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Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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The Law is just a Game...

Gender: Male

Location: Manhattan, New York

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:20 am

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Title: Cowboy Up.
Author: Me, that being Tails.
Rating: Teen, maybe.
Genre: Drama.
Status: Done.
Pairing: :neil2: / :garyuu:.


The night air was bordering on cold; a front from Canada was the culprit. Neil Marshall shrugged as he managed to quickly move from his truck to the backdoor of his house.

“Brrr!” The cowboy shivered as he got inside, casting his coat off. “Krissi?” Neil called out. “Are ya here?” No response. He wandered into the living room and found a small note written in Kristoph Gavin’s perfect cursive handwriting.

Neil- went to pick up some food from this little place on the coast. Be back around 10. –Kristoph.

The prosecutor smiled. That was his Krissi. Always trying to do something fancy when Neil was happy with cold pizza. Of course, that had made the last few months quite memorable. All the fancy restaurants and home cooked meals.

As Neil made his way to their bedroom, he past the small room Kristoph had turned into a small office. He noticed the computer screen flickering. “Hmm.” Neil said, smiling out of curiosity. He moved slowly into the room, slinking into the high-back leather chair and maneuvering the mouse.

Neil’s eyes scanned the screen. Nothing much stuck out. Some pictures of two. Work stuff. All in all, it was pretty boring. Till something caught his eye; a single file labeled “7/15”. That was about 4 weeks before they had met. He moved the mouse over, but, almost stopped, getting a bad feeling. He tabled the feelings and clicked it.

It puzzled him. All of the previous entries were written in beautiful, flowing English. This… this was different. Sadly different. What he read hurt Neil to his core. It seemed almost like a child had written it.

“Mr. Hammond hit me today. I don’t know why. I was in the copy room when I accidentally bumped into him. He started saying mean things and I got scared. I turned to leave when I felt something hit me from behind. I fell down and passed out.”

Neil sat, speechless. “God….” He said quietly. He continued reading.

“I woke up in my office and my head and chest hurt. My right eye was black. I stayed until I was sure everyone had left.”

The last line caused the cowboy and veteran Prosecutor to bury his face in his hands and cry. It was simply the most horrible thing he’d ever read.

“I wish they would stop hurting me.”

Neil closed the document and let his head droop. He had no idea things were that bad for Kristoph. He knew Krissi had been bullied, but not like that.

Not like that…..
You just don’t do that to people, Neil thought to himself, especially people who had gone through as much as Kristoph. His life had been the exact opposite of Neil’s.

Neil had grown-up with a loving family on a sprawling Texas ranch. Krissi had grown-up with abusive parents in Germany. Neil spent his younger days raising and riding horses. Krissi had raised his little brother Klavier after their parents abandoned them. Neil never had to leave anyone. Krissi had to leave Klavier with their aunt and uncle to attend Law School in the United States. Neil had lots of friends. Krissi had Neil.

Neil’s mind tried to wrap around how this could have happened. Had Robert Hammond actually beaten the young man who was now his lover?

“The world…” Neil drawled. “…I hate it.” He said slowly, rising from the chair. “People like that need to be taught a lesson….” He said to himself. People like Hammond never stopped. Words just didn’t work.

But, fists did.

Neil cracked his knuckles as he grabbed his car keys. Saying nothing, he started his truck and began the short journey to the Grossberg Law Firm. His hands fiddled with the radio, trying to find something to listen to. He found nothing. He eventually shut off the radio and rolled the windows down and let the cool air whip against his shirt and trademark cowboy hat. His mind drifted.

He remembered it very clearly. The promise he made in the bar on that night. He had made it the minute the downtrodden young man had flung his arms around the cowboy and begged him not to let go. Neil vowed he never would. And as far as he was considered, this fell into that category.

He cleared his throat as he pulled into the parking garage and hid his truck in the shadow of a large, dreary concrete pillar. He scanned the dimly lit area. He noticed Hammond’s car. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.

“Ok, Neil. Here we go.” He said to himself as he slowly exited the car and proceeded to rip the side mirrors off of Hammond’s obnoxiously large SUV. This brought him a measure of happiness, but he was still seeing red. How dare that old piece of shit hurt his Krissi.

His mind skipped around as he rode the elevator to the upper-floor offices. What he had for breakfast, Krissi’s suit size. Things like that. As he leaned against the rear of the chamber, he just couldn’t dispel that journal entry from his mind. It had burned itself in his head the minute he had read it. Neil resolved that after this was over, he and Krissi would get so drunk they wouldn’t even remember this night.

