Im sarry for da brake guis becus i hed skool so i culdnot upd8 this desu fanfic. injoy!
Edgeworth: I’d like to take a moment to thank our school system for trying its best to slow the release of this chapter.
Apollo: What great heroism they displayed in trying to stop this madman!
Sans: well, it looks like the author just got “schooled”.
Apollo: …
Edgeworth: Pardon me, but I would like to leave.
Speakers:
Sans! I will not have you terrible puns contaminating the viewing experience!
Sans: hey, i’m a comedian. i’m just trying to make a living here.
Maya: Don’t be so negative guys! I thought that was actually pretty funny!
Sans: glad to be of service. At least we had a momentary distraction from whatever’s happening on screen right now.
Chaper to: the cortroum (ddun dun dun suspense)
Sans: wow. those are some flawless sound effects there. i’m impressed.
Maya: Oh boy, the courtroom scene! Those are always so exciting!
Edgeworth: I wouldn’t be so certain. Knowing the author’s track record, I’m sure he’ll be able to make this scene as painful as possible.
Juj Asgord sed "Curt is nuw is seshion.
Apollo: Is it just me, or is the spelling getting worse by the sentence?
Sans: maybe the author had some kind of painful head injury. whether i was offended enough by this piece of art to have caused that is up to interpretation.
Maya: Who’s that goat-looking guy in the Judge’s bench. Is he “Asgord”?
Sans: actually, that’s “asgore”. he’s king of the underground. i’m not sure why he was demoted to a judge, and i’m also not sure what the author did to his name. maybe those mysteries will be solved before this movie is over.
Edgeworth: I wouldn’t count on that.
And then Toorrel was liek "but wyy are yuu the jej Asgurd yuu semell i haet yu"
and Asgure was liek "cri" and then he sed "Prosecutter are yu redy"
Sans: that’s the former queen of the underground. her name is toriel. she usually isn’t that rude, but i suppose the author didn’t find stuff like “characterization” important.
Maya: Wow, this Asgore guy sure got over that insult pretty fast!
Apollo: To be fair, that “insult” was more of a playground taunt.
Edgeworth: Why are the king and queen even attending this trial? Shouldn’t they be under more security?
Sans: of course they should. unfortunately, the author doesn’t appear to agree.
And Udine sed "OH YA IM REEDY" and she speered the bench befuer supluxing it.
Maya: Why is there a human-like fish at the prosecutor’s bench?!
Sans: that would be undyne, captain of the the royal guard. also a prosecutor, apparently. that’s alright though. it’s not like she would have other duties or anything. and she’s a monster, not a fish, though i suppose it doesn’t make much of a difference.
Maya: Wow, she’s tearing apart the prosecutor’s bench! Shouldn’t that be illegal?
Apollo: Shouldn’t this fic be illegal?
Edgeworth: Hitting people with whips during trials should also be illegal, but apparently it’s not. Maybe in this fic, destroying public property is perfectly legal.
Apollo: I suppose that logic applies to throwing coffee at the defense as well?
Sans: …wow. it sounds like you three come from an exciting dimension.
It wuz reely tence. The first witnus was brout in. It was decative Peprus!
Sans: …decative peprus? whatever, that’s close enough.
Maya: Hey looks it’s Papyrus! Too bad he isn’t here to see this!
Apollo: If the author continues his trend of flawless characterization, then I imagine Papyrus probably wouldn’t want to see this.
Sans: speaking of which, why was papyrus kicked out of here?
Edgeworth: He was apparently kicked out for “multiple rule violations” and for “getting on the managers nerves.”
Apollo: …wait a minute… does that mean that if I break enough rules I can get kicked out?
Speakers:
Of course not. Papyrus was a crossover character that might never come back. Since you guys are regular sporkers, you would receive much more amusing punishments for misconduct!
Apollo: That figures.
Asgored slamed his tee cup "ORDRE IN THE CURT!
Maya: I guess it wasn’t that hard to keep order considering no one was talking at the time.
Witnas, staet yur name and ocupation (you now, becuz they do that all the time in ase atterney gams)
All: …
Apollo: Uh… Thanks for the information?
"I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, ROYAL DETECTIVE (AND SOON TO BE HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD)"
Undime got realy pised "BUT THATS MYJOB!"
Maya: I thought she was the prosecutor? Does she not even know her own job?
Edgeworth: It appears that the author believes that the two are synonymous.
Apollo: I suppose both jobs are part of law enforcement…
Sans: well, they also made papyrus a detective, which isn’t the same occupation as a royal guard either…
Asgore didnt want to heer any moer of this "just get on with your testify thingy."
" WELL, WE HAVE THREE MAIN REASONS WHY THE DEFENDANT MAY HAVE COMMITTED THE CRIME (THOUGH I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE IT…)"
"HOARD IT! " Phonixs yelled. "why dont you beleive it?"
