Cause of death is being dummy
Gender: Female
Location: Metropolitan Atlanta
Rank: Prosecutor
Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm
Posts: 812
Hehe.
This fic is called What's There to Hide? by FE Girl 1.
I'll give it
since it can't even compete with the
last two fics I sporked but it's still pretty lame and ships Phoenix with a personality-less OC.
Today's sporkers are...
Phoenix Wright! "Just a oneshot? Rated T at that?"
Miles Edgeworth! "I'm not even in this fic. Why am I here?"
Iris! "I've heard some terrible things about this place... but if Phoenix is here, it can't be that bad."
and...
Dahlia Hawthorne being channelled by Maya Fey! We think. "This is going to be fun."
[We open up in our sporking theatre, where Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth are already seated in separate rows.]Phoenix: There's no way you were
that offended when I said-
Edgeworth: This isn't about that, Wright. It's about the fic that the Management picked.
Phoenix: Yeah? *flips through script* It's not that bad. Just over a thousand words... there's not even any slash.
Edgeworth: Meaning I'm not in it. Ask yourself, Wright: why am I here?
Phoenix: ...obviously the Management has an ulterior motive.
Edgeworth: Which is precisely why I'm sitting so far away from you.
Speakers:
The Management would like to request that Miles Edgeworth stop ruining our fun.Edgeworth: And Miles Edgeworth would like to request that the Management explain why I'm here.
Speakers:
...fine. Remember how we said that you were going to be sitting in on Phoenix Wright's punishment sporking?Both: Punishment sporking?
Speakers:
Yes, for all his rule-breaking and creepy behavior during Breathing Is A Necessity. Seriously, Phoenix Wright, that was a punishment sporking. Why did you think it was a good idea to go off like that?Phoenix: ............. *flips through script again* This fic isn't even that bad. How is-?
Speakers:
Oh yes. The punishment comes in the form of...[Two identically-dressed Irises are led into the theatre. They both smile at Phoenix.]Phoenix: Wh- Iris?!
Iris: Hello, Phoenix.
Iris: It's been a while, Phoenix.
Phoenix: Wait, why are there two o- don't tell me...
Speakers:
Yep! Oh, and remember: dying in the sporking theatre is strictly forbidden!Phoenix: *groans, put head in hands*
Edgeworth: (Perhaps the best course of action here would be to ignore them and focus on the fic...)
[The two Irises sit on each side of Phoenix, and the lights dim.]Quote:
Mina got up from her seat as she paid for her meal in the bar where the well-known former lawyer, Phoenix Wright, was said to play piano and poker. She always went there to listen to him play,
Edgeworth: Hm. "Was said to play" makes it sound as though she isn't sure if Wright would be there in the first place.
Phoenix: So, um, which one of you is Iris and which one is Dahlia?
Iris: We're not supposed to tell which is which.
Iris: I'm really sorry, Phoenix...
Iris: It's just that we've heard about the terrible fic that you and Mr. Edgeworth just got punished with...
Iris: We were afraid that if we broke the rules, the Management might find a fic like that that involves us.
Iris: Sorry...
Phoenix: (...this is going to be a loooong sporking. Assuming I survive.)
Quote:
even though he doesn't play well, but nonetheless enjoys listening anyways. The young woman would always get to talk to him when he doesn't have to play piano and poker and they got pretty close for the past few months since they met.
Iris: You make friends easily, don't you, Phoenix?
Phoenix: ...
Iris: Um, do you not want to answer her?
Phoenix: I'm kind of afraid of what would happen if I did.
Both Irises: ...
Quote:
After a matter of time, MIna began to develop feelings for the man, but would try to deny it so it couldn't ruin their friendship.
Edgeworth: Mm. Raise your hand if you didn't see this coming.
Phoenix: Sorry, but what's going on in the fic?
Iris: Isn't not paying attention against the rules?
Iris: And aren't you already in a punishment sporking?
Iris: I wish that the Management wouldn't use us to punish you...
Iris: I'm sorry, Phoenix.
Phoenix: (I am going to go insane.)
