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Miles Edgeworth never liked the holiday season, he saw it as nothing more than a excuse for people to be lazy and skip work. However, on Christmas Eve he's faced with some very spirited visitors who are determined to show him the reason for the season. Written for the Wright and Co. Law Offices Facebook page.
Phoenix: We had a Facebook page at some point?
Edgeworth: So I take it that I'll be your Scrooge for this evening? *is not amused*
Gumshoe: Don't take it too personally, sir. Everybody knows they always cast the most popular character for the main role.
Phoenix: I think the role suits you. Last time I checked, you weren't much of a Christmas person.
Maya: Psst. Hey, Nick. I think the last time you checked was
that case.
Phoenix: Oh, ahem, right. Sorry about that. *whispers in Maya's direction* Seriously, it's been that long?
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The cold, brisk winds blew through the air of LA. It was Christmas Eve and the people of this fair city were travelling about town making preparations for the big day tomorrow. Whether they celebrated Christmas, Kwanzaa Hanukkah or the Winter Solstice, everybody loved the holiday season.
Maya: *munch, munch* What's Kwanzaa Hanukkah?
Phoenix: Must be what people celebrate in Japanifornia.
Speakers: The management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that grave violation of the fourth wall is not permitted. You should know this by now.
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Outside the Prosecutor's Office a group of Christmas carolers gleefully sang "Joy to The World"
Edgeworth: It's an office building. People work in it. Who did they expect to stand outside and listen to them? The random police officer entering and leaving the building to run errands?
Gumshoe: *pondering* Yeah, I guess you wouldn't really hear a peep inside your office, huh? It's too far up. *continues to snack on his popcorn*
Phoenix: Maybe they were "outside" in the hallway. Blocking it up, probably. So you'd have to pay them to let you escape.
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as they brought joy and cheer to everyone who heard their song. Well, almost everyone… Miles Edgeworth wasn't a bad man, far from it; he was a man with a heart for truth and justice. The only problem was that Edgeworth was a bit of a workaholic and simply spent an unhealthy amount of time working.
Gumshoe: Yup, that's Mr. Edgeworth for you.
Phoenix: Working, and commenting on other people's work.
Edgeworth: ...or lack thereof.
Phoenix: See what I mean?
Gumshoe: I, uh, is it... no, don't tell! I'll remember what it means, just give me a second...
Maya: We're always working hard. Just this morning, we dusted off all the old books in Nick's office and sorted them by color. *takes a hand full of peanuts and downs them with cola*
Edgeworth: Very impressive.
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Edgeworth walked out from the parking lot and approached the entrance of the Prosecutor's Office,
Edgeworth: There is a connecting door in the parking lot.
Phoenix: You know, I think I figured it out! The author thinks that "the Prosecutor's Office" is really just
one office, and that's why the carolers are standing outside of it, in the hallway. The hallway that also connects the one office to the parking lot.
Maya: That would be one giant office. *slurp* They'd probably need a helicopter to change a light bulb.
Edgeworth: Not only that, but where would all the other prosecutors work? In cubicles?
Maya: It could be like a giant sleepover party. Everyone piled up in a nest of blankets with flashlights and snacks. *munch munch*
Phoenix: Sure, and every night they could take turns reading each other bedtime stories... out of case files.
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and much to his annoyance he saw the carolers standing in front of the office singing songs of joy and cheer. Edgeworth rolled his eyes and approached the carolers.
"Merry Christmas, sir! How are you today?" One caroler asked.
"Do you have a permit?" Edgeworth asked, giving the carolers a glare colder than the air that filled L.A.
Edgeworth: Of course they don't. There's no such thing as a permit to sing Christmas carols. And as for a permit to block the hallway with their carolling, I can't think of a single person who would give them per- wait, no, I can think of a single person. *sighs*
Phoenix: In fact, he would probably invite us over to join them.
Gumshoe: Hey, that's a great idea! We should all meet up at the precinct and give it a try next Christmas season. What do you say?
Maya: *munch, munch* Sounds fun. Just think how great the acoustics will be if the hallway's ceiling is as high as in the single Prosecutor's Office!
Phoenix: You're making enough noise as it is.
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"No sir, we don't sir. We're just walking around the city trying to spread the joy of the holidays, sir." The head caroler replied timidly as he held his hat in his hands.
"Ah, so you're disturbing the peace?" Edgeworth pressed.
"We're just caroling sir…"
"What you're doing is illegal, so stop before I have you arrested.
Edgeworth: All jokes aside though, the author clearly intended these people to be standing outside the building. Unless they use a megaphone or vuvuzelas to add to the "great acoustics", there is nothing disruptive or illegal about what they're doing.
Maya: Maybe they're just really, really, reeeeeaaallllyyyy bad singers.
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Am I understood?" Edgeworth interrupted crossing his arms.
Maya: How can he interrupt when he's the only one talking?
Phoenix: He travelled back in time to his last syllable so he could dramatically interrupt himself?
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"Y-yes, sir." The caroler said as he gripped his hat in his hands and left with the other carolers, their Christmas cheer crushed by the Demon Prosecutor.
"Christmas… Bah, I don't see why everyone makes such a big fuss about it…" Edgeworth adjusted the cravat he wore on his neck
Edgeworth: Where else would I wear it? In my pocket?
Gumshoe: It does kinda look like a handkerchief...
Edgeworth: Not you too!
Maya: Huh? What do you mean, "too"? *slurrrp*
Edgeworth: Don't ask.
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and proceeded to walk inside the large building that stood before him. "It's nothing more than an excuse for selfish people to receive gifts, and for lazy people to avoid work."
Gumshoe: Oh, so
that's what you meant with "commenting on other people's work or lack thereof"!
Phoenix: Uh, sure.
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As Edgeworth walked through the doors he took note of all of the tacky decorations that had been set up in the main area of the Prosecutor's Office. There was a large Christmas tree planted in the center of the office that irked Edgeworth the moment it was brought in,
Edgeworth: If it's already planted, how can it be brought in?
Maya: *talking with her mouth full of popcorn* But see? The office does have a high ceiling. They even plant trees in there. *swallows and grabs some more* Maybe they could plant a few more and have a small forest. Then they could keep their own reindeer in it. *munch, munch*
Phoenix: Slow down on the snacking already! You'll choke on something. And I don't think it would be cold enough for reindeer.
Maya: Maybe if they turned off the heaters?
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the glared at the piney abomination that he knew would be nothing more than another needless distraction to hinder these people from working. What's worse is that he'd have to help take it down when this horrid holiday passed.
Phoenix: Why would he? They clearly didn't need his help bringing it in. It should be easier to get rid off, because it doesn't have to be in one piece, and will probably have lost some of its needles until then. Even if they did need the extra help, we all know who would end up doing it.
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"At least I only have to put up with you for one more day…" Edgeworth muttered to the tree as he walked past it and into his office.
"Merry Christmas, Mr. Edgeworth sir!" A voice greeted as Edgeworth opened the door to his office. Detective Gumshoe stood next to Edgeworth's desk wearing a wide grin on his face.
Gumshoe: Hey, look! I'm in this story, too! *grins happily*
Phoenix: I'm pretty sure we'll all be, with how many characters there are in the original Christmas Carol.
Edgeworth: The question is, which roles will you play?
Maya: Ooh, ooh! Maybe I'll get to channel some Ghost of Christmas Past!
Phoenix: Seems legit. Hm, then I'll be... what, the Ghost of Christmas Present, maybe?
Edgeworth: Regarding your love for exposition, it's a possibility.
Gumshoe: And I'll be...
Edgeworth: ...Bob Cratchit, obviously.
Gumshoe: Wow, that's exactly what I was about to say! Y-you're a genius, sir!
Phoenix: (I think everyone in this theater is a genius by that definition.)
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"What do you need, Detective?" Edgeworth asked as he walked over to his desk and sat in it, clearly avoiding any needless small talk.
Phoenix: How do you "sit in" your desk?
Maya: Maybe his desk has a really big drawer?
Edgeworth: That would certainly be a safe way to avoid needless small talk. Or any human interaction whatsoever.
Phoenix: Ehh, I would still talk to you. I've seen stranger things than a grown man sitting in his desk's drawer. Although I would probably still make a few comments about it, for the rest of your life.
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"Well sir, I was wondering if I could have the day off tomorrow. Y'know, so I Maggey and I can spend our first Christmas together." Gumshoe asked as he rubbed the back of his neck.
Maya: "I, Maggey and I", a romantic split-personality crime Christmas comedy for the whole family, coming to theaters soon. *grabs some more popcorn*
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"No." Edgeworth responded dryly, focusing on his paperwork.
"No?" Gumshoe asked trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.
"Tomorrow's another working day, Detective, Christmas or not." Edgeworth replied, not even looking at Gumshoe.
"A-alright, sir… Can I at least have a Christmas bonus?"
Phoenix: As the present defence attorney, I feel the need to point out that bringing up these requests
one day before the event is a decidedly bad move. These things have to be discussed in advance.
Maya: Yeah, I mean, crime doesn't stop for the holidays. Where are they going to find a substitute on short notice?
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"A bonus of any kind must be earned, Detective. You need to start doing better detective work before I even so much as consider giving you a raise." Edgeworth scolded.
"Y-yes sir…" The poor detective lowered his head as he sulked his way out of Edgeworth's office.
Phoenix: So far, everyone is in character.
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"Merry Christmas, Mr. Edgeworth sir…"
Edgeworth half-heartedly waved his hand in response to the detective's words as the dirt poor detective closed the door to the office. "Merry Christmas," Edgeworth muttered to himself "Hmph."
Maya: That's not how you say "humbug". Nick! He's cheating his way out of an endearing catch phrase!
Phoenix: Nothing I can do about it. Who still uses that word, anyway?
Maya: But it's not A Christmas Carol without it! Make them make him say it!
Phoenix: I think you spent a bit too much time around Franziska last time.
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As Edgeworth finished his paperwork and began to file it away, there was a knock on his door. Edgeworth looked over to the door as he placed his files into his filing cabinet. He took a deep sigh and walked over to the door to open it.
Phoenix: Whatever happened to "come in"? Next you'll need a doorman to do it for you.
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As he reached his hand out to the door's handle to open the door for his guest the door thrust itself open, Maya Fey ran into the office clad in her usual spirit medium robes with the added accessory of a scarf. In her hands she carried a Christmas wreath.
Maya: Aw, I'm playing a minor character? I guess I won't get to channel any Christmas ghosts after all.
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"Merry Christmas, Mr. Edgeworth!" Maya greeted cheerfully as she searched frantically around the office for a place to hang the wreath.
"Maya, you can't just barge into his office!" Phoenix sighed as he stood by the door to Edgeworth's office.
Phoenix: "Maya, you can't just barge into his office. So I'll stand back and watch while not making any attempt to stop you."
Edgeworth: Everyone still in character, I see.
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"What do you two need?" Edgeworth replied plainly.
"Yesh, Merry Christmas to you too Scrooge." Maya responded as she placed the wreath on the wall.
"What?" Edgeworth questioned, cocking an eyebrow.
"Y'know, Scrooge! The guy from the Christmas Carol," Maya ginned while Edgeworth stayed staring at her in confusion, "Grumpy guy, hated Christmas…" Edgeworth remained silent, "You've seriously never read or seen the Christmas Carol?"
Phoenix: So now we have A Christmas Carol within A Christmas Carol?
Maya: Christmas Carol-ception.
Gumshoe: It's like watching a school play and watching the movie at the same time. ...Should we have brought more snacks?
Edgeworth: I think between the two of you, one lifetime supply of popcorn and chocolate bars will do.
Maya: How is this a lifetime supply? More like a one-occasion all-you-can-grab buffet. *munch, munch*
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"Heard of it, never bothered to read the books or see the adaptations. I'm not too fond of Christmas stories." Edgeworth deadpanned as he removed the wreath from the wall.
"Seriously!?" Maya questioned in shock,
Phoenix: Yes, seriously?
"Questioned"? Edgeworth: This is what happens when an author tries too hard to avoid the words "said" and "asked".
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"Not even the Muppet's version o-or the Mickey Mouse version!?"
"No." Edgeworth replied.
The young spirit medium grinned as she swiped the wreath from the grumpy prosecutor's hand and placed it on his head.
Edgeworth: *smiles slyly* "Welcome to Norway".
Maya: Huh? ...I don't get it.
Edgeworth: They have a tradition of wearing a wreath with candles on their head... or so I've heard.
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Edgeworth spluttered in shock as he found himself wearing the wreath around his neck.
Phoenix: What, did his head just shrink? The wreath was on his head, and now it's around his neck?
Edgeworth: My fic self seems to be just as surprised as you are.
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"Well now we know what we're doing tomorrow, then!" Maya cheerfully exclaimed.
"Tomorrow?" Edgeworth grumbled as he attempted to remove the wreath from around his neck.
"That's why we came here in the first place. We wanted to know if you would like to celebrate Christmas with us." Phoenix said as he placed his hand into his pocket.
Edgeworth: Your hand placement aside, this is not overly in character for you. As impulsive as you may be, at least you know better than to jump on me with your last-minute Christmas plans.
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"Thank you, Wright," Edgeworth said as he continued to struggle with the wreath, "But I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your offer."
This response wasn't much of a surprise to Phoenix, he knew Edgeworth practically lived in his office and would only leave it if he had to leave for business.
Phoenix: Or food. He always tags along when there's food involved, for some reason.
Edgeworth: Mostly because your face is worth it.
Maya: It is! *munch, munch*
Gumshoe: It really is.
Phoenix: What's so funny about my face?
Maya: It's the way it reflects all the world's misery when somebody hands you the bill.
Gumshoe: Yeah, I mean you know it's bad when you make
me want to treat you.
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He knew that Edgeworth would more than likely spend Christmas here in his office trying to find something to do, even if he wasn't needed.
"Alright, well never the less have a Merry Christmas, Edgeworth." Phoenix said as he and Maya left the room.
"Tell the Ghost of Christmas Past that I said hi!" Maya added teasingly as she shut the door.
Maya: No way, tell that sucker I want my role back!
Phoenix: You're getting really worked up over this, aren't you?
Maya: Of course I am! How can they have a spirit medium in the story and not have her channel any spirits? It's just wrong! Wrong, I'm telling you! *munch, munch*
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Edgeworth had finally managed to pop his head out of the wreath that Maya had trapped him in. He rubbed his neck and mumbled "Christmas, bah!"
The hours passed through the day and everyone had left the office to go home and spent Christmas Eve with their loved ones; everyone except Miles Edgeworth of course who remained behind for whatever reason. The clouds in the sky had already been replaced by bright sparkling stars. Despite this, Edgeworth stayed at the office and scrambled about; trying to find something to do as he was certain that in their rush to leave the office and go home his coworkers more than likely forgot to do something.
Edgeworth: So the whole idea of the Prosecutor's office being one single office was actually what the author had in mind? Or am I just breaking into other people's offices and rummaging through their files?
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Edgeworth walked through the dark and desolate halls of the Prosecutor's Office, the halls held an oddly gloomy feeling that emanated through the pictures that decorated the walls of the hall. The pictures held the images of the various people who had won the esteemed "King of the Prosecutors" award.
Maya: The what now?
Phoenix: I'll explain it to you later.
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Edgeworth stopped right in front of the picture of his former mentor, Manfred von Karma. Three years ago, on this very night, Miles Edgeworth found himself facing charges for the murder of defense attorney Robert Hammond.
Edgeworth: Putting this story in December 2019. Or in other words, about eight months after...
Phoenix: We know.
Maya: I don't know. What do we know?
Phoenix: What happened earlier that year.
Gumshoe: Earlier that year?
Phoenix: Well, if you don't remember, you sure as hell won't hear it from me.
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The man who had framed Edgeworth for this heinous act was none other than the man whose image Edgeworth stood before. Edgeworth shook these memories out of his head
Phoenix: Much like Munch and Crunch over here.
