Maya: Hey, at least this chapter title isn't misspelled!

Franziska: That hardly is accountable compared to the utter chaos that this entire piece of work is.

Phoenix: So, is it just me, or is this title a lot creepier than it's probably meant to be?

Edgeworth: It's not just you. Everything about it, down to the incessant capitalization, brings ill omen...



Maya: Wow, so it's like a double date, but with marriage!

Phoenix: Congrats to the happy couples, I guess...

Edgeworth: I wouldn't use "happy" in such a context, Wright.

Franziska: Has anyone truly yet to question why these marriages take priority over the capture of escaped fugitives!?

Phoenix: It's a romance plot. Of course that's how it always goes.

Maya: Happy weddings deserve all the celebration, ya know!

Edgeworth: Again, I have to disagree with your use of "happy" there...

Franziska: ...I'm speaking to a foolish crowd of foolish fools who've fooled themselves into further tomfoolery.



Phoenix: Say, do we actually get music in here?

Maya: Sometimes, I think.

Speakers: Honestly, I'm surprised we don't more often! At the very least, we should complement the author's taste in music.

Huh? So, uh, are we supposed to put it on or what, dude?

Well, you would do better to make yourself useful, so how about you get to it?

...Fine, here.



Maya: Yeah, you tell them, Mr. fic-Edgeworth!

Phoenix: "Ojbection"? You'd think he'd at least have the decency to get that one word right.

Edgeworth: Yes, let's just set aside that for once, the author is actually progressing the story.

Maya: Huh? That's not a complaint coming from you, Mr. real-Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: We're bound to have come full circle.

Phoenix: (...Wow, I'm actually starting to feel bad for mocking him. Just a bit.)

Franziska: Actually, I'm more surprised this author managed to keep all the last names intact in this particular segment... not that it means much.



All: ...

Edgeworth: *aneurysm*

Phoenix: Uh, Edgeworth? You're kinda... drooling.

Maya: Quick, Nick! Change the subject!

Phoenix: Uh, yeah... (But to what!? I have no id-) Yeow!

Franziska: You're so sluggish when it comes to improvisation! Follow after me: "What kind of foolish fool would foolishly let himself be so foolishly kicked in the head!?"

All else: ...

*crack*

Phoenix: Aaagh! Would you stop that!?

Franziska: If I'm going to publicly humiliate myself by uttering such a line, then at least have the respect to follow up on it!

Edgeworth: I-it's alright, Franziska. I... I should be fine now.

Maya: You sure? We could have her whip Nick a third time.

Phoenix: OBJECTION! Don't I have a say in this!?

Franziska: *pulls it taut* You should know the answer to that by now.

Phoenix: ... *whimper*



Maya: Woohoo! Justice is served!

All else: ...

Maya: What? I would have done the same.

Phoenix: (What? You mean the staring? It's not like you know how to use computers...)

Speakers: Well, that's simply embarrassing. I'm just a bit let down it was that easy.

Dude, I should be the one who's complaining! I mean, where's my scene of awesomeness?

That's obvious, isn't it? You simply don't have one.

...

Maya: Yeowch, that's gotta sting.

Phoenix: (Not gonna lie; that was pretty satisfying to hear.)



Speakers: Ah-hahaha! This childish display of flailing reminds me of how Worthy looked when I first brought up his history with forged evidence.

Edgeworth: Grk...

Franziska: Keep yourself together, Miles Edgeworth. Would something that petty really bring you to falter?

Edgeworth: No... Gant isn't the issue here.

Franziska: The embarrassing fall, then? We've seen much worse, though.

Edgeworth: It's not that either...

Franziska: Then, what!?

Maya: ...Maybe "Eggworth"? *grin*

Phoenix: *grin* It sure explains why he'd suddenly trip like that...

Edgeworth: Get that idiotic image out of your minds right now!

Maya, Phoenix: *laughing fit*

Franziska: ...I see. As egregious as that typo is, it's an amusing image, to be honest.

Edgeworth: Why are YOU going along with this!?



Edgeworth: And you, author! Don't bother justifying yourself by reminding us of that pointless plot point we were better off without!

Speakers: Ahahaha! Atta-boy, Worthy! You sure told them!

Edgeworth: Grr...



Edgeworth: Stop that self-inserted commentary and get on with it!

Phoenix: (Yeesh, one moment he's having an aneurysm; the next, he's the loudest one here. Overreacting would be an understatement...)



Edgeworth: ...And now you've just crossed the line.

Phoenix: How many has that been now?

Edgeworth: The rest are irrelevant. I'm talking about making one of the worst mistakes in fiction writing, period.

Maya: Including David Cameron?

Phoenix: Or the national emergency that doesn't apply to him?

Franziska: I'd personally opt for my very introduction into this mess.

Edgeworth: ...Try as you might, we can't avoid the most pressing issue here.

Franziska: Bah. Mistaking your subordinate's character is practically the standard set by this trash heap of a fanfic.

Edgeworth: But why include him at all!? If this suggests anything, we're bound to see him again in this same theater for the next session...

Phoenix: Edgeworth, just let it go. When that time comes, he'll deal with it as we always have.

Edgeworth: Ugh...

Maya: ...I still say it's David Cameron.



*whip-crack*

Franziska: ...Now I understand what you were so worried about, Miles.

Edgeworth: Do you now?

Speakers: Whoa, there! I'm only warning you this once, Ms. von Karma. Whipping the screen is still prohibited.

