Why isn't it dead yet? By all rights it should be dead by now. Surely you people can't keep on coming up with new material or rehashing jokes about Edgeworth touching himself for this long.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I know, I'll do one.

---

Ahh, another beautiful day at the office.

It's raining outside.

But it's a beautiful day inside.

No, I hate the rain, even in here.

What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have a job anymore?

No, they fired me for... personal reasons.

---

I'm Harry fucking Potter!

Dude, put your pants back on, no one needs to see your 'magic wand'.

Shut up, Ron! You're always holding me back!

My name's not... oh, I give up. I'm calling the cops.

What the hell is going on out here?

It's a Dark Wizard! Face my golden stream of magical fury!

Well, this has been profoundly scarring. I'll be under my desk if anyone needs me.

---

Yeah, all right, whatever. But you can't live here. I have work to do.

No you don't, we haven't had a client in months.

Shut up, Maya, I'm trying to get rid of him.

Get rid of me? But why would you want to get rid of me? I'm so useful!

Useful.

Yes.

What, exactly, can you do?

I can drink a whole bottle of Pepto-Bismol without blinking!

And what use does this have to my law practice?

None at all.

Get out.

---

I need a filthy hobo to carry out my experiments on, but there are no filthy hobos around here. This part of town is too rich.

I have nothing left to live for! Sometimes I think that no one would notice at all if I was kidnapped for mad experimentation in someone's basement right this very instant. I'm going to roll around in the mud and become a filthy hobo.

Well that was convenient.

---

You know, you were really mean to Edgeworth just then. I mean, after all the times he's helped us, you just turn him out like that.

You're right, Maya. I should go apologize to him. I mean, he is my friend, even if he is a bit odd at times.

---

Well, no sign of him anywhere. I'm bored, let's go get drunk.

But he just left a minute ago. He couldn't have walked so far that we couldn't see him in such a short time.

I said, let's go get drunk.

Sigh.

---

Ngh... where am I?

Recording #451, supervisor Ema Skye. Subject is just awakening now. I'm preparing an injection of the experimental compound...

An injection of the what now?

Oh, I'm trying out my mad experiments on a living subject.

Well, I have nothing better to do, after all. Also I'm tied to this table and I expect I don't have any choice in the matter.

And you'd be right! Now, this'll just be a little poke...

BWAAAAAAAARGH

Oh, you big baby, that was just the topical anaesthetic.

I know, I have very sensitive skin.

Now, I just have to jam this enormous needle directly into your soft buttock flesh.

I am beginning to wish I was elsewhere.

---

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...

Who let him near the karaoke machine?

I'd say I did, but even I'm not that sadistic.

Bwah! Where the hell did you spring from?

Outside, where I was distressingly not alcoholized.

Oh.

Be a dear and buy me a martini whilst I try and find something to stuff in my ears.

Yes, I'll just ignore all the times you've been mean to me and buy you an expensive drink, shall I.

That's the general idea, yes.

Well no dice, Ms. von Karma.

I could end you.

Oh look, I've found the dice. Be right back.

Well, that was great. Maya! You've dyed your hair! And had plastic surgery! And taken a liking to overly frilly clothing! You know, that outfit looks really stupid. It's like something Franziska would wear, and damn, that stuff doesn't even look good on her.

This is one of those times where you stop talking before I begin hurting you.

I see you've traded vocal cords too. I hope you didn't use my credit card for this.

I'm going to let this slide because you're obviously very drunk, and just ask you if you've seen Edgeworth today. I have words to exchange with him.

Seen him today? Yeah, he came by the office. Then he left again.

Where did he go?

I dunno, I didn't care enough.

Look, I'll be straight with you here. I'm worried about him. He hasn't been home since he got fired last week. I don't know where the hell he's gone, and you're the last person to see him. Now, if I'm ever going to find him and give him the beating he so richly deserves for ruining my outfit, I'm going to need you as either information or bait. Edgeworth is delicate. He can't survive on the streets. We have to find him soon.

Well, I got drinks for everybody.

Is there time for booze?

Always.

---

Never gonna give never gonna give

Give you up

Never gonna give never gonna give

Give you up

I seem to have found myself in the bar of the damned.

---

Well, this is unexpected.

Unexpected? Potter wants to know where his magic wand's gone!

What?

Nothing.

Now, I'm sure the gender change is reversible, but I'll need time to look into...

Time? Every minute I spend like this is another minute I have to deal with these damnable emotions!

Oh, go outside or something. I need to do science.

Fine! I'll GO outside!

---

Dear lord, what am I going to do? I didn't become a filthy hobo to up and grow breasts the second some comely young girl stuck me with a needle!

Y'know, I had that same problem when I first b'came a filthy hobo.

Really?

Ayup.

And what did you do?

What any hobo worth his salt did. Drowned his sorrows 'n booze!

You're a genius! That's the best idea ever!

---

Are you quite finished laughing?

Not yet, no.

I knew booze was a bad idea from the start.

Seriously, Franziska, who's your friend? She's hot.

Do we tell him?

No, let him hit on you a few more times.

---

...god, Franziska's friend just gets hotter the more I look at her.

I think that might be the gin.

'course it is, but I don't have to realize that.

Do her. Do her. Do her. Take her and Franziska back to your office and do 'em both. You know you want to.

A compelling argument. What say you, good conscience?

I'm a rocket launcher! Moo!

Gonna have to go with the rocket launcher on this one. Sorry, man.

Who the hell are you talking to?

A manifestation of my deranged subconscious.

