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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Fantina's perfect little Franny!

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Trialman wrote:
As a new user, I can say that this easily one of the best forum threads ever. I was partially convinced to join CR because of this thread, and have spent the past week binge reading it.

Also, you might want to know that there is now someone following the footsteps of 'DAMON GANT ESCAPS FROM PRISOOOOOOON', this time starring :dahlia:: ... rom-Pirson

Warm welcome to the forum.

Saw one of the reviews for it. Made me laugh. What is Jakkid writing? Sounds like the love child word of naked and jacket potato.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Chloe wrote:
Saw one of the reviews for it. Made me laugh. What is Jakkid writing? Sounds like the love child word of naked and jacket potato.

Jakkid writing, I'm guessing, is style of writing similar to that of the legendary Jakkid166, the greatest author on

I wouldn't say this fic is very close to Jakkid's style. Too many capital letters.
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

The man for your trials!

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ArrowLawn wrote:
I wouldn't say this fic is very close to Jakkid's style. Too many capital letters.

Yeah, comparing the two, Skiword seems to be better with grammar than Jakkid, but he does have spelling issues, as well as a mind with a penchant for over the top antics. From his own statements, he seems to be basing his work off the Death Note fanfic author 'D'arkYagam'i'.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Hi, hi! I'm Oliver, you might remember me from sporkings like that really bad sporking and that slightly decent sporking.
Where's the latest fic list? I wanna try doing a new one. :yogi:
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Hello! Hello! *squawk*

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I don't know about the fic list, though AceJakkidFan has convienently created a community of interesting fics to spork: ... ty/124265/
Of course, most stuff by these authors that hasn't already been sporked could be.

Last edited by Polly on Tue Jun 14, 2016 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

AA6 Hype!

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Oops. Accidentally deleted the spork I was making.

Anyway, #EpicProcrastination. Spoiler Alert-Coming up in the spork will be this image.
You thought I was going to show you it.
To quote Sans... geeetttt dunked on!

Also- One image that may turn up at some point- :gun:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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The protagonists of my fangame!

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I'm back, everyone! Sorry I've been inactive for so long. I've just updated the first post. Please let me know if you spot any mistakes.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Thanks a lot! (Here I was thinking you disappeared for good...) Thinking about it, we haven't had a lot of new pictures springing from this thread. Granted, it hasn't seen a lot of activity either, but I hope someone might share some golden moments from our more recent sporkings.

And I didn't realize how much Airey and I dominated this thread. Wow, maybe my hiatus was deserved.
The home of the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney blog:
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at Further updates will be pending.

AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: ... /rubia_ryu
My misc translation and work promos here at
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Small-scale crimes since none yo beeswax

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I wrote a story jabbing at jakkid. Feel free to spork it.
And now some bloke is writing a fic jabbing at ME. Please counter-spork it.

Last edited by CJ Walker on Wed Jun 15, 2016 8:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Please make sure your links work. I can't find the page for the first one.

And I don't think counter-sporks are a thing in here, but it does seem like a decent tribute to jakkid's style... though I'm probably not the right one to spork it. I'm taking a break from troll fics.
The home of the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney blog:
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at Further updates will be pending.

AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: ... /rubia_ryu
My misc translation and work promos here at
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

The man for your trials!

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Just this morning, I remembered two fics that I think are spork worthy, so I quickly searched for them.

This first one ships Larry/Godot, and it is quite the odd one: ... his-Happen

This other one involves Pearl and Phoenix being OOC about Franziska dating Maya: ... and-Bagels
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Wow, I'm alive again. What a surprise!

Polly wrote:

I think I'm going to do this fic for my next sporking, because I don't think anyone's taken it. I'll at least do the first 2-4 chapters, because I doubt I could do all ten.
Vesti and Lauren's Interdimensional Investigations
This CYOA follows Vesti Gates and Lauren Tehra, two detectives who search for the truth, whether in their own dimension or otherwise.

Avatar from over here probably
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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So, some time ago, a parrot (a real parrot) witnessed a murder. IRL. There've been like 100 posts about it on /r/aceattorney.
Obviously, people got sick of hearing about it every day. Especially our replacement Jakkid, it seems.
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

The man for your trials!

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I was off to grab a fanfic that I just remembered, and suddenly, I find someone has re-wrote 1-2 in My Immortal style: ... l-attorney

As for what I was searching for, it's this odd little piece. All I'll say is that it involves time travel:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I write to share my madness with all.

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Trialman wrote:
As for what I was searching for, it's this odd little piece. All I'll say is that it involves time travel:

So I had decided to stay off Court Records to avoid AA6 spoilers, but then I read that.

:beef: I didn't think it was possible for a fic to be disturbing in the way Law Plus Chaos was, but this one accomplished much in its short length. It's almost impressive.

While no fic can beat the legend that is Law Plus Chaos, Trucy still shouldn't be in these situations.
I fell into fanfic hell many years ago. This place is my home now.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

The man for your trials!

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Well, well, well, it seems another Ace Attorney time travel fanfic has emerged: ... me-machine
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Looks like I made another sporking. Wow! What is that all about?

ace attorney: THE EDGEWORTH CONSPIRACY by icantyping.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit:
I’m giving this one two Sahwits. While the author has proven that they can indeed typing, they cannot typing very well. It’s a mess of grammar and spelling errors, and usually lacks actual capitalization. However, it may be one of the funniest and most creative trollfics I’ve ever read.

Now to introduce the sporkers who will be enjoying this fic!

Apollo Justice!
:apollo: “...Well this sounds wonderful.”

Maya Fey!
:maya: “What an exciting title!”

Dick Gumshoe!
:gumshoe: “Hey, Look! This one has Mr. Edgeworth in it!”

Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: “...Because having to attend this establishment isn’t punishment enough?”


[The evening’s sporkers all file into the theatre, their faces brimming with excitement! What adventures could the evening hold? Only time will tell.]

Edgeworth: At least I have a good reason to be brought here this time, instead of being forced here because the management thinks that it’s funny.

Speakers: I’ll have you know, we always have a good reason to bring you here!

Edgeworth: Really? And what is this good reason?

Speakers: Well, ‘good’ is kind of a relative term…

Apollo: That figures. I bet the same logic applies to my presence here!

Maya: Aw, lighten up, you guys! At least these trips are always interesting!

Apollo: They’re interesting, all right. For all the wrong reasons…

Gumshoe: I’m excited too, pal! I haven’t been here in awhile!

Speakers: Though I prefer not to spoil the fics, I can say that our detective friend here appears prominently in this one!

Gumshoe: Really? That’s awesome! Do I get to arrest a criminal?

Speakers: I wouldn’t know. I only read the first three sentences.

Edgeworth: You haven’t even seen this thing yourself yet?

Speakers: Nah, I didn't feel like it. Besides, I don’t want to have to see this thing twice! You four are lucky you only have to see this once. We have to go out of our way to find these monstrosities.

Gumshoe: Huh. You know, I never really thought about it that way!

Apollo: You could just save yourself the trouble by not running this theatre at all?

Speakers: Now why would I do that? This option is much more fun!

Edgeworth: And there’s not much else of value that you can do with your lives, right?

Speakers: Wow, rude! We were going to show two chapters, but if you keep insulting us, maybe we’ll bump that number up to ten?

Apollo: Please, no.

Speakers: Alright then, your loss! Now get to your seats, and let’s start the show!

[The four sporkers all find their seats, and before long, the lights have dimmed and the production has begun!]

Spoiler: Chapter 1

Maya: Wow! What an exciting title!

Edgeworth: I don’t think I understand their choice in capitalization.

Apollo: It looks like they had an accident with the Caps Lock key.

Gumshoe: A conspiracy about Mr. Edgeworth? I wonder what that’ll be about!

Edgeworth: Considering this theatre’s track record, I doubt it will make sense or be thought out in advance.

by icantyping

Apollo: Well, judging by the author’s name, we’re in for quite an experience.

Gumshoe: He’s not lying, pal! It looks like he can type!

Edgeworth: Indeed. However, it’s a shame that he can’t type coherent sentences.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ace Attorney, and I don't profit from this.

Gumshoe: Hey, this disclaimer looks like it’s written pretty well. I don’t see any mistakes or anything!

Maya: Wow! You’re right! Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

Edgeworth: I doubt it. This is probably an attempt to lure us into a false sense of security. I assume that when the real fic begins, the grammar quality will drop like a brick.

miles edgeworth was in the prosecutors offece looking over his casas when the door started banging.

Edgeworth: See what I mean?

Apollo: Don’t you have better things to do than look at old case files?

Maya: No, it says “casas”! That’s Spanish for houses! Edgeworth is looking over his houses!

Gumshoe: Wow! I didn’t know you had more than one house, Mr. Edgeworth!

Apollo: With his salary, I wouldn’t be too surprised.

Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous! I only own one house!

Apollo: Sure, but I bet it’s larger than the rest of ours.

"MISTOR EDGEWORTH ARE YOU THEIR" shouting detective gumshoe as he forcedthe door open.

Gumshoe: Look! There I am!

Edgeworth: ...Forcing the door open, instead of waiting for me to answer, apparently.

Apollo: At least he knocked on the door before tearing it off its hinges.

what is it detective" said gumshoe

"hey pal we got to investigate theres been a CRIME" said gumshoe

Maya: There’s been a CRIME?! That’s even more dangerous than a regular crime!

Apollo: Did anyone else notice that Detective Gumshoe was just talking to himself?

Gumshoe: Wow, I was! Do I have awesome cloning powers in this fic?

Edgeworth: Either that, or this author doesn’t know the difference between each character.

"what happened said edgeorth"

Maya: It looks like they made a mistake with their quotation marks says Maya.

"we have a witness who herd a gun from the graveyard and they saw sombody with a gun run out off the graveyard. But that isn't all pal theres also a MYSTERY"

Apollo: Since when are our cases not mysteries as well?

Maya: But Apollo, this isn’t a mystery! This is a MYSTERY!

Gumshoe: Hmm… Maybe it’s an acronym… But what would it stand for?

Maya: ...Maybe it stands for Massive… uhh… Yellow… Strange… umm…

Apollo: Be careful, Maya. You shouldn’t waste all of your mental energy on this ridiculousness.

”hurry up gumshoe"

"ok pal listen to this when we went to the crime scene THERE WAS NO BODY"

"WHAT?" shouting edgeworth

Apollo: Then how do they know the crime even happened?

Edgeworth: Well, they heard a gunshot, but that could have simply been someone hunting.

so they went to edgeworths red sports car to go to where the crime was at

"oh hey pal I didnt know you had white wall tires thats cool" said gumshoe

"thanks detective" said edgeworth

Gumshoe: Whoa, I didn’t know you had whitewall tires, Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: I do not! This fic is just making things up as it goes along!

Maya: Yeah, I’ve seen his car, and honestly, the wheels are pretty boring.

Edgeworth: ...Well that was somewhat rude.

when they got to the regular entrance edgeworth said "ok gumshoe call detective ema skye and tell her to sneak in through the giant hole in the wall the killer made meanwhile you and I will use the normal entrance"

"ok pal"

Apollo: This plan seems poorly thought out and completely pointless.

Edgeworth: Perhaps they’re testing to see if she can fit through the hole. But I have no idea why they would bother with that…

then edgeworth and gumshoe went to the security gate

"EDGEY-POO" squealed oldbag who was the security lady because all security ladies are oldbag

Edgeworth: Why does SHE have to be in this?

Apollo: Because all security ladies are Wendy Oldbag, apparently.

Edgeworth: I suppose that would explain why I keep running into her.

Gumshoe: Now that’s just ridiculous, pal! Maggey was a security guard at the prosecutor’s office, and she’s female!

Edgeworth: I doubt the author was taking actual facts into account when writing that statement.


Edgeworth: That was needlessly dramatic.

Gumshoe: I don’t know, pal. That’s about how you sounded when you saw her at that hotel… and at the embassy, according to Kay!

Maya: Really?! Man, I wish I could’ve seen that!

Edgeworth: …

"MARRY ME EDGEY-POOP!" blushed oldbag

Apollo: Edgey-poop?

Maya: That's hilarious! I’ll have to tell Nick about this!

Edgeworth: Please don’t.

"hey pal can we go to the graveyard we have to invest in the crime scene" said gum shoe

"no" said oldbag

Gumshoe: What? She’s not even gonna let me investigate?!

Maya: No, you’re asking if you can invest in the crime scene! She’s trying to stop you from buying the graveyard’s stocks!

Apollo: Do graveyards even have stocks?

Edgeworth: I seriously doubt it.

"what the fuck why not" said gushoe

"because I fuckin said so whippersnapper" said oldhag

Maya: Whoa, guys! Language!

Gumshoe: Hey, I’d never curse like that in public, pal!

Edgeworth: I doubt the author cares about your objections.

Apollo: Am I the only one who noticed the “oldhag” spelling?

Edgeworth: I’d prefer to not comment on that.

"mr edgeworth try flirting with her" said gumshoe

"no way jose" said edgeworth

"please pal”

Edgeworth: ‘No way Jose’? Seriously?

Gumshoe: Hmm… Isn’t some part of this plan illegal?

Apollo: I think this whole fic should be illegal.

"please pal"

"ugh fine but only because we have to investigate" said edgeworth and he gave oldbag his phone number but he actually gave her phoenix wrights phone number

Maya: Man, poor Phoenix.

Apollo: I can see a very awkward conversation in his future.

"I WILL CALL YOU EDGEY-PIE" said oldbag and she let them threw the crime scene

Gumshoe: Doesn’t she already call you that, pal?

Edgeworth: I believe she meant “call using a telephone”.

Gumshoe: Oh, well that wasn’t very clear! He should have used a comma there!

Apollo: I don’t think the author knows that commas exist.

"ok pal lets investigate" said gumshoe

"wait detective somethings wrong" said egdeworth "where is THE VICTIM"

Edgeworth: Didn’t Detective Gumshoe already tell me the body had disappeared?

Maya: Maybe you just forgot! You are getting kind of old.

Edgeworth: ...I’m not nearly as old as you seem to think I am.


"oh shit somebody must have STOLEN THE VICTIM"said edgeworth

Apollo: I honestly have no clue what Gumshoe is trying to say up there.

Maya: I think he might be commenting on the lack of evidence at the scene?

Edgeworth: That entire sentence was very poorly structured.


"who was that pal"


Maya: Well, that escalated quickly!

Edgeworth: How exactly did this man get into the crime scene without anyone noticing?

Gumshoe: Maybe he snuck in through that hole in the fence!

Edgeworth: And no one was guarding that hole?

Apollo: Honestly, I’d be more surprised if someone was.

"its not personal edge worth butz I cant let you investigat this crime" said the assassin

Apollo: “Butz”? Really?

Edgeworth: This person shouldn’t be called an assassin, because assassins kill people for political purposes.

Apollo: Do you really think someone who intentionally misspelled “but” cares about the dictionary definition of “assassin”.

"or what buster" said edge

Apollo: “Buster”?

Gumshoe: “Edge”?

Maya: Wow, this story is getting really “edgy”!

Apollo: ...Was that really necessary?

Maya: Of course it was!

"or THIS" said masked man and his GUN SHOOT LASERS AT MILES

Apollo: Well… That’s one way to put it. It’s makes a complete mess of the sentence structure, but it gets the point across.

"oh dang" said edgeworth and he bartly dodged by using an innocent bystander as a shield

Gumshoe: What! There’s no way Mr. Edgeworth would do something like that, pal!

Edgeworth: What are “innocent bystanders” even doing here? This is a crime scene!

Maya: But there isn’t a victim! For all we know, a crime didn’t even happen!

Apollo: ...I think I’ve lost track of what’s going on…

"any last words edgeworth" said masked man

"OBJECTION" shouted edgeworth

"what" said mask man

"I dont know it just seemed apporopriate" said edgeWorth

All: …

Apollo: ...Honestly, I could see this actually happening.

Maya: Yeah, I bet that’s what Nick would do if he was about to be shot!

and he pointed his laser gun at edgeworths face point blank


Apollo: Looks like they held the shift button down for a little too long there.

Gumshoe: Hold on. When is this supposed to be taking place? Because Ema didn’t have Snackoos when I knew her.

Edgeworth: I was wondering that too. However, it seems like the author simply slammed the games together without putting much thought into it.

Speakers: The management must remind Miles Edgeworth that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.

Edgeworth: How else could I have answered that question?

Speakers: You could have simply made a witty remark about the author’s intelligence and moved on. Like this. “The answer is simple. It’s because this author isn’t the sharpest sandwich in the picnic!” Wait, no… That’s not right.

Apollo: So THAT’S why you call us in to mock these fics instead of doing it yourself!

Speakers: Quiet. This next part is probably important.

"ema" shouted gumshoe

Apollo: I could really hear the urgency in his voice.

"hey mr edgeworth im here to save you guys" said ema skye who just arrived in the nick of time and she threw a snackoo at the masked mans mask and broke the mask

Maya: Wow, that must have been a really powerful throw!

