Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Yay, Lana! Yay, lazy management! Yay, second-to-last part! Yay, Dark Age of No Sporking... the name, not the actual age. :3

...I don't really have much to comment on by this point, actually. You did mention you do your own sporking outside of this thread, so I expected as much quality in the first place. Nice one again, and cheers to almost finishing!

Meanwhile, Pessimistic seems to be busy. Not to be pushy, but I'm curious to see her next one as well. If I recall, she was also using DD characters, and since I'm planning to use them (since Nick and Edgey are so abusable, heh heh), I hope there won't be some awkward overlapping. Maybe we could toss it up to the strange workings of the time-space-distorting theater?

[Chloe]

Great sporking. Nice to see Lana in the theatre.

[Nearavex]

By the way, why is the Management such a Big Brother here, the more I read that? How does it manage to force characters into going there in the first place? xD

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

By the way, why is the Management such a Big Brother here, the more I read that? How does it manage to force characters into going there in the first place? xD

The last time someone refused to appear, men in black that may or may not be Lang's goons dragged her screaming to the theater and shortly confiscated her whip. How they even found her is a question, though.

And the Management has always been the Big Brother... or the Illuminati. Whichever.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

I will be putting at least one DD character in my next spork, but it might not uploaded for a few days since my internet is pretty spotty right now and I don't want to make a big post until it's been fixed. Also, DD smilies have been added and that makes everything so much easier. thena-hair

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

justice This is the greatest thing I've learned today. I think it's usually Bolt who manages the smilies, though any admin could do it.

Airey, take your time. My stuff won't be ready right away either, so this thread's going to be a little empty for a bit anyway.

[Gnobo]

This place won't be so empty if I have something to do about it!...Maybe!...We'll see!

I'm hope I'll finally post something here, since I've been reading this thread way before I joined CR.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Well, there was that one fic about Klavier/Ema rape posted earlier if you're interested in trying your hand. Here you go. I've glanced over it myself and it is a pretty icky one. Mature language and all that. Apollo playing guitar. Have fun.

[Gnobo]

Wow, this is really disgusting. It's Klavier/Ema rape all in the name of supporting Apollo/Ema in the end. I know I support the latter pairing but to go to these lengths to do so?..No, just no.

Maybe I'll do this one if Airey doesn't get to it first because I actually have an Apollo/Ema fanfic sporking I'm working on. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5461319/1/Holiday-Romance. And this fanfic happens to be written by the same author as Blackmail.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

I probably will never spork anything by that author because it would come dangerously close to being a personal vendetta sporking. I really, really don't like the author on a personal level because I resent them for the fact that I have to put up with their crap every time I try to go find Emapollo fics. Seriously, they're one of very, very few people who actually write Emapollo fanfiction... and they write that.

On a different note, if we're starting to allow more and more NSFW fanfics, apparently. I'll just throw this out: Manfred and Miles. Thoughts?

[Darth Wiader]

I'd say it's a little TOO NSFW, although we had a cat-suit Edgeworth in "Taste the Rainbow", so... Meh. Do what you will.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Yeah, I was thinking it was a little too NSFW as well... I guess if no one wants to do it in this thread, I'll do it on my spork blog. Because I do think it deserves to be sporked, I just don't know about in what context.

Edit: Why do I only notice the typos as I hit "Submit"?

[Cesar Zero]

That fic is...just....I...Who the hell would write something like that?!

Also,hasn't Edgeworth crossed the despair event horizon too much times already?We don't want any suicidal sporkers,don't we?

Though I admit It would be interesting to have Franziska and him spork that fic alone

[AireyVerkhovensky]

That fic is...just....I...Who the hell would write something like that?!

Also,hasn't Edgeworth crossed the despair event horizon too much times already?We don't want any suicidal sporkers,don't we?

Though I admit It would be interesting to have Franziska and him spork that fic alone

Every time I read it I crack up because it's just so horrible, so I have no idea how sporking it would even go.

And yes, he probably has. Anyway, any takers for that fic?

I was thinking Edgey, Franziska, and Phoenix, actually. Phoenix mostly because of the whole "despair even horizon" thing

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Every time I read it I crack up because it's just so horrible, so I have no idea how sporking it would even go.

Oh, that's easy. Instead of always prodding the question of why Klavier is so out of character, prod the question of why Apollo stole his guitar that would inevitably lead to Klavier going insane. Think outside the box and you'll find your instant of genius.

Anyone who wants to try it doesn't have to follow my suggestion, of course, but I think I'm onto something here.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Every time I read it I crack up because it's just so horrible, so I have no idea how sporking it would even go.

Oh, that's easy. Instead of always prodding the question of why Klavier is so out of character, prod the question of why Apollo stole his guitar that would inevitably lead to Klavier going insane. Think outside the box and you'll find your instant of genius.

Anyone who wants to try it doesn't have to follow my suggestion, of course, but I think I'm onto something here.

I was talking about "Manfred and Miles". No clue where to start with that one, to be honest.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Every time I read it I crack up because it's just so horrible, so I have no idea how sporking it would even go.

Oh, that's easy. Instead of always prodding the question of why Klavier is so out of character, prod the question of why Apollo stole his guitar that would inevitably lead to Klavier going insane. Think outside the box and you'll find your instant of genius.

Anyone who wants to try it doesn't have to follow my suggestion, of course, but I think I'm onto something here.

I was talking about "Manfred and Miles". No clue where to start with that one, to be honest.

That's easy too. The very idea that Manfred and Alba are friendly associates is worth its weight in gold. Also, Franziska's frustration toward Edgeworth stemming from an entirely different place is... well, you get the idea.

As cracky as this one is, it's nothing I haven't seen after witnessing the nonsense that is Phoenix Drive.

Still, when doing the sporking, keep the discussion as PG as possible.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Oh, Phoenix Drive. I remember Phoenix Drive. Good times, good times.

Edit: Found a gif

[tiger_festival]

Every time I read it I crack up because it's just so horrible, so I have no idea how sporking it would even go.

Oh, that's easy. Instead of always prodding the question of why Klavier is so out of character, prod the question of why Apollo stole his guitar that would inevitably lead to Klavier going insane. Think outside the box and you'll find your instant of genius.

Anyone who wants to try it doesn't have to follow my suggestion, of course, but I think I'm onto something here.

Oh god, I kept trying to forget that fic and then this shows up. Guess it's my fault for showing up in this thread.
From what I do remember, not only was Klavier was out of character, but everyone acts like they suspected Klavier to do something like that, with no explanation whatsoever. That, and Apollo somehow had less character than before and became Mr. Perfect. Or was that the author's other fic about rape? I can't remember (and probably don't want to).
You know what, I might actually go ahead and spork that. Of course, I've never sporked before, but I can try. And most likely fail.
Oh, and has this been sporked yet? Just by that description alone, it feels like a crime if it hasn't been sporked.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Do it. Dooooo iiiiiiit.

Edit: Oh geez, that fic. I'm on mobile so I had to go to the author's profile to check the summary. Their other fic has 103 reviews and only two follows. How. (Also, it seems to be a trollfic. Will you let that stop you?)

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

From what I do remember, not only was Klavier was out of character, but everyone acts like they suspected Klavier to do something like that, with no explanation whatsoever. That, and Apollo somehow had less character than before and became Mr. Perfect. Or was that the author's other fic about rape? I can't remember (and probably don't want to).
You know what, I might actually go ahead and spork that. Of course, I've never sporked before, but I can try. And most likely fail.
Oh, and has this been sporked yet? Just by that description alone, it feels like a crime if it hasn't been sporked.

Sporking is easy. Not cracking up at your own jokes while you write it is the tough part. Sometimes, it's hard to choose which jokes you want to keep. :(

I think I've seen this fic before too, but I forgot what it was called so couldn't find it again. It's definitely a troll fic, though. No writer could be so stupid as to misspell the names consistently in their mangled forms and honestly think it's the correct spelling.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

School starts tomorrow. Don't cry for me, Argentina court-records forums. Anyway, before my free time is stolen away, it's time to do...
Law Plus Chaos, part twelve. The last part.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!
".............."
Hobo Nick!
"Two more chapters. We can do this, Edgeworth."
Apollo Justice!
"Look, I'm glad we're almost done but do I really have to be here?"
Athena Cykes!
"Cheer up, Apollo! It can't be that bad, right?"
"You're only saying that because you have no experience with this fic!"
Speakers: "Ahem. The Management would like to request that all sporkers refrain from commenting on other sporkers' introductions."
and, in his sporking theatre debut...
Bobby Fulbright!
justice "IN JUSTICE WE TRUST!"

[We open up in our sporking theatre, because I ran out of Barcelona jokes. Athena Cykes, Miles Edgeworth, and Bobby Fulbright are already seated and are waiting on their remaining co-sporkers.]

Edgeworth: They should really be here by now. The sooner we can put this whole fic behind us, the better.

Athena: Come on, Mr. Edgeworth. There's no way it can be that bad.

Fulbright: I have read the script provided for the new sporkers and can justly inform you that it is, indeed, that bad, Miss Cykes!

Athena: Aww...

[Phoenix Wright and Apollo Justice arrive and take their seats next to Edgeworth and Athena, respectively.]

Edgeworth: There you two are.

Apollo: We got held up. Something about these. *holds up barf bags, distributes them*

Edgeworth: That... does not bode well.

Athena: How come you're dressed so weirdly, Boss? And you need a shave.

Phoenix: Don't question it, Athena, and I won't question the fact that I already know you.

Athena: ?

Speakers: That counts as breaking the fourth wall, Phoenix Wright.

[The lights dim, and the fic begins.]

Looking outside the window Larry could see the street was full of cars and trams. On the last day before Christmas, he looked over and saw the sea shouting, but overshadowed by the traffic. even more of a reason to stay at home where it's cozy. On the white sofa, Alita browsed at some man with a microphone on the television. He stood out clearly in the moonlight themed stage. Larry erased it out of his mind, looking forward to summer where he and Alita could wander down to the beach and sprawl out on the sand.

Athena: I still say it can't be that bad.

Apollo: This is only the first paragraph.

Athena: And the only weird thing is the use of "browsed at" instead of "watched"!

Fulbright: If the rest of the fic is any indication, it is going to get much, much weirder!

A lost northern star walking alone seeking joy was how Larry described himself right now. He helped escape a prison doll who became his little princess.

Fulbright: Ah, yes. This man helped stage a prison break. That's not very just of him!

Phoenix: Nor is it very in-character...

Edgeworth: No matter how hard we try, Wright, the fic will not listen.

He didn't want to die alive or become a man dating a ghost.

All: ...

Apollo: What?

Athena: Well, that doesn't make any sense.

'Someone sing for me an oasis without poison...' Larry prayed for. Alita was damned and divine. At first Larry thought it would be a minor heaven destined for a quick sunset. Then he got his wishes to be with Alita and fly to a distant land.

In the still of the night, Larry went through his archive of lost dreams. Falling awake to the crimson deep rivers of lust. desires. Was she really the angel that Larry had been waiting for? Or was all her words little lies written in the dark stars?

Edgeworth: ...what is going on?

Fulbright: I believe the prose has gotten away from us!

Edgeworth: Yes, that much is evident.

Since moving to Blackpool, Larry believed that his ex-girlfriend, Cindy Stone's ghost had been watching him. He knew her parents moved to England after Cindy's death and there was a chance that he would see Cindy's parents again and they would wish for him to be behind bars.

Phoenix: But he was found innocent! The real killer went to prison and everything!

Apollo: I don't think it's worth it, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: Oh, come on. That was my first case.

Apollo: (Nice to know you have fonder memories of your first case than I do of mine...)

Whenever Larry woke up, he was lost and always afraid. The first week was brilliant, he and Alita had spent so much time together and they went partying without a care in the world,

Edgeworth: The UK has an extradition treaty with the US. They're not safe just because they're not in America.

Athena: I don't think that's going to come up, Mr. Edgeworth.

He enjoyed his new life in Blackpool, but not sudden fear that pumped in his system. He had no idea how wrong he could be. He thought running away with the one he loved would make all his issues melt away. So far there were no real problems, but he felt the day he would have to let all of this go. If the police find him: he will lose Alita.

He wished he could have also attened his best friend's wedding and be the best man, but it wasn't to had pictured that Phoenix would have worn his old blue suit for the wedding. The one he used when he was a lawyer.

Phoenix: ...can't I wear something normal when I get married? Like a tuxedo? I don't look half-bad in a tuxedo...

Athena: It's kinda hard to believe that you're getting married, Boss.

Apollo: Well, it is only fictional, Athena.

Phoenix: ...

Fulbright: It isn't very just to be so rude to your superiors, you know!

Athena: Sorry, Detective Fulbright. It won't happen again!

Phoenix: (Why not try apologizing to me, too?)

Iris would be wearing a frilly white dress suitable for a wedding. Many would attend the wedding and all the problems they had would be pushed aside. It took him back to the time where he and Phoenix went to a palm reader twenty years ago. She suggested that Phoenix would be married and that Larry would become a fisher.

Phoenix: The one time I went to a fortune teller, he told me I would be a pianist. Although I'm not sure that counted because-

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Phoenix Wright that he is here to spork, not to debate how canon the manga is.

Apollo: I still don't buy Mr. Wright getting married, anyway.

Phoenix: Hey!

It was a shame that the letter he had sent to Phoenix would be the only contact he will ever have of him. Larry would not be offended or shocked if Phoenix wished never to see him again. He would understand, this might have been throwing everything he did back in his face.

He couldn't believe he had never been thoughtful until he ran. He went on his first decision without thinking about the consequences. He always went with his gut instint, but it wasn't correct this time. If he had thought about it a bit more, he would have moved more closer to California: a safer place.

Edgeworth: But you're wanted by the police... the police in California, mind you.

Phoenix: At least the whole "not thinking ahead" thing is in-character.

Edgeworth: Unfortunately, it's in-character for most of the people I know.

Phoenix: ...you just had to find a way to turn that back on me, didn't you?

The regrets left him trembling in irritation. To add to it, Larry dreamed that someone was dancing on his grave. The dancer sent shivers down his spine, then took him to the promised land where she revealed laughed as she shook her soul. She roared, flaunting mechanical jaws. He woke up before she could take a bite.

Fulbright: Huh?

Athena: I think that was a dream sequence.

Fulbright: You're skilled at psychology, Miss Cykes! Tell us what it means!

Athena: ...uh, I actually have no idea what was being described.

Fulbright: Oh.

[Larry makes tea for Alita.]

He couldn't dare for another stare. He near Alita's legs and leaned his head against the wall. He left no space for Alita to crawl. As much as he adored this place, he wanted to see his best friend's face. He wanted to be elsewhere, to his best friend marry the sweet Iris. He will miss the chance to see a good pal in utter bliss.

Apollo: And the chances that something won't go horribly wrong at the wedding...?

Edgeworth: Practically zero, not that anyone is betting anything, Wright.

Phoenix: I didn't even say anything.

Athena: I'll bet with you, Boss.

Apollo: Don't. Bad idea.

24th December 2027

Lana,

How time flies. You notice this even more when your dead. Never would I have imagined being part of a team with you, Alita, and Kristoph. Let alone being part of a team. By the time this letter arrives, you will be at that wedding. Most likely being a two-faced bitch stalking your brother-in-law-to-be. Nice to know you are such a marvelous parent. Anyway, I should be immensely thankful that you have helped Kristoph bring me back from the dead, but don't expect me to reward you generously.