Remind me again why I want to sleep with you?

Sometimes I ask myself that same question.

---

Okay, seriously, Miles, we need to do something about this.

Ema's working on it. She says it'll be ready as soon as she can get the formula right.

And until then?

She says I should just go out and enjoy life as a woman.

Well then, why don't you?

Because I have no idea how.

I... I can show you. Come closer, Miles. Let me show you... what it is to be a woman.

---

Out of Africa? Does it have car chases?

I can see you have much to learn.

---

So she's a real hottie, is she?

Oh, totally. I'd hit it.

You poor fools.

What, you don't think she's hot? I mean, the pink suit is a little bit of an interesting clothing choice, but maybe she doesn't like traditional 'female' clothing styles.

Yeah, just cause you don't think she's girly enough is no reason to turn up your nose, Maya.

This is ridiculous.

Oh, here she comes now. You've got to meet her, Godot.

You know, Miles, that's the first time I've really enjoyed spending time with you in years.

You've given me a whole new perspective on cinema.

Oh, hey, Godot, when did you get here?

Just now, but right now Godot's got no time for the Friska. Hey, sexy, what's your name?

Miles Edgeworth.

Eh? Sorry, baby, I could have sworn you said you were my buddy Edgeworth just now.

It's a long story.

You know, now that I look at you, babe, there is a striking resemblance. But I'm not falling for another one of these pranks. What are you, a cousin or something?

I'm Edgeworth, dammit!

Oh? Well then prove it..

I've got the tattoo of the King of Prosecutors award on my butt, see?



Is that enough for you?

so cold

life is over

I think you broke them with conflicting mental images.

---

Now, this should counteract the effects of the first injection.

How sure are you?

I'm certain of it.

So why are you all over there hiding behind the blast shield?

Because if I'm wrong then there's no reason to get splattered with your innards, now is there?

Is it too late to stay a woman?

---

I'm just glad everything is back to normal.

Normal? I've got tentacles!

Psh. Ema says those'll drop off by the end of the week.

Fine, whatever. Got any beer in the fridge?

I think so, but get me one too, kay?

Edgeworth! No! Phoenix, don't you remember what Ema said?

Something about ethanol reacting with residual chemicals? Nothing to worry about, we don't have any ethanol.

What's in beer, Phoenix?

Alcohol.

I'll be in the closet if you need me.

What? Why?

Oh sweet god why does it hurt so!

Aw crap, this was a new suit too.

Pudding, I love you XD

---

You will see this on all of my posts. I used this account when I was 13-14 and some of the content I am not happy about. I am sorry to anyone who read my posts and was rightfully offended by any of it. I will likely not use this website again, just FYI.

Last edited by Wizard Anon on Thu Apr 15, 2021 3:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

*is playing Phoenix Wright*

Nick, what are you doing?

Discovering that my life sucks.

You're life doesn't suck! Everyone loves Nicky boy!

Don't ever call me that again!

Well don't just sit there, tell Maya what's wrong?

Okay, well I've been playing Phoenix Wright 1-3 and discover everyone hates me!

All the bad stuff happens to me:

- I get a wig throw at me.
- Get knocked out by a fire extinguisher.
- Raped by Gant.
- Get coffee thrown at me.
- Get shocked by Von Karma.
- Get whipped to death by Franny.
- Slept with a murderous bitch.
- Get slapped by Pearls.
- Steals all the girls from me.
- Get a penis hair shoved up my ass.
- AND I SLEPT WITH EDGEWORTH!

*is listening to music*

ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!?

So the rumours are true! I'm off to tell Franny!

COME BACK HERE EDGEY! I'LL KILL YOU!

....Marry me, Pudding....Anyways, to continue my last skit.

----

Okay, now, I want to break down the door and continue on.

Hey! You're just going to leave me here with a broken leg!?

Hey, talk with Elias, man. He's the medic.

I'm knocked out too. If you remeber correctly, you threw that grenade, and you had such a crappy roll it bounced off the wall and sent me flying.

Don't worry! I'll get this with my duct tape!

Duct tape. You aren't going to try and heal, are you?

She had that magical duct tape of repair. Instantly heals a bunch of hp when it's taped onto an object.

Duct taping a human? I don't think that's a smart idea.

What are you? A doctor?

I...

Don't answer that. Anyways, I'm going to duct tape Edgeworth's leg.

Okay. You put the duct tape on there, and Edgeworth is completely healed, and his leg is no longer broken.

Told you.

Unfortunately, when you pull it off, it pulls out hairs. Edgy screams. Pearl flinches at the noise and accidentally falls down. The impact makes her pistol go off. It hits a loose board in the cieling, which comes down, hits Edgeworth on the leg, dealing all the damage back and once again breaking his leg.

Crap...

---

...By the way, I'm only dead for legal reasons.

So, you're still alive?

No, a law book shot me in the head.

But you're standing right here.

Well, you're dead too!

OH CRAP!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Yeah.

But it's not that bad. You get free jumbo shrimp.

(RevFirst) Hey guys.

REV? You're dead?

What? No! This is a Red Lobster?

...WE'VE BEEN FOUND OUT!!!!!!!!

WE MUST JOINIFY HIM!!!!

WHAT?

Put on this apron!

I don't want to work here!

TOO BAD! We already wrote and distributed your obituary!

LIAR! *runs away*

...Well, let's go tell the boss.

Tell me what?

We lost Edgeworth.

OK, I'll go dress up as Jesus and find him.

---

Chinese Infantry presents (after finally getting ideas for shit as his job)...