Gumshoe: Maybe she had a sling! Like that David guy!

Apollo: Are you saying this has turned into Ema and Goliath?

Maya: It should! That would probably be way more interesting.

thenedgeworth looked at masked man and IT WAS OLDBAG

"what the fuck" said edgeworht

Apollo: Yeah, that’s about how I feel right now.

Edgeworth: Did she just decide to leave her post? Was anyone worried that the security guard wasn’t guarding anything?

Gumshoe: Wait a minute… This is a normal graveyard, right? Why is there a security guard standing outside?

Maya: Maybe someone important is buried here! Like an important leader!

Edgeworth: ...Or the author just doesn’t care.

"I told you not to go to crime scene edgey-poo" flirted oldbag

"gee pal it should have been obvious sense her mask was that astronaut costume" said prosecutor gumshoe

Edgeworth: She went to murder someone in her easily recognizable work uniform?

Maya: Like when you said Will Powers went to kill someone in his Steel Samurai costume?

Edgeworth: ...Touchè.

"gumshoe ARREST HER NOW" said edgeworth

but just as gumshoe got out his handcuffs a limo drove through the security gate and oldbag jumped in and got away

Maya: Man, that must have been a really fast limo!

Apollo: Either that or it took Gumshoe forever to take out his handcuffs.

Gumshoe: Hey! I might not be the best officer on the force, but I can at least make an arrest, pal!

"well shit" said edgeworth "now what"

maybe we should do see the witness pal said gumshoe

Maya: What was that? Was Mr. Gumshoe communicating telekinetically there?

Gumshoe: Hmm… Maybe I was using facial expressions and body language!

Edgeworth: That would explain the use of “do” instead of “go”.

"good idea gumshow" said ema "who is witness"

Apollo: Gumshow?

Maya: Is that an event where people show off various flavors of gum?

Edgeworth: Perhaps the author was desperately trying to make some odd joke about gun shows?

Apollo: I think it’s more likely that they have no idea how to type.

"damon gant"

Gumshoe: Damon Gant? Shouldn’t he be in jail?

Maya: Maybe he managed to escape from prison?

Edgeworth: ...Let’s not dwell on that matter.


Apollo: The first Chapter is over already? Hopefully it was never actually “continuing”’d.

Speakers: Sorry, but I’m afraid your hopes won’t be answered this time!

Apollo: That figures.

[The movie appears to stop. However, the lights remain dimmed.]

Apollo: How much more of this will we have to watch?

Speakers: Honestly, I have no idea. This fic is 10 chapters long.

Gumshoe: Whoa! Ten whole chapters!

Edgeworth: How can someone drag this horrible, nonsense out for ten chapters

Speakers: I don’t know! What do you say we watch another chapter and find out!

Apollo: We don’t have a choice, do we?

Speakers: Of course not!

Maya: Well… Maybe the next chapter will be better! Maybe the first chapter was some kind of test!

Apollo: Don’t count on it.

Spoiler: Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I don't own Ace Attorney, and I don't profit from this.

Maya: This is the exact same message as before! They’re not even going to spice up their disclaimers!

Apollo: It’s fine. This story is spicing up my life plenty already.

crapper 2:

Gumshoe: Wow! Even the author thinks this chapter is bad!

"wait what da mong ant is witness" said edgeworth

"thats right pal dont worry I will catch oldbag you go get the testimonies" said gumshoe

Edgeworth: Da Mong Ant?

Maya: I guess the author was a little too excited about hitting that space bar…

"so how did gant see crime if he in prison" askde egdeworth

ema skye pointed at prison which was wright next to graveyard and damon gant was in his cell looking through the window at edgeworth and pals

Edgeworth: They put the prison that close to the graveyard?

Gumshoe: Maybe this is actually where dead prisoners are buried?

Maya: I bet it’s actually supposed to stop prisoners from escaping! This way, if they try to dig out, they’ll just run into people's graves!

Edgeworth: That seems like a terrible idea.

Apollo: This fic was a terrible idea.

"hi" said gant

edgewort and ema opened the cell window and climbed into gants cell

Edgeworth: ...They opened the cell window?

Gumshoe: Does it open from the outside or something?

Apollo: Why does this prison even have a window? Shouldn’t it have prison bars?

Maya: Maybe they just grabbed the bars and pulled them right out of the window!

Edgeworth: Either way, this prison is extremely unsafe.

"hi chief gant its me miles we need you to testify" edgeworth say

"no way edgey im the chief of police you cant make me" said gant

"oh yeah darn" said edgeworth

Edgeworth: ...What? He’s in prison! How is he still the chief?

Apollo: Maybe no one in the police force was qualified to take his place.

Maya: I don’t see why Damon Gant won’t testify. He doesn’t have anything to lose!

Apollo: I think he’s just trying to be a jerk.

meanwhile a HIGH SPEED POLICE CHASE was happenin in japanafornia where gumshoe was drivin police tank and chasin oldbags getaway limo

Edgeworth: Police… Tank?

Gumshoe: We don’t even have a police tank, pal! ...I’m glad I get to be part of a chase scene though!

Apollo: Why would you chase a limousine with a tank anyway? Aren’t they, you know, slow?

Maya: Why does that matter? Tanks are just automatically cooler than other vehicles!

"youll never take me alive whippersnapper" shouted oldbag from limoscene window

"fine I just wait until you die of old age" shouted gumshoe back "any moment now"

Apollo: Like Wendy Oldbag would ever die.

Maya: She’d probably just rant angrily at the Grim Reaper until he gave up and left!

"OH SHIT MAYA WHO LET GUMSHOE DRIVE TANK" screamed phoenix wright from wright office window where he and maya were watchin police chase below

Gumshoe: Hey! Why couldn’t I drive the tank?!

Edgeworth: How did you even get this tank? It would have taken too long to retrieve it from the police station.

Apollo: Maybe the police station is right next to the graveyard too… Along with the Courthouse and the City Hospital.

"SOEMBODY HELP" screamed mayo and gumshoe drive tank through building and everything started to EXPLODE and phoenix and maya started yelling and runnin in circles

Apollo: I don’t really understand what’s happening here.

Maya: It looks like Gumshoe just drove his tank through our office for no reason.

Gumshoe: Hey! I’d never do something like that, pal! This fic is just a big mess!

then wright law office fall on oldbags limo and it crashed and oldbag was stuck

Edgeworth: Was that his plan from the beginning? Because if so, it wasn’t a very good plan.

Gumshoe: Yeah! That building could have fallen on innocent people!

Apollo: Besides, Wendy Oldbag and her driver definitely would have been injured in that crash. Are they even still alive?

Maya: Forget them! What about me! Am I dead now!

Apollo: At least if you are, you don’t have to worry about your personality getting completely destroyed.

"ok your under arrest pal" said mugshoe and he arrested oldbag and her driver

"wait what" gasped gumshoe because oldbags driver was RED WHITE

Gumshoe: Redd White? Shouldn’t he be in jail?

Apollo: They probably just let him leave whenever he wants.

Edgeworth: If Damon Gant can serve as the police chief while in prison, then I’m sure Redd White can go out for a leisurely drive whenever he wants to.

Maya: At this rate, he’s probably still the president of Bluecorp!

back at the prison edgeworth and ema and gant were still in gants cell and edgeworth was trying to figure out how to get gant to testify since gant didnt have to since hes the chief of police

Apollo: This is stupid.



"pretty please"


Apollo: ...This is incredibly stupid.

Gumshoe: Shouldn’t we be investigating instead of arguing with this guy?

Edgeworth: Apparently no one in this fic has the common sense required for such a logical deduction.

"wait thats it" said edgeworth "well gant if you dont testify we wont know who the real killer is and sence you saw murder happen we will have to blame you and then you go to JAIL"

"OH NO" cried gant "oh wait im already in jail"

Maya: Wow, Mr. Edgeworth. You’re not very good at making threats!

Edgeworth: Apparently I’m not competent enough to understand the judicial system, so I think we have other things to worry about.

"yeah well we will putt you in MAXSINIUM SECURITY" said edge worth

"fine ill testify" said gant

Maya: Wow, he caved pretty fast!

Apollo: Wait… But how could they blame him for the crime? He was in jail at the time, right?

Maya: I don’t know… Based on some of the reasons they’ve arrested me, I wouldn’t be that surprised.

"ok" said edgeworth then he knocked on the bars of gants cell to get to the guards attention

Gumshoe: Wait… The guard was outside the window of the cell?

Apollo: I’ve honestly lost track of what’s happening in this fic.

[spoiler]"excuse me im a prosecutor can you please let us out of prison so I can take this guy to detention center to testify and then we go to court" asked edgewhort

"you cant fool me CRIMINAL SCUM" said security guard who was security guard from detention center background in phoenix wright games "if you're a prosecutor then WHERES YOOUR BADGE”

"OH DANG" said edgeworth and he remembered the events of this mourning:

Edgeworth: Has this guard really never seen me before?

Maya: Well, he does spend a lot of time in the Detention Center. Maybe he’s never actually been outside?

Gumshoe: Wow, that’s really sad, pal!

Apollo: Shouldn’t he be wondering how three people got into a prison cell without him noticing?

Gumshoe: Wait a minute… Can’t I just show him my police badge?

Edgeworth: Clearly this scene wasn’t very thought out… But that’s not particularly surprising.


edgeworth was at his house and he woke up changed out of his jammies and bedtime cravat and went to the kitchen

Gumshoe: You have a bedtime cravat? That’s pretty cool!

Edgeworth: I do not! This author is making stuff up as he goes along!

Maya: Are you sure about that? Maybe you're just trying to deny it!

Edgeworth: ...This is just ridiculous.

"oh boy I cant wait for my morning pop tart" said edgeworth and he put his pop tart in the toaster and pinned his prosecutors badge to his suit and then his pop tart finished cooking

Maya: Whoa, you like Pop Tarts? I never would have expected that!

Edgeworth: This fan fiction is nothing but slander! I’ve never had a Pop Tart in my life!

Maya: Suuuuure…

"yippee my pop tart" said edgeworth and he ate his pop tart BUT THEN HE STARTED CHOKING and he saw his PROSECUTORS BADGE IN HIS MOUTH

"OH DANG" said edgeworth and he SAW HIS POP TART PINNED TO HIS SUIT and then he started chocking on his prosecutors badge "AHDGAFHVGKGVWI"

Apollo: Well, this is a huge mess.

Edgeworth: If I recall, Pop Tarts and prosecutor’s badges do not share a similar texture. How on Earth did I get the two mixed up?

Gumshoe: Maybe you’re still half asleep. Once, I was so groggy after waking up, I almost ate my tie for breakfast!

Edgeworth: ...I think only you could pull off a mistake like that…

"dont worry pal" said gumshoe who was in edgeworths house "I take you to hospital"

Gumshoe: Wait a minute! What am I doing in Mr. Edgeworth’s house? We don’t live in the same building!

Edgeworth: I think the author is extremely confused.


"oops" said edgeworth "I guess we just have to bust gant out of prison"

Apollo: Do they really think it’s a good idea to help Damon Gant escape from prison?

Edgeworth: ...Oh no… I think I’m having unfortunate flashbacks…

Gumshoe: Sir, are you okay?

Edgeworth: ...I’ll be fine.

so edgeworth climbed on gants shoulders and ema climbed on edgeworths shoulder and they put on gants big trenchcoat and emas sunglasses and trucys top hat and they all climbed out gants window

Gumshoe: Mr. Edgeworth only has one shoulder?

Maya: Maybe he lost it in an unfortunate accident.

Apollo: This fic is an unfortunate accident.

Gumshoe: Wow, you sure like to make that joke, pal!

Apollo: I can’t help it! I keep getting so many good opportunities!

"where are you and who are you going bub" shouted security guard

"oh im just the mail man" they said

"ok carry on"

Apollo: I can’t believe that actually worked.

Maya: Why was the guard standing outside?

Edgeworth: If I recall correctly, the guard was standing outside the window when I knocked on it earlier.

Apollo: At least this fic is consistent with its stupidity.

mean while gumshoe phoenix and mayo were taking oldbag and reDd white to prison and they saw really tall guy in trench coat and tophat

"whos that" said phoenix

"the mailman" said gumshoe

Maya: Hey! Look! I’m still alive!

Edgeworth: Are they seriously trying to imply that the entire city only has one mailman?

Maya: Maybe he’s just really skilled at his job!

then they saw another really tall guy in trenchcoat and tophat

"who are you" said gumshoe

"the mailman" guy said then he whispered "psst its me edgeworth and ema were bustin gant out of prison"

Edgeworth: Why did we bother telling Gumshoe that we were the mailman? Why not just tell him who we really were straight away?

Apollo: I gave up on this fic a long time ago.

"ok sir I caught oldbag and redd white was her driver"

"what"gasped edgewort "what do you have to do with the oldbag"

Apollo: If by “caught” you mean “we dropped a building on them”, then yes.

"well… im her illegitimate son" said redd white


Maya: ...That would explain a lot, actually.

Edgeworth: Is the author’s goal to change around as many characters as possible?

Apollo: What are they going to do next? Proclaim that Phoenix is Maya’s half-brother?

Gumshoe: Now that’s a little too ridiculous, pal!

[The lights in the theatre finally brighten. The doors open, allowing the sporkers to leave.]

Gumshoe: That’s it? The fic is over?

Maya: That's weird… Where’s the conspiracy! I was promised a conspiracy!

Edgeworth: Do you really want to watch more of this garbage?

Maya: Well… No… But that doesn’t change the fact that I was lied to!

Speakers: Don’t forget that this fic is ten chapters long. The conspiracy in question is probably brought up in a later chapter.

Apollo: We’re going to have to read the other chapters later, won’t we?

Speakers: Of course! But not now. I’m out of popcorn. And we can’t have a sporking without popcorn! That would be like doing a sporking without any sporkers!

Apollo: That sounds like a great idea, actually. You should give that a try next time.

Speakers: But then you guys wouldn’t get to figure out how the story ends!

Apollo: I think I can live with that.

Gumshoe: Well, I’ll admit I am a little curious about-

Speakers: Then it’s settled! We’ll bring you all back for more chapters at a later date!

Gumshoe: ...Sorry, guys…

Maya: It’s alright, detective! Let’s just get out of here and try to pretend this never happened!

Edgeworth: Gladly.

[And so, the four sporkers depart from the theatre! Will this fic make an appearance again? Find out next time!]

{{Also I'll probably do Chapters 3 and 4 next I dunno}}
Vesti and Lauren's Interdimensional Investigations
This CYOA follows Vesti Gates and Lauren Tehra, two detectives who search for the truth, whether in their own dimension or otherwise.

Avatar from over here probably
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Can't go to hell. Out of vacation days.

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Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:19 pm

Posts: 51

Well, this is a bit of an unorthodox thing to do, but fuck it, it’s jakkid.

steven universe: human of bad
by jakkid166

don’t get your panties in a knot though i swear to god this is AA-related

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
It’s pretty much your standard jakkidfic, but now with Steven Universe! Woo-hoo.

And now, for our sporkers!

:pearl: “Huh? Mr. Nick, where’d you go?!”

no, damn it, not that one

*Ahem.* Pearl!
Image“Wait, what is this? Where are we!?”


Image“Dude, where’s that voice coming from? It’s creeping me out.”

Steven Universe!
Image“Aaaah! It knows my name too!”

Phoenix Wright!
:phoenix: “Wait, who’s Steven Universe?”

Maya Fey!
:maya: “I think the question is ‘What do we have to do with Steven Universe?’.”

...Jeez, that’s a lot of sporkers.

[We open in the sporking theater, just like every time. Phoenix and Maya walk in through a different set of double doors this time. Shortly after walking in, they notice a group of four people they don’t recognize attempting to beat down the doors at the other end of the theater.]

Phoenix: ...Uh.

Maya: Well. New people. That’s a good sign.

Phoenix: Should we… go over there?

Maya: Not like we have much else to do.

[Phoenix and Maya walk up behind the four figures pounding on the door.]

Phoenix: Uh… Hello?

[They stop and turn around. Pearl, one of the four, quickly steps out in front.]

Pearl: Just what is going on here? Who are you two?!

Phoenix: ...Yeah, they’re definitely new here.

[Steven keeps pounding on the door.]

Steven: Come on, pleeeeeease let us out? I’m gonna miss Crying Breakfast Friends!

Management: Sorry, no can do.

[The four look at the ceiling.]

Garnet: Who are you? I demand you tell us where we are!

Amethyst: Letting us out would be great, too, bub!

Management: That’s funny, I could have sworn I just said “no can do”. Let me look in the logs… yeah, you’re all apparently deaf.

Phoenix: (...When did the management get a sarcastic side?)

Management: But since you four are new here, I’ll give you the run-down on this operation. See, you can’t leave.

Amethyst: Yeah?! Try and stop us!

Management: We did. With those doors you were trying so hard to open. But, still, you didn’t let me finish. You can’t leave... until you perform one single task.

Phoenix: Aaaand here it comes.

Management: This is the sporking theater. Thus, your task is to spork fanfictions.

