Lana: Oh, this chapter looks long.
Apollo: Yeah, but once we finish it, there'll only be one part left. I wonder who'll be in that one?
Edgeworth: Me, most likely.
Phoenix: Well, thanks for not trying to escape so far. Otherwise Trucy would be in it...
Edgeworth: Hmph.
Speakers:
The Management would like to request that all sporkers cease speculation on who we will pick for the final part of the sporking.Quote:
Last night wasn't very good. Maya crossed out wasn't very good in her mind and replaced it with an epic disaster. The trial was unorganized and a mess, a murder took place, Franziska was arrested and Pearl's life was put in danger. Alita Tiala had to be found and Franziska had to get her name cleared.
Lana: ...
Ema: At least it's a succinct description. *munches Snackoos*
Lana: I refuse to believe this is a real fic.
Apollo: Apparently the author was joking.
Lana: They still published it.
Edgeworth: And it's almost 83,000 words, too. After a certain point, it can no longer be considered just a joke.
Phoenix: (I think he's just bitter.)
[Maya reminisces.]Quote:
The police were pushing all the crowd away. Thalassa had just started to make a name for her self as a singer.
Apollo: Is that why she looks so much like Lamiroir? As in, she actually is Lamiroir?
Phoenix: Don't think too hard about it, Apollo.
Apollo: (First the Management, now you... why does everyone keep telling me not to think too hard about this...?)
Quote:
She got negative press for abandoning her son and not telling the father for it and now everyone's praising her because she's dead. Paparazzi loved to stick their nose in where it shouldn't be. They don't care if it promotes or tarnishes a person's reputation. As long as people read it, they'll blend the facts and opinions then sprinkle some white lies to make the article interesting.
She didn't think of Thalassa as the type of person who would dump a child, quite the opposite. She had only met her the few times and she sounded like a lovely person. She couldn't think of anybody who would want to kill her. Apollo had a reason to be annoyed with her, but not enough to kill. She didn't know Apollo very well, but her instincts didn't tell her he could be a murderer.
Apollo: Well, at least there's that!
Phoenix: I don't know. Maya can be a pretty bad judge of character sometimes.
Apollo: ... (I'm a lawyer, not your own personal punching bag, Mr. Wright.)
[Maya thinks about the case.]Quote:
She saw Gumshoe sighing behind his car. His eyes seemed like he was out of space, which was strange for Gumshoe as he's always the one to show his determination to solve the case. She called out his name. No response. She marched over to him and patted his back. He jumped, gasped, then faced Maya.
"Hello there," he chuckled. "How's Franziska been?"
"She's seen better days," Maya admitted. "Poor Franny is petrified inside. I promised her that I would clear her name though."
"That's the spirit," Gumshoe said, smiling. "I've got some good news to. There was evidence to suggest Franziska hired Alita to kill Thalassa. They found a diary, a phone number a stun-gun: we can confirm the diary is a fake! The stun gun belonged to Manfred Von Karma but it was stolen from one of the lockers. The phone number written in the diary was a stripper. Ema's going to examine the finger prints, if none of them match Franziska, it's great news, pal!"
Lana: So they're going to release her?
Edgeworth: The way this fic has been going so far, that doesn't seem very likely.
Ema: At least it'll be a short trial. *munches Snackoos*
Quote:
"Franziska will be cleared?" Maya asked. Gumshoe nodded. Maya grinned. "This is great news, but like any lawyer, I have to ask..."
"HOLD IT!" Gumshoe interrupted. "When did you become a lawyer?"
"I've been one for a very long time," lied Maya.
"... what?"
"Here's my badge to prove it!" Maya flashed "her" golden pin to Gumshoe. He widened his eyes and gasped again.
"Holy crap! That's awesome!"
Apollo: I still say it takes more than just a badge to convince people that you're a defense attorney.
Phoenix: And I still say I can prove that a badge is all it takes. Am I right, Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: ...
Phoenix: Although at least the badge was real in that case...
Apollo: (That does it. As soon as we get out of here, I'm going to look through Mr. Wright's old case files until I figure out just what the heck he's talking about.)
Quote:
"Now you're going to tell me about the murder?" Maya asked. "I know Franziska is going to be found innocent but just in case them fools try to take her to court."
"I'll ya everything you wanna know pal," Gumshoe announced. "Last night, the victim was killed in his car park. The estimated time of death is half ten. She was stabbed all over her body. Meanwhile Alita blackmailed Wocky by attempting to stab Pearl in the neck. Alita was also seen talking to fugitive Kristoph Gavin. We believe these two met after escaping prison."
Gumshoe passed Maya a photo of a tall man with blond hair passing a knife to Alita. If was Kristoph Gavin. She was sure of it.
"So why would they wanna team up and get revenge?" asked Maya.
"Kristoph and Alita were both convicted and exploited by Apollo.
Apollo: Exploited by...?
Ema: Just what have you been doing in your spare time, Apollo?
Apollo: L-Leave me out of this!
Ema: I was just kidding. *throws a Snackoo at him*
Quote:
Kristoph's brother helped out too." Gumshoe told her. "Them two trials are stories that fend for themselves. I guess they wanted to attack Apollo by killing his mother."
"It makes sense," said Maya. "So are the police looking for Alita and Kristoph?"
"The police are hunting as we speak," Gumshoe announced. "We've found a fugitive named Edward Fartalot, we believe that he may help us with the case."
Lana: ... *mutters* Oh, for the love of...
Edgeworth: I was hoping he wouldn't be mentioned again.
Ema: When was the last time hoping for something worked well in this fic?
Edgeworth: Well, chapter six appears to have been retconned, at any rate...
