Don't be so hard on yourself, cuteyounggirlplus. There were instances where I laughed, so it proves you provided some entertainment which is what we're doing, right?
That being said, I do agree that Franziska was still too whip-happy. I know in your sporking of Goffik Attorney you kind of made her a parody of herself and I noticed that you toned it down this time, but she was still a little... off.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 7:36 pm
by AireyVerkhovensky
@cuteyounggirlplus:
Woo, okay, finna got a half-hour to myself today to read your sporking before I gotta get back to setting up lizard tanks and making dinner for everyone. *cracks knuckles*
...I literally remember nothing about this fic but I get the feeling that that doesn't really matter.
Was the original fic bolded the entire way through?
You've already gotten some pretty good feedback, so I won't repeat any of it. One thing I will note is that you had sporkers go for some fairly long stretches of time without saying anything. It seems a bit odd, so maybe either use less characters or have more talking going on between lines of fic.
Other that that, it was pretty good and I laughed at loud at several different points. (Especially at Phoenix's "bra exam" quip.)
Edit: Page 39 already?! It was only five pages when I started posting!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 7:39 pm
by cuteyounggirlplus
@Airey
Uh, no. I just bolded everything. Sorry.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 8:47 pm
by AireyVerkhovensky
cuteyounggirlplus wrote:@Airey
Uh, no. I just bolded everything. Sorry.
Ah, it's not a big deal. I was just mildly alarmed at the prospect of an entire fic being in bold.
In other sporking communities where they don't have access to blockquotes or quoteboxes, bolding the fic is pretty standard, y'know.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 9:02 pm
by luck
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Edit: Page 39 already?! It was only five pages when I started posting!
Not to mention it was just 12 pages only one year ago. Meaning this thread has grown more (actually, more than twice) over the course of one single year than in the previous three.
Sorry for the double post but...That...that's just....
Go get Rubia, I'd ruin this ugly beautiful thing.
I'm afraid because I haven't actually read it yet... but now I realize I'm very suited to it because this sounds like a crossover I've been waiting for.
I can't wait to see this work of art sporked!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 12:45 am
by luck
It's been a few a pages since I updated the list so...
Spoiler:
Shadow Magician wrote:I have now read through every spork (save 'some R18 fic'...) and the image of me, trying to stifle my laughter at 4 in the morning came very true. :D
I've found some spork-worthy material which would strike fear into the hearts of ocertain sporkers: a Phoenix/Maya lemon. A badly-written lemon. And here we are, ladies and gentlemen.
Aquabreeze claimed this one but we haven't heard of her in a while
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:One moment, please.
I still love this thread. If anyone hasn't done this one yet, I have an offering:
It'd be a sporking of a sporking of a fanfic. This author's attempts at sarcastic reviews aren't nearly as entertaining as the ones I've seen here, and I figure it'd be a nice addition.
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:Speaking of new fics, has anyone tried this one? Oh dear. I can't bring myself to go behind the first few paragraphs... because ROFL.
Thane sporked the first chapter, but there's another one
SenorJustice-dono, who has not posted in the thread in a while wrote:I was thinking of sporking one myself that was just some nonsense about the Roman Empire and a time-travelling Phoenix that inexplicably comes to defend someone from the Roman empires and it's just train wreck of a fic. Another thing that's weird is random cameos from Bobby Fulbright and Simon Blackquill, which are nonsensical because of the fact that a.) Blackquill is out of jail after DD, despite the fact that the fic has him in jail with one of the main characters, and b.)"Bobby Fulbright" is still in his detective guise, just to sput his catchphrase. Here's the link if you want to read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9936350/1/T ... rneys-ever
SeniorJustice-dono is still working on it
Rubia gave up on this one but has already done the first two chapters.
This one has been updated recently
Gnobo, who has not posted in the thread in a while wrote:I actually have an Apollo/Ema fanfic sporking I'm working on. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5461319/1/Holiday-Romance. And this fanfic happens to be written by the same author as Blackmail.
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:On a different note, if we're starting to allow more and more NSFW fanfics, apparently. I'll just throw this out: Manfred and Miles. Thoughts?
sumguy28 wrote:Oh, and has this been sporked yet? Just by that description alone, it feels like a crime if it hasn't been sporked.
PoppyCorn was doing this one, but she hadn't showed up around here recently
Saresa wrote:I found this one fic on FF.net. It's no way as horrifying or creepy as the ones we've had recently... alright, it *is* creepy, but not in the same way.
It's basically a copy-paste of the first 2 canon cases, with a Mary-Sue shoved in to steal Nick's heart and save everyone with her "amazing detective skills". It was a real pain to read. If no one is interested, I would like to spork this one, though I have no idea on where to start from with a format like that.
Thane was working on the sporking for that but hasn't posted in the thread in a while and only did the first chapter.
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:I went oneshot-searching.
Also, the this and
Who wants what?
Edit: Tenth page wup wup!
Fourth Edit: These are a lot easier to find than I thought...
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:Anyway, here's the link to that crossover I mentioned. I notice gratuitous amounts of OOC and a time set "1000 years" after LoK, which at most would be represented by the late 1800s - early 1900s by our history. Also, the author has no concept of how bending is supposed to work.
