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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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wizkid99 wrote:
I found a fic where Apollo gets put in a maze and has to escape with other characters. I don't know why I keep losing my attention when reading this fic. I must not be very interested in the fic in the first place. :nick:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10695985/1/Apollo-and-the-Maze

Hey Igloo, if you're going to spork one of my fics, it's only fair that I do one of yours, right? :karma:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

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Is this the first time in the history of the ST that we have fellow sporkers working on each others' fics? If it is, I think we've just hit a new milestone, albeit a minor one. I feel tempted to wait it out and see before I jump in with a follow-up to Turnabout Sporking... but it does make me feel like I'm lazying out on the job.

If no one's taking the fan manga, allow me to make a first impression for comic sporkings. I'm gonna need to approach it differently...
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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We had to sell Donnel into slavery

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AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
wizkid99 wrote:
I found a fic where Apollo gets put in a maze and has to escape with other characters. I don't know why I keep losing my attention when reading this fic. I must not be very interested in the fic in the first place. :nick:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10695985/1/Apollo-and-the-Maze

Hey Igloo, if you're going to spork one of my fics, it's only fair that I do one of yours, right? :karma:


Oh. Well, ok then. (It's not nearly as good as your fics though :sahwit: )
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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"Sorry to keep you waiting"

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AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
wizkid99 wrote:
I found a fic where Apollo gets put in a maze and has to escape with other characters. I don't know why I keep losing my attention when reading this fic. I must not be very interested in the fic in the first place. :nick:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10695985/1/Apollo-and-the-Maze

Hey Igloo, if you're going to spork one of my fics, it's only fair that I do one of yours, right? :karma:

I sure am running into other sporker's own personal fics a lot lately. :gumshoe:
And the fics themselves are always one-shots.

Anyway, I currently reading a fic where Kristoph Gavin and Daryan Crescend escape from prison....And that's all I'm going to tell you for now because I'm not done yet, and for spoilers. The fic is thirty-seven chapter's long. As of this post, I'm on chapter twenty-three. And I don't know how to feel about this fic whether it's too good to not be sporked or if it's sporkable material. I want to let my fellow sporker's read it to judge for themselves.The fic itself is a slight AU where Kristoph adopted Apollo six years before AJ:AA and a slight Klavipollo is in there to. The fluff doesn't kick in until later.

Here it is:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5709927/1/The-man-who-looked-at-the-sky
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Today's sporking is Apollo and the Maze by IglooDeWriter, also known as iglootheraptor, also known as my little brother and the guy who's working on a sporking of one of my own fics. Which I've asked him not to post until I've posted something else, because I have plans.
Okay where was I going with this.

I'll give this :sahwit: :sahwit: because it's kind of stupid and the writing is, quite frankly, not good, but I have to take at least partial responsibility for the fic. (°◇°;)
Also apologies in advance to anyone who has to highlight the Management's text to read it.

Today's sporkers aaaaaaaaaaaaaare:
Apollo Justice!
:apollo: "Rating: K+. Am I allowed to have hope?"
Trucy Wright!
:trucy: "So this fic is about Polly getting lost, huh?"
aaaaaaaand...
Ema Skye!
:yummy: "*munches Snackoos*"

[We open up in our sporking theatre for our first sporking under the fabulous new Management. Despite the changes, the theatre itself remains the same as ever, and today's sporkers are even already seated.]

Ema: ...so do either of you actually know what happened?

Trucy: Nope.

Apollo: Just what I've heard from Athena.

Trucy: ...who's the Management today, then?

Speakers: *loud coffee-slurping noises*

All: Oh.

Speakers: I'm not the only one up here, you know. Yeah, dudes. ...this Management booth is supposed to be safe, right?

Trucy: Apparently it's lawsuit-proof!

Speakers: ...that wasn't really what I was worried about... Man up, pretty boy. No whining allowed here. Now go start the fic. *grumbling*

[The lights dim.]

Apollo: ...this is going to be... interesting.

Quote:
APOLLO'S AWFUL DAY


Ema: *munches Snackoos* I thought the fic was called "Apollo and the Maze".

Trucy: Maybe it has two titles? Like "Star Trek: Into Darkness".

Apollo: I thought it was "Star Trek: into Darkness".

Speakers: Less than one line in and you guys are already off-topic. Good job, dudes.

Quote:
Apollo's awful day began when he woke up, as usual.


Trucy: Do you have bad days a lot, Polly?

Apollo: You could say that.

Ema: At least every day you go into work isn't a bad day for you.

Apollo: Well...

Quote:
He was sleeping peacefully, his antennae rising and dropping with his steady (loud) snoring.


Ema & Trucy: *snerk*

Apollo: A... antennae?

Trucy: They do kind of look like them.

Ema: Are they functional, though? Scientifically speaking. *pokes Apollo's antennae spikes*

Apollo: Hey, hey! Hands off the hair!

Quote:
Apollo then woke up to a loud noise, louder that his chords of steel, in fact! Apollo, startled, jumped out of bed, onto some grass.

Grass?

Apollo, antennae still rigid from shock,


Apollo: The fic is going to milk this for all it's worth, isn't it?

Speakers: Obviously. *coffee-slurping noises*

Quote:
looked down, to see grass covering the ground.


Ema: Because it's not like the fic already mentioned the grass.

Trucy: Maybe we were supposed to assume that the grass was on the wall or the ceiling.

Apollo: ...can you even grow grass on the ceiling?

Ema: If the light source is below it, then yes, you can. You just need hydroponics.

Quote:
Apollo, confused, took in his surroundings. He noticed that he was standing in a large, boring, plain. Or, at least, it would be, if there wasn't a giant, dense, wall of shrubbery blocking him from leaving.


Trucy: *opens mouth*

Speakers: And starting right now, I am going to ban all jokes referencing Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Trucy: You're no fun!

Speakers: You're too obvious.

Quote:
There was a single exit, and it just seemed to be surrounded by huge shrubs as well. Apollo was feeling very unnerved, so he did what any confused-person-standing-in-a-huge-circle-of-shrubbery-next-to-a-bed would do.


Ema: Go investigate the maze?

Trucy: Wish your phone had a GPS feature so you could figure out where you were?

Apollo: Chords of Steel exercises?

Quote:
"I'm Apollo Justice, and I'm fine!" Apollo yelled, causing the shrubs to shake.


Speakers: Looks like you win this round, short lawyer dude.

Apollo: *flatly* Yaaaay.

Quote:
Maybe I do need to tone down the chords of steel. Apollo thought, his antennae drooping. So, Apollo, doing pretty much the only reasonable thing to do, as he was in his pajamas and had no phone, and he went into the exit.


Ema: Did it not occur to the author to call it an entrance?

Apollo: Apparently not.

Quote:
Immediately, Apollo realized that this was obviously a maze. What was the rule again? Stick to the main path? Something like that?


Ema: No, it's stick to the wall.

Trucy: The right one or the left one?

Ema: Um... either way, it's not like a maze has a main path.

Apollo: Maybe you're supposed to alternate between right and left.

Trucy: Yeah, if you turned in the same direction all the time, you'd end up going in circles.

Ema: I thought that depended on the maze.

Speakers: No one cares.

Quote:
And so, Apollo went forward, and, of course, hit a wall. Ok, what now? Apollo thought, when something hit him.

*ka-TONK!*

Apollo turned around, and there was Ema Skye, standing there in pajamas covered with beakers and flasks, and strangely, a lab coat.


Ema: *offended* What's so strange about a lab coat?

Apollo: You're in your pajamas.

Ema: I fail to see what that has to do with anything.

Quote:
"Hey Apollo! Any idea where we are?" Ema asked him.

"Ema!? W-where did you come from?" Apollo asked her back.

"Well I was following the rule 'stick to the wall' and I eventually found you. Good thing we both know how to do that! Science prevails again!" Ema told him. "Oh yeah, and, I woke up in the middle of a clearing of some sort, which is why I'm dressed like this. Also, nice pajamas, Apollo. Do you normally sleep in your work clothes?"


Trucy: Oh dear.

Apollo: At least I'm not sleeping in a lab coat.

Ema: Clearly I put it on before I left.

Apollo: OBJECTION!! The fic implies you were kidnapped in your sleep like I was!

Speakers: This is a sporking theatre, not a courtroom, dudes. Eh, let them do what they want as long as they don't get too off-topic. *coffee-slurping noises* Dude... you already banned Monty Python jokes. Are you questioning me? Because it sounds a lot like you're questioning me, Mr. If-DeKiller-Finds-Out-Where-I-Am... Alright, alright! *angry muttering*

Apollo: ...

Ema: ... *throws Snackoo at Apollo*

Trucy: So can I make Monty Python jokes or not?

Quote:
"W-well you never know when you need to defend somebody." Apollo said, looking awkward.


Trucy: It's not like you need to wear your work clothes to investigate.

Apollo: Sometimes I'm not even sure I need to wear my work clothes to defend in court. Still, it's good to be professional.

Trucy: Or at least look professional.

Apollo: (I have a hard enough time doing that with you around.)

Quote:
"A-anyway, we should stick together to find a way out."

"Well, duh."

And they went off together to find a way out.

"You blame me for sleeping in my work clothes, yet you're wearing a lab coat and science pajamas? I mean, you aren't even a scientist, you're a detective."


Ema: *grumbles, glares at Apollo*

Apollo: I have nothing to do with this!

Speakers: Take responsibility for what you say, Red. *coffee noises*

Apollo: .............

Quote:
*Ka-TONK! Ka-TONK!*

They continued on, the sun rising slowly, occasionally asking inane questions or useless comments like, "Do you think I should tone down my Chords of Steel?"

"Scientifically speaking: yes."


Apollo: Not that that had anything to do with anything.

Ema: Toning down the Chords of Steel would be nice, though.

Apollo: But I-

Trucy: If the sun's rising now, how early was it when you entered the maze?

Apollo & Ema: *shrug*

Quote:
And they went on a while doing that sort of thing, until they came across another person. This was a seemingly Hispanic man with white hair, and wearing a visor with three red lines on it. He was standing in front of a large pile of coffee mugs, all empty, and he was holding another, full, one. Who was this guy?