Garnet: ...Spork?

Steven: Fanfictions?

Pearl: Hm. This must be an aspect of human culture I don’t know about.

Maya: Be thankful you didn’t learn about it until now.

Management: It’s simple, really. You will be presented fanfictions, which you must read and commentate on. That is it. Once the fanfiction is over, you may leave.

Pearl: But… What is a “fanfiction”?

Steven: Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!

Pearl: ...Yes, Steven?

Steven: It’s like, when you take a TV show, or book, or something like that, and write your own story about it.

Pearl: Well, that sounds relatively harmless…

Phoenix: Hah. Hah. You poor untainted souls…

Maya: Nick, quit talking like that. We don’t even know who these people are.

Management: Oh, right! How are any of you supposed to have any chemistry if you don’t know who each other are? No worries, I’ll give you a one minute grace period for you guys to get acquainted with each other before we begin the sporking. Starting... now!

Phoenix: Er, okay. I’m Phoenix Wright, defense attorney, and unfortunately, veteran sporker.

Maya: And I’m Maya Fey, assistant defense attorney.

Phoenix: Assistant to the defense attorney.

Pearl: Well… I’m Pearl, and this is Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven. Together, we form the Crystal Gems! We are a team of Gems tasked with defending the earth from any and all evils!

Amethyst: ...Wow, Pearl. Way to go with the theatrics.

Maya: ...Wait a minute, that sounds familiar.

Phoenix: It does? This is the strangest thing I’ve ever been told.

Maya: Yeah, haven’t you heard of that TV show? Steven Universe?

Phoenix: I thought that was just a cartoon...

Steven: Wait, there’s a TV show about me?

Phoenix: Just… Don’t try to wrap your head around it. I did the same thing when I found out I was from a video game.

Steven: You’re from a video game?!

Management: Hey! What did I tell you guys about the fourth wall? Do you have any idea how much it costs us to rebuild that?

Phoenix: Great, maybe you guys will go bankrupt.

Management: Hah. In your dreams’ dreams. Anyway, your time’s up. Get in your seats.

Garnet: ...I don’t like this one bit.

[The six of them sit down.]

steven universe: human of bad

Phoenix: Okay, it’s a Steven Universe fanfiction. What does that have to do with us?

Management: Quiet.

Steven: Wow, I can’t believe someone wrote a fanfiction about me! Does that mean I’m gonna get super rich in royalties like dad?

Amethyst: Doesn’t that seem at least a little creepy to anyone?

Pearl: This is some very poor capitalization work…

Maya: I think you mean “nonexistent”.

by jakkid166

Phoenix: W-WHAT?

Maya: Oh no.

Pearl: What is it?

Phoenix: We’ve… had experience with this author before. Let’s just say his writing skills leave… everything to be desired.

Steven: Aww, how bad could it be?

seven universe was in his universe home sittin in his bed watchin tv show his favorite "cryin breakfast friends"

Phoenix: I’d say pretty bad.

Pearl: “Seven” Universe? “cryin”? How could a work like this get published with all these errors?

Maya: It’s a jakkid fanfiction, Pearl. All of his stories are like this.

Pearl: ...W-Well, I suppose some are more suited for writing than others…

Steven: Hey, at least he got my favorite show right.

on the tv the broccoli cryed so the spoon killed it and cryed

Pearl: Steven, is that show really that violent?

Phoenix: (What’s so violent about broccoli?)

Steven: No! Broccoli and the spoon are best friends, Spoon would never do that to someone so close to him!

Amethyst: I don’t get that show, man.

"wow wat a good episode" said stevern universe an he turn the TV off and go into the living room where sitting was pearl gargnat and amethist

Garnet: …”Gargnat”?

Pearl: Well, at least he had the courtesy to spell my name correctly.

Steven: He hasn’t gotten mine right yet, though. Come on, jakkid, you can do it!

Amethyst: ...Yeah, I don’t think he can.

"steven wewt u doi" said amethist

Amethyst: Oh, come on! My name’s not that hard to spell!

Phoenix: I think what’s more important is what on earth you just asked Steven.

Maya: She asked him wewt he doi! What’s so hard to understand about that?

"just watchin crying breakfasting friends" said steven and he point to TV but it fell down th stair and broke

Steven: Oh, come on, that’s like the fourth time the TV’s been broken!

Phoenix: You must live in a really eventful household.

Steven: You have no idea.


Pearl: Steven, you’re going to strain your vocal cords!

Maya: I think you mean “Stevens”.

"o well you shoudlt watch so mutch TV anyway said pearl you should go outside and take walks instead" said pearl

Pearl: Yes, that’s true. It’s important to go out and get some sun and exercise, Steven.

Phoenix: (...What is she, his mom?)

"ok" said stevne so he walk to donut shop to watch TV

Pearl: Steven, that’s not what I meant.

Steven: Huh? When did the donut shop get a TV?

steven went inside and say "oh right theres no TV here"
"wat u want steveN" said donut shop person

Steven: Sadie or Lars? Actually, scratch that, I think that’s Lars.

"i want a TV" said steeven
"theres no TVs here"
"TV donut then" said steven
"ok heres a tv donut" said donut person and gave steven a tv donut
"tank you" said steven and he goed outside with the TV donut and watch TV on it

Phoenix: What? What the hell is a TV donut?

Pearl: Mr. Wright! Please, watch your language around Steven!

Amethyst: *Snort*

Phoenix: ...Er, Sorry. But, still, what is a TV donut?

Steven: I have no idea. Garnet, do you know what it is?

Garnet: No.

wtf is a tv donut

Phoenix: See, even the author doesn’t even know WTF a TV donut is!

Maya: ...Nick, did you just say “WTF” out loud?

Phoenix: ...Agh, I did. This author is really getting to me.

while steepen was walking back home he bump into a man in suit
"o escus me" said steve

Maya: Hey, maybe that’s you, Nick.

Phoenix: That would explain why you and I are here. But then again, that would make sense. And this is a jakkidfic.

Pearl: So many different misspellings of Steven’s name… They almost seem intentional.

Garnet: They probably are.

Amethyst: Why would someone write something this bad on purpose, though?

Phoenix: To torture us.
"lol its ok" say suit man and he wink at steven really weirdly
"wtf" said steven and he went back home

Phoenix: What? How do you wink at someone weirdly?

Maya: Like this, Nick!

[Maya winks at Phoenix really weirdly.]

Phoenix: ...Oh. I get it now.

Amethyst: Who just winks at someone for no reason and then walks away? This guy’s basically screaming “HEY LOOK AT ME I’M SUSPICIOUS!”.

steven walk into homehouse "guys there was a guy who wink at me weird"
"every1 winks at ppl weird" say pearl

Phoenix: ...No, I don’t think that’s true. From what I’ve seen, only suit guy does. And Maya.

Maya: Hey, that’s the only time I’ve done that!

"now lets go on this missione, we hav to captuire a gem alligator"
"but i dont want to"

Steven: Gem alligator?

Garnet: Those do not exist.

Pearl: Yes, the existence of an alligator/gem hybrid is unlikely. Although I could imagine a corrupted gem that resembles an alligator.

"fuck you you have 2 come anyway" said peral

Amethyst: Woah! Pearl!

Pearl: Wh- Hey! Just what is this?! I would never-! This is not appropriate language for Steven! Steven, avert your eyes!

[Pearl covers Steven’s eyes.]

Garnet: Pearl, I’m sure he’s heard far worse.

Management: Averting your own or someone else’s eyes from the sporking is forbidden.

Pearl: ...Ngh, alright, but I still don’t like it.

[Pearl uncovers Steven’s eyes.]

"fine ok but i wanna birng my tv donut so i can watch cryin donut friends"

Amethyst: I thought it was “Crying Breakfast Friends”.

Steven: Maybe they made a spinoff?

them went on the portal thing and ported away to a swampforest
"wtf its really plant here" said phsteven

Pearl: Steven, “plant” is not an adjective.

Maya: Hey, Nick, you’re really suit.

Phoenix: And you’re really medium.

Steven: And I’m really crystal gem!

Pearl: Why are you encouraging the author?!

Garnet: I’m really fusion.

Pearl: Not you too, Garnet!

"ok guis im gonna sit here an guard the portal whil you guys go kill the agilator"

Steven: K-Kill it?

Phoenix: Is that what you guys do?

Pearl: Oh, no, no. We simply destroy their body and encase their gems in bubbles, preventing them from regenerating their physical forms.

Phoenix: ...Right, forget I asked.

really tho he just wanted to watch the tv donut
"ok fine" say garnet and they leavt
"ha now i can watch crying breakfast friend" says teven but he acidentally eat the tv donut

Maya: How do you accidentally eat something?

Steven: I dunno, maybe I mistook it for a real donut?

Amethyst: Nah, Steven, you’re not that dumb.

"SHIT" say steven

Pearl: Steven! Where did you learn that kind of language?

Steven: That’s not really me, Pearl…


Pearl: ...Okay, that’s slightly better.

Maya: Still not Cartoon Network friendly, though.

Management: God damn it! Fourth wall, guys! Come on!

Maya: Is it really the fourth wall if Cartoon Network exists in our universe?

Management: It is if it’s not officially confirmed to exist.

but then ther was noise
in bushes
over there
steven lookd over there and saw THE SUIT MAN FROM BEFOR

Maya: Oh shoot, what’s he doing here?

Phoenix: Advancing the plot.

"o shit" said suit man and he run away
"HEY WAIT" say steven and he chas after him
but he couldnt find him

Maya: Ooh, mysterious! I wonder what he was doing there!

Phoenix: Probably some generic evil bad guy plans.

Steven: Well, if that’s what he’s got planned, we’ll stop him!

wen he got back to portal the gems were there
"WHERE WERE U STeven you ssaid youd guard the portal"
"the winky guy wa here, he ran away when he see me"
"u lying, you just wanted to watch breakfastfriends"

Steven: Hey, I wouldn’t lie about something like that! You guys know that, right?

Garnet: Of course.

Pearl: This author just doesn’t seem to have a good grasp on any of our characters.

that night they wetn to bed and steven was in bed cause he went to bed in his bed

Maya: That’s a really redundant sentence, because the author made it redundant so it’s redundant.

"manit i gotta find what that gui was doin"
stevern went to portal and warped to swampforest place but he wasnt there
"ow ell" say steven and he tri to warp back but he accidently go to homoworld warp

Phoenix: ...Homoworld?

Maya: Well, in the context of the show, that name kinda makes sense…

"oops" say seven and he was gone leave but he heard a SOOOOOOOOUND
"wtf" say steven an he look behind portal and it was suit guy

Pearl: Assuming this person is a human, how does he know how to get to these warps? He can’t possibly use the warp pads himself, can he?

Garnet: Not without a warp whistle.

Steven: Hey, yeah, maybe he stole it?

Phoenix: I guess we’ll have to see.

"O SHIT" say suit guy and he jump hack "what ar u doin here"
"well if u must know" say suitman "i hav plans to do"

Phoenix: Well, we figured that. Why would he go running around to these apparently important places without some ulterior motive?

"wat plans"
"SEEEEECRET PLANZ" say him and he do thing "i am gonna be famos amos"

Maya: Famous Amos? Like the cookies?

"but are they evile plans"
"yes i mean no"

Amethyst: Wow. Way to go, unnamed suit guy.

Steven: Evile?! That’s, like, both evil and vile… This guy must mean business!


Pearl: Crystal Gem? There’s more than one of us…

Maya: What I want to know is what he means by “stop you up”. Does he mean you guys are gonna give him a cold?

"no" say suit guy and he pull out gun

Phoenix: Oh man.

Maya: Things just got real!

Pearl: A gun?!

Amethyst: Don’t worry, Pearl, the three of us are probably about to show up and stop him.

SUDENLY one the portal activate and the crystal gems come out

Amethyst: Yeah, see?

"aha no im just on vacation see caus i have this camera" and he hold up the gun

Pearl: Oh, come now. Does he really think we’re that dumb? After living here for thousands of years, I’d have at least some knowledge of human weaponry.

Amethyst: I think he’s the dumb one here.

"THATS A GUN" say steven
"no its a camera" say suit guy and he take a picture of himself with it

Phoenix: What. Did he just…

Maya: ...Shoot himself?

"wtf" say steven
"steven u cant disrupt peoples vacations ur grounded"

Steven: What?! He seriously fooled you guys?!

Garnet: No, he fooled the us in that story.

Phoenix: Yeah, everyone in jakkid’s stories seems to have a penchant for being a complete idiot.

"dammit" say stevewn and they all warp awaiye except for suitguy
"hehehe" he laughed an evil snickers bar

Maya: Hey, now! I’ve had my fair share of Snickers bars, and I can say for sure that they’re not evil in the slightest!

Phoenix: Maybe they are if you have a peanut allergy.

Amethyst: Hold on, so let me get this straight. This guy pulled a gun on Steven, we caught him in the act, he told us a dumb lie to get out of it, and we believed him?

Steven: Man, and now I’m grounded!

[The lights turn back on.]

Pearl: That… was a very strange story.

Phoenix: Okay, yeah, that was terrible as usual. But why were Maya and I here for it?

Management: You’re not done.

Phoenix: Oh, of course.

Management: Don’t worry, it’s just one more chapter.

Maya: That’s two more chapters than I’m willing to do.

Management: Too bad. Stay in your seats.

stevem universe: human of bad
chapter 2: ayyyo

Phoenix: “ayyyo”?

Amethyst: Gee, I wonder how long it took him to think that up.

steven unerferse was mad cause he was grounded, so he couldnt watch tha tv or anythin g so he was mad cause of that

Phoenix: Back with the redundantness, I see.

Maya: Poor Steven, grounded for something he didn’t do!

Steven: Nah, it’s fine. See, it’s Steven Unerferse who got grounded, not me!

Phoenix: Wow, you’re really getting the hang of this sporking thing.

"steven y u mad" said amerthist
"cause im grounded, so i couldnt watch tha tv or anythin g so i am mad cause of that"

Amethyst: Wow. Taking redundantness to a whole new level.

"oh ok"
"also im sure that suite guy was evil amethist he had a face"

Phoenix: What on earth does that mean? I have a face! I’m not evil!

Maya: Yeah, that’s… facist!

Amethyst: Don’t look at me, I didn’t write it.

"evil ppl dont have cameras tho"

Pearl: This author’s logic is sorely lacking.

Garnet: As is everything else.

"ok im gonna wait till ever1 one is sleep then ill look for suit guy"
steven waited till it was nighttime

Steven: What? But gems don’t have to sleep.

Pearl: This author could have at least done a little research before writing about us.

"o yea" said stevem "gems dont sleep"

Pearl: ...Oh.

Steven: Oh, come on, I wouldn’t forget that!

so steven insted left a steven dummy in he bed then snuck to the portal and left to the place wit the portals he was in before so he could look for the suite guy that got him grounded cause he were real mad of that cause he hates being ground cause it means he cant watch tha tv or anythin g so he is mad cause of that

Maya: Holy run-on sentence, Batman.

Pearl: There it is again with the “mad cause of that”! Why does he keep repeating this one sentence?

Phoenix: Maybe it’s some attempt at a running joke.

but when steven appear there he real ize that suit guy is NOT THERE
"GADOOP" say steven

Amethyst: …”Gadoop”?

Pearl: Is that some kind of new human slang I don’t know about?

Steven: No, I’ve never heard that word before.

Phoenix: I don’t think it’s a word at all.

so he got back onto the protal and ported away but this tiem he went to the swampforest cause he saw him there before
when he appear there he go walkin down the path and lookin arouhnd, when he got out of the trees he see a TENT
"oshit i wondere how that got there" and he got up to the tetn to see who was in it and he open it and it was SUIT MAN

Phoenix: Well, that didn’t take long.

Maya: It’s not like he could keep us interested with good writing. So he’s gotta keep the plot going.

Garnet: I’m not interested anyway.

"HAH I FOND U" said steven
"dammit y u interrupting my facation again" said suit man "i awanna eat my soup in peace"

Steven: Why is he telling me he’s on vacation now?

Amethyst: He’s just dumb. Both him and the author.

"cut tha CRAP, yuo gotta tell me what your evil plans are"
"NO" say suitmn
"wtf man u suck who even are u"

Steven: Oh, come on! I’m not this rude!

Maya: Hold on, we might be about to find out who he is!

"my name" saiod suit guy "is PHOENIX WRIGHT"

All: …


Maya: Right, so that’s why we’re here.

Phoenix: It was a crossover fanfiction all along! I should have known!

Steven: Wait, so you’re a bad guy?

Phoenix: No! I’m just a defense attorney! Why am I apparently the villain in this story?!

"WHHHHHHHHAT" said stevem "wait who is that"
"I" am phoenix wright

Maya: Yes, we’ve established that, person-who-can’t-use-quotes-correctly.

Phoenix: “I” agree.

"i am ad efense attorney who ONE DAY AN YEAR AGO or something like that i went to arrest a murder but i dIED"

Phoenix: I died?

Steven: So, what, are you like a ghost now?