As of the time of this post, HermannVonKarma and I are working on a sporking of this.
TheJettSet27 wrote:I would enjoy sporking a fanfiction sometime. In fact, I have a couple lined up. The first one is actually written well, it's just the shipped characters and the use of the magatama I find most interesting: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3925051/1/ ... SUCCESSFUL
This is one I would bring Adrian or Luke in, considering they're the couple in here.
And finally (making this more than a couple) another Kristoph one. He is found not guilty and allowed to roam free. This has bonus points in my book for the mention of him wearing one glove because all I could see in my head was him in a Michael Jackson outfit. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10778356/1 ... Chronicles
wizkid99 wrote:Instead of a sporking, I wanted find something you guys to have this fanfic I found while browsing through Ace Attorney fan fiction.
I'll look forward to anyone's next sporking.
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:Psst, Rubia: I finally found you an Investigations fic. It's a little bit on the long side and honestly not that bad (...actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it) but it is very silly. Here.
cuteyounggirlplus sporked the first chapter, but there's another one
wizkid99 wrote:Wow, this is really getting interesting over there. Great sporking as usual Airey!
Moving on, I found this fic featuring LukeXMaya. And Maya coming over for Ace Detective advice. Yeah, you can already see the huge plot hole created from the premise alone. I remember reading this once and I don't know why I didn't instantly suggest this for sporking material.
I was going to do chapter two of Flappy Attorney, but I think I'll wait until the old management comes back.
iglootheraptor was apparently going to spork it
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:Make them suffer. >:)
Edit: @Airey, remember the author of the one fic we did a collab on? Apparently, this author has written up another case.
I guess we should go in order, but whoever wants to do a follow up to our collab sporking can go right ahead. At the time of our sporking, the first chapter was the only one we found, so we're not exactly calling dibs on it.
wizkid99 wrote:Anyway, I currently reading a fic where Kristoph Gavin and Daryan Crescend escape from prison....And that's all I'm going to tell you for now because I'm not done yet, and for spoilers. The fic is thirty-seven chapter's long. As of this post, I'm on chapter twenty-three. And I don't know how to feel about this fic whether it's too good to not be sporked or if it's sporkable material. I want to let my fellow sporker's read it to judge for themselves.The fic itself is a slight AU where Kristoph adopted Apollo six years before AJ:AA and a slight Klavipollo is in there to. The fluff doesn't kick in until later.
This one seems like it should be a parody, but it's listed under Tragedy, so why not. ...Actually it is a tragedy: the tragic death of proper grammar.
wizkid99 wrote:In other news, I found this crack fic where Maya is a teacher. I remember reading this fic last year but got bored of it. It's pretty ridiculous. \ https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5447374/1/Ms-Maya
wizkid99 wrote:Moving on, I found another fic that I read some time ago. It's a fic where Phoenix has to hide Maya from his landlord because Phoenix didn't sign extended stay forms.
luck wrote:I've found a fic that can only be described with three words and one of them is not to pronounce in front of kids.
Rysiek wrote:I wanted to say, I like this thread. As to proposing fanfics, maybe someone can Spork Evr1 420 yolos made? It is actually good(and written bad on purpose as I saw the author writing beter than there ), but it may be fun to spork
:meekins:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10625733/1/
TheJettSet27 is doing this one
TheGreatSnarkoo wrote:I found this self-insert fic on Fanfiction.net. It's not horrendous, but it seems like good sporking material. https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11248565/1/R ... e-Attorney
Anyone interested in this? If not, I guess I could give it a try.
TheGreatSnarkoo wrote:Ignore post.
Edit: I found this while browsing Fanfiction. It's fairly old, but I don't think it's been sporked yet. I only skimmed it quickly, so I can't say much about the writing quality. Anyone interested in giving it a go?
luck wrote:I might try some short oneshots of that list that Airey posted when I finish my exams to keep this up.
In the meantime, I've found this fic https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10796011/1/Requital. It's not really bad, but it's extremely silly so it'd make for a funny sporking. And the premise is just weird.
luck wrote:Guys, what do you think about fics that involve rape, incest, an awful lot of nonsensical pairings, some really disturbing things and downright stupidity and aren't Law Plus Chaos? And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
cuteyounggirlplus wrote:I have some links to fics that I believe can be sporked:
I'm not sure if this fic has been sporked on the old forums or not but it deserves to be sporked. The author even refers to it as a troll fic on his profile page so there's no doubt left of it's sporkability:
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:It was Edgeworth and Pearl. Nick's just been around for all of them because he deserves it. ;)
And this may be irregular, but we'd done it before and with permission. I'm dropping by again to introduce some fics that I wrote that I wouldn't mind being sporked: http://forums.court-records.net/viewtop ... 11&t=31369
...especially the latest one in a couple posts after the first.
DrOcsid wrote:So I found this horrid piece of fiction.
Oliver wrote:Also, I found this fic... Little Brother's Assistant it's got Kay and Franzy switching bodies...
And uh...here's a fic which stars Pearl and Phoenix... Pearl's First Bra It's exactly how it sounds.