Speakers: The best character.

Apollo: (If I comment, I will probably regret it.)

Quote:
"Hmm. I see a red lawyer and a scientist.


Speakers: I thought you couldn't see red. I can't. But he looks horrible in white, so I decided to be charitable. ...hey, dude. If you can't see red, how are you- Just because we're the Management now doesn't mean we should comment on the textual qualities of the sporking. *coffee noises*

Quote:
What are you two doing in a place like this?" the strange man said, as he threw his mug at the pile behind him. Apollo blinked, and he was holding another one. How did he do that? Apollo wondered.


Speakers: I'd demonstrate, but I'm all the way up here and you're all the way down there.

Apollo: I've already seen it. Law Plus Chaos, remember?

Trucy: I thought you were trying to forget about it.

Apollo: I am. Or was, anyway.

Ema: I still say it's scientifically impossible to detect 250 types of bitterness.

Speakers: 253.

Quote:
"Um, hello?" Apollo asked the masked man. "I'm Apollo, I work for Wright Anything Agency, and this is Ema, and, no, she's not actually a scientist- *Ka-TONK* "She's a detective."


Trucy: I'm kinda confused about what's going on with the quotation marks here.

Speakers: The author dude can't write. Next question.

Quote:
Godot smirked as he said "Wright Anything Agency."

"A detective who wants to be a scientist? That's like putting milk in your coffee." The man said.

"Doesn't milk go in coffee though?" Ema asked, looking thoughtful.

*WHACK

Suddenly Apollo was covered in Coffee.


Apollo: Wait, why me?!

Ema: Why is "Coffee" capitalized?

Speakers: Because my coffee is so good it deserves to be a proper noun. That's why. *slurping noise*

Trucy: ...but you didn't capitalize it just now.

Speakers: Hey, he already gave me a warning about commenting on the text. Don't bother, dude.

Quote:
"Why did you throw coffee at ME?"

"She said milk goes in coffee. Coffee is the best when it's as black as the darkest nights. Anything else is unacceptable."

"Then why didn't you splash her?!" Apollo angrily yelled, as he was twisting his antennae to get the coffee out.

*Ka-TONK*


Apollo: Am I going to be covered in food and drink by the end of the fic...?

Ema: *munches Snackoos* Probably.

Quote:
"And HOW are you not out of snackoos yet?!" Apollo said as Ema pulled out another bag of snackoos.


Trucy: Actually... that's a really good question.

Ema: *munches Snackoos faster*

Quote:
The masked man just smiled. "Anyway, who are you?"

"I'm a fallen defender who came back from the dead to do battle with someone. My name is Godot."


Trucy: But if the narration already called him Godot, and it's from Polly's point of view, shouldn't Polly already know who he is...?

Apollo: Maybe I'm psychic but I needed to double-check.

Ema: Double-checking is always good... scientifically speaking.

Speakers: Incidentally, I go by my real name now. What, because you got caught? That makes no sense, dude. You don't know any of the context behind it, do you? Hey, I was already in prison by that point...

Quote:
Godot told them, and proceeded to chug his coffee, and pull out another mug. Ema put the bag of snackoos away.

"Anyway, I think we should continue moving. The sun's not stopping, and I have somewhere to be."

So they all ventured on, keeping to the wall, attempting to find the exit.


Ema: Assuming it has one.

Quote:
"Hey Mr. Godot."

"Yes, red?"

Red? "A-anyway, when you heard me say Wright Anything Agency, you smirked. Have you heard of it before?"

Godot was silent for a moment before answering, "You can't ever forget the best coffee you've ever drunk."


Speakers: That's one way of putting it. There's no need to sound so sarcastic, dude.

Quote:
"Which means…?" Apollo asked, while poking his forehead.

"Yes, I've met Trite before, about a year and a half before he was disbarred, in fact.


Trucy: Wasn't it actually a few months?

Speakers: Yes. And I stopped calling him Trite by now. *slurping* It seems the author didn't pay attention to the end of Bridge to Turnabout. I thought we weren't supposed to break the fourth wall. We're the Management now. No one can tell me what to do. You mean "us". No one can tell us what to do. It'd be a shame if DeKiller figured out where you are right now. ...I'll be refreshing like a spring breeze, dude.

Ema: ...

Apollo: ...

Trucy: *sigh*

Quote:
I trust that you know about the Hazakura incident? I was the prosecutor on that case." Godot took a drink form his mug, then smirked. "I was also the culprit."

Apollo's antennae went straight up with shock. This man was a murderer?! Why is he in this maze? And where does he keep getting those mugs?


Ema: Glad to know you're asking the important questions here, Apollo.

Apollo: I am genuinely wondering about the mugs, though.

Quote:
Is it the same method that Ema uses with snackoos? Nah…

"I can tell you didn't know about the incident, red." Godot then drank from his cup and stopped talking. Ema then slowed down and walked beside Apollo, eating another bag of snackoos. It looks just opened!


Ema: Is it just me, or are you spending more time wondering about my Snackoos than you are wondering about the maze?

Trucy: It's a good question, though! Maybe it is the same way Mr. Armando... hey, maybe you're related.

Speakers: That's stupid.

Trucy: It was worth a shot.

Quote:
"Apollo, I can tell that you don't really trust this man, but I think you should calm down. Honestly, anyone can tell, the way your antennae are twitching."


Apollo: I get what it's trying to say, but isn't it phrased really weirdly?

Trucy: It kind of sounds like Ema's a robot.

Ema: More like one of those chatbot programs than an actual robot.

Trucy: Shame. Robo-Ema would be pretty cool.

Ema: ...yeah. *munches Snackoos*

Quote:
And sure enough, his hair-antennae were sort of twitching every now and then. "You might want to have that looked at. But anyway, I've looked at this case before, and Godot killed someone to save a woman named Maya Fey."

"M-Maya Fey?!" Why hadn't anybody told me! "Isn't she Mr. Wright's friend?"

"Yeah, and the victim was actually her mother."

Apollo stopped talking, sensing a long story behind this,


Speakers: -which we won't be getting into because the audience should already know-

Quote:
and also, Godot was talking with someone new.

She was a small red-headed girl with two braids running through her hair. She was wearing a strange looking purple robe. She had butterflies floating around her.


Speakers: ... Hey, sporker dudes, is it a bad sign when this guy goes quiet?

Apollo: How are we supposed to know?

Speakers: I mean... you acted like you know each other...

Ema: We've just had a few sporkings with him. Also, it's not our problem since's all the way up... wherever you guys are.

Speakers: .......

Quote:
Strangely, Godot's Mask was smoking, and he looked angry.


Trucy: Why is "Mask" capitalized? It makes it sound like a band or something.

Apollo: A band called "Godot's Mask"?

Trucy: ...they're probably not as good as the Gavinners.

Quote:
The young lady also seemed mad. The butterflies around he kept spontaneously combusting.

"Hey Godot, who is this? You seem to know her-" but Ema was cut off as a coffee mug went hurling in their direction, and of course, landing on Apollo.


Apollo: And once again...

Ema: Shouldn't you be used to that sort of thing by now?

[The young lady is introduced as Dahlia. She and Godot argue a bit. They all continue searching for the exit.]

Quote:
Why does this type of thing always happen to me? Apollo wondered, and he walked over to the others.


Speakers: I guess you're just a fan favorite, dude.

Apollo: Funny, because it seems I only ever hear people complaining about my game.

Speakers: ...I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be breaking the fourth wall. Just let it go. *slurping noise* After all, if we're less strict than the previous Management, the sporkers might actually want to keep us. Actually, I kind of need to go back to- And if the rest of the Management likes you, you might actually have a chance outside of prison. ...

Trucy: ...are we supposed to do something when the Management starts arguing like that?

Ema: *shrugs*

Quote:
"Hey, Dahlia." Ema said. "How do you keep melting things and burning stuff?"

"Why in the world would I tell you?"

"Science."


Ema: The answer to everything.

Quote:
"I call it my 'Ghost Tricks.'" Dahlia said.


All: ...................................................

Trucy: Okay then.

Speakers: Moving on...

Quote:
"I don't technically need to be channeled in order to burn stuff, but since I'm here… you know."

"I see. But if you can instantly incinerate stuff, Why don't you destroy the shrubbery, and why don't you incinerate people?"

Aach! No, Ema don't- Apollo thought.

"I can't burn animals,


Ema: Butterflies are animals, and they were "spontaneously combusting" earlier.

Speakers: ...um, butterflies are bugs.

Ema: Insects fall under the kingdom Animalia, which makes them animals.

Apollo: How many contradictions are in the story so far?

Trucy: I dunno. I wasn't counting.

[Apollo wonders why Dahlia is even there. Dahlia assumes she's being channeled by Maya.]

Speakers: Even though Maya's hair is black, not red...

Quote:
Apollo figured he should probably stop talking to her, seeing as how her glare was getting worse and worse, and he got the feeling she was trying very hard to light him on fire.


Apollo: Even if she can't catch animals on fire, you'd think she'd incinerate my clothes or something.

Trucy: You probably shouldn't give her ideas.

Apollo: The fic can't hear me, Trucy.

Quote:
Continuing from where they were, they came across another clearing, along with somebody new. He seemed to be an old man, wearing a suit, and had a line of stitching all down the side of his face. Next to him was a… sports jacket?


Speakers: ................................. *coffee noise* So this is why you dragged me up here. ...not cool, dude, not cool.

Quote:
Hm. He didn't seem the type to wear something like that, but oh well. It seemed to have a large red stain on it. Probably ketchup.


Ema: Why are we all idiots in this fic?

Trucy: Um... comedy!

Quote:
"Ah, it seems there were others in this maze with me. I woke up just moments ago, and was about to head out and maybe find others, but it seems you found me first." The man said. "My name is John. John Doe."


Speakers: You should see my co-Manager twitch. He's like a child who stole my coffee.

Ema: Scientifically speaking, how much caffeine is in that stuff, anyway?

Speakers: *slurping noise* Heh.

[DeKiller John Doe joins their merry band to find the exit.]
Quote:
"Hey, Mr. Doe. Whose coat was that back there?" Godot asked, holding a brand new steaming cup of coffee.