Franziska: Hmph. You'll be second-guessing yourself to think I would let such trifling things get to me.

Phoenix: (If I recall, the last time you had your whip taken was a pretty traumatizing time for you...)

Maya: ...Wow. It's even sadder to think that we've met someone who actually talks like that.

Phoenix: No, Maya. We don't talk about him, ever.



Maya: ...Is it me, or is this fic's spelling actually improving over the course?

All else: It's just you.

Franziska: Honestly, it feels as if these mistakes are being forced in as the author continues.

Phoenix: Huh? You mean you only noticed it now?

Franziska: Did you say something, Phoenix Wright?

Phoenix: ...Um, so, what's with these politicians making it in anyway?

Edgeworth: I'd rather question why I have to go with Godot of all people.

Phoenix: (Would you rather go with Franziska?)

Franziska: Don't fool yourself into thinking you're safe in your thoughts! Your face says everything.

Phoenix: ...At least let me think in peace.



All: Oh, no.

Phoenix: Of course... every bad fic just has to have an "original" character to spoil everything.

Edgeworth: Considering how spoiled everything is already, it wouldn't make a difference.

Maya: Well, we could try to have some hope that it WILL make some difference.

Franziska: Impossible, especially with the way the author insists it through this last comment. But at least we're finally done with this chapter.

Phoenix: What's with all the secrecy, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: It may have just been a metaphor, but after considering it, it's become all the more likely.

Maya: You're still not making sense, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I'm talking about the management's "glitch", and it hasn't happened just this time either.

Franziska: Glitch? You don't really mean to take their word literally, do you?

Edgeworth: I'd prefer not to, but I can't overlook the possibility that they did mean it literally. Wright, you recall that one session where the management played around with voice alteration technology, yes?

Phoenix: I can't really forget it. It was a mess all the way through; the fic and the lack of management.

Maya: Huh? When was this?

Franziska: I'd like to know too.

Edgeworth: You two weren't present for that session, so it's natural you wouldn't know. But, in short, they acted the roles of many different characters and people we know.

Maya: Many? Like how many?

Phoenix: Too many.

Edgeworth: Therefore, we can assume they have access to all sorts of audio and voice data. And given that they even have the government backing up their funds, it's no surprise they'd have power to abuse.

Franziska: Tch, I still can't believe the government would support this torture for their viewing pleasure.

Edgeworth: That does bring up many questions, but there's something more important to consider. Just what time period are we set in?

Maya: 2019/2020, right? Well, you two are probably from 2026 or something.

Edgeworth: Obviously, if such physics-breaking technology actually existed to merge different timelines, we wouldn't be trapped in this predicament.

Maya: But the management's the one oppressing us with all that tech.

Edgeworth: Yes, but they shouldn't be able to. It's something only possible in fiction, where there are no physical bounds or laws.

Phoenix: Wait a minute, Edgeworth... You aren't saying what I think you're saying, are you?

Maya: What? What is he saying? I still don't get it.

Edgeworth: It's as you think, Wright. Isn't it possible we've been secluded into a virtual reality?

Franziska: W-what? A virtual reality...?

Maya: You mean like in the movies and fics!?

Edgeworth: ...Yes, like in the movies and fics.

Phoenix: Whoa... I've always had it at the back of my mind, but coming right out with it is kinda... It's a lot to take in.

Franziska: Miles Edgeworth! Do you really claim that my whip is in fact nothing but data in some arbitrary digital medium!? Even after this!?

*crack*

Phoenix: Oww! (Why me...!?)

Edgeworth: ...Yes. Even after that.

Phoenix: Argh... If everything's virtual, then it sure feels real...

Edgeworth: But sensations don't always indicate reality. In a virtual reality as detailed as this one, it's not unreasonable to assume that any sensations we experience here are not actually affecting us in person.

Phoenix: Does this mean your aneurysm earlier was just a figment of your imagination?

Edgeworth: For your information, Wright, I did not actually have an aneurysm! Why would I still be standing here if I had!?

Maya: I dunno, but Nick's gotten out of worse things.

Edgeworth: Leave that to his dumb luck.

Phoenix: Why does it have to be "dumb" luck? Why can't it just be "good" luck!?

Franziska: Because you're undeniably a fool to think he'd suffer an aneurysm from watching these low-budget disasters.

Phoenix: I... No, forget that. If we're all just trapped in some virtual reality, how do we get out?

Edgeworth: ...I haven't figured out a solution to that problem yet, unfortunately.

Maya: So... if I'm not actually hungry right now even though I sure feel like it, do we still need to eat?

Phoenix: Yeah, I'm pretty sure we do... I mean, that's what the feeling of hunger is supposed to do, right?

Maya: Hmm... then maybe I'll try the super spicy chili dogs from Weinersnitz, just to see if I'll still get a really nasty kick out of it and wake up from some long, deep coma.

Phoenix: ...Don't complain to me later when you don't.

Franziska: *sigh* So in the end, we're back on square one. If this truly is a virtual reality and we're all trapped within it, we've come no closer to solving this conundrum. If anything, it brings up even more questions.

Edgeworth: Whatever the situation actually is, in the end, we don't seem to have an effect from where we are. The only choice we have by this point is the accept anything that comes...

Maya: Wait, I've got it! Maybe the virtual reality is actually only in this theater, which doesn't actually exist!

Phoenix: That's way too hopeful, even for you.

Maya: But think about it: the only place where all these weird things happen is in this theater. That means I probably should just stick with the mildly spicy chili dog...