And then there's another character writing fan fiction. Maya Writes a Fanfic
And uhhhh... Truth or Dare
Oliver wrote:
Anyway, here's a fic I found. Little Legalities Ghost of a Goodbye this fic includes spoilers for DD. It's so serious it almost comes off as funny to me.
Skittlemask wrote:I don't know why, but this reminded me of a fic I read a long time ago. It had a somewhat silly premise but was executed really really seriously. Has anyone read it before? It was about Manfred von Karma finding a way to posses Phoenix's body, and making him go to the Prosecutor's Office to kill Edgey. He almost succeeded and blew up half of the building. Phoenix was arrested and Edgeworth defended him from his hospital bed via laptop, but he lost and the end of the fic was Nick's execution. I think it was titled Turnabout Jeopardy and was only one chapter long but was 14,000+ words If you're curious.:
Oliver wrote:This was my first time actually going on the Kink Meme. *insert virginity joke here*
So err... It's only a few sentences long, but it should work perfectly, right? https://pw-kink-meme.dreamwidth.org/340 ... cmt8404809
And I'm going to go wash myself in holy water as well to get the image of those two doing it out of my mind...
cuteyounggirlplus wrote:More Metafiction from the Kink Meme:
Oliver wrote:
The most Halloween of Halloween fics, clearly. Halloween takeover
Oliver wrote:Sorry for double post, but I found a fic for sporking... https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11566024/1 ... -last-case
I can't really describe it, I mean... There's this random 7 year old boy matching wits with Phoenix...? (Which makes an amusing image actually) And apparently Godot is found Not Guilty after flat out confessing in the game...?
Maya wrote:
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10170201/1/Cheater DD based fic where Athena, Apollo, Klavier and Ema play strip poker. This one is fun and well written but... There's just something about it...
Oliver wrote:I still stick with my theory.
Ah, I forgot to post the fic I found in my last post, Objection!
No really, that's the title.
Jasmine is an OC. She's Phoenix's twin sister.
Most of the text is straight from the game, but the insertions of Jasmine just make her seem unlikable.
Plus she's a bit of a Sue...
Really, we need to take control of the first post of the thread if that's somehow possible. That or create a brand new thread. Not only would make this list more accessible, but we also could have a sporking index and update the rules and the list of sporkers. But I don't think I'm the guy to be in charge of that because I can't really guarantee that my presence here will remain constant within the next few years.
luck wrote:Really, we need to take control of the first post of the thread if that's somehow possible. That or create a brand new thread. Not only would make this list more accessible, but we also could have a sporking index and update the rules and the list of sporkers. But I don't think I'm the guy to be in charge of that because I can't really guarantee that my presence here will remain constant within the next few years.
Yeah, I kind of agree with this...
Personally, though, I have an index of all my sporkings (including these ones) elsewhere.
Plus I keep the post with the fanfic links in it bookmarked, so thanks for keeping it updated, luck!
I don't think anyone else ever claimed it, so go for it.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 12:57 am
by Oliver
I also agree.
It's a huge pain in the ass looking for the post with all the unclaimed fics.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 1:26 am
by Rubia Ryu the Royal
If something is willing to make a new thread, I think they should first ask a mod for permission, in case any of them suspect a repeat thread. Still, we can make due for now and save that list under a bookmark. Thanks again, luck.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 3:34 am
by DrOcsid
So, guys, I've had an idea. Most of you probably know of that horribly-translated fangame, "Phoenix Drive". Now, I've thought about the idea of sporking this game, in a similar manner to how "The Plan to Capture Wright" was sporked. Of course, being a sex game, I disregarded the idea considering it probably wouldn't be allowed, but I've been thinking, and...
Suppose I cut out all the sex scenes, would it be fine to spork then? I don't have much interest in sporking those scenes as it is. Would anyone have any issues with me doing this provided I kept it SFW?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 3:39 am
by AireyVerkhovensky
Phoenix Drive isn't really Phoenix Drive unless it has the insane sex scenes, though... I mean there's tons of other crazy stuff in it, but it's Phoenix Drive.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 3:39 am
by Oliver
DrOcsid wrote:So, guys, I've had an idea. Most of you probably know of that horribly-translated fangame, "Phoenix Drive". Now, I've thought about the idea of sporking this game, in a similar manner to how "The Plan to Capture Wright" was sporked. Of course, being a sex game, I disregarded the idea considering it probably wouldn't be allowed, but I've been thinking, and...
Suppose I cut out all the sex scenes, would it be fine to spork then? I don't have much interest in sporking those scenes as it is. Would anyone have any issues with me doing this provided I kept it SFW?
I dunno...
Maybe if you put it on a blog or something like most NSFW sporkings are?
Or you could censor it.
I'm actually quite interested to see how you would spork it.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 4:23 am
by DrOcsid
Fair point, the sex scenes are a pretty integral part of the game. I was planning on censoring it if I did do the sex scenes, but I wasn't sure how far things could go here even if they were censored.