Mr. Doe was silent for a while before replying, "It was something that belonged to my former employer. He is… not with us anymore."

"Oh, he passed away?" Ema asked.

"…Something like that, yes." Mr. Doe replied, and then was silent for a while.


Speakers: It's really a shame that I'm the only one who can see this guy right now. *amused coffee-slurping noise* S-Shut up! *more amused coffee-slurping noises*

Quote:
What's with this guy?

Up ahead, they heard some squabbling, and all decided to check it out.

"Piano Gavin! Get back here so that I can whip you into submission." Yelled a strange woman with silver hair and an extremely over-the-top outfit. She was talking about Klavier Gavin, of course, who was screaming and running towards them.

"Herr Forehead! Save me from this crazy witch!"

"I heard that!" yelled the fluttery woman chasing him.


Ema: "Piano Gavin"?

Apollo: Wait, is this the same author as that other fic where Ms. von Karma was calling Prosecutor Gavin "Piano Gavin"? ...couldn't be, the writing's different from what I remember.

Trucy: Maybe this is an earlier piece.

Speakers: Nope, different authors.

Apollo: I guess they know each other.

Speakers: And how. *coffee*

Quote:
"Eep!" Klavier eep-ed and he ran into their group.

"No way you're bringing her to us, you glimmorous fop!" Ema yelled, and pushed him into the woman, who began to whip him. Godot sighed, smirked, sipped some coffee, and grabbed the whip out of her hands.

"Nice to see you again… Lady von Whippinberg." Godot said, a wide smirk on his face.


Speakers: Whippingberg. There's a "G" there. I don't think it matters, dude. It's not like the mare herself is here to whine about spelling for us.

Apollo: (It's not like you've corrected much else up until now!)

Quote:
"Oh, if it isn't the person who killed his girlfriends mother." Von… Whippinberg? Asked. Apollo thought "von Whippinberg" was very fitting. "And it's von karma." Oh.

"I prefer to go by 'Ungodly cool guy in the mask.'" Godot said, that smirk still unfading.


Trucy: Did... Mr. Armando just imply that he's the one who's named von Karma?

Speakers: God forbid.

Ema: I think that was in relation to the "person who killed his girlfriends mother" comment.

Apollo: Girlfriends plural?

Ema: Girlfriends bad punctuation.

Quote:
"Hmph. Whatever. Phoenix Wright, get out here." Von Karma yelled.

Mr. Wright stepped out from behind the corner of the hedge, mumbling something about dropping his pen.

"Mr. Wright, why were Ms. Von Karma and the glimmorous fop fighting?" Ema asked.

"Well, it was less that and more von Karma winning, so… wait. Is that Godot? And that man back there… is that Shelly de Killer?" Mr. Wright said.


Speakers: Looks like even Wright forgot the end to Bridge to Turnabout in this fic. I'm still pretty sure we shouldn't be breaking the fourth wall like that, dude.

Apollo: ..."de Killer"?

Quote:
"What's up, Trite." Godot said.

"Um, boss? That's John Doe not SHELLY DE KILLER. Come on. Shelly de Killer is an assassin, John Doe is a butler. Get it right, boss." Apollo said, his eyes rolling.


Apollo: I guess I really am an idiot in this fic. I mean, it's kind of obvious who John Doe really is...

Trucy: You're just saying that because you already know what he looks like from another fic.

Apollo: Mr. Wright's reaction to him helps, too.

Quote:
"Uh huh. So, have any of you seen Athena? Or Trucy? I mean, Edgeworth, Maya, and Blackquill all split up from us, so I know they're here, but we haven't gotten a message saying they found them, so where's Athena and Trucy? Also, why does that girl over there look like my ex-girlfriend? And why does she have Maya's clothes?" Phoenix asked.

"Why hello there… Feenie." Dahlia said, utter contempt visible with each word.

"D-Dahlia?!" Phoenix gasped.


Trucy: Wow, Daddy's really slow on the uptake. Has he been binging grape juice again?

Ema: Also, how are they supposed to send messages to each other if no one has a phone?

Apollo: Smoke signals.

Quote:
"FEENIE?!" Apollo shouted. Feenie. Seriously.


Apollo: Seriously?

Speakers: It's best not to think about it.

Quote:
What is going on here?

"Let's continue, before Piano and von Whippinberg do something." Godot said.

And so, despite the fact that they had a couple murderers with them, they pressed on.


Ema: I suppose it is less dangerous than letting them wander around the maze unsupervised.

Trucy: Somebody's gonna be on fire by the end of the fic. Calling it now.

Quote:
"That reminds me, Trite. I need to do something." Godot suddenly said, and before Phoenix could blink, he was covered in hot coffee.

"Agggg! Godot why!?" Phoenix yelled.

Godot just smirked.


Speakers: ...

Apollo: "Agggg"? Is the author serious?

Trucy: I really hope not.

Quote:
Eventually, after going through many different dead ends, they found themselves at somewhere. A place that had a bed with attorney's badges all over them. It was Apollo's bed.


Ema & Trucy: *start giggling*

Apollo: Oh, come on!!

Quote:
"Scientifically speaking, I don't think there's an exit." Ema said. Personally, Apollo thought she was right. And come to think of it…

"You know, I think that Ema and I are the only ones here who are wearing pajamas.


Apollo: What does that even have to do with the missing exit?!

Trucy: Shh! I think you're pulling it all together now and you're about to find out why you're all in the maze!

Ema: And it's going to be stupid.

Trucy: I never said it wouldn't.

Quote:
Except for maybe Dahlia. I don't know if she's wearing pajamas, but do you all sleep in your work clothes. Everyone looked a bit uncomfortable, all except for Godot, who smirked as always, and Mr. Doe, who stayed silent.


Trucy: And I thought you slept in your work clothes too, Polly.

Apollo: I do not-

Ema: So basically, I'm the only one in my pajamas.

Trucy: Apparently.

Ema: Huh.

Apollo: *sigh*

Quote:
"Anyhoo, I think fraulein Skye hit the nail on the head. I don't think there's actually an exit." Klavier said.


Trucy: ..."anyhoo"?

Ema: *imitates Klavier's voice, but the does gay hand flip thing* "Well, anyhoo~..."

Apollo: Please never do that again.

Ema: I can't make any promises. *munches Snackoos*

Quote:
"I agree with piano Gavin." Said Franziska. "Even if his accent is… lacking."

"I agree with all of you!" Someone said, and they all looked towards the noise, and standing there was…

"Hahahahaha I got you Polly!" Trucy laughed.


Trucy: Hey, I'm in this! *pause* That can't be good.

Apollo: It's not like anything horrible has happened.

Quote:
"Got ya!" said Athena, who was standing next to Trucy.

"W-What!? Trucy! What is going on?!" shouted an angry Phoenix.

"Fine, I'll tell you!" Trucy said, bouncing up and down. "So, Athena, Pearl, and I decided to prank Apollo! So, we made a huge maze, and used a helicopter to take Apollo's bed and drop it here, with him still attached! So then Athena thought, 'what if we pranked lots of people?' and so here you all are. Wasn't that funny?" Trucy said, very quickly. She had a huge grin plastered on her face.


All: ...........................

Ema: I knew it was going to be stupid.

Apollo: That's going a bit far for a prank, isn't it...?

Trucy: I wonder how I paid for all that.

Speakers: Three words: Wright's credit card. You're kidding, right?

Quote:
"I thought it was pretty funny." Said Athena, her hand out in a victory pose.

"W-WHAT!?" Apollo yelled, his eyes bugging out.

"But… hmm… somebody's missing." Athena said, fingering her earing.

"We split off from some others, like Edgeworth and Blackquill, if that's what you mean." Phoenix said.

"No, we picked them up already. Uncle Edgeworth was much quicker on the uptake than you, daddy.


Apollo: That's not hard to do in this fic.

Quote:
Ah! I've got it! Where's Matt Engarde?" Trucy asked, bouncing once again.


Speakers: Why.

Quote:
Phoenix suddenly stopped.

"Where's John Doe?"

Everyone stopped and looked around.

"Who's John Doe?" Trucy asked. "I didn't put whoever that is into here."


Speakers: Whyyyy? Why me? Do you really want an answer to that?

Quote:
Phoenix jolted back, Godot clutched his mask, and Apollo's antennae drooped down.

"T-then you mean that was-" Apollo started, but Phoenix cut him off.

"Trucy, did you see a man with a scar running down his face anywhere?" Phoenix asked.

"Oh, him! Yeah, he actually went over the hedge. He's a very good climber!" Trucy said. "Hmm… I wonder if I could climb with Mr. Hat… Anyway, for some reason he didn't take his jacket with him. Actually, now that I look at it, that ketchup stain is really awful."


Speakers: *incoherent screaming*

Trucy: ...is the Management okay?

Ema: I don't think they've been okay for quite some time now. *munches Snackoos*

Quote:
"What ketchup stain?" Godot asked.

"Yes, Godot, I know you can't see red on white." Said a Phoenix with coffee now all over him. "Anyway, that coat seems familiar, but I can't remember where from. Oh well."

"Okay, I think that most everything has been explained, except for one: where you got the money to do this, 2: Why you did it to everyone, and 3: Who is Dahlia? Scientifically speaking, of course." Said Ema, adjusting her forensic-ing glasses.

"About time someone noticed. Honestly, you're all idiots." Dahlia said, flipping her hair.

"Isn't it obvious? It's Pearl Fey. Honestly." Kristoph Gavin said.

"Ja, that makes sense." Said Klavier.


Speakers: Still the wrong hair color.

Apollo: Hold it. W-Where did Mr. Gavin come from?!

Quote:
Where the heck did Kristoph come from? Apollo wondered, but he decided not to give him any attention.


Apollo: I'm just asking for something horrible to happen to me, aren't I?

Trucy: Polly, calm down.

Quote:
"Well, I guess I'll be going." Dahlia smirked, and she was gone. In her stead was a one Pearl Fey dressed as Maya.


Speakers: As if she would do that voluntarily. *irritated coffee noises*

Quote:
"Haha! We got them, didn't we!" Pearl laughed.

