Maya: Good luck? How bad could a fangame be?
Phoenix: That’s a very bold question to ask considering where we are.
Franziska: Indeed, we can never quite know what to expect from this horrid place.
Phoenix: Phoenix Drive… What a weird title.
Maya: Come on, Nick! Stop hovering over the “New Game” button and start already!
Phoenix: I know, I’m just kinda afraid what’s gonna hap- *Whipcrack* ACK! Alright, alright![The game starts.]
Franziska: And immediately, we are faced with extremely poor English.
Phoenix: Please “warn the effect” before playing? Who is the “effect”?
Maya: “Japanese amiability”. There, now we’ll understand everything clearly.
Phoenix: Yes, the room just instantly became clean.
Phoenix: At last a load of moving was put into order…
OK, I will do my best next year. a lot of requests come.
Maya: ...Was this run through Google Translate?
Franziska: And just what is that supposed to mean?
Maya: Maybe something’s growling at Phoenix.
Oh,No...I’m hungry. Go to buy food…
Maya: Hey, I was close enough.
Phoenix: That was my stomach
?! What kind of stomach goes “Guuuu”?
Maya: The hungriest of stomachs.
Wait… have a meal delivered from a restaurant.
What...handbill...in closet… ? No…Do not know where…
Maya: What’s a “handbill”?
Phoenix: It’s a sort of advertisement, like a brochure. The question is, why am I looking for something like that when I’m hungry?
Maya: Woah! I had some serious change in attire!
Phoenix: Is that a sailor outfit? Why would you be wearing one of those?
Franziska: Clearly the creator is using this game to fulfill his own desires.
Maya: And why am I asking for ramen of all things? I mean, everyone already writes me as a burger-loving fanatic.
Phoenix: Whoa !? Maya… !
Why are you here… Did not you return to a hometown?
Maya: Wow, way to greet me, Nick!
Maya: Because I was tired from ascetic practices, I came back.
I already hate living in the country…
Franziska: So you simply gave up on your training? For shame! *Whips Phoenix*
Phoenix: AGH! Why me?!
Franziska: You should be doing something about this, fool! Encouraging her to return to her practices!
Phoenix: That’s not me on the screen…!
Phoenix: I..I see…
(Noo...Her mood changed…)
Maya: What’s wrong with my mood changing?
Phoenix: Well, I mean, it can signify- *Whipcrack* GAH!
Franziska: Don’t you dare.
Maya: By the way. Is here your new office?
Phoenix: Yah. Arent is high in the place that was her office…
Why did you know here ?
Maya: There was a big signboard outside an office.Signboard of ENIX.
Phoenix: An office? Just any office?
Maya: Maybe I happened to see the sign, and then decided to check every office in the vicinity?
Franziska: That is an overly complex explanation for what is clearly just terrible English.
Phoenix: Supplier made a mistake ! I’m Phoenix !
Maya: Both are to blame.
Phoenix: I must have hired a really crappy “signboard” company if they missed three entire letters.
A small office becomes me.
Because it is only I alone anyway…
Maya: An older sister should have left some inheritance…
Hey ! Hawaiian ramen shop !
Phoenix: Why would Mia leave me inheritance? I was her employee, not a member of her family.
Maya: Maybe I meant for me. Also, Hawaiian ramen shop?
Phoenix: You please succeed to it.
Phoenix: What does that even mean…? *Whipcrack* BAH!
Franziska: If you don’t interrupt, perhaps we’ll find out.
Phoenix: A half year passed since she died. Umm...early…
The special training with her was very hard.
Franziska: ...Or perhaps not.
Phoenix: That was a fast change of subject.
Phoenix: Gentle? What a weird way to describe her.
Maya: I’m getting weird vibes, Nick…
Maya: Please teach what kind of special training you did.
Phoenix: I do not want to talk…
Maya: *Stereotypical villain voice* Hah! I have ways of making you talk, Phoenix Wright!
Mia: What day is it tomorrow?
Phoenix: Mia never called me by my last name…
Phoenix: Y-Yes !!
It’s my the eleventh court ! Important day! A day of fate!!