As for how I'm going to do it, it'll probably be screenshots of the game. Essentially, how I'd thought of doing it is showing a screenshot for each change in a scene, and then text for the lines in between. That way, I don't need a screenshot for every line of dialogue. I might also remove some text if things drag on too long, but we'll see.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 4:26 am
by AireyVerkhovensky
You could always do that thing where they photoshop Subway sandwiches over the naughty bits... probably definitely still wouldn't be allowed on this forum, though.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 4:33 am
by Oliver
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:You could always do that thing where they photoshop Subway sandwiches over the naughty bits... probably definitely still wouldn't be allowed on this forum, though.
Oh my, Subway sandwiches?
How dirty.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 4:36 am
by Rubia Ryu the Royal
The real question is, who will volunteer to face that game again? The first time I saw it, I swore it would be my last. For the sake of my blogs, I'd rather not post NSFW stuff there either.
Still, if someone does come around to spork it, you have my support and interest.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:32 am
by ThatoneJimmy
Would it be ok if I share something that isn't fanfiction, but sort of is, like a crack pairing?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:34 am
by Oliver
ThatoneJimmy wrote:Would it be ok if I share something that isn't fanfiction, but sort of is, like a crack pairing?
I'm not sure it would be.
We usually target things you can actually criticize instead of just, "This pairing is dumb, that is all"
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:37 am
by GyakutenShaiban
I think I'd like to try my hand at this sporking stuff, so here is my debut fic for hopefully a successful future career in sporking! This was actually a fanfic I used to read back in the day when grammar and good story didn't matter to me, but now that I look back on it, it's really kinda bad. Please leave criticism, especially about what you think about my character interpretations! (Because I especially think that I portrayed Lang awfully--I haven't played AAI in a while )
Cast: , and a special guest, straight outta compton Zheng Fa,
Rating:
There is plenty of potential for this one, but that potential was never actually turned into anything good. Thus, this. *makes strange hand gestures towards the fanfic*
-----------
[Enter our sporkers, taking their seats in la théâtre.]
Maya: My name's Maya, nice to meet you, Kay!
Kay: Heck yeah! Nice to meet you, too! I can already tell we're gonna be great friends.
Maya: Our first bonding together--a sporking! This is gonna be great!!
Kay: Yeah!
*Kay and Maya high-five*
Edgeworth: *leans towards Franziska* Why is Agent Lang here again?
Franziska: He's in this monstrosity, fool. It's only justified to let him see in what way he's portrayed in such an awful piece of work.
Lang: Can you believe I was pulled out of work for this nonsense?!
Announcer: Welcome to this month's sporking, everyone! We have a few special guests here with us--please give a warm welcome to Agent Shi-Long Lang and Miss Kay Faraday!
*Maya claps enthusiastically, Edgeworth golf claps, and Franziska glares at them while golf clapping*
Announcer: This certain fanfic is 18 chapters long, but we will only do 4 because I am sure that is all your poor brains will take after trying to watch this.
Franziska: DON'T MOCK ME, FOOL!
Announcer: Yikes! U-um, let the sporking begin!
[Lights fade.]
Spoiler: Prologue
"Croak Ribbit "
"Hey lady," a man says. The woman smiles.
"If you're trying to hit on me don't."
"Now why would that make you irritated?"
"Non of you're business."
"I think it is foreigner," he says coolly.
"!"
"Let's see rough day with the boy."
"Again non of you business."
"We'll see about that," he says. "Boys." Suddenly a lot of people come out and grab the lady taking her.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGG HHH!" The woman screams. The man takes off her necklace and leaves it on the ground. Frog is seen.
"Ribit"
Franziska: What the hell is this?! Everythung about this is simply making me extremely angry and I have more than half a mind to leave.
Edgeworth: There's nothing quite much to discuss here except for the fact that this appears to be an introduction or a prologue...?
Maya: *shakes head* Even I know better than to write like this.
Kay: Agreed! The Great Thief Yatagarasu doesn't even know whether she wants to steal justice for the woman...
Lang: Lang Zi says, "Learn your grammar and life will treat you well."
Edgeworth: *while restraining Franziska* Is that is for the first chapter?
Announcer: Interestingly enough, yes it is. There will be more in the upcoming chapters, I swear.
Maya: That was kinda boring. I hope more interesting stuff comes up soon!
Kay: Same!
Spoiler: Chapter 1
I am Miles Edgeworth, a local prosecutor. I had many cases. About two years ago I w told myself that the court's job was to find the truth.
Lang: Oh, wonderful. The chapter starts out with a first person through Mr. Prosecutor over here.
Franziska: What is that random "w" there?!
Kay: Ah, Miss Franziska, please calm down!
This all happened when my childhood friend beat me in court a couple of times. Recently I have managed to stop a smuggling ring as well as keep my badge. Though my profession was unemployed for a while there. I manage to complete those cases with my new assistant Miss Kay Faraday, Detective Gumshoe, Agent Shi-Long Lang from Interpol and fellow prosecutor Franziska von Karma. Of course there was other associates like Judge Caitlyn Malikin and Prosecutor Connor Insogo. Franziska and Connor and other prosecutor Klavier Gavin are currently the youngest members of the office but Franziska is one of the most experienced. Connor is more or less a crybaby and Klavier is a hothead.
