Kay: But… GS6 hype.
Speakers:
There is a time and a place, Kay Faraday.Quote:
The Hellspawn
whattheheck
Kay: What the heck is with that name?
Trucy: The title or the author?
Kay: Both.
Ray: Well… from what I can tell, the author likes a confused name and likes writing about spawns from hell.
Edgeworth: Two of the most grossly available traits to fanfic writers everywhere.
Kay: …You just made a pun with “gross”, didn’t you?
Edgeworth: …No.
Quote:
Summary:
A new threat is hovering upon Japanifornia, coming directly from the depths of hell, but our heroes are too busy with their own personal lives to fight it. Will they react in time, or will they all perish?
Ray: Wow! It’s getting intense right from the start!
Kay: Death will rain from the heavens!
Trucy: People will be wrought with plague and malice!
Ray: And only a choice few will survive to live to tell the tale…
Edgeworth: …And they’re sitting here in this theater.
All else: …
Kay: That was actually pretty good.
Trucy: Nice job, Mr. Edgeworth!
Ray: *claps*
Edgeworth: … *adjusts glasses*
[And for the sake of time and convenience, we’re skipping the first chapter.]All: Huh?
Kay: What!? Why?
Trucy: Are you saying… it was actually unsuitable for sporking somehow?
Ray: So, does that mean it’s good?
Edgeworth: Nothing is beyond them. What are they doing?
Speakers:
The only reason we’re skipping it is because it’s boring and tedious to get through. The later chapters are where the fun is.Trucy: Oh. That makes sense.
Kay: So what happens in Chapter 1 anyway?
[Three former convicts escape from prison in the middle of the night, but one of them is killed as they flee. Another kicks the third into a wall or something and flees, while the third is arrested by a passing officer.]Ray: Hmm… sounds like your classic jailbreak plot. Who was the lucky criminal?
[A man named Redd White.]Edgeworth: …So, it’s that kind of story, is it?
Kay: Someone you know?
Edgeworth: A corrupt company CEO charged with blackmail on multiple accounts and a murder of Wright’s mentor. I doubt he’d have the resources to manage an escape after his company and its assets were all dissolved.
Trucy: *gasp* So, THAT’s the bad man who hurt Lady Mia! Unforgivable!
Kay: Lady Mia?
Trucy: Mia Fey, Daddy’s amazing mentor and former boss. She was the one who introduced Charley to the office!
Kay: Charley!? Wow! She sure sounds amazing!
Edgeworth: (…For buying a potted plant?)
Ray: Well! For your buddy Wright to be taught by the legendary Mia Fey! No wonder you took your first loss to him!
Edgeworth: …They were exceptional circumstances.
Trucy: There are always exceptional circumstances with him, though.
Edgeworth: True… more unfortunately than fortunately, that is.
Quote:
Chapter 2: Apollo
Trucy: Oh, hey! It’s a chapter about Apollo!
Kay: Or maybe it’s a chapter from his view?
Trucy: Maybe… but we all know Daddy and I will be the stars of this chapter!
Quote:
"And henceforth, with both parts' agreement, the two law offices will fuse to create the WrightWorth Anything Agency."
Edgeworth: *pops a nerve* “WrightWorth”…?
Ray: …Are we talking about the law office I’m thinking of?
Trucy: What the heck! The Wright Anything Agency doesn’t need to merge with anyone!
Kay: And nor do the Edgeworth Law Offices!
Trucy: Huh? “Edgeworth”? Mr. Edgeworth, I thought you were a prosecutor.
Edgeworth: It’s the name of my father’s firm. It’s now under Mr. Shields’s ownership, but he retained the name.
Trucy: Oh, cool! Maybe we should pay it a visit sometime!
Ray: Oh, that’d be great! We always welcome lovely young ladies!
Edgeworth: …
Ray: Don’t be like that, Miles. You know what I meant.
Edgeworth: I didn’t doubt it for a second, Mr. Shields.
Quote:
Brushel explained and signed the papers on the table. He wasn't the most pleasant company one could find, but he sure had come in handy to certify the merge. Everything had gone quite fast since the Chief Prosecutor suggested it. According to him, it was just logic that the attorneys who fight for the truth should work together.
Trucy: Huh? Mr. Edgeworth, what are you doing!?
Kay: Yeah, Mr. Edgeworth! Prosecutors and defense attorneys mind their own businesses!
Edgeworth: Girls, please don’t treat that ill representative of me the same as me.
