :hobolaugh:

Spoiler: The Bet
[Franziska bursts from her seat. The metal clamps that were over her wrists fly off along with splinters of wood. She immediately goes for her whip and pulls it back just as the screen goes blank and the lights turn back on.]

This is my absolute favorite moment. Great job, Nevertalk!

Also, while browsing the fanart, I found this picture. I can't find the sporking it refers to, and I'm afraid to read the original since I had bad experiences with Truth or Dare fics in the past. If someone can find it, thank you!

EDIT: I found it. This is pure epicness.
"I wonder if it was something that has something to do with something. That something being our case. The last something, I mean."

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Hi there!

I have been reading the sporkings for a while now,but this is the first time posting in this thread.

Nice job with that sporking,Airey!.But isn't the fic 42 chapters long?(I have not actually read the fic,I only looked at the number of chapters)Also,I think Phoenix was to calm during the second chapter.
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Last edited by Cesar Zero on Sat Jul 26, 2014 8:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hi, saresa and cesar!
Nice to see some more people on this thread. :)

@Airey: Y'know, now that it was mentioned... you aren't going to spork over 40 chapters in a row, are you? I feel a bit troubled about that if you intend to do so, because for one, qith your pace it could quickly get too much to read for the less frequent readers of this thread, plus it would be a huge block of continuous sporkings that would make it hard for others to throw in sporks they write (assuming there still are or will be other spork writers).
While you are a good sporker and I enjoy reading what you write, I don't really know if writing 20 or more episodes on the same fic is a good idea, especially since the chapters are so long.
It gets hard to remember everything that happened, and since the fic's writer and style are always the same, it could get repetitive and/or boring after a while.
Then again, it's hard to find short sporkable fics these days...
Other opinions, maybe? New guys? Rubia? (Is Rubia even still reading here?)

Now, let me read your most recent sporking...
Thoughts while reading:

-Might be just me, but Maya saying "you really are a slave-driver, Edgeworth" seems kind of weird. Is she just extra sassy today because she didn't get a popcorn refill?

-Why is fic Klavier singing a cheezy song from the 60s? O.o

-Swinging Klavier after being punched by Ema is a pretty funny idea. ^^

-Hmm, sorry, but Edgeworth telling Maya to "shut up" seems out of character to me. As does Maya continually calling Edgeworth "Edgeworth". *shrugs*

-Ooh, thanks for referencing my spork. :D

-I think we didn't use the truth bar in a while. Nice to have it back.

-However, do keep in mind though that Edgeworth can and does point out contradictions without being effected. (I'm not 100% sure about what sets his truth bar off and what doesn't. The games are very inconsistent with it. I wish there were some established rules for details like this that we could cust look up.)
The last fic that managed to knock him out was reeeaaally bad. If we make him too sensitive, it could quickly get overused, and could also leave him unable to comment on the fic in question, rendering him useless.

-Wait, do you mean to tell me that in the US, you can tie a guy to a tree and sell it off as self defense? That would totally be illegal restraint or at least some type of assault over here, since only immediate reactions count as self defense, not planned out actions after the immediate danger is over.

-lol @street cake. XD

-Oh dear, more pairings? That sounds bad. ^^
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24 chapters, actually. Since I'm planning on sticking to the two-chapters-at-a-time format, there's only nine more posts in this fic. I intend to go straight through since that's how I usually do things, so I sincerely hope other people will start posting their own sporks in order to break up the potential tedium.

Edit: And the truth-bar thing was in response to his "reasoning" in the fic being so terrible it was affecting him in the sporking theatre. After that chapter, the fic pretty much (spoilers!) drops that entire plotline, so it won't really come up again.

Other edit: Also I could have sworn Maya's called him "Edgeworth" in-canon at least a couple times?
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I think she did on one or two occasions which I don't remember the context of (I would assume she was being hostile or overly casual at the time), but she generally calls him "Mr. Edgeworth", as they're not close.
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Okay, I'll keep that in mind.

Next sporking probably won't be uploaded until at least tomorrow. I still haven't decided which characters to use (since the next chapter is a very special one) and I have other things to work on anyway. :yogi:
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Take your time. As for characters, so far I like your take on Apollo best. So if you will use him again, I'll be happy. ^^
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
Other opinions, maybe? New guys? Rubia? (Is Rubia even still reading here?)

Oops. I knew I forgot something. I've just caught up, and I'm going to subscribe to this thread. (Why I didn't do that earlier, I dunno.)

I have to say, Airey, I'm impressed. Your sporkers aren't too out-of-character either, though I agree you're best with Apollo and Trucy. Maya and Edgeworth are just fine. I really enjoyed the bits with the truth-bar; makes me giggle every time.

Franziska could have been written a bit better. She's one of the more frustrating characters to write because it's easy to flanderize her whipping frequency and on occasion, her use of "fool", but thankfully, she didn't lose it too many times. Granted, she could have added in a few quips about grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

By the way, (and this is a minor complaint to most of those who've done a sporking) I often mix up HoboNick with his younger self when I'm reading these sporks. There is a thin line between how he should or shouldn't be written, but I would expect HoboNick to be just a little more mature than the other version. Consequently, his witty remarks should be written with a little more age to them. It's hard for me to explain it exactly, but it's more about the underlying tone to his remarks. They should be just a little more cynical and a little less excitable. The moments when he goes papa-wolf, though, are pretty solid regardless. It's not the most accurate way to describe him actually, but it's more interesting this way.

Since this is Edgeworth from the trilogy and not himself from DD, he gets away with his level of temperament. I always picture Maya and Franzy to be as themselves regardless of age, though. And we are totally cool with characters seemingly changing age via food or drink or stress, if you want to take that route.

I also like the management's new level of strictness. These characters are becoming more and more reckless, so it's only natural they increase security measures. But as Pessimistic mentioned, rather than electrocute anyone who's out of line, just disarm them with tasers or strap them down with tougher restraints, to prevent what happened last time.

...I guess I should comment on the fic, but uh, I think I've lost some brain cells reading it, so I don't know what to think anymore. All I can say is that there are good crack fics, and then there are these crack fics.

And I'll leave this post with a final opinion. I'd like to see a little more diversity to the sporker characters: Gumshoe, Pearl, Larry, Mia; Klavier and Ema; Athena, Juniper, Simon, Fulbright. DD's been out long enough. We don't need to shy away from them. If anyone's looking for DD character smilies, I think Mijumaru (SuperAJ3) has a collection somewhere.

Good luck, future sporkers. Airey, keep up the good work.
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@Rubia: I was actually vaguely planning on using DD characters in the last few chapters of this fic. Mainly because someone posted a review in-character as Simon Blackquill and everyone needs to see it.