Phoenix: ...Actually, that wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened with this author.

"but how r u alive then"
"BECAUSE edgorth dragd me to hell and then i escaped, but sumhow i end up HERE IN STEVENUNIVERSE WORLD"

Maya: Edgeworth did what?!

Garnet: Edgeworth?

Phoenix: He’s… a friend of mine. I don’t recall him dragging me to hell, though.

Management: Oh, that’s another story.

Phoenix: How many stories has this guy written?!

Management: About 13.

All: …

Maya: We’re not going to have to spork all of those, are we?

Management: Maaaaaaybe. Maybe not.

"wat how do you know my name tho"
"caus steven univers is my favorit tv show"
"you are in m y world" say phoenis

Phoenix: ...No it’s not. I’ve never watched it.

Pearl: So, in this story, you’re from a world where we’re characters from a TV show, correct?

Phoenix: Both in this show and in our actual lives, apparently. Non-canonically, though.

Management: Mr. Wright, next time you break the fourth wall, I am forwarding the repair fees to your bank account.

Phoenix: Okay, okay, I’m sorry!

"aniway since ive told u all abot me im gonna hav to kill u" and he tooked out tha gun from before and point at stephen and FIRE IT

Pearl: No! Steph- I mean, Steven!

Phoenix: Well, I got to the point a lot faster than last time.

Maya: At least it’s better than in the movies where it takes the villain forever to shoot the main protagonist, giving his friends time to save him.

BUT the bulet was blockd by stevens shield, it rioched off and hit phoenics in the eye

Pearl: Oh. Phew.

Amethyst: Oh. Wow.

Phoenix: Oh. Ow.

Maya: Wait, you have a shield?

Steven: Oh, yeah! Let me show you!

[A pink shield materializes on Steven’s right arm.]

Phoenix: ...Woah.

Maya: Wow, that’s really cool!

Phoenix: I’d normally be shocked at that, but this is the sporking theater. Anything can happen.


Phoenix: ...Yes, thank you for explaining that, me.

and he was jumpin around holdin his hand on his eyesockit which was leaking blooooood allover
"ha thats what u get for killing me" say steven

Steven: But he didn’t kill me! He just tried to.

Garnet: And he got what he deserved in the process.

Phoenix: Please don’t tell me I deserve to be shot in the eye.

and thNE there was sound behind him

Steven: Alright! Here to save the day!

"STEAVEN y are u messing dis guys vacation again" say pearl

Steven: ...Or just ground me again.

Pearl: Why does this author portray us so negatively?

Amethyst: Maybe he thinks it’s funny? I dunno.

but phoenxi dident notice them cyrstal gems were ther cause he was too busy wit his eye
"FUCK YYYYUO" say phoenix an he grab the gun and fire it radnomly
"o shit" say garnit "the gun is real"

Phoenix: That’s what it took for you guys to realize the gun was really a gun?

Garnet: Well, he did take a picture of himself with it.

Pearl: But even then, there are a bunch more reasons for us to not automatically believe everything he says.

Maya: Forget it, Pearl. It’s Jakkidverse.


Maya: Evil?

Phoenix: Weevil?

Steven: Kinevil?

Maya: I don’t recall Evel Kinevel’s middle name being “Weevil”.

Amethyst: Who are you talking about?

Phoenix: He’s a famous stuntman from a few decades ago. What a weird thing to reference out of nowhere.

"wat" say phjoenix and then he notice the cyrstal gems were standin there in BATTL FORMATION
"...o shit" say phoenix "EY LOOK BEHIND U ITS A EVIL SNICKERS BAR" and when they look he ran into tha trees

Amethyst: Seriously? We fell for his tricks again?

Phoenix: I’d like to say I’m an idiot for using tactics like this, but considering the fact that they’re actually working… Yeah, I’m still an idiot.

Garnet: And we’re even bigger idiots.

"AFTER HIM" said ameshit and theyran aftere phoenix

Amethyst: Ame-what?

Steven: Well, that’s mean.

"FUCK" say pearl

Pearl: Why do I swear so much in this story?!

Maya: Gotta keep everyone as out-of-character as possible.

"ok dont worry steven well find him eventualy"
"ok" sayed styeven
IN THE MEAN WHILE phoenic was running thru the forest and he finaly got to his SEEEECRET LAB BASE

Phoenix: I have a secret lab base?

Maya: Wow, Nick! Why didn’t you tell me?

Phoenix: Because I didn’t know.

Pearl: Wouldn’t we notice something like that?

Garnet: Apparently not.

when he got in ther he put on an eyepatch
"i am no longere phoenix wright, from now on ppl will call me "big nick"

Amethyst: Pfft… “Big Nick”?

Maya: Wow. Of all things, I didn’t expect a Metal Gear Solid reference from Jakkid.

Phoenix: That’s a really dumb name, though.

yea i know thats a stupid name but wright is a dumb ideot so hed come up wit a shit name like that

Phoenix: Wow. I am offended.

Steven: I don’t think I like this author.

Phoenix: Yeah, welcome to the club.

anyway if u want to see the next chapter then go to the neckst page unles the new chapter isnt out yet in which case jus wait 4 the new chaoter cause the chapter 3 is gonn be REALLY good i can say that to you

Phoenix: The new chapter isn’t out yet, right? Please say it isn’t.

Management: Nope, not yet.

Phoenix: Thank god for that.

[The lights turn back on, and the doors open.]

Phoenix: Well, that was crappy as usual.

Maya: Well, what else could you expect from jakkid?

Pearl: Pardon me, but I don’t quite see what the point of all that was.

Phoenix: That’s a question we’ve been trying to figure out for ages, Pearl. We’ve given up by now.

Steven: I hope we don’t have to do that again.

Amethyst: Yeah, me either. Hey, Garnet, what’s your opinion on the story?

Garnet: ...It sucked.

Phoenix: ...Welp, yeah, I think that sums it up pretty well.

[Everyone starts walking towards the exits.]

Maya: For the record, your guys’ TV show is way better than that was.

Management: Mr. Wright, we’re sending you a bill for the fourth wall right now.

[Phoenix stops.]

Phoenix: What?! But I’m not the one who said it!

Management: She’s your assistant, you’re responsible.

Phoenix: Oh, screw that! You know, the entire existence of this theater is a violation of the fourth wall!

All: …

[A faint rumbling is heard.]

Management: W-What’s going on…? No! God damn it, Phoenix Wright, what have you done?!

[The rumbling intensifies. The theater begins shaking. Lights and debris start falling from the ceiling.]

Phoenix: J-Jeez! Let’s get out of here!

[Everyone scrambles out the doors as the theater collapses on itself.]

Management: ...Man, this is going to be a bitch in repairing costs.

Last edited by DrOcsid on Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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The best thing about Jakkid is... literally everything. 8/8 fic and great sporking.

Welp thread is ded rip
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Hello everyone! Let's just cut to the chase and get this party started!

Today's Sporking: Showtime
1 :sahwit:

Today's Sporkers:

:apollo: Apollo Justice
"As long as I'm not shipped with someone..."


Apollo: (after a long day at work) I wonder what's happening on the news right now...
*turns on TV*
Apollo: Hm? The news isn't on yet. I guess I'll just watch what's on now.

It is 3 AM and you’re lying alone on a semi-comfortable mattress. There are pillows upon pillows stacked behind you. Your husband went a little overboard, but you are nine months pregnant and about to give birth to a beautiful baby boy, so no matter how many times you insist that you are fine he will not listen.

Apollo: Man, she looks young. Is this a teen pregnancy PSA?

The doctor is off doing whatever it is doctors do while your husband searches for something to drink. The room is quiet except for the sound of the baby’s heartbeat. It’s this eerie yet calming quiet that makes you think.

Apollo: Why does this sound like a weird POV fanfic? Can you even scientifcally hear a baby's heartbeat in the womb?

In a few hours—or maybe less, you’re not really sure—you will be a mother. The little human being inside of you will finally take his place in the world. He will depend on you to take care of him. To raise him. To love him. Side-by-side, you and your husband must bring him up to be a productive member of society.

Apollo: That girl doesn't really look responsible. Is this Twilight or something?

You are terrified of the implications. You are young, separated from your parents and without a college education. How are you to raise a child?

Apollo: Aren't you forgetting about your husband? You should've been more responsible.

Together, you think, hands drifting to your bulging stomach. Together, we’ll be okay.

Apollo: Have you finally remembered your husband?

You sigh. Move around a little. The contractions are closer than ever before. The epidural is supposed to numb your pain but you’re not sure. You want to ask someone how labor went for them, but your nurse isn’t even married and your doctor has no children. Both swore up and down the epidural would relieve any and all pain—still; it’s scary to think about the agony caused by a child forcing itself out through your nether regions.

Apollo: Don't you have a phone? You can look it up. Does this take place in 1900?

The imagery induces a shudder. How others have given birth before you, you do not know. People call it magical yet it is nothing like the magic you know. It all seems kind of gross if you’re honest. Stretching and fluids and other, unsanitary things, topped off by a human being emerging from your body. Birth seems more fitting to a science fiction movie than real life.

Apollo: Where is this magical imagery coming from?

The imagery induces a shudder. How others have given birth before you, you do not know. People call it magical yet it is nothing like the magic you know. It all seems kind of gross if you’re honest. Stretching and fluids and other, unsanitary things, topped off by a human being emerging from your body. Birth seems more fitting to a science fiction movie than real life.

Apollo: Wait, when did the first one occur?

The pressure passes. You’re still alone.

Not for long, you think. Your husband better be back soon. If he doesn’t return before the baby—before Apollo—comes there will be hell to pay.

Apollo: Didn't you say you have a doctor and a nurse? Wait- the baby's name is Apollo?

Speaking of which; Apollo. The name you finally decided on; the name that you fell in love with. He will be your beautiful ray of sunshine even on your cloudiest days.

Apollo: A swear, a plot twist is going to happen and the baby will die.

Apollo will be strong, with the all-seeing eyes of his mother and the handsome face of his father. He will live, love, and laugh as his parents have learned to. He will benefit from their knowledge of the world—no matter how limited—and will not ever fear the hand of his father, nor will he know the emptiness left by insufficient love from his mother.

Apollo: How do you know what he looks and acts like when he hasn't even been born?!

Another contraction hits. The doctor returns, as well as the nurse. Your husband is right behind them, practically trembling with excitement and fear and overwhelming amounts of love.

Apollo: Where were the doctor and nurse? Shouldn't they be with the woman?

It’s show time.

Apollo: Wow. I have nothing to say. I have no idea what that was. I should've just turned off the TV. What a sucky show.

So, there's my first sporking! I'll definitley be doing this again. Bye! :jazzedgy:
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So Apollo does not enter the theater this time? Color me surprised! (I'm new here)
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Thanks for keeping the thread alive as much as you could, folks! I myself haven't been in much of a sporking mood lately, so I'm glad to see that the thread isn't completely dead for when I suddenly want to start sporking again. Besides, the thread dying would be a bummer no matter what. Who will torture all our poor sporkers? :sadshoe: Anyway, I read up on the three most recent sporks, and I have some advice/feedback for two of you!

@Planetbox, I actually thought that that fic was pretty hilarious, especially the scene with the Pop-Tart, lol. Anyway, on to the sporking itself, it was good and Maya's lines were particularly funny, but Gumshoe seemed a little too... excitable? Nearly all of his sentences ended in an exclamation point, and he's usually portrayed as a more quiet sporker (though that's up to you of course.) I suggest that next time you mellow him down a bit. Otherwise, pretty funny sporking.

@ocastitaslilium, since you want to do more sporkings, I guess I'll give you some feedback. First, please put the fic in quote boxes, not spoiler boxes. If you're worried that it'll take up too much space, then you can put nearly the whole sporking in a spoiler box. Second, it's, well, kind of boring reading a sporking with only one sporker in it. You don't need a lot of sporkers, even two is enough. Airey's sporking of Breathing is a Necessity has only Phoenix and Edgeworth in it but the dialogue between them was funny and sharp. My favorite part of sporkings is how the character play off each other, and it just isn't as interesting with only one sporker. Lastly, this was the first time I've seen a sporking taking place somewhere else rather than the sporking theatre. While I don't think it's something that should be used all the time, it was a neat idea. Is the management somehow able to hack their TVs and torture them even when they're not in the theatre now? Hmm, what a great power... Haha

And welcome, Nepeta! :will:
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Skittlemask wrote:
Anyway, I read up on the three most recent sporks, and I have some advice/feedback for two of you!

Skittlemask wrote:
for two of you!

Wow, I see how it is. :(

But seriously, I hope this slight pickup in activity here means something. This is a great thread and I couldn't stand to see it die anytime soon.
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I don't quite wanna see it die either but uh...I'm way behind. It's been about a year since I was on here last and the last thing I remembered was some really edgy ass fanfics with gore and stuff. Perhaps I can throw my hat into the ring? I'm gonna see if I can get back into the community again.

Last edited by SenorJustice-dono on Wed Sep 14, 2016 3:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
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For the ones who don't mind spoilers for SoJ and look for some badfics to spork, barrylawn has plenty.
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DrOcsid wrote:
Skittlemask wrote:
for two of you!

Wow, I see how it is. :(

But your's was really good that I didn't have much to say! Plus I never watched Steven Universe so I couldn't really comment on their characters. I did like the literal fourth wall breaking, though.

SenorJustice-dono wrote:
Perhaps I can throw my hat into the ring? I'm gonna see if I can get back into the community again.

You're more than welcome to do so. The more the merrier! Especially with the way the thread is now. I remember when we used to go through nearly a whole page in a day. That was a little much, honestly; but it was fun.
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Nepeta wrote:
For the ones who don't mind spoilers for SoJ and look for some badfics to spork, barrylawn has plenty.

oshit, I've been wanting to spork krazy kurain adventures for a while.

it's been a while since I sporked something though, I guess I'll start with the non-canon "DLC" case. Should be simple enough to start with, and it's not really related to the plot at all IIRC.

...a collaboration with DrDigertz? . actually no, its here now kek
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Last edited by Ana R. on Mon Sep 11, 2017 4:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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I found one, a pretty brief one to get me into the swing of the RP theater after so long. Is it alright if I claim...this one?

Let's see, last I remember I was at page 23 or 24, so I gotta a lot of reading to do guys. I'll enjoy it though. Hopefully I don't flake out like last time.

Edit: Changed my mind on the fic, and so here is the new one I wanted.
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I kind of want to spork my own fic, but the main characters (Athena, Simon, Aura and Apollo) are a bit tricky to write. (It's about
Spoiler: Dual Destinies
Simon and Athena going to an island where the phantom was transferred to a prison, but of course he escaped, and when Simon and Athena arrive, they turn out not to be the only one wanting to catch the phantom
From then, things get difficult.

EDIT: Still getting the hang of the code here, dangit.
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I've been lurking on this topic for years and I'm finally wanting to get involved, haha. I could definitely try my hand at sporking some of bitterlawn's fanfictions as well sometime.
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I just realized that Neni deleted her sporking of Phoenix's Turnabout that was on dropbox :frannycry: I don't have the sporking itself, sadly, but I did save the two chapters of the fic that she sporked. Because that fic is a work of art and it will be a sad day if it gets deleted forever. So if anyone wants to re-spork it, I put it here. I don't think anything will ever be as crazy or downright beautiful as that sporking, but be my guest to give it a shot.

Anyway, since I see some new people willing to spork, here's an updated list of all the bad fics.
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
One moment, please.

I still love this thread. If anyone hasn't done this one yet, I have an offering: ... ic-Reviews

It'd be a sporking of a sporking of a fanfic. This author's attempts at sarcastic reviews aren't nearly as entertaining as the ones I've seen here, and I figure it'd be a nice addition.

Darth Wiader wrote:

This one was sporked in the old thread, but apparently only the first part. And it's lost forever anyway

Forrest wrote:
Found a terrible one full of Writing errors
I was going to do it myself, but I haven't got the time to do it.

PhoenixFlame53 did the first three chapters, but the last two are unsporked

Ceence wrote:
Meanwhile, I found an... Interesting fic. It's a cross over with my little pony ... ht-Contest
I won't be sporking it, but it's really worth sporking.

Thane sporked a fragment of this fic

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Speaking of new fics, has anyone tried this one? Oh dear. I can't bring myself to go behind the first few paragraphs... because ROFL.

Thane sporked the first chapter, but there's another one

SenorJustice-dono wrote:
I was thinking of sporking one myself that was just some nonsense about the Roman Empire and a time-travelling Phoenix that inexplicably comes to defend someone from the Roman empires and it's just train wreck of a fic. Another thing that's weird is random cameos from Bobby Fulbright and Simon Blackquill, which are nonsensical because of the fact that a.) Blackquill is out of jail after DD, despite the fact that the fic has him in jail with one of the main characters, and b.)"Bobby Fulbright" is still in his detective guise, just to sput his catchphrase. Here's the link if you want to read it:

Rubia gave up on this one but has already done the first two chapters.

