I have the link to the original thread. You have to find the right post yourself though.

EDIT: I'm sorry, I didn't realise that the link to the old thread can already be found in the first page. However, I've reread the thread and found the post of spork with meat pistols and Hulk. It's this, right?

---

Yes, I have the first two chapters saved. (I think chapter 3 is in that thread as well but I had no luck finding it, and I know chapter 4 was never sporked before it got taken down) I was just hoping against hope that somebody here had actually saved all four chapters of the original story to their harddrives somewhere before it got taken off of fanfiction.net. It's a long shot but it can't hurt to ask, right?

---

I'm sorry, I thought you were looking for the spork itself. I can't help you with the fic, sadly. I'll ask Neni for it, maybe she has it saved.

---

Kay: What did I just tell you guys about breaking our previous record?!

Oh, dear. And I thought Once Upon a Turnabout was a pain to spork. Hey, at least all thirty chapters are actually written. I had to wait several months for each installment to come out, and that was no fun.

Great sporking, by the way. I certainly got quite a few chuckles out of it. Best of luck with the rest.

---

I've found a HORRIBLE one today... You want to know what it is? Read it yourself. (WARNING: Swearing and mature content)
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5857234/1/Blackmail

---

Little Thief: Heh, it's not like I'm trying to break the record. I just see a story and go with my gut! And between the two stories here, I'm not sure which of us is getting the better deal, if at all. Thanks for the encouragement!

Now then, let's move on to Chapter 2!

Episode 5: Charms, Magic, and Turnabout; Part 2

(The camera opens up inside Theater #2, with Phoenix and Trucy already inside. The father/daughter duo have a bunch of snacks with them from concessions and are eating through the pile at an astonishing pace. Apollo walks into the theater at this time. As he walks to the front, he sees the two munching on their snacks and sighs.)

Apollo: Sheesh, don't you two think you've had enough? I swear, if you guys eat any more, you might as well just live in the concession area...

Trucy: But Polly! The snacks are free! And when a business offers a product for free, you have to grab as many as you can to take advantage of the deal! That's what Daddy taught me!

Phoenix: That's right! Glad to see you're still taking my lessons to heart, Trucy-doll!

Apollo: Right... Anyway, can we go ahead and start? I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to.

Phoenix: What's with the grumpy face, Apollo? It's like you don't want to see yourself romance a fifteen year old girl in a cliche filled fanfiction!

Apollo: (Uh, no kidding?)

Trucy: Ooh, I wonder what today's chapter is going to be like? I hope I get to see me perform my magic this time!

Phoenix: Well, you'll definitely see some kind of magic. Although it's not the type of magic you're thinking of...

(The lights dim before Phoenix can expand on his latest enigmatic comment. The trio fall silent as the second chapter starts.)



Phoenix: Not even five words have been spoken, and you've already got her blushing up a storm. You work fast, Apollo!

Trucy: Wow, I didn't know you could be so smooth, Polly! I bet Prosecutor Gavin would be envious of you right now!

Apollo: (sweating) Yeah, I bet he's real jealous of my ability to attract underage girls. Besides, I don't know how she could be interested in me at all when we've never met before! This is our first interaction, right?

Trucy: You say that like we need a reason, Polly! We're teenage girls! We fall for any guy that looks even marginally attractive! We can't help our hormones!

Apollo: (That's a great thing to say in front of your father...)

Phoenix: ...



Apollo: Well of course I'd be suspicious! I've just woken up from a nap and the first thing I see is this teenage girl I've never seen before staring at my face! Why wouldn't I be suspicious?

Trucy: Hey, wait a minute! She just gave us her name! We're already learning more about her now than the entire first chapter! Maybe this is a good sign!

Phoenix: I wouldn't get your hopes up, Trucy. Still, at least we can refer to her as something other than the author's OC.

Apollo: You can call her Michela, but I think I'll stick with her real name.

Trucy: Really? What's her real name?

Apollo: Mary Sue.



Trucy: Well, your suspicions didn't last long, Polly! You must like her if you're willing to cover for me!

Apollo: N-No I don't! I'm still suspicious! Very suspicious! I'm just, er, luring her into a false sense of security before asking the really tough questions! That's all!

Phoenix: (grins) Oh really? So your cover story is that you invited her over instead of Trucy? When you've never seen her before in your life? And happen to be at least seven years older than her? That would be the worst cover story ever attempted!

Apollo: N-Nngahhhhh! (H-He's got me there!)

Trucy: So the only possible explanation left is that you ARE smitten with her! That's the only reason why you would keep her presence a secret!

Phoenix: Exactly. Good deduction, Trucy!

Apollo: Grrr...



Trucy: She has a bracelet? I don't remember her describing a bracelet at all in the chapter before...

Phoenix: She didn't. It's only stated in the summary again. This is the second time we've had to look at the summary to see an important fact that should have been stated in the story proper. Not the best track record for the author so far, huh?

Apollo: Ugh, now she's even ripping off my bracelet? It's like the author is desperately trying to convince the readers that the two of us were meant to be! Next thing you know, her bracelet will have some kind of superpower too!

Phoenix: ......



Apollo: I'm also one half French-German Canadian. With relatives in Spain and Portugal as well.

Trucy: Ooh, and also one half Brazilian-Swedish Russian! With some Indian blood mixed in!

Phoenix: Heh, don't forget the part about her being one half Ewok and one half Vulcan. And one half deity as well!



Apollo: Hey! I take offense to that! I'll have you know, I was on the golf team in high school! (...Well, junior varsity, but still!)

Trucy: You're a golfer, Polly? I wouldn't know that from looking at you!

Phoenix: Yeah, you don't really look like the patient type. I would have guessed you were the type to throw a tantrum every time you take a swing!

Apollo: Why must you two have such a low regard for my self-control? I didn't throw any tantrums at all! (...In public at least...)



Phoenix and Trucy: (laughing hysterically)

Apollo: (slaps his palm against his head) There's being bad at sports, and then there's being legally blind. I'm not the greatest at baseball, but I at least know how to run the bases! ... And would you two stop laughing already?!

Phoenix: (wipes a tear from his eye) Ha ha ha! Sorry, Apollo, but the mental image was just too hilarious!

Trucy: (puts her hands over her mouth) Yeah, it was! Like Micki said, it's something you only see on TV shows!

Apollo: (sighs) Yeah, only on TV shows. That doesn't mean it happens in real life! It certainly did not happen to me, that's for sure!



Apollo: Or you just accept the constant abuse until you become completely dead inside to all the mockery. Either way.

Trucy: Um, we don't tease you like that ALL the time, do we? I mean, it's not my intention to make you upset, Polly...

Apollo: ...No, I guess not. I know you don't mean any harm with your jokes, Trucy. I guess it just feels like that sometimes. Sorry, I shouldn't have made a remark like that.

Trucy: Aw, it's okay Polly! I know you didn't mean to upset me with your sarcasm, either!

Phoenix: Now this is a real bonding moment! Group hug, anyone?

Apollo: N-No thanks!



Trucy: Wha-?! This is new! Can your bracelet glow, Apollo?

Apollo: O-Of course not! The only thing my bracelet does is tighten up at the sight of a nervous tell! I've never seen it glow before!

Phoenix: Ah, looks like the real story is about to begin. Brace yourself kids, I'm going to take you for a wild ride...



Trucy: "Machi Dee-Avolo?" Is that Machi's last name?

Phoenix: It's another Italian expression, Trucy-doll. Loosely translated, it means... Well, just look at the sentence above and you can probably guess.

Trucy: Oh, I see! Still, I wonder why it's even glowing in the first place...



Phoenix: Care to explain how you came to that deduction, Sherlock Justice?

Apollo: Well, by examining the pattern of the glow emitting from the bracelet and tracing it back to the origin point of when the bracelet began to light up... Oh come on! What other explanation could there possibly be?!

Phoenix: Well, there's always the possibility that there isn't anything supernatural in the apartment and you two are losing your minds. But that's far too simple and mundane for this story.

Apollo: Fair point...



Trucy: You guess? You should be more confident, Apollo! You have the opportunity to make a possibly world-changing discovery, and you just "guess" with your decisions?!

Apollo: Well excuse me for not being prepared to deal with supernatural bracelet and apartment secrets! That wasn't in the job description you gave me!

Trucy: Well it will be from now on! I hereby decree that all employees at the Wright Anything Agency, both current and future, must now be ready to deal with supernatural cases at any given moment! That means every urban myth, legend, and folktale must be examined when dealing with future murder cases! Agreed?

Phoenix: Heh, no objections here! Decree passed, signed, and stamped into law!

Trucy: Apollo?

Apollo: *sigh* Why not? It's not like we'll actually get a supernatural murder case...

Trucy: Never say never, Polly!



Trucy: Huh? But Micki was already in Daddy's room, and nothing happened there! Why would there be anything different this time around?

Phoenix: Plot convenience.



Apollo: Okay, but you know what would be even better? Calling the police and letting them deal with this instead of one lawyer, one ex-lawyer, and two teenagers!

Phoenix: To be fair, it's not like the police force would be any better at solving this than we would. They can barely deal with the regular crimes in the city, much less the supernatural ones.

Apollo: (I can't really argue with him on that...)

Trucy: It sure is lucky that the indent is such a perfect match with Micki's bracelet! The odds of that must be like a million to one!

Apollo: I'd say it's even higher than that, considering we don't even know what shape the indent and the bracelet are. Seriously, would it kill the author to go a little more in depth about her bracelet?!



Phoenix: So, I don't even bat an eyelash at the fact that both Trucy and Apollo lied to me about a teenager I've never seen before being in my house? I just see this light and go with the flow? That sounds too laid back, even for me.

Trucy: And why do I have my eyes covered already, but Daddy seems completely surprised by the light? You'd think we'd both be on the same page...

Apollo: And why are we "doing this thing" without any regard for our safety? And why haven't the neighbors seen this bright light if we've been waiting for Mr. Wright and Trucy this entire time? And why haven't we contacted the police or some kind of local authority yet?!

Phoenix: We have some very good questions here. A pity we'll never get an answer for any of them.

Apollo: (Ugh, not cool author. Not cool...)



Apollo: Then I woke up. Then I realized I was dreaming the entire time and that the dream was extremely silly. Then I got out of bed and never thought of this again. The end.

Phoenix: If only it were that easy...



Apollo: ... (his fists start trembling)

Trucy: Um, Polly? A-Are you oka-?

Apollo: (slams his fists on the armrests) HOLD IT! What kind of game is the author playing at here?! A trip down a flight of stairs leads to discovering ancient ruins? Where did she fall to, ancient Greece?!

Phoenix: Whoa, Apollo! Calm yourself dow-!

Apollo: And furthermore! Mr. Wright's home is at least two stories up! Yet, these stairs go down far enough where it can hold ancient ruins! Did nobody just notice these stairs the entire time?! Did the stairs just magically appear when the bracelet was activated?! And does the author really expect us to believe that no one at all noticed there was all these ruins underneath the city for potentially thousands of years?! This is all so...so... stupid!

Phoenix: Apollo! Control yourself!

Apollo: ...!

Phoenix: Listen, I know all of this sounds insane, illogical, and unbelievable. And it is, don't get me wrong. But you can't let this get to you. Just fight through it with your usual mental toughness, and you'll make it through the chapter. Okay?

Apollo: ...I can try. But the author isn't exactly making it easy for me to just grin and bear it, you know?

Phoenix: Oh trust me, I know. (smiles) But let me tell you something my mentor always told me. A lawyer is someone who always smiles, no matter how bad it gets. So when the situation gets really dark... that's when you have to put on your brightest smile.

Apollo: ...



Apollo: ... (grins) Ha ha ha! I nearly died by falling down the stairs! Near death experiences are so hilarious!

Trucy: (giggles) That grin is so unlike you, Apollo! But I like it!

Phoenix: (grins) That's what I'm talking about. Just keep your wits about you, and you'll be fine!

Apollo: (scratches his hair embarrassingly) Heh, it feels a little awkward smiling like that... But I won't back down from a challenge! I swear on my Chords of Steel that I won't let this fic get the better of me!

Phoenix: (Heh, he really does remind me of when I first started out. Here's hoping he turns out better than I did...)



Trucy: That's right everyone! Let's go forth and explore the ruins that no one else in the entire city seemed to notice!

Apollo: With absolutely no regard to our own safety or what traps could be lurking in the ruins!

Phoenix: And with no one staying back to tell the police in case the adventure goes horribly wrong! Surely this foolproof exploration plan is bound to succeed! It's ADVENTURE TIME!

Apollo and Trucy: (raising their hands in mock cheer) Yaaaaaaaaay!



Trucy: Well, you learn something new every day, right? And with this discovery here, I think I've learned enough to last a lifetime!

Phoenix: Ancient paintings, huh? So I would imagine these ruins go as far back as Greece, at the very least. Maybe as far back as ancient Egypt? I don't know, I'm not an expert at this sort of thing.

Apollo: Neither is the author, by the look of it. And I would hardly classify an occasional bug or scorpion as a setback...

Micki decides to calm her nerves by singing a song that's one of the author's- I mean one of her- favorites. Why the author decided to bring this song into the story is as big a mystery as the sudden appearance of the ruins.

Phoenix: Kind of a catchy song though, wouldn't you agree?

Speakers: The management would like to remind Mr. Phoenix Wright that addressing the Fourth Wall-

Phoenix: Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first twenty times. It still had to be said.

Apollo: (I didn't even know we had speakers in here...)



Apollo: I think we kinda know that already. What with the flashing lights and mystifying ruins and all.

Trucy: What quest are they talking about, though? Is it a quest for an ancient object? A room full of treasure? A secret book of awesome magic acts?!

Phoenix: Now, now, Trucy. Telling you now would be spoiling the surprise. Let's just keep on reading and we'll find out about the quest when we get there.

Trucy: Awww...

Apollo: (It's not like the payoff will be worth it, anyway...)



Phoenix: No rewards for guessing what happens next.

Apollo: Uh-huh. By the way, Indiana Jones called. He wants his trap back.



Phoenix: You mean lifting the charm activated a trap? I am shocked beyond comprehension!

Trucy: Me too! I would never have guessed that in a million, zillion years!

Apollo: I was just blown away by that stunning plot twist! Blown away, I tell you!



Trucy: Soooo... did we just leave her alone when she went to take the charm? Because I highly doubt all three of us would just leave her there when there's a strong possibility that she's walking into a trap!

Phoenix: I hear you. No matter how annoying she may be, I still wouldn't just leave her to die. At the very least, I would have thought up some kind of plan to keep us all alive!

Apollo: Of course, we all shouldn't have gone down there in the first place. This is something best left to the professionals, not professional wannabes!

(The lights come back on.)

Trucy: It's over! Another chapter is in the books!

Phoenix: And the quest is just beginning. Think you two can handle it?

Trucy: I know I can! This quest sounds exciting!

Apollo: I guess so. I mean, it sounds incredibly stupid, but maybe it's the kind of stupid I secretly enjoy watching rather than the kind of stupid that makes me want to bang my head against a wall.

Phoenix: That's the spirit, Apollo! And hey, at the very least, this makes for a great way for us all to bond, right?

