Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

[TheJettSet27]

I would enjoy sporking a fanfiction sometime. In fact, I have a couple lined up. The first one is actually written well, it's just the shipped characters and the use of the magatama I find most interesting:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3925051/1/ ... SUCCESSFUL
This is one I would bring Adrian or Luke in, considering they're the couple in here.

This one is an absolute gem!
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9531051/1/ ... aterslides

Flappy Attorney. Punctuation can be kind of strange, the way it's formatted makes it hard for me to read (personally) and a lot of the chapters are short. Very short.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10596337/1 ... y-attorney

And finally (making this more than a couple) another Kristoph one. He is found not guilty and allowed to roam free. This has bonus points in my book for the mention of him wearing one glove because all I could see in my head was him in a Michael Jackson outfit.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10778356/1 ... Chronicles

So...I'll just leave these here and try to figure out what to do with them. If there's one anybody would like to spork or see me (try really hard) to spork, let me know!

[AireyVerkhovensky]

I for one always love seeing more sporkings and new sporkers.
I vote you start with Flappy Attorney, if only because like four different people have linked to it lately.

[TheJettSet27]

So, uh, this is awkward, but if anybody else wants to spork Flappy Attorney go ahead. I talked to my mom a bit about my sporking and she began berating me about "that may be their only outlet for creativity, what if they're a poor ten year old kid, you're being really mean by doing this, you wouldn't like it if somebody did it to you, etc." and now I feel like a piece of crap.

I tried explaining that sporking is more about being funny and not being a dick but she didn't buy it. Just kept lecturing me.

Yep. No Flappy Attorney from me. Sorry I can't go through with it now. I'd feel too bad.

(Oh, and yeah, I know this seems like I'm being a doormat of sorts, but I'm not actually that way. It just happens that I'm susceptible to the wonderful effects of guilt-tripping and that sort of thing.)

[AireyVerkhovensky]

So, uh, this is awkward, but if anybody else wants to spork Flappy Attorney go ahead. I talked to my mom a bit about my sporking and she began berating me about "that may be their only outlet for creativity, what if they're a poor ten year old kid, you're being really mean by doing this, you wouldn't like it if somebody did it to you, etc." and now I feel like a piece of crap.

I tried explaining that sporking is more about being funny and not being a dick but she didn't buy it. Just kept lecturing me.

Yep. No Flappy Attorney from me. Sorry I can't go through with it now. I'd feel too bad.

(Oh, and yeah, I know this seems like I'm being a doormat of sorts, but I'm not actually that way. It just happens that I'm susceptible to the wonderful effects of guilt-tripping and that sort of thing.)

If it makes you feel any better, ten-year-olds aren't supposed to be on fanfiction.net in the first place. Last time I checked, you were supposed to be 13+. (Not that it stops people, but it does give you the benefit of the doubt.)

Anyway, er... sorry?
Somebody else will do Flappy Attorney, I'm sure. (Psst, iglootheraptor, I know you're reading this.)

[TheJettSet27]

So, uh, this is awkward, but if anybody else wants to spork Flappy Attorney go ahead. I talked to my mom a bit about my sporking and she began berating me about "that may be their only outlet for creativity, what if they're a poor ten year old kid, you're being really mean by doing this, you wouldn't like it if somebody did it to you, etc." and now I feel like a piece of crap.

I tried explaining that sporking is more about being funny and not being a dick but she didn't buy it. Just kept lecturing me.

Yep. No Flappy Attorney from me. Sorry I can't go through with it now. I'd feel too bad.

(Oh, and yeah, I know this seems like I'm being a doormat of sorts, but I'm not actually that way. It just happens that I'm susceptible to the wonderful effects of guilt-tripping and that sort of thing.)

If it makes you feel any better, ten-year-olds aren't supposed to be on fanfiction.net in the first place. Last time I checked, you were supposed to be 13+. (Not that it stops people, but it does give you the benefit of the doubt.)

Anyway, er... sorry?
Somebody else will do Flappy Attorney, I'm sure. (Psst, iglootheraptor, I know you're reading this.)

Thanks. I feel like such a dork. I might eventually do a sporking, but I need to get my hands on an absolutely terrible fanfiction. Too bad "Phoenix is a Jerk" is already taken.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

So, uh, this is awkward, but if anybody else wants to spork Flappy Attorney go ahead. I talked to my mom a bit about my sporking and she began berating me about "that may be their only outlet for creativity, what if they're a poor ten year old kid, you're being really mean by doing this, you wouldn't like it if somebody did it to you, etc." and now I feel like a piece of crap.

I tried explaining that sporking is more about being funny and not being a dick but she didn't buy it. Just kept lecturing me.

Yep. No Flappy Attorney from me. Sorry I can't go through with it now. I'd feel too bad.

(Oh, and yeah, I know this seems like I'm being a doormat of sorts, but I'm not actually that way. It just happens that I'm susceptible to the wonderful effects of guilt-tripping and that sort of thing.)

If it makes you feel any better, ten-year-olds aren't supposed to be on fanfiction.net in the first place. Last time I checked, you were supposed to be 13+. (Not that it stops people, but it does give you the benefit of the doubt.)

Anyway, er... sorry?
Somebody else will do Flappy Attorney, I'm sure. (Psst, iglootheraptor, I know you're reading this.)

Thanks. I feel like such a dork. I might eventually do a sporking, but I need to get my hands on an absolutely terrible fanfiction. Too bad "Phoenix is a Jerk" is already taken.

Well if you ever need something truly, unquestionably terrible, let me know. I have oh so many bad AA fics bookmarked...

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

^ Technically, there are the fics designed for ages less than 13, but they are few and far in-between. Imho, even if they are creative outlets for these ten-year-olds, a bad fic is still a bad fic and will inevitably be crushed. Thus for security reasons, we keep the authors themselves anonymous.



After indulging myself in Legal High and J-drama stuff, I feel like I need to get back to either A, my awkward but thought-provoking fanfic, or B, my derpy sporking. I need an outlet somewhere to vent my bouts of creativity.

But I have yet to decide on which fic to work on. What would be appropriate to share in the Sporking Courtroom? I've had enough of mocking the main sporkers, though. Maybe I could try something like this one, even if it'd be more appropriate to bring in said villains into the partyyy...

You know what, I think I'll add this one to the queue. Airey, found any more new absurd fics for the taking? I feel like this sporking won't be complete without AAI villains.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

^ Technically, there are the fics designed for ages less than 13, but they are few and far in-between. Imho, even if they are creative outlets for these ten-year-olds, a bad fic is still a bad fic and will inevitably be crushed. Thus for security reasons, we keep the authors themselves anonymous.



After indulging myself in Legal High and J-drama stuff, I feel like I need to get back to either A, my awkward but thought-provoking fanfic, or B, my derpy sporking. I need an outlet somewhere to vent my bouts of creativity.

But I have yet to decide on which fic to work on. What would be appropriate to share in the Sporking Courtroom? I've had enough of mocking the main sporkers, though. Maybe I could try something like this one, even if it'd be more appropriate to bring in said villains into the partyyy...

You know what, I think I'll add this one to the queue. Airey, found any more new absurd fics for the taking? I feel like this sporking won't be complete without AAI villains.

My journey through the kinkmeme has recently reached the beginning of the Investigations fics, although I don't have anything too good (read: bad) yet.

There is this one fic I found a while ago, though.

[iglootheraptor]

Well then, I guess I'll do a spork of Flappy Attorney.
(I'm Airey's younger brother )

[iglootheraptor]

Hey everybody, this is my first spork so Airey helped by proofreading and stuff. Enjoy!

Today's Fanfic is...
Flappy Attorney!

Rating: . Okay, it's pretty poorly written and is sometimes pretty OOC.

And the sporkers are...
Everyone's favorite hobo!
: "Well, excuse me."
And The Bottomless Void herself!
: "Nick looks really shady for some reason."

[Our sporkers walk in on a luxurious theater, with sparkling clean floors, brand new furniture, and state of the art machinery- ]

Maya: Geez, If it's so "state of the art," why is it so dusty? And why do half the machines look broken?

[Or at least it would've been about seven years ago.]

Phoenix: So that's why it looks like it hasn't been used in years. It hasn't.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey sit down already.

Phoenix: Okay, okay, we're going.

Maya: Yeah! No need to manage us so much!

Phoenix: Maya, sit down.

Maya: Spoilsport.

[The remaining lights dim and the fic begins.]

Chapter 1: Phoenix

Phoenix: Oh great. There's more than one chapter isn't there.

Maya: Come on, Nick, maybe it won't be that bad!

''What did you say this game was called again,Maya?''

Phoenix: Wait, wasn't there already a sporking about something like this?

Maya: I'm pretty sure this is a different game, Nick.

Phoenix stared at the screen of his phone. There was a little yellow bird flying on the screen with the words ''Flappy Bird'' above it. Maya smiled at him. ''It's a game called flappy bird, in case you hadn't already guessed. The objective is to tap the screen, which will then make the bird 've got to make the bird fly through the pipes without hitting them.''

Phoenix: What? What's the point of that?

Maya:Tap... the screen? Why? It's not like phones have touch screens. That would be ridiculous.

Maya tapped his phone, causing the bird to rise slightly higher into the air. ''Maya, he's falling!'' Phoenix yelled. Sighing, Maya tapped the screen again, making the bird stay airborne.

Phoenix: You know, I don't think that I would care that much about a falling bird.

Maya: Am I, like, poking the phone? Wouldn't that get fingerprints on the screen?

Phoenix: I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here, Maya.

Phew, he's safe Phoenix thought. He watched as the spirit medium manoeuvere the bird in between the pipes with expertise. ''So...Maya...Is there any legitimate point to this game?''

Phoenix: Thank you, fic-me.

Maya: Glad to know that I'm a master of video gaming in all universes! Get it?

Phoenix: Yes, Maya. I get it.

It seemed like it could be good fun. It just felt very...Monotonous. ''The only objective would be to beat your score...God Damnit!'' There was a bang- The bird had finally hit the ground. Maya had gotten a score of 24, along with a silver medal. ''Wait...That's it? That was really...Anti-climactic.''

Phoenix: If it's monotonous, why does fic-me think it could be fun? Also it appears that there is no point.

Maya: Only twenty-four? Wow, I guess I'm not a master.

Phoenix: It wasn't funny the first time, Maya.

Maya said nothing. Instead, she handed Phoenix his phone and left the office. Well, she downloaded it onto my phone... I might as well try it before I delete it. Resting himself on the chair behind the desk, he hit play.

Phoenix: How in the world did you download stuff onto my phone?

Maya: Actually, it's really easy. I've downloaded a few things already.

Phoenix: Can you show me how to do that sometime?

GAME OVER
SCORE:5
BEST:24

Once more, then

GAME OVER

SCORE:8

BEST:24

Argh! One. Last. Time!

Phoenix: I think we can all tell what's going to happen.

THE NEXT DAY...

Phoenix: Of course.

Maya was about to open on the door of the Wright and Co. Law offices, when she heard a triumphant, almost insane laugh from behind the door. ''Nick, is everything okay?'' she opened the door to see Phoenix sitting on the office chair. He looked as if he hadn't moved. His spikes were drooping, there were bags under his eyes, and he had rid himself of his jacket and tie. ''HAH! I beat you, Maya! It may have taken me all night, but I finally beat you!'' He shoved his phone in her face, which stated:

Phoenix: you know, judging from my reaction and the fact that I stayed up all night, I probably got a way higher score than you.

Maya: Judging from your appearance, It's probably more likely you got drunk on grape juice.