Gumshoe: Hey! No need to get all snappy with us, pal!
Maya: Yeah, Nick! What's with the attitude?
Phoenix: I... *sighs* I'm sorry, Maya. It's a sensitive topic for me.
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and noticed something different about Von Karma's picture, in place of the usual stern expression Von Karma held, the image portrayed Von Karma screaming much like he had when he his plan was foiled by a certain defense attorney.
Edgeworth: Heh. Speaking of Munch...
Maya: What did I do now?
Edgeworth: Not you, the painter.
Gumshow: You mean that Harry Butz guy?
Edgeworth: *pauses for a moment, then shrugs it off* Never mind. It doesn't have the same effect if I have to explain it.
Phoenix: If it makes you feel better, I understood the joke.
Maya: That was a joke?
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Edgeworth recoiled in shock at seeing the frightful painting that lie before him.
Edgeworth: It's "lay". "The painting that
lay before him". (Even then, it should be hanging.)
Maya: The painting is a lie.
Gumshoe: At least it's not "still alive", eh, pal?
Phoenix: Have you two been hanging out together?
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Edgeworth rubbed his eyes, certain that they had been playing tricks on him. Edgeworth looked back up at the picture and saw that it had returned to normal.
Phoenix: So wait, is he supposed to be Jacob Marley? Or the Ghost of Christmas Past? Or both?
Edgeworth: I sincerely hope it's only an optical illusion to add drama.
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"You've been up too long Miles," Edgeworth mumbled to himself "Perhaps it's time to head home and get some shut eye…"
"Too tired to work?" A strong voice echoed from behind Edgeworth "How absolutely pathetic."
Edgeworth: Uuugggghhhhh!
Phoenix: Um, you going to be okay?
Maya: *throws her empty popcorn container at the screen* Bad fic! Way to ruin someone's Christmas mood!
Phoenix: It's
September!Gumshoe: Don't let it get to you, Mr. Edgeworth! Uh... I know! Have some cookies! Cookies cheer everyone up, right?
Phoenix: (How come
I never get cookies when a fic mistreats me?)
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Edgeworth swung around to look behind him, searching for the source of the voice that had spoken.
Phoenix: But it's obviously the picture! He was already looking at it.
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He knew that voice but he was certain that it could not possibly be who he thought it was. "I know what you're thinking, Miles.
'It can't possibly be who I think it is' Correct? Well my dearest Miles Edgeworth, your ears do not deceive you." Edgeworth felt a cold sweat trickle down his face as this voice spoke. "Turn around, Miles." The voice demanded.
Edgeworth: If "the voice" dares to speak my name like that one more time...
Maya: No no no, don't get mad! It's just a fic, it's not real. *gently pats his arm*
Phoenix: Maya's right. A-and if he
is Jacob Marley, he probably won't be around for very long, right?
Edgeworth: Grrr... his face I can take, but his voice... and like this...
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Edgeworth turned back around slowly and cautiously just as the voice had instructed him to. He wasn't sure why he was doing what the voice instructed him to do.
Edgeworth: *grinding his teeth* Understatement of the year!
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Was it out of fear? Or was it the fact that throughout his childhood he had learned to fear and obey this voice?
As Edgeworth turned around he found himself staring the portrait of Manfred von Karma.
Maya: What, like projecting it? With his eyes? Onto the wall?
Phoenix: I'm not sure if this is a good time for jokes, Maya.
Maya: No, it's the best time. For jokes and for cookies... more cookies! Come on, grab one, Nick. You too, Mr. Edgeworth. Eat up, eat up!
Phoenix: (I don't know what is up with this girl.)
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The portrait had once again changed; its eyes were dead and lacked pupils, its skin color was a ghastly grey, and the once regal appearance of his clothes were now tattered and worn. The portrait had begun to rattle as the image shown in the picture began to rip itself out of the portrait, releasing a horrible scream into the air.
Maya:
"CHAAAAANGE! YOU GOT CHAAAAAAANGE?" Phoenix: *jumps*
Gah!! What's with the sudden noise?
Kay: *leaning over his seat from behind* She's taking the steam out of the fic in a rule-approved way.
Phoenix: Oh, that- *jumps* -YIKES! W-where did
you come from?!
Edgeworth: *still struggling to restrain himself* Kay...?
Kay: *strikes pose* Don't worry, Mr. Edgeworth! I'll save you from this evil fic. I will steal the seriousness right out of it!
Phoenix: (Looks like she got started by stealing Maya's idea.)
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Edgeworth's eyes widened in shock, his entire body was frozen in fear as the ghastly figure approached him. Edgeworth was a man of logic and reason but he could not possibly comprehend what was happening at the moment.
Maya: Um... a joke... we need a joke. Quick!
Kay: It's hard to see the basis for one from back here. Let me look closer. *climbs over the seats and stands in front of Edgeworth, blocking his view* Ah, yes. Much better.
Speakers: The management would like to remind Kay Faraday that any distraction unrelated to the fanfic in question is strictly prohibited.
Kay: Yes, really much better. *stretches a bit*
Speakers: *sigh*
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"V-von Karma…" Edgeworth muttered as he stood before the spirit of his dead mentor.
"You've disappointed me, Miles." Von Karma spoke as he circled Edgeworth "You've grown soft."
Kay: *pointing at the screen* And
you've grown immaterial. That's like softer than soft. Even cotton candy is harder than you.
Maya: That's right! And at least twice as tasteful, too.
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"I've grown stronger… I'm not your tool anymore." Edgeworth stammered.
Kay: You tell him, Mr. Edgeworth!
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"Are you so certain? You may have twisted the meaning of the word prosecutor into something utterly repulsive, but I still have quite the hold on you." Von Karma said as his hand phased through Edgeworth's chest and he wrapped his ghoulish fingers around his heart.
Maya: Wow. That's pretty gross. *thoughtlessly takes another bite out of her chocolate bar*
Gumshoe: Eugh... I'll have nightmares of this tonight.
Edgeworth: Do I even want to know what is happening on-screen?
Phoenix: No, I don't think so.
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"Why? H-how? How are you…" Edgeworth was for once, at a loss for words. "Are you here to kill me?"
"I would love to… But I can't." Von Karma stated as his hand harmlessly phased through Edgeworth's heart.
Kay: "I can't, so let me demonstrate how completely un-can-able I am by doing this pointless thing to drive up the fic's rating."
Phoenix: Well, better that than having him have a pointless flash scene, I guess.
Maya: Ew! Nick! Don't make this scene even worse than it already is.
Phoenix: (I only wanted to help...)
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Von Karma took his arm out of Edgeworth's body and turned away, "The powers at be decided to make a message out of me…"
"A message?" Edgeworth questioned.
Kay: Whatever happened to e-cards? Wait, let me fix this. *takes out Little Thief and puts glitter effects, wriggling cat ears and a fake moustache in the air in front of the von Karma ghost* There. Hm, too bad I can't make it look pink... at least I think it's safe to watch again. *steps aside* What do you think, Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: I... it looks ridiculous.
Kay: Ah! Forgot the Christmas frame! *adds a pixelated frame of candy canes and Christmas lights*
Edgeworth: I can't possibly take this seriously. ...Thank you very much.
Kay: You're welcome.
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"A warning." Von Karma answered. "You will be visited by three more spirits, Edgeworth…Warm your soul, Edgeworth.
Maya: Looks like you fixed the naming issue as well. What else can you do with that thing?
Kay: Lots of things. I would let you try it, but you'd probably get in trouble for breaking the rules.
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Or it will be eternally warmed for you…"
"But I've changed; I'm not like you anymore!" Edgeworth shouted.
"Not entirely." Von Karma replied before fading back into his portrait leaving Edgeworth alone in the dark halls of the office.
Maya: Aw, looks like the spam filter got him.
Kay: Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. *turns off Little Thief and grabs some of Maya's snacks*
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Edgeworth quickly jolted into his office and shut the door behind him, locking it in a hurry. He ran his hand through his hair, attempting to comprehend what had just happened. Surely his eyes were playing tricks on him, that couldn't have been Manfred von Karma that he encountered out in the hallway. That man was dead; he was tried for his crimes and executed.
Maya: Not too mention that his role indicates he's rotting in hell.
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Edgeworth's thoughts were interrupted as a gentle breeze came in through his window.
Phoenix: Uhm... the
window window? Can that even be opened at all?
Gumshoe: I don't remember ever seeing any knobs or handles to open it with.
Edgeworth: "It" is in fact an aligned number of windows with little to no frame, as they form part of the building's wall, so no, as far as I'm aware, they can not be opened.
Kay: I think those big type windows usually open from the bottom up, like a cat flap. So maybe you
could open it, if you hadn't put that shelf in front of it.
Edgeworth: Either way, it's no use speculating about it now.
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Edgeworth cocked an eyebrow and recalled that he had not left any windows open when he left his office.
Despite his recollection, his window was wide open as the wind blew the cold winter air inside the room.
Phoenix: Come to think of it, wouldn't it be a bit dangerous to have such a large window open at that height? I mean, just trying to reach out and close it... you'd just have to lose your balance for one split second, and... *gulp*
Kay: Rooftops are the same. High buildings in general are too dangerous.
Speakers: Oh, is that so?
Kay: Not that it'd keep me out, so don't get your hopes up.
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"Blasted air," Edgeworth muttered to himself as he shivered "Can't you leave me in peace?"
Edgeworth walked over to his window and slammed it shut. Once the window had been shut, Edgeworth walked over to the couch he had on the side of his office for when he just wanted to relax and enjoy a nice cup of tea. Maybe that's just what he needed, a nice cup of tea to soothe his nerves. Edgeworth had already prepared a pot for when he decided to take a break during work, so the esteemed prosecutor leaned forward towards the table in front of him and reached for his pot of tea so that he may poor himself a cup.
Edgeworth: The correct word is "pour". The "table" is a desk. The tea would be cold if it had been standing there in the cold air from the window. Which, as mentioned before, I could not have closed, because there would be a bookshelf in front of it. Unless someone pushed it out the window, perhaps in an attempt to crush the Christmas carolers beneath it.
Maya: Well, that'd explain the open window.
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"You wouldn't mind if I had a cup too, would you?" A soft pleasant voice sounded from next to Edgeworth.
Maya: Ah! That voice!
Phoenix: (Yes, it sounds strangely familiar...)
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"Of course not, it would be my…." Edgeworth eyes widened at the realization as his cup overflowed and began to spill tea on the table. He cautiously turned his head to lay his eyes on his unexpected visitor. A woman clad in a magnificent white robe sat next to him with a purple magatama tied around her neck. Edgeworth dropped his cup of tea in shock and rose from his seat. He looked down at the woman who sat before him and squinted, attempting to make out the woman's face in the dark.
Phoenix: Do you often drink tea in the dark, or only when there are signs that someone broke into your office? Also, how would you be able to tell the colors of her clothes and magatama if it's so dark you can't even see her face?
Kay: Maybe she's wearing a glow-in-the-dark wizard robe. Or bath robe. ...Christmas robe?
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"Maya?" He questioned. Edgeworth's look of fear quickly turned into a look of frustration, "I swear if this is another prank by you and Wright, I will have you arrested and thrown in jail to serve TWO life sentences!"
Edgeworth: Another unfounded threat in response to a mild annoyance. Why does this Scrooge version of myself have these anger issues? And why does he think he can have people baselessly arrested whenever he feels like it?
Phoenix: And why is he not disturbed by his logic that Maya apparently broke into his office to undress, switch into a glowing white robe, all in front of the open window, and then lurk in the dark for him to come back?
Quote:
"Oh? So my sister's starting to look like me?" The woman said as she stood up and walked towards Edgeworth.
Phoenix: I think she was a lot closer when she was sitting next to him, even after he stood up. Talk about a pointless detour.
Quote:
The darkness seemed to clear as she stepped forward; before him stood Mia Fey, Phoenix Wright's mentor and the older sister of Maya Fey.
"Mia Fey… B-but you're…" Edgeworth stammered.
"Dead? Yeah." Mia interrupted.
Maya: It didn't have to be so blunt.
Phoenix: At least she gets to play a good part. Look, she's the Ghost of Christmas Past. That's probably the nicest ghost in the story.
Maya: True. I'll see how the rest of her scenes are written, then I'll decide if I'll forgive the author or not.
Quote:
"But tonight's not about me, Edgeworth. It's about you."
"Pardon?"
"Let me show you." Mia explained as the window opened and cold air rushed into the room with almost hurricane level winds, nearly knocking Edgeworth off of his feet.
Phoenix: See, I told you it would be dangerous. Remind me how he managed to close that window before?
Kay: Yes, and how was the teapot and everything else on the desk/table not whirled across the room while it was open?
Quote:
"Are you insane!? Shut that window before-!" Edgeworth was swiftly interrupted by Mia grabbing Edgeworth by his arm and tossing him out of the window.
Phoenix: Whoa, that escalated quickly!
Maya:
"Probably the nicest ghost in the story"?!Gumshoe: Maybe it's just... staying true to the original?
Edgeworth: This is most certainly
not taken from the original book.
Kay: If this is the nice ghost, I wonder what the other two will be like.
Quote:
Edgeworth screamed as he shut his eyes, plummeting towards the ground with the fierce winds blasting against his face. "Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh… " Edgeworth repeated as he opened an eye just to see how close to the ground he was, "God?" His noticed that his face was just inches away from slamming into the ground but he had stopped falling right before his face could slam into the cold pavement. Edgeworth looked up and was meet
Edgeworth: "Met".
Quote:
with the fact that Mia was floating above the ground holding his leg, preventing him from becoming a splattered mess on the pavement.
Kay: Oh, looks like she remembered that she's supposed to be the nice one.
Phoenix: I wouldn't count dangling a man by his leg in a degrading pose as being nice.
Quote:
"C'mon Edgeworth, quit messing around! We don't have all night!" Mia chuckled.
Kay: Okay, you're right. She's being a bully.
Edgeworth: And thus out of character. Clearly they should have given the role to Maya.
Quote:
"Impossible… How are you-?" Edgeworth questioned in shock.
"No time to explain. Like I said, we don't have all night!" Mia said as she soared through the air holding Edgeworth's leg.
Kay: Man, is he going to have a headache when he gets to stand upright again.
Quote:
She speedily flew past the L.A towers that pierced into the night sky with the biting winter air becoming harsher and harsher until it reached the point where it finally started to snow.
"It doesn't usually snow here. Pretty strange, right Edgeworth?" Mia commented as she flew.
Maya: Yes, it snows! We even walked through it in two different ga- I mean, during two different investigations.
Quote:
"…I've seen stranger." Edgeworth deadpanned as he dangled by his leg.
"Hey, look at that!" Mia exclaimed as she pointed to the ground.
Edgeworth cocked an eyebrow and looked to the ground to see a kid sliding on the snow at an alarmingly fast rate on a sled. "If that child's not careful he'll wind up hurting himself."
"Let's take a closer look, shall we?" Mia then dove from the air to reach ground level as they trailed the kid on the sled.
Phoenix: You know, somehow I get the impression that Mia just had too much coffee that night.
Maya: That doesn't excuse the bad writing. What, was the coffee radioactive and turned her into a supervillain?
Kay: That would explain the glowy robe.
Quote:
Edgeworth felt his stomach turn inside out at the sudden drop. If they didn't slow down soon he was certain that he'd lose any and all stomach contents.
This was all he could focus on
Maya: On losing his stomach contents?
Quote:
until he realized something, it was daytime. "That's odd…" He muttered to himself.
Phoenix: Wasn't he supposed to be afraid just a second ago? How did he get so calm all of a sudden?
Quote:
"Heads up." Mia said.
"What?" Edgeworth replied before he looked up to see exactly what Mia meant. They were following the kid still and were about to crash into a tree.