Phoenix: (Just go with whatever you want to eat! It doesn't have anything to do with the rest of us!)

[And now, our sporkers finally take their leave. They'll be returning soon enough, but until then, we'll be AFS (away from speculation).]

Franziska: Ugh. I rather enjoyed my time away from this monstrosity...

Edgeworth: At least the author seems to have finally acquired a barely adequate grasp on the English language.

Franziska: Don't even joke about that, Miles.

Edgeworth: (I wish I was...)

Blackquill: ...So, am I to expect that I make an appearance in this fanfic?

Edgeworth: The author mentioned your name in the last chapter, so I'd assume you will.

Blackquill: ...Perhaps it was a good idea for Taka to stay with Athena for a while.


Maya: Maybe 'cause Mr. Gant is terrible as a husband because he's a drunk?

Phoenix: The last thing we need now is the picture of them in an abusive relationship, Maya.

Blackquill: Dare I even ask why they're in a relationship at all?

Phoenix: Even if you were here last time, you still wouldn't understand, trust me.

Maya: Or the time before, when we all saw the first part.


All: ...

Franziska: Such a shame. Why would they even be interested in reproducing after they've been named wanted fugitives?

Phoenix: ...Er, right. (Is she just trying to avoid the obvious now...?)

Maya: Yeah! You'd think they'd have at least gone off the radar for a few years before thinking about settling down with a family.

Edgeworth: Who knows? Perhaps a few years have already past, and I'm no longer interested in chasing them.

Maya: That's probably for the best. *munch* You do have that old lady to-

Edgeworth: Maya, don't talk with your mouth full.

Maya: *gulp* As I was saying, you do have-

Edgeworth: In fact, don't talk any more about that.

Maya: ...Hmph. *nom*


Phoenix: *spit-take*

Maya: A Seahorse Virus!?

Franziska: What in the name of foolishness!?

Phoenix: No, Ms. von Karma, I'm pretty sure it's ALL in the name of "foolishness"...

Maya: How does a virus even make men pregnant?

Edgeworth: No virus could. Males of any species simply don't have the body structure to contain a fetus. If they could, they would no longer be considered "male".

Phoenix: Perhaps it's actually a cover for some sort of secret sex-change program?

Blackquill: Spare us your impossible tales, Wright-dono. The government wouldn't need such a program if such operations are already available to the public.

Maya: Besides, Nick, it's a virus to impregnate men, not genderbend them!

Phoenix: Uh, yeah... ("Genderbend", huh...)


Franziska: Argh! Will no one stop these fools from their foolish actions!?

Edgeworth: Don't look at me.

Maya: Don't worry, Ms. von Karma. I'm sure fic-Edgeworth will come to save the day again!

Edgeworth: Maya...

Franziska: ...That's far from comforting, considering.


All: ...

Maya: Suddenly, I'm not very hungry.

Phoenix: I guess that "..." was a scene change, but... wow, the film production really took the "gross" seriously.

Franziska: *wrenches whip* Ugh! All that saliva... Someone get that off the screen already!

Blackquill: ...*twitch*

Edgeworth: ...Hang in there, Blackquill.


All: ...

Maya: Wow, I wouldn't have guessed. The actor pulled off the disgu-

*whip crack at screen*

Franziska: MANAGEMENT!!

Speakers: ...

Franziska: Do you think you're all so clever!? Do you!?

Phoenix: (Actually, it's the author's fault, but I shouldn't speak up now...)

Franziska: Say something, you moronic mob!

Edgeworth: ...Hmm? (Why aren't they saying anything...?)


Blackquill: Grk...! So I still am involved...

Franziska: It's not much, but that moment is finally over...

Maya: Wow, it's not everyday we'd see Mr. Blackquill with a real katana.

Phoenix: Well, considering that it'd be illegal to carry around a weapon in broad daylight...

Maya: But he's a samurai, isn't he? Samurai always carry swords.

Phoenix: Well... (Thinking about it, how DID he cut my hair?)


Phoenix: ...Wow. *sip*

Maya: Wow is right! I've never seen someone fly that far by getting kicked in the shin! He was cart-wheeling and everything!

Phoenix: Kinda disappointing, really. I would have expected something to explode.

Edgeworth: What is there TO explode?

Phoenix: Er... his limbs?

Maya: Ew! Nick!

Edgeworth: ...Figures, coming from you.

Phoenix: Y-yeah, that was bad...


All: ...

Maya: Um... "smooched so hard that the whole city was woken up"?

Phoenix: So, something DID explode?

Franziska: It will soon be my whip exploding on you if you don't shut up already!

Phoenix: Y-yes, ma'am! Sorry! (S-she doesn't mean it literally, right?)


All: ...

Phoenix: I actually forgot they were in here too.

Maya: Erm... congrats to them, I guess.


Phoenix: Oh, so that's what they're still here for.

Maya: Wow, that Gant guy turned super terrorist!

Edgeworth: Assuming the author really meant for him to rush in without a disguise, that's simply insulting.

Phoenix: To the security?

Maya: Nah, to the Muslims, right? For shame.

Edgeworth: ...Yes.

Phoenix: What about the security, then?

Edgeworth: Clearly, Obama and Cameron are on their own.

Franziska: To think the virus program was THAT secret...

Blackquill: ...This is why authors should not take on fan requests.

Maya: Aw, but it's more fun that way!

Blackquill: You think this is fun?