Phoenix: Excuse you, it's mineral water.

GAME OVER
SCORE:25

BEST:25 (new!)

Phoenix: At least I beat you.

Maya: You spent all night on a game and you only got one more than me? Maybe I am a master after all!

Phoenix: How do you know that you didn't stay up all night one night and got that score then?

Maya: Because I am a master, and I can do these things.

''Oh, well done, Nick! See the thing is, your next trial is in two hours, so I really think you should get ready...''

Phoenix had already fallen asleep on the table.

Phoenix: I knew I had a trial and I still stayed up this late?

Maya: Yeah! If you had a trial, you'd still be at the crime scene taking evidence!

Phoenix: It didn't work like that. Probably.

[The fic ends, dim lights turn back on, and the doors swing open.]

Phoenix: Well, that wasn't terrible.

Maya: Yeah! Way better than defending a badfic, right?

Phoenix:... What?

Maya: Oh yeah, that doesn't happen until your future.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Maya Fey that all spoilers are strictly prohibited, even if they are only in the context of the sporking theater.

Phoenix: Whatever. Come on Maya, let's go. All this dust is making me want to sneeze.

Maya: Oh no you don't! Point your nose away from me!

[And so our sporkers leave. Will they return? Who am I kidding, of course they will.

[TheJettSet27]

Today's Spork: Taste the Rainbow

Rating:
Just...no. One for bad grammar, one for OOCness, and one final Sahwit for the entire concept. I would have 4, but it's also kind of funny how bad this is, so I took one off for laughter.

Today's sporkers are:

Ugh...I don't want to be here again!

I had hoped to never return.

Cheer up, guys! It won't be that bad!

We meet today's sporkers in the usual sporking theater. Management has already started the fanfiction. Phoenix sits, sweating profusely, a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach.

TASTE THE RAINBOW

Maya: So this is about Skittles?

Phoenix: I hope so.

Edgeworth: Something tells me it will not be that simple.

Working late again, I just seem to have too much work that needs to get done.

Phoenix: ...who is the narrator?

Maya: Beats me.

Edgeworth: I imagine it would be you, Wright, considering I would never complain about the amount of work I have to do.

Phoenix: (I don't complain that much!)

Looking around me office, getting distracted very easily, I suddenly notice the time. 1:27 am.
"Really...." i thought to my self

Maya: Lookin' around me office, all by me self, cookin' up a vat of stew and drinkin' rum...

Phoenix: What are you going on about?

Maya: You sound like a pirate here! "Looking around me office."

"How the hell am I going to get home"

Edgeworth: I'm sure there are some buses that run this late. And you could always walk.

I hit my head down on my desk and slowly started to fall asleep
Entering this dream land slowly, peace and quiet....until...

Phoenix: Did I just slam my head into my desk? Why would I do that?

Maya: Ooh, the suspense is killing me! What happens next?

*BANG*

All...

Edgeworth: *softly mutters* bang, he shot me down, bang bang, I hit the ground...

Maya: What were you saying just now, Mr. Edgeworth?

Phoenix: Who cares!? Was I just shot!?

My office door thrown open, all can see s a dark figure walking my way kind of swaying but that could just be my vision. My heart rate increasing rapidly.

Phoenix: All can see s? What's s?

Maya: Maybe it's the name of the murderer!

Edgeworth: By all, does it just mean you, or are other people present?

"What the hell are yoooooou doing here so damn late MR. Wright?" Miles said

Phoenix: Isn't this my office, though? Why would it be weird for me to be in my office, even if it's late. In fact, Edgeworth, what are you doing there?

Edgeworth: From the sound of it, I appear to be intoxicated.

Then I let out a sigh of relief to know it was only Miles. Strangly I was happy to see him right now or it could just be im happy its not some murderer or worse, maya.

Edgeworth:...pardon?

Maya: Are you saying I'm worse than a murderer? That's not nice, Nick!

Phoenix: Huh. So fic me is in character!

Maya: *huff*

"Well if you must know I was working" I started to say

Edgeworth: Working on what? Giving yourself a concussion?

Stopped because he didn't seem like he cared really all that much. He was busy looking around in my office.

Edgeworth: It appears that fic me is in character, too.

Phoenix: Hey, now!

"So, like, are you just going to stare at me or are you going to talk" Miles began

Phoenix: But I just talked to you. What more do you want?

Maya: He's obviously waiting for you to ask about the weather.

I watched him as he sat down on my white leather couch. I wanted to talk but didn't know what to say really I was still in a great amount of shock about everything that just happened with in the 5 minute time frame. Miles was sitting with his right ankle over his left knee, arms spread across the back of the couch.

Maya: You know, Mr. Edgeworth, I can't see you being in a position like that. Even if you were drunk, I still think you would be all Edgeworthy.

Edgeworth: And what would being "Edgeworthy" entail?

Maya: Being sophisticated. Crossed legs, straight back, hands in lap.

"So, umm Edgeworth... do you want to explain what you are doing here, in my office, at 1:42...in the fucking morning...and why do I have the feeling you have been drinkin?" I wondered

Maya: Woah, Nick, language!

"HAHAHAHA soo funny and cute Wright!!!" Miles busted out

Phoenix: Busted out of what?

Edgeworth: That's the least of our concerns. That statement gives me a bad feeling about what's to come.

I couldn't help but to smile after that. Then there was that silence again, Miles just looking at his nails on his right hand.
"So are you going to answer my question...questions?" I began to ask again
"Phoenix, ok, we both know what is gonna happen at the end of this wanna be conversation so why don't we pretend we had this conversation ok?" Miles said

Phoenix: Oh no.

Maya: *giggles*

I was in shock...did really know what to say after that.

Phoenix: Please tell me that what I knew what to say was, "No, thank you."

"So I why don't you get your sexy ass over here on your knees and do what you do best, huh? You will be happy I will be estatic, it's a win win situation right Wright? HAHA" Miles laughed at the end

Maya: *still giggling, but it's escalating*

Edgeworth: Is this implicating that we have had sexual relations before?

Phoenix: I think so. Otherwise, how would you know I was good at this sort of thing?

"WHAAAAT!!!!!!!! Whoa ummm, wait Miles, what?" I was in so much shock
"Come on Phoenix, you know you want to" still trying to persuade

Maya: We have some blurred lines going on here, don't we?

Edgeworth: Pardon?

I do have to admit though, the cocky attitude is really sexy and is turning me on I thought

Phoenix: Cocky is right.

"Miles...its just...this is..."
Next thing I knew Miles got up and was working his way over to me
"Umm miles...MILES...What are you do-"

Phoenix: Please no.

Edgeworth: Seconded.

This crazy sensation rushed through my body starting at my toes working its way slowly to my head. I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip. This shouldn't be happening, not here, but its just so...so great.

Edgeworth: I didn't know my walk had such an effect on you, Wright.

Phoenix: It doesn't! And this is lying!

"So...was I right, was that what it was leading to? Well I was kind of hoping for it to happen the other way around but this works too." Miles began to talk

Maya: *still singing* I know you want it, I know you want it...

Phoenix: What are you singing, Maya?

Maya: Oh, nothing.

Right after all that just happened he pulled me in to him by my jacket and just started to kiss me passionately. He started to push the stuff of my desk.
*bang* *crash* *kling* *clash*

Phoenix: What is he pushing off my desk that could make so much noise?

All you can hear is crap falling all over the place, I slowly lean on my desk still making out with Miles. After him starting to undress me I suddenly snapped back and relized what time it was and that I still had some work that needed to be done. I pulled away rushfully.

Edgeworth: "Pulled away rushfully?" What a strange way to pull away.

Maya: Relized? Is that like "relished?"

Phoenix: No. Relished would mean I put cut up pickle and put it on the time.

"Miles...MILES!...MILES YOU NEED TO STOP!"

Phoenix: Oh no. Is this one of those fics?

I yelled trying to make miles get off of me but all he did was giggle while he kissed my starting from my neck working his way down to my belly button. Knowing I didn't want to I pushed him off of me, I did.
"Aww phoenix, now what did you go do that for I was working my was back down there for you, I left your zipper down for a reason you know."

Edgeworth: When did I unzip you?

Phoenix: Who knows.

"Look, its really late, I still have work I need to get done and I kind of need a ride home if that...is...possible?" I said trying to change the subject and get him off of me"

Phoenix: At least I'm being sensible.

Maya: Actually, no you're not. You're asking an intoxicated friend to take you home. Drinking and driving is dangerous, you know.

Phoenix: Oh, yeah. For some reason I forgot he was drunk.

Edgeworth: As if I would even contemplate doing anything like this while sober.

"Any...ANYTHING for you baby, lets go!" He was really excited

Edgeworth: If I may point out two major problems throughout this fanfiction that have bothered me. First, the author always feels the need to emphasize how things were said. That, and the constant use of only one "its".

Phoenix: You seducing me isn't a problem?!?!

Edgeworth: Grammar is different from plot, Wright.

After asking him to drive me home I really thought about it, how can he drive me home when it is raining and it seems like he has been drinking...HOLY HELL WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST GET MY ASS INTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phoenix: There is way too much emphasis on that last statement. And I would never speak like that!

Maya: At least you realized the main problem.

As I walked down the hall with Miles, I wanted to take the elevator but I knowing how much Miles hates them I just kept walking.
*BING*

Maya: Silly fic. Nobody likes Bing.

Edgeworth: I don't think it's talking about the search engine, Maya.

Strang hearing the elevator doors open, then I noticed Miles walking in so I went in after him.

Edgeworth: I would never be intoxicated enough to go into an elevator. This fic is ridiculous.

"What are you doing, you hate elevators, why are we-" I asked
Again being cut off, Miles started to kiss me. What the hell is going on here, Miles is never like this, he never drinks to the point where he is drunk.
The elevator came to a stop.
*BING*

Maya: I'm proud of you, Mr. Edgeworth. Getting over your fear is a step in the right direction. Who knew Wright would be the one to help?

Miles walked out as if nothing happened, he just left me all confused about the whole situation. We walked to his nice red sports car in silence. He drove pretty fast, thank god there wasn't a lot of cars out at this time. It took about 20 minutes to get to my apartment.

Phoenix: I would never have let drunk Edgeworth drive. Do I have a death wish here?

Once we got there, we just sat in the car. I didn't want to leave, and I also didn't want him to drive home like this. After another 5 minutes of silence between us I asked him to come and stay the night. We walked to my place, there was a little bit of small talk walking.

Phoenix: Well, I'm being somewhat sensible.

"OK Miles here are some blankets and a pillow so you can sleep out here on the couch ok."
"Aww come on Phoenix, let me sleep in your bed with you"
"Miles, look you just had too much to drink to night, I don't know why and I'm sure you cant even remember why your self."

Phoenix: Umm...what?

Maya: Why your self what? What did you self do?

Edgeworth: Forget all logic, apparently.

[Phoenix goes to his room, undresses, lights some candles, and proceeds to masturbate. He hears noises coming from where Edgeworth is.

All:...

Phoenix: Well, at least I'm not taking advantage of Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Actually, Wright, it seems that if anything I'm trying to take advantage of you.

*BAM*

Maya: Were you shot this time, or is it a fluke?

My damn door flew open, I thought how many times is this really going to happen with in a 24 hour period. When I really looked at Miles he was wearing this skanky wanna be cat woman out fit.

Maya: *Laughing hysterically*

Phoenix and Edgeworth:...

It was all leather, short shorts that shaped his ass nicely. The shorts also had cuts and slashes in them, the jacket was tight and low v cut that zipped up to where a girls boobs would be. I also noticed hand cuffs on his side along with a whip in each hand.

