Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Sorry for missing out for most of today... er, probably yesterday by your times. It's a rare sight to see two sporkings uploaded so close to each other, and I like how things are going. You all should be proud of yourselves for improving this much.

@luck: Speaking of which, which one with the chess game were did you mention? I'm thinking of Phoenix's Turnabout, but that was from so long ago I don't remember much from it...

@Skittlemask & Oliver: Not bad... as in, good job. I feel there was a little bit too much of filler in the intro and some of the interactions with Blackquill seem a little tense when they don't need to be. He himself is fine, though. Blackquill is a tricky character to write because it's not as easy to dig into his personality type. (I personally find Godot the most difficult to write, but then again, it's Godot.)

In other news, I'll wait a bit before releasing my latest sporking, which should be finished pretty soon. In the meantime, I'm eagerly anticipating a couple more sporks for tomorrow... er, or is it already today? It's almost midnight over here...

[Oliver]

The character I find most difficult to write is Taka.
Don't judge me.


Also, your new profile pic is amazing.

[Oliver]

So, with Kink Meme stuff...
When it's split into separate replies/posts or whatever you call them, does that mean I can just stop it there?

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Well, posts on the kink meme threads tend to break up their story chapters by post, so yeah, I'd think so.

And what was that bit that you need an editor on? I could contact Rubins if you wish...

[Oliver]

Okay, you call Rubins, I'll shoot you a PM.

[AireyVerkhovensky]

@Rubia: I think the reference to a chess game was about Law Plus Chaos. Am I wrong, luck?

Anyway, it's three in the morning but it's technically time for a...
Halloween special!

Today's fic: The Porcelain Doll by Mentality at its Worst. That... is one heck of a username...
Rating? Not badly-written or anything, but it's really quite stupid and, even though it's supposed to be horror, absolutely not scary.

Today's sporkers!
Miles Edgeworth
"I can already tell that this going to be childish."
Phoenix Wright!
"Childish is better than... anything else that the Management has thrown at us, really."
Trucy Wright!
"Daddy, are you still traumatized?"
"You have no idea what kind of things I've seen in here..."
Ahem. The Management would like to remind the sporkers that they are to keep their comments to their own introductions.
And last but not least...
Maya Fey!
"Ooh! Candy!!"

[The sporking theatre today looks a little different from normal. There are fake cobwebs, spiders, and bats everywhere, a couple seats have plastic skeletons sitting in them, and there's a fake crime scene, complete with Hollywood blood and a masking tape outline of a body. Wait... this is fake, right?]

Edgeworth: I should hope so.

[The sporkers, meanwhile, have all been forced to chosen to dress up for Halloween! Trucy is wearing Apollo's clothes - are those actually Apollo's clothes? Did she steal them? - Maya is wearing Phoenix's old pink sweater, a red scarf, and a face mask, and Phoenix is... a furry zombie?]

Phoenix: I'm a werewolf. *points at ear headband* See?

[And Edgeworth is dressed as himself.]

Maya: Party-pooper.

Edgeworth: *sighs and bares teeth, or rather, plastic fangs* I'm a vampire.

Trucy: Nice.

Kay: *jumps out from behind one of the skeletons* You forgot me!

Edgeworth: Kay, are you... cosplaying me?

Kay: Yep!

Maya: We decided to do a group costume where we all dress as our partners.

Trucy: Too bad Pearly isn't here. She was wearing your hoodie and beanie, Daddy!

Maya: And Ema was wearing your old blue suit.

Phoenix: Oh, uh... cool.

Speakers: Hem-hem. We'd like to start the spooky Halloween spectacular sporking sometime soon.

Trucy: Are you dressed up too, Management?

Speakers: Yes, actually, we are but it's not a relevant costume in fact it actually has nothing to do with this franchise and it's super obscure, too, so I don't think any of you would know who... maybe if I put on a pair of horns so that it's a pun about the book's title?

Edgeworth: Moving on. Narrator?

[Um... the lights dim, and the fic begins.]

Spoiler:

Yeah, that's right. I have a Halloween piece this year...just like last year (ugh, I'm bad at this). Except this one is not chaptered and it's most definitely not pairing-centric or anything like that.

Kay: So, the author's note?

Edgeworth: "Not pairing-centric" is definitely a good sign.

Phoenix: And so is "not chaptered".

How many of you have heard the ghost story about the porcelain doll? Some know it as a china doll, some heard the story differently. I've never known any ghost stories, though someone told me this one today and I actually quite liked it, so I decided to give it a Phoenix Wright twist. I don't know where the story originally came from, so I'm sorry if it's not public domain? No copyright infringement intended!

Trucy: Porcelain doll ghost?

Phoenix: Those things are creepy enough on their own...

Maya: Hmm... I know about a ghost story about the Okiku doll.

Kay: I think the doll in this story is going to be doing something a little more scary than just growing hair.

Maya: A doll growing hair is totally scary!

Edgeworth: Plus the Management already said that this fic is not actually scary.

The Porcelain Doll

As a famous prosecutor and a finely-fashioned man, it was not uncommon for a one Miles Edgeworth to be 'treated' to a fair share of gifts, mostly sent anonymously.

Phoenix: Sure, if "anonymously" is spelled W-E-N-D-Y O-L-D-B-A-G.

Edgeworth: Shut up, Wright. Anyway, it appears as though I'm the main character of this fic.

Kay: Which means something bad is probably gonna happen to you.

Trucy: Or maybe it'll be more like Scooby Doo and he just has to solve the mystery of the haunted doll?

Maya: What mystery? It's haunted. That's the answer.

Trucy: Maybe it isn't really haunted and it's just some kind of elaborate scheme.

Kay: Or maybe Mr. Edgeworth has to solve the ghost's murder so that it can rest in peace!

Maya: Oh yeah, that makes sense!