"Also, to answer your first question, take a look!" Trucy giggled, pulled out her magic panties, and grabbed out of them, a wallet. A wallet with an attorneys badge on it. Phoenix's wallet.


Ema: Huh. Mr. Armando was right.

Speakers: I usually am.

Apollo: (Didn't you have a perfect losing record as a prosecutor...?)

Quote:
"My poor credit card…" Phoenix sighed.

And they all escaped from the maze, thanks to the helicopter that Trucy rented. (of course from Phoenix's credit card)

And in the end, nobody got in trouble, because Phoenix is bad at this sort of thing.

THE END.


Trucy: Welp.

[The lights come back on.]

Apollo: ...that was it?

Ema: I think that was it.

Trucy: It did say "THE END".

Speakers: So... final thoughts, anyone? *slurping*

Ema: It was stupid, but at least it was short. And I wasn't all that out of character, either. *munches Snackoos*

Apollo: I was, though. *irritated sigh* It could have been a lot worse, so I'm just grateful for that.

Trucy: I thought it was a little funny. You know, sometimes.

Speakers: ............. And that about sums it up. Go home.

Apollo: Hey, you don't need to ask us twice.

[And so our sporkers leave, putting at least one successful sporking under the new Management's belts. But who knows what the future may hold in store for them, and for us...?]
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Is it bad that the only thing I could actually picture throughout that sporking was Godot sitting in front of security video screens, drinking his coffee as he enjoys the show, and had Enguarde collared and his leash tied to a post? The image is well imprinted into my mind now.

So, uh, what's this plan of yours and should I keep waiting before I launch my next sporking? I saved that fan manga for a reason, actually, and have an idea for a different sort of punishment sporking coming up. In the meantime, I'd like Nick and Edgey absent for just a bit longer, if you guys don't mind.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
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Cause of death is being dummy

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My "plan" was to actually explain what Nick and Edgey are up to. After a fashion, anyway.
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Hmm, this may put us at a few odds and ends. I figured since I essentially was responsible for them disappearing for a while, I should take up the challenge of bringing them back in the most humiliating manner imaginable. :sahwit:

How about this? Let's take the discussion to PMs, and whoever can come up with the better punishment sporking idea gets to write the spork. (Unless you don't mind working on another collab; I have no objections.)
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
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My spork involves Phoenix and Edgeworth as well, so I guess I'll just do it after you two have done your thing. :godot:
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Well, we've decided. I guess I'll start on mine first. As I've mentioned, I'm taking the fan manga I translated. And because I'm too lazy to actually scanlate the pages, I'll just leave the images as they are. No worries, I'll provide the translations with each page as well.

Mwahahahaha. It's time for a little Management mischief.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
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Cause of death is being dummy

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I can't wait. (^ω^)
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"Sorry to keep you waiting"

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Here's a fic where Winston Payne goes back in time to erase Wright from existence.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10913264/1/Back-to-the-Future
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So disappointed the names "Phoelo Wright" and "Robert Wright" didn't show up. 2/10, would not read again.
at least not in a row, my poor stomach
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
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I just have to say, this entire thread is absolutely glorious and all of you are fantastic and hilarious. I want to add my own sporking, but first I need... material :hotti:
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Aquabreeze wrote:
I just have to say, this entire thread is absolutely glorious and all of you are fantastic and hilarious. I want to add my own sporking, but first I need... material :hotti:

Pick a fic, any fic! Just make sure you know what's going on in our "continuity" right now!

Edit: Too much Shakespeare makes for some very interesting typos.
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https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9146042/1/ ... t-Hedgehog

This one seems like it should be a parody, but it's listed under Tragedy, so why not. ...Actually it is a tragedy: the tragic death of proper grammar.
"It's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up. Stay curious, stay weird, stay kind, and don't let anyone ever tell you you aren't smart or brave or worthy enough." -Stanford Pines, Gravity Falls
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I was working on a sporking of a fic called "Gumshoe wins the lottery", but then I saw someone quote a line of if in their custom forum title. ("The "miracle" never happen"). Has that fic already been sporked?
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Aquabreeze wrote:
I was working on a sporking of a fic called "Gumshoe wins the lottery", but then I saw someone quote a line of if in their custom forum title. ("The "miracle" never happen"). Has that fic already been sporked?

It may have been mentioned previously, but I don't think anyone has taken it. Help yourself.

On another note, I'm finally done with mine. Just a one more review, and it should be ready below.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
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Featured comic: The Plan to Capture Wright
Original source at Pixiv
Link to translations and notes for reference

Rating: :sahwit:
From the very beginning, it's a silly comic that came to be via a silly request, and the author/artist executed it rather professionally. In fact, it's a submission to a doujin circle called "Air", and this is one of their latest publications, back in 2013.
That one Sahwit is for the cringe-inducing, sappy dialogue, but it adds to the charm and the funny, so I don't dislike it.

------------------------------------------

[Our latest group of sporkers have returned to the theater. Apparently, their invitations have promoted a new sort of feature presentation. Even if the Management is now run by a bunch of hooligans, this news apparently is enough to gather a few sporkers' curiosity. As for those sporkers...]

:maya: Wow! About time we got to sporking a comic!

:trucy: Ooh! I can't wait! I wonder what's going to happen?

:think-think-think: ...

:simon: ...

:taka: (〒、〒)

Trucy: Aw, cheer up, you guys! It's the premiere of a new show! Doesn't that get your blood pumping?

Apollo: No.

Trucy: You sure?

Maya: Don't worry about them, Trucy. I'm sure there will be something during this session that'll get their hearts racing!

Apollo: (...Okay, now that she puts it that way, I'm terrified...)

Maya: And speaking of racing, I think today deserves a visit to the snack bar, don't you?

Trucy: Oh! I'll join you!

[And they rush off before the speakers announce.]

Speakers: In Justice We Trust! Welcome, fellow justice-seekers, to the Sporking Theater!

Blackquill: ...! You again!?

Taka: *screech* (ง˟`◇´)ง

Speakers: Ha ha ha!! It's good to see you again, Prosecutor Blackquill! Funny how things worked out, haven't they?

Blackquill: You damned imposter...

Apollo: W-wait, that guy isn't really who I think it is, is it!?

Speakers: Yes, it is I... Detective Bobby Fulbright, at your service!

Blackquill: SILENCE! A pathetic excuse of a man like you has no right to trample on anyone's name!

Speakers: But I'm being honest here! I really am Detective Fulbright! Oh, how could you doubt me, Blackquill! That really huuurts!

Blackquill: Grr...

Taka: (ง˟`-´)ง ...

Apollo: ...As obnoxious as he is, maybe we should at least let him off this time? It's not like we can tell if he's lying or not anyway.

Blackquill: ...Fine. But if I catch even the slightest inconsistency, that man is done.

Speakers: Ha ha ha! Oh, I knew you wouldn't doubt me! And don't worry! I'll be the best host you'll ever know!

Both: ...

Speakers: Just wait until you see what we have for you today! I guarantee it'll be a real thriller!

Apollo: ...We?

Speakers: Sure! Didn't you know that Mr. Wright and Mr. Edgeworth were gracious enough to join us today?

Apollo: W-what!?

Blackquill: What have you done with them!?

[And the speakers refuse to reply, clicking off.]

Taka: (ง;`-´)ง ...

Blackquill: Curses... We were careless and let them out of our sight...

Apollo: (...Oh, man. I should have expected things would get worse...)

Maya: Okay! So that's 2 jumbo sizes and a shopping bag full of sweets for all of us! ...What's with the silent tension here?

Trucy: *sips juice* Did something happen?

Blackquill: ...The worst case scenario.

Maya, Trucy: ?

[And so, the sporkers make their way in; some with excitement, some with dread.]

Spoiler:
Image
Quote:
Stylish Dual Destinies: PxE


Maya, Trucy: Oooh...

Maya: I must say, this is most impressive. *sip*

Trucy: Indeed. The art style and design capture the essence of the characters rather flawlessly. *sip*

Apollo: ...Ms. Fey, can I ask something?

Maya: What is it, my fellow sporker?

Apollo: In the subs, it says "PxE"... It's not what I think it means, is it?

Maya: "What you think it is"? Perchance you are referring to the fan shipping? If you are, then you are correct.

Apollo: (...That's it. We're doomed.)

Image
Quote:
"The Plan to Capture Wright"


Apollo: No, no, no... After an intro like that, you don't give a title like this!

Trucy: Just what is it that troubles you so, Apollo? *munch*

Apollo: ...Just to make sure, Ms. Fey, by that "capture", it couldn't mean it in the "taking prisoner" way, could it?

Maya: It most certainly is. It seems someone is intent on hunting Phoenix in this case.

Apollo: (...Oh God, I hope Mr. Wright makes it out of this alright... oh, who am I kidding...)

Blackquill: ...Brace yourself, Taka. The worst is yet to come.

Taka: ಠ~ಠ

Image
Quote:
[Chief Prosecutor's Office]
Phoenix: This is the last of it, right? I'll get it done. You take a rest.
Edgeworth: Suit yourself.


Maya: Now what could Nick be doing in Mr. Edgeworth's office?

Trucy: Filing a lawsuit?

Maya: Or getting a job?

Trucy: Hmm... that actually sounds like a good idea.

Apollo: What? Of course not! He already has one! And a firm to run!

Trucy: Technically, I'm the one in charge of the office.

Apollo: ...You mean you're the one who's left to watch it.

Trucy: Nuh-uh! I get my own clients too, you know!

Maya: And Pearly tells me how often they're busy.

Apollo: (...I'm not arguing with them on this anymore.)

Image

All: ...

Maya: He's not gonna make it.

Trucy: Yeah, that'd be too easy.

Apollo: What'd be too easy?

Blackquill: Justice-dono... I suggest you be quiet. The less you question it, the easier it is to bear.

Apollo: (...How is this my fault? At all?)

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: Ah, here it is! Hm?
Edgeworth, what are you doing?
Edgeworth: Oh, uh. I just remembered I had a file to take out...
Phoenix: Hmm...


Trucy: Ooh, that's gotta hurt!