Maya: “Hoard it?” What is Papyrus supposed to be hoarding?
Apollo: Wait a minute… Why is Papyrus the only one speaking in perfect English?
Sans: wow, you’re right. it also looks like papyrus has escaped getting his characterization destroyed…
Maya: It almost makes me feel sorry for him. He’s probably wondering what happened to all his friends…
Edgeworth: I wouldn’t look too deeply into this thing. Let’s just assume the author messed up and wait for this to be over.
"WELL, THEY JUST SEEM TO BE…UH….TOO NICE..?"
ABJACTIOBN # ! UNdime screemed "butthere a humin so theyre evil so that meens theyre GIILTY!"
Apollo: That’s some flawless logic from the prosecution there.
Sans: to be fair, anti-human sentiments run rather high where i come from. that still doesn’t give her an excuse for making an argument so “fishy”.
Edgeworth: …And I thought Wright’s puns were bad…
"hey nik they dont seem to like hunams much doo they" Maya asced
"dangit. sed pheonics. now i Can't asc out oonion- sanes. it gess they dont like humins."
Edgeworth: But if they don’t like humans, then why are they letting a human defend in court?
Maya: Based on the way Phoenix was acting in the last chapter, I’m not sure if he could be called a human by now…
Edgeworth: Based on how Phoenix was acting, I think the monsters have more murders to worry about than this one.
Sans: maybe it’s a good thing that I missed the last chapter then.
Apollo: Is no one going to comment on the fact that Mr. Wright apparently wanted to ask out a giant onion octopus?
Maya: I’m just pretending that I didn’t hear that part.
maya said "wait you liek unionsan?" "Guiet meya or i'll make you scrub the windows of my ofice..FROM THE OOTSIDE AHUSMAHAHHHAH." sed Feonix
Sans: wow, this guy is kind of a jerk.
Apollo: He’s actually nothing like this in real life.
Edgeworth: Indeed. This fanfiction is simply ruining his character.
Sans: ah, that figures. why wasn’t he invited here to defend himself?
Edgeworth: The management apparently thinks tricking you people is funny.
Speakers:
I said nothing of the sort! Stop spreading rumors about how this theatre is run!
Sans: then what’s the real reason that you didn’t invite that attorney?
Speakers:
Well… Apollo really wanted to go back here for some reason, so we invited him instead!
Apollo: That is not true at all.
"UHH, ANYWAYS, THE VICTIM, METTATON, WAS FOUND WITH DENT MARKINGS. THE DEFENDANT, THE HUMAN, HAD A FRYING PAN WITH THEM WHEN -"
HODE IT! Pheonix yled out. "how do yuu know that the dent warks we're from a freying pan?"
Maya: Wow! Phoenix isn’t even letting him finish! What if he was about to explain!
Edgeworth: Well, this is usually Mr. Wright’s preferred tactic.
Apollo: Though it is a valid point. However, I’m sure Papyrus has an answer prepared.
"WE DON'T"
Apollo: …Never mind.
Sans: why did they arrest the defendant again?
Edgeworth: It seems as if the only basis for their arrest was human prejudice.
Maya: I don’t know… that seems about as reasonable as some of the other arrests I’ve seen.
"Shadupg yuu yuor suposed to say stuff that geats the defandint a guilty verdit! said Undine as she through a spear at the witnass stand."
"Continuu, Papirus" Asgor.
Edgeworth: Does anyone care that the prosecution is throwing spears at the detective?
Maya: The judge sure doesn’t.
Apollo: Maybe Undyne just missed.
Sans: undyne is also apparently too busy throwing those spears to actually explain these inconsistencies.
"BUT THE DENTS WEREN'T WHAT DEFEATED METTATON. HE WAS STABBED….WITH A KNIFE….WE THINK."
Apollo: We think? Was there not a knife wound?
Sans: i don’t think this investigation was handled very well.
Edgeworth: This is honestly kind of disappointing to watch.
Sans: i’m not sure papyrus even got to see the crime scene before he was expected to testify.
Maya: Well, we never got to see the crime scene either. I don’t think the author even knows where the crime scene is!
"Add thw humine had a nife tooo! ginly! guilty! guilty!" Undyme was forming at the mooth.
Maya: Wow. She’s really invested in this trial.
Apollo: She seems pretty adamant about this. That’s pretty suspicious.
Edgeworth: How do they even know the defendant has a knife? Were their fingerprints on it? Did someone witness her using it?
Sans: …magic.
"And whats he finel peece of evidance?" Pheenix asked./
Apollo: Was any of that even evidence? Papyrus didn’t even seem certain about any of it.
Sans: yeah, it was definitely evidence. it didn’t really prove anything, but it was evidence.
