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Location: Spain
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Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:38 pm
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Finally my sporking is ready. Special thanks to Rubia for her help.
Today's fic is
A Winner Is You! by SuddenlyPINNEAPLEZ
Rating:
. It's not as bad as it is boring. Really, nothing happens.
And to spork it, let's welcome...
Phoenix Wright!"I thought we didn't have to do this anymore."
Athena Cykes!"I'm not going to make out with anyone this time, right?"
Apollo Justice!"You might want to reword that, Athena."
Franziska von Karma!"You'll pay for this, Management!"
and, as special guest star...
Miles Edgeworth!"..."
[
We open up in the sporking theatre. Miles Edgeworth is seating in a corner and muttering, while Athena Cykes is conversing with Franziska von Karma.]
Athena:...And that's why I work in the Wright Anything Agency.
Franziska: The fool who works for a foolish fool is the foolest of all fools.
Athena: Is that some kind of riddle?
Edgeworth: No. She's calling you 'fool'.
Athena: Well, that's not nice!
[
Suddenly, a robotic goon pushes Apollo Justice and Phoenix Wright in.]
Phoenix: Geez, they were serious about automatizing everything.
Athena: Boss! This woman is picking on me!
Apollo: You get used to it.
[
Apollo takes a seat between Franziska and Athena and Phoenix does the same next to Athena. And without further ado...YEOWCH!]
Franziska: I'll decide that!
[
Fine. And with Ms. Von Karma's permission, the lights dim and the fic starts.]
Quote:
This is an actual event that happened between me, my mom, my sister and my father, so enjoy my little stupid Mario Kart 8 story" with Ash, Pearl, Maya, and Phoenix playing the roles!
Athena: Well, if it's based on a family event, it can't be too bad.
Phoenix: Unless...
Edgeworth: Wright, please, don't.
Apollo: Wait, who's this Ash guy?
Phoenix: Are we sure it's a guy?
Athena: Maybe it's Ash from Pokemon?
Apollo: Is the fic a crossover?
Speakers:
No. According to our sources, this 'Ash' is an original character created by the author.Edgeworth: If the point of the fic is telling a personal story with us as the cast, why would anyone add an OC in?
Phoenix: You should know by now that trying to find logic in this place won't do you any good.
Quote:
"Mystic Maya! You hit me!" "Don't worry, Pearly, Ash is still in first place anyways!"
Edgeworth: Nnngh! What has to do the fact that Ash is in first place with the fact that Maya has apparently hit Pearl?
Phoenix: See? It doesn't do you any good.
Apollo: I don't think there's point in complaining about getting hit in Mario Kart. Isn't that a part of the game?
Phoenix: I can see Pearls getting mad about it, actually. If this story is settled when she was a little girl and not in the present time.
Apollo: If it were the present time, Athena and I should be there.
Athena: If I were there, I'd be in the first place instead of that Ash!
Franziska: And if I were there, neither of you would have any chance of winning.
Athena: That's what you think!
Franziska: *glares at Athena*
Athena: *glares at Franziska*
Apollo: (I don't think sitting between them is the best idea I've ever had.)
Quote:
Pearl, Maya, and Ash were playing Mario Kart 8 on Ash's Wii U. "I wish Phoenix would tell Santa to get me one of these! It'll give him time to work while I play this!"
Phoenix: So I guess we aren't getting an explanation about who's this Ash person and how do we know him enough to play videogames together.
Edgeworth: Were you expecting something else?
Franziska: Maya Fey always fools around with any fool that she meets.
Phoenix: So we've already established Ash as a fool?
Franziska: That was established the moment he was associated with the likes of you.
Apollo: I don't see how Maya playing videogames gives Mr. Wright more time to work.
Phoenix: It makes sense to me. But don't tell her that I said that.
Edgeworth: You're the last person that should complain about people wasting time at work, Wright.
Phoenix: It's not my fault that we only have a client every three months. There's a point where you can't do anything productive anymore.
Athena: Yeah, and cleaning toilets gets pretty boring after a while. Maybe we should buy a Wii U for the office.
Phoenix: Fine, but it's coming out of Apollo's pay.
