Ms. Maya is a decent fic, it is meant to be funny, and does that quite well. Most chapters are short and sweet, and it stays quite in character (A bit of flanderization here and there, but this is a fic about MAYA becoming a teacher, somehow) so I give it
(Welcome to the Sporking Theater, where we welcome education above all else! Seriously, who keeps writing this crap?)
Our Sporkers today are...
Maya Fey
I hear this fics not that bad, and even has the Mighty Mystic Maya as a main character!
Larry Butz
Don't believe what Nick tells you! I don't stink!
and Phoenix Wright
Huh, I'll be honest, from the script, this is neither a long, or especially bad fic....it better stay this way throughout the fic...
Phoenix is sitting in a chair he recently marked as his own, (don't ask) suddenly Larry barges into the room looking almost...excited. Shortly after Maya walks in, and takes her seat, popcorn in mouth and both hands.
Larry: I heard I had a pretty important role in this fic, I can't wait!
Maya: Well it's not the main character, that's me.
Phoenix: *to Larry* Well, if you will eventually be in here, I'm not seeing it.
Larry: Don't be such a mood killer, Nick! There's always time for me!
[the lights dim]
"Okay, class, from now onwards, I'm your new teacher! I'm Maya Fey, but you can just call me Maya!"
"Yes, Ms. Maya!" the class of first graders chorused.
Phoenix: Ah, kids. Getting your name mixed up with your other name...
Maya: Or, they could just be saying that so they don't sound so stiff like you!
Phoenix: Who are you calling "stiff"?
Larry: Forget ol' stiff-lips here! Where do I come in this?
Phoenix: ...Just keep waiting, Larry.
"Hey, didn't I tell you to just call me Maya? Oh well, never mind. We're wasting time talking about my name. First, I'd like to get to know all of you, so please introduce yourselves."
A little boy stood up, "I'm-"
Phoenix: I find it hard to believe this is Maya, a legend for wasting time.
Maya: The more important thing is what happened to that kid? He's suddenly cut off mid sentence!
Phoenix: Well, Maya it can easily be explained by th-
"No! Not like that! Standing up and saying your names like that is boring! Do it this way, hold this hamburger," she handed him a hamburger, "eat it as fast as you can and try to beat me!"
All: ...
Maya: Wow, fic-me is a genius! Good job, Ayam!
Larry: Huh? Ayam? Who's that?
Maya: Alternate me of course! And Nicks is Xin Eohp and yours would be ...Yrral.
Larry: Yrral? ...Sounds cool!
Phoenix: (Thinking about it, the opposite of Larry might actually be cool... and probably a jerk.)
I'd rather ask how Maya came to this school carrying all these burgers and without any of the school staff objecting.
Maya: Come on! Who can object to burgers, Nick?
"Ms. Maya, I don't see how this is related to introductions," a little girl said.
"It does!"
Phoenix: It does...what exactly?
Larry: I bet it's a love machine! Maya's looking for a sexy hunk like me, right?
Maya: Larry, don't suggest potential pairings. I beg you.
"How?" another little boy asked.
Larry: Man, it's like kids don't listen today! I just explained it, stupid head!
Phoenix and Maya: (Thank God he doesn't have kids)
"Well, when you eat this hamburger, you put it inside your mouth right?" the children nodded and Maya continued, "Well, the hamburger reads your name from your mouth, and then it tells me your name before it gets swallowed."
Phoenix: ...Completely logical.
Larry: But...how can hamburgers speak?
Maya: Ah, Larry, the wonders of the hamburger can't be understood by a lesser being such as yourself.
Larry: Awwww...
Phoenix: (He's not really believing this, is he?)
"But, Ms. Maya, our Science teacher, Mr. Holmes (1), told us that hamburgers are not living creatures!" the little boy that was holding the hamburger said.
Phoenix: "Mr. Holmes" the science teacher?
Maya: That sounds so awesome. He'd be the best teacher ever!
Phoenix: Maybe... but I'd think even basic logic could tell the kids that hamburgers aren't alive.
Maya: Doesn't mean they don't say anything.
Phoenix: ... (How long is she going to keep this up?)
"But hamburgers are not dead! They're not even living creatures!" a little girl said.
"Well, as you can see, this hamburger has ham in it, right? This ham was once alive, therefore hamburgers are actually dead!" Maya concluded.