Maya: Maybe it marks the start of a beautiful relationship?

Trucy: Huh? I thought they were already in one.

Maya: No, I'm talking about a different kind of relationship... with lots of running around.

Trucy: ...Oh, THAT relationship.

Apollo: (...Must resist... picturing it...)

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: You want some tea?
Edgeworth: (It's been a while since we last met, and yet you're still as indifferent as ever...)
Phoenix: Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: (Ah, it's kind of adorable in a way.)
Phoenix: Hey.
Edgeworth: (Perhaps I should resign and kidnap him away.)
Phoenix: Hello! You alright?
Edgeworth: (Ack! He caught me off guard!)
(As I thought, it's inevitable that we face each other, but if I can just move fast enough...)
Wright.
Phoenix: What?


Apollo: (Oh, no. He's gone off the deep end.)

Blackquill: ...Hmph. If even HE resigns to lead a life of crime, then so will I.

Trucy: Ever faithful to your master, aren't you?

Blackquill: Wh... You know fully well that is not what I meant!

Maya: Aw, no need to be shy or modest. We all know how much you admire Mr. Edgeworth.

Blackquill: ...How did this conversation end up on my shoulders?

Apollo: Welcome to my world.

Image
Quote:
Edgeworth: (I can't even touch you!? Unbelievable!)
(And what was with that reaction speed!?)
Phoenix: Whew, that was close! You sure surprised me. Wanna take a break?


Maya: Wow, I never knew Nick could be so agile.

Trucy: This author sure knows how to amp up the tension!

Apollo: Yeah... in more ways than one.

Trucy: Makes me wonder what he'll try next.

Apollo: (...Argh. Now I'm curious too... and not in the good way.)

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: It's delicious.
Now I see why you like red tea so much. I'm glad I could be just a bit more like you.
Edgeworth: (What a cute thing to say...)


All: ...

Maya: ...Eh, to be honest, I'd find that kinda creepy.

Trucy: Yeah. When would Daddy ever care for tea?

Maya: Makes me wonder if he was in that office for a different reason...

Trucy: A different reason?

Maya: Like... *snicker* Being his "personal" manservant.

Blackquill: Fey-dono! Do not go where you cannot return from!

Maya: W-whoa! Easy! Sorry!

Image
Quote:
Wright, would you like to play a little game with me?
Phoenix: A game?
Edgeworth: Hm, I'd enjoy a round of "The Darma Fell"... You don't mind, right?


Trucy: "The Darma Fell"? What's that?

Maya: It's a Japanese kids' game kinda like "Red Light, Green Light", but the person who has to look away says this one line that goes "Daruma-san ga koronda".

Trucy: Oh, I get it! And if anyone moves when they look, they get chased!

Maya: Basically, but the person looking away can't move out of their side of the field until then.

Trucy: That sounds like fun! Maybe we can play a round back at the office?

Maya: Sure! I'll get Pearly and we can all try to mess with Nick!

Apollo: (My workplace is now a playground for kids. *sigh*)

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: Huh? Is your head alright? Do you have a fever?
Edgeworth: No, I'm being serious.
Phoenix: Yeah, but aren't we a bit too old for that kid's game...?
Edgeworth: We don't get enough exercise.
Phoenix: *sigh* Oh, fine.
Edgeworth: (If all goes as planned, I should be able to catch him.)
Phoenix: Ready?
Edgeworth: Yeah. Go ahead.


Apollo: This is like the start of a horror movie...

Blackquill: It might as well be. To think that they would dare humiliate them to this point...

Maya: Oh, come on! It's just a little romping around.

Blackquill: For your information, Fey-dono, the Chief Prosecutor does NOT "romp around".

Maya: ...Well, he is going to, here.

Blackquill: ...! *twitch*

Apollo: *groan*

Trucy: ...What's with them?

Maya: *shrug* Boys will be boys.

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: (I've got a bad feeling about this...)
Edgeworth: What's wrong?
Phoenix: Nothing, sorry. Da~ruma~san ga...
(It's... probably nothing, anyway.)
koron...
da!
(H-huh?)
He couldn't have jumped up there, could he...?
Edgeworth: Over here.


Trucy: Wow, he's actually looking up.

Maya: Wow, I knew Nick wasn't the smartest guy I know, but this is kinda pushing it.

Apollo: ...

Blackquill: ...To be fair, it is somewhat amusing to see how little the author thinks of him.

Apollo: (...Actually, I think it's more of the opposite, given how things are probably going to go down.)

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: How the heck did you get here!?
Edgeworth: Why wouldn't I be?
Phoenix: (T-that was fast... What the heck!? I didn't even hear any footsteps!!)
Um, but you're supposed to touch me...
Edgworth: I know. Now, let's do this again.
(As I thought... it's my victory. Wright, allow me to land the final blow.)


Apollo: What!? How DID he get over there!?

Trucy: Maybe he's been practicing to be a magician!

Maya: Or working out by running around on crime scenes all the time.

???: Or, he's been taking lessons from me!

Taka: (`へ´) !

Blackquill: I've heard this voice from somewhere...

[And here comes a new challen... sporker!]

Kay: Great Thief Kay Faraday, at your service!

Maya, Trucy: Kay!

Blackquill: ...Of course. It was none other than in this accursed theater.

Taka: ε=(´へ`)

Kay: Hey, why wasn't I invited to this awesome event? It cracks me up how Mr. Wright and Mr. Edgeworth are getting into their roles!

Maya, Trucy: ...!

Maya: W-what did you say?

Trucy: Daddy and Mr. Edgeworth are...?

Kay: Huh? Didn't you know? They're the actors for this film.

Maya, Trucy: ...Whaaaat!?

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: (Edgeworth's serious. If things keep going like this, he'll be sure to win.)
(It isn't about whether to catch or to be caught...)
(But to escape any way I can! Think, Phoenix, think!)
Edgeworth: The hawk is about, so just rest easy.
Phoenix: Yeah, I know. Daruma san ga koron...
da!!
Edgeworth: Why are you avoiding me?
Phoenix: But you've moved out of your spot!
Edgeworth: Are we just playing tag now!?


Maya: ...I-I can't believe it's actually them. And here I thought they just got better actors to pull of the motions...

Trucy: But that doesn't make sense! How could Daddy move like that? He'd collapse after the first few minutes!

Kay: I'm not sure, but while I was exploring the place a few days ago, I overheard the staff talking about getting them roles in some film. I thought they were talking about this one.

Blackquill: How much did you hear? How were they coerced into performing?

Kay: Not much. It was kept pretty secret, so I wouldn't know.

Blackquill: ...

Taka: ¬_¬

Apollo: It must be something pretty nasty for them to agree to take part in this...

Blackquill: ...The things this theater can get away with never fail to disturb me.

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: Over here, Edgeworth!!
Edgeworth: That's as far as you go!!
Phoenix: Come at me full force!!
Edgeworth: !?


Apollo: (Something waaay worse than this, I'm guessing...)

Maya: ...I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at this. The situation is only getting more ridiculous.

Kay: Well, do as I do, and take it for what it's worth! You have to admit that they play the roles pretty well, considering.

Trucy: ...Well, I guess with the right directions, there's nothing Daddy can't do!

Maya: Yeah... you know what? I think I'll laugh. Care to join me, girls?

Kay: I'm in!

Trucy: Me too!

Apollo: (...The things these girls can take for granted never fail to disturb me.)

Blackquill: ...This is exactly why I didn't bother to tell them earlier.

Apollo: I just couldn't bring myself to say the words...

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: (Ok, now's my chance. Sorry, Edgeworth...)


Maya: Whoo! And he sticks it!

Trucy: Wow, Mr. Edgeworth sure is limber!

Kay: I know, I'm so proud of him... He really is destined to be a Great Thief!

Blackquill: Faraday-dono... please, whatever you say from henceforth, do not put the Chief Prosecutor with the word "thief". You should know better...

Kay: No, no! I'm not calling him a thief! He's a Great Thief, the Yatagarasu, vigilante of justice who only steals the truth! Ever heard of that one?

Blackquill: ...Yes, in a different context...

Kay: Heh heh... A few more years of practice, and he might be able to hop across the cityscape with me!

Blackquill: Perish the thought...

Image
Quote:
Edgeworth: (What an uplifting and refreshing feeling!)
(It's been a while since I've felt it!)
(Heh heh heh...)
And where do you think you're going...
Wright?
[Savage Mode Activated]
Phoenix: N-nowhere...


Apollo: S-savage mode...?

Maya: Now, we get into the nitty-gritty stuff, right?

Apollo: No! Anything but the nitty-gritty!

Trucy: Settle down, Apollo! It's not like you're the one there.

Apollo: And shouldn't you be more concerned for your father!?

Trucy: But look at him! His acting's top-notch!

Apollo: (No, I really don't think he's actually acting in this case... I'd be just as terrified.)

Image
Quote:
Edgeworth: Do you not like me? Ah, yes... As prosecutor and defense attorneys, we are enemies, after all...
Phoenix: (Oww, oww, oww...!)
Ha ha ha...
W-we're just playing around, right? No need to get that upset...
Edgeworth: Yes, playing around, all to capture you!!
Phoenix: !!
Edgeworth: You gave me a lot of trouble, but it's checkmate, Wright!
Phoenix: Waah!
(N-no... not like this!)
(Edgeworth...)


Blackquill: Drop him. Drop him now.

Maya: Sweet, naive Blackquill... Don't you know romance stories never end like that?

Blackquill: Fey-dono... at the very least, leave me be in my denial.

Image

All: ...

Trucy: *whistles* Wow.

Maya: This is beautiful. The roses, the postures, the everything...

Kay: If we could steal a few pictures in here, I would.

Apollo: ...

Taka: ♨_♨

Blackquill: ...I refuse to believe this is actually happening. Perhaps I've fallen into the depths of a hell from which there is no escape...

Speakers: Ha ha ha! I suppose that's one way of putting it!

Blackquill: You. Silence. Or I will attack.

Apollo: (...Actually, I almost forgot he was still around.)