[A bit more case talk.]Quote:
"Thanks Gumshoe!" Maya said. She hugged him then ran away.
As she dashed to Phoenix's place, she wondered did she really solve this case alone? Was there a greater challenge to come? Proving Franziska innocent just seemed too easy, but it didn't mean that she expected it to happen. She was hoping he would be at home, with the family. She hoped they were coping.
She truly did.
At last, she reached Phoenix's department and banged on the door. She waited and got a slow response. The door swung open and her eyed widened. Phoenix resembled a zombie. His eyes were half open, his scruffy hair and clothes made him look like he had slept in a bin.
Edgeworth: He usually looks like that.
Phoenix: I do not. ...wait. You are referring to me right now, right? Post-disbarrment and pre-getting-my-badge-back?
Edgeworth: Obviously.
Phoenix: At least that means we're one step closer to figuring out what point in canon you actually come from.
Edgeworth: That's... not what we're supposed to be focusing on...
Speakers:
He's right, you know. Now, stop breaking the fourth wall, Phoenix Wright.Quote:
"Nick..." Maya asked. "Are you okay?"
"Not really," he admitted. "But it's nice to see you Maya."
"What's wrong?"
"Shit happens," said Phoenix. His eyes had been red as if he had been crying. "Come in."
Maya walked in and to her surprise, the house was tidy. Of course this was the work of Iris. If he was single the place would have been a lot worse.
Phoenix: Wow, excuse you.
Ema: Doesn't it usually look like a wreck, though?
Apollo: At least the toilets are clean...
Quote:
"I'm sorry to hear about Thalassa," Maya said.
"Thanks," said Phoenix. "I'm really going to need the support. Pearl came over earlier."
"She did?" Maya asked. "I haven't seen her since last night. Is she okay?"
"She's fine," Phoenix said. "She wanted my help on something."
"What was it?"
"She wanted to talk about Larry and Alita," Phoenix said. "She wanted to help track Alita down. She wanted my opinion of where Larry was hiding Alita. We managed to find it out. Larry had been hiding Alita in Harazuka Temple."
Lana: Will we get to hear about how you figured this out?
Edgeworth: Probably not.
Phoenix: Maybe we just called up Sister Bikini and asked if she's heard anything. At least, that seems like it would have been Iris' first idea, anyway.
Lana: That's awfully... anti-climactic.
Quote:
"Wow!" said Maya. " That would have been the last place I'd imagine her to be hiding."
"Larry's smarter than we thought he was," admitted Phoenix. He passed Maya a beige piece of paper stabled together and said, "Larry sent me this letter today."
Maya unfolded it and read it. The feminine patterns on the page were the first things that grabbed her eye. The wild writing layered on top had her shaking her head.
Apollo: Raise you hands if you vote the letter just gets a cut summary and we don't have to read it.
All: *raise hands*
Speakers:
This is NOT a democracy.Quote:
"Hello Nick!
I hope things are doing great out there! I'm so happy right now. This letter alone could never describe either the quality nor the quantity of my joy. I was always the happy monkey at school.
Edgeworth: The... "happy monkey"...?
Phoenix: I guess that's one way to describe it.
Quote:
We've had great times. You're my best friend but I'm afraid this is where I have to say goodbye to you. You'll always be close to me by heart. We've done so much together and so much for each other. You've been there when I lost my jobs and girlfriends, but being a prison officer is my best job of all. I lasted longer than I ever did, and I found my true love.
You see all the pink polka dots, yellow flowers and glitter on this page. Aww it's so cute. Everything that's cute reminds me of Alita. She's one of the most beautiful women in the world. She's a survivor! She's had such a tough life, but now I'm going to give her the happy ending she deserves.
Phoenix: At least it's in-character.
Edgeworth: Except for the part about saying goodbye. I don't think any force on earth could get rid of him.
Phoenix: Wouldn't you be in prison if it weren't for him?
Edgeworth: ...I'd rather not think about how many times he's helped me out.
Phoenix: ... (Yeah, same, actually...)
Quote:
Alita confided in me about her deepest secrets that she never told. She told me all about her life. How she had to sin to find redemption and freedom. It's enough to make me cry. I loved her from the moment I saw, but when she broke down, it was painful to find it adorable. I gave her a big hug and she cheered up. All she wanted was a bit of love, which nobody around her was willing to give.
Lana: This is rather... cheesy.
Ema: And cliché.
Lana: And disgustingly sweet.
Apollo: I think we get it.
Quote:
Alita had come from an abusive childhood. Her mother was a prostitute and her father was so addicted to food that she had to eat his own vomit or the crumbs on the floor.
Apollo: ...eurgh. That's disgusting.
Edgeworth: I think that's the point.
Quote:
She was so skinny when I first met her, prison had reminded her of the time where she was locked up in the attic for three days when she was three.
Ema: Scientifically speaking, it's pretty unlikely that she would remember that at that age.
Phoenix: ...that kind of reminds me of that one fic we sporked with Larry ages ago, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: What are you- oh,
that fic. Why are you bringing this up?
Phoenix: As I said, it reminded me of it.
Edgeworth: Well, I'd rather not be reminded of it.
Apollo: (Note to self: look up this sporking.)
Quote:
When her dad died, her mother sold her like meat to some sick perverted doctor. Once he got locked up to grooming girls on the Internet, Alita was moved around foster parent after foster parent. She became confused, but once she settled in school, she really got drilled in class. She became a nurse, but she still wasn't happy. I know how she feels, some people can make you feel worthless at work.
Not to mention getting strangled all the time by Wocky. The scars still remain in her heart.