Edgeworth: ...well, we'll see where this goes.

As a busy man, he rarely ever glanced at the cards that read silly things like, "I'm your #1 fan!" and "PLZ MARRY ME", though sometimes displayed the gifts if something about them caught his eye.

Phoenix: Like that giant Steel Samurai figurine?

Edgeworth: No comment.

On one particular day, Miles was awoken by a large banging on his front door. After he grouchily clambered out of bed, throwing on his housecoat and slinking down the stairs, he went to open the door to yell at the fool who he thought would break a hole through the door. However, when he swung the door open there was no one there.

Maya: Those UPS guys move fast.

Puzzled, he scanned the area around him, even took a step outside to get a better look at his front yard. There was not a soul there. As he went to step back inside, his foot lightly tapped a small package on his step.

Kay: You'd think he would notice a package on his doorstep in the first place.

Trucy: Especially if it was big enough to hold a doll.

Raising an eyebrow, he scooped up the little box and closed the door behind him.

As Miles stepped back upstairs to his bedroom, he examined the brown paper package—there was no address on it but his own.

Edgeworth: That's suspicious enough that I wouldn't open it.

Phoenix: *cough*Paranoid*cough*

Kay: Hey, successful prosecutors can attract a lot of negative attention!

Edgeworth: Of course, I suppose you wouldn't know anything about success, so...

Phoenix: Hey!

As he sat himself back onto his bed, he began to pick at a small flap in the corner, beginning the peeling of the paper. He tore it off, opened the box, and sat silently as he stared in his lap at a porcelain doll. Much like the materials she was constructed with, her facial features were delicate, her lacy dress woven entirely with intricate details. He would not put it past him that she was a very beautiful doll…

Trucy: "He would not put it past him that she was a very beautiful doll…"? What kind of phrasing is that?

Maya: It's the first weird phrasing in the fic, isn't it?

Phoenix: I take it this is the titular doll.

Kay: Alright, the ghost has been introduced!

But Mr. Edgeworth had no use for a doll.

Maya: But what about-

Edgeworth: Figurines are not dolls.

He rubbed his tired eyes, stealing a look at the clock.

Kay: Hey, stealing's my thing, Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: It's just a figure of speech.

Kay: It's my figure of speech!

It was early morning, and about time he woke up anyway. Taking the doll carefully out of the box, he set it gently on his dresser as he went to get himself dressed for the day.

Trucy: With the doll watching him.

Phoenix: Creepy...

And Miles Edgeworth's days went on as usual, every morning he awoke to the doll sitting on his dresser, smiling as she watched him sleep at night.

Edgeworth: If I have no use for the doll, why am I keeping it?

Maya: Yeah, it looks like a really nice doll. Probably antique. You could sell it.

Trucy: Maybe he just hasn't gotten around to selling it yet. Or no one's bidding on it on eBay.

Kay: He could get Gummy to up-bid it a few times...

Phoenix: Am I the only one who noticed that the doll is watching him sleep?

And as the days and weeks pushed on, he also accumulated more publicity, and with more publicity and fame came more odd trinkets that were delivered to him. Eventually, he found he had to either dispose of or move some things in order to gain back some personal space.

Maya: Wow, when did you become such a packrat, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I'm more worried about what exactly happened for me to acquire more fans...

Phoenix: Maybe Oldbag's just stepping up her game.

Edgeworth: Wright, please.

He rolled up his sleeves and, venturing around the house with a giant box, he threw in teddy bears, watches, books, figurines and all sorts of other knick knacks and took them down the stairs and stuffed them into the cupboard.

Kay: Or... you could sell them...

Edgeworth: If I wanted to remove clutter, why am I just moving the things to another place in my house? That's just relocating the clutter.

Trucy: I dunno. Daddy always shoves junk into storage and it makes the office a little less cluttered.

Edgeworth: ...again, that's not removing the clutter, just relocating it. Although I suppose that does explain a lot about your court records, Wright.

Phoenix: What?

While he was done, he unrolled his sleeves and headed back upstairs to change out. As he was approaching the dresser, he noticed the doll still sitting there and he stared at her some more. By now, he could barely remember when he had received her and never did he know where she had come from, but it was about time that he figured that she, too, should be stored away. He gently lifted her up and carried her down the stairs to the cupboard where he set her on top of the other things he had picked up. Before he closed and locked the cupboard door, he looked back down at her face to see that, despite sitting in the dark cupboard, her porcelain face still had an odd shine to it. He was almost tempted to bring her back out and set her somewhere in his house more deserving, but when he heard his phone ring, he simply slammed the door shut and thought nothing more of her.

Kay: That's surprisingly heartless, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: It's a doll.

Maya: One with a glow-in-the-dark face! ...Almond Joy?

Edgeworth: I can't eat with these plastic teeth in.

Trucy: I'll take it!

Phoenix: (How the heck is she eating those without taking off the face mask?)

Later that night after Miles had climbed into bed, through the quiet of his house and in his half-sleep, he heard what it sounded like the faint voice of a little lady talking to him.

"….I'm coming up the first step…"

Phoenix: Huh, looks like Oldbag is here after all.

Edgeworth: Impossible. The Management said that this fic is not scary.

Speakers: It's nice to know that we have your trust again.

Phoenix: "Trust"?

Edgeworth: "Again"?

He opened his eyes and sat upright. He raised his eyebrow as he looked around his room, looked at the window by his bed, and shook his head. He could have sworn he heard someone, but perhaps he was wrong? No, he was being stupid from all of the heavy casework he was busy dealing with lately, and so Miles Edgeworth lay back down and fell asleep.

Edgeworth: ...I would at least go downstairs and look.

Trucy: Do you usually have to worry about people breaking into your house?

Phoenix: Of course he does, he's too rich for his own good.

