Crack Theory Thread!

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Fri Jan 23, 2015 3:54 am

Oh, yeah, this thread.

Hmm... I propose that Phoenix is not a genetically modified human being, but rather born of an alien race of superpowered monkeys that have the power to destroy worlds. All we really need to do is give him his favorite staff that he didn't ever know he wanted.

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:20 pm

~~I don't get the reference ;_;~~

Being an alien is just about the only thing that explains his all-natural hair...

dimentiorules · Post by **dimentiorules** » Fri Jan 23, 2015 3:37 pm

You know, if Phoenix is an alien, could that mean there are other non-human characters? Let's see here:

Lisa Basil is an android. (Pretty obvious, I know)
Manfred Von Karma is a powerful demon. (Would explain his demonic sounding "objection".)
The Ema in GS4 is actually a clone of the original Ema, who killed her and took her place.
The Gavin brothers are angels, with Kristoph being a fallen angel. I mean, can't you just imagine him with black angel wings?

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Fri Jan 23, 2015 3:43 pm

You'd think angels would have better German.

tiger_festival · Post by **tiger_festival** » Fri Jan 23, 2015 4:19 pm

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:~~I don't get the reference ;_;~~

~~I think it's Dragon Ball Z~~

dimentiorules wrote:The Ema in GS4 is actually a clone of the original Ema, who killed her and took her place.

I had a somewhat-similar crack theory a while ago involving Kingdom Hearts.
"Kay Faraday's true reason for becoming the second Yatagarasu is to find a 13th vessel suitable to host Xehanort's heart. She tries to talk Ema into her scheme, she refuses, and Kay uses the keyblade in her hair (did you really think it was just a decoration) to turn Ema into a Nobody (named Maex). That Nobody is the detective we all saw in Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney."
I'm still questioning whether or not I was sane when I wrote that.

The Gavin brothers are angels, with Kristoph being a fallen angel. I mean, can't you just imagine him with black angel wings?

So what you're saying is...

dimentiorules · Post by **dimentiorules** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 3:40 am

Nah, if it was a key blade it would be thicker and have one of those impractical wrist guards.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Mon Mar 02, 2015 6:28 pm

Just playing around a little.

Spoiler: 5-5 and 2-4

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Mon Mar 02, 2015 7:16 pm

Fist of Justice wrote:Just playing around a little.

Spoiler: 5-5 and 2-4
Some days ago I entertained myself by making up a theory about Phoenix being Phantom, which included Maya being a spy as well, and all the murders being planned by the organization they work for, where the defendants are actually the guilty party but they are all planned so that it all falls into place the way they want it to, including Phoenix gaining public trust by pretending to be an underdog. 2-4 was the only real one, De Killer disliked the rivalry with killing nuisances so he kidnapped Maya so that Phoenix would have to take an unrehearsed case because Maya is a valuable spy. So when Phoenix meets Phantom in court, one of them has go to be a fake, like another spy from the organization or something… I think I came up with an explanation for that as well, but I’ve quite forgotten.

That sounds like an AWESOME fanfic.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Mon Mar 02, 2015 8:58 pm

Oh! Maybe so

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Mon Mar 02, 2015 9:36 pm

Fist of Justice wrote:Just playing around a little.

Spoiler: 5-5 and 2-4
Some days ago I entertained myself by making up a theory about Phoenix being Phantom, which included Maya being a spy as well, and all the murders being planned by the organization they work for, where the defendants are actually the guilty party but they are all planned so that it all falls into place the way they want it to, including Phoenix gaining public trust by pretending to be an underdog. 2-4 was the only real one, De Killer disliked the rivalry with killing nuisances so he kidnapped Maya so that Phoenix would have to take an unrehearsed case because Maya is a valuable spy. So when Phoenix meets Phantom in court, one of them has go to be a fake, like another spy from the organization or something… I think I came up with an explanation for that as well, but I’ve quite forgotten.

Don't be ridiculous. This could never work out.

Spoiler:

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Mon Mar 02, 2015 9:44 pm

What did that have to do with anything I wrote though?

WaitingforGodot · Post by **WaitingforGodot** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 9:30 pm

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Fist of Justice wrote:Just playing around a little.

Spoiler: 5-5 and 2-4
Some days ago I entertained myself by making up a theory about Phoenix being Phantom, which included Maya being a spy as well, and all the murders being planned by the organization they work for, where the defendants are actually the guilty party but they are all planned so that it all falls into place the way they want it to, including Phoenix gaining public trust by pretending to be an underdog. 2-4 was the only real one, De Killer disliked the rivalry with killing nuisances so he kidnapped Maya so that Phoenix would have to take an unrehearsed case because Maya is a valuable spy. So when Phoenix meets Phantom in court, one of them has go to be a fake, like another spy from the organization or something… I think I came up with an explanation for that as well, but I’ve quite forgotten.
Don't be ridiculous. This could never work out.
Spoiler:
After all, Miles Edgeworth is the Son of Gregory and our gracious Lord and Savior. Never forget.

So I see that the cult lives on. Beautiful.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 9:33 pm

'Course, it's the truth and nothing but the truth.

...but I still don't get what it has to do with my theory.

WaitingforGodot · Post by **WaitingforGodot** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 9:42 pm

Fist of Justice wrote:'Course, it's the truth and nothing but the truth.

...but I still don't get what it has to do with my theory.

I ought to dip some Eldoon-noodles in wine, but I don't have any noodles or wine at home.

Probably everything. You just don't know it yet.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 9:44 pm

Wine?! Surely you mean grape juice.