Maya: There are so many characters being listed at once here, my head hurts!
Edgeworth: Ah yes, I remember everyone clearly, but for those who don't know these people, it may be quite confusing.
Franziska: At least the author knows that I am truly supreme.
Everyone: (They never said that...)
Kay Faraday is the second Yatagarasu. Don't ask me why she is my assistant. She more or less gave herself the job. She competent though, innocent but serious at the same time. Agent Lang is hotheadish but not like Klavier. He hates the profession of prosecutors but I think he's coming around to the idea of the courts.
Lang: Lang Zi says: "No."
Maya: *leans over to Kay* What's his problem?
Kay: He really doesn't like prosecutors.
Lang: I CAN HEAR YOU
Franziska: *is totally done, ready to leave*
As of now Connor is fitting in hanging around with Klavier despite them being so different. Caitlyn is judging more cases like a professional. Lang Franziska is off somewhere. And Kay is in my office sorting my stuff while I was sipping my tea.
Edgeworth: *shakes head* This is awfully edited.
Franziska: *is still totally done, is still ready to leave*
"It's hard to look right, at you baby. But here's my number, so call me maybe," Kay sang.
"Kay what are you doing?" I asked.
"Nothing," Kay said. I knew she was doing something. I glanced at her with a sarcastic look. "OK something. Ok I was singing."
"And what were you singing?"
"Call Me Maybe." I rolled my eyes. "I didn't think you were into that stuff Mr. Edgeworth."
"I'm not but I know a couple young girls. It's hard to miss out on that stuff." Kay nodded.
"So how's your life Mr. Edgeworth?" Kay asked politely.
"Fine finally peaceful for once," I said. "You?"
"Fine I guess."
"I heard Connor became a roadie for the Gavineers after a couple of weeks." Kay looked at me like I said the devil's name. "Kay he said he was sorry a billion times."
"I don't care," she said abruptly. "He accused me of murder Mr. Edgeworth. That's not exactly respected in my book of men." I snickered. "Or boys."
"Ok I don't get it. You're somewhat nice to the women who killed your father, when she accused you of murder but not Connor."
"I somewhat expected it from an Interpol agent," she defended. "Ok maybe its silly but I don't want to forgive him yet." I nodded. "How come you forgave everyone who accused you of murder?"
"Well I looked pretty guilty the first time. The second time I basically accused myself. And it was just a misinterpretation the last time."
Maya: Wait, what?! You were accused of murder?!
Kay: It's a long story, I--
Maya: Me too!
Kay and Maya: ......
Kay and Maya: SISTERS
Edgeworth: The conversation is awfully confusing here... Franziska? Where are you going?
Franziska: Leaving! I'm done with this foolishly foolish foolishness.
Announcer: H-Hey, you can't leave yet! The sporking isn't over yet!
Lang: Looks like the announcer was right after all--you can't handle the heat!
Franziska: *freezes in tracks* *sits back down*
Lang: *smirks*
"You didn't get accused of murder again did you?" someone asked. We turned to see Franziska at the door.
"No Franziska," I said. "But you'd be the first to know. When did you get back?"
"About an hour ago," she said. "What's up?"
"Well Kay refuses to forgive Connor," I explained.
"Still?" She asked. "How many apologies does it take for you to forgive the poor boy?"
Franziska: Hmph! I don't care about what these fools think of each other.
"Well aren't you still mad at Agent Lang for accusing you of murder?" Kay asked still trying to defend herself."
"I'm more mad that he defied my human rights," Franziska said. Kay rolled her eyes. "Aww does our little Kay have a crush?"
"NO!" Kay said as she blushed.
Kay: Me? A crush?? On THAT ONE??? No thanks.
Franziska: That sounds nothing like me! Does that sound like me, Miles?!
Edgeworth: Oh! Uh, no, not at all, Franziska. (Caught me by surprise...)
"What's up Franziska?" I asked changing the subject.
"Well someone was murdered, someone else died of natural causes, and a baby was born."
"I meant with you."
"I'm fine Miles," She said smiling.
"Before you came into my life I missed you so bad," Kay continued to sing. Franziska rolled her eyes.
"What are you're plans for tonight Kay?" Franziska asked.
"Nothing much," Kay said.
"Let's have dinner," Franziska said. "You too Miles."
"But but," I said.
"Please no Buts." Franziska said.
"I guess," Kay said. "What time?"
"7," Franziska said. "And no questions."
"That's just like you," I said.
But non-the less we had dinner and everything went well. Franziska and Kay worked out most of her problems with Connor despite Kay's refusal to forgive him easily. Franziska agreed on that. After that conversation we had one discussing cartoons and stuff including the Steel Samurai. Everything went so well that night that I would have never suspected the next day to be so messed up.
Franziska: *scoffs* So casual.
Kay: Definitely unlike you, Miss Franziska.
Edgeworth: Careful, Kay... You're treading on thin ice...
Maya: When do I come in?! I want to knooooooow.
Lang: Same here. I'm not here for no reason.
Announcer: It's the half-time show, folks, and you know what that means!