Edgeworth: How nice of her to call his attention to this fact.
Kay: Yeah, she really doesn't get any better, does she? It's like she's trying to come up with new ways to torture your character.
Quote:
Edgeworth flinched as he and Mia harmlessly phased through the tree. Mia descended to the ground and let go of Edgeworth's leg, dropping him into the snow.
Kay: Like, seriously, why does she hate you so much?
Edgeworth: I have absolutely no idea. Maya?
Maya: Don't ask me. I don't even know that person. She's got to be the stunt double or something.
Quote:
Edgeworth then looked up from the ground and scrambled to get up, "How did we-? How did you-?" Edgeworth stammered struggling to comprehend what had just happened. Mia merely raised a finger to her lips to silence him and pointed his attention to the kid who had just crashed into the tree. Edgeworth walked over to the tree and attempted to check the kid's pulse but his fingers phased through the child.
Kay: Pfft, overdramatize much?
Maya: Yeah, try asking someone if they're okay first before you go check if they're dead. Otherwise you'll get your salary cut. *winks*
Gumshoe: Hey! Don't even joke about that, pal!
Phoenix: (I'll give her a pass. He's been so quiet, I forgot he was still there.)
Quote:
Edgeworth turned his head towards Mia for answers but she remained silent. Edgeworth opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of feet trudging their way through the snow.
"Yeeeesh Edgey, you alright?" A child's voice sounded from the distance. The footsteps drew closer as two children clad in winter clothes ran up to the child who lay in the snow.
"I-Is he dead, Larry?" One child clad in a blue winter coat with a beanie over his head, asked.
Maya: You too, Nick? Why does nobody just ask him if he's alright?
Phoenix: Maybe he's unconscious?
Maya: Well, you won't find out until you check!
Quote:
The other kid, one dressed in an orange winter coat with a Santa hat covering his head, looked over at the kid in blue.
"Where do you think we should bury the body, Nick?" He replied.
"I'm fine." A muffled voice rang out from the child who was buried with snow.
Kay: Thank god he didn't wait for them to ask, or they'd probably have buried him alive and asked questions later.
Quote:
The child got up from the ground and shook the snow off of his body. Edgeworth's eyes widened at the realization. It was him, that small child who crashed into the tree while riding a sled was a nine year old, Miles Edgeworth!
Phoenix: What a shocking twist! Because when they called him by his name, I totally didn't make the connection.
Edgeworth: It's one thing to expect your readers not to notice this, but to expect
me to be that oblivious to my own name is a bit of a stretch. Not to mention that I would certainly remember hitting a tree at high speed. This should not come as a surprise to my adult self.
Quote:
"Remind me to never listen to another one of your ideas, Larry."
"That's… That's me! December 25, 2001! How are we here!?" The older Miles Edgeworth questioned in shock.
Maya: There, see? Now he remembers.
Quote:
"Miles Edgeworth, allow me to properly introduce myself. My name is Mia Fey
Phoenix, Edgeworth and Maya: We know.
Quote:
but tonight you can call me the Ghost of Christmas Past."
Phoenix, Edgeworth and Maya:
We know.Quote:
Mia bowed.
"…Maya says hi…" Edgeworth deadpanned as he turned his attention back towards the scene before him.
"C'mon, Edgey! You gotta admit that it was fun!" The younger Larry Butz replied to the younger Edgeworth's remark.
The nine year old Edgeworth attempted to glare at Larry but found a smile cracking on his face,
Phoenix: Gah! That's not a good combination. That's not a good combination at all!
Maya: Nick! He's staring into my soul! And I think he wants to do something horrible with it!
Edgeworth: (Note to self: Practice this face to leave a stronger impression.)
Quote:
"Well… it was rather enjoyable." He admitted.
"It was fun. There was nothing quite like it; the cold winter air blasting across your face as you sped through the snow with no direct control over where you were going, there was a fascinating sense of danger that I had never experienced before or ever again…
Kay: Yes, because - sing it with me, Maya - Lightning-speed sleds with no breaks and no steering...
Maya: ...possibly breaking my bones in the clearing...
Kay: ...dunking my head in the snow till it stings...
Both: ...those are a few of my favorite things!
Quote:
Well, until tonight that is." The 27 year old Edgeworth commented casting a glance at Mia.
"Miles!" A voice rang out from the distance, "It's time to come inside, son!"
Edgeworth: *groans* Oh no. No no no no no. Don't go there, author. Just... no.
Gumshoe: *looking worried* This fic really has it in for you, huh, Mr. Edgeworth?
Kay: Should I do something? (...What should I do? Mess with it?
Not mess with it?)
Phoenix: (I have a bad feeling about this...)
Quote:
Mia glanced over at Edgeworth and noticed that his eyes had widened.
"Yes, father!" The young Miles answered. "Bye guys." He said before he ran off towards the direction that the voice came from. Edgeworth watched his younger self run excitedly through the snow and into his house. The door slammed shut as the younger Phoenix and Larry picked up the sled and ran up the hill to continue their fun in the snow.
Phoenix: Yes, could we stay with camera 1 and watch me and Larry breaking our necks for a while? No? Well, it was worth a try.
Quote:
Edgeworth absent mindedly walked to the front door of his childhood home; it wasn't anything fancy or luxurious like the home Edgeworth currently owned.
Phoenix: No, I think it was fancy enough. Of course you can always compare fancy apples and fancy oranges, but...
Edgeworth: Your allegories are as bad as your jokes.
Quote:
Instead it was a quiet, quaint, and cozy little home that brought back many memories for the prosecutor. Mia walked up to the door in front of Edgeworth and knocked.
Kay: Why would she have to knock? She already demonstrated that you can both move through solid objects. Um, in other news, should I keep my hand on Little Thief? I'm not sure what I should do this time, but...
Edgeworth: I'm... not sure about that myself.
Quote:
Edgeworth opened his mouth to question just how Mia was physically able to interact with an object but before he could speak the door to his old home creaked open. Edgeworth's mouth was left agape as he was face to face with his father, Gregory Edgeworth.
Phoenix: (Here we go... let's cross our fingers that he's better written than Mia!)
Maya: *watches Edgeworth out of the corner of her eye*
Gumshoe: *does the same*
Kay: *also watches, with Little Thief at the ready*
Edgeworth: Agh! W-while I appreciate your concern, could you people please have a little more confidence in me? I'm not going to fall to pieces over the sight of my father's face!
Maya: ...Chocolate?
Edgeworth: ...Dark, please.
[She hands him a chocolate bar and he quietly takes a bite.]
Quote:
Their eyes met for what felt like an eternity, Edgeworth's composure began to break as his eyes began to water. The prosecutor reached his hand out to feel his father's face but harsh reality began to set in as his hand phased through the defense attorney. With a deep breathe Edgeworth slowly closed his fist and used it to wipe the tears from his eyes.
Kay: *glaring at the screen* This is just cruel.
Maya: With how this fic treats him, you could almost think the management is trying to teach the
real Mr. Edgeworth a lesson.
Phoenix: I keep hearing time and time again how he's their favorite character. Why would they give him the old Scrooge treatment?
Kay: You really don't know anything about fangirls, do you, Mr. Wright?
Quote:
"Who is it, father?" The voice of the young Miles rang from inside.
"No one, son." Gregory responded with a warm smile as he closed the door.
Kay: Well, that was pointless. Did she just want to play a prank on them?
Maya: Maybe that was the preview, and if you want to see more, you have to insert a coin.
Edgeworth: Something tells me we're not going to be that lucky.
Quote:
Edgeworth stood in front of the door, staring at it thoughtfully with his eyes expressing great sorrow. Mia placed her hand on Edgeworth's shoulder and greeted him with a comforting smile.
Kay: I'm just waiting for your cue, you know.
Edgeworth: It's alright, Kay. I'm fine!
Quote:
She guided him through the door as they phased through the wooden barrier. Inside the cozy home was an even cozier living room. A large Christmas tree was the center of attention in the room as there were many presents kept under the tree.
"That's quite the Christmas tree, Miles." Mia commented.
Phoenix: Okay, now she's just trying to collect out-of-character trophies. Making no sense - check. Acting like a jerk - check. Wasting time with pointless distractions - check. Inappropriate use of first name - check. What next?
Kay: You forgot "faking friendliness immediately after being a jerk". All that's left is for her to start cussing in broken English.
Quote:
Edgeworth simply ignored the spirit's comment
Kay: Wise choice.
Quote:
and walked towards the fireplace that gave the room a sense of warmth adorned with a comfortable glow. Mia walked over to the fireplace and stood before it alongside Edgeworth. It wasn't the beautiful, dancing flames that caught their attention; it was the stockings that hung over the fireplace. Mia's eye observed the three stockings; one was labeled "DAD" and held a picture of Gregory Edgeworth wearing a Santa costume and smiling for the camera; the other was labeled "ME" and held a picture of Edgeworth as an infant, smiling happily as he played with a toy car,
Maya: Why take such an outdated picture? Is the plot twist that he got turned into a vampire somewhere along the line and can't be photographed?
Phoenix: Why do the stockings need pictures anyway? For the Christmal special camera to pan over?
Quote:
"You were adorable." Mia commented as she continued to look at the image of baby Edgeworth. Edgeworth didn't even acknowledge her comment; as he was too busy staring intently as the third and final stocking. Mia then turned her attention to the final stocking as well, her heart shattered at the sight of what she saw. Before them both lay a stocking labeled "MOM" that held the image of a beautiful woman with a loving and tender smile holding a newborn baby.
Edgeworth: I can see an interesting assumption coming up in 3, 2, 1...
Quote:
"This was our first Christmas without her;" Edgeworth finally spoke "She was always very ill and her body just… Shut down."
Edgeworth: ...and we have a winner. *sighs resentfully*
Maya: Looks like your mother got the Tiny Tim part, for some reason. But then what are they gonna do with the real scenes later?
Quote:
"I miss her too, Miles." Gregory's voice sounded from behind them. Edgeworth turned around to his father place a comforting hand on the shoulder of the nine year old Miles, who had been staring sadly at the stockings. "But she wouldn't want us to be so sad during her favorite time of the year.
Kay: Oh look, characterization. Don't we all feel so much closer to Tiny Tina now?
Phoenix:
"Tiny Tina"?
Kay: Hey, I'm a noble thief, not a fanfic editor.
Maya: What about your editing device earlier?
Kay: It's not for editing! It's a simulator.
Gumshoe: Yeah, it was only simulating being an editing device. Right, Kay? *chuckles*
Quote:
Your mother always said that Christmas was about leaving all your problems behind, just for one day, and sharing joy with your family."
Phoenix: (Should I make a joke about "the contradiction in this statement", or should I keep it to myself?)
Edgeworth: I know what you're thinking, Wright. Allow me to question your own family dynamics in response.
Phoenix: Stop reading my mind, Edgeworth!
Quote:
The small child's eyes began to glisten with tears at his father's words. Gregory knelt down on one knee and wrapped his son in a hug. "It's ok, Miles. It's ok;" Gregory's eyes began to swell with tears as well "I'm still here… We're still family. And I promise you that will never change."
Phoenix: Oooohh, this is awkward.
Maya: Bad move, author! Really bad move!
Edgeworth: ...
Gumshoe: S-say something, Mr. Edgeworth! Are you really okay with this?
Kay: Of course he's not! He's just lost for words. Right, Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: No, I'm just feeling oddly untouched by this scene. I'm silently debating with myself if it's due to the sheer crudity of this fic, or if I am slowly losing my ability to empathize from watching it.
Quote:
"Take me back." The older Edgeworth demanded as he turned away from the scene, "Now."
"Edgeworth…" Mia spoke, trying to comfort the grieving prosecutor.
Maya: Make out already! ...On second thought, don't.
Quote:
"Why are you showing me this!?" Edgeworth shouted "To make me remember the happy Christmas memories I had? Well guess what! Just three days later my father was taken from this world! Taken from me! Christmas didn't stop that, if anything it just served as a cruel irony…"
"Would like to return to the Prosecutor's Office?" Mia asked.
"Yes," Edgeworth answered "I would appreciate that."
Edgeworth: I think we
all would appreciate it.
Quote:
Just as Edgeworth answered, the entire scene around them had begun to turn into snow and spin around them as if they were caught in the middle of some winter tornado. Soon enough the snow began to settle and morph into the Prosecutor's Office. Edgeworth and Mia found themselves inside the halls of the Prosecutor's Office. The lights in the entire building were off
Phoenix: Then how can they tell where they are?
Quote:
save for a small source of light stemming from behind a door.
Edgeworth: So apparently, not only are all of the lights in the hallway out of order, but the doors have also been replaced by paper screens.
Kay: Or maybe someone just slammed this one door so badly that it left a hole in the wall around it?
Quote:
"Ah, there's my office.
Phoenix: "I recognize it by the way the light shines behind the door."
Maya: No no, he doesn't have to. There's only one office, remember?
Quote:
Thank you, Miss Fey. Tonight certainly has been interesting, now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to work." Edgeworth said as he reached his hand out to grab the door knob to his office. Just before he could do so an 18 year old boy wearing a red winter coat walked through Edgeworth and opened the door.
Phoenix: Why was there a teenager lurking in the dark? Did the Ghost of Christmas Present arrive early?
Kay: From the way this is written, I think it's Mr. Edgeworth himself.
Edgeworth: I'm almost certain it is.
Quote:
Edgeworth cast an annoyed glance at Mia, realizing that he had just been tricked. Never the less he decided to follow the boy into the office. The boy was carrying some files and dropped them off at a desk where a small candle served as the source of light for the entire room.
Phoenix: Then how could they see the light through the doo- oh, whatever. That is a fire hazard there, by the way.
Gumshoe: This sight feels familiar. I didn't know you enjoyed reading by the candlelight too, Mr. Edgeworth.
Kay: Doesn't that ruin your eyes, though?
Gumshoe: I don't know about that... I always fall asleep after a few lines.
Edgeworth: *raises an eybrow* Are you telling me you fall asleep over your work, Detective?
Phoenix: Don't answer that.
Quote:
The shadowy figure that sat at the desk reached out and grabbed the files.
Phoenix: Oh, so he works for a shadowy figure now. Of course.
Quote:
The boy stood by the desk waiting for a sign of gratitude from the figure but was ignored.
"Sir…" The boy spoke.
"Yes, Miles?" The figure responded.
Edgeworth: Uuuurrrgh! And here I thought we were done with him.
Kay: Do you want me to put him in a funny costume? Or set his head on fire?
Edgeworth: As tempting as it may be, I'd rather save your offer for later. There's no telling what else might await us.
Quote:
"You're not going to the Christmas party being thrown by the chief prosecutor, sir?"
"Why would I?"
Maya: So it's
that scene. Hm. Does this mean we'll get to see Scroogeworth's girlfriend?
Quote:
"It might be fun, sir…" The boy answered.
"It would be a waste of time and time is something a prosecutor cannot waste, Miles."
"Y-yes Mr. Von Karma." The boy stammered.
"It was my first time back in America after living in Germany with the von Karmas ever since the DL-6 incident." Edgeworth took a deep breathe
Edgeworth: Yes, let's fly over the ocean to join a Christmas party. Or... not join a Christmas party. Which makes even more sense, of course. And how did he immediately find a spare office to do his paperwork in? Are they suggesting that it was his all along, and just lay vacant for nine years?
Quote:
"And I didn't want to waste my time cramped up in the office." Mia merely listened to Edgeworth speak as they both followed the boy out of the office to the entrance of the building.
The boy looked behind himself at the building's entrance. "And so," Mia spoke as the boy looked forward and began to run "You didn't. You ran, you ran all the way to the Gatewater Hotel where they held the Christmas Party for the prosecutor's.
Edgeworth: The prosecutor's... what? The prosecutor's secretary? The prosecutor's goldfish?
Maya: The prosecutor's confused.
Edgeworth: And why have it at the Gatewater Hotel?