Phoenix: Waaaaaait a minute. Eleventh court? As in my eleventh trial? Mia died before I even got to my second one.
Franziska: With this fool’s poor english, could you really expect them to attempt consistency with the games’ storyline?
Mia: Correct...but. If you was defeated this time?
Phoenix: Y-Yes,sir… !!
It is complete defeat!
Maya: If you are defeated, you will be defeated! Very important advice, Nick.
Mia: OK,Wright…? You are a lawyer.
You gain innocence. A duty of a lawyeris complete victory…OK?
Phoenix: Y-YES,sir… !!
Phoenix: What? Mia always taught me that the duty of a lawyer was to protect the innocent, not “complete victory”. Also, why am I acting so skittish around her?
Mia: When evidence is not enough, forge it byoneself… You understand?
Phoenix: WHAT?! That’s… No! Mia wouldn’t tell me to forge evidence! That goes against, like, all of her principles!
Franziska: Besmirching the honor of an honest lawyer… how foolishly pathetic.
Phoenix: Yes ! of course!!
I can die anytime for you!!
Phoenix: Woah. I liked Mia and all, but I wouldn’t go that far.
Mia: Well Then… Please teach a reason to be defeated by?
Phoenix: A-ahhh...the...the prosecution is very very strong…
*Phoenix is hit with something.*
Phoenix: Ack! Not even fangame-me can escape the whip! *Whipcrack* RGH!
Franziska: I am not in this scene, Phoenix Wright! Clearly something else was the cause of your pain!
Mia: You are too weak. Wright… You understand?
Phoenix: Y-Yes !
B-but… A terrible public prosecutor always appears…
*Phoenix is hit again.*
Phoenix: Where is that even coming from?!
Maya: Maybe Mia is whipping you?
Phoenix: I’d say that can’t be true on account of it being really out of character, but considering what we’ve seen so far…
Mia: Don’t cry. You can win by all means.
My bamboo sword protects you… Ufufu…
Maya: Wait, Mia had a bamboo sword? Why didn’t she ever tell me?
Franziska: Hm. As ridiculously out of character this version of Mia Fey is, I admire her methods.
Phoenix: It’s clearly not doing a good job of protecting me if she keeps hitting me with it. *Whipcrack* OUGH!
Franziska: “Ough”... that’s a new one.
Phoenix: I do my best !! Chief!
Absolutely win!! Chief !!!
Mia: I expect it.Wright.
Phoenix: Alright, so I’m guessing we cut to the trial now?
Phoenix: What the HELL?!
Maya: Jeez, Nick! You look really angry there!
Phoenix: Wh-What is going on?! Why is everything going so fast?! And why am I going “Whooooooooooo”?!
Franziska: ...So I finally make my appearance. I simply cannot wait to see how they sully my legacy.
Maya: Man, trials would be way more interesting if they were like this.
I completely proved your alibi !!!
Phoenix: I’m defending Larry again? Why am I not surprised?
Franziska: As if that fool could ever keep himself out of trouble.
Butz: Really!? Way to go Nick!
I’m innocence! oh! yahh!
Phoenix: Is that it? Is the trial ending already?
Karma: Hey,Phoenix Wright!! His alibi collapses with this evidence product !!
Phoenix: No, of course not.
Maya: New von Karma-brand Evidence Product! Freshly forged right to your doorstep!
Franziska: ...What are you implying?
Phoenix: Oh snap!!!! I do not hear such a truth…!?
Franziska: Refusal to listen to the prosecution does not help your case, Phoenix Wright!
Phoenix: Oh snap.
Butz: N-Nick!? all right!? Hey,Nick!?
Phoenix: Hey,Larry!! Your alibi completely collapsed !!!
Butz: N-N-N-Nick---!!! No,No,Noo!! It is certainly wrong!! Nick-----!!!
Phoenix: Well, I guess that’s that then.
Maya: Nick...Did you win to karma?
Franziska: So you did lose. Unsurprising.
Phoenix: I wouldn’t say getting my friend convicted of murder is a laughing matter.
Maya: I heard that he was penal servitude 50…
Phoenix: ...Especially if he got 50 years of prison time.