Maya and Kay: What? What?!
Announcer: Nothing. Moving on to the next chapter! I have a life, unlike you people.
Franziska: YOU FOOLISHLY FOOLISH FOOL I WILL WHIP YOU INTO OBLIVION--
Lang: Hey! You had to do a lot of work to get me here, and you know it!
Edgeworth: Excuse you.
Maya: RUDE
Kay: The Great Thief Yatagarasu took some time out of her hands to provide you with some wonderful commentary--you gotta be grateful for it!
Announcer: Ack! Ack! Calm down, all of you! I was kidding! Jesus Christ, Franziska, stop it!
Franziska: Hmph!
Announcer: On to chapter 2 of the story, or chapter 3 of the sporking in general...
Spoiler: Chapter 2
Time: May 4th 11:45 am
Place: Prosecutors office room 1202
"Gotta make my mind up. Which seat can I take?" Kay sang.
"Now what are you singing?" I asked.
"Friday," Kay answered. Just then the door burst open.
"Agent Lang!"
Kay: What? Out of all the songs, why that one? "Friday" is garbage!
Maya: Oh, I don't know... I kinda like it... PSYCHE HA OF COURSE NOT
Lang: My grand entrance? Better make this good!
"Aw Lang moving up. He's at the prosecutor's office," Kay said cheerily and not at all like yesterday.
"Very funny missy," Agent Lang said. "Shouldn't you be in school?"
"I completed junior year at mom's relative's," Kay said.
"If were going to talk about school, then I'll be going."
Lang: Aaaand I hate it.
Kay: Sorry, Agent Lang! But there's a reason we're sporking this, after all!
Lang: *frowns*
"Hey Franziska," I said. "Nice necklace."
"Thanks Miles." She said she turned away.
"Where'd you get it?"
"Catalogue," she said turning back.
"Are done talking about jewelry," Kay said. "What is going on?"
Franziska: *scoff* That was an awfully off-hand comment. Foolish.
Edgeworth: The summary says that one of the pairings included in this fic is one with you and me...?
Franziska: Foolish! Miles is like a little brother to me.
Maya: But he's--
Kay: Just don't say anything about it. It's better that way.
Maya: Oh, okay...?
"Someone was kidnapped," Lang explained.
"Lang that's local not international," I moaned.
"It's the ninth one in last two weeks," Lang exclaimed.
"And how are they connected?" Franziska inquired.
"I don't know but they are. I know it," Lang said.
"Tell us the facts of all of them."
"I only know places at the time," Lang admitted.
"And you didn't get you're men to find out?!" I asked.
"They had the month off."
Maya: Wow! That's really lenient of you, Agent Lang! Can I work under you?
Lang: *smiles* Sorry little one, but trained officers only. Wait a couple years.
Edgeworth: Not to mention that the Agent Lang mentioned in the story is just that--a story version of him. I doubt he actually does that with this underlings.
Maya: Well it would be cool if he did...
"Seriously Lang," Franziska said sounding annoyed. She whipped him but he caught it.
"They always have a month off and the given holidays off," he said giving Franziska back her whip.
Franziska: Grr! I hate it whenever people foolishly mention my defeats! This foolish author deserves a whipping or two!
Edgeworth: Franziska, please.
"What are the locations Agent Lang?" I asked getting back on topic.
"One is in a pumpkin patch," Lang started. Kay opened her mouth. "Don't!" And she closed it. "Two in the park, one in a dog park, one by a hair salon, one in a garden, one in an aquarium, and one in a museum."
"I count eight," Kay said.
"Well three people were kidnapped at the park two instances. One by the pond and two were kidnapped by the woodsy path."
"Interesting," I said. "Anything else."
"All girls," Land said.
"So basically we investigate these places," Franziska stated.
"Pretty much but its hard because the location throughout town," Land explained.
Edgeworth: I can see potential here, but this is clearly just badly executed.
Franziska: SOMEONE NEEDS TO FIND THEMSELVES AN EDITOR IMMEDIATELY!
"I'm sure we can find backup."
"You're not suggesting-"
"I am"
"What are we suggesting now?" Kay and Lang asked.
"I know just the people who'd help." Franziska declared.
Edgeworth: Please don't tell me--
Maya: MEEEEEEE!!
Announcer: Are all of you ready for the grand finale?
All: We're kind of scared.
Announcer: Good! Just one more chapter, and then you're done! Then you guys can leave! It's gonna be okay!
Maya: Quit stalling!
Announcer: I'm not stalling! Jeez, tough crowd...
Spoiler: Chapter 3
Time: May 4th 12:45 pm
Place: Wright and Co
"More lawyers," Land whined.
"Trust he's not corrupt," I said. Franziska nodded.
Lang: "Land"?
*Knock knock*
The door opened to a confused man about my age.
"Edgeworth! Franziska! People I don't know!" he cried out.
Maya: Is that supposed to be Nick?
Edgeworth: We can assume so.
"Hi Wright," I greeted. "This Agent Shi-Long Lang and Miss Kay Faraday.
"Oh I've seen you around," Wright said to Kay. "You were at Gatewaterland."
