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Rank: Prosecutor
Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 7:47 pm
Posts: 970
"Ace Attorney: Phoenix Wright Law and Order"
Three SahwitsThe first chapter of this fic tries to rewrite the first case of the first game and spice things up a bit by adding a new character. However, she's by all accounts a Mary Sue who was shoved into the story to serve as Phoenix's love interest, and it's handled about as subtly as a house on fire. It's a grammatical mess, and the parts that aren't directly taken from the game are filled with OOC-ness.
Today's sporkers: Phoenix WrightYou know, I thought lawyers were supposed to be respected to some degree...
Maya Fey Cheer up, Nick! I'll let you treat me to lunch once this is over!
Mia FeyWell now, this should be quite interesting.
Larry ButzSo this is the place Edgey joked about is it? Hang on...Edgey never jokes...Wait, guards! There's been a mistake! I'm not Edgey!
[The doors to the sporking theatre open. Mia and Larry are being led in by the guards.]
Larry: So uh...you free after this?
Mia: I'm being channeled from beyond the grave by an eight-year-old, Harry Butz.
Larry:...Good talk.
[After a minute of awkward silence, Maya enters the room, followed by Phoenix]
Maya: Heya sis! Whacha doing here?
Mia: You tell me, I've barely been in here.
Phoenix: Good to see you again, Chief, although I wish it were under better circumstances. Wait, where's Edgeworth?
Maya: Mr. Edgeworth isn't here? Do you think he fled the country to avoid this place?
Phoenix: Well it's not like he doesn't have the money for it...
Mia: Phoenix, are you considering a career change?
Phoenix: No no no, not at all! ...It'd just be nice if my clients actually paid me.
Larry: Yeah, thanks for defending me for free buddy! I owe you one!
Phoenix: You know, I never once agreed to that...
Speakers: The sporking will now begin. Take your seats.
Mia: Well then, this might even be fun!
Larry: Yeah I mean we've got one chick each, right, Nick?
Mia: Once again, Harry, eight-year-old.
Larry: Oh yeah...
Quote:
Chapter 1: Defense Lawyer Phoenix Wright
Maya:...II, the return of the prosecution!
Phoenix: Huh?
Maya: I just wanted to make it sound a bit more interesting!
Phoenix: Something tells me this is going to be "interesting" all right.
Mia: Well, so far so good.
Quote:
Characters:
Phoenix Wright - Sam Riegel
Raven Strides - Leah Clark
Bobby Poster - Christopher Smith
Larry Butz (defendant) - Yuri Lowenthal
(Murder victim) - Cindy Stone
Winston Payne - James Hong
(Witness) - Frank Sahwit - George Takei
Mia Fey - Megan Hollinghead
The Judge - Grant James
All:...
Phoenix: Chief, please explain what's going on.
Mia: I believe the author assumed his or her work would become so well-received that famous actors would just line up to play a part in a movie adaptation of it.
Larry: Hey, wait a minute, why am I the defendant?! That's not fair! I've already been charged with murder!
Mia: If you'd read through it again, it says Ms. Cindy Stone is the victim. I believe the author is going to write about Phoenix's first case.
Maya: So am I the only one who noticed that nobody is playing Cindy Stone?
Phoenix: Maybe even this fic couldn't get well-known actors to play the part of a corpse.
Maya: I think it's more likely that the author just forgot to write a name there. I mean, who WOULDN'T want to be part of "Defense Lawyer Phoenix Wright II: The Return of the Prosecution"?!
Phoenix: Maya, that's not going to be a thing.
Maya: You never know!
Quote:
?: *gasp* *...*gasp* Damn it! ...Why me? I can't get caught! ...Not like this! I-I've gotta find someone to pin this on...
Phoenix: He can't get caught "like this"? Could he get caught in some other way?
Quote:
Thinking to himself really hard, he thought of someone close by that he could have arrested instead of the other.
?: Someone like...him! I'll make it look like. HE did it!
Mia: Instead of the other what?
Maya: Sis, your head will explode if you're going to get caught up on every little detail.
Mia: Like that random dot before the "HE"?
Maya: Uh-huh.
Mia: Got it.
Phoenix: So, he was thinking hard about someone to pin the blame on, and there was only one other person around? If this is who I think it is, then it's no wonder the trial ended so quickly.
Quote:
The next morning at the office with many computers working hard on it, cameras of many photos hanging all over the walls, and newspapers being made from many people all over the building from machines to handmade...