Phoenix: Ugh... I take it Dahlia is writing this letter.

Athena: Who?

Fulbright: Dahlia Hawthorne was a murderer who was executed for her crimes and somehow was involved in another murder attempt after that!

Athena: ...huh?

Edgeworth: Don't think too hard about it.

Fulbright: Needless to say, whoever brought her back to life has no sense of JUSTICE!!

Why should I? You're friends with that dull Feenie and my sister Judas. Remember I am not here to be your friend, I don't care about your sister or that boyfriend of hers. The two happy couples got married on the same day, how romantic... and revolting.

Your plans to send Klavier to his grave, but your will to help his older brother escape prison. You claim men are waste of time, but you insist that Mike Blitz , a man that makes your skin crawl is to marry Ema. Bad-mouthing Alita and then helping her escape prison the next. Are you trying a little too hard to impress me? Or are you really that much of an awful person?

Athena: Okay, wait, what's going on?

Apollo: Ema's older sister wants to kill Prosecutor Gavin.

Athena: Um... okay. (Wait, who's Ema?)

Fulbright: That's not very just of her. She should be arrested!

Phoenix: Maybe she will. The fic isn't quite over yet.

Edgeworth: Which is not something that we needed reminding of.

And what do you think of me? What use are we to each other?

Athena: *mimes writing a letter* "Do you like me? Check one: Yes, No"

Phoenix: Dahlia/Lana is not something I needed to think about.

Athena: Sorry.

Mia was your friend and you know she destroyed me.

I will never forget the day of my death were you laughed as I was hung. Trying getting hung yourself and decide then if it's a laughing matter. How can you associate yourselves with them vile mortals? All you do is contradict yourself and I have no idea where your loyalties lie... but I don't care. Still, you have been useful to me - I can't forget that!

That whore Thalassa is finally dead... I hate her. I loved every minute of killing her. You know she was a whore right? She slept with Damon Gant, Diego Armando (she must have been desperate), Zak Gramayre (who is a jerk) and Kristoph's father.

Phoenix: "Hello, pot? I'm kettle. You're black."

Edgeworth: Wright...

Athena: (Well, somebody sounds bitter.)

By the way, did you know that Thalassa is also Klavier's mother?

Apollo: If Thalassa was my mother in this fic...

Athena: That makes you and Prosecutor Gavin half-brothers!

Apollo: Why am I everyone's half-brother all of a sudden?

Athena: Maybe next you'll be my half-brother too!

Fulbright: I hate to tell you this, Miss Cykes, but neither of us are in this fic!

Athena: Aww.

Edgeworth: Believe me, it's for the best.

Phoenix: For the last time, you're barely in it. Stop whining.

She abandoned him too, she left Kristoph holding baby Klavier as she ran off to marry that jerk Zak. I'm guessing it's just a portion of the men she had been eating. Poor Feenie having to take care of that woman left behind. And all this nonsense about her being an amazing singer... meh: it's hype. I listen to better sopranos than her. Thanks for helping me stab the bitch to death. Alita did a mediocre job of distracting Pearl and her boyfriend.

Fulbright: You know, if the courts got a hold of this letter, it would be very decisive evidence!

Apollo: And we all know that's not going to happen.

Fulbright: Does this fic have no JUSTICE?!

Edgeworth: None whatsoever.

You were right, Alita has hideous taste in men. I think I had to swallow my vomit when I heard she was getting married to Larry Butz. And that Wocky... I'm not going there, his face is enough to make me feel sick but he's perfect for that little sister of mine.

This Apollo dude... is a threat. Well, he was a threat. Killing his mother, and framing his dad should have done the trick but let's give Phoenix, Iris, Maya, Mia and everybody the final blow. Make them pay for the pain they gave me. I've got one final task for you. Since your son is dating Trucy at the moment and the fact she is unfaithful to him. Just like her mother, she slept with other people. Maybe Trucy is worse than Thalassa, because Trucy slept with her brother. It's not our problem, it shows how brilliant Feenie and Thalassa are at parenting. What parenting?

Apollo: (What parenting indeed?)

Phoenix: ...I can read your expression, Apollo. *sigh* Is there anyone who doesn't want to criticize my parenting?

Athena: I think Trucy turned out pretty well.

Phoenix: Thanks, Athena.

You are the perfect one for the task.

After you've sorted all your personal bullshit against Klavier, I would like you to kidnap Trucy.

Phoenix: Oh, come on!

Edgeworth: I assume this is how the wedding will go horribly wrong.

This is not a request, this is a demand. Once you have kidnapped Trucy, I want you to bring her to me fully alive. I know you want to kill her yourself, but you can't have all the fun. Besides, you'll be having full pleasure watching Klavier's reputation burn in front of you. And I thought I was a bitch. You remind me of my mother, you do things and claim that they are to benefit the ones you love. I know it's not true! Don't sugarcoat it! You're doing it for own selfish pleasure.

When you have completed your task, you can do whatever the heck you want. I won't care anymore. Don't forget, I want your house clean and free for tomorrow. You are to cook Kristoph and I a feast. I'm not really a Christmas woman, but I deserve a feast.

Here we will discuss the plan in more detail.

Yours Sincerly,

Dahlia Hawthorne.

Fulbright: I thought they were discussing the plan in full detail in the letter!

Apollo: What are they planning, anyway?

Athena: I'm starting to me a little afraid to find out, actually...

There was not an empty seat in the church on the day before Christmas. Just how Larry had imagined it to be: Iris wore velvet frills that clung to her body-frame.

Athena: A wedding dress made of... velvet? Really?

Edgeworth: But of course Wright's wedding would be tacky.

Phoenix: It wouldn't kill you to make fun of the fic instead of me.

Edgeworth: Actually, this fic may kill me yet.

Fulbright: That's not very-

Apollo: We get it.

Phoenix and Iris stared at each other with a pleasant grin on their faces. In their heart, now rests a paradise just for them. Phoenix was not bothered that Larry was absent, he put all the troubles of yesterday behind him and thought of the joys of the future with Iris.

What made the moment even more unique for them is that they didn't say I do. Instead they said: No objections.

Athena: That's really cheesy, Boss.

Edgeworth: Iris isn't even a lawyer.

Phoenix: I didn't write this stuff, okay?

A Special memory that will be recorded in their hearts forever. Humbly the two speak their vows and wait for them words to come.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," Reverend Salsa grinned at Phoenix and told him the news that he had been longing to hear for years. The reverend closed the bible in front of him. He faced Phoenix and gave him the sweet words: "You may now kiss the bride."

"Well done Nick," Maya screamed in joy.

Without a second thought, Phoenix cupped Iris' dace and kissed her lips.

Athena: ..."dace"?

Fulbright: That's hardly the first spelling error in the fic, Miss Cykes.

Athena: I know, but it looks like the author was trying to say "dance". That's kinda funny, right?

Apollo: If you say so.

Fireworks exploded from outside and the crowd cheered with clapping hands and big mouths. When the pair finished kissing, Phoenix bowed to the crowd. He spread his arms out and lowered them down on the floor.

Edgeworth: Lowered... his arms down on the floor?

Phoenix: Uh...

Fulbright: What exactly are you doing up there, Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: I have no idea.

Everyone remained silent as if he was their favorite teacher in their favorite class.

Edgeworth: As if Wright commands that much respect.

Athena: Hey, we respect him! Right, Apollo?

Apollo: Uh, sure.

"I would like to thank you all for coming," announced Phoenix. "This has been a very important day for me, Iris, and I know it's been an important day for Trucy as well. This year has had some fabulous time. I'm officially a lawyer again and there has been not-so-fabulous times."

Apollo found it awkward that Phoenix looked at him when he said that.

Apollo: Why am I even being allowed at the wedding?

Fulbright: It wouldn't be very just to kick one of your own subordinates out of your wedding party!

Apollo: ...I thought you actually read the script for the last 22 chapters.

Fulbright: I ignored all the parts that were injust!

Edgeworth: Wouldn't that be most of the fic?

Fulbright: Yes!! So I only have a vague idea of what is going on!

Apollo: (What else is new?)

"However, I am glad that I can end this eventful year on a high note. We'll be having our photos taken, and then we'll be going to Blackpool for our Vacation. Anything you want to say Iris?"

Phoenix wrapped his arms around her as she spoke. She closed her eyes and felt comfortable. She played with her curly ponytail and giggled. Her accent was soft, high-pitched and could be compared to chocolate.

Edgeworth: Again with the chocolate?

Athena: How do you compare a voice to chocolate?

[The wedding party goes to take photos.]

Lana watched her friend tip-toe
Down the aisle,
While petals curl alive
And squirrels peek inside.

Rejoice butterfly~
Wear your flames in the winter sky~

Glitter written on a wedding dress
Blending with her flesh.
Iris is marrying a phoenix by heart and soul.

Rejoice butterfly~
Wear your flames in the winter sky~

Lana will take away her light.
She's the witch hunting in her sister's name.
Her vengeance takes flight!
Lana wishes
They are prepared for evening pride,
For the red bridesmaid will be another bride.

Rejoice butterfly~
Wear your flames in the winter sky~

They will not know,
What Ema has to know...
Until the clock strikes eleven.
They return to God's den,
And hear more another vow,
For another now.

Rejoice butterfly~
Wear your flames in the winter sky~

Phoenix and Iris sit on a chair.
Bridesmaids stand on the left,
and best-men to the right.
The photos captured the white air.

Rejoice butterfly~
Wear your flames in the winter sky~

Edgeworth: Another nonsensical poem?

Athena: What do you think "squirrels peek inside" means?

Apollo: I'm mostly wondering why the fic keeps randomly breaking into poetry.

Fulbright: The lack of meter and consistent rhyme scheme certainly does not do the fine art of poetry JUSTICE!

Phoenix: (Why does it feel like he only made that criticism so he could work in the word "justice"...?)

The wedding party had already started and continued even when Iris and Phoenix left straight after the photo sessions. Lana slurped all the wine she could have and performed some wild dance routines. Her legs moved like the jaw of a laughing crocodile and a lot of people were speechless.

Athena: I bet I could dance better than that.

Apollo: Please don't. We only have so much space in the sporking theatre.

Miles Edgeworth dropped his face in horror and clenched his eyes shut, feeling very embarrassed for Lana.

Phoenix: Oh look, Edgeworth. You're in the fic again.

Edgeworth: It's just a cameo.

Phoenix: Well, if that's what makes you feel better...

Judge Salsa approached her, following her tipsy dance movements with the addition of rigid hip action. He tapped her shoulder and she hugged him instantly. Judge Salsa jumped back and gasped as the huge amount o make up on her face: she looked like a hot mess. "LANA WHAT THE HELL IS ON YOUR FACE?" Judge Salsa asked.

"Glitter," Lana replied. "You mad?"

Edgeworth: ...this is a wedding reception.

Apollo: What kind of wedding did Mr. Wright have, anyway? It wasn't described all that much?

Phoenix: Well, it sounded normal up until now...

"You look drunk!"

"No guarantees on that," Lana said. She claimed another glass and smiled. "But I do promise tonight will be fantastic."

"If you want to make things even more fantastic come to my bedroom," Judge Salsa requested. He held onto Lana's hips and smooched her lips. "Merry Christmas baby!"

Lana kissed him back on the cheek. She giggled and said, "and to you too... Albert."

"It's ten to eleven," Salsa reminded her.

Everybody thought Lana was drunk by the way she skipped down the stage. "This Christmas I have planned something special for Ema," Lana announced. "She doesn't know this yet, but tonight, SHE'S GETTING MARRIED TO MIKE!"

"EVERYBODY BACK TO THE CHURCH HOUSE," Judge Salsa roared. "It's gonna be one hell of a party!"

Athena: A surprise wedding?

Fulbright: Do you think that sounds romantic, Miss Cykes? Because I think it sounds injust. What if Detective Skye didn't want to get married?

Athena: Um, I guess you cancel the wedding!

Apollo: Like that'll happen.

There was not a still person in the house except for Ema and Mike. Ema gasped and stood still on the chair. She fiddled with her hair and began to think through Lana's actions over the past month. The surprise wedding hit her as if a knife had stabbed her in the bottom.

Apollo: Could the author really not come up with a better simile than that?

Athena: I thought this was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek.

Edgeworth: That's no excuse.

She loved the idea of being married to Mike, but it was way too soon and she wished Lana had at least given her some hints before dragging her into this mess.

The suddenly she hit her. It was what Lana was planning all along. Lana didn't want to see her in agony and with relationship problems anymore so she hired a guy who fancied her for a long time. Her whole relationship with Mike had been planned by Lana and together they wanted to make her the happiest woman on earth. That was why the two of them spent so much time together, not to have an affair: but to plan a wedding.

Everything all started to make sense.

Athena: ...that's really creepy.

Fulbright: And injust!

Phoenix: Welcome to Law Plus Chaos.

"Ema I can explain everything..." said Mike.

"I GET IT!" Ema screeched. "I get it! Lana's been planning this the whole time."

"Well yes," Mike responded. "You got that part right, but it's quite hard to explain."

"You can explain at the honeymoon," Ema interrupted Mike. "We better go the ceremony before Lana goes psycho!"

Apollo: I'm pretty sure Ema wouldn't be okay with a surprise wedding like that.

Edgeworth: Remind me again how many people are in-character?

Apollo: ...

Phoenix Wright was in danger...

Phoenix: I knew something would go spectacularly wrong at the wedding.

Athena: But you already left the wedding. I win the bet!

Apollo: I thought you weren't actually betting.

Athena: Oh, right, I wasn't... mi error.

As soon as Edgeworth heard that Kristoph Gavin and Dahlia Hawthorne had been reported to have kidnapped Phoenix and Iris Wright on thier way to the honeymoon, he zoomed into investigating and started to believe he could handle it on his own.

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: So, I guess chapter six was just for establishing your intelligence for this fic...?

Edgeworth: I hate this fic.

While the rest of the detectives began asking questions about the four of them and tried to link them together, Edgeworth detected Kristoph's secret castle.

Apollo: Wh...? Secret castle?

Edgeworth: I'm not even going to bother asking how I "detected" it.

Fulbright: I would like to hear how you detected it!

Phoenix: I don't think we'll be finding that out.

iles Edgeworth was just seconds away from Kristoph's secret he would knock on the door, but he didn't bother this time. He slammed the door open and witnessed Kristoph sitting on the steps drinking tea. Edgeworth zoomed over to him and grabbed him by the collar.

"Whatever you have done to Phoenix I'll..." the words spat out of Edgeworth's mouths without a second thought.

Athena: When did you two get on a first-name basis, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Putting me on a first-name basis with Wright is fairly common in badfic. ...or at least a certain variety of badfic that I thought we were safe from considering Wright just got married.

Kristoph Gavin truly made Edgeworth livid, especially for everything he did to Phoenix. He ruined his career and pretended to be his friend.

Phoenix: At least the whole body-double thing hasn't been brought up again.

Apollo: (Hmm... I still say I've seen a body-double plot somewhere before.)

Speakers: No! No spoilers!!

Apollo: STOP READING MY THOUGHTS!!