Phoenix: Where did he get those things?!?!

Edgeworth: Apparently from somewhere in your place.

Phoenix: But I don't own anything like that, unless you were wearing it all under your regular clothes.

Now really WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON I MEAN GOD DAMN IT! THIS IS JUST NOT WRIGHT…I MEAN RIGHT……………….FUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Maya: *chuckles a little* Wow, Nick, you're really loud and obnoxious in this fic.

Edgeworth: Oh, you mean he's in character?

Phoenix: *glares*

"Its Miles Bitch!
Guess whose back, back, back, back again, 'gain, 'gain, Edgeys back, back, back, tella friend, friend, friend"
*Woosh…SNAP* *Whoosh….SNAP*

Maya and Phoenix: *Crying with laughter*

Edgeworth: *mortified*

As he was sing those gay fucked up things people call songs, the god awful dance he was doing did not help the situation at all. With him moving his head left to right while biting his bottom lip and moving his arms in up and down motions. Oh and on top of hat he was swaying his hips back and forth. Now I am concerned on levels.

Phoenix: *wiping tears out of his eyes* On top of hat? You have nice balance, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: That is not me! I would never!

Randomly, Obsessed by Mariha KArrie started to play. I was scared to look at what miles was doing, but I looked anyway.

Phoenix: Who is Mariha KArrie?

Maya: I think it means "Mariah Carey".

At first all I could see was him bending over, but then he slowly got up and turned around.

Edgeworth: Please...this can't be happening...

"Why you so obsessed with me! Boy I wanna know! Liein that your sexing me! When everybody knows! Blah, de-dah!" Miles kept singing

Maya: Wow, Edgeworth, you're really getting into it!

Phoenix: Yeah, you could go platinum overnight!

Maya: You should have been in The Gavinners! All the ladies would swoon!

With in all that dancing and singing, Miles was stripping off his jacket…WHOA WAIT IS THAT REALLY…….WHAT THE FUCK, WHERE THE HELL DID HE GET THAT???

All: Get what?

"MILES! MILES STOP RIGHT NOW DAMN IT"
I didn't feel that I really did anything.

Phoenix: At this point, nothing could save him.

Edgeworth: Sadly, I have to agree with you there.

Phoenix yells some more at Edgeworth. Nothing spectacular. Miles doesn't know the words and says, "Ok OK well for starters…its call EXOTIC DANCING you FUCK face" They kiss and Phoenix says, "ok god my nipple."

Maya: Wow, Mr. Edgeworth. You have a dirty mouth too!

Edgeworth: Yes, it needs washed out with soap. While you're at it, my eyes could use some bleach, too.

*BANG*

Phoenix: How many times will doors be banged down?!?!

Maya: It's the door apocalypse! Hide your doors! Quick!

"OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK! HONESTLY HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES IS MY DOORS GOING TO SLAM OPEN! I MEAN SHIT! COME ON …" I yelled

Edgeworth: I think you yelling is a given.

I stopped for just a second and look over miles body and noticed…holy shit fuck…larry…larry buutts….LARRY FUCKING BUTTS

Phoenix: Now that is something I never want to see.

Edgeworth: He is the last person I want to have see me in such a compromising position.

Phoenix: And why is that?

Edgeworth: He'd tell everyone about it. My career would be over.

"Damn it larry what the flying fick are you doing here" I began
"Well I started to question my sexuality and I started to watch you and…oh my god…Miles? Miles… really?

Edgeworth: As if he has any reason to be so condescending to me right now.

Phoenix: We should be laughing at him.

Maya: Wait, if he was watching you guys, wouldn't he know about Mr. Edgeworth's antics?

well any who, I noticed I have not been hard with the whole hour this shit has been going on I mean damn it could turn on any fucking girl but not me…this is wrong very wrong!." Larry started to explain

Phoenix: Good to know that his sexuality is now confirmed because of Miles being creepy.

Maya: Personally, I wouldn't find Mr. Edgeworth acting this way very exciting. Larry is wrong.

Phoenix: Because Larry is ever right?

*All nod in unison*

"Larry…then how do you explain all the white stuff all over your face huh? Dude I think its time to come out of the closet you fagglet!"

Maya: Such beautiful. Much poetry. Wow. 10/10.

"News flash DUDE I just walked out of the fuckin closet, and you sick fuck of a friend its powdered donuts" Larry got all defensive

Phoenix: Are we supposed to believe that Larry doesn't know what the slang term for announcing homosexuality is?

Maya and Edgeworth: Yes.

*All nod in unison*

"…that's where they went….WHAT THE HELL LARRY!"
"YOUR KILLING ME LARRY" Miles busted out
Everyone was suddenly silent and looked at Miles…

Edgeworth: Now we're getting into a semi-realistic situation.

Maya: Of course he ate your powdered donuts. I would eat your powdered donuts. They're so good!

Phoenix: (You've done it before. You'd do it again. You and your twenty stomachs...)

"Where did that come from?" Larry and I both asked
"Well I felt left out of the conversation so I thought I would…you know…jump in and all…ok…sorry…im just a fuck up I get it….IM SORRY WILL YOU JUST STOP YELLING AT ME FUCK!"

Edgeworth: Why am I so rude all of a sudden?

Phoenix: As if you weren't already being rude?

Edgeworth: It's just that they were not yelling at me. I have no reason to be so emotional.

Maya: Weren't you drunk, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Yes, but even then, I wouldn't act this way.

"Miles…no one was yelling at you…" I said softly
"Oh…my bad" Miles apologized

Phoenix: Because what you just said could be taken back with a simple "Oops."

Edgeworth: As if I would ever say, "Oh, my bad."

"Larry, look I get it but I would appreciate it if you would just-" I Tried to say
I was cut off by…another…god…damn…BANG…OF…ONE…OF MY FUCKING DOORS!!!!!!!!!!!

Maya: What a TWIST!

Phoenix: My poor doors. All destroyed.

"OH WHAT THE HELLL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!?!" Francheska came out of no where

Phoenix: Francheska? Do they mean Franziska?

Edgeworth: It would appear so. Fantastic. The one other person I wouldn't want to see at this point in time.

"NO, NO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY SHIT HOLE THAT I CALL HOME?!?!" I exclaimed

Phoenix: Hey, my place isn't that bad!

Maya: Well, it's not that good, either.

Phoenix: *Frowns*

This is getting a bit ridiculous with all the FUCKING doors being thrown open and now my damn patio door is thrown open…by FRANCHESKA!

Phoenix: I agree with fic me.

Edgeworth: Why can't they get her name right? On top of all the grammatical errors and out of character people, now they can't even get Franziska's name...

"Why the hell are you here?" I asked
"Well going to be honest I was going to steel your evidence, but it looks like…well that's not going to happen not is it?" She replied

Phoenix: Steel my evidence? I didn't know Franziska was a blacksmith.

Maya: It appears that on top of whipping, she can make weapons, too. She's very dangerous, huh?

"Ok that's it! I just want to have gay but sex with this ass hole Miles, ALONE! We are not having a 3 some or 5 some! Got that!?!

Phoenix: I'd rather have a 0 some at this point.

Maya: So, nothing at all?

Phoenix: Actually, make that a -1 some. I'd like to disappear right about now.

I swear to you the next person that comes in to this fucking room is going to get murdered!" I yelled

Maya: But Nick, who would defend you?

Phoenix: Edgeworth, of course.

Edgeworth: I'd be a witness. And you would be guilty. That's too much of a risk; I'd rather prosecute.

Phoenix: (Nice to see you care, Edgeworth).

*BAM*

Phoenix: Oh. My. GOD. Do I even have doors to break down at this point?

*BROOOOOOM ROOOOOOOM ROOOOOOOOOOM*
"heey paaaaaaaaaaaals what the fuck!" Poor gumshooe

Maya: Detective Gumshoe!

Phoenix: My first thought was Desiree DeLite, actually. Gumshoe wouldn't ride a motorcycle. Does he even have a car?

Edgeworth: If he did, I could imagine it making sounds like that.

"Dick you better run for your mutha fuckin life !" I went after him

Phoenix: Of all the people to murder, a detective? And a friend at that?

Maya: Well, at least your threat isn't empty.

*BRRROOOOOOOOM ROOOOOOOOOOOOM ROOOOOOOM*
"No Phoenix not a chainsaw! We can work this out cant we! SHIT!" Gumshoe went running

Edgeworth: You own a chainsaw?

Phoenix: No, I don't. I must have gotten it from the same place you got your outfit and the accessories.

Toooooo be FUCKING continued…..

The lights come back on, and our sporkers are left confused, tired, and generally upset.

Phoenix: I'm glad that's over. And here I was, thinking that something horrible would happen.

Edgeworth: Something did happen, Wright.

Phoenix: Yeah, but not to me. That was all you.

Maya: That was a ride from start to finish!

Phoenix: Hey...wait a minute...did they ever mention rainbows or tasting them?

Maya: No. However, some Skittles sound delicious right now. Nick will you take me to get some?

-xx-

My first sporking. This fic had me cracking up throughout. Very strange but entertaining.
As for my sporkers, I went with the main three, mostly because I felt that I would be most comfortable with them. I don't think Edgeworth is perfectly in character, but I hope I did okay. Let me know how I did, please!

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

The Sporking Theatre is back is business. Time to do what I do best; be a critic.


@iglootheraptor

Nice first sporking. Though I don't find the fic itself very exciting or amusing, the sporking did a good job plucking out every one of its feathers. To be brutally honest, though, since this fic was just that bland for an otherwise amusing concept, I feel like the sporking had little choice but to play a little safe and became rather predictable as a result. Still, definitely worth the read. Out of curiosity, how much did Airey help you with it? I feel a lot of her influence in this one.

That said, I'm not sure where to place this sporking in our theater timeline. On one hand, it's clearly set after something of mine, but on the other hand, why the heck is the theater in a state of tatters? I know it's been a while since I've added my last contribution, but that doesn't mean we actually left the place to collect dust...

That's it. We need a new cleaning crew. I will add this to the list of renovations.


@TheJettSet27

Nice first sporking as well. I'd like to point out that Neni had already done the first two chapters of that fic you sporked, but we'll let it slide this time. I'll just review it as if it's a new one, since it's been forever since I've last seen it anyway.

This was a rather amusing read; good job. Concerning characterization, I think you hit a few road bumps here and there, but for the most part, it was mainly spot on. I always enjoy the occasional popculture references too.

But here comes the backpedal. Though your sense of humor is well incorporated, I feel like a lot of the jokes are generally one-note, and Nick and Edgey's responses felt a little repetitive after a while, if otherwise a bit lackluster at times. After an stupidly outrageous fic like this one, I'd think the tension levels in the theatre would rise more significantly.

And this is just me being a vocab buff, but

Edgeworth: "Pulled away rushfully?" What a strange way to pull away.

Maya: Relized? Is that like "relished?"

Phoenix: No. Relished would mean I put cut up pickle and put it on the time.

1) "Rushfully" is not a word. I'd expect his response to be a little more sarcastic, but I may be being a little picky here. 2) "To relish something" means to enjoy it, whatever "it" is. So, in this case, "relished what time it is" would become "enjoying the moment" or such... which would oddly be appropriate.


Glad you two came aboard. The Sporking Theatre bandwagon is making progress yet again!


@Airey: Thanks for the latest offer, but I don't think that one's bad enough for my purposes. Perhaps I should go looking for one myself, but I'm not sure where to begin.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

The Sporking Theatre is back is business. Time to do what I do best; be a critic.