Mia: Working hard on what?
Phoenix: Cameras of many photos hanging all over the walls? They decorated the walls with cameras?
Maya: Cameras of many photos...maybe they're veteran cameras that have taken so many pictures that they've now retired from service and are inspiring new cameras to work hard on being the best cameras they can be!
Phoenix: You're giving the author far too much credit.
Quote:
One girl does from real detective of murder mystery skills on her laptop, to hacking, working hard at her work and very smart as well as being pretty. The people love her but her boss abuses her all the time known as Bobby Poster. This girl who wants to do her work a lot was name Raven Strides: 23 years old, bright blue eye, wear a black and red big headphone on her head, long silver hair, and a black-like skirt with long sleeves with a blue star on it, long black and white stripe socks, and black boots. For Raven was working hard until her boss calls her in for another work to be done at a courtroom on a murder case today.
All:...
Larry: I'd hit it.
Mia: Harry!
Larry: Hey, she's legal and not dead!
Phoenix: Keep it classy, Larry.
Maya: So she has one blue eye, and one headphone...Nick, do you think you can listen to music via your eyes?
Phoenix: It wouldn't be the strangest thing we've seen during our many times here.
Larry: So, I'm not that used to reading, but it sounds like her skirt has long sleeves with a star on it.
Maya: A "black-like" skirt, no less! Not a black skirt, but a black-like one!
Mia: I must remember to ask this Revan where she buys her clothes, that skirt sounds exotic to me.
Phoenix: Apparently, the "people" love her. Is she running for office or something?
Larry: She's got my vote, if you know what I mean!
Maya: And she's being abused by her boss...maybe she can score sympathy points during the election! You know, like Nick does with the Judge whenever he's fumbling in court!
Mia: Phoenix, explain.
Phoenix: Ha-ha-haah...oh look, the fic's continuing!
Quote:
Bobby: Raven!
Raven sighs, hating her boss and couldn't press charges she had no choice but to work a lot without stopping as Bobby comes in the big office room to talk to his co-workers.
Mia: I'd just like to point out that if her boss is actually abusing her, she'd be able to press charges quite easily. Abusing someone in a big complex as described in the story would be impossible to do without anyone being aware of it.
Quote:
Raven: (Great. Not him again...) Yes, Sir?
Bobby: I got another scoop for you.
Bobby hands Raven a huge folder filled with what happen to someone being murder a few days ago.
Maya: I hate being turned into a murder. I'm just minding my own business as a human and then BAM, I become a murder.
Quote:
Raven: What is this?
Bobby: Another story for you to do for me, a murder case of one man accuse for or so they say being a murderer or not. Larry Butz is his name for his girl friend Cindy Stone was killed with a powerful hit to the head with a heavy object.
Larry: *Waaaaah* Nick! She was THE ONE! The ONE I TELL YA!
Phoenix: There there Larry, there'll be more ones in your life, I promise you.
Larry: Oh, Mia, my heart feels so heavy, and only you can ease its burden!
Mia: Still in the body of an eight-year-old, Harry.
Larry: An eight-year-old with an awesome rack!
*Slap*
Quote:
Raven sees knowing she's typing that all down secretly and fast underneath her desk from Bobby.
Maya: She's typing secretly under the desk? Her boss doesn't see her tapping away at the keyboard?
Larry: Maybe he's blind?
Phoenix: Maybe there's no rhyme or reason to anything going on in this story.
Mia: Why would she "secretly type" what her boss said when he's just about to hand her a "huge folder"?
Quote:
Raven: I see.
Bobby: What's wrong? I thought you love doing murder mysterious, it's your thing. As if you'll be a detective yourself.
Mia: This is tricky. He COULD be mocking her by saying "as if you'll be a detective yourself". However, it doesn't really fit well together with the rest of the sentence, and I'm inclined to believe the author meant to say "since you'll be a detective yourself [someday]".
Phoenix: You know, he seems like a pretty okay guy so far. He hands her a case based on her preferences and hoping she'd like it. If it's such a big newspaper then it's fairly impressive of him to know his employees on a personal level like this.
Maya: Nick, I never thought I'd be the one to tell you not to get your hopes up. I'm sure he's tried to rape her before, or killed her entire family or something along those lines.
Phoenix: Point taken.
Quote:
Raven: I never said it wasn't.
Bobby slams his hands on the desk shaking Raven up a bit.
Bobby: What? So you won't do it!?
Raven got scared and grabs the flies to take with her.