"You'll be back in jail before you can say... OBJECTION!"

"Calm down," Kristoph said. His voice was deep and sooth, any softer and it could be almost a whisper. He held onto Edgeworth's hand and dragged him into the castle. "I see you are alone, that's good. Very good indeed."

"I'm not alone," Edgeworth shouted. "I just separated myself from the detectives."

Edgeworth: Which means I'm alone. How could I possibly be so stupid in this fic?

Phoenix: Maybe the author has it out for you.

Edgeworth: Well, we already know the Management does.

Fulbright: Maybe they're working together!

"So you are alone," laughed Kristoph.

"I stand corrected," he muttered. Edgeworth's voice remained filled with anger as his pride went in flames. "Now where is Phoenix? ... RELEASE HIM NOW!"

Kristoph dodged Edgeworth's punch and said: "Now let's not resort to violence Edgeworth." Edgeworth stepped backwards and leaned against the wall. "Now that's a good boy."

Edgeworth: ... *sighs, rests head on seat in front of him* I hate my life.

Athena: It's not your life you hate, Mr. Edgeworth! It's the Management!

Edgeworth: I hate the Management.

Speakers: We love you too.

"Where is he?"

"He's in the dining room upstairs," replied Kristoph who straightened himself up. "He is fast asleep with his wife, the two of them are like babies. Dahlia is taking the most beautiful care of them both to make sure they don't wake up."

"But Dahlia is dead," Edgeworth said, raising his eyebrow and pointing his finger at him.

"Oh no! She's back from the dead."

"That is not logically possible!"

Edgeworth: It really isn't.

Fulbright: Maybe we'll get an explanation as to how it happened now!

Apollo: I doubt it.

"Always relying on logic," Kristoph laughed. He patted him on the shoulder and then pushed him down on the stone cold floor. "You can't depend on it forever."

"Logic helps discover the truth," Edgeworth muttered. He gritted his teeth as blood oozed from his teeth.

Phoenix: Why... why are your teeth bleeding?

Apollo: Because nothing else in this fic makes sense.

Athena: There's no need to be as bitter as Mr. Edgeworth, Apollo.

Apollo: I was a rarely-used sporker, and then I get dragged in for the majority of this fic... I think I deserve to be bitter.

Fulbright: You mean being bitter is only just in this situation?

Apollo: Uh, sure.

"And logically you are disgusting."

"Why thank you!" Kristoph sighed and laid his shoulders back. He put up his arm in pride and said, "I'm so glad you noticed."

"Enough fooling around," Edgeworth shouted even madder than ever. "CUT TO THE CHASE: LEAD ME TO PHOENIX WRIGHT RIGHT NOW!"

"I'm afraid I can't do anything until you say please,"

"Please just give me Phoenix..."

Athena: It sounds really weird to hear Mr. Edgeworth use your first name, Boss.

Phoenix: You get used to it.

"That will have to do... for now." Kristoph grinned throughout his speech. He grabbed Edgeworth up from the ground and held his hand. "I will take you Phoenix just as promised."

The whole castle was dark and cold, bit somehow, it all retained elegant patterns on the wall.

Apollo: It's literally a castle?

Fulbright: How did a criminal like him even get a castle to begin with?!

Black and red floral wallpaper was what stood out. As he followed Kristoph into the dining room, he gulped and prayed that Phoenix was still alive. He didn't really care that much for Iris but she made Phoenix happy, so he had no choice but to rescue her too.

Phoenix: How kind of you, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I believe the author missed the part where I am not a sociopath.

The dining room was much more brighter than expected. The yellow walls and gold encrusted made it clear that Kristoph had been preforming robberies.

"I trust you have met Dahlia Hawthorne," Kristoph held his arm out to a slender young lady with fierce red hair. Her dress was a fragile white like the floral curtains that held the light. He would never forget the day Dahlia made him look like a fool on one of his first trials. Edgeworth gave Dahlia a foul look of disdain. His nose and cheeks wrinkled and Dahlia's lips curled into a smile.

"Good evening Edgeworth," Dahlia said in superficial elegance. "Such a pleasant surprise." Edgeworth knew Dahlia was only bein sarcastic, She the only act of kindess Dahlia ever did was out of sarcasm. Her beauty and elagence all hid a demon and a monster.

Phoenix & Edgeworth: We know.

Athena: I don't!

Fulbright: You should look over the police files for the cases she was involved in! Wait, maybe I shouldn't be sharing that information with defense attorneys. But does it really matter? How much does she need to know... hmm... whose JUSTICE is more just?

Apollo: Athena, just look at Mr. Wright's old case files.

Athena: D'accord.

Miles Edgeworth pulled away from the two of them and run over to Phoenix and Iris. Just as how Kristoph described them, they slept like babies on the table.

"And now I introduce you to a great friend of mine, Namow Lantem."

A black woman appeared from out of the darkness of the corner. She held a tray of three dishes in her hand. Her face was flat and her eyes were wide. Her wild blond curls were maintained in a bandanna. The grin she flashed was huge and frightening.

"YOU?" Edgeworth snapped. He heard a lot about her and how she was a mental woman.

All except Fulbright: *forced laughter*

Fulbright: I don't get it.

She was sentenced to a life in jail for chopping up her husband and attempting to throw his remains down the toilet. Only a strange person would ever consider doing such things.

Athena: Well, I guess we can't really argue with that.

Apollo: I kind of wish we could, though.

"Oh it's me," Namow grinned. "I am the chef of today's three course menu."

"Three course menu?" thought Edgeworth. He wasn't hungry for food, he just wanted Phoenix to be safe. "I don't want dinner," Edgeworth refused.

"Oh but you must, unless you want us to kill your precious Phoenix." Kristoph told him.

"What is this three course menu?" Edgeworth asked. He gulped. He didn't want it, but he had to do it in order to save his best friend.

"For starters, Spaghetti with spider and cheese sauce and for mains we'll have flesh pie with some obscure ingredients."

After everything Kristoph said about the menu, Edgeworth was speechless. "I dread to think what's for desert."

"Chocolate, liver and fish milkshake!" Kristoph announced with a smile on his face. "So are you up for the game?"

Apollo: I guess this is why we need the barf bags.

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Um, Edgeworth...?

Edgeworth: No. *stands up*

Phoenix: Wait, what are you doing?

Edgeworth: I'm leaving. *walks over to door, starts pounding on it* Let me out!

Phoenix: But if you leave, Trucy will-

Edgeworth: I don't care! Let me out!

[To everyone's surprise, the doors actually open. However, Edgeworth's attempt to make a break for it is halted by two of Lang's goons. One of them tases him, the other catches him and forces him back into his seat. Meanwhile, a third goon leads Trucy Wright into the theatre and seats her next to Apollo.]

Trucy: Um... what's going on?

Phoenix: *shouts up at speakers* You monsters!!

Speakers: Hey, a deal's a deal.

Trucy: Polly? Do you know what's going on?

Apollo: *silently hands her a barf bag*

"YOU PATHETIC SCUM!"

"I'm afraid I'll have to take that as a no," Kristoph sulked. He clicked his fingers at Dahlia and she held an axe. "You're free to change your mind in ten seconds." In ten seconds, his life was going to change forever. His heart was pumping and his pulse was incredible. As Kristoph counted, Dahlia also held a knife across Phoenix's throat with every temptation and intention to kill.

Athena: I thought she had an axe, not a knife.

Trucy: I come back and Mr. Gavin's trying to kill Daddy?!

Phoenix: This is barely the same fic it was 21 chapters ago, Trucy.

Fulbright: Um... is Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth going to be okay?

Phoenix: He's probably been tased before, so he'll be fine.

"Ten... Nine... Eight ... Seven ... Six ... Five ... Four ... Three ... Two ... One!"

"I'LL DO IT!" Edgeworth roared.

"Just one condition," Kristoph said. "If you throw up, you automatically lose."

"And if you attack Kristoph, I'll go ahead and kill them anyway," Dahlia giggled. "They will die a brutal death."

Trucy: If he... throws up?

Apollo: The ransom for Mr. Wright's life is Mr. Edgeworth eating a bunch of really disgusting things.

Trucy: Um, why?

Athena: We have noooo idea.

Edgeworth reluctantly sat on the table where Namow gave him the first course. The dinner was placed on a small silver plate, but the smell was horrible. The sauce was a horrible light brown that resembled liquid compost blended with custard. There had to be more than spiders and cheese in that sauce, but he couldn't bring himself to think about it.

Trucy: Spiders and cheese? Ewww.

Edgeworth: *finally feels up to commenting again* I hate tasers... now, why did the author think this was a good idea?

Apollo: Why did they think anything in this fic was a good idea?

Edgeworth held his nose, grabbed the fork and tried to eat it without a second thought. The taste was revolting and he would go as far as thinking it was the worst meal he had ever tasted and he knew the next two dishes would be even harder. He was just blessed the portion was only small.

Edgeworth: No, really. What sort of possible thought process lead them to the conclusion that this should be written?

Phoenix: Apparently they want their audience to throw up.

Fulbright: That's not-

Apollo: We get it.

When Edgeworth finished he grabbed the goblet and gulped the liquid down his gulped and looked at the cup and he saw the thick red liquid floating around. He gagged and held his throat in. His stomach began to burn and his eyes began to water.

Trucy: Um... what's in the cup?

Athena: I... I don't know actually. It looks like blood.

Trucy: Oh, gross.

Phoenix: This whole segment is gross.

Edgeworth: Why am I the one starring in it?!

"That was certainly entertaining," Kristoph mentioned. Smiling at Edgeworth's green face. "Now on to the next course," Namow revealed the gigantic pie and threw it in his face. The fillings of mud, blood and flesh drooled all over his cravat, clothes and skin.

Edgeworth: Does the author enjoy stripping me of my dignity? Wait, don't answer that.

Trucy: I wasn't going to say anything.

"It's such a lovely generous portion isn't it."Kristoph whispered. Kristoph chuckled and pushed Edgeworth's face against the table. "NOW EAT IT UP BITCH!"

Edgeworth's mouth caught some of the food down his throat and he resorted to eating the pie up like an animal. The combination of revolting mysterious ingrediants and the delicious tender taste of the flesh didn't help.

Athena: Don't tell me that's human flesh...

Apollo: I'm really glad we have these barf bags.

Fulbright: It seems as though the author really does enjoy stripping Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth of his dignity.

Edgeworth: I said not to answer that. (And am I even Chief Prosecutor right now?)

Dahlia, Namow and Kristoph were laughing their heads off. Although there were only three of them, he felt as if there were a million of them. Once his tongue felt the plate he reached his head up and glared at Kristoph.

"Would you like some more... pie?" Kristoph asked failing to maintain his laughter. Namow's facial expression froze as she applauded the dark scenery.

"Just go straight to desert."

"Very well, the desert if you please Namow."

"Chocolate, liver and fish milkshake," Namow whispered in Edgeworth's ear. "It's very delicious."

Trucy: ...I don't understand, Daddy.

Phoenix: You and me both, Trucy.

"Damn," Edgeworth muttered. He gagged again and felt the sick rise up and tickle his tongue. He held his mouth tight as the vomit sailed back down to his stomach. He looked up and saw the reddish brown liquid full of froth and bubbles dancing around in the glass. He finished the last few drops of the blood from the goblet, threw it away and grabbed the milkshake. he raised the glass up to Phoenix and Iris who slept on the table. Kristoph stood back and sat next to Dahlia.

Edgeworth held the glass to his lips and attempted to gulp it all down at once. The cold atmosphere in the milkshake sent shivers down his spine and throat. To his surprise it actually tasted sweet from all the sugar, but he still tasted the sour feces and bitter liver. He took five gulps to complete the whole milkshake and he dropped the glass on the floor. Once again he had to gag and hold down the sick back to his burning stomach. He closed his eyes and collapsed onto the table.

Edgeworth: ...is it over?

Athena: Ha! I didn't even throw up once! I told you I have a strong stomach.

Apollo: This isn't a competition, Athena...

Athena: Don't be silly. Everything's a competition.

Phoenix: Yes, Edgeworth, I think it's over.

"You've been putting poison in it haven't you Dahlia?" Kristoph asked as he faced her.

"I couldn't help it," Dahlia giggled. "It would have been a bit boring without a little bit of toxic. Don't worry, it's not fatal for Mr. Edgeworth. He'll be sleeping for a long long time."

"He did pass the task, I guess we should release our prisoners just as promised."

Trucy: Oh. I thought they were going to kill Daddy and Iris anyway.

Fulbright: But they promised to let them go! Surely- wait, I suppose these two are murderers to begin with. They have no sense of JUSTICE!! I don't trust their sudden willingness to keep their promise!

Edgeworth: Somehow, I'm starting to doubt this fic's promise to end.

Athena: One and a half more chapters, Mr. Edgeworth!

Apollo: Are we seriously only halfway through this chapter?

Phoenix: Suddenly I feel very afraid.

"Just release Feenie," Dahlia snapped.

"Why just Feenie?" Kristoph asked. "Dear Edgeworth did so well in the task."

"All right," Dahlia sulked. "We'll get the two of them dressed up and they are to be released without any harm."

"What time will they recover from their coma?" Kristoph asked.

"I guess it would be sometime after Midnight."

"We'll play with Edgeworth instead!" Kristoph screamed with intense laughter. "Namow, throw him that bathtub full of blood," he demanded.

"I will," Namow said. She bowed and dragged Edgeworth away from the evil couple.

Edgeworth: Why do they have a... nevermind, I don't want to know.

Edgeworth opened his eyes to a blank ceiling a head of him. The scent of torture still present on him, he turned to see Kristoph standing drinking a cup of tea in a golden cup. "Where are they?" Edgeworth asked gritting his teeth.

"Phoenix has been freed just as promised," Kristoph announced. "Dahlia reminded me of the small print."

"What small print?" Edgeworth croaked. His eyes were heavy and his mouth was full of burning vomit that exploded from his mouth. Kristoph stood back as Edgeworth wrenched out what he wanted out of his system. Kristoph whipped his hair back and fourth, then patted Edgeworth's bleeding back. He was chocking on his own brand and Kristoph loved watching his suffer like a child enjoyed eating exquisite chocolate candy.

"You belong to us now," he whispered in his ear. "You don't need to worry about Phoenix anymore: he's free and he will wake up in fields of gold next to his wife. They have been cleaned don't worry."

Trucy: Huh? Now what's going on?

Edgeworth: What did they do to me?

Phoenix: Do you really want to know?

Edgeworth: No, what I really want is to get out of here.

Phoenix: Yeah, well, we already saw how well that went.

Trucy: I don't really mind all that much, Daddy...

Apollo: Just wait until you show up again.

He wanted to get out, but he was tied in chains and naked. He bowed his head down, clenched his eyes and screamed.

Athena: Hey that's surprisingly accurate! Minus the whole "tied in chains and naked" bit.

Edgeworth: (Somehow, it wouldn't surprise me if that was what the Management actually wanted.)

Kristoph ordered Namow Lantem to drill a whole in the bathroom wall and to punch it until Kristoph's sofa was visible. Once the whole in the bathroom was wide enough for one to walk straight into the door.

Trucy: ...none of that made any sense.

Apollo: And this is different from the rest of the fic... how?

Fulbright: This is particularly injust!