However, the next night when he curled up inside his bed, and sleep was just about to overcome him, he heard it again.

"…I'm coming up the second step…"

Kay: Man, that is one slow doll.

This time Miles leapt out of his bed and took a search of his house. No one was in the closet, no one was at the window, no one at the doors, hiding in any of his rooms—no where. Finally pegging it on someone who was just causing trouble outside, he lay back down and fell asleep again.

Edgeworth: Ah, finally I do something reasonable.

Speakers: Like dressing up as yourself for Halloween.

Edgeworth: Vampire. I'm a vampire.

Phoenix: You didn't even change clothes.

Maya: Although I can totally buy a vampire dressing like that.

Trucy: How come vampires never try to keep up with modern fashion trends?

Kay: They don't?

Trucy: Don't they always dress old-fashionedly?

Edgeworth: ...I meant more along the lines that if I were a vampire, I wouldn't dress any differently than I would if I were a human.

Phoenix: Except you already dress like a vampire.

Edgeworth: Also, vampires aren't real anyway.

Maya: Says you.

However, it was inevitable that one night, Miles lay down to sleep without any trouble, and was soundly sleeping, ready for the big trial tomorrow when the icy voice, much more audible now, awoke him again.

"I'mmm heeerrrreeeee…"

Trucy: So does the staircase in your house only have three steps?

Kay: Nah, an unspecified amount of time passed.

Maya: Shouldn't the author have tried to build some suspense?

Phoenix: Wouldn't that have gotten boring and repetitive?

It did not take anyone long to figure out that something must have had happened to Mr. Edgeworth the next day, seeing as how he never showed up for the trial.

Edgeworth: ...well. I suppose it wasn't a fic where I solved the ghost's murder after all.

Kay: Bummer.

As was expected, Detective Gumshoe was the first on the case, claiming he'd never sleep until Edgeworth was found. Tracing back to Miles' house, the bulky detective silently apologized as he tore down the door with his might, a flood of police rushing into the house.

Edgeworth: He could... knock first...

Phoenix: Yeah, but you're probably dead, so it's not like you'd come to the door.

Edgeworth: I realize that, but he could make relatively sure I wasn't still in a state where I could open the door myself first.

They stopped short after they burst in to find Miles Edgeworth, cold, limp, and body strewn across the stairs of his home, the little porcelain doll sitting happily by his side.

Trucy: So...

Kay: So Mr. Edgeworth's dead.

Trucy: Is that fake crime scene supposed to be him?

Phoenix: If it was, wouldn't it have the little porcelain doll sitting next to the outline?

Speakers: What do you mean, "wouldn't it"? Does it not?

Edgeworth: No.

Speakers: ...

Maya: Wait, does this mean that-

Speakers: We're sure it's fine.

The media exploded. Tears were shed, accusations thrown about, and the police were baffled. Autopsies had shown nothing and forensics went insane not being able to trace a single thing to have caused his death.

Edgeworth: Actually, there is an existing "disease" called Sudden Unexpected Death Syndrome or Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome.

Phoenix: Let me guess: the symptoms are randomly dying, and that's about it.

Edgeworth: Yes.

Maya: That's actually pretty scary.

Edgeworth: Also, an autopsy will reveal no apparent cause of death if you die from a severe seizure or asthma attack. If you don't have a history of either, then-

Trucy: Wait, it can happen to anyone?!

Edgeworth: ...it's not terribly common.

Kay: You're not making us feel any better.

Eventually the case was put away as "unsolved"

Trucy: Wouldn't it be listed as natural causes?

Maya: Yeah, you'd think that the lack of a real cause of death wouldn't be considered a sign of foul play...

Edgeworth: It wouldn't.

and the world began to know the Prosecutor, Miles Edgeworth's death as him simply tripping and falling over a little end table by the stairs…despite the end table actually being nearly five feet away from where he could have logically tripped and fell to his death.

Phoenix: I dunno, if I tripped over something I could easily end up five feet away by the time I fell.

Kay: Yeah, but how do you trip over an end table?

Edgeworth: Moreover, if I had died because I fell down the stairs, the autopsy would have revealed, say, a broken neck, or a concussion. In theory, the autopsy would have revealed if I had died before or after I fell down the stairs, too - I'm assuming before.

Phoenix attended the funeral, as did what it seemed like hundreds of other people.

Trucy: Wow, you're popular!

Phoenix: I dunno if attendees at a funeral is the best way to measure popularity, Trucy...

Detective Gumshoe, the big man fighting back tears, put on a small show where he took the last thing that they saw near Edgeworth, the little porcelain doll, and laid it down carefully beside Edgeworth's body in the casket.

Edgeworth: What?

Maya: I guess he assumed that you really liked it, since you died with it and all.

Edgeworth: Detective Gumshoe knows me better than that.

Kay: Yeah, he'd leave some Steel Samurai merch-

Edgeworth: Kay, no.

Everyone cried, and everyone said things like, "It's terrible for this to have happened…" and, "this is why stairs should never exist!".

Trucy: How else are you going to get to the upper floors, then?

Maya: Ladders?

Kay: Scaling the side of the building?

Phoenix: Elevators?

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: (Oops.)

Phoenix, stone-faced, listened carefully to everything that was happening around him, but at the same time something in his head itched. Something was not right.

Phoenix: I'd figured out that I was in a bad fanfiction.

Maya: It's not actually that bad.

Phoenix: Fine, I was in a horror fanfiction that wasn't actually scary.

Trucy: That means you can take the actual logical step for a horror protagonist now, right?

Kay: Who you gonna call?!

The thoughts Phoenix had at the funeral disturbed him so much that the next day, he tracked down Detective Gumshoe and demanded to be shown the autopsy report, and any other notes and photographs that were taken at the scene. Phoenix knew just as well as anyone that something just did not add up about this mysterious event. No marks were found on the body, nothing was found inside the body to have caused poisoning, there was nothing. But there was that doll. Perhaps it was a calling card?

