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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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IIRC, Edgeworth was there for the spork, but not in the fic itself. I may be wrong on that, though. Otherwise, thanks for the feedback. I'll keep it in mind as I put together the next part.
Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Mornal wrote:
IIRC, Edgeworth was there for the spork, but not in the fic itself. I may be wrong on that, though. Otherwise, thanks for the feedback. I'll keep it in mind as I put together the next part.

No, you're right. I thought Edgeworth was talking about how many fic's he's had to spork there, but reading it again I see that they're talking about the fic itself.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Apologize to the funyarinpa!

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Quote:
only Miles Edgeworth, a great doctor in Germany who can operated and save him.


Someone's been watching Monster, I see.

Anyway, it was a good first spork and some of the lines, Phoenix's in particular, were funny. However, I agree with luck that Edgeworth was a little too into the fic, especially considering his sporking history. Other than that though, he was fine. The character I had more of a problem with was Maya. She was a little... um, too serious. I also found that the dialogue was a bit hard to follow at times, like for example:

Quote:
Maya:... I seem to like repeating things.

Phoenix: Something the matter? You said that a little... weakly.

Maya: You and Pearly really are it, you know.


It took me a minute to figure out that "it" was referring to Maya's family, and that happened a few times throughout the sporking (though maybe I'm tired or something... If so, then chalk that up to me being an idiot, haha.)

ArrowLawn wrote:
Hold on wait when did this happen?
Damn, now I want to see him to write turnabout sporking theater and spork it himself (barry pls!)


Um, whoops. Turns out I was mistaken and it was someone else with a similar username who also wrote purposefully bad fics. Sorry for getting your hopes up.

Edit: The author who wrote Maya Fey: Ace Thief put on their profile that they really dislike people mocking other's work. Hahaha, don't show them this thread.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Can I claim this one as a practice sporking?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10173654/1/phenix-vs-edgwarth
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Okay, so what I'm getting from the feedback is this:

*Edgeworth should be less "involved"
*Maya should be less serious
*The dialogue should be easier to follow.

Rereading the first one, I totally get that, so I've taken notes, and now I bring you part two! Tell me if I did any better!

SPORKING START

*Immediately after part 1 ends*

Maya: Part two! I hope this is the part where I actually do a bank robbery!

Edgeworth: This is six parts long!? ...I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. The setup took a whole chapter as is.

Maya: Well, we're not gonna get through all six if we just sit here talking about it! Let's do this!

*The lights dim*

Spoiler: Chapter 1
Quote:
Larry chuckled. "That's my best friend! We do this for the sake of our friend, Maya, for Nick! "

Maya nodded excitedly. "But, Larry……..we can’t rob a bank that big just two of us, we need help from others…….



Phoenix: Normally you don't excitedly nod before pointing out everything wrong with what someone just said.

Maya: *Nods Excitedly* Were you expecting more?

Phoenix: *Nods Excitedly* Not really.

Quote:
And we also have to plan carefully so as not to get caught. And don’t let Nick know about this, he would immediately kill me. "


Phoenix: IMMEDIATELY kill you. I wouldn't try to talk you out of it or anything first.

Edgeworth: You know exactly what the writer meant, Wright.

Phoenix: Sure, before the word “immediately” popped up and made it sound weird.

Quote:
"For that matter, I have think about it.


Maya: Does that mean he’s actually thinking of telling you!?

Phoenix: I would say no, but there’s not enough information, so all I can say is "probably not".

Maya: I hope he doesn't. The last thing I want to see is more “drama”.

Phoenix: Why were you so mad about that, by the way?

Maya: This thing keeps treating me like I’m still a little kid! I cry every two minutes! It’s really getting on my nerves!

Phoenix: To be fair, you do cry a lot in stressful situations like this.

Maya: Yeah, but not every two minutes! Pearly cries less than I do in this!

Quote:
Relax, Maya. You remember Ron DeLite, Nick’s former client? That he defended some months ago?" asked Larry, patting Maya’s shoulder.


Phoenix: Haven't I only been a lawyer for a little over a year in this? In that case, I haven't taken that case yet. No pun intended.

Maya: True, but maybe lung-cancer Nick already did!

Phoenix: But what’s the point in changing that, though?

Maya:... Uh... because now you're cut down while you're in your prime, so it's even sadder!

Phoenix: What, I'm not in my prime now?

Maya: No, you kind of are, but... this is unfair! You keep taking the side that I'm on!

Phoenix: You mean YOU keep trying to play devil's advocate.

Edgeworth: Credit where it’s due. Acquiring a famous thief to assist in the heist is a surprisingly sound decision.

Phoenix: Why are you actually into this?

Edgeworth: Pointing out when a story does something correctly doesn't mean I'm "into it", Wright. It means I'm being objective. You two are just upset because you don't like how you're portrayed.

Phoenix: Let's see you keep talking when we get to Germany.

Edgeworth: I'm more than aware of how quickly my mood will drop at that time.

Quote:
"The Mask DeMasque? Of course I remember him. That professional thief, right? "

"That's right. We will ask for his help, and I guess he won’t refuse to help us. Nick released him from prison. "


Maya: Ooh, that sounds like a threat.

Phoenix: I got you out, and I can put you back in, too, if you know what I’m sayin’.

Edgeworth: Please do not impersonate a member of the mafia again.

Maya: We’re gonna make this DeLite-ful man an offer he can't refuse, capisce?

Edgeworth: These are both terrible, terrible impressions.

Quote:
"You're right, Larry, Mr. DeLite also told us, anytime if Nick needed his help, he will be happy to help. "

"Then," said Larry, "Let's go to his house now. Do you remember his home address, Maya? "

Maya nodded with vigor. "I still have his name card in my wallet, hmm ..." Maya then opened her wallet and found a business card that Mr. DeLite gives to her some time ago. "Aha! This is it, Larry! This is his address! Let's go there now. "


Phoenix: Why would you keep that in your wallet?

Maya: Because they're good friends!

Phoenix: But they aren't.

Maya: Because we're stealing the artifacts from their home!

Phoenix: But we aren't.

Maya: Well, you can't say that for sure! AU, remember?

Quote:
Larry and Maya then went to Mr.DeLite house by taxi. At Mr. DeLite home, they were warmly welcomed by Mr. DeLite’s wife, Dessie.

"Mrs. Maya Fey!” said Mrs.DeLite, hugging Maya tightly and kissing her on both cheeks. "It’s very nice to meet you again! Please sit down, please sit down! "


Maya: I’m not married!

Phoenix: Maybe alternate you is.

Edgeworth: It annoys me that that is a valid excuse for any and all continuity errors.

Phoenix: Also, I don't think Ms. DeLite talks like this.

Edgeworth: Nobody talks like themselves, Wright. I’d stop expecting people to.

Quote:
"Sorry to bother you, Mrs. DeLite, but are your husband, Mr. DeLite in the house right now?


Edgeworth: I assume Mrs. DeLite already knows that Mr. DeLite is her husband.

Phoenix: Maybe alternate-universe Desiree has multiple husbands.

Edgeworth: Or not. Likely not.

Quote:
We need to talk to him……."said Maya as she sits in the living room.

"Of course, of course, Ronnie is here. Wait for a while, I’ll call him,"said Dessie then bolted to the 2nd floor. Shortly afterwards, Dessie appears again with Ron.


Phoenix: She “bolted”? Is it really that much of a rush?

Maya: Also, I thought the apartment only had one floor.

Edgeworth: It’s possible they moved since the last time you saw them.

Phoenix: Then how did the address on the card still take her there?

Edgeworth: *Penalty* Ngh! Alternate Universe, then, why not!? It's foolproof!

Quote:
"MAAAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAAAAA FEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!!!!!! LARRRRRRRRRRYYYYY BUUUUUUUTZZZZZZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NICEEEEEEEE TOOOO MEEEEEET YOUUUUUUU AGAAAAAAIN! HOOOOOOOOWWWWW AREEEEEEE YOOOOOOOUUUU .. I HOOPEEEEE YOUUUUUU DOOOINGGG WEELLL! WHY MR.WRIGHT NOT COMING WITH YOU TOOOOOOOO ....... "Ron shouted loudly, hugging Maya so tightly until Maya feels all the bones in her body broken instantly. Dessie laughed at her husband's behavior.


Phoenix:... I think that deserves another Sawhit on it’s own.

Edgeworth: I take it Ron DeLite is nothing like what the writer claims?

Maya: Uh... maybe half like that?

Phoenix: No, not even close. Maybe, like, 5 percent like that, tops.

Quote:
"I'm sorry, Maya, Ronnie is never changed. Always like this. Ronnie dear, release Mrs. Fey now, let her breathe. "


Phoenix: I vehemently and wholeheartedly disagree that he is “always like this”.

Maya: Yeah! Ron was really awkward.

Phoenix: He’d be really quiet and then he’d shout when he realized people weren't paying any attention to him.

Edgeworth: I presume he doesn't just shout at random?

Maya: No! This is just slander!

Phoenix: DeLite should sue. I’ll represent him.

Quote:
Ron then releases his arms from Maya, and also sits.

"So, what’s up, Mrs. Fey? And where Mr. Wright? Why did he not come with you? I will be very glad to see him again!" said Ron.


Maya: What!? I’m not good enough for you by myself!?

Edgeworth: It’s a valid question, considering how glued you two seem to be to each other.

Maya: So!? Why does that make it okay to say something like that!?

Edgeworth: Er, uh… moving on.

Quote:
"Ah, I just realized, Mrs. Fey. Yes, why Mr. Wright did not come here too? Is he busy handling a big case again? "Asked Dessie.

Maya sighed deeply, and shook her head. "No, Mr. and Mrs. DeLite. Nick is sick. Very sick. And he’s being treated at the Central Hospital. "

Dessie frowned. "Sick, you say, Mrs. Fey? What’s Mr. Wright disease?!


Maya: That's what I was saying last time!

Phoenix: This is the scientific term for the illness, I see. "Nick disease" being the colloquial, of course.

Quote:
Why didn’t you immediately inform us ?? Ronnie dear, we should immediately visit Mr. Wright!"


Phoenix: Why is it Maya's responsibility to tell some client I took months ago that I'm sick?

Maya: Because apparently we're really close friends. Close enough friends to kiss but somehow not close enough friends for her to know I'm not married.

Phoenix: Or for you to know where she lives.

Maya: Or for me to know where she lives.

Quote:
"There is a tumor growing in his lung, Mr & Mrs. DeLite. The tumor had grown too large, and if left untreated, would have fatal consequences. That tumors could take one of Nick’s lungs.” replied Maya stammered, without knowing a single tear fell from her eyes.


Phoenix: Wait, they actually said it was fatal?

Maya: They didn't just say it would take a lung! Let's celebrate! Here's the other party popper!

Phoenix: Wait, no, Maya! Save it, please.

Maya: Aw, why?

Phoenix: Because I need time to prepare for when you actually go through with popping it again.

Quote:
Ron and Dessie covered their mouths with their hands, seemed very sympathetic. "Gosh, we really sorry to hear that, Mrs. Fey .... I never thought Mr. Wright will very sick like that ...... And there’s nothing Doctor can do?" asked Dessie while stroking Maya’s hands, trying to comfort her.

"There is one hope, Mrs. DeLite. Nick can be cured if he’s taken to Germany for surgery by a doctor named Miles Edgeworth. The problem is, Mrs. DeLite ............ The operating costs is very expensive. US $ 250,000, "sobbed Maya again.


Edgeworth: Certainly it wouldn't be exactly $250,000. My rates would be in German, no?

Phoenix: Maybe you get a bunch of American clients because America’s medical system is so bad they can't even cut out a tumor properly.

Quote:
"Oh, Mrs. Fey ............ I’m very sorry ......... But our financial condition is also being really limited. If our finances are not limited, of course, without thinking we'll give you the money. "Dessie replied sympathetically.

Larry then waved his hand impatiently. "We are here not to ask for money from you, Mr. and Mrs. DeLite. "

Dessie raised an eyebrow. "Then, if so, for what, Mr. Butz? "

"Me and Maya ......." Larry swallowed. "We plan to rob the bank where I work, Gavin Bank, Mr and Mrs. DeLite. "


Phoenix: Gavin Bank? That's a bad name.

Maya: Better than Wright and Co-

Phoenix: You came up with that name.

Maya: Oh, right. That makes it good, then!

Quote:
Silent for a moment. Dessie looked at Larry deep, apparently still doesn’t understand.

"And what to do with us, Mr. Butz, Mrs. Fey? "

"We want ...... ..we want Mr. DeLite help us to rob the bank. Gavin Bank is quite large and it’s impossible if only the two of us who rob the bank. Really, Mr. DeLite, we really need your help, remember you are very adept at stealing. "said Larry stammered.


Edgeworth: I appreciate the reminder, Larry. I'd nearly forgotten.

Phoenix: To be fair, I almost forgot when I met the guy in real life.

Maya: We took the case to begin with because we thought he didn't have it in him!

Quote:
"Mr. Butz, Mrs. Fey, I understand you are desperate to save Mr. Wright, but....I think this is not a good idea. Moreover, only a few months ago, my husband freed from prison because Mr.Wright ....... Don’t you feel if you get caught with my husband, all Mr. Wright’s effort will be useless? I'm sure Mr. Wright won’t be happy if he knows what you're doing, "Dessie said softly.

Unexpectedly, Maya’s tears then broke. She sobbed loudly.

"Mrs. DeLite, don’t you understand? Nick is the only family I have now. He is the most precious person in my life, just like Mr. DeLite very important to you! I can’t lose him, Mrs. DeLite, can’t! We've tried to talk to Mr. Gavin to borrow money from him, but he didn’t want to help Nick! Though Nick is his classmates when they was in high school! I beg you, Mr. and Mrs. DeLite. It’s about Nick’s life and death! Mrs. DeLite, just imagine if Nick is Mr. DeLite, how would you feel? "cried Maya, her face wet with tears.


Maya:...

Phoenix: Don't also start crying, please.

Maya:... Grr!

Phoenix: And you were actually excited for this, too. Well, uh… I assume this won't come up during the actual robbery, right?

Maya: I hope not!

Phoenix: Maybe alternate-universe you is extra prone to crying and giving long monologues about how alone she is to everyone she meets.

Maya: Well, she needs to get it together and take some responsibility! There's a bank to rob!

Phoenix: That’s better.

Quote:
Dessie was silent, and felt very sorry for Maya. "Well ...... it's up to you, Ronnie. I won’t stop you.”

Ron nodded firmly. "Calm down, Mrs. Fey! I will help you both. Mr. Wright helped me, and it's time for me to return the favor for him! "


Maya: I'm not married!

Phoenix: You're going to have to let that one go, Maya.

Quote:
Maya jumps excitedly from her chair and hugged Ron tightly. "Oh, thank you, thank you very much, Mr and Mrs. DeLite! "

"Well," said Ron when Maya had removed her arms from Ron. "We must arrange plans from now. Mrs. Fey, are the doctors give deadlines when Mr. Wright should be brought to Germany for surgery? "

Maya shook her head. "The doctor just told me, the sooner the better, but he didn’t say exactly when Nick had to be operated. But if it’s delayed too long, the tumor will grow bigger in his lungs. "


Edgeworth: I would think that would go without saying.

Maya: Maybe alternate universe cancer works differently, so they had to explain!

Phoenix: Yeah, maybe lung cancer doesn't normally get bigger in Theif-AU or something.

Edgeworth: What reason could they possibly have to change that?

Quote:
Phoenix: I don't know, what reason could they have had to only make me a lawyer for a year and a half?

"Okay. Then, as soon as possible, we have to rob the bank. Mr. Butz, you say you work in that bank? "asked Ron, glanced at Larry. Larry nodded slowly.

"Then, I want you to photograph all the details of the bank building. The more, the better. "Ron command to Larry.

"Ready, Commander!" said Larry with spirit.


Phoenix: Was the "commander" thing a joke, or...

Edgeworth: It was almost certainly a joke.

Maya: Are you sure?

Edgeworth: Uh... On second thought, perhaps not.

Quote:
"Oh yes, I nearly forgot. Which bank account that we will rob? Did you guys already think of it? "Ron asked again.

"We are ......" Maya was about to answer, but Larry cut quickly.

"Already, Mr. DeLite. We're going to rob a bank account belonging to Mr. Gavin, "said Larry.


Maya: Hey, don't cut me off, Larry!

Phoenix: Why did he even do that?

Edgeworth: Perhaps he’s looking for attention, as usual.

Quote:
"Your boss? Are you sure, Mr. Butz? You can immediately lose your job if he caught you rob his bank account ...... .. "said Dessie. Larry nodded with vigor.


Edgeworth: And I suppose the fines, arrest, and damaged connections aren't relevant to the discussion?

Phoenix: That does put things in perspective, doesn't it?

Edgeworth: Really, now.

Quote:
"100% sure, Mrs. DeLite. I don’t care. The important thing is Nick can be cured. Besides, I wanted to give him a lesson. That man very arrogant when we come to his office to borrow money. "


Phoenix: Something's been bothering me. Why is there a space between the end of the line and the quotation mark?

Maya: I think you already know the answer to that, Nick.

Edgeworth: Because the writer doesn't understand En-

Phoenix: To distance the reader from the tear-jerking drama unfolding before us.

Maya: Exactly!

Edgeworth: Wait, are you quite serious?

Quote:
"Good. Now, you two have to take the photographs of the bank building as detailed as possible and, Mr. Butz, you have to investigate exactly where Mr. Gavin keeps his money and what kind of security he use. Once completed, give it all to me. "said Ron again.


