Jokes?

[Southern Corn]

Spoiler:

Haha,S that L U got? I can make these things L D. So come up with some better puns. They're 2 bitter. Sorry I can't butter this up 4 U,but you need 2 work O this,K?

-Your Pun Teacher

[TheEvilSkeletor]

I have a joke.

Spoiler:

What they did to the name of B l a c k q u i l l (Dylan Morton). I was really scared because I forgot it was April 1st.

[Southern Corn]

Try typing out the SoJ character names

Rayfa
Nahyuta
Dhurke
Athena
Ga'ran
Ahlbi

And other names

AAI - Ace Attorney Investigations
AAI2 - Ace Attorney Investigations 2
DD - Dual Destinies
SoJ - Spirit of Justice
GS7 - Gyakuten Saiban 7
Takumi
Yamazaki

And others probably

[DarkAgea]

... I'm somewhat lost.
Apologies that I don't understand any of this. I know of the plan to worship Takumi, but I'm afraid I don't understand some of the terms. Forgive me, wiser-ly ones.

And to SC,

Spoiler:

O, you'll be my Pun Teacher... 'N your dreams. Learn to Mbrace your Dfeats. I get the feeling U R not putting in 2 much Ffort into this... mayB it's because you know what your f8 is, seeing so far, your victories are n1.

(... Now I feel like I'm Sal Manella... Also, we have officially overtaken a page.)

[Southern Corn]

Dino Crisis.

Spoiler:

UR-1 boring person. I will not give your performances SS-5 stars,that's for sure. Here's something funny. Why was DL-6 afraid of IS-7? Because IS-7 KG-8 SL-9! Bet U couldn't come up with that. Sheesh,come back when you have some material,will ya?

[ThyDoppelganger]

Spoiler: GS4

Why happened to Kristoph Gavin in GS4?

He got the Justice he Wright-ly needed.

If all the Ace Attorney characters were to work at a calendar factory, one person would be seen fleeing. Who would it be?

Spoiler:

Manfred von Karma. He'd run Miles from the Gregorian calendar!

What should you call a person who witnessed the robbery of an Apple store?

Spoiler:

An iWitness?

[Southern Corn]

What was the first thing the lawyer working for Apple™ said in court?

iObject!

[DarkAgea]

If all the Ace Attorney characters were to work at a calendar factory, one person would be seen fleeing. Who would it be?

Spoiler:

Manfred von Karma. He'd run Miles from the Gregorian calendar!

Beautiful. Simply beautiful. Words fail me.

Spoiler:

Getting weaker and weaker, aren't you? You shouldn't turn Meekins now. But I understand, you must be going through a lot of Trials and Tribulations trying to out-pun me (Dreama on), while I Devorae all of them. I Gant stop now, though, seeing that our Dual Destinies here are intertwined. This is not your Colin, SC, so be prepared to Fawle(s). Don't think I'm Sco(r)ne-ing you; Datz just the honest truth.

-DarkAgea

PS: I thought you were Ernest, but you're running out of material if you're desperate enough to reuse the same thing. Time to Buff your words.

[Southern Corn]

Spoiler:

Pfft,as if you don't reuse puns. Let's FACE it,everyone NOSE that you're out too. You can't HANDle it,so don't put your FOOT into the ring unless you want a nail biting confrontation. You'd better bite your tongue this time,EYE'm afraid. Speaking of eyes,are you blind or something? Eye could clearly see that I was to win. But you are but a pupil. You need to broaden your vision,because your ciliary muscles won't accommodate you alone,if you get what I mean. *wink*

So overall,stop being so short sighted.else everything will conCAVE on you,which will conVEX you a bit for shore.

Why did the baby cry?
Because he pooped his pants.
Why did his brother cry?
Because he was pooped on.

[DarkAgea]

Spoiler:

And it seems we've come back to the same topic.

I'm back now, and I won't give you lip service; I'll be honest.

I'm all ears but I want to tell you you're in over your head here. You kneed to look clearly, seeing I'm winning this hands down. Rule of thumb: be careful with what you claim. While you stay here, I'll go a-head, making you follow in my footsteps. Though you try, you're tearable even now, while I stay im-macula-te and precise. You have to learn to pace yourself, or else you'll be sucked into a whorl pool. You're chancing your arm here, but you're just arming me. Put your hands up and give in; you may be reaching out a hand to win, but you'll fall a foot short.

