I had a lot of help from Rubia-senpai so thank you so much! I can't believe I'm posting my first ever sporking....
let me REtry that again...
Gender: None specified
Joined: Tue May 24, 2016 8:34 am
(The grammar is horrible, the spelling is horrible, the story makes no sense at all, but at least they were amusing. Is this a troll fic?)
And now, our sporkers!
"This isn't from that game, right? RIGHT?"
"3 sahwits? Maybe today wouldn't be so bad!"
Aaaand the resident sporker!
"Please, I'm begging you, leave me alone for one
spork."[The three sporkers enter the theater. Maya sits on one of the chair, Phoenix on her left and Edgeworth on her right.]
Maya : This isn't Phoenix Drive, right?
Edgeworth : We do not see a keyboard or a mouse, so I assume that it's just another fanfiction.
Phoenix : Anything is better than that game. ANYTHING. Also, no barf bag. Great.
Maya : Hey, Management! Can we get some food?Speaker : Unfortunately, since this one is pretty short, then it's a no.
Maya : Awww...[The light dims.]
phoenix wright turnabout monster, a phoenix wright: ace attorney fanfic
Phoenix : ...What's with that title?
Maya : Monster... Maybe Steel Samurai will swoop in and save the day?
Phoenix : ...Don't get your hopes up, Maya.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ace Attorney, and I don't profit from this.
Phoenix : Good.
Phoenix Wright and Maya were watching tv in the oofice.
Maya : A typo in the first sentence?
Edgeworth : It's inevitable when we face a fanfic with a title in lowercase.
Maya : True, true. It's so got that "crack fic" feel to it!
Phoenix : I wonder why people would still write something like this to this day...
"hey nick shouldn't you be finding clients or something" said myaa
Maya : Myaa? I thought my evil twin is Ayam, not Myaa!
Phoenix : Maybe your evil counterpart has a twin?
Maya : You mean I have a triplet!? *gasp* Maybe I can multiply myself?
Phoenix : Last time I checked, you're a human being, not an amoeba.
"but I get all my clients from watchin tv and hopin someone get arrested" said nick
Phoenix : Excuse me?
Maya : Well, we did get Will Powers' case while we watched the TV...
Phoenix : But I'm not hoping someone gets arrested!
Edgeworth : But, if no one gets arrested, attorneys wouldn't survive, no?
Phoenix : Edgeworth.
"BREAKING NEWS" said tv "NICK ARRESTED FOR MASS MURDER"
Phoenix : It could be anyone else, I'm not the only Nick in this world! It could be Nick Jonas, or maybe other Nick...
Edgeworth : For the sake of the plot, Wright, let's ignore the possibility of the existence of other Nicks.
Phoenix : Nggggh.
"WAIT WHAT THE FUCK NO" yelled phoenix
Phoenix : Exactly.
Maya : Well, how do you know it's not you? Maybe you forgot you did a genocide?
Phoenix : How, exactly, does one forget when they do a genocide?
"nick what you do now" said maya
Maya : Um, hide in Kurain for a while?
Phoenix : Maya, no.
Edgeworth : If Wright did genocide, wouldn't Kurain be the first place they looked into?
Maya : Oh, right.
"FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER" shouted door and the door busted down and the cops came in
Edgeworth : Don't tell me...
Phoenix : Then, I'm not going to tell you.
"WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED PHOENIX WRIGHT" said Gumshoe and gumshoe detective badd mike meekins and damon gant all burst into the room and pointed their guns at nick
Phoenix : Wait, Gant? He's not a police officer anymore! He's supposed to be in jail! What's he doing here!?
Edgeworth : That is what we'd like to know as well.
Phoenix : Better yet, it's surprising that all of them could fit through the entrance. They jammed inside looking like an angry mob rather than police.
Maya : That Officer Meekins looks so small between Gant and that dark, brooding guy! Is he fine handling a gun? He looks like he's a danger more to himself with it...
Edgeworth : Considering how he is in real life... giving Officer Meekins a gun wouldn't be the best idea in any situation.
Phoenix : It wouldn't be any better giving Gant a gun either. This bound to be a disaster.
"oh shit maya run" yelled nick
Maya : But why would I run? I did nothing wrong.
Phoenix : Maybe you helped me? Since I'm a suspect and you're hiding me, I guess?
Maya : Well, that doesn't make sense! This place is yours, remember?