Kay: But it gets tiring saying “fic-you” all the time. And in case someone mispronounces it, it might end up awkward…
Edgeworth: Pick whatever name you want for that character, but don’t pit him with me. That’s final.
Girls: Fine…
Quote:
However, Apollo wasn't so sure. But what pissed him off the most was the name.
Trucy: Really, Aploplo?
Kay: Aploplo?
Trucy: Mr. Edgeworth told us to pick new names, right? Aploplo works!
Kay: Hmm… I guess, but I would have gone for “Demon Spikes”.
Trucy: Huh, not too shabby. Or how about “Chords of Hell”?
Kay: Oh, upping the ante, are we? Well, how about “Reddictive”?
Edgeworth: I’m going to stop this conversation before we trail any longer. Let’s move on.
Girls: Aw…
Quote:
Trucy kept saying that they should keep the Anything Agency thing since it was for both lawyers and magicians, but Apollo thought that was the stupidest thing ever.
Trucy: Hey! You work there, Reddictive!
Quote:
Or rather, he used to think that before Athena suggested 'WrightWorth'. But Mr. Wright had accepted it because he didn't want the girls to pester him for the rest of his life. He couldn't really blame him.
Trucy: Huh? So fic-Athena picked it? Eh, it’s not really my style…
Kay: Yeah, we just came up with a bunch of better names for fic-Apollo that “WrightWorth” just sounds boring.
Edgeworth: You wait until now to finally comment on the name?
Trucy: Well, we had to first get a taste of better taste!
Quote:
After Brushel and Mr. Wright signed, it was the turn for Raymond Shields, the CEO and only member of the Edgeworth Law Offices. When they suggested the name to him, he just laughed. Everything was a joke to that man, apparently. Just the perfect complement for the natural professionalism of the agency.
Ray: Huh, so I do make an appearance… Well, I can’t say I’m a fan of the name either, but at least it could be worse.
Trucy: Yeah, at least it’s not the “Bluebird & Frills Law Joint” or something.
Edgeworth: Objection. If you’re going to pick an awful name, then don’t bring up my aesthetic sense into it.
Kay: Aw, but it’s just honoring your aesthetic sense, Mr. Edgeworth!
Edgeworth: Not with that name.
Quote:
The no longer Wright Anything Agency was overcrowded today.
Trucy: This line makes me a little sad.
Quote:
Aside from Brushel, Shields and the usual fauna of the agency,
Trucy: And this one makes me mad! Who are you calling “animals”!?
Kay: Thinking about it, “Reddictive” sounds like the name of a race horse or something.
Ray: Ahah! Now that’s a joke I can get behind!
Edgeworth: Are we really bringing in horses now? What’s next, talking plants?
Trucy: Well, we can all pretend Charley speaks.
Edgeworth: …Good luck with that.
Quote:
Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth and Detective Gumshoe were also there, but they were waiting for the deal to be finished. When Spark Brushel got up and left, Edgeworth finally spoke.
"I think it's time to discuss the matters that bring me here, Wright."
"Go ahead, Edgeworth." Mr. Wright replied.
"We're trying to find a way to rehabilitate criminals faster and so make prisons less overcrowded. We have the hypothesis that the rehabilitation process will go better if the inmates are working normally instead of imprisoned. We've selected five prisoners to test this method and two of them happen to be lawyers, so we've thought that they should work for you."
Edgeworth: However, inmates are already being put to work as community service during their rehabilitation, making this entire “hypothesis” moot.
Trucy: And don’t send those people our way! We’re the ones that got them in there in the first place! It’s a terrible design!
Kay: Even scarier is that one of them actually escaped in the last chapter.
Trucy: Yeah… I get the feeling everyone’s gonna be in trouble even before this “hellspawn” even comes.
Ray: Hmm… but what if that trouble IS the metaphorical “hellspawn”?
Trucy: …Well, it’s a situation right out of hell, I’ll give you that.
Quote:
"I'm not sure if I like the idea of working with criminals."
"This is a direct order from the government. You can't refuse." Edgeworth informed.
Edgeworth: What.
Kay: Wow, so it WASN’T Mr. Ficworth who came up with it?
Edgeworth: …
Kay: What?
Edgeworth: Nonetheless, that doesn’t save him from the idiocy of merging two independently successful law offices.
All else: True.
Quote:
"Gumshoe, let them in." Gumshoe tried to obey, but he tripped and fell. "Get up, Detective. If you're not even able of standing, I think we're paying you too much."
Kay: Ouch, poor Gummy. Mr. Ficworth’s such a jerk!