Kay: Well, I can understand them not using The One Office while Shadow McCreepface is in there.
Quote:
But why there, Edgeworth?" The boy huffed and puffed as he ran through the streets as fast as he could until he reached the Gatewater. "Why the Christmas Party for the prosecutors?"
Phoenix: It's not like he has a whole lot of other options. I can't see
our Edgeworth crashing a party, much less this fic's version of him.
Quote:
"Sooner or later they were going to be my peers and I had wished to get to know them." Edgeworth explained as he and Mia walked inside the Gatewater. The main hall of the Gatewater was nowhere near as lavish as it was now, in place of the decadent gold that lined the walls of the modern day Gatewater, simple brick and stone was in its place. Despite this, the hall was still filled with people from the Prosecutor's Office all gathered together to celebrate Christmas. The decorations weren't too extravagant; they had merely placed a banner that wished everyone a Merry Christmas on the ceiling.
Maya: I don't think people will see your banner if you put it on the ceiling like a poster. Try hanging it somewhere.
Kay: Or at least put it on a wall.
Phoenix: I also don't get why they had to make it so plain. They could at least have painted some candles or snowflakes on it. Or hang up some Christmas lights.
Quote:
A smile crept over the boy's face as his eyes searched the crowd.
"So you came here to meet your future peers?" Mia questioned.
"Yes" Edgeworth responded.
"I seriously doubt that." Mia replied with a sly smile on her face as she watched the boy rush past the crowd towards the punch bowl
Phoenix: ...to drink himself unconscious and erase the previous scene from his memory?
Quote:
where a woman stood filling her cup with the beverage.
Maya: Yay, I knew he'd get a girlfriend!
Edgeworth: Why does this revelation make you so happy? Besides, we have yet to see who this mysterious woman is.
Quote:
"Detective Skye" The boy spoke.
Phoenix: Hm. Could have been worse.
Quote:
"Well… I guess you could say that I had an ulterior motive…" Edgeworth mumbled.
"The Demon Prosecutor has a heart after all." Mia chuckled.
Edgeworth: And the Ghost of Christmas Past Defence Attorney has no tact.
Kay: She doesn't even have it right. You weren't a prosecutor yet at that time.
Quote:
"Leave me alone, I was only 18 at the time… Hormones and all that what not…" Edgeworth replied.
"Yes?" The woman replied with a smile on her face.
"We met earlier today. M-my name is…" The boy stammered.
"MILES EDGEWORTH!" A small German child's voice shouted as a riding crop struck the boy in the back causing him to yelp in pain.
Maya: Looks like Franziska is jealous.
Quote:
The 18 year old Edgeworth looked turned around and saw the 11 year old girl with silver hair giving him a disapproving glare.
"Franziska!? What are you-!?" The boy was interrupted by another strike from the riding crop causing him to let out a pained grunt.
"The more important question, little brother is what you are doing here, Miles Edgeworth!" Franziska scolded.
Edgeworth: As you can tell from her inability to punctuate, Franziska is also out of character.
Phoenix: I'd say she's out of character just from being there in the first place.
Quote:
"I saw you foolishly leave the Prosecutor's Office despite Papa saying that coming here was a waste of time.
Phoenix: Wait,
she was lurking in the dark, too? This fic is full of creeps!
Maya: Lurking and eavesdropping. I bet she was the one who shut off all the lamps in the hallway, too.
Quote:
And no real prosecutor wastes their time!"
Franziska once again struck the younger Edgeworth with her weapon; causing him to trip and fall on top off Lana, resulting in her spilling her drink on both of them.
Maya: Oh look, we have entered slapstick hour! We need some comedic sound effects.
Kay: Sorry, Little Thief can only create visual simulations. Having a sound modifyer would be fun, though. What do you think, Gummy? Should we give it a try later?
Gumshoe: Sure. I'll see if I can get some spare parts somewhere.
Quote:
The younger Edgeworth's eyes widened in shock as he realized what had just happened; he quickly helped Lana to her feet.
"I-I am so sorry!" He stammered.
"It's alright, accidents happen." Lana replied with a chuckle.
"Tell you what, uh, let me go get some napkins and we'll get you cleaned up." The young Miles said as he stepped forward to leave. However, the cruel mistress known as misfortune struck again as Miles slipped on the spilled drink and fell on the table, flipping it over and causing the punch bowl to go flying.
Kay: You just know that somewhere in that room, there is someone making a Youtube video out of this right now. I know I would.
Phoenix: And somewhere else, Franziska is watching this scene and demanding that everyone stop foolishly fooling around.
Quote:
"And the winner of this year's 'King of the Prosecutors' award goes to… Winston Payne! The Rookie Killer!"
Edgeworth: The award ceremony takes place in February. Not Christmas.
Quote:
The chief prosecutor announced over a microphone as a meek, frail man clad in a green suit stepped forward to obtain his prize. Just as he reached out accept the award, the punch bowl came flying down and landed on his glorious hair.
Phoenix: Poor guy is making a face as if he just got "punched" in the face.
Everybody else: ...
Gumshoe: Was that supposed to be a joke, pal?
Phoenix: (I guess I need a better "punch" line.)
Quote:
"Papa deserved that award anyways. I can't believe these foolhardy fools didn't allow him to receive it for a 6th year in a row!" Franziska commented, breaking the awkward silence as Miles' face turned redder than the coat he wore.
Phoenix: I spy a contradiction in this testimony.
Maya: Oh good, we're back to the courtroom routine. What is it, Nick?
Phoenix: It said earlier in the fic that Edgeworth had only just returned to the country after living with the von Karmas in Germany for the previous nine years. If that is true, the trophy could not have been awarded to you-know-who during the past five years!
Gumshoe: Ah! You're right!
Edgeworth: That is not "a contradiction in this testimony" - it's a contradiction in this
chapter, at best. It could simply be baseless boasting on Franziska's part.
Phoenix: (Gee, aren't we nitpicky today.)
Quote:
"MILES EDGEWORTH." A loud, commanding voice rang out from the entrance of the hall. The crowd parted like the Red Sea as Manfred von Karma walked over to the punch drenched Miles.
Kay:
Again? He just keeps sneaking his way back into the fic!
Speakers: Yes, much like how
you keep sneaking your way back into our sporking theater.
Kay: That's not the point.
Maya: What is he doing there anyway? Didn't he say that going to the party would be a waste of time?
Phoenix: I guess he just couldn't resist the chance to get more screen time.
Quote:
"There he is, Papa! The foolishly foolish fool is foolishly shaming the von Karma name!" Franziska said point to Miles.
"Edgeworth… It's time we had a talk…" Manfred sneered as he reached out to grab Edgeworth by the arm.
Edgeworth: Kay?
Kay: Working on it right now, Mr. Edgeworth.
[She enters some information into Little Thief, but the fic progresses before she can project anything.]
Quote:
"Take me back." The 27 year old Edgeworth pleaded to Mia. "I don't want to relive this! …Please…"
Mia looked over to Edgeworth and nodded as the scene around them stopped in time and began to form into a flurry of wind and snow. They both found themselves in back in Edgeworth's office, just how they left it.
Kay: Huh. Seems like the author spared you for once. Maybe this is really a variation of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, where the author is the Grinch, and he learns compassion by seeing you react to the horrible scenes he writes you into?
Maya: Shouldn't he write in rhymes, then?
Edgeworth: E-either way, it seems that we almost reached the end of this spirit's reign. (And the sooner the better...)
Quote:
"Why!? Why show me these painful memories!?" Edgeworth interrogated as Mia stood there remaining silent. "WHY!?"
"To show you that you didn't always hate Christmas.,
Phoenix: Yes, because he looked so happy in those flashbacks.
Quote:
to show you that you allow your past to haunt even this joyous holiday." Mia answered.
Edgeworth: And here, ladies and gentlemen, we have a spiritual variation of "why are you hitting yourself". How charming.
Maya: Whoever wrote this fic really doesn't understand sis. They made her look like a complete jerk!
Phoenix: Maybe the Grinch doesn't like lawyers.
Maya: But you were written okay. You only showed up for a minute or so, but you were still okay.
Kay: Hey, the fic isn't over yet. They have plenty of time to have him return and ruin his character.
Quote:
"Bah!" Edgeworth grunted "Just leave me alone… What does it matter to you anyway?"
"Edgeworth…"
"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" The prosecutor shouted at the spirit that stood before him.
Kay: Whoa, what's with the capslock?
Phoenix: She kind of had it coming.
Quote:
Just as he shouted a strong wind began to pull him towards the window. "W-what's going on!?" He questioned as the wind's strength increase until the point where it sucked him out of the window completely and he was left tumbling through the air. "MISS FEY! HELP!" Edgeworth shouted as he fell. He watched in horror as he reached closer to the ground.
Maya: Don't mess with a Fey, yo. Not even the badly written stunt double ones.
Quote:
"NO!" Edgeworth shouted as he woke up from the nightmare drenched in a cold sweat. He looked around his surroundings in confusion until he realized that he was in his bed. "It was all just a bad dream!" He chuckled in relief. Edgeworth then rolled out of bed and walked into his kitchen. "Some tea will help soothe the post-nightmare jitters." Edgeworth stated as he poured himself a cup of tea.
Phoenix: What, he just happened to have that sitting there?
Edgeworth: This fic version of myself really seems to like his cold tea.
Quote:
Once the tea cup was filled, Edgeworth brought the cup to his mouth so that he may enjoy a sip. However; just as he was about to enjoy his tea, the sound of an organ boomed throughout his home startling Edgeworth and causing him to spill his hot tea onto himself.
Kay: It was so startling that it even reheated the tea in his cup.
Phoenix: Why does this ghost come with an organ? If anything, you would expect something more seasonal, like a bell, or perhaps a recorder.
Gumshoe: You mean like a cassette recorder? So he could tape his organ playing?
Kay: How do you know it's a "he"?
Gumshoe: Well, 'cause he's the Ghost of Christmas Present, of course. Do you think I never heard that story before? He's a big guy, that one.
Maya: *thinks* That's right... but if you're already playing Cratchit, then who is the Ghost of Christmas Present?
Kay: Judging from his entrance, the Phantom of the Opera.
Quote:
The organ began playing an interesting melody that Edgeworth swore he recognized, he had heard it somewhere before. Did Edgeworth leave his TV on as they reran the episode of the Steel Samurai where the Evil Magistrate used an enchanted organ to hypnotize the people of Neo Olde Tokyo?
Maya: Ooh, from the episode 10 outtakes. That was a good one!
Phoenix: That actually happened?
Maya: What do you mean, "that actually happened"? You mean you're not even done watching the first season yet? It's been ages since I sent you that ta-... I mean... what was I going to say?
Quote:
The organ began playing an interesting melody that Edgeworth swore he recognized, he had heard it somewhere before. Did Edgeworth leave his TV on as they reran the episode of the Steel Samurai where the Evil Magistrate used an enchanted organ to hypnotize the people of Neo Olde Tokyo?
Maya: Ooh, from the episode 10 outtakes! *pauses*
Edgeworth: Is anyone having a déjà vu besides me?
Phoenix: Yes, actually...
Maya: I could swear I talked about this before. I even remember Nick asking me if it really happened.
Phoenix: Yeah, and you said... uh... what was it?
Maya: I... I don't remember. It's like it was there, but then it was not.
Kay: That's odd. Do you think I glitched something when I broke in?
Edgeworth: I don't think it has anything to do with you, Kay.
Quote:
Or perhaps he left the radio on and they were playing songs from "The Phantom of the Opera".
Kay: Hey, that was
my joke!
Quote:
Either way, Edgeworth journeyed to his living room
Phoenix: I've heard of spacious interior, but I don't think walking from one room to the other should take so long you'd call it a journey.
Maya: I can just see him packing his little suitcase and carrying it around with him. He'd probably pack a book and a snack for the trip through the hallway.
Kay: And a toothbrush if he has to get from first floor to second floor.
Quote:
to discover the source of this organ. As he drew closer to the source of the sound, Edgeworth began to realize just where he had heard the music before. It was the song that always blared from the office of the Chief of Police.
Phoenix: Oh, that makes sense. In a way. He did look rather big to me.
Edgeworth: I suppose he does look the part to some extent.
Maya: Huh? Who?
Phoenix: (I guess I'll just have to tell her the whole story at some point.)
Quote:
Edgeworth walked in the living room where a giant organ lay in the center of the room with a large man clad in a Santa costume playing it.
Edgeworth: Ah, yes. I believe we are back to the better written characters now.
Quote:
The man had his back to Edgeworth but could still sense his presence as he entered the room. The man stopped playing his organ and spoke…
"Ah, you're finally awake… Worthy…"
[Kay and Maya almost choke on their last remaining snacks]
Kay: Pfffff! "Worthy"? And I thought
my nicknaming skills were bad.
Edgeworth: I'd consider you both on par in that respect.
Maya: Hey, you know that guy too, right, Nick? What's
your embarrassing nickname?
Phoenix: Uh... i-it wasn't as bad as that, you know? It was actually really boring. Heh, I don't even remember it.
Maya: ...Soooo, Mr. Edgewo-
Phoenix:
-He doesn't remember it either!Quote:
The man said as he turned around and revealed himself the Edgeworth. Before the prosecutor, sat the former Chief of Police… Damon Gant.
Maya: Damon Gant is The Edgeworth. Coming to sporking theaters this Christmas season!
Phoenix: It's still September.
Kay: Don't be so serious, Mr. Wright! That's Mr. Edgeworth's role.
Edgeworth: (That coming from the person who likes to "steal" people's roles?)
Quote:
"Damon Gant…" Edgeworth muttered under his breath as he looked upon the figure that sat before him.
Edgeworth: Yes, this is basically what the previous sentence said. How kind of the author to repeat it for us.
Quote:
"Let's not stand on ceremony here, Worthy." Gant grinned as he played the massive instrument he sat before. "Just call me The Ghost of Christmas Present." Gant said as he adjusted the Santa hat he wore on his head.
"Ghost? Last I checked you were still in prison." Edgeworth questioned.
Phoenix: That's a good point, you know.
Quote:
"Details, details." Gant replied waving the question off. "The point is that someone here has been a Scrooge and so some higher power decided some good ol' fashion haunting would you some good."
"Wonderful" Edgeworth grumbled.
Phoenix: I have to admit, the parts where everyone is in character are kind of entertaining.
Edgeworth: I suppose they are, if the missing words and bad punctuation don't bother you.
Quote:
"So pop a squat next to jolly ol' Ganta Claus
Everyone except Phoenix: *groan*
Quote:
and we'll begin our little journey." Gant said as he scooted over and pat the area on the organ next to him, signaling Edgeworth to take a seat.
Kay: Wait, he was sitting
on the organ? Was he playing it with his butt?
Phoenix: Maybe he was sitting on one of the pipes and playing with his toes. Wait, no, that sounds too uncomfortable.
Maya: It's probably not as bad as the sound it makes when you sit on the keys.
Gumshoe: Yeah, I'd have to agree with her, pal. That's one sound I'll never forget.
Phoenix: (Do I even want to know?)
Quote:
"Journey into what? The present?
Maya: The bathroom?
Quote:
We're already here." Edgeworth remarked.
Gant let out a mighty laugh and clapped his hands before using them to wipe away a tear that had developed in his eye. "That's a good one, Worthy… Now hurry up and take a seat, otherwise you'll wind up on my naughty list and the last person who wound up on the naughty list wound up impaled on a spear…" Gant said as he glared at Edgeworth before he began to laugh at his own joke, or at least that's what Edgeworth hoped it was.
With a heavy sigh Edgeworth submitted and sat next to Gant on the seat in front of the organ.
Edgeworth: I'm not sure if I should appreciate the fact that they no longer sit on the organ itself, or point out the unsuitability of this seating arrangement.