Apollo: Yes, thank you, Detective Fulbright.

Kristoph grabbed some popcorn and sat in peace. Edgeworth's suffering had became the main attraction in the household.

Phoenix: Oh, I get it.

Athena: Get what?

Phoenix: This chapter is a metaphor for the sporking theatre.

Edgeworth: *squints at screen* ...you may actually be right about that, Wright.

The devious pair become startled by an unexpected bang. Their vision followed the smoke behind them. Tears dripping from luscious brown hair. Behind them stood Lana, crying her eyes out with the pistol shaking in her hand. She sobbed with the pistol still in tact. Kristoph could see that Lana wasn't going to let go of that gun to anybody.

Trucy: Um, who just got shot?

Phoenix: You know, we never found out who that stray bullet hit a few chapters ago.

Apollo: Maybe neither bullet hit anyone.

Fulbright: The gun users in this fic should be more responsible!

Edgeworth: No one in this fic is responsible. No one.

"I was enjoying that Lana," Kristoph told Lana. Dahlia jumped through the whole and stared in joy at the bathtub. "I was hoping to torture him for a few more months."

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Wait, hang on...

"Bastard," Lana spat. "You're even worse than your brother."

"What on earth are you talking about," Kristoph laughed. "My brother is an angel!"

"An angel," Lana screamed. She held the pistol directly at Kristoph's face. "You would say that though wouldn't you? He's a dirty whore and you're just a monster."

"Now, now Lana," Kristoph said. His back rested against a pile of books as he requested, "now let's settle things calmly."

"I'll give you calm," Lana whispered. She pulled the trigger again and it caused a red whole in Kristoph's forehead. His eyes and mouth dropped wide open as his body slammed the floor. But one bullet wasn't enough for Lana, she shot Kristoph again, and again and again, until she ran out of bullets. Kristoph's face resembled a broken strawberry pie and the floor stained by a red puddle. Lana threw the pistol at where Kristoph's face one stood. She stood back and stared at Dahlia who whipped her hair back and fourth.

All: ...

Athena: *starts singing* I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth~!

Apollo: Ema's older sister just shot Mr. Gavin to death and the only thing you can think of is an old meme?

Athena: I didn't see you coming up with any comments.

"You really do hate men don't you Lana?" Dahlia asked. Lana remained silent and nodded. Dahlia smiled again and threw a towel at her face. "You're really fucked up," Dahlia snapped. "Because of that... I like you." Dahlia closed her eyes and giggled. "We better get out here before the police find us."

"I am the police," Lana replied back, faking a smirk. She took one look at Edgeworth and then followed Dahlia out of the room.

Trucy: What? She's not going to rescue him?

Fulbright: Well, she is a murderer!

Miles Edgeworth, I'm so sorry you had to die, especially like this.

Trucy: Oh.

Edgeworth: Somehow, I knew it.

Phoenix: Look on the bright side! You're not in this fic anymore!

Edgeworth: That doesn't mean I'm free to go, though.

Speakers: Quit your whining.

I couldn't bring myself to let Dahlia and Kristoph torture you like that. They would habe done much worse things to you. That's why I killed you. You sacrificed your dignity to save Phoenix and Iris.

Edgeworth: No, I sacrificed my dignity because the author is a sadist.

Trucy: And the Management has tasers.

Edgeworth: That too.

I could only imagine the torment that was going on. Believe me, Edgeworth you would have been better off dead. I loved you Edgeworth... but you clearly had your heart set on someone else. I never killed you out of revenge, but I killed to protect you. Don't forget that.

Athena: It's a little sad that we're never going to find out who this "someone else" is.

Edgeworth: Quite frankly, I don't want to know.

Phoenix: And here's the other plus side - you're one of few characters who never got forced into a pairing!

Apollo: I think he might be the only character.

Fulbright: I'm not in a pairing.

Apollo: ...you're not in this fic.

It seemed that Apollo and Trucy were going to spend Christmas by themselves. Iris and Phoenix had been kidnapped by Kristoph Gavin, but even if he didn't kidnap them on their honeymoon, they would have still been on their own.

Trucy: ...we're certainly taking this well.

Apollo: Maybe they already got released?

Trucy: I'd still be a little worried.

Phoenix: Only a little?

Trucy: Well, I'm sure you'd be okay, Daddy! I mean, if getting hit by a car and flung into telephone pole doesn't kill you...

Edgeworth: And the time you fell off a burning bridge. And the time you ate a glass necklace that may have had poison in it.

Phoenix: Uh...

Athena: Wow, Boss. You're surprisingly hardcore.

Phoenix: (Surprisingly?)

It would have been nice to have their parents around them for Christmas. Trucy's idea of a perfect Christmas was hanging round with the whole family and enjoying gifts together. Her parents being away ruined some of the magic of Christmas for her, but she was still going to celebrate with Apollo.

Trucy gazed outside the window and saw the snow helplessly fall to the ground. The natural glitter sparkling on the balcony, the roofs and the windows. The birds and bells sang in perfect harmony sending shivers down Trucy's spine. The birds flapped their wings fighting against the blizzard. "They would have loved this," Trucy said referring to her parents. "I wished they were here."

"Guess what?" said Apollo. The tone of his voice sounded happy.

"What?"

"I got a girlfriend," he announced.

Apollo: ...huh.

Trucy: I'm actually kind of impressed, Apollo!

Apollo: Impressed...?

Athena: I wonder who it's gonna be?

"REALLY?" Trucy gasped. She raised her eyebrows and turned her head. "You've got to be kidding me?" Trucy grabbed onto his arm and asked. "What's her name?"

"Viola," replied Apollo. "She'll be coming over soon."

Phoenix: Don't tell me... Viola Cadaverini?

Edgeworth: Barring the creation of another OC, yes, that's probably likely. Why?

Phoenix: Haha... good luck, Apollo.

Apollo: ...

" WAIT A MINUTE!" Trucy shrieked. "When was this? I mean when did you two start dating?"

"A few days after Phoenix kicked me out. We knew each other from a case a while ago."

"Really?" asked Trucy. The sudden high pitch and slow tempo voice change made Trucy believe he was lying.

"Okay, I'll tell the truth," Apollo said raising his arms in the air. "She's Kristoph Gavin's ex-girlfriend,

Apollo: And for some reason I thought this was a good idea?!

Fulbright: You can't pass judgements on people based off of who they've dated in the past! That's not very just of you, Mr. Justice! You're not living up to your name!

Phoenix: It would have been a bad idea regardless.

Trucy: At least she's not related to you, Apollo! ...right? Is there anyone else that you're related to that I should know about?

Apollo: Prosecutor Gavin.

Trucy: Huh. Okay.

I've known her for a long time. We've started dating not so long ago and she was the one who asked me out. I said yes and I told her to keep it quiet for a while until I was ready to come out."

"Wow," Trucy said, dropping her mouth. "How old is she?"

"She's 34."

Apollo: ...I give up.

Edgeworth: Get in line.

Athena: Hee hee, Apollo, I didn't think you liked older women.

Apollo: Forget it, Athena.

"Wow, you're a toy-boy," laughed Trucy. She jumped into her brother's lap. He was pushed on the coach and Trucy grabbed out some mistletoe in her pocket, then raised it in the air.

"What are you doing?" Apollo asked. His face was red and his eyes were shut tight.

"Being nostalgic," replied Trucy. She smiled and kissed Apollo's lips. "Merry Christmas!"

"Did it ever occur to you that there's a possibility that Phoenix and Iris might walk in and scream?"

Fulbright: Or that someone else might walk in and arrest you! IN JUSTICE WE TRUST!

Phoenix: *sigh* Please stop flashing your badge like that.

Apollo: Jealous, Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: Maybe.

"It was just a kiss,"Trucy responded.

"One kiss too many I think,"admitted Apollo. "Kisses lead all sorts of things and that's what got us into trouble. Besides we're both in relationships we can't..."

Trucy kissed him on the lips again. To be honest, Trucy didn't really know why she wanted to kiss her brother in a romantic way after all the trouble she's been through. The only reason she could think of was "I did it for the lols". While that reason would work well on the Internet, in real life, it would need some explaining and Trucy couldn't find the words to describe her actions.

Trucy: Um...

Phoenix: At least it's not like the last few chapters.

Athena: What happened in the last few chapters?

Phoenix: Uh, Trucy doesn't need to know that.

Athena: Apollo, tell me later, okay?

Apollo: Just read the script!

"Shut up, and open some presents," Trucy said. She marched to the Christmas tree and pointed to a bag and stocking. "This is your stocking and your sack is here," she told Apollo as she knelt down to her sack. "I'll open mine now." Trucy was pleased with the first parcel she opened, it was gift-box of lipstick that she received from Iris. The lipsticks came in all range of colours: gold, yellow, green, pink, blue, silver, red and orange.

Athena: I thought lipstick only came in reds and pinks. And sometimes black.

Trucy: Nope, they come in all sorts of colors! Most of them are just used for costumes, though.

Phoenix: You don't even use a lot of makeup on stage, do you?

Trucy: ...I don't really know how to put it on.

Athena: Ooh, I'll teach you!

Phoenix: (Athena doesn't wear a lot of make-up either... why do I get the feeling this is going to end badly?)

[Apollo says Viola is going to come over. Trucy is excited.]

The door knocked and Apollo jumped up. "That should be Viola." He took a brisk walk to the door and just as he thought, Viola was standing outside. "Hi Viola. You look very nice today," he said, grabbing her hand and kissing her cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Apollo," Viola whispered. "I brought some presents."

Athena: Um, Boss... why does that sound so menacing...?

Fulbright: I fear for this woman's sense of JUSTICE.

"Well come in," Apollo took Viola into the lounge and stopped when she was face to face with Trucy. "This is my sister,"

"Hi Viola," Trucy said in an excited tone. "I'm Trucy. So nice to meet you. You're very pretty. Polly was just talking about you."

"Thank you," Viola responded. Her voice was soft and weak.

Apollo: And scary.

Trucy: Daddy, who is this lady?

Phoenix: Someone from one of my old cases.

Apollo: Very helpful.

"I have some presents for you." Viola handed over an oval shaped box decorated in blue and white roses and smiled.

"Oh wow! Thank you so much Viola."

"You're welcome," Viola giggled. "I hope you like them." Viola looked around and asked, "so you two have been alone?"

Phoenix: You probably shouldn't answer that.

Edgeworth: Kay's theory about the author rolling dice to decide relationships is starting to make more and more sense.

"Yeah," Apollo answered. "Trucy's adoptive parents have been kidnapped, our real mom's died and my dad is in prison."

Fulbright: I can't believe you're just taking this in stride!!

Apollo: This is probably the most confusing Christmas I've ever seen.

Athena: Just in a fanfic, or counting real life ones?

Apollo: ...my real-life Christmases aren't that confusing.

"That's a shame."Viola looked up at Trucy and said, "I heard Trucy's dad was Phoenix Wright. Is is true?"

"Yeah! That's my daddy's name."

"I thought so," Viola admitted. "Kristoph told me a lot about you. Too bad he went at an all time low..."

"Let's forget about the past," suggested Apollo. "It's Christmas, no need to be gloomy."

"OH MY GOODNESS," Trucy screamed as she grabbed a first of notes. "THERE'S MONEY IN THIS COOKIE BOX!" She gasped and asked Viola, "How much is in here?"

"A thousand dollars exactly," Viola replied. "Enjoy... wisely."

Phoenix: What.

Edgeworth: I don't think fic-Trucy can be trusted with money.

Trucy: Real Trucy definitely can!

"Thank you so much Viola," Trucy shouted again. She hugged Viola and twirled her around. "Hey Apollo, open your presents now!" she demanded her brother. "Viola's here now so you two can open the presents to-"

A boom from outside distracted Trucy and made her lose her words. "I'll get that," Trucy said as she ran to the door. She had a feeling that she knew who it was. She opened the door and saw two magicians, one in purple, the other in purple.

Athena: Or you could just say they were both in purple.

Edgeworth: No, that would make too much sense.

"UNCLE MAX AND UNCLE VALANT!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"the two men shouted in unison. Rainbow smoke escaped from thier hats, dying the top of thier hair. Glitter leaked from Valants jacket, blowing on Trucy's face.

"Love the glitter rain," Trucy told them.

"Everyone should love the glitter rain," Max announced.

Edgeworth: Glitter rain sounds like a mess.

Trucy: I think it sounds like fun.

Edgeworth: ...remind me to avoid your magic shows.

Phoenix: Too late.

Edgeworth: ...

Athena: I'm sure the glitter will come out of your suit eventually!

[And still, no one actually cares about Phoenix and Iris getting kidnapped.]

Athena: Except for Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: And I died for it.

Fulbright: Maybe that's why no one cares. What a terrible miscarriage of JUSTICE...

Phoenix: I'd appreciate it if we could avoid talk of miscarriages in relation to this fic, thanks.

Trucy: ?

Apollo: (And only now did I realize the potential pun...)

Trucy reacted as she heard another knock on the door. She couldn't believe she was receiving so much attention. She opened the door again and there was Maya and Franziska. The pair of them were wearing a red dress with a Santa's hat on their heads.

Athena: Wearing a red dress?

Apollo: As in they're both in the same dress?

All: ...

Phoenix: Well, I suppose they are dating.

Trucy: Let's just move on.

[Christmas party! It's kind of boring. Apollo only has a pizza in the freezer.]

Athena: Only a pizza? Geez, can Christmas get any more depressing?

Edgeworth: Yes.

Athena: (...now I really want to put him through a quick therapy session.)

Phoenix: *whispers* I know what you're thinking, Athena, and it's a bad idea.

Athena: Awww...

Trucy saw Lana and Machi knock on the open door, close the door after them, then tip-toed into the room. Machi waved, and Trucy waved back.

"Hi guys," Trucy called. She walked up to Machi and kissed his cheek.

"Merry Christmas Trucy," Machi squealed as he passed her a huge teddy bear.

"Thank you," Trucy squealed back. "Come on in you too."

Edgeworth: I believe they already did.

Fulbright: How rude of them to just enter without asking first!

Edgeworth: I don't really think it's out of place when it comes to Wright's associates.

Phoenix: It was only one time.

Edgeworth: Correction: it was only one location.

"We didn't want to leave you guys to be on you own," Lana mentioned. "And Machi wanted to see you."

"It seems as if everybody had the same idea," Trucy giggled. As Lana and Machi sat near Apollo, Valant and Max were throwing glitter and champagne everywhere.

Phoenix: I hope you plan on cleaning that up, Trucy.

Trucy: I don't even know if there's a way to clean up glitter.

Apollo: Also, it's fictional.

Trucy: Oh, right.

"Thank you guys all for coming," Trucy shouted. "I'm glad I have all your support and I hope my parents come home safely."

"They'll be fine," Lana told them with pride. "Edgeworth will save them and they'll come back unharmed."

Edgeworth: ...is this before or after she shot me?

Athena: Um... after? How did she know you were going after them in the first place?

Apollo: I'm still wondering about Mr. Gavin's secret castle.

"Edgeworth sounds like a really good man," Machi said.

"Yes," Lana agreed. "He is..."

Phoenix: *opens mouth*

Edgeworth: Whatever you were about to say, we probably don't need to hear it.

Phoenix: How do you know I wasn't going to agree?