@iglootheraptor

Nice first sporking. Though I don't find the fic itself very exciting or amusing, the sporking did a good job plucking out every one of its feathers. To be brutally honest, though, since this fic was just that bland for an otherwise amusing concept, I feel like the sporking had little choice but to play a little safe and became rather predictable as a result. Still, definitely worth the read. Out of curiosity, how much did Airey help you with it? I feel a lot of her influence in this one.

I just read through a copy of it a couple times and gave final approval for it to be uploaded. I did write a few lines that he was having trouble with. Actually, I think I wrote both of the Management's lines for him.

@Airey: Thanks for the latest offer, but I don't think that one's bad enough for my purposes. Perhaps I should go looking for one myself, but I'm not sure where to begin.

Try characters tags on AO3. I'm pretty sure you can also filter it by rating there.

[iglootheraptor]

@iglootheraptor

That said, I'm not sure where to place this sporking in our theater timeline. On one hand, it's clearly set after something of mine, but on the other hand, why the heck is the theater in a state of tatters? I know it's been a while since I've added my last contribution, but that doesn't mean we actually left the place to collect dust...

That's it. We need a new cleaning crew. I will add this to the list of renovations.

The way I was doing it, the room they were in was a room that hasn't been used by The Management in quite a while.
Airey gave me an idea on how to do a thing with the spork, so that thing's probably going to happen in my next sporking.

[TheJettSet27]

The Sporking Theatre is back is business. Time to do what I do best; be a critic.



@TheJettSet27

Nice first sporking as well. I'd like to point out that Neni had already done the first two chapters of that fic you sporked, but we'll let it slide this time. I'll just review it as if it's a new one, since it's been forever since I've last seen it anyway.

This was a rather amusing read; good job. Concerning characterization, I think you hit a few road bumps here and there, but for the most part, it was mainly spot on. I always enjoy the occasional popculture references too.

But here comes the backpedal. Though your sense of humor is well incorporated, I feel like a lot of the jokes are generally one-note, and Nick and Edgey's responses felt a little repetitive after a while, if otherwise a bit lackluster at times. After an stupidly outrageous fic like this one, I'd think the tension levels in the theatre would rise more significantly.

And this is just me being a vocab buff, but

Edgeworth: "Pulled away rushfully?" What a strange way to pull away.

Maya: Relized? Is that like "relished?"

Phoenix: No. Relished would mean I put cut up pickle and put it on the time.

1) "Rushfully" is not a word. I'd expect his response to be a little more sarcastic, but I may be being a little picky here. 2) "To relish something" means to enjoy it, whatever "it" is. So, in this case, "relished what time it is" would become "enjoying the moment" or such... which would oddly be appropriate.


Glad you two came aboard. The Sporking Theatre bandwagon is making progress yet again!

Oh geez. I forgot about the first sporking of it. Whoops.
I knew rushfully wasn't a word, and the same thing about "relish"...hmm...I thought I put something about that in there? I must have been more tired than I thought.

And yeah, going through it again I feel the same about Phoenix and Edgeworth. I could have done a much better job with this fic, honestly. But, I guess I'll just have to work harder next time, right?

I might do a little Edgeworth practice sometime, most likely on my own. He was hard to write, mostly because the majority of the jokes that appeared in my head while reading this fic were too crude or not Edgeworth-y at all.

Thanks for the feedback! I'll keep it in mind when I spork again

[wizkid99]

Uh, hello there! I've been lurking around this thread for sometime now, and I wanted to say how much love this thread. The sporking's posted here always make me smile.

I've wanted to do something here for a long time now but didn't know how since I'm always nervous whenever I post something on a forum since I lurk around forums more than post. (Heck, even now when I'm posting this, I'm suddenly sweating for some reason.)

Instead of a sporking, I wanted find something you guys to have this fanfic I found while browsing through Ace Attorney fan fiction.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9090730/1/ ... -Turnabout
This was written by the same guy who wrote "An Office Affair"
I'll look forward to anyone's next sporking.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Psst, Rubia: I finally found you an Investigations fic. It's a little bit on the long side and honestly not that bad (...actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it) but it is very silly. Here.

Also, hello, wizkid~ don't be nervous about posting, we are very friendly here~~

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Uh, hello there! I've been lurking around this thread for sometime now, and I wanted to say how much love this thread. The sporking's posted here always make me smile.

I've wanted to do something here for a long time now but didn't know how since I'm always nervous whenever I post something on a forum since I lurk around forums more than post. (Heck, even now when I'm posting this, I'm suddenly sweating for some reason.)

Instead of a sporking, I wanted find something you guys to have this fanfic I found while browsing through Ace Attorney fan fiction.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9090730/1/ ... -Turnabout
This was written by the same guy who wrote "An Office Affair"
I'll look forward to anyone's next sporking.

Thanks, we appreciate the help! I gave it the first few lines and I quit. Can't wait to see who will spork this one.

Psst, Rubia: I finally found you an Investigations fic. It's a little bit on the long side and honestly not that bad (...actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it) but it is very silly. Here.

This is delicious. It's not Alba spreading his roots of evil, but I will take it. Thanks~ I'll see what I can come up with.

[wizkid99]

Psst, Rubia: I finally found you an Investigations fic. It's a little bit on the long side and honestly not that bad (...actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it) but it is very silly. Here.

Also, hello, wizkid~ don't be nervous about posting, we are very friendly here~~

Aw, now you're making me embarrassed about being nervous in the first place.
Also, were you the one the write that fic "Achtung baby"? Because I really like that other fic you wrote "T-Minus Turnabout" its now one of my favorites.

I found this other fic that was written for the kink meme. I thought you people should check it out.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10846600/1/Closed-Doors

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Psst, Rubia: I finally found you an Investigations fic. It's a little bit on the long side and honestly not that bad (...actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it) but it is very silly. Here.

Also, hello, wizkid~ don't be nervous about posting, we are very friendly here~~

Aw, now you're making me embarrassed about being nervous in the first place.
Also, were you the one the write that fic "Achtung baby"? Because I really like that other fic you wrote "T-Minus Turnabout" its now one of my favorites.

I found this other fic that was written for the kink meme. I thought you people should check it out.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10846600/1/Closed-Doors

Omg you like my fic?

Also dat prompt. I will never understand the people that use the kink meme.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

The kink meme is where anything and everything happens. This fandom just happens to have the largest of all kink memes for some odd reason. Truly, for however long I have searched the webs, I have yet to find a larger kink faction.

Something about seeing lawyers dress in provocative outfits, or none at all.

Thinking about it, I have a faint memory of a fic where VK starred in a parody of "The Emperor's New Clothes". If only I could find the link to that one again...

[AireyVerkhovensky]

The kink meme is where anything and everything happens. This fandom just happens to have the largest of all kink memes for some odd reason. Truly, for however long I have searched the webs, I have yet to find a larger kink faction.

Something about seeing lawyers dress in provocative outfits, or none at all.

Thinking about it, I have a faint memory of a fic where VK starred in a parody of "The Emperor's New Clothes". If only I could find the link to that one again...

We're still waiting on an explation as to why literally every other prompt is, "I like [insert male character]. I want someone to rape and torture him to death!"
Literally what.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Oh, that's easily explained: rape fantasies. No one wants to talk about them, but everyone experiences them (the real question is why). Whether or not they choose to write about them is their own business, but I personally don't believe they should feel ashamed for expressing themselves.

They should, however, use discretion with expressing something that would come off as disturbing or uncomfortable to others who may frequent the site. Sharing is caring, but at least care about what you share. That's one of my rules.

Since they're so prevalent on the kink meme, well, you kinda have to live with them while you're searching through it. I have yet to spork any rape fics (just personal preference that I avoid them), but is there anyone interested in me giving it a try after my current WIP? If not, then forget I asked.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Oh, that's easily explained: rape fantasies. No one wants to talk about them, but everyone experiences them (the real question is why). Whether or not they choose to write about them is their own business, but I personally don't believe they should feel ashamed for expressing themselves.

They should, however, use discretion with expressing something that would come off as disturbing or uncomfortable to others who may frequent the site. Sharing is caring, but at least care about what you share. That's one of my rules.

Since they're so prevalent on the kink meme, well, you kinda have to live with them while you're searching through it. I have yet to spork any rape fics (just personal preference that I avoid them), but is there anyone interested in me giving it a try after my current WIP? If not, then forget I asked.

Well, I do get it, so I guess it's just because I'm used to tumblr (and by extension AO3) that I've come to expect 6,000 trigger warnings to be tacked onto something before anyone even mentions rape, let alone describes it in detail. It doesn't bother me, just baffles me.
You can if you want to. I have an extremely unfortunate amount of them bookmarked if you need 'em.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Is it just me, or is there some sort of hidden sinister grin behind the word "unfortunate"?

I ask out of courtesy, since the two of us seem to be the most frequent visitors of this thread these days. Since I give more critiques than contributions, it makes me feel a little guilty for not always stepping up to my own standards, so to speak. Maybe that makes me a little paranoid? In any case, I'll first focus on this one before jumping into new ones. The last time it happened, I ended up dropping a work, sad to say.

Then again, it was getting really boring and I didn't expect to go very far with it in the first place. :P

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Maybe someone else will pick it up?
I'd still like to know what was up with that fic... who even would think that was a cute idea...?

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

It's a fic that hits on one of my biggest pet peeves: publishing (essentially, showing off) what in reality comes to nothing but writing exercises. It may have seemed like a fun idea to try as a gag or prank, but it is not something that is worth dragging on for 20 unrelated passages of text that may as well have been scripts for poorly managed sitcoms. Just replace the names and there you go.

Link for anyone who's interested in picking it up for another round of sporking. I hope whoever does give it a try will tolerate it more than I have, so they can spork it without some underlying spite.

[wizkid99]

The kink meme is where anything and everything happens. This fandom just happens to have the largest of all kink memes for some odd reason. Truly, for however long I have searched the webs, I have yet to find a larger kink faction.

Huh. The kink meme is the last thing that would come to mind if I were guessing what the Ace Attorney fanbase has the largest quantity of.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Journey through the kink meme, part 20, page... 30-something: I am officially broken.

Out of all the things that have been linked lately*, who wants to see what sporked? I need to scrub that one torture/necrophilia fic out of my mind. (Dear GOD, why did I read that. And why do I know I am going to end up revisiting it on my personal spork blog?!)

*if anyone wants, I can make a post with all the things that have been linked but not sporked.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Holy crap, I can't believe how long my work came out to. I ended up going from a court-themed sporking to an entire fanfic myself, complete with ending. I also decided to stick with the original fic I queued, since combining fics would be too much for one sporking, but uuuuugh, I'm bushed. After just a few more tweaks, it'll be ready for publishing.

@ Airey: Please do. Since none of us can update the first post, it'd be a good idea to keep a record of them somewhere, say, every few pages hence. And I eagerly await the sporking of this necrophilia fic you speak of. （`・ω・´）

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Holy crap, I can't believe how long my work came out to. I ended up going from a court-themed sporking to an entire fanfic myself, complete with ending. I also decided to stick with the original fic I queued, since combining fics would be too much for one sporking, but uuuuugh, I'm bushed. After just a few more tweaks, it'll be ready for publishing.

@ Airey: Please do. Since none of us can update the first post, it'd be a good idea to keep a record of them somewhere, say, every few pages hence. And I eagerly await the sporking of this necrophilia fic you speak of. （`・ω・´）

I think I'll do that later today, then. If only so I can bookmark that post instead of clogging up my bookmark folders with hundreds of badfics (I am pretty sure I have at least a hundred bookmarks, yes).