“Huh.” Neil wondered aloud. By now, he was talking to himself in his mind. “I wonder why Krissi took a job here. I mean, I’ve met mailboxes with better personalities than the people who work here.” Marvin Grossberg was, for lack of a more erudite term, a fat bastard. Mia Fey’s brain was a good 25 pounds smaller than her boobs. Diego Armando, whom Neil had known for awhile, was a friend. Albeit a friend who was a cinch for the asshole hall of fame. Then, there was Robert Hammond, who was living proof that shit can in fact pile up to astounding heights. It was amazing anyone would willingly want to work here. As he pondered, he smiled at the fact he had beaten every Defense Attorney who worked here at least 5 times in Court.

As the silver doors slid open, Neil grimaced at the stench of cheap aftershave. Neil figured these big shots could afford better stuff. As he weaved through the mess of cubicles and potted plants, his resolved strengthened. Someone had beaten the only man he truly loved. Neil punched a small hole in a cubicle wall. He wanted to set fire to the whole building, but managed to refrain from doing so. Barely. His normally soft blue eyes flamed as he approached the office.

“Alright, you bastard. Let’s dance.” Neil said as he barged in to an empty office.

Damn, that was a great entrance too…

Neil looked around. Hmmm, briefcase by the desk…. Tie and coat still on the rack…. Hammond was still here. Neil looked over the rather large office with disgust. It was typical. Everything was there to brag. He even had pictures of himself on his walls.

“Now that’s tacky.” Neil remarked. This was a far cry from his at the Prosecutor’s Office. Even that kid with the frills didn’t have a place this garish. Where was that sack of crap? Neil stepped out and observed the rows and rows of large offices. His eyes drifted about. There it was. Sitting snug in a windowless corner was the miniature office Krissi worked in. Neil moved stealthily, still looking for Hammond, and inched inside.

It was almost cute. Despite the downright tiny size, it was immaculate. Everything was clean. Not an ink stain or pile of paper in sight. As he admired that pristine workspace, he sighed. Kristoph really deserve better than this. He also laughed when he noticed an iPod with the label “Country Music” on it. Nice to know I’ve influenced him some, Neil thought.

A sharp buzz.

Neil pivoted and peered back into the cubicle area. There was his game. In the copy room. He hid behind the door as he waited for Hammond to return to his office. A fight in the copy room just didn’t seem to have that dramatic vibe that Neil wanted. No, Neil wanted to embarrass this man in his own disgusting office.

With remarkable grace, Neil maneuvered himself back to Hammond’s office. Hiding in the large shadow cast by the door. As he heard the approaching man whistle, he grabbed the tie from the coat rack. He watched with sharp eyes as Hammond entered, he smiled as threw the tie up and wrapped it around Robert Hammond’s throat. He flailed immediately.

“Sorry.” Neil began, laughter in his voice. “Are office hours up?” He twisted the tie and pulled harder, enjoying his role as the aggressor.

“Tell me…” Neil started in an inquisitive drawl, loosening the tie enough so the kicking man could talk. “Didn’t you learn being a bully really doesn’t pay off?”

“W….what?” Hammond wheezed, his face turning several odd shades of red and blue. He had just finished copying fliers for his book signing. Now, he was being strangled.

“July 15th.” Neil spat, punching Hammond in the side. “Remember?”

Hammond shook his head, still trying vainly to break free from Neil’s iron grasp. What the Hell was the Prosecutor talking about?

“What are you doing, Marshall?” Hammond gasped in a croaking tone that brought a smile to Neil’s face.

With a firm, nearly disabling punch to Hammond’s kidneys, Neil pulled off on the tie. A black and blue bruise mark highly visible. Clearly, this was just getting good. As Hammond collapsed, Neil landed a few strong kicks to the ribs, each blow sounding a dull ‘thunk’. The cowboy grinned as Hammond tried to get to his desk. That little action earned him a boot to the neck.

“Why? Why do you think it’s okay?” Neil demanded, pulling the telephone off the desk, just in case.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Hammond hissed. Clearly, Neil Marshall had gone completely insane.

“Don’t play dumb with me!” Neil roared. “You know damn well what I’m talking about! Kristoph Gavin! That name ringin’ any bells for ya?”

Hammond winced. What did the little blonde rookie have to do with this? The last time he had even spoken to him was in the copy ro- Oh. Shit.

“Marshall, I… he fell… He’s clumsy and stupid.” Hammond pleaded.

Neil was not amused. “He’s only clumsy because he’s scared of pieces of shit like you!” Neil practically screamed, moving closer. His fists clenched.

“It’s.. just hazing… Everyone goes through it!” Hammond pleaded.

“Hazing?” Neil repeated, lifting the man by his over-gelled hair. “So, if he cries himself to sleep every night, that’s just how it goes? Huh?”