Maya: ...Well, maybe not here, specifically.


Maya: Wait... wait wait wait.

Phoenix: What what what?

Maya: So... Obama Jr. was born with a helmet?

Phoenix: ...Uh, safety first, right?

Franziska: Have you two finally snapped?

Edgeworth: Leave them, Franziska. They'll recover eventually.

Franziska: They're not the ones I'm concerned about!

Maya: Well, drat.

Phoenix: I thought that teleporter was out of order! How'd we get back here?

All else: *glare*

Franziska: *readies whip* Did you really think you could abandon us here?

Phoenix: Um... I-it was an experiment for a good cause.

Maya: Y-yeah, what he said...

Both: *whipped* Yeowch!


Edgeworth: Oh, for the love of... I'm still not out of this!?

Franziska: And why would you be if I'm not?

Maya: It kinda reminds me of those old secret op corps.

Phoenix: Except with Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: ...At least let that old lady be gone. PLEASE let that old lady be-


Edgeworth: Urgh! *penalty boom*

Franziska: *grin*

Blackquill: ...Hang in there, sir.

Edgeworth: Th-thank you, Blackquill. I'll manage.

Maya: With a gun, apparently.

Edgeworth: ...

Blackquill: Fey-dono...

Maya: Urp. S-sorry.


Phoenix: Oh my... what in the world!?

Maya: Nooo! Not the old bag! Now fic-Edgey won't have a partner anymore!

Edgeworth: ... (Thank goodness.)

Franziska: ..."Gantgarde"...?


Franziska: I could tell that just by looking at him, you... you author!

Phoenix: ("Author" is now an insult?)

Maya: I'd rather go with "fanfic author".

Phoenix: Okay, that's definitely an insult...


Maya: Aw, he's so crushed.

Phoenix: I dunno... that face he made was pretty hilarious, actually.

Edgeworth: Wright, would you like to put yourself in such a position?

Phoenix: Huh? No, of course not.

Edgeworth: I'm sure Blackquill won't hesitate to stuff that bottle up your nose.

Phoenix: ...O-okay, you got me. (First Franziska, and now Blackquill...)


Phoenix, Maya: *restraining from laughing but failing*

Edgeworth: Franziska, if either of them let out a single laugh, go ahead and whip them.

Franziska: Hmph. Why would you think I'd follow you? I'm sure Simon Blackquill would be glad to oblige.

Blackquill: If you must know, von Karma-dono, I am no one's servant...

Edgeworth: In any case, we mustn't let the culprits escape. That's the obligation of any prosecutor.

Phoenix: (C-culprits? We're not the criminals here!)


All: W-what!?

Franziska: Even my father is here!?

Edgeworth: No matter what the situation, the very mention of that name is never good news...


Maya: Oh, ouch.

Phoenix: Don't worry. He'll be fine.

Maya: Well, since he survived a fatal car crash on the highway, this must have been a real nasty fall.

Phoenix: Probably fell 30 stories, even.

Edgeworth: Fic-me certainly has become brain-damaged after that incident.

Blackquill: Ah, that explains a lot.

Franziska: If only the author could have stated it clearly...


All: NO!

Franziska: How dare you, you boorish buffoon with the backside of a baboon!? Erase this! Erase this from all records!

Edgeworth: Even among crack fics, no sane mind would dare pair up THESE two!

Blackquill: This isn't even amusing in the least... only insulting in every manner possible!

Phoenix: Th-the image... the image...!

Maya: Ew, ew, ew! Get it out! Get it out!

Speakers: VIEWERS, MAINTAIN ATTENTION ON SCREEN.

All: ...


Franziska: Foolish! Utter nonsense! He was adopted!

Maya: Was that just the Wilhelm scream?

Phoenix: How appropriate.

Edgeworth: ...


All: ...

Phoenix: That was easy.

Maya: Almost too easy...

Edgeworth: ...You're right, Maya. There certainly should have been a battle between the two, so we would be rid of that abomination once and for all.

Phoenix: Uh... you mean the von Karma ripoff?

Edgeworth: No, the ripoff of me.

Phoenix: (...You're that desperate, huh?)


Franziska, Edgeworth: WHAT!?

Franziska: This author is truly despicable! They just write that in because they felt annoyed at school!?

Edgeworth: ...If this truly is a troll, I have to admit they're doing their job well.

Phoenix: ...It must be hard to always be so annoying.

Franziska: Speak for yourself, foolish fool.

Phoenix: Hey! It's not like I go around annoying people on purpose!

Maya: Yeah, that's my job, and I only do it with Nick!

Phoenix: ...At least you're honest.

Blackquill: ...Good riddance. Now I shouldn't return.

Edgeworth: We can only hope the author doesn't forget...

All: ...

Maya: Uh-oh. The authors are starting to become aware.

Phoenix: I-I guess that means this theater is doing well?

Edgeworth: To our utmost dismay, at that...

Maya: But now that I think about it, we've come SOOO far... in a way, it's kinda like an accomplishment!

Phoenix: Maya, there are some accomplishments that aren't good. This is one of them.


Edgeworth: W-what? Now I'M the threat to the nation!?

Phoenix: Aw, you should be glad! Your fake is finally going to be killed!

Edgeworth: If I was going to be killed somehow, then at least leave me with a good name!

Maya: Well, being like "The Incredibles" is pretty incredible, I'd think.

Blackquill: Rather, that the author would admit to "forgetting" about their own story is incredible in its own way...


Phoenix: The guilt finally got to him.