Edgeworth: Even the most skilled assassins can't kill someone without a trace.

Maya: What about an untraceable poison? Tons of animé and manga have them!

Edgeworth: ...animé and manga, Maya, not real life.

Maya: I don't see a difference.

Upon delivering this idea to the police, they laughed at him. Edgeworth had had that stupid thing for almost a year.

Trucy: And it climbed a step every night?

Kay: How long is that staircase?

Phoenix: ...I though some time passed between when he first got and when it started going up the steps.

Trucy: Oh yeah.

After much fighting for it, Phoenix finally managed to gain permission to have the body dug out and re-examined, as well as take another good look at the doll.

Much to the party's horror, when uncovered, they discovered a horror-stricken look upon Miles Edgeworth's face, as well as the little porcelain doll, arms strangling his neck.

Maya: Woah! Does that mean he was still alive when they buried him?

Edgeworth: There was a funeral, which means I was embalmed. If I wasn't dead when they started embalming me, I certainly was by the time they finished.

Phoenix: That's... kind of a morbid comment.

Edgeworth: I died in the fic. I'm perfectly allowed to make morbid comments.

Phoenix went home that night, gears turning in his head; this case was getting weirder and weirder as he thought about it. Hell-bent on getting everything figured out and have Miles Edgeworth's name finally put to peaceful rest, he climbed into bed and planned his next course of action for the next day. He lay there, almost asleep and listening to the wind and the scraping of the tree branches against the windows, still thinking about his departed friend.

And then his eyes went wide as he heard the strangest, faint little lady's voice at the foot of his bed.

"I'mmm heeerrreeeee…"

Phoenix: Aaaaagh! The Oldbag is coming for me, too!

Edgeworth: You can keep her.

Trucy: Oh, that was the end of the fic?

Maya: Kind of abrupt, right?

Phoenix: I can only assume I died horribly.

Kay: Who said anything about horribly? Mr. Edgeworth's cause of death wasn't even known.

Edgeworth: Yes, the doll apparently... gave me a seizure.

Phoenix: And you died.

Edgeworth: Oh well.

Kay: Wait, did Mr. Wright actually take the doll from your coffin, or what?

Trucy: Did they just not put the coffin back in the ground?

Maya: See, this could have been avoided if you'd just opted for cremation.

Edgeworth: I'll... keep that in mind.

Speakers: Well, what did you think? Was it spooky enough?

Kay: It wasn't spooky at all, really.

Trucy: Yeah, it was kinda... stupid.

Maya: It could have been worse.

Edgeworth: It could have been much worse.

Phoenix: Much worse.

Speakers: We'll keep that in mind.

Maya: ...welp.

Speakers: Aaaaanyway, I suppose that brings the Halloween special to an ends. Go out and enjoy the night, you crazy kids.

Phoenix: Somehow, I think I'm older than you, but...

Edgeworth: Let's just go.

[And so the sporkers get up and leave. On their way out, they once again pass the fake crime scene. As Phoenix and Edgeworth leave, the girls all stop to take a look at it.]

Kay: Yeah, that's definitely supposed to be Mr. Edgeworth. It looks like the right height and body type.

Maya: It could also be Nick - they're around the same height.

Trucy: Wouldn't they have included his spiky hair if it were him?

Maya: Maybe he fell face-down?

Kay: Hey, wait... this wasn't here before, was it? *points at porcelain doll next to outline*

Trucy: The Management mentioned it...

Maya: It so wasn't there when we first came in, though.

Kay: Maybe they moved it while we were sporking.

Trucy: Yeah, they're just trying to scare us.

Maya: It's not scary, though.

Kay: You hear that, Management? We're onto you!

[All three of them exchange high-fives and exit the sporking theatre. The lights turn off. The janitor will be here soon to remove the decorations.]

Speakers: .............

[Problem, sir?]

Speakers: No, it's... nothing. We... yes, we definitely moved that doll while they were sporking! That was definitely us and no one else! Ahahaha... ha...

[Ominously discordant music plays in the background...]

Speakers: H-Hey, stop that!!

[Oliver]

Maya: Party pooper.

Should have linked this. XD

I really like the constant mentions of Oldbag.

Actually, has there been a sporking with Oldbag as a sporker?

[AireyVerkhovensky]

I think there's been one once or twice, but personally I've never done it.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

I was not disappointed, Airey. Nice one. The girls' idea to dress up as their partners was adorable.

I knew Edgeworth was going to be a vampire, and I had a slight suspicion Nick was going to be some sort of furry animal. And I couldn't help but read through the whole thing with those two talking with lisps, thanks to their fake teeth. (If Nick didn't have fake teeth, well, I still say he did.)

Now get some rest and don't post sporkings at 3:00 in the morning next time. XD

[Oliver]

Now get some rest and don't post sporkings at 3:00 in the morning next time. XD

Rest is for the weak, as is sleep.

[luck]

@Rubia: I think the reference to a chess game was about Law Plus Chaos. Am I wrong, luck?

You're right. The chapter with the chess game was probably my favorite part of that sporking, because the fic just kept getting more and more ridiculous when it seemed impossible.

[Oliver]

@Rubia: I think the reference to a chess game was about Law Plus Chaos. Am I wrong, luck?

You're right. The chapter with the chess game was probably my favorite part of that sporking, because the fic just kept getting more and more ridiculous when it seemed impossible.

My favorite part was when, apparently, some guys were made into a PIE.

[cuteyounggirlplus]

@Rubia

Love the new profile picture! is that a cute kitty I see?

[Oliver]

@Rubia

Love the new profile picture! is that a cute kitty I see?

She said in the PW Dream thread that she is no longer a dog...
But she is not a cat either.
For she is...
Rubia the Catdog!