Ema: Did it never occur to him how made-up that backstory sounds?
Phoenix: I think that's in-character, actually.
Quote:
I know the media describe her as a bitch and a whore, but she isn't. She's a sweet person. She's been through so much. She never got a chance of a good life and when she tried, she ended up in jail for it. Everything was in self-defense. Her own employer went against her, and Wocky had abused her. I'm so worried that he's going to do the same to Pearl.
She might have said nasty things to Pearl but that;s because she's trying to show her the monster that he is. He tried to turn Alita into a monster and it almost succeeded. I'm glad she's under my care now. Alita will be treated like a goddess.
Apollo: ...
Lana: Comments, Apollo?
Apollo: ...nah. I'm not going to bother.
Quote:
I'll tell you the truth, yes I did help her escape prison. If you were still a lawyer you probably would have found that out, but you're not, so I'm safe.
Phoenix: Just because I'm not a lawyer doesn't mean I can't call the police.
Quote:
Alita agreed with me as well, so that's a plus. Wocky tried to stop me letting Alita go, but I sorted him out. He would have been better off dead in my opinion. He needs to stop trying to add poison in my relationship with Alita.
Since hiding Alita, I gambled, robbed banks and cheated in the casinos. It was an excellent second income for the great pay I already get in prison. I would have got to stick around for longer, had I not lost my job yesterday. It's okay now, I'm packing up for the new adventure of my life with Alita.
Phoenix: Eh... I don't even know what to say to this...
Edgeworth: ...nor do I.
Lana: Perhaps we should just move onto the next passage.
Quote:
Sorry I can't invite you to the wedding. By the time you've read this, I'd be a wanted fugitive. I took Alita to the casino one night, won a lot, asked her to marry me and she said yes. I believe I am the happiest man in the world right now. I'm not letting anybody lift me off the ground now. Happiness is a human right and not a privilege.
Wow I've written so much more than I expected: I could be a novelist. I've sold all my artwork now, so I've got all the money I need for a happy life. I'd love to have babies, but I don't think Alita's ready. She's still young. I guess we should wait until she is thirty, but I might accidentally get her pregnant way before then. never-mind, as long as we're together we'll be great. I have a feeling, Alita and I will both be legends. We will become the new Romeo and Juliet & Bonny and Clyde.
Phoenix: But they both - you know what, nevermind.
Quote:
Only unlike them we will have a happy ending and have brand new identities.
Apollo: I sincerely doubt it.
Ema: Then again, it is almost the end of the fic.
Edgeworth: And it can't come fast enough...
Quote:
I hope you have a good life too, Nick. I'm sorry I can't make it to be the best man at your wedding. Miles or Apollo could always do it. Well I guess you wouldn't want to have Apollo as a best man after all the rumors that he slept with Trucy. I hope they're false: incest ain't good.
Apollo:
REALLY.Ema: Let it go, Apollo.
Apollo: I'm sorry, but did you miss the part where I fathered Trucy's child?!
Ema: No, but I also didn't miss the part where Trucy drank herself into a miscarriage.
Apollo: That doesn't make it okay!!
Phoenix: Why are we even talking about this?!
Quote:
Give my regards to my sweet Iris, Maya, Franny and Gumshoe next time you see them.
Your friend forever,
The legendary Larry Butz. "
Edgeworth: For all our sakes, I sincerely hope that will be the last time he shows up in this fic.
Quote:
"Larry's been fed lies," Maya snapped. "How on earth could he fall for that rubbish Alita gave him."
"Reminds me of myself a long time ago with Iris and Dahlia," Phoenix admitted. "I was a mad boy in love."
Ema: Ooh, really, Mr. Wright? I want to hear about this. *munches Snackoos*
Phoenix: No. No, you don't.
Edgeworth: You really don't.
Phoenix: That's my line.
Edgeworth: There was no need for you to repeat yourself.
Lana: And there's no need for the two of you to act like eight-year-olds.
Phoenix & Edgeworth: ...
Apollo: (...I want to hear the story behind this, too, though.)
Quote:
"I guess you're still are," said Maya.
"Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision," Phoenix admitted. "I knew being a father wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't know it would be this hard! Apollo's had it rough too, I don't wanna ask questions that will destroy the entire family."
Phoenix: I'd say I should probably ask anyway... but what do you even do in response to finding out that your daughter got pregnant by her half-brother? Is there even a way you're
supposed to react to that?
Lana: Somehow, I don't think most parents have to deal with that.
Phoenix: Exactly. So it's not like I can just go pick up a self-help book...
Apollo: Don't tell me you used self-help books to raise Trucy.
Phoenix: ...no?
Quote:
"Nick, you've done so well."
"Would you say that after I tell you this?
"What?"
"Trucy had a miscarriage," announced Phoenix. "She didn't know she was pregnant either. I don't know what to do with her. She slept with Matt Engarde, now I dread to think who else she's slept with. These thoughts are making me sick."
Edgeworth: They're making the rest of us sick, too.
Quote:
Maya jumped over and hugged him. "Who cares what anybody else thinks," Maya whispered. "I know you're a good father. You guys will all need to talk it through and be honest."
"Apollo was covered in psyche locks," Phoenix told Maya. "I'm too scared to open them, because I won't like what I see."
Phoenix: I know what it means, but I'm still imagining Apollo trapped underneath a pile of psyche-locks.
Apollo: ...that sounds painful.
Phoenix: Well, psyche-locks do look pretty heavy, I guess.
[Maya encourages Phoenix to find out what's really going on.]Quote:
"I'm defending Franziska in court if she goes on trial," replied Maya. "She was a bit shocked at first but she warmed up to it. We do love each other after all."