Maya: What guilt?

Phoenix: I'm not sure, but I think it's the guilt from starring in this story.

Edgeworth: In that case, why hasn't my character done the same yet?

Franziska: Or mine?

Blackquill: ...*smirk*

Franziska: What are you smirking about?


Blackquill: W-what!?

Franziska: *smirk*

Edgeworth: This was completely expected. No one seems to stay dead.

Maya: Really? Then, maybe Oldbag actually-

Edgeworth: Except her.

Maya: Hm, I wouldn't count it.

Edgeworth: Actually, Maya, didn't you hear the narrator? This is the last available chapter. She won't be appearing anymore, as long as the author won't return.

Maya: ...! Ooohh... Wow, as expected of you, Mr. Edgeworth!


Phoenix: Uh... yeah, I guess it is a "twist".

Maya: More like a reflection. See? The word was spelled backwards!

Franziska: It's as ridiculous as your theories, Phoenix Wright. Perhaps you were the inspiration for this catastrophic piece?

Phoenix: ...Quit it already. I didn't show up in it at all, so don't put me in it.

Maya: Actually, your name was mentioned once...

Phoenix: But I didn't actually show up, so it doesn't count.

Maya: Well, my name wasn't mentioned at all, so clearly, I win this competition!

Phoenix: (Competition? For what? Pointless appearances?)


Maya: Wow, epic fail. It's like that man in black wasn't even trying.

Phoenix: Then again, we have no idea which "man in black" it is...

Edgeworth: Wright, you're thinking too logically. It's obvious everyone in this story would know who it is.

Phoenix: (Being told by Edgeworth of all people that I'm thinking "too logically". What has the world come to...?)


Phoenix: ...You don't say?

Maya: How about "I'm an idiot, but I'm desperately trying to be funny"?

Franziska: Not even close. I'd suggest, "Don't even think about taking me to be your boyfriend." It's good advice.

Blackquill: Hah! Knowing this author, he might as well ask, "How do you make a girlfriend?"

Edgeworth: Come now... it'd be a much simpler message: "I have no life."

Phoenix: ...Why do these all sound like the desperate cries of-

Maya: A duck writer? I thought so too!

Phoenix: Uh, what?

Maya: You know, 'cause he's a "quack"?

Phoenix: ...Really? We're going to end on a stupid pun?

Maya: Oh, cut me some slack. It's the end of three whole chapters.

Speakers: And just a note: the chapter is titled "The Birthday". Since it wasn't included with the draft, only on the navigation bar, we left it out in the script.

Phoenix: (Then put it in anyway! Is that really so hard?)


Phoenix: Uh... Nope. I can't remember what the heck was going on.

Edgeworth: I doubt it'd matter. This passage alone sufficiently describes what horrors await us.

Mia: All I recall is that there was a clear lack of anger management on Phoenix's part.

Phoenix: Considering it's me who's narrating, I think it's obvious just from this...

Larry: Oh, so you're the one talking here. Watch the language, man. We got such a lovely lady here with us!

Phoenix: ...Larry, just when have I ever said any swear words aloud?

Larry: ...Well, I wouldn't know if you ever do when you're alone!


Phoenix: I don't like where this is going.

Larry: What? Why not? I'd be thrilled to get palms for my birthday! Well, I wouldn't have a place for them, but...

Phoenix: Read it again, Larry. It's supposed to say "plans".

Larry: ...Sorry, man, but I can't read dyslexic.

Phoenix: (It's just a typo!)


Phoenix: Apparently, my birthday is now in August, even though it's obviously not true if you take a look in the Court Record...

Edgeworth: Our ages recorded in there don't take into account birthdays, so they simply stay as thus even after our birthdays have past.

Phoenix: ...Did you really have to argue against that?

Edgeworth: I'm just correcting a point.

Larry: Forget that, Nick. How do you "rule over" your bed?

Phoenix: I... what?

Larry: Uh... N-not that I meant it that way! I mean, whatever you do on your bed isn't my business...

Phoenix: ...What?


Phoenix: Not a lot of cars? Come on, it's L.A. There are always a lot of cars.

Mia: The logic that goes into that thought is astounding... in the worst sense.

Edgeworth: ...

Speakers: Well, if you're not going to say anything, allow me. *penalty*

Edgeworth: Ugh! W-what? Why me!? It's Wright who's narrating!

Phoenix: Could we please stop associating me with the guy on screen? Please?


Phoenix: Now that's ridiculous. I wouldn't wake up early just to go jogging for an entire hour.

All else: ...

Phoenix: ...Okay, I can get Mia and Edgeworth, but you too, Larry?

Larry: Dude, what are you saying!? I'm not a late riser!

Phoenix: Yeah, right! When have you ever gone jogging in the morning?

Larry: Of course I have! I'd do whatever I'd have to do to catch Madeline's heart!

Phoenix: ... (So, he rises up early just to chase girls. Figures.)


Phoenix: Uh, I think I'd go check if someone crashed into my door.

Edgeworth: Judging by the opening passage, it's the norm in this fic.

Phoenix: In that case, I'd need a new door every time someone comes over.


Phoenix: Okay, no! I would not sing that in the shower! I don't sing in the shower, period.

Larry: Why not, Nick? I do it all the time.

Phoenix: Because unlike you, Larry, I don't need to impress anyone with my singing.

Larry: Oh, come on! Don't just assume I'd be singing for a girl!

Edgeworth: Then for whom? The neighbor's dog?