Quote:
As she was about to leave, a voice behind her asked, "You're leaving without saying anything to me?"
She didn't bother turning. She knew who was talking to her.
Edgeworth: That's rude of her.
Iris: Phoenix deserves better...
Iris: To be fair, doesn't this OC not have a personality?
Iris: Yes... is that right, Phoenix?
Phoenix: W-What?
Iris: You have the script.
Iris: Does the OC have a personality?
Phoenix: ...no?
Iris: You deserve better, Phoenix...
Quote:
"I felt you were busy, so...I didn't want to bother you," she meekly spoke, "but I'll be back tomorrow."
Edgeworth: He clearly can't be all that busy if he's bothering this Mina woman about her
not interrupting him.
Iris: ...are you okay, Feenie?
Iris: You look pretty pale.
Phoenix: Um...
Iris: Oh, is it because you don't know which one of us is Dahlia...
Iris: ...and which one of us is the real Iris?
Phoenix: ...
Iris: Don't worry, Feenie.
Iris: As long as the Management's here, you'll be safe.
Phoenix: (More like as long as the Management's here, I'm doomed...)
Quote:
When she was about to walk away, Phoenix grabbed her wrist firmly, stopping her. "I'm afraid you're not going anywhere until you tell me a good reason why you're leaving without a word," he firmly said to her.
Edgeworth: ...I assume fic-Wright thinks that there is some sort of problem in the OC's life.
Iris: He's very kind like that.
Phoenix: (Can I assume the one complimenting me is the real one? No, it could still be Dahlia...)
Iris: Feenie?
Iris: Maybe some grape juice would help...?
Phoenix: No, no, no, I am not drinking anything in here. Ever again. I value my life.
Both Irises: ...
Phoenix: (This place will be the death of me.)
Quote:
After what seemed to be several minutes without a reply from her, he pulled her through the bar and went down the stairs towards the game room where he plays poker.
Edgeworth: So they just stood there for several minutes in the middle of a bar...? And she thought Wright was
busy?
Iris: Well, it does just say that it "seemed to be" several minutes...
Edgeworth: Is the OC's perception of time flawed somehow?
Iris: Well, Mr. Edgeworth...
Iris: Isn't this a shipping fic? Between Phoenix and this Mina woman?
Iris: Yes, it is, isn't it?
Iris: Sometimes, when you're in love...
Phoenix: Can we not have this conversation here?
Iris: If you say so, Feenie.
Iris: Of course, Feenie.
Phoenix: ... *gets up, sits next to Edgeworth instead*
Edgeworth: If they follow you, Wright...
Phoenix: I'm just trying not to get killed here.
Quote:
Opening the door, he pulled her inside, walked in, closed the door, and locked it. Phoenix then turned to face her, leaned on the door, and crossed his arms, giving her a look that said, 'You better talk or I won't let you leave" on his face.
Iris: That's kind of creepy, Feenie.
Phoenix: (Yeah, you're one to talk. ...maybe.)
Quote:
Sighing, MIna spoke, "Ok, I'll confess. I've been having these...feelings lately and I didn't want you to know about them,
All: *no commentary*
Speakers:
...if no one's going to make an "unnecessary feelings" joke here, then we will.Edgeworth: I wasn't aware that the Management was supposed to participate in sporkings.
Speakers:
It's a punishment sporking. We can get away with anything.Phoenix: ...nice save, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: Shh.
Quote:
so I thought leaving could make them go away, but..."
"Go on..." Phoenix urged, grinning slowly.
"But, I still come here cause I love to hear you play and I enjoy talking to you when you have the time..."
"And...?" Phoenix began to slowly walk towards her.
Iris: That's still pretty creepy, Feenie.
Phoenix: You should have seen me in the last fic in here.
Iris: Really? What happened there?
Iris: Wasn't that that really awful one where about half of it had to cut out?
Iris: I don't think they want to talk about it...
Iris: Oh. *short pause* Sorry...
Quote:
"And I came to realize...that I'm in love with you," Mina finally confessed, a deep red blush appearing on her soft cheeks.