Image
Quote:
Edgeworth: How could I allow my darling lover to be hurt?
Phoenix: Let me go already, this is embarrassing...
Edgeworth: No one's looking. Besides...
Aren't you the one who won't dare to let go?
Let that be a lesson to you.
Whenever our two paths cross, you'd always cling to my chest, just like this.
Phoenix: !!?
Edgeworth: Did you know, Wright...?
Phoenix: W-w-what... What the heck are you talking about!!?


Apollo: ...What the heck IS he talking about? Why is he talking like that?

Blackquill: Clearly, that crash into the shelves earlier has dealt more severe damage to his sanity than we had previously imagined...

Apollo: No, I mean the real people... Why are they doing this?

Speakers: Because they gladly volunteered!

Blackquill: Speak out once more with this utter nonsense, and I will shut down this theater by own hands!

Speakers: Now, now, Blackquill. What have i said about losing your temper?

Blackquill: Grrrr...

Apollo: E-easy, Prosecutor. We don't know what he'll do if you break something...

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: Aren't you fine with just catching me?
Edgeworth: Mmph.
Phoenix: ...
But... well, it is my loss, so... um...


Kay: Ooh! He's going for it!

Maya: H-he's really going for it!

Trucy: Oh, the suspense is killing me!

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: Sorry for running away from you like that...
Today, I'll do what you want me to.


Girls: Woohoo!

Apollo: *facepalm*

Blackquill: *stares into space*

Taka: ಈ_ಈ

Image
Quote:
Edgeworth: Just when did you... become such a bad boy, Wright...!?
Phoenix: Hey... And after all these years we've known each other... what an unlucky guy.
(Clean up that nosebleed...)
Edgeworth: Say whatever you want.
(Well then, let's get to it...)
Phoenix: Hm?


Apollo: Oh, dear God, no.

Blackquill: ...H-how did they even get him to bleed out of his nose like this...?

Trucy: My guess? Stage magic. CGI. The works.

Maya: Or maybe smacking him on the face with something.

Kay: Yeow! Talk about hardcore!

Blackquill: *shaking with rage*

Maya: ...H-hey, Mr. Blackquiil, I was just kidding. No need to take that seriously.

Apollo: (Brace yourself, Apollo... and here it comes...)

Image
Quote:
Phoenix: NOW!? HERE!?
YOU IDIOOOT!! THAT'S MY ONLY SUUUIT!!
Edgeworth: *smirk*
Phoenix: INDECENCY WAITS FOR NO ONE!!
Edgeworth: You're using it wrong! It's not "indecency"!
Phoenix: What do we do if someone comes in!?
Edgeworth: Relax! This room is equipped with automatic soundproofing!
Phoenix: No way!! You're lying!!
Edgeworth: You were asking for it anyway! Just give in!
Phoenix: Aaaaaah!! My belt!!
There's no indecency to lose!
Edgeworth: Like I said! Stop swapping "time" with "indecency"!!

End


Apollo: *flop* Oh thank goodness, it's off-screen...

Maya: Aw, that's it? That's all the nitty-gritty we're getting?

Speakers: Regulations state that there may be no graphic submissions to this theater, so this is as much as you're going to see from us. Sorry to disappoint you!

Kay: Hmph.

Trucy: Well, rules are rules, I guess... It's up to us to imagine the scene ourselves.

Maya: Bah, same old, same old...

Speakers: [b]However, do not despair, ladies! As a parting gift of our wonderful time together, I present to you a special sneak-peek!

[And with that said, the lights turn back on, the screen lifts up, and there lie the two guest actors on the hidden stage behind. To the shock and dismay of the sporkers, they've been stripped to their boxers and left in a rather suggestive position.

And it so happens that they've now awoken from their trance and find themselves in this state. Needless to say, they're horrified and split apart at once.
]

Phoenix: W-w-what's going on here!?

Edgeworth: Where is th... Th-the Sporking Theater? How did we...? When...?

Phoenix: And why are we almost naked!?

Edgeworth: ...Were we being watched this whole time?

All: ...

Maya: Wow, so it was live all along?

Kay: Points to the Management on this one. I didn't expect that at all.

Trucy: ...I hope the guys will be alright. They've all taken a pretty big shock.

Phoenix: Ack! T-Trucy! Maya!? And Apollo...?

Edgeworth: Even Kay, and...

Blackquill: ...

Taka: (-_-;)

Edgeworth: ...Those insolent people have taken a joke too far.

Blackquill: Sir, it seems the Phantom has been summoned to this theater to act as a distraction. I will pursue after him at once.

Edgeworth: Very well, you're dismissed.

[And so Blackquill and Taka hurry off as fast as they can.]

Apollo: Um... Mr. Wright, I'll just take Trucy and the others back, if that's alright with you.

Phoenix: Huh? O-oh, yeah. Sure. Thanks, Apollo.

[And Apollo pushes the girls out of there. At least Kay managed to snatch up another box of chocolates to go.]

Phoenix: ...So, uh, Edgeworth. About the plan to disestablish this theater...?

Edgeworth: Unfortunately, the petition is still undergoing review.

Phoenix: You only sent a petition!? Why not just sue them!?

Edgeworth: I did; but the next day, it was as if nothing had gone through. Since they are in possession of a time-bending machine, it's only reasonable to suspect foul play. We're left on our own.

Phoenix: ...This truly is the Dark Age of the Law...

Edgeworth: *sigh* No, even worse... it's business as usual.

[And so as soon as they put back on their clothes, which were conveniently lying around on the stage, they depart without another word and agree to never speak of this again.]

Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

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Ahahahaha, poor Blackquill. That was incredible.
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Come on, Airey. You say all my work is "incredible", but then you don't explain yourself. It makes me feel... underwhelmed.
(´・ω・`)

Nah, I kid. I like writing a lot, but it seems like every one of these things I make seem to turn into a story one way or another, even if I don't actually intend it. Call it a boon or a bust? I dunno.

But yay, now that's out of the way, I've been waiting for everyone else's work! Surprise me, guys!
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I'm bad with explaining. And "incredible" is my favorite adjective.

I like the story thing! And you're lucky you can pull it off so easily. I try sometimes, but it never goes as well as when you do it. Funny how I've probably been sporking longer than everyone else in the thread, but I still look up to you. :sillytrucy:
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I loved how the writer portrayed Edgeworth as a stalker trying to nab Phoenix. Great sporking as usual! :butzthumbs:

In other news, I found this crack fic where Maya is a teacher. I remember reading this fic last year but got bored of it. It's pretty ridiculous.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5447374/1/Ms-Maya
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AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
I'm bad with explaining. And "incredible" is my favorite adjective.

I like the story thing! And you're lucky you can pull it off so easily. I try sometimes, but it never goes as well as when you do it. Funny how I've probably been sporking longer than everyone else in the thread, but I still look up to you. :sillytrucy:

:viola: Why, thank you... I'm glad to hear that...

It's funny. When I begin writing something, I tend to have brainstormed and well-developed some plot points in mind; and even then, the end result is almost never the same as what I previously imagined. Apparently, I like destroying my own work and recreating it like it's a tower of Lego blocks.

I like your writings too. They're definitely amusing, if just a bit strange implying mine aren't?, and you know how to write the characters and a little mystery usually gets me hooked.

Now I'm wondering what to do while I'm waiting for other people's sporkings. I know I still have a fic (or two) queued, but before I jump into them, I'd like to try my hand with something different. Maybe I'll hop to a random page with a fic and see what I get.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

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sumguy28 wrote:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9146042/1/Phoenix-Wright-Turnabout-Hedgehog

This one seems like it should be a parody, but it's listed under Tragedy, so why not. ...Actually it is a tragedy: the tragic death of proper grammar.


I second this. It may be a troll-fic but it deserves to be sporked.
I hadn't known there were so many idiots in the world until I started using the Internet. — Stanisław Lem
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Darth Wiader wrote:
sumguy28 wrote:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9146042/1/Phoenix-Wright-Turnabout-Hedgehog

This one seems like it should be a parody, but it's listed under Tragedy, so why not. ...Actually it is a tragedy: the tragic death of proper grammar.


I second this. It may be a troll-fic but it deserves to be sporked.

I have a suggestion to the one who will spork this: Please include Franziska. I've passed on several opportunities to spork with her, but to be honest, she's my favorite sporker after Maya. (I just prefer to torture the three protagonists - and Blackquill - a lot more.)
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Oh man, Rubia :gant-clap: That was awesome. The stage-play twist got me good. If I read the ending right, this means Phoenix and Edgeworth are back in the continuity, and can be used in the sporkings again, yes? :hotti:
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Make them suffer. >:)


Edit: @Airey, remember the author of the one fic we did a collab on? Apparently, this author has written up another case.

I guess we should go in order, but whoever wants to do a follow up to our collab sporking can go right ahead. At the time of our sporking, the first chapter was the only one we found, so we're not exactly calling dibs on it.
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Shadow Magician wrote:
I have now read through every spork (save 'some R18 fic'...) and the image of me, trying to stifle my laughter at 4 in the morning came very true. :D
I've found some spork-worthy material which would strike fear into the hearts of ocertain sporkers: a Phoenix/Maya lemon. A badly-written lemon.
And here we are, ladies and gentlemen.


Image

Claaaaim. Whether you ship it or not, no ship deserves a bad lemon. (But yes, I do ship Phoenix and Maya. It's adorable and Maya's 18 in JFA so it's not weird at all!)
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Today's sporking makes Breathing Is A Necessity look like a basket of fluffy kittens on a sunny day! Therefore, I will be giving it a :dahlia: and if I could give it more than one Dahlia, I'd give it at least two.
Anyway, the title is "Stiff" and, it being a kink meme fic, the author is anonymous.

Today's sporkers are...
Phoenix Wright!
:nick-sweat: A title like that is always a bad sign.
Maya Fey!
:sad-maya: Nick, the whole kink meme is always a bad sign.
and...
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: This entire theatre is always a bad sign.

[Today's sporking is, due to extremely NSFW content, off-site. Click the link below to read it.]
How Phoenix Wright Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The (New) Management
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I... wow. I knew what was going to happen in that fic, but I'm still aghast by reading it again. Nicely done once again, and thanks for bringing Mia back! It is indeed a fic worthy of Maya vanishing.