A chorus of 'ooooooh's followed after Maya's explanation.
"Wow, Ms. Maya, you're so smart! You're smarter than Mr. Holmes!" the children commented.
Phoenix: Wow...Try it right now, Maya! Try channeling a burger!
Maya: No! That'd make me a cannibal!
Larry: I still haven't appeared.
"Why, thank you, now, on with the introductions."
Phoenix: Only you could move on from that so quickly, Maya.
Maya: Is that an insult or a compliment?
Phoenix: You will never know.
Maya and a little boy had an eating competition and soon, Maya won.
"Okay, you're name is…Tom!" she said, reading his name tag.
Maya: No Ayam! Don't disclose the secrets of spirit channeling! Erm, I think it was supposed to say she read his mind through the burgers...experiences? Y-Yeah! That!
"Yes! How'd you know?!" Tom answered.
Larry: Even I can answer this one, she used that love machine burger thing!
Phoenix and Maya: Close enough...
"Hehehe…I've got ESP, didn't I tell you that? Besides, the hamburger told me."
Larry: Wait...Maya, whatever you do...DON'T TAKE A LOOK AT MY MIND! You'll be in for worse than some of these fics!
Maya: Really? I mean, it'd be creepy I bet, but more than some of these fics? *laughs* (Oh no...not that...please not that! "He held the pliers in front of my face and I wasn’t even afraid.") *freezes*
Phoenix: Maya? Are you okay? ...
All of them gazed at her in admiration. She was just too cool! Then, they began asking her their names one by one. All Maya needed to do was to read their name tags.
Phoenix: Sounds kind of boring, I mean, she'd be looking at them individually and pretending to channel a spirit, right? That takes like 10 minutes, and I'd guess there's about 30 children there, so that's about 5 hours, just for the sake of being "cool".
Maya: You wouldn't understand, Nick, you're too old.
AT THE END OF THE DAY…
The principal came around to Maya's class to ask a random student what he/she has just learnt in class that day. He asked Tommy.
"Tommy, what did you learn in class today?" he asked.
"I learnt that when living things die, they become dead. Also, Ms. Maya has ESP!!"
"Why is that?"
"She knew all our names without even asking us!"
The principal sighed. He didn't want to tell the little boy that his name tag was the reason for her knowing. He might start crying and his parents would kill him. He didn't want to die.
"Good boy. Ms. Maya must be a great teacher. See you tomorrow!"
Little did the principal know, Maya was polluting the minds of the kids with utter nonsense.
Phoenix: It actually seems that he knows fully well.
Maya: But if he was nice enough to let me bring all those burgers, he wouldn't mind, right?
Phoenix: ... (I fear for education these days...)
Larry: Geez, that kid's parents must be crazy to do that just because their kid cried. Back then, whenever I'd be called an idiot, I just shrug it off!
Phoenix: (Yeah, and then you ignore the reason why people keep calling you that!)
[The lights turn back on]
Maya: Oh wow...That wasn't that bad actually.
Larry: Well bye guys, I didn't talk much because I was LIED TO by the management that I would appear.
[And so he left alone, once more a heartbroken man.]
Phoenix: This may be Larry we're talking about, but that was a low blow from the Management.
Speakers: Whoops, maybe we just forgot he wasn't in this chapter?
Phoenix: You're the one with the script!
Maya: Didn't your teacher ever tell you not to bully the unsuspecting?
Speakers: Buzz off.
Phoenix: Speaking of which, Maya...
Maya: Yeah?
Phoenix: Never, ever become a teacher. Please.
Maya: Hey! I can totally be a great teacher! The Kurain Channeling School won't teach itself, you know!
Phoenix: Other than spirit channeling, I mean. Last time, Cody beat you in multiple subjects, and he's only 2nd grade.
Maya: ...Way to rub it in. Fiiine, I'm much too busy studying up on the language of burgers anyway.
Phoenix: ... (Language of burgers. Yep, I've heard just about everything now.)
[And so the last two sporkers leave, to who knows where!]
And now I would like to thank Airey for help in my last (admittedly horrible, but that was all on me) spork, and Rubia for helping me with this chapter of Ms. Maya. Now, to go back to sleep, waiting to go to a school with boring teachers, and MATH