The struggle to get Edgeworth in-character continues! At least I can write Apollo.
Law Plus Chaos, part four.

Today's sporkers were chosen by my older brother.
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: "This had better not be a repeat of the last chapter."
Apollo Justice!
:apollo-shock: "What do you mean 'people like me'? I'll be stuck in here forever!"
Maya Fey!
:maya-shock: "Wait a minute. Where's Nick!?"
Franziska von Karma!
:franny: "This time I will make sure the author pays for every misspelled word."
:godot: "*sips coffee*"

[We open in our sporking theatre. Apollo Justice and Maya Fey are already seated, although the latter is looking around impatiently.]

Apollo: What are you looking for, Ms. Fey?

Maya: Nick! Where is he? Isn't he supposed to be here? I thought he usually gets here before you.

Apollo: Oh. Mr. Wright isn't coming in today.

Maya: Wait, so he's abandoning me?

Apollo: ...well, I wouldn't put it that way.

[Their conversation is interrupted by Miles Edgeworth and Franziska von Karma entering the theatre. Franziska's whip has been confiscated this time.]

Franziska: Those foolish fools in the Management-

Edgeworth: I, for one, am grateful. *takes his seat*

Franziska: *glares, takes her seat*

Apollo: Uh, hi, Ms. von Karma.

Franziska: Good afternoon, Apollo Justice.

Maya: I heard we were supposed to have five today.

Edgeworth: Yes. ...I thought the fifth person was Franziska, though. Where is Wright?

[The doors to the sporking theatre open briefly, and the fifth person is escorted in by guards: Godot, also known as Diego Armando, in a prison uniform and with a cup of coffee. He takes his seat next to Maya, and the guards leave.]

Godot: Ha...! It's been quite a while since I've been in here. *sips coffee*

Apollo: Ah! I-It's Mr. Godot!

Godot: Why don't you call me Diego Armando, kid?

Apollo: O-Of course, Mr. G- Armando. (Don't call me "kid", though. Seriously?)

[The lights dim, and the fic begins playing.]

It was dreadful mistake. She loved it, she told she loved it, she was begging for more.

Godot: So what's going on in this fic?

Edgeworth: To be perfectly honest, we really don't know.

Franziska: Missing pronouns.

If it was someone like Klavier Gavin as the prosecutor, he would have had a better chance of getting out free. Franziska Von Karma was vicious. His world had been turned upside down. All the whipping made him nauseous and sharp pain in his skin made him uncomfortable. One thing Wocky knew about Franziska: he wasn't scared of her!

Franziska: Then he is a foolish fool and will pay for his foolhardiness.

Maya: Look on the bright side. Now that the court scene's over, we probably won't be in the fic anymore, right?

Godot: Must you hide the bitterness of the truth, Maya? *sips coffee* Your optimism will only amount to cream and sugar in the end.

Apollo: (...whatever that means.) On the other hand, it looks like Prosecutor Gavin is about to get a lot more screentime.

Maya: At least it makes sense for him to be behind the prosecution's bench.

[Wocky is in prison.]
"Zvarri!" A man's voice startled Wocky. He turned around and saw a tall looking man, with black hair and a blonde fringe shaped as a thunderbolt and a magnifying glass on his right eye. Wocky said hi as he waved it him. "Once again the truth has been elegantly been revealed: an aspiring gangster. Wrongly convicted of rape, am I wrong?

Maya: Oh, look, it's Luke Atmey!

Godot: The only way that man could have figured out what this Wocky boy was convicted for was if the prison made them wear signs around their necks stating their crime.

Maya: So they don't do that?

Godot: *sips coffee*

Now allow me to do every gentlemen's duty and introduce myself. The name is Atmey, Luke Atmey. Before being swept into this cell, I was an ace detective surrounded by envy."

"You should have been the judge for that trial," Wocky said. No wonder he called himself a genius; he was simply amazing. "Anyway, the name's Wocky Kitaki."

Apollo: Ms. Fey, you obviously know this guy. What was he arrested for?

Maya: Murder.

Edgeworth: Such is the case with everything you and Wright work on.

"I have heard quite a bit about your current case," Luke admitted.

Franziska: ...then his "deduction" of Wocky Kitaki's crime is hardly that.

Maya: Yeah, that's usually how it goes with him.

He was carefully wiping his magnifying glass. "In fact, I know the DeLites quite well."

"You know them? Are they like your buddies or something?" Wocky crossed his arms, sitting on the bench next to Luke.

"Ron DeLite, also known as Mask DeMasque. I prefer to call him Sir Thief."

Franziska: And that is hardly an appropriate response to a yes-or-no question.

Edgeworth: At least this conversation makes more sense than the one in the first chapter.

"Yeah, my lawyer dude Apollo mentioned he stole stuff." Wocky had his arms crossed. "He said something about him being an escort too."

"Ron DeLite is a man who will do anything for love," Luke announced. "He would risk certain death and travel to planet Mars in order to keep his wife happy. I believe his wife manipulated him."

Maya: ...I don't think the author likes Dessie.

Apollo: She'll probably die by the end of the fic.

Maya: Would you be willing to bet money on that?

Godot: Don't do it, Red. She never has any money.

Apollo: Yeah, I kind of figured that out by now. ...wait, "Red"?

Maya: ...I thought you couldn't see red, Mr. Armando.

Godot: I can't. *sips coffee* But he looks horrible in white, so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Apollo: (Yeah, thanks.)

"Hello gorgeous," said the man approaching Luke. He appeared to be a bad ass brunette with scars around his face, brown hair all over the place and was wearing gloves and a red leather jacket. He wrapped his arm around Luke and kissed his cheek like an old best friend. Wocky thought he saw the guy on TV before; an actor if he could recall correctly.

All: ...

Edgeworth: Is that... Matt Engarde?

Franziska: More to the point, "bad ass" is usually either hyphenated or used as one word.

Edgeworth: I really don't that that's more to the point, Franziska.

"So you've finally decided to wake up, Matt," said Luke who was trying to straighten up his hair. "Matt my dear, meet Wocky Kitaki. Wocky, this is my my lover, Matt Engarde."

Edgeworth: it really is Matt Engarde.

Maya: Matt Engarde is lovers with Luke Atmey?!

Apollo: What?

Maya: What is wrong with the author?!

Franziska: Many things, evidently.

Godot: *sips coffee amusedly*

"Hello there," Matt greeted Wocky by flashing a glass of brandy.

"Weren't you on TV once?"


"You're just in time," Luke told Matt. "I am in the middle of plotting an extravagant escape route for Sir Wocky."

"You're helping him escape and not me?" Matt gritted his teeth.

Edgeworth: ...but, if Engarde left prison, he would be killed by Shelly de Killer. Why would he want to escape?