But wow, again. This new management sure has some strange quirks to it. When did Godot get so much access around the place? Does this mean certain sporkers are allowed into the room behind the speakers? And how could this new management still have access to things like "hypnosis"? Is there, in fact, some hidden conspiracy behind the formation of this new management and the disappearance of the old? So many mysteries... I like.

I also like this idea of an alternate theatre setting off the site. But I have to feel sorry for those random guards and how one of them even tased himself. Hmm, perhaps I should get back to my sporking in progress. We should have one dedicated to these guys... and their beloved Shifu, of course.

Just one thing, though: it was meant to be a double feature, right? What was the other fic you had in mind?
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

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Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
I... wow. I knew what was going to happen in that fic, but I'm still aghast by reading it again. Nicely done once again, and thanks for bringing Mia back! It is indeed a fic worthy of Maya vanishing.

But wow, again. This new management sure has some strange quirks to it. When did Godot get so much access around the place? Does this mean certain sporkers are allowed into the room behind the speakers? And how could this new management still have access to things like "hypnosis"? Is there, in fact, some hidden conspiracy behind the formation of this new management and the disappearance of the old? So many mysteries... I like.

I also like this idea of an alternate theatre setting off the site. But I have to feel sorry for those random guards and how one of them even tased himself. Hmm, perhaps I should get back to my sporking in progress. We should have one dedicated to these guys... and their beloved Shifu, of course.

Just one thing, though: it was meant to be a double feature, right? What was the other fic you had in mind?

It was, actually, another necrophilia fic. It wasn't nearly as graphic (er, gory, anyway) but it was quite a bit longer and involved Edgeworth instead of Maya. Poor Nick still can't catch a break.
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Good GOD. I don't know how you managed to spork a fic like that. Urrrgh. -shudders- That's some creepypasta-level gore. Kink I can take. Non-con, I just stay away from on principle. Torture and gore? NOPE. SO MUCH NOPE.

The management in this one was De Killer, right? And then Godot busts in at the end? ...Honestly I'm a bit confused by how the management works in this continuity- and the continuity in general. Would it be possible for someone to post a quick run-down for potential sporkwriters, or...?
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Aquabreeze wrote:
Good GOD. I don't know how you managed to spork a fic like that. Urrrgh. -shudders- That's some creepypasta-level gore. Kink I can take. Non-con, I just stay away from on principle. Torture and gore? NOPE. SO MUCH NOPE.

The management in this one was De Killer, right? And then Godot busts in at the end? ...Honestly I'm a bit confused by how the management works in this continuity- and the continuity in general. Would it be possible for someone to post a quick run-down for potential sporkwriters, or...?

It was Kristoph. I have a hard time writing Kristoph though so I can see why you were confused

A few sporks ago, some villains escaped from prison(?) and somehow took over from the normal Management. What happened to the normal Management, no one knows, but the only real changes is that instead of just have a generic Management mook chime in from time to time, whichever villain(s) is/are tonight's Management practically participate in the sporking as well (although this depends on the villain in question. "Fulbright" acted like a normal Manager). Lang's goons are still there, and the Management still has the power to punish, although what exactly the rules are depend on the Management. (For instance, Godot threw out the rule about the fourth wall.) And each villain/Manager gets their own text color, although I couldn't do that on Tumblr. :sillytrucy: Hmm... I think that about sums it up, unless someone has something else to add.
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Hmmm... I see. In that case, it might be a good idea for future sporkings to list who the management is for their sporking, in the same way the sporkers are listed.
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Aquabreeze wrote:
Hmmm... I see. In that case, it might be a good idea for future sporkings to list who the management is for their sporking, in the same way the sporkers are listed.

I dunno, I kinda like trying to figure out who the Management is... maybe that should be optional? Like, you can if you want to but you don't have to, or maybe you put who the Management was under a spoiler tag and/or at the end of the sporking.
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I'm down with that. I try to make it obvious who it is, so I wouldn't usually need to, but it doesn't hurt to leave a note.

On that thought, we don't HAVE to exclude the Management to these villains. Anyone but the sporkers can be part of it - with exception of Godot because he's Godot. "Screw the rules, I can summon coffee from anywhere" is his kind of shtick.
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AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Aquabreeze wrote:
Hmmm... I see. In that case, it might be a good idea for future sporkings to list who the management is for their sporking, in the same way the sporkers are listed.

I dunno, I kinda like trying to figure out who the Management is... maybe that should be optional? Like, you can if you want to but you don't have to, or maybe you put who the Management was under a spoiler tag and/or at the end of the sporking.

That seems fair. -nod- And thanks to you and Rubia for explaining the management continuity. :D

In other news, I'm actually getting ready to post my first sporking. :will: It should be up later today. I'm excited, but also terrified. I hope you guys enjoy it!
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I'm looking forward to it!!
Also posting so that you don't have to double post
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Today's sporking is Detective Gumshoe wins the lottery, by Omega31.

Rating: Two Sahwits :sahwit: :sahwit:

There are some good ideas and a couple of clever jokes buried deep, deep in this fic, but they get lost in a veeery juvenile writing style, ooc characters, and plotholes. There’s also a slight possibility that it’s a trollfic, but after looking at the author's other work, I doubt it. It's bad, but it's not anger-inducingly bad.

Anyway, here are today's sporkers!

Phoenix Wright!
:nick: Well, there's no way it could possibly be any worse than last time...

Dick Gumshoe!
:gymshoe: This title sounds like a good fic, pal!

and Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: ...For once, I agree with Wright.

[Our sporkers enter the theater. Phoenix and Edgeworth are relieved to see that they’re back in the old theater, but they maintain their composure. They sit down silently. Gumshoe joins them after stopping by the snack bar. He sits, holding a ridiculous amount of food in his hands, with a big smile on his face.]

Gumshoe: Hi there, Mr. Edgeworth, sir!

Edgeworth: ...Gumshoe. Why on earth are you so happy?

Gumshoe: Well, I get as much free food as I want in here!

Phoenix: If we're back in the old theater, that means it won't be anything like the last one.

Gumshoe: What happened in the last one, pal?

Phoenix: ...

Edgeworth: ...

Gumshoe: ...Pal? Mr. Edgeworth?

Phoenix: ...It's really better if you don't know, Gumshoe.

Edgeworth: Agreed. ...Hm. I wonder who the management is today.

...*beep* *beep*...
...*beep* *beep*...
...*beep* *beep*...


Phoenix: Hey, I've heard that sound.

Gumshoe: Oh no... that's the sound I always hear before-

Speakers: [muttering] Foolish fools…

Phoenix: Oh, great...

Edgeworth: [sigh]

Gumshoe: M-Ms. Von Karma?! ...You’ve gotta get me outta here, pal!

[whipcrack]

Gumshoe: Yeeeouch!

Speakers: Silence, scruffy! You will stay put!

Phoenix: How the heck does she get the whip through the speakers?!

Speakers: That’s not your concern. Now, Mr. Phoenix Wright, Miles Edgeworth and Scruffy, you will sit and suffer through this horrid fanfiction. Begin the fic!

Quote:
Detective Gumshoe wasn't happy. His day hadn't gone well at all! He had gotten another salary cut.

Edgeworth: Fantastic. What did he do this time?

Gumshoe: Aw, man…

Quote:
Soon, he'll have to pay to work! Oh, wait. He already had to.

Gumshoe: Don’t remind me, pal.

Quote:
But he was used to salary cuts so he didn't mind it all that much because instant noodles tasted great in any weather.

Edgeworth: If you’re going to have a sentence like that, at least add some commas.

Gumshoe: Hey, pal! Just because I’m used to salary cuts doesn’t mean I like ‘em!

Speakers: You are not supposed to like the salary cuts! They’re punishments! As is this!

[whipcrack]

Gumshoe: Yeeeeow!

Phoenix: Do instant noodles really taste great in any weather, Gumshoe?

Gumshoe: [rubbing his wound] Not really…

Quote:
Well...his opinion, anyway. Mr. Wright didn't agree. He had excused himself from the table and left to "investigate a case".

Phoenix: So… Gumshoe and I were eating lunch?

Edgeworth: It would’ve been nice for the author to mention that before.

Gumshoe: Uh, you paid for that lunch, right, pal?

Phoenix: [sigh] Why not? When we celebrate after a big case, I always foot the bill.

Gumshoe: And another thing! I’d never get up and leave in the middle of lunch just because Mr. Wright didn’t agree with me on somethin’! Especially if he was payin’ for lunch.

Quote:
Today, he got a free Wright Way Lunch from Angel Starr. Unfortunatetely, the Wright Way Lunch had forgotten the good layer and only had two bad layers. Oh, well. At least he didn't have to pay for it.

Edgeworth: “Unfortunatetely”… ugh. What a horrible typo.

Gumshoe: Oh boy! Free lunch from Mr. Wright AND a free lunchbox from Ms. Starr? This doesn’t sound like such a bad day after all, pal.

Quote:
As it was nearing evening, Gumshoe got permission to leave one minute early. Five seconds earlier than last time! "Wow, I never knew my co-workers were THAT nice!" He thought.

Edgeworth: So he was only leaving fifty-five seconds early before, then?

Quote:
So, he headed home to find a lottery ticket, just lying there on the table. There was also a note attached to the ticket. "Hey Gumshoe. It's Phoenix Wright. I bought you a lottery ticket. Hope you win! It starts in 20 minutes so get ready!"

Phoenix: …I- bought you a lottery ticket? ...Why would I do that?! I mean, no offense, Gumshoe…

Gumshoe: That’s alright, pal. None taken.

Edgeworth: Wright, how did you know that Gumshoe would arrive home exactly 20 minutes before the lottery drawing?

Phoenix: Edgeworth, you’re putting more thought into this than the author did.

Edgeworth: Hmph. Indeed. I must be out of practice.

Quote:
"How did he get into my house?! I locked every door and shut every window...oh" He had forgotten one of the windows. Mr. Wright must have come in through that window.

Phoenix: …I WHAT?!

[whipcrack]

Phoenix: Aaaaaugh! What was that for?!