Now everyone here knows Damon Gant, right. He has many facets: he's a killer, he used to be the Chief of Police, he's a homosexual, a pedophile, and a general creep. He's also a sexual deviant who has done the following:

- Jacked off with a cheese grater
- Raped a pregnant woman in hopes of being able to fuck the newborn baby as well...
- When that failed, disguised himself as a doctor so he could rape the newborn baby
- Was the caboose on the longest recorded man train
- Snorted cocaine off of a little kid's ass
- Jacked off to the following TV Shows: Lazytown, Barney and Friends, Dora the Explorer, That's so Raven, High School Musical, Pokémon and Sesame Street.

However, it is my firm belief that people aren't born this fucked up, they are made that way. So tonight, I've assembled a team of the finest to determine the cause of why Damon Gant is more fucked up than the fact that Uwe Boll is still allowed to make movies.

Maya Wright: The spirit medium. Will be used to contact any dead relatives of Gant if needed.

Phoenix Wright: Specialized in deductive reasoning. Also to support his wife Maya.

RevFirst and DarzieP: These fuckers specialize in everything fucked up. Cmon, Rev drew Grossberg in a bikini once FOR RA'S SAKE!

So here's the plan. While Phoenix and Maya are channeling the spirits of Gant's dead parents, Rev, Darzie and I will travel back in time to when Gant was a little kid.

Since when did you get a time machine?

Since I started selling my own...

C-12 TIME TRAVEL EMPORIUM: FOR ALL YOUR TIME TRAVEL NEEDS. SINCE A (SEMI)FAMOUS RAP GROUP IS BEHIND THIS, YOU WILL BUY ONE OF OUR FINEST TIME MACHINES FOR ONLY 6 EASY PAYMENTS OF OVER $9000!

C-12 IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FOLLOWING: PARADOXES, PLOTHOLES, CAUSING YOU TO NEVER BE BORN, REINCARNATING HITLER, OR HAVING THE COMMUNISTS WIN THE COLD WAR. HOWEVER, WE DO TAKE FULL CREDIT FOR THE PREVENTION OF THE DEATHS OF TUPAC AND BIGGIE SMALLS...

...you do realize the advertising joke stopped being funny about 6-7 pages ago...

Hey, I need the money. Otherwise, it's Edgey alone time jokes and Gant pedophilia jokes...

But this whole funny is...

TO THE PAST! *Rev, Darzie and CI step into time machine and go back in time*

Well, it's just us...

Oooh, you thinking what I'm thinking, Nicky-kins.

Mmm, yes I am, dear.

*Phoenix and Maya move in to kiss*

*Time machine reappears* AND NO MAKING OUT OR HAVING SEX. IN ANY OTHER SITUATION, I'D APPROVE AND EVEN VIDEO TAPE TO SELL IN MY PORN SHOP, BUT WE HAVE WORK TO DO *Disappears*

...shit....

Well, we have to get to work. Finding anything...

No, sorry...

*4 hours later*

Still nothing.

Fuck it. *Makes out with Maya*

*blushes* Mmm...wait, I'm getting something.

Really.

*Gant's Dad, channeled by Maya* WHAT IN SAM HELL IS THIS. ONE MOMENT, I'M RAPING DAHLIA HAWTHORNE IN THE ASS, AND NOW I'M HERE!

Uhh...hi...my name's Phoenix. Are you Damon Gant's dad?

I DON'T HAVE A SON!

Great...it's the wrong guy...

I didn't mean that literally...

Well, could you at least tell me about your son before you disowned him...

If I do, will you kill off Paris Hilton for me? I want a threesome with her and Lindsay Lohan.

But...she isn't dead yet.

Judging by the way she's been acting, she'll be dead soon. Paris, on the other hand, I can't count on, so you'll have to do her in.

...I'll see what I can do...

Alright. My son was a queer and no matter what I did, I couldn't get him to FUCK WOMEN. It's was always sucking cocks this and buttsex that. Finally, one day, I gave up and just disowned him.

...what about the fact that's he's a pedophile.

What do you expect from my son? He's a damn faggot!

(Prejudice aside, this doesn't explain why he is a pedophile or any of his other eccentricities. Though I may have the proof I need.)

Can I go now?

FOR THE LOVE OF RA, YES!

*Reverts back* What did you find out, Nicky-kins? *snuggles up to him*

Well, I did find out why he is a homosexual, and have a good idea of his fucked up factor. Cmon, let's go confront Gant.

*shudders*

Don't worry, I'll protect you if he tries to rape you.

Thanks, Nick ^^!

[hypnosis] YOU LOVE PHOENIX/MAYA! YOU WORSHIP THE PAIRING! TO NOT SHIP PHOENIX/MAYA CAUSES YOU INCREDIBLE DISCOMFORT [/hypnosis]

Give it a rest.

FINE!

*Location: Gant's house*

WRIGHTO, MY BOY! WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?

Uhh...I need to ask you something...

WELL, WHAT IS? ASK ME ANYTHING?

Why in the name of Ra are you a fucked up flaming child molester?



......

*10 minutes later*

Will you stop that?

...pull down pants, lube up asshole, make room for my penis...

I KNOW WHY YOU ARE LIKE THIS.

Did you not hear me. Assume the position for buttfucking!

It's because YOU WERE DISOWNED BY YOUR FATHER!

......

*10 minutes later*





(Took long enough)

Alright, Wrighto, I'll talk. After my father disowned me because of my homosexuality, I went nuts. I started doing odd things because...well...I guess I wasn't thinking clearly. I was also never loved as a child, so I wanted to make up for it by spreading my love to childrens.