Gnobo, wrote:
I actually have an Apollo/Ema fanfic sporking I'm working on. And this fanfic happens to be written by the same author as Blackmail.

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
On a different note, if we're starting to allow more and more NSFW fanfics, apparently. I'll just throw this out: Manfred and Miles. Thoughts?

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
I went oneshot-searching.
Also, the this and
Who wants what?

Edit: Tenth page wup wup!

Fourth Edit: These are a lot easier to find than I thought...

Quote: ... utor-Style: Haven't read it, but the description sounds promising. (Probably best for a funny/silly spork)

FlashFilms wrote:
Hi! I just got start reading a bunch of Sporks and am wondering if this could make a good filler: Short yet not bad but it make me want to get brain bleach as some one who doesn't ship much. You'll see as you read (If you dislike the pairing to begin with).

Just wondering so maybe I can start on writing my first Spork.
Although that fic was reccomended against...
cesar26100 wrote:
Has anyone checked out this yet?

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
The kink meme is a glorious place and thank you cesar26100 for opening my eyes to it. That said, there is a surprising amount of mpreg and tentacles in this fandom. Didn't see that one coming...

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
The fics are pretty well-written but some of them are just... well, why don't you take a look at "engrish" yourself?

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Anyway, here's the link to that crossover I mentioned. I notice gratuitous amounts of OOC and a time set "1000 years" after LoK, which at most would be represented by the late 1800s - early 1900s by our history. Also, the author has no concept of how bending is supposed to work.

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
*cracks knuckles* Yes ma'am!
I'm just gonna dump all most of my C-R-appropriate(ish) bookmarked badfics here, then. (There's also a post I made on page 10 that lists all the fics that have been linked to lately.) (And I'm not reposting links to the kink meme things I've already linked to, like "Matt x mirror".)
Quercus Alba and cross-dressing. Not badly written (kind of silly and pretty funny, to be honest) but mindscarring nonetheless.

A little bit smutty but mostly pretty dumb. Again, not that bad. Wrightworth, although at this point that's like shooting fish in a barrel, no?

I'm not sure how to describe this one. But this author writes really good fanfiction. You know, in the sporking theatre sense of the word.

Crossover with the Lion King. Starring Edgeworth as Simba, Phoenix as Nala, von Karma as Scar, and Gregory as Mufasa.

Crossover with Beauty and the Beast (yes, Disney version). Starring Phoenix as Belle, Mia as... Belle's dad (I know he had a name but I forget. I wanna say Laurice), Edgeworth as the Beast, Gumshoe as Cogsworth, and Franziska as Lumiere. She whips people with fire. Because she's a candle.

Okay. Again. I'm not sure how to describe this one. I bookmarked it as "SPITS" for a reason. (As in that was my reaction. And not in an entirely negative way.)

Like half of it would have to be cut out, but hey, Edgeworth in a dress because reasons. Also, a handy reference pic.

Edgeworth and Phoenix pass notes in court. It's exactly as immature as it sounds.

Prompt: Apollo and Klavier... roleplaying as Phoenix and Edgeworth, in bed. Fill: not actually as smutty as the requester wanted it to be. Could probably get away with posting it here with minimal cutting.

Edgeworth flirts with Phoenix. It's hilarious.

I think this is a crossover with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire? Or however it was spelled... anyway, AA cast as gangstas. It's special all right.

Phoenix and Edgeworth play Guitar Hero. Klavier shows up and starts hitting on Phoenix? He keeps calling him "mein strudel".

Phoenix writes a (bad) smutty Wrightworth fanfic and Edgeworth edits it. The sporking will be incredibly meta. (...I'm pretty interested in doing this one myself.)

This one pairs Morgan Fey and Wendy Oldbag.

Edgeworth being an over-the-top action hero. Not bad, really, but it'd make for a pretty funny sporking, I think.

Richard Wellington gets uncomfortably sexual with a banana. It was inevitable, really.

Drunk Edgeworth uses really, really bad pickups lines on Phoenix.

Drunk Edgeworth uses really, really bad pickups lines on Phoenix. Featuring anagrams.

It's incredibly short, but it's Judge/Canadian Judge and that's incredible. For a very different reason.

You'd have to cut a fair bit of this out but still has potential here. Edgeworth and Phoenix and Phoenix's two triplet brothers.

My kingdom for a Wrightworth fic that's not stupid...

Larry writes a Wrightworth fanfic. In the eyes of the kink meme, this makes sense.

Edgeworth/Kristoph. Thoroughly OOC.

Remember "engrish"? Well, there's more where that came from.

Phoenix and Edgeworth angrily strip in court at two separate points during Farewell, my Turnabout. (It's actually two completely different fics, I think.) The first one features a sex scene but if you cut it out it loses literally nothing.

Edgeworth: "A dream?! Is this an 'it was all a dream' ending?! I'M SO GLAD IT WAS THAT KIND OF ENDING-!"

Wendy Oldbag gives sex advice. It goes... actually a lot better than you'd think but that doesn't mean the fic is any good.

And that's all. For now.
Hmm... seems I'm severely lacking in fics that feature Dual Destinies characters... :think-pw:

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Second edit: Richard Wellington strangles Edgeworth to death. Because why not.

Matt Engarde stabs Edgeworth to death in front of Phoenix. At least Shelly de Killer shows up at the end!

(Why are there so many fics where Edgeworth dies? ...the other ones were tagged rape and/or were super long, though.)

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Apparently luck and HermannVonKarma were working on this, but I haven't seen either of them in a while.
TheJettSet27 wrote:
I would enjoy sporking a fanfiction sometime. In fact, I have a couple lined up. The first one is actually written well, it's just the shipped characters and the use of the magatama I find most interesting: ... SUCCESSFUL
This is one I would bring Adrian or Luke in, considering they're the couple in here.

And finally (making this more than a couple) another Kristoph one. He is found not guilty and allowed to roam free. This has bonus points in my book for the mention of him wearing one glove because all I could see in my head was him in a Michael Jackson outfit. ... Chronicles

wizkid99 wrote:
Instead of a sporking, I wanted find something you guys to have this fanfic I found while browsing through Ace Attorney fan fiction.
I'll look forward to anyone's next sporking.

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Psst, Rubia: I finally found you an Investigations fic. It's a little bit on the long side and honestly not that bad (...actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it) but it is very silly. Here.

wizkid99 wrote:
I found this other fic that was written for the kink meme. I thought you people should check it out.

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:


(Or, you know, anyone really, but you were definitely the first person I thought of.)

wizkid99 wrote:
Anyway,I found this fic that ship Franziska and Blackquill.I thought you should check it out:

wizkid99 wrote:
Here's a short crackfic where Edgeworth signs up for art class:

wizkid99 wrote:
Wow, this is really getting interesting over there. Great sporking as usual Airey!

Moving on, I found this fic featuring LukeXMaya. And Maya coming over for Ace Detective advice. Yeah, you can already see the huge plot hole created from the premise alone. I remember reading this once and I don't know why I didn't instantly suggest this for sporking material. :eh?:

Here it is:

iglootheraptor wrote:
Hey, I think that I'm going to be doing this lovely spork

I was going to do chapter two of Flappy Attorney, but I think I'll wait until the old management comes back. :yogi:

iglootheraptor was apparently going to spork it

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Make them suffer. >:)

Edit: @Airey, remember the author of the one fic we did a collab on? Apparently, this author has written up another case.

I guess we should go in order, but whoever wants to do a follow up to our collab sporking can go right ahead. At the time of our sporking, the first chapter was the only one we found, so we're not exactly calling dibs on it.

wizkid99 wrote:
Anyway, I currently reading a fic where Kristoph Gavin and Daryan Crescend escape from prison....And that's all I'm going to tell you for now because I'm not done yet, and for spoilers. The fic is thirty-seven chapter's long. As of this post, I'm on chapter twenty-three. And I don't know how to feel about this fic whether it's too good to not be sporked or if it's sporkable material. I want to let my fellow sporker's read it to judge for themselves.The fic itself is a slight AU where Kristoph adopted Apollo six years before AJ:AA and a slight Klavipollo is in there to. The fluff doesn't kick in until later.

Here it is:

sumguy28 wrote:

This one seems like it should be a parody, but it's listed under Tragedy, so why not. ...Actually it is a tragedy: the tragic death of proper grammar.

wizkid99 wrote:
In other news, I found this crack fic where Maya is a teacher. I remember reading this fic last year but got bored of it. It's pretty ridiculous. \

Oliver did the first few chapters of this one
Darth Wiader wrote:

wizkid99 wrote:
Moving on, I found another fic that I read some time ago. It's a fic where Phoenix has to hide Maya from his landlord because Phoenix didn't sign extended stay forms.

luck wrote:
I've found a fic that can only be described with three words and one of them is not to pronounce in front of kids.
Seriously, what's that?

Rysiek wrote:
I wanted to say, I like this thread. :acro: As to proposing fanfics, maybe someone can Spork Evr1 420 yolos made? It is actually good(and written bad on purpose as I saw the author writing beter than there :beef: ), but it may be fun to spork :gymshoe:
:meekins: :meekins:

TheJettSet27 did a few chapters of this one.

TheGreatSnarkoo wrote:
I found this self-insert fic on It's not horrendous, but it seems like good sporking material. ... e-Attorney
Anyone interested in this? If not, I guess I could give it a try.

TheGreatSnarkoo wrote:
Ignore post.
Edit: I found this while browsing Fanfiction. It's fairly old, but I don't think it's been sporked yet. I only skimmed it quickly, so I can't say much about the writing quality. Anyone interested in giving it a go?

luck wrote:
I might try some short oneshots of that list that Airey posted when I finish my exams to keep this up.

In the meantime, I've found this fic It's not really bad, but it's extremely silly so it'd make for a funny sporking. And the premise is just weird.

luck wrote:
That one isn't the only parody of My Inmortal we have. This one is supposed to be written by Manfred von Karma.

luck wrote:
Guys, what do you think about fics that involve rape, incest, an awful lot of nonsensical pairings, some really disturbing things and downright stupidity and aren't Law Plus Chaos? And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Rubia did the first four for chapters, but there are many left.

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
Thank you billythecactus! Not only is it hilarious, it's a great way to find sporkable fics, too!

For example, Here's some I found: ... -Detective ... -539788559

Darth Wiader wrote: = I think this is worth looking into. It may not be as bad as the fic with Rubina but... it's just strange.

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
I have some links to fics that I believe can be sporked:

I'm not sure if this fic has been sporked on the old forums or not but it deserves to be sporked. The author even refers to it as a troll fic on his profile page so there's no doubt left of it's sporkability: ... l-ternabut

This fic is 41 words long, consisting of one run-on sentence. There are at least 15 misspelled words. (That's over a third of the words.) ... s-edgwarth

A crackfic about Apollo Justice and Robin Newman facing off in court. Has a cliche twist ending: ... -Turnabout

Kristoph Gavin is a school teacher to the cast of Apollo Justice. That is all. ... de-Justice

I can't describe this fic better then the description does so here it is:
After losing a bet to Klavier, Apollo finds himself forced to wear a dress. Here comes Artemis Justice! ... Girlfriend

A collection of shipping one-shots. This one chapter in particular is glorious in how cracky the ship is.

ob9410 wrote:
I might try a spork. Any G/PG/M (Only a little bit of sexual stuff) Fanfics you guys know of? I might try this one :simon:

Oliver sporked a fragment of it

ob9410 wrote:

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
It was Edgeworth and Pearl. Nick's just been around for all of them because he deserves it. ;)

And this may be irregular, but we'd done it before and with permission. I'm dropping by again to introduce some fics that I wrote that I wouldn't mind being sporked:
...especially the latest one in a couple posts after the first.

DrOcsid wrote:
So I found this horrid piece of fiction. ... D-attorney

ob9410 wrote:
I found some fan fiction!
This one is foreign ... face-Royal ... ut-Justice This is a fic where Apollo is put on trial. And they already ruined everything by saying "Apollo has been framed" in the description. This is a fic where, apparently, Ted Tonate has an OC sister who will get him out of prison... ... gotten-One Oh look, an OC who supposedly worked at Fey and Co. Law Offices when Mia died.

Skittlemask wrote:
Alright. I only remember 12 out of the 19 right now. Whoops. written, character's emotions are weird) (Simon's portrayal is weird) (plain OC. Edgeworth's "sister" is murdered) (it's about Tigre and Viola. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a crackfic or not) (boring OC, abandoned after one chapter) (Lion King xover with Grossberg) (Grossberg/Edgeworth. Crack-fic.) (body-switch. Klema) and (both written by the same person. They sure are… doozies, and obvious troll fics) (Maya gets a glitter gun)

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
Look what I found:

If you haven't guessed already, it's a crackfic based off of the movie Titanic. Complete.

ob9410 wrote:
It's probably best I don't question it...
I found this fic and uhh...Ace Attorney Time Tales
And then there's this which is just like it sounds. How it Should Have Ended

Clearly, but that's no excuse to have an office explode and Apollo being Maya's bride and... :meekins:

I found another fic... Adventures of the Ace Match Makers
And this may be too short, but here's the second one Kristoph Makes Toast
Oliver wrote:
Also, I found this fic... Little Brother's Assistant it's got Kay and Franzy switching bodies... :whip: :kay:
And's a fic which stars Pearl and Phoenix... Pearl's First Bra It's exactly how it sounds.
And then there's another character writing fan fiction. Maya Writes a Fanfic
And uhhhh... Truth or Dare

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
I found two fics:

This one is called "Everybody hates Phoenix": ... es-Phoenix

Apparently from the kink meme, this one ships Machi Toyabe and Wocky Kitaki together:

Oliver wrote:
I found some fics too... ... -They-Rise Why are there so many Zombie AU fics for a series about LAWYERS? ... ng-to-Love This is a good fic...but it doesn't feel "right"

shippersdreamer wrote:

Oliver wrote:
Anyway, here's a fic I found.
Little Legalities
Ghost of a Goodbye this fic includes spoilers for DD. It's so serious it almost comes off as funny to me.

Oliver wrote: It has a cave...and lawyers.

Skittlemask wrote:
I don't know why, but this reminded me of a fic I read a long time ago. It had a somewhat silly premise but was executed really really seriously. Has anyone read it before? It was about Manfred von Karma finding a way to posses Phoenix's body, and making him go to the Prosecutor's Office to kill Edgey. He almost succeeded and blew up half of the building. Phoenix was arrested and Edgeworth defended him from his hospital bed via laptop, but he lost and the end of the fic was Nick's execution. I think it was titled Turnabout Jeopardy and was only one chapter long but was 14,000+ words
If you're curious.:

Oliver wrote:
This was my first time actually going on the Kink Meme. *insert virginity joke here*
So err... It's only a few sentences long, but it should work perfectly, right? ... cmt8404809

And I'm going to go wash myself in holy water as well to get the image of those two doing it out of my mind... :payne:

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
More Metafiction from the Kink Meme:

Franziska read P/E fan fiction ... ad=1491585

Skittlemask wrote:
And now, some fics.
Phoenix searches for the author of Maya's favorite Steel Samurai fanfic. Take a guess. Also they're so committed that they write the fics by hand in wingdings.
Since halloween is coming up, an AU where von Karma is a vampire. Written by the same person who did Word of the Day. They also wrote another halloween fic where Edgeworth mistakes Gumshoe's apartment building number and ends up knocking on a door where the ladies think he's the male stripper they hired.

Oliver wrote:
The most Halloween of Halloween fics, clearly.
Halloween takeover

Oliver wrote:
Sorry for double post, but I found a fic for sporking... ... -last-case
I can't really describe it, I mean... There's this random 7 year old boy matching wits with Phoenix...? (Which makes an amusing image actually) And apparently Godot is found Not Guilty after flat out confessing in the game...?

Maya wrote: DD based fic where Athena, Apollo, Klavier and Ema play strip poker. This one is fun and well written but... There's just something about it...

Oliver wrote:
I still stick with my theory.
Ah, I forgot to post the fic I found in my last post, Objection!
No really, that's the title.
Jasmine is an OC. She's Phoenix's twin sister.
Most of the text is straight from the game, but the insertions of Jasmine just make her seem unlikable.
Plus she's a bit of a Sue...

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
I was searching the kink meme and I found two fics shipping Manfred Von Karma and Miles Edgeworth. Here they are. ... cmt1263732 ... d=25959275

Rysiek wrote:
(Found the first one, not aure if it is sporkable though, since I would give it

- :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: ... bout-Weird )

Oliver wrote:
Holy crap it was annoying finding these fics, my internet was like a snail.

I found this fic (It's Spanish) I'm not 100% sure what it is, but it seems to ship Apollo and Kristoph.
Maybe it'd be good for a punishment sporking if he ever gets one?

There's this fic about Apollo apparently being sent to "Gyakuten Saiban Academy" by Zak and Thalassa...
And apparently some characters work at this school? Including Shelly de Killer?
Yeah, it'll be enjoyable to read being sporked.