Hammond tried a different route. “He’s… a pussie, Marshall!! He doesn’t have the guts to do this job! All he ever does is paperwork. And write about his boyfriend!”

Oh, this is great, Neil thought. “Boyfriend? Well, Robert… who do you think is kicking your ass right now?” The Cowboy taunted with near sadistic glee. “Surprise.”

Hammond’s face broke into a look of horror. What? This was the boyfriend? Wow. That jumpy little blonde was dating one of the best Prosecutors in the city. Thinking Neil was distracted, Hammond shook free and bolted for the door.

“Yeehaw!!” Neil hollered, quickly catching up with the fleeing man. He grabbed Hammond by the back of the neck, pulling him back. “Runnin’ from a fight? Who’s the pussie now?”

Hammond, his face twisted in fear and hatred, managed a riposte. “You’re no better, attacking me like this…”

Neil only grinned. “No, this is called defending Honor. Besides, I’ve wanted to do this for awhile.”

Hammond threw himself up, trying to knock Neil off-balance. It was a surprise, but futile. Neil had been a bronco rider by age 12. Handling a 40-something Defense Attorney was a snap.

The two tumbled to the floor, with Neil clearly the victor. He landed several punches into Hammond’s back as he tried to immobilize the flailing coward; his smile easing into more of a serious frown.

“Do you think you can do that and get away with it?” Neil asked as he pulled Hammond over to a wall and pushed his chest against it. “Huh? Do ya?”

Hammond wheezed as he tried to futilely break free. His face was a mask of blood and hatred. It made Neil sick to look at it. It was all that was wrong with the world. Neil just wanted to break it. He placed his palm on the back of Hammond’s head. He sighed.

“Don’t you touch him again..” Neil whispered as he drove Hammond’s face into the wall repeatedly. Slowly, the bloodstain on the wall began to multiply in size. Neil sped up the pace, not caring that Hammond’s scream could be heard on the streets below.

The muffled crunch of the Defense Attorney’s nose rang in Neil’s ears. He threw the man to the floor with a scoff. He kneeled over the bleeding man with a grin.

“Now, if I find out you even messed with his tie, I’ll finish the chat we started here tonight. Got it?” He asked, standing up to leave.

That was for you, Krissi.

XXX
As Kristoph set the table back at the house, he whistled. This dinner was going to be perfect All of the cowboys favorite foods. Mashed potatoes, corn bread dressing, Texas toast, butter cream gravy and finally, the chicken fried steaks that seemed the size of manhole covers. Oh, Neil was going to love this.

As the sound of the truck pulling into the driveway filled the kitchen. Neil exited the car slowly. He was totally normal, that same smile about his face. He casually opened the front door to the waiting arms of his young lover.

“Hey, Krissi.” Neil said softly. “Sorry I’m late. I just had to take care of something for ya.”

“Really?” Kristoph asked, leading Neil to the table. “Tell me all about it.”

“Maybe later.” Neil demurred, as he cast his gaze on the fully furnished table. This sure wasn’t a bad way to end the night.

XXX
As the two eased into their bed, Kristoph lazily grabbed the remote to the TV. He clicked it on.

“Neil! Look, it’s… my work.” Kristoph said, shocked.

Neil looked up. “Huh. You’re right.” He said, trying to mask a smile.

The news was reporting something about Defense Attorney Robert Hammond being found “savagely” beaten in his office. Krissi seemed surprised, but clearly happy.

“Wow, someone beat up Mr. Hammond. Who would do that?” Kristoph asked aloud.

Neil Marshall smiled as he gave Krissi a peck on the cheek. “Whoever it was, I’m sure they had a good reason.”
Imagesig by Rhia
My Trial Record, 14-0. I support Klavi & Krissi.

Where there is a law, I'll enforce it!
Where there is a crime, I'll prosecute it!
Where there is a victim, I'll fight for them!


Last edited by FdrlPrsctrTails on Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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You know you want him. <3

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Beautiful, as always. It's nice to see Neil kicking some ass for his beloved. :Neil2:
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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A fad in a castle

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It was okay, not exactly my favorite but it was well written.

I guess its because I don't really like fics where at least two AA characters beat the crap out of each other. If fighting goes on in one of my AA fics, I usually kill off both characters so that one wouldn't be 'caught'. Because you cannot catch the dead.
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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The Law is just a Game...

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Thanks!!

@SJB: Neil didn't kill him. Also, I don't kill characters I like.
Imagesig by Rhia
My Trial Record, 14-0. I support Klavi & Krissi.