Maya: Maybe Shelly de Killer died in this fic and it just hasn't been mentioned yet?

Franziska: Or perhaps he has been caught.

Edgeworth: I remember the last chapter. I honestly do not think the author could have thought that far ahead.

"Matt, I have told you this many times before," Luke gently stroked the scars on his face. "When we escape, it will be together. All three of us, may appear to be too different, but I believe we all have a lot in common. The three of us are travelers of time and space and swimmers of dreams."

Godot: That makes no sense.

Maya: You're one to talk.

Godot: *sips coffee*

"Are you gonna say you're an ace poet too?" Wocky asked. The way Luke spoke was as if he was a poet. He wouldn't be surprised if he claimed to be an ace lover.

"Zvarri! You are correct Sir Wocky," Luke exclaimed.

Franziska: There should be a comma there.

"Hey Wocky!" It was the prison officer, Larry's voice. He heard about him being madly in love with his ex-fiancée, Alita. It wasn't his problem: it was Larry's funeral. He caution him about Alita if he decides he's cool enough.

Franziska: "He caution him"? ...what I wouldn't give to have my whip right now...

Apollo: (And what I wouldn't give to make sure you don't get it back...)

"Sup Larry?" Wocky replied as he got on his feet.

"You got an adorable visitor," Larry shouted across the cell. "It's Pearly, your online friend."

Maya: ...Pearly's been making friends with prisoners online?

Godot: I think the fic means that she's been friends with him since before he got arrested.

Maya: Pearly's been making friends with gangstas online?

Apollo: If it makes you feel any better, Ms. Fey, Wocky's basically harmless.

"I better go then," Wocky replied. "See you dudes later." Wocky approached Larry who lead him into the visitor's room. In front of him was Pearl, she was at the trial but remained quiet. "That you Pearly?" Wocky was amazed that he never seen her in real life,

Edgeworth: If he's never seen her in real life, how did he know she'd been at the trial? Shouldn't he have seen her then?

Godot: Shouldn't you save the contradiction-finding for court?

Edgeworth: It's not my fault the fic's filled with them.

but she was meeting his online friend, Pearl Fey. In fact, he was planning on stealing his dad's car to drive to Kurian and visit Pearl.

Maya: ...or he could just take the train.

Franziska: No. That would make too much sense.

[Wocky and Pearl make small talk. Wocky asks how Pearl's doing.]
"I'm sad." Pearl's words seemed so true, as tears seemed to fall down her face.

"Hey what's up?" Wocky put his hand out against the glass wall.

Franziska: She is clearly upset that her fool of a friend is in prison.

Apollo: In the author's defense, Wocky isn't the best at reading people.

Edgeworth: I think the author's already demonstrated that any instances of people being in-character is completely on accident.

Maya: You're still bitter about chapter six, aren't you?

Edgeworth: Extremely.

Godot: Well, we could all use a little bitterness. *sips coffee*

"I was out to visit my mother yesterday," Pearl told Wocky as she faced the floor. "Mystic Maya stopped me, telling me that she killed herself. And I went to check myself and they told me it was true. Sorry I couldn't help you last week."

Maya: Wait, Aunt Morgan killed herself?

Godot: Good riddance.

"Hey no big deal," Wocky accepted her kind apology.

Franziska: If there is some sort of disease that leads to a chronic deficiency in commas, this foolish fool has clearly foolishly caught it.

Edgeworth: How would you even catch a disease like that?

Maya: Maybe... writing too much bad fanfiction?

Franziska: Well, I suppose the author must write what they know.

"Miss Franzy was mean to you," Pearl said. "She's the reason I couldn't testify. I wanted to, but she made Mystic Maya tell me not to."

"I ain't scared of her mother-fucking ass," Wocky snapped. "I don't care if she's a woman, I'll knock the whipping chick out cause she ain't no lady."

Franziska: *growls* I would like to see him try.

Apollo: (I hope Ms. von Karma remembers that this is only fictional by the time she gets her whip back.)

Pearl couldn't help but giggle and grin with Wocky.

Maya: No! Pearly shouldn't be around that kind of language!

Godot: And that is why she's not in the sporking theatre with us. *sips coffee*

"So, have you made any new friends in prison?" asked Pearl.

"Yeah," Wocky replied. "Just became friends with this guy called Luke Atmey. He's so cool man! He looked at me and straight away he knew I didn't do it."

"Wow! That sounds amazing," Pearl cried out. "He sounds really nice. His name sounds familiar, does he have a weird nose?"

"He's proper cool, man." Wocky nodded and then said: "Luke does have a weird nose, like and and pointy. He's a cross between Pikachu, Pinocchio and Sherlock Holmes."

Godot: I suppose that's one way to describe him.

"That sounds funny and cute," Pearl exclaimed. "Just wondering cause I think I've heard of him before. His name sounds a lot like look at me."

Edgeworth: Yes, thank you, author, for pointing out the incredibly obvi-

Maya: Oh my gosh, it really does sound like "look at me"! I never noticed that!

Edgeworth: ...

"Haha I only just noticed." Then the room became silent, but the warm atmosphere between them remained the same. It had been something Wocky thought about for a while. If he hadn't have gone head over heels over Desirée, he could see himself dating Pearl.

Maya: ...Pearly dating a gangsta?

Apollo: Again, Wocky's probably the least-threatening "gangsta" ever, Ms. Fey.

Maya: Yeah, but imagine if she picked up some of the gangsta things. Like, she starts going around in sagging pants and calling people "homie"!

Apollo: (...I don't actually know her. Would that really be so strange?)

He heard from her friends that she really likes him, though Pearl hadn't clearly spelt it out for him. He was in prison now, he had nothing to lose he decided to ask: "Pearly do you like me or something?"

"Off course I do Wocky," Pearl replied. "I mean you are my special someone..." Pearl couldn't continue and as she came silent again she blushed.

Godot: Well, that was certainly very straightforward.

Maya: No! She can't date Wocky! What if she starts calling herself "P-Dawg" or something?

Franziska: I do not think that Pearl Fey would change so easily for the sake of a boyfriend.

Edgeworth: And that reminds me - will we get to see Pearl's reaction to Wright and Iris being engaged?

Godot: Oh? And when did this happen?

Apollo: Randomly. At the end of the last chapter.

Godot: Figures. *sips coffee*

"Aww ain't you a nice chick." Wocky smirked placing his palm on the window. "Then shouldn't Maya be on our side then?"

"That's what I thought," Pearl replied. "But she's been working with Miss Franzy for a while.

Maya: Is this ever going to be explained?

Franziska: I highly doubt it.