Quote:
"Very well, just make it quick…"
"Buckle up!" Gant exclaimed as he began to play his usual jolly tune on the organ. Edgeworth rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as he sat next to the former police chief. He sat listening to Gant's song until he realized that the organ had begun to lift itself off of the ground and ascend towards the ceiling.
"I'm dreaming… I just woke up from a dream and now I'm dreaming again…" Edgeworth muttered before being startled by the sound of the organ playing a loud, singular bass note.
"Sorry!" Gant grinned "My finger slipped."
"Gant, we're about to crash into my ceiling…" Edgeworth said as he looked up as the organ continued to ascend.
"What?" Gant questioned as he stuck his pinky into his ear to clean it out
Maya: Umm, ew?
Quote:
so that he can hear Edgeworth more clearly. Just as he did this; Edgeworth, Gant, and the organ all phased harmlessly through the ceiling and soared through the night sky. "Did you say something, Worthy?"
"…Nothing… Nothing at all." Edgeworth said as he looked down at his home. Edgeworth looked at his watch, "9:00 p.m.
Edgeworth: Ahem. *takes a deep breath, strikes pose* Why did I sleep with my watch on? Why was I asleep at all at that time? Why is this watch digital? Why does the current time strike my fictional self as important when clearly he should fear for his life? Speaking of which, how has he not fallen off his very narrow side of the seat yet? Why does this author use so many unnecessary synonyms for the words "said" and "went", but not a single replacement for the word "phased"? Since when can it even be used that way? Why is there a semicolon instead of a comma? How could the ghost clean his ear in past tense to hear more clearly in present tense? Why am I still paying attention to such details?
[The others just look at him awkwardly as he drops back into his seat.]
Edgeworth: I just needed to get that off my chest.
Phoenix: Feel better now?
Edgeworth: Yes... for now, at least.
Quote:
Hm, I wasn't asleep that long… Now, I'm assuming the reason why the people down below aren't panicking at a flying organ is because they can't see us."
"Right you are, Worthy!" Gant exclaimed. "Now, let's see here…" Gant kept one hand playing the organ and the other hand reached into his pocket to pull out a map. "Our first stop should be just around the corner… Ah! There it is!" Gant yelled as he threw his map into the air and pointed down to the ground beneath them, "Wright and Co. Law Offices! Home of our dearest friend, Wrighto!"
Phoenix: I was hoping he wouldn't say it.
Maya: No, you were right. It's not that embarrassing.
Kay: Yeah, not like "Worthy". *snorts*
Edgeworth: ...
Quote:
"He lives here?" Edgeworth asked.
"Yes, the office building is comprised of two floors. On the first floor is the main office where Wright he works and on the second floor is the actual apartment with a guest room." Gant informed "You really should get to know your own friends better, Worthy."
Phoenix: Uhm... last time I checked, I didn't live in the office
or above it. Why would I do that? The rent for my apartment is much lower than the one I would have to pay for a second office just to sleep in it.
Quote:
Edgeworth merely grunted in response as Gant started to play his organ faster causing the flying instrument to make a nosedive to the office.
"Watch out! You're going to-!" Edgeworth panicked as they got closer and closer towards the roof of the office until they just phased through harmlessly into the main office. Gant slowed down the playing of his organ and parked the massive instrument right next to the Christmas tree inside the office.
Phoenix: And how did we fit a Christmas tree in there?
Maya: Maybe it's just Charley. If we'd put some ornaments on him, he could almost look like a Christmas tree.
Phoenix: I really doubt that, Maya.
Quote:
"We're here!" Gant exclaimed as he clasped his hands together with a wide grin on his face. "And look! There are our hosts!"
Phoenix sat behind his desk filing away some paper work while wearing an atrocious pink sweater with the words "Mystic Maya" inside a giant red heart.
Phoenix: Okay, I take it this sweater was made by Pearls. First of all: Where did she get the idea for that design? And second: If she did make it, the words should not spell "Mystic Maya". They'd probably spell something like "Mistyck Ayam". ...Just don't let her know I said that.
Edgeworth: Does she really struggle that much with spelling something as simple as her cousin's name?
Maya: I feel bad for saying so, but she definitely does. Well, at least the "Mystic" part.
Edgeworth: (Just how bad are the schools in Kurain village?)
Quote:
The sweater was very uncomfortable and made Phoenix incredibly itchy, so he found himself constantly scratching his body while working.
"I thought she'd never go to sleep!" Maya's voice rang out as she walked down the stairs wearing a sweater that was identical to Phoenix's, save for one detail, in place of the words "Mystic Maya" this sweater had the words "Mr. Nick" written on it.
"Does that mean I can finally take off this sweater?" Phoenix asked.
Edgeworth: Why is it that even in a rendition of A Christmas Carol they still find a reason for you to undress?
Phoenix: I don't know. Ask your assistant.
Quote:
"Nick!" Maya scolded as she puffed out her cheeks "Pearly put a lot of effort into making these sweaters for us!"
"Yeah, I know… It's really itchy, though!" Phoenix griped.
"Tell me about it," Maya replied, scratching her ribcage "But we can't risk Pearly waking up, coming down here, and seeing us without them on.
Phoenix: I don't see why not. If I
did live in the office, and we
were having a sleepover, we could always change into some pajamas and claim we were about to call it a night. Or even just wear a shirt underneath to stop the itching.
Maya: Honestly, I don't think we would be up after Pearly's bedtime to begin with. She would probably drag us right along with her.
Quote:
You done with your paper work?"
"Yeah, just finished the last of it." Phoenix said as he got up from his desk.
Phoenix and Maya both walked towards the couch that sat in the middle of the office but for some odd reason they were walking in odd patterns and tip-toeing as if they were avoiding something.
"What on Earth are they doing?" Edgeworth asked.
"It appears that they're avoiding a carefully laid out trap." Gant commented as he pointed to the ceiling. Edgeworth looked up to the ceiling and saw that it had been covered with mistletoes.
Phoenix: Uh, ya, I don't think I'd mind those as long as nobody's there to enforce the rules.
Maya: I don't think we'd even notice them. It's the same as with the banner at the party earlier: You would have to look up at the ceiling to notice them. Why would we be looking at the ceiling?
Gumshoe: To watch out for incoming flying organs?
Phoenix: (But shouldn't it be invisible?)
Quote:
"Good Lord, it's a minefield… How on Earth did Pearl even manage to get them up there?" Edgeworth commented.
Edgeworth: I would assume she used a ladder. It really isn't that great a mystery.
Phoenix: You mean a stepladder.
Maya: Don't start this again! You can't even see what it would look like in this case.
Phoenix: But I can tell. How would she secure a ladder in the middle of the room? It can't stand on its own.
Quote:
"Now explain this to me Worthy… When did Wrighto get himself a girlfriend? I don't recall him having one when I met him." Gant questioned.
Phoenix: I guess Ema doesn't count.
Edgeworth: Most likely because she wasn not wearing a pink sweater with your name on it while she was accompanying you.
Quote:
"Oh that's right; she wasn't here when you met Wright. Funny, it's hard to imagine Phoenix Wright without Maya Fey." Edgeworth smirked "But they're not a couple, might as well be though."
Kay: You think the author ships you two, Maya?
Maya: Huh? Ship? You mean like in a pairing? You think so?
Kay: Well, it sure looks like someone's speaking through their characters here. First the desire to undress, then the mistletoes, now that comment...
Maya: But isn't the fic about Mr. Edgeworth? You said the author was a fangirl.
Kay: Sure, but that doesn't mean she can't like a little fluff on the side.
Gumshoe: Fluff... pairing... ship...? *looks confused*
Quote:
"Well, they certainly seem happy." Gant added.
"Happy? They're practically family." Edgeworth paused as he watched Maya and Phoenix sit on the couch together; joking around, laughing, and just enjoying each other's company.
"That's what it's all about isn't it, Edgeworth?" Gant spoke "Family.
Kay: Ouch! Way to rub it in. And he seemed so nice at first.
Phoenix: Believe me, he's not. Oh boy, is he not!
Edgeworth: You say that now, however, if memory serves, that was hardly your first impression.
Phoenix: Fair enough. But we've seen his true face long before this fic takes place, so I'm surprised he kept up his act for as long as he did.
Gumshoe: I don't know about acts, pal... he looks very much in character to me. I think I even saw him wearing a Santa suit once.
Quote:
Christmas time is about sitting back and allowing the problems of the world to just melt away as you enjoy this wondrous season with the people you care about."
"Well, some of us have problems that don't melt away so easily." Edgeworth replied.
"Tell that to her." Gant said, shifting his glare towards Maya. "Don't assume me to be ignorant, Miles Edgeworth. You forget that I'm The Ghost of Christmas Present; a spirit of this caliber knows these things, Worthy.
Edgeworth: What he
doesn't know, apparently, is how to address me.
Quote:
That girl has endured so much, more than most people endure in a lifetime.
Phoenix: *ponders* Maya's been through a lot, yes, but I'd say at this point in the fic you're about equal.
Edgeworth: It's not a competition.
Phoenix: You know what I mean.
Quote:
In just a few days she'll have the responsibilities of an entire village thrust upon her shoulders. She has every reason to be a wallowing mess of depression; she comes from a bloodline whose history is drenched in blood, a bloodline that has caused almost everyone she has ever cared about to die. So don't you stand there and tell me that you have issues
Phoenix: But he
has issues!
Edgeworth: I
take issue with the portrait you're painting of me.
Maya: Yes, don't make us sound like a pair of losers! Uh... both you and the fic!
Phoenix: *sighs* (Good intentions never go unpunished.)
Quote:
while that girl sits over there laughing and smiling without a care in the world."
Phoenix: Happy now?
Maya: *nods happily* Yes, this is much better.
Quote:
It was easy to forget that Maya's lived a terrible life, a life that would've shattered the soul of an average individual.
Maya: *puffs her cheeks* Oh no, don't you get started again! Bad fic! Bad!
Quote:
Edgeworth had to admit it; Maya Fey was a lot stronger than most people give her credit for. How could she do it? How could she move on so easily?
"Because of them." Gant spoke "Because of Wrighto and that little girl. Her family, her pillars of strength. That's what she has that you don't.
Kay: I can think of a bunch of things he has that this Gant person doesn't. Like style, however old-fashioned it may be.
Edgeworth: I'll pretend I didn't hear that last part.
Quote:
You're so distant, so cold, so apathetic." Gant paused as his glare pierced Edgeworth. "But it's not my place to tell you that, that's someone else's job. My job right now is to show you the wonders of Christmas time" Gant grinned.
"Oh boy," Edgeworth deadpanned "I get to watch people exchange material items just so that they can feel better about themselves and act as if they're decent people."
Maya: Hey! We
are decent people. We don't have to "act" like it!
Phoenix: Also, we don't really "exchange" anything. More like... *writes something on a piece of paper and tosses it over to Edgeworth*
Edgeworth: *unfolds the message and reads* ...Heh. As I expected of the two of you.
Maya: T-two of who? Me? Are you talking about me? Nick! What did you write on that note?
Phoenix: Ha hah... nothing, Maya... nothing at all.
Gumshoe: These girls have a lot in common, don't you think? *snickers*
Maya: Girls? Me? And, and... *points at Kay* ...her? How? Niiiick?!
Kay: Gummyyyyy?!
Phoenix: I guess they really do, huh?
Quote:
"Ok," Maya said she placed her hand on her chin in thought
Maya: Maya said she was wondering how she could get her hands on that mysterious note. Maya said maybe Kay should steal it.
Kay: Kay said it would be easier to steal if Maya hadn't called attention to her plan.
Maya: Maya apologized.
Quote:
"We have a present for Gumshoe, Larry, Franziska" She said as she counted the people on her fingers "I still need to wrap up Edgeworth's." She commented as she pulled out a green cravat decorated with tiny images of Christmas trees and Santas.
Edgeworth: Why do people seem to think that everything I own ought to loosely (-very loosely-) resemble my sense of fashion?
Kay: It's probably just easier to put a cravat on it than to try and find something in a design you would like.
Edgeworth: I would never reject a heartfelt gift in any way, shape, or form. (However atrocious it may be.)
Quote:
"Ha! That's adorable!" Gant chuckled. Edgeworth merely cringed at the sight of the horrid monstrosity that Maya held in her hand.
"I'm sure he'll love it," Phoenix laughed "Now where's his real present?"
Phoenix: Oh, see, it's only a little joke. Either you or Maya must have been away for April Fools, so she's trying to make up for it now.
Edgeworth: Although considering the time this story takes place in, I would think that a certain someone would be more likely and better qualified to help you with this kind of prank.
Phoenix: You mean Pearls?
Edgeworth: No. Remember what we established earlier today? The events in this fic are dated...
Gumshoe: ...December 2019, right? Hah! I remembered! I'm getting better at this.
Phoenix: So what about December 2019? -Wait, didn't you... was there something you said about that year? Or hinted at?
Maya: Yes, and then you got all crabby and didn't want to talk about it.
Phoenix: I...did?
Edgeworth: You don't remember?
Phoenix: I... no... (It's this feeling again! I-is something happening to me? Am I going insane?)
Quote:
"It's already wrapped up under the tree." Maya replied "And Santa should be coming with Pearl's present tonight."
"Yeah…" Phoenix paused "Say, Maya… I just remembered we're out of eggnog. Let me go grab some really quickly and I'll be right back." He said as he stood up from the couch and made his way out the door.
"Let's follow him," Gant suggested as he cracked his knuckles and started to play the organ once again. Edgeworth sighed and situated himself in his seat on the organ
Kay: Now he's sitting on the organ again. It's a good thing we don't have a sound simulator yet, because I'd be tempted to try it out and see just how bad it sounds to sit on the keys while someone is trying to play. Or on the pipes. Wouldn't sound too good either, I'd think.
Quote:
before it took off and followed Phoenix through the streets of L.A.
"Why are we following him? He's just going to go buy a present for Pearl." Edgeworth questioned.
"He's already taken care of that." Gant responded "It's hidden in the pot of their office plant."
Maya: Poor Charley. His pot is already so tight without you shoving anything else in it. I call plant abuse!
Phoenix: M-maybe it's really small? Or maybe he
is the gift.
Maya: Plant abuse!
Quote:
"Then what's he doing?" Edgeworth asked "We wouldn't be following him if he really was just buying eggnog."
"Patience, Worthy." Gant said as they stopped in front of a jewelry store and watched Phoenix walk through its doors. Gant "parked" his organ in front of the store and dismounted it. "Come along, Pond." Gant said as he pulled out some keys and set the organs alarm.
Maya: "Pond"? I don't get it.
Edgeworth: Neither do I. I can only assume that it's a reference to something we are not familiar with.
Quote:
"I think I preferred the other nickname." Edgeworth commented as he followed Gant through the doors of the store.
Edgeworth: I can't say I "prefer" either of them, to be honest.
Quote:
"You don't get to choose your nickname, Edgey. Just like how you don't choose the events that occur in your life. They're thrust upon you and it's up to you to make the best or worst out of it." Gant explained as he and Edgeworth walked up to Phoenix.
Phoenix: Uhm... isn't the entire idea behind A Christmas Carol that you
can affect the events in your life, and that the choices you make
can prevent bad things from happening? What's the whole purpose of sending three ghosts to save his soul if he can't change anything?
Quote:
"Take Wrighto for example. He's a man forged from the flames of tragedy and misfortune.
Phoenix: Not really... and once again, he's preaching to the wrong audience. Is the Edgeworth in their universe just a lucky rich guy with a perfect life? No, he can't be. Because we have
seen that he has a tragic past and has had losses in his life. So why are the ghosts treating him as if he's a careless monster who eats kittens?
Quote:
A class trial that traumatized him pushed him to become a warrior of the court,
Kay: That must have been one hell of a class trial. What did they do, attempt to kill him by a thousand cuts?