Where there is a law, I'll enforce it!
Where there is a crime, I'll prosecute it!
Where there is a victim, I'll fight for them!
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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A fad in a castle

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FdrlPrsctrTails wrote:
Thanks!!

@SJB: Neil didn't kill him. Also, I don't kill characters I like.


Like I said on MSN, I didn't say that. You misunderstood. :P
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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♪ YOUR AFFECTION~! YOUR AFFECTION~! ♪

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I'm still loving it~. Go, Neil, GO!
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BACK, BABY!
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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The Maya Fey of iPods.

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Location: Jamming to Bon Jovi. 8D

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Huh. I didn't know you wrote fanfiction, Tails...
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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Then we'll see the real you.

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This is singlehandedly the worst fanfic regarding 1-5 that I've read that actually has decent grammar.

The characterization of each person in this is way the hell off, and that's ignoring the improbable pairing at feature in this story.

- Why is Kristoph a fragile sobbing wreck? All we see in AJ of him reacting to being mistreated or slighted in the least is to vow revenge, trying to get people falsely convicted, disbarred, and killed. You infantilize him here to the point he's unrecognizable.

- Why is Hammond such a dick? Alright, he made Yogi plead insanity... that does not transfer over to office hazing and hitting a grown man in a photocopying room for no reason. Why do such a thing when you could fired? Why do something like that in a law office to someone who should have half a brain and should be easily aware he can bring up charges of harassment?

- Why is Neil so damn hooligany violent? He's a prosecutor, he should not only be plenty aware of the implications of vandalizing a car and beating the hell out of a person, but also should have the restraint to not act like a petty insane teenager. This is an act he can easily be caught for-- heck, Hammond can identify him. That aside, petty vandilism and hiding and attacking a man from behind aren't awesome and 'badass' ... they're pathetic, dishonourable and beneath a character like Neil, who only got into a fight in 1-5 to save a little girl.

- Who the hell labels an iPOD with the music contained on it?

- Neil and Jake are not actually from Texas and have never been to Texas. They're from West LA.

- Why trashtalk Mia like that? she was an amateur in her first case, sure, but she won her second one and proceeded to make herself quite a name according to Gumshoe, moving on to her own law firm soon after that.

- The various things you use to antagonize Hammond (drives an obnoxiously large SUV... has photos of himself on the walls) and Grossberg's law offices (cheap aftershave? The guy overfurnishes his office with gold ashtrays... he's not cheap; just the opposite) is cartoonishly bad.

- Getting satisfaction out of beating a man to within, I assume, a few inches of his life... or hearing that someone has been beaten to an inch of his life and being glad is horrifying. There is absolutely no way for Neil to avoid being caught for this (and you neglect to detail any sort of consequence) and getting his ass slapped with about a million penalties for such an action.
"No one can change the past. The only thing we can do is strive to make up for our mistakes,
so that we can find the way back to our path towards a brighter future."
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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herbal topic enhancer

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this is the worst fanfic i've ever scrolled past to quick reply to
from deep within the rainforests
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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The Law is just a Game...

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What the Hell is this? The New York Times review of books?

Jesus, it's just a fic I wrote. Much of it is based on the headcanon established with Mr. Trite.

@SW, Of course, I'm the only one who has ever supported an unlikely pairing... Also, feel free to go fuck yourself with PW Canon.

@Elreth: Image
Imagesig by Rhia
My Trial Record, 14-0. I support Klavi & Krissi.

Where there is a law, I'll enforce it!
Where there is a crime, I'll prosecute it!
Where there is a victim, I'll fight for them!
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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The Maya Fey of iPods.

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Location: Jamming to Bon Jovi. 8D

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Well, I suppose it's time again for my input.

- One can not assume Kristoph has always been the collected man we always know him as in AJ. Now, I'm not a psychologist. However, I can safely safe that, in order to do some of the things he had done early on, he must, somehow, be easily broken. Just because somebody acts the way Krissi does does NOT mean that's how he really is/ that's how it's always been. I've had personal experience there. With that being said, I'd imagine it's quite easily possible that, at one point, Kristoph could have been a....'fragile sobbing wreck', as I believe you put it?

- Hammond...Well, I assure you he wasn't the greatest of men, or at least in my mind. If he managed to get Yanni to plead insanity- Thus, to put it simply, ruining his life- I wouldn't put certain criminal acts past him. Yes, one may argue, But wasn't Hammond a defense attorney? Well, wasn't Kristoph a defense attorney? Wasn't Manfred von Karma a prosecutor? Damon Gant, the Cheif of Police? 'Good' people do bad things. It happens all the time, without any rhyme or reason.