Have you ever wanted to be able to read Mr Edgeworth like a book?
It's a reader-insert thingy majiggy which I don't get because I'm dumb.
Honestly, I only linked it to say "Read Mr Edgeworth" XD

Rysiek wrote:
(Well, I better refrain from positive and negative Sahwits. It was quite good, though boring at times...)
(Found the second!
:sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: )

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
I found this fic. It's called "Turnabout Harem". It's about Nick and Apollo getting a harem. Also, Incest!Trucy.

Oliver wrote:
Who Cares? Apollo x Trucy
I... Don't need to explain.

Technically, this one was the result of a joke in this thread, but Airey did write a fanfic.

Snowthefirst wrote:
Um, hi everyone. Long time lurker making a first post to this thread. Call me Snow, everyone does. :will: ... y-of-Truth

The fanfiction I just linked was one I ran into a while ago. The premise is that the fic's the author's idea of AA6 (made long before the real AA6 was announced, of course) and as such has five cases all emulating the canon games. The first case, while a BLAM plotwise, was okay, and the second case was mostly entertaining. But.....well... :ron:

From the third case onward the plot kind of fell into this vortex of confusion and sadness of doom. The last case, while unfinished, is completely insane, and not in a good way. That's not to say it's horrible! It nowhere near the likes of Law Plus Chaos or the like. The thing is- you see- :junie:

I can't even vocabulise correctly. Just read it for yourselves to see if it needs to be sporked or not. The only thing is that the fic, like I said, is unfinished and already sits at roughly 90k words. Also, the author only recently got the motivation to update again, so no new chapters for the foreseeable future.

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
An Ace Attorney/ Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Crossover starring Simon Blackquill: ... cmt9801033

Rysiek wrote:
Merdre! This looks promisingc. Call my OC a sue. Why don't you. Well, punk, this being a sporkforum with more tahn six sporkers will blow yer fic aapart. Now,mplease ask yourself: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

ArrowLawn wrote:
So I found this in the Grand Archive of Awesome Literature (AKA ... The-Agency (Chapter 1) ... gency-pt-2 (Chapter 2)

Rysiek wrote:

Now, this is just ridiculous. Funny, but OOC. Now, how do wwe get Mia to spork it?

Rysiek wrote:
I think, I foundnthe older sibling of one of the fics here ... igh-School

Rysiek wrote:
I am gonna need a nice big bottle of brain bleach. Got some? Or have you already used it up? ... t-daughter

luck wrote:
That "silly author's comments'' reminded me of that fic where Trucy and Athena raped Apollo and Phoenix

Rysiek wrote:
Damn. This is good. Mannys "Adventures". They are quite ridiculous. And the author lacks that big letter key. Now, where was the fanfic where Manny was called Manny? It was one where Manny met My Immortal.

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
And... this one with "manly" Edgeworth. ... cmt3385660

Oh, this one is beautiful. An 11-year-old's take on Narumitsu.

Nepeta claimed Pink Lemonade (the eleven year old's take on Narumitsu) as of recently.

Rysiek wrote:
Do we have Professah Layton here? I got a puzzle for him. I think not even HE can break it. ... th-sausage

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
There's also another unrelated Undertale troll/crack fic: ... Fanfiction

ArrowLawn wrote:
We got new material! ... nabout-egg
That name look familiar? :V

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:

luck wrote:
You know, I've been getting back into Pokemon lately, and I've got curious about posible crossover fics with ace attorney.

I haven't read any of them, but some sound quite sporkable.
The shpping community is one of the most out there, by the way.

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:

ArrowLawn wrote:

ArrowLawn wrote:
So this Kristoph x Matt fic was made yesterday... ... s-Immortal

sumguy28 wrote:
Anyone remember that time I said that an author wrote two fics involving an OOC rapist Klavier?
...No? Well here's the second one anyway.
And yes, I linked to Chapter 2 on purpose.

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
Look what the kink meme came up with: ... mt10189560

That put a whole other meaning to the phrase "When something smells..."

DrOcsid wrote:
So, jakkid finished turnabout portal. Relinking it just cause. ... out-portal

Now, I know jakkid's fics may get a bit repetitive, but I am being 100% truthful in saying holy fucking shit this is the best thing i have read in a long time. I am not joking, that went WAY above his other works, especially chapter 5. I could not stop laughing, holy shit. This needs to be sporked. NEEDS.

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:

ArrowLawn wrote:

ArrowLawn wrote:
The author of that last fic has already made another "gem", this one's a crossover with Snow White. And, fortunately, this one ISN'T identical to the original Jakkid trilogy. ... bout-apple

Polly wrote:
I've lost track of all the fics that have been posted here that are still available for sporking and which ones are or aren't claimed, but here are some more I found: ... olde-tokyo

ArrowLawn wrote:
Just in case anyone was wanting to take a DGS fic... ... ut-gregson
Same guy as the last 30 or so badfics. :yogi:

Polly wrote:
Who's ready for jakkid166 2: electric boogaloo? ... t-portal-2

DrOcsid wrote:


I did not expect this.

Nerdowl wrote:
What the heck did I just read? :udgey:

Not sure whether anyone can do anything with this but I would like to see the characters reaction to whatever the heck this is. It's rated Mature and is a WrightWorth with the Magmata um... well... oh just look at the fic if you're old enough:

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:

sumguy28 wrote:
After episode 2 of the anime aired, some people wanted to see Kyle Rivers: Ace Attorney. Did they really understand what they were asking for?

ArrowLawn wrote:
Today is a sad day... ... on-the-run
Read that summary: "in dis last final phone wright story"

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
Here's a fanfic about Edgeworth watching basically the porno version of Apollo Justice.

Nerdowl wrote:
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Somewhat tempted to take this with all the cameos, actually. There was this one really meta fanfic on AO3 with Edgeworth and Gumshoe I happened upon while browsing tumblr, but I didn't save a link. It broke the fourth wall right from the get-go too. Does anyone know which one I'm talking about?

Could it be this one?

irebach wrote:
Oh, also! I'm not sure if this website is allowed or not for the sporks, but usually, the one on wattpad is spork-able!

There's a lot of x Reader in wattpad, after all. Hehe. :godot:

Trialman wrote:
As a new user, I can say that this easily one of the best forum threads ever. I was partially convinced to join CR because of this thread, and have spent the past week binge reading it.

Also, you might want to know that there is now someone following the footsteps of 'DAMON GANT ESCAPS FROM PRISOOOOOOON', this time starring :dahlia:: ... rom-Pirson

MissAmericanPie wrote:
So I found this fanfiction: ... rom-prison
and I want to try it as my first spork, unless somebody else is currently working on it. I'll start it soon, I'm still planning a bit of it :will:

Polly wrote:
I don't know about the fic list, though AceJakkidFan has convienently created a community of interesting fics to spork: ... ty/124265/
Of course, most stuff by these authors that hasn't already been sporked could be.

^List of authors who write bad fics. Links don't bring you to specific fics

CJ Walker wrote:
I wrote a story jabbing at jakkid. Feel free to spork it.
And now some bloke is writing a fic jabbing at ME. Please counter-spork it.

Trialman wrote:
Just this morning, I remembered two fics that I think are spork worthy, so I quickly searched for them.

This first one ships Larry/Godot, and it is quite the odd one: ... his-Happen

This other one involves Pearl and Phoenix being OOC about Franziska dating Maya: ... and-Bagels

ArrowLawn wrote:
So, some time ago, a parrot (a real parrot) witnessed a murder. IRL. There've been like 100 posts about it on /r/aceattorney.
Obviously, people got sick of hearing about it every day. Especially our replacement Jakkid, it seems.

Trialman wrote:
I was off to grab a fanfic that I just remembered, and suddenly, I find someone has re-wrote 1-2 in My Immortal style: ... l-attorney

As for what I was searching for, it's this odd little piece. All I'll say is that it involves time travel:

Trialman wrote:
Well, well, well, it seems another Ace Attorney time travel fanfic has emerged: ... me-machine

ArrowLawn wrote:
Nepeta wrote:
For the ones who don't mind spoilers for SoJ and look for some badfics to spork, barrylawn has plenty.

oshit, I've been wanting to spork krazy kurain adventures for a while.

it's been a while since I sporked something though, I guess I'll start with the non-canon "DLC" case. Should be simple enough to start with, and it's not really related to the plot at all IIRC.

...a collaboration with DrDigertz? well, this should be good.

Last edited by Skittlemask on Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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You may wanna edit the list some. I lost interest in aporking that one from ages ago. I wanted to spork this new cringey one of a nonsensical Undertale crossover that may or may not be a troll fic. Is there anyway to tell? Link is in a few posts before this one
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SenorJustice-dono wrote:
I wanted to spork this new cringey one of a nonsensical Undertale crossover that may or may not be a troll fic. Is there anyway to tell? Link is in a few posts before this one

It's written by Barrylawn who has visited this thread in the past and purposefully writes bad/silly fics. So yes, it's a troll fic. Sometimes they're not so easy to figure out, though.
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Ah I see. Are trollfics on the table for sporking then, or will I need to use another one? I can always work on that other one. I think the reason I was so confounded was because of me going through a tough time while trying to write it and my emotions clouding everything up. What do you think, Skittlemask?
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Troll fics are perfectly sporkable and besides, there have been plenty of troll/crack fics sporked in the past. Nearly every fic is sporkable, really. Well, unless they're, like, 50+ chapters with no cutting.
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Skittlemask wrote:
It's written by Barrylawn who has visited this thread in the past.

Hold on wait when did this happen?
Damn, now I want to see him to write turnabout sporking theater and spork it himself (barry pls!)

EDIT: Damn, someone is REALLY pissed off in the reviews for turnabout sarge. Gotta love when anonymous guys take the bait and eat it whole.
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Hey, so, I've been lurking on this thread for the past week or two, and I decided to throw my hat into the ring, so I've made a spork of my own. Apologies if anything contradicts the "narrative". I haven't really been keeping track. This is a six-parter, so the spork'll also be in six parts, and I'll wait for some feedback before putting together the rest of the chapters. Sorry if it's been done before, too. I checked, but I didn't see anything, so I hope I didn't just miss it.

Today's Sporking: "Maya Fey: Ace Theif"!

Two Sahwits
:sahwit: :sahwit:

Plagued with grammar issues, and ridiculously serious setups for what should be a fun, lighthearted concept. The only reason it's not a 3 is because nobody says or does anything that I'd completely, totally, 100% rule out for their character. So far, anyway.

Today's Sporkers:

:maya: Maya Fey
"I'm excited for this one!"

:phoenix: Phoenix Wright
"Really? I'm not so sure."

:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth
"I'm not entirely sure why I'm still brought to these things."


*The theater doors open. The trio of sporkers head to their seats, but not before the sporker in blue grabs a few pamphlets detailing today's fanfiction and shows them to the others.*
Phoenix: Hey, they have pamphlets this time, take one.

Maya: "Maya Fey: Ace Thief", huh? I like the concept.

Phoenix: *Nose scrunches* I don't.

Maya: Why not? Are you afraid of getting upstaged?

Phoenix: Not quite. Look at the synopsis.

Maya: Oh, no. It's not bad, is it?

Phoenix: "Phoenix has a malignant tumor that grows in his lungs, and only Miles Edgeworth, a great doctor in Germany who can operated and save him."

Maya: ...What does that even have to do with the title?

Edgeworth: Why am I a doctor in Germany?

Phoenix: It then goes on to say that the surgery is so expensive, Maya needs to rob a bank to pay for the operating costs. "Will she make it"? Yes. She will. I'm not dying in this.

Edgeworth: The writer values the setup to the point of melodrama even when the story is about a concept as ridiculous as a teenage spirit medium robbing a bank.

Maya: Thanks for crushing my dreams, you two...

Phoenix: The thieving life isn't what it's cut out to be, Maya.

Edgeworth:...................... Kay, I know you're here. Don't even bother if you're not going to rescue me.

???: Darn!

Phoenix: Alright, enough chit-chat, fellas! Let's get started!

*The Lights Dim*

Spoiler: Chapter 1
Maya Fey walked happily to the office of Wright & Co. Law Office, doesn’t care about the cold, the weather was overcast, and rain coming down pretty heavy.

Maya:... What?

Edgeworth: That is quite possibly the most incoherent sentence I've read in a long while.

Phoenix: You walked all the way to the office in the rain? Why not take a bus or something?

Maya: How am I supposed to know!? How am I supposed to know how you even figured out what that was saying!?

Whistling, and humming Steel Samurai soundtrack, Maya opened the door and stepped inside. Her boss and her best friend, Phoenix Wright, already in the office, sitting behind his desk, and looks busy typing something.

Edgeworth: Something about this writer's utter lack of understanding of tenses is bothering me more than usual.

Phoenix: And to think you tried to nitpick MY grammar.

Edgeworth: The atrocious grammar of others does not and will not ever excuse that tragedy of a sentence!

Maya:...Am I missing something here?

Phoenix: It was the De Killer case.

Maya: Oh, okay.

Maya jumped to the front of Phoenix desk, determined to make him shocked.

"Good morning, Nick!" Maya shouted loudly, making the defense attorney almost fell off his chair. Maya giggled.

"Good morning, Maya. God, you almost made me die of a heart attack! "Phoenix chuckled.

Phoenix: Haha, yeah, I almost died. My arteries were almost clogged, stopping the flow of oxygen in my body and killing me almost instantly, haha. Good morning, haha.

Edgeworth: "You almost gave me a heart attack" is a common saying, Wright. Try again.

Maya: Are you telling me you've never said that before, Nick?

Phoenix: I don't usually chuckle when I say it, no.

Maya smiled idly. "Hey, Nick, would you let your eyes for a minute from your laptop and accompany this faithful assistant to watch Steel Samurai DVD?" asked Maya, holding up DVD Steel Samurai that she had brought from home.

Maya: I feel like we're out of Steel Samurai to watch by now, Nick. I think we've even seen all the movies!

Phoenix: Hey, speaking of movies, apparently this was based on a movie.

Edgeworth: This ripped off a movie, you mean.

Phoenix: "Based on movie title Catch That Kid".

Edgeworth: I'll see what I can find about it online, hold on a moment.

Phoenix: What about it?

Edgeworth: And, it has a 12% on Rotten Tomatoes, that's good.

Maya: Well, maybe this is their chance to fix it!

Edgeworth: Doubtful.

Phoenix chuckled. "Of course, wait a minute. I, need to go to the bathroom first, "Phoenix replied, getting up from his chair and walked to the office bathroom. Maya then sits on the couch and turned on the TV.

Edgeworth: You seem rather eager to slack off work, Wright. Or "let your eyes for a minute from your laptop" as your assistant put it.

Phoenix: You don't know what I was doing on my laptop. I could've been reading a news article about bees in the Himalayas for all you know.

Edgeworth: The author clearly states you were typing.

Phoenix: Commenting on an article about bees in the Himalayas, then.

Maya: Why is it any better if you weren't doing any work on your laptop, either?

Phoenix:... Oh, I don't know! This isn't me, anyway!

Maya had just turned on the TV for a few minutes when she smelled a vomit and bloods.


Phoenix: That just escalated very fast.

Edgeworth: So, Miss Fey, you ran into the bathroom, prior to knocking on the door, which implies the door was open, correct? What was your thought
process at that time?

Maya: Uh... "Man, I hope someone isn't writing a bad fanfiction about me right now". I was eating a burger at the time, because I was in real life.

Worried, Maya got up from the couch and ran into the bathroom. With restless heart she knocked on the bathroom door.
"Nick? Nick? Are you okay? "asked Maya anxious. No answer. Maya then tried to open the bathroom door, and it was not locked.

Phoenix: Wow. You are on your game, Phoenix. I didn't even lock the door?

Edgeworth: I imagine your forgetting to lock the door is designed to convey the panic of the situation.

Phoenix: I didn't look very panicked. I just said "I have to use the bathroom", and then went in.

What a shock to Maya when she saw Phoenix bent over the sink, which is already filled with vomit mixed with blood.

"Maya ??" Phoenix turned around and tried to cover up his vomit stains. "I told you to wait, I'll accompany you to watch."
"Nick, you throw up very much! Gosh, Nick! Tell me if you're not healthy! "cried Maya.

Phoenix laugh. "I'm fine, Maya!" He retorted.

Phoenix: Okay, for future reference, Maya, if I say I'm fine after you catch me vomiting blood, I am absolutely not fine and don't listen to a word of it.

Maya: Should I write that down?

Edgeworth: Interesting detail to note at the beginning, here. The author's version of you laughs after being confronted by a clearly distraught Maya Fey. As
if she is in some way overreacting to this.

Phoenix: Well, I'm perfectly fine, after all. Take one look at me! I just need a minute, then I'll come out and try not to puke on the TV set while we watch
it. Or, "Accompany you" to watch it. I like how formal I sound while trying to cover up bloodpuke.

Maya: My dearest compatriot, it would be in your best interest to make your way towards the helicopter posthaste.

Phoenix: You know, that sounds like something Edgeworth could get away with saying.

Edgeworth: What!? It most certainly does not!

Phoenix: You're not doing yourself any favors.