"Yes I was."
"Nick who's at the- Hey its ninja girl!" A young teenager said.
"Hey it's samurai girl!" Kay said.
"Maya you know Kay?" I asked the other teenager.
"I've seen her at conventions," Maya said. "It's great to see you. You can meet my cousins."
Maya and Kay: Eyyyyy we meet for the first time in this fic!
Maya: But hold up. My cousins? As in--
Franziska: Be quiet so we can get this over with. I am tired of commenting.
"Sweet." Kay said. I cleared my throat. "Oh can we come in?"
"Of course," Wright said motioning us to come inside. When we got to the living room we saw Iris and Pearl Fey aka Maya's cousins.
"Hey Pearl Hi Iris," I greeted.
"Hi Mr. Edgeworth," they said. They appeared to be reading books.
"Hey you're reading a chapter book Pearl," I said. Pearl nodded.
"It's very good," Pearl said. "I know most of the words too."
"I'm proud of you Pearl," Iris said hugging her. "Oh we have company."
"Agent Lang," Lang greeted raising his arm. They shook hands. "And who are you?"
"I am Pearl Fey. I am almost ten years old. And this is my sister Iris. She likes Mr. Nick."
Lang: There's a lot of people here.
Kay: Yeah, I'm getting confused!
Maya: But Pearly wouldn't even pay attention to that. Unfortunately, she believes 100% that Nick and I are a couple and frankly I have no idea what to do anymore.
"Ok. Didn't need to know that last part," Lang said.
"Ok what's up?" Wright asked.
"Kidnappings. 9 of them. All girls," Franziska said getting to the point.
"More kidnappings," Maya said.
"Maya!" Iris and Phoenix said.
"Sorry," Maya said.
Maya: I got kidnapped, too!
Kay: Really??? Wow, you have so many adventures! We'll have to meet again to talk about all the stuff you've done!
Edgeworth: Miss Fey, you being kidnapped is not a happy thing at all.
"So what's that got to do with us?"
"We need to investigate the locations are scattered throughout town and we want to do this quickly," Franziska quickly explained. "Wanna help?"
"I guess," Wright said. "What's the plan?"
"To quotes of Fred 'Split up and look for clues,'" Lang said.
Lang: *snorts* Who's Fred? Lang Zi is the only one for me.
Edgeworth, Franziska, and Kay: (We know...)
"Ooh I call Edgeworth," Franziska said sounding excited. We stared at her. "Because we known each other longest."
Franziska: I simply despise the fanfictions that always want the end goal for me and Miles to be a couple. It's utterly foolish and nonsensical!
"Hey Kay let's investigate," Maya said.
"But the kidnappers could be out there. Are you sure you'll be yourselves?" Lang said.
"Mr. Interpol guy, if anyone tries to sneak up on us, I'll go all Jackie Chan on them."
"Maya," Wright started. "Jackie Chan is alive."
"Or another kung fu guy," Maya finished.
Maya: Yeah, I can go all Jackie Chan on people! But yeah, he is alive, isn't he? So I can't channel him if he's alive. Was it... Bryce Loo who's dead?
Edgeworth: I believe you mean Bruce Lee.
Maya: Yeah, that one! I can channel him!
"Mr. Nick can I go with you and Iris," Pearl asked.
"Pearls," Wright started.
"Come on I'll be with you and you don't have to pay for a babysitter," Pearl said.
"What do you think Iris?" Wright asked.
"If you're extremely careful and stay close to us. Ok Pearly?"
"Yes Iris," Pearl nodded.
Maya: Wow, Pearl talks like a teenager in this one. It's sorta making me uncomfortable...
Kay: Ah, but she's so cute!
Franziska: I'm proud to say that I have influenced her in an excellent way--the only way a Von Karma can.
Edgeworth: She is rather adorable...
"Mr. Wright why don't you take your group by the park. Two crime scenes are there and the dog park is close by," Lang ordered.
"Edgeworth and I could take the museum and aquarium," Franziska said.
"Yeah you do that," Lang said. "Hey teenagers. "You take the hair salon and the pumpkin patch. I'll take the garden. You guys need these," he addresses Wright and Maya.
"What are they?" Maya asked.
"Permission to enter the crime scenes. You'll need them."
"Thanks," Wright said.
"All right les move out back at nineteen hundred hours. Lets move people."
Lang: Hah! I wouldn't let any lawyers, especially prosecutors, touch my crime scenes.
Maya: Plus, me and Nick don't need no permission to enter no crime scene! We're so gangster we let oursevles in!
Edgeworth and Franziska: *gives her an angry/suspicious glare*
Kay: Maya, you are so cool! We seriously have to talk again!
Announcer: Welp, that's that. I hope you all had a fun time sporking this!
Franziska: These are always foolish wastes of my time--I wonder why I even come to this. You're foolish, this was foolish.
Edgeworth: I just would like to go back to my office...
Maya: Yo! Me and Kay are leaving together for some food or something! I think we really bonded here!
Kay: Definitely!
Lang: For once, I agree with the little miss prosecutor. Waste of my time.
[Sporkers leave theater, dissatisfied yet satisfied as usual.]