- Well, I know it's a stretch, but I'd assume Neil's violence stems from anger? I don't know, might be just me. Now, I've read this fic many a time- Yes, I actually enjoy the 'singlehandedly the worst fanfic regarding 1-5 that I've read that actually has decent grammar.'- and I believe Neil realizes that this, as you say, is criminal. I will not try to hide his actions as being anything but. However, this is the way some human's react- With their first initial reaction. It's safe to say that this is ewhat happened here. You're right in this instance; Normally. I doubt Neil gets this angry all the time. However, in the case of a loved one...Hell, I might do that too, if I was angry enough. Many people would, no matter if they're willing to admit thata fact or not.

- I'm getting an iPod for Christmas- One of those new ones that shuffle the songs when you shake it? Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Anyway, I plan on keeping the old one. And if my library gets big enough, guess what I'm doing?

- I myself am from a small town on Long Island. If I were to move to...say, Manhattan, and then attended college somewhere in upstate, I would probably tell you I was from Manhattan before my original town.

-Okay, the bit with Mia might have been a little harsh. However, I admit I wouldn't expect her to have an IQ that's over-the-top.

- We can't say for sure that Hammond didn't have an ego. The SUV and pictures are possible. And as for Grossberg...I wouldn't call him a serious character. Why not have a little fun with the fat man?

- Going back to my previous point. Neil probably never feels an emotion that strong. But does that mean it would never happen? No, it doesn't. I'm a pretty mellow person, but I've been angry to the point of almost punching somebody in the face, too. Maybe more.
Also, crime-commiters aren't always caught. Again, it's sad. But you know what? Like many sick things in our world, it's oh-so-true.

In conclusion, you're allowed to have your own opinion. And I respect that. However, I think a little imagination is something that should always be in mind when reading a fanfiction. Especially when based off a pre-existing idea. [ See: Of Cowboys and Gentlemen. ]
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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Then we'll see the real you.

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No, this is in no way the New York Times book review. If you're not interested in critique, consider stating that somewhere in your first post. However, as you state over here -> post745330.html#p745330 "both Trite and I encourage people to post comments and critiques. Plus, we both use this as a creative tool for outside CR fanfics"

My response was both a comment and a critique. :gant: Consider not telling your reviewers to fuck off! Even if you don't like what you hear, you may learn something if you unplug your ears.

I'll be responding to you, Mr. Trite, in my next response.
"No one can change the past. The only thing we can do is strive to make up for our mistakes,
so that we can find the way back to our path towards a brighter future."
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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stirring

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FdrlPrsctrTails wrote:
What the Hell is this? The New York Times review of books?


You posted it in here

that means people don't have to always come in to worship the grounds you write on. You put it up in a section to not only advertise, but look for criticism. You got it.

A mature federal prosecutor such as yourself should understand.
If you come across an older post of mine, said with insensitivity or without empathy, I am sorry.
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title

Just Chiko

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FdrlPrsctrTails wrote:
@SW, Of course, I'm the only one who has ever supported an unlikely pairing... Also, feel free to go fuck yourself with PW Canon.


I can't believe I'm defending Silver, but I think you missed her points entirely. It's not because she doesn't approve of your support for "unlikely pairing", but rather, it's because your characterisations were all off. (For Christ's sakes, she RPed all kinds of weird stuff.) The characters you were writing about/portraying were way off and not in character. If you fail to write a fanfic with characters who are nothing like their original selves - how's that any different from writing "original characters"? The OC-ness is more of a problem than canon-ness.

And that makes me question - if you cannot take critical comments and responses from others (especially when you're the one who posted this over a PUBLIC FORUM) - how do you even stand in front of a judge in the courtroom...? Comments and accusations from the defence are probably far more harsh and critical than what people had been posting in here. I'm not going to judge you as a prosecutor (if you were one as you claimed), or tell you how to do your job, but that was just something I picked up.
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Then we'll see the real you.

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Quote:
- One can not assume Kristoph has always been the collected man we always know him as in AJ. Now, I'm not a psychologist. However, I can safely safe that, in order to do some of the things he had done early on, he must, somehow, be easily broken. Just because somebody acts the way Krissi does does NOT mean that's how he really is/ that's how it's always been. I've had personal experience there. With that being said, I'd imagine it's quite easily possible that, at one point, Kristoph could have been a....'fragile sobbing wreck', as I believe you put it?