Edgeworth: *Penalty* Agh! Ngh....!

Maya felt very irritated right now. Phoenix is always like this, don’t want to make others worried.

Maya: Yeah, that's so irritating of you, Nick!

Phoenix: More than panic, more than utter horror, you're irritated. At me vomiting blood.

Maya: Hey! Who said I wasn't also feeling those other things?

Phoenix: What worries me is that the author didn't say it. Also... I'm not really that bad, am I?

Edgeworth: After falling off a notoriously deadly bridge and almost dying all you asked for was for me to sit in for you while you were sick.

Phoenix: Yeah, but I still let myself be taken to the hospital.

"If you’re fine, why there are bloods in your vomits?" accused Maya."Nick, don’t need to pretend healthy in front of me.Let's go to the hospital now! "cried Maya again as she grips Phoenix arms.

Edgeworth: "Why are there bloods in your vomits".

Maya: I couldn't have put it better myself!

Edgeworth: This verbiage is fascinating, as well. You accused that question, Ms. Fey.

Phoenix:... Edgeworth retorted.

Edgeworth: Don't you start!

"Maya, really, I’m fine, just a little nauseous, I ............" suddenly Phoenix words truncated. Phoenix clutched his chest tightly and looked very painful.

Phoenix: ...So now I'm having a heart attack.

Maya: You can't catch a break today, can you, Nick?

Phoenix: The ambulance is going to show up and crash into the building, calling it now.

Maya: For how much?

Phoenix: Bragging rights.

Maya: Deal!

"Nick? Nick? !! What’s wrong??? What's wrong with your chest? "cried Maya again.

"Aaaaghhhhhhhhh ..............." still clutching his chest, Phoenix fell to his knees and collapsed on the bathroom floor.

"NICK! NICK !!!!!!!!! "Maya shouted frantically, trying hard to wake Phoenix and dragged him out of the bathroom.

"Hold on, Nick, hang on, I'll call an ambulance!" cried Maya again as she pulled out her cell phone to call an ambulance.Maya tried hard not to cry when told the ambulance service where the address of the office and how Phoenix condition.

Maya: Well, how you condition, Nick?

Phoenix: I stubbed my toe earlier. That's about it in terms of how I condition.

Edgeworth: You two think you're a riot, don't you?

Phoenix: You mean a Wriot?

Maya: I am not with this man. He is a stranger. He does not represent me.

What a relief to Maya when ten minutes later she heard the ambulance siren. The EMT ran into, and simultaneously, with alacrity, they lifted Phoenix to a stretcher.

Phoenix: Ten minutes is a relief!? That's enough time for me to just die, easily, right?

Edgeworth: It depends on the nature of the collapse and the severity. If it was a heart attack, it could have easily killed you in ten minutes. I assume Ms. Fey has been watching you to see if you're still alive, however, so I doubt you're dead.

Maya: Wait, how do you check that?

Phoenix: I think you check the neck for a pul- Ow!

Maya: You're alive.

Phoenix: I won't be if you keep jabbing my neck like that!

"What happened, Miss?" asked one of EMTs to the Maya.

"I don’t know!! He had bloody vomit in the bathroom, and then he suddenly clutched his chest and fell unconscious, "sobbed Maya.

The EMT then brought Phoenix into the ambulance, with Maya followed them behind.

Maya: What a slow ambulance.

Phoenix: Maybe you have a license in this universe?

Maya: I walked to the office, though.

Phoenix: So, it just doesn't make sense, then.

Edgeworth: That goes without saying at all times in this godforsaken theater.

Shortly afterwards, they arrived at the Central Hospital. The EMT lowers Phoenix and pushed him toward the Emergency Unit.

A doctor who looks in his mid 40-s approached them. "Doctors, patient in critical condition!" exclaimed one of EMTs.

"What is this?? What happened to ......... .Oh! Phoenix ?! "exclaimed the doctor, looked very surprised to see Phoenix who lay unconscious on the stretcher. "Quickly take him to the ER right now!"

Phoenix: Why is the doctor so surprised? And why is he using my first name?

Maya: I bet it'll be one of the ones where you know someone the audience hasn't met yet!

Phoenix: But those are the bad fanfictions, though.


"Doctor, what happened with ............." Maya didn’t get to finish her question because the doctor had already disappeared.

While waiting, Maya didn’t stop crying. What's going on with Nick? What if he left me, like Mom, Dad, and Mia leave me? Nick, you're the only family I had ......... Please don’t leave me too, Nick !!! Maya screamed inwardly.

Phoenix: I thought you call Mia "sis".

Maya: Mmm-hmm.

Phoenix: So they got this wrong.

Maya: Mmm-hmm.

Half an hour later, the Doctor who handles Phoenix walk toward Maya.

"Miss, are you Phoenix relative?" asked the doctor friendly, holding out his hands. Maya welcomes the Doctor hands and they shake hands.

"I'm his assistant in the office," Maya replied softly.

"To introduce myself, I'm Dr. Joaquin Ortega," said the doctor again.

Phoenix: I don't think I get the name pun. Do either of you?

Edgeworth: There doesn't appear to be one, at a cursory glance.

Maya: Hold on, I'll look it up...

Phoenix: What does it say?

Maya:...........Joaquin Ortega is a real person.

Phoenix: What!?

Maya: Yup. A "Professor of biochemistry at McMaster University".

Phoenix: That can't be legal, right?

Edgeworth: Depending on the state, it is not legal, no. This could be grounds for a lawsuit.

"Nice to meet you, Doctor Ortega. I'm Maya Fey. So, actually, what’s wrong with Nick? Please, tell me, Doctor, "murmured Maya, failing to hide hysterical tone in her voice.

"Just call me Joaquin. Miss Fey, how long have you worked with Phoenix? "

Phoenix: So, this guy is on a first name basis with you already? He's your boss's childhood doctor. That's not "first-name basis" material.

Maya: But he's still calling me Miss Fey.

Phoenix: Oh, now I'm just confused.

Edgeworth: I'm afraid there's not much to be confused about, Wright. He's simply being polite as Ms. Fey has yet to allow herself to be called "Maya".

Phoenix: Oh... Is that how that works?

"About more than a year, Doctor, uh, Joaquin."

"And Phoenix never mentioned anything about his illness?" asked Dr. Joaquin again, raised his eyebrows.

Maya shook her head. "Illness, Doctor? What is Nick disease ?? You’ve known Nick for a long time? "

Maya: Nick disease!? Is Nick disease contagious!?

Phoenix: I've been told my stubbornness rubs off on others. Although that was Dr. Hotti and he may not have been talking about my stubbornness.

Edgeworth: PG-13, Wright!

Phoenix: What!? It's not like I said it!

Edgeworth: But you did! Just now!

Dr. Joaquin nodded. "I know Phoenix since he was in elementary school .... His parents trust me to control his health.

Maya: Called it!

Phoenix: Great work on that front, Dr. Joaquin. The real Joaquin should sue for slander. You know what? I should sue for slander.

Edgeworth: On what grounds?

Phoenix: Uh... I'll find something, you'll see.

Look, Mrs. Fey, since childhood, Phoenix had a tumor growing around his lungs, he gets the tumor because he’s too often breathing dirty air, and he was also passive smokers, because his father is a heavy smoker.

Phoenix: Found something! That was quick! My dad was not a heavy smoker!

Maya: But you can't REALLY say your dad didn't smoke, can you?

Phoenix: Yes I can!

Maya: Really? Are you suuuuuure?

Phoenix:... Gah! I guess not.

Actually, when he was a child, the tumor growing around his lungs is still small, and can be immediately removed if only the boy would want surgery and want to use ventilator ....... But he always refused, always said that he didn’t need surgery or ventilator, and that he would be fine ... ..That boy, always stubborn and never want to pay attention to his health ... "Dr. Joaquin sighed.

Edgeworth: Stubborn is right.

Phoenix: "Wright', you mean.

Edgeworth: Yes. Stubborn is you, Wright.

Phoenix: You're saying that, but you don't really think I'm a "let's not bother to treat my lung cancer" kind of stubborn, right?

Edgeworth: It depends if informing others of your lung cancer would be a disadvantage to your case or not.

Phoenix: Can you please just agree with me on this?

Maya smiled weakly. "Nick always like that, Doctor ... Before he passed out, I caught him throwing up with blood pretty much in the sink in our office, and he tried to cover the vomit stains, and says that he is okay.

Phoenix: "Pretty much" in the sink? Is that implying I missed?

Maya: Why would you even say that, Nick!? Now I'm picturing a puke-bathroom!

I would not even know if he is vomiting if I’m not smelling the vomits.”

Phoenix: That's some pretty long-range vomit scent if you can smell the vomits all the way from there. Are you smelling the vomits now, Maya?

Maya: Ew! No! Gross!

Dr. Joaquin chuckled. "I'm not surprised ... He always be the same Phoenix Wright, stubborn boy ...

Phoenix: Why is this story so insistent on calling me stubborn? I think I got the message. I have a lot of personal issues to take care of, apparently.

Maya: It's not even the right kind of stubborn!

Phoenix: That's what I'm saying! I'm not the "I'm fine" guy! I just... usually end up fine. Still don't think that applies to lung cancer.

Well, the thing is, Mrs. Fey, now the tumor in his lungs had grown to be very large, and if it’s untreated, the tumor can take one of his lungs. Though I had warned him from the first, but the boy didn’t want to listen. "

Maya looked up, trying hard not to cry. "And, Doctor ...... .what to do ?? You can heal Nick, right? Please, Doctor! He's the only family I have now, I beg you !! "Maya sobbed.

Maya:... I seem to like repeating things.

Phoenix: Something the matter? You said that a little... weakly.

Maya: You and Pearly really are it, you know.



Maya:... Really!? Are you two for real!?

Phoenix: What?

Maya: An awkward silence is all I get!?

Phoenix: What do you want me to say?

Maya: I don't know! "Sorry about your entire family, Maya" or anything?

Phoenix: Sorry about your entire family, Maya.

Maya: Not the same, Nick. Get your own lines.

Phoenix: Uh... I promise I'll tell you if I contract or discover any terminal illnesses in the future.

Maya: Much better.

Dr. Joaquin sighed deeply. "Unfortunately, the equipment and the treatment here is not sophisticated enough to operate on a tumor that big. Very risky if we operate Phoenix with limited equipment. But, there is hope, Mrs. Fey.

Maya: Wait, MRS. Fey!?

Edgeworth: You only noticed that now?

Phoenix:... 10 bucks that the groom's me.

Maya: 20 bucks that it's someone else!

Edgeworth: 100 dollars that it's a mistake.

There is a great Doctor in Germany, his name is Miles Edgeworth, which can handle a case like Phoenix. But, the cost ....... "

Edgeworth: Why am I a doctor? And why Germany?

Phoenix: I thought the Von Karmas lived in Germany.

Edgeworth: The Von Karmas are also prosecutors, Wright. Is this some sort of alternate universe?

Phoenix: Yeah, read the synopsis.

Edgeworth: Oh, I see it. "AU".

Phoenix: The whole reason I took interest in law in the first place was because of you. Why am I even a lawyer in this?

Maya: Because my sis is the best, maybe?

Phoenix: Maybe. But, wait! She wouldn't be a lawyer without Edgeworth, either!

Maya: Oh, right. DL-6. I almost forgot.


"How much, Doctor? How much the costs required for Nick’s operation? "cried Maya.

"US $ 250,000, Mrs. Maya Fey. "

Slowly Maya slipped on hospital walls.

Edgeworth: How does one slip on a wall?

Maya: Oh, like in Inception!

Phoenix: You need a weird brain to think some of these things through, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: That was "thinking it through"?

How did she get that kind of money for Nick operating expenses? Oh Nick .......

Maya: So I did get the money? Glad that's settled!

Edgeworth: And the terrible tense attack strikes again.

Maya: Just like the awesome art of alliteration.

"You want to see Phoenix now? I think in a few minutes, he will be wake up. "

Edgeworth: I refuse to further comment on the grammatical errors.

Phoenix: Aw, why not?

Edgeworth: Because Dr. Joaquin just said "he will be wake up". It couldn't possibly get any worse.

Phoenix: Aw... come on, Edgeworth. Don't be like that.

Edgeworth: I will be like that, Wright. I feel personally insulted.

Maya nodded, and Dr. Joaquin escorted Maya to Phoenix room.

When Maya saw Phoenix lying unconscious on the hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown with pale turquoise color, with a variety of hose and infusions connected to him, Maya felt nauseous, not overpowering to see Phoenix in such conditions.

Phoenix: "Not overpowering"? What a weird thing to just point out.

Maya: Maybe it was trying to say "nauseous, if not overpowering"?

Phoenix: I'm sure you felt really overpowering when you came up with that defense.

Maya: Maybe it was trying to say "nauseous, if not rude and no fun"?

"I'll leave you two alone," murmured Doctor Joaquin then stepped out.

Maya sat on the bed next to Phoenix, then sob quietly.

"Oh, Nick ...... Why are you so stubborn? Why did you never once told me about a malignant tumor that live around your lungs? Why don’t you want surgery before? Now see you doing, Nick ......... What if ... what if ...... leave me like my parents, and Mia leave me? The only hope is you brought to Germany to be operated ... But your operating costs .......... Where can I get money of US $ 250,000 for the cost of your operation? Where can I get the money, Nick ?? Oh, Nick, if you're not stubborn, the tumor would have disappeared from your body now ... ..I don’t want to lose you too, Nick ....... "Maya sobbed, stroking Phoenix hands that filled with the IV needle.

Phoenix: Oh, no. Ship-bait! This is ship-bait! This entire fanfiction is just a huge scheme to ship-bait!

Edgeworth: Also, if and when you do this in real life, don't stroke the hand that the IV is in, that's unsafe.

Maya: I wasn't going to!

Phoenix slowly opened his eyes. "M-maya?" whispered Phoenix, his voice is very weak.

Phoenix: Wait, were you just talking to yourself that whole time!?

Maya: Don't tune out your friends when they're trying to summarize the last page of exposition, Nick!

"Nick! Finally you wake up! You want something, Nick? You want a drink? "asked Maya, was very relieved to see Phoenix is conscious.


Phoenix: You okay, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: It gets grating after a while, that's all.

Maya: You want something, Mr. Edgeworth? You want a drink?

"I ...... .agggh !!!! Aghhhhhhh !!! Ow ......... .. "Phoenix clutched his chest again with his free hand of the infusion.

"Nick! Your chest pain ?? Wait a minute, I'll call the doctor! "cried Maya, then ran out and called Doctor Joaquin.

Shortly afterwards, Maya returned with Doctor Joaquin.

"Hello, Phoenix ...... how are you, son? Glad to see you're awake. Nice to see you again, Phoenix, "says Dr. Joaquin.

Phoenix: ..."Son"?

Maya: ...Dun dun dun?

Phoenix: See? My dad doesn't smoke after all.

Edgeworth: You are trying far too hard to find problems. They aren't in short supply, Wright, just be patient.

"Dr. Joaquin, what ...... ..aggghhhhh !!!!!!!!!! "said Phoenix again, back clutching his chest tightly.

"Don’t talk too much, son, quiet, I will relieve pain in the chest," muttered Doctor Joaquin while pull out an injectable drug.

Maya closes her one eye and feel very sick when she saw Phoenix chest injected several times by Dr. Joaquin.

Maya: Alternate me is a cyclops?

Edgeworth: I assume it means one of your two eyes.

Phoenix: I prefer cyclops.

Edgeworth: How could she see you getting injected if she didn't have one eye open?

Phoenix: Ask the writer after you ask about the decision to make her a cyclops.

Edgeworth: Ngh.

"There you go," muttered Doctor Joaquin. "You will not feel pain in your chest for a few hours. If he complained of chest pain again, immediately call me, understand Miss Fey? "

Maya didn’t say anything, just nodded her head. Dr. Joaquin returned stepped outside.

For a few minutes, there's only awkward silence between them. Until finally Maya suddenly felt very annoyed and angry to Phoenix.

"Nick, I want to know why you've never once mentioned anything about the tumor growing in your lungs?" said Maya half-shouted, and then she put her hands on her waist.

Phoenix: Probably because I don't.

Maya: Yeah, but alternate you does, so you better start talking!

"I think Dr. Joaquin already told you everything, huh? Maya, it's not important ....... "

"It’s not important, Phoenix Wright? !!

Maya: Ms. von Karma? Is that you?

Phoenix: Speaking of, you have now officially called me "Phoenix" in this fanfiction more times than I can remember you calling me in the past two years.

Maya: A record? Yeah! I brought a party popper!

Phoenix: Maya, please don-

*The popper went off*

Phoenix:... Ow. My ears.

How is it not important? This is about your health, about your life !!! You don’t know how I feel, how I panicked and sad when you suddenly vomited and passed out in the bathroom!

Phoenix: But I saw you, though. I'm pretty sure I know exactly how you "panicked and sad" when that was going on.

Edgeworth: You expect too much, Wright. Think about this passage, and think about the way that nobody would ever speak like this.