Larry: What the heck, Edgey? Who sings for their neighbor's dog!? Is that what you really think of me!? You guys are jerks!

Phoenix: (Edgeworth's the one who said it, not me...)


Phoenix: Knowing my luck, they'll probably barge into my bathroom while I'm still washing... which sure is taking a while.

Edgeworth: Be careful with what you start, Wright.


Phoenix: Ugh... Just get out of the shower! I don't need to become a prune!

Mia: Maybe fic-you is too engrossed in his singing to come out?

Phoenix: That's the last reason I'd have to stay in my shower.


Phoenix: I knew it. They really came in.

Edgeworth: For the record, Wright, only Larry would dare do this.

Larry: Dude! I wouldn't want to see Nick naked! Who are you kidding!?


Larry: Yeow!

Mia: Oh, my.

Phoenix: ... *twitch*

Edgeworth: ...Hm? (He stepped back on that bar of soap, and yet somehow fell forward out of the shower... No! Don't question it, Miles... It'll just bring-)

*penalty*

Edgeworth: Will you stop doing that!?

Speakers: But it's tradition.

Edgeworth: No, it's my truth bar, so don't touch it!

Phoenix: (...At least you didn't have to see yourself fall on your crotch...)


Phoenix: I fell, Larry.

Larry: I saw it too, Nick! You don't need to say it again.

Phoenix: (Well, it's never clear with you...)


Phoenix: Objection!

Edgeworth: Ugh... I did not need to be reminded how "I" was in this.


Mia: "Luck ficking"?

Phoenix: I don't even want to know.


Phoenix: F-forty minutes in the shower!? Was I just singing all that time!?

Mia: Apparently.


Phoenix: No, he's right. Why does Edgeworth have to stay?

Edgeworth: Wright, don't ask questions you know the answer to.

Phoenix: ...


Phoenix: (Easy on the doors. At this rate, I'll have to replace the walls too.)


All: ...

Mia: ...It's a good thing Maya isn't here.

Larry: *whimper* She's so lucky. I wanna die and fly away like a ghost too...

Phoenix: *wince* (...That should hurt considering I just landed on it...)

Edgeworth: ...Management.

Speakers: Yes, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Go ahead and penalize me.

Speakers: But you haven't run into a logical fallacy.

Edgeworth: Considering "that" started before I was undressed, I'd think it speaks for itself!

Speakers: Hmm... well, alright.

Edgeworth: *boom* ...Thank you.


Phoenix: (This surprise trip better be worth it after what we just saw...)


Phoenix: Argh... (Spare us the teenaged Disney drama music! It's not helping!)


Phoenix: ...It's official. I'm being kidnapped.

Edgeworth: You just realized that?

Mia: Considering one of his kidnappers just raped him in the shower...

All else: Don't remind us!

Mia: ...Sorry. I was just saying it makes sense given the context.


Phoenix: Great. They've kidnapped me from my home for ransom with Hollywood stars.

Edgeworth: Wright, even if it's coming from you, that doesn't make any sense.

Phoenix: Give me a break, Edgeworth. I can't think straight right now.

Larry: Unless... wait a minute! Don't tell me, Nick actually has a girl in Hollywood!?

Mia: I doubt it, since he and Edgeworth are the couple here.

Larry: ...Whew. Maybe I'll get to pick up a few ladies for myself, then.


Edgeworth: I see we've switched to another dialect now.

Phoenix: Did he say "it's all food"?

Mia: Haha. Maya would probably say the same thing.

Phoenix: But what I mean is, it doesn't make sense.

Larry: Nah, I'm sure fic-me was saying "it's all cold", 'cause he told me to "chill", right?

All else: ...

Phoenix: Not even close.

Edgeworth: Swing and a miss, Larry. In your case, you even spun and keeled over.

Larry: Duuude! I try to make a joke and this is the thanks I get?


Phoenix: What? But, my birthday only lasts one day...

Edgeworth: I don't know, Wright. I honestly don't know.

Larry: Sure seems like a flop for your birthday, man. I mean, where are all the chicks?

Phoenix: (Avoiding us because of you, probably.)


Larry: ...You guys are the worst friends ever.

Phoenix: Larry, don't say that. You may be annoying, but we wouldn't leave you like this.

Edgeworth: If this ever happens, we'll fetch you out and report your assaulter immediately.

Mia: Now that's true friendship. You should be glad, Harry!

Larry: ...You guys are the best friends ever. *sniff*

Phoenix: (...That said, the chances of Larry getting beaten by a hobo are pretty high, and it'd probably be his fault... yikes.)


Larry: Woohoo! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

Phoenix: ...Really, Larry?

Larry: What? She's a pretty lady!

Edgeworth: ...Surprisingly, there is actually nothing wrong with this section, aside from the frequent typos.

Mia: Well, that's not going to last.


All: What?

Larry: Oh, it's Franzy! Wow, she looks so cute dressed like that!

Edgeworth: ...Franziska is always very conservative with the way she dresses.

Phoenix: Good thing she's not here, or we'd all be in for a whipping...

Edgeworth: In particular, you.

Phoenix: Why me!?

Edgeworth: You're the "narrator" of the fic.

Mia: And she wouldn't be happy that you implied she raids store shelves.

All else: ...

Phoenix: Oh, yeah. It does say "shelves", doesn't it?


Phoenix: Yes... very grateful she isn't here to see this.

Mia: ...It really does seem like this author has turned her into a shopaholic.