With Kristoph we see what we don't get for many other villains in Ace Attorney: a pattern of behaviour. When he is spurned by Zak, he is spurred to revenge. When Zak chooses Phoenix instead, his hatred is transferred over at this absolutely trivial decision. He is image-conscious, tells Apollo repeatedly not to embarrass him in court with his behaviour, and takes steps to kill Zak and Vera as precautions so his name can't be tarnished in the slightest. Of course it's likely he was not always so crazy. However, if he consistently reacted to being hurt/shamed/embarrassed like illustrated in this story (keeping silent, writing a journal entry about it, crying)... instead of being angry, it comes into clear conflict with the game. A behaviour trait does not just come out of nowhere, and it especially shouldn't in fiction—otherwise, it's poor writing. Just create a new, original character if you are interested in depicting an individual in that way.


Quote:
- Hammond...Well, I assure you he wasn't the greatest of men, or at least in my mind. If he managed to get Yanni to plead insanity- Thus, to put it simply, ruining his life- I wouldn't put certain criminal acts past him. Yes, one may argue, But wasn't Hammond a defense attorney? Well, wasn't Kristoph a defense attorney? Wasn't Manfred von Karma a prosecutor? Damon Gant, the Cheif of Police? 'Good' people do bad things. It happens all the time, without any rhyme or reason.


Just because Hammond pulled a pitiful (and yet legal) move in court gives no indication that he is a senseless abusive bastard. Of course that would be a possibility, much like how it is possible that Phoenix is actually a national-level figure skater. My problem with Hammond and the depiction of his motivation (or lack of) here is that even if he had a love of simply being a cruel asshole, he—or anyone with a fraction of a brain, and certainly a lawyer—would comprehend that hurting another man to the point of giving them a black eye would get you fired, disbarred, sued three ways to Sunday and etcetera. (And how exactly did Kristoph end up with a black eye when he was hit from behind? Should I assume that, since he woke up elsewhere, he was punched a few times by Hammond while he was out for good measure?)


Quote:
- Well, I know it's a stretch, but I'd assume Neil's violence stems from anger? I don't know, might be just me. Now, I've read this fic many a time- Yes, I actually enjoy the 'singlehandedly the worst fanfic regarding 1-5 that I've read that actually has decent grammar.'- and I believe Neil realizes that this, as you say, is criminal. I will not try to hide his actions as being anything but. However, this is the way some human's react- With their first initial reaction. It's safe to say that this is ewhat happened here. You're right in this instance; Normally. I doubt Neil gets this angry all the time. However, in the case of a loved one...Hell, I might do that too, if I was angry enough. Many people would, no matter if they're willing to admit thata fact or not.


Except that in this case this isn't a first reaction at all. Neil had plenty of time upon reading the entry on his computer, to travelling to Grossberg's law offices, to then stalking and then hiding and waiting for Hammond. It's one thing to lash out should someone provoke you; this is premeditation. Of course, I can understand a person being willing to turn in their badge or face disbarment (or time in jail) if provoked in the right way. However, the fact that Neil did not face any consequences for his actions nor did he show any remorse in the slightest is disturbing. ...It'd actually make for a fairly interesting story if that were intentional, but I'm fairly sure here the aim was for it to be a good, justifiable, romantic action.


Quote:
- I'm getting an iPod for Christmas- One of those new ones that shuffle the songs when you shake it? Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Anyway, I plan on keeping the old one. And if my library gets big enough, guess what I'm doing?


You're going to label it in a way so that it is immediately visible at a glance as to what genre of music it contains? May I ask—are you going to use marker, a label-maker or are you going to engrave in this detail?


Quote:
- I myself am from a small town on Long Island. If I were to move to...say, Manhattan, and then attended college somewhere in upstate, I would probably tell you I was from Manhattan before my original town.


Phoenix: Officer Marshall... Is he some kind of Wild West sheriff or something?
Gumshoe: No, Jake Marshall's just a regular officer...
Gumshoe: From West LA.

[Edit: and since you may wish to point out that is what Gumshoe observed:

Marshall: That smell... Ah! Reminds me of Texas!
Ema: So, Officer Marshall... You're from Texas?
Marshall: No, I just saw a special on television the other day.]

The 'joke' about Jake (and Neil) is that they are not Texans nor real cowboys at all. This is perhaps a little clearer in Japanese, where Gumshoe clarifies that no, they're not American at all, just Japanese.


Quote:
-Okay, the bit with Mia might have been a little harsh. However, I admit I wouldn't expect her to have an IQ that's over-the-top.


She became, if not the best defense attorney, one of the best in the city. Of course IQ isn't really the determinant for something like that, but for Neil to look down on her in such a snide and sexist way is appalling.


Quote:
- We can't say for sure that Hammond didn't have an ego. The SUV and pictures are possible. And as for Grossberg...I wouldn't call him a serious character. Why not have a little fun with the fat man?