Edgeworth: Certainly he would already know those things.

Phoenix: Maybe he only works in some weird corner of the building.

Edgeworth: Was that mentioned at some point? I fear I may have spaced out for a bit of this.

Phoenix: Not that I can remember.

Edgeworth: Oh, excellent.

Quote:
"Okey, plan is already prepared. Dessie dear, do you want to visit Mr. Wright? "asked Ron to Dessie.

"Sure, Ronnie. You don’t mind that, if we come with you to the hospital? "

"Of course not, Mr. and Mrs. DeLite! "Maya chuckled.

Dessie smiles. "All right, I'll change clothes and get ready first. I want to see my room first, is there anything we can bring for Mr. Wright………"Then she stepped into her room.

10 minutes later, Dessie came out with a big bouquet of tulips and a tart cake.


Phoenix: Why was she keeping that in her room?

Maya: In case you got lung cancer.

Quote:
"Let's go now," muttered Dessie. Four of them then walked to Ron’s car, and went to the Central Hospital.

Arriving at Central Hospital ...... ..

Phoenix still lying in bed with clutch his chest. He felt very shortness of breath, and his chest ached, like being punched repeatedly by an invisible hand. Even to sit, he can’t.


Phoenix: Even to sit, I can't what?

Maya: Get punched by an invisible hand?

Edgeworth:... Normally, I can at least infer the intent of a sentence, but I am completely lost this time.

Phoenix: Right?

Quote:
Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Come in," said Phoenix limp, felt wonder why he can still talk with all the unbearable pain in his chest.


Edgeworth: Oh, yippee. Head jumping. My favorite.

Maya: Something tells me it isn't actually your favorite.

Edgeworth: No, of course it is. Don't be ridiculous. Who wouldn't love changing from the perspective we've been in all this time for a needless observation?

Quote:
Maya, Larry, Mr. and Mrs. DeLite stepped inside.

"Hello, Nick ...... ..you had a visitor!" Maya said brightly.

"Mr and Mrs. DeLite? How are you?” said Phoenix enthusiastic, tried to get up to hug his former client, but it just made his chest feel pain twice.


Phoenix: Dumbass. Oops! Sorry! Sorry! Slipped out!

Edgeworth: Is it starting to get to you, Wright?

Phoenix: Uh... I don't know, maybe.

Edgeworth: You're the lucky one of the two, Wright. Your character is only idiotic for 5 minutes at a time.

Quote:
"Ow." groaned Phoenix, then back clutching his chest. "I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. DeLite, I greet you in this way. "

"It's okay, Mr. Wright, just lie back, "said Dessie.

"Sorry, we could only bring this for you, Mr. Wright. We wish you a speedy recovery, "said Ron, placing a bouquet of flowers and a cake Dessie brought to the table next to Phoenix bed.

"Thank you very much, Mr and Mrs. DeLite. You don’t need to bother, "murmured Phoenix.

"Hey, bud, why only two of them who you greet, and you didn’t even say hi to your best friend since elementary school? Am I just a pile of black shadow for you, Nicky-boy? "exclaimed Larry upset, frowning. They all laughed.


Phoenix: N-"Nicky-boy"?

Maya: That's Ms. DeLite's nickname for you, right?

Phoenix: I think so. I appreciate the consistency, but I don't want Larry calling me "Nicky-boy" now!

Maya: Should I start calling you that too?

Phoenix: I don't think I could handle being called "Nicky-boy" all day.

Maya: What about only in private?

Phoenix: No, in private is supposed to be the break from all the annoying things, please don't.

Quote:
"Sorry Larry, I don’t see you. Thank you for wasting your time to see me, Larry, "Phoenix mumbled, his voice sounded very weak.


Phoenix: Okay, there's stubborness, and then there's self-esteem issues. "Thanks for wasting your time to see me"? For real?

Edgeworth: This is probably the most productive thing Larry has ever done with his time, actually.

Phoenix: I... I'm gonna have to agree with you on that one.

Quote:
"How are you, Nick? How about your chest, does it still hurt? "asked Maya anxious. Phoenix smiled weakly.

"The pain comes and goes, Maya."

Maya stroking Phoenix forefinger, refrain from crying again.


Phoenix: Say it with me, three-

Edgeworth: Stop.

Maya: What's a forefinger?

Phoenix: A pointer finger.

Maya: Would stroking that even feel good?

Phoenix: I dunno. Here, how's this? *Strokes Maya's forefinger*

Maya: Uh... I mean, not really. It's just kinda weird. That might just be because you're doing it like we're trying to co-shun someone, though.

Phoenix: Well, fine, I guess I'll stop, if you're gonna be so picky. *Stops*

Edgeworth: I thought you were just about to complain about "Ship-bait".

Phoenix: Wait, that's what you got from that!?

Quote:
She also doesn’t understand why she always felt like crying every time Phoenix complains of his pain. So she was relieved when Phoenix talks again.


Maya: So alt-me doesn't know why I'm a crybaby in this either?

Phoenix: I mean, they spelled out why in pretty concrete terms back there. Like, five times.

Maya: I'll show them all, you'll see!

Quote:
"From where both of you hear that I’m sick and were treated here, Mr and Mrs. DeLite? "asked Phoenix.

"Oh, Mrs. Fey and Mr. Butz came to visit our home and tell about your situation, Mr. Wright. So we decided to see you. "answer Dessie.

Phoenix raised his eyebrows and looked at Maya and Larry interchangeably with astonishment.


Phoenix: Oh, for g- they all came to the room together! Of course that's how they found out!

Maya: Well... uh... maybe you're confused because that was a weird person to tell?

Phoenix: Wait, you think? Oh, that would make sense.

Quote:
"Is there anything you guys need to come to Mr. and Mrs. DeLite home? "


Phoenix: Okay... so... that might be a confirmation of what you just said, but I think I need a translator first.

Edgeworth: I believe you are asking the reason they went to their home.

Maya: Oh, I was right!? Yes!

Phoenix: You can do the party popper now, if you want.

Maya: Yes! *Pop*

Quote:
Maya and Larry tried to not look at each other. "There was Mr.DeLite stuff left in my bag and I just realized. So I decided to go to Mr. and Mrs.DeLite home to restore it. "

"Oh, sorry, then Mr. DeLite. Maya has been sometimes very clumsy, "said Phoenix, and laughed weakly.


Maya: Hey! Don't be rude!

Phoenix: I have been weirdly negative in this, haven't I? Must be the tumors.

Quote:
"It's okay, Mr. Wright. Humans often make mistakes, and it’s natural. "Ron replied.


Edgeworth: Urgh, this dialogue is terrible.

Maya: Let's try to fix the lines when they come up!

Phoenix: Well, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I'm not enthralled by the concept. Show me first.

Maya: Okay, that "humans make mistakes" part has to go. Now what?

Phoenix: Just leave it as is, or... maybe replace the sentence you took out with an "I don't mind" or something. Easy fix.

Edgeworth: Does this really sound like quality entertainment to the two of you?

Maya: C'mon, give it a chance! Please?

Edgeworth: Very well. Show me how much more fun this is than simply reading the text.

Quote:
Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Come in," said Phoenix tired. Dr. Joaquin stepped inside.

"Oh, you have a lot of visitors today, Phoenix? To introduce myself, I'm Dr. Joaquin Ortega, doctor who handle Phoenix, "says Dr. Joaquin and shook hands with Ron and Dessie.


Maya: Hm... any ideas, Nick?

Phoenix: I don't think I've got enough of a read on this guy to know how he would act, so I guess we'll leave his stuff alone.

Maya: Should we do anything about the grammar?

Edgeworth: Please refrain. I would still like to leave at some point today.

Quote:
"Hello, Dr. Joaquin, I’m Dessie and this is my husband, Ron DeLite. We are Mr.Wright’s former client, Phoenix made a large contribution to free my husband from prison a few months ago, "said Dessie while welcoming Dr. Joaquin’s hands.


Phoenix: We can fix this though, thank goodness.

Maya: Okay, uh... any ideas?

Phoenix: "Hi, Doctor! I'm Desiree DeLite and this is Ronnie. Mr. Wright was Ronnie's attorney a few months back."

Maya: Oooh, that's good! Let's do more!

Edgeworth:...

Quote:
"Larry!" exclaimed Dr. Joaquin after finished shaking hands with Ron and Dessie. "Nice to see you again, boy! How are you? "Dr. Joaquin hugged Larry and patted his back.

"I’m very well, Dr. Joaquin. It’s been a long time since our last meeting! I'm also glad we can meet again, "said Larry chuckled.


Phoenix: Larry's talking weird again.

Maya: Okay... "Woah," uh... "Joey"? How's Joey?

Phoenix: Joey's good.

Maya: How about "Woah, Joey!? It's been ages!"?

Phoenix: Yep, easy fix. It's not even really hard. That's the sad thing.

Edgeworth: Are you sure you want to continue doing this?

Phoenix: We didn't sell you?

Edgeworth: That felt closer to an attack ad on the concept.

Phoenix: Ouch. Okay, I guess we won't do it, then.

Maya: Can we still do it for really bad ones?

Edgeworth: Very well. Do what you will.

Quote:
"I heard you are now working in a bank?"

Larry nodded. "Yes, Dr. Joaquin. "

Dr. Joaquin chuckled. "Nice. Glad to hear now you’re more serious with your future. And, Phoenix, how do you feel, son? Does your chest still hurt? "asked Dr. Joaquin as he approached Phoenix bed.

"The pain comes and goes, Doctor," murmured Phoenix.

"Then I'll inject your chest…. Again. How many times I have injected you today, son? I'd forgotten. "


Maya: Ew. Chest injections sound painful.

Phoenix: When I was in the hospital after the bridge thing, I got a few of those. They weren't actually all that bad. Not much worse than the usual arm
stuff.

Maya: Ew. Arm injections sound painful.

Phoenix: Have you never gotten an injection?

Maya: Nope!

Phoenix: You probably should at least get a flu vaccine or something. I'll go talk to a doctor when we get out of here.

Quote:
"10 times, Dr. Joaquin." Phoenix replied.

"By doing so, this means that this is 11th injecton, am I correct, Phoenix?


Phoenix: Dang, those were some mathematics. I like how he had to make sure he was right.

Maya: "One plus ten is eleven, am I correct, Phoenix?"

Quote:
You can make the football teams of my injection now,"


Edgeworth: Ugh.

Phoenix: What's the matter?

Edgeworth: That was a joke?

Phoenix:... I think? Ugh.

Quote:
He chuckled, then he re-issued injectable drugs from his doctor coat pocket. Dr. Joaquin then unbuttoned Phoenix hospital shirt and injected Phoenix chest.

"Ow! Owwwwwww !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Owwwwwwww !!!!!!!!!" shouted Phoenix.


Phoenix: Okay, it was not that bad the last time.

Edgeworth: It could mean the cancer is spreading rapidly, causing an increase in pain.

Maya: Yeah, soon it might take a lung.

Quote:
Larry, Maya, Ron and Dessie wince and grimace. Maya hiding behind Larry's arm, not able to see Phoenix chest injected.

"Okay ......... finished."

"It hurts, Doctor." moaned Phoenix, his eyes watering.


Edgeworth: I see your observational skills are as astute as ever.

Maya: You're a regular Sherlock Holmes!

Phoenix: You're one to talk, Rocky Lockridge.

Maya: Who's that?

Phoenix: The guy who cried really weirdly on Intervention.

Maya: Oh, I get it now!... Hey! Am not!

Quote:
Dr. Joaquin smiled resignedly. "Well, if you're not stubborn from the first, boy, you don’t need to lie here and your chest doesn’t need to be injected almost every hour. Well, I want to ask all of you, because all of you are Phoenix friends ......... Take good care of him, ok? Don’t let him do anything stupid ...... .. And you should really pay more attention to your health, understand, stubborn boy? "Dr. Joaquin chuckled again, patting Phoenix head gently, and he stepped outside.


Phoenix: Damn. Chill out, man. I didn't come to the doctor to get insulted like this. Or... pet on the head.

Maya: Well, maybe you should stop being a stubborn boy.

Phoenix:...

Quote:
Maya then sat beside Phoenix bed, and massaged his chest gently. Maya’s massage seems sufficient to alleviate pain in his chest, so he fell asleep.


Phoenix: This guy is really going all out with the touching, huh?

Maya: I really wish they wouldn't.

Phoenix: I mean, the setup doesn't work without the intimate relationship, though, does it?

Maya: Just give me another reason to go steal stuff! I like that part!

Quote:
"Well ...... .because Mr. Wright had gone to bed ......... it's time to go home, "whispered Ron.

"Correct. Come on, Ronnie, we go home, we should not bother Mr. Wright, "said Dessie agreed.

They both then got up and walked out of Phoenix room escorted by Larry.

"You know, Mr. Butz, at first I thought Mrs. Fey just exaggerating about Mr. Wright’s condition ...... but saw him like that ......... I can’t bear to see it. His chest must injected almost every hour… I understand why Mrs. Fey was so desperate to save Mr. Wright,” said Dessie, now sobbing and wiping her eyes with a tissue.


Phoenix: Look, see? Everyone's a crybaby in this. There's nothing to be angry about.

Maya: Talk to me when she cries six times in one chapter.

Quote:
"Don’t worry, Dessie, I, Mrs. Fey, Mr. Butz and will end Mr. Wright’s suffering.


Phoenix: Who is Ron talking to right now?

Edgeworth: I would say the group, but the word "we" comes to mind and I don't see it anywhere.

Maya: Maybe it's Dessie?

Phoenix: Oh, maybe. Maybe.

Quote:
Mr. Butz, remember our plan. Let me know as soon as possible, ok? See you later, "said Ron, patting Larry’s back, and he with Dessie headed to the hospital exit door.

The next day………

Larry along with Maya left the hospital early in the morning, when Phoenix was still asleep. They went to Gavin Bank with tense heart and anxious, afraid that if their actions caught. Larry brings a very small pocket camera that is virtually invisible to escape detection.


Edgeworth:... Banks have metal detectors, Larry.

Maya: Well, you know how it is! More "idiot suggestions" from the Butz! Is anyone surprised?

Phoenix and Edgeworth (In Unison): Not me.

Quote:
They went into a bank with hand in hand, looking very nervous. Almost all the employees greet Larry.

"Morning, Mr. Butz, who is this lovely lady? Is this your 45th girlfriend?"

"Good taste as always, Larry!" says another employee, holding up his thumb.


Maya: Ew. And a thumbs up, too? That's gross.

Phoenix: Geez, what a pervy dude. She's only been in there for, like, 5 seconds.

Edgeworth: Well, they do seem to idolize Larry. It would be a greater shock if his coworkers didn't behave this way.

Quote:
Larry chuckled and shook his head vigorously. "No, no, she is an old friend."

Then Larry drags Maya’s arms a little bit, took her away from the sight of the employees.


Maya: Why do people keep grabbing onto me?

Phoenix: Because you have the mental capacity of a four-year-old in this, remember?

Maya: I feel like I'm a pet dog or something.

Quote:
"Well, Maya, please take photos of this bank building as much as possible. If anyone sees you take a photo, just say this for a school project, because you're still in high school.


Maya: Thanks for the reminder.

Phoenix: Would you do well in school?

Maya: I think I'd be great at school!

All:...

Maya: I don't want to go, though.

Phoenix: I figured that was coming.

Quote:
"Larry whispered in Maya’s ear, handing his pocket camera into Maya’s hands.

"Bb-but, Larry, you can’t leave me alone here! I'd look like a fool! "Maya protested.


Phoenix: So desperate, this search for money, but heaven forbid Maya embarrass herself in public?

Maya: Wouldn't the problem be all the guards watching me take pictures of the bank for no reason? They'd get suspicious, right?

Edgeworth: Yes.

Quote:
Larry sighed. "We must divide the tasks, Maya. I have to investigate where Mr. Gavin keeps his money and again, I must be in my office. Relax, I will call you if everything is done. "

"Oh, all right, Larry, all right."

"Good luck, Maya." Larry patted Maya’s back and leaves Maya.

Maya swallowed, with awkwardly she pulls out Larry’s pocket camera and start taking a photo. She walked from corner to corner, and it isn’t hard to do, because the employees seemed very busy so no one pay attention to Maya.


Edgeworth: Or, no. The answer is no.

Maya: Now you look like a fool! You can't take pictures of the bank anymore!

Quote:
In Larry’s place…

Larry tiptoe, walked to his office, then take the Steel Samurai costume which he kept in his locker. Larry hurriedly dressed it, then crept toward to Kristoph’s office.


Phoenix: Why does Larry keep a Steel Samurai costume in his locker?

Maya: I bet it's to impress women!

Phoenix: Is the Steel Samurai really the right hero for the job?

Maya: Chicks dig the Steel Samurai!

Phoenix: No, YOU dig the Steel Samurai, Maya.

Maya: What!? I don't get to be a chick!?

Phoenix: Do you want to be?

Maya:... No...! But... but......................!

Phoenix: Take your time. Work it out at your own pace.

Quote:
He managed to stand in front of Kristoph’s office without anyone watching, fortunately. Carefully, Larry hides under a table located in front of Kristoph’s office door, and put his ear well, hoping to hear a clue where Kristoph keep his money.

His heart sank when he heard Phoenix name is mentioned. Looks like Kristoph is talking to someone.


Edgeworth: Certainly a relevant conversation would pique his interest rather than make his "heart sink".

Phoenix: I'm 95% sure that the author would have said that if they knew how.

Edgeworth: I'm equally confident this person does not speak English natively.