"That's cool," said Phoenix. "Congratulations on passing your exam. It was tougher than the first time I took it all them years ago."
"Thanks Nick," said Maya.
"When did you take the exam?"
"I didn't," Maya admitted. There was no point in lying. "I stole it after you handed it in."
"Why?"
Lana: Why indeed?
Ema: Because plot. Or some semblance thereof.
Phoenix: Hey, look, I guess I retook the bar exam.
Apollo: Took you long enough.
Phoenix: Shush.
[Maya and Phoenix have a little chat.]Quote:
December 15th 2027
Edgeworth: Oh, look. An actual date.
Lana: That's odd. I thought they had never showed up in the fic before.
Edgeworth: They haven't.
Quote:
Lana could feel the winter storm that was ready to take rampage. The fog hugged the windows and the coolness of the pillows.
Lana: The fog... what?
Ema: It hugged the coolness of the pillows.
Lana: ...that doesn't make any sense.
Ema: Well, no. *munches Snackoos* I didn't say it did.
Quote:
She sat on her bed, facing the window and spacing out. She touched her red silky dress which was a present from Damon Gant, the biological father of Machi.
Lana: ...
Ema: Um...
Lana: Am I being punished for something? I haven't even broken any of the rules.
Speakers:
Nah. That's just how life in the sporking theatre goes.Lana: ...
Quote:
In nine days time, she was going to make Ema one of the happiest girls in the world.
Ema: I'm afraid to find out.
Lana: So am I, actually.
Quote:
She had the help of Albert Salsa and Mike Blitz. None of this would have happened without the two of their personalities clashing. All these days of planning and by next month, it could all be over.
Her first year of freedom had made a lot of dramatic turns. Franziska von Karma had been dropped from all charges. Maya and Franziska had announced thier relationship and took a holiday. They promised to return in time for Christmas. Godot was still trapped in jail, and Thalassa's murder was far from solved. Lana had a feeling Kristoph murdered Thalassa, or one of the members of his gang.
Lana: I... thought I knew who murdered Thalassa...?
Edgeworth: I have no idea what's going on.
Phoenix: Has this been a time skip?
Apollo: It could be anything, really.
Ema: Has April May been killed yet? Or was that not until New Year's...?
[Pointless exposition.]Quote:
Lana knew she had to kill this habit of stalking Ema one of these days.
Ema: ...what.
Lana: No.
Quote:
It made her feel unhealthy, but she knew it had to be done.
Lana: No.
Quote:
Lana had spent nearly a decade apart with her younger sister and felt like she had to protect her.
Lana: No. That doesn't make it okay.
Ema: Are you okay, sis?
Lana: I'll be fine.
Quote:
She had always told herself this; it made her feel less guilty about her dreadful plans.
She was paranoid for Ema. It was coming to the point where she was ignoring her son.
Lana: ...I hate this fic.
Apollo: (I think that's a new record.)
[More pointless exposition. Lana dismisses the idea of killing Apollo.]Apollo: ...
Phoenix: You can't honestly say your fic-self doesn't deserve to die.
Apollo: ...thanks, Mr. Wright.
Quote:
Ema had three secrets. The first one was that she had a short fling with Trucy. Trucy had begged her for alcohol. Ema rightfully refused, but got herself drunk and ended up having sex.
Ema, Phoenix, & Lana: !
Ema: Sh-she's
sixteen!!
Apollo: Now you know how I feel!
Quote:
Lana shook her head wishing it was all false, but she knew that Mike would like the idea a little. A few minutes ago, she lost respect for Apollo for sleeping with Trucy, but now the respect had returned. He just needed a thicker skin like Ema.
Lana: I - what?!
Apollo: What is going on?!
Phoenix: The world may never know.
Quote:
If Trucy was planning on being Lana's daughter-in-law, all that promiscuous activity would have to be chucked in the bin.
The second secret; she had a small crush on Klavier. Just a small one, but even a small one was not acceptable for Lana. Lana wanted Klavier to be forgotten. Just the sound of his name made Lana's skin crawl in disgust. Ema admitted to sending messages to Klavier and had formed some cyber relationship. Oh dear, thought Lana. Mike had to be alerted about this. Lana didn't want Ema to be tricked by him again,
Ema: This is creepy...
Edgeworth: Did that paragraph just end with a comma?
Apollo: That's... a new one.
Edgeworth: That's actually the second time I've seen that. How odd...
Lana: I don't think the comma's what's important here.
Quote:
As for the third one; Lana assumed it would be something like she was bisexual or that she fancied Apollo.
Phoenix: You'd think the first one would be a given...
Apollo: I guess being drunk means it doesn't count.
Quote:
Ema had told Apollo, "I think Lana is up to something." She wasn't wrong with that at all, but Lana felt it was for her own good that she didn't know a thing for now. Ema had mentioned the day of Thalassa's murder and that Lana had called Mike and not her.
"I got that feeling that Mike's cheating on me to get to Lana..." Ema told Apollo. "Every guy I've dated has cheated on me so I won't be surprised if Mike was sleeping around. I heard that he broke a marridge up once."
Ema: ...why am I dating him again?
Apollo: Because the "plot" said so.
Quote:
"I'm sure he wouldn't do such a thing," Apollo said.
They talked and laughed. The pair of them drunk their issues away, got tipsy and shared a passionate kiss.
Apollo: I was just kidding about Ema and I... you know what? Nevermind. At least it makes sense.
Ema: ...
Apollo: D-Don't look at me like that. You know what I meant!