So THAT'S why you have sex with kids.

...yes.

So now are you going to change your ways and become a normal person.

FUCK THAT! MY DAD DISOWNING ME WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVERY HAPPENED TO ME! OTHERWISE, I WOULD NEVER KNOW HOW GOOD STICKING YOUR DICK IN A LITTLE KID'S ASS FEELS!



Now kindly get off my property before I release the hounds...

*runs*

*Location: Elsewhere*

*Returns with Rev and Darzie*

So what did you find out.

Well, the source of all his troubles seemed to have come from his dad disowning him for being gay. What did you guys find out?

All we found out were more fucked up things to add to the list.

HE ONCE OPERATED A BROTHEL OUT OF THE WOODEN CASTLE OF THE PLAYGROUND IN KINDERGARDEN

HE'S PULLED A GEORGE MICHAEL EVERY OTHER WEEK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!

HE WHORED HIMSELF OUT FOR BETTER GRADES IN HIGH SCHOOL. AND ALL HIS TEACHERS WERE MALE.

HE EXPERIMENTED WITH HETEROSEXUALITY IN COLLEGE...AND HATED IT!

Allright, I've learned something today: don't disown your child just because he or she is gay. Be understanding and supportive. Otherwise, he/she might end up like Damon Gant. WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER DAMON GANT. Also, give me money.

---

Last edited by Chinese Infantry on Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CI. That. Was. Epic. That funny totally owned! So freaking hilarious! I was cracking up the whole time! Great job!

---

(LySs): Hello everyone! This was supposed to continue where my last funny left off but I changed my mind because I can't think of any good ideas!

What!? That's bullsh*t! I thought I was supposed to play a major roll!

(LySs): Well that's too damn bad now isn't it?

WHAT DID YOU SAY!?

(LySs): I said that's "TOO. DAMN. BAD." Read my lips.

That's it! *attacks Lyss*

(LySs): WARGH!!

Bitch do you not know who the f*ck I am?! I'M THE GODDAMNED GODOT, BITCH!!

(LySs): F*CK NO!! *Chuck Norris roundhouses kicks him*

*flies off* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo....BUUUUUUT I'M THE GOOOODOOOOT, BIIIIIIIiiiitcchhh....*twinkle*

(LySs): Well that takes care of that. Now to pay Phoenix a visit for no apparent reason at all!

*at Phoenix's apartment*

*wakes up* Huh? Wah? Where..am I? ...E-Edgeworth?

*on top of Phoenix sleeping* Zzz...

EDGEWORTH!? GET THE HELL OFF ME!! *kicks him off*

No von Karma...*snore* ..don't stick the tazer...there...*snore*

Edgeworth! Wake up! *smacks him*

Huh? Wha? Wazzat?? Where am I? What happened??

You're at my apartment.

What!? Why the hell am I here?? And more importantly WHY AM I IN YOUR BED?!

You drank too much at that party last night and passed out on the floor. I walked you back home but I couldn't find your key so I let you stay at my place. Although, why you're in my bed, I'm not sure. I could've sworn I threw you on my couch.

Erm...right. But anyway...

That party was awesome wasn't it!? And I finally scored last night!

...."finally"?

Uh... did I say "finally"? Ooops, I-I must've said that wrong! I only meant to say I scored last night!

....Right...

Yeah man, that hot chick totally wanted me!

Really? That's funny because I don't recall there being any women at the party.

Oh come on, you're pulling my leg. It was that hot French chick remember?

....

....

....

*long pause*

OH MY GO-

*doorbell rings*

I-I'LL GET IT!!

*door opens*

(LySs): Yo what's crackin' homie?!

...since when did you talk gangsta?

(LySs): Since when did you stop wearing pants?? >:D

Wargh!! *runs off*

Huh? Who is it?

(LySs): ....

Oh you're that annoying frappuccino-obsessed fangirl aren't you?

(LySs): ....Uh...was I interrupting something?

What!? *looks down to see he's not wearing any pants*

ACK!! N-NO IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

(LySs): *runs off crying* NOOO!! All my Phoenix/Maya fanfics are RUINED!!

*runs out the door while pulling his pants on* WAIT! THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN US!!

(LySs): *runs back* Okay! Well if you say so!! *glomps*

*facepalm* Why me...

Hmmph, Mary-Sue...

(LySs): WHAT!? Mary-Sue!!? Hey buddy if you're trying to imply that I have something for Phoenix you're in big trouble because I totally don-

ENOUGH! Lyss get off of me, and Edgeworth, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! GET SOME DAMN PANTS ON PLEASE!!

Whatever...*walks off*

(LySs): Looks like SOMEBODY is jealous...

*jumps out of the bushes* A-HA!!

(LySs): AHHHH!!

GODOT! What the hell are YOU doing here!!?

Well you see, after that bitch tossed me into the sky, I landed in Antartica where a family of kangaroos took me in a rasied me as their own-

(LySs): Don't you mean "Australia"?

SILENCE BITCH! You do not question my m4d geography skillz! Anyway! So then a magical flying tortoise came to me and granted me one wish so I wished for a fish in a dish and-

(LySs): GET TO THE POINT!

Fine fine! Well when I got back I heard rumors about Edgeworth staying at your place so I decided to do some investigation and now I have PROOF!!

P-Proof??

Yeah! Proof that you really ARE gay with Edgeworth! I happened to have snapped a shot of Edgeworth sleeping in bed with you when you were sleeping!