Phoenix: Hold on, I'll check the account for any Spanish or anything... Nothing. All English.

Edgeworth: It's almost a certainty, Wright. These are all non-native mistakes.

Phoenix: Wait! The profile says they're Indonesian!

Edgeworth: Hm. I weep for Indonesia's foreign language courses.

Phoenix: Oh. It also says that they dislike people mocking other people's work. Whoops. Guess this is staying a secret.

Maya: Okay, I've got it! I'm fine being a chick, but only if you're saying it in a nice way!

Edgeworth:... Congratulations.

Quote:
"So, you say, Wright’s assistant and childhood friend come to your office to borrow money from you?" Larry can hear the other man’s deep voice.


Phoenix: So this Kristoph guy is just going around gossiping to people about this?

Maya: I hope he's not going around talking about me!

Quote:
"Yes. Shameless, they are, right? She said for Wright operating costs. They think I want to help Wright because we went to school together in high school. Seriously. The world would collapse if I helped Wright. Especially after what he did to me in high school ......... "


Phoenix: Oh, backstory I don't know about, that's always good.

Edgeworth: Unless their finger is hovering over a nuclear detonator, having a collected character say something like "The world would collapse if I did this thing" is breaking character.

Quote:
"Kristoph, I don’t understand why you hold a grudge so deep to Wright. I think you've forgotten that old grudges…. It wasn’t his fault Kristina commit a suicide!”


Edgeworth:... Kristina... C-c-c... "commit a suicide"?

Maya: I thought you said you weren't making fun of the grammar anymore.

Edgeworth: I'm trying... very hard not to, Ms. Fey.

Quote:
"Klavier! If Wright didn’t break up his relationship with Kristina, she was not going to be very desperate and suicidal! Don’t you feel lost her, too? She is your sister too, Klavier!” Kristoph hit a table audible.

"Yes, of course I lose her too, Kristoph..but.. but don’t you remember, why Wright decided to break up with Kristina ?? She betrayed Wright, Kristoph! Kristina having affair behind Wright’s back! I can understand how Wright’s feel at that time!”


Phoenix: So... wait, how could this conceivably be my fault?

Edgeworth: Plot contrivance. It is that simple.

Quote:
"Don’t you dare to talk about Kristina as if she was a loose woman!" exclaimed Kristoph again. Then creepy laughter of Kristoph audible. "I hope Wright will die soon. It’s impossible his stupid assistant and childhood friend can get money of US $ 250,000 in a heartbeat. Oh, I can’t wait to see Wright's cries of pain when that malignant tumor takes one of his lungs ......."


Phoenix: This is why you need to just go take out a loan at a different bank. He's clearly biased!

Maya: But we need to teach him a lesson, or... something like that!

Phoenix: He looks pretty mentally scarred over the suicide, though. Why push it?

Edgeworth: Again, Wright, you are operating on the false assumption that this a well-written piece.

Quote:
continued Kristoph again with creepy tone, made Larry chills.


Edgeworth: *To "Oh my darling, Clementine"*
Oh subtlety, oh subtlety, oh subtlety, don't leave now!
Of you, this passage is lacking, and it brings sweat to my brow!

Maya: Hey, that was good!

Edgeworth: What was good?

Maya: The singing!

Edgeworth: I was singing!? My apologies, I must have spaced out from rage for a moment there.

Quote:
"Kristoph! Gosh, I had no idea at all you could think that bad! Herr Wright is a nice guy ....... "

"This conversation is over, Klavier. Alright? I don’t want to talk about Wright again. "


Phoenix: But you're the one who brought it up, Kristoph. He wouldn't know about it if you didn't say anything so you're clearly the one who brought it up, Kristoph. Why would you bring it up if you didn't want to talk about it, Kristoph? Kristoph? Kristoph!?

Maya: Don't break down and die, Nick, I'll be left all alone, you're the only family I have left, Nick, waah.

Edgeworth: Somehow, you two may be more frustrated than I normally am at these things.

Quote:
There was a pause, then Klavier re-open the conversation.


Maya: He doesn't walk to talk about it anymore, Klavier! Respect his privacy!

Phoenix: Is he changing the topic, or...?

Maya: I hope so. Bringing it back up would be rude.

Phoenix: So is letting someone die of a tumor for something he wasn't responsible for.

Quote:
Larry withstands a deep breath. So that's why Mr. Gavin refused to help Nick? But Nick was betrayed, that woman having an affair behind his back, Nick isn’t wrong in this case! What a devil are you, Mr. Gavin ... think Larry growled.


Phoenix: I mean, he's pretty clearly got some mental health issues over the thing. Devil might be a little harsh.

Edgeworth: A tragic villain. A wonderfully compelling character when the person doesn't react completely illogically in response to the tragedy.

Quote:
"Anyway, I bring surrogate fee from Mr. Raymond Skeyne. In here, in this three bags. Do you want me to left it here or put it in your safe deposit box?”


Phoenix: Why did he have to say his full name like that?

Edgeworth: Because knowing the full name will be relevant in the future, so someone had to hear it now.

Phoenix: Oh, hey, Maya, could you check if Raymond Skeyne is a real person like the last guy?

Maya: Uh... nope.

Phoenix: Anybody get the pun?

Maya: Uh... Ray mund-skene. Skeyne. Monskene, Monkey, um, Money, Ray of money? Uh... Money Scheme?

Phoenix: Okay, jury's out, then.

Maya: Monkey Money... Money the Monkey... Monkey Scheme... Ray Gun Scheme... Uh...

Quote:
Speak of the devil, thought Larry satisfied.

"Put it in my safe deposit box. There on the 5th floor. The key word: Gavinners. "


Phoenix: Why does the guy's brother not know the password?

Maya: Why would he?

Phoenix: Why would he not know the password?

Maya: No, why would he know the password?

Phoenix: Oh, why wouldn't he not know the password?

Maya: Yeah! Why wouldn't he not know the password!?... My head hurts.

Phoenix:... Okay, I'm lost.

Maya: Let's talk about something else.

Quote:
Larry refrains from cheering triumphantly.

"OK. I'll see you later, Kristoph.”

"Oh yes, Klavier, be careful with the security. If you're not careful and wake him up, you could become a delicious meat.”

Larry frowned, trying to understand what’s Kristoph said. Ugh .......what does he means with ‘become delicious meat?’ Hopefully the security is not something that is dangerous .... Thought Larry.


Phoenix:... It's pretty obvious it's going to be a lion or something. Something that eats people.

Edgeworth: How is Gavin himself supposed to get in if the animal indiscriminately eats people?

Phoenix: Pretty easy question. He isn't supposed to. He doesn't have to for this story.

Quote:
Klavier chuckled. "I'll remember, thank you very much." Then he opened the door and headed out. Larry pressed his body under a table over in order Klavier not to see him. For a while, Larry froze under the table. After making sure that the situation is safe, Larry then out from under the table with very carefully, and then he took off his Steel Samurai costume and folded it.


Maya: Aw, he wasted it!

Phoenix: Why did he even put it on in the first place if he was just going to hide anyway?

Maya: I told you! To impress women!

Phoenix: To impress you.

Maya: Hey! Rude!

Quote:
Thus, Kristoph’s safe deposit box is on the 5th floor. Okey ...... .. What to do is simply take the elevator to the 5th floor, and use Gavinners password. But I need to know what kind of that safe deposit box security…

Larry had been just about to step to the fifth floor when he was canceling his intention. It’s not safe if I lurk now .... Very risky ... Better tomorrow afternoon just when most employees had gone home ...

He then pulls out his cell phone to call Maya.

"Maya, is your job finished? My duty is over."

"Yes, Larry. It turns out not difficult.” answered Maya.


Maya: I don't deserve to be on this mission.

Phoenix: Why not?

Maya: Because I thought standing in a bank and taking pictures was going to be hard.

Phoenix: Maybe instead we should just take out a loan at any other bank in the world.

Quote:
"OK. We meet approximately 10 minutes in the lobby, ok? "

"Okay, Larry, I'm waiting."

Larry then hung up, and headed back to his office to put the Steel Samurai costume back to his locker. After that, with haste he went down to the lobby to meet Maya.


Phoenix: It took ten minutes to do just that?

Edgeworth: Larry needs a ten-minute margin for error, Wright. You should know that by now.

Quote:
"How many photos have you take, Maya?" whispered Larry when he was in the lobby.

"Approximately 200, Larry," replied Maya satisfied.


Maya: That's a lot of photos!

Phoenix: I'm picturing you spinning around in circles and mashing the camera button three times a second.

Maya: I probably was!

Quote:
"Good, Maya. Well, now we must headed to Mr. DeLite house."

They both then exit in silence from Gavin Bank, so Larry does not get caught running away from his working hours. After a successful exit from the bank area, Larry calls a cab and they both went to Ron’s home.

"YOUU'REEEEEEEEE GREAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT," said Ron when Maya showed all the photographs of the bank building detail.


Phoenix: He doesn't just scream for no reason!

Maya: That hurt my ears and it was text.

Edgeworth: I would attribute that to Wright’s shouting, Ms. Fey.

Phoenix: Oh, uh… sorry about that.

Quote:
"And I managed to get information about Mr. Gavin safe deposit box, Mr. DeLite. The safe deposit box is on the 5th floor, the key word is Gavinners. But there are another security of that safe deposit box. I heard Kristoph said 'If you're not careful and wake him up, you could become a delicious meat.’ I don’t understand what he meant by that. "said Larry.


Phoenix: Oooh, that's a real stumper, that tough riddle.

Edgeworth: Larry not catching on to something that simple is exactly the kind of thing he'd do.

Quote:
Ron thought for a moment. "Uhm ......... ..maybe the security is a living thing."

"Oh," murmured Maya. "I hope not ...... not the beast and something dangerous."


Phoenix: Real stumper. Real toughie. What could the answer be? Find out next time.

Maya: I wish you didn't have cancer so you had to watch yourself act stupid, too.

Phoenix: That's the only reason why?

Quote:
"We think that issue later, Mrs. Fey. Okay, now we are divided for the task. Mrs. Fey, on the day we rob the bank, you have to distract the employees, so Larry and I could enter freely. Larry and I are going to get into Mr. Gavin’s room where he keeps his safe deposit box.”

Maya swallowed. "Good. But how can I divert the attention of the employees? "

"Up to you. You can put a rat, put a rubber snake, you sing, or whatever that can distract the employees. "Ron replied simply.


Maya: I could come up with a way better idea than that!

Phoenix: What would you do?

Maya: Fireworks! Or... the Steel Samurai does a live show for everyone! Or I could tell everyone to look for Gourdy, or maybe I can run up to someone screaming so they panic or point their gun at me and I can get everyone to yell at them!

Phoenix: A lot of those sound really dangerous.

Maya: And a lot of them sound fun!

Phoenix: Whatever floats your Samurai Balloon.

Edgeworth: Air.

Maya: Huh?

Edgeworth: Air. Air floats the balloon.

Maya: Uh... I guess?

Phoenix: *Whispering* I think he's upset that I used the Steel Samurai's name in vain.

Quote:
"Oh, well, I guess I have to find inspiration first," said Maya, with a small smile.

"So, each task is clear, right? Larry, you should be dressed all in black so no one would recognize you. "Ron command again.

"Do I have to wear a black costume too, Mr. DeLite? "asked Maya.

Ron nodded. "For your safety, you'd better wear a black costume, too."


Maya: I want to see the spy gear!

Phoenix: It's just going to be you in all black.

Maya: I bet I look like a super spy in all black! Or a ninja! A ninja spy!

Phoenix: Aren't ninjas already kinda spies?

Maya: What do you know about ninjas!? We need a ninja spy show, on the double!

Quote:
"And now, let's make a toast to cure Mr. Wright! "shouted Ron again, raising his glass. The three of them raised each their glass, then toast. "To Nick, Phoenix Wright, our beloved ace attorney!"

Maya and Larry then back to the hospital after finishing lunch at Ron's house. Dr. Joaquin welcomes them.

"Ah, thank God you're here. Phoenix blood pressure and platelet dropped drastically, Mrs. Fey. His condition is very weak. His temperature was increased two fold. Mrs. Fey. He ran a very high fever. I even had to inject his chest once every half-hour now. Mrs. Fey, I worried that the tumor had started eating his lungs, "whispered Dr. Joaquin while followed them into Phoenix room. And he’s right, Phoenix who’s sleeping looked very weak, even his face as pale as a ghost.


Phoenix: "Have you checked yet, doctor?"

All:...

Phoenix: *Ahem* "have you checked if the tumor is eating my lungs yet, doctor?"

Maya: Oh! Uh... "nope, haven't checked yet."

Phoenix: "Why don't you now?"

Maya: "Oh, uh... can't do it now, sorry."

Phoenix: "Why not?"

Maya: "Uh, I don't know, um........" It's rude to put people on the spot like that, Nick.

Quote:
"But he will survive, isn’t he, doctor?" asked Maya stammered.


Phoenix: Any comments on that one, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I don't care about the grammar anymore. I'm just tuning it out at this point.

Maya: Ding ding! That comment is worth 3 relatability points!

Edgeworth: And what can I redeem these “relatability points” for?

Maya: Maybe management will let you take a nap or something.

Speaker: No.

Maya: He has 3 relatability points, though.

Speaker: He has what?

Edgeworth: Ms. Fey, please, that’s enough.

Quote:
"Yes, if he immediately taken to Germany. Not if he kept lying here with treatment just injected in his chest. I understand, Mrs. Fey, it is almost impossible to get money that much in a short time, but Phoenix really should be taken to Germany soon. He needed to have surgery, and should not be delayed too long. "


Phoenix: Oh, just take out a loan, for goodness sake!

Maya: But Kristoph already refused.

Phoenix: Go to a real bank, then! Banks like loans! They get money from loans, take out a loan!

Maya: What if Kristoph already told all the banks not to give me a loan?

Phoenix: Yeah, what if.
Quote:
Maya sniffed again, while Larry strokes her back to calm her down.


Maya: Just five minutes without crying, please!

Phoenix: I think you've cried more in this than in real life the entire time I've known you.

Maya: Uh... Let's see, one, two, three, four, five... uh... six, seven, eight, nine, ten...

Phoenix: Okay, maybe not.

Maya: Still, that's two or three years to two chapters! It's still way too much!

Quote:
"I'm working, Dr. Joaquin, I'm sure we can bring Nick to Germany soon. "Maya tried hard to keep her voice steady.

"Larry .......we don’t have much time. We have to rob the bank tomorrow, "whispered Maya when Dr. Joaquin left them.

Larry stunned. "But, Maya, I'm not sure, we’re not really ready, and ...... we don’t even know what kind of security in the room where Mr. Gavin keeps his safe deposit box! You have not even found the idea to divert the attention of the employees, right? "asked Larry stammered.


Phoenix: It's an animal that eats people! Just bring a tranquilizer with you or something! It's not hard!

Maya: Did we ever get that far in figuring it out?

Phoenix: No.

Maya: Blegh.

Quote:
"It's okay, Larry ....... Ron DeLite with us! He’s a professional thief! If we continue to procrastinate, we could lose Nick! You heard what the Doctor said? I already know what I would do to distract the employees, calm down! "


Maya: Larry's the one who needs to calm down?

Phoenix: Projecting.

Edgeworth: Indeed. See a therapist about that, Ms. Fey.

Maya: But that's not- ugh! I hate her!

Quote:
"I ......... oh, all right, Maya. I'll call Mr. DeLite and tell him we're going to rob the bank tomorrow. "

Maya wiping her nose. "Thank you very much, Larry."

Larry is seen talking on the phone for a few minutes, before finally hanging up the phone.

"Alright, Maya. Mr. DeLite says he is ready to commit robbery tomorrow. "


Edgeworth: Any specific robbery? "The robbery" perhaps?

Maya: I hope he just doesn't show up and it turned out he robbed a completely different place.

Edgeworth: It would be the most interesting thing to happen in this entire plotline. An unexpected event would be an unexpected event in itself.

Quote:
The next day, the day of the bank robbery ...... ..

Maya and Larry left the hospital early in the morning like yesterday, when Phoenix was still asleep. They've packed all the things they need, and went to Ron's house by taxi.

Arriving at Ron’s house, Ron has worn his Mask DeMasque costume. Larry and Maya then change their clothes with black costume that looks like a ninja costume and went to Gavin Bank by using a car owned by Ron. Dessie releases their departure, incessantly saying "Good luck," and "Be careful."


Maya: Oh, I actually look like a ninja!? I do look like a ninja! Yeah!

Phoenix: I wonder if your tears will show through the mask.

Maya: Let me have this!

Quote:
Exactly at 8 am, they arrived at Gavin Bank. The bank situation is busy as usual.

"Come on, Maya. Do your duty. Good luck, "whispered Larry and Ron together, while slightly pushing Maya.

Nervously and cautiously, Maya issued several pieces of firecrackers and fireworks from her pocket, and then deftly she throws the firecrackers and fireworks to the bank.


Maya: And fireworks! I like this part!

Edgeworth: Enjoy your reprieve, Ms. Fey.

Maya: Stop saying things like that, you guys!

Quote:
In an instant, the bank was filled with the shouts of the employees who were shocked and BANG BANG sound deafening. Kristoph, who seemed just came, also shouted and avoid firecrackers exploding and scattered on the floor, he jumps without stopping so that at a glance, Kristoph looked like he was dancing ballet with very stiff movements.

Maya tried hard not to laugh, and then held up two thumbs-up to signal to Larry and Ron that they can go in now.


Phoenix: What did that actually accomplish?

Maya: Distraction complete!