It may be a little too NSFW for this thread (says the person who sporked BIAN)... I won't really want to cut it because 1) everything would need a cut summary and 2) everyone needs to see it in all of its horrifying glory. It's one of those things that even I, an veteran sporker who intentionally seeks out the mind-scarring things in life, sat at my computer just staring at the screen and giggling nervously for at least ten minutes after I finished reading it. Curse my vivid imagination!
I could still do a sporking in the style of this thread, though, and just post it on my blog and link to it here. That's in-line with the forum rules, last I checked. Would that be acceptable?

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Double posting? Lol, what?
I'll try to go back and edit this post according to what gets sporked/reccomended.

Note: I started on page five. There may have been a few things linked before that, but I figured starting where I joined the thread was as good a place as any. I also quoted the original posts they were linked in just for original-searcher-credit's sake. Sporked fics will be crossed out. If I missed any, let me know and I'll fix it~

I was thinking of sporking one myself that was just some nonsense about the Roman Empire and a time-travelling Phoenix that inexplicably comes to defend someone from the Roman empires and it's just train wreck of a fic. Another thing that's weird is random cameos from Bobby Fulbright and Simon Blackquill, which are nonsensical because of the fact

Spoiler:

that a.) Blackquill is out of jail after DD, despite the fact that the fic has him in jail with one of the main characters, and b.)"Bobby Fulbright" is still in his detective guise, just to sput his catchphrase

. Here's the link if you want to read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9936350/1/T ... rneys-ever

Rubia gave up on this one but has already done the first two chapters.

I actually have an Apollo/Ema fanfic sporking I'm working on. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5461319/1/Holiday-Romance. And this fanfic happens to be written by the same author as Blackmail.

On a different note, if we're starting to allow more and more NSFW fanfics, apparently. I'll just throw this out: Manfred and Miles. Thoughts?

Oh, and has this been sporked yet? Just by that description alone, it feels like a crime if it hasn't been sporked.

I found this one fic on FF.net. It's no way as horrifying or creepy as the ones we've had recently... alright, it *is* creepy, but not in the same way.

It's basically a copy-paste of the first 2 canon cases, with a Mary-Sue shoved in to steal Nick's heart and save everyone with her "amazing detective skills". It was a real pain to read. If no one is interested, I would like to spork this one, though I have no idea on where to start from with a format like that.

Thane was working on the sporking for that but hasn't posted in the thread in a while and only did the first chapter.

I went oneshot-searching.
I found this. Also, the this and this. And this one that isn't a oneshot.
Who wants what?

Edit: Tenth page wup wup!

Second Edit: I also found this, which I actually thought was pretty cute aside from the blatant punctuation errors.
Third Edit: I thought xreaders were supposed to be in second person?
Fourth Edit: These are a lot easier to find than I thought...
Fifth Edit: IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS, FOLKS

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10619014/1/achtung-baby: when the warning says "very stupid", you know you're in for a treat. ;) Good material for a fun spork. Make sure to take your time to appreciate the Huge Text Block of Doom (tm).

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10610724/1 ... utor-Style: Haven't read it, but the description sounds promising. (Probably best for a funny/silly spork)

Hi! I just got start reading a bunch of Sporks and am wondering if this could make a good filler:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/153721?view_adult=true- Short yet not bad but it make me want to get brain bleach as some one who doesn't ship much. You'll see as you read (If you dislike the pairing to begin with).

Just wondering so maybe I can start on writing my first Spork.

Although that fic was reccomended against...

Has anyone checked out this yet?

Do you ever see something that makes you laugh so hard you go light-headed and your ribs start burning? I'm probably going to spork this in the near-ish future.

The kink meme is a glorious place and thank you cesar26100 for opening my eyes to it. That said, there is a surprising amount of mpreg and tentacles in this fandom. Didn't see that one coming...

The fics are pretty well-written but some of them are just... well, why don't you take a look at "engrish" yourself?

(Bonus link to "Matt x mirror".)

Anyway, here's the link to that crossover I mentioned. I notice gratuitous amounts of OOC and a time set "1000 years" after LoK, which at most would be represented by the late 1800s - early 1900s by our history. Also, the author has no concept of how bending is supposed to work.

*cracks knuckles* Yes ma'am!
I'm just gonna dump all most of my C-R-appropriate(ish) bookmarked badfics here, then. (There's also a post I made on page 10 that lists all the fics that have been linked to lately.) (And I'm not reposting links to the kink meme things I've already linked to, like "Matt x mirror".)

Spoiler: Links and synopses

Quercus Alba and cross-dressing. Not badly written (kind of silly and pretty funny, to be honest) but mindscarring nonetheless.

A little bit smutty but mostly pretty dumb. Again, not that bad. Wrightworth, although at this point that's like shooting fish in a barrel, no?

Phoenix is a mouse. Either that or he's the size of a mouse. I'm not sure which. Anyway, there's a sex scene(?) near the end but it's short and can be cut out.

I'm not sure how to describe this one. But this author writes really good fanfiction. You know, in the sporking theatre sense of the word.

Crossover with the Lion King. Starring Edgeworth as Simba, Phoenix as Nala, von Karma as Scar, and Gregory as Mufasa.

Crossover with Beauty and the Beast (yes, Disney version). Starring Phoenix as Belle, Mia as... Belle's dad (I know he had a name but I forget. I wanna say Laurice), Edgeworth as the Beast, Gumshoe as Cogsworth, and Franziska as Lumiere. She whips people with fire. Because she's a candle.

Okay. Again. I'm not sure how to describe this one. I bookmarked it as "SPITS" for a reason. (As in that was my reaction. And not in an entirely negative way.)

Like half of it would have to be cut out, but hey, Edgeworth in a dress because reasons. Also, a handy reference pic.

"In a deep, dark room in the lowest levels of Hell, von Karma, Gant, Matt, Dahlia and Kristoph play a game of poker and agrue about who was more awesome/evil."

Edgeworth and Phoenix pass notes in court. It's exactly as immature as it sounds.

Prompt: Apollo and Klavier... roleplaying as Phoenix and Edgeworth, in bed. Fill: not actually as smutty as the requester wanted it to be. Could probably get away with posting it here with minimal cutting.

Edgeworth flirts with Phoenix. It's hilarious.

In which Phoenix is a Disney princess, and it's much better than the aforementioned Beauty and the Beast crossover. It also comes with a picture.

I think this is a crossover with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire? Or however it was spelled... anyway, AA cast as gangstas. It's special all right.

Phoenix and Edgeworth play Guitar Hero. Klavier shows up and starts hitting on Phoenix? He keeps calling him "mein strudel".

Intentionally bad fanfiction. IDK.

Phoenix writes a (bad) smutty Wrightworth fanfic and Edgeworth edits it. The sporking will be incredibly meta. (...I'm pretty interested in doing this one myself.)

Mpreg, Edgeworth gives birth (or rather, goes into labor since the fic is unfinished) to Gourdy's child. Oh and Phoenix already had a child by Gourdy. You don't wanna know.

This one pairs Morgan Fey and Wendy Oldbag.

Edgeworth being an over-the-top action hero. Not bad, really, but it'd make for a pretty funny sporking, I think.

Richard Wellington gets uncomfortably sexual with a banana. It was inevitable, really.

Drunk Edgeworth uses really, really bad pickups lines on Phoenix.

Drunk Edgeworth uses really, really bad pickups lines on Phoenix. Featuring anagrams.

It's incredibly short, but it's Judge/Canadian Judge and that's incredible. For a very different reason.

Phoenix and Edgeworth yell inappropriate things at each other in court. Remember what I said about Wrightworth fics being punching bags?

You'd have to cut a fair bit of this out but still has potential here. Edgeworth and Phoenix and Phoenix's two triplet brothers.

My kingdom for a Wrightworth fic that's not stupid...

Larry writes a Wrightworth fanfic. In the eyes of the kink meme, this makes sense.

Edgeworth/Kristoph. Thoroughly OOC.

Remember "engrish"? Well, there's more where that came from.

Grossberg lays an egg. ...I won't say any more.

Phoenix and Edgeworth angrily strip in court at two separate points during Farewell, my Turnabout. (It's actually two completely different fics, I think.) The first one features a sex scene but if you cut it out it loses literally nothing.

Edgeworth: "A dream?! Is this an 'it was all a dream' ending?! I'M SO GLAD IT WAS THAT KIND OF ENDING-!"

Wendy Oldbag gives sex advice. It goes... actually a lot better than you'd think but that doesn't mean the fic is any good.

And that's all. For now.

Hmm... seems I'm severely lacking in fics that feature Dual Destinies characters...

Second edit: Richard Wellington strangles Edgeworth to death. Because why not.

Matt Engarde stabs Edgeworth to death in front of Phoenix. At least Shelly de Killer shows up at the end!

(Why are there so many fics where Edgeworth dies? ...the other ones were tagged rape and/or were super long, though.)

And, uh, I know you said no rape but this is just so completely, utterly bad. Not particularly disturbing (just run-of-the-mill disturbing) but wow is it ever OOC. And stupid. And OOC. And short. And did I mention it was OOC?

Third edit: DEFENSE ATTORNEY APOLLO JUSTICE CHOOSES DEATH.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY APOLLO JUSTICE FORCES AN AWKWARD KISS ON DEFENSE ATTORNEY ATHENA CYKES.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY PHOENIX WRIGHT aw dangit it's another incredibly OOC rape fic, also why did the author hit enter after every single line?

Basically, Nazis.

As of the time of this post, HermannVonKarma and I are working on a sporking of this.

I would enjoy sporking a fanfiction sometime. In fact, I have a couple lined up. The first one is actually written well, it's just the shipped characters and the use of the magatama I find most interesting:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3925051/1/ ... SUCCESSFUL
This is one I would bring Adrian or Luke in, considering they're the couple in here.

This one is an absolute gem!
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9531051/1/ ... aterslides


And finally (making this more than a couple) another Kristoph one. He is found not guilty and allowed to roam free. This has bonus points in my book for the mention of him wearing one glove because all I could see in my head was him in a Michael Jackson outfit.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10778356/1 ... Chronicles

Instead of a sporking, I wanted find something you guys to have this fanfic I found while browsing through Ace Attorney fan fiction.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9090730/1/ ... -Turnabout
This was written by the same guy who wrote "An Office Affair"
I'll look forward to anyone's next sporking.

Psst, Rubia: I finally found you an Investigations fic. It's a little bit on the long side and honestly not that bad (...actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it) but it is very silly. Here.

Rubia seems to be working on this.

I found this other fic that was written for the kink meme. I thought you people should check it out.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10846600/1/Closed-Doors

RUBIAAAAA.

YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS.

(Or, you know, anyone really, but you were definitely the first person I thought of.)

Someone has to spork this:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10876823/1 ... ISOOOOOOON
Not really much to say about this one. Just read it.

Anyway,I found this fic that ship Franziska and Blackquill.I thought you should check it out:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10567225/1/Charming

I also found this fic featuring Drunk Gumshoe:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8116029/1/ ... -Adventure

Here's a short crackfic where Edgeworth signs up for art class:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9963882/1/ ... t-Modeling

Anyway, I currently reading a fic where Kristoph Gavin and Daryan Crescend escape from prison....And that's all I'm going to tell you for now because I'm not done yet, and for spoilers. The fic is thirty-seven chapter's long. As of this post, I'm on chapter twenty-three. And I don't know how to feel about this fic whether it's too good to not be sporked or if it's sporkable material. I want to let my fellow sporker's read it to judge for themselves.The fic itself is a slight AU where Kristoph adopted Apollo six years before AJ:AA and a slight Klavipollo is in there to. The fluff doesn't kick in until later.