Phoenix: Um... what led you to that?

Mia: That misspelling of "where" seems a little more deliberate than it comes off as.

Phoenix: ...You have a point.


Larry: Dude, of all the things to say about her!

Phoenix: Yeah, she's absolutely insane sometimes, but even I would never call her dumb.

Edgeworth: ...The sad truth is that she probably would be able to catch up if she wasn't dressed in those high heels.

Phoenix: Doesn't she usually wear high heels, though?

Edgeworth: It's a different question when those heels are boots.

Phoenix: ...True.


Phoenix: I know everyone in this fic basically lost too many brain cells, but couldn't fic-me at least act a little more scared about not knowing where we're going?

Larry: But that's what makes it a surprise, Nick! You're supposed to be excited!

Phoenix: ...When was the last time I felt anything besides apprehension whenever you two have a "surprise" for me?

Edgeworth: ... *chuckle*

Phoenix: Exactly.


All: ...

Phoenix: Is this supposed to be you, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I'm certain it's supposed to be Larry.

Larry: Nah, man. It can't be me. I always call him "Nick".

Edgeworth: But even fic-me wouldn't be this obnoxious.

Phoenix: You sure about that?

Edgeworth: ...according to the narrator, at least.


Phoenix: How long have we been at Hollywood?

Edgeworth: Who knows? Clearly, the longer we stayed, the angrier you seem to get.

Phoenix: In all fairness, though, I would be pretty upset.


Phoenix: I'm afraid to ask, but down where...?

Edgeworth: Use your imagination, Wright. It's your most potent weapon.

Phoenix: Uh, right... well, I'm imagining we somehow drove into the sewers. I mean, the way the music is echoing in the pipes...

Edgeworth: On second thought, stop. I'm getting another migraine.

Phoenix: (You only have yourself to blame this time.)


Phoenix: How did I not notice that we drove into a parking garage? Was I blinded?

Mia: Fits the image of a kidnapping very well, doesn't it?

Phoenix: It's terrifying, Mia. They're probably going to drown me in the sewers and leave me there...

Edgeworth: Don't forget: the sewers were your idea.

Phoenix: Yeah, thanks...


Phoenix: Please tell me I really do break their necks and escape.

Larry: Sorry, man, but against the two of us, you're outta luck.

Phoenix: Whose side are you on!?


???: Oh, cool!

Phoenix: Please, Mia. We've all outgrown going to amusement parks... Huh?

Maya: What are you talking about, Nick? Amusement parks are for everyone!

Phoenix: ...Where were you when we were suffering?

Maya: Um, away, obviously.


Phoenix: Hey! Not to call out Gumshoe, but I'm at least doing better than him!

Edgeworth: Wright, Detective Gumshoe isn't a standard to compare yourself to.

Maya: Besides, the last I checked, Nick, you were in debt.

Phoenix: Ahem, "we" were in debt, Maya, and you're the one who spent too much on food and merchandise.

Maya: They're part of the "necessities"! I told you already!


Maya: Whoa... what have I been missing out on?

Phoenix: Everything. And you're not escaping again.

Maya: Hmph! You can't make me!


Phoenix: Exactly why I don't visit amusement parks.

Larry: Geez, man. You gotta get over your fear of heights.

Phoenix: Th-that's not the point! And w-who has a fear of heights!?

All else: ...

Maya: We all know already, Nick. You don't have to hide it.


Phoenix: If there's one thing that's done right, it's that Edgeworth doesn't have a sense of humor.

Edgeworth: ...I don't need one, especially that I'm constantly surrounded by idiots.

Phoenix: Don't look at me. I'm always the straight man.

Edgeworth: Really, now? With the way you always clown around, I could have sworn...

Maya: Mr. Edgeworth's right, Nick. You two are the fan favorite couple, after all. You're always together!

Phoenix, Edgeworth: We meant in comedy!

Maya: Sure...


Phoenix: Good idea. Maybe we can let him disappear and revive him later.

Edgeworth: Hmph. And you say YOU have a sense of humor?

Phoenix: (I'm at least funnier than you, Chuckles.)

Maya: Geez, all this time, I didn't really need to run off. It was all just a joke about how gay these two are.

Phoenix: Well, if you think that, why don't you stay for the next time we show?

Maya: Hey, I meant this fic, not any other one.


Larry: Hey, man! Don't do that! Help me up already!

Edgeworth: I'm pretty sure fic-you is unconscious by this point, so no.

Larry: Doesn't mean I have to stay down...

Phoenix: Larry, you've never been dehydrated before, have you?

Larry: Nope. It's not that bad, is it?

Phoenix: Actually, yes. It's pretty bad.


Phoenix: For once, I can actually agree with fic-me... *shudder*


Phoenix: Damn it, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Spare me your misplaced frustration, Wright. (I have enough of my own as it is.)


Edgeworth: Well, it seems fic-me has regained some level of sense.

Phoenix: Yeah, it just had to take my breakdown.

Edgeworth: No, I'm sure it's not because of that. Remember where we started the fic?

Phoenix: ...I hate it when you're right.


Maya: Why would I ever ask that?

Larry: But it's so sweet that you'd call to ask about me!

Maya: ...Er, yeah. That's why I'm wondering...


Maya: W-what's going on here?

Larry: It's true love, Maya dear! I'd know true love anywhere when I see it!

Maya: ...Nick! Why aren't you saying anything!?

Phoenix: Hm? Well, I dunno. This is actually a refreshing turn of events.