I know you will elbow aside my words like usual, but you'd be better off legging it before I cut the ground from under your feet.

[Southern Corn]

Spoiler:

I don't care-rot for your attitude,and your aptitude is quite load. I quite like the AC,ja? Ah,frick,ah! I forgot that we were competing on the conk-west to become the epic pun master. At l-east now that I know,I,Southern Corn,shall north give up! Bring upon your worst down me! I'm right to say that I haven't left the grand prize to you yet! No,नहीं! Nyet! Nope! I shan't,and I won't! B-ring it on! And ding goes the bell! Let's hope you're less sonorous than it,shall we? Heh heh.

Wait I have a really good joke

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the playground on the other side.

Why did the chicken go to the playground?

Well,he was playing on some other playground,but accidentally crashed into someone when trying to get to the slide,and was thrown out of the park for that. The chicken then tried to sue the playground,but he lost the lawsuit and had to pay a good deal. So he decided to go to THIS playground...

Spoiler:

to get to the other slide.

[DarkAgea]

(... When you type a whole reply and then it just damn goes... )

I just realised it's been almost a week. I'm so sorry for the lateness!

But now-

Spoiler:

I'm finally back to converse with you!

I wonder if you can compute the fact that the odds were never in your favour from the start, and now you're at the cusp of loss (Yes. आम्। .نعم ... Verily, I say!).

Everything you say is ever so ab-surd. If you're trying to be radical, then you're so below that that you're lower than a radicand. What angle are you aiming for? I'm pretty sure you're going for a straight one, considering that as this moves to higher altitudes, you remain stuck at the base.

Your eccentricity was amusing, but you're going down to negative numbers, and it's time to finish this. Evaluate your next move very carefully, SC.

-DarkAgea

Taken from a book called 'Disorder in the Court':

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

[Southern Corn]

Ayup,I remember those. I saw those on one website.

Spoiler:

Ha,it took you only so long,huh? Guess you're Not So Fast after all. I did not expect Such Insolence from you,nor did I expect you to Hold It for this long. I expect you don't have an Objection to me continuing this. Either way,I'm appalled that you'd Take That so lightly.

And what's with the maths references? You need to have a scientific,logical mind,like Archimedes. Except I would doubt you'd understand the weight of science,and you'd probably not want to shout Eureka in the streets while running through after getting up from your bath. Still,I suggest you Have a Look. You're Welcome! Any counter arguments shall be Overruled,Got it? I've Gotcha now. You can't Hang On much longer.

Anyway, even if you don't respond,Silence speaks louder than words. So if you want to Shut Up,I'll take that as you admitting defeat,Sir! Anyway,That's Enough! I'm quite done with this claptrap. Or should I say,craptrap? Because that's what you're spewing at this point.

How does Mario get in contact with ghosts?
With a Luigi board!

How do ghosts get in contact with Mario?
By slamming into him.

[DarkAgea]

And I'd really not want to shout Eureka in the streets while running through (the streets) after getting up from my bath.
Really.

Spoiler:

You are trying to rock this, but rolling on the floor, SC. And my silence says that I am getting tired of your futile attempts to change the probability of you losing, which will remain a constant.

The difference between us is too great for you to cross - too much of a strict inequality in our levels - and even if you were to sum up yourself as much as you could, that value would be smaller than mine. Why do you only see a segment of the line of truth in front of you? If my words are too complex for you to understand: Act rational for a moment, will you, and get real! Se(cant you?) the truth in front of you, and tau-k some sense for once.

Do you see my silence as your surface of revolution? If so, look again. Your roots haven't held on strong enough, and squaring off against me, you're losing ground. Will you cube yourself and lose any chance of escape with all your arguments? If this continues like this, you will trig-ger uncountably infinite losses against me. It's integer-al for your health that you stop now.

PS: Where's your assistant? I thought he would be here to complement you... even if that help will have about as much as value as a zero polynomial at this point.

Nice. But not for Mario, that's for sure.

[Southern Corn]

Spoiler:

Ha,I'm on vacation. My assistant is also dead but anyway

So you're tau-king big,are you? By the time I'm done with you,your tulip-ed mouth will have worn out. You're talking as if you're the alpha of the pack,but you're not even a beta. Just a lowly omega. Psi can't you(psilon) give up? Oh well,I'm sure you'll eta your words after this. I'll zeta that.