Phoenix: He is really a good friend. And I came home…
Maya: Was you scolded by my older sister ?
Phoenix: Umm...Yes...I was scolded in another meaning by her…
Maya: Nick, the vibes! I’m getting the vibes again!
Phoenix: (I was invited to an office at midnight….)
(She is considerably angry…! Ohh...no…!?)
Phoenix: I can’t imagine I’d be that scared of facing Mia after losing a trial. Then again, if she was armed with a bamboo sword…
(Swatted by bamboo sword…!?
or Scolded overnight…!?)
(Both are unpleasant…!!)
Phoenix: Well, depending on who you ask, those coul- *Whipcrack* AUGH!
Phoenix: Whoa!? Chief !? Where are you…!?
Mia: I am here…
Maya: Where? You’re offscreen, we can’t see you!
Franziska: Is that… me?
Are you really a chief…?
Phoenix: Now isn’t the best time for me to be doubting my boss’s position!
Franziska: Ach-! Just what the hell is this?! I demand an explanation!Speakers: Don’t say we didn’t warn you. Because we did.
Maya: Holy cow. I knew Mia was well-endowed, but this is ridiculous.
Mia: So different ? Wright…
Did you forget me ?
Franziska: Why is it saying that Mia fey is talking? Is this not me?
Phoenix: It sure looks like you. I don’t remember Mia ever having blue hair.
Phoenix: I think game-me speaks for all of us right now.
Mia: I am an...Karma now.It is the person who is your weak point.
Phoenix: J-Jesus… !
Maya: Wait, Mia BECAME von Karma? Like, spirit channeling?
Phoenix: ...Again, I think game-me speaks for us all.
Mia: I have mysterious power…
Phoenix: Indeed...Psychic medium?
Mia: Yes...Do these clothes become me ?
Phoenix: But doesn’t spirit channeling only work with the dead?
Maya: Yeah… I don’t think this guy has much of a grasp on how our culture works.
*Franziska is speechless at what she’s seeing.*
Phoenix: Yes...Chief...but… !
Mia: You are very easy with a woman. There is the greatest weak point.
I remove your weak point. Come on, Wright…
Phoenix: No-No-No!! I do not ! C-Chief…!
Phoenix: Yes, game-me! Keep fighting it!
Phoenix: And the game just slowly descends further into insanity.
Franziska: Is this… a sex game?!
Maya: I reaaaallllly don’t feel comfortable looking at my sister like this…
Mia: Don’t worry. Come on…
Phoenix: Welcome to hell, that is.
[Phoenix suddenly notices Maya has begun spirit channeling Mia.]
Phoenix: Mia! Thank god, I don’t want Maya seeing any more of this.
Mia: Seeing any more of what?
Phoenix: What is it with game-me and going “Woooooo”?
Phoenix: Ahh..! Chief...May I do onanism…?
Mia: Do I want to know what “onanism” means?
Franziska: No, you do not.
Phoenix: Oh boy, here we go. Anyone got some grape juice?Speakers: Consuming beverages with vaguely alcoholic content in the sporking theater is strictly forbidden.
Phoenix: It’s just grape juice…
Phoenix: Oh my god.
Mia: Wait, who is that? Is that von Karma? Or is that me?
Phoenix: Apparently, it’s you channeling von Karma. Except you’re still the one in control.
Mia: ...Right. Sure, why not?
Phoenix: It’s fangame logic. Don’t question it.
Phoenix: M-Mia… ! huff-n-puff-n… !!
Phoenix: “huff-n-puff-n”? Is this what happens when you try to translate sounds between languages?
Franziska: Be thankful you’re not making any worse sounds.
Mia: Your cock in my breasts seem a rail...why ?
Phoenix: I think., your tits…
is very very soft…
Mia: This is like if an 8 year old tried to write a sex scene…
Phoenix: I shudder at the thought of an 8 year old being anywhere near this.
Mia: This stick is energetic… I melt it.
Phoenix: Ouch. Please don’t do that.
Franziska: No, DO do that! Then we won’t have to continue this charade!