Phoenix : Well, yeah... (But we're associated by trade, so you're bound to be caught up in it too.)
and then pheonix did a backflip through the window on to the highway and landed in edgeworth car
Maya : You'll hurt your old, old back if you backflipped, Nick.
Phoenix : Hey, I'm not that old! (I'm just not good with gymnastics.)
Edgeworth : And why am I assisting a suspect running from the police?
Phoenix : ...Well. Maybe because I'm your old friend?
Maya : Ha! Old!
Phoenix : Oh, shush!
Edgeworth : Also... wouldn't you hit the roof of my car instead of going in? Does this author think I have a car with an open roof?
Phoenix : ...Doesn't that sound fun?
"drive motherfucker" phoenick said to edgeworth
Phoenix : ...I am speechless.
Edgeworth : Wright, cease your idiotic nicknaming this instance.
Phoenix : Bu-but, it's, um, cool?
Edgeworth : If getting those kinds of nicknames is "cool", I do not need to be cool.
meanwhile maya was holdin down manfred von karma (who the cops brought with them cause they needed someone with a taser)
Edgeworth : *twitch* Why on earth would they bring von Karma just for the sake of the taser? They can buy one for themselves instead of asking a criminal to be there to catch another criminal.
Maya : I sound so awesome. And why not go all out? They brought back that Gant guy!
Edgeworth : Ngggh.
Phoenix : Didn't this happen in the police department's records room back then? Even the taser.
Maya : The author was inspired? I dunno.
Edgeworth : von Karma. Tased you.
Phoenix : Yeah, on your case back then.
Maya : After we showed you that letter!
Edgeworth : He must've been desperate..
"after him shouted gumshoe"
Edgeworth : Who on earth said this?
Phoenix : Isn't it awkward if someone said calmly "after him shouted gumshoe"?
Maya : Maybe it's a roleplayer!
Phoenix : Maya, please.
"FASTER FASTER" said phoe nix to edgewort
Maya : Evil Xin Eohp confirmed!
Phoenix : If fic-me running away... then is he actually guilty?
Edgeworth : If I am caught because I aided your escape, I will hunt you down.
Phoenix : (Is it me or did the theater suddenly turn colder...?)
miles and phoenix were driving down the highway at 500 edgeworth per hour but they were being chased by the polices elite team of blue badgers
Edgeworth : Blue Badgers? ...Now that's an image I wish I never see again.
Phoenix : I've had enough of the Blue Badger, to be honest.
Edgeworth : You've had enough? Imagine being assaulted by a badger. In a haunted house.
Phoenix : ...That sounds pretty scary. You win.
"oh no" said edgeworth as the blue badgers tackled his car and he and phoenix were arrested by the blue badger army
Phoenix: How did they even catch up on foot? We were driving!
Maya: Well, if you were only going 500 Edgeworths per hour, maybe it's not that fast?
Edgeworth: If I saw that many badgers after me, I would be driving as fast as I could.
Phoenix: How fast can you run anyway?
Edgeworth: My running speed has nothing to do with my car's speed, thank you!
Maya : But, it's Edgeworths per hour, so your running speed has to have something to do with it!
Phoenix : Yeah, Edgeworth. What do you say to that?
Edgeworth : Can we drop this? *exasperated*
so phoenix get sent to detention center.
Phoenix : Whoop. *flatly* Wouldn't be the first time.
then gumshoe come into center. "sorry nick it looks like we had the wrong nick"
Phoenix : I told you so!
Maya : Ooooh, it's not you, Nick! It would be much more fun if it were you, though.
Edgeworth : True, it would at least be a twist I'd be more willing to accept.
Phoenix : Why must I suffer for your pleasure...
Maya : But Nick, it's a crack fic! Someone has to suffer some way and you're it this time!
"wait what" said phoenix
Phoenix : Our thoughts at this moment.
Maya : Excuse you, I was thinking about burgers and Steel Samurai!
Phoenix : Wait, what?
"yeah tv just said nick commit mass murder but it turns out it was actually SAINT nick"
Phoenix : ...Saint Nick? Are you kidding me?
Maya : Maybe this St. Nick is such a religious zealot that he'd go crazy? Wouldn't surprise me if there's two St. Nicks at this point.
Edgeworth : One insane "Nick" is already too much, thank you.
Phoenix : ...Are you saying something about me, Edgeworth?
"WOAH" say phoenix "santa commit murder. what happened?"
Phoenix : Santa committed genocide. A sentence I never thought I would see.