Edgeworth: Perhaps for five seconds or so.

Maya: Distraction! Complete!

Quote:
"Come on," whispered Ron, drags Larry’s arm. Both men had crept, leaped swiftly firecrackers exploding on the floor, squinting, trying to adjust their views in the middle of a cloud of smoke to find Maya.

Larry grabbed Maya's arm violently, then the three of them ran toward the elevator. Larry hastily pressing the number 5.

Finally, they reached the fifth floor, they walked bent over like a duck to avoid being caught by CCTV cameras, and they searched the room where Kristoph keep his safe deposit box.


Edgeworth: If a duck-walk is all it takes to avoid CCTV cameras, the cameras are not well-placed.

Maya: Yeah! At worst it should only fall for the cardboard box routine!

Quote:
"Well, this is it." whispered Larry satisfaction when he saw the gray iron door with the words "Mr. Gavin Private Area. "

"Oh, good, it's locked!" exclaimed Larry upset when trying to open the door. Maya giggled.

"Of course the door was locked, Larry, see these buttons, you must enter the password," Maya said, pointing buttons that looks like a keypad next to the entrance.


Edgeworth: Larry is absolutely in character.

Phoenix: You're saying that, but are you sure you aren't biased?

Edgeworth: I... believe this is an accurate portrayal.

Phoenix: The real Larry would know that the door had a passcode after being told there was a passcode.

Edgeworth: Have you seen Larry recently?

Quote:
"Oh, I don’t see it ...... .Let's try .......... Gavinners!" said Larry while typing a password.

Beep sounds audible and the door slid open.

Larry grinned once. "Be prepared to bring Nick to Germany! Bye-bye, damn malignant tumor!"


Phoenix: Who is he talking to?
Edgeworth: It would do your sanity good to stop asking that question.

Phoenix: It would also do my sanity good if Larry could just say who he's talking to.

Maya: Obviously he's talking to the tumor!

Phoenix: *Laughs* That actually makes the most sense.

Quote:
They stepped inside, which turned very dark. Larry, Ron, and Maya could barely see anything.

"Uh ......... where’s the light?" complained Ron. "I can’t see anything ......."

"Ouch! Mr. DeLite, you stepped on my foot! "

"Sorry, sorry, Mrs. Fey ......... .. "

Suddenly, Larry saw a large enough yellow spot.


Phoenix: ...Large enough for what?

Maya: To see, or...?

Edgeworth: Large enough to be construed as a light, perhaps?

Quote:
"Hey, look, there is light here, perhaps here the lights!" exclaimed Larry to Ron and Maya.

Ron and Maya then step forward, the more they step forward, Maya feeling increasingly uneasy. Moreover, the yellow dot that Larry appointed seems shifted and sounded like he was growling.

"Larry ......" whispered Maya, groping in the dark for gripping Larry’s arm. "I think that’s yellow dot ................. not a lamp or light........"


Maya: "Groping"!? At least pick one guy to ship me with and stick to him!

Phoenix: If you had to pick me or Larry to be shipped with, who would you pick?

Maya: Not Larry.

Phoenix: You know what, that's an unfair question. I could've said Grossberg and you'd probably pick him over Larry.

Maya: Actually, I'm not sure. That one's pretty neck-and-neck. Or, 7 chins-and-neck.

Quote:
Larry chuckled. "What do you mean, Maya? Of course it was light .......... "Larry words truncated when the yellow dot was moving toward them, and looks more clear. Apparently, what they believe is a light actually are the eyes of a snake ........ a very big snake.


Edgeworth: ...Why is there a snake in the safe room?

Maya: Find out next time on Maya Fey: Ace Theif!

Edgeworth: So, not only are we not going to find out the reason why someone left the snake in there in the first place, but the chapter ends on a snake?
Just a snake?

Maya: "A very big snake". Pay attention.

Quote:
"AAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Larry, Maya, and Ron simultaneously.

--TO BE CONTINUED--

*The lights come on*

Phoenix: Ooooh, what's going to happen next!? Will they beat the snake in the 4 chapters they have left?

Edgeworth: Why is there a snake in the safe room? Why not a sentry? Or... a security alarm?

Maya: I like this right now! Besides the snake, that is, but what are you gonna do?

Edgeworth: Write a better story?

Maya: Maybe I should write a story for the theater! This time, I'll rob a place for a not-little-baby reason!

Phoenix: Doesn't it have to be bad to get in here?

Maya: Darn.

Phoenix: (I want to say "you won't have to worry about that", but I don't want to put her out of her good mood.)

Maya: (I want to say "I won't have to worry about that", but I don't want Nick to start feeling bad for me.)

Edgeworth: Reaching that prerequisite would hardly be a challenge.

Maya: Hey! That's not nice!

Phoenix: Yeah, Edgeworth, show some respect! Come on!

Edgeworth: Agh! *Penalty* Ngoooooooooooh! *Collapses*

Maya: Uh... is he okay?

Phoenix: I think he game-overed. The new chapter's starting, so he'll be good as soon as it starts.

Maya: Isn't game-overed just a E for everyone way to say "dead"?

*Phoenix checks Edgeworth's pulse. Nothing.*

Phoenix: Oh. Uh... you might be right.

Speaker: He'll be back.

Maya: Oh, phew!

Phoenix: Okay, good. Had me worried there for a second.

*The two sit back down, waiting for Edgeworth to get up.*
Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?


Last edited by Mornal on Mon Oct 03, 2016 11:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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I thought it was better. The dialogue flowed nicely and I didn't find myself questioning what the sprkers meant. At the beginning I was afraid that you made Maya a little too silly, but as the sporking went on I could see you got the hang of balancing seriousness and silliness. I only have a few really minor nitpicks about certain lines, like Edgeworth's pseudo-singing and Phoenix talking like a gangster in two or three lines, but those don't really matter much, lol. Good job!

As a side note, what is up with that author? I know on their profile they said they like sick-fics, but looking at their fics, this is ridiculous. And why do they keep picking on Phoenix? "Edgeworth accidently hit Phoenix with his car, making Phoenix suffered brain damage," "Phoenix suffered liver cancer for 8 years," "Maya investigate who the man who shot Nick and make him become paralyzed," "When Phoenix tested positive with AIDS," "Apollo is dying and need marrow bone transplant," "Phoenix is coming back from death," "Phoenix coma for 7 long years." There's so many sporkable fics here but they'll probably all be very similar and end up getting boring after a while...
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For the record, I didn't mean that Edgeworth was defending the fic too much when I said he was too much into it, more like he seemed too interested or something along those lines. I didn't see that problem now, though, so good job.

However, I really don't think Maya would get so mad over something like that. That's a reaction I would expect from Athena, not her. I mean, how many times have we seen Maya actually angry (as oppossed to slightly annoyed) in the games? She's just not that easy to piss off.

Still, you're pretty good with the jokes, I have to say, so keep up the good work.
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I've never really sporked anything so you can take my opinion with a grain of salt, but Phoenix feels a little off somehow—I don't think original trilogy was ever quite as blunt as he's been written. Phoenix has definitely said some pretty blunt things but not to the extent I read. Apollo's more the type of person to be crude with his comments more than Phoenix, in my opinion. But otherwise, he's great!

Has anyone sporked any other of the other stories by the person who wrote the Blackmail fanfic? They have some other pretty terrible stories. Mostly about Apollo because he's super suave in that author's mind for some reason, even if it comes off as amazingly narmy. If they have, what pages are the sporking(s) on? Does anyone know?
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No, Blackmail is the only fanfic sporked from that author. I know that about 90% of their fics aren't very good, but I could never bring myself to spork any of them. I guess I always thought that they needed a more creative hand to spork it, haha. I do agree that they write Apollo as some perfect little angel and Klavier as the literal spawn of Satan for really dumb reasons though.
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Nepeta wrote:
Can I claim this one as a practice sporking?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10173654/1/phenix-vs-edgwarth


Not exactly. There's gotta be some meat to the story, y'know? That "story" doesn't even break 50 words, so it might be hard. A good start would be a fic or chapter hovering around 500-1000 words.
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Barrylawn's fanfics were meant to be sporked
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Skittlemask wrote:
No, Blackmail is the only fanfic sporked from that author. I know that about 90% of their fics aren't very good, but I could never bring myself to spork any of them. I guess I always thought that they needed a more creative hand to spork it, haha. I do agree that they write Apollo as some perfect little angel and Klavier as the literal spawn of Satan for really dumb reasons though.

I did post another one of that author's fics on this thread, but honestly don't even bother looking at that one. That's probably the worst fic to come out of that author's mind. It doesn't even have the appeal of so bad, it's good. It's just... bad. I thought about sporking it myself, but it just turned into me angrily ranting about everything wrong with it.
"It's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up. Stay curious, stay weird, stay kind, and don't let anyone ever tell you you aren't smart or brave or worthy enough." -Stanford Pines, Gravity Falls
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CJ Walker wrote:
Nepeta wrote:
Can I claim this one as a practice sporking?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10173654/1/phenix-vs-edgwarth


Not exactly. There's gotta be some meat to the story, y'know? That "story" doesn't even break 50 words, so it might be hard. A good start would be a fic or chapter hovering around 500-1000 words.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5162521/1/Genealogy
This one then?
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sumguy28 wrote:
I did post another one of that author's fics on this thread, but honestly don't even bother looking at that one. That's probably the worst fic to come out of that author's mind. It doesn't even have the appeal of so bad, it's good. It's just... bad. I thought about sporking it myself, but it just turned into me angrily ranting about everything wrong with it.


Are you perhaps talking about the one where Klavier rapes Ema and leaves her in a pile of vomit, blood, and... other stuff? If so then I totally agree that it's the worst thing to come out of the author's mind. Hating Klema does not justify writing Klavier like that; I've seen one dimensional TV villians who kill puppies but are more likable and realistic than Klavier in her fanfics. I would probably rant too if I tried sporking her works.

Nepeta wrote:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5162521/1/Genealogy
This one then?

That one's probably a bit better in terms of length. The phoenix vs edgewarth one is sporkable too, but I would recommend sporking it with something else like how the Kink Meme Specials were done.
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Skittlemask wrote:
sumguy28 wrote:
I did post another one of that author's fics on this thread, but honestly don't even bother looking at that one. That's probably the worst fic to come out of that author's mind. It doesn't even have the appeal of so bad, it's good. It's just... bad. I thought about sporking it myself, but it just turned into me angrily ranting about everything wrong with it.


Are you perhaps talking about the one where Klavier rapes Ema and leaves her in a pile of vomit, blood, and... other stuff? If so then I totally agree that it's the worst thing to come out of the author's mind. Hating Klema does not justify writing Klavier like that; I've seen one dimensional TV villians who kill puppies but are more likable and realistic than Klavier in her fanfics. I would probably rant too if I tried sporking her works.


I remember that fic. It was absolutely terrible how she portrayed Klavier as a monster for the sake of hating Klema. Now Klavier's not my favorite, but he was totally out of character in this fic.
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Skittlemask wrote:
Nepeta wrote:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5162521/1/Genealogy
This one then?

That one's probably a bit better in terms of length. The phoenix vs edgewarth one is sporkable too, but I would recommend sporking it with something else like how the Kink Meme Specials were done.


I'm already sporking this one https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5754920/1/A-secret-told, fyi. I'm still busy, but let me tell you: it's so bad she's channeling Mia again.
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This one seems pretty bad from just the summary. Why is Klavier a rapist in this author's point of view? Is it because he…kind of messed with their OTP? Also there's a fanfic AU of where Apollo's like Hannah Montana—he's a lawyer by day and a rockstar by night. It sounds great, really. A masterpice, I found best story on the website, everyone!

But I always have this gem if I don't want to spork those true works of art I mentioned.

What page is the Blackmail spork on?
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Autumnal wrote:
What page is the Blackmail spork on?

Here
Phoenix Wright: The Jakkid Series.

This used to be an image but I changed by signature because reason and now I can't put the image back damn I think CR gold really is a thing.
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Autumnal wrote:
This one seems pretty bad from just the summary. Why is Klavier a rapist in this author's point of view? Is it because he…kind of messed with their OTP?

Yeah, that's the one I mentioned above. You have my sympathies for attempting to read it. Though if anyone really wants to try sporking it, here are a few highlights from that fic that I can remember.
Spoiler:
Everyone thinks it's Klavier before they have any evidence.
Klavier sends decisive evidence straight to Ema's hospital room just to spite her.
Apollo plays multiple instruments, owns a motorcycle, and has a childhood rape backstory. (The fic was written before DD, so the author not knowing Apollo's past is at least justified in that regard.)
Apollo escaped from Arkham Asylum when he was a kid. No mention if it was that Arkham Asylum, but they used the name.
And I think Apollo fought a group of mobsters with just his fists in the climax. Don't ask me why.

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.....I don't even know what to say.
Phoenix Wright: The Jakkid Series.

This used to be an image but I changed by signature because reason and now I can't put the image back damn I think CR gold really is a thing.
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ArrowLawn wrote:

Yeah I think it was established that barrylawn is weird
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sumguy28 wrote:
Autumnal wrote:
This one seems pretty bad from just the summary. Why is Klavier a rapist in this author's point of view? Is it because he…kind of messed with their OTP?

Yeah, that's the one I mentioned above. You have my sympathies for attempting to read it. Though if anyone really wants to try sporking it, here are a few highlights from that fic that I can remember.
Spoiler:
Everyone thinks it's Klavier before they have any evidence.
Klavier sends decisive evidence straight to Ema's hospital room just to spite her.
Apollo plays multiple instruments, owns a motorcycle, and has a childhood rape backstory. (The fic was written before DD, so the author not knowing Apollo's past is at least justified in that regard.)
Apollo escaped from Arkham Asylum when he was a kid. No mention if it was that Arkham Asylum, but they used the name.
And I think Apollo fought a group of mobsters with just his fists in the climax. Don't ask me why.

I'm pretty sure that's already been sporked, actually. I'd have to find it somewhere in here, but I know I've read a sporking of that.

EDIT: Wait, there were two fics about that? Jesus god.
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Anyone tips on writing Maya? Nick is purrty straightfurward but Maya is harder than I thought.
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Felt like presenting another addition to the sporkable line-up. From the same author as the Dahlia fanfic, this one was wrote as present for barrylawn: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12100825/1 ... ot-Bithday
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Part Three! Who's ready!? Not me!

SPORKING START

Maya: Mr. Edgeworth, are you okay?

Edgeworth: Urgh... I will be fine.

Phoenix: I hope you're serious and not just being a stubborn boy.

Edgeworth: Yes, we all think you're hilarious. Play the story.

*The Lights Dim*

Spoiler: Chapter 3
Quote:
"So this is the security??? A snake????????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" shouted Larry, his body shaking from head to toe. Maya stepped on his foot hard.


Edgeworth: What have I been saying? Wright, what have I been saying?

Phoenix: “Why is there a snake in the safe room?”

Edgeworth: Unbelievable. It's ridiculous and they all know it just as well as I do. If it doesn't make sense, don't put it in.

Quote:
"Larry, you're an idiot, don’t shout, you can make him angry!" cried Maya.


Maya: No! Alt-me, come on! Don't be a hypocrite!

Edgeworth: Perhaps that was a joke?

Phoenix: It wouldn't be that subtle, I promise.

Quote:
"WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT WE AREEEEEEE WAIIIIIIIITTTTTIIINGGGG FOOORRRR! LET’S GEEEET OUUUUUUUT OOOOOFFF HEREEEEEE!!!!” shouted Ron very loud.


Phoenix:...heh.

Edgeworth: I’m not sure if you actually thought that was funny or you’re just laughing out of smug pride. Or which is worse.

Phoenix: You look down on me, Edgeworth. You think I’d laugh at that?

Edgeworth: I’ve decided smug pride is worse.

Quote:
"Mr. DeLite !! Quietttt!!!!!!! "cried Maya limp.


Phoenix: Good work.

Maya: Don't patronize me.

Edgeworth: You prepare about as well for heists as Wright does for court.

Phoenix: Hey. Half the time that’s your fault.

Quote:
Larry then grab Maya's shoulder.

"Come on, Maya, we have to get out of here as soon as possible! I don’t want to be stew by the snake! "He cried.


Maya: I wonder what stew tastes like when a snake makes it.

Phoenix: I don't even know what it tastes like when a snake’s in it.

Quote:
"But the money…...I have to take the money first! Then we'll go! Let go of me, Larry!! "cried Maya.

"MAYA! Don’t be stupid! The snake will going to cut you in a heartbeat! We better rob a jewelry store! Let's get out of here! "


Phoenix: It’s one snake. Just step on it’s head. Throw a rock at it, I don't know.

Maya: Channel a professional wrestler.

Phoenix: Channel a professional wrestler. Anything. And then you’re done, the money’s yours.

Edgeworth: Which raises the question of why a single snake is the security in the first place, but I digress.

Quote:
"No! I have to take that money now! Can’t be delayed any longer! Nick is dying, Larry!" cried Maya half crying,


Maya: Oh my god.

Phoenix: *Laughs* Okay, now this getting ridiculous.

Maya: I thought we would go a heist. One heist! Please? One? No crying?

Phoenix: Hey, you still look like a ninja? Remember when you were excited to dress up as a ninja?

Maya: That's almost enough to make up for it. Almost.

Quote:
and then she bit Larry’s arm. Larry roared with pain and release his grip from Maya’s shoulder. Maya jumps forward, then pull out her cell phone from her pocket. Then she turned the lights on her cell phone, so the room becomes bright.


Edgeworth: Turning on a flashlight does not warrant multiple sentences. It barely warrants more than ten words in this context.