That doesn't prove anything!

Hmm...well probably not. But I can still embarass the shit out of both of you!! And with these photos I'm going to show the whole world the truth about you two!!

WHAT!? You can't do that!!

Yes I can! Because I'M THE GODDAMNED GODOT, BITCH!! MUAHAHAH! *runs off*

(LySs): Oh crap!! If those photos are revealed to the public then no one will support me and Phoenix as a couple!

...what?

(LySs): Uh...I said no one will support Maya and Phoenix as a couple!

Oh okay...

Wait...WHAT??

(LySs): C'mon! We have to go after him before it's too late!!

Okay but we can't let Edgeworth know about this or people will really start to believe that me and him are-

Okay! Now what is going on?? Why was Godot here??

(LySs): Uhhh...

(LySs): L-LOOK! VON KARMA AND GANT ARE GETTING IT ON WITH EACH OTHER!! WITH CHOCOLATE!!

Oh please! That has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard of! Besides why would I care about von Karma and Gant-

???: Ow my foot!!

Oh! Sorry! Huh? V-VON KARMA?? Why are you naked-

Y-YOU SAW NOTHING!! *tasers Edgey and runs off carrying his clothing*

AGHHH!! *passes out*

(LySs): Well that was strange.

Manny-poo?? Where did you go?? What happened to our lo- Oh my...

(LySs): ....

(LySs): Man!! I wasn't serious!!

YOU DARE TELL THIS TO ANYONE I'LL RIP BOTH OF YOUR ESOPHAGUSES OUT!!!

(LySs): AHHHHH!!! *runs away*

COME BACK HERE!!! YOU'RE BOTH DEAD!!!

Wait Lyss!! Why are YOU running?! Can't you just blast him with your bazooka like last time!!?

(LySs): I'm not running because of him trying to kill us!! I'm running because of what I just saw!!

For once I agree...AHHHH!!!!

*Elsewhere*

Yo bitch!! Check this out!!

Excuse me! I have a name and it's Maya!!

Yeah okay whatever bitch. Anyway here! *hands out photos*

Hmmm? Why that's Nick and Mr. Edgeworth.

And they're both sleeping...

Toge- oh wow...

Ha!! So what do you think of them now??

Well...I...

I find it kinda cute!!

What!!? You're not disgusted in any way!?

Huh? Why would I? I can understand from this picture that Mr. Edgeworth was very tired and decided to rest at Nick's apartment!

Argh! This is not the reaction I was supposed to get!! Screw this! *runs off*

Well that was pretty strange. Well no matter... *walks off*

*Meanwhile...*

We're...*huff*alive...

(LySs): Mine eyes! They burn!!

Never would I have thought...von Karma and Gant...just wow...

(LySs): Forget about that!! We have to get that photo back from Godot! ....

(LySs): ...Why WAS Edgeworth at your place anyway?

*sigh* Larry invited us to one of his parties last night at some Mexican bar. Edgeworth had a little bit too much to drink so I walked him home but couldn't find his key so I let him stay at my place. I dropped him on the couch so I'm not sure how he got into my bed...

(LySs): You...uh...really don't think he climbed into your bed on purpose did he??

...Actually I don't know...

(LySs): Well anyway we still have to get that photo back from Go-

Hey what's up Nick! ....Lyss.

M-Maya!

(LySs): Hey Maya, you didn't happen to see Godot pass by did you?

Actually I did. He was showing me a photo of Nick and Edgeworth sleeping together.

N-NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN US I SWEAR!!

Eh? What are you talking about? I just commented saying it was cute and he ran off.
Is something going on that I don't know about?

(LySs): *sigh* Well...

*10 minutes later*

(LySs): ...and then that's how we ran into you!!

.... EWWWW!! VON KARMA AND GANT!!?

Yeah! But Gant told us not to tell anyone or else he'd cut our throats out!!

So why are you telling me this!? First of all that's mad NASTY!!

(LySs): Yeah! I mean I can understand Gant and Pearl or something, but VON KARMA??

That's even worse!!

Lyss! I think Gant in general doing anyone is gross!!

(LySs): Well I had to explain what was going on! Besides it's not like Gant knows I'm telling you or anything...

YOU INSOLENT FOOLS!!!! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE!!!

(LySs): Aw...crap...

*gasp* GANT!!

Yes!! I am the one and only Damon Gant!! So you should all fear me and bow down to me!! Because I am the great Damon Gant!! Muahahahahahah!! Oh, did I mention I'm the great and all powerful Damon Gant?

And...do we even care??

If you care about your assholes you should.

Hmm...you've got a good point.

(LySs): AHHHHH!!!!

*Elsewhere*



So...what's your thought on this?

Heh. Poor Edgeworth. I guess all that partying must've had him beat!

WAARGHHH!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?

That's it! I know one person who'd definitely believe me! *runs off*

Huh? Wonder what his problem is-

(LySs): *bursts through the side of the house* AHHHHH!!!!
*crashes into the other side of the house and runs out*

*runs in* COME BACK HERE YOU FOOLS!! *runs out after them*

...

Aww...there goes this month's salary...

*Meanwhile...*

(LySs): *gasp* D-Did we lose him?

I don't think so-

*jumps out of nowhere and grabs Maya* IT'S RAPIN' TIME!!

NOOO!! NICK HELP ME!

Maya!! I'll save you! *kicks Gant in where the sun doesn't shine*

Ow!! That's a mother- *drops Maya*

*catches her* Maya! Are you okay??