She's always busy and doesn't get much free time to herself. Don't worry Wocky, I know you were a good boyfriend to Dessie; you would never hurt her. I'll help fight for your re-trial. Sorry Wocky I gotta go, Mystic Maya will be wondering where I am. Take care Wocky, I love you." Pearl left the detention center as happy as can be. Wocky smiled at her. What he liked about Pearl was how she optimistic and cheerful.

Godot: That was certainly the fastest-blossoming romance I've ever seen. *sips coffee amusedly*

Edgeworth: Yes, so fast it removed entire sections of their conversation and made it seem like Pearl was reading off a list of pre-prepared lines that had no relation to each other.

Franziska: It also destroyed the commas.

Apollo: (Are the commas really such a big deal?)

"Morning Mommy Iris," Trucy yawned out. The sunshine glistened through the window. Iris was near the kitchen making breakfast that woke up Trucy's nostrils.

Apollo: But only her nostrils. The rest of her remained asleep.

Maya: So it's just the nostrils that are yawning "good morning" here?

Apollo: That's... a really disturbing mental image, actually.

Edgeworth: I don't even want to know how you're imagining that.

Phoenix was still fast asleep on the sofa and the newspaper was resting on head. Trucy claimed the newspaper and said to herself: "Let's see if Uncle Valant and his boyfriend's in the papers today?" She unfolded the papers and slammed her fists in horror. "WHAT THE FUCK?"


Godot: Red, why don't you just accept that Wright's daughter is out-of-character and move on?

Apollo: You haven't even seen half of it, Mr. Armando.

Trucy shouted as she read the front cover of the newspaper. She felt tempted to tear the front cover apart. Her outburst had even woken up Phoenix who responded by jumping of the sofa and rolling over to the TV.

Franziska: ...and now Phoenix Wright is foolishly rolling around the floor like the fool he is.

Edgeworth: After jumping off the sofa, too. Not falling.

Franziska: This fanfic makes no sense.

Edgeworth: I think we've established that.

"Are you okay Trucy?" gasped Iris, who innocently passed her some orange juice.

Maya: juice? Where did that come from?

Apollo: Don't you usually pass people drinks if they're at the table to eat? I thought Trucy was by the sofa.

Maya: Maybe she has really long arms that reach from the table to the sofa.

Apollo: Why was Mr. Wright sleeping on the sofa, anyway? Doesn't he have a bed?

Maya: I dunno. I think he likes sleeping on sofas.

"This article is just madness!"

Edgeworth: In other words, it's right at home in the fic.

"What does it say?" Iris wrapped her arms around her.

"Trucy what I told you about swearing?" Phoenix mumbled, but his voice was half-dead compared to the rest of the world.

Godot: A little slow on the uptake, isn't he? *sips coffee*

Apollo: Uh... Mr. Armando, I've been wondering this for a while now. Shouldn't you be out of coffee by now?

Godot: Oh, this mug? Yes, it's true that I've reached the bitter dregs that lie at the bottom. *finishes coffee off* However, that doesn't stop me. *summons new mug of coffee from nowhere, sips that*

Apollo: ... (You know what, let's not question it.)

"Prosecuting Princess!" Trucy could not contain her outrage. She showed Iris the front cover. Franziska Von Karma stood beautifully in pride. Maya Fey was by her side with a bubbly look on her face. The newspaper wrote in fat black letters: Franziska Von Karma: Prosecuting Princess.

Franziska: I am not called, nor have I ever been called, a "Prosecuting Princess".

Edgeworth: That's just as well. The author might not have been able to spell "prodigy".

Godot: At least "wild mare" is simple to spell. *sips coffee*

Maya: I dunno. I'm pretty sure Pearly couldn't spell it.

Edgeworth: That's not saying much.

Trucy began to read on in disgust – what a pleasant way to start the morning. "Beautiful and sexy Franziska Von Karma has once again kept her reputation as a prosecuting princess by proving Wocky Kitaki guilty of rape. Her interview with presenter Lotta Hart will broadcasted on Channel Four Thursday evening at 8:30. The interview with Lotta Hart will answer questions that many have wanted answers too. Such as Franziska's unlikely friendship with spirit medium, Maya Fey, her work, life without her parents and the breakdown of her marriage with Adrian Andrews. What kind of a newspaper this is?"

Franziska: M-Marriage with Adrian Andrews? What?!

Edgeworth: No comment on "what kind of newspaper this is"?

Franziska: Why was I married to Adrian Andrews? And why would my marriage break down? Any marriage I am in would be perfect!

Godot: I don't know about that. *sips coffee* I sincerely doubt there are people in the world who stand to be around you 24/7.

Franziska: *seethes*

[Nothing else really happens for the rest of the chapter, although there is this line as a closer:]
Finally Phoenix got up from the floor, and sat on the bale. The smell of bacon and eggs was the reason.

Maya: ...sat on the bale? Like, a bale of hay?

Apollo: Why is there a bale of hay in Mr. Wright's house?

Godot: I have to say, I love the line "the smell of bacon and eggs was the reason". *sips coffee amusedly* I like the sound of it. "The smell of coffee was the reason..."

Spoiler: The next chapter begins.
Edgeworth: I've begun to grow wary of chapters underneath spoiler tags.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Miles Edgeworth refrain from meta-commentary. Also, we would like to inform him that due to the format of the sporkings, every other chapter will be under a spoiler tag anyway.

Franziska: Ah, I was beginning to think the Management was leaving us to our own devices.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Franziska von Karma that we only chime in when one of the sporkers is doing something wrong.

Maya: I guess they mean to say we've been learning.

Apollo: I don't want to end up with a sporker's instinct... I'll never be able to read something without thinking of snarky comments again.

So it seemed that Thalassa had no idea about what happened between Trucy and Apollo.

Godot: So, Red, what did happen between the two of you?

Apollo: As far as this fic is concerned, you really don't want to know.

She was happy for Phoenix and Iris's engagement and thought that she would be a good role model for Trucy.

Godot: When I think of good role models, I usually think of people with spines and opinions of their own, not doormats.

Maya: You should really be nicer to Iris, Mr. Armando.

Godot: I can't help it. *sips coffee* Prison only serves to brew bitterness towards your former allies... bitterness is all I am now.

Franziska: We are in a sporking theatre. There is no need to be so depressing.

Overall, it had been a pleasant day. Phoenix and Iris kept going off to do their own thing which pretty much left the two alone with Thalassa most of the day. The five of them were now gathered round the sofa of Phoenix's department watching TV together.

Edgeworth: Wright's "department"? Department of...?

Maya: Agriculture?

Edgeworth: ...I don't think so, Maya.

It was a Thursday night and it was coming up to half eight. That certain show was going to be on, the one where the prosecuting princess was going to appear.