You try to roar,but it just comes out as a mu. You don't have an iota of strength in you. Of course,I nu that all along,you xi. You seem to have a terrible social s(t)igma, so it was alpha-pparent. You might be waiting for me to say 'Kappa!',but I won't. I mean what I say,and I say what I mean. You are but a little lamb,dah? Gamma-ver it,will you? There's a phi out of phi chance you'll fail. Chi,get over this already. You are on a small island,a delta to be precise. And there is no way you can rho out of here. You'll have an ep(silon)ilepsy trying tau.

Anyway,all this talking has gotten me tired. Tea,ta? You are but a (o)micron,a mere molecule forming a tiny apple pi. So give up,will you?

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing

[DarkAgea]

Your assistant is dead? How'd that happen?

Back again to defend my skill, so without further ado-

Spoiler:

I've been stalli(o)n' quite a lot, but now I'm back and I'm disappointed - you're bearly doing what you can to keep up, tapir-ing in your quality.

Oh, you think it's a moo but I am going to bark up a storm, and you're going to cow in the face of it. You're giving me quite the ape-rture to destroy you, so you better buck-le up. Don't try to fill(y) the space of your incompetence by clouding the truth; that is simply as(s)inine, and the cete of foolishness!

This is a gam-ble you're playing, but soon your queen will be trapped, the rest of your pieces buzzing around uselessly like bees. I don't suppose it'll be much of a joey for you when I boar through ewe like diamond through glass. Really, don't be bull-headed, SC. You'll need a cygnet of approval to speak if you continue on. Wren will you learn?

Admit to it, you have been beet-en. No matter what rout(e) you take, you can't hide from it. You're only going to shout yourself horse arguing. Paws and think carefully before you bark back. May my p-eyas wish come true, that you see the truth and we have no need to squab-ble further.

[PS: My long break was in part due to my terrible sickness... Really, really sorry for the wait. Also, I seem to like Franziska a bit too much.]

[Southern Corn]

Yea we don't speak about him anymore :(

Spoiler:

It's alright that you've been sick for so long. I understand that my puns might've been way too edgey for you,so it's justifiable that you took so long to recover. But now, it is time for me to finish this with a Bangladesh!

Yes,I know we've been Bhutan heads for some time,but your puns really make me sleepy. You should be a bulldozer,but not for the reason you think. You lack Greece,but ooze grease. That ain't good. Your puns feel like a mere experiment,and you a Guinea pig. Have you ever come to this little town called Dia? India, they worship strength above all else. It ain't no Isle of Man,they are very progressive there,but you could stand to learn from them.

You have to tally forth,despite your sickness. Italy forward with Laos of confidence, and so should you! I have an aunt named Mar,see? And Myanmar displays this confidence everyday without fail! You shouldn't push back on yourself. Nepal! But sadly, my pep talk has come to an end. There's Norway for you to run,and being sick for so long feels like a bad Oman to me.

A Qatar of an hour ago,you must have been proud of your posts here,and wished to have an epic Réunion with me and battle like cattle once more! Nay, you Serbia fool to challenge me! My wrath has been pushed onto you,and as Spainful as it is for me to say,your time is up. I dunno what your Suriname is, but you seemed to be a Sweden nice person. Now,act like a Turkey so that I can remove that stuffing you call a body! Yemen?

A magician said,"I'll count to three,then disappear. Watch! Uno,dos..." And then he disappeared without a tres.

[Mr. Bear Jew]

Spoiler: What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

The suicide vest actually accomplishes something when it's triggered.

[DarkAgea]

Yea we don't speak about him anymore :(

Oh, that's sad. Will you get a new one?

Spoiler:

My puns remain as Pristina as ever, even if I have been (S)Tallinn' again.

Li-Kabul(l), you charge with no finesse. I know I must carry on, but I do not think I Canberra anymore of this foolishness - to see you Rome around helplessly hurts my Seoul. I was Oslo(w) in recovering, but my mind is still sharp. I hate to break it to you so bluntly, but don't be a Moroni. Victoria shall not be yours. I Cairo for you, which is why I which for you to retreat before you Bern yourself out and leave only a Caracas. Without a Panama, you cannot hope to stand against the rays of truth - that is, your loss. Make puns and songs and Limericks, if you please, but none of it will help you. Tehran is to lose, but you can back off and do it with honour.

Do you know what is a Kin(g)stone? Perhaps if you fuse two together, you will have a better chance of winning.