I...I'm fine...

Maya, it's all my fault, if I paid attention more you wouldn't have gotten caught and-

(LySs): OH JUST GET IT ON WITH EACH OTHER ALREADY!!

...Huh??

(LySs): Damnit! The Maya/Phoenix fangirl within me is screaming!! JUST HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER AND GET IT OVER WITH!!



(LySs): Erg! But there's another side of me that wants Phoenix to myself as well! *starts smashing her head into a tree*
AGHH!! *thud* GOD*thud*DAMNIT!!*thud**thud*

Is...she okay?

I don't even know anymore

Are you all done with your lovers spat?? Well good! Cuz you're all dead!!! Why?? Cuz I am Damon Gant that's why!!! MUAHAHAHAHAH!!

Dude, do you EVER shut the f*ck up??

(LySs): Okay that's it! You've scarred me enough for today so if you if you'd please kindly get the f*ck out of our way-

OUT OF YOUR WAY??!! NO I WILL NOT!! WHY!? CUZ I AM DAMON GANT!!!AND YOU SAW ME AND MY DEAR MANNY SO YOU WILL SUFFER AND DIE AS WELL!!!

(LySs): Oh just go screw yourself!

Fine! And so I shall! *runs off*

(LySs): ...huh?

*10 minutes later*

*comes back with his clothes falling off* Phew! I'm done!



(LySs): Dude! I wasn't serious!!

Wow. How was Gant able to screw himself anyway?

Maya, this is Gant we're talking about. He can rape anyone and anything. Even himself.

Actually I'm just talented *wink*

(LySs): That's it! You're just freakin' nasty so LEAVE!! *pulls out a bazooka, shoots Gant and he goes flying*

UUUUGHHH!!! NOOO!! HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO DEFEAT ME!!?? I AM DAMON GANT!! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE INVINCIBLE!!! NOOOOOOOOoooo.... *twinkle*

Well now that he's out of the way, lets get that photo back!

*Elsewhere*

Take a look at this!!

...

Well? WELL??

I must say, I am definitely shocked an appalled at this photo.

Yes! Yes!! This is the exact response I've wanted I-

I mean, if he wanted to prove he was actually in love with Wright, he could've done a better job with this!

Wait...what?

Just look at these positions! They don't prove they're sleeping with each other at all! They're clothes would've been completely off and there's no love or sexual tension shown! Isn't that right Adrian?

*lying in bed naked* Yes Master.

Hmmph, show better proof next time. *slams door shut*

....

DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!!! I thought for sure that setting up Edgeworth in bed with Trite would help my plan on proving the world that they were gay together!

*gasp*

So YOU were the one who placed Edgeworth in bed with me!

You're such a scumbag Godot!

(LySs): And scumbags need to be taught a lesson!

Oh really? What exactly are you going to do to me?

(LySs): Give you this. *hands him a video tape*

Huh? "Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break Sex Riot"? Aw hell yes!! *runs off*

A sex tape? Why the hell would you give him that? And why did you have that on you in the first place?

(LySs): Hehehe... but do you know what's REALLY on that video?

...Ohhh....hehehehe..

*back at Godot's place*

Aw yes! This is gonna be hot! I've been looking for this volume everywhere! Dunno why that bitch gave it to me after what I did but who cares!!
*pops in the video*

♪♫We're no strangers to love...♫♪

....What the...

♪♫You know the rules...AND SO DO I!♫♪

Who the hell is this!?? This isn't Girls Gone Wild!!

♪♫A full commitments what I'm thinking of...
You wouldn't get this from any other guy!♫♪

Jesus Christ! It's...it's... A GAY PORNO!! NOOO!!

♪♫I just wanna tell you how Im feeling...
Gotta make you... UNDERSTAND!

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you♫♪

That bitch!! She f*cking tricked me!!

Hmm... This is kinda catchy though... *begins dancing*

*Cut to: Wherever Phoenix, Maya and Lyss are*

*phew* Finally! That mess has been cleared up!

(LySs): Yup! Now you two can go on and make love now!



(LySs): ...What?

Er...Where is Mr. Edgeworth anyway?

Hmm...last time I checked he passed out in front of my apartment from being tasered by von Karma.

(LySs): Huh? That's strange, he's nowhere to be found.

Maybe he woke up and walked back home.

Oh well. Hey let's go out for burgers!

(LySs): Yeah and frappuccinos!

Fine fine...

*Phoenix, Maya and Lyss walk off into the sunset dramatically*

*Cut to: A dark alleyway*

*wakes up*...Ugh... my head... Where am I?

Well well, looks who's finally awake.

von Karma? What are you...

Pants off Boy. Now.

...Oh maaaan....

*END*

---

Yet another attempt at humor by the sleep-deprived Mit-chan...Enjoy.

"Oh Juani-poo~! I'm hoooooooooome!"

"That stopped being cute when they put us on this damn reality show together..."

"Lighten up or I'll choke you with your..."

"Go spontaneously combust..."

"Hey pals...can you keep it down? We're on TV..."

". . .naw durrrrr. Dios mio!" +Rolls eyes.+

"Geesh, Juan. You sound like you have a tampon shoved up your arse..."

". . .Shut up and go spontaneously combust."

"Grow up, Tamp-Juan."

"Make another tampon joke and I'll seriously maim you."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones..."

"Don't make me do this because of that smart remark..."

+Challenging her almost.+ "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains EXCITE ME!"

"I WARNED YOU!"

"Owwie...Do it again."