Phoenix grinned more as he got her against the wall, his hand on the left side of her head as he looked into her hazel eyes, with his other free hand tucking some of her light brown hair behind her ear. "You know, that's a good reason, but you know...I've fallen in love with you too.
Edgeworth: Once again... raise your hand if you didn't see this coming.
Iris: Huh... Feenie just falling in love like that...
Iris: Well, it-
Phoenix: I'm just going to stop this conversation here, okay?
Both Irises: Okay, Feenie.
Phoenix: (...somebody please send help.)
Edgeworth: Surely you've realized the hopelessness of your situation, Wright.
Phoenix: I'm pretty sure it's your job to make sure I don't die.
Edgeworth: Mm.
Quote:
You're different from the other women I've met
Edgeworth: ...because all of the other women he's met have actual personalities.
Quote:
and at least you're not a woman who wants to kill me."
Both Irises: ...
Phoenix: W-Well it is true. ...can you tell me which one is the real Iris yet?
Iris: Sorry.
Iris: We'd love to, but...
Iris: The Management thinks that would ruin the fun.
Iris: Yes, the fun of you not knowing which one of us is the one who wants to kill you...
Iris: It could be either of us... I'm sorry, Feenie.
Iris: I'm sorry, too...
Quote:
Mina asked, "R-Really?"
"And you want to know something?"
"Wh-what is it?"
Phoenix leaned in to where his lips were next to her ear as he whispered, "I always looked forward to seeing you every night."
Edgeworth: Considering he's already confessed his love, this should be a given.
Iris: I don't know, Mr. Edgeworth.
Iris: It's always nice to hear things like that from the one you love.
Phoenix: Could only one of you look at me at a time? Thanks.
Quote:
He pulled away to look at her again. "Now we both have nothing to hide from each other anymore..."
Tears of joy began to well in her eyes as Mina softly said, "Ph-Phoenix..."
"Nick...Call me Nick..." Phoenix whispered softly, his lips hovering over hers.
All: *no commentary*
Edgeworth: ... *elbows Phoenix*
Phoenix: What? Oh. Um, since when do I actually
ask people to call me Nick?
Iris: You certainly didn't ask me to call you "Feenie", I guess...
Iris: That was pretty difficult to explain to Dahlia.
Phoenix: ... (Okay, now I'm even more confused.)
Quote:
"N-Nick...I love you so much..." the young woman whispered, the tears falling down her cheeks.
Gently kissing her tears away, the formor attorney softly spoke, "I love you too...more than anything...and I'll do everything in my power to make sure you stay happy."
Edgeworth: And what, pray tell, is a "formor attorney"?
Phoenix: ...I think you're running out of jokes, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: At least I'm making jokes, as opposed to staring at Iris and Dahlia and sweating profusely...
Quote:
After those words, their lips finally met in a soft and gentle kiss. There were no fireworks or any of that cliche stuff that happens in moments like this.
Edgeworth: Funny how this fic should bring up cliché...
Iris: At least no one's setting off fireworks in the building.
Quote:
It was just a simple kiss and it felt so right to them. They pulled away for air just for a brief moment before they shared a warm, passionate kiss. Mina wrapped one arm around his neck while her free hand went through his black hair, making his beanie hat fall to the floor, but Phoenix didn't care at all.
Iris: Oh, but I liked the beanie.
Iris: I thought it was cute.
Iris: Yes, cute...
Iris: Like the sweater, um, we made for him.
Iris: That was a very cute sweater...
Iris: Do you still have it, Phoenix?
Phoenix: I plead the fifth.
Quote:
He put one arm around the small of her back while the other hand cupped a hand on her cheek. Moments later, he licked her bottom lip as to ask for permission, which she gladly accepted.
Edgeworth: Honestly, Wright. What are you, a dog?
Phoenix: You realize I'm only half-paying attention to the fic right now?
Edgeworth: Yes. I realize that.
Quote:
His tongue slid into her mouth and began to explore her mouth, earning a soft moan from the young woman. They fought for dominance when her tongue found his,
Iris: Well, I suppose that is one way to describe a kiss...