Apollo: I think we need to talk about your ideas for proper team building exercises, Mr. Wright...

Phoenix: Maybe we do, but certainly not in here. Let's head back to the agency. Be sure to sneak as many snacks as you can into your magic panties, Trucy!

Trucy: (puts her panties away) Already on the case, Daddy!

Apollo: (Oh, for crying out loud...)

(And so, the three walk on out of the theater, snacks in hand. With the story now in motion, the fun has just begun...)

To be continued...

Holy crap where has this been all my life? This is so funny I'm actually scared to try it out myself due to the risk of looking boring in comparison.

---

Time for Chapters 2 and 3! Sorry for the delay.

Our sporkers are relaxing in Sporking Theatre No.6. Phoenix is twiddling his thumbs and staring blankly at the screen, Edgeworth is reading the latest Steel Samurai manga and Maya is daydreaming with a huge grin on her face.)

Maya: Aah…I can’t wait until we get free burgers. It’ll be great!
Edgeworth: *peers over the manga* Indeed; but we’ve got 4 more chapters to get through before that can happen.
Phoenix: Yeah…Edgeworth’s right. Look at the first chapter! It was so, so horrible…think of what the others will be like!
Maya: Don’t worry, Nick! It won’t be half as bad.
Edgeworth: I wish that was true. I wish…
Speakers: Breaktime’s over, sporkers. Please put down your personal possessions for the second chapter.
Edgeworth: *mutters* But the Evil Magistrate has just been spotted in Neo Olde Tokyo! I really need to finish this…
Speakers: That includes you, Mr. Edgeworth. Please put the manga away.
Edgeworth: Hmph…. I was just getting to the good part there.



Maya: You ready, guys?
Phoenix: As ready as I’ll ever be, Maya.
Edgeworth: …Yes. I’m ready.
Phoenix: *whispers to Maya* He’s in a fanboy tantrum over his manga. Best leave him for now.
Edgeworth: *glares* What was that, Wright?
Phoenix and Maya: N-nothing!



Phoenix: Oh, so I’m a pirate now? It’s a better rank than ‘jerk’.
Maya: Ar, me hearties! Behold the Amazing Captain Wrighto and his assistant Governor Ayam as they intrepidly search for treasure!
Edgeworth: No, no, no. You’ve got the rank wrong, Wright. It’s ‘delusional thief’.
Phoenix: …Just how much does this author hate me, Edgeworth? Please tell me.
Maya: Nick! I thought we were pirates! Thieves aren’t cool…
Edgeworth: Maya! Please don’t say that. My assistant will be after us and most definitely give me concussion this time around.
Maya: Sorry! I didn’t mean to-
Edgeworth: It’s okay. You didn’t know. Now, where were we?



Maya: *stands up* HEY! Author, I’ll have you know that the Kurain exhibit was anything but crappy!
It was one of the best things that happened to Kurain, you know!
Phoenix: It’s OK, Maya. Don’t take it too hard.
Maya: Oh, like I haven’t already! *sits down* Sorry, Nick. I just HATE things like that..
Edgeworth: There’s an unnecessary ‘he’ in there, but my guess is that it’s the security guard.
Phoenix: I didn’t know the security guard could rap in his sleep.
Maya: Ooh! *smiles* Maybe it went like this:
“I’m working on the best exhibit around,
And it attracts the homies from everywhere in the town;
Cause Kurain’s the best place to get down, yo!
Cause Kurain’s the best exhibit in town!”
Phoenix: *snicker*
Edgeworth: *snicker*
Maya: What, guys…?
Phoenix and Edgeworth: … *burst out laughing*



Phoenix: Adrian came down from the ceiling? How the heck did she do that?!
Edgeworth: Zero gravity?
Maya: Superhuman powers?
Phoenix: *sigh* Probably the second one. It does compare her to Catwoman, afterall.
Edgeworth: Well, she doesn’t need superhuman powers to scream at the sight of you, Wright.
Phoenix: …
Maya: Mr. Edgeworth…that was quite harsh.
Edgeworth: S-sorry, Wright! I didn’t-
Phoenix: Just remember, Edgeworth: there’s a very fine line between a joke and an insult…



Phoenix: Uh…never in the history of my life have I heard her whisper that. In all caps, no less.
Edgeworth: And Franziska doesn’t do backflips when whipping people…does she?
Phoenix: I sincerely hope not..
Maya: *bursts out laughing* Oh, wow…that mental image is killing me!
Edgeworth: Anyway…Author! Trials aren’t compared to games!
Phoenix: Yeah, that joke’s getting old already, author. Stop it.
Maya: What they said, Author! What they said!




Phoenix: I don’t swear, Author. And my speech definitely doesn’t come out in a white spiky bubble…
Edgeworth: Well, this author loves exaggeration with a passion, we’ve learnt. Ergo, you’re probably out of breath in the freezing cold exhibit room, and the author’s made your breath seem like…a spiky bubble that can rip things…
Phoenix: Now do you get my point?
Edgeworth: Yes. Yes, I do.



All: HOW much?!
Edgeworth: Wow, she’s really taken after Franziska. The whip, the use of ‘fool’, the expensive taste..
Phoenix: At this rate, she’ll be studying to become a prosecutor.
Maya: Make sure if she does, Nick, you beat her in court!
Phoenix: Oh, I will. Just pray that Franziska isn’t her co-counsel…




Phoenix: Author, please tell me. Why is my character turned on at EVERY woman character that appears? It’s getting weird now.
Edgeworth: Wright, is it true you draw FAN-art of Franziska? *grins* Oh, how sweet!
Maya: Really, Nick?! I didn’t know-
Phoenix: I am NOT in love with her! *blushes* And it’s Xin Eohp that draws the fanart.
Maya: And Ayam that improves the scribbles!
Edgeworth: ..Um…Xin Eohp?
Phoenix: Just a joke between us two, Edgeworth. Don’t worry about it.
Edgeworth: You know, I think Adrian would have preferred a copy of Franzy’s Whip-Lash Splash to your personal fan drawings, Wright. How long has it been since you studied Art?
Phoenix: Quite a long time now. But anyway, I wonder if Larry actually finished it?
Maya: Wow, I need to see that! Seriously, the name….and Franziska….and Larry drawing her…
*daydreams*
Phoenix: I’ll ask Larry about it.
Maya: *grins* Yay!



Edgeworth: Seriously, Author? Exhibits cannot talk.
Phoenix: I really don’t get the point of the sentence. What do you think?
Maya: *gasp* M-maybe they put it in to prolong our wait for burgers! Bad author!
Phoenix: I doubt that, but that is what it’s doing right now…



Phoenix: No…..no….no….that image…
Edgeworth: ….
Maya: Don’t worry, Nick! *points* The rest of the sentence is appearing!
Edgeworth: *sigh of relief* Thank goodness..
Phoenix: Oh, so this was halfway through the sentence, was it…? Management! Why?! Why do that to us?!
Speakers: Heh heh. Sorry, Mr Wright.



Maya: Oh no! It’s Nairda!
Edgeworth: Nairda?
Maya: Her alter ego! Like mine is called Ayam!
Edgeworth: …Oh. Interesting.
Phoenix: So yours would be… Selim.
Maya: I like that name, Mr. Edgeworth! It’s actually quite cool.
Phoenix: Come on! Mine’s not cool at all! It’s Xin Eohp…
Edgeworth: *snicker*



Phoenix and Edgeworth: ….WHAT?!
Phoenix: B-but he was found guilty! Of murder! By me, no less!
Edgeworth: And I saw him quite recently, too!
Maya: Uh…could someone fill me in?
Phoenix: You know my very first trial? That Mia told you about?
Maya: Um-hm.
Phoenix: He was the murderer!
Maya: *gasp* No way! But he should be in jail, then!
Edgeworth: And that’s where I come in, Maya. I- coincidentally- spoke to him in jail only some time ago. So I just don’t get how he could have broken out!
Maya: I-It’s OK, Mr. Edgeworth. This is all just a horrible fanfiction, anyway.



Phoenix: Oh boy, oh boy…This is going to be bad.
Edgeworth: Brace yourself, Wright. We’re in for a very bumpy ride.



Phoenix: Why would I call him by his first name? We’re not friends or anything. And I knew he didn’t get the death penalty, anyway.



Phoenix: Oh; so that’s why. It was his mole I was speaking to.
Maya: *grins* I just thought of something: “No, Phoenix.. I am your father!”
Edgeworth: You know you’re bad when a spirit medium makes up a better plot for your horribly messed-up story…but I suppose I forgive you for the Sonic reference, Author. Shadow was- is- my favourite, after all..
Phoenix and Maya: You like that stuff?!
Edgeworth: *blushes* O-of course not! I was just complimenting on the author’s use of references!
Maya: Sure you were, Mr. Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: B-but I was!
Phoenix: I want proof you’re not a Sonic fanboy, right here and now. Go on!
Edgeworth: …



Edgeworth: Do I have to remind you again? *stands up*
EXHIBITS ARE NOT LIVING THINGS. Yes, they don’t do anything, and you have registered that at least. BUT YOU CANNOT INTERACT WITH THEM LIKE HUMAN BEINGS.
*sits down* Thank you.
Phoenix: And the idea of Sawhit with muscles just makes him more frightening. *shudder*
Maya: And there was two Thinkers! One is with the police, and the other…is also in police custody!
Both were murder weapons!
Or are you telling us, Author, that he broke out of prison, stole from the evidence room and then went all the way to the exhibit?!
Phoenix: Probably, Maya. I know it’s confusing, but we’ll just have to bear it.



Phoenix: I know what a writer is. But I don’t know why I would have one. It’s not like I’m a fictional character from, say, a video game…
Maya: So, then. Sawhit can’t talk because he’s just grown a massive amount of muscle, but then his pet mole which is actually his mouth speak to Nick because Nick’s eyes deceived him and he actually never grew any muscle? Strange…
Edgeworth: Strange indeed.



Edgeworth: Dragonball Z! This author has quite a good taste, Wright.
Phoenix: …
Maya: …
Phoenix: ..Anyway, the police aren’t that stupid, author. I mean, if one team went to the wrong murderers there would always be another to come to the exhibit…right?
Edgeworth: Right. And don’t forget the masses of Interpol agents in the country.
Maya: But why do Nick and Sawhit just randomly start screaming at each other?! I don’t get this, Nick!
Phoenix and Edgeworth: I wish we did, Maya…but we don’t.




Maya: NO! *stands up* You will NOT hurt anyone else with that thing! You are NOT making that a murder weapon for the third time!
Edgeworth: It’s OK, Maya. Xin Eohp will find a way out of this.
Maya: *sits down* ..Yeah, he will. Even if it is only in a fanfic. *sniff*
Phoenix: … (Wow….Author, be more careful when you’re talking about that thing. For her sake.)



Maya and Edgeworth: YES! *stand up* The Steel Samurai strikes again!
Phoenix: *blushes* M-my phone is NOT crappy, Author! And my mother wasn’t killed by Sawhit….
Edgeworth: *sits down* What ever happened to your parents, Wright?
Phoenix: …
Maya: *sits down* It’s alright, Nick. You don’t have to tell us.



Phoenix: Wow, I’m surprisingly casual for a guy who was stopped at the brink of death by a phone call.



Phoenix: Game? What game? And what’s Capcom?
Maya: I don’t know, Nick. Do you, Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: No idea in the slightest.



Phoenix: For the last time, I don’t swear! Jeez…
Edgeworth: And you wouldn’t be so careless as to throw your phone like that. What if it had broken, Wright?
Phoenix: You know, it might have stopped that event a few years ago where I got amnesia indirectly because someone had swapped my phone for theirs… Who knows?



Edgeworth: What is with concussion today?! First me, then this innocent person! I feel his pain…



Edgeworth: Author, you’re making me very mad now. The police are NOT stupid and, however absent-minded some people on the force may be, not all of them are like that. And you do not get the death penalty for giving someone a concussion on accident!
Phoenix: I would rather defend that guy than fight in a random ‘game‘, as well!
Maya: Hey, what’s with the unnecessary ones and the shortened version of ‘seriously’?
Phoenix: Do you really want to know why, based on what we’ve read up to now?
Maya: …Not really, Nick.



Phoenix: Um…I’ve heard of the Gavin brothers, but which one is the author talking about? Never heard of Kristophkavier Gavin Sr. And why does the author tell us if the sentence is a ‘plot point’?
Edgeworth: I don’t think we’ll ever know, Wright…
Maya: Darn. Author, this only goes to show the importance of correct grammar and spelling!
Edgeworth: You hit the nail on the head there, Maya. Hit it right on the head..



Edgeworth: NEVER trust Wikipedia unless you are looking for very, very important facts, Author.
Maya: And everyone is as important as the other, so everyone deserves a name!
Phoenix: *takes off his badge* Ah, but the people who made these badges don’t think so. They put a number instead of-
Edgeworth and Maya: We’ve seen it.
Phoenix: Oh. Right. *puts badge back on*




Phoenix: At least SOMEONE got the pun when they met him. *glances at Edgeworth* Even in a fanfic such as this.
Edgeworth: W-well, of course I did! *crosses arms* It was just basic logic.
Phoenix: Any logical explanation on humour, Edgeworth?
Maya: *snicker*



Maya: For your information, Author, that urn belongs to me anyway! Nick couldn’t have sold it to me!
Phoenix: Quite right! But anyway, why would I need to learn piano or want to, for that matter?
Maya: You never know, Nick! You might raise children when you’re older and need a source of income!
Phoenix: But I’m a lawyer, and I get paid for working as one. Remember?
Maya: Oh. Guess that’s never going to happen, then…



Phoenix: I always look like a cool dude, Author. Thank you for making Xin Eohp that way, too.
Edgeworth: Ha! Really, Wright?
Phoenix: Really, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: I look much cooler than you do. Admit it. *smirks*
Phoenix: I’m not admitting what isn’t true!
Edgeworth: Oh, but it is the truth. Isn’t it, Management?
Speakers: Sorry, Mr.Wright….but it kind of is.
Phoenix: At least I’ve won every one of my cases, and if I haven’t I’ve got the correct verdict for the circumstance!
Edgeworth: …Touché.
Maya: Um….guys?
Phoenix and Edgeworth: Yes, Maya?
Maya: Who’s going to drink all this bottled water? *glares* And no, you are not giving it all to me!


To be continued...

Will the trio be able to withstand the next two chapters? Will anyone ever drink the masses of bottled water? And, most importantly....what will they think of the final chapter?
Find out next time!

---

Don't worry about looking boring! There are some really good sporkers on here that literally make me fall off my chair everytime, but every spork is appreciated!
I bet people will love it, anyway.

---

Heh, I'd have to find some crappy fanfiction then...shouldn't be too hard I guess. I won't spork a troll fic though...I'd prefer to make fun of something that was trying to make sense, at least.

Maybe I'll give it a shot later when I have time.