While starting, your Belgrade was high, but now it is rapidly plummeting. You don't Dili-dally, but the problem is, you are too hasty. You must write down on Manila paper before you speak, or else you will regret your words. I had a friend named Sofia, much like you, and she always got in trouble. My Praia never helped her, but I hope it will you. Otherwise, this will just be another Hanoi-ance.

Also, my Suriname should be of no concern to you, the same way your Niamey is to me.

PS: Thank you, but don't think I'll pull back my punches to Taipei you for the pep talk.

How could he lie and not give his audience a tres? would set him straight.

[Southern Corn]

Nah he suct anyway lololololololololoko

Spoiler:

How Una-Mica-bull of you. You're hop-eing I lose to those little snarls? You're all bark and no bite, I see. I carrot believe what the fish I am seeing, but it's purrfectly eggceptable to mew. By the time I'm done with you, you won't have enough energy to slither away. As I have said several times before, you're barking up the wrong tree. You ham to realise that this beef is false, and that you're not bringing home the bacon anytime soon. You're making a clownfish of yourself, just because you're jelly(fish) too. I heron cannot abide by this performance any longer, you know. You truly put the meh in mediocre.

You mutt not continue with such a forgettable streak like this. But you mutton give up either. Go forward with your head up, and give the world what you've got! Or are you cowed? Because that's rather bullocks. Come here and give it your best, eh?

A magician decided to look for a better paying job. He finally, after a while, got an interview at a laboratory. He entered the room nervously. The first question he was asked was his occupation. In his anxious state, he accidentally stuttered, 'I pull h-habits out of r-rats.' When he realised what he had said, it was too late. The interviewer looked rather surprised. The rest of the interview progressed rather normally. Two weeks later, the magician gets a reply from them. It turns out he got the job! Where?

In the psychology section of the laboratory, of course!

[DarkAgea]

You're disgracing your assistant's memory in death? How could you?

Also, my long breaks are far too common at this point. Really sorry.

Spoiler:

Miami-bility is perfectly fine, thank you.

Agra-owl is sometimes enough to make one turn away with their tail between their legs. If my bark is enough to Petra-fy you, then I don't see a need to move to the uncivilised manner of biting. Just because you have that Luxor-y from me, don't take it too far.

Your words are Mad(;)rid yourself of these false assumptions. Your Pune-y threats will not stop me from rolling over you. It's clear your Lucknow is low - having lost your Leeds so badly, you won't be able to rise like a Phoenix, so turn away while you still can. To make it clearer, the Essen-ce of what I'm saying is "you better Quito". You don't know which will be Dallas-t chance, so take it.

PS: I'm pretty sure you're too honourable (and it seems impossible) to Rig(a) this, so Se(a)ttle-ing this gives only one outcome.

[Southern Corn]

Yes. I am.

Spoiler:

Do you have an Ace up your sleeve or something, or do you take these long breaks just to try and one up your puns? Because it isn't working, and June know it. You do not have the strength of a Snake, nor the beauty of a Lotus, nor the luck of a Clover. Unless you want to call down Santa from the North Pole as well, you're not going anywhere. Yes, I know Klim-bing the ladder is hard. But you still have to do it, K? If Phi were to do what you're doing, we would be at an endless stalemate. You cannot be so Binary. At least be Nonary. Dio know why I'm still keeping this up?

The answer is as elementary as a Quark. Your Junpei lies don't work on me. In fact, All-ice don't work on me. So Ge(ntarou)t out of her with that nonsense! I can tell you're as red as the moon during a Luna eclipse, so you can give up now. Don't bother; I always have more on the way. This isn't even the half of it,eh?

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Does everyone want a drink?"

The first logician says, "I don't know."

The second logician says, "I don't know."

The third logician says, "Yes."

[DarkAgea]

Has it been a month already...?

So Ge(ntarou)t out of her with that nonsense!

Her? My, SC...

Spoiler:

The battles- you can't Ketchum all, SC. Hugh can shed a Tier(,)no-w and give up, seeing it's useless.

For all your words and your (B)rock-hard shell, your puns are turning to Ash like the trees in a Forrest fire. Your Dawn will never come, so it's better if you Walker out of here. Use your eyes and Jessie the truth for a moment. The only reason I take breaks like this is because I need to regain Clair-ity after seeing your Iris-hurting insanity. Grant-ed, that's only to be expected, seeing how fast your shields crumble against my Lance.