"I'M LOOKING AT MY NOTE, AND IT SAYS THAT….THE DEFENDANT WAS DETAINED BECAUSE THEY'RE A HUMAN."
"Finaly somethig makes sense about this casee." Undine said.
Edgeworth: I guess I was right. The only basis for this arrest was human prejudice.
Apollo: Based on how Phoenix was acting, I think their prejudice was well-founded.
Maya: But what if this human is nicer than Phoenix?
Sans: well, there’s no way we could know. The defendant still hasn’t said anything or been addressed at all.
Apollo: I doubt the defendant is even in the courthouse. Based on the prosecutor’s attitude, they’re probably already in jail.
OBJICSHIN! Thats rassist! Phonics yeled.
"And yOu! studid defence atterny! shudup! im trying to get a guilt verdict here!" sed Undyne.
Maya: Phonics Wright? That’s a new one!
Sans: with a name like that, i bet he’s great at reading and “wright”-ing.
All: …
Apollo: …I think I’m going to go insane if this doesn’t end soon.
Speakers:
Regardless of how you feel about our guest’s puns, you cannot leave until the video has concluded!
Edgeworth: Technically, this isn’t racism. Human beings are a species, not a race.
Sans: does it really matter anymore?
"Eqality fir Humins!" sed Torial from the galery. She wus then shoved out off the gelery.
"ORDAR! I WELL HAVE ORDEER!" Asgore yelled as he slamd his tea cup. " Papyus, you can cotinue."]
Apollo: This guy did a great job of restoring order, considering only one person was talking. Again.
*AHEM* , YES, YOUR HONOR.. AS I WAS SAYING, I PERSONALLY BELIEVE THE DEFENDANT TO BE NOT GUIL…."
OBSKANKTION! %! Undies yells. "This Is ASE AttrNY your supposd to say the humman in GUIIIIIIILTY!"
Edgeworth: Technically, that isn’t Ace Attorney. It’s a disappointing Ace Attorney and Undertale crossover fanfiction.
Speakers:
The management must remind Edgeworth that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.
Edgeworth: If you must remind someone, remind the author of this fic.
Maya: Wow, the witness actually agrees with the defense for once!
Papyruss ingored Undime and continuud.
"So I think that the human…. the human…. is GUILTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
Maya: Well, never mind.
Sans: is this supposed to be papyrus talking? he’s not even talking in all caps anymore.
Apollo: I think this fic just lost its cohesiveness.
"WTF!?" said Pheonix. Then he looked into the gallery. He saw a skeleton with a blue eye mind controling Papirus!
Maya: Sans! Look! It’s you!
Sans: oh boy. maybe my personality can get butchered now. this is like a dream come true.
Edgeworth: I guess that explains why Papyrus wasn’t speaking normally.
Sans: no it doesn’t. i can’t control other monsters minds. and even i could, why would i control papyrus. i could just control the judge and end the trial right there. or i could control this phoenix guy and have him forfeit. either way, this fic doesn’t make any sense.
Apollo: I don’t think it’s actually supposed to. I hope not, at least.
"Yu see, yur honer, even our witness thinkes that the human is gilty!."
"Wait a minute." said Asgore. "I we executed the human, whould that give us a soul?."
Maya: Wait, who said that first line?
Edgeworth: The prosecutor, maybe? The author didn’t really specify…
Sans: since he didn’t say who exactly it was, i think it’s safe to say that some random kid in the gallery actually said that line. that’s my theory at least.
Apollo: I think I’m just going to ignore that second line there.
"HALD IT! phoenix yelled. The witness is being mind controlled! I demand a fifteen minute recess to get a new witness!"
"eh ok" Asgore said.
Maya: Wow! He caved pretty fast!
Edgeworth: Apparently the prosecutor didn’t have anything to say about that either.
Apollo: Why would she have any reason to question a statement as ludicrous as that?
Sans: since, i can apparently mind-control everyone now, why would getting a new witness matter. couldn’t i mind-control the next witness too? could i also mind-control the author and make them delete this entire fic?
Edgeworth: We all certainly wish you could.
Later, Pheonics was talking to Maya in the courtroom lobby.
Maya: Aw… He was so close to writing a sentence without any spelling mistakes!
Sans: why does that lawyer guy’s name have to be so complicated?
Apollo: All of our names are complicated. Well, except Maya. And I guess yours is only four letters too…
Sans: he’d probably still find a way to mess it up though. he’d probably write it like “snaz” or something.
Maya: “Snaz?” That sounds like “sneeze!” Wait, do skeletons actually sneeze?
Sans: that’s classified information.
"Hey nick, how are you going to win the case? Nobody around here seems to liek humans."
Edgeworth: What do their human prejudices have to do with winning the case? They just need to prove that the defendant didn’t commit the crime.