Maya : Santa committed mass murder? Whoa.
Edgeworth : Maya, it's not real.
Maya : The image is horrifying, though... Just imagine his ho-ho-ho turned into this maniacal laugh... on and on... like a broken record......
Phoenix : Another image I wish to forget. Thanks, Maya.
"yeah it was at gourdy lake" gum shoe said
Phoenix : Why there.
Maya : Famous murder spot!
Phoenix : Don't say something so dark like that.
"OH NO" shouted phoenix "that wasn't santa at all!"
Phoenix : Oh, don't tell me...
Maya : But Nick, the Santa on Gourdy lake that time was...!
Edgeworth : Detective Gumshoe is in-character. Amazing.
"yeah the santa at gourdy lake is actually LARRY IN SANTA COSTUME"
Phoenix : I KNEW IT!
Edgeworth : When something smells, it's usually the Butz. Do you forget the saying, Wright?
Phoenix : No, but this is the- what, the second time?
Edgeworth : Actually, it should've been the third time, not second. He was a suspect in my game.Speakers : The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth not to break the fourth wall.
Edgeworth : *Groan*
"oh no" said gumbshoe "are you going to defend him"
Phoenix : One time was enough, thanks.
"yes but first I have to get out of prison" said nick
Phoenix : No. Why, fic-me? Why?
Maya : At least you're innocent!
Phoenix : Then why am I still in prison?!
Edgeworth : It wouldn't surprise me if Detective Gumshoe forgot to fill out the papers... again.
Maya : Give the poor guy a break, Mr. Edgeworth.
SUDDEnLY THERE WAS A PRISON RIOT
Phoenix : Wait, a prison riot? What? Why? How?
Maya : Whatever! It's a riot! Whooo!
Edgeworth : Maya, please sit down and stop jumping around. The riot is in the fanfiction, not here.
Maya : Boo, killjoy.
"OH SHIT HALP" screamed the cops be cause kristoph gavin had broken out of his cell and was laughn maniacally and was splashing atroquinine in everyone's faces
Edgeworth : ...That's a poison. This is a prison.
Phoenix : A poison? In prison? How in the world could he have...
Edgeworth : Atroquinine is a rather rare poison, so normal civilians wouldn't be able to get their hands on it... let alone a prisoner.
Phoenix : So... how?
Edgeworth : Don't ask me.
Phoenix : Well, fine... Anyone want to take a guess how the heck he broke out of prison?
Maya : Maybe he just bent the bars?
Phoenix : He looks way too skinny. There's no way he could bend his way out!
Maya : But he had that poison and stuff! Maybe it weakened the bars!
Edgeworth: Atroquinine cannot melt through steel.
Maya : Oh. Well, I'm out.
"TAKE THAT OFFICERS" laughed kristop
Phoenix : I don't think splashing poison on their faces is going to make them ingest any, though.
Edgeworth : Wright, stop questioning the fanfic. You're going to give me a headache too.
Phoenix : Right. (I just can't help myself, okay.)
"oh no" said nick and gumshow
Maya : Oh no, indeed!
"I HAVE YOU NOW PHOENIX WRIGHT" cakled kristoph
Phoenix : *Shiver* (What's with this guy...)
Maya : Is it me, or does that sentence sound so wrong out of context?
Phoenix : Please don't bring it up.
Edgeworth : After everything we've force-fed so far, it unfortunately does... *Shiver*
Phoenix : Don't bring it up.
but suddenly godot jump out off his cell and throw coffee mug at kristoph
Maya : Mr. Godot suddenly gained the power to go through cells!
Edgeworth : Wouldn't he escape jail if that was the case?
Maya : ...So the cell was unlocked? Lame.
"OH NO I CAN'T SEE" said gavin and he tripped and fell into sirhan dogen cell and got attacked by assassins
Edgeworth : Good riddance.
Phoenix : Wait, what? Who's Sirhan Dogen?
Edgeworth : A blind assassin who always did his hits with his beloved dog, Anubis.
Maya : He had a dog? Cool!
meanwhile maya broke into prison to rescue nick and was beatin up the cops when suddenly nick and gumshoe arrive
Maya : It's-a me, the rebel!
Phoenix : God, Maya. That looked painful as heck.
Maya : At least they know I can punch well.
Phoenix : (...Well, at least someone's happy.)
"ok come on nick we have to break out edgeworth now" said maya
Edgeworth : About time.