---

*shyly sneaking in*
Uh, um, hey friendly sporkers! I, um... *slinks back into corner* I guess I couldn't stay away from this thread any longer, and I started reading up on what you did in the meantime while I was over in the Hetalia fandom, so uhm... I just want to say I'm really happy this thread is still alive, and I see that some wonderful things have been written and the spork universe has received a bit of its own continuity (In like how the main sporkers at this point don't seem to care anymore all that much, and how Kay continues to manipulate the theater equipment). I haven't read everything yet, but so far I really like what I see.
I just thought... you know, back in the day, we used to have special fanart for some of the sporks, and I think it might be nice to have it again? To give things a bit of color? It seems like the person who drew all that wonderful art back then doesn't read here anymore (?), and I'm not all that enthusiastic about drawing fanart, but maybe if I find something that seems easy enough to draw, I could give it a try once in a while, and maybe some others could do the same? I really did like the addional pictures in the old thread, it was a bit like a special trophy for really good scenes.
And also, even though I'm still kind of torn between my regained interest in Ace Attorney and my developed friendship with the Hetalia comms, I would sort of like to write sporks again that get read by people. It was fun back then, even if I screwed up a few times and was very ashamed about it later.
I would even be willing to have Edgeworth use that horrible translation error of a first name basis with Maya if it helps. Even though it still bugs me because I find it very out of character (if only my Japanese were better...).

So, um... would it be okay if I return to write sporks, even if I can't keep up with canon because I have no 3DS and have never played Apollo Justice or Investigations 2?

Of course! I'd love to see more sporkers join here!
I bet everyone would love to see your sporks.
Also, about the fan-art thing....there is an AWESOME scene in a spork on this thread where, to keep Franziska from going mad at a terrible spork and whipping the screen to death, she is put in a sound-proof box thing for the rest of the spork. Someone should really draw it! XD

P.S Go Hetalia! I've just started watching it and it's AWESOME.

---

Okay, I think I've caught up with things now. I'm afraid I'm struggling with the fanart, so it might take a bit longer. :/
But I'm working on a spork right now. I hope nobody's sporked "Testimonies" yet (I checked and am pretty sure no one did, but I don't know what other sporkers are working on).

I think it's only fair to point it out when we see something that could have been done better in our sporks, as it helps us to improve. To me, that is a sign of respect and loyalty. So with that in mind, here are a few thoughts regarding shippersdreamer's spork (the one with the Harry Potter fic), if it's okay:

-I don't think Edgeworth should yoowwch. He's too composed, at least judging from the games in the Phoenix arc. (I know he was pretty much rewritten in his own games and might have been a bit whinier in them, so take this with a grain of salt.)

-"Favourite" is actually the correct British spelling. I think Franziska or Edgeworth would recognize it as such.

-There are a few minor misspellings and missing punctuation in the sporking part, which is a bit unfortunate when the sporkers themselves complain about the same kinds of errors (plus a missing word or two) in the fic itself. Also, "I'd also like to point out that who is the 'both'" and "I must point out that how is abuse NOT able to warrant a direct jail sentence" is bad grammar. I think you could benefit from having a beta reader.

Other than that, it was a great and very entertaining spork. Again, pointing out the few things that bugged me is not a sign that I disliked your spork. I screwed up a few things myself in mine, and some of them were really embarrassing. As a writer, I appreciate honest critique as it helps me get better at writing things. So I try to do the same for others.
That said, I love how you write the characters, especially Edgeworth (I always find his speech pattern hard to write).
And I'm happy to see that you gave Edgeworth a mental image instead of Phoenix, because this is fitting the spork that I'm working at right now. :D I love in-theater continuity. I hope we'll get to see more sporks from you. :)


@Phoenixflame: Another great one! Just your introduction of the sporkers felt so familiar and in-character, I was immediately in love with your writing style. I also love how the sporking theater gets upgraded bit by bit throughout the sporks. The snack booth was the first new thing I saw when I came back, and now the car park is another nice addition. I'm curious to see what the future has in stall for our sporkers (and the management). :D
And not only have our sporkers gotten used to sporking bad fics, but they voluntarily enter the theater. (I imagine Edgeworth driving them there is more a case of "If I have to see it, you're not missing any minute of it either", but that's just me.)
One little thing that seemed out of place was Maya not remembering who Kay was. But I guess Maya is oblivious enough to forget about her for a moment when she didn't expect her to come up. Oh, and Edgeworth should have seen Matt Engarde's hair/personality change because it also happened in the courtroom before he confessed. Also, I think Edgeworth is laughing a little bit too much at his own jokes (Maya I can see, though).
I hate that you came up with an idea I used in my sporking before reading yours, though. I guess I'll have to look like a copycat now. ^^
My favorite parts of your spork were probably these:

-Edgeworth: That’s the most likely thing, but it seems that I run into murderers a lot.

-The management reacting to Maya's request for free burgers

-Phoenix: Good luck to both of you.

-Edgeworth getting random things dropped on his head (I love a good running gag ^^)

-Edgeworth: I’m betting you have his number because one of you two wanted an ice-cream.

-Maya: Nick…I think the statute of limitations on your humour has run out.



One little thing that seems to get problematic with all of these fics is that they're all devided into several parts. It gets a bit chaotic when one spork has part 1 of fic A, then the next has part 5 of fic B, then the one after that has part 2 of fic C, then part 2 of fic A, andf so on. Maybe a few shorter fics, or several parts of the same one posted at the same time, would be a good idea.

Hello! I just made an account, and I want to say that I absolutely love all the sporkings here! I've been reading them for a month or so, but I didn't have the courage to make an account
I'm thinking of making a sporking myself, but English is not my first language. Would that be a problem?

Hello! I just made an account, and I want to say that I absolutely love all the sporkings here! I've been reading them for a month or so, but I didn't have the courage to make an account
I'm thinking of making a sporking myself, but English is not my first language. Would that be a problem?

Welcome, Ceence!

I don't think it'll be a problem. I'm not a native speaker either, but I can proofread your spork for you before you post it if you want.
But it's probably best to read at least the first couple of sporks in the old thread and the most recent ones in this thread to make sure you get the in-theater continuity right, especially since some things are not matching official canon (such as Maya using the internet).

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
I agree on Edgeworth laughing at himself a bit too much, and I didn't realise the Engarde thing because I haven't played Farewell, My Turnabout in such a long time. (Thanks for reminding me, though! )
Oh, and I didn't realise that you had to count previous sporking experiences in the timeline, such as Maya meeting Kay in a different spork. Sorry about that!

Anyway, thank you again and I hope to read a spork of yours soon! (Or maybe see some spork art!)

---

TODAY'S SPORK: BESTIALITY SHIPPING IS NOT A GOOD IDEA (with Phoenix in the theater)
Fic-Franziska is whiney, Maya is hungry, and the fic appears to get a lot worse before there is any end in sight. Will our sporkers survive, or will they claw each other's eyes out first?

Rating:
Three sahwits. It's pretty bad, but at least it's relatively clean. Franziska is very out of character, the fic drags a bit (or a lot, depending on what you count as relevant content) and some things just don't make any sense.

Our sporkers today are...

Maya: Yeah yeah, we all know who we are. Get on with it!

Phoenix: What's with that hostility? You usually sort of enjoy these.

Maya: How can I enjoy myself when we're all out of snacks?

Speakers: Ah... *cough* the management apologizes for the lack of refreshments. We were temporarily unable to afford those... ahem.

Phoenix: (Suddenly the management reminds me a lot of Gumshoe...)

Edgeworth: Could it be that their ratings have decreased?

Maya: No way! How could anyone not want to tune in to lovable old me? I'm a real popularity magnet, I tell you!

Phoenix: Sure, Maya... *in Edgeworth's direction* Let's just not argue with her today.

Edgeworth: Agreed.


Edgeworth: At this point it feels more as though the management owns "all these characters".

Phoenix: Are you still sulking over that manga they didn't let you finish?

Maya: What manga?

Phoenix: ... Give it back, Maya!

Maya: But Nick...

Edgeworth: Confidante. Noun. A female confidant. Learn to spell!

Phoenix: Is... the author... talking... about what I think they are talking about?

Maya: The time of the month when we run out of ice cream and you're too lazy to restock the fridge?

Phoenix: I really, really hope they mean that.

Edgeworth: And I really, really wish you'd keep your unsettling ideas to yourself.

Phoenix: Uh... if you weren't talking about us, does that mean that "she"-

Edgeworth: Whatever you are about to say, I don't want to hear you say it!

Maya: What were you going to say?

Phoenix: Nothing, Maya. Nothing. (Not if I want to get home in one piece tonight...)

Edgeworth: Ugh! This author doesn't waste any time to get to the truly horrific parts of the story.

Phoenix: Who is this mysterious guy anyway?

Edgeworth: I know it! I know who he is! *grits his teeth*

Phoenix: Well, at least it's a slightly better theme than what it first sounded like.

Edgeworth: You just had to bring it up again, didn't you?

Phoenix: (He looks like he's also about to grow fangs and claws.)

Edgeworth: That. Is not. The truth! That is... nnnnnngh!

Phoenix: (If that's how he reacts to this, I'm just glad they didn't bring Franziska in today.) *sweats*

Maya: Come on, guys! Can't you enjoy a good horror movie? Fic? Whatever?

Phoenix: Maybe if I had some grape juice.

Phoenix: Me?

Edgeworth: Finally, a glimpse of sense in this atrocity!

Phoenix: Hey, I'm not that bad! (...am I?)

Maya: Then she should get a changing room for him.

Phoenix: (I can't even tell if she's serious.)

Phoenix: (I... I don't dare to laugh.)

Maya: What's wrong with you, Nick? Don't just sit there making faces! Sporking is serious business!

Phoenix: Maya... would you like to switch seats with me?

Maya: Huh? Um, sure... Wait, what's wrong with Mr. Edgeworth?

Phoenix: Why don't you ask him? (I'm NOT switching back!!)

Edgeworth: Yes, because if there is one person who really cannot handle a wild wolf, it must surely be agent Lang. Grrrrrrrrr!

Maya: *whispers* Nick, I think he's really angry.

Phoenix: You think?

Edgeworth: No! And here I thought he was going to approach her with flowers and ask her out for a romantic candlelight dinner!

Phoenix: (Looks like he's back in full snark mode.)

Phoenix: How nice of you to include this detail in your testimony. I'm sure we all needed to hear that.

Edgeworth: You press worse statements than that on a daily basis.

Maya: Ooh, ZING! Better watch out there, Nick.

Edgeworth: Mmmh yes, because she sleeps with the whip, aimlessly wanders around carrying it, and then is completely taken by surprise when her arm mysteriously takes a swing with it. I see no reason to question this statement at all.

Maya: You seem to have calmed down, though. Are you feeling better?

Edgeworth: Not really. I am only slowly resigning myself to my fate. Or saving up my energy for a later occasion. I haven't quite decided yet.

Maya: This is all the management's fault! Because they didn't give us any snacks! *glares at speakers*

Phoenix: Just how big is his nose, exactly?

Edgeworth: Not all that big. The author probably confused the word band-aid with bandage.

Maya: Maybe he's just a drama llama.

Phoenix: Werewolves aren't as tough as they used to be, I guess.

Maya: Oh, I know! Werewolves these days! Always whining about their itty-bitty whip marks on their nose and scattering their dirty clothes everywhere! Well, in MY days-

Edgeworth: As much as I admire your acting skills, Maya, could you please refrain from reminding me of that person?

Phoenix: How did she manage to sleep at all with a high fall waiting to happen under her feet and a clawing, growling werewolf in her back?

Edgeworth: I suppose she must have been completely exhausted by staying awake for the entirety of five minutes since she last slept.

Edgeworth: Of course. Any reasonable person up to this point would have assumed he happened to survive and switch places with the creature by sheer coincidence. Ugh! This fic is giving me a headache.

Phoenix: I also wonder what kind of neighborhood this is, where you can be chased screamingly up the stairs by a howling werewolf in the middle of the night and nobody cares, but lying naked on the balcony is somehow a huge deal.

Maya: Don't forget the sleeping on the roof part!

Phoenix: This sounds really unhealthy. Or dirty. Or both.

Maya: You always think of dirty things all the time when we're in here. What's up with that?

Phoenix: I think it's the trauma I've suffered from some of the early fics.

Maya: Now I'm getting dirty thoughts too, Nick! You rubbed off on me!

Phoenix: It has a nice ring to it, telling your audience about "displaced whipping" and then following it up with... with that.

Edgeworth: Calling people names in court... that's one of your habits, not one of mine.

Phoenix: Keep telling yourself that, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: ...

Maya: ...

Edgeworth: Nnnnnnnnnngh! You'll pay for this, Wright!

Maya: You're a bad influence to us, Nick!

Phoenix: I know,I know... sorry?

Edgeworth: Wipe that obnoxious grin off your face and start acting your age for a change!

Phoenix: No, not really. I mean, sure, I've seen his appearances in other fics before, but if he was about as in-character in those as we were... you know?

Edgeworth: If you care for my opinion, his depiction in some crudely written fanfics will probably be more relevant to his role in this than his real personality will be.

Edgeworth: ...I don't have the energy to dissect this purple prose alphabet soup. Wright, as a sign of good will, do me a favor and correct this mess into proper English.

Phoenix: Um... I can try? Okay, so, there's a comma missing in the second sentence and the "surprisingly personal matter" doesn't make any sense to me. Also, I don't think I've ever heard you use a minced oath like "heck", and I'm not sure if "was with a lack of" is grammatically correct. And uh... it should be "it dawned on me", not "to me", and the "it" doesn't really belong in that little piece after that. ...How was that?

Edgeworth: I will give you points for your use of the term "minced oath". As for the rest, the execution was horrible.

Phoenix: Well, your motivation skills aren't all that great, either.

Edgeworth: Well, yes, this does sound like the agent Lang I know. However, I can't help but notice a trace of hostility towards him in the author's tone.

Maya: But he's half of a pairing. That wouldn't make any sense.

Phoenix: Maybe they just wanted to show the readers how much you hate him.

Edgeworth: Wright, if there were such a thing as a bloodthirsty werewolf creature and it came after Franziska, do you honestly think my biggest problem with that man would be his arrogance?

Phoenix: Are you asking me to explain this writer's screwed-up logic to you? I'm not getting payed for this.

Maya: Maybe you should. Then we could bring our own snacks and wouldn't be starving in here.

Phoenix: You're not letting this go any time soon, are you?

Phoenix: I'm surprised she could kill his werewolf form with an ordinary old knife to the stomach. Or did she just kill him in his human form? And where are the neighbors who were so likely to freak out over his naked alive body before? Do they just not care?

Phoenix: I'd love to hear what that report said. *grins*

Edgeworth: May I humbly request that the management provide us with a cure for Mr. Wright's foot-in-mouth disease?

Speakers: The management will make a sympathizing note of it.

Edgeworth: Confidant.

Phoenix: This one really bugs you, huh?

Maya: You didn't even mention the misplaced "it" up there. Even I noticed it.

Edgeworth: If I commented on everything that is wrong with this fic, we'd be sitting here until Christmas.

Maya: Oh, come on! "At this point on"?

Phoenix: And why is he telling me this whole story if he thinks doing so will misinform me?

Maya: Yes, find the truth, Nick! Go get it, Nick! Good boy!

Phoenix: You sound a liiittle bit too enthusiastic about this idea, Maya.