Trucy: How did he trip? Our floors are totally even!
Ray: Yeesh. I’d think a vacation for him would be in order if he’s been overworked that much.
Edgeworth: …Actually, it may just be the author’s idea of how stupid he could make him.
Kay: …This “whattheheck” guy sure lives up to his/her name.
Quote:
Someone opened the door from outside and it hit Gumsho in the head.
Kay: Geez, what’s this author got against Gummy?
Quote:
Then two men entered. The first one was some Latin guy with a weird mask and he certainly wasn't an everyday sight. But the real shock was the other one: Kristoph Gavin.
Trucy: *gasp*
Edgeworth: *grunt*
Ray: …
Kay: …?
Quote:
"Good afternoon, everybody." He greeted.
"Speak for you." The other man replied, sipping some coffee. "It won't be a pleasure working for you, Trite."
Kay: Hey, isn’t this that… uh… the coffee maniac that could shoot lasers from his eyes?
Edgeworth: …His name is Godot, and no, he cannot.
Ray: Godot? Like from the play?
Edgeworth: Possibly. You may know him better by his real name: Diego Armando.
Ray: Hmm… yeah, it sure rings a bell or two. He was the one who ended up in a poisoning case, wasn’t he?
Trucy: What!? What happened to him?
Ray: He survived, fortunately, but I never heard from him since.
Edgeworth: (Yes, since he changed his identity and was shortly arrested for murder… but that’s for another time.)
Quote:
"As nice as ever, I see." Mr. Wright replied. "Well, if we're going to work together, I guess I should introduce them. For those who don't know him, this blond man is Kristoph Gavin."
"As in the prosecutor?" Athena asked.
"Yes." Mr. Gavin shook his head. "Regrettably, that brainless pile of feces is my very dear brother."
Trucy: Hey! At least he’s not in prison like you!
Kay: You mean he “was”.
Trucy: …The real guy still is, at least.
Quote:
"And he's Godot." Mr. Wright continued.
"I guess that's all, then." Edgeworth said.
Edgeworth: I beg to differ.
Ray: We all do, Miles.
Quote:
"It's not all, pal!" Gumshoe got up. "This isn't what I'm here for. I just met Mr. Edgeworth at the entrance of the building."
"Then what do you want?" Godot threw his coffee mug at him.
Kay: Stop it already! It’s not funny anymore!
Trucy: Wouldn’t that technically count as an assault?
Edgeworth: Normally, yes, but this is a man who gets away with a lot of things in court…
Trucy: But he’s not IN court right now. He’s in my and Daddy’s office!
Edgeworth: …I suppose the detective could technically file a claim, but he’s the kind to take abuse, rather than return fire.
Kay: It’s ’cause Gummy’s such a sweetheart.
Edgeworth: …Perhaps.
Quote:
"The suspect for the murder of Lance Amano had requested your defense, Mr. Wright."
Kay: Huh? Hey, that name sounds familiar…
Edgeworth: It should. He was from the case at Gatewater Land, where we met after seven years.
Kay: Oh, yeah! That pretty-boy who turned out to be a total crook and even framed his girlfriend for murder! So he got his comeuppance, huh?
[Actually, according to the previous chapter, he was murdered out of nowhere by two evil clergy-like people.]Kay: What!? The Evil Clergymen are real!?
Trucy: Whoa, so this story is taking a dive into cultism too! That explains a lot about the title!
Ray: Yeah… it might have helped that we saw the first chapter too.
Edgeworth: If even the Management was bored out of their minds reading through it, I think a cut summary is enough, honestly.
Speakers:
For once, we completely agree on something, Miles Edgeworth! Who woulda thunk?Edgeworth: …*sigh* (I really have been spending too much time in here…)
Quote:
"We could take that case together, Phoenix." Mr. Gavin suggested. "You know, just you and me, like in the old times."
"It might not be a bad idea trying to be friends again." Mr. Wright agreed.
Trucy: What!? …but even while they were friends, they never worked together on a case.
Kay: Wait, they were FRIENDS?
Trucy: That was before Mr. Gavin was revealed to be a big jerk.
Kay: Touché.
Quote:
"But Daddy!" Trucy complained. "What about Uncle Valant's trial?"
Trucy: Yeah, fic-me! …Wait, what’s Uncle Valant on trial for? I thought he turned himself in that time…
Ray: Maybe it’s a different case?
Trucy: …Poor Uncle Valant.
Quote:
"I'm sure Athena can handle it. And Mr. Shields can support her with his experience."