Maya: What ten words?

Edgeworth: “Maya used her phone’s flashlight to light the room.”

Maya: That’s nine words.

Edgeworth: *Penalty* Ngooooh!

Quote:
The snake looks confused and blinked several times. Kristoph’s safe deposit box located under his tail.

"Hey, ugly venomous creature, look at me here! Brain peas! Na nan a nan a ......... "Maya cried as she stuck out her tongue, and jogged in front of the snake.


Phoenix: This thing really thinks you’re, like, four.

Edgeworth: Her grasp of the English language is at about that level.

Maya: Hey, I’m not any worse than anyone else, okay!?

Phoenix: You’re defending this take on you?

Maya: I’m defending my honor!

Quote:
"Mrs. Fey, what are you doing? Are you mad?" said Ron.


Maya: Angry, a little. Crazy... I don't know, if people think I act like this, I might be.

Phoenix: You’re near the top of my “sane people” list, if it means anything.

Edgeworth: I imagine it’s a short list, considering your circles.

Phoenix: What? And yours is longer?

Edgeworth: No, I suppose not.

Quote:
"I'm distracting him! In order to have him out of the safe deposit box, so you can take the money in the safe deposit box!" said Maya gasped, then trotted back.


Edgeworth: Those were two separate sentences smooshed into one, poorly.

Phoenix: You’re talking about the narration, right?

Edgeworth: Of course. The dialogue is one very unnecessary sentence too long.

Quote:
Maya then took Steel Samurai keychain from her pocket, and threw it into the snake’s eyes. The keychain struck the snake’s eyes, and the snake hissed angrily immediately.


Maya: Little did we all know, it’s because the keychain was made from the snake’s dead mother.

Phoenix: More tragic than the cancer subplot.

Quote:
"Catch me, catch me if you can, a nan na na ...." Maya scoffed again while still sticking out her tongue. The snake-pursed mouth clenched in anger, trying to bite Maya, but Maya escapes by very fast and very agile movements. Finally the snake advanced closer towards Maya, making Kristoph’s safe deposit box didn’t guarded right now.

"Now, Larry, quickly take the money, I can’t hold it for long!" Maya shouted again, now starting to cringe because the snake is getting close to her. The snake had almost twisted Maya’s legs. Fortunately, Maya jump with very agile and hiding behind a stack of cardboard boxes.


Maya: I must be really good at doing agiles.

Phoenix: That’s the second agile you’ve done.

Edgeworth: That's not how that sentence was incorrect.

Phoenix: You do it the right way, then.

Edgeworth: It’s immature to mock it in that manner to begin with, Wright. And you wonder why you’re written like children.

Maya: Hey, at least we’re still in this!

Edgeworth: Speaking of, I haven’t appeared in the last two chapters. Why am I even here, management?

Speaker: Because the beginner writing the spork wanted to use characters he's familiar with.

Edgeworth: Fantastic. I'm here by chance, then.

Phoenix: Has the spork writer been doing a good job, at least? I have no way of knowing.

Speaker: What makes you think we can tell any better than you?

Quote:
Larry and Ron jump towards Kristoph’s safe deposit box, hastily Larry type the password: Gavinners.

What a shock to Larry when he heard the sound of Access Denied.


Edgeworth: It would be incredibly poor security to give both terminals the same password.

Phoenix: I’m more surprised the terminals had different passwords, to be honest.

Quote:
"Shit!" shouted Larry upset, and he punching the safe deposit box hard and made his hands eventually become painful. "Gavinners is not the code??? So what's the code????? "


Maya: Let’s try to guess the code!

Edgeworth: Kristina. Or Skeyne.

Phoenix: What? Why?

Edgeworth: Because that conversation would not have happened if it wasn't going to tie in immediately.

Phoenix: Nah, that’s way too easy. It’s probably his mother’s maiden name or something.

Maya: I’m going with “bronchogenic carcinoma”.

Quote:
"LARRY!!!!!!! QUIIIIIIICKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! DON’T WASTE TIME!!!!!!!! "Maya shouted again.


Edgeworth: Ron DeLite, or his alleged bastardisation is leaking into the others.

Phoenix: Maya☆Fey.

Maya: Oooh, could I?

Phoenix: Not in real life. I shouldn't have to tell you that, though.

Maya: What if the bank I try to get a loan from to cure your lung cancer won't loan the money because the owner thinks you made his sister kill herself?

Phoenix: Uh… in that case you have my permission.

Quote:
Larry turns around and felt his lips dry immediately. The snake has successfully twisted Maya’s leg now, and lifted and swung her high. The snake’s yellow eyes gleaming and many times he opens and closed his mouth, looked ready to prey Maya anytime.


Edgeworth: I’m beginning to wonder how much the atrocious English is hurting the quality of this work.

Phoenix: By that, you mean you think it could be good if the English was better?

Edgeworth: I believe that, if written properly, this story could be, if only barely, decen-

Maya: No.

All:...

Phoenix:... Yeah, no.

Quote:
Ron leapt forward, trying to punch the snake. But instead he became entangled as well as by the snake. Larry could only feel shock to see his friends wrapped by the snake and swung them high.


Edgeworth: Allow me to slightly modify my question. Why is there a cartoon snake in the safe room?

Maya: Because cartoon snakes can swing people around like that! Perfect security! But, if they're doing fake animals, they should've gotten a dragon!
Dragons are unbeatable!

Phoenix: I imagine it must be hard, getting your hands on a cartoon snake.

Edgeworth: It must be hard believing snakes throw people around as if they even had the strength for it, let alone mobility.

Quote:
Think, Larry, think ........ what's the code ?????????

Then suddenly he remembered the conversation of Kristoph and Klavier that he heard. With nervous and praying, he type "KRISTINA."


Phoenix: OH, COME ON!

Edgeworth: Despite knowing it would happen, I was almost hoping something that cliche wouldn’t.

Maya: Aw, I think it’s sweet.

Edgeworth: Actually, what basis does he have to even assume it’s spelled like that? Or in all capital letters!?

Phoenix: Easy. Nothing.

Quote:
Clicking sound audible and the machine voice answer: "Access Accepted."


Edgeworth: Access granted, you mean.

Phoenix: Huh?

Edgeworth: It would be "access granted". Not "accepted".

Phoenix: Oh, yeah, it would, wouldn't it. That's another grammar problem.

Maya: I'll add it to the pile! Maybe at the end of the chapter it'll hit the ceiling!

Quote:
"Yeahhhh!!!!!!" said Larry happy. He saw all the money had been wrapped in plastic and on the top, there are writing that written by markers: '$ 50,000 Denomination’. Was relieved didn’t have to waste any more time to calculate, Larry took 5 plastic and stuffed it into his bag.


Phoenix: Okay, the fact that Larry’s first thought when seeing the markings on the money was about how relieved he was that he wouldn’t have to spend
that much time counting is actually really funny.

Edgeworth: I told you, this is an accurate portrayal.

Quote:
When finished, he threw his bag and rushed to help Ron and Maya who’s still swung back and forth like a doll by the snake.

Larry frantically pulled out his phone and open Google in the browser of his cell phone. Then he typed the keywords: "Poisonous snake’s weakness." Maya shouted angrily.

"LARRY BUTZ!!!!!!! THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO PLAY WITH YOUR CELL PHONE!! QUICKLY RELEASE US FROM THIS UGLY CREATURE! "cried Maya upset.

"Just a moment, Maya, I was searching in Google what’s poisonous snake weakness," said Larry.


Maya: Oooh! Company namedrop! I bet that’s a sponsorship deal!

Edgeworth: You’re joking, yes?

Maya: Mmm-hmm.

Edgeworth: Good.

Phoenix: Google should sue.

Edgeworth: Wright, please, enough.

Phoenix:... That could be verbal assault, what you just did.

Edgeworth: Wright.

Quote:
"Oh, gee, Mr. Buuutzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!Don’t waste time!!!!!!!!Quickly beat this snake!” said Ron.


Phoenix: Well, give him a minute to figure out how.

Maya: Yeah, Morty!

Phoenix: Oh, he did sound like a really screamy Morty Smith just then, didn’t he?

Maya: “Aw, jeez, Butz, that, that, that seems kinda, y’know, like a waste of time, right?”

Edgeworth: Terrible impression.

Phoenix: Like you even know what that was an impression of.

Edgeworth: I don’t need to. There is no way a show in which a character that talks like that would be allowed on real television.

Maya and Phoenix: *Snicker*

Edgeworth: Oh, no, you are joking. Please?

Quote:
Larry didn’t answer. He finally found what he was looking for. He opened one of the websites that appear in Google search results.

The poisonous snake can’t stand with pepper. Spraying pepper into their eyes.


Phoenix: Maya?

Maya: On it.

Phoenix: Specifically, “Poisonous snake’s weakness”.

Maya: All I’m getting is “Don’t kill snakes, they’re friendly”, and some stuff about snake traps. Nothing about pepper spray.

Phoenix: Try “does pepper spray work on a snake”.

Maya: Okay… nope. It doesn’t.

Edgeworth: You could have just asked me. It doesn't.

Quote:
Refrain from smiling in relief, Larry unpacks his bag and found two bottles of pepper which he always brought everywhere. Ha, Nick, you can’t insult me again because I always carry a bottle of pepper wherever I go! exclaimed Larry inwardly.


Phoenix: Glad to see you have your priorities straight, Larry. It's so weird how not out-of-character he is.

Maya: It's like it feels like something's off about it, but nothing is actually off.

Edgeworth: I see you're both coming to terms with the reality that there exists a human being alive that is actually like this.

Quote:
He then unscrewed the pepper shaker and threw the entire contents into the snake’s eyes. His throws hit right on target. The snake snarled in pain, closed his eyes, then let go his hold of Ron and Maya. Ron and Maya fell to the floor with a deafening tone. Larry storing the bottles of pepper into his pocket and smiled triumphantly.


Maya: Do snakes snarl?

Edgeworth: No.

Maya: What noise does a snake even make? I know it rattles sometimes, but…

Phoenix: Do you really not know?

Maya: No... Wait, wait, right! They hiss! I forgot!

Phoenix: Do I need to go buy an animal sound wheel at some toy store?

Maya: Yes, but only so I can play the pig noise when you walk into a room.

Quote:
"Ugh," complained Maya. "It really hurts."

"Come on, get out of here before the snake was able to open his eyes again!" said Larry as he closed his bag. They held hands, ran very fast, and open the exit door.

“I can’t believe Mr. Gavin is very insane……. Put a snake inside a bank??? Had he lost his mind?” murmured Larry, clutching his chest.


Edgeworth:..................

Maya: Mr. Edge-

Phoenix: Just… just leave him alone, Maya.

Maya: Okay.

Quote:
Larry and Ron just want to adjust their breath when suddenly Maya screamed.


Phoenix: Okay, how did Google translate even screw up “catch their breath” that bad?

Maya: Ooh, let’s see if we can figure out if this was Google translated or not!

Phoenix: It probably was Google translated, but sure. What is this a point for?

Maya: I don’t know.

Phoenix: I mean, it might be a point for Google, because a human couldn’t screw up that badly, but it might also be a point for a human because a computer couldn’t screw up that badly.

Maya:... Maybe this game isn’t going to work after all.

Quote:
"What again now, Maya?" complained Larry limp.

"My cell phone, Larry. I leave my cell phone inside! Definitely my cell phone was fell when that creature swung me!”


Maya: Leave it! Who cares about a cell phone!?

Phoenix: It turns out that the surgery actually costs $250,000+ The cost of one cell phone.

Edgeworth: I am nearly completely positive the phone serves no narrative purpose and the rest of this scene won’t either.

Quote:
"Then take it now! Don’t be too long! "exclaimed Larry.

Maya step inside again, and how relieved she was when she saw her cell phone lying on the floor. When Maya was just about to take her cell phone, the snake suddenly appeared behind her, his eyes open wide, and he hissed very loudly.


Maya: That’s why you leave the phone!

Phoenix: But what if the phone is the only family you have left?

Maya: Aw, that’d be really sad...er than this.

Quote:
"Never give up, don’t you, ugly creature?! Take that! "cried Maya, pulling out some leftover firecrackers from her pocket, and threw it toward the snake. In an instant the room was immediately filled with the deafening sound of firecrackers.

Maya quickly grabbed her cell phone and jumped out.


Phoenix: Okay, so… maybe the phone had to be left because the firecrackers had to be set off?

Edgeworth: That’s certainly what it appears to be.

Phoenix: But couldn’t the snake have just stopped her on the way out to begin with to make an excuse for that?

Edgeworth: I told you it would mean nothing.

Quote:
"Come on, run, guys, run! We had to quickly get out of here! "cried Maya again. Larry, Ron, Maya, running as fast as lightning, didn’t care about their bodies who already filled with cold sweat now. But suddenly Larry stumbles, as a result, the bag containing their stolen money out of his hand, then dramatically hit the alarm.


Phoenix: Wait, that's really what's going to set the alarms off?

Edgeworth: So the firecrackers also served no narrative purpose, shockingly enough.

Quote:
In an instant, the bank was filled with the sound of the alarm and the engine sound that says Danger, there are robbers entered. Danger. Danger. Save yourself. There is a bank robber.


Phoenix: "Save yourself"?

Maya: It's not just any bank robber. It's a bank robber... with a gun!

Phoenix: Everyone save themselves!

Quote:
"Oh, my God, this nightmare isn’t over?" complains Maya limp.


Maya: I wish I knew, Cry-Maya. I wish I knew.

Phoenix: Crya.

Maya: Okay! That's her nickname from now on!

Quote:
"Quickly grab the bag, Larry!"

Larry took the stolen money bag again.

"Okay, we have to escape through the stairs, we can’t use elevators, they will immediately arrest us!" cried Maya. The three of them just ran a few steps when a swarm of cops shows up and confront them all. Approximately six guns directed at three of them.


Edgeworth: Not the most original of action sequences, is it?

Maya: I make it original!

Edgeworth: Your presence makes it original?

Maya: Of course!

Edgeworth:... And I don't suppose you'll listen to reason on this.

Maya: Nope!

Quote:
"Raise your hands! You can’t run anywhere else, robbers! Give up and take off your costumes and masks!"shouted one of the officers.

Larry, Maya, and Ron froze in their places. One policeman approached Larry, his arms outstretched, ready to pull Larry’s mask. Still with panting breath, Larry took a bottle of pepper from his pocket, then he threw it to the police. The police immediately collapsed to the floor as he rubbed his eyes that feels very sore.


Maya: Oh, the bottle hit him right in the eye!

Phoenix: I'd feel sore too.

Edgeworth: This is the part where the rest of the police officers shoot at them for violently resisting, I trust.

Quote:
"Ha! Can’t run anywhere, you say? Let's throw a little party!" exclaimed Larry again, and then he threw up his pepper shaker. In an instant, the room was immediately bombarded by pepper, sneeze of the polices, and the shouts of the policemen who groan in pain.


Edgeworth: Oh, but of course not! Of course six trained police officers would just let Larry get away with that, of course!

Maya: Mr. Edgeworth, I think you need to apologize.

Edgeworth: What for?

Phoenix: For saying good English would make the story half-decent.

Edgeworth:... I do owe you an apology on that front, I suppose.

Quote:
"Come on! Quick! We're out of here!” cried Maya again. The three of them ran out very fast, ignoring the pain in their chest and their breaths that seems will run out. The three of them walked to the emergency stairs.


Phoenix: Looks like they went back on that whole running idea pretty fast.

Maya: One of the guards will catch you! Now is not the time for walking! It’s the time for action!

Quote:
When the three of them almost reach the emergency stairs, suddenly someone grabbed Maya’s heel.


Maya: You fool! You should have been running!

Phoenix: You see? Proper English doesn't fix this kind of thing, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Wright, accept my apology or you’ll soon find me demanding one myself.

Phoenix: Okay. Fine. Apology accepted. Also, for the record, that was the worst threat I've ever heard.

Quote:
Maya slipped and fell. It turns out who gripped Maya’s heels is a policeman who escaped from the pepper attack. Then he dragged Maya who was lying on the floor very quickly.


Edgeworth: “Escaped from the pepper attack”. You had to opportunity to have prevented said pepper attack, but you refused to do so.

Phoenix: I take it you’d fire these guys?

Edgeworth: Only the one in charge of their Stormtrooper directives.

Quote:
Larry and Ron who had managed to reach the emergency stairs and come down, stopped when they see Maya being dragged away by the police.

"Come on!" exclaimed Larry. "We must help Maya, we can’t let her get caught!"

They stepped back to the top with irregular breath.

"Why did you come back?? Run!!!!!!! "cried Maya.


Phoenix: And don't walk.

Edgeworth: Let it go, Wright.

Phoenix: Really? Normally this is the kind of thing you’d latch onto.

Edgeworth: I would have before you ran it into the ground.

Maya: You mean walked it into the ground?

Edgeworth: I meant ran.

Quote:
Larry didn’t answer. He slammed his body and face down on the floor, trying to reach Maya’s hands.


Phoenix: *Laughs* Wow, picture that!

Maya: I want to see Larry do that in real life!

Phoenix: How would that even accomplish anything? He didn't even dive, he just faceplanted on the ground!

Edgeworth: That was likely a mistake, but if it was on purpose, it is accurate.

Quote:
"Shut up! Hold my hand! "exclaimed Larry.


Phoenix: An exact replica of this sentence is the first sentence in an Sex fic.

Maya: That’s not an attractive opening line for an Sex fic.

Phoenix: But do you really think that some of the people who write Sex fics understand that?