Phoenix: Well, I'm glad she's having such a good time with this. Isn't getting arrested for murdering your boyfriend fun?

Phoenix: So what changes were "already normal" for him? Did he dress up as a different person every day? Did he dye his hair to match the seasons?

Phoenix: If I already defended her, then why didn't I talk to her about this before?

Edgeworth: Indeed. Witness to this sloppily written fanfic.

Maya: Do you want me and Nick to switch places again? Maybe he could distract you better.

Edgeworth: I'm sure that he would, but I've had quite enough of his "distractions" for today.

Phoenix: Hey! I can talk about normal things, too. Like um... uh, give me something to start on.

Phoenix: He must have had a serious problem with his personal hygiene if just the thought of him makes her choke like that.

Maya: She tries to remember him when she remembers him? That's like trying to channel a spirit while you're already channeling it.

Phoenix: Wouldn't that be the spirit trying to channel itself in that case?

Maya: Don't be silly, Nick! Why would anybody do that?

Phoenix: (You were the one who started it...)

Phoenix: Yes, especially when he "buried himself in her lap".

Maya: You're doing it again!

Phoenix: What? Am I not allowed to quote the fic itself now?

Maya: Not when you already gave us images with it. You're corrupting my innocent mind!

Phoenix: If you still have an innocent mind after everything we've seen in this theater, I don't think there is anything I could say to corrupt it, Maya.

Maya: But... at least I had snacks to save me. This time, I don't have anything. Not even Kay...

Phoenix: Did Franziska just say "*cry*"? With asteriscs and all?

Edgeworth: I recall a certain person in this very room doing something like that before.

Phoenix: Well, that was a spork. It doesn't really count. And you already scolded me about it.

Phoenix: So wait, he actually wanted this to happen? Just not at that time? Was he waiting for the right mood or something?

Maya: I guess he was hoping that on a hot summer night, she would offer her throat to the wolf with the red roses.

Phoenix: ...Did you listen to the oldie station again?

Phoenix: And why are all my responses just dot-dot-dot?

Edgeworth: I can picture it. You just standing there listening and letting your face speak for itself.

Phoenix: I think nobody would keep a straight face listening to this.

Phoenix: You know, this fic could be a lot better if you pretend that all of my dot-dot-dots sound like the teacher's voice in Peanuts.

Edgeworth: Hm. That might actually be the best idea you had so far. Let's try it.

Maya: Then what, does he just staple it back together when he wants to transform back?

Edgeworth: Heh. You were right. It does improve things.

Phoenix: See? I can be useful, too.

Maya: That's a good Nick. Goooood Nick!

Phoenix: Stop it with the dog talk already.

Phoenix: Then what did he do with the "human shell" he tore off earlier?

Maya: Maybe he ate it.

Phoenix: Wouldn't that count as eating yourself? And wouldn't that create an error in the Matrix?

Phoenix: I can see how it would have gotten there in his wolf form, but wouldn't he want to wipe that off once he's changed back? And wash his mouth? And probably shower? I mean, eww.

Edgeworth: You're still trying to apply the rules of normal human intelligence to these characters.

Phoenix: Pigeons, okay, but seagulls? When was the last time you saw one of those around here? And wouldn't catching them be way too much effort for that little bit of meat? I mean, to a werewolf, they can't be more than a light snack. They would lose more calories hunting for seagulls than they would gain from eating them.

Maya: Maybe the werewolves were all on Weight Watchers. And seagulls are their celery.

Edgeworth: That is an urban myth, actually. There is no such thing as negative calories.

Phoenix: Wait, so who is this "him" she left the note for? Lang or Edgeworth?

Phoenix: I see. It was Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: ...Maya, would you kindly?

Maya: Sure, Mr. Edgeworth. Bad Nick! Baaaad Nick! *whacks Phoenix with the script*

Phoenix: Oww! Stop teaming up against me!

Edgeworth: Fainting isn't exactly something one does on purpose.

Phoenix: Maybe she would have whipped herself unconscious for some reason. I wouldn't mind seeing that.

Phoenix: Maybe she should borrow your newly founded punishment delivery service.

Maya: Hey, good idea! How much do you think I could charge for that?

Phoenix: It was a joke, Maya!

Maya: How did they cram in 18 full moons in only "about a year"?

Edgeworth: Easily. They simply didn't try for six months.

Maya: Ah! You're so smart, Mr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: You're supposed to be my assistant, remember? And you're starting to sound a lot like Ema.

Maya: At least Ema had snacks.

Edgeworth: Of course. Because as we all know, we work solely at home and never set a foot outside. It's not like we have offices or something as fancy as that.

Phoenix: And his transformations and killing sprees don't affect it?

Edgeworth: I'm not going to go there, but the last time I talked to her about it, Franziska did not think of you as a man who devoted his life to his career.

Phoenix: Hey, I'm trying! And speaking of which, have a look at this!

Maya: Yes, we all know how much you love your badge, Nick.

Phoenix: ...Franziska suddenly turned into a frog.

Maya: Just think about the poor guy who ends up kissing her, only to see the frog turn into an angry prosecutor.

Phoenix: But then the guy is actually Larry, so it all works out.

Maya: But then he finds the bloody chains in the cellar and... hm. How would he react to that?

Phoenix: Probably by turning his fantasies into a new "romantic novel". *shudders*

Edgeworth: So he bluntly asks her to model for it and she puts him out of his misery forever. The end.

Edgeworth: It looks like we've just crossed over into the Twilight zone.

Phoenix: (I wonder how long it'll take us to reach the 50 Shades of Gray zone.)

Phoenix: "I had no idea what to do with it, really, but nobody came to claim it, so I had it bronzed and put it up next to the singing fish."

Phoenix: Uhm, that would be a "yes". Those pantyhose don't really cover anything from view. Unless she meant her bronzed leg collection at home, but I don't think I'd travel to see those.

Phoenix: You've got to feel sorry for her if she's lonely enough to consider the whip her friend.

Maya: Who says she's talking about her whip? Maybe she has another monster hidden somewhere in the attic.

Edgeworth: Which brings us back to the undisposed-of remains of agent Lang's "human shell". At last, the riddle is solved. *truth bar refills*


--Franziska continues whining about the suffering of poor wittle Lang--


Phoenix: Oh good, because it was so original and exciting the first time. Let's watch it again and again and again.

Phoenix: Well, at least she admits it.

Phoenix: And she STILL goes on with it! Aaaaargh! *burries his face in his hands* I don't want to see any more.

Maya: Hey, don't give up! At least it's not you in this fic.

Phoenix: No, but it's stupid. It's so, so stupid! I feel like it's sucking my brain out through a straw.

Edgeworth: Get a grip on yourself! We're not even halfway through.

Phoenix: ... I'll be down here if you need me. *crouches down in front of his chair with his back turned towards the screen and his face hidden in his arms*

Maya: Look, she's transforming. She's already starting to forget how to use her articles.

Phoenix: *muffled noises of distress*

Maya: You know, I'm surprised the management lets you get away with this. What if we all went on strike like that?

Edgeworth: Let's not. I'm sure they're thinking of a new way to punish us as we speak.

Maya: "...and I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and that pesky werewolf!"

Maya: And now he's a gargoyle. Or a troll. Probably a troll.

Edgeworth: He wouldn't be the first one we encountered.

Maya: Good, she can put it in the attic with the rest of his leathery remains. Or hang it on the wall to complement her leg collection.

Edgeworth: Never think you think, as when you think you think, you don't think, you only think you think.

Phoenix: *muffled voice* Stop trying to impress her, Edgeworth! You're hurting my brain.

Edgeworth: I'm sorry, did you say something? I'm afraid I can't hear you from up here.

Phoenix: *muffled voice* Just ignore me.

Maya: Are you going to sit like that through the rest of the fic?

Phoenix: *muffled voice* Yes.

Maya: Well, okay. Maybe we can find some other use for you. *rests her legs on his shoulders* Ahh yes, this is much better.

Phoenix: *muffled grumbling*

Maya: I guess humans can lick, too. Right, Nick?

Phoenix: *muffled groan*

Maya: Wow, he must really hate her voice. Or her breath.

Edgeworth: Don't let her hear that if you treasure your life.

Maya: You won't tell on me, will you? *makes puppy-dog eyes*

Edgeworth: I see no reason to bring it up.

Maya: And that's why we don't buy the cheapest of the cheap werewolf collars, kids. Always pick the ones that close with pressure, not with a key.

Edgeworth: Although I would advise you not to keep a werewolf in your cellar to begin with. Assuming that werewolves were real, that is.

Edgeworth: Why were they closed before? Was his transformation boring him so much that he fell asleep?

Maya: And how did she see his eyes open when she was searching for the key? Was the key stuck in his eye?

Edgeworth: It was only his neck chain that was unlocked. If all the other chains do nothing to restrain him, then why did she waste so much time locking them?

Phoenix: She's still fidgeting with his chains? How much longer does this fic go on?

Edgeworth: Why don't you sit up and see for yourself?

Phoenix: *sigh* ...Alright. Maya, let me get up.

Maya: Aw, but you're such a nice foot stool.

[Maya takes her legs off Phoenix's back and he returns to his seat to watch the rest of the fic.]

Phoenix: If the chains on his body didn't hold him back, what are the chances that a simple door lock will?

Maya: Exactly! She should at least have put a chair under the door handle.

Phoenix: Somehow I doubt that would help.

Maya: ...I wonder if there's something you can repel werewolves with. Does garlic work on them? Or a stake to the heart?

Edgeworth: I believe it was silver bullets.

Phoenix: I guess you don't have many of those just lying around in your average household.

Maya: Well, that proves it, then. She should have picked a vampire.

Edgeworth: This implies that he is, in fact, still chained up. If that is the case, why did the chains not protect her from him?

Maya: The chains were probably too long. You know, like a dog leash. So he can move around... and, uh, strangle himself, I guess.

Phoenix: With his neck being chained up, how did he ever chase anything? Did the seagulls just fly into his open mouth?

Edgeworth: I can believe Franziska being tempted to take a peek. But to have a window installed in her cellar for the sole purpose of watching his transformations really stretches it.

Maya: Maybe it was a shop window. Oh, I know! Maybe her cellar used to be a pet shop. That would explain the seagulls, too.

Phoenix: I don't think they sell seagulls at the pet shop, Maya.

Maya: Well, of course they don't. Because Lang has eaten them all.

Phoenix: She finds that a door is the only thing separating them, and her first instinct is to run to the bedroom? If that doesn't cry "Darwin award", I don't know what does.

Maya: So now she's not even running anymore, she's just going.

Phoenix: Leading the way to the bedroom.

Edgeworth: *sighs* I see you're heading in the usual direction again.

Phoenix: I only repeated what it said in the fic.

Edgeworth: You have this unpleasant talent of putting an entirely different meaning into other people's words by "only repeating" them.

Phoenix: Okay, I'll try to tone it down again.

Phoenix: The fic isn't making it any less obvious, though.

Maya: The bedroom is probably just the room with the largest window. Or the easiest access to the roof. She only wants to escape.

Phoenix: Of course. That must be why she ran straight by the exit. After all, if he follows her onto the roof, she'll have a much better chance to outrun him and make it to safety.

Maya: Yes. See? It all makes sense.

Phoenix: Okay, now it makes slightly more sense. I still think it would be a better idea to save herself.

Edgeworth: I don't claim to be an expert on cryptozoology-

Maya: Crypt-o-zoo-what?

Edgeworth: ...Supernatural animal science.

Maya: Oh, right. Crippled zoochology.

Edgeworth: *cringes slightly* ...Either way, I'm not an expert, but I don't believe for a second that this... totem ornament or whatever it is has any effects on werewolves.

Phoenix: I think you're wrong, Edgeworth. Look closer. Can you see the words "plot device" written all over it?

Edgeworth: I see where this is going, but if that's how he phrased it, why has she not used it at the first chance in an attempt to cure him?

Maya: Because then the fic would have been over after ten sentences.

Edgeworth: I'm asking again: Why didn't she use it the first time he escaped if he specifically instructed her to do so?

Phoenix: Has she ever done anything she was told to do?

Edgeworth: She would if her life depended on it.

Phoenix: Okay, but even if she had wanted to, how exactly would she use a two-headed animal figurine? Hit him on the nose with it until he gives up? Her whip would do a much better job at that.

Phoenix: Such a twist. You think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to run upstairs?

Phoenix: Uhm, yes, she just said that.

Maya: But this time she pointed out that it was because of the werewolf. See, at first you could have thought it was Santa Claus or a giant bolder.

Edgeworth: And just to make sure every last reader gets the picture, there was a werewolf blocking her way.

Maya: And she was trapped.

Phoenix: By a werewolf.

Maya: I wonder what kind of beast it is. The author hasn't pointed it out for almost five seconds.

Phoenix: I still don't think that's going to work. Unless she throws a solid wood desk or closet or something like that, and I don't think she could do that.

Edgeword: Then again, if a misshapen metal totem can kill him, why not a flower vase? Or a pencil?

Maya: At least she obstacles will keep him fit, so he won't have to worry about the calories if he eats her.

Maya: And that's why we don't waste time throwing furniture while running for our lives, kids.

Phoenix: I think I see potential for a new show here. Fanfic PSA hour with Maya. How about it?

Speakers: The management would like to thank you for your suggestion, but you're not off the hook yet.

Phoenix: It was worth a try.

Edgeworth: The redundancy of this last sentence is redundant.

Maya: This author really likes writing the same thing twice. Franziska trying to remember when she remembers, being trapped by the werewolf while being trapped by the werewolf, painful pain...

Edgeworth: If these two events are to be related in any way, you should use a consistent tense, author. The way this is written implies that Franziska injured her head off screen and is only noticing this now as he attacks her.

Phoenix: Well, she did run around pretty aimlessly. She probably ran into a wall or dropped a lamp on her head while she was trying to throw it.

Phoenix: He didn't need her blood for that. The track of scattered and broken furniture would probably have clued him in.

Edgeworth: So it's a silver blade? Hm... fine, I'll accept it. If it's long and sharp enough, it could deal some damage to a werewolf, even though it would be far less effective than a silver bullet.

Phoenix: But it's still a melee weapon. Designed to fight something with superhuman strength, superhuman speed and superhuman claws and fangs. Just the fact that it exists sounds like a really stupid idea.

Maya: And still not a single neighbor cares. Do they just live in a neighborhood full of werewolves so screams and chase scenes are normal to them?

Phoenix: I wouldn't want to get invited to a barbecue party in that neighborhood.

Phoenix: Nope. Doesn't make any more sense now than it did before.

Phoenix: Why couldn't he get up the roof? Was it made of silver? *rubs his eyes* Oh god, this fic is stupid!

Maya: And we still don't have snacks! I'm getting kinda hungry...

Speakers: Please be patient. We will grant you a break at the end of this chapter.

Maya: Oh, good. It's almost time for lunch.

Phoenix: It's always "time for lunch" for you, Maya.

Edgeworth: There seems to be only one more page left in this chapter. Hopefully it won't take too long.

Edgeworth: Is she sitting on the roof, or in the attic? If it's the roof, she should not be able to see through the attic. If she's in the attic, his inability to climb the roof is completely irrelevant.