Larry: Flies? As in the insect? Man, I don't get books; no wonder Edgey is frowning all the time.
Quote:
Raven: Okay! I'll do it! I'll get your story!
Mia: It sounded to me like they already had the story. Come to think of it, it sounded like they knew even more than the police, what with speculating Harry Butz's innocence so casually. If they're just going to report the outcome of the trial, then why did her boss get so upset at the idea of her not going?
Quote:
Bobby: Good. I'm not paying you too well for nothing.
Phoenix: And he's even generous with the salaries! If he could just control his temper, this guy sounds like the ideal boss!
Mia: *Cough cough*.
Phoenix: Oh, I mean...Look, the plot is moving forward!
Larry: What plot?
Quote:
Raven: (You never pay me me much as you treat me like crap at all.)
Maya: "How DARE you give me assignments you think I'll enjoy?!"
Quote:
Raven leaves the room to do her job.
Raven: I'm out.
Phoenix: Yes, hello, the name's Phoenix Wright and I'm calling you from the Department of Redundancy Department.
Quote:
Bobby: Have fun! And pay attention to one attorney, I heard he was new but seeing how well he can be! Remember that!
Larry: I didn't understand a word of what you just said but sure, I'll keep it in mind!
Quote:
Some people felt sorry for poor Revan to put up with Bobby like that. As she leaves the place to give out her scoop as well as solving the case by helping one attorney lawyer defending the man, how badly does he need help though? Raven had to see it for herself for this courtroom on a murder case will be a very special one to happen. Having everything and names to know two attorneys the prosecutor name Winston Payne and the defense was Phoenix Wright was the man she needed to report her story and so much more to come...
All:...
Maya: What.
Mia: Well, to my understanding, a journalist without any connection to the case is sent to assist Phoenix because her boss thinks Harry might be innocent.
Larry: I guess that boss has good instincts; I was innocent!
Phoenix: I know me and Maya have gone through a few crazy cases over the years but why would I let a complete stranger - a journalist stranger might I add - help me with the case? Moreover, Chief's alive!
Maya: Well, you let me help you after you freed me.
Phoenix: That's different, we're partners!
Maya: Did...did you just say the P word?
Phoenix: Partner? Yeah I did.
Maya: *Tearing up a bit* Oh, Nick!
Larry: You're one smooth dude, dude!
Phoenix: Wait, what just happened?
Mia: Absolutely nothing, that's what.
(The fic now copies the entire beginning of case 1, and I feel like just repeating that wouldn't be as fun, so I'll make a cut here and jump to the point where Revan decides to distort the plot)Quote:
Raven runs right into Phoenix without looking knocking all of her paper and his to gather back up.
(This happens DIRECTLY after Phoenix's inner monologue where he explains how he knows Larry. There's nothing inbetween)Maya: Oh no, Nick, your one piece of paper flew up in the air! How will you be able to prove your client innocent without it?!
Quote:
Raven: Crap! I'm so sorry about that! Didn't see where I was going!
Raven sees the picture of Phoenix on her paper to look at him as he looks at her, his heart went crazy compare to staring so deeply, not to mention being so speechless as well.
Phoenix: Wow...
Phoenix. Oh, it's one of THOSE fics.
Mia: What do you mean?
Phoenix: You'll see.
Quote:
Raven: So you're the new defense attorney I had to interview with, Phoenix Wright's your name?
Phoenix just kept looking at Raven.
Phoenix: I know this is very popular in fiction and all, but does this EVER happen in real life?
Mia: *Points at Larry, who's "discreetly" looking at her breasts.
Phoenix: Larry doesn't count.
Quote:
Phoenix: She's...She's so cute...
Raven starts to feel weird just seeing Phoenix like that.
Maya: Nick, you stupid old pervert, of course she feels weird!
Phoenix: Maya, that's not me!
Mia: Yes it is.
Phoenix: Huh?
Mia: Oh, nothing, just remembering our first days together at the office.
Phoenix: O-OBJECTION!
Mia: Overruled.
Quote:
Raven: Ah...are you okay?
Mia goes up to Phoenix to get the rest of the papers for Phoenix and snapping him out of it.
Mia: Wright! Let's go! Its time!
Phoenix: Okay! Chief! Let's! Do! This!
Maya: Hey, this is pretty in-character! You sounded exactly like that when you told me to clean my room when we were kids!
Mia: Who puts a bowl of cereal on her bed and leaves it there for two days?