Edgeworth: *glares*

Athena: I think he knows you too well, Mr. Wright.

[Gumshoe arrives with news.]

"Wow nice party you guys got in here. Now I have some good news and I have some bad news," announced Gumshoe as he straightened up his coat. "The good news is that Phoenix and Iris have both been found safe and well." Gumshoe smiled as he cheered with the group, then his smile melted away. "As for the bad news... I can't bring myself to say it,"

"What happened?"

"I'm really sorry to say this," Gumshoe croaked, he faced his shoes and shook his head. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we have lost a valuable person. Edgeworth has been brutally murdered.

Edgeworth: So I am already dead.

Trucy: It's really kind of morbid that your killer went to a Christmas party right after killing you.

Apollo: I don't think morbid even begins to describe it.

Fulbright: I think injust describes it very well!

We believe he was killed by Gavin and then he was murdered by someone else. There is phenomenal amount of evidence to suggest that Kristoph had maids to assist him. One of whom is Namow Lantem, who's fingerprints matched the ones we found. An official autopsy report will be on it's way soon."

"Where are my parents now?" asked Trucy killing the silence that had become a contagious disease.

"They're in a hospital at the moment," replied Gumshoe, trying to sake off his tears. "Both in a stable condition, they'll need to be questioned by the police so you can't see them just yet... Are you okay Lana?" Gumshoe dashed over to Lana who appeared to have collapsed to the ground.

Athena: Do you think she'll turn herself in?

Phoenix: No bet.

"Just a coincidence," Lana muttered as she crawled her way back up. "Just a few minutes ago I said everything was going to be fine and in just a matter of seconds things aren't."

"I know how you feel Lana," Gumshoe sobbed. "He was the best friend I ever had."

"We shouldn't really be crying at Christmas should we?" Trucy asked.

Trucy: Wow, that's... really insensitive of me.

Apollo: Fortunately for you, the Trucy in the fic has almost nothing to do with you.

Phoenix: I'd be pretty upset if she did.

Apollo: Which is why I said fortunately...

"Yes," Valant replied. He patted Trucy's back and told him, " I never knew him that well myself but I have a feeling he wouldn't want us crying over him."

"No," Lana murmured. "He wouldn't, but... how can we celebrate without him?"

Edgeworth: Easily. I wouldn't have been celebrating with you anyway.

Athena: (I really, really want to find out why he sounds sad when he talks about Christmas...!)

Phoenix: Athena, put Widget down.

Edgeworth: ...

Lana sulked. She sat down and cried. "How is Ema going to react? It will be awful, he inspired her a lot and I loved him." Her head was buried in her hands, concealing the tears that could be heard. She looked up and found herself the center of attention. "I'm sorry..."

Apollo: Maybe she should have thought of this before she shot him.

Fulbright: Maybe she should have considered a more just course of action!

Trucy: She ended up shooting Mr. Gavin anyway... are you sure that she couldn't have just rescued him?

Edgeworth: Nothing in this fic makes sense. Why should my "rescue"?

"You're not the only person who ever loved him," Franziska barked as she looked down on Lana. "You won't be the last either."

Edgeworth: ...but I'm dead.

Phoenix: Well, I guess somebody here is a-

Trucy: Daddy, I'm still in the room.

Phoenix: I wasn't going to say anything.

[There is a moment of silence for Edgeworth. Everyone then moves on with their lives. Seriously.]

Lana returned to her car and drove far away. She stopped the car off in a deserted woods. She had to get away from the place, she breathed heavily and gasped her breathes out. Lana knew she would not be able to sleep that night. She had seen the sad reactions of people's faces when they found out that Edgeworth had died a cruel death. She could almost smell the blood on her hands. She had no regrets killing Kirstoph. Why should she, she thought. She threw her hand against the wall, clenching it tight as she pictured every moment of Kristoph torturing Edgeworth and how Dahlia and Namow simply did nothing. It was the lowest form of entertainment.

She didn't know weather to laugh or cry: so she did both.

Phoenix: Yep, definitely a metaphor for the sporking theatre.

She was caged in the hell she had remorse she should feel, she had none in the heart she once had. Every day it was getting hard to conceal her darkest side. She would smile and pretend that everything was fine. The rage inside still exists and she wished she it could evacuate, but the animal inside her craved for blood: April May's blood. Edgeworth's death had opened her eyes and she saw just how morbid her revenge plan really was, and it was increasing.

Trucy: So how come Ema's older sister wants to kill April May?

Apollo: I don't know.

Athena: Was it explained?

Apollo: It might as well not have been.

She had been lying to herself for so long. She said that men were useless, but she only said it because the man she loved rejected her. She was silly enough to even think he would date her after she tried to frame him for murder. Lana banged her fist again, feeling the red bruises on her knuckles burning her skin.

She had faked her killer instinct when she was working with Damon Gant, but now she truly did have a killer's instinct she became lost. All she wanted to do was protect Ema. That's why she arranged the marriage with Mike and made sure they were both sent away. Lana hoped it would spite Klavier and it almost worked. She felt so bad for murdering Edgeworth that she almost considered sparing April and Klavier's life until she saw the two of them together, laughing and cheering without a care in the world.

Trucy: None of this makes any sense...

Fulbright: That's because it lacks JUSTICE!

Apollo: I think I'm in it far too much to begin with.

She was reminded of how much she despised the two. She had come this far, she thought. It would have been all a waste of time if April and Klavier didn't get hurt. One way or another she was gonna humiliate Klavier and spite Kristoph's spirit even further.

The desire to kill still burned inside of her. She knew no one could ever tame the animal she had become. She believed this wasn't the real her and she wished someone could save her from herself, but as far as she was concerned it was too late. She gritted her teeth as she watched Klavier and April kiss passionately on the floor.

Apollo: ...I thought this scene took place in a deserted forest.

Phoenix: You know, just making out on the forest floor. Nothing wrong with that.

Athena: What if they're on top of an ant colony?

Phoenix: Then they learn a valuable lesson.

Both of their long locks of hairs mixing with each other. To a normal person, Klavier and April seemed to be having a young and careless romance, but to Lana is was a disgusting match made in hell which made her want to run the pair of them over.

Her state of mind was like a tug of war. A part of her wanted to drive back to the rest of the gang and the other part wanted to run the pair of them over and have everything over and done with.

"Kissing in the woods at a white Christmas," Lana muttered. "You guys are in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Trucy: Wouldn't they get cold?

Edgeworth: I assume they're both wearing warm clothing.

Trucy: They're also rolling around in the snow.

Athena: I guess that solves the ant problem, though.

Lana started the engine of her car, cackled immensely then charged down the hill. The adrenaline rush felt orgasmic as she cackled as April screamed. Klavier tried to save April but the pair of them were bashed by the front of Lana's car. Lana steered the wheel and drove over their legs and went round in circles twice before steering to a halt. Lana's forehead touched the wheel. Behind closed doors was a smirking woman who had officially become a serial killer.

All: ...

Apollo: Did she just run over Prosecutor Gavin?

Athena: Yep.

Apollo: Um, is there even a certain amount of people you have to kill before you're considered a serial killer?

Fulbright: Well, she did kill two or more separate people in two or more separate events over a period of time.

Trucy: I can't believe there's actually a guideline for that.

Edgeworth: Why wouldn't there be?

She stepped out of the car and reached for a gun. Her hands were covered in gloves so her fingerprints will never be found. Her footsteps thudded in the thick snow as she followed the red stains. Some of the snow covered the injured couple who were both unconscious. Lana stabbed the gun near April's chest and pulled the trigger. The friction caused her to fall on the floor. Lana sighed and grinned. Blood splattered on her face, but she didn't mind. She had completed her revenge plan at last. She didn't care about Klavier anymore, she hoped he would freeze to death. Either way she placed the gun near Klavier to make it look like he had murdered April.

Edgeworth: I would explain the many reasons why it would be obvious that he didn't kill her, but it would take too long.

Trucy: I kind of wanted to hear it.

Phoenix: Maybe later.

Lana returned to her car and drove back home. "No more deaths," she promised herself. She could feel her senses return and her madness fade to black. Once again she had no remorse. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Athena: Who wants to bet that she'll kill someone again in the next chapter?

Phoenix: Actually, I think she'll be caught.

Apollo: No betting.

Athena: You're not the boss of me!

Spoiler: The last chapter begins.

Edgeworth: We're so close...

Trucy: This chapter is titled "6 Months Later".

Stephen Ronald Walter DeLite was brought into the world on 26th June 2028 not long after midday. The clock has just stroked twelve again. Dessie rested on the hopital bed with Ron sprawled ontop of her. The young baby laid fast asleep in the crib without any knowledge of the chaos that circulated around his parents during the past nine months. The parents were Dessie DeLite and Wocky Kitaki. Just the thought of it made Alita Tiala laugh. Lana agreed to give her a private jet to take her to California to Blackpool whenever she wished. Lana had always kepted her up to date with what was going with Wocky through her son, Machi.

Athena: Oh, so Lana wasn't caught.

Phoenix: Yet. The chapter's only just started.

Lana's plans of locking Klavier up had failed. He was still unconscious at hospital and there was a theory that Klavier murdered April then tried to harm himself to free him from suspicion.

Edgeworth: ...

Fulbright: Um, are you okay, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I feel a migraine coming on.

Another theory was that it was Ema and that she pretended to not know about the wedding so she could get away with murder. The only accurate theory she heard was the same person who killed April and tried to kill Klavier was the same person who murdered Edgeworth and Kristoph.

None of them guessed it was Lana.

Athena: Pay up, Boss.

Phoenix: No way. She hasn't killed anyone else yet.

Trucy: This is a really morbid bet, Daddy.

Phoenix: ...

Lana still had Mike and Ema stuck in their honeymoon place. Lana was doing a good job in keeping them away from the police force. Alita had expected them to be back at work by now. She could easily imagine the two of them held hostage by Dahlia, but Lana wouldn't have liked that and Mike seemed a bit too ruthless to be locked up for six months.

She wasn't going to bother turning anyone in either because Lana was the only tool she had left to get close to Wocky. To hurt him. To kill him inside. What better way to hurt him then to take something precious away from him. She wasn't thinking of Pearl, she had enough of her and she was fine with the money. She looked down at the peaceful infant and grinned. Stephen was starting to giggle and Alita knew she had to be swift and careful if she wanted to get out without waking Ron and Dessie.

Fulbright: She's going to kill the baby?!

Apollo: I thought she was just going to kidnap it...

Fulbright: Oh, right. That's a possibility too.

Apollo: (Why was that the first thing you thought of?!)

Alita tiptoed to the glass crib. Her finger crawled around Stephen's face. She remembered the time she told Wocky that she had sympathy for Dessie because she predicted the child would be hideous, but to her surprise, he was actually quite cute. Stephen's eyes were shut but his lips curled. She took one more look down on the unlucky couple and whispered, "Stephen, it's time to say goodbye to your parents... well your mother anyway. Your real daddy's screwing some slut."

Alita carried Stephen out of the room and crept outside the garden door where the scurrying nurses and doctors had their backs turned. She wanted to laugh so desperatly, but she knew she had to maintain her giggles in her throat. It would have been awkward for her to be caught holding the child of a man she despised. She felt even more sorry for Ron, who was determined to be a good father figure for Stephen and even claimed to be doing karate classes.

Trucy: So she is kidnapping the baby. Huh.

Edgeworth: I'm not even going to bother.

Speakers: Don't be boring.

Alita had no remorse, none whatsoever. If it were up to her she would still be in Blackpool flaunting herself at the beach, but she knew that Larry wanted to return. He was torn between his friends and her. As long as Larry didn't do anything stupid, Alita was fine with Larry spying on Phoenix, there was nothing to see in his flat other than clutter. Last time she went she saw Godot slouching on the desk. With that in mind she cradled Stephen in her arms and said, "this is a fucked up place. Let me take you to a much better place."

"So you got him?" said a voice behind her. Alita knew the cold voice well. Lana had her back against the tree as Dahlia stood by her side holding a cigarette.

Fulbright: Smoking is extremely bad for you!! She is setting a bad example for the young, impressionable minds in this theatre! That's basically the opposite of JUSTICE!!

Trucy: You're not talking about me, are you...?

Phoenix: She's already dead anyway. Or was.

Apollo: This is stupid.

Edgeworth: I think we've established that.

[Alita and Dahlia bicker about Alita keeping the baby.]

Lana marched over to her car and opened the shiny black door. "Jump in Alita," Lana demanded.

"Bye Dahlia," Alita said as she gulped. She stepped into the car. Lana hopped in the car, placed her seatbelt around her and started the engine. Stephen cried just as Lana drove away. Alita had trouble trying to keep him quiet ever since. "Why on earth would Dahlia thing kidnapping a child is an act of kindness."

"Probably because her parents treated her like shit," Lana responded.

Phoenix: ...

Athena: Comments, Boss?

Phoenix: I'm not going to touch this one.

"Good point." Alita looked down on Stephen's face and said, "it's sad that she never got real love." Alita was starting to wonder if Dahlia was either right, jealous or both? She had told so many lies about Wocky abusing her she started to imagine and hallucinate them. She knew they weren't true and everybody did too with the exception of Larry who would believe anything she said. Alita kissed Stephen on the cheek and then freeze for releasing it was the first time in her life she had given real affection to anyone.

"I'll tell them you ran to San Fransisco."

Edgeworth: And now she's bonding with the child she just kidnapped. Lovely.

Trucy: This is pretty weird.

Apollo: Yep.

Trucy: And the sad part is I think Athena and I understand this fic as much as you do, Polly.

Athena: Yep!

[Larry and Alita are acting as parents to the kidnapped baby. No word on if Larry knows where the baby came from.]

"Larry," Alita said. She placed Stephen back in his cot and said, "I love you. I haven't said it in a while."

"It's okay," responded Larry. He patted her back with gentle fingers. "You've been fantastic. I know you'll be a wonderful mother to Stephen. At least with us, he'll be able to have a gorgeous life. And I'll look for a good job and you can be sure that there'll be some good money for us."

"You're so sweet," Alita said. She smiled, and something inside made her feel like she was a glowing star. Her stomach churned and she felt the tingling lips of Larry kiss her neck. She thought of Wocky. In her mind she saw him crumble down to the ground and scream at himself and at Alita. She wondered if she really taken it too far?

Edgeworth: You kidnapped a baby.

Phoenix: Yeah, you've probably taken it too far.

"Why isn't that fool Apollo Justice here?" Franziska bitterly asked. "Shouldn't he be here to support his friend? Klavier Gavin always stated they were friends."

"He's with his dad in hospital," Phoenix replied. "Godot's sick again."

"I hope Godot gets well soon," Maya said. "Being arrested for Thalassa's murder triggered his illness again."

"So Professor," the young boy in the defence lobby said. "What do you think about this?"

"Well Luke, there are only two possibilities. The prosecution is either lying or passing down inaccurate facts," Professor Layton announced.

All: What.

Athena: Is the fic really turning into a crossover at the last second?

Trucy: At least that's kinda interesting!

Apollo: But the chapter's already halfway done...

Edgeworth: Then stop making unnecessary comments and prolonging it.

Klavier Gavin's trial was coming across as rather odd. This was Maya's first case as a lawyer, she had become shocked at the lack of common sense in the court room.