Quote:
Lana knew that Mike Blitz used to be a bad guy, but she could safely say he had turned his life around; assuming he ever had one. She was glad that she was spying on her sister now,
Ema: I'm not.
Lana: Neither am I, incidentally.
Quote:
she knew her plan wasn't going as well as she thought it was going.
Reflecting on last night, she decided a change of plan was needed. She composed an email to Salsa and summoned Mike into her bedroom.
"What was the email you sent Salsa?" Mike asked. He sat down on the chair near Lana's bed. She reached her phone and read out the email she sent the quirky judge.
Edgeworth: That's one way of describing him, I suppose.
Quote:
Albert,
There will be several changes to the plan. You know which plan I mean. Ema still has a crush on Klavier and has seemed to have lost her way. She thinks Mike and I are having an affair and that idiot has gotten a hold of her again. But we are going to change that! I want to meet up with you today at the church where your brother works. I want to talk to you two and arrange a wedding for 24th December at 11:00 PM. April May's death will be on 1st of January. Klavier Gavin's trial shall take place on 5th December. Needless to say we know what the verdict shall be. I will be discussing the honeymoon arrangements with Mike this morning.
Ema: Are... are you going to marry me off without even telling me first?
Lana: Apparently...
Phoenix: And apparently you're also going to time travel. Either that or wait almost a whole year to put Klavier on trial.
Quote:
"Does Ema know about the wedding?" Mike asked.
"It's a surprise," said Lana.
Ema: You've got to be kidding me.
Lana: *nods*
Quote:
"She knows we're up to something."
"So I see," said Mike who sighed. He rolled his eyes away from Lana. "I don't think the wedding is going to solve anything."
"You don't wanna marry her?"
"Of course I do," replied Mike. "But... only when she's ready."
"I think this is the best thing for Ema right now," Lana announced. "She kissed Apollo, she's admitted to having a fling with Trucy. She needs you to assure her that everything is alright."
Ema: No, I need... what I need is to get out of this fic.
Edgeworth: I think the same applies to rest of us.
Phoenix: Oh, shut up. You're barely in it.
Edgeworth: And I'm grateful for that. But you've forgotten that I am the only one who has not missed a single part of the sporking.
Apollo: (Yeah, it's not like you bring that up every five minutes or anything.)
Quote:
"I will do that," said Mike. "We'll have some talks to each other."
"Good," chuckled Lana.
"Salsa will tell you what you need to do," Lana instructed. "You will marry my sister on Christmas Eve. You will spend your honeymoon in England. You are to not to come back until Klavier is dead."
"What about Klavier's trial?" Mike inquired. "I would like to see the look on Klavier's face when he goes down."
"Sadly you will be missing the trial," Lana announced. "You will wonder why."
"Yes, I am."
"You or Ema would be the prime suspect of April's murder," Lana said. "I don't want either of you to be arrested, so if you two go to England for the whole month, then they'll suspect you. We'll make a nice little runaway to the country where nobody can stop us. Sounds tempting dosen't it?"
"Yes," admitted Mike. "But what if it's not what Ema wants? What if she wants to stay here, with her friends?"
She smiled. "You really do love her," Lana confirmed. "I was right about hiring you."
Lana: This is... incredibly unethical.
Ema: And disturbing.
Lana: That too.
Quote:
"Get out Apollo!" Phoenix roared. He punched him in the face and roared again. "How can you betray us like this?"
Back to square one again.
Apollo had been kicked out of Phoenix's home.
Apollo: I still don't understand why I was in it in the first place.
Phoenix: At least we don't have to wonder about that anymore.
Quote:
Hadn't heard a thing from Trucy since seeing her hospital. He spent the night at Ema's place and was now living at Godot's old department.
Edgeworth: How does the author keep typoing "apartment" as "department"? That's the third or fourth time that's happened.
Lana: I don't think this fic was edited.
Quote:
He met his father for the first time in a few weeks in prison. He looked well as if he had just accepted his fate. He smiled at his son and said, "it's nice to see you again. Things are tough, but I know that things will be good for you again. I'm screwed, I'm going to get executed. They should never had let me out but at least I got to see you."
"But you didn't kill Mom," Apollo reminded his father.
"I know that," Godot muttered. "I'm not innocent, so it will be useless trying to save me."
"If didn't commit the crime then you shouldn't do the time," shouted Apollo. "We're going to find Alita and bring her back to court!"
"Son..." Godot whispered. His voice was weak, his confident ego begun to fade. "They've investagated and it couldn't have been her."
Phoenix: That doesn't mean it had to have been him.
Edgeworth: I suspect the police force is incompetent in this fic.
Apollo: (At least that's accurate to real life.)
Ema: ... *throws a Snackoo at Apollo*
Apollo: (...I take it she can read my expression... whoops.)
Quote:
"She's got something to do with it," Apollo said.
"They'll consider the case closed when I die."
"Well its not," Apollo snapped. "I'm not giving up, neither are you. Anyway, I got a question for you," Apollo mumbled.
"What is it?"
"What would you have done if my Mom had dropped me at doorstep."
"I would have brought you up," Godot admitted. "I would never have abandoned you."
It was just as he thought he would say.
Apollo: Is this supposed to be emotional closure?
Phoenix: I guess.
Apollo: And out of all the issues that could get solved, it has to be the one with the father who still doesn't make any sense whatsoever?
Edgeworth: Apparently.
Apollo: *sigh*
Quote:
Phoenix hated gossip: his family had almost crashed and burned.
"I'm sorry Phoenix," Kay Faraday said.
[To the surprise of no one, a familiar musical theme begins playing and Kay Faraday appears out of nowhere.]Kay: I'm back! Didja miss me?