"no leave him" said phoenix "that way they have no one to prosecute larry"
Phoenix : (...I had a feeling that Edgeworth is glaring at me right now.)
Maya : Noooo, Ayam! Why did you leave Mr. Edgeworth alone?! That's wrong, go back and break him out of his cell!
Edgeworth : ...Why am I here in the first place?
Maya : Because you broke the speed limit? Maybe it was only 200 Edgeworths per hour!
Edgeworth : That measurement made no sense at all in the first place!
LATER AT COURT
Edgeworth : I had a feeling it would turn into chaos, instead of the 'truth'.
Maya : Law plus Chaos, right? *wiggles eyebrow*
Edgeworth : No, Maya. Never again.
"court is now in season" said the judge
Phoenix : Season? Seriously? The judge made the court like a trend or something! "The court is like, totally in season, you know!" or something like that.
Maya : Nick, you totally sound like a teenage girl just now.
Phoenix : Ugh! (That totally strikes my manly bars...)
"thee defense is ready" said phenix
Edgeworth : Thee? As in your
Maya : Oh no! The Judge is the defendant!
Phoenix : I'm pretty sure that's not the case, Maya.
But there was no prosecutor because edgeworth was in prison
Maya : You could've called another prosecutor! Like, you know, there's Franziska! Or Godot, since he has the power to go through walls!
Edgeworth : Franziska is away at the moment, so I wouldn't expect her to show up so suddenly...
*A whip crack could be heard in the distance*
Maya : Did you know about the urban legend? If you say Franziska names three times... *lower her voice ominously* She shall appear in front of you, ready to whip you into submission...
Phoenix : ...I may have heard it just now, but that's the scariest urban legend I've ever heard in my entire life. *Shiver*
"detective gumshoe give us the facts" said the judge
Phoenix : So... Detective Gumshoe was already standing in the stand?
Edgeworth : It is possible.
Phoenix : Dang, that must've been boring.
"okay so all the people at the lake had their heads bitten off and were pulled into the lake according to their autopsies" said gumshoe "except for larry because he was the one who bite their heads off and robert hammond because he was already dead. we will now hav him testify about seeing the murders"
Edgeworth : What.
Phoenix : It seems that the author really likes to bring up people involved in the DL-6 case. There's Manfred Von Karma and now Robert Hammond.
Maya : No one's going to point out Larry bites their heads off?
Phoenix : It's Turnabout Monster, Maya. Maybe he was the monster?
Maya : And... no one's going to point out the fact that Robert Hammond was called to the stand because he was dead?
Edgeworth : I am trying not to gain any more headaches by questioning everything the author writes, Maya.
Maya : Oh, sorry.
so robert hammond took the stand.
Edgeworth : Ngggh. (Curses, I still got one...)
Phoenix : Ha-hang in there, Edgeworth.
"I was just sitting at the bottom of lake from when I got killed." said robret. "suddenly larry burst out of lake and start eating every body"
Phoenix : His body should've been in police custody, though. Why is it there?
Maya : And Larry burst out of the lake! Is he the new Gourdy?
"OBJECTION" shouted phoenix "larry can't eat people they wouldn't fit in his mouth. rOBERT HAMMOND, THE KILLER WAS YOU!"
Edgeworth : But he was dead. How in the world a dead man could eat another human being? Forget that, how on earth a dead man could even move right now?
Phoenix : Ma-maybe you really should take a break from questioning the fanfiction, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth : I am trying, Wright.
"wtf no" said hammond "I can't eat people either"
Phoenix : Yeah, so who's the monster?
"oh yeah, never mind" said foenix "unlss you were actually a GIANT SEA MONSTER"
Phoenix : How the heck did fic-me even get that conclusion?
Edgeworth : Is it not one of your bluffing 'techniques', Wright?
Phoenix: As great at bluffing as I may be, even I couldn't pull that off.
Maya: But everyone's really dumb in this fic, remember?
Phoenix: True... so maybe I could?
Edgeworth: I'd rather see you fail, honestly. It'd somewhat make up for all the grief we've had thus far... but I know it won't happen.
"oh shit how did you know" said fobert
Maya : Gasp! Mr. Hammond was a monster?!
Edgeworth : Nggh... I knew it.
"I have you now GOURDY" shouted phoenick
Phoenix : Here comes the monster..
and then hammond's disguise exploded and he was actualy GOURDY THE SEA MONSTER
Maya : ...That sounds totally disgusting.