Mia: Did Nick cover a very big pecker under clothes every day ?
Phoenix: Ah… heh…
[Phoenix is noticably redfaced, but he is shortly whipped.]
Franziska: Don’t you dare try to take compliments from this game.
I will beat a rod till… a tank empties.
Mia: That is the least erotic description of anything I’ve ever heard.
Phoenix: Ah., I will shoot… my wad… one second later…!
Mia: What does your wad mean ? Nick.
Phoenix: Any adult with a basic understanding of english would know what that means.
Mia: I think it’s been established that the author doesn’t have anything close to that.
Phoenix: S-Semen… It’s sperm…! I’ll cum offffff !
Phoenix: Not to mention they’re really bad at describing anything sex related…
Mia: Nick…! I’m going to make you crazy by my breasts…!
Phoenix: huff-n-puff-n huff-n-puff…! Tits… Boobs...uugh !
Phoenix: I think game-me is just saying what comes to mind at this point.
Franziska: It’s better than the other foolish drivel he’s been spouting out.
Mia: Ah. Aaah..! Cream my breast…!
Phoenix: Uugh…! I’m coming. cooooooming !!
Aaaaaaah !! Cum ! cum ! cuuum !!!
Ah ! Mia ! I’m shooting ! shoooot…!
*No one has anything to say to this.*
*Phoenix ejaculates literally everywhere.*
Mia: What a splendid cum…!!
Phoenix: My god, that is… a lot. Wow.
Mia: Eugh, this is… really disgusting.
Sprinkle your cum in my face… Aaaaah…
I beat a cock in my breast with cum…
Do you feel me ! Nick ?
I wash your pipe.
I investigate the inside.
My breast is slimy by semen…!
Phoenix: This is a very severe case of someone who can walk the walk, but not talk the talk.
Phoenix: M-My waist… seems to break…! uuugh…! Ah…!
Phoenix: Apparently my waist just broke, though.
Franziska: And it will most likely be never referred to again.
*More dialogue and Phoenix ejaculates two more times.*
Mia: A large quantity of milk was scattered in spite of the third..!
Phoenix: Yeah, this has gone from shocking to just gross. I mean, look at all that. Are people actually into that sort of thing?!
Mia: You would be extremely surprised, Phoenix.
Phoenix: I’m just unintelligible at this point.
*The following scenes have a ton of useless filler dialogue, so here are some highlights from it.*
Phoenix: Ughhaa... Miaaah… ! You clean out my tube… !
Mia: AHhnn,Do you ejaculate it again ? It’s Milky cock…cumimg?
Ohh…! Cum,Cummm…! Cock Milk….!!
Look me… ! Your cum sticks to my booody…. !!
Mia: If you win, I squeeze your cock every day….Nick ?
Oh,snaap… Your cock erected again…
Mia: Yes,yes…! Fuck me deep ! NNgh… !
Phoenix: AHH,Mia ! Ohhaa ! cunt… !
Your cunt intertwine all over… !
Phoenix: I can’t take much more of this…
Mia: Hang in there, Phoenix! I think it’s almost over!
*In the middle of the sex scene, Phoenix notes that the victim of the case is Cindy Stone.*
Phoenix: Wait. Waitwaitwait. Hold up a second.
Phoenix: Cindy Stone? Are they saying this is my FIRST case?
Mia: ...Huh. I guess so.
Phoenix: But that doesn’t even-
Phoenix: No, no. No point in worrying about it. Nothing in this makes sense anyway.
*Various lines about cum.*
Mia: Ejaculate it ! my womb becomes fill !!
Please Impregnate Meeee----- !!
Phoenix: Jeez, that’s creepy.
Mia: Yes, Phoenix, impregnation is a fetish too.
*Phoenix ejaculates one more time. The sex scene ends.*
Phoenix: Thank god… I was afraid I was about to have an aneurysm.
Mia: I was afraid I was going to give Maya one.
*Franziska is speechless again.*
Phoenix: So that was all just to remove my “weak point” of going easy on women? *Whipcrack* GAH!
Franziska: A foolish excuse for losing! A true mentor would punish you, not please you![The lights come back on.]