Iris: Assuming the author wanted it to sound exactly like every other bad fanfic out there...
Iris: Maybe they wanted to fit in?
Phoenix: ...wait a minute. *stands up, points* You! Iris on the left!
Iris on the left: Yes?
Phoenix: How do you know that description is frequently used in bad fanfiction?
Iris on the left: I, er...
Phoenix: Because you've never been in the sporking theatre before...
Iris on the left: No... I'm afraid I haven't...
Iris on the right: But, neither has Dahlia...
Phoenix: That is true, but...
Dahlia is used as a rating for extremely bad fanfiction!Both Irises: !
Phoenix: Therefore, the "Iris" that knows more about badfic... would actually be Dahlia!
Iris on the left: .......hmph. *does the hair thing* Well played, "Feenie".
Iris: I'm sorry, Phoenix.
Dahlia: You should be. Ruining all my fun, as always.
Iris: We're not going to punished for this, are we...?
Speakers:
Nah, Phoenix Wright figured it out himself.Dahlia: And as if the Management could punish me.
Speakers:
...hmph.Quote:
Phoenix obviously winning as he ran his hand that was on her cheek now going under her shirt, feeling her bare skin. Mina softly gasped as she felt this, feeling shivers go down her spine.
Iris: ...this is T-rated, right?
Edgeworth: Yes, this is the most explicit it gets.
Dahlia: Meh. It's boring.
Edgeworth: ...it's also very near the end of the fic.
Phoenix: (Which can't possibly come a moment too soon...)
Quote:
"Ngh...N-Nick..." she moaned out.
Phoenix grinned once again and then began to plant gentle kisses on her neck. Mina moved her head a bit to gain him more access, which he happily accepted. After what seemed to be an eternity to them, they pulled away and Nick sat down on the floor, holding Mina in his arms as she sat on his lap, placing her head on his shoulder.
Reaching out a hand and stroking his stubbed cheek, Mina gently said, "I think someone is gonna be due for a shave."
Dahlia: I don't know about that. At least the awful-looking stubble at least partly obscures his stupid-looking face.
Iris: Dahlia...
Phoenix: (As long as she's still looking at the screen, I should be fine.)
Quote:
"You think so? Well, maybe I'll do that when I get home," the man spoke with a hearty chuckle. "So, let's say you and I go to my place and tell Trucy about us. She'll be thrilled to know her Daddy is dating her future Mommy."
Edgeworth: Isn't it a little soon to be thinking about marriage?
Iris: I remember how we used to talk about marriage...
Phoenix: Uh...
Dahlia: ...you talked about what.
Iris: Well, nothing came of it, but...
Dahlia: ..............
Quote:
"Even though I can never replace her actual mother," Mina said with another giggle.
"Well, things are gonna turn out for the best in the future..." Phoenix whispered before pulling her into another soft kiss.
Edgeworth: Yes, the future - where this forgettable OC will ultimately be forgotten.
Phoenix: That's about par for the course.
Iris: Yes...
[The lights come back on, and Phoenix immediately jumps up.]Phoenix: Well, Iris, it was nice seeing you again, but-
Iris: You could visit me in prison sometime.
Dahlia: Don't act as if he actually cares.
Iris: But he...
Phoenix: I - I'll be sure to drop by soon.
Dahlia: Yes.
That seems likely.
Iris: ...Dahlia...
Speakers:
Iris and Dahlia Hawthorne's escorts will be arriving shortly.Dahlia: Hmph. I'm not going anywhere.
Iris: I'm pretty sure Maya needs her body back...
Edgeworth: Wait, are you sure it's Maya? I can't believe she would agree to such a thing.
Iris: I... well, I just assumed.
Phoenix: I don't think I want to know. Come on, Edgeworth.
[Phoenix practically drags Edgeworth out of the theatre, leaving Dahlia and Iris to await their escorts.]Iris: ...good show, Iris.
Dahlia: Thank you for not hurting Feenie, Dahlia...