"Why do we have to watch this Daddy?" Trucy asked Phoenix. Her head was resting on Apollo's chest and legs were on Iris's lap.

"Cause there's nothing else interesting on," Phoenix replied.

Maya: He could always watch those Steel Samurai DVDs I sent him.

Edgeworth: Yes, he could, but I doubt he'd appreciate them.

Apollo: ...although I guess he would want to watch a show if his former assistant was on it.

Maya: Wait, I'm on the show? I thought they were just going to talk about me.

Apollo: Oh. I don't know, then.

"She hurt Apollo," Trucy reminded Phoenix. "She didn't get penalty or anything. You got set up and you got disbarred!"

Apollo: Whipping people in court isn't the same thing as forging evidence. *pauses* Although the bailiff should really confiscate her whip before trial begins.

Franziska: So help me, Apollo Justice, once this sporking is over and I have my whip back I will hunt you down.

Apollo: Eep. (Me and my big mouth!)

"I'm taking my bar exam next week," Phoenix announced.

"When you get back, you're gonna wipe that foolish smile of her face aren't you Daddy?"

"For my own amusement, yes."

Godot: And here I thought Wright was more mature than that. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: To be fair, I think the only one here who hasn't stood in court for their own personal satisfaction is Justice.

Apollo: Um, thanks.

Maya: And me!

Edgeworth: You're not a lawyer.

"I'm sure she's very nice once you get to know her," interrupted Iris.

Franziska: I do not have time to waste on being nice.

Edgeworth: We've noticed.

Franziska: It will be much easier to find you after I get my whip back, little brother.

Godot: Let's put the threats of violence on hold and just move on with the sporking, shall we?

"You're too nice Mommy Iris," Trucy told her.

The main focus in the room was the loud woman with the afro on the screen. She was wearing an apple green dress as she made her way to the stage. "Hello and welcome to Chat a Lotta Hart,"

Maya: That's a really dumb name for a talk show.

Franziska: In other words, it is in-character for her.

the woman said as she sat on a bronze chair which seemed to be made of sequins.

Apollo: ...a chair made out of sequins doesn't sound very... stable.

Maya: Yeah, wouldn't it be just sitting in a big pile of sequins?

Edgeworth: And to the surprise of no one, we find that, once again, the author did not think things through.

"We have a got a show for you cause tonight, I'll be interviewing Maya Fey and Franziska Von Karma. How about that everybody?" The crowd gave a round of applause, some even whistling.

Maya: Hey, look! I am on TV!

Franziska: This still does not make sense. Last time I checked, Lotta Hart disliked me.

Apollo: ...was it because you kept whipping her?

Franziska: I fail to see the problem with that.

"Do not want!" Trucy muttered.

"Plus Max Galactica and Valant Gramarye are perform their Bravo de la Coeur routine, so don't miss out!"

"Uncle Valant and his boyfriend are on," Trucy cried out. "I wanna see that!"

Maya: Max Galactica and Valant Gramarye, huh? But doesn't Max have Regina?

Godot: Is it just me, or are all the side characters gay?

Apollo: I don't think it's just you.

Maya: I kind of always had my suspicions about Max, though.

[Thalassa takes Apollo into a separate room in order to talk to him in private.]
"We never really had a proper talk about your father, have we?"

"Come to think it, we haven't," Apollo replied. "I would like to know a bit about him."

Apollo: Why is Thalassa of all people my mother in this fic anyway? I mean, she's Trucy's mom, right? I was under the impression that when people are half-siblings, they usually have the same dad. *pause* Also, that Thalassa Gramarye was dead. *pauses again* And why does she look so much like Lamiroir?

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Apollo Justice not think too hard about this.

Godot: Just remember, Red: truth is stranger than fiction.

Speakers: The Management would also like to inform Godot that we can and will take away his coffee.

Godot: I'll be good. *sips coffee*

"Well I don't know how to start this but I cheated on my first husband," Thalassa confessed. "My father disgraced me for it. I deserved it though."


"It was cruel of me to let you my dead husband was your father, when he isn't your biological father."

Franziska: "It was cruel of me to let you my dead husband"?

Maya: I think Thalassa accidentally the verb.

"You mean he wasn't my father?"

Edgeworth: She just said as much, Justice.

Apollo: Could you guys please stop picking on me for what fic-me does? Thanks.

"No," Thalassa shook her head. She help Apollo in her arms and almost cried. "I'm so sorry for everything." Apollo could feel her pain in her apology. She was still shrouded in mystery. And the mystery of his father was about to unfold. "I met him in London and we had a short fling."

"Do you remember his name?" Apollo asked.

"Yes, it was Diego Armando."

All: ...

Godot: ... *takes a long drink of coffee* ... *spits it out* What?!

Apollo: W-Wait, is the fic saying that you're my dad?!

Godot: Apparently the author would like to prove that fiction is, in fact, stranger than truth.

Thalassa took out two photographs from her pocket. The first one was an old one, Thalassa was sitting next to a man with jet black hair with a charming grin. He was wearing red shirt and a black tie close to the shade of red Apollo was wearing. The second picture was a more recent one with a man who inverted the man in the first picture: pure white hair, green shirt, white tie and a visor over his eyes. The second one was the most haunting, he looked as if he was in prison.

Godot: I wonder why that is. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: ...I've always wondered where on earth you managed to get such a blindingly red shirt.

Godot: Heh. The world may never know.

"He's in prison now,

Maya: The author sure likes being redundant, don't they?

convicted of murder. Diego should have been executed a few years ago, but they kept postponing his execution. He was a lawyer too before he was in a coma. When he woke up, he was a prosecutor for a while."

"Who did he kill?" Apollo asked.

"Misty Fey," Thalassa responded. The name was similar to Maya Fey, could she perhaps be a relative?

Franziska: They also appear to like stating pre-established facts.

Apollo: Is Misty Fey a relative of yours, Ms. Fey?

Maya: Yeah, that's my mom.

Apollo: Ah. Okay. (I already know that the bit about Mr. Armando killing her is true, though. How can she possibly stand to sit in the same theatre as the man who killed her mother?! ...Mr. Wright sure knows some odd people.)

"Apollo... Diego was a nice man, he didn't want to kill her. She was the mother of the woman he loved." A sudden thought had occurred to Apollo; could Maya Fey have been his father's lover?

Godot & Maya: *laugh*

Apollo: (And I take it Ms. Fey has a sister. ...that was Mr. Wright's mentor, if I remember correctly.)

"Does he know about me?"

"I just told him," Thalassa admitted. "It's a really complicated story. You should visit him in prison."

"I probably have no choice," Apollo said. He was happy to know his father was still alive, but disappointed that he turned out to be a killer.