Maya: Okay, what now?

Edgeworth: We continue onward, in order to further our progress towards a reprieve from this drivel.

You don’t understand how upset I was when I heard all what Dr. Joaquin told me ... That your tumor had grown very large and if left untreated, the tumor can take one of your lungs! The only hope is brought you to Germany to be operated, and the fee is US $ 250,000, from where I could get that much money for your operation, Nick?!! "

Maya: I've heard of "wearing your heart on your sleeve", but this is more like "explaining with broken English the exact position of heart on slevs hem".

Phoenix: "Broken" might be putting it nicely.

Maya: Hey, Nick? Can you promise you won't let me start acting like this?

Phoenix: You didn't have to ask.

Phoenix raised his eyebrows, feeling guilty.

Edgeworth: Raising one's eyebrows has almost nothing to do with one's feelings of guilt. Continue.

"Maya, you don’t have to think about anything, really, this is not important, not your duty to make money for the cost of my surgery, really, you don’t need to think about it, I'll be fine ...."

"Of course I have to think about it! Of course, this is very important to me, Nick! You are the only family that I have in this world ...... .. You’ll be fine, you say? Don’t you understand?! A tumor in your lungs had grown too big, if left untreated will take one of your lungs! If you leave me too, I'll be alone again ...... Nick, it never occurred to me that you are very selfish ...... You never think of others who love you and worry about you, never! You're so stubborn! You will be operated, and I'll get the money for your operating costs, no matter how! "Maya shouted again, her face wet with tears now.

Maya: Oh, would you please shut up!?

Phoenix: Uh... Maya?

Maya: This me is such a crybaby! Forget this! O spirit of Mia Fey, slumbering in the Twilight Realm-

Phoenix: Maya, calm down, it's not that big of a deal.

Maya: Aw, it didn't work. Now I'm all distracted because of you.

Phoenix: Let's just relax, okay? This is probably the last time a scene like this'll happen.

Maya: Darn.*Deep breath* Okay, fine.

Phoenix stunned, then held Maya’s hands.

Edgeworth: Oh, dear.

Phoenix: Can we say "Ship-bait" on three? One, two, three...

Maya: Ship-bait!

Phoenix: Ship-bait!

Edgeworth: No.

"Maya, I'm sorry, I, never knew that my health is very important to you ......

Phoenix: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

Maya: He never knew that his terminal lung cancer was going to be something the person he spends the most time with would care about?

Phoenix: Alt-me must think you're a sociopath or something.

..just, I beg you, as you're desperately looking for money for my operation, please don’t do something stupid, you understand?" Phoenix pleaded softly.

Phoenix: "As you're desperately searching".

Maya: Why does it have be a desperate search?

Phoenix: Because you needed a confidence boost, that's why. Be sure to thank me for that, Alt-Maya.

Maya looked up, wiping her eyes, and nodded slowly.

Phoenix: You're welcome.

Edgeworth: And you're far too full of yourself.

Phoenix: Hey! I am proportionately full of myself, I'll have you know.

Maya: That was your defense, Nick!?

Edgeworth: Also, you never answered the question posed at the beginning of this conversation.

Phoenix: Oh, yeah. I never explained why I never said anything about the tumor, did I? Guess we'll never know.

The next day, while take care of Phoenix in the hospital, Maya began trying to search for a second job that roughly match the hefty salary. But none of the jobs that match her abilities. Frustrated, Maya threw a pile of newspapers that run ads for a variety of jobs to the couch and stepped out to eat in the hospital cafeteria.

Maya: Quickly! I need a quarter of a million! Where should I look?

Phoenix: Check the help wanted ads in the paper! Those jobs always have a huge payout!

Maya: Oh, I could do one of those really high-paying jobs, like a gardener, or a party organizer.

Edgeworth: This is sarcasm, yes?

Phoenix: Of course not.

Edgeworth: Then I'm afraid I have some disappointing news for you.

Phoenix:... I was kidding.

Edgeworth: *Penalty* Ack!

Maya: Gardening is a famously affluent profession, I've heard.

In the corridor, she accidentally collided with Larry and fell to the floor.

"Use your eyes when you’re walking, Mr. Butz! "cried Maya upset.

Phoenix: "Mr. Butz"? Who's on a last name basis with Larry? Not even Edgeworth is on a last name basis with Larry!

Edgeworth: Why does it matter what I call him?

Maya: Because you still call me "Ms. Fey".

Edgeworth: That is because we barely ever speak to each other outside of this event I do not voluntarily attend. It means nothing.

Phoenix: We call each other by out last names, too.

Edgeworth: Erm... forget it.

Larry smiled shyly, and reached out his hands to help Maya stand.

"Hello, Maya, long time no see. Good to see you again. You've been here long? "Asked Larry.

Phoenix: ...Shyly?

Maya: Am I getting shipped with Larry, too, now!?

Edgeworth: This writer is, in all likelihood, not a native speaker, which would cause a number of questionable uses of words.

Phoenix: Which is why you get proofreaders. Or get 1 proofreader. Or... really reconsider writing a fanfiction in a language you aren't good at.

"Yes, I am here since the first day Nick treated. From where you hear Nick treated in this hospital? "

"Oh, Dr. Joaquin told me. The three of us have long known. My father and Dr. Joaquin are old friends. "Larry replied, then looked at Maya again.

"Why are you crying, Maya?"

Maya hastily wiped tears from her eyes. "It's nothing, Larry."

Phoenix: That is the most hypocritical thing I have ever seen in anything I've ever read.

Maya: Wait, really? Right after all that complaining!? And why was I even crying in the first place!?

Phoenix: Thoughts, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: You don't want to hear my thoughts, Wright. Even I don't want to hear my thoughts, Wright.

Larry raised his eyebrows. "Come on, Maya, we were both already known for a long time. You and I are friends, right? Just tell me what your problem is, maybe I can help. "

Maya looked at Larry with hesitation. Yeah ...... I guess it would not hurt to tell everything to Larry ... Although maybe he can only give idiot suggestions, at least there is a place for tell about her confusion and desperation ...

Phoenix: Okay, "he can only give idiot suggestions" is stupidly funny.

Edgeworth: Write it down somewhere if you like it so much.

"All right," said Maya. "Let's go to the cafeteria."

Then both of them walked into the cafeteria and sat down. Maya ordered a glass of milk and a burger while Larry ordered a cup of coffee.

Phoenix: Larry doesn't strike me as the coffee type.

Maya: Yeah, he's more of an apple juice and a cookie kind of person.

Edgeworth:... I was about to disagree, but I would be incorrect to.

"So," said Larry as he sipped his coffee, "What's your problem, Maya?"

"It’s about Nick, Larry. Larry, you said you’ve known Dr. Joaquin for a long time, do you know about the tumor that grows in Nick’s lungs? "

Larry choked on his coffee. "Tumor? What do you mean, Maya? "

Maya sighed deeply. "Then you don’t know about Nick’s disease? Dr. Joaquin told me yesterday. There is a tumor that grows in Nick’s lungs, since he was a kid the tumor had been growing in his lung. Now, the tumor had grown very large in Nick’s lungs, and if Nick not operated as soon as possible, the tumor can take one of Nick’s lungs, Larry .... "Maya replied haltingly.

Phoenix: They keep talking about taking a lung like it's any different from killing me.

Maya: Maybe the writer thinks lungs work like kidneys.

Edgeworth: I may as well state for the record that they do not, in case there are any aspiring writers in management with a similarly terrible understanding of anatomy.

Speaker: I appreciate the advice, Mr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Okay, it worries me that that person learned something from that.

"Maya, really, I didn’t know all of this. Indeed, while in elementary school, I sometimes see Nick grabbed his chest in pain, but he would never say anything if I asked what’s wrong with him. Then, why Dr. Joaquin did not immediately operated him if Nick lives in danger? "

Phoenix: Wait, so, I have consistent chest issues in this? How come Maya never saw any of them?

Maya: Because how else would I be so surprised by the bloods in your vomits?

"He said, the equipment here is still very limited. And it is very risky if they operated Nick with limited equipment. The only hope is to bring Nick to Germany to be operated on by a doctor named Miles Edgeworth but ... ..the cost is US $ 250,000, Larry .... From where I could get money that much? You know, how much Nick meant to me, and if he’s not operated as soon as possible .... "Maya sobbed again.

Larry put his hand Maya’s shoulder. "Calm down, Maya. We will find a way out. I work in Gavin Bank, a bank owned by Kristoph Gavin. Surely you've heard of him? "

"Yes, I think I've heard Nick say his name. They went to school together in high school, right? "

Edgeworth: Temporary breach of the no-grammar rule to point out that "They went to school together in high school" is redundant.

Phoenix: Also, who's Kristoph Gavin? I've never heard of this person before. Another made-up person that I apparently have backstory with, why am I not surprised?

Speaker: "Uh... should we tell him?" "No point." "Very well, it stays quiet."

Maya... Ooh. Spooky.

Larry nodded excitedly. "Yes, they were classmates in high school. We could borrow money to Kristoph. Tomorrow you come with me, we will tell him how’s Nick condition. He's a friend of Nick, he may not refuse to help his old friend, right? "

Maya nodded and smiled, relieved that there are a ray of hope to save Nick.

The next day, as Larry promised, he brought Maya to meet Kristoph in his office.Nervously, they knocked on the Kristoph office door.

"Come in."

Maya and Larry stepped inside.

"Please sit down," said Kristoph as he invited them both to sit. Larry and Maya then sat down.

"What is it, Mr. Butz? And who the beautiful woman you bring here? "asked Kristoph.

Maya: I feel violated by everyone in this story.

Edgeworth: At least you're not some endgame. All I am is just some strange, distant figure who you're supposed to get to.

Maya: Like Oz.

Phoenix: ShnOz.

Edgeworth: I would tell you to try again, Wright, but I don't want to hear any further attempts at humor from you.

"Well, introduce, I'm Maya Fey, Phoenix Wright’s assistant in the Wright & Co. Law Office.Larry told me that you and Nick was classmates in high school, right, Mr. Gavin? "asked Maya nervous, she felt a strange aura from Kristoph, and she didn’t like it.

"Yes, Mrs. Fey. Whether your visit has to do with wright? "

Maya swallowed, and nodded. "Yes, Mr. Gavin. Well, Nick is ill, very ill, there is a very large tumor growing in his lungs, and the doctor said, if Nick not operated as soon as possible, the tumor can take one of his lungs. Nick can’t be operated here, the doctor said equipment here is limited , he had to be operated on in Germany. "

"And?" Kristoph answer with a very cold tone, doesn’t imply any sympathy at all, and Maya didn’t like the direction this conversation.


Maya: Nick? I think Mr. Edgeworth's upset.

Phoenix: Yeah, well... that was a little... egregious.

Edgeworth: A little, Wright!? A little egregious!?

Phoenix: You okay, buddy?

Edgeworth: This single sentence defies so many basic principles of writing for no good reason that I don't feel I should be held accountable for what I do if I see something like this again.

"The operation cost is $ 250,000, Mr. Gavin, and uh, I, need your help. I want to borrow money from you for ... Nick operating costs. You can hire me for 24 hours jobs without me getting paid to pay you back, or whatever, it's up to you, but please, Mr. Gavin, please help Nick! "cried Maya stammered.

Maya: What are 24 hours jobs?

Phoenix: Jobs that you do for 24 hours, I guess.

Maya: Straight!? What kind of operation is this guy running, Nick!?

Phoenix: It was your idea.

Maya: H-huh!? Why would I even say that!?

Phoenix: All a part of your desperate search, I guess.

Kristoph raised his eyebrows, his face without expression. "Sorry, Mrs. Fey, but I can’t lend money that much only for Wright operating costs. "

Maya gaped in disbelief. "What do you mean by 'just' Mr. Gavin? It's about Nick, your old friend during school! He’s very ill, and .... And…. You can save him! Don’t you want to help your old friend? "cried Maya, while Larry was also stunned to hear Kristoph’s answer.

Phoenix: I'm guessing we haven't talked since high school in this? Why would he just lend the money for someone he barely knows anymore for no reason?

Maya: Because you two are secret lovers!

Phoenix: No.

Kristoph shook his head. "Sorry, Mrs. Fey. But I really can’t help you. I can’t throw away $250,000 just for the operating costs of one person, while the money could be more beneficial for the bank's operational costs. Well, Mrs. Fey, if nothing else you want to talk, I invite you to go now. I still have a lot of work. "

Maya stood up from her chair, her body quivering with fury, her fists raised.

"Do you have no heart, Mr. Gavin? "

Kristoph sly smile."Banks never have a heart, Mrs.Fey.Especially a heart for stubborn man who can’t even keep his own health.”

Phoenix: Why does he know it has anything to do with my "stubbornness"? Has he been eavesdropping?

Maya: Maybe he slipped some cancer into your drink when you were in high school or something.

Phoenix: Somehow, with how things are going, that wouldn't surprise me. Doesn't answer my question, though.

Edgeworth: He may actually be eavesdropping, Wright. Give it time to explain before calling out plot holes.

Phoenix: And here I thought I was the defense lawyer.

Edgeworth: Ngh...!

Filled with anger, Maya and Larry stepped out.

"I don’t believe this. Larry, how can you stand working under someone like that? He's so annoying! "cried Maya, stomped her feet to the floor.

"I also didn’t think he could bear to say it ... when he and Nick were friends in high school!" complained Larry.

Edgeworth: "Couldn't bear to say it", is that right?

Maya: Larry's not a good judge of character, huh?

Edgeworth: I imagine you're aware of his relationship history.

Maya: I am.

Edgeworth: That should answer your question.

"Now, what should we do, Larry? How can we get the money for Nick operating costs?"

Larry thought for a moment, then suddenly lifted his fist. "AHA! I know, Maya. I know. We will rob this bank. And Nick can be operated and we might as well give a lesson to that arrogant man.”

Phoenix: Okay, so the setup is, they rob a bank to pay for my tumor surgery because the guy who runs the bank doesn't want to cover my operating costs.

Edgeworth: That seems to be right.

Phoenix: Well, then... sorry you got your hopes up, Maya.

Maya: I'm sorry, too, Nick.

Maya blinked and stared into Larry’s face deeply. "You can’t be serious, Larry. We can’t rob a bank! That's a crime! "

"You want Nick to recover, right, Maya? Just think, is there another way we can get money that much in a short time? "asked Larry short.

Phoenix: Get a loan somewhere else. Any other bank besides the clearly biased one.

Maya: But that's not as heroic! Getting back at some stingy bank guy who cares more about his money than his friends! The perfect revenge!

Edgeworth: That revenge would be insultingly unnecessary.

Maya paused, then closed her eyes. Nick’s lying in pain on the hospital bed, and Kristoph sickening smile shadow appears before her eyes.

Edgeworth: Normally, I appreciate symbolism.


Phoenix:... Wait, you're done?

Edgeworth: That was all.

Phoenix: Oh. Okay.

Well ... .. if there is no other way ... For you, Nick .... I'm willing to be a criminal!

Phoenix: Glad to see I've been a good influence as a lawyer.

Maya: I only learned about determination and going all the way with bad ideas from you in this one, I guess.

Phoenix: Glad to see I've been a good influence as a lawyer.

"All right," said Maya. "I agree with you, Larry. We're going to rob this bank for Nick and gave a lesson to that arrogant man. "


*The lights turn back on*

Phoenix: Ah, one and done.

Maya: Ugh, do we have to read the rest?

Edgeworth: Yes. It's only fair you suffer through this after everything I've been in.

Phoenix: I don't remember you being in the one where Maya, channeling me, has sex with my own unrecognizably damaged corpse.

Maya: I thought we agreed not to talk about that one!

Phoenix: It's my trump card for when people say things like what he just did.

Edgeworth: Well, perhaps at the end, you'll all get to laugh at me.

Maya: Fine, I'll keep going.

Phoenix: Alright. Is the second chapter ready?

*The sporkers wait in the theater for chapter two to begin.
To be continued...*

Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?

Last edited by Mornal on Sun Sep 18, 2016 3:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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The spork is a tad long. It's nice reading a sporking again, but I would cut it up in spoilers.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Thanks for the advice. It's fixed now.
Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Phoenix: Ah, one and done.

Maya: Ugh, do we have to read the rest?

Edgeworth: Yes. It's only fair you suffer through this after everything I've been in.

Phoenix: I don't remember you being in the one where Maya, channeling me, has sex with my own unrecognizably damaged corpse.

Maya: I thought we agreed not to talk about that one!

I'm pretty sure Edgeworth was in that sporking, though. Also, the sporkers knew Kristoph that time, so if you're using their OT incarnations they shouldn't be aware that even happened. That's what I think, at least. Time here has always been a little weird.

Other than that, it was a pretty fun read and I give you props for sporking a serious fic. Trollfics get pretty stale after so many. Edgeworth felt a little off but I can't pinpoint exactly how. I think it's stuff like checking up that movie in the internet. I feel like that's not something he would bother do. I'd say he's too much into the fic, if that makes any sense.
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