Edgeworth: Not exactly. He was... a little on the sensitive side, back in those days.
Quote:
being framed for murder by an old flame introduced him to the woman who shaped him into the great defense attorney he is today, the death of his mentor laid the foundation for a friendship that's grown and prospered into an inseparable bond. Life's thrown him some curveballs but they've all helped shape him into who he is today."
Phoenix: None of those examples had anything to do with "making the best of it". I usually wasn't the one making the first move in any of those situations. It just sort of happened. Is that the moral of this story? "Things just happen, so... Christmas"?
Quote:
"Hi," Phoenix greeted the owner in charge of the store "I'm here to pick up an order from 'Phoenix Wright'."
"Y'know, in all of my years as a jeweler," The owner; a short, overweight, and balding man, said as he used his keys to open a drawer near the cash register "This has got to be the strangest request I've ever gotten."
Phoenix: Why? Because of the name? It's the name, isn't it?
Maya: No, it's because
you're Phoenix Wright, silly. How can you pick up an order from yourself? Do you want him to cosplay you?
Kay: I bet it'd be pretty hard to copy that spiky hair of yours.
Quote:
Out of the drawer the jeweler pulled out a small black container much like those that are used for engagement rings.
Kay: More ship tease, I see. If this leads to you guys getting together, I totally called it!
Quote:
Edgeworth cocked an eyebrow at the container and wondered just what was inside of it. Surely it couldn't be what he thought it was.
"Well she's not exactly a normal girl." Phoenix chuckled as he opened the box to ensure that everything was in order.
The jeweler laughed, "That's how it always is with the ones ya love," He chuckled as he pointed to Phoenix's sweater. Phoenix's eyes widened as he realized he was still wearing the sweater Pearl made for him, it's no wonder he had been so itchy on the way over here.
Phoenix: Yes, itchy and cold. He probably should have taken the time to get his jacket.
Quote:
"Uh, no wait a second…" Phoenix stammered before getting interrupted by the jeweler's chuckle.
"It's alright," The jeweler said raising a hand. "You don't need to explain it to me. I've been in your shoes before. So, everything in order?"
Phoenix grinned as he gently pulled a gold chain out of the small black box and at the end of the chain was a beautiful gold locket with the image of a hamburger engraved on the front of it.
Phoenix: A hamburger? Engraved on it?
Maya: Ooh, how romantic. *grins*
Phoenix: Like, it's not even
shaped like a hamburger, it just has a picture of one engraved on it?
Gumshoe: With a locket like that, you'd have to be careful not to eat it, huh, Maya?
Phoenix: Not even
inside the locket, it just has a picture of a hamburger engraved on its front? Like some sort of stamp?
Edgeworth: Get over it, will you?
Phoenix: But it has a
hamburger engraved on it! A hamburger! On its...
look at it! It's ridiculous!
Quote:
"It's perfect." Phoenix said with his eyes still fixated on the locket. Gant grinned as he noticed that his companion was smirking at the sight.
"Something wrong? Your facial muscles are contorting in an unusual fashion." Gant said sarcastically.
"No, nothing's wrong…" Edgeworth explained, still smirking
Kay: That didn't really "explain" anything.
Quote:
"Maya's going to love it."
"Let's go check on her and see what she's doing, shall we?" Gant said as he guided Edgeworth over to the organ. The two hopped on the organ and took off as Gant played his song.
Kay: So now he's got his own song? Like a theme song?
Edgeworth: Please don't...
Kay: *sings* Up there in the sky! Can't you see his organ fly? His music playing cheerfully...
Maya: *sings* ...while Kay is singing out of key...
Phoenix: This theme song lacks a melody.
Maya: *sings* We have to make it Christmas-sy!
Kay: *sings* ...so everybody sing with meeee...
Maya: *sings* ...of the three ghosts of Christmas...
Kay: *sings* ...two itchy sweaters...
Kay, Maya: *sing* ...and an organ parked next to a Christmas tree.
Phoenix: That was horrible!
Kay: Well,
you try and make up the next song off the top of your head. *pouts*
Quote:
The organ flew through the sky until it returned to Wright and Co. Law Offices. Once they had parked inside, Gant and Edgeworth observed as Maya frantically searched around the office for something. Edgeworth opened his mouth to ask Gant about what was going on until he decided to just watch for himself.
"C'mon, where'd I put it!?" Maya asked herself as she looked under the office's sofa "Aha!" She exclaimed as she lifted up one of the sofa's cushions and pulled out a grey heap of cloth.
Maya: Uh. I... I have no idea what that is. Or why I would give it to you. *thinks* Did I do your laundry for you and forget to seperate the colors?
Phoenix: Could be an elephant costume for all we know.
Kay: Or maybe it's the black-and-white version of the sweater you're wearing. You know, for the true 50s soap opera feeling.
Quote:
Edgeworth squinted to try and get a better look at the bundle she held but he still couldn't make out what it was.
"She doesn't have much money," Gant narrated as Maya pulled out some wrapping paper to wrap up the grey cloth. "So she wasn't able to get Wrighto an extravagant gift like the locket we saw Wrighto purchase for her. But she still placed her heart and soul into making that cloth that she's trying to wrap up."
Phoenix: The way everyone keeps referring to it as a "cloth" makes me wonder if it's some kind of cleaning rag. A very big cleaning rag. For cleaning a very big mess. I'm not sure I like where this is going.
Maya: Don't be ridiculous, Nick! Of course I wouldn't get you a rag for Christmas. At the very least, it should be a toilet brush.
Quote:
Edgeworth looked over to Maya and observed the cloth she was wrapping paper around; he noted that it did look a tad bit messy as there were two pairs of crooked blue lines on the cloth. Maya hummed some Christmas music to herself as she finished her sloppy handiwork by placing a bow on top of the mess; attached to that bow was a card that appeared to hold a hand drawn picture of an overweight Phoenix trying to push himself down a chimney with the words "Jolly Ol' Saint Nick" written under the picture.
Maya: See? That's how puns work. You have to make them funny.
Phoenix: I like my puns.
Edgeworth: You like them a little bit too much, that's the problem.
Quote:
She walked over to place it under the tree until she stopped in her tracks. She looked upon the bundled mess of cloth and wrapping paper she held in her hand as her expression changed from one of eagerness to unease. She opened the card to read the contents of the card, her uneasiness began to grow more and more visible as her eyes read what she had written inside. She took a deep sigh and tore the card off of the bow and threw it inside the trash can. With a deep sigh she placed the present under the tree.
Maya: Now look what you've done! You made fic-me feel bad by not liking the pun on her card. Look how disappointed she is!
Phoenix: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... wait, how did she know I'd react that way? There has to be another reason for her sudden change of mood.
Quote:
"Why'd she do that!?" Edgeworth blurted out "It was a charming little card!" He said as he walked over to the trash can and attempted to fish out the card. His efforts were futile however as his hand just phased through the card. "Why would she throw it away?"
"Perhaps because there's something written in there that she's not ready for him to know yet." Gant commented "But that's something you'll have to figure out on your own time, Worthy.
Kay: In other words: "Tune in next week and find out for yourselves, kids!"
Quote:
We have one more stop."
"Where to?" Edgeworth asked as he and Gant took their seats on the organ.
Kay: This is like literal musical chairs. The first on the seat gets to sit there while the other has to keep making "music" by sitting on the keys.
Quote:
"To visit someone who's down on his luck." Gant replied as the organ took off.
Detective Gumshoe's apartment was run down and old, there wasn't much to it really. It was cold, damp, and dark.
Gumshoe: No need to rub it in a man's face like that, pal! *scratches his head* And you know, it isn't really all that dark, as long as...
Quote:
The only source of light was a small candle on a small table in the center of the small room, the only room in his home.
Gumshoe: That's what I was trying to say! Th-the candle! Not the room. You could have kept that part to yourself.
Kay: It's not even true. You have a kitchen, too.
Gumshoe: That's right! And a bathroom. Don't forget the bathroom. That's three rooms, see?
Phoenix: (I don't think bathroom and kitchen count as additional rooms...)
Quote:
The organ passed through the wall and landed in the corner of Gumshoe's apartment.
Phoenix: Wait. This story is written from Scroo- I mean Edgeworth's point of view. How could we see what the apartment looks like before they entered it?
Edgeworth: Easily. By looking through the enormous plot hole in the wall.
Quote:
"This is where he lives?" Edgeworth asked as he looked around the room. There wasn't even a bed, only a sleeping bag and a clock.
Gumshoe: What? Hey! Somebody stole my bed!
Kay: Wasn't me. I don't think I could even carry that thing.
Quote:
"You shouldn't be so surprised. You've cut his pay to the point where he practically has to pay to come to work." Gant explained still seated on his organ, watching Edgeworth roam around.
Edgeworth: It's certainly not that bad... is it, Detective?
Gumshoe: Nah, don't you worry about me, sir. I mean, sure, things went a little downhill after they closed the dollar store around the corner last month...
Maya: Wow, you're really down on your luck, huh?
Gumshoe: B-but! I'm not afraid of a challenge! Dick Gumshoe doesn't give up that easily!
Phoenix: (At least he's still got his enthusiasm...)
Quote:
"He must be miserable…" Edgeworth muttered as the door slammed open, phasing harmlessly through Edgeworth.
"I'm dreaaaming of a white Christmaaaas! Just like the one the carols know!" Gumshoe sang as he entered the room carrying some grocery bags. "Now wouldn't it be nice if instead of rain and ice, we got a big fluffy blanket of snoooow!"
Edgeworth: Why does everybody keep breaking into song around me today?
Kay: But isn't it cute? He's singing his Christmas song from the musical.
Maya: Musical?
Kay: You don't know? Have you never googled your name or anything?
Maya: Nick wouldn't let me. He said it wouldn't be safe... whatever that means.
Kay: I'll send you a link.
Quote:
Gumshoe hummed the rest of the song as he emptied the bags on the table before him, pulling out two packages of a microwavable turkey dinner for him and Maggey to enjoy the next day. "Now that that's taken care of, it's time for dinner!" Gumshoe exclaimed as he pulled out a cup of ramen that he had prepared earlier from the microwave.
Phoenix: I don't think putting them in the microwave will improve anything if you then leave them there to go cold while you go shopping for groceries.
Edgeworth: No, the microwave was never working to begin with. As we can tell from the candle on the table, there is no electricity in Detective Gumshoe's apartment.
Phoenix: You're right. Speaking of which, why was the candle burning when he wasn't home? That brings us back to fire hazards...
Gumshoe: What a waste of a good candle.
Quote:
Gumshoe was about to dig in before he stopped himself, "Whoops! Can't forget to give thanks!"
Kay: Yes, thanks to the great gods of the microwave for preserving this offering of cold ramen.
Quote:
Edgeworth stood by and listened as the man who had so little give thanks for every little thing.
Maya: Like the bit of dirt under his fingernail.
Kay: And the little speck of dust in the corner by the door.
Maya: And the sorting order of boring old dictionaries in Tagalog at the library.
Kay: And the foot prints on a muddy street in medieval North Ireland.
Phoenix: We get it, girls.
Quote:
"…And thank you for Mr. Edgeworth, pal. I wouldn't have any of this if it weren't for him and I pray that he has a very merry Christmas…"
Edgeworth's eyes widened as he heard that last part. After how cruel he had treated the poor detective, he was still thankful to him.
Edgeworth: ...
Maya: Come on, Mr. Edgeworth! Don't you have anything to say to that?
Edgeworth: I... ahem. The sentiment is quite touching.
Kay: And...?
Edgeworth: And that's all I have to say about it.
Kay: *sigh* You're a hopeless case. Actually, you know what? I think I'll prepare a little something to teach you the true Christmas spirit! Kay out!
Phoenix:
It's still September!Quote:
Edgeworth's heart sank to the bottom of his stomach as he took a few steps back and outstretched his hand to lean on Gant's organ but fell down to the ground instead. He looked up from the ground and noticed that he was all alone and surrounded by darkness.
Maya: Ooh, time for the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come!
Quote:
Edgeworth then heard the sound of breathing from above him.
Maya: ...a very out-of-shape Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
Phoenix: Oh boy... I hope it's not Sal Manella!
Quote:
Edgeworth looked up and saw a figure clothed in a large black cloak looming over him holding a scythe. The figure wore a hood that concealed his face leaving only the bottom half of it visible; even then it was too dark to fully see it.
"Of all the spirits that have visited me on this night you are the one I fear the most…
Phoenix: I guess that's one way to react when some Grim Reaper-look-alike is pointing a scythe at you. I think personally, I would have reacted less poetically and more along the lines of "WAAAAAAAAAH!!!".
Quote:
The spirit that represents the unknown, the spirit that shows the harsh realities of time… The image of events yet to pass, the…" Edgeworth stammered as he gazed upon the towering shadow that stood over him.
Maya: Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. The name you're looking for is "the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come". But it was close, I'll give you that.
Quote:
"The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come," The figure finished Edgeworth sentence.
Maya: Yup, there you go.
Phoenix: Did you just feed the fic its lines, and it listened to you?
Edgeworth: Can you make it end faster? I'm slightly concerned about Kay's "preparations" in what is likely my office.
Quote:
Its voice was odd; it wasn't this monstrous or mysterious voice that Edgeworth expected. In fact, it sounded casual and almost familiar.
Maya: Now that they mention it: It does sound kind of familiar. I'm sure I've heard it before, but I can't remember where.
Gumshoe: I don't have any idea who that is, pal. Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: It's hard to tell. The author seemingly did their best to make it as unrecognizable as possible.
Phoenix: It would probably help if that ghost talked normally instead of mumbling lazily into its cloak .
Maya: But that wouldn't be mysterious enough, Nick.
Quote:
"Now are you going to sit there all night or what? Come on, chop, chop." The spirit said as it nudged Edgeworth's leg with the wooden handle of the scythe.
"Alright princess, nap time's over." The spirit deadpanned as it continued to prod Edgeworth with its scythe. "It's late and I wanna go home, so let's make this quick."
Maya: It's not a very nice ghost, huh?
Phoenix: Looks like it doesn't like you very much, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: I'm getting used to it.
Quote:
Edgeworth grunted as he got up from the ground and popped his back. "Very well, Spirit. So do I just grab your staff or-?"
"Ha…! Hey pal, we just met." The spirit slyly responded. "At least buy me dinner first."
Phoenix: Wait, is this Gumshoe again? Did he get promoted to Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?
Gumshoe: That's not me, pal! Do I look like the type of guy who would give up a good honest job to don a Halloween costume and prod people with deadly weapons? Think again!
Edgeworth: Not to mention the lack of motivation and the snide remarks coming from this character remind me of anyone
but Detective Gumshoe.
Gumshoe: That's right!
Quote:
Edgeworth sighed and reworded his question "So how are we going to fly this time?"
"You have legs, use 'em." The spirit chuckled.
"Listen here! Tonight has been a long and torturous night for me and I-" Edgeworth's rage fueled rant was cut short by the spirit brining up its scythe to Edgeworth's throat.
Gumshoe: *jumps up with his remaining snacks flying everywhere* WHOA THERE! No one kills Mr. Edgeworth with me around, screen or not screen!
Edgeworth: Please calm yourself. I doubt the spirit is going to go through with it. It is a Christmas story, after all.
Maya: But still... the other two were mean and badly written, but this one is the worst. I don't know who that person is, but I already don't like them.
Quote:
"Do you feel in charge?" The spirit's voice had changed from the bored, sarcastic tone into something terrifying. Edgeworth could not see the spirit's eyes from underneath the hood but he could still feel their glare, a glare so strong that he didn't need to see in order to fear. Edgeworth was terrified and was barely able to shake his head to signal the word "no". "That's because you aren't." The spirit continued "This isn't your place… It's mine, this is my domain and I'm in charge. Got it?"