Edgeworth: Why do you only appear when the fic mentions you, but not us...?
Kay: Eh. Oh, look, I'm on a first-name basis with Mr. Wright all of a sudden!
[Phoenix and Kay talk about Trucy.]Quote:
Phoenix stared in the mirror and saw the reflection of a lost man. He had a happy family and good friends. It seemed like he just looked away, turned back and everything seemed fine until he blinked. His great friends were moving on with their own lives and his family had been torn.
He was going to get married soon, but he didn't feel the excitement of being a married man. Not because he didn't love Iris anymore, all the issues have made him almost forget the date of his wedding. Right now a wedding wasn't what he wanted: he wanted a miracle or a wish to turn back time.
Speakers:
The Management would like to request that no one make any "But the miracle never happen" jokes.Phoenix: I was actually going to make a joke about how the miracle is the end of the fic.
Quote:
Back to the days where Kristoph was put to justice. Trucy was performing magic tricks and when the pair of them were innocent. He should have told them about their mother right there.
Phoenix: (...come to think of it, I wonder why I
didn't tell them.)
Apollo: I still wonder what's up with this AU? It really doesn't make any sense.
[Phoenix angsts. Kay is marginally helpful.]Kay: It's what I do best!
Quote:
Phoenix went to check his email and found an a message written by Kristoph Gavin.
Phoenix: Yep. Definitely a "what's the worst thing that can happen" checklist.
Apollo: Ugh... I don't even want to know what it'll say.
Quote:
It was tempting to just delete it at first site, but he wanted to see what was written. It could have been just a silly prank or a serious talk.
Phoenix: Oh yes, because Kristoph Gavin, the...
Kristoph Gavin would just e-mail me as a "silly prank".
Lana: Does that really make any less sense than me plotting to murder April May and stalking Ema?
Phoenix: ...no, I suppose it doesn't.
Quote:
Avoiding temptation, he opened the email.
Dear Phoenix,
I understand things are hard at the moment. I thought writing you an email would make you relax.
All: ...
Phoenix: *starts laughing*
Quote:
We were very good friends after all.
Phoenix: *continues laughing*
Edgeworth: Wright. We would all appreciate it if you would stay sane.
Quote:
I do miss your frequent visits, asking me the same things over and over again. Annoying as it seemed, it was quite amusing. I am very sorry to hear about your grandchild. She died before she even got a chance to live. What a shame, you would have made an interesting grandfather, but you have a long way to go.
Phoenix: *stops laughing* ...
Apollo: ... (At least he hasn't said anything too bad yet.)
Quote:
I hope you're not treating Apollo too harshly. I looked at him like a son,
Apollo: ...
Ema: Um, Apollo, are you okay?
Apollo: I'm... I'm not fine.
Quote:
we're more of a fatherly figures to him than those good-for-nothing parents combined. Godot is a mad man: he's in no fit state to be a father.
You may be wondering where I get this stuff from, but these things spread like wildfire these days. Let's just say someone has been leaking information deemed... very confidential.
The very same person met me at the day of Thalassa's murder. I gave her a deal; as long as my brother and Apollo were safe from harm, I in return would not danger the public.
You do remember sweet old Dahlia don't you?
Phoenix: I... I thought the fic was just kidding about that.
Edgeworth: Does this mean that chapter six did, in fact, happen after all?
Phoenix: I guess...
Kay: You can't win every time, Mr. Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: I am aware of that.
Quote:
I've met up with a witch called Castilo Yew, and she's managed to rise Dahlia from the dead.
Edgeworth: ...what?
Kay: I would have thought "witch" would be more... metaphorical.
Lana: This is ridiculous.
Apollo: We've noticed that by now, Ms. Skye.
Phoenix: ...
Quote:
The police officers are wasting their time hunting Alita down, for it was Dahlia that brutally murdered Thalassa that night. I'm telling you this, because nobody could ever convict her nor prove it. Nobody would believe this email.
Lana: Unless Mr. Wright didn't delete it and showed it to anyone, really.
Edgeworth: ...comments, Wright?
Phoenix: I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the author brought Dahlia back to life.
Quote:
Nobody said it was simple nor did any one mention it would be this tough.
Ema: What does this line even mean? *munches Snackoos*
Kay: I dunno. Maybe it's describing the fic itself.
Quote:
Meanwhile, lazy raindrops landed wherever they pleased. Lana, dressed in black was the only person walking the streets. The roads where wrapped in inpatient cars and she had just spent the five minutes finding somewhere to cross the road. An umbrella covering her hair as she reached the church. It could have easily have been a miserable Monday, but it was a wet Wednesday.
Lana: Um...
Edgeworth: And this is what happens when scene-setting utterly falls flat.
Quote:
Albert Salsa was standing in the hallway of the church. He smiled and waved his hand. As Lana approached him, he began to rub his hands from the cold.
"Good Morning Albert," Lana greeted. "Didn't expect you to be here before me."
"You made a really bad typo in that email Lana," said Salsa. "You put the 5th of December instead January.
Edgeworth: Oh.
Lana: So it was intentional?
Apollo: That's an odd thing to do on purpose.
Kay: Maybe there's some sort of secret message that the author worked into the fic.
Phoenix: Yes. The message is: "I am insane and should probably be institutionalized."
Quote:
Never mind, we know what you mean. All this careful planning is finally starting to pay off. So don't hit yourself over some stupid typo."
"I'm not."
"My brother is waiting for us," said Salsa. "Is Mike coming too?"
"I'm not sure," Lana replied. "I'm hoping he's gone to sort things out with Ema."