Possible does not mean probable and definitely doesn't mean that it makes sense (as I noted above). Grossberg is hardly a serious figure, but that does not justify going the exact opposite way of what his character is in the game. For instance, you could write in a story that he had cheap paintings on the walls—but no, he had a freakishly expensive (though rather garish) one in PW. Instead—and this is a constructive suggestion—Tails could have written that the smell of highly stifling, extravagant aftershave hung in the air (like the scent of fresh lemon?) and that would be far more consistent.


Quote:
- Going back to my previous point. Neil probably never feels an emotion that strong. But does that mean it would never happen? No, it doesn't. I'm a pretty mellow person, but I've been angry to the point of almost punching somebody in the face, too. Maybe more.
Also, crime-commiters aren't always caught. Again, it's sad. But you know what? Like many sick things in our world, it's oh-so-true.


I believe I've already addressed both parts of this earlier up—that this is not spur of the moment behaviour, and that if Tails did mean for this story to be 'sick', then I would reassess my opinion of it. There is no indication that this was the intention though, and there is every indication that it was meant to be justified and romantic. All that means is that the story gives off, overall, an unintentional highly disturbing vibe. And, an unrealistic one... since Hammond saw his attacker clearly and could have instantly gotten Neil in a world of trouble.


Quote:
In conclusion, you're allowed to have your own opinion. And I respect that. However, I think a little imagination is something that should always be in mind when reading a fanfiction. Especially when based off a pre-existing idea. [ See: Of Cowboys and Gentlemen. ]


A little imagination and a little leeway—some forgiveness of poor characterization or writing—is almost always necessary when reading fanfiction, yes. However, what I am giving to you (and Tails) is constructive criticism, highlighting the parts that need improvement and stating reasons why. A great majority of this is not simply an opinion—it's based in fact, i.e. game canon. However, Tails, you seem very eager to give the finger to game canon, and also to people who wish to point you in that direction. If you wish to ignore it, that's one thing—that will hardly change my or anyone else's opinion of the quality of this work—but you can spare us taking the time to try and help you and just say that you'd like to freely change canon at will and don't care for anyone to say anything negative about your writing. <3
"No one can change the past. The only thing we can do is strive to make up for our mistakes,
so that we can find the way back to our path towards a brighter future."
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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The Law is just a Game...

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IT WAS AN AU FIC BASED ON MY OWN HEADCANON!!!! MY PROBLEM IS WITH AN ADMIN WHO THINKS HER STATUS ALLOWS HER TO PISS ON EVERYTHING.


GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

[I also find it funny you're all lining up to kiss up to the admin.]
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Where there is a crime, I'll prosecute it!
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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no, nothing

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FdrlPrsctrTails wrote:
[I also find it funny you're all lining up to kiss up to the admin.]

you keep telling yourself that
learn to take criticism.
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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nuuuuu, stoooooop

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Tails I think you're taking this way out of proportion. No one is attacking you personally, they're commenting on your fic. Telling people to fuck off is uncalled for and immature. If you can't reply calmly I suggest not replying at all. Please consider this a warning.

Maybe you have a different philosophy when it comes to fanfiction, but most people do judge fic based on the degree to which it fits with canon and how in-character the characters act. If you do not wish for your fic to be critiqued in regards to it's canon-ness, please just put such a label as "AU" or "OOC" in your original post and save everyone the trouble. Or "no negative reviews please."

On a different note, being an admin doesn't mean that you're not allowed to express your opinion of a fic, either. No one is abusing their status here or punishing you unfairly. It's just a fic review. If you had just replied, "Thanks for your comments but I disagree and I'm not interested in changing the fic" this would have already been over.
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title

Just Chiko

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Gozu wrote:
FdrlPrsctrTails wrote:
[I also find it funny you're all lining up to kiss up to the admin.]

you keep telling yourself that
learn to take criticism.


No way in hell you are a prosecutor as you claimed. You can't even take basic critiques.

And there's no reason to kiss up to anyone in here. It's only a public forum on the internet. That's a really lame comeback, by the way.
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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The Law is just a Game...

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Have any of you considered I might be having a REALLY bad last couple of days? And coming back to an anal retentive "review" of one of my fics didn't help.

I had to deal with a pair of Marines who thought it funny to gang rape a 16 year old girl. I'm just venting.
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My Trial Record, 14-0. I support Klavi & Krissi.

Where there is a law, I'll enforce it!
Where there is a crime, I'll prosecute it!
Where there is a victim, I'll fight for them!
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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seems interesting!

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Quote:
Have any of you considered I might be having a REALLY bad last couple of days?
No.
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Last edited by zuddy on Wed Nov 05, 2008 12:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title

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Should you even be talking about this on an online forum? Isn't it something you could get disbarred over? For that matter, shouldn't it be 'allegedly' raped?
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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What is my liiiife?!?