Phoenix: Congratulations, author. You managed to have the originally silent Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come talk in your fic and still be unnerving. In fact, I think this version is even worse than the original. And we haven't even entered the bad scenes yet. Maybe you should consider a career in the horror genre? They get
payed to make people feel uncomfortable, you know.
Quote:
The terrified prosecutor looked down to the ground in fear, "Look at me…" The spirit demanded "LOOK AT ME!"
Maya: Oh come on, that movie is so old! No one will even remember the quote.
Phoenix: One: We don't don't know how old the fic is. And two: You just proved yourself wrong.
Maya: That doesn't count. And the fic can't be that old, because remember? 2019. And it had clear references to that case in 2016, too, so it's not just making things up ahead of time.
Edgeworth: Actually, many of the fics we reviewed before were dated around 2008 to 2011. Obviously they use a different time measurement from ours. I'm not sure why they do it or how exactly it works, but it makes determining the age of a fic all the harder.
Quote:
Edgeworth's eyes looked upon the spirit's obscured face and nodded.
Edgeworth: I am also not sure how my eyes could nod on their own, but I assume they would have to, given that the attempt to involve my head would likely lead to my decapitation.
Quote:
The spirit lowered its weapon and used the wooden staff to shove the prosecutor forward signaling him to start walking.
"W-where are we going?" Edgeworth asked, but his question was greeted with silence as he continued to march forward through the darkness. As he continued to trek into the darkness as wind began to form. The wind was cold and bitter and grew harsher as Edgeworth kept walking. Finally the wind began to carry snowflakes along with it
Maya: For someone who is so convinced it doesn't snow around here, the author sure has a lot of snow in their fic.
Quote:
as the harsh winds knocked Edgeworth to the ground. In place of hard darkness,
Edgeworth: Darkness is merely the lack of light. It has no texture.
Maya: Picky, picky, picky.
Quote:
Edgeworth had managed to land on some snow.
Edgeworth: Well, yes. That is generally what happens when it snows. Although a few seconds of it should not be enough to cover the ground.
Phoenix: So the "hard darkness" the author was talking about was apparently the concrete. Interesting way to put it.
Quote:
The spirit walked past him and stopped in its tracks, observing its surroundings.
"Welcome to home, Miles Edgeworth."
Maya: Yes, welcome to home. Population: 25.
Edgeworth: Who is being picky now?
Maya: I made a joke about it. It's not the same as complaining.
Quote:
The spirit said as Edgeworth got up from his fall and looked around. The two of them were in a grave yard that was covered in snow. Edgeworth dusted himself off as he walked over to stand next to the spirit.
"A vision of events yet to pass…" Edgeworth muttered.
"The future." The spirit commented.
Phoenix: I think that's what he just said, only in slightly overblown words.
Quote:
"Knowing too much about one's future… It's dangerous." Edgeworth said as he looked at the spirit standing next to him.
"In this case… It's necessary." The spirit said as it placed its hand in the snow and scooped up a handful. The spirit released its grasp on the snow and allowed the wind to carry it off. "Follow it." The spirit told Edgeworth. Edgeworth thought to question the spirit but deemed it unwise considering what happened last time. The wind gently carried the snow as Edgeworth followed it. He watched as the snow fell atop a grave where a group of people attempted to comfort a sobbing man who lay hunched over the headstone, clutching it desperately.
Maya: Couldn't the spirit have told him to just go over to where all the people were gathered, or where the sobbing came from?
Phoenix: I think it just wants to play around with him. Notice how it couldn't even be bothered to point in the direction? Nope, we get to "follow the snow" instead.
Quote:
Edgeworth kept his distance as he watched a poorly shaven man in a grey hoodie and a blue beanie clutching a bottle walked over to the man and gave him a hug in an attempt to comfort him.
Maya: Ah! Th-that man! It's
future Nick!!Phoenix: Uh... sorry, what?
Maya: That man! I met him before! He was here for the last spork! He had a daughter! And-
Phoenix: Whoa whoa, HOLD IT! A-are you seriously saying that this is me... from the future?
[The fic is paused. Everybody is looking at Maya in varying degrees of disbelief.]
Gumshoe: Are you feeling alright, pal?
Maya: I'm fine, guys! It's him! I'm telling you...
Edgeworth: I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken, Maya.
Maya: But... Mr. Edgeworth, I really...
Edgeworth: This man you are looking at is indeed Wright... from the
past.
Phoenix: Me... I... f-from the... wha... WHAAAAAAAAT?!
Speakers: Excuse me? I mean, us? I mean, the management... would like to know what the hell is going on right about now!
[Our sporkers proceed to talk over each other for several minutes in their confusion. Finally, Edgeworth motions them to silence.]
Edgeworth: One thing seems clear. The source of this confusion lies somewhere within this theater. I cannot even begin to comprehend how this is possible... however, based on our experiences today and Maya's encounter with... that man she described, it would appear that-
Speakers: ...the timeline is screwed. Yes, we noticed.
And this is quite an expensive piece of equipment we're talking about here, too. If it can be repaired at all... ah, this is bad...Edgeworth: *glares at speakers* In that case, I would strongly advise the management to find a quick solution for this "little problem", while some of us still have the memories to recognize it.
Speakers: That will be our first priority. In the meantime, please pay no attention to the... broken unit behind the curtain, and finish the spork as usual. Or better yet, forget everything that happened just now. We believe you were here:
Quote:
Edgeworth kept his distance as he watched a poorly shaven man in a grey hoodie and a blue beanie clutching a bottle walked over to the man and gave him a hug in an attempt to comfort him.
Edgeworth: So I take it I am watching this... undefined version of Wright here, doing nothing at all, while a mysterious blue beanie takes a life of its own and "walks" up to this yet to be identified man?
Maya: Well, it's a graveyard. It might be possessed.
Phoenix: It'll be one soul richer if the poor guy turns around and gets the scare of his life.
Quote:
Despite his sincerest efforts, this did not comfort the grieving man. The man in the grey hoodie walked back over to the rest of the group; which consisted of a young girl clad in a magician's outfit,
Maya: That's your future daughter, Nick.
Phoenix:
That girl? Isn't she a little too old to be my daughter? A-and haven't I seen her before? I think she belonged to that noisy guy...
Quote:
a young man in a red waist coat with an unfortunate haircut,
Phoenix: Yes, that one.
Edgeworth: Actually, in a sense, they both belong to you.
Speakers: The management would like to ask all of you to please refrain from future, past or other exposition. It might disturb the already damaged timeline.
Quote:
and a woman in a trench coat that he could not recognize from this distance.
"Apollo," The man in the hoodie spoke "Why don't you and Trucy go get some hot chocolate. It's freezing out here." The man's voice was eerily familiar but Edgeworth was certain that his mind was just playing tricks on him.
The young man in the waistcoat took hold of the magician's hand and they walked off leaving only the man in the grey hood, the woman in the trench coat, and the sobbing figure. The man and the woman in the trench coat knelt down next to the sobbing figure and helped him off of the ground.
Phoenix: It probably would be easier if they remained standing and just bent down a bit, but that's just nitpicking for the sake of it.
Quote:
Edgeworth's eyes widened as he saw the face of the sobbing figure; it was Detective Gumshoe.
His face was aged and his eyes were flushed from all the tears he had shed but Edgeworth knew that it was him without a doubt.
Phoenix: Shouldn't he have recognized his voice?
Gumshoe: Do I look like the sort of guy who goes around sobbing into people's ears to you, pal?!
Edgeworth: In any case, his face was covered and the wind was carrying the sound away from my fic self's position, so I'm going to give it a pass.
Quote:
The man in the grey hoodie used his body to support Gumshoe and help him get situated on his feet. Gumshoe wiped away his tears with his massive but gentle hands. Edgeworth's eyes began to tear up as well. Gumshoe was always so cheerful and optimistic,
Maya: At least as long as nobody mentions his paycheck, huh, Nick?
Phoenix: ...or questions his investigative qualities, his dog, his badge, Edgeworth, or Maggey, calls him by the wrong name, or says something remotely pessimistic around him.
Edgeworth: ...or reprimands him, ignores him, or positions him within eyesight of Franziska.
Gumshoe: *shrinks back into his seat* Can you really blame me for that?
Quote:
and it wrenched Edgeworth heart to see the gentle giant reduced to a sobbing mess.
"C'mon, let's go catch up with Apollo and Trucy. If we stay out here any longer we'll be popsicles." The grey hooded man said as he placed his bottle in the snow to use both of his hands to stop Gumshoe from collapsing on the floor.
Phoenix: Wait, now "the grey hooded man" is wearing his hood? On his head? Then how could we tell he was wearing a beanie underneath?
Why would he be wearing a beanie underneath?
Gumshoe: Please, with that hair of yours? That hood would sit on your head like a glove on your foot. No way it would be enough to cover it all.
Phoenix: My hair isn't made of metal, you know? It bends and crumples just like any other guy's.
Quote:
Gumshoe tried to speak but was too ridden with grief to do so, he managed find his footing.
Maya: Maya tried to correct this sentence but was too lazy to do so, she decided copy it instead.
Quote:
The grieving detective wrapped the man in a hug and cried in his shoulder as the man patted his back. Gumshoe let go of the man and wiped his tears as he walked away leaving only the man and the woman behind. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"
Phoenix: I don't know, author. But if you find the answer, let me know. (Because I can't even remember how often I have asked myself the same question.)
Quote:
"Because life sucks." The woman responded.
Edgeworth: I would argue that it has more to do with life not being black and white, or the way one chooses to reflect on the bad news in question.
Maya: Right! If life gives you lemons, you can always sell them and buy burgers instead.
Phoenix: I don't think that's how the saying goes, Maya.
Quote:
"I don't suppose I can join you all for hot chocolate, too."
The man shook his head sadly and took a deep breath "I'm sorry." The woman merely nodded understandingly before hugging the man before her.
Maya: Future Nick is being a jerk again! Why can't he let the poor woman join them? She sounds lonely.
Phoenix: I probably would me more willing to take her along if I had the slightest idea who she is. It's obviously not Maggey, or she would have left with Gumshoe. Is she my ex-wife or something?
Quote:
The man looked around for signs of anyone else before giving the woman a kiss on the head. "I have to go."
"I understand." The woman replied as she kissed the man's cheek.
Maya: A very close ex.
Edgeworth: My guess is as good as yours, but I wonder if this is meant to be you, Maya.
Maya: What? Me? Why, because of Kay's shipping idea? If it's that, then why wouldn't Nick let me come along?
Quote:
They both stood in front of each other for a while before taking off in opposite directions.
With that, everyone was gone from the graveyard leaving only Edgeworth. Edgeworth walked over to the headstone to see whose death Gumshoe was grieving.
Edgeworth: My fic self is not very genre savvy, is he?
Quote:
Snow had covered the headstone leaving only a singular letter visible on it, the letter 'M'. The name of whoever died began with the letter 'M'. Edgeworth reached out to wipe away the snow to discover whom the grave belonged to before stopping himself, dreading what he might see. Edgeworth knelt before the grave and wiped away a tear.
Phoenix: For someone who is so completely clueless about how the story goes, he sure makes a lot of drama about that letter M. With what he just saw, wouldn't the most likely conclusion for him to draw be that this is Maggey's grave? I get that she's a nice person, but he shouldn't be so upset about her death that he can't even bring himself to reveal her name.
Quote:
"Life sucks." A voice rang out, startling Edgeworth.
Maya: Oh goodie, the Grim Reaper of Christmas Yet to Come is back.I guess it got bored all by itself.
Quote:
Edgeworth looked up and saw the spirit standing over the headstone clenching its scythe. The spirit started to hit the head stone with the scythe's handle, causing the snow to fall off of it.
"Spirit, what are you doing!? Please, don't!" Edgeworth pleaded as the snow fell off of the headstone revealing more letters. "Please, I beg of you! I already know too much! Stop!" Edgeworth shouted as he stood up and grabbed hold of the scythe
Phoenix: I think it might be easier to just cover your eyes. Or walk away. Or look anywhere else.
Quote:
to prevent the spirit from revealing anymore to him. However the spirit over powered him and tossed him aside causing Edgeworth to bump into the headstone causing all of the snow to fall off of it. Edgeworth breathed heavily as he looked up at the headstone and began to read it.
Phoenix: Not what my first reaction would be, but sure, if apparently-Maggey's grave is that important to him, why not?
Quote:
His heart dropped to his stomach once he did. "Miles" He read "Gumshoe… Miles Gumshoe?"
Phoenix: Hm. Okay,
now he has a reason to be disturbed.
Maya: So Scroogeworth got married to Detective Gumshoe somehow? Now, that would be an interesting twist.
Quote:
"He named his son after you." The spirit spoke "That's how much he admired you.
Maya: ...or it's just another Tiny Tim proxy. That works too. But I like my idea better.
Gumshoe: I don't think I like either idea...
Quote:
There were complications… His wife, Maggey Gumshoe, died giving birth to their son. Shortly after, little Miles Gumshoe passed on too."
Gumshoe: *sniffle*
Maya: Poor Maggey. She hardly got any screen time.
Quote:
The spirit said as it lifted the bottle that the man had left behind in the snow; it popped the top off with its scythe
Phoenix: "...and cut its face trying to drink from the remaining shards"?
Quote:
and took a swig of the drink. Edgeworth's eyes swelled up with tears and he pounded the floor with his fist.
Edgeworth: "...like a tantrum throwing toddler in the candy aisle". What an amazing display of poise and dignity.
Maya: Speaking of candy, do you think they'll still have the snack bar open for us when we get out?
Phoenix: Just how many pounds of snacks can you eat in one day?!
Maya: Hey, I shared! I didn't get to eat it all.
Gumshoe: Part of mine landed on the floor. If you help me scrape it up later, I'll let you have some.
Maya: Deal!
Edgeworth: Yes, as I said... poise and dignity. *sighs*
Quote:
"Spirit, are these the visions of events that may be or will be!? Can they still be changed!?" Edgeworth pleaded with tears flowing from his eyes.
"Not if the path you walk on remains unchanged… Justice will be served, however." The spirit said as it slammed the end of the scythe down on the ground as a dark shadow began to engulf the world around them. "We're going to have a trial for the murder of Miles and Maggey Gumshoe! Right here, right now!"
Phoenix: I thought they died from birth complications.
Quote:
"What!?" Edgeworth questioned, backing away from the spirit.
"You, Miles Edgeworth, stand accused of murdering the family of Detective Dick Gumshoe!"
Edgeworth: How? Until five minutes ago, he wasn't even aware of their existence.
Gumshoe: Aw, that is cold. And Maggey was so proud after you helped her out that time.
Edgeworth: You may have noticed how I refer to this man as "him", and not "myself". There is a reason behind this.
Gumshoe: Ah, of course! *smiles confidently, then thinks for a moment and looks lost*...Um, what's the reason?
Phoenix: (I feel like every time I meet this guy, he's more oblivious than the last time.)
Quote:
The spirit once again slammed its scythe into the ground causing several figures consumed in shadows to spring forth from the ground.
Phoenix: If they were consumed in shadows (however that works), how can they "spring forth" from anywhere? If you consume something, it's -gone. It's not there anymore. (Like the food that goes into Maya's black hole of a stomach.)
Maya: Well, technically it could mean that the shadows bought them for their enjoyment. You know, like Christmas presents. They're just... Christmas demons.
Phoenix: *looks at her exhaustedly* Christmas demons.
Maya: We live in a weird age, Nick. There's a market for everything!
Quote:
"The evidence is stacked against you! You cut his pay to the point where they couldn't afford a decent hospital!
Phoenix: Yeeeah, no, this is LA, people.
Franziska von Karma couldn't afford a decent hospital! In fact, I don't think there
are any decent hospitals in this area.
Quote:
Where he couldn't afford to pay for the child's medication!
Maya: Where is that Obamacare when you need it?