You're just Grubbin' for words at this point, honestly. I Maylene to the bad side sometimes, but it's like you're permanently stuck there, making Bar(ry)ely understandable points.

[Southern Corn]

Her? My, SC...

...

I will never be able to truly recover from that savage BURN. You trolled like boss ! SC RESIGNS !! You win...this time :(

But you get a prize! You are now...a certified Punmaster™! Here's the official badge if you'd like:



Ahem. Anyway. This was supposed to be a joke thread, wasn't it? Um, yeah. Right. Here's a good one. Well, it's actually pretty terrible, but somehow pretty hilarious. From 'Sarcasm' on Facebook (which I'm pretty sure is run by an Indian). Um...



Someone please validate my initial hysterics at seeing this. It may or may not have something to do with the incredibly forced onomatopoeia with the whole MA thing. Also the redundancy. "He stopped the cow...it stopped."

TBH the shitty meme format with Ray William Johnson down there really does diminish the effect of this, but still. Thank you to India for making such hilarious jokes.

[ZoomBoom124]

What did the Mustard say to the Relish when it was behind?

You need to Ketchup!

[DarkAgea]

*bows* Thank you!
But to be honest, I was getting kind of worn down. I'm glad this ended where it did-
An official badge! And a title! My gods, that is awesome. I shall wear both with pride.

That is brilliant. Nothing more to be said.


Found this in one of my folders-

[Southern Corn]

You...you actually liked that? Whew, that takes a load off my chest.

Honestly, I'm glad too. It was getting really awkward and long and huge and drawn out and is suddenly starting to turn into a giant euphemism

Just like this scene from the game 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors! (Very very minor spoilers within)

[Southern Corn]

What's the difference between 19 elephants and 12 elephants?

Spoiler:

7 elephants.

[Southern Corn]

Spoiler: Business Ideas

A man opened a zoo. The entrance fee was 500$. But no one entered the zoo. Feeling that perhaps the fee was too expensive, he toned it down to 200$. Still no one came in.

He reduced it again to 100$, and still no visitors. The man finally removed the entrance fee altogether and visitors flocked the zoo like moths to a light.

Then the man let out the lions from their cage and made the exit fee 1000$.

Moral of the Story: Always adapt to the times for more money making.

[ThyDoppelganger]

Apollo Justice discovers that he was named after a god.

Apollo: I'm Apollo Justice and I'm DIVINE!

---

During the dark age of the law:

Phoenix: I'm Phoenix Wright and I was the LIGHT all the time.

---

Phoenix watched a horror movie.

Phoenix: I'm Phoenix Wright and I was WHITE all the time.

---

Apollo Justice on his ninth birthday:

Apollo: I'm Apollo Justice and I'm NINE!

---

I shall shove myself out, thank you.

[Southern Corn]

These jokes of mine were apparently deemed by some people to be appropriate to be shown in a magazine. Somehow.




Viewer discretion advised.

---

Spoiler:

[ThyDoppelganger]

Apollo was invited to a dinner party

Apollo: I'm Apollo Justice and I'll DINE! I shall have some WINE! AND ALL THIS FOOD IS MINE!


(The wine in question is grape wine.)

---

Phoenix sums up his career.

Phoenix: I'm Phoenix Wright, and in courtrooms, I FIGHT all the time for the truth to come to LIGHT and justice to be served RIGHT! And in doing so, all my witnesses turn WHITE as they set their SIGHT on MY BLUFFING MIGHT!

---
I shall shove myself out again.

[Student678]

What did Ron Weasley say when he entered the underworld and saw it full of red bodily fluids?

Spoiler:

"Bloody hell!"

[ThyDoppelganger]

Turnabout Revolution.

As if turning things around wasn't enough...

[Student678]

Which Australian town has lots of strong people?

Spoiler:

Musclebrook!

Which Australian town has lots of naughty people?

Spoiler:

Singleton!

Which Australian town has lots of people who like to say hello?

Spoiler:

Greeta!

[Southern Corn]

Fastest city in the world?

Spoiler:

Velocity.

Largest city in the world?

Spoiler:

Whale-o city.

Most shocking city in the world?

Spoiler:

Electricity.

Most shameful city in the world?

Spoiler:

Audacity.

Worst city in the world?

Spoiler:

Shitty.