[Skittlemask]

I knew you were going spork The Porcelain Doll, Airey! It really wasn't even a half-decent attempt at being scary. One of my favorite parts were the comments on how slow the doll walks up stairs, and I also liked how the in-sporking doll moved about.

@Skittlemask & Oliver: Not bad... as in, good job. I feel there was a little bit too much of filler in the intro

I... do agree about the intro. I was under the impression that it was too long but didn't want it to seem like Athena sporked a fic in three seconds. I mean, unless the management got some kind of "time freeze" machine, haha.


Oh yeah, unrelated, but I like your sig, Oliver! It goes well with my custom title

[Oliver]

Oh yeah, unrelated, but I like your sig, Oliver! It goes well with my custom title

[WhatTheWhat]

Would you like your Halloween fic in parts or altogether?

I also squeed with delight when I saw you used costumes. I kinda did things like you, but my fic is like crap compared to yours.

[cuteyounggirlplus]

@WhatTheWhat

A crappier fic is better in sporking!

[Rocket]

Would anyone happen to know what font does this site use for postings, and text and stuff? The default one?

[Rysiek]

Can I reserve this fic

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6107370/1/ ... e-Attorney

It IS very well written, a parody, but seriously OOc

Good luck, Wright!
Are you sure I'm ready to g-
Mia flashes her breast
I am ready!

(BTW, the judge does call Mia Frau Fey, it is just Dahlia who calls her Fräulein. And she adresses her by MADAMME Fey. Oh, and the german version contains Minix ship tease! Long live the german version!

Sie ist die Schwester meiner Freundin und Mentorin, Mia Fey

T3anslationrom the stolen Turnabout She(Maya) is the sister of my Friend/Girlfriend (Freundin and Freund has these two meanings, when you are speaking of the opposite gender, it usually means girl/boyfriend) and Mentor, Mia Fey.))

[Skittlemask]

Can I reserve this fic

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6107370/1/ ... e-Attorney

It IS very well written, a parody, but seriously OOc

Aw, but I liked that fic/parody! Especially the part with the monkey bars, it has been like, 3 years since I read that and I will always like the monkey bars part.

Anyway no, it's not taken so you can try it out if you want.

(BTW, the judge does call Mia Frau Fey, it is just Dahlia who calls her Fräulein. And she adresses her by MADAMME Fey. Oh, and the german version contains Minix ship tease! Long live the german version!

Sie ist die Schwester meiner Freundin und Mentorin, Mia Fey

T3anslationrom the stolen Turnabout She(Maya) is the sister of my Friend/Girlfriend (Freundin and Freund has these two meanings, when you are speaking of the opposite gender, it usually means girl/boyfriend) and Mentor, Mia Fey.))

Umm, Oliver was just asking what German words Klavier uses in the English version of the game, not all this... German language trivia.

[Rysiek]

(Yes, it ismjust that I started playing T and T again... I still dislike the person Vladimir and Estragon wait for and just rememberedthat ship tease and it is much rarer to come by than Phaya or EdgeWright ship tease, unfortunately.. oh and Fräulein is seriously distinctive. It is only used when mocking in normal. And I think in Harry Potter the female students are called that. And secretaries... but in NORMAL language, no. I better stop talking about german... you got an idea who voiced Paynes Objections? I think some kid...)

[Rysiek]

BTW, I also loved, 500 words, just like Ms. Maya. It is just, that the reactions would be great. Like in Dahlia Hawthorne, Ace Attorney, or was it Dahlia Fey? Anyways, it was really well written, something like 900 reviews, but good to put our Chars through. And then there is a german Minix fic which also ships maya x Edgey, and with THIS pairing, WON'T be translating. Franziska will, since Manny is dead (there was a (after this point english) AA meets My Immortal crossover, which shipped Manny with Gant... and a AA meets my Immortal Crossoverfrom the author of Ms. Maya. It was also about Manny and a horrible Sue. He must be related to Evony. And then there's the night of the living Sues. All expect the Maggy fic were rather good, and the Maggy was emulating the style...)

[Rysiek]

(Found the first one, not aure if it is sporkable though, since I would give it

-

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9326437/1/ ... bout-Weird )

[Skittlemask]

(Found the first one, not aure if it is sporkable though, since I would give it

-

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9326437/1/ ... bout-Weird )

Yes, I know of that fic, haven't read it though. I figured it was at least somewhat decent with the reviews and favs but those don't mean anything. I've gotten plently of "reviews" from the author (supersexygotmew, NOT Ace Fangirl) and they were all nearly indecipherable. Since this fic is readable, I figured it was at least... somewhat OK. Is it really that bad though to warrant five Sahwits?

Eh, maybe it is.

Anyway please try to refrain from double, or err, quadruple posting.

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

@Rubia: I think the reference to a chess game was about Law Plus Chaos. Am I wrong, luck?

You're right. The chapter with the chess game was probably my favorite part of that sporking, because the fic just kept getting more and more ridiculous when it seemed impossible.

Thinking about it, I probably was thinking of Law Plus Chaos but mixed it up with the other. Thanks.

@Rubia

Love the new profile picture! is that a cute kitty I see?

Yep, her name is Kinako. It seems Mr. Takumi was taking care of her in someone's stead, and Missile was getting pretty uncomfortable around her. That was the perfect shot of Missile, DGS, and Kinako, my goodness.

I... do agree about the intro. I was under the impression that it was too long but didn't want it to seem like Athena sporked a fic in three seconds. I mean, unless the management got some kind of "time freeze" machine, haha.

Oh, I'm sure the management has something like that stored somewhere... but yeah, if you feel like your intro is dragging, it's best to find a way to cut it short. It's not the highlight of the sporking, after all.

Would you like your Halloween fic in parts or altogether?