Godot: I assure you, Red, if you were my son I'd be disappointed, too.

Apollo: (Ouch.)

Maya: Be nice, Mr. Armando. What would Mia say?

Godot: I assume she'd think it was funny.

Maya: You always assume that.

He didn't know weather to like him or not. Visiting him would probably be the only way to solve the solution. Inside he hoped that he didn't end up like Diego. "I'll visit him tomorrow." He couldn't really be angry with either of them. He didn't know the full side of Diego's story and he knew that Thalassa's memory and sight vanished from getting shot. She was very fortunate to have recovered. Apollo thought had such mysterious parents.

Apollo: Correction: I have such nonsensical parents. What was the author thinking? Trucy's mom and a former rival of Mr. Wright's?

Maya: Say, Franziska, Mr. Edgeworth - you haven't said much lately.

Edgeworth: I, for one, would rather not involve myself in Justice's family issues.

Franziska: I couldn't care less about that foolish fool's foolish family composed of fools.

Apollo: I'm sitting right here, you know.

"Maya Fey, you've an amazing guest for the show," Lotta said in glee. "Now let's welcome our next guest, the lovely and gorgeous prosecutor: Franziska Von Karma!"

"Boo!" Trucy jeered in contrast to the cheering audience on the screen. Her thumb pointed on the floor for proof. Her jeer was even deeper when Franziska bowed to the audience. Trucy then went on to say: "Miss Von Karma, you shouldn't be getting any cheers because you hurt Apollo."

Franziska: Duly noted, fictional version of Phoenix Wright's daughter. However, I believe I cannot hear you because I am on TV and you are in your living room.

Apollo: Somehow I don't think Trucy would hold much of a grudge over someone hurting me. I mean, it wasn't even life-threatening.

Maya: I thought Trucy liked you, though.

Apollo: She does. She just has a misplaced sense of priorities most of the time.

"Well Franziska, it is an amazing honor to have you in my show tonight!" Lotta showered the prosecuting princess with praise.

"Thank you, Lotta Hart."

"No whips this time," Lotta mentioned. "Phew I'm safe.

Franziska: No, you are not. I always have my whip with me.

Edgeworth: Except for right now.

Franziska: You will pay for that later.

Now Franziska you've been in the headlines a lot recently. They been calling you The Prosecuting Princess, how do you feel being called that?"

"I love the name," Franziska giggled.

Franziska: No, I do not.

Maya: Did you just giggle dialogue?

Franziska: No. I did not.

"It was my idea!" Maya clapped her hands in excitement. "I'm the Spiritual Princess and she's the Prosecuting Princess. Since I wrote that on twitter it's been going round like anything. The internet is so powerful; it's scary. "

Godot: "Spiritual Princess" sounds ridiculous.

Maya: Forget that. I have a Twitter? I wonder how many followers I have.

"Foolish and spiritual describes you clearly in two words Maya Fey," said Franziska.

"Franziska's gross – she kisses women!" Trucy was trying to find more reasons to hate Franziska. To her surprise, she found that her ex-wife, Adrian Andrews was a woman. Trucy had nothing against homosexuality, she couldn't after being involved with activities involving incest. Not that she hated it in the first place.

Edgeworth: There are so many things wrong with that last paragraph, I don't even know where to start.

Godot: Well, first off, she shouldn't be surprised to find that "ex-wife" refers to a woman.

Maya: And I think we can all agree that homosexuality is nowhere near as bad or wrong as incest is.

Apollo: And why would she include kissing women as a reason to hate Ms. von Karma if she doesn't actually have a problem with it?

Franziska: And there's a run-on sentence.

Edgeworth: I think that covers it.

"So you don't find kissing your brother passionately gross then?" chuckled Phoenix.


"I think incest is more gross than lesbians," teased Phoenix.

Trucy replied, "Apollo's a good kisser."

Apollo: Why is he still just taking this in stride?!

Maya: Maybe there is merit to fic-Edgeworth's theory that this Nick is a fake.

Edgeworth: Maya, please. Do not bring that up again.

"Now you and Maya Fey formed an unlikely close friendship," Lotta continued. "You two met each other quite a couple of times before. So how did you start becoming friends?"

Franziska looked as Maya as a cue to speak.

Maya: Oh my gosh! It's going to actually explain!!

Franziska: This is going to be incredibly foolish. That much is obvious.

"It started after Nick got disbarred," Maya said, "I was out one night and I suddenly got attacked and almost got killed. That's when Franziska rescued me."

Franziska: While it is true that I am not one to stand idly by while there is criminal activity going on in front of me, saving your life is not an invitation to become friends, Maya Fey.

Maya: Come on, Franziska. I thought we were already friends!

Edgeworth: You have a very strange definition of "friends", Maya.

"Oh my lawd!"

"It was frightening," Maya replied. "I couldn't even think straight. It was all dark and my cheek was getting scratched against the wall..."

Maya fell silent.

"Take your time Maya," instructed Lotta.

"He tried to rape me," Maya continued as she grabbed on Franziska's cuffs.

Maya: ...w-w-wait a minute. H-He did what?!

Edgeworth: *deep sigh* Why is this author obsessed with rape?

Maya: Why did I get dragged into it?!

"I feel so grateful to be alive. If Franziska hadn't have arrived, I'd most likely be dead now."

"How did you know he was man?" Lotta asked. The cameras rolled back to Maya and also showed Franziska glaring at Lotta.

"I felt his thing bang against my leg..."


Godot: Are we going to have to sit through fic-Maya's entire description of it?

Apollo: I don't think so. The Management usually cuts that sort of thing out.

Godot: Good. *sips coffee*

"So Franziska, how did you found the scene?"

Apollo: Or the fic could just move onto the next question.

Maya: Yes!! Good! Thank you, author!

"It was the day after I returned to Los Angeles," Franziska replied. By the look of her face, it seemed she really wanted to say: what a foolish bunch of questions.

Franziska: It's true. They are a foolish bunch of questions.

[Franziska describes her rescue of Maya. It involved her whip. No one knows who the rapist was.]

Edgeworth: Most likely we will know by the end of the fic... and it will be someone utterly ridiculous.

Maya: That's about par for the course with this fic, though.

"That was a brave thing for you to do," Lotta told Franziska. "Well I've would never have thought your friendship would have started from such a traumatic experience. Speaking of traumatic experiences, how has your life been without your parents?"

"It was tough," Franziska admitted. "But I had to do my best to be perfect. My father was a genius and a perfect father. At his funeral..."

Franziska: Say anything, Miles Edgeworth, and it will cost you dearly.

Edgeworth: I wasn't planning on it.

It looked as if Franziska was trying to hold back the tears. She was trying so hard not to cry.