Maya: Maybe the roof is just really old and full of holes. She should get it fixed, or it'll rain into the attic and all her leather friends will get moldy.

Edgeworth: That won't solve anything. She would be much better advised to use the weapon against him, assuming she didn't drop it in her sleep.

Phoenix: My thoughts exactly.

Maya: That doesn't sound like a stutter. That sounds like she wants to make the word sound cool. Or maybe she killed him three times.

Phoenix: Which part of her night wear? One part was torn off, so I don't think that's it. Did she use the entire remaining part? Is she sitting on the roof naked?

Maya: Can't be. Her neighbors have a problem with naked bodies, remember?

Phoenix: Okay, then is she sitting naked in the attic?

Edgeworth: Let's just pretend one part was almost, but not quite torn off, and she used that.

Phoenix: So she was on the roof. The silver roof. With the peepholes in it. On her house with the window in the cellar.

Maya: That must be one weird-looking house.

Maya: Wouldn't it be safer to kill him while he's not looking?

Edgeworth: That would obviously make too much sense, Maya.

Maya: Oh. You're right.

Edgeworth: ...And to truly drive home the seriousness of this scene, agent Lang is now apparently a rubber ball.

Maya: Haha. I bet he makes squeaky noises, too.
Phoenix: Well, that was a brief moment of appreciation. It felt kind of anticlimactic.

Phoenix: Right, because I'm sure all the other time, she wants to be really fat and twenty feet tall. Also, having a "petite stature" is such a great advantage when fighting someone who, again, has superhuman strength, speed, claws and fangs.

Phoenix: No! Really?

Phoenix: You know, I think she can let go of him now that she got the knife in. I mean, she isn't making any attempt to pull it out, this was clearly all she wanted to do, so what is she still doing there?

Maya: Maybe she's hoping that she will have a soft landing if he falls on top of him.

Edgeworth: Or a particularly painful one if he falls on top of her.

Maya: Oh. I didn't think of that.

Edgeworth: Now he... what is it he's doing now? Melting? Sporting a fever? Spontaneously combusting?

Phoenix: I'm pretty sure she should feel it and not just hear it. Unless she turned into a zombie... or fell asleep again while they crashed into the pavement.

Edgeworth: I don't think that was part of the problem. The fall, yes. Being fried in mid-air without explanation, definitely. Franziska's weight minimally adding to the impact? I doubt it.

Phoenix: Must have taken a while after he boiled up like that.

Phoenix: I already kew all this? Then why is she telling me about it? This fic could have been so much shorter! And how did I convince the judde that the victim was a werewolf? Hello? Any explanation?

Maya: I guess the author didn't want to write the real scene, because that would have been too interesting. We can't have that.

Phoenix: I didn't. I'm still only communicating in dot-dot-dots.

Edgeworth: I take it that's the author's explanation for the unnecessary length of this fanfic.

Phoenix: It still doesn't explain why she told me a story I had already put together. Or why she dragged it out in such great detail.

Phoenix: Did she forget my name?

Maya: You should wear a name tag, Nick.

Phoenix: What am I, a cashier? And before you ask, I don't want a dog tag either.

Maya: This author really doesn't know how to write a stutter, huh? At least they got the one in "thank you" right.

Edgeworth: One: No, it doesn't. Two: There are no walls in front of her, unless you are building a Lego tower on the table.

Phoenix: I think that's a possibility if they have Lego at the detention center. I would have gotten bored three hours ago with all the talking about things I already knew.

Edgeworth: Three: Why would she want to show affection out of the blue?

Maya: That last dot-dot-dot must have been really meaningful.

Maya: Even more! You're really buttering her up now, aren't you?

Phoenix: Sure, why not? I'll do anything as long as she just stops talking.

Phoenix: Lana? Or Ema? What do they have to do with anything?

[The lights suddenly turn on as the fic stops playing. The familiar sound of the unlocking doors are heard.]

Phoenix: Oh thank goodness, we're finally done. Please tell me the next chapter will be shorter!

Edgeworth: *skimming over the script* It seems like it. All of these- *separates a thick stack of pages from the rest of the script* -belong to chapter 2.

Phoenix: Well, at least it can only get better now... right?

Maya: Aren't you scared of your punishment?

Phoenix: Can't I get away with a bit of rulebreaking just this once?

Edgeworth: I wouldn't count on it. It's usually a bad sign when the management remains this silent about it.

Phoenix: Thanks for your encouraging words, Edgeworth. *sweats*

Maya: Anyway, hurry up! I'm starving!

[And so our sporkers leave the theater once more. What will await them in the next chapter? How will Phoenix be punished? Will there be snacks? Only the future can tell.]

Thank you! I'll certainly ask you to proofread when I finished a spork. I think I'll read the sporks from the old thread first, to see what happened in theater (Maya knows Kay, Edgeworth reads Steel Samurai manga etc).

Meanwhile, I found an... Interesting fic. It's a cross over with my little pony
http://m.fanfiction.net/s/9179626/1/Pho ... ht-Contest
I won't be sporking it, but it's really worth sporking.

I have decided to give this a chance, and I will use the story so generously suggested by Ceence. I have no idea whether or not I'll do a good job, but here goes nothing.

I give this story: - What the hell is going on?

Today's sporkers are:

- I wonder if I should try running away...

- Did I hear something about ponies?!

And of course, everyone's favorite:

- Just...why?

-

Edgeworth was sitting calmly on one of the three chairs in the room. He was mentally listing things worth living for: truth, the Steel Samurai...and, well, he hadn't gotten much further due to the distraction of the horrible task that awaited him.

Then suddenly the doors flew open and a very high pitched scream brought him out of his hard-fought relative comfort zone. The voice belonged to no other than Phoenix Wright, who had been rather forcefully thrown in. His assistant Maya, on the other hand, just casually walked in holding a candy bar and waved goodbye to the guard as the doors closed behind them.

Phoenix: All I asked for was a glass of water!

Maya: Did you try the puppy dog eyes? It always seems to do the trick with these guys!

Phoenix: I'm pretty sure that would only make matters worse.

Maya: Well at least you have a masculine scream...Oh hey, Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: Maya, Wright. Nice to see you again, although I wish it were under better circumstances.

Phoenix: They got you too, huh?

Edgeworth: No, Wright, I enjoy these sprokings so much I've decided to move into this room. I've got a tent in that closet over there.

Phoenix: Think we can block the screen with it?

Edgeworth: I was joking.

Phoenix: You can make jokes?

Maya: Oooh, BURN!

Edgeworth: Some things never change...

*The sproking of 'Phoenix Wright Contest' will now begin!*

Phoenix: Wait, the Phoenix Wright what now?



Maya: Wow Nick you're older than I thought!

Phoenix: What...what are those numbers even supposed to mean?!

Edgeworth: It's like it's attempting to communicate...



Edgeworth: Overruled.



Maya: That's what we want to know!



Edgeworth: What witness? And what other pony?

Phoenix: That's your first train of thought? I was thinking something more along the lines of WHAT THE HELL ARE PONIES DOING IN THE COURTROOM?

Edgeworth: Good point.



Phoenix: Glad at least fic-me is happy.

Maya: Cheer up Nick! Look at all the pretty ponies!

Phoenix: I'll try to contain my happiness.



Maya: What's a trixie? Is it a verb or a noun?

Edgeworth: I believe it is a name, but I can't see any capital letter...

Phoenix: Is he/she/it angry at me or what?

Maya: Probably!

Phoenix: Great.



All: Overruled.



Phoenix: Thank you, fic-me, that's what we all want to know. Could you also tell us why there are ponies in a courtroom?



Edgeworth: Weren't we talking about a pony just now?



Maya: Maybe it wasn't attached properly to the horn.

Edgeworth: So is Trixie a pony or a unicorn?

Phoenix: Are we even sure it's a person...pony...gah!



Edgeworth: Well, so far you're in character, Wright.

Phoenix: What do you mean? Nothing I said made any sense!

Edgeworth: Precisely.



Maya: And neither do we!



Phoenix: Who?

Edgeworth: Mind explaining how you know this pony, Wright?

Phoenix: You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?



Maya: The pony speaks for all of us!



Edgeworth: So naturally you know her, Wright.

Maya: Look at you relaxing and making jokes, Mr. Edgeworth! Gumshoe would be proud.



Maya: I thought she wasn't around and nobody knew of her?

Edgeworth: Clearly the author forgot what he or she wrote just a few sentences ago.



Edgeworth: Spelled with a capital T this time around. We're making progress.



Maya: S*it just got real!



Edgeworth: Another stroke of genius, Wright.

Phoenix: *mutter mutter mutter*



Maya: What is this I don't even...



Maya: Who?

Edgeworth: What stick?



Phoenix: I'd also be shocked if I were at a trial full of ponies.

Maya: You ARE at a trial full of ponies!

Phoenix: That's NOT me!



Edgeworth: Once again you're in character, Wright. This author is starting to impress me.

Phoenix: Okay, now I'm convinced you're actually enjoying this!



Phoenix: Once again, who?



Maya: I'm sure this is the first time someone hasn't wanted to enter a courthouse.



Maya: That would be very helpful.



Edgeworth: Enter*

Phoenix: Who's the porcupine man?

Maya: Spider-Man's long lost cousin?

Phoenix: ...



Phoenix: How did what hurt?

Maya: *Slaps Phoenix on the back of his head*

Phoenix: Aouch!

Maya: Just making sure you can still feel pain.



Edgeworth: Wait, transferring questions?

Phoenix: I guess they're moving our questions to a place where they'll never, ever be answered.



Edgeworth: That guard is not qualified to make any judicial decisions. Also, what happened to the bailiff? Has he been replaced by someone called Guard?



Maya: Ah yes, 'Reapers'. The immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in dark space. We have dismissed that claim.



Phoenix: What counts as strange in this story?



Edgeworth: Who is this guard and why is he in the courtroom during a trial?

Phoenix: Why is he whispering?

Maya: He's about to tell you something very interesting, you just wait!



All:...

Maya: That's why he whispered?!

Edgeworth: How would a unicorn hold something if it didn't use its mouth?

Phoenix: Who IS this unicorn?!



Phoenix: Wow...thanks for the help.



Maya: EPIC PLOT TWIST!

Edgeworth: I don't even know where to begin correcting that sentence.



Phoenix: Why are the guards running the show and why are they stealing my lines?

Maya: What was a unicorn doing with a bag?

Edgeworth: Maybe it was looking for proper sentence structure and decent grammar.



Maya: Did...did we miss something important?

Phoenix: I think someone's hooves matched something.

Maya: Whose hooves matched what?

Phoenix: Something about a unicorn and a bag.

Maya: Nick, you're defending someone! You should pay closer attention!



Phoenix: What bush?

Edgeworth: And you keep guessing without submitting any evidence to the court. You're still in character, Wright, be thankful for that.

Phoenix: Edgeworth I swear to God...



Edgeworth:...My brain hurts from trying to make sense of this sentence.



Phoenix: Who?

Maya: Dings?



Maya: Alright, ding you later!



Edgeworth: And that was how Fluttershy was convicted of assault.



All: We do mind!



Edgeworth: The Judge asked a pony without a question mark.



Phoenix: Who are you, where did you come from and how come everyone can just come and go as they please?

Kay: Hey guys!

Maya: Hey!

Kay: Bye guys!



Maya: Getting a bit racist are we, Nick?

Phoenix: I don't even know what fic-me is talking about!

Edgeworth: And fic-you clearly has no idea how to properly construct a sentence.



Phoenix: What, exactly? Was it a bag or a bush? And do these ponies have hands?



Edgeworth: I can only assume we're talking about a unicorn now.

Phoenix: And it was dark when something happened.

Maya: And they were carrying something with their mouth...Hey we're getting closer to figuring out the mystery!



Phoenix: Okay.



Edgeworth: You're jumping to conclusions, Wright.

Phoenix: Don't pretend you have any idea what's going on!

Edgeworth: You still didn't prove anything. Why isn't the prosecution raising an objection?

Maya: Because not even the author has any idea what's happening?

Edgeworth: Touché



Maya: Something very exciting is about to happen, apparently.



Phoenix: Wait, who's Applebloom?



Edgeworth: That's the third time so far, she should either take it off or they should close the windows.



Maya: Way to go Nick! I never doubted you for a second!

Phoenix: Thank you! Now if you could just tell me what I'm winning and how...

(Alright guys, I might continue this tomorrow, but I feel as if I have lost several IQ points trying to make sense of what's happening. Anyway, I have to go to bed now.)

---

Last edited by Thane on Sat Jul 20, 2013 7:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

@Thane: Good start, nice work there. I'll just get my suggestions for improvement out of the way before I'll comment on the excellent parts, so bear with me, okay?

-It would be better to have the sporking happen in present tense, since this is the thing we have done all the time. It also adds to the feeling of something exciting or unexpected waiting to happen, but that could be just me.

-The sporking theater has more than only three chairs. It's a theater, after all. Also, there have been other sporks in which a larger number of seats appeared.

-When you want to have the management say something (I assume they were saying the "The sporking will now begin" part), ideally just write their lines like all of the other sporkers, just putting "speakers" instead of a name.

-I'm pret-ty sure Maya refers to Gumshoe as "detective Gumshoe", but it's hard to tell, because she hasn't mentioned him in a long time, neither in games nor in the sporking theater. (Phoenix officially seems to go a bit back and forth between using and not using the "detective" part.)

-There are a few missing commas in your sentences (specifically when someone is adressed, as in "Once again you're in character Wright". He's not located within the character Wright, he is the character Wright and is being told he's not in character.)

-It would be nice if you could write a sort of ending to your spork. Things like how the sporkers react to the fic being over, what they do afterwards, or whatever else feels like a nice closure to you.


Now to the things I liked about your spork:

-Edgeworth "mentally listing things worth living for". I'm not gonna lie, that one really cracked me up. XD

-You commenting on Phoenix's high pitched nervous voice, because this is one of the things I really like about him.

-Maya being buddy-buddy with the guard. I wonder if, another ten or twenty sporks in the future, we'll eventually see Maya and the management being best friends. ^^

-I don't know why, but somehow the way you wrote the characters made me hear Phoenix and Maya's voices as those from the fan musical. I don't know how you did that, but I like it.

-Since I complained about missing commas, I should also praise you for correctly spelling "Spider-Man". A lot of people over the internet seem to get his name wrong.

My favorite scenes from your sporking:

-Maya scolding Phoenix for not paying enough attention to the unicorn

-"I've got a tent in that closet over there"

-"It's like it's attempting to communicate..."

-Phoenix: I guess they're moving our questions to a place where they'll never, ever be answered.

-Phoenix: Who are you, where did you come from and how come everyone can just come and go as they please?
Kay: Hey guys!
-> This was another really great moment. Very funny. :D



Interesting trivia: I checked the game scripts, and it turns out the only interacting "Guard" in the Phoenix games was Mike Meekins. Make of that what you will.

Ahem... soooo... the lack of reactions tells me I did something wrong, but I'm not sure what it is, so I'll go ahead and post the second half of my spork and hope that someone will tell me their opinion. I don't like fishing for things, but I'd hate to see the thread die because of something I did that I'm not aware of.