Maya: Grrr... I'm telling Sis on you!


Maya: What!? Wait, what did fic-me do!?

Edgeworth: ...Hm, so that's it.

Maya: W-what's it?

Phoenix: Oh, so he's not just dehydrated, huh?

Maya: Would you two quit it and tell me!?

Larry: Yeah! What's goin' on!?

Edgeworth: He's been drugged.

Maya, Larry: !?


Phoenix: Well, that was easy to figure out. Now I'm just wondering how Maya of all people could get her hands on drugs...

Maya: I would never!

Phoenix: Of course you wouldn't. (And you wouldn't have the money to pay for it either.)


Phoenix: Tell "them" or tell "me"?

Maya: "Me", of course! Who the heck is "them"?

Phoenix: The police.

Maya: ...Nick, that's just mean.


Phoenix: ...Heh, Maya with ADHD medication.

Maya: Oh, haha, very funny. I don't have ADHD!

Larry: Dude, neither do I. Why can't people just accept that I'm 100% natural?

Edgeworth: Larry, do you even realize what ADHD is?

Larry: Um... it was some sort of pesticide, right?

Edgeworth: ...No, that would be DDT. ADHD is a disorder, one that you don't have, fortunately for all our sakes.

Phoenix: If Larry ever got ADHD, we'd be the ones who need some pesticide...

Larry: Aw, come on. I'm not that much of a pest... sometimes.


Maya: Whoa... that sounds so wrong.

Phoenix: Tell me about it. I know when to shut my mouth when I need to.

Maya: Actually, I meant a different kind of "wrong"... like what a druggie would say.

Phoenix: Yeah, that's what I meant.

Larry: Wait, so even Nick's been taking stuff!?

Phoenix: More like everyone.

Edgeworth: That would explain everything... which means it's not the case.


Larry: Oh, I'm up already?

Phoenix: Better yet, why did you come outside just to ask that?

Larry: Why not? It's a good question.

Phoenix: No, the problem is that the doctor isn't allowing me to go in to meet you, and yet you come right out without any complaints. What gives?

Larry: ...Maybe we're cool with each other?

Edgeworth: If anything, it suggests that when he awoke, he wouldn't shut up, so the doctor simply gave in and kept quiet.

Phoenix: Are you saying LARRY coerced the doctor?

Edgeworth: Not me; the author.

Phoenix: ...That's horrifying on another level.


Phoenix: Except those nurses probably wouldn't be too happy.

Larry: Yeah, Edgey! Leave those gorgeous ladies alone. They're just doing their jobs!

Edgeworth: I'd rather point out that it's pointless to text someone when you're already calling them...

Phoenix: Yeah... unless that someone is calling someone else.

Maya: So... does that mean fic-Edgeworth kinda just blew everyone's cover instead of saving them?

Phoenix, Edgeworth: Pretty much.

Edgeworth: Of course, that's not what will happen in the fic because no one is clever enough to pick up on such details.


Maya: Welp, it looks like it's happily ever after.

Phoenix: After the stuff we sat through, it's definitely no fairy tale...

Maya: But that just gets me more curious...

Phoenix: If you want to sit through this movie again, you're welcome to do so, but without us.

Maya: ...No, thanks. I'd rather not be here all alone.


Phoenix: *sigh* It's not like he was in any danger. All he took was some medication.

Maya: It's for ADHD, though.

Phoenix: Doesn't matter if he was up and about in a matter of minutes. If anything, the doctor's the suspicious one.

Edgeworth: Wright, you really need to do something about that habit of yours.

Phoenix: What habit?

Edgeworth: Always digging further into details that don't lead you anywhere.

Phoenix: ...Sorry, Edgeworth, but I'm a defense attorney. It's kinda my job to do that.

Edgeworth: Yes... and it's the very same reason why you're such a killjoy.

Phoenix: ...Edgeworth, am I hearing you right? Did you really just crack a joke?


Phoenix: Gee, thanks. Who's the one picking at details now?

Edgeworth: I didn't say anything of the sort.

Larry: Wait, wait, wait... so am I dying or what?

Edgeworth: Didn't you hear Wright? It doesn't matter.

Larry: ...

Phoenix: In the fic. I meant in the fic.

Larry: ...Why are my friends so mean to me all the time...?

Maya: But that's what makes you guys friends, right?

Larry: Erm... I guess? Uh... now I don't know what to think...


Maya: Hey! It's not like fic-me did it on purpose! It was just an accident!

Phoenix: Yeah, fic-me needs to learn how to calm down.

Larry: What a hypocrite, right? He's the one who keeps telling fic-me to when he can't.

Phoenix: In fic-you's case, it's understandable, though. And on that thought, why couldn't fic-Edgeworth take some too?

Edgeworth: Oh, so fic-me would end up in the hospital for no good reason?

Phoenix: Yeah, well... fic-you was probably the worst of us all.

Edgeworth: ...To be fair, I'll have to agree with you on that.

Maya: Wait, really? What did fic-Edgeworth do?

All else: Don't ask.


All: No!

Maya: Isn't this a good enough ending!? You finished three parts!

Larry: And I don't wanna see poor Maya getting a can of woopahs... whatever that is, it can't be good!

Phoenix: Why can't this author just give up on this fic?

Edgeworth: That's what we all assumed, but it didn't make a difference.

Phoenix: *sigh* No doubt the Management will be right on the next one.

Speakers: Oh, you know us too well.