"At his funeral," Franziska continued. "It was hard not to cry. My father told me that if I wanted to be perfect, I should never cry, so I didn't. I hated Phoenix Wright for it, and I vowed one day I'll defeat him defeat in court.

Maya: ...what does Nick have to do with this? All he did was expose his crimes. Not murder him.

Franziska: That was also not the reason why I vowed to defeat him.

Maya: Oh. Really? Then what was?

Edgeworth: You should probably save that question for later. Or never.

I was under a lot of pressure, but I knew I had to do it for my father. Nowadays I do it for my own perfection. The moment Phoenix Wright was disbarred, I knew one day he would be back. When he comes back I will defeat him."

Godot: Of course Wright would be back if he got disbarred. What else would he do?

Apollo: Play piano by day and semi-illegal poker by night.

Godot: ... *sips coffee* You've got to be kidding me.

Apollo: For seven years. And he still hasn't re-taken the bar exam in my time.

Godot: I don't suppose "your time" refers to the latest game in the series, though.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Godot that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited, as is referencing Dual Destinies. For the time being, at least.

"So you thought he was innocent of the forged evidence the whole time?" Lotta asked.

"Of course," Franziska nodded at her question. "He's too foolishly dumb to think up something like that."

Franziska: Foolishly foolish. If I must be in your insipid fanfic, author, you could at least attempt to write my dialogue correctly.

[Lotta and Franziska discuss Franziska and Adrian's divorce without explaining why exactly they got divorced.]
A picture invaded the screen. A white silk hung around Franziska, with her arms around a blonde girl with glasses. They lips were curled into a smile. All in a row were silver bells glistening around the pair. Behind them was Maya and a man in a magenta suit with a cravat upon him. A dark ponytail was visible on his left shoulder.

"That's Edgeworth over there." Phoenix recognized him in an instant. "I wonder if he's still got that ponytail?"

Edgeworth: ...

Maya: You don't look very good with a ponytail, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Will my suffering in this fic never end?

[More inane discussion of Franziska's marriage. Still no reason given for the divorce.]
"One last question, if you weren't a prosecutor, what would you have been or wanted to be?" Lotta asked. Her enthusiasm returned.

"A foolishly tricky question..."

"Say spirit medium," Maya told Franziska.

"No, I do not want to be a spirit medium, Maya Fey."

Maya: It's not like you have the power for it, anyway.

Franziska: Nor would I want it.

Apollo: Is it bad that I'm actually hoping that something insane will happen just because this chapter's so boring?

Edgeworth: Yes.

Godot: No. *sips coffee*

"Maya gave us a picture of you doing ballet," Lotta said. "Let's show them now." A young girl around ten wearing ballet shoes and a pink tutu shined on the photograph. Her arms were stretched out with her right leg bent as if she was doing a twirl. The hair in a ponytail, matched Franziska's aquamarine hair. "So do you think you would have continued with the dancing if you hadn't have become a prosecutor?"

"Maybe I would have," Franziska replied. She then turned and glared at Maya. "Maya why did you show them that?"

"Cause you look cute in that picture."

"Aww!" the audience cried out and it weren't that long before Lotta joined in.

Franziska: *expression of extreme distaste*

Edgeworth: Ballet dancing is a fine practice.

Franziska: Not that - the fact that everyone finds me cute. It is sickening.

Apollo: (The only thing cute about her is maybe her open aggressiveness. Although that's a big maybe.)

[The show ends.]
"That explains why Maya was acting weird," Phoenix confirmed. "I think I know who attacked her!"

"Who?" asked Iris. "Why would someone want to attack my cousin?"

"Kristoph Gavin," said Phoenix.

Edgeworth: Well then. I wonder what led him to that conclusion?

Apollo: The idea of Mr. Gavin being a rapist makes me feel like I need to go take a very, very long shower.

Godot: Well, we're getting close to the end of the chapter, Red. You can go shower then.

"Krissi..." Iris whispered. "I know that name, he dated her. Should I mention her name?"

"Who Mommy Iris?" Trucy asked in curiosity of excitement.

"Iris," Phoenix approached Iris, and laid his hand of his fiancée's shoulder. "You're not living in her shadow anymore. Best you forget about her, and not mention her name." He then kissed her forehead.

Maya: So is Dahlia Voldemort now?

Godot: She's certainly about as evil.

Apollo: I still can't get over "Krissi".

Thalassa gave her children a kiss goodnight and left Phoenix's department.

Apollo: I'm 22. I don't care if she's my mother for some reason, I do not need a goodnight kiss.

Edgeworth: And there's that word "department" again.

Apollo was quite surprised Phoenix still let him share a room with Trucy.

Maya: Yep. This Nick's definitely a fake.

Edgeworth: Maya, please...

Apollo: Wait. Why exactly am I living at Mr. Wright's house? I have my own apartment.

Godot: You were late for work one time too many, apparently.

Apollo: ...I'm punctual. Really, I am.

Since Iris's arrival it looked as if Phoenix was back to his normal self. He had been listening to Trucy go on about that show. Apollo was a still thankful for his mother for missing the entire show.

"Uncle Valant and his boyfriend were amazing!" Trucy cried out so suddenly. "You should have seen that bit. Max has such a cute singing voice and their illusions were great."

Maya: What happened to Regina, though? Why isn't Max dating her?

Franziska: I do not know, and quite frankly I do not care.

"So Miss Fey was saved by Miss Von Karma?" Apollo asked. He heard Trucy mention it earlier.

"So she claims," Trucy said to Apollo. "I still think Miss Von Karma's a bitch."

Apollo: Trucy would still never say that.

Edgeworth: Yes, Justice. We know this by now.

"Funny she didn't mention anything about reporting the crime?"

"Probably cause the person who tried to kill Maya was Miss Von Karma," Trucy announced. "She forced her to stay away from Daddy and used her for her own desires. "

Franziska: That is certainly a very... interesting conclusion.

Apollo: (I am so glad Trucy's not here. I wonder what Kay did to convince the Management to leave her out of this, anyway?)

"You hate that her don't you?" Apollo knew her answer.

"Hell yeah! I hate her! I hate her so much!"

Apollo: *deep sigh* It's like Trucy gets more and more out-of-character as the fic goes on... and she started extremely out-of-character.

Maya: This is only the eighth chapter, though. Out of 24.

Apollo: I'm kind of scared of what she'll be acting like by the end of the fic.

He was right. He couldn't think of a motive for Franziska killing Maya, although he knew why Trucy would think that way. That trial had not gone out of her mind nor did it escapee Apollo. The first time he felt like a failure in court.

Franziska: Yes, most defense attorneys feel like that once they go up against me.