I also squeed with delight when I saw you used costumes. I kinda did things like you, but my fic is like crap compared to yours.

If it's ready, we're all waiting. :)

Would anyone happen to know what font does this site use for postings, and text and stuff? The default one?

It looks like Georgia, the font I use for my tumblr page title. I could be mistaken, though.

(Found the first one, not aure if it is sporkable though, since I would give it

-

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9326437/1/ ... bout-Weird )

That is a harsh rating for something that's relatively benign. Granted, it is also boring, has too much filler, and has an OC that adds nothing, so I suppose I'd give it three Sahwits.

Anyway, usually the worse the fic, the easier the spork. It's perfectly sporkable, though it is a bit long.

[WhatTheWhat]

(I tried guys, besides, I couldn't finish this fic at first. I really couldn't. Hope you enjoy!)

Hello and Welcome to Today's Halloween Sporking! For today's edition, not only do we have a REALLY bad sporking but just for today, all of our sporkers are wearing Halloween costumes!

The fic being shown today is rated:
This fanfic is BAD! They don't spell any of the names correctly, it doesn't make sense, the grammar is bad, and it's just a failed attempt at crack.

Today's Spooky Sporkers are:
Maya Fey
Trucy Wright
Dick Gumshoe
Miles Edgeworth

The sporking theatre is decorated do Halloween with bowls full of candy sporks, and pumpkins throughout the halls…

Trucy: It's so pretty! They really got into the Halloween spirit this year!

Maya: *carrying a huge pile of snacks* Everything in the concession stand is Halloween themed!

Trucy: You better share Maya. Daddy couldn't give me any money to buy snacks. They're really expensive.

Maya: Where is Nick anyway? He was supposed to come today.

Trucy: Daddy has a cold today, so I took his place that way he could stay in bed and get better.

Maya: Well that's nice of you! Nick owes us big time though, us ladies shouldn't be here to replace him.

Trucy: Yeah! We should be Trick or Treating right now!

Edgeworth and Gumshoe walk into the sporking theatre, impressed on how they went all out with decorations.

Edgeworth: For something that was made to torture us, it's nicely decorated.

Gumshoe: Mr. Edgeworth are you supposed to be the Steel Samuari?

Maya: Oh my God! You are supposed to be the Steel Samuari! That's so cool, your costume looks just like the one from the TV show!

Edgeworth: Nghnn...

Maya: You know I knew you watched that show its just that I always suspected you to be a closet fanboy, I mean c’mon you know everything about it and you were happy when you got to meet Will Powers plus-

Gumshoe: Aw it's alright sir, we all love that show!

Maya: Yeah! I'm even the Pink Princess! Can you tell?

Trucy: It's alright to dress up Mr. Edgeworth, as long as you have fun doing it. I’m a magician!

Maya: Aren't you a magician all the time?

Trucy: *pouts* Well none of the other costumes to choose from were really good anyway...

Gumshoe: Yeah pal! I was able to save up enough to buy myself some ears and a tail! I'm a werewolf!

Trucy: Weren't you supposed to be the Evil Magistrate?

Gumshoe: Well Mr. Edgeworth always says I act like a dog…

Speakers: Attention Sporkers, please take a seat so the sporking can begin.

The sporkers take a seat and the lights dim.

Speakers: So, how do you like the decorations?

Maya & Trucy: They're beautiful!

Miles: It's alright.

Gumshoe: It's wonderful, pal!

Speakers: It better be. We had an assistant go and decorate it all day yesterday. Hopefully it shouldn't make up for how bad today’s fic is.

The fic starts.

Pheenox’s Revenge by Jentaro

Edgeworth: I already have a bad feeling about this.

Pheenox was at home aspleep when Mayas rushed in and demended Nick to give her a tacoburgre

Edgeworth: The spelling is atrocious.

Maya: It really is horrible.What's a tacoburger anyway? It sounds good.

Trucy: We should all make one sometime!

Gumshoe: Yeah, pal! That sounds like fun!

Edgeworth: *groan*

Pheenox awaked under the biiiiiiig covers and Mayas tried to drags them off but he was asleepy still

Maya: Apparently, there's two of me. Besides I usually wake up after Nick!

Edgeworth: How could you ignore the fact that you broke into Wright’s house?

Trucy: It's easy to do actually…

Gumshoe: Don't you live there?

Trucy: Well sometimes I get locked out so-nevermind.

"No Mayas go aaway cant you see I am asleeping how did you get inside my house.!"


Preal sneakeded up behind Mayas and said "Nick get up and be lazies on Edgewroths'es time it's burgre time"

Gumshoe: Is that like daylight savings time?

Edgeworth: No you buffoon, it's just another mistake in this sad excuse for fanfiction.

"But I wants tacoburgres Preal why arent you at home where is your mother oh she's in jail"

and then Preal ran home crying


Maya: Poor Pearly! I would never do something like that to her!

Trucy: Yeah fic, you got Maya all wrong!

Gumshoe: I don't think the fic can hear you, pal.

Pheenox was a little upset that Mayas was a baka and made Preal cry and run away crieing. He said "Mayas look what you have done move out of my way I ned to find Preal" but he tripped over his bed (a/n he got out of da bed) and fell on his hair.

Trucy: Couldn't they just have put that Nick got out of bed?

Edgeworth: Apparently, the author isn't competent enough to do the simplest of things.

so because Mayas was mean, Pheenox broke his hair and ended up in the hospital and so Pheenox wanted to sue Mayas for being mean and so PHeenox wrote a letter to Edgewroths with his voice and the cellphone but Edgewroths didn't pick up so Pheenox gave it some time and when Edgewroths called him back "In Da Club" by 50 Cent (a/n I love him) started playing and he picked it up

Gumshoe: He broke his hair!?

Maya: No Gumshoe, if anything his hair would be bent a little.