"Very well," Salsa said. "Now let's come in we've got a Christmas wedding to arrange." Salsa opened the door for Lana and the pair of them walked down to the stage. "Brother," Salsa called, "I'm here!"
"I'm coming Albert!"
To Lana's surprise, Salsa's brother didn't sound Jamaican at all. To an even greater surprise, Salsa's brother had white pale skin.
Ema: ...well, it is scientifically possible, but it's really, really rare...
Apollo: And I guess they were raised apart too, since they have different accents...?
Ema: It's also possible for one brother to lose his accent while the other one keeps it.
Quote:
The way Salsa had talked about his brother, Lana expected the two of them to look alike. How wrong was she?
"Good morning, I am Reverend Jack Salsa," his brother said it in a very unconvincing Irish accent.
Ema: And it's possible that one of them is faking his accent. *rolls eyes, munches Snackoos*
Edgeworth: "Salsa" isn't an Irish name any more than it is a Jamaican name.
Kay: Silly Mr. Edgeworth. Are you actually expecting this to make sense?
Edgeworth: *sigh* You'd think I'd've learned by now.
Phoenix: Yes. You'd think.
[Lana arranges the surprise wedding. For some reason, no one has yet pointed out that it's weird and a little creepy.]Quote:
"To confirm," Jack started reading, "the wedding of Iris and Phoenix Wright will be on Christmas Eve. During the after party, the church will be arranged for the surprise wedding of Ema and Mike Blitz's wedding will take place in Saint Catherine's church on the same day at 11:00 PM. After the ceremony they will be taken straight to the airport to go on their honeymoon."
Phoenix: Oh, that's right. I am getting married.
Edgeworth: You don't sound particularly thrilled.
Phoenix: I get the impression that something horrible will happen at the wedding, actually.
Ema: Something horrible
will happen.
I'll get married.
[More wedding planning.]Quote:
December 15th, 2027
It's Christmas in ten days... I should be excited, but I'm not. The rain is starting to turn into icebergs and it's freezing: even with four jumpers on.
My love life currently sucks at the moment. I know many girls like the idea of having around three guys that have a crush on you, but it's not glamorous to me. My ex-boyfriend is still sending me messages and I reply to them. He's apologized and I forgave him. I made out with a friend who made out with his sister, and I suspect my boyfriend is cheating on me with my sister. I know, it's confusing. I still don't understand it.
Ema: I take it I'm writing in my diary or something. *munches Snackoos* Lame.
Apollo: There's no shame in keeping a diary. Er, a journal.
Ema: As I said - lame.
Quote:
I still like my ex and I don't even know why. He embarrassed me, he cheated on me and he's so vain he looks at himself in his iPod's reflection and grins a lot.
Apollo: Why can I see him doing that...?
Ema: I'm pretty sure I
have seen him doing that.
Quote:
He drives me nuts. I'm Twenty-Six, I shouldn't be having these stupid crushes anymore.
I love Mike, I really do. He's nice and all, but I think he can be too nice. First few weeks of dating were great but his smoking habit pisses me off. I don't care if it's electric or fake; it's still scientifically smoking. That's just a silly thing though, I can do whatever I want and he'll let me get away with it. Even when I look like a tramp he says I'm sexy.
Though it was since I began sending dirty pictures to my ex that I got suspicions that Mike was cheating on me with my sister, Lana.
Kay: ...wouldn't that mean you were cheating on him anyway?
Lana: I don't think logic has any place here.
Edgeworth: It doesn't.
Quote:
I haven't told Mike because I don't want him to fight with him, so it's better left unsaid. Knowing my ex, he'll most likely leak them or show them to my friends, but I don't care.
The reason I think Mike and Lana are having an affair is because the two of them are always together and instead of ringing me, Lana rings Mike. The two of them are always spending time alone with each other. I asked Mike about it at work and he said they were planning a Christmas present for me.
Phoenix: And how.
Ema: I still think it's really creepy.
Kay: I think we all do.
Quote:
I'm disabling comments on this entry at the moment. I'm not really in a mood for talking right now.
Ema: Wait. Don't tell me this was a blog post?
Lana: So you just made all those sordid details available to the public?
Apollo: Huh.
Quote:
December 20th, 2027
I've been so busy in the past few days. An hour after I wrote the last entry, Mike came in the room and gave me a hug. He talked about our relationship and how I think it could be improved. We both said the same things: no more secrets and no more lies. He bought me a really huge bag of snakoos and we shared them while we were watching documentries. Mike promised that he'd spend much more time with me.
And he was true to his word. We visited Apollo to see if he was okay, he's been having a really bad time lately.
Apollo: Well, that's an understatement.
Kay: At least it's only fictional!
Apollo: That excuse really only works if you don't have to sit here and sift through said fiction.
Quote:
I'm hoping Christmas and Phoenix's wedding will help mend things up a bit. It's not good for him spending hours in jail trying to clear his dad's name. I still text my ex sometimes, just not as much. He asked me for some more pictures but I declined. Fifty pictures are more than enough and being sexy is seriously hard work for me for goodness sake.
I don't think things are going too well with his girlfriend. His girlfriend left prison some months ago and now works as a stripper. The two go rather well together if I do say so myself.
Mike also made a Snakoo sandwhich, in which he made the loaf himself. It was bloody delicious, I could taste the raisins, almonds and honey in the loaf and the awesome taste of the snakoo.
Edgeworth: ...as in the Snackoos were in the sandwich, or the Snackoos were cooked into the bread itself...?
Phoenix: Either way it sounds a little disgusting.
Ema: I think it sounds like it's worth a shot.
Quote:
A great muncher. Sex with Mike has been very good lately.