Edgeworth: If a man in his situation
can't pay for his child's medication,
he should be aware
that medical care
is covered for their generation. *bows*
Gumshoe: That was beautiful, Mr. Edgeworth!
Phoenix: (Show-off!)
Quote:
You killed them, Miles Edgeworth!"
"No, no!" Edgeworth clutched his head in his hands "Stop it!"
"Has the jury reached a verdict?" The spirit asked.
A shadowy image of a woman holding a baby in her arms stepped forward and spoke, "Guilty" was the only word that escaped her lips.
"Very well then." The spirit said "This court finds Miles Edgeworth, guilty!"
Maya: Yes, and this spirit medium also finds him, in his seat right next to me. There he is! *happily pokes his shoulder*
Quote:
The spirit then stabbed its scythe into the ground and ripped a hole leading to fire and brimstone.
"No, please! I can change! Let me help him!" Edgeworth pleaded as the spirit took hold of him. Edgeworth clutched the spirit's cloak for dear life as the spirit shoved him into the hole.
Edgeworth: ...Of course. We can't have our readers feel bored or, God forbid, comfortable, now can we?
Quote:
The cloak ripped off of the spirit and revealed the same man Edgeworth had seen earlier, the man in the grey hoodie with the blue beanie on his head.
Edgeworth: Hmph. I should have guessed as much after his reveiling comment about "staffs" and "buying him dinner first".
Phoenix: Of all the things you could have memorized...
Edgeworth: I know. But his voice intrigued me.
Quote:
Edgeworth held on to the edge of the pit, desperate not to fall in. As he attempted to pull himself up, Manfred von Karma reached out from the hellhole in the ground and took hold Edgeworth's leg. "SPIRIT! HELP ME, SPIRIT!"
Maya: "...I mean: HURRY, YOU FOOLS!"
Phoenix: Ow! Right in my ear again.
Edgeworth: Thanks. I appreciate it.
Gumshoe: *scratches his head* He just can't stay out of a single scene, can he?
Quote:
"Life sucks, Edgeworth." The spirit said as it looked down at him, his eyes full of sorrow. "You and I know this better than most people." He said as he took a final drink from the bottle and began to poor its contents on Edgeworth's face.
Edgeworth: The word is still "pour". Since it is apparently Christmas, maybe we should get this person a dictionary.
Maya: But then we won't be able to point out their misuse of words they don't understand in future fics. Plus, they already have internet. You can look up anything on the internet.
Quote:
It wasn't alcohol like Edgeworth suspected, it was grape juice. As the juice continued to poor on his face, Edgeworth's grip loosened from the edge of the pit and he fell in.
Phoenix: "Nooooo-my-unnecessarily-expensive-suit-of-undefinable-color-will-get-staaaaaiiiins!"
Edgeworth: How old are you, Wright?
Phoenix: I have no idea. I think I was 27 this morning.
Quote:
He tumbled through the darkness and was about to hit the fires of Hell until he was surrounded by darkness.
"HELP ME, SPIRIT! HELP ME!" Edgeworth shouted until he felt himself hit the bottom of the pit with a thump. Edgeworth opened his eyes and found himself on the floor of the prosecutor's office. He looked around in a daze. "He let me live… HE LET ME LIVE!" Edgeworth rushed up from the ground and ran over to the window of his office. He opened it
Phoenix: "...with a battering ram..."
Quote:
and looked outside to see Cody Hackings riding his bike through the streets.
Maya: Wow, he must have some great eyesight to recognize Cody from that far up.
Speakers: Speeeeaking of which... Mr. Edgeworth. The management believes you wear glasses in the future.
Edgeworth: *completely unimpressed* The management should consider a career in fortune telling.
Speakers: Fine, play dumb. But if we find out you're using the malfunctions in our theater to your advantage, there will be consequences.
If only our sources of information were better... don't really know any details... *grumble, grumble* Quote:
"You! Boy! What day is it!?" Edgeworth shouted from the window.
Maya: His voice must be impressive, too.
Quote:
"It's Christmas day! Man, for a grown-up you sure are dumb!" Cody shouted back.
"I didn't miss it! Haha! I didn't miss it!" Edgeworth laughed "Cody, can you do me a favor?" He asked.
"Depends, how much are you willing to pay?" Cody responded. Right on cue a giant wad of cash hit him in the face,
Phoenix: That must have been a heavy pile of cash if it reached his face without getting blown away on the way down.
Maya: Let's hope it's enough to make him forget the concussion he got from it.
Quote:
"What do you need, sir!?"
"Go down to Q-Mart, buy the biggest turkey you can find, and deliver it to the address I wrote down on the paper at the bottom of the stack!" Edgeworth replied.
Edgeworth: Well, obviously it was not enough to pay for a decent quality turkey.
Phoenix: When did he have time to write an adress down and uh... staple it, I guess... to a giant pile of money? Did he just have that lying around in his office? And why did he have so much money in his office to begin with?
Maya: I call corruption!
Phoenix: I call lazy plot convenience.
Quote:
Cody immediately saluted and rode off to get the turkey. "Spoiled brat." Edgeworth muttered under his breath.
Phoenix: You just threw a giant pile of money you had lying around for no reason at him so he could buy and deliver turkey for you, probably so you can rest your own legs on your couch, drinking tea. I don't think you get to call anyone spoiled in this scenario.
Quote:
"Who do you think sent it, sir?" Maggey asked as she watched Gumshoe carry the massive bird that had just been delivered to them by Cody. Gumshoe placed it on top of the table in his apartment and rubbed his hands together.
"I don't know but I can't wait to dig in, pal!
Edgeworth: Now if only he had the electricity to cook it.
Maya: No, that's okay. I'm sure the great microwave gods will fire it up for him.
Phoenix: I don't think that thing fits in the microwave, Maya.
Maya: Oh, you're right. Hm, he could still use the candle...
Quote:
I can finally use that old Gumshoe family recipe!" Gumshoe said. Just then there was a hard knock on the door. Gumshoe felt a cold sweat drip down his face as the knock sounded again. "B-be right there, pal!" Gumshoe opened the door and in the doorway stood a very angry looking Miles Edgeworth
Maya: So angry that even the period fled from him.
Quote:
"I thought I had said that you were working today, Detective." Edgeworth scolded as he walked in the room uninvited. The detective stammered but no coherent words came out of his mouth. Edgeworth raised his hand to shut Gumshoe up, "You know Detective, I've put up with a lot. And today's the day where I reached the breaking point! This sheer disregard of authority has left me no choice but to, hehe… ahem, no choice but to… heheheee…
Phoenix: "...murder you violently and eat your flesh"? Because that's kind of how he sounds right now.
Quote:
but to give you a raise." Edgeworth said as he smiled warmly at the detective and gave him a pat on the back.
Phoenix: *screechy voice* "So stretch out your finger that I may feel if you will soon be fat."
Gumshoe: *thinks* You know, those guys out there have been really nice to me with their free snacks, too... Ah! Y-you think they're planning anything?
Edgeworth: I highly doubt they are going to eat you.
Quote:
"Don't worry about work today. Enjoy Christmas with those close to you." Gumshoe and Maggey stood there staring at the prosecutor with their mouths agape, staring in disbelief as Edgeworth hummed and danced his way out of the apartment.
"Here goes nothing…" Edgeworth mumbled to himself as he stood outside the door to Wright and Co. Law Offices. With a deep breath Edgeworth knocked on the door and waited. The door opened and at the door stood Maya Fey wearing the locket around her neck with the trademarked "Maya Smile" in full force.
Edgeworth: Did the author have a bet running to see how many times they could use the word "door" in a single paragraph?
Maya: I didn't know my smile was trademarked. Does that mean I'll get money for it now?
Phoenix: No, but you can sue people if they use it to sell their products. Not that I expect you'll find any.
Quote:
"Edgeworth!" She greeted as she hugged the prosecutor. "I didn't think you'd show up!"
Phoenix: Oh, look, you somehow progressed to name-only basis off screen. And over night. And you hug, for some reason. Isn't that great character development?
Gumshoe: Almost as good as your mysterious ex wife, eh? *grins*
Maya: Yeah, the one we knew so well. With the name and all.
Quote:
"Well, I figured that no harm could come of it." Edgeworth replied. "I'd be more than happy if you'd allow me to spend Christmas with your… family."
Phoenix: (Yes, all one of them. Wheeeee.)
Quote:
"Awww, Edgeworth… You're family, too!" Maya replied as she let Edgeworth in. "Let me let Nick know you're here… HEY NICK! THE GRINCH IS HERE TO STEAL CHRISTMAS!"
"It's a good thing we nailed everything down, then!" Phoenix's voice sounded from upstairs.
"Yes, humorous indeed." Edgeworth muttered to himself as Phoenix's footsteps sounded as he came down the stairs. Edgeworth's expression changed from his usual dry demeanor to one of shock as his eyes widened when he saw Phoenix. Phoenix was wearing the grey hoodie, the very same one that the spirit in his dream wore.
Edgeworth: So Kay's theory was actually correct in a way. That gray cloth from earlier
was a black and white version of his Christmas sweater.
Phoenix: And doesn't it just shout "Christmas" at you? Forget red and green, or reindeers or whatever, no,
this is what a Christmas sweater should look like.
Maya: It's the LA edition: Gray sky over gray pavement with gray skyscrapers in the background, on a foggy day. Or... smoggy day. Yes, probably a smoggy day.
Edgeworth: A true work of art.
Quote:
"No…" Edgeworth mumbled under his breath.
"D-do you like it?" Maya nervously asked as she clutched her locket. "I-I know it's lousy compared to the present you got me but…"
"I love it!" Phoenix said. "It's the most comfortable thing I've ever worn! You said you made this?" He asked.
"With some help from the village elders…" Maya replied modestly, still clutching her locket.
Edgeworth thought back to the spirit's appearance and voice… It was Wright.
Phoenix: Gee. You think?
Edgeworth: In all fairness, though, I would not have recognized you if I had never seen you in that getup before.
Maya: You had a stubble and all. Or will have a stubble. ...Had will have a stubble?
Quote:
How could he not have seen it before? What happened to make him so… miserable? So bitter? Edgeworth thought heavily on this as his eyes shifted from the duo to the trash can that sat next to him;
Edgeworth: He never even entered the room. Which leads me to the question why you keep a garbage bin next to your door in the hallway.
Phoenix: So that we could fit in the Christmas tree.
Maya: Ooh, good thinking there, Nick. We should try that next Christmas.
Phoenix: Only if you carry it up there.
Quote:
he looked inside and found the card that Maya had decided to throw away. Edgeworth picked the card out from the trash and read its contents; smiling to himself he placed the card in his pocket as he looked up and watched the couple share a hug.
Maya: Oh, okay, so we're a couple now. But then... was I the ex wife? Nick! Why did you deny me my hot chocolate?
Phoenix: You can have hot chocolate later, okay? (Even though it's still a bit warm for that.)
Quote:
Any problems that would arrive in the future
Edgeworth: "Arise". The word is "arise".
Maya: Unless it's a pair of angry in-laws.
Quote:
would have to wait, today was Christmas and Edgeworth was going to spend it with his family (Well, aside from Franziska, she'd whip him and call him a fool for partaking in such a foolish holiday).
Edgeworth: She would need a very long whip to do that from over in Germany, as she would certainly not follow up on my invitation.
Quote:
"Oh I love you Mystic Maya! I love you too, Mr. Nick" A small voice rang out as Pearl walked down the stairs, playing with her two new dolls that Santa got her.
"Hey Pearls, can you get Mr. Edgeworth his present." Phoenix asked.
Edgeworth: Or rather, demanded, judging by the lack of a question mark.
Quote:
"Ok!" Pearl responded cheerfully as she pulled out Edgeworth's present from under the tree. She walked over and placed the gift into the prosecutor's hand.
Phoenix: Why was it under the tree? He told us he wouldn't be there.
Maya: Maybe we left it out as bait. And it worked, right?
Quote:
"To our favorite prosecutor from the Wright-Fey family" Edgeworth read the card aloud. "You really didn't have to, I mean I didn't even get you all any…"
"Hurry up and open it!" Maya exclaimed. Edgeworth submitted and opened up his gift. Inside the box was a picture of his father and mother holding an infant Edgeworth, and a pair of glasses.
Phoenix: Maya, how did we get that stuff?
Maya: Uh... Santa brought it?
Phoenix: The Santa I recall hearing about doesn't... uhm... plunder graves? Break into people's houses and steal their stuff? Either way, neither you nor Santa should have those things!
Maya: Maybe the fic can explain it.
Quote:
Edgeworth's hand trembled as he pulled out the photograph and looked at it.
"We did some digging
Phoenix: *all color fading from his face* Oh my-! Thi-... this is a joke, right?
Quote:
and found an old friend of your dad who had this picture.
Phoenix: *breathes a sigh of relief*
Maya: Did you really think I would do something like that?
Edgeworth: I would still be tempted to call this snooping or even stalking.
Maya: Oh, don't get me wrong, it's totally inappropriate. I wouldn't do that. But it's closer to what I would do than robbing graves.
Quote:
We thought you might like it since we know you didn't have any pictures of your family left after… Well, you know." Phoenix explained.
Phoenix: How did we know that again?
Maya: Because we snooped.
Phoenix: Oh yeah.
Quote:
"Also, we saw you struggling to read some papers the other day so we got you a temporary pair of glasses. They're the type your father wore." Maya said as Edgeworth put them on.
Maya: See? It's just "the type".
Phoenix: I sure hope so, even though I have no idea how we would know what type to look for just from... you know. *whispers very carefully* That one picture. *clears his through and continues to talk normally* Anyway, this is a really aweful Christmas present. If we pull a stunt like that every year, it's no wonder he hates Christmas so much.
Quote:
A single tear dripped down Edgeworth face as he smiled at Phoenix and Maya. He went over to them and did something unusual for the prosecutor, he hugged them. "Thank you." He muttered as he held them both.
Phoenix: You know he's just about to slowly squeeze the air out of our lungs in the most painful way possible.
Quote:
"Weird" Phoenix mouthed to Maya.
"I know right" She mouthed back.
Edgeworth let go of his two friends and wiped the tears from his eyes, "So, what do you two want to do?"
"Let's watch A Christmas Carol!" Maya suggested enthusiastically.
"NO!" Edgeworth raised his voice. "I mean, let's watch something else…"
Maya: Oh,
now he suddenly knows the story.
Quote:
"Awww, but Pearly loves the line at the end of it." Maya looked at Pearl "What was it again, Pearly?"
Pearl cleared her throat, "Merry Christmas and God bless us everyone!"
[The lights in the theater come back on and the doors unlock as the fic stops playing. Maya stretches and immediately drops down on the floor.]
Maya: So where did all that leftover candy go? Heeere, candy candy candy! *starts crawling around picking up spilled snacks*
Gumshoe: Oh boy. It's like an egg hunt. A... Christmas egg hunt. *shrugs and gets on his hands and knees*
Phoenix: It's September, people... September. *sighs* But who will listen to me? *gets down on the floor* Heeere, candy candy!
Edgeworth: Where is Kay with her camera when you need her? ...-Ah! That's right! I... I must go. Excuse me!
[He hastily gets up and hurries out of the theater.]
Phoenix: There he goes. I wonder if we'll see him again soon.
Maya: Maybe next time we'll all be from the future. Hey, I found some Skittles!
Gumshoe: Or maybe we'll all go back in time.
Maya: Sounds good. We could have our own highschool AU.
Speakers: Erm... we'll fix it! Somehow. We'll find a way!
I hope... Maya: But it would be fun. -Huh? What's this? I think Mr. Edgeworth lost something.
[She picks up a crumpled piece of paper and unfolds it.]
Maya: It's a note. *begins to read* "I pay, she picks, and runs off with both of them"? What's that supposed to... *narrows eyes* Wait a minute! Niiick?!
[And so another spork ends while in another room, not far away, a new one is just about to start...]