Quote:
Maya threw a green shell at Peach, who was being played by Pearl. "Aha! Fourth place!" Maya watched as her character, Daisy, passed Peach and was on her way to pass the others infront of her.
"Don't think you can beat me, Maya. I am the champion, after all!" Ash said triumphantly as she raced over the finish line.
Apollo: She? So Ash is a girl after all?
Athena: That bit about the champion sounds a lot like Ash from Pokemon.
Apollo: So the OC is a genderbender ripoff of a different franchise?
Phoenix: I still don't get why the author decided to shove in an OC instead of using Gumshoe, or something.
Franziska: If Scruffy ever wastes his time playing foolish videogames with you, my whip will tell him my opinion.
Edgeworth: And he'll have to look forward to his next salary review.
Phoenix: (I don't think that would make any difference in his life.)
Quote:
"Awe! And I was so close too!" Maya whined. Soon, Peach crossed the finished line as well, in 7th place. "Awww..."
Franziska: You were in fourth place, Maya Fey. That's not close. Only the first place is to be proud off.
Edgeworth: Franziska, it's a videogame within a fic. There isn't a need to look for perfection in it. Nnngh!
Franziska: Every single part of life should be perfect, little brother.
Athena: (Little brother?)
Quote:
After they watched the highlight reel in slow motion, listening to the absurd sounds the game made while being slowed down, Phoenix walked in. "What's with all the yelling?" Maya looked over at him like he had three heads. "Phoenix, you've never played Mario Kart, have you...?"
Edgeworth: And once again, the answer has nothing to do with the question.
Apollo: I don't think that even counts as an answer.
Phoenix: Wait, why am I there? Weren't they playing on Ash's Wii U?
Athena: Maybe she invited you all to play and you were in the toilet or something.
Phoenix: But fic-me doesn't know what they're doing.
Edgeworth: Perhaps she brought her console to your office.
Athena: Carrying a home console around? That's a lot of work for a few races.
Phoenix: And somehow, I still haven't noticed. What was I doing anyways?
Apollo: I don't know how a story as simple as this can have so many plot contrivances.
Edgeworth: It's what happens when you shove original characters into our lives without any explanation.
Quote:
He looked at the game in puzzlement. "No, but I still don't see why it causes such a ruckus." Ash shook her head. "Sit down and grab a remote, now."
Phoenix: Well, you're not the boss of me.
Athena: You told her, Boss!
Franziska: They can't hear you.
Phoenix: You've done the same just a moment aYEOWCH!
Franziska: Further comments, Phoenix Wright?
Athena: Of course he has! Don't think a little whip is going to shut him up!
Phoenix: YEOWCH! Athena, please, don't speak for me.
Quote:
Giving her a skeptical look, Phoenix sat down on the couch next to Ash, picking up one of the white remotes. "Okay," Ash began to flick through the options, selecting Multiplayer, Grand Prix, and then 100, the medium level of the game, where the CUPs could still win.
Phoenix: Apparently I wasn't doing anything more important than playing videogames.
Edgeworth: At least that much is in character.
Athena: Medium level? When we have that console, we'll always select hard, right Apollo?
Apollo: I still haven't agreed to that.
Franziska: the CUPs? Of all the things the author could have failed at spelling, it has to be the acronym in caps?
Athena: Maybe it isn't an acronym, and the opponents have all cup-shaped karts.
Phoenix: That'd be a pretty weird-looking kart.
Apollo: It wouldn't really stand out much in this game.
Quote:
After Maya, Pearl and Ash had selected their characters, Ash snatched Phoenix's remote. "Which character do you want?" Scanning over the racers once, he shrugged. "You pick." Grinning evilly to herself, Ash picked the craziest of characters, Lenny, than gave it back to the confused Phoenix. "It fits him to a tee, don't 'cha think, girls?" Maya was the first to respond. "Absolutely!" She giggled.
Phoenix: How does that thing fits me?
Franziska: It has a rather strange hair.
Quote:
Pearl took a minute to look at the character. "Does this mean that Mr. Nick dyes his hair different colors...?" Ash gave her a chuckle and winked at her. "Possibly... We never know!~" (A/N Didn't actually happen, just put it in there out of stupidity)
Edgeworth: Stupidity is indeed the only explanation for that scene, because it doesn't add anything to the story.