"Not on your life. Remember...Daddykins is in the house too..."

"Crap..."

"Are you upsetting my princess?"

"...I was."

"Zappytime!"

+Flops to the ground. Twitches several times. Foams at the mouth.+ "Looks like Team Rock--"

". . .Manny. He's not spontaneously combusting yet. Zap him more..."

"SHUT UP JUAN!"

"..." +Kicks the passed out Matt.+ "Maybe I should drag him upstairs..."

"Why ya doin' that Mr. Jammin' Ninja, sir?"

"...You'll understand when you're older." +Drags Matt upstairs.+

---------------------------------------------------
+THE NEXT DAY+

"Juan...? My arse hurts...and I don't remember anything..."

"...Oh really?"

"But I do~!"

+Face grows pale+ "Oh -HELL- no."

"I was watching from the closet. I've trained Juan well..."

". . .can I have a gun to shoot myself?"

"...No. You can't. But you can lay still so I can take advantage of you again."

". . . . . . . . . . .No, Tamp-Juan."

"...So...Matt...how's it feel to have a tampon up your bum?"

". . .I hate you, Tamp-Juan."

---

Girlfriend and boyfriend are talking.
Pearls: How do you spell Paedophilia, Mr Nick?
Phoenix: Jeez, that's an awfully big word for an 8 year old...

(Sorry).

---

*Riding tricycle down a hall. Turns the corner*
Come play with us, Cody!
!!!

---

@Lyss: That was EPIC Funny! I swear if I laugh anymore, I'm gonna pop a lung.

Ah but Mr. Wright, you're forgetting something! Mr. Meekins did indeed have a way to witness the murder from the subterranean security sector!

HOLD IT!! What are you tal--

*Faint ticking sound echoes rapidly, like a pendulum clock*

Mr. Wright? Is there a problem?

Er, no your honour. I think I'll just ask the witness directly about this supposed method.

*Ticking persists*

Well sir, there is a backup camera built into the system just in case for measures like this. It's a very--

*Ticking continues, louder than before*

*Twitches*... A very...

*Tick-tock-tick-tock*

Hrm...does anyone hear something?

Yeah, I think I--

Nonsense! This is only wasting time and creating a risk that the witness will forget what he is about to tell us before the information is fully relayed! Now continue, witness.

*tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock*

*Slappy salute* YES SIR, SIR! It's a very important facility and is often exposed to sabotage from the defendant's office, and thus extra measures have--



My client is in no way affiliated with terrorists!!

*tick-tick-tick*

But look at her! She's obviously the culprit! The blood cut on the thumb is of the same pattern as that of the video feed we captured!

*tock-tock-tock*

She nibbles that all the time she's worrying about someone else. Clearly she's concerned about the victims of this atrocity. No murderer would--

*ticking increases*

*Twitches*....Dare to regret...

*TICK-TOCK-TICK-TOCK*

.....So publically...

Phoenix?

*Slams desk* Okay, that's enough. There's something disrupting the focus of key parties in this courtroom here!

Indeed. Will whoever it is please stop that infernal racket at once?

Agreed. I can't even think about what happened last time I stowed into the women's bath--



--thometer by accident.

Bathometer?

...Yes. A bathometer.

*Skeptically* Odd. I've never been to such a thing.

I bet it's used to measure one's intake of--

*ticking sound erupts louder once more. Continues this time without ceasing*

Alright, ALRIGHT!

*Bangs gavel violently* PLEASE! We are trying to facilitate the murder trial of a twenty-three--

Thirty.

--Thirty year old suspect! Now who's creating that clocklike ticking?!
*TICK-TOCK-TICK-TOCK*
Not guilty as always.
I'm good.
SIR! I ABANDONED ALL MY TECH AT MY OUTPOST, SIR!!
*TICK-TOCK-TICK-TOCK*
I'm as innocent as that lovely young girl I--

...Nothing.
*Ticking persists heavily, louder than a group of chirping crickets. Nobody comes forward*

*Bangs gavel* Very well then! I'M HOLDING YOU ALL UNDER CONTEMPT OF COURT!! Baliff, get them out of here.
*tick-tock-tick-tock*
Now hold on just one second! I'm not doing that ticking, and I want to see this court go ballistic when Wright wins the case like always and shows up--
*Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock*
Baliff, shoot him.

Yes SIR! *Pulls out pistol and fires*

Not again!! UUUH! *Runs away, being chased by Marshall all the way*
*Uneasy silence*
Hm, think that did it?
Doubtful.
Well let's wait and see.

*Moments of rest*

It's gone, it's finally gone!!

*TICKTOCKTICKTOCKTICKTOCKTICKTOCKTICKTOCKTICKTOCK*


DAMN IT, HE JINXED IT!!
Baliff, kill him too. Baliff?
So close to regaining sanity!
I'M SORRY SIRS, I REALLY REALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU ALL!!*cries*

*Bangs gavel* Very well. Everyone unaffiliated with this incident and/or trial directly, vacate from the courthouse at once. I am not dealing with the fate of a life AND the sanity of all members of the court simultaneously!

Dude, they were about to play the Cornered music too. Jerks.
*TICKTOCKTICKTOCKTICKTOCK*
Bah, everything needs to be dramatic or it just won't sell these days. Pitiable. Why I remember when I was defending in courts and we had a sense of PLACE, of dignity and not everything was a bunch of overdramatic mumbo jumbo. These wannabe superstar actors always wait stupidly 'til the last second before the verdict's thrown disrespectfully to---
Oh no, here he goes again! I'm off.