Apollo: Well, they would have to convince the jury… but we’ve seen no evidence that there is a jury.
Sans: so... i guess they have to convince the judge without starting a riot. i wonder how our honorable hero will solve this predicament.
Phoenix smiled evily.
"Don't worry maya. I just have to find Mettatun's real killer. If I do that then Friks can go free. And then I will be riech!"
Apollo: Isn’t Phoenix already rich from all those monsters he killed? Why hasn’t he just given up?
Maya: Because he wants to be even MORE rich of course! Come on, Apollo, you’ve got to be more motivated!
Sans: are you implying that apollo should kill people and take their money?
Maya: Of course not! I’m just saying he needs more DETERMINATION, you know?
Speakers:
...I’ll just ignore that one.
"wow that's really cool nick. then when your rich you can get me burgers."
'NO BURERS FOR YOU MAYO." then he laughed a evil laugh. "im' going to make you pay for your litle inserection earlier."
Edgeworth: Insurrection? Phoenix is only Maya’s employer. Is that really the correct term here?
Apollo: This same problem seems to exist in the whole fic. I don’t think the author comprehends Phoenix and Maya’s working relationship.
Maya: Yeah! There’s nothing to stop me from getting some burgers on my own. It’s not like Phoenix is my legal guardian.
Sans: i think there are number of things the author doesn’t comprehend. basic spelling and grammar being two of them.
"what do you meen nick?" said maya.
"Heheheheeeehehhhhe." youll see. Nick was looking scary.
Sans: oh no. what devious plot is the evil porcupine attorney plotting this time? will maya get to eat burgers again? only time will tell.
Apollo: Assuming we survive that long.
The fifteen minute recess enved. The court reconveened.
"Your honor, I would like to say that with my brillience dectective skills I have found the ture killer of Mettaton. And it is NOT the defendant Frisk!"
Apollo: “The fifteen minute recess enved”? Who was it envious of?
Maya: It was probably envious of the twenty minute recess, since it had more minutes than it!
Sans: i’m betting that phoenix is the real killer here. he could have purposefully set up this trial so he’d get more money. who agrees?
Edgeworth: Well, he killed all those monsters at the beginning. So it’s not too big of a stretch.
Apollo: I mean, ignoring the fact that they live in two separate dimensions.
Edgeworth: Our police force apparently got this case’s summary from this dimension, so Phoenix could have killed the robot through a magical portal too. Anything is possible when you don’t care about quality.
'OK then, then who is the killer?" judge Asgore asked. Phoenix smiled, and then let out an evil cackle that sounded like this.
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHHHHHHAHAHAHHHEHHEHEHAHHAHAHAHHEHEHAHHHEAHEHAHEHHAEHEAHHEHAHEHAHEHAHEHHAEHAHEHHHEAHHhhHHHAHHHHEHAAHAHAAGGHHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Sans: speaking of quality, it’s clear that the author put a lot of thought into dictating his evil laugh.
Maya: Why is that Frisk person under arrest? Shouldn’t they be turning more of their attention to the human who maniacally laughs at random?
Edgeworth: That would require them to think through their arrest, which they clearly haven’t. Not if the skeleton’s testimony is anything to go off of.
"THE TRUE MERDURER OF METTATON IS…." Pheonix pointed his finger at the gallery.
"NONE OTHOR THAN BURGERPANTSS!1!"
Sans: burgerpants? really? of all the people to make the murderer…
Edgeworth: Actually, it looks like fic-Phoenix is intentionally blaming them to “punish” Ms. Fey.
Maya: The author apparently decided to make me fall in love with that guy, simply because I like burgers.
Sans: oh. i see. that must be pretty painful.
Apollo: Actually, considering how many of these things they force us to see, we’ve all pretty much learned to ignore the pain.
Mayo lasped out loud. "nick y u do this" and then she starts to cry.
Edgeworth: It’s not like Phoenix has any proof. I seriously doubt he’d be able to convict Burgerpants for this.
Sans: i don’t know. this version of our court doesn’t seem to care much about proof.
Apollo: Is this story going to become some kind of star-crossed lovers thing?
Edgeworth: Hopefully we never have to find out.
Maya: While those questions are all interesting, I’d like to know what “Mayo lasped out loud” means.
Edgeworth: It’s clearly “gasped”. However, I thought it was “laughed” for a second.
Sans: i wish it was “laughed”. that would have been hilariously poorly timed.
Phoenix Wright!
Miles Edgeworth!
And Maya Fey!
Can't you sadists have one sporking without me?
Wow, pal, when was the last time I was here?
Ha...! Beats sitting in prison with one mug of coffee for the day.
Baah! (Eats grass)
"What?!"
Great. More of the weed adventure.
“Here we go again.”