Trucy: Besides, Daddy’s ringtone is the Steel Samuari theme song!

Edgeworth: I wonder if they actually played any of the games before writing this.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that breaking the fourth wall is not permitted.

"I want to sue Mayas in court will you help me"


"K"

Edgeworth: I would never let Wright sue anyone for something as petty as “being mean”. Besides, I'm not even a defense attorney.

Maya: You were for that one case though…

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Ms. Maya Fey that breaking the fourth wall is not permitted.

so the court date was set


and Pheenox took Mayas to court


Preal went home and gathered some evidinces to bring to couryt once Pheenox called her up (a/n he gave her a cell phone duh) so she did that. and then she flew back to Pheenox's area and went to the hospitels he was in. she gave Edgeswroths the evidance and told him everything Mayas had done and he said she should be ready to tell it to the court

Maya: Pearly was barely able to use Nick’s computer, how could she work a cellphone?

Gumshoe: And I know Mr. Wright is clumsy, but I'm sure he wouldn't have to go to the hospital for breaking his hair.

nobody visited Mayas in the detensions centar

Maya: …

Gumshoe: That's not true! I'd visit you, pal!

Trucy: I'd visit you too! I'd make sure Daddy did too!

Edgeworth: (Am I really the only one who's bothered by the spelling in this fic?)

so the court day came and everyone was excited because Mayas was an evil tyrant that everyone wanted overthrown because she demandsded lots of food from them and extorshioned lots of people because of it. the judge sat down and bang his gavil on da desk and Pheenox was wheeled into the courtroom with a cast on his hair and Edgewroths was sitting beside him

Maya: I am not an evil tyrant! Besides, I only ask Nick to buy me burgers!

Trucy: What does “extorshioned” mean?

Edgeworth: I have no idea.

Gumshoe: Why would Mr. Wright need a wheelchair if he just broke his hair?

Edgeworth: Detective, I've think we've all realized how ridiculous this fic is.

Mayas was stood in the middle of court in shackuls and rottin carrots thrown at her (a/n: I saw that in a movie once) and she cried because she was lonely but nobody wanted to be around her she wanted to change but change obv didn't want her because nobody wanted her not even hamburgres wanted to be in her stomach because it was as mean as her and she was like dinosaurs that were so mean they died

Gumshoe: Just because you see it in movies, doesn't mean it's okay, kids.

Maya: …*sniffle*

Trucy: Look what you did fic, you've made Maya cry!

Gumshoe: Aw it's alright, pal. We’ll all go out for burgers after this!

Maya: W-will you pay for us?

Gumshoe: *scratches back of neck* About that…

but its okay because she had a defensed atternoy named Jasmine and he was a good attornoy who had a degree from law school in Indians(sp?)

Edgeworth: There's India, and there's Indiana, there's even Indianapolis, but there is no places called Indians.

Trucy: Are they talking about the princess from Aladdin? I loved that movie!

Jasmine was a princess from Indians but he was thrown out of his castle when da King found out he was a boy because his mother was dead and then he ran away to Indians to take Law class and passed with 102% awesome

Maya: Couldn't they just make him a prince who ran away from home?

Trucy: But how could the mother not have noticed he was a boy?

Gumshoe: Maybe they switched the babies by accident.

Trucy: How could he even pass with a 102%? Daddy barely made it through law school!?

Edgeworth: I can believe that.

anyway Edgewroths gave da evidences to the Judge and he stroked his beards with gavil and asked "Mr Edges may I acll you that you seem edgey and it's short and I like it anyway so Mr Edges what is this that you have given me"

Edgeworth: If he already went and shortened my name, why would he ask.

Maya: You are edgey, Mr Edgeworth.

"Evidences"


"ok"


and Mayas went to the stand and said she was innocant but Pheenox started crying because Jasmine would win and he remembered Jasmine from the Lawyer Big Rig Ring when he tried to fight him off but Jasmints almost won but his tire was popped and his big rig was busted and Pheenox, won but there, was something else bugging him about Jasmine but he couldn't quire places it.

Edgeworth: What.

Maya: I'm pretty sure that's not how cases go.

Trucy: Wouldn't it be cool if Daddy knew a prince though?

Edgeworth: *puts his face in his hands and groans*

Speakers: All sporkers are required to watch the sporking.

but Edgewroths pat pheEnox on his hair cast because and he said it would be okay because he wou;ldnt' let some little princess who was a man but a, win. it would be bad for his reputashins.

Gumshoe: He already lost to Mr. Wright plenty of times, and his reputation is just fine!

Edgeworth: Gee, thanks Gumshoe.

so Edgeswroths told Preal to get on the stand and testifuy that Mayas was mean to her and Pheenox and she did "judge Mayas was mean she took away my raddish i like raddish and she took it i cried and she took pheenox's burgre coupons and ate them all herself and we didn't get, any"

Maya: I ate...coupons…?

"Mayas is this true" asked judge

"no she's 5 she's lying"

Maya: Pearly was 8 when she first met Nick, anyway.

"Preal are you 5 and lying"

"no im not ffive and im not lying"

"Mayas don't lie in my court I'll have to arrest you"

Edgeworth: How could he even tell that he was lying! He doesn't have psycho-locks-

Trucy: Or me and Polly’s perception.

Edgeworth: Exactly!

!but Mayas ate through her shackles and tried to escape but Gamshoes was there to stop her and save the day

Maya: I know I'm good, but I know I can't eat metal.

Gumshoe: You don't know until you try.

Trucy: At least you saved the day Detective Gumshoe!

Gumshoe: Aw, thanks pal!

and Pheenox wheeled his wheelchairs over to her and said "Mayas why did you try to excape you are mean and nobody wants you"

Mayas started to cry and Edgeswroth challenged Jasmine to a duel and the judge allowed it and they were handed swords

Edgeworth: W-what how did we get swords!?