Maya: Hey, no need to dig up the past!
Quote:
Larry rushes inside with the cops following too in keeping their eyes on him.
Phoenix: Larry's that eager to enter the courtroom that the police barely manages to keep protocol? Edgeworth would be having a field day if he were here...
Quote:
Butz: Wait for me!
Mia knows Phoenix will do well, as she sees Raven on queue surprisingly.
Mia: Raven? I'm glad you came.
Raven knows a lot from Mia Fey herself being the best female lawyer.
Maya: And the best "female lawyer" apparently knows a hacker detective journalist with one eye and black-like skirt-sleeves.
Mia: I don't understand what my gender has to do with anything. Is this fic implying women are inferior lawyers?
Phoenix: Chief, I highly doubt a fic like this is going to bring up valid points regarding gender roles and stereotypes, just let this one slide.
Mia: *Hmpf*
Quote:
Raven: Oh, Mia. Hi! Sorry I'm late.
Mia: No problem,
MISS STRIDES.
Larry: Oh yeah, courtroom manners. Those were a bummer.
Quote:
Mia: Oh, no, you made it in time. I need your help to get Wright to win his first case for all the training I did. I need your help as well on your detective skills.
Mia: No, I really don't, and I don't need any unauthorized detective skills in the courtroom. And why would I abandon Phoenix all of a sudden? The story implicitly states that I've been training him!
Maya: Deep breaths, Sis, deep breaths.
Mia: Don't worry, I'm calm, I'm just perplexed. And I don't quite agree with the portrayal of me.
Phoenix: Oh, believe me, you got off easy.
Quote:
Raven: You do?
Mia: You study on the case, right?
Raven: I did but why me?
Phoenix: Because you're a special little snowflake and we're destined to be together forever and ever.
Larry: He-hey, Nick! I knew you were into chicks! Looks like Franzy owes me 10 bucks.
Phoenix: Wait, what?
Quote:
Mia grabs Raven's arm as they head in the other room.
Mia: Look, Raven, it'll be fine. You two will do well working together. And...I think he likes you.
Phoenix: We just met! I didn't even say anything, I just stood there and stared at her as if she were a piece of meat!
Maya: Maybe the plot twist of the fic is that subconsciously you're Larry. Oh! "Defense Lawyer Phoenix Wright III: Identity Unknown!"
Phoenix: *Massaging temples*
Larry: *Shrugs* Worked in Twilight.
*Everyone stares at Larry*
Larry: What? A chick made me watch it!
Quote:
Raven points to herself after hearing the word 'like' for Phoenix likes her that she barely knows him.
Raven: The new guy Phoenix likes me...? Huh?
Raven talks in her head next...
Raven: Okay, I know my stupid boss wants me to do this, but of all people Mia Fey had to set this whole thing up. Just for me to help out a newbie like him? This sounded serious.
Phoenix: It is serious, we're letting an unqualified hacker journalist have a say in whether or not a man is guilty of homicide.
Maya: Hey, that sounded like something Mr. Edgeworth would say!
Mia: Why does this 23-year-old hacker journalist have to help out Phoenix if I'm there? And how would she do that?
Larry: More importantly, can fic!me score with her?
Maya: Nah, she's got a thing for ol' Nick. Before you know it she'll also be the one who protects Sis from dying, too.
Mia: I could
live with that!
Mia and Maya: *High five*
Speakers: The management proposes a break due to the unexpected length of the fic. Bob has to go home and make dinner for his family. We'll pick you up when we're ready to continue sporking the fic.
Phoenix: Oh joy of joys, a break!
Larry: So how about grabbing something to eat? Seriously, if this is what Edgey gets exposed to on a regular basis it's no wonder he's such a stick in the mud all the time.
Maya: Believe it or not but there have been a few stories where he's been able to relax and make fun of us.
Larry: Yeah? I'd love to hear more about that...maybe over some drinks, Mia?
Pearl: I want some juice, Mr. Larry!
Larry: GAH! Holy shit!
Phoenix: Looks like you're paying for once, Larry. You're not gonna let Pearls sit through another sporking on an empty stomach, are you?
Larry: *Whimper*
(So yeah, that was...something. It took a lot longer since I can't copy paste the fic directly. Now I have to go cook dinner. I may continue the fic later, but I think we all got an idea of what's in store. Please tell me what you thought of it!)
Last edited by Thane on Tue Aug 19, 2014 9:49 pm, edited 3 times in total.