Trucy: How come she's a lawyer?

Phoenix: I don't think she is, actually.

Had Miles Edgeworth had still been alive, the case would have been settled before New Years Day. There was simply no way that Klavier could have murdered April under the circumstances, but the only people that were really paying attention to her was Franziska, Phoenix and Professor Layton.

Phoenix: What? ...is this actually happening?

Athena: I'm confused...

Franziska had hired Professor Layton because she knew his passion for puzzles would help win their case. Judge Salsa refused all of Maya's objections and refused to give Lana any penalties where she should be getting. The people in the trial were too scared to make a sound, it was as if they had been threatened.

Athena: So the trial is corrupt.

Edgeworth: This was the plan the whole time, actually.

Layton's assistant, Luke Triton had been equally helpful. He reminded Maya of Pearl when she was around Luke's age: full of honour and determination. Maya had a strong defence team behind her, but she was starting to lose hope that she could clear Klavier's name. She really wanted to maintain the hope, but it was proving to be a struggle. Judge Salsa had suggested a fifteen minute break for Maya to cool down. Maya was anything but calm. Her fingers were shaking with vicious nerves.

"The prosecution's been lying to us!" Maya snapped. She had finally figured out how Klavier had managed to hurt himself. "They were both run over at the same time." "How could Salsa believe that Klavier hurt himself."

"Cause he's fool," Franziska replied. "That man loves Lana Skye and will believe her every foolish word."

"There's gotta be a way to prove it," Maya said. "I'm so stressed right now that I can't even think properly."

Phoenix grabbed her shoulders and took her to the seat near the door to the court. "Now calm down," said Phoenix. "You're doing great, you just need to calm down."

Phoenix: When did I... nevermind.

Apollo: Isn't Maya using your badge? Er, your old one.

Fulbright: This hardly a just trial!!

Trucy: I think that's the point.

"That lady stole my notebook," Luke snapped. "It had all my notes in it."

"We'll get it back," Maya said. Her fingers still shook. "Don't worry."

"Just listen to us," Phoenix whispered to Maya. "Think about the events that happened before the murder. Anything you consider strange, we've got no defendant with us nor witnesses, but we've still got some good evidence. We just need to prove that the prosecution is lying."

"You're right," Maya said. "Franzy, did you keep the message on your cell phone."

"What message?" Franziska asked.

"The ones Mike sent you."

"Let me guess it's a sexual one," Phoenix said. "I know what's he like. But he's really nice once you get to know him."

Phoenix: If... if Maya is bringing it up in relation to the trial, why do I assume it's...?

Edgeworth: Because no one in this fic has any common sense.

Trucy: Including you.

Edgeworth: I'm dead.

Athena: And you seem weirdly pleased about it, too.

"I got to know him for years and he's a dirty scoundrel," Franziska barked. She flashed her cellphone to his face and the messages from Mike was revealed to Phoenix. He could tell Franziska refused to reply to them. Phoenix chuckled and he knew he would get whipped for it; but he didn't care as he was used to it.

Franzy, I love you.

Hey Franzy why don't you show me what's hiding beneath those tights.

Lesbian pictures please?

I'm married to Ema, but I still love you. You can be my second wife. Lol.

Franzy why don't you answer my calls?

Franzy please accept my calls.

I got something special to send you soon. Love from Mike. X X X

Did you like what you got? Now it's your turn?

I'm waiting...

"These messages are absolutely disgusting!" Luke shouted in disgust.

Edgeworth: And irrelevant to the trial.

Apollo: Maybe they're planning on character-assassinating the detective.

Fulbright: What kind of JUSTICE is that?!

"It seems that Mr. Blitz was not a true gentleman after all," Layton summarized the whole situation and pictured Lana gritting her teeth.

"This needs to be mentioned in the trial," announced Maya. She held Franziska's phone and took it with her to court. She smiled. The thing was finally going to get sorted out.

Apollo: I was just kidding about character-assassinating the detective.

Trucy: I still don't understand why Professor Layton is here.

"Oh my," Judge Salsa roared. "The defence seem to be very happy. What's up?"

"We've got something we want to show the prosecution," Maya announced. She smartened up the collar of her robe and faced Lana. "You know your brother-in-law, Lana?"

"Yes," Lana sighed. "He's a good man."

"So good you wanted the two of them to get married?"

"Yes," Lana replied. "I'm sorry," she started to mumble her words, "but what has this got to do with the murder of April May."

"Stop acting," grumbled Maya. "We know you're lying. Klavier was run over at the same time as April. You know he's innocent!"

"He's not innocent!" Lana spat back. Her body leaned over her desk as she slammed her desk. "He's a filthy whore and a cheat. I don't care if he's a murderer, he should still be guilty."

"Preach my love," Judge Salsa cried. "I want to give him a guilty verdict just for you."

"OBJECTION!" Maya screamed.

"Calm down baby," Salsa told Maya. "You'll get your turn."

"I guess you didn't know that Mike sent a picture of his penis to Franziska," Maya said.

Phoenix: Now my head hurts.

Edgeworth: Welcome to my life.

Trucy: This is the weirdest trial I've ever seen.

Athena: Ja, this is even weirder than cross-examining an orca!

Apollo: All of the trials in this fic have been like this.

Trucy: Ooh.

Fulbright: ...I don't think pictures of-

Apollo: I don't want to hear it, Detective Fulbright.

Judge Salsa dropped his mouth and gasped. He jumped out of his seat and then exploded with laughter. "OH MY GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! PICTURES OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!"

"Here's Franziska's phone," Maya said. She walked out of the bench and passed it over to Judge Salsa. Salsa's eyes had opened.

"That's one hell of a thing," Salsa said. "He's sent Franziska messages too. Lana you have to look at this one: Hey Franzy, this is Mike Sexy Blitz. How are you doing? Just had sex with Ema and I wish you were here to make a sexy sandwich."

"PASS IT OVER!" Lana screamed. Maya retrieved the phone from Judge Salsa and she walked over and showed the picture and sexual messages that Mike had sent to Franziska. She gritted her teeth and bit her fingers as she wailed in the progress. She then banged her head on the table and then with one mighty scream, she roared, "FUCK!" She stormed out of the court room and Salsa moaned.

"Damn you Mike Blitz for making my Lana-baby cry," Judge Salsa roared. "I hate to admit it, my plan on giving Klavier a lesson to tell him that those big boobies were trouble have failed in some degrees. I can honestly say that he is innocent and it looks like Mike is the guilty dude here. I find Klavier Gavin, not guilty... for now. The court is dismissed." He banged the his gavel and then said, "I believe we should a warrant out to hunt down Mike Blitz."

Judge Salsa scurried out of the court. Everyone knew it was so he could chase after Lana.

All: ............

Edgeworth: *bangs head on seat in front of him*

Apollo: One more section to go, I guess...

Dear Wocky Kitaki,

I've known you for about two years. It seems that time has flown by and it doesn't seem very long. From the small amount of time I've spent with you, you've already managed to destroy my life. You're a dumb and vile human being, and I had the greatest pleasure in watching you suffer, I'm just disappointed that I never got to finish you off. Months in that stupid prison cell and all because you and your stupid friends. Since being jailed, all I wanted to do was break you. I wanted to kill you! Do something that make you do the crying. I thought it would be tough, but when I heard you got arrested for rape, I roared with laughter. I thought it was even more hilarious that you were originally found guilty for it. You poor thing: NOT!

Apollo: I think it's safe to assume that Alita is writing this.

Trucy: Wait, Wocky got arrested?

Apollo: Geez, that feels like ages ago now.

Phoenix: Time passes strangely in the sporking theatre...

I told you this before, but I said that your kid was going to be ugly. Your girlfriend, Pearl is a home-wrecker and a slut. And yet she gets everything she wants even though the rest of her family are complete cunts. Fuck you all!I simply cannot find the the time to hate you anymore. Have your little boy back! I only stole him just to piss you off, not because I wanted your babies or anything stupid like that. No, you as a father is like the worst thing imaginable. I wouldn't be surprised if Pearl had a baby bump on her right now.

Edgeworth: I was under the impression that Ron DeLite was the one acting as the baby's father.

Phoenix: Are you just going to ignore the line about Pearls getting pregnant?

Edgeworth: Yes.

Stephen was better off with us! Larry and I were good parents to him. We gave him all the things you could only wish you could give him. Then again you were always a lazy one. When we were dating all you wanted to do was lie about in the park doing fuck all. You were always trying to show off with those pathetic hip-hop anthems and dodgy dance moves. Don't get me started on the sex, it was painful and your face was even more painful to look at.

I can't believe I tried to marry you for your money. I can't believe I tried so hard just to be accepted into this world. I just wanted to fit in, but I couldn't so I decided fuck it! I'll go my way. Once I married you, I would have waited for your death. I would have taken your money and used it to runaway much more earlier. I would have still had a relaxing and enjoying life. I should have been less more obvious, I should have given it much more time to think it over. I should have planned it carefully like Lana did. Well look at Lana, she's back in jail but at least she got to do what she wanted before she got thrown back in again.

Phoenix: Pay up, Athena.

Athena: Dang it.

Apollo: ...I thought I interrupted you two before either of you could make a wager, though.

Athena: Oh, that's right, you did. Ha ha, Boss!

Phoenix: Thanks, Apollo.

Apollo: Well excuse me for trying to be the responsible one here.

All these fuck ups in my life had led me into the arms of some dopey prison officer. You know who that guy is. Your little hoe beat him up and he pushed you down the stairs. He should have killed you off. You could have been great friends with him, but you chose to warn him about me. He still believes that you're a wife-beater, I'm not going to tell him the truth, and I don't want you going round flashing this letter to everyone either. This letter is just for you; nobody else! If I find out that you've been spreading this letter, I will come back and bring hell to you and all you love. Do I make myself clear? YES? GOOD! NO? FUCK YOU!

Fulbright: That much hostility can't be good for you!

Edgeworth: The person writing the letter is a murderer.

Fulbright: Oh, in that case...

I don't even know why I'm bothering anymore. I won! I got what I wanted. I'm rich, and I'm faraway from the terror I once called home. Okay, Larry is so cheerful that I find it very frustrating sometimes, but that's normal for a couple. I know everyone thinks that I twisted Larry under my little finger and it's because of me that I made him an eccentric criminal, but you guys must know nothing about Larry. He is a sweet guy, and I do love him! And I'm not lying, I mean it. He treats me right, he cares and he does what every man is suppose to do to their lady. Which is more than I can say about you. I have always blamed my misery on you. I loved raising Stephen up to be my own and then... CURSE YOU. He just had to have your eyes. It reminded me of all the good times we had together. The times where I found your company enjoyable.

Athena: Hey, wait a minute... *squints at screen* Is this character development?

Edgeworth: Too little, too late.

Trucy: There's no need to be so grumpy.

Edgeworth: By the way, you're welcome for the fact that you missed all the truly insane parts of the fic. The ones that involved you, anyway.

Trucy: Oh, so that's why...

Phoenix: He's also the one that got you dragged in for these chapters.

Edgeworth: Have pity on me.

Why am I doing this? Don't worry about the money, you were right; you don't owe a thing. It's me that owes you something. In the basket under Stephen, there should be a thousand dollars. Don't worry, Stephen should remain unharmed. Now you can tell Dessie and Ron that their baby is fine, well it's your baby too. It was hard work getting Stephen to be healthy in the first few months of his life and I don't want our efforts to go to waste. I really hope Stephen gets the best out of life. In the basket is also a silver rattle. Look after that, it's his favourite. We gave him many toys, but it was the rattle he loved the most.

Athena: No, it's really character development!

Apollo: It seems odd that it would only appear so late in the fic, though.

Trucy: Maybe the author wanted a decent ending to the fic to make up for the terrible beginning.

Apollo: And the middle of it?

Trucy: I have no idea.

I'm sorry for everything. Screw the nasty words I did and forget about the horrible stuff I did to you all. You should all thank Stephen. I loved him like my own son and it was because I grew attached to him, was that I decided it was best that he would be returned to his real parents and to his real home. I don't know where the DeLites live, and I'm guessing they've moved and tried to search for us, but I'm guessing that Plum will be forcing you and Dessie to contact each other regularly so I returned him to you.

I love you Wocky, you're so cute in a very odd way. I was just really jealous that Pearl managed to get to you and I didn't, but I guess it's for the best. I'll move on with Larry and you move on with Pearl. It's as easy as at. I don't think I should contact you again, just for your own safety. I'm sorry I ever called your child ugly, Stephen is beautiful.

All the best for all you,

Alita.

P.S We've adopted a girl named Sapphire.

Athena: That's actually kind of a sweet ending.

Edgeworth: She's still a murderer who escaped prison and kidnapped a baby.

Fulbright: Obviously she was rehabilitated!!

Edgeworth: By kidnapping a baby.

Phoenix: At least that's the last of it.

[The lights come back on.]

Trucy: *stretches* I think chapters one and two were a lot worse than chapters 23 and 24. Well, except for the part where Daddy was getting rescued... that was gross.

Apollo: I still can't believe the author actually did that.

Phoenix: And the sudden crossover at the end.

Fulbright: I think this fic was lacking in JUSTICE!!

Athena: And you need to tell me what the heck happened in the earlier chapters, Apollo!

Apollo: What, do you have trainwreck syndrome or something?

Athena: *shrugs* Apparently.

Edgeworth: I think we should just stop discussing this fic and forget this ever happened.

Phoenix: Yeah, that's probably for the best.

Fulbright: Wait! Before we go, I would like to share this review that was left on the fic!!

(You wrote 82000 words; you deserve a creative response)

Hello. My name is Simon Blackquill, alias 'the Twisted Samurai', and a friend of mine (who I shall not be asking for more fiction in the future) linked this to me. 'Simon', she said, 'look at this great fanfic! It's all about Apollo and the boss's daughter and stuff!' ...what she did not mention is that this is only about Justice-dono, Wright-dono, and their friends in name only.

To begin with, it is quite frankly amazing that you were able to somehow create a competition for the least in-character out of everyone. I could write about Maya Fey-dono, who posed nude for hamburgers, was almost raped by Kristoph Gavin and showed almost no trauma from said incident, and generally acted like a complete buffoon; I could write about Pearl Fey-dono, who swore and drank and chose a 'special someone' out of an ex-gangster; I could talk about the murderous Lana Skye-dono, or the bizarre attempts of Matt Engarde to escape despite the fact that prison was where he was safe, or Luke Atmey's affair with Engarde of all people, or Lamiroir-dono and Wright-dono and their sheer apathy involved with Justice-dono's affair.

Speaking of which, let us speak about Justice-dono and Wright-dono's daughter (hence forward also called Wright-dono). Justice-dono is many things: a defense attorney, a weak swordsman occasionally able to raise a mighty blade, and 'Polly'. He is not, nor will he ever be, the lover of Wright-dono, for obvious reasons. Perhaps Hawthorne put it best: it appears that parenting has completely failed in this work. The partying, drinking, and sexual relations create nothing but a situation to ogle at, and simply show that everyone is now in the wrong crowd. 'Wincest' is an awful pun, and Wright-dono's behavior is so reprehensible that many times I felt the urge to send Taka after her.