WaitingforGodot · Post by **WaitingforGodot** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 9:59 pm

Damn! This is upsetting. I'm a bad diciple. I strayed, but I hope the Lord is forgiving when it comes to sinners. Grape juice. I don't have any grape juice at home.

This. This proves it. I've become way too rusty when it comes to Ace Attorney.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 10:07 pm

I came to think of the word divine, and then I came to think of what Edgeworth thinks when Bikini makes him put on a nun hood in case 3-5:

Edgeworth:
* (Is this some sort of divine
* retribution...?)

It kind of gets a whole new meaning in this context. Has Edgeworth rebelled against his dad the lawd and this is his punishment? Or was it just a dad joke?

WaitingforGodot · Post by **WaitingforGodot** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 10:11 pm

Fist of Justice wrote:I came to think of the word divine, and then I came to think of what Edgeworth thinks when Bikini makes him put on a nun hood in case 3-5:

Edgeworth:
* (Is this some sort of divine
* retribution...?)

It kind of gets a whole new meaning in this context. Has Edgeworth rebelled against his dad the lawd and this is his punishment? Or was it just a dad joke?

This is certainly food for thought. I think I will write a thesis on the subject.

(I just recalled that I was Mary Magdalene. That means that my rustiness is one of my seven demons, which will soon be cast out.)

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 3:10 am

Fist of Justice wrote:What did that have to do with anything I wrote though?

Our Holy Son was placed on trial for the murder of our Holy Father and saved by a miracle. Are you suggesting the one known as Phoenix Wright who lent his aid in the name of Gregory was actually just a false prophet!?
But it was a very interesting theory nonetheless, I will give you that.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:17 am

Ah, now I get it. But every religion needs its satanic verses... or something.

Thanks!

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:20 am

Ooh, our first doctrinal schism~!

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:27 am

We're getting complex :3

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 12:35 pm

Matt's ~big secret~ which could destroy his acting career if it was leaked by Juan, and was hidden behind the five psycholocks, is that he constantly walks around with a big glass of brandy in his pants.

WaitingforGodot · Post by **WaitingforGodot** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 12:40 pm

-Do you have a glass of brandy in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
-I'm just hap... wait! I'm not happy to see you at all, dude! But it's most definitely not a brandy glass!

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:15 pm

Fist of Justice wrote:Matt's ~big secret~ which could destroy his acting career if it was leaked by Juan, and was hidden behind the five psycholocks, is that he constantly walks around with a big glass of brandy in his pants.

It's not brandy, it's chocolate milk.

And what does he do in case he wets himself? Literally?

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:27 pm

So brandy : chocolate milk :: wine : grape juice?

Maybe his pants have that hydrophobic coating on the inside of them/the pockets.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:35 pm

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Fist of Justice wrote:Matt's ~big secret~ which could destroy his acting career if it was leaked by Juan, and was hidden behind the five psycholocks, is that he constantly walks around with a big glass of brandy in his pants.
It's not brandy, it's chocolate milk.

And what does he do in case he wets himself? Literally?

But it is brandy!

He doesn't. Tight pants and catwalk steps and everything will be fine. I think. I won't try it myself.

WaitingforGodot · Post by **WaitingforGodot** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:36 pm

That gives the brandy a nice temperature as well!

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:37 pm

I thought you were supposed to drink brandy cold...?

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:41 pm

Silly Miles, there is no such thing as drinkable alcohol in this universe. Everything you thought was somewhat similar to winery is actually juice or milk or something kid-friendly.

And I just realized: maybe the reason he started scratching himself was because he finally ended up wetting himself. "Noooo, my perfect brandy-in-pants-without-wetting record is ruiiiined!!"

WaitingforGodot · Post by **WaitingforGodot** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:42 pm

It's mostly drunk in room temperature, that's why people are "swirling" the glass like that. So, well... perhaps it's a tad bit too warm, if he carries it in his trousers. But still.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:43 pm

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:Silly Miles, there is no such thing as drinkable alcohol in this universe. Everything you thought was somewhat similar to winery is actually juice or milk or something kid-friendly.

Then... what had Phoenix done causing his head to hurt after celebrating Edgeworth's aquittal in 1-4? And what had Gant been intoxicated by in the referred to party in 1-5?!

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:45 pm

They got drunk off the atmosphere.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:45 pm

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:They got drunk off the atmosphere.

That would explain a lot, actually.

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:46 pm

Fist of Justice wrote:
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:Silly Miles, there is no such thing as drinkable alcohol in this universe. Everything you thought was somewhat similar to winery is actually juice or milk or something kid-friendly.
Then... what had Phoenix done causing his head to hurt after celebrating Edgeworth's aquittal in 1-4? And what had Gant been intoxicated by in the referred to party in 1-5?!

Hmmm... do you REALLY want to know?

WaitingforGodot · Post by **WaitingforGodot** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:47 pm

How sad, that the side effect of such drunkenness still causes headaches.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:48 pm

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Fist of Justice wrote:
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:Silly Miles, there is no such thing as drinkable alcohol in this universe. Everything you thought was somewhat similar to winery is actually juice or milk or something kid-friendly.
Then... what had Phoenix done causing his head to hurt after celebrating Edgeworth's aquittal in 1-4? And what had Gant been intoxicated by in the referred to party in 1-5?!
Hmmm... do you REALLY want to know?

Are you implying you know something...?

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:50 pm

Didn't you know? Letting apple juice sit out overnight can cause some interesting things to happen.

Going for Miles · Post by **Going for Miles** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:51 pm

Like it being full of dead flies in the morning?

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:52 pm

Or mysteriously disappeared, and your apple-juice-loving housemate had nothing at all to do with it.