Here it is:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5709927/1/ ... at-the-sky

Here's a fic where Winston Payne goes back in time to erase Wright from existence.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10913264/1 ... the-Future

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9146042/1/ ... t-Hedgehog

This one seems like it should be a parody, but it's listed under Tragedy, so why not. ...Actually it is a tragedy: the tragic death of proper grammar.

In other news, I found this crack fic where Maya is a teacher. I remember reading this fic last year but got bored of it. It's pretty ridiculous. \
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5447374/1/Ms-Maya

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

I apologize in advance for the length. Super-long sporkings are unwieldy to read, and this one is no exception, but I assure you my reasons are justified. I didn't have a way to shorten it without losing much of the flavor, and I just love the ending I've come up with. I hope you enjoy it too.

Turnabout Sporking
Part 2

Featured: On Poker, Villainy and Death
Rating: for some OOCness and stupidity in general
Disclaimer: As a reader, I actually found this one rather delightful. It's a silly fic for an even sillier prompt from the OP, and it's a perfect choice for those who need a little comedy relief. However, as a sporker, it is also my every intention to claw and scratch my way through it, nitpicking at every little detail I can catch and trying my best to destroy it.

--------------------------------

[It's time. Four gallant, if not extremely wary, figures have arrived to face yet another round of suffering. However, it seems they have a surprise guest tonight...]

Speakers: Welcome back, fellow sporkers, to the Sporking Courtroom. Due to certain complications that arose from last time, we have instead sent for a substitute to oversee this round.

Maya: Aw, poor old Udgey. He barely even gets a chance to show up here.

Phoenix: Yeah, it's pretty unfair... (The judge always gets the best. *sigh*)

Speakers: While we wait for our guest to arrive, let us begin rollcall.

(DD) Phoenix Wright!
Let's just get this over with.

Maya Fey!
Okay, you guys got lucky last time, but we're nailing the coffin this time!

(DD) Miles Edgeworth!
Maya, you should know better by now. We shouldn't need to do anything.

Kay Faraday!
Oh, come on, Mr. Edgeworth! Where's the fun in that?

And our surprise guest tonight: Justine Courtney!

All else: !?

Edgeworth: Justice Courtney!?

Phoenix: You know her, Edgeworth?

Kay: Oh! I remember her! She's the nice lady judge from Mr. Edgeworth's Japan-only game!

Maya: Whoa, really?

Speakers: Kay Faraday, you really do not want to press our buttons this early in the sporking.

Kay: Well, how else am I supposed to describe her!?

Speakers: You don't need to. She's coming this way.

[As if on cue, the double doors swing open and a graceful figure, with her signature extendable gavel in hand, steps forth into the light.]

Courtney: Good evening, everyone. I've received summons to appear for this special occasion tonight. I trust there are no complications with this arrangement?

Edgeworth: Certainly not. We welcome you, Honorable Justice.

Kay: Hi, Justice Lady! It's been a while!

Maya: Wow, a female judge! They really exist!

Courtney: Thank you. I'm surprised to see even the district's Chief Prosecutor here.

Edgeworth: It's an unfortunately frequent case. And please, just "Mr. Edgeworth" will do. While I am here, I am simply a prosecutor.

Courtney: Alright then, Mr. Edgeworth. As this is my first time overseeing a trial for a piece of fiction, please excuse any amateur mistakes I may make.

Edgeworth: You need not worry, Your Honor. Just keep a close eye on that defense attorney there. He tends to stir up plenty of trouble in any court he stands in.

Phoenix: ...Normally, I'd just let that slide, but you're not getting out of this easy either, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: You'd do better to keep that concern for yourself, Wright.

Kay: *whisper* (Don't worry, Mr. Wright! This judge and Mr. Edgeworth don't always get along, so we might have a chance this round!)

Phoenix: *whisper* (Even then, judges and defense attorneys never seem to work out...)

Courtney: Well then, everyone, shall we begin?

[Once everyone takes their places, she strikes with her gavel.]

Courtney: The Sporking Court is now in session.

Phoenix: The defense is ready, Your Honor.

Edgeworth: The prosecution is ready as usual, Your Honor.

Courtney: Very good. Management, you may proceed with the featured film.

[As soon as she finishes that line, the ceiling displays unfold and the lights dim.]

Spoiler: Click to read more

On Poker, Villainy and Death (Hell is other people)

Courtney: What a strange title. What is this portion in parentheses meant to be?

Edgeworth: Either a poorly placed comment from the author or a poor choice of subtitle, I would assume. It's par for the course, though, and a definite sign that worse is yet to come.

Maya: What does it even mean? Is there some sort of typo or missing word?

Phoenix: ...Well, maybe the author was trying to personify these words?

Kay: Oh, that's a good one! I wonder who's who...

Phoenix: (...Suddenly, I've got this chill up my spine...)

"Shut the hell up, dude. Can we just get on with this and stop having the discussion we've already had, like, a hundred times?"

"But we've played poker 'like, a hundred times' too and it always ends the same way! You know, with Manny throwing a tantrum, Krissy losing his money AND his marbles..."

"Silence! I said I would win this match in four minutes - no more, no less - and your pointless banter will not stand in my way!"

Phoenix: NO! Why is it that whenever I want to be wrong, I'm not!?

Maya: Wow... I never thought I'd hear Iris' evil twin come up with those names.

Edgeworth: ...Apparently, they've been playing poker for quite some time as well.

Courtney: I don't recall Mr. von Karma having ever participated in a card game.

Edgeworth: He never had, Your Honor.

Phoenix: Urgh... (Stick a fork in me already and spare me the rest...)

Kay: H-hey, Mr. Wright! It's still too early to give in!

Silence fell... for a few minutes, at least. Considering the ensemble at hand, those were some pleasant and peaceful minutes.

Maya: Riiiight... except everyone's giving each other death glares.

They came to an end shortly after Kristoph Gavin's smile twitched.

"I call your bluff!" Gant yelled with a punch to the table that nobody heard over his booming voice. Kristoph responded in a manner as civilised as he could, by throwing his (mediocre) hand up in the air with a "GRAH."

Courtney: My goodness. I could never have imagined the former Chief of Police acting in such a rowdy manner.

Edgeworth: Though the fanfic has said all that needs to be said within the first few sentences, I'll add that it's already falling apart by the 5th paragraph - both in terms of storytelling and in its context.

Courtney: It's indeed shameful. Well? Does the defense have any rebuttal?

Edgeworth: ...Wright, get up and do your job.

Phoenix: Yeah, yeah... just give me a few to weep away my sorrows...

Edgeworth: I could care less if you do, but if you don't say anything, we could jump straight to the verdict. It'll save everyone the trouble, and I won't need to show up to your next sporking.

Kay: Mr. Wright, he's right! We can't let that happen! The picture in the first post says all!

Speakers: Kay Faraday, if you keep this up, you're condemned to the next one no matter what the verdict is.

Kay: Oh, come on! Not even that's okay!?

Phoenix: (...Okay, here goes...) Your Honor!

Courtney: Yes, Mr. Wright? How do you respond?

Phoenix: The defense has no objections to the poor characterization of these people. However, there is one thing that the fanfic has done right.

Courtney: And that is?

Phoenix: Kristoph Gavin is undeniably terrible at poker!

All: ...

[Suddenly, they hear a faint scream from the distance, as if someone was calling out his name.]

Maya: W-what was that?

Speakers: Beware, Phoenix Wright. The further you tread this way, the riskier it becomes...

Phoenix: What the heck are you people up to now!?

Kay: ...Is it me, or are we back for Halloween again?

Maya: But we're already heading into Christmas...

Kay: So... is this like a "nightmare" before Christmas...?

"Please, Mr. Gavin..." The disdain in Dahlia's eyes was further accentuated by the way she flicked her hair. "I find you charming enough, but it's at times like these I have to wonder if you really are clueless as to why most people think you're an idiot."

Kristoph's lips remained nervous, but now the rest of his body was beginning to catch up as well. "What are you..."

Phoenix: ...No. No, I did not just hear that.

Maya: You mean the bit about Dahlia calling Kristoph "charming"?

Phoenix: I said "I did not just hear that", so don't repeat it for me!

Kay: Wow, it's true what they say: love can blossom in even the most unlikely of places.

Maya: Where are they, anyway? The fic didn't ever mention that.

Edgeworth: Indeed. That's another mark off.

Kay: ...Maybe I should have kept quiet.

"Oh, by the way," Gant interrupted, "It's been five minutes, Manny!" The glare von Karma threw him would have made a lesser man break, but not him. No, Damon Gant was accustomed to it.

Edgeworth: ...

Maya: Wow, does this guy have a death wish or something?

Phoenix: Actually, I could imagine Damon Gant calling him that anyway.

Edgeworth: Impossible.

Phoenix: But he came up with the most ridiculous name for you...

Edgeworth: You will NOT bring that up again!

Kay: Ooh! This is the first I've heard of it!

Maya: What is it? What is it?

Courtney: ...I'm a bit curious as well.

Edgeworth: Y-Your Honor, we really don't need to bring that-

Phoenix: It was "Little Worthy", if I recall. Pretty catchy...

Edgeworth: WRIGHT!

Maya & Kay: *ROFL*

[Suddenly again, they're joined by the faint sound of howling laughter in the distance.]

All: ...

"... So, dudes, this isn't going anywhere, right?" Matt Engarde edged closer to Dahlia, not very subtly. "'Cause I have someone-- some stuff to do and..."

Maya: Whoa! Is this going where I think it is!?

Kay: It has to be!

Maya & Kay: A love triangle!

Kay: This sounds like an amazing pitch for a movie! "In the deepest, darkest recesses of the world, where icky evil stretches its claws upon unsuspecting victims..."

Maya: "...a single beautiful thing blossoms where no one would expect."

Maya & Kay: "Toxic Loooo~ve!"

Edgeworth: ...So now it's a romance story, is it?

Phoenix: Huh? Where did that come from?

Edgeworth: You heard them, Wright. It's no more a parody than it is an excuse for shipping tendencies of the worst kind... excuse the pun.

Phoenix: ...

Edgeworth: This entire fic is a sham from the start. The further we go, the clearer this point is made. You have no hold to grasp.

Phoenix: ...Sorry, Edgeworth, but I'm not throwing in the towel just yet. Even you might not know where this fic will lead.

Edgeworth: Banking on potential chances again, are we? Fine.

Phoenix: (If what Kay said is true, I could use the rivalry between him and this judge... I just need to approach it cautiously.)

Manfred's wrath shifted from Gant to Matt. "You are going NOWHERE until the victor has been decided!"

"Dude, you need to chill."

Maya: Complete agreement. Still, you'd think that someone like MVK would be happy to kick people out. He was really eager to get Nick kicked out of court.

Phoenix: Yeah, but that time, he was trying everything to prevent the truth behind DL-6 from leaking. It's no wonder he'd want me out of the way.

Edgeworth: Nonetheless, Maya's point still stands. This is not how Mr. von Karma would ever act. In fact, he very well ought to have been the first to leave.

Kay: But there's got to be a really good reason why he hasn't. Maybe it'll be revealed later? ...Along with the setting?

Edgeworth: *shakes head* Kay, I'm disappointed. You're drawing a little too much influence from that man.

Kay: Huh!? B-but, I... *whimper*

Phoenix: H-hey, it's not like that. This sense of desperation happens to pretty much anyone at the defense bench.

Kay: ...That doesn't make me feel any better.

Phoenix: (Yeah, me neither...)