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Shut up Zu.
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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Then we'll see the real you.

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If marines did commit such an act, Tails, they'd be court martialled. It'd be handled by the military, and isn't something a federal prosecutor would deal with. Not to mention that yes, confidentiality would be involved and you would not be speaking about it if you were actually involved with the case.

And of course, if you were a federal prosecutor working in New York City, you'd actually be posting from the state of New York instead of, say, Texas, correct?

I suggest that you drop the act now, and stop using it as a crutch on the forums and an excuse for your rude behaviour in this topic and elsewhere. Any further blowups in here and I will lock this topic.

Everyone else who wants to make a reply here-- please stay on topic and address the fanfic.
"No one can change the past. The only thing we can do is strive to make up for our mistakes,
so that we can find the way back to our path towards a brighter future."
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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Aww, it wants to take a picture of you!

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I know what will make tails happier. *walks around and wears a sign that says "KICK WANNABE"*
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title

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I am in the minority, but I found this to be above average. Rather good, in fact.

SilverWind wrote:
She became, if not the best defense attorney, one of the best in the city. Of course IQ isn't really the determinant for something like that, but for Neil to look down on her in such a snide and sexist way is appalling.

I found it very appalling as well. Really, she was the best in the city! But the awsome epicness of this pairing blinds all faults *shot*

SilverWind wrote:
- Why is Kristoph a fragile sobbing wreck? All we see in AJ of him reacting to being mistreated or slighted in the least is to vow revenge, trying to get people falsely convicted, disbarred, and killed. You infantilize him here to the point he's unrecognizable.

The way Kristoph was in AJ, it makes sense to me.

All in all, the fanfiction was just as good as the pairing at center, in my opinion (excellent).
PEARL DIES TONIGHT


Last edited by Pearl the Barrister on Sun Nov 23, 2008 4:05 am, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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Aww, it wants to take a picture of you!

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Hello, wannabe here.

I know you dislike me and all, but...
I read your story, and I found it to be really good, and its not just because
your Tails, I Truthfully like this story.

also, I dont like mia fey at all. and I have hated mia fey even before I knew you on CR,
ever since I watched a video on the internet about mia fey I thought she was really Dumb.

its also bad to hear that you have been having to do all this hard work that is making you feel unhappy...
also I dont think I will help because I always say the wrong things that make everyone unhappy.
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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Bronze Samurai

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SilverWind wrote:
If marines did commit such an act, Tails, they'd be court martialled. It'd be handled by the military, and isn't something a federal prosecutor would deal with. Not to mention that yes, confidentiality would be involved and you would not be speaking about it if you were actually involved with the case.

And of course, if you were a federal prosecutor working in New York City, you'd actually be posting from the state of New York instead of, say, Texas, correct?

I suggest that you drop the act now, and stop using it as a crutch on the forums and an excuse for your rude behaviour in this topic and elsewhere. Any further blowups in here and I will lock this topic.

Everyone else who wants to make a reply here-- please stay on topic and address the fanfic.



I know I'm reviving an old topic but I wanted to say two things:

1. It IS possible he travels with his work, unless he's been in Texas this whole time. He has mentioned being from that state, actually, if he's really a prosecutor.

2. He hasn't posted since this incident, which I find sad. Checking his profile, he hasn't been here in over a month....

I think he was scared off...

EDIT:

Oh, and three, I may be a lowly member and all, but I'm still going to say that I think you were very unfair in the way you attacked his work. Yeah, it is somewhat out of character, but fanfiction isn't supposed about to just be about stuff that's entirely possible, is it? I think not. He can have Neil's personality changed, if he felt like it. Not something to be attacked about.
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Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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avatar made by Lunaria42. <3

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Edit: Whoops, sorry, didn't see that.

As for the story, it's an odd pairing. How do people think of these things?
I guess it's ooc, but we don't really know much about Hammond or Neil since they don't have speaking roles. All in all, I'd say its not bad.
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Last edited by FirexxxSaber on Mon Feb 16, 2009 11:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Cowboy Up. A Neil/Kristoph fanfic.Topic%20Title
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Then we'll see the real you.

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Like I said above, discussion about anything that isn't specifically the fanfic in question is over.

And if a story is poorly characterized, has gaping contradictions and is morally reprehensible without the author's awareness--in fact, if it really is the worst fanfic I've read, I will call it just that, similar to how if I encounter the best fanfic I've read I will call it just that.
"No one can change the past. The only thing we can do is strive to make up for our mistakes,
so that we can find the way back to our path towards a brighter future."
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