In addition to all of that, Wright-dono's behavior made the eventual miscarriage little more than a farce. If emotion was to be expected there, the only one was mirth: congratulations, you made a miscarriage into a joke (Athena disagrees. She just said it was cringe-inducing and then swiftly forgotten. Both apply, I believe). The fatigue brought on by bad writing and out-of-character behavior made it difficult to appreciate Skye-dono's understandable anger and resulted in me skimming towards the end, but I am not sure that entirely explains the lack of tension after the DeLites' son was stolen.

The best character was arguably Iris-dono, because she knocked out Justice-dono when he began attempting to grope Wright-dono after the first party. However, that she did not throw him outside or had him removed upon awaking is just one of many plot holes that make Payne-dono's cases look like those of yours truly. Of the 'original' characters, the Jamaican judge was unlikable except for his barbs on Justice-dono, and was altogether a pathetic excuse for his Baldness. The corrupt detective was not bad, even if he was no Fool Bright, and Ema Skye-dono's willingness to marry him and the willingness of them to stay in England was still bizarre. And while Namow Lantem reminds me of a woman I met in the clink, the other 'new' criminals were absolutely pathetic.

On yet another affront, I must speak regarding the bizarre insistence on tying every character together. Was there a point to making Lamiroir-dono Gavin-dono's mother? Was there a reason why Godot-dono was Justice-dono's father? Why was Machi Tobaye, a Borginian boy, the son of Damon Gant? And the incest was simply awful. Gavin-dono would never have been assaulted by his brother like that (and, for that matter, Gavin-dono would not sexually harass Skye-dono like he did in the trial) nor would he so readily admit it, at least not in front of Justice-dono.

In summary, this fanfic was awful. I am sorry to be blunt, except that I really am not and have already printed a copy to send to the Phantom to punish him for his actions. The fact that the chief prosecutor dying with barely any reaction (par for the course, it seems) is NOT the low point of this work is quite simply sad.

Finally: court does not have such profanity.

The Twisted Samurai, Simon Blackquill

Athena: Cool!

Edgeworth: No, really, let's go.

[And so our intrepid sporkers leave, with the longest fic in the sporking theatre's history firmly behind them. What does the future hold in store for them? Will anyone ever break the length record? They certainly hope not. Hope you enjoyed this ungodly long monstrosity!]

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

And so this monolith of a crack fic has finally come to an end. On one hand, I'm relieved. It went way too long for a crack fic, and the best impact didn't last beyond the first few chapters. On the other hand, I feel a bit sentimental. It was an enjoyable ride from start to end regardless. And that review from Blackquill was definitely the icing on the cake. (You said it was your brother's idea, right?)

justice
And whenever Fulbright shows up, I think a salute of JUSTICE is only necessary; expected, at least.

Well, now. Given the progression of Edgeworth's insanity, I think I may need to rewrite a few things in my sporking. In fact, I think it's about time we called a certain twisted samurai into the vicinity, don't you agree? In fact, a fic for the verbally challenged should best be dealt with by the students of law! ...Unfortunately, I can't find smilies for Robin or Hugh, so they may have to sit this one out after all. Phooey.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

The review was my idea, but my brother wrote it. And yeah, after reading that sucker three times, it's really grown on me. And given me some ideas for a few fanfics of my own... and now is a good time to confess that I helped write a crackfic that actually went on a lot longer (word count, not number of chapters) than Law Plus Chaos did. (I swear everything makes sense in the end though. And everyone is more or less in-character except for Cody Hackins and Penny Nichols.)

Oh boy. I can't wait.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

The review was my idea, but my brother wrote it. And yeah, after reading that sucker three times, it's really grown on me. And given me some ideas for a few fanfics of my own... and now is a good time to confess that I helped write a crackfic that actually went on a lot longer (word count, not number of chapters) than Law Plus Chaos did. (I swear everything makes sense in the end though. And everyone is more or less in-character except for Cody Hackins and Penny Nichols.)

Oh boy. I can't wait.

D: What did you guys do to Cody and Penny!?

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Cody turned into a crazy fedora neckbeard friendzone stereotype and Penny turned into a psychotic feminist. Don't ask me why we did that; I can't remember whose idea it was. It was pretty funny, though.
There are also some other on-purpose instances of out-of-characterness but this was explained in the end, since we actually had a serious plot. And by a serious plot I mean it was pretty weird but I think it worked out well nonetheless. (And a serious sequel, too...)

Edit: Off-topic, but are my avatar and sig appearing as broken images to anyone else? Sorry, I just noticed it.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

...I find it both concerning and yet intriguing. Just what is it about that would give rise to a "serious sequel"?

The images look fine to me.

[Nearavex]

I liked this sporking. Something bugs me about Blackquil's review... Can't say if it's out-of-character it just doesn't strike me as something Simon would write, at least not in these exact words.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

You're right. He would be much more terse and get to the point right away. "This fanfic is terrible. I've seen better works from the screaming imbecile in the cell next to mine."

I'm sorry, Chloe. It's just much too easy to mock.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

My brother suffers from the chronic inability to shut up. That's why our crackfic ended up being 100k+ words. Also you can find out for yourself if you click my sig.

Must have just been the school computers... the images went back to being fine now that I'm home.

[dimentiorules]

What bothers me about your sporking is the fact that Athena doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that she's in the same room as

Spoiler:

the man who killed her mother.

[Gnobo]

What bothers me about your sporking is the fact that Athena doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that she's in the same room as

Spoiler:

the man who killed her mother.

Unless...

Spoiler:

The made-up science of the sporking theater resurrected the real Bobby Fulbright to spork for this chapter. :P

[AireyVerkhovensky]

What bothers me about your sporking is the fact that Athena doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that she's in the same room as

Spoiler:

the man who killed her mother.

Unless...

Spoiler:

The made-up science of the sporking theater resurrected the real Bobby Fulbright to spork for this chapter. :P

Spoiler:

I was writing under the assumption that Athena came from an ambiguous point during Dual Destinies before the phantom is revealed. But that works too.

[Nearavex]

Is someone going to spork that Klavier/Ema-Apollo/Ema fic? I thought about making my debut here.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Doooo iiiiit. It's a one-shot, after all.

I'm kinda in the middle of rewriting my sporking since I realized it's not so easy to come up with a wide variety of jokes when it's a gaggle of teenaged girls with Blacky and Taka. "One of these things is not like the other~ One of these things is just not the same..."

Believe me, I've had so much fun writing it up to this point, but the humor gradually dissipated as I got used to them sitting around and gossiping around the guys that weren't there. But I believe I have mastered Taka's use of smilies.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

You could just randomly throw someone else in when it starts to get boring. Find an excuse. Heck, have the Management say that the jokes are getting stale, here have another sporker.

[Nearavex]

Half of my sporking got lost in a Firefox crash... So, naturally, it will get delayed a bit...

[tiger_festival]

Is someone going to spork that Klavier/Ema-Apollo/Ema fic? I thought about making my debut here.

You mean Blackmail? I'm already doing that. I'm about a third done and should be done within a week. Unless you finish first; in that case I will gladly say fuck it and remove any trace of that fic from my hard drive.

[Nearavex]

Actually, I did that already, but maybe I'd like to hear what you had so far, since I want to know whether I should improve on something.
"Blackmail", by Evil Waffles.

This time, the sporkers are:

Phoenix Wright!
"A nice change of pace, don't you think?"

Apollo Justice!
"You're saying that only because Trucy isn't involved, right?"

Klavier Gavin!
"I hope the author of this fic doesn't hate me too."

Ema Skye!
"Nobody told me what the fic is even about... Something's wrong."

Lana Skye!
"We are going to see some decent fanfiction eventually, correct?"

---

[The sporking theater opens, everyone already seated in]

Ema: You know Sis, it kinda shows that you are new at that.

Lana: Huh? So, what you're saying, we're here only in order to be subjected to fics of the same kind like that last one?

Apollo: Yeah, pretty much.

Lana: I expected better.

Apollo: We all did.

Ema: Seriously, what the fic is about though...? All they told me was that "I'll see".

Apollo: ...you'll see.

Ema: Gee, thanks. I'll be sure to remember your help once we are involved in a case again.

[The lights dim, the fanfic is displayed on the screen.]

It was another lousy night, the rain was torrential. Alone in his apartment Apollo did the only thing he could to pass time. He glanced between his violin, cello and guitar – choosing the guitar. Lifting it onto his lap he began to play and sing the first song that came into his head…

Klavier: I didn't know you were a musician, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: I didn't know either...

Klavier: You know, you should have told me after the Tobaye trial. We could've just replaced Daryan with you instead of breaking up.

Apollo: Are you serious...? I thought you said something about focusing on legal career.

Klavier: I could have reconsidered that, just for you, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: ...Stop that.

"Do you breathe the name

Of your saviour

In your hour of need?

And taste the blame

Should the flavour

Remind you of greed

Of implication, insinuation and ill will

Till you can not lie still

In all this turmoil

Before red cape and foil

Come closing in for the kill

Come feed the rain

Cause I'm thirsty for your love

Dancing underneath the skies of lust

Yeah feed the rain

Because without you my life

Ain't nothing but this carnival of rust…"

Apollo: What.

Phoenix: Ah, these red capes and foils these days. Once they get you, you are done for.

Apollo: I don't think it was meant to be taken literally, Mr. Wright...

Ema: Then what do you think it was meant to be taken as?

Apollo: No idea.

On the other side of town Ema was busily typing away on her computer. Stupid reports! I want to go home! She had been typing for so long that her knuckles cracked every time she moved. She was working overtime, around eight in the evening (on top of the ten hour shift she had already done). The only other person in the building with her was Klavier.

Ema: If I want to go home, then why am I working overtime?

Phoenix: Haven't you heard the news? Working overtime is going to be obligatory.

Apollo: Wait, how are they the only ones in the Police Department building? Or is Ema working at Prosecutor Gavin's place?

Ema: Not happening.

He growled as he felt the pleasure building in his penis to the point it was almost unbearable. He was horny to say the least – this was the third time he had masturbated in the last hour – he had directed his lust to porn for now as he continued to search the internet. He finally found what he had been looking for, a way of getting his cute little Fraulien to do whatever he pleased. He cleaned the semen from his chest and sat straight in the chair, pushing his penis back into his boxers and buttoning his jeans. He printed out said information and fastened his shirt back up. He hoped the Fraulien was still downstairs, all alone.

All: ...

Ema: ...Definitely not happening.

Klavier: I hope you do remember it's not me up there, Fraulein.

"Fraulien." He whispered softly in her ear.

"Gwaah!" Ema squealed, trying to push her chair away. "Fuck off Gavin. I have work to do and I'd like to go home soon."

"You won't be going home very soon my dear Fraulien." He whispered.

"What!?"

"I know you want me." He purred.

Phoenix: I know you want me~ You know I want cha~ I know you want meee~ You know I want cha~

Apollo: Your singing voice is horrible, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: That was the point.

Ema: Did the fop just... purr?

Lana: I guess you are safe as long as you take a catnip with you.

Ema just happened to glance at the bulge in Klavier's tight jeans – a big mistake.

"More like you want me. You ain't getting no tail of me, you're more likely to get it off a dog." Ema snarled – clearly working more than ten hours a day made her much grumpier than normal.

Phoenix: Ema, I think they replaced you with Lotta Hart.

Ema: Lotta Hart...? Who is that? That name sounds somewhat familiar.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind you that no spoilers are allowed.

Apollo: So, Ema recalling a name is a spoiler now? Good to know.

"Come on Fraulien." He persisted. "Just touch it?"

"Go fuck yourself, wanker." Ema bit.

Apollo: Didn't he do just that already? Three times in an hour, no less?

Klavier: Can we just move on, please?

Phoenix: What, looking forward to what happens next?

Klavier: ......

"I thought you'd say that, so I found this…"

The sheet contained personal information about her sister – Lana Skye. The information stated that she had broken the law of the precinct – don't date anyone in the workplace – she had been dating the recently promoted-back-to detective Jake Marshall. It had been a well guarded secret – however someone had most likely leaked it into the most private files at the prosecutor's office.

Lana: First, dating a co-worker is not prohibited. Second, no information about dating should be present on a personal file, unless related to a criminal case. Third, by that time I wouldn't have worked at the precinct for eleven years now.

Phoenix: Ema, I think your sister became her cold self again.

Ema: ... *throws a Snackoo at Phoenix*

Phoenix: ...Oh.

"Give me that!" Ema cried out, launching herself off the chair to grab it from him.

"Na-ah." He directed her attention back to the bulge. "This first."

"No!" Ema screamed.

"Or I show this to everyone at work, I'm sure this combined with her near scrape at getting a criminal record could get her fired for good ja?"

"No!" Ema pleaded, she couldn't let anything bad happen to Lana. Especially losing her job. "I'll do anything, just promise to destroy it and erase it off the records."

"Anything?" She could sense the meaning in his voice. "Fuck me."

Ema: Gladly. I could arrest you on the spot on charges of blackmail and harassment, and then we could say you were fucked.

Klavier: Why are you looking at me while saying that...? It's not me up there!

Ema: Remember that everything you say can be used against you.

Klavier: ......

"I won't have sex with you." Ema daren't look him in the face. "Anything but that."

"I'm going to make you into a little slave…" His grin was that of the devil.

Phoenix: Call for exorcists, everyone! Prosecutor Gavin has been possessed by his older brother!

Klavier: ......

Phoenix: Oops. Sensitive subject? Sorry.

"W-what!?" He waved the paper before her eyes, she knew she had no choice.

"Do anything and everything I ask and I won't rape you, disobey me and not only will your sister lose her job, you will never be loved by a man again!" He banged his fist on his desk. "Do we have a deal?"

"Bastard…" Ema sobbed. "I-I have no choice…"

"Good, now let's get some of those clothes off…"

"N-no…" She whimpered – so low it was barely audible.

Apollo: Is he... proposing not to rape her if she do what he says... And then proceeds to rape her?

Phoenix: Yeah, pretty much.

Apollo: How messed up is that?

Phoenix: Very.

"It's all a game

Ema: And prison is a game-over.

Avoiding Failure…

When true colours will bleed

All in the name

Of misbehaviour

And the things we don't need

I lust for after

No disaster

Can touch…touch us anymore

And more than ever

I hope to never fall

Where enough is not the same it was before

Come feed the rain

Cause I'm thirsty for your love

Dancing underneath the skies of lust

Yeah feed the rain

Because without you my life

Ain't nothing but this carnival of rust

Yeah feed the rain

Cause I'm thirsty for your love

Dancing underneath the skies of lust

Yeah feed the rain

Because without you my life

Ain't nothing but this carnival of rust…" Apollo stopped, growing bored, placed his guitar down and left his words to swirl in the air…

Phoenix: Dancing underneath the skies of lust~

Apollo: ...That was creepy, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: It was meant to.

Apollo: Aren't you in just a bit too high spirits?

Phoenix: I'm trying to.

Lana: You've been quiet, Prosecutor Gavin.

Klavier: I'm just relieved the action shifted back to Herr Forehead.

Ema: It really did, huh? There wasn't a line break, or anything...

Gavin's true colours had shown through to Ema as he stripped her down to just her bra and panties. He was horny that was obvious.

"Get in the chair." He ordered, she obeyed – climbing onto her swivel chair. "How does it feel to know I'm in control?"