TODAY'S SPORK:
Shi-Long Lang is a jerk and Phoenix speaks... but that only makes matters worse. Meanwhile, one of our sporkers is not enjoying his punishment.
I'm sorry about the overlong parts in the "theater". Please forgive me, I tried to cut it short, but honestly found myself unable to do better. I blame my hit-and-miss curse.

Rating:
Two Sahwits. It's not as bad as the last part, but still very much out of character.

Speakers: Ahem. This is a formal announcement from the management. Due to recent violations of our sporking rules, today's half of the fic in question will not be screened in our popular sporking theater. Instead, we made a few... special preparations.

Maya: Can we take off the blindfolds now? I keep bumping into people. And I think I felt more than two. Did we get an extra sporker?

Franziska: That would be me, yes.

Phoenix: *gulp* Oh hi, Ms. von Karma.

Maya: Didn't we already drop her last name?

Phoenix: Not while I'm blindfolded and trapped in a... a... a thing with her.

Franziska: Hmph. Still easily intimidated, I see.

Speakers: Anyway: Yes, you can take off the blindfolds now. Please take a seat. We advise Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth to choose seats with full view of the screen. Also, you will find snacks, refreshments and a couple of spare paper bags under your seats.

Maya: Yay!

Edgeworth: Paper...bags?

[Our sporkers dispose of their blindfolds to face a circular room with a single screen hanging from the wall. A row of seats is lined up against the inner circular wall.]

Phoenix: Wait... The... the room? It...

Maya: Huh? It looks like the room is all windows. It's good they built this middle wall in here, or the screen would be really hard to make out.

Franziska: What foolish fool of an architect is responsible for this? That person should be fired on the spot.

Edgeworth: It appears to be a converted gyro tower. The management must have friends at the local amusement park.

Franziska: A gyro tower? To watch fanfics in? What foolishness is this?

Maya: Wow, this is so cool! We're really high up in here. And look, it's spinning!

Phoenix: (Why...? Whyyyyy?!)

Maya: Oh! The fic started playing. *quickly sits down and starts munching on a bucket full of popcorn*

Edgeworth: That's right... Franziska, did you have a chance to read the script for this one?

Franziska: I was given no such thing. Why do you ask?

Edgeworth: I don't want to alarm you, but... *has second thoughts* -Actually, let's just see how things develop for this one.

Maya: Hey look, I'm in this fic, too! Well, not really... but kind of.

Phoenix: That's g-great, Maya.

Maya: Hm? You haven't even touched your snacks yet. What are you waiting for?

Phoenix: Take them... take all of them... I... (I don't think I can survive this for long!)

Maya: Looks like you're still talking in dot-dot-dots, Nick.

Franziska: Does anyone actually ever ask this? I was under the impression that a spirit knows when they're being channelled.

Maya: They should. I mean, I think? I never really thought about that. Hey, Nick! Do you know if--

Phoenix: Noidon'tknowidon'tcarejustdon'ttalktomerightnow!!! *whipcrack* Eep!

Franziska: I won't tolerate this rudeness, Phoenix Wright!

Maya: What, does he want to order a pizza first?

Phoenix: N... p-perhaps... hewouldliketotakethismomenttothankallthewonderfulpeopleinhislifewho... gave him the... op-por... tunity... *whipcrack* OWWWWW!

Franziska: Speak clearly! And what's the matter with you?

Phoenix: This... t-tower!

Franziska: You should keep your eyes on the screen, then.

Phoenix: I'm trying! And whyamI th-the only onebeingeffected bythis?

Edgeworth: Don't look at me. This much is nothing compared to a transatlantic flight.

Phoenix: (Ah, right... I forgot he could do that!)

Franziska: What is it with those unnecessary ellipses?

Maya: That's Nick talking. He doesn't really speak in this fic.

Franziska: Does he express his comments in pantomime?

Franziska: That's something I would like to hear as well. What did happen in the first half?

Maya: Well, uh, you sort of killed him. And he was your boyfriend. Also, he was a werewolf.

Franziska: What? Who in their right mind...? That doesn't even begin to make sense!

Edgeworth: When was the last time any oft these fics made sense?

Franziska: That's no excuse.

Franziska: It's "ask", not "asked". Foolish fool of an author...

Maya: I don't think spirits ever really ask to be channelled. *dives for a fresh supply of snacks* Oh, hey Nick! There's a pair of goggles under your seat.

Edgeworth: Those are binoculars. I suppose to help you get a better view of the screen.

Phoenix: I'lltakethem! I'lltakeanything! JustaslongasIdon'thavetolookout!

Franziska: Hm. If I understand the quality of the previous chapters from what you told me, I would say that his death might have been an honest improvement in that way.

Phoenix: *murmurs* She sounds unusually friendly. I...is she enjoying herself? I don't believe it...

Edgeworth: *murmurs back* She must be. She hasn't made use of her whip in a while.

Edgeworth: Wouldn't it be nice of the author to clue us in as to what these papers are?

Maya: Maybe they're the delivery papers for his pizza.

Phoenix: I'm not a delivery boy, Maya.

Franziska: Perhaps you should be... at least delivery boys get tipped on occasion.

Phoenix: I'm doing just fine, thank you. (At least until Maya breaks something again...)

Phoenix: So that leaves, what, the fridge? All the other things were either destroyed by him or tossed around by her.

Maya: You're forgetting her bronzed leg collection.

Franziska: My what?

Maya: It's a long story. But basically, your house is a horror museum.

Franziska: My house...?

Edgeworth: Yes, with the perforated silver roof and the shopping window in the cellar.

Maya: It used to be a pet shop. You're all out of seagulls now. But you have an army of leathery skin zombies in your attic.

Franziska: Where on Earth do they find these fics?

Edgeworth: I can relate. I get the same feeling almost every time we have to spork something.

Edgeworth: Gotta love how he just ignored your entire spiel to cut straight to Franziska.

Franziska: You can't blame him. I prefer my own company to Phoenix Wright's idle monologues any time.

Phoenix: (Um, I'm pretty sure my "monologuing" is really just me looking for some interaction and everybody else refusing to oblige.)

Phoenix: If I told Maya to channell him, I should already know that. Even if she just channelled him randomly without telling me, he just signed a paper for me, so I would know his name from that. Last but not least, it would have come up in court!

Maya: Maybe he just wanted to introduce himself to the guard in the background?

Franziska: So are these cousins of his also werewolves? It makes you wonder what would happen if one of them channelled a spirit during a full moon. Would the channelled spirit also transform into a werewolf, or would it prevent the transformation from occurring?

Maya: Hm, that's a really good question.

Phoenix: "About some" years ago? How vague can it get?

Edgeworth: Let's see: "I believe I met sis around an unspecified period of time roughly falling in the not too distant proximity of about some years ago."

Phoenix: Good job, Edgeworth. Why don't you get yourself a gold star?

Edgeworth: ...and apparently desperate enough to steal puns from a homicidal dead girl he never met in his life...


Phoenix: In other words, as far as he could throw her. *waits anxiously* ...Nothing?

Edgeworth: She's... eating popcorn.

Phoenix: Say what?!

Maya: Well, some of us are trying to have a good time, you know.

Phoenix: (Almost makes me want to drop the binoculars and take a peek. Almost.)

Edgeworth: I'm inclined to say that he had a lot of practice, but the fact that he still brags about it even after his death makes it sound like a child catching a foul ball during a baseball game.

Franziska: Either way, I caught him in the end. *crunch, crunch*

Maya: Did he wear a bandage over his nose for days after that?

Franziska: Was that also a part of the first half of this fic?

Phoenix: That and his overly dramatic howling when you struck him.

Franziska: I'll have to take a look at that script later.

Phoenix: (Somehow I get the feeling that she doesn't like this Lang guy very much.)

Phoenix: Implying that he's the kind of guy who does? Hm, fits the other clues in the first part, I guess...

Edgeworth: Do we have to play this game again? Maya...

Maya: Bad Nick! Bad! *whacks him with a half-empty bag of chips*

Phoenix: That didn't really hurt. *whipcrack* OW!

Franziska: Always glad to help out. *turns back to eating her popcorn*

Phoenix: Why would I even want to know that?

Maya: Because you're a bad dog.

Edgeworth: Yes, we get it. He's dead.

Maya: Maybe he just doesn't like his work anymore in hindsight.

Phoenix: Oh goodie. Another fic full of things we don't need to hear.

Maya: What's a nai nai?

Edgeworth: I assume it's a parent or grandparent. Although why he suddenly feels the need to code his family members with something other than wolf metaphors is beyond me.

Phoenix: Then how come the wolf didn't eat him?

Maya: How do you make a deal with a wolf anyway?

Franziska: He should have kept tending to at least a small patch of his farmland. Even a few potted vegetables on the balcony would have done to survive.

Edgeworth: It's not only what he should have done, I'm also wondering how he managed to just up and quit farming when there was a war going on at the time. You'd think someone would have noticed and put him in his place for denying his people a much needed supply of food. And how did he plan to sneak his kill past the soldiers undoubtedly scattered all over the place?

Maya: How?

Phoenix: I don't think the author is going to explain it, Maya.

Maya: But it's the alpha male! Why was it not there when he stole the food? Did it need a time out?

Franziska: Perhaps it went to hide from the author because it predicted what an embarrassing fic this was to become. Wolves are very intelligent, you know.

Maya: Oh, good point! I bet that was it.

Edgeworth: And where exactly is it said? In fairy tales, animal themed comic books or simply the local tabloid newspaper?

Franziska: Don't let the bad wording fool you. There is indeed a long history of interactions between humans and animals. You need only think of a jockey and his horse, or a shephard and his herding dog.

Edgeworth: Do you think I'm not aware of this? However, I find it hard to believe that the author had this kind of communication in mind.

Maya: You can sure tell it's a bad fic when even the wolves are out of character.

Phoenix: Oh, wow. Looks like the wolves got a really good deal out of it, huh? I can see why the alpha male was put in time out.

Maya: Yeah, I mean really? It didn't even get its pack's food back. That's pretty pathetic.

Phoenix: It's even worse. By allowing this idiot's family into its pack, this alpha has just lost them even more food. Because now they have to share everything with them.

Edgeworth: Speaking of which, pass me the corn chips, please.

Phoenix: You, too? How can you people enjoy this???

Phoenix: You mean people knew that he was a werewolf? And they didn't kill him? Or at least secure him somehow?

Franziska: They were clearly too busy admiring his hunting skills.

Edgeworth: ...which cost them even more of their already scarce food supply.

Maya: See? I told you they were all on Weight Watchers.

Phoenix: Yeah, no. That's not how it works.

Phoenix: So... he... his hunting skills had nothing to do with being a werewolf? What, did the wolves teach him their superior sniping skills?

Edgeworth: If your voice gets any higher, you'll make the glass shatter.

Phoenix: Don't...don't even joke about that, Edgeworth! *gulp*

Edgeworth: Just for the sake of nitpicking: The name was forever tied to him and his kin.

Franziska: It looks like your fictional self has finally awoken from his sleep, Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix: Maybe I came back from a really important lunch break. There's no way I would willingly listen to all that.

Franziska: Is that so? It shows in your unpreparedness in court.

Phoenix: Yet somehow I still beat you. Several times.

Maya: Yeah, but she beat you plenty in other ways. In and outside of court.

Phoenix: You're not supposed to remind me of that!

Franziska: Be grateful! Your assistent just spared you a much more painful reminder.

Phoenix: Oh good, it shouldn't have made that much of a difference then.

Maya: Wasn't that kinda his ancestor's part of the pact?

Phoenix: So now he's even cheating the wolves out of what little they got in return. Okay, it wasn't a big benefit for them to begin with, but still.

Edgeworth: I can think of a dozen professions that have more to do with nature than any interpretation of "military service".

Maya: What's an evidnet? Is it like a big scoop net for werewolves? Or soldiers?

Edgeworth: I think it's a misspelling of "evident". Not that it made more sense that way. Maybe he wanted to say that the connection between nature and military services was only evident to the men of his clan.

Franziska: Ah, yes - when in doubt, always state the obvious. The two of them work so well together in this fic. I see they keep up the tradition of everyone using the assistant's body instantly becoming the assistant.

Maya: Well, it's only fair, isn't it? You can't expect Nick to solve everything by himself.

Edgeworth: How very true.

Phoenix: Stop giving me that look. I can feel it.

Phoenix: Not really. A better neck chain would have helped. Or better timing, instead of waiting until the last minute to lock him up.

Maya: What, did he fall off a cliff?

Phoenix: Did his battery run out?

Edgeworth: Did he feel the sudden urge to burst into song?

Franziska: Did he start yawning over his own ramblings?

Phoenix: Unfortunately, she couldn't handle him all that well. *whipcrack* Oww!

Franziska: Bad dog! Bad!

Phoenix: (Great, now she's doing it. I'll never live this down.)

Edgeworth: You need to learn to keep your mouth shut.

Franziska: Let's have a moment of silent appreciation for the author's awareness that one plus one equals two. I see education has not failed them.

Phoenix: I know the feeling. My first instinct when I see her is to escape, too. *whipcrack* Ow!

Edgeworth: Let Franziska have her snack in peace, will you?

Maya: We should patent this as the Phoenix diet: Every time you try to eat a snack, he makes you put it down to punish him.

Franziska: Next time, those binoculars will come off. Then we shall see how much he has to say.

Phoenix: Not the binoculars!!

Phoenix: Especially the last one. Boy, did that ever take a lot out of him! Like his life, for instance. And a bit of material for the forensic team.

Edgeworth: He lived with the transformations for 35 years and they started with puberty, making him approximately 49 years old at the time of death. The previous chapters stated that they had been together for 18 months, making him 47 or 48 at the time they got together. How much more "officially mature" did he think he'd get? Also, there's an unnecessary comma in the last sentence.

Maya: Looks like you two think alike.

Phoenix: Well, that's one way to mature, I guess.

Edgeworth: We really do at times. You have no idea what I would give right now to not pick up on his innuendo.

Edgeworth: So apparently humans are now currency.

Edgeworth: We all do. And as soon as he forgets the last threat, we'll hear it, too.

Phoenix: (...must not joke about Franziska, I must not joke about Franziska, I must not...)

Franziska: He's learning. You should give him a biscuit.

Phoenix: Uh, no thanks.

Maya: This sentence is a screwed bit up.

Phoenix: No, he doesn't need me preaching. He can do that just fine by himself.

Maya: Yes, I remember. The fortified room with the window in it. With the chains that didn't really hold him back.

Phoenix: And the fortified simple doorlock.

Maya: And he whined loud and often about it.

Franziska: If he's so big and soft that the cuffs bruise him even through his fur, he really should lose some weight.

Maya: It's all because of the seagulls. They just kept flying into his mouth.

Phoenix: I don't think workout counts as rest.

Franziska: No no, it's "work out", not workout.

Maya: He's probably playing sudoku or something.

Franziska: Which is exactly why I would consider it a waste of time. See? It all makes perfect sense.

Phoenix: Okay, but falling asleep for the whole day doesn't count as workout or working out.

Maya: Maybe the sudokus were so easy he could literally solve them in his sleep.