"Count on that, Thena-pie." Shields said.
Edgeworth: (And now she actually shows on-screen. Odd choice of direction…)
Ray: Oh? And who might this young beauty be?
Trucy: That’s Athena, the newest recruit at the Wright Anything Agency! Well, technically she’s a lawyer like Apollo, but at least she’s a lot more willing to help with non-legal stuff.
Kay: By now, she might as well just replace him as your assistant!
Trucy: Hmm… not a bad idea! And then we’ll get to pick on Apollo since he’s been demoted.
Kay: Ooh, can I join?
Trucy: Sure!
Ray: Ah, kids… normally, you would never see a law firm so filled with joy.
Edgeworth: …I’m sure there’s usually a good reason for that.
Quote:
"And what about me?" Apollo asked.
"You and Godot can stay here and keep an eye on Trucy." Mr. Wright ordered.
Trucy: That’s what you get for being uncooperative.
Kay: Sounds like Reddictive needs a little red-demption!
Edgeworth: *grumble*…
Quote:
"Then it's decided!" Gumshoe turned around and crashed into the door. "Didn't you open it? Why it's closed again?" He muttered. Then he kicked the door to open it and got out. Edgeworth, Mr. Gavin and Mr. Wright followed him.
Trucy: Our poor door…
Kay: It’s okay, Trucy. Since it’s the government’s fault for this stupid plan, they should be the ones to pay for it!
Edgeworth: Things don’t work like that, Kay.
Kay: But that’s how they SHOULD!
Edgeworth: No, they shouldn’t either.
Ray: The detective sure wouldn’t like a chunk of his pay gone to a door that slammed into him several times. Poor guy.
Edgeworth: Yes, well… It’s still his fault.
Quote:
"We should go to talk with our client." Athena said, and Shields followed her out.
"This door is broken." He commented after trying unsuccessfully to close it. "You should call someone to fix it."
Edgeworth: Perhaps the good detective could try to fix it himself.
Kay: Huh? Gummy can fix doors!?
Edgeworth: He never asks for a repairman, so I’m led to believe he fixes his own himself.
Ray: …Yeesh, maybe you ought to raise the poor guy’s salary some time.
Edgeworth: Maybe… (If and when he’s actually acting competently.)
Quote:
"And once again, I'm the loser who has to play guard and babysitter." Apollo complained
"Don't say that, Polly." Trucy smiled. "Now you can help me out with my magic tricks!"
"Fine."
Trucy: ’Cause everyone likes helping me with my magic tricks! I always get so many fans that Daddy usually has to filter out the crowd.
Kay: He filters them? How?
Trucy: Well, he asks them for IDs and such and only lets them in one at a time during autographs.
Edgeworth: That seems reasonable.
Trucy: Yeah, but then I wonder what’s the point when he himself goes around flaunting how wonderful his daughter is.
All else: …
Edgeworth: That does sound like him.
Ray: To be fair, I’d be super-doting too if I had such a brilliant kid.
Kay: Yeah, who wouldn’t?
Trucy: Aw, thanks, guys.
Quote:
"Even the little girl bosses you around, Polly?" Godot asked.
"Don't call me that."
"Why she can call you that but I can't?"
"She can't either!"
"You know that's not true, Polly." Trucy pointed.
"If a little girl can do it, then so can I." Godot slurped some coffee. "That's one of my rules."
Trucy: Um… So why would Mr. Godot even bother calling Polly by that name?
Kay: It sounds cuter than “Apollo”.
Trucy: Yeah, but it’s not his style. He keeps calling Daddy “Trite” for some reason.
Ray: “Trite”? I always got the picture that he was one of the craziest bluffers out there.
Trucy: Yeah, he does have that kind of legacy, huh?
Edgeworth: (…I suppose if Wright isn’t interested in telling her, I should probably keep quiet.)
Quote:
After that, Trucy spent three hours trying to impress Godot with her magic tricks, and that proved to be a extremely difficult task. When she pulled out a coffee mug out of her magic panties, he said that anyone could do that and proceeded to finish his cup and start a different one.
Trucy: Oh, come on! Everyone loves the Magic Panties!
Ray: Uh… “Magic Panties”?
Trucy: Oh, you want to see them, Mr. Shields? Here! *whips out a pair*
Ray: W-whoa there! I think I’m getting a little too old for this sort of thing!
Trucy: What sort of thing?
Ray: …Er, i-it’s nothing. What were you gonna show me?