Maya:... Most of them understand… probably...

Quote:
Maya tried hard to hold Larry’s hands, but because their hands are equally wet with sweat, it was hard to Maya for clasped Larry’s hands.


Edgeworth: Sweaty hands is certainly an... original explanation for a loose grip.

Maya: Yeah, I can see why there wouldn't be a lot of grippage.

Edgeworth: Grippage is not a word.

Phoenix: There was no way Edgeworth was going to get that.

Edgeworth: There’s nothing to get. Don't be ridiculous.

Maya:... Play a record.

Quote:
Ron, who is behind Larry, took the bag containing the stolen money. With the mercurial Ron leapt forward, then he hit the policeman's face with that bag. Fresh blood flowing from the police nostrils, then he fell unconscious on the floor.


Phoenix: I would be more concerned if it wasn't fresh blood.

Maya: Like zombie blood! Or vampire blood!

Phoenix: Do vampires have blood?

Maya: I guess, right?

Phoenix: But then, couldn't they just drink their own blood and live forever?

Maya: Don't vampires already live forever?

Phoenix: Then why do they need to drink blood?

Maya: I’ll tell you later, after I do some research!

Quote:
The gun was out of his hand. Ron picked up the gun.

"Come on, get up, you two!" shouted Ron again.

Maya and Larry got up from the floor, and then they join hands again and ran as fast as they can to emergency stairs.


Phoenix: Is this even ship-bait anymore?

Maya: Why is everyone so touchy with me in this?

Phoenix: It’s pretty obvious why.

Maya: I’m asking because I want a different answer, please.

Phoenix: Oh… because Crya is still a little small child?

Maya: I only like that a little bit better.

Quote:
When newly down four flights of stairs, they heard footsteps from hoardes of polices.

"They are in emergency stairs! Come on, we have to hurry! "

"Uh-oh! See a lot of stairs! If we descend one by one, we can’t escape! "complained Larry.


Maya: It might help if you ran down.

Edgeworth: Let the “walking” line go, you two.

Phoenix: What about the walking line?

Edgeworth: Let it go.

Maya: One more time?

Edgeworth: Let it go.

Maya: Can’t

Phoenix: HOLD IT!

Maya: Back any more!

Edgeworth: Wait, was that a trap!?

Maya: Only a little.

Phoenix: I was blackmailed into doing that.

Quote:
"Then, we go down through the railing of this emergency stairs. We will glide over it! Come on! "cried Maya wheezing.

"Oh, we’re not sure about this, Maya .........." muttered Larry and Ron together.


Edgeworth: I see they are both aware of the other’s opinions before they were vocalized.

Maya: Oh, what if they’re mind readers!? Now I want to meet a mind reader! Nick, take a case about a mind reader!

Phoenix: I can't just take a case because a mind reader is involved!

Maya: Why not?

Phoenix: What if they did it?

Maya: Take one where they didn't!

Phoenix: What if there aren't any?

Maya: Wait for one!

Phoenix: I… uh… what if…

Edgeworth: Wright, you are aware that you are the one who chooses what cases you take, correct?

Phoenix: Yeah?

Edgeworth: And yet you still lost that argument.

Phoenix: Hey!

Quote:
"Shut up, don’t talk and think too much!


Maya: That should be the tagline for this story!

Phoenix: Maya Fey, Ace Thief. “Shut up, don't talk and think too much!”

Maya: You see that, and you know exactly what you’re getting into, it’s perfect!

Quote:
They are getting closer! Quick, guys! Go sit on the railing and I will push you from behind! "

Larry finally gave up. He then sat on the railing. Larry immediately felt his ass crushed instantly.


Phoenix: Why are they explaining how Larry’s butt felt? Aaaaah! Now I’m picturing it!

Maya: Well, you know what they say, if something smells…

Phoenix: That was a really bad thing to say right then! Aw, man, people get off to this stuff, too, that’s the scary thing.

Quote:
Ron sitting in front of him, and Larry grip Ron’s shoulder tightly.

"Well," said Maya. "1,2,3 !!!!" Maya push Larry’s back firmly, then both men were sliding down like they were climbing slide, and disappeared from Maya’s sight. After that, Maya sat on the railing too and slid by her own.


Maya: Oh, are they sliding down the railing!? That’s cool!

Phoenix: Really? You think so, huh?

Maya: What do you mean!? Of course it’s cool!

Phoenix: Seems painful to me.

Maya: So are piercings!

Phoenix: I don't remember you having any piercings.

Maya: Just because I don't do it doesn't mean it isn't cool!

Quote:
She instantly feels her ass ache and heat.


Phoenix:...

Edgeworth:...

Maya:...

All:...

Phoenix: Why is it not moving on?

Maya: Nothing to see here, just move it along! Come on, now!

Phoenix: Are you not going to move this along until we say something, management?

Speaker: Yes.

Phoenix:... Okay… uh… that was… certainly brave word choice. That’s my comment.

Maya: Fine, I’ll say it! It’s another Sex fic opener.

Phoenix: Thank you, Maya. Can we move on, please!?

Speaker: Certainly.

Quote:
Finally she reached the corner of the stairs. Larry and Ron were waiting below. Larry looked massaged his buttocks.

Maya jumped down from the railing.

"Great Escape, guys," murmured Maya with a little chuckle. Larry and Ron laughed too.


Maya: Look at what a happy bunch they make!

Phoenix: Let’s just ignore the impending lung cancer death, we need to exchange some friendly banter first!

Maya: That's what I was about to say!

Quote:
"See! Exit sign! We can just go out and headed to my car!” said Ron, his finger to the Exit sign. The three of them walk faster toward right direction, and entered a door.


Edgeworth: How utterly boring this entire sequence has been. Now I’m considering cashing in those relatability points.

Speaker: Relatability points are not redeemable or real currency.

Edgeworth: Do you expect me to pay you real money!?

Speaker: We expect you to finish the story like a good boy.

Maya: Yeah, now’s no time to be such a stubborn boy!

Phoenix: Hey. I’m the stubborn boy. No stealing.

Quote:
Unfortunately, the door they entered, it turned out not to outside, but to the parking basement. Larry, Maya, and Ron froze as a security guard saw the three of them and immediately call the police with his walkie-talkie.

"Officer, they're in the parking basement! The robbers!” cried the security guard.

"Okey, nice…..now what should we do ??? Your car's out of reach ...... "Larry whispered from the corner of his mouth.


Maya: If it’s out of reach, maybe we could try getting closer to it.

Phoenix: I want to say that's not what the writer meant, but...

Quote:
"What are you waiting for? RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "shouted Ron. The three of them returned to run in lightning speed.

"Heyyyyy !!! Don’t you dare to run away !!! "shouted the security guard, trying to catch them with a baton in his hand.


Edgeworth: I alluded to Stormtroopers in regards to these police officers a few moments ago.

Phoenix: Yeah. And?

Edgeworth: Do you agree with my comparison?

Phoenix and Maya: Yes.

Quote:
"Quick, go to the bicycle parking lot! We ride a bike to get out of here!"said Ron, pointing his finger toward a parked bicycle.

"But I can’t ride a bike! I don’t know how to do it! "shouted Larry.

"You'll ride with me!Just sit behind me!" said Maya.


Maya: But I don’t know how to ride a bike either!

Phoenix: Really? Why not?

Maya: If I tried to ride a bike in the village, I’d probably tumble off the mountain. Ooh, that should be the setup for Phoenix Wright: Ace Thief!

Edgeworth: You are making this up, correct?

Maya: Yeah. But now I kind of want it to exist.

Quote:
The three of them jumped into bike parking lot and riding a bicycle that were parked. Larry sat behind Maya. The security guard tried to block them.

"Just give up, rotten robber, you can’t runaway!" shouted the security guard, holding out his hand in front of the bike ride by Maya.

"Oh yeah? Just try it! Adios para siempre, Mr. Security Guard! "cried Maya, then she took another of firecrackers out of her pocket and threw it toward the guard. The guard shouted in shock and trying to avoid firecrackers that explodes in the floor.


All:...

Edgeworth: “Adios para siempre” means “goodbye forever”.

Phoenix: Oh. Okay. Thanks, Edgeworth.

Maya: I thought I was out of firecrackers.

Edgeworth: I recall the story mentioning you had leftovers?

Maya: Which I used on the snake. Right? Am I remembering this wrong?

Phoenix: Why bother putting more effort into keeping track than the writer? Let’s just move on.

Quote:
"BYEEEEE !!!!!" shouted Ron, and three of them pedaling the bike very fast and managed to get out of the basement. Now they’re on the street.

Barely a few minutes they pedaled, the sound of police sirens car audible.

"You who wearing ninja costumes and Mask DeMasque costume, riding a bicycle, we command you to stop now!" shouted the police over loudspeakers.


Phoenix: You know, it hadn’t occurred to me how ridiculous this looks until now.

Maya: Except the ninja costumes are still cool!

Phoenix: Not on a motorcycle, they aren't.

Maya: Have you ever seen a ninja on a motorcycle?

Phoenix: I guess not…?

Maya: Then you can’t say that for sure!

Phoenix: No, I can.

Quote:
"NO WAY !!!!!!!"

"More speed, more speed!!!! Faster!! FAAAAAASTEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!" Larry shouted while banging Maya’s shoulders with coarse.


Maya: He’s gonna knock me off!

Phoenix: Actually, you might be right.

Maya: Maybe you have to go on a revenge mission to make Gavin pay!

Phoenix: Maybe. I just hope I don't take too long, I'm already tired of this.

Maya: Watch it take, like, seven years.

Phoenix: Yeah, imagine that.

Quote:
"I'm trying! Don’t banging my shoulder!" cried Maya.

"You two stop screaming like a couple who wishing to divorce and concentration on the road!" shouted Ron.


Maya: They ARE shipping us! Stop shipping me with Larry! I don’t wanna!

Phoenix: At least you haven’t cried recently.

Maya: Oh, I haven’t! Maybe this is taking a turn for the better?

Phoenix: Watch you get back and I’m just dead.

Edgeworth: You need to do something about that habit of proposing realistic story directions as jokes.

Phoenix: But that’s how I win all my court cases.

Edgeworth: My word, that is how you win, isn't it?

Quote:
Maya pedalling with double speed, Ron was pedaling too on her side, while three police cars chasing behind them.

"Turn, turn!" exclaimed Larry again. Maya turned the handlebars of her bike to the left very quickly, causing the bike tilted and almost made Larry fell off the bike.


Edgeworth: You may fix this one.

Maya: Huh?

Edgeworth: This sentence. You may fix it.

Maya: Oh! Okay! Nick?

Phoenix: You’re really passing this onto me?

Maya: Nick, what would you change?

Phoenix: “The bike swerved. Larry struggled not to fall off.”

Maya: I would’ve brought the snake back for this part. Bring the snake back.

Phoenix: “The bike swerved and hit the snake, killing it and nearly knocking Larry off.”

Edgeworth:... I regret my previous request.

Quote:
"What are you doing??! You almost made me fall! You want to kill me ?! "

"Sorry, Sorry! I didn’t mean to make you fall! "

"This is not the way to the hospital! You're wrong direction! Turn to the right!" shouted Larry again, then looked back.


All: They’re going straight to the HOSPITAL!?

Phoenix: Oh my god, I was right. I’m gonna die. I’m going to get killed in the crossfire.

Edgeworth: Along with likely dozens of medical staff.

Maya: They probably should have brought a fourth person along to make smart choices.

Edgeworth: Or a second writer.

Quote:
The police car that chasing them is getting closer. A policeman emerged from a car window, pointed the gun toward them, ready to shoot them.

"Faster! Faster! They'll shoot us!" shouted Larry again.

BANG BANG sound deafening. Larry and Maya ducked, trying to avoid the policeman shooting.


Phoenix and Maya: Stormtroopers.

Edgeworth: Hmph. As if you were expecting more.

Quote:
"Mr. DeLite! Do something! Use the gun you were picked from inside! "exclaimed Larry very loudly.

"Oh, yeah, right!" Ron pulled a gun he stole from the police when they are in the bank from his pocket, then he looked back, he fired it, while his free hand still holding the handlebars. Ron dodged many times to evade the cop who shot blindly.


Phoenix:... This is supposed to be a story about lawyers.

Edgeworth: Normally, one would require arms training before being able to operate a firearm with one hand and a vehicle in the other.

Maya: Trained thieves need expert hand-eye coordination! Stealing artifacts isn’t much different from shooting at cops on a motorcycle when you look at it that way!

Edgeworth: Yes. It is.

Quote:
Ron fired back. He was shooting several times, while still pedaling with one hand. The first shot bounced just above the sirens of police cars. The second shot hits the car rearview successfully. The third shot hit the tires, which immediately broke out in an instant with enough voices to make the ear pain.


Phoenix: That guy’s dead! That person driving that motorcycle is dead!

Quote:
"YESSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!"


Phoenix: And they’re cheering about it!?

Edgeworth: I can’t say cheering over another man’s death is quite in character for any of these three.

Phoenix: This is supposed to be a story about lawyers!

Maya: Who even said “yay”?

Phoenix: The person who found out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, I dunno.

Quote:
"The hospital just a few steps ahead! They can’t catch us!” said Maya, laughing uproariously. Maya pedaled faster, when suddenly a police car appeared from the opposite direction.

"Uh-oh! Mr. DeLite !!!!!!! Shoot them again! "exclaimed Larry.

"I can’t! The bullets is run out! "said Ron.


Phoenix: “The bullets is run out”.

Maya: They have to be doing this on purpose, right?

Edgeworth: Doubtful.

Maya: But how do you mess that up?

Edgeworth: Poor Indonesian translation is how, I imagine.

Maya: It still feels like it can't be real. Like… it has to be faked somehow.

Quote:
"Good, very good! What should we do? !!!!" complained Larry. Maya paused, trying to find a way out. When looking at a river, eventually she got an idea.

"Buddy, hold firmly around my waist." whispered Maya.


Maya: “Buddy”.

Phoenix: Crya just turned into a generic action hero. A boring generic action hero.

Maya: Ugh, this is so boring! The drama was at least fun to make fun of!

Phoenix: Are you absolutely sure you’re not going to regret saying that when it starts back up in five minutes?

Maya: I don't know! I hope not!

Quote:
"What would you do, Maya?" asked Larry nervous, had a bad feeling about this.

"Just hold my waist! Don’t ask any questions!” cried Maya frustrated.


Phoenix: Sex fic. Move it along, management.

Speaker: We… actually were just going to let that one slide.

Phoenix: Oh, come on!

Quote:
"1 ......... 2 ......... ..3 ............. Ready ......... ......... .GET SET…… GOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!! "Maya turned the bike very quickly and braked very suddenly, making she and Larry knocked off from the bike, and plunged into the river. Ron followed them, also fell into the river just a few seconds later.


Edgeworth: I expected at least some semblance of substance in this action sequence.

Phoenix: I take it you haven't found any?

Edgeworth: Nothing about this serves any narrative purpose past an action sequence. Even the worst Steel Samurai knockoffs have action sequences with narrative value.

Phoenix: You would know.

Edgeworth: N-No! I would not "know"!

Maya: Do you like the Wood Robot or the Speed Hedgehog better?

Edgeworth: Neither of them. They’re both unoriginal and lack maturity.

Maya: That’s the right answer!

Phoenix: ...Unoriginal to what?

Edgeworth: Urk…! J-Just in general. That’s all.

Quote:
"Ouch ............ .my ass! Hurt like hell!" exclaimed Larry.

"Ssshhh! Shut up, Larry!" whispered Maya, then cover Larry’s mouth with her hands. The three of them hold a deep breath.

The sound of police sirens had stopped. The policemen got out, and sounded confused.

"Damn! Where did the robbers go??? "

"I saw them turn and then suddenly they’re disappeared!"

"Ugh ......... we failed to catch them."


Edgeworth: Sweep the area, you incompetent fools. Any police officer with even a shred of sense would understand that they are hiding.

Phoenix: Is this reminding you of anything?

Edgeworth:... Yes. But not to this extent.

Phoenix: Remember when one of your detectives closed a case within six minutes of entering the crime scene?

Edgeworth: You know which detective, Wright. There’s no need to dance around his name.

Maya: Aw, poor Gumshoe.

Quote:
"Never mind, we return to the office now. Tomorrow we will try to find the robbers again. We spread in pamphlets."


Phoenix: But you don't even know what they look like!

Maya: Yes they do! We look like ninjas, Nick!

Phoenix: Then stop dressing like one.

Maya: Maybe you don't understand my MO, Nick. I’m can't just “stop dressing like a ninja”. There’s nuance to these things! Honor!

Phoenix: This is your first heist.

Maya: The perfect time to decide on an MO!

Quote:
The police got back into the car and left.

Having considered the situation is completely safe, they were out of the river. The three of them set their breath, feeling very tired.

"I can’t believe we can escape from them," Larry muttered.


Edgeworth: I can't believe they were incompetent enough to let you escape from them.

Maya: I Can't Believe It’s Not Butter is actually just margarine, did you know?

Quote:
"This is thanks to our cooperation……..eh……. the money bag? Where’s the money bag?” cried Maya when she realized that the stolen money bag didn’t exist.


Maya: “Cried” means talking loudly here, right?

Edgeworth: I believe so.

Maya: Has Crya only cried once this chapter?

Edgeworth: I believe so.

Phoenix: I think we can all agree that that’s a good thing.

Quote:
"Ugh……maybe it fell when we plunged to the river?” complained Larry.

"Don’t worry, guys, look," said Ron, pointing his finger toward the tree which is located not far from the river. The stolen money bag lying in front of tree.