Speakers: Breaking and entering is a felony, Mr. Phoenix Wright!

Phoenix: [grumble]

Quote:
After 20 minutes had passed, he turned on the radio. "And the winning lottery ticket is...Lottery Ticket Nr. 13!"
"Oh. I didn't win...wait! WAIT! THAT'S MY NUMBER! YEAAAAH! I WON!"
Gumshoe jumped up and down in happiness!

Gumshoe: Oh, wow! I wish I could be that lucky!

Edgeworth: What kind of lottery number is "13"? This is a lottery, not a raffle. There should be at least a few more sets of numbers.

Phoenix: Did he just stand there for twenty minutes before they called the winning ticket?

Quote:
Now...what should he spend his money on? He had just won five million dollars. What should he do with them?

Edgeworth: Yes, what should he do with each individual 1 dollar bill he's won, apparently.

Phoenix: How did he know how much money he'd won?

Quote:
"I'll figure out something while I sleep". He thought and went to sleep.

Edgeworth: Gumshoe would have to claim his winnings right away. He wouldn't be able to sleep yet.

Gumshoe: And if I'm loaded, I'd spend it on a new apartment first! And some groceries!

Phoenix: Or at least use some winnings to stay in a nice hotel while you look for a better apartment.

Gumshoe: Good idea, pal.

Quote:
AA-AA-AA-AA-AA-AA (A/N: That's a line break by the way)

Edgeworth: And a terrible line break at that. [shakes his head]

Gumshoe: Ace Attorney, Ace Attorney, Ace Attorney, Ace Attorney, Ace Attorney, Ace Attorney.

Quote:
Apollo had never been interviewed before! Even less on TV. He was asked questions about everything. About his girlfriend, in which he didn't have one, about the agency, in which he just said "It's alright. I enjoy working there".
Phoenix: I didn't know Apollo was in this.

Edgeworth: Apparently you summon him if you say "Ace Attorney" six times.

Phoenix: Why isn't he here in the theater with us?

Speakers: Mr. Apollo Justice's brief cameo was not deemed relevant enough for him to be among today's sporkers.

Phoenix: But mine was?!

Edgeworth: And someone believing themselves to be me has yet to even make an appearance!

[whipcrack]

Phoenix: OWWWW!

Edgeworth: [grunts, winces]

Speakers: Do not question the management!

Phoenix: I swear, if she says "Heil Management," I'm going to...

[whipcrack]

Phoenix: AUUUGHH!

Gumshoe: ..Why are the TV people interviewing him about me, pal?

Phoenix: Hmm? Who?

Gumshoe: This Apollo Justice guy.

Phoenix: Oh! Right, the fic. Uh... I don't know why they're doing that.

Edgeworth: Assuming that they're even interviewing him regarding Detective Gumshoe's lottery win. I'm not sure this scene is relevant to the 'story'.

Phoenix: I guess we'll find out

Quote:
After a long half hour, they came to the last question.
"Mr. Justice. Since your name is Apollo, do you have a twin sister named Artemis? Where is she, then?"
"Oh...um..." Apollo didn't have an answer to that question.

Phoenix: [laughs]

Edgeworth: Wright, what are you doing?!

Phoenix: What? It was funny!

Edgeworth: I beg to differ.

Gumshoe: I'm not sure I got the reference, pal.

Phoenix: It's from Greek mythology. Apollo is the name of the Greek god of-

[whipcrack]

Phoenix: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Speakers: There is no time for long-winded explanations, Mr. Phoenix Wright! Proceed with the fic!

Quote:
AA-AA-AA-AA-AA-AA

Gumshoe: Ace Attorney, Ace Attorney, Ace Attor-

[whipcrack]

Gumshoe: YEEEEEEEEEOOOWWCH!

Edgeworth: I have to say I agree with Franziska on this one.

Phoenix: Yeah, it was getting kind of old.

Quote:
Gumshoe had first bought a new coat. This was a new dark green coat. He really liked it!

Gumshoe: But Maggey bought me a new coat before! I didn't like it, either! I said I looked better in my old one!

Edgeworth: The author decided to retcon that, apparently.

Quote:
He also bought a new car. He was currently heading to the bank to store the rest of his money there. But first, he invited the Wright Anything Agency, Ema Skye and Edgeworth to the fanciest lunch restaurant in town.

Phoenix: Really? That was nice of you, Gumshoe!

Gumshoe: Thanks, pal!

Edgeworth: A little too nice, I'd say...

Gumshoe: H-Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!

Phoenix: ...He didn't take us to Trés Bien, did he?

Quote:
The food was amazing!

Phoenix: Ah. Guess not.

Quote:
The others soon went home again. An hour later, he had left his money in bank vault 202.

Phoenix: ...why are we learning the exact bank vault number?

Edgeworth: [rolls eyes] Because it'll be important in the story later, most likely.

Gumshoe: Good catch, Mr. Edgeworth!

Quote:
As he ate his last instant noodles, he thought of quitting as a detective and getting a better job. He had the money to, so why not?

Gumshoe: I like my job, pal! If I didn't like being a detective, I would've found a job that pays better years ago!

Phoenix: Why is he still eating instant noodles if he's rich now?

Quote:
AA-AA-AA-AA-AA-AA

Gumshoe: Ace Attorn-

Edgeworth: DON'T.

Gumshoe: ...You don't have to yell, sir.

Speakers: Consider yourself lucky, Scruffy. Miles Edgeworth has saved you from my whip.

Gumshoe: Yay!

Speakers: ...This time.

Gumshoe: ...Darn.

Quote:
The next morning, Gumshoe went to the bank to take some money from his vault. When he arrived, he met Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Ah. The person claiming to be me has appeared at last.

Quote:
"Gumshoe. You are late".

Edgeworth: What else is new?

Gumshoe: You don't have to be so mean, Mr. Edgeworth...

Quote:
"Oh, what for, sir?"
"Bank vault 202 has been robbed. All the money's gone. We're trying to find evidence to find out who did it. And we need your help, Gumshoe".

Phoenix: Oh, no!

Gumshoe: Aw, man... with my luck, someone would rob my bank vault...

Edgeworth: But why only yours, Gumshoe? Why not rob all the bank vaults? Someone had to have a personal vendetta against you, and they had to know that you'd just won the lottery. ...I hate to admit it, but this fic is starting to get interesting...

Quote:
"Wait...bank vault...202?!" Gumshoe slowly realized and when he did...
"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
...he screamed.

Gumshoe: Aw c'mon, pal! I can be a little gullible sometimes, but I'm not that slow!

Phoenix: Who knew you had a breakdown sprite?

Quote:
The "miracle" never happen. Maybe it was never meant to. Because a "miracle" is something that doesn't exist.

Edgeworth: ...what?

Gumshoe: Huh?

Phoenix: ...Oh my god.

Edgeworth: What is it, Wright?

Speakers: Mr. Phoenix Wright, you will explain yourself!

Phoenix: I didn't understand it at first, but this is a reference to my "bad ending".

Edgeworth: What?!

Phoenix: Do you remember the Engarde case? Where I had to present the right piece of evidence to the right witness? And I only got one chance?

Edgeworth: How could I forget?

Gumshoe: That was when I was in a car crash, right?

Speakers: I believe I suffered a gunshot wound during that case.

Edgeworth: ...I don't dole out compliments often, Wright, but frankly, that moment in the Engarde case was one of the most brilliant displays I'd ever seen in a courtroom.

Phoenix: Heh. W-well, thank you, Edgeworth.

[whipcrack]

Phoenix: AAAAACK!

Speakers: Get on with it, Mr. Phoenix Wright! What about the Engarde case?!

Phoenix: If I didn't choose the right evidence or present it to the right person, it would unlock the "bad ending"- where Engarde would be pronounced not guilty, and I would walk away from my career and never see Maya again- and the last line of that ending was "The "miracle" never happen. Maybe it was never meant to. Because a "miracle" is something that doesn't exist."

Edgeworth: Including the blatant typo?

Phoenix: [nods]

Edgeworth: ...That explains how out-of-place that line was.

[whipcrack]

Phoenix: AAAAAAUGH!

Speakers: First! How on earth would you know about the bad ending?!

[whipcrack]

Phoenix: AAAAAAHHH!!!!

Speakers: Second! That is a blatant fourth wall violation!

[whipcrack]

Phoenix: AaaaGGGHH!

Speakers: Third! "The miracle never happen"?! That is the most foolish thing I have ever heard!

[whipcrack]

Speakers: Fourth! Why would you walk away, tail between your legs, just because one verdict didn't go the way you wanted it?!

Edgeworth: ...

Gumshoe: ...

Phoenix: ...uggh...

Speakers: ...One more for good measure!

[whipcrack]

[Phoenix is out cold.]

Edgeworth: ...Well then. It looks like we'll be on our own for the rest of this, Gumshoe.

Speakers: There will be no need for that. The fic is over.

Edgeworth: Come again?

Gumshoe: It's over?

Speakers: The author ended it there and apparently did not intend to continue. ...Or do you want me to find another, more painful fic?

Gumshoe: N-no! Please!

Edgeworth: That won't be necessary, Franziska!

Speakers: I thought so.

[And so, the lights go up in the sporking theater. The change in lighting apparently rouses Phoenix.]

Phoenix: Urrrrrghh...

Edgeworth: ...Ah. Good. I was worried I'd have to assist Gumshoe in dragging your unconscious body out of the theater.

Gumshoe: Assist?

Phoenix: ...Yeahh, I'm f-fine, thanks sooo much for worrying.

Gumshoe: Let me help you up, pal. [And he does just that.]

Phoenix: Ooof... Thanks, Gumshoe. So what else happened in the fic after I got knocked out?

Edgeworth: Nothing. That reference to your 'bad ending' was the very last line, it would seem.

Phoenix: Really? ...Huh. Sort of an abrupt ending, if you ask me. Well, even with all the whipping, it still wasn't as bad as the last one.

Edgeworth: Not even close.

[And with that, our three sporkers exit the theater, Phoenix leaning on Gumshoe. How long before the next visit to the theater? And will Franziska von Karma manage another sporking, or will she find herself as a sporker again? Only time will tell...]
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