Klavier: ...I spoke too soon.

[Klavier further molests Ema]

"S-sorry." She forced herself to do as he said, tears flooding from her eyes.

"Call me master."

"No!" He pinched one of her nipples, making her cry out. "M-master!" She cried

Apollo: ...Is that even Ema up there?

Ema: No.

Lana: Just a lifeless doll devoid of any personality.

Apollo: (Way to put it, Ms. Skye...)

[More sex scenes]

"N-no master! I-I’ll do it."

Apollo: Wait, is Ema... enjoying this now?

Ema: ... *throws a Snackoo at Apollo*

"Ha ha ha, what a mess I’ve made you into." He knelt down beside her. "You can go home now but bear this in mind – tell anyone and I’ll make sure your sister loses her job, everyone knows what you and I just did and you lose your job too."

"M-my job!? Y-you t-too Gav-!"

"It's master! You hear!" He hit her again. "I'm irreplaceable, you're just another detective." He whispered. "You better be obedient to me from now on, understand me slave?"

"Y-yes master…"

Ema: Well, fic-me could always ask Mr. Edgeworth whether you're really irreplaceable.

Phoenix: *leans to Apollo* The two of them have been glaring at Prosecutor Gavin for quite a while now. Do you think he'll come out of here alive?

Apollo: No betting.

She never told anyone when she got home, she ignored her sister and went straight into the bathroom where she took the longest hot bath she ever recalled having.

Klavier: That's not half bad, Fraulein! Long, hot bath is a great way to relieve stress after a hard day!

Apollo: ...You're just jumping at the opportunity to say anything until Management picks up on you barely speaking up, aren't you?

Klavier: ... *sweats profusely*

It wasn't long before Klavier called for his 'slave' again.

"I'm stressed. Suck me off." It was getting close to the end of the day – a little over a week after the event that night. He had threatened her more and had trained her to be more obedient than ever.

Apollo: What. Is it even possible to be more obedient than Ema was already?

Phoenix: Looks like we'll see.

"You're coming back to my place tonight, understand little bitch?"

"N-no!"

"Don't back chat me!" He pulled her up. "You're coming with me, or I'm going to rip you open."

Phoenix: Red capes, foils, and now pianos. Serial killers hiding behind every corner.

[Klavier brings Ema home by force, rapes her with several objects and tortures her.]

All: ...

Phoenix: That's the most morbid summary I ever read.

Apollo: Seconded.

Ema: ...Okaay... When exactly did fic-me think some personal information on Sis was worth all this!? No offense.

Lana: None taken.

Apollo: Apparently, the author thinks blackmailing is about as effective as brainwashing.

Apollo's house was the closest to Klavier's – which she was glad about – she couldn't face her sister right now. She banged on the door.

Apollo: Wait, wasn't it on the other side of the town?

Phoenix: I guess Ema wasn't working at Prosecutor Gavin's place then.

Apollo: ...Then, Prosecutor Gavin masturbated and raped Ema somewhere else? But where it could be? Ema usually works at the Police Department but-

Lana: It better not be Police Department.

Phoenix: Blackmail and rape at the somehow deserted-but-active police building. There are blows this legal system can and cannot take.

"I'm coming!" Apollo called. "E-Ema!?" She ran at him sobbing. "What the hell happened!?"

"I…I…"

"You what?" Apollo asked as calmly as he could.

Ema: I forgot to call the police. And that I am the police.

"C-can you clean my clothes for me?" She sobbed.

Apollo: I'm not available for free labor, sorry.

Phoenix: You sure about that?

Apollo: ......

"O-of course. Come on, I might have something for you to change into."

She'd been crying in his room for twenty minutes before she emerged, by then Apollo had already loaded her bloodstained clothes into the washing machine.

"Can I stay the night? I…I don't think I can go home right now…"

"Of course, what the hell happened to you though?"

"I…I'd rather not say." She feared what would happen if she told him.

"A-Alright…" He daren't press her, she looked fragile enough as it was.

She spent the night crying in his arms, it was only when he played his guitar and sang that he managed to lull her to sleep.

Apollo: So, in short, there was blood on her clothes, but I decided to play guitar instead of intervening in any way. Okay then.

"Come here." Klavier patted his knee. "You've been such a good little bitch for me."

Apollo: WHAT.

All: ...

Apollo: Is he... bringing me into it all of sudden...!?

"Are you going to let me go?" She asked hopefully.

Apollo: Whew... It was just an error...

[Klavier pushes something inside Ema's intimate area and forbids her from taking it out]

All: ...

Klavier: Warum...? *collapses on the floor*

[Apollo visits Ema in her office]

"Ema!" Apollo knocked on the door.

"Come in!" She called. "Apollo!"

"Hey Em, how you feeling?"

Apollo: "Em"...?

Phoenix: I thought Ema's name was short enough as it is.

[Ema and Apollo talk in Ema's office, then, unsurprisingly, said something turns out to be remote-controlled vibrator]

"H-help me A-Apollo!" She moaned, sweat was dripping from her and she was beginning to drool.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Help me get there!" She screamed.

"W-what!? Don’t you want me to take it out!?"

"N-no! Not yet." There was a wet patch beginning to form in the crotch of her pants.

Apollo: Whoa... She is enjoying this, after all.

Lana: Just how many sexual scenes in this fic are going to take place at the Police Department?

"You’re gonna have to take those off Em, you’re gonna get them covered."

"T-take them off." She panted. He pulled both those and her underwear off and the large vibrator slid out slightly.

Lana: "Those"? "Them"? What is it exactly that is referred to here?

Apollo: I'm not sure if I want to answer this question... *looks at Ema with a terrified look on his face*

"What the?"

"T-that bastard did it!" Ema moaned. "Y-you can watch me now though…"

"N-no I can’t…" Apollo closed his eyes.

Ema: Technically, fic-you is right. You can't.

Apollo: That much is obvious.

He had no choice now, she was already a quivering mass of horny, vibrating jelly and he only wanted to do as she asked. He helped her one more time before pulling it out of her. She slumped forward into his arms.

"T-thanks…" Was all she could manage. Her whole body was shaking.

"If I hadn’t have taken it out, you could have been in the hospital…" Apollo whispered, holding her close. He could feel what little arousal he had fading quickly.

Phoenix: So, Ema, how is it being a jelly?

Apollo: I'm not jealous of her, that's for sure.

"M-master will not be pleased…" She sobbed.

"Master? You’re nobody’s slave!" Apollo cried out. "Y-you need to go to the hospital and make sure you don’t go into shock or something!"

Ema: ...So, the fic-me now calls the fop "master" publicly?

Lana: It was already established that the author forgot you had a personality.

"I-I’ll be ok…" There was still something wrong, vibrations were still shooting through her body.

He’d called the ambulance and helped her get re-dressed.

"P-please d-don’t tell anyone…" She whimpered.

Her whole body erupted in violent shocks, she had gone into shock. Apollo tried to remain calm and care for her until the ambulance arrived.

Phoenix: Double shock?

Apollo: Triple. The author neglected to mention my own.

The hospital had helped her calm again – her blood flow had returned to normal.

"How do you feel?" Apollo whispered.

"Fine thanks…" She whispered.

"Did they find out what happened?"

"I started bleeding, I went into shock…" Ema whimpered.

Apollo: Huh? I thought the torture earlier would leave some wounds. Didn't they see those?

Ema: Is it just me, or does the author like the word "shock" a little bit too much?

Phoenix: Well, better "shock" than "master", don't you think?

"Ema, who did this? Who’s your ‘master’?"

Phoenix: *points at the screen, speaks dramatically with a low voice* Who is your master?

"You have to understand…it’s blackmail…he will get my sister fired and me as well…" She started crying.

"Who will? What do you mean?"

"My sister nearly got a criminal record…and she’s dating a police officer – it could get her fired. When he made me…" Her voice trailed. "…I could get fired too."

Lana: It wasn't "nearly". I'm certain dating a police officer wouldn't bother anyone nearly as much as... my past incident.

Apollo: *whispers to Phoenix* What did she do?

Phoenix: *whispers back* Assisting in a murder. Why do you ask?

Apollo: ......

"Klavier." Apollo stated.

"Y-yes…I love my sister so much! I can’t let him fire her!" She squealed.

Ema: Wait, is that it? All that is on the line are our jobs?

Lana: Apparently.

Ema: This makes no sense.

Lana: Neither does your personality in this fic, Ema. No need to bother with it.

"What else has he done?"

"I…I really don’t want to say…"

"I understand." He was a man; he figured she didn’t want to tell him because of that.

Apollo: I feel offended.

Phoenix: Me too. *doesn't really look offended*

Klavier: ....... *lies on the floor*

Apollo: Is... Prosecutor Gavin alright?

Phoenix: He can't handle the fic, apparently.

"Please don’t say anything!" She squeezed Apollo’s hand tight.

"I won’t I swear." Apollo waited for a while. "If you don’t mind me asking…what makes you do what he says?"

"W-well…he won’t take the data of the system about Lana…h-he can punish me all he wants if it protects my sister."

Apollo sighed. “But Ema…how long before he’s forcing himself onto you?”

"He won’t…as long as I do anything else he asks, he said he wouldn’t…"

Ema: Because I would totally trust my rapist's words under those circumstances.

"Well…what about if he asks you to do sexual favours for other people? How long before he makes you do stuff to me? Or Wright? Or even a total stranger!?"

"N-no!" She cried. "I don’t want that."

"He could be arrested for this…you need to tell Lana or someone."

"I can’t…she’d be so ashamed."

"You’re her sister, she loves you more than anyone in the world." Apollo smiled softly. "Look…what if I try to get the data of the police’s computer system?"

"How?"

"I’m better with computers than I appear." Apollo whispered. "For now though, I need you to stay there and recover for a while…"

Phoenix: Apollo, hacking police database? That could be useful...

Apollo: Don't even think about it.

"Apollo." She looked to him.

"Hm?"

"Thanks." She whispered. "I’ll meet you halfway – if you can get rid of the data…I’ll do the right thing and get Klavier sorted."

"Good girl." He ruffled her hair.

Apollo: The author seems to have forgotten that Ema is several years older than me.

Ema: Note: Ruffling my hair is not a good idea.

Apollo: I know.

He’d never thought Klavier would stoop this low. He was trying to force Ema onto him, Apollo kept stopping her and pushing her away.

"Keep going." Klavier demanded.

"Ema! Please, no!" Apollo kept hold of her head, to prevent Ema from fulfilling Klavier’s wishes. "You are sick Gavin!" Apollo snarled.

Apollo: ...What is happening? What am I doing there?

Phoenix: Apollo, you know it's not nice to interrupt someone's intimate moments.

Lana: Are you really going to ignore the circumstances, Mr. Wright?

"You’re just jealous." He spat. "Go on then my little bitch."

"No…" Ema whimpered.

"Hmph." He looked at his cellphone. "I have to go somewhere. I expect you to be sucking his rod by the time I return!"

"Y-yes m-master…" Ema whimpered.

Apollo: Wait... He forced Ema to have sex with me!?

Phoenix: That was unexpected.

Lana: I think it's clear that author is now just trying to establish Mr. Justice's character as a hero who wouldn't want it this way.

Apollo: Hey, I really wouldn't want it this way!

"It’s alright Em." He stood up and shoved a chair under Klavier’s door. "This should buy me some time."

"These are the most secure files on the precinct’s network. It won’t be easy to change them."

"Unless you know an intelligent little hacker like I do." He plugged a pen drive into the computer. With a couple of clicks something had broken open Lana’s file – allowing him to change the information.

He removed all the data about Lana and Jake.

Phoenix: I didn't know hacking was this easy.

Lana: It isn't.

Apollo: Unless you're an international spy.

Speakers: Spoilers are prohibited.

Apollo: Unless you're Fulbright

Speakers: ...

"How’s that?"

"Perfect…thank you." Ema hugged him. "B-but…he expects me to be…with you…when he returns." Apollo pulled the pen drive from the machine.

"Then let’s get out of here." Apollo urged.

Apollo: Why? At this point, you could just arrest him.

Ema: Apparently, the fic thinks I'm about ten years younger.

"Hm…alright…" Apollo looked to the door. "Our only other option is to attack him and escape."

"How do we…?"

"Stand behind the door."

Apollo hit Klavier across the head with a nearby award.

"Come on Em." He grabbed her wrist and pulled her.

Apollo: At times like these, I really wonder whether anyone else even works at that building.

Phoenix: Did you forget? The only people existing in this universe are you, Ema, Ms. Skye and Prosecutor Gavin.

Apollo: (Huh...? Did I just sense something...? I know!) Objection!

Phoenix: Huh?

Apollo: Earlier, fic-me said "How long before he makes you do stuff to me? Or Wright?"! Which means that you too exist in this universe!

Phoenix: Oops. You got me.

Apollo: (...Is that it?)

"He what!?" Lana roared. "Oh…Em…" Lana was tearful. "My poor baby…" She held her in her arms, rocking her.

Phoenix: We will, we will rock you~!

Apollo: Mr. Wright, please stop.

Ema: How old does the author of this fic think I am!?

"I changed the data on the system, he can’t blackmail her now." Apollo assured.

"Thank you so much Apollo!" Lana hugged him.

Apollo: No problem, Ms. Skye.

"He took care of me…no matter what Klavier did Apollo looked after me."

"Get the fuck off!" Klavier roared.

"That data doesn’t exist." Ema concluded, clinging close to Apollo and Lana.

"Take him away." Lana told the two police officers restraining him.

"Yes Chief Prosecutor Skye!" The saluted and dragged him away.

Apollo held Ema close as she released all her tears.

"There, there…" Apollo whispered.

Phoenix: ...Huh? That's weird. I thought Edgeworth was a Chief Prosecutor now.

Lana: The author seems to be lost in the timeline.

Apollo: Now that you mention it... How could Ms. Skye even get fired by Prosecutor Gavin, since she was his superior?

Phoenix: Blackmail magic.

Apollo: ...That doesn't explain a thing.

Ema never managed to look at a snackoo again, until Apollo helped her out. Quickly, she settled back to a normal routine – with a difference…

"Bye Apollo." She kissed his cheek.

"Bye Em…" He wouldn’t rush her though…she was still scarred from Klavier.

Ema: Why wouldn't I manage to look at Snackoos? *munches said Snackoos*

Apollo: I think it was related to something that got cut out.

Ema: But the only things cut were sex scenes...... ...No.

Phoenix: Okay, that... I'm not sure if I want to read it or rather just stay away from that...

[The lights turn back on, everyone on their seats, except for Klavier, lying on the floor.]

Klavier: Is it... over...?

Phoenix: Yes. A happy ending with you locked up in prison.

Klavier: ....... *stands up, then suddenly goes back to his usual persona* Whew, glad that this thing is finally behind us, ja?

Apollo: Was it really so hard for you? You seemed to be unconscious most of the time.

Klavier: Unfortunately, I was awake - just... when I saw this fic, I suddenly fell down, paralyzed.

Apollo: Huh...

Lana: Ema... You didn't bring a taser with you, did you?

Ema: Don't know what you're talking about.

[With that, the group leaves the sporking theater, a certain blond rockstar Snackoo'd a few times on the way out.]

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Haha, poor Klavier.

Great sporking!