Maya and Larry sigh of relief, then take the bag.

"Check first, Larry, just in case the money is damaged or dirty," murmured Maya. Larry nodded in agreement, then opened the bag, and checked the money. Looks as smooth as when he took it from Kristoph’s safe deposit box.


Maya: But how, though?

Phoenix: Because if it was damaged, we’d have to sit through another action sequence.

Maya: This is fine! Everything is fine with the money! Good!

Quote:
"Everything is okay, Maya," said Larry after finished checking.

"Good ...... ..Nah ...... Now we have to go to the hospital secretly. We had to shower and don’t let Nick see us. He must have wondered if he saw us come in a chaotic situation like this, "said Maya. Ron and Larry nodded in agreement, then the three of them crept into the hospital through a back door, and rushed to the hospital bathroom to clean themselves and change clothes. Once completed, Ron, Larry and Maya walked toward Phoenix bedroom.


Maya: Hey, Crya! You’re not supposed to break the MO! Ninja costumes only!

Edgeworth: This is important enough to dedicate a paragraph to, apparently.

Quote:
What a shock to them when they reached in front of Phoenix room. Phoenix room’s door is opened, and Phoenix seems having a severe seizure in his bed, his eyes rolled upward, approximately 5 doctors, including Dr. Joaquin, stand around his bed, each Doctors holding Phoenix hands and head.



Phoenix: Wait, really? I did die? I said that as a joke.

Edgeworth: What do I keep telling you, Wright?

Maya: I hope you didn't just so Crya doesn't have any more excuses for doing that thing she does.

Phoenix: Cry?

Maya: That's the one.

Quote:
"Take care, don’t let him bite his tongue! Hold his head! Don’t let his head hit the bed! "exclaimed Doctor Joaquin.

Maya ran into the room. "Nick!!!!!!!!Nick!!!!!!!!! What’s wrong with him, Doctor ????!Nick!!! Talk to me!!I'm here!!!!!!! "Maya cried as she approached Phoenix bed, scrambling, trying to grasp Phoenix hands. Her tears fell instantly.


Maya: I thought we could go a chapter.

Phoenix: So did I, Maya. So did I.

Quote:
"Mrs. Fey? Where have you been? Please wait outside, Mrs. Fey. Let us control this boy! "


Phoenix: Still a boy, I see. At 26 years old, or older. Who does this guy even think he is?

Maya: Your childhood doctor, Nick!

Phoenix: Um… yes, that’s true.

Maya: Aw, I’m out of party poppers.

Edgeworth: Perhaps more will appear from nowhere at some point.

Phoenix: I get enough abuse in court. I don't need my doctor making fun of me too.

Quote:
Maya obeyed Dr. Joaquin, and stepped out.

"Why, what's up with Nick, Maya?" asked Larry.


Maya: “He has stage 4 Nick disease.”

Phoenix: Oh, no! Not Nick disease! How do you cure it!?

Edgeworth: By learning when to keep your mouth shut.

Phoenix: That’s… actually literally true, considering the seizures.

Quote:
"I don’t know! He seemed having a severe seizure. Larry…. We’re not late, right???We definitely can save Nick, right??Please answer yes, Larry!" cried Maya, then slammed her head into Larry’s shoulder.

Larry confused what to say, then he gently stroked Maya’s back. "Of course, Maya, we can save Nick. We're not late. Nick will survive. Nick can survive after falling from a burning bridge, of course he will not be defeated easily by an ugly tumor! "


Phoenix: That did not happen yet. That was almost three years into my career.

Maya: More AU things?

Edgeworth: That is, without question, the explanation. As unfortunate a truth that is.

Quote:
A few minutes later, Phoenix room’s door open, and Dr. Joaquin approached them.

"How’s Nick?? What’s wrong with him, Doctor? "Maya exclaimed without preamble.

"Seizure has stopped, fortunately. He seizured because the fever is too high. The fever is too high because the tumors grow again.......... "


Phoenix: “Have you checked, doc-”

Edgeworth: Yes. He has.

Quote:
"Doctor," interrupted Maya. "We've got it. We've got the money for Nick’s operating costs in Germany. "

Dr. Joaquin stunned, and looked at Maya sharply. "You've got it? Oh, this is a very good news, Mrs. Fey!Where did you get that much money in a heartbeat?"

"We borrowed the money from Nick’s old friend, Doctor," said Larry. "This is the money." Larry then show the stolen money bag to Dr. Joaquin.


Maya: “Ah, I see. This is clearly $250,000. Not just a bag filled with blank paper for all I know.”

Phoenix: He probably just trusts you because you’re a pal of mine.

Maya: But he also knows Larry.

Phoenix: ...!

Edgeworth: …!

Maya: Yeah! I win!... Oh, and I found another party popper!

Phoenix: Where?

Maya: Same place I’m keeping the fireworks! *Pop* Should I set off the fireworks, too!?

Phoenix and Edgeworth: No!

Quote:
"Oh, well done, well done, guys! OK! Then I will contact Dr. Edgeworth now and I'll take care of accommodations for you to go to Germany. You'd better come with me, Larry. Bring the money. Oh, Mrs. Fey, Larry, I’m very glad! Well, Mrs. Fey, you may enter to take care Phoenix, he won’t be happy if he wakes up and no one sit beside his bed, "said Dr. Joaquin again.


Edgeworth: That is a rather strange justification coming from a medical professional.

Phoenix: I don't know this guy. And it's not like he has much character so I can't really figure him out, either.

Maya: Maybe if you weren't such a stubborn boy, Nick, you’d be more aware of your surroundings!

Phoenix: Well, you know me. Nick the stubborn boy.

Edgeworth: You seem upset by the nickname despite that description very easily applying to you.

Phoenix: It’s the “boy” part that gets me. I know I’m stubborn, it’s my life.

Quote:
"Did you hear that? We will go to Germany!" exclaimed Maya, then hugs Larry tightly.


Maya: So it is ship-bait, right? With Larry or with you? Can you tell which?

Phoenix: Maybe both. Or maybe Indonesia’s just a really touchy-feely place.

Maya: My money’s on L-

Quote:
Then she hugs Ron.


Maya: Never mind, my money’s on you, Nick.

Edgeworth: I doubt Larry would even be interested in someone like you.

Maya: Wh-what!? What do you mean!?

Phoenix: What the heck are you trying to say, Edgeworth!?

Edgeworth: What? All I meant was-

Maya: *Sniff* Now you’re gonna make me prove the story right, you jerk!

Edgeworth: Agh…! Uh, Wright? I require assistance.

Phoenix: Just explain what you meant by “someone like you”.

Edgeworth: Someone who isn't a complete lost cause like himself.

Maya: Oh, that’s all? Well… thanks?

Phoenix: I’ll work on my "habits" if you work on decent social skills.

Edgeworth: Ngh....! Fine!

Quote:
"Thank you so much for helping us, Mr. DeLite."

"Oh, it's nothing, Mrs. Fey. I'm glad to help Mr. Wright. Well, Mrs. Fey, I have to go home now. Dessie would have been very worried. Have fun in Germany!" said Ron as he walked toward the exit door, and waved to them.


Phoenix: “Have fun”.

Edgeworth: I don't expect to enjoy Germany myself.

Maya: Neither do we, Mr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: The question is, who suffers more? Us or our counterparts?

Quote:
"Bye, Mr. DeLite! Be careful on the road!" exclaimed Larry and Maya together, while waving Ron.

"Come on, Larry, we take care of all the necessities to take Phoenix to Germany." Larry nodded, then he and Dr. Joaquin left Maya.

Maya then came into Phoenix room. The defense attorney looked very pale and thin, and even now both his hands filled with IV and a breathing hose attached under his nose. Maya stroking Phoenix hair and forehead gently.

"Calm down, Nick, you're going to be fine.You will be taken to Germany for surgery!” whispered Maya.


Phoenix: You can't get much more calm than unconscious, but okay.

Maya: Crya should stop talking to herself. People might think she’s a weirdo.

Phoenix: People probably already batted a few eyes at the ninja costume.

Maya: Those eyes were batting from wonder!

Quote:
Phoenix opened his eyes and moved his head slightly.

"Maya?" whispered Phoenix in a very tired tone. "Where have you been, Maya? And why there is this funny thing under my nose? "


Phoenix:... Ha?

Maya: Did that sound like a joke to you, too?

Phoenix: Yeah. It didn't land.

Maya: It didn't even crash. It just kinda flew off into space.

Quote:
Maya smiled weakly. "I went to look for the money, Nick. Nick, guess what, I’ve got the money! Money for your operation! We will go to Germany! Dr. Joaquin and Larry are now taking care of everything you need for your departure to Germany. You're going to be operated by Dr. Edgeworth! You will be completely cured, Nick! You'll beat the sucks tumor! "


Phoenix: “Sucks tumor”!?

Edgeworth: Certainly the smile would not be weak, if there’s good news.

Maya: But it’s Crya that's doing it, though.

Edgeworth: I… am forced to concede that point.

Quote:
Phoenix blinked, looked confused. "Where did you get the money, Maya?" He asked, still in tired and weak voice.

"I borrowed from your old friend," said Maya.

"Friend? Who? Then how will I be able to pay my debt to him?" asked Phoenix again.

Maya shook her head vigorously. "Nick, you don’t have to think about it now. You can think about it later. What’s important now is for you to make a full recovery. "Maya said softly, stroking Phoenix hair again. Phoenix returned a weak smile and didn’t say anything else.


Phoenix: You still have Larry germs on you. No touching.

Maya: I wouldn’t if I had a choice!

Quote:
It was nearly evening when Larry and Dr. Joaquin returned to the hospital. They looked tired, but also seemed satisfied.

"Well..........Phoenix, everything is fine. I've contacted Dr. Edgeworth, and you will leave to Germany tomorrow at 11. I also have contacted your parents, Phoenix. They will go with you. They will arrive here tomorrow morning. They’re very worried, you know…


Phoenix: Ah, so we finally get to meet Ma and Pa?

Maya: 5 bucks they’re completely crazy.

Phoenix: I’ll take that bet. I win if they’re the most generic parents ever.

Quote:
You will be escorted to the airport by ambulance. I booked a private plane for you, so the passengers will only five of you, because it’s too risky if Phoenix taken using a public plane. The plane's name that you guys will ride are Deutsch Airlines.


Phoenix: …”German Airlines”.

Maya: That pun was great in Indonesian, maybe.

Edgeworth: Needless information in the story with no purpose, once again.

Quote:
You will land in Munich, and you will be operated by Dr. Edgeworth in Allianz hospital.


Edgeworth: As in “alliance”?

Maya: It’s symbolic of… you two?

Phoenix: Maybe if we actually knew each other in this.

Quote:
It would be very nice, isn’t it? You will go to Germany and will be completely cured, boy! Your chest didn’t need to be injected every hour again!” explained Dr. Joaquin while ruffled Phoenix hair.

"Thank you so much for take care of everything for my departure, Doctor. I don’t know how to pay back to all your kindness," murmured Phoenix.


Phoenix: $250,000, or his cut thereof. But I’m just guessing.

Maya: Is he getting part of the money?

Edgeworth: I believe it all goes to me.

Phoenix: Really? Still, most of the "kindness" was just standard healthcare stuff and a referral to who is apparently a better doctor.

Quote:
Dr. Joaquin laughed. "Easy, boy, just pay attention to your health and don’t be stubborn anymore. Obey all that Dr. Edgeworth said later, don’t try to deny him."


Phoenix: I still disagree that this is what “stubborn” is.

Maya: Crya and Stubborn Boy! Those are our superhero names!

Phoenix: Are our costumes ninja suits?

Maya: Yeah! Good idea!

Quote:
"Now it’s time to inject…. Your chest…..Hopefully this will be the last injection!" Dr. Joaquin re-inject Phoenix chest, then once finished, he stepped out.

The next day……..

At half-past seven in the morning, both Phoenix parents arrived at the hospital. Initially Maya was very nervous to meet Phoenix parents, but the nervousness immediately vanished because they were both very friendly. Phoenix's mother, who looks more like a Phoenix sister than his mother, looking very worried.


Phoenix: Uh… what? “Looks more like my sister”?

Maya: Ship-bait?

Phoenix: Maya, don't say that! And it probably is, too!

Maya: Actually, "she looks more like a Phoenix sister", so maybe she’s a bird?

Phoenix: I prefer that to the ship-bait thing.

Quote:
"PHOENIX WRIGHT! Why didn’t you tell us if you're sick and hospitalized, naughty boy?? Father and mother nearly had heart failure when receiving Dr. Joaquin’s call! You're always like this! Antonio darling, it seems we are indeed very wrong let him stay alone! We should have move here so we could watch him!” cried Phoenix’s mother as she hugged her only son, and kissed Phoenix cheeks.

"Ouch, Mom, you strangled me............" muttered Phoenix, looked very embarrassed. Maya chuckled.


Phoenix: Pay up.

Maya: I don't have any money right now.

Phoenix: I figured.

Quote:
"Now, now, let the kid breathe, Samantha," said Mr. Antonio, seemed amused.


Phoenix: So… Antonio and Samantha Wright, huh? Any puns?

Maya: I don't think so?

Phoenix: Any real people?

Maya: Lemme check… a few, but probably not on purpose.

Phoenix: I hope these aren't just all normal names. That would just be sad.

Quote:
"And you must be Mrs. Maya Fey! Dr. Joaquin told everything to us! You were brought Phoenix to here, you were taking care of Phoenix, and you're also looking for money for Phoenix operating costs! Oh, my darling, how we can repay all your kindness?” cried Mrs. Samantha, now embraced Maya tightly. Maya feels uncomfortable.


Maya: Oh, NOW I’m uncomfortable?

Phoenix: Nope, nothing wrong with the groping. Motherly hugs are the line.

Quote:
"It was not nothing, Mr. and Mrs. Wright," said Maya blushed.


Edgeworth: That double negative drastically changes the meaning of that sentence. Of course, it will never amount to a thing, but…

Maya: I don't think it’s fair to make fun of the grammar all the time.

Edgeworth: This error has no excuse. It is a double negative, and one that is not explained by a change in language.

Quote:
"Larry!" said Mrs. Samantha after releasing her embrace from Maya, then hugged Larry. "Glad to see you again, boy!"

They spent the next two hours with breakfast and chatted while waiting for an ambulance that would take them to the airport to come.


Edgeworth: All the while Wright stands in the corner vomiting more blood because his treatment was halted.

Maya: Ew, that's gross.

Edgeworth: What's also gross is medical negligence.

Quote:
Maya really liked Mr. Antonio and Mrs. Samantha. They are very funny and often made her laugh.


Maya: Not if they use jokes written by this guy.
Phoenix: Wow. That was harsh.

Quote:
At 9, the ambulance that would take them to the airport finally come. The doctors team carefully lifted Phoenix to a gurney, and push him into the ambulance. Maya, Larry, Mr. Antonio, and Mrs. Samantha followed behind, carrying a bag of money, and Phoenix stuff, then they climbed into the ambulance and drove off towards the airport.

The trip to the airport was quite short. They arrived to the airport only in 30 minutes. Phoenix is driven by the EMT to the plane, while Larry, Maya, Mr. Antonio, and Mrs. Samantha followed behind.

The four of them helped the EMTs raise Phoenix into the plane and move him from the gurney into a comfortable bed that has been provided in the plane. The EMT then buckled Phoenix and set an IV to Phoenix hands.

"Should this remain installed? I'm on a plane, "complained Phoenix, staring at his hands that has been fitted with an IV needle.


Edgeworth: Your astute observation skills strike again.

Phoenix: Also, wouldn't the trained medical professionals know?

Maya: Maybe there’s secretly laughing gas in the IV!

Phoenix: And I bet that tricksy Kristoph was behind it, Scoob.

Maya: Why do I have to be the dog?

Phoenix: Would you prefer the stoner, the nerd, the idiot, or Fred?

Maya: Scooby.

Phoenix: Thought so.

Quote:
"It must be, Mr. Wright, Dr. Joaquin commanded us. Okay......all done. Have fun in Germany! Safe flight! Get well soon, Mr. Wright!” said the EMT as he got off the plane.

The plane take off, and they were off to Germany.

--TO BE CONTIUNED--


*The lights turn on*

Phoenix: Okay, I’ve had enough for today.

Maya: Yeah, me too.

Speaker: That’s not how any of this works.

Phoenix: It’s twelve at night! Just let us sleep and come back!

Speaker: Very well. You may do so.

Maya: Thanks, management! *Runs out*

Edgeworth: I think I’ll treat myself to wine tonight.

Phoenix: It was that bad, huh?

Edgeworth: I just want wine. Not everything has to be directly caused by something else.

Phoenix: You were the one complaining about “narrative relevance” or whatever.

Edgeworth: In fiction, Wright! Not real life!

*Will Edgeworth end up getting drunk off his ass? Will the story throw any new twists? Will the story throw any twists at all? Will the writer of this spork
figure out how to actually write these godforsaken characters? Find out next time!*

Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?


Last edited by Mornal on Thu Oct 20, 2016 6:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Hello! Hello! *squawk*

Gender: None specified

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Tue Dec 08, 2015 3:38 am

Posts: 66

Hey everyone, I'm really glad to see this thread isn't dead. In fact, I figured I might do another sporking now that the thread is alive again. The fic I went with is https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12150374/1 ... g-attorney by icantyping. So without further ado:

Today's sporkers are:

Phoenix Wright! :phoenix:

Maya Fey! :maya:

And Franziska von Karma! :franny:

*Phoenix, maya, and Franziska enter the theater. Phoenix has a bored look, simply resigned to getting this over with. Maya, however, is satisfied as soon as she runs to the refreshments. In contrast, Franziska scowls and mutters under her breath. Several guards stand by in case they need to keep her from running.*

Maya: Hey, I think it's been a while since I've seen you in the theater, Franziska.