Trucy: Just a specialty of mine. You see, everything that goes into these panties vanish without a trace!
Ray: Without a trace? Wow! That, I wouldn’t mind seeing!
Trucy: Sure! If you have anything you want tossed, I can get rid of it for you!
Kay: Ooh! How about this? *presents prosecutor’s badge*
Edgeworth: W-what!? Kay! When did you… never mind. Give it back! I still need it!
Kay: Relax, Mr. Edgeworth! It wasn’t really going to disappear into the ether!
Edgeworth: That’s beside the point…
Quote:
She was doing her shtick with Mr. Hat when a woman entered without knocking at the door. At first they didn't notice her, so she cleared her throat to capture their attention.
"Excuse me, I'm looking for Mr. Apollo Justice." She said.
Trucy: Ooh! What’s this? A new client?
Quote:
"That'd be me." Apollo explained. "What's the matter?"
"My name is Lana Skye. You're a friend of my sister Ema, right?"
"We were both drunk!" Apollo shouted. "And it was just a kiss, I swear."
All: …
Kay: What?
Trucy: Apollo and Detective Skye…? *shudder* Poor Polly. He’d suffer through so many Snackoos.
Ray: Snackoos?
Trucy: That snack she’s always munching on. She likes tossing them at people she doesn’t like.
Ray: Oh, yeow.
Kay: It’s weird ’cause I don’t remember her being nearly as cranky as she does whenever I see her here…
Edgeworth: …Time does tend to change people, for better or worse.
Kay: Hmm… I guess besides you, Mr. Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: What’s that supposed to mean?
Kay: Oh, I don’t mean it like that! You’re perfect just being you!
Edgeworth: …?
Quote:
"What?" Lana seemed confused. "I'm just here to request your help to find my sister. She's missing."
"Ema is missing!? Then count on me!"
Kay, Trucy: *gasp*
Kay: What happened to poor Ema!?
Trucy: S-she couldn’t have been ’napped somehow, right? She’s a detective! They’re made tough!
Kay: Not to mention all those snackoos they’d have to get through before they can even nab her!
Trucy: Those are some truly dangerous projectiles she flings…
Ray: Uh… we are still talking about “snacks”, right, girls?
Trucy: Yeah, but in the hands of an expert, anything can become a weapon!
Ray: Whew… That’s kinda scary coming from a master magician.
Trucy: Well, I have been practicing throwing knives, so my aim’s pretty good.
Edgeworth: (Note to self: tell Wright to be a more responsible father already.)
Quote:
"I'll go with you, Polly." Godot stated. "Whatever is better than watching this girl's trashy tricks. From now on, that's one of my rules."
Trucy: Hey! Don’t call them that! My sleight of hand was acquired through many training experiences!
Kay: Bah, this author probably doesn’t know even a single trick to magic!
Ray: Or to proper characterization in writing.
Edgeworth: That’s… on point, but surprisingly harsh coming from you.
Ray: It’s important to know people before getting them to do something. Just a little advise from an old man who specializes in legal defense.
Edgeworth: *smirk* Hmph. If you’re already calling yourself “old”, what would that make me?
Kay: Older?
Edgeworth: …
Kay: Er. I don’t mean any disrespect by that! It’s great being older and more experienced, especially to be a Chief Prosecutor!
Ray: He’s actually the youngest Chief to head the Prosecutor’s Office in recent years.
Kay: Yeah! That’s amazing! *makes puppy-eyes*
Edgeworth: *sigh* Apology accepted.
Quote:
"Hey!" Trucy made Mr.Hat smack Godot, but he just ignored it and exited the office. Lana followed them.
Trucy: Yeesh, fic-me should cool it. I wouldn’t hit someone even if he was being really mean.
Kay: What about that Kristoph Gavin guy?
Trucy: Well… I’d be happier if he stayed in prison like he should.
Quote:
"We'll call someone to come here with you. Stay here until then." Apollo said before leaving. "And remember to call someone to fix the door."
Trucy: No worries, Red Spice! I’m sure fic-me has already sent the bill to fic-Gumshoe.
Kay: Aw, poor fic-Gummy. He wasn’t really that bad in here, thinking about it. Just frustrated and unlucky.
Ray: …You two sure are creative with one guy’s nickname.
Trucy: He’s special, that’s why.
Kay: But it wouldn’t be fair to keep it ourselves, right?
Trucy: Yeah… How about calling him any of these names when he comes by again?
Kay: Count on it!
Edgeworth: (My, my… Looks like Justice will be facing double the trouble sometime soon…)