Kristoph harrumphed in that professional-sounding, courteous manner that only he ever seemed to manage. It never had quite the same effect on his dead companions that it did in court, but it was still adequate at bringing attention to him.

All: ...Huh?

Maya: Wait a second! What does it mean by "dead companions"?

Kay: Is the author talking about these guys...?

Phoenix: Then... by any chance...

[As if on cue, there's the sound of someone - or some people - cackling in the distance, followed by what seems to be a roar. Then, there's nothing but complete silence.]

All: ...

Courtney: ...I see the theater management is enjoying themselves.

Phoenix: (Somehow, I don't think they were the Management...)

Maya: This is seriously getting creepy... Mr. Edgeworth, will you protect me if anything happens?

Edgeworth: ...As Her Honor has stated, it's most likely a prank from the Management. There's nothing to fear.

Maya: R-really?

Kay: ...By the way, Mr. Wright, are those spikes of yours capable of dealing damage?

Phoenix: No.

"I, for one, am inclined to agree with Mr. Engarde."

"Afraid to lose, Gavin? You never were the best at poker, were you?" Manfred's smirk made the tone of his words clear even to an outside observer.

"I'm certain you would love it if I gracefully quit now, Mr. Von Karma, but how can I ever decline an opportunity to sully your 'perfect' strategy once more?"

"Just quit it, you two!" Matt leaned back in his chair, scowling, letting his fringe of hair slip off. "You're both losers, alright? It doesn't matter which of you is better at poker or fucking with evidence or testimonies or whatever. In the end, both of you got nailed by that stupid attorney!"

Courtney: *clack* Order in the court.

Edgeworth: We haven't made any clamor, Your Honor.

Courtney: Yes, but it seems the author has failed to warn its audience of vulgar language prior.

Edgeworth: Hm, that is true. Not to mention, an audience of any age could have viewed this fanfic. Inappropriate even to this point; that's yet another mark off.

Phoenix: ... (Even down to the smallest of details, huh? This judge is a nuisance in more ways than one...)

Kay: ...But kids hear swear words all the time.

Edgeworth: Not that they should, especially if they're still young. Besides, even the elderly reserve a right to avoid such vulgarities.

Maya: Um, Mr. Edgeworth? The elderly, reading this stuff?

Edgeworth: Never assume there is no room for exception, Maya.

Phoenix: Yeah, even I can think of just one old lady who might...

The cold silence that followed was only broken by Gant's resigned sigh. "We all were, Matty."

Maya: Aw, no "Guardy"? I was hoping to be able to make a pun with Gourdy.

Phoenix: Don't bother, Maya. No one will be laughing anyway.

Maya: Hey, it's the thought that counts!

Phoenix: (That can easily be debatable...)

"Oh?" Dahlia's smile was almost mocking. "'Feenie' never got me." Her smile turned darker, and she continued. "In fact, I made him weep. I don't think any of you can say the same, can you?"

Maya: Um, yeah, he did. With Sis' help, anyway.

Kay: Who is this lady anyway, Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: No one you or anyone else needs to know.

"Oh, right!" Matt chuckled. "That's right, my bad. I forgot you were tag-teamed by Mr. Attorney and Lady Fanservice."

Maya: Hey! Don't make fun of Sis! She was there when you got nailed too, you jerk!

Phoenix: ...Should we take that as an "accurate imitation", then?

Edgeworth: You're going to need a lot more than that to overturn the current tides.

Kay: But it's a step in the Wright direction!

Phoenix: Kay, please. First my hair, and now my name?

Kay: ...Sorry. I feel like being here makes me want to make fun of the person next to me.

Dahlia was enraged, - oh, she was - but turning away from him was enough for her to recompose herself. "This coming from someone who died as a pathetic, sobbing mess begging for his life?"

Matt paled and shut his mouth.

Maya: ...Hey, Mr. Edgeworth. Did this guy actually get the death penalty later?

Edgeworth: No. His sentence was life imprisonment. He should still be in there even after these 8 years.

Maya: That's weird. How did he end up dead in this fic?

Kay: Maybe they were all pulled into hell and ended up dying that way?

Maya: To play poker for eternity? Wow, that's gotta stink.

Kay: Not as bad as the lava they're playing around, I bet!

Phoenix: (...Thinking about it, the Management hasn't cut in as they usually would. Did something happen...?)

"Come to think of it, I can see some fun times ahead for us when the man finally gets here," Gant said, amused, giving Matt a glance of utter mockery.

Maya: "Fun times"?

Phoenix: This better not turn into some terrible sex joke.

Edgeworth: I wouldn't put it past them.

Kay: Actually, I think this IS the terrible sex joke. It reeks of one.

Maya: Eww... I'm getting some terrible flashbacks...

"I-If he gets here," the dead actor forced himself to say.

"Matt..." The way Dahlia spoke to him now was exactly the same she had adressed Kristoph with earlier. "Everybody dies."

"Let the boy have some hope, will you, Thorny? Ohohoho!"

Maya: Ugh... I almost read that without the "t". This theater has been getting to me.

Phoenix: ...I'd say the same goes for everyone else.

Kay: ...Now that we know they're in hell, suddenly, this all seems like one big sex joke.

Edgeworth: Kay, enough. It's one thing to play with the concept of evil romance; it's another thing to push it beyond that.

Courtney: Agreed. Let us move on.

"Like having to deal with Juan wasn't enough of a bitch already..."

"Ah, but that is the point of this place, is it not? To 'deal with it'..." Kristoph had calmed down by this point, though something about the way he adjusted his glasses gave him a curiously defensive look. "'It' being the results of the supposed sins we committed in life. Such is the nature of our eternal punishment."

Maya: And to be enjoying such a lovely game of poker. The Devil must be on vacation.

Kay: Or maybe they're fated to play poker for eternity?

Maya: ...So, if someone cheats, they get thrown in the pool of lava or something?

Kay: Or stabbed with a pitchfork and roasted over an open fire?

Maya: Or boiled in a vat of flaming tar?

Kay: Or burst into flaming rage screaming their nemesis' name?

[And there's the screaming again.]

All: ...

Courtney: I suggest you two take that conversation elsewhere. Court is still in session.

Maya & Kay: Yes, Your Honor.

"Do you have to speak so flowery all the time, dude?"

"Besides... 'Supposed sins'? Do you think you did nothing wrong in life, Mr. Gavin?" Upon being met with the man's silence, Dahlia smirked.

"That... hardly matters." The irritation in his eyes was apparent. "Anyhow, I would not be so quick to belittle others about the way one chooses to regard afterlife, Ms. Hawthorne. Regardless of my personal beliefs, I took my fate with grace. I did not come back from the dead in a desperate, pointless attempt to exact revenge."

"Jurists," Gant chimed in, causing the defense attorney to flip the poker table with a "RRRRRRRGH" and stomp off into the distance in rage.

Maya: ...Wow, what a spoilsport. Nick, was he always like this?

Phoenix: No.

Maya: You aren't saying that just because it'd be bad for you?

Phoenix: No. Maya, I've known him for several years.

Maya: But the news said how he went insane in the courtroom. Was that really just made up?

Edgeworth: No, for once, those journalists had it right. We still have recorded footage of that trial.

Maya: Cool! I wanna see it!

Kay: Me too! Can we?

Edgeworth: No.

Kay: ...You aren't saying that just because it'd be bad for you, right?

Edgeworth: I'm saying so because it's confidential!

Maya: ...What a spoilsport.

"Defending me, Mr. Gant?"

"Oh, no." He grinned. "I just like to poke his wounds."

Phoenix: Not that she'd ever trust anyone to "defend" her, for good reason.

Maya: Wow, that was a pretty deep comment, even from you.

Phoenix: ...I'd like to see you do better.

"Hmph, this seems unfair," von Karma grunted.

"What does, Manny?"

"You." When he crossed his arms, one aware of his past losses, as Damon Gant was, would be able to spot the rigidity of his right shoulder. "We are all miserable here - I have to put up with Gregory Edgeworth coming down here once a week only to harass me - but you... you are always, constantly, invariably," his teeth gritted harder as he progressed through several more angry adverbs, "Jolly, as you would put it."

Edgeworth: ...Excuse me? Why is my father's name even brought up within this pile of trash; needless to say, that he would ever be so immature as to "harass" Mr. von Karma?

Maya: And what's he doing in poker hell with them?

Kay: Maybe as a messenger from the heavens?

Phoenix: A messenger who flies down to hell on a weekly basis?

Kay: Dropping sparkly bombs of kindness and other goodness upon the corrupted hearts in hell?

Maya: ...Wow, the image is pretty hilarious.

Kay: Hey, maybe it's actually Mr. Edgeworth Sr.'s work that love could blossom in the depths of hell!

Maya: Whoa, he has that power!?

Kay: I dunno, but it'd be awesome in our movie pitch.

Edgeworth: ...We are not speaking any more of that ever again.

Phoenix: For once, I'm with Edgeworth. I didn't want to be reminded of the potential shipping in this fic...

Kay: Oh, right. It's kinda bad for us, huh?

Phoenix: (In more ways than one.)

"Ah, I wouldn't be so sure, Manny." He tugged at a lock of his hair, a look of vague nostalgia in his eyes. "Try as I might, I haven't figured out how to swim in lava yet..."

Maya: I can understand. It must be too cozy in there to keep your arms above the surface.

Kay: Yeah, and there are always chunks of rock in the way anyway.

Courtney: Actually, it'd be impossible to swim in lava simply because the consistency of the molten rock is too thick to make steady movement.

Phoenix: ...How about the fact that a person would be burned alive in there, Your Honor?

Courtney: What would that matter? These characters are already dead.

Phoenix: (But it'd still be painful, right?)

Edgeworth: Instead of arguing against her on this matter, don't you have a case to make for later?

As Manfred brought the palm of his hand to his face, a sharp-dressed gentleman with bright red skin rivalled only by one of last week's arrivals and a pair of horns not quite as pointy as Phoenix Wright's hair came by. "Hey guys, sorry to interrupt - you all do a really good job, by the way, it's always a blast to watch you - but it's Daily Vent Time. You know the regulations by now, anyone thrown in here by a lawyer or someone related to the law is bound to it. Alright, that's all, carry on."

All: ...

Maya: Um, is this the Devil of this poker hell?

Kay: Wow, even he's dressed up for business.

Phoenix: ...My hair isn't that pointy, is it?

Edgeworth: ...Yes, it is.

Phoenix: (Somehow, hearing Edgeworth tell me that makes it that much more insulting than it usually would be...)

Courtney: ...It's but a minor error, but that word should be spelled "rivaled".

Edgeworth: Your Honor, by this point, any typographical errors are irrelevant.

Courtney: Yes, but it's the first in what was assumed to have none at all.

Edgeworth: ...Very well, if you insist.

Phoenix: (W-what!? We get marked down even something as trivial as that!?)

Von Karma and Dahlia sighed in annoyance, Matt twitched and Gant simply smiled. "Well, it's not like there's a way around it, everyone! Now, in 3, 2, 1..."

The screams of "EEEEEDGEWAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH," "MIIIIAAAAAAAAA FFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEYYYYY," "GGGGGggGGUUUUUIIIIIiiiIIIIIITTTTyyyyyYYYYYYYY," a "WWWRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIGHT" from further away and a combination of booming laughter and applause echoed through all of Hell, coming to an end within a minute of their beginning. Except for the laughter - the laughter went on.

"Damon." Manfred groaned, his fingers digging into his arm. "It's over already."

He abruptly stopped. "Hmm? Oh, I know." After a brief pause, he shrugged with a grin. "I just really like Daily Vent Time."