Franziska: Not long enough.

*The three take their seats, and the lights dim.*

Spoiler:
Quote:
phoenix wright zoning attorney

by icantyping


Phoenix: Well, with a name like that, I don’t have very high expectations.

Franziska: Only a fool would ever have high expectations at this theatre.

Maya: Oh look, it’s this author again!

Phoenix: You recognize them?

Maya: Yeah, they can type. It’s just that they type as well as Winston Payne prosecutes, or Larry testifies.

Management: Actually, Phoenix has also seen this author’s work before. They were the author of “phoenix wright turnabout monster”.

Maya: Ooh, does that mean Nick is going to turn into a giant robot again?

Phoenix: Judging by the title, I think I just turn into a zoning attorney for some reason.

Maya: Aw, I wanted to see robot Nick again!

Franziska: Phoenix Wright, how dare you waste time foolishly turning into a robot!?

Phoenix: Uh, what? How can you blame me for something that only happened in an absurd fic?

Quote:
Disclaimer: I don't own Ace Attorney, and I don't profit from this.


*The reading is interrupted, not by commentary, but by Franziska suddenly brandishing her whip.*

*CRACK!*

Franziska: How dare this foolish author have a grammatically correct disclaimer after failing to even capitalize their title!

Maya: Wait, you’re complaining because it IS correct?

*CRACK!*

Maya: Ow!


Quote:
phoenix wright was at his office with maya fey and nick was just doing paperwork because they had no cases lately and maya was watchin steel samurai and then the mail came


Phoenix: But if I haven’t had any recent cases, I wouldn’t have paperwork to do.

Maya: Is this a recurring thing with this author? I sit around watching tv while Nick pretends to work?

Phoenix: Hey, I don’t just pretend to work. You and the tv though, that’s pretty accurate.

Quote:
"oh look the mail came" sad phoenix "be wright back maya im gonna get the mail" so he went and got the mail


Phoenix: “Oh look, I’m redundant.” said Phoenix redundantly. “I’m going to be redundant.” and he was redundant.

Maya: Hey, it says sad Phoenix! What are you so sad for, Nick?

Phoenix: Because we have to read this, Maya, what else?

Franziska: Perhaps Phoenix Wright is upset because I thrashed him in court once again.

Phoenix: What do you mean “again”?

*CRACK!*

Phoenix: OW!

Quote:
most of the mail was just more paperwork and stuff but then nick saw their was a letter from the japanifornia bar association


Phoenix: What, I just randomly get more paperwork even though I haven’t taken any cases?

Quote:
"hm what is this" said phoenix aand he read the letter


Maya: That would be a letter, Nick.

Phoenix: Well, I knew that much, thanks.




Quote:
dear mr wright

you have been transferred to the zoning lawyer association from now on you and your office will deal with zoning trials instead of defending people

from

the judge


Phoenix: Wait, what? How does that even work?! I wouldn’t just randomly get a notice telling me I was a zoning attorney now.

Maya: Say, Nick, would you be able to afford more burgers as a zoning attorney?

Quote:
"WHAT" yelled phoenix "who transferred me to the zoning department?!"


Franziska: Can you not read, Phoenix Wright?! The letter clearly states that it is from the Judge!

Phoenix: Yeah, well apparently fic!me can’t make obvious conclusions.

Quote:
phoenix called edgeworth "hey edgeworth why was I transfer to zoning department send me back to defense attorney"

"sorry no can do wright" said edgeworth "you are a zoning lawyer now and thats final"


Phoenix: Why would I call Edgeworth? He doesn’t have anything to do with zoning law either. How would he “transfer” me back to defense?

Franziska: Phoenix Wright, I see that you are as incapable as ever without running to Miles Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Hey, I don’t rely on Edgeworth for everything! Come on Maya, back me up here.

Maya: …

Quote:
"but i dont know any thing about zoning law" said phoenix


Franziska: Another field of law in which you cannot compare to me, Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix: Uh, you don’t have any experience in zoning law either.

Quote:
"well you better learn soon" said edgeworth " because you already have a case and its personal"


Maya: How can zoning law be personal? Does Nick have a tragic backstory involving a zoning case?

Franziska: They cannot. That would just be the author being incredibly foolish!

Quote:
when phoenix got off phone somebody was knocking on the door and Maya said "hey nick gumshoe is hear to sea you"

phoenix opend the door "hello"


Phoenix: What is Gumshoe doing here, when this is supposed to be a case of zoning law?

Franziska: Foolish author! Detectives are not required for zoning law!

Quote:
"hey pal" said gumshoe and he waltzed in and handcuffed phoenix "youre under arrest"


Phoenix: …

Maya: …

Franziska: …

Phoenix: Wait, WHAT?

Maya: Gumshoe can WALTZ?!

Phoenix: …That’s the first thing you noticed? How about me being arrested?

Quote:
"but I didnt commit any crime" said nick

"no but your office DID break zoning law pal" said gumshoe and he showed wright the zoning autopsy "no law office s can be in residential zones and your office is just across the street from gatewater hotel which is on the commercial zone side of the street"


Phoenix: The zoning… autopsy? That doesn’t even… how would that even be a thing?

Franziska: Argh! You do not arrest somebody over having an office built in the wrong location, you foolish detective!

Phoenix: Something seems a bit odd about this. There’s usually more to zoning than simply having a commercial and residential area on opposite ends of street.

Maya: This author doesn’t actually know a thing about zoning law, do they?
Phoenix: Of course not.

Quote:
"DAGNABBIT" shouted nick and gumshoe took wright and maya to prison


Phoenix: “Dagnabbit”?

Franziska: Phoenix Wright, you foolish fool, stop talking nonsense and speak normally without any foolishness!

Phoenix: You’re one to talk.

Franziska: What was that, Phoenix Wright?

Phoenix: Nothing!

Quote:
"what our we doing to go nick" asked maya


Maya: Wait, are Nick and I in prison? Why was I arrested too?

Quote:
"I dont know ive never had a zoning trial before" said phoenix "hey gumshoe do you know anything about who i will be facing tomorrow"

"youll be facing ludwig von karma" said gumshoe "hes manfred von karmas older brother except hes a zoning prosecutor and he has a perfect record of never losing in forty years"


Maya: Von Karma’s older brother? Really?

Phoenix: And from what Gumshoe says, he’s basically a carbon copy of Manfred von Karma. Because my first zoning case wasn’t going to be difficult enough.

*CRACK!*

*CRACK!*

*CRACK!* *CRACK!* *CRACK!”

Franziska: How dare this insolent fool of an author make a mockery of the von Karma name! There is no fool by the name of Ludwig who bears the von Karma name! My papa has no older brother! No von Karma would be a mere foolish zoning attorney! The only field of law in which a von Karma stands is as a prosecutor! And there is no foolish designation such as a “zoning prosecutor”! I will not stand for this foolish mockery of the von Karma legacy!

*Franziska glares at the screen with uncontained fury, barraging the theatre with a series of increasingly violent whip cracks as Phoenix and Maya dive under their seats to escape Franziska’s wrath.*

*Finally, Franziska’s whip smacks against an invisible barrier that the management places in front of the screen, and Franziska is forced back into our seat.*

Management: Please refrain from damaging any of the theater’s equipment.

Maya: Oh, thanks for stopping her before when Nick and I were the ones being whipped.

Franziska: Grr… I have had enough of this garbage!

Quote:
"mr wright you have a visitor" said the guard

and the guard let the visitor into wrights cell and the visitor was DAMON GANT


Phoenix: Because things weren’t strange enough, the corrupt ex-Chief of Police had to involve himself.

Maya: Well, this is the prison. Maybe Gant is escap-

Phoenix: DON’T.

Quote:
"GANT" shouted phoenix "what are you doing hear"

"because" said gant "I was the one who report you on breaking zoning law"


Phoenix: Oh, of course. I should have known.

Quote:
"why you" said nick "what are you up to"

"im also the one who had you transferred to the zoning department" said gant "now when you lose this trial your office will get torn down and you will be a hobo and I will have my revenge"


Phoenix: This seems like an unnecessarily convoluted and bizarre plan to get revenge.

Maya: At least he was nice enough to stop by to reveal himself and explain his entire plot though!

Franziska: That fool, using a scheme as ridiculous as the conjecture Phoenix Wright uses to bluff.

Quote:
the next day

"court is now in session for the trial of wright and co law offices" said the judge of the zoning committee

"decisive evidence decisive witness" said ludwig von karma "all you have to do is swing your gavel and say guilty"


Maya: Yeah, he’s a carbon copy of Manfred alright.

Franziska: Grr… how dare this fool Ludwig parade around pretending to be a von Karma?!

Quote:
"OBJECTION" shouted nick "oh shit what do I do I dont know how to be a zoning attorney"


Maya: Language, Nick!

Phoenix: Hey, fic!me said it, not me.

Franziska: Do not worry too much, Phoenix Wright. It isn’t like you ever knew anything about being an attorney anyway.

Phoenix: Gee, thanks.

Quote:
"OBJECTION" shouted von karma "stop wasting time or ill hold you in contempt of court"


Phoenix: Yeah, this guy is EXACTLY like his brother Manfred.

*CRACK!*

Phoenix: What was that for?!

Franziska: Do not refer to this fool as my papa’s brother, Phoenix Wright!

Quote:
"the office is guilty of breaking the zoning law of having a law office I a residential building zone" said von karma "I call the witness who reported the office"

"very well" said the zoning judge "witness please state your name and occupation"

"my name is damon gant and im the chief of police" said gant


Phoenix: Good to now that Damon Gant is still able to act as Chief, with being in prison and all.

Quote:
"testify" said von karma

"I was going swimming when I saw that wrightos office was on the wrong side of the street where the residential buildings were supposed to go"

"hold it gant" said phoenix "where were you swimming"


Franziska: Of all the foolish irrelevant things to ask, Phoenix Wright, you choose to question the witness on swimming?

Maya: Well it is kind of odd. Does he have a pool in his cell?

Phoenix: …Actually, that wouldn’t surprise me.

Quote:
"ummm" said gant "I was at the beach"

"OBJECTION" shouted phoenix "theres no beaches anywhere near my office you couldnt have seen my office from any beach"

"uhh oops I mean I was swimming in my pool" said gant nervously "I saw it through my window"


Phoenix: Still, I think I’d know to question him on something actually relevant to zoning. Maybe I’m trying to establish that Gant just made up a really silly plan for revenge?

Maya: Is it just me, or is this trial kind of structured the same as your usual cases, Nick? I mean, I figured there would be less cross-examinations and more to do with zoning regulations.

Phoenix: Yeah, I don’t think the author took the time to actually research zoning law.

Quote:
"so it was an indoor pool" said von karma

"yes it was" said gant "I live wright next to wrightos office so I could see that the office was in the wrong zone"


Franziska: And another thing. A real von Karma would not waste time asking about silly things like the witnesses swimming pool. This Ludwig character is a disgrace!

Quote:
"I present this decisive evidence" said von karma "floor plans of gants house and wright and co law offices"


Phoenix: Well I have to agree he isn’t the brightest. Couldn’t he have just presented these floor plans from the start and never called Gant to testify?

Franziska: Well, I suppose you cannot expect perfection. He is a mere impostor after all, not a real von Karma.

Maya: Oh, maybe Gant or Ludwig forged the floor plans!

Phoenix: I can’t rule it out, Gant’s scheme is silly enough as is.

Quote:
"OBJECTION" shouted phoenix "I dont see a indoor pool on your floor plan mr gant"

"uh oh" said gant "okay fine its an outdoor pool"

"OBJECTION" screamed von karma "stop talking you fool"


Phoenix: Well, finding contradictions always works. At least that’s something.

Quote:
"OBJECTION" shouted phoenix and he presented a zoning law book "according to zoning law outdoor swimming pools are illegal in japanifornia which means you broke zoning law"

"NO MORE SWIMMING FOR YOU DAMON GANT" shouted phoenix

"NOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed gant

"this court finds wright and co law offices not guilty" said the zoning judge


Phoenix: Are we going to ignore the fact that we never even discussed my office and the Judge just conveniently forgot all about it? Because I’m just glad this trial is over.

Franziska: This entire zoning court is a kangaroo court.

Quote:
later nick and maya were back at the office and the mail came again

"heres the mail it never fails" said phoenix "I hope this is the letter telling me Im being transferred back to defense lawyering"

dear mr wright

you have been transferred to the divorce attorney association and you and your office will now deal with divorce trials instead of zoning trials

from

the judge

"NOOOOOOOOO" shouted phoenix


Phoenix: And with that, I’m going to leave before I have to read about getting caught up in a harebrained scheme at divorce court.

Franziska: And I will leave before another mockery of a von karma makes fools out of us at divorce court.

Maya: And I’m leaving too. I want some burgers.
THE END
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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arsenicCatnip

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Hey, first off I thank you for using a spoiler to cover the whole thing, it makes the page easier to manage.
Secondly, I probably would call the ending off with a 'The sporkers leave the theater' or something.
Third, does someone please have tips on writing Maya? She's harder than I thought!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

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Glad to see this thread is still alive. I haven't caught up on the latest sporkings, but it seems people are doing pretty well.

@Nepeta
Maya, huh... I can safely say that the anime version of her is a little too innocent of personality. She's kind of a brat, though is still polite to people she doesn't know as well. That said, she's also more responsible than she seems at first, so she wouldn't crack insults unless the situation asks for it.

It's hard to describe in general, but for the most part, she's the kid of the group and acts kinda like Kay. Kay is even more of a brat, though.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Professional Time Waster

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When I write Maya, I generally just brainstorm as many ideas for what to say as possible and pick what I like the most. Her train of thought is a really unusual one, so don't really try a formula. Trial and Error of your natural brainstorming tends to be the best method.
Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Ace Preschooler

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just posting this
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12024517/7 ... fic-writer
Quote:
then phoenix aka icantyping aka me the author of this story staretd to search for more fanfictions when he came across a website

"hmm what is this" said phoenix wright and he clicked on a site called court records forum

"what is this" said phoenix wright "the court records sporking theatre"

....

to be continue in

PHOENIX WRIGHT v PHOENIX WRIGHT: DAWN OF JUSTICE


This must happen.
This must be sporked.
Hi Icantyping, I know you're here.

Also, seems barrylawn got his collab with DrDigertz removed, but fortunately, DrDigertz reuploaded the entire thing, so let's relink it.
Phoenix Wright: The Jakkid Series.

This used to be an image but I changed by signature because reason and now I can't put the image back damn I think CR gold really is a thing.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

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Maximum Meta!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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arsenicCatnip

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How could you ever write a sporking about that without breaking the fourth wall though?

P.S: My sporking is almost done, but I think I'm in need of an editor.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I could edit it for you if you'll let me.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

Gender: Female

Location: LA, Japanifornia

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 6:17 am

Posts: 5986

We've done sporkings that broke the 4th wall. I've done it at least twice. Go wild. It's under your "management".
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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a knew jen ration of a polo

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Skittlemask wrote:
@Planetbox, I actually thought that that fic was pretty hilarious, especially the scene with the Pop-Tart, lol. Anyway, on to the sporking itself, it was good and Maya's lines were particularly funny, but Gumshoe seemed a little too... excitable? Nearly all of his sentences ended in an exclamation point, and he's usually portrayed as a more quiet sporker (though that's up to you of course.) I suggest that next time you mellow him down a bit. Otherwise, pretty funny sporking.


Thanks for the feedback! It's no surprise that I didn't get Gumshoe's personality completely right. I'd never actually written him before that sporking. I'll try to remember what you said for next time!

{{Also, I know this is late, but I haven't really gone to this thread in a while.}}
Maybe I'll put something here someday. You never know...

Vesti and Lauren's Interdimensional Investigations
This CYOA follows Vesti Gates and Lauren Tehra, two detectives who search for the truth, whether in their own dimension or otherwise.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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arsenicCatnip

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Autumnal wrote:
I could edit it for you if you'll let me.


Yeah, I'll let you when I'm done. How can I though?

P.S: 2200 comments, woot
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Apologize to the funyarinpa!

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@Nepeta, you can just send it to her via PM.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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mfw the family's heads blow up

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Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. *slow clap*

Btw,are there any fics up for sporking yet?
Hi, I'm Socot. But you can call me SC.

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Fantina's perfect little Franny!

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I wonder how many authors actually know that their fic's been sporked. One of mine has. And I knoe the author to one of the ones that's recently been sporked.

The one that wrote the anti-Klavier Emapollo fics, I think she's the same one that wrote the AU fic with Apollo andd Klavier being gangsters and Ema being saved my Apollo in the end. I can't really see Ema as a damsel in distress.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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mfw the family's heads blow up

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Chloe wrote:
I wonder how many authors actually know that their fic's been sporked. One of mine has. And I knoe the author to one of the ones that's recently been sporked.

The one that wrote the anti-Klavier Emapollo fics, I think she's the same one that wrote the AU fic with Apollo andd Klavier being gangsters and Ema being saved my Apollo in the end. I can't really see Ema as a damsel in distress.

Was yours 'Law Plus Chaos'?

Also,barrylawn,jakkid166,and the guy who wrote DAMON GANT ESCAPES FROM PRISOOOOOOIN know their fic's been sporked.
Hi, I'm Socot. But you can call me SC.

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