Apollo: And why does she says that they don't know if Mr. Wright dyes his hair? Shouldn't that be obvious?
Athena: *chuckle*
Apollo: What?
Athena: I'm just imagining your hair dyed that way.
Apollo: Why me!?
Athena: Because your hair is funny.
Edgeworth: That description could be very easily applied to Wright's hair, too.
Franziska: The important part is that it was about the hair, so I was right as always.
Phoenix: Except in triaYEEOOOWCH!
Franziska: When will you learn, Phoenix Wright?
Quote:
As soon as Ash started the race, it was finished. The results for the first three races were Ash in first, Maya in fourth, Pearls in eighth, and Phoenix last.
Apollo: The results were exactly the same in the three races?
Edgeworth: Coincidences and contrivances, the population of all the fics we review here.
Franziska: Don't forget lack of proofreading.
Phoenix: And bad spelling.
Athena: And awkward grammar.
Apollo: And run-of-the-mill what-the...
Phoenix: Watch your language, Apollo.
Apollo: ...what-the-heckery.
Speakers:
Your point is made, snivelers.Quote:
"This is the stupidest game ever..." Phoenix grumbled angrily while Ash was scolding him plaufully. "You're only saying that because you're terrible at it!"
Phoenix: Well, excuse me for losing at a game I've never played in my life.
Franziska: The foolish excuse of a foolish fool.
Athena: How do you scold someone playfully?
Phoenix: Apollo, finish that paperwork right now! Then we can play with Trucy. See?
Athena: Is there anything you can't do?
Franziska: Win a case without bluffing.
Edgeworth: Keep his badge out of people sight.
Franziska: Endure whippings like a man.
Phoenix: We get it.
Apollo: Trucy always forces me to stop doing the paperwork and play with her, anyways.
Quote:
That all changed on the last round.
Athena: The plot thickens!
Apollo: I don't think I can't hold all this emotion!
Phoenix: Please, tell us what happens next!
Edgeworth: And so ends another act of the Wright Sarcasm Agency.
Franziska: Do I have to clap?
Quote:
It was the last lap and Phoenix was in the lead. "YES!" He cheered as he crossed the finish line before any of the other racers. "I won. I'm done." He dropped the remote and walked away as Ash called,"You know that I'm still first in total, right?!"
Phoenix: But I still beat you in a game I've never played and you're pretty much an expert at.
Athena: It only had taken me one race to master the game.
Franziska: And I could have done so in one lap.
Athena: But you'd never beat me, anyways.
Franziska: What did you say?
Apollo: Someone wants to change seats with me? Please?
Phoenix, Edgeworth: No.
Quote:
Now, these are the roles the characters played; Pearl: My sister, Maya: My mother, Ash: Me, Phoenix: My father.
Phoenix: Wait, that's it? That's the family event you found meaningful enough to share with the Internet? You played Mario Kart 8?
Apollo: Can you even call that story?
Edgeworth: There's a entire fiction gender about everyday events. But I refuse to call story to anything shown in this theatre.
Phoenix: I'm pretty sure you've done it lot times, though.
Quote:
Now, I do NOT ship Phoenix and Maya, I just made Maya my mother because she never wins and seeing Ash is older, it would make more sense for her to win, even though I beat my mother and father. Besides, Ash was slightly based off me, so...
Phoenix: She was based off you, so she wins? Very classy, author.
Edgeworth: And that, ladies and gentlemans, is how a Mary Sue is born.
[
The lights come back on]
Apollo: Well, I have things to do.
[
He exits the theater quickly.]
Edgeworth: Do you know why Justice was in hurry all of sudden.
Phoenix: I think he's afraid of the ladies.
Franziska: I could be the first in any game you chose.
Athena: It wouldn't be fair if I chose. Apollo, you chose! *looks around* Where's Apollo?
Edgeworth: Very wise of him.
[
Phoenix and Edgewoth leave while Franziska and Athena keep bickering. And so, another sporking comes to an end. And I'm still not getting paid.]