Maya: I dunno. Nick beat you pretty solidly.

Franziska: I know where you live, Maya Fey.

Edgeworth: And she did say "most".

"Why else would a nice girl like Maya be hanging around with a bitch like her?" Trucy asked.

"Maybe cause Maya is really nice or Miss Von Karma hasn't shown her nice side to us," was Apollo's response.

"Still, I wonder why Maya ditched Daddy. Maybe Franziska's partly responsible but maybe there's more to it.?"

"Okay, let's have a Franziska-Von-Karma-free week starting now!" Apollo was starting to get sick of hearing that name.

Godot: Hmm. Looks like you won't be mentioned in the fic for a while, Filly.

Franziska: Good.

[Trucy asks about Apollo's conversation with Thalassa. Apollo tells her about Godot.]
Trucy tip-toed to the door and got down to her knees. "I guess Daddy''s having fun with Mommy Iris," Trucy said. She was watching the pair of them snuggle up on the sofa. Trucy was trying to keep as quiet as possible. "Looks like Daddy's gonna get laid at last."

Apollo told her: "Trucy, you should know it isn't normal to watch your father having sex."

Edgeworth: Nothing in this fic is even remotely normal.

Apollo: I hope the fic moves past this quickly. I really don't want to think about Mr. Wright's sex life.

Godot: It exists?

"Shush Apollo," Trucy exclaimed. "He'd probably spy on us if he knew we were doing it.

Edgeworth: That's... highly disturbing.

Maya: I don't think the fic is going to move past this quickly.

Hmm, Iris's underwear is boring?" she whispered.

"You're not wearing underwear at all," Apollo confirmed since being able to see Trucy's buttocks.

"You find that exciting, right?"

"Um... k-kinda. Weirdly exciting."

Apollo: Uh-oh.

Franziska: ...Apollo Justice. You said that sex scenes are normally cut out, is that correct?

Apollo: Yes. I think.

"Aww Mommy Iris is shy," Trucy could see a topless Iris exploding herself onto Phoenix.

Godot: "Exploding"?

Maya: At what point is a sex scene sex-scene-y enough to cut out?


"I think she'd make a great mom." Just as she caught a glimpse of her father taking his jeans off, she felt herself being swept away by Apollo's arm. He threw her onto her bed. As her back bounced on the mattress her legs were spread out. "Too bad we can't do it now."

Franziska: No. It's good that you can't do it now. You should never do it. Ever.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Apollo Justice that covering his eyes during the sporking is strictly prohibited.

"That would be insane," Apollo said bluntly. Trucy leaned over to Apollo and fiddled with his hair. "Not that insanity bothers you." Trucy responded by kissing his cheeks. Trucy's phone vibrated on bed and she picked it up.

Edgeworth: At least they were interrupted. That's a welcome relief.

Apollo: *sigh of relief*

She saw Pearl's picture come up and she pressed a button and held the phone on her ear.

"Hi Pearl," Trucy said. "You're calling pretty late!"

Late indeed: it was one o'clock in the morning.

"Trucy! Trucy! Trucy!" Apollo could hear Pearl's cries through the phone. "It's amazing! It's amazing!"

"Hey calm down Pearl," Trucy gasped. "What is it?"

"Wocky's been released on bail for a few days, and Mystic Maya said it was okay for him to stay over tonight."

Maya: Pearly is so not old enough to have a sleepover with a boy.

Edgeworth: She is considerably older in this fic, Maya.

Maya: Nope. Still not old enough. She's not allowed to have sleepovers with a boy until she's married to said boy.

"That's awesome," Trucy said.

"That's not the most awesome part!" Pearl shrieked. "..."


"Wocky is my BOYFRIEND!" Pearl exclaimed in excitement.

"Congratulations, Pearls."

"Trucy, are you with your special someone?" Pearl asked. "It's Mr. Polly right?"

Apollo: No. I am no one's special someone. Especially not my assistant.

Maya: Maybe we'll get to see Pearly's reaction to Nick and Iris' engagement?

Franziska: Why do you want to see it so badly?

Maya: Because she'd probably run all the way to Nick's office from Kurain Village at one in the morning to give him the slapping of a lifetime. It'd be really funny.

Franziska: ...I agree.

Godot: Me too. *sips coffee*

"Yep," Trucy replied. "My special someone is with me in bed. Hold on I'll put you on loud speaker phone."

Apollo didn't know weather it was a good idea or not. It was awkward enough listening to Phoenix's panting and his fiancée's moaning. At least the loud speaker would mute it a bit, but what if Phoenix mistook it for something else. Trucy had Pearl and Wocky on loud speaker phone.

Edgeworth: And presumably Wright hears the conversation from his daughter's room, realizes that she's still awake, and resolves to conduct himself with more propriety in the future.

Franziska: One extremely minor problem in a fic comprised of extremely major problems solved.

Edgeworth: Every little bit helps.

[The rest of the chapter is extremely boring discussion of Wocky's upcoming retrial. Pearl will be a witness for the defense. For some reason Luke Atmey will be involved.]

[The lights come back on.]

Maya: Oh, that's it?

Apollo: And not a minute too soon. Ugh, I hate this fic.

Edgeworth: Not as much as I do, considering I hold the dubious distinction of being the only one who's had to sit through the entire thing so far.

Franziska: No complaining, little brother. The fic has not killed you.

Edgeworth: ...yet.

Franziska: Regardless, I am going to go get my whip back now.

Maya: Yeah, leaving seems like a pretty good idea.

Godot: Have fun.

[Today's sporkers take their leave, with the exception of Godot, who remains in the theatre, quietly drinking coffee, until the guards arrive to escort him back to prison. Will he return next time, when the fictional version of himself meets his son for the first time? Good question. He is awfully hard to write...]

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Racing through the sky like a Missile

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Okay. I give. I've been holding back, but I cracked up at the exploding bit.

Your sporking has gone from fair to impressive in a single post. Even Godot wasn't bad, aside from what I assume is the the incessantly loud sipping. Then again, it's likely he does that on purpose, so I'm not really complaining. Some of his metaphorical lines do sound a little awkward, but they're the most difficult part to writing him.
(And as always, I'll be around to volunteer as an editor if anyone needs me.)

For a moment there, I thought Maya would escape by calling Mia again, as she's done. Fortunately, this management seems more responsible by not dredging up the details of mature content... for the most part.

Wow, I haven't been entranced by a good sporking in a while... mostly because there is a lack of horrid fanfics like this one these days, but it does take some skill to be able to finish a really long sporking without it dragging on too long. For now, though, it's moving at a suitable pace.

Working on the next one?
The home of the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney blog:
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at Further updates will be pending.

AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: ... /rubia_ryu
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