Trucy: Court would be fun if there was sword fights.

Gumshoe: There would be more than one murder then, pal.

Jasmine was no match for Edgewroth and died in a second and Pheenox cheered

Mayas had no defense attournoy and so the jurey said she was guilty and confetti rained down from the ceiling and Mayas cried as she was carried away in new shackles

Trucy: Aw, poor Maya. I'd defend you.

Maya: Really?

Trucy: I've seen Polly do it enough times to do it well myself. It's just a lot of yelling and pointing.

Pheenox's hair made a full recovery and he moved in with Gamshoes and Edgeswroth and Preal came too because her mom is in jail and Mayas was overthrown

Edgeworth: He has his own house, doesn't he?

Maya: I'm glad his hair is okay though.

Edgeworth: Is that all you got from this?

Trucy, Maya, & Gumshoe: Pretty much.

Edgeworth: Nghnn.

the judge went to chillax in a turtle sandbox

the end

Edgeworth: That's it?

Maya: Thank goodness it's over!

Speakers: There's a part two by the way.

All: What?!

Speakers: It’s just as bad as this one. Muaha, Muahaha, MUAHAHAHAHA-*yip yip*

Trucy: Are you alright Ms Speaker.

Speakers: *Ahem* I'll be fine.

The lights turn on, and the sporkers get up to stretch.

Trucy: Detective Gumshoe, do you want to go Trick-Or-Treating with Maya and I?

Gumshoe: Sure pal, I haven't went since I was a kid!

Maya, Trucy and Gumshoe leave the sporking theater.

Speakers: Did you enjoy the fic, Mr Edgeworth. A…fan of yours reccomended it to us.

Edgeworth: (I have a bad idea about this)

Speakers: She is coming for the next sporking...have fun.

To be continued.
~
T

You made it! Have a Klavi!

[Oliver]

*Sees that I apparently had to put up the decorations*
No.
No.
No.
No.
Read my location.
I don't do shit for the theater.
I'm done.
I quit.
Goodbye.

[WhatTheWhat]

*Sees that I apparently had to put up the decorations*
No.
No.
No.
No.
Read my location.
I don't do shit for the theater.
I'm done.
I quit.
Goodbye.

I fixed it. Better? (I didn't even finish the name)

Oliver COULD be the name of many other people, like my ex boyfriend but alright.

[Oliver]

*Sees that I apparently had to put up the decorations*
No.
No.
No.
No.
Read my location.
I don't do shit for the theater.
I'm done.
I quit.
Goodbye.

I fixed it. Better?

No, I quit.
Goodbye everyone.
I'm never coming back...
Well, not until later today, I guess.

[WhatTheWhat]

*Sees that I apparently had to put up the decorations*
No.
No.
No.
No.
Read my location.
I don't do shit for the theater.
I'm done.
I quit.
Goodbye.

I fixed it. Better?

No, I quit.
Goodbye everyone.
I'm never coming back...
Well, not until later today, I guess.

Bring me back something from your vacation?

[Oliver]

*flips off*

No.

[cuteyounggirlplus]

@ WhatTheWhat

I liked your intro but I don't think this fic is in Dahila territory quite yet. You exaggerated Maya's love of burgers a bit but the rest of her characterization is spot on! Keep up with the good work!

[Rubia Ryu the Royal]

Come on, Oliver. That was the best bit.

Okay, jk. It's not bad, Wtw (may I call you that?), the characters' characters are on-point for the most part. But I think the idea of dressing Edgeworth up like the Steel Samurai is a little too showy for his tastes. And speaking of Edgeworth, he seems a little too aggravated by this obvious trollfic and doesn't really play nicely with the others, who are just trying to have fun. Besides, as the SS, he ought to be just a little more dramatic like a hero... even if it does make him seem even more OOC - but all in the name of fun, right?

By the way, I had the feeling this fic was sporked before. Is it just me?

[Oliver]

No! The joke sucked!
I HATE YOU ALL!


And I'm not sure.
I have this feeling it wasn't sporked, but the title seems very familiar.

[cuteyounggirlplus]

@Rubia

I don't remember this fic at least. It might've been sporked on the old fourm, though. Or "Phoenix's Turnabout" and variations of is a popular title for bad fan fiction.

[WhatTheWhat]

Come on, Oliver. That was the best bit.

Okay, jk. It's not bad, Wtw (may I call you that?), the characters' characters are on-point for the most part. But I think the idea of dressing Edgeworth up like the Steel Samurai is a little too showy for his tastes. And speaking of Edgeworth, he seems a little too aggravated by this obvious trollfic and doesn't really play nicely with the others, who are just trying to have fun. Besides, as the SS, he ought to be just a little more dramatic like a hero... even if it does make him seem even more OOC - but all in the name of fun, right?

By the way, I had the feeling this fic was sporked before. Is it just me?

Yeah Oliver, I did that in the name of Sporks!

It was never finished, so I'm finishing it.

Yes you may call me that, my name is quite a mouthful. It makes you go "What the Whaaat?"

Alright I'll stop.

I thought I'd do worse on Edgeys character. I'm surprised that you thought most of the characters were spot on, but I did play it safe for the most part. Thanks though!

(This spork took me the longest. The first took me 5 hours, the second took me 3 and this one took me 4 days and 3 hours)

[Oliver]

the second took me 3

Isn't this your second spork? Or did I miss out on one?

[WhatTheWhat]

the second took me 3

Isn't this your second spork? Or did I miss out on one?

.....That sporking shall be buryed, and if Skittles brings it up again I'll bury it too.

*ahem* Mustbeatypo.

[Oliver]

Dear Skittlemask,
We are both Funyarincult members, so I humbly request you tell me of this sporking.
From Oliver.
PS: I accidentally spilled water on the management's computer. Can you take the blame for that?