Edgeworth : The disguise... exploded...
Phoenix : The courtroom is gonna be nasty, ew.
then GOURDY smashed open the court rook and started eatin all the people in the court room
Phoenix : What.
Edgeworth : Open the court rook-- what?
Maya : Aaaah! It's GOURDYYY! *keeps moving mouth*
Phoenix : ...Maya, what are you doing?
Maya : What? Isn't that how it went in the old monster movies?
"oh no" said the judge
Edgeworth : Indeed, Your Honor.
and gourdy went on a rampage and started destroying the city
Phoenix : How.
Maya : Plot!Speakers : The Management would like to remind Maya Fey-
Maya : Shh! It's finally getting interesting!
Speakers : Sigh.
"nick what do we do" asked maya
Maya : Yeah, Nick. What do we do against big monsters?!
Phoenix : Uh... I don't know?
Maya : We call the Steel Samurai, of course!
then phoenix transformed into a GIANT FIGHTING ROBOT
Maya : Well, it's not the Steel Samurai... but Robo-Nick sounds cool too!
Phoenix : Wow. I turned into a giant robot. How?
Edgeworth : It would be best if you keep your questions of the author's intentions to yourself, Wright.
Phoenix : (Oh, right. So you don't have to share my pain, huh? Get real, Edgeworth.)
robo-nick used his jetpacks to fly out of court
Maya : Jet pack?! You had one?! Let me borrow it!
Phoenix : I don't have a jet pack, Maya!
Maya : Phooey. You're no fun.
"HOLD IT" shouted mecha-nick and he punched gourdy in the sea monster stomach
Edgeworth : Your robot counterpart seems to be in character, Wright.
Phoenix : If you mean that whenever I say "hold it!" I go around punching people, then sure, fic-me is in character.
"TAKE THAT" yelled phoenix and he and gourdy started fighting over the city and gourdy was slapping robo-nick with his tail and takin huge bite out of his robot body and robo-nick was shooting rockets and lasers at gourdy
Phoenix : I... am not going to comment on that.
Maya : Go Robo-Nick! Defeat the evil Gourdy! But you're definitely less cool than Steel Samurai, Robo-Nick!
Edgeworth : (...Indeed.)
Phoenix : Can't I find a moment of glory even as a giant robot? (Ouch, that actually stung a bit.)
then robo-nick picked up gourdy and flew to the moon and they started beatin each other up
Maya : Whoooo! Go Robo-Nick!
Edgeworth : Maya, please sit down.
Maya : WHOOOOOO! *flail arms*
"nick" shouted maya "use your SECRET WEAPON"
Phoenix : What secret weapon?
Maya : Ooh! Maybe it's your pointing finger! Like when you said "Objection!"
Edgeworth : That... certainly sounds plausible.
"OBJECTION" said robo-nick and a giant super laser came out of his hand and struck gourdy in the face
Maya : I was right!!
Phoenix : I- you know what, I give up.
Edgeworth : Congratulation for holding on for so long, Wright.
Phoenix : Thanks, Edgeworth.
gourdy roared and fell down unconscious then gumshe handcuffed him and took him to prison
Phoenix : I thought they were in the moon? Did Gumshoe suddenly become an astronaut and get a rocket going and then arrest Gourdy and carry the monster on the rocket? ...That makes no sense at all.
Maya : Let's just imagine Detective Gumshoe had rockets built inside of him and so he flew to the moon and then he dragged Gourdy with him!
Phoenix : .....
"this sucks" said edgeworth cause he had to share a cell with gourdy the sea monster
Edgeworth : *eyebrow twitch* How.
Maya : Ahahahaha!
Phoenix : ...Heh.
Edgeworth : *glare*
Phoenix : That... was confusing.
Edgeworth : But anything is better than Phoenix Drive, to be honest.
Maya : So, Law plus Chaos is better than Phoenix Drive?
Phoenix : I thought we agreed not to bring up that one.
Edgeworth : Nggh... Maya...
Maya : Sorry, sorry! I'll stop!Speakers : Now what are you guys doing here, leave now. Or are you planning to stay for another round?[The three sporkers immediately leave the theater, and brings today's sporking to an end...]This spork had been corrected three times (I think?) since the first version, so if there's any mistakes, it's fully mine. Thank you for reading and I think I'm gonna need a critic...
Last edited by irebach on Tue May 31, 2016 4:00 am, edited 1 time in total.