Lana: This is another blog post, right?
Ema: Um, I think so.
Kay: TMI much, Ema?
Ema:
I didn't write this!
Quote:
I haven't even got Mike a present yet. What do you guys think I should get him?
(10 Comments)
Magic_Panties16: SEX!
BOXERS!
THONGS!
SEX TOYS!
Kay_Faraday: Only you Trucy.
Kay: I should have a much cooler username than that!
Edgeworth: I don't think that's the-
Kay: I really don't care, Mr. Edgeworth.
Quote:
Queen_Of_Science Nothing rude please.
Magic_Panties16: How is my brother? Is he okay? Why don't you buy Mike video games, he seems to be the type who likes them.
Queen_Of_Science: He seems fine when I saw him. Thanks for the suggestions.
Magic_Panties16: I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve! My Daddy and Mommy Iris get married and I'll meet Apollo for the first time in ages.
Sucks2be_Maggey: Nice to see things going well for you Ema.
Queen_Of_Science:Thanks Maggey. How are things with your family?
Sucks2be_Maggey: They're very good. Working at McDonalds at the moment. Dick still has to bring Copper into work sometimes, but not as much now.
Queen_Of_Science: That's good Maggey!
Lana: It's like the fic can't decide what kind of format it wants to be in.
Phoenix: It could be worse. You missed the really long MSN conversations.
Quote:
December 23rd, 2027
Tomorrow is Phoenix's wedding. I'm really happy that Phoenix has made up with Apollo again.
Phoenix: But of course we don't actually get to see this.
Apollo: I'm actually kind of grateful for that.
Quote:
Mike said at that Phoenix announced on the stag night that he's a lawyer again, but he's not working until after his honeymoon. Even greater news. I'm going to be one of the bridesmaids with Maya, Pearl and Trucy.
But why are Lana and Mike packing my stuff into a limosine?
(4 Comments)
Sucks2be_Maggey: That's weird.
Queen_Of_Science : I know!
Sucks2be_Maggey: It's good to see Mr. Wright back on track again though.
Queen_Of_Science: It is!
Ema: I guess the whole "try not to question anything too much" extends even into the fic.
Edgeworth: This is surreal.
Kay: It could be worse.
Edgeworth: I'm afraid to find out how.
[Weddings! There is a lot of text here and we are going to skip all of it.]Kay: Bad Management. Lazy Management!
Speakers:
You're not even supposed to be in here!Quote:
"You two are looking rather smart today," Mike told the pair of them.
"Thank you," Pearl said with a smile on her face. She held onto Wocky's arm in pride.
"Especially you Wocky," added Mike. "I mean I can't believe I'm seeing you dressed so smart."
"Yeah," yawned Wocky. "Cody's got a fancy dress party tonight so wearing this is going to be convenient."
"Oh really?" Mike asked. "Who are you going as?"
"I'm going as... uhm... Sailor Moon's boyfriend," Wocky replied with a shrug.
"Tuxedo Mask!" Pearl snapped. "We were watching Sailor Moon since 3 O'Clock this morning and you're forgetting his name already. I've showed you the pictures about a thousand times..."
Kay: ...is he cosplaying at a wedding?
Phoenix: That isn't even the strangest thing that's happened all fic, though.
Kay: Yeah, I know.
Lana: I don't, but I don't think I want to.
Ema: Yeah, you don't.
Quote:
"Sorry Pearl," Wocky muttered. "You know I'm not a morning person."
Mike chuckled, then said to Pearl, "I take it that you will dressed up as Sailor Moon!"
Pearl nodded.
"That's good then."
"At least all I have to do when I get home is but then white shades on, that long hat and a cloak," Wocky thought. "Pearl's got her costume at my house."
"You two will be enjoying yourselves."
"Would you ever marry Ema?" Pearl asked. It was a simple question, but one that blew him away. The words were stuck in throat like a door unwilling to open with the right stared at Mike asking, "you wouldn't marry Ema?"
"I'm just nervous about the thought of marriage,"Mike lied.
Phoenix: Does this count as dramatic irony?
Edgeworth: If that's what you want to call something that gives me a headache.
Kay: Doesn't most of the stuff in this fic give you a headache?
Edgeworth: I think I've developed chronic migraines since this fic started.
Quote:
Lana watched her friend tip-toe
Down the aisle,
While petals curl alive
While squirrels peek inside.
Rejoice butterfly~
Wear your flames in the winter sky~
Glitter written on a wedding dress
Blending with her flesh.
Iris is marrying a phoenix by heart and soul.
Lana will take away her light.
She's the witch hunting in her sister's name.
Her vengeance takes flight!
Lana wishes
They are prepared for evening pride,
For the red bridesmaid will be another bride.
Apollo: ...well, that's the end of the chapter.
Ema: Wait, seriously? It ended with a poem?
Lana: A bad poem, at that.
[The lights come back on.]Edgeworth: At least we can leave now.
Phoenix: And this is the second-to-last part of the sporking, right?
Edgeworth: Yes. *sigh* Two more chapters of this, and maybe I'll be allowed to take a break.
Apollo: That doesn't seem very likely, Mr. Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: No, it doesn't... but after this, sporkings might start slowing down again.
Speakers:
Don't you dare wish a relapse of the Dark Age of No Sporking.Edgeworth: Don't tell me they're actually calling it that.
Speakers:
Uh, no, but...Kay: Whatever! Let's go! *smoke bombs away*
Edgeworth: It would not kill you to leave normally for once!
Lana: Speaking of leaving normally...
Ema: Yeah, let's go. Come on, Apollo.
[And so our sporkers leave. Only one part left! Wish them luck!]