**~Come back next time for another round of Sporking with Shai!~**
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:38 am
by Oliver
I'll read the rest later, but right from the start, Maya and Kay HAVE already sporked together.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:43 am
by GyakutenShaiban
Oliver wrote:I'll read the rest later, but right from the start, Maya and Kay HAVE already sporked together.
Oh, have they? I've tried my best to read all of the sporked fanfics on this thread but little lazy ol' me just doesn't want to cooperate
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:49 am
by Oliver
...Okay, sorry to break it to you, but this was one of the first fics sporked in this thread. (I didn't notice because you didn't put the title at the start of it)
This is why you ask people whether or not a fic has been sporked before.
I'm too tired to say anything else.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:58 am
by GyakutenShaiban
Oliver wrote:...Okay, sorry to break it to you, but this was one of the first fics sporked in this thread. (I didn't notice because you didn't put the title at the start of it)
This is why you ask people whether or not a fic has been sporked before.
I'm too tired to say anything else.
Ah, disappointing, but good to know. I looked up the title to check but no entries came up. Or perhaps I was just too lazy to go through many, many pages of search results. I am extremely tempted to fight you because you have been very helpful in the situations where I get embarrassed as hell
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:59 am
by Oliver
Many people want to fight me. Get in line.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:16 am
by Bramimond
I never heard of Phoenix Drive until I read it in this thread an hour ago. I watched it. There was no driving. None. I'm literally in my bed staring at the ceiling trying to process it all. Just...
What is life.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:20 am
by Oliver
Bramimond wrote:I never heard of Phoenix Drive until I read it in this thread an hour ago. I watched it. There was no driving. None. I'm literally in my bed staring at the ceiling trying to process it all. Just...
What is life.
Life is nothing if not a Drive
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:22 am
by GyakutenShaiban
Bramimond wrote:I never heard of Phoenix Drive until I read it in this thread an hour ago. I watched it. There was no driving. None. I'm literally in my bed staring at the ceiling trying to process it all. Just...
What is life.
I am so sorry you had to go through that
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:23 am
by Oliver
GyakutenShaiban wrote:
Bramimond wrote:I never heard of Phoenix Drive until I read it in this thread an hour ago. I watched it. There was no driving. None. I'm literally in my bed staring at the ceiling trying to process it all. Just...
What is life.
I am so sorry you had to go through that
Tch, you guys clearly don't know true art.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:26 am
by Bramimond
Well...I had a feeling I was gonna lose that last ounce of innocence anyways.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:31 am
by Oliver
What's innocence?
Is that foreign?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:33 am
by GyakutenShaiban
Seriously Oliver, you are the most intriguing 12 year old I have ever met.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:35 am
by Oliver
That's because I'm secretly 58 years old but you don't need to kno-oh....
Don't tell anyone, please.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:42 am
by GyakutenShaiban
*yells to the whole world at the top of my lungs* OLIVER IS SECRETLY A 58 YEAR OLD CREEPER ON THIS WEBSITE
Like that?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:44 am
by Oliver
GyakutenShaiban wrote:*yells to the whole world at the top of my lungs* OLIVER IS SECRETLY A 58 YEAR OLD CREEPER ON THIS WEBSITE
Like that?
Yeah. Like that.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 6:56 am
by Rubia Ryu the Royal
I think everyone in this thread has had too much candy, except me. I need more motiv- I mean, candy in my life.
@ Bram: Actually, there was plenty of driving. There just wasn't any parking. I wasn't innocent anymore by the time I checked it out for myself back then, but wow, was I disappointed. It actually would make for an awesome sporking if it were a fanfic, but because it's actually not porn, I don't think I'd be suitable for the job.
Oh, uh, sorry guys, I kinda lied above. I actually watched twice. To be fair, I was curious to see how the Japanese version looked. Unfortunately, the Unicode was not with me and I got a bunch of garbage. Granted, it was already garbage in the first place...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 9:43 am
by cuteyounggirlplus
@Rubia Speaking of motivation, who is doing the next part of Hellspawn?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 10:03 am
by luck
@GyakutenShaiban: Even if the fic was already sporked, I think we can still give you some criticism. First, you left way too much fic unsporked. I mean, check the previous sporking of this fic for reference. You don't need to make a comment every line, but you can't gloss over an entire chapter full of potential jokes just like that. Second, it didn't really feel like a sporking. Most of the time the sporkers were either just complaining, chitchatting about things unrelated to the fic or explaining canon facts to the others. All of this things are okay as long as you make something of it, but not if they're there just for the sake of it. And they can never substitute the main attraction of the sporking, which are the jokes. Remember, snark is the basis of spork. Also, I felt Kay and Franziska pretty flanderized and Lang out of character, but I'll leave the detailed characterization criticism for someone else with better knowledge of the characters than me.
@cuteyounggirlplus: If I recall correctly, a few people wanted to make some Hellspawn chapters eventually, but nobody claimed the next part.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 10:40 am
by Oliver
Actually, has Rubia claimed that really weird crossover fic I put up yesterday?
If not, I might do it instead of the Apollo and Klavier dressing up fic.