Maya: Well, that's unfair. Everyone else has to unleash their utmost rage, and all this guy has to do is laugh?

Phoenix: That was how he reacted when he was cornered as the culprit in that case.

Kay: I'd say out of all of them, he's the one with the most issues.

Edgeworth: Ironically, he's meant to be the one with the least.

Courtney: Yes, the former Chief of Police was a rather proud and well-respected man before that incident. Even during his conviction, I heard he accepted his sentence with dignity.

Maya: And he didn't get the death penalty or anything, right?

Edgeworth: No, he didn't.

Maya: Welp, I guess Kay was right. No matter what the crime, they're doomed to play poker in hell for all eternity.

Kay: And a beautiful love eventually came to blossom...

Phoenix: Guys, stop that. It was too much already with Edgeworth's dad coming in and raining sparkly bombs.

Edgeworth: Why are YOU the one to bring that up again?

Phoenix: *grin*

Edgeworth: *glare*

[And with that, the screens fade to black, the lights brighten again, and the familiar stoic voice from the speakers arrives.]

Speakers: That is it for our presentation. We hope you enjoyed your stay, Justice Courtney.

Courtney: Thank you. It has been a very... complex experience.

Phoenix: (...At least she has plenty of restraint.)

Courtney: Now, let us continue to the debate. Should this fanfic be pardoned or condemned? Both sides may present their arguments.

Spoiler: Read on

Edgeworth: Thank you, Your Honor. The prosecution has not changed its plea of "guilty". Its guise as a parody is thoroughly transparent. For a premise starring a "villains' commemoration", the fanfic does little, if at all, to incorporate it into its storytelling.

Phoenix: Hold it! How does it not? The villains in this case are situated in one place to discuss the extent of their evil. Isn't that the very basis to such an absurd premise?

Edgeworth: Yes, but there are various means to approaching it. In the case of this fic, the author settled for a rather mundane description of their setting that could have very well been anywhere else. The characters portrayed could have been replaced by any other, and there would be little difference. They could have been doing anything else other than playing a card game!

Phoenix: But... poker is a very intensive strategy game.

Edgeworth: That's not the question here. There's nothing to prevent me from making the claim that this fic stars an eccentric cast for a group of friends spending their night at a bar and becoming less sober as time goes on.

Maya: ...I knew they were all drunk. That's always the case with these fics.

Phoenix: ...O-okay, I'll give you that. But there's no way the author could have mistaken these characters for anyone else. They purposely drew out their character quirks and exaggerated them. Isn't that exactly what a parody is about?

Edgeworth: However, exaggerating on character quirks to the point that the characters are no longer recognizable to be as they originally were is where the problem resides.

Maya: a.k.a. Flanderization.

Edgeworth: A joke can only been taken so far until it loses its value.

Phoenix: Damn, I can't argue from this perspective either...

Kay: Come on, Mr. Wright! You've got to have a few more tricks up your sleeve!

Phoenix: ...Actually, I'm running short.

Kay: What!? Don't give in yet! Think of something!

Phoenix: (But of what...?)

Courtney: ...Mr. Wright, is that all? If you have no other arguments, we may proceed to the verdict.

Edgeworth: Well, Wright? Any last words before we strike on that final nail?

Phoenix: ...Yes, there are. (I've got nothing else, so I might as well try this one last bluff...)

Maya: Hmph. That's Nick for ya, always so persistent. Usually, this means he's getting desperate.

Edgeworth: ...That's how he's been since the beginning.

Phoenix: For all that talk of how the fic doesn't do this or that right, none of us even stopped to consider the most important thing... We're assuming too much.

Edgeworth: ...And why do you say that?

Phoenix: We're assuming that the author hadn't considered taking another route to this fic. Yes, there are many other ways to turn this silly premise into something much more... but what is the true purpose of this fic?

Kay: To give a laugh?

Phoenix: Exactly. And what simpler way is there than to write an intentionally bad fic and laugh at those who can't take a joke? I say it's a reasonable approach to the larger question.

Edgeworth: ...Even jokes have standards, Wright, and on several accounts...

Phoenix: On several accounts, they either bored us out of our minds or upset us. But that doesn't matter. What makes this fic truly good or bad is what it's meant to be.

Edgeworth: You just said that its true purpose is to give a laugh! Do you even know what are you saying anymore!?

Phoenix: And it succeeded.

Edgeworth: ...What?

Phoenix: Sure, the humor given in the fic itself isn't anything impressive. We all agree on this, even Her Honor thinks so. Yet, it's what makes the sporking that much more entertaining when we come up with jokes to compete with it.

Maya: Don't you mean "trounce"?

Phoenix: That works too. Whether or not it follows the author's original intentions, the fic succeeded in giving us a laugh. That is the undeniable fact... even if you're such a spoilsport, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Don't you dare bring me into your argument.

Kay: But he's right! Mr. Edgeworth, you need to lighten up.

Edgeworth: Kay, I'm not the one under question here.

Maya: Actually, they have a point.

Edgeworth: Maya, not you too!

Maya: But if you think about it, a lot of the fic's intended humor was taken out because you're always complaining about this and that.

Edgeworth: W-what? How is it my fault!?

Courtney: As they say, Mr. Edgeworth, you take these things too seriously sometimes. And unhappiness is just as contagious as happiness is.

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Well, Edgeworth? In the end, your claims are rather heavily biased, and I think I've held some ground after all.

Edgeworth: ...You intended this from the start, did you? Fine, I'll admit it. I may have had a large influence on the atmosphere of the sporking.

Phoenix: *grin*

Edgeworth: However, you've still failed to give a proper defense.

Phoenix: Huh!? (Well, I guess I was lacking in a lot of cases...)

Edgeworth: In the end, whoever convinces the judge to his side is the winner in this court. That, is something even you can't deny.

Phoenix: ...Er, so what do you say, Your Honor?

Courtney: ...Is this to say that both sides have finished presenting their cases?

Edgeworth: Yes, Your Honor. We're ready for the verdict.

Courtney: Very well. I applaud you both for your valiant efforts, and I will now pass judgment.



Courtney: That is all. The Sporking Court is now adj-

Phoenix: Objection! W-wait, Your Honor! At least tell us why!

Kay: Yeah! We overturned them at the last moment, didn't we!?

Edgeworth: ...Did you? Wright made a valid point, but it wasn't a valid rebuttal. Your Honor, we thank you for your wise decision. *bow*

Maya: Yeah, thanks a lot! Well, sorry, Nick, better luck next time!

Phoenix & Kay: ...

Kay: I knew it. We were sunk from the get-go.

Phoenix: Didn't you say those two were at odds with each other?

Kay: Yeah... but after a certain case, they started getting along pretty well. Not to mention, he's now Chief Prosecutor and all...

Phoenix: ...So we didn't have a chance at all.

Edgeworth: You were always a bit slow at catching onto a joke. That's what separates high-class comedy from slapstick like you.

Courtney: Now, as I was saying, court is adjourned.

*clack*

[The honorable judge is the first to take her leave, but it seems there's still something left to be said among the remaining four.]

Maya: So... in the end, did we ever figure out what those weird sounds were?

Kay: They sounded like recordings, actually...

Maya: Wait. The Management has recordings of the villains' breakdowns?

Speakers: That we do.

Phoenix: Where have you guys been? It's as if you've left us out to dry.

Speakers: Oh, we watched the entire session, and it was indeed an entertaining time. We will also be seeing you all for the next one.

Maya: Huh? Next one?

Speakers: You see, we discussed among ourselves for a while, and finally came upon an agreement. All four of you will not be exempt from the next sporking.

All: What!?

Edgeworth: ...As I feared, they won't be letting us go that easily.

Phoenix: ...After all that strenuous effort...

Maya: ...It was all just a waste?

Kay: N-no fair! That's too cruel, even for you guys!

Speakers: Please understand that it is not simply our desire to torture you all, but our decision is final. By any chance you figure out the meaning behind it, we will reconsider. Until then, we hope you enjoy your stay.

All: ...

Edgeworth: ...If I have all my facts in order, there's but one reason they would continue this farce.

Kay: Huh? You know why!?

Maya: Why, Mr. Edgeworth, why!?

Phoenix: They're making a killing.

Maya & Kay: ...Eh?

Edgeworth: In terms of profits, that is. It seems we're nothing but show business to them. I'll see to it that they do reconsider their terms... for the sake of their "theater".

Phoenix: Thanks, Edgeworth. I'm not sure what we can do from here, but if you need us, we'll be around.

[And with one last nod to each other, the group takes off. What will become of this new conflict, only time will tell.]

---------------------------------

Turnabout Sporking, End.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

OMG, Courtney!!
That was probably the best sporking in the thread so far. I loved it~!

Also, wouldn't Phoenix have done a better job if he'd known the original prompt/that it was from the kink meme in general? Because that would have explained the whole poker thing and thrown out the idea that children might be reading it.
Someone's biased against the defense.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Aw, you liked it that much? I actually worried that it wandered dangerously into fanfic mode, but I'm glad it didn't come off that way.

Oh come on, EVERYONE's biased against the defense. >:) I did intend to press further and complete that amazing turnabout that I'm sure everyone would have wanted to see, but I felt like it was long enough already. Besides, I wanted the ending to not be serious at all, and dragging it any further would have reduced the impact.

In a previous draft, I did bring up the kink meme, but then they ended up in a legit debate over how comedy should be critiqued, and it wasn't going where I liked. In another previous draft, I also considered inviting the ghostly figures of the villains, but decided to leave it as a prank. Besides, I was able to keep the "Nightmare Before Christmas" reference anyway. All in all, I'm satisfied with my efforts.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

Oh come on, EVERYONE's biased against the defense. >:)

Unless it's Investigations. Then everyone is biased against the prosecution investigator.

In another previous draft, I also considered inviting the ghostly figures of the villains, but decided to leave it as a prank. Besides, I was able to keep the "Nightmare Before Christmas" reference anyway. All in all, I'm satisfied with my efforts.

I legitimately thought the Management had been taken over by the villains. Somehow. Now that would be interesting... although I did sort of have a spork planned that would basically turn into a punishment for the (regular) Management. I just need to find the perfect fic for it.

Also, if AAI2 characters are going to be putting in appearances, we all know who's up next on the chopping block...

Because Debeste would lead to too many spoilers, probably.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

It's about time we brought in GK2 characters. Courtney's still one of my favorites from that game, even if my memory of it is pretty hazy. I just wish we had smilies of these characters. Her gavel slam is unique to her character and would be a very viable means of communication. :P

We could always write around Sebastian's spoilery plots. This is where the gavel slam would be most appropriate.

Wait, what's this about punishing the Management and can I join in? I'm both curious and horrified at what we could come up with together.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

It's about time we brought in GK2 characters. Courtney's still one of my favorites from that game, even if my memory of it is pretty hazy. I just wish we had smilies of these characters. Her gavel slam is unique to her character and would be a very viable means of communication. :P

We could always write around Sebastian's spoilery plots. This is where the gavel slam would be most appropriate.

Wait, what's this about punishing the Management and can I join in? I'm both curious and horrified at what we could come up with together.

Yeah, to be honest, I'd need to replay it before I actually use any of the AAI2 characters. But I really want to.

I'd tell you my idea so far but if I post it in the thread it might ruin the "surprise". PM you?

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

As always. (Now I'm wondering what to do about the men-in-black parody I've been planning for that other fic I queued...)

[AireyVerkhovensky]

...men in black as in the movie with Will Smith in it?

Edit: Did the Lana smiley change, or...?? ?