Maya: They just don't make sudokus like they used to, back in the olden days.

Edgeworth: Frankly, I don't think there was ever a time when sudokus were hard.

Maya: Yeah, they're not exactly the final boss of puzzle games. I'm looking at you, 999!

Phoenix: You don't even have a DS, Maya.

Phoenix: That's about the dumbest self-proclaimed wisdom I have ever heard.

Edgeworth: I'm willing to accept its parents for obvious genetic reasons, but said parents' nurturing qualities or lack thereof have no effect whatsoever on the fact that their offspring is a wolf. Bad parenting won't turn it into a giraffe. And while it's true that a wolf is by definition a wolf, the mere statement that "a wolf is a wolf because it's a wolf" holds no ground.

Maya: Oh, so it was the spark that burned him to death later.

Franziska: I thought I was the one killing him?

Maya: You were, kind of... he also fell from the balcony. If you hadn't landed on top of him, he probably would have shot himself and drank poison, too.

Edgeworth: And now the author is lying to us. It was plainly stated in the second chapter that he had told her the mysterious metal object would cure him. Obviously, we know that was not the case, but she believed him until she discovered the hidden blade. So she was under the impression that she could put an end to his transformations at any given time!

Franziska: I can see why the author chose to forget about this little detail.

Edgeworth: Interpol is an organization. It's not a title.

Phoenix: I take it you're out of snacks?

Edgeworth: I'm saving the rest for Kay. I like to keep her happy during the sporking season, for absolutely no reason whatsoever. *eyes speakers*

Phoenix: Even the author noticed the similarities between this fic and Twilight. Why did they leave it in?

Phoenix: Uh... that doesn't sound like a good way to handle a werewolf to me.

Maya: Maybe that's just their standard procedure to release their patients when nobody wants them and the rooms are getting too crowded.

Franziska: I have to agree with him on this.

Edgeworth: I suppose it's a matter of supply and demand.

Franziska: Even if it's possible: What would one do with such a degree?

Edgeworth: Open a school for "spirit mediums"?

Maya: I don't think the teachers in Kurain need a degree for that.

Phoenix: How romantic.

Edgeworth: "Upon". The word you were looking for is "upon", or simply "on" her personage. If you want to write formally, do it properly!

Phoenix: So, did he have to give this weapon to the person he trusted most?

Maya: And would they have to kill him with it?

Edgeworth: Would he have to be killed with the weapon he gave to the person he trusted most?

Franziska: I suppose we'll never know. If only he could have elaborated on this subject a bit more.

Maya: Maybe he should give the knife to the person he trusts most.

Phoenix: You don't mean...!

Maya: Yes! To kill him with it!

Phoenix: Brilliant! What a totally unexpected twist that hasn't been repeated to death at all!

Edgeworth: If these men had any sense of honor or responsibility, they would never put their wives in this position.

Phoenix: I guess he's not very honorable.

Franziska: I do remember that man and his attitude problem. I wouldn't put it past him to act that way.

Edgeworth: I think you're being a bit harsh on him. He wasn't that bad... but yes, he had an attitude.

Maya: Oh, right, that was also in the first half.

Franziska: I don't see why I would want to become a wolf when they're as imbecile and weak as this fic makes them appear.

Phoenix: I don't know. To stay warm in winter? (I mean, she does walk around in the snow in her light dress a lot...)

Phoenix: Yeah, never saw that coming. She's usually so mild and submissive.

Maya: That was probably the exercise trail she made for him.

Franziska: Exercise trail?

Maya: Yes, where you ran through the hallway throwing furniture left and right so he could catch up with you.

Edgeworth: It made slightly more sense in context. But not by far.

Edgeworth: The balcony. She was standing on the balcony. And before that, she was sitting on the roof, looking through the holes. Where did this corridor come from?

Phoenix: Why only there? The fic said that his whole body was "searing hot" after they fell from the balcony.

Phoenix: I'd really like to know what I'm saying there. Am I laughing with him? Or telling him to stop laughing?

Edgeworth: Perhaps you're asking him for more important and relevant details. Like the exact shade of black he saw, or how he could see it when he was dead.

Phoenix: Maybe by rephrasing his autopsy report so there was "a possibility he lived for several minutes after crashing into the ground".

Edgeworth: For the last time, Wright: It's my responsibility to eliminate all possible doubts I might have with a faulty piece of evidence.

Phoenix: Exactly. You eliminated them alright, with a faulty piece of evidence. *whipcrack* Ow!

Franziska: Play nicely, children!

Franziska: Yes, I see we are making progress. Eyes that aren't open are indeed closed.

Maya: Looks like the author isn't completely sure about it yet.

Franziska: It's easy to put to the test. Just take a picture of yourself with your eyes closed, and one before opening them. We can wait.

Phoenix: Better not. The fic is already dragging.

Maya: I thought his eyes were closed.

Phoenix: So they were closed? And now they're open? Or closed? I... I don't know anymore.

Edgeworth: Apparently moving by itself.

Phoenix: I'd love to see the look on his face when he found the random body parts on the wall and in the attic.

Edgeworth: If he noticed them at all. This is detective Gumshoe we're talking about.

Phoenix: Okay, good point.

Maya: Why is Lang's spirit still in the house? He was outside when he died. Did he get back inside to get a salami sandwich?

Phoenix: You mean his mother who gave him the murder weapon?

Maya: And why is he still there? I could understand following Franziska, but watching his own ashes being displayed and burried? And hanging out in his house for no reason? His afterlife must be really boring.

Phoenix: Oh, okay, I can answer this question. Because I'm pretty sure Edgeworth would have hurt me if I had refused to defend her.

Franziska: I agree. He does have his troubles keeping his nose out of other people's business.

Edgeworth: Are you trying to tell me something, Franziska?

Franziska: Not at all.

Phoenix: Uhm, I think she can recognize her own feelings about that without needing me to tell her. Also, just telling her "by the way, you would now be glad" won't automatically make her glad. It'll probably just annoy her. Or make her really, really mad at me. And he didn't even say that she was the only woman for him, he just said that she would be glad to know that.

Phoenix: And I think she would like to have a say in this as well.

Maya: She's still sitting here, listening to you narrating her point of view, you know?

Phoenix: Er...

Franziska: No, go ahead. It's very satisfying to see you take the view of a reasonable person for a change. It shows me that you can, in fact, think logically.

Maya: Now he's just trying to piss her off.

Phoenix: If fic-me is dumb enough to deliver that message, he deserves to be whipped.

Franziska: Now you see how it is for me talking to you, don't you?

Phoenix: I'm not that stupid.

Edgeworth: No, but you are that oblivious.

Maya: That ungrateful jerk!

Franziska: Don't listen to his rude comments. It's obvious that he only wants attention at this point.

Phoenix: He didn't even check, or he would have noticed that the body changes during the channelling. It's the hair and the clothes that stay the same.

Maya: I bet my hair looks better than his anyway!

Edgeworth: Stop being lazy, author! If you can't be bothered to do your research, at least finish your excuse.

Phoenix: At least they seemed to feel bad about it. Look at that sad emoticon.

Phoenix: I think I'll keep it that way. I can't think of anything I would want this author to write for me. And I'll ignore that comment comparing me to this egotistic werewolf guy.

Phoenix: Um...ew?

Maya: Definitely ew.

Franziska: How... how did he even get it in there?

Edgeworth: I'd rather not know the details.

Phoenix: Yeah, I would cry, too. Just opening that envelope would gross me out.

Phoenix: *whispering in Maya's direction* Is he comparing her to his musk?

Maya: *whispering back* I think he is. And "just how you like it"? That sounds like he's expecting her to make a cocktail out of it, or have it for breakfast or something. That's gross.

Franziska: What are the two of you whispering about?

Maya: Ah! W-we, um, j-just wondered how much longer the fic is.

Edgeworth: She's standing right in front of it. There is no thinking required.

Maya: That's the one thing she remembers about him? I hope when I die some day, I won't be remembered as "the girl who didn't do dishes".

Phoenix: Because that's how tears work, right? You just drop them like eggs from a torn grocery bag.

Edgeworth: ...When and where?

Phoenix: *mumbles* Last Thursday on the stairs to my apartment. How did you know?

Phoenix: Make up your mind already!

Franziska: Franziska von Karma says: 'What a foolish fool who puts his foolishly foolish words into quotes'.

Phoenix: (Did she just do that deliberately?)

Phoenix: Right, he "may" be. Or maybe she could have found it by accident while scrambling through his socks. That would have been embarrassing.

Edgeworth: We don't know, author.

Phoenix: She imagines him asking her how an undefined male person knows what to say to him? Is she shipping him with someone? Me? Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Keep me out of this!

Maya: Maybe the author is male, and ships himself with Lang?

Franziska: He must have a questionable taste, then.

Maya: Why does he sign with his full name? I thought they were close.

Phoenix: Maybe her verbal tic is contagious. *whipcrack* Oww!

Edgeworth: When will you ever learn?

Maya: At least you still have your binoculars.

Phoenix: Don't remind her!

Maya: Huh? Why did they have a picture from Kay's camera?

Phoenix: Sounds to me as though they had the whole collection, not just one picture.

Edgeworth: My best guess is that Kay somehow got their adress and proceeded to spam them with pictures as her idea of a hilarious prank.

Phoenix: (Did she vomit pea soup at the camera, too?)

Maya: Is Kay a paparazzo? I thought she was something like a cat burglar.

Edgeworth: Not exactly. But she thinks of herself as something vaguely similar to it.

Maya: That's kind of gross.

Phoenix: This author has a serious problem with imagery. You can tell what they're trying to say, but they fail so bad that the mental images I get from it just keep getting more and more disturbing. Not to mention unappetizing.

Phoenix: Who is she talking to?

Franziska: Apparently the author is still trying to decide.

Edgeworth: Either that, or unable to remember the person's name - and too lazy to look it up.

Maya: Well, at least we know it's a guy. Any bets?

Phoenix: Edgeworth.

Franziska: Self-insert.

Edgeworth: Just to go with this author's sense of logic and in-characterness, how about Cody Hackins?

Maya: And Cody is out!

Phoenix: Er... if this is a self insert, I don't think I want to know where it's going.

Phoenix: Waitwaitwait! A few sentences earlier, the fic said that they're at her mysterious "companion"'s house. Then why is the bedroom...? Or wait, is her companion Lang? Did he reincarnate somehow?

Maya: Maybe I'm still channelling him? Oh! I know! He said that his house should be given back to his family. Maybe he had a brother who inherited the house, and the brother is her new boyfriend.

Edgeworth: That would be a little bit too plot-convenient, don't you think?

Phoenix: No, don't say anything! Let me guess: That's what Lang was going to give to her in lieu of a wedding ring.

Franziska: I can't say that I care for this tacky design.

Franziska: You can protest all you want, but it's not going to change my mind.

Phoenix: And we still don't know who this guy is.

Phoenix: Wha- Meeeeeeeeeeeeee?!

Franziska: What foolish fool of a fool...?!

Edgeworth: Of course...

Maya: Nick? Seriously? ...And why do you have a house? Why do you have this house? A-are you a werewolf, too?

Phoenix: I'm worried alright... worried about this author's sanity.

Maya: Okay, now they're just cramming in random clichés for the heck of it.

Phoenix: She's sitting on the bed! What am I going to do, dive under her?

Maya: That would be one lazy excuse for a make-out scene we haven't seen yet.

Franziska: Hopefully we'll be lucky enough to be spared by my fictional self's sudden death.

Edgeworth: Hearts do not work that way.

Maya: Unless an evil surgeon cuts you up in your sleep and dumps a bucket of ice cubes in your chest.

Edgeworth: That would kill you.

Maya: Oh.

Maya: Oh, oh! But what if the evil surgeon just took out her organs and turned her into a zombie, like her friends in the attic?

Phoenix: Sometimes I worry about you, you know.

Phoenix: "He spent the next three days sobbing over the painful consequences of his own stupidness."

Edgeworth: So the house hasn't changed owners yet, and you're the one in charge of the inheritance? And I suppose you just claimed it as your own for the time being?

Phoenix: Sure, why not? It's just so much work to invent a new character instead of filling the minor roles with main characters. We can't have effort, now, can we?

Phoenix: Why am I kissing up to her so desperately? What am I hoping to achieve by that? And there's no way "anything else" will be a good thing, no matter if they go with the realistic or the, uh, other option.

Franziska: Of course I do. I may not smile constantly, but I wouldn't go as far as to charge for it.

Edgeworth: Yes, and while I agree that your sudden exuberance in this chapter is unjustified, the same does not apply to attempted facial expressions.

Maya: Uh-oh! Looks like the werewolf curse has infected her. I think she just transformed into a fluffy puppy.

Phoenix: I have to say, the thought of her standing there waiting for a pat is kind of cu-... -she's about to whip me, isn't she?

Franziska: ...

Phoenix: Forget I said anything.

Edgeworth: Past or present tense, author? Which shall it be?

Franziska: It seems as though the author got exhausted near the end, and their grammar suffered.

Phoenix: Larry would have loved this. He would probably talk about how emotional and romantic it all is.

Edgeworth: Yes, I can practically hear him right now. And then Franziska would rip him to shreds.

Franziska: With gusto.

Phoenix: Does fic-me have nothing better to do than to rummage through other people's closets? And without making sure it's not a trap?

Franziska: The "white fur" is actually on the outsight. And only for decorational purposes.

Maya: Yeah, I mean fur inside a leather jacket? That would get really hot and uncomfortable. They're not living at the North Pole.

Franziska: Suffice to say the fur would not remain white for very long.


[The fic ends, the screen turns black.]

Franziska: Well, that was... anticlimactic, I'd say.

Maya: You could totally tell they were going for a pairing at the end, but then it didn't happen. I wonder why...

Edgeworth: The epilogue as a whole seemed a bit rushed. Almost as though it was written by a different person.

Maya: I guess we'll never know.

...

Phoenix: So... a-are we going down now?

Speakers: Of course. Just a moment, please.

Maya: You know, I think this punishment really wasn't so bad. After all, they helped you with the binoculars and all.

Edgeworth: Now that you mention it, it does seem like a relatively mild punishment.

Speakers: Huh? What? Oh, did we forget to tell you?

Phoenix: Tell us what?

Speakers: Oops... we're very sorry. Of course, the height is not the only thing this tower can do. See, it actually has been altered so that we can spin it faster! If one of you had broken the rules again, we would have increased the speed.

Phoenix: (Increased...speed...?)

Maya: Really? You can do that? Can I see?

Speakers: Haha, sure thing~ Hold on tight now!

Phoenix: WHAT?! N-NO, WAI-

[The tower suddenly starts spinning very fast, almost knocking our sporkers from their seats and throwing binoculars, leftovers and other small items across the room]

Maya: Wow, so cool! Hey, Nick! I can see your house from here! There it goes again! And again!

Phoenix: Mayaaaaaa, pleeeeaaaase!! *clings to his seat with all of his might*

[The tower slows down and starts to decline]

Franziska: That was quite impressive.

Phoenix: (...Help me!)

Edgeworth: L-let's not do it again.

Maya: Whoa, are you guys okay?


-> I had a bit of trouble deciding what I wanted to do with Franziska. I finally decided to keep her relatively happy because to be fair, this fic had a lot of "so bad it's good" potential from her point of view.
Edgeworth not reacting to the height problem (and Phoenix commenting on it) is, of course, a little cheeky reference to the inconsistencies within the games, where he seems to have a problem with relatively minor heights, but not with major ones. (If this were TVtropes, someone would probably point out that this is a case of Truth In Television).

I figured I'd give sporking a shot, seeing as some of these are utterly brilliant. I've decided to start with...

Give it Time and You'll be Fine

One Sawit
This fic isn't bad at all, there's just some minor OOC'ness that ruins it a bit. It's quite short, and luckily doesn't contain anything bad at all.

Todays sporkers are...

Hobo Phoenix
Let's hope this isn't too bad.

Trucy Wright
Yay, I'm in this one!

And Maya Fey
Nick? Why are you wearing that silly hat?

Begin Sporking!

[It's a nice sunny day, but unfortunately this doesn't matter in the sporking theater. Maya Fey is led in to the theater by one of Lang's men.]

Maya: Ok, I'll see you on tuesday! Oh hey, looks like I'm not the only one here!

Phoenix: Oh, hi Maya.

Trucy: Daddy, should Maya be here at all?

Phoenix: Best not to think about it too much Trucy-doll.

Maya: Phoenix? Is that you? What's with the silly clothes?

Phoenix: It's been a long time, hasn't it? I'll have to catch you up after this. Although, you'll probably go back to your own timeline.

Maya: Wait, are you future Nick? That is so cool! Did you get that time travelling fur coat? I told you it was real! Can you take me to the future?

Phoenix: Maya, I may be from the future, but time travelling fur coats do not exist! I just think that the laws of space and time are nullified in here.

Trucy: Daddy's told me so much about you Maya! Is it true you ate more than 3 people?

Maya: Nick! What have you been telling her? And who is she anyway? Tell me, future Nick!

Phoenix: Oh right. This is my daughter, Trucy. Trucy, this is Maya. But you can introduce yourselves later. The movies starting.

Trucy: There's no snacks... or a script.... or barf bags! Is that a good thing?

Maya: Do you even need barf bags in the future?



Phoenix: I've been in here for a long time, and I'm definitely not fine.



Maya: Lex Lexa? That sounds like a secret agent's name! Hey, you and Lex Lexa would make a great team, future Nick! Like James Bond and his glamorous assistant! Except James Bond was cool...

Phoenix: Hey, I'm cool! Tell her I'm cool Trucy-doll!

Trucy: But daddy, you told me never to lie!

Maya: Are you raising her to be me Nick? She certainly has my adorable charm!

Phoenix: (And she has your knack for insulting me as well.)



Maya: I knew you couldn't cope without me, past Nick! I hope you're better than present Nick, future Nick!

Phoenix: Hey, past Maya wasn't the most independent person you know. And don't get me started on future Maya!

Maya: What's wrong with future me? Tell me future Nick, so there can be a better future Maya!

Phoenix: I wouldn't want to ruin the space-time continuum.



Maya: Wow, one week without me and already future Nick is being relieved by his door bell!

Trucy: Haha, you never told me Maya was so funny daddy!

Phoenix: (Remind me to never let her take after Maya in some aspects.)

Maya: See future Nick, somebody appreciates my great humour!



Maya: Wow, this 'she' is so weak! I'll bet future me can lift 100 suitcases, with ease!



Trucy: I never knew you let strange girls sleep over at our apartment daddy! Why won't you let me have sleepovers?

Phoenix: You're far too young for that, Trucy-doll.

Maya: You're such a spoilsport, future Nick! You make present and past Nicks look nice!

Phoenix: H...hey! I was nice. I still am, right Trucy-doll?

Trucy: ...



Maya: Wait, Ms. "Can't-even-lift-a-suitcase" is me?

Phoenix: Haha, you never were the strongest girl Maya.

Maya: H..hey! And anyway, why am I smiling up at you? I'm not that much shorter than you! Right future Nick?

Phoenix: No comment.

Maya: You're so mean, future Nick...



Maya: See? I've told you 100 times to clean the apartment, and now future me agrees!

Phoenix: This 'future you' is fictional, Maya. And anyway, I was probably too busy with Trucy to clean up!

Trucy: Hey, I wasn't that bad daddy!

Maya: Yeah, and besides, future Nick probably had plenty of time to clean up! You're... you will be so lazy future Nick!

Trucy: *giggles*

Phoenix: (Well, at least I know how to cheer her up when she's sad now.)



Phoenix: Nice to know that in my time of crisis, you find the time to neatly fold your scarf, but every other time you came round you were content to haphazardly throw it on the floor.

Maya: Hey, don't get mad at me, get mad at future me!

Phoenix: You're really loving this time paradox thing aren't you?

Maya: Present me loves it!



Phoenix: See, future me did clean up! Or... past me, I guess. This is confusing.

Maya: What I want to know is who this other 'she' is? Maybe you got a girlfriend, future Nick?

Phoenix: One who is crying in her room, and has messed up my entire apartment?

Maya: Well, you did date Dahlia Hawthorne, I wouldn't put it past future you!

Phoenix: I doubt this fic-girlfriend will try to kill me.

Trucy: Daddy, who's Dahlia?

Phoenix: Trust me, Trucy-doll, you do NOT want to know.

Trucy: Aww....



Maya: Wow, future you even needs future me to walk him around! What happened to you, future Nick?

Phoenix: Urgh....

Trucy: Daddy, are you ok?



Maya: Future Nick, why did you abandon future Maya? Apologise to future Maya! Or present Maya will be really angry with future you!

Phoenix: It's a long story, past Maya. I'll tell future you someday.

Maya: Present me can't wait!



Maya: Aha, I knew it was your fault, future Nick! You did something, and then you realised you needed future me! Haha!

Phoenix: You know, you can stop with the future thing. It's getting annoying.

Maya: Why so serious, future Nick?

Phoenix: Urgh...



Maya: Hey, you're such a future pervert, future you! Stop looking down on future Maya's future... breasts. *Slap*

Phoenix: H...hey! It's fic-future-me that's the pervert, not real-future-me!

Trucy: Daddy, why did you break up with Maya?

Phoenix: We didn't date!

Maya: You better not date future me, future nick!

Phoenix: I didn't have any intention to!



Maya: Don't flirt with future Nick, future Maya!

Phoenix: Great. A pointless romantic subplot.

Trucy: Don't you love daddy, past Maya?

Phoenix:(Ack, first Pearls, now my own daughter. Does everyone want me and Maya to be together?)



Maya: AAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGH!

Phoenix: *rubs his ears* Hey, what was that for?

Maya: I was just checking you can hear the screaming, future Nick.

Phoenix: Urgh...

Maya: So, I guess this 'girlfriend' is Trucy?

Phoenix: Maya, could you rephrase that please?

Maya: ?

Trucy: I wasn't as bad as fic-me! I took regular baths! And I ate. But I had every reason to be sad, considering, you know...

Phoenix: I know, Trucy Doll. Come here and give me a hug!

Maya: Can I join?

Phoenix: ...Fine.



Phoenix: You can stop hugging me now.

Maya: *squeezes tighter*

Trucy: *squeezes tighter*

Phoenix: (Well, nice to know that they like me, at the very least. But, it's starting to hurt...)



Phoenix: Hey, the room wasn't that bare anyway, not so bare that you needed to go shopping for her!

Maya: *stops hugging* I'll believe that when it happens to me!

Phoenix: Or doesn't happen to you.



Phoenix: Maya, you better not have a crush on my daughter.

Maya: W..whoah! It's only fic-me that think's she's pretty! And... she's like... 8 in this!

Phoenix: Hey, I have to be a responsible parent!

Maya: I didn't know you could be responsible!

Trucy: Daddy, you're embarrassing me!

Phoenix: *laughs*



Phoenix: "And then the little girl said "Wow, you look weird, and you're nowhere near as cool as my daddy, Phoenix Wright!""

Maya: You really shouldn't take up fanfiction writing. And anyway, I do NOT look weird, future Nick!

Phoenix: No, but future you does!

Maya: Hey, don't insult future me! Or present me! Or past me!



Maya: Wow, after I left, an 8-year old had to look after you? Future Nick sucks!

Trucy: *giggles*

Phoenix: Fic-future-me sucks. Not the real me!

Maya: Same difference!



Phoenix: Trucy, why are you looking up at me, and then blushing?

Trucy: Daddy! I...I...

Phoenix: *laughs*



Maya: They should make a game about me, it'd be called "Maya Fey: Ace Nanny". It'd be so much cooler than your game!

Speakers: The management would like to remind Ms. Fey that breaking the fourth wall is not allowed.

Maya: Hmph. You're no fun...



Maya: Future Nick! You didn't eat or sleep or take a bath? Wow, you really need future me!

Phoenix: Maya, this isn't real!

Maya: Or so you say, future Nick.

Trucy: *giggles*



Phoenix: Yeah Maya, why would you be such a tattle?



Maya: What am I, your mother?

Phoenix: Of course not! You couldn't take care of a child if you were paid to!

Maya: Yes I could!

Phoenix: No you couldn't!

Maya: Could.

Phoenix: Couldn't

Maya: Could.

Phoenix: Couldn't

Trucy: Sometimes I forget how old daddy is! He's more like a child!



Phoenix: You can be exhausting at times, Trucy-doll.

Trucy: H...hey!

Phoenix: (Not as exhausting as Maya though.)



Maya: Quick, future Nick! Prepare the future barf bags, from the future!

Phoenix: Don't worry, it doesn't get any worse than this.

Maya: I hope not...



Maya: Yeah future Nick, you're a daddy now!

Phoenix: Yeah, "you're a daddy", not "your a daddy".

[The lights come back on]

Maya: Well, that wasn't so bad.

Trucy: Could've been worse, right daddy?

Phoenix: That's true, Trucy-doll.

Maya: So, time to get back to our own timelines, eh future Nick?

Phoenix: Yep. I'm just gonna grab my coat.

Maya: Aha! You DO have a time travelling fur coat!

Phoenix: Maya?

Maya: Yes, future Nick?

Phoenix: Just drop it.

[The three of them leave the theatre, with Maya still moaning about Phoenix's refusal to buy her a fur coat.]

Ooh, very nice spork there, rayqua.
The in-theater timeline is indeed screwed up, and has been showing signs of this for a while now.
(Normally I would remind you that Maya and hobo Nick have sporked together before, but due to the time issue, there's actually a very good excuse for them not remembering the other in this case. Since I have plans for where the time screws will eventually lead, this is very good for me, too. :))

I'm not that familiar with the AJ characters, so I can't say how in-character they were, but Maya looks good to me and from how other sporkers have written the two, hobo Nick and Trucy seem to be consistent with their other performances, too (aside from the aforementioned memory loss).

It's also nice to see the management reminding them of the rules again (call me weird, I just really like the management).

I was just re-reading some of my favorites (The ones with the AJ characters are amazing.)
When I noticed this:


Porcupine?
Porcupine-Head?

Its a conspiracy...

Was that intentional?

Hello everyone!

I know I'm not very experienced, or credible, but I've been following this thread and laughed really hard at a lot of them. I've been thinking of doing a sporking myself...is that okay? I've read over the guidelines and everything but I just want to check that there's no hidden requirements...or stuff like that...

---

Sure, more sporks are always welcome. Just please don't spork the Ace Attorney Christmas Carol, because I'm already working on that. (If somebody else is working on something as well, they'll probably let you know so you know what to avoid.)




Also, a quick reminder for everyone about a few important details that are easily forgotten (I know because I had to make a list, I forgot some of them myself):

-There are at least five seats in a row (taking this from one of Asa Turney's fanarts), and there are several rows of seats (like in a regular, very small movie theater).

-The projector can not be touched by the sporkers, but they sometimes get a script to prepare themselves.

-The sporkers see the fic as a text, but also as a movie (so they see pictures implied by the fic). Don't ask me how it works. Magic.

-When regular Phoenix drinks (too much) grape juice, he turns into hobo Phoenix. To turn him back, just sober him up.

-Sporkers are generally aware of the games and their continuity, and also official artwork and their existance as sprites - in fact, they can even evolve new sprites (Phoenix did this in the second spork when things were going extraordinarily bad).

-When Edgeworth's truth bar runs out, he collapses. (Kay has a continue button to revive him.)

-Phoenix has now an intense fear of Jerk!Maya caused by the trauma of a punishment where he was forced to experience a fic "live".

What.
The.
What.

I don't even.

Yeah, that was the original thread creator's punishment after I did something bad and she had to correct the sporkers' behavior.
You can read the spork here:
http://z11.invisionfree.com/court_recor ... &p=8906733 (includes epic Evil Neni cameo)
http://z11.invisionfree.com/court_recor ... &p=8906735

You mean when Phoenix turned into HoboPhoenix after drinking the grape juice, or when Ema became MoodyEma?
That moment with Mia was gold though...
She looks older now, I think its those snacks that are doing it to her...

Snacks? Is that why she looks like a moody 20-something?

*Looks at snack, then at Ema, then down at self, and then back at snacks*

Is my strange addiction to candy during my college years connected to my being uncomfortable in this Kimura?

Not that kind of growth, Mia...

(Or something to that affect, I'm to lazy to find it again, If you do, correct me.)

Has anyone done this one yet?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9634203/1/Not-Dead-Yet

From what I can tell, there hasn't been a sporking of this yet, and I was thinking of doing it.

---

@builderkid: I don't remember the scene you're quoting, sorry. :/
But what do you mean by "You mean when Phoenix turned into HoboPhoenix after drinking the grape juice, or when Ema became MoodyEma?"
I don't see the connection to my post (sorry if I'm missing something obvious, it's late and my brain is already half asleep.)

@electragirl: It says that fic is all fresh, from end of August this year, so nobody could have sporked it yet. :)
Newly written fics are generally the safest to spork if you (or anybody else) aren't sure what has been done, and don't have the time or energy to check all the previous sporks. So knock yourself out! :D

Well, I don't remember the sporks name, but the fic was so bad, Nick started drinking Grape juice and was growing a stubble and being snarky. Ema was turning into 20-something Ema because she was eating Snackoos. Its from the old thread...

I did save the link where he transforms during the spork, yes, by drinking grape juice. But I don't remember if Ema changed, too. She was there for the spork, but I don't remember it very well.
http://z11.invisionfree.com/court_recor ... try8843397

Bahaha, for anybody who hasn't read that spork yet, go read it NOW. I forgot how silly it was. The fic itself was too.

Ema doesn't change in that one, but Phoenix does.

Ah, theres another one where Ema changes, I was just confuzzled.

Well, I figured I should do one of these, does anyone know of any Spork-able stories that are relatively short?

I suggest looking around here for something. Newer stuff probably hasn't been sporked yet.

O_O
So.
Many.
Pages...
I'm gonna need some backup on this one...
...
So, uh, anyone wanna do a collaboration spork?

If nobody else wants to, I would. But I'm still working on my own spork (it should be done soon), so it would have to wait a bit if we were to do it. Which fic are you planning to spork?