*Ticking proceeds as the court members depart, irritated*

So....what you doing after this?
Originally I was going to look after Ema and catch some breath after escaping a trumped up charge by the skin of my teeth. Why?
Well you're you and I need to get--Wait, Ema? I thought she was with Maya.
She is?

-----

NO. WAY.
WAY.
NO WAY.
WAY!
NO WAY!
WAY!!

Are you sure?!
Totally sure!
Are you sure?!
Totally sure!
Are you sure?!
Totally sure!
Are you--
Er, what are you girls fessing about??

Maya just told me they're remaking the Steel Samurai. IN ANIME!!
It's true! Penny told me herself I swear!
And I was just thinking "OMIGOSH, IT'LL LOOK SO AWESOME!" The fighting scenes will be all high-tech and finally accurate to realistic physics, and everyone will be pausing, and we'll see SO MUCH MORE into everything and everyone and--
We all know how squee the Evil Magistrate would be in that outline!
Or what about in CHIBI FORM!?
Speaking of chibi, my Junior Samurai just powned your Dark Slime thanks to this power-up!
Ah, but you're forgetting about my TRAP CARD!!
OH NO!! MY BABY!!!


....Dear god, I'm wasting my life! *Discards Samurai cap and runs away*

To eventually be continued...

---

Last edited by Dr. Mancusio on Fri Aug 31, 2007 12:35 pm, edited 3 times in total.

(Godot Fan) Holy crap I can hear the ticking all the way over to here!

I'M STILL RUNNING AWAY FROM THE DEAD LOBSTER!!!!

(Godot Fan) ...Hey, that's a good name! Thanks Edgeworth!

No problem!

Now to run for my life!

DEAD LOBSTER-PART TWO

Hey, I'm getting away at a pretty good rate!

Hello, my son!

HOLY CRAP IT'S JESUS!

What is wrong my child?

Well, I'm being chased by a bunch of dead people!

Go with them. They're swell guys.

K.

...

Wait, why is there a cord coming from your ear? And why are you wearing a suit?

...CRAP, I'VE BEEN FOUND OUT! ALL FLANKS ASSEMBLE!!!

Right!

MOVE OUT!

GO GO DEAD RANGERS!!!

Grey ranger, corpse!

Violet ranger, skull!

White ranger, casket!

Blue ranger, tombstone!

Tan ranger, urn!

Red ranger, undertaker!

Orange ranger, reaper!

Brown ranger, funeral!

DEAD RANGERS!

Hey, where'd he go?

I think he ran away while we were dressing up.

Damn. Let's just wear these all the time if we're going to use them all the time.

No! They're all hot an itchy!

Then why do we wear them?

They look cool. Now follow my lead.

DEAD RANGERS!

Where is that music coming from?

...We'll stop.

---

I got one from my friend! Its not funny in the beginning though...(She saw a video on youtube so yah. I'm cutting it a little short though, cause It's actually supposed to be really long, but it takes a hella long time for me to type.)

: My First Job was Burger king.
My bro got me the job, MY BRO GOT ME THE JOB.
He was the manager.
You know you think it would be cool cause he was my bro, but he was a d!ck!
He put me on drive thru EVERY NIGHT.
Why do people insist on yelling at the drive thru? Modern Technology, I'd be there with my little headset-
---------
Hello sir can i please take your order-
WHOPPPPEEEER!!!!!!
Sir, please-
WHOPPPPEEEERRR WITH NO ONIONS LARGE FRIES!
---------
You know, I hated it even more when people didnt speak loud enough.
IT DROVE ME CRAZY.
---------
Hello ma'am can i take your order...?
(whisper voice) pickles...and the pickles... large shake... pickles...
Uhm... Can I take your order?
(Whisper)pickles... pickles... pickles....
pickles, and the pickles, AND THE PICKLES....
Alright ma'am, you apparently want some pickles...
Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drive thru? what are you saying? HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO!
... chicken tenders....
Sweet sauce... all over my body...
... SOMEBODY GET THE SWEET SAUCE NOW! SHE WANTS IT HER WAY!!!

-The end-

Lol...

(EZ) Dane Cook, nice.

HoboGodot Approves

Thanks
hey, why do you always say that?

(EZ) Say what? My Approvals?

Yea, I mean your technically NOT Godot, so why are you using that handle?

(EZ) its a long complicated story.

I've got time to listen
me too
I also would like to know
so do I....

(EZ) This is getting annoying....

COMMON TELL US!!!


(EZ) NO! -runs away-

I dont approve of this!!

Rats, he got away.....
Its cuz you ganged up on him...

Wait... doesn't a hell trail await if he disapproves of something?

and doesn't TSS take the first one and bring Gant and his cronnies??

That's a superstition, its not like anything will happen...

I just remembered I got to find a way to fight against the Dead Rangers....

I too need to go... I'll ask GodotFan see if he knows why he goes by HoboGodot...

I just remembered I was supposed to take my girlfriend on a date...

See ya Nick!

why is everyone leaving?

EZ YOU OWE ME 1.3 MILLION AGAIN!!! EVERYONE COME OUT!!!

ITS HELL TRAILZ TIME!!!!!

HELP ME!!!!

---

I find the defendant Godot,

I'm the defendant!?
What? you thought you asked me to be your lawyer as a joke?
yes.
And now you'll die because of your little mistake!
actually...
...?
He only has to go to jail for a week.
Say WHAT?!
Who's stupid now?

---

It's song time!


*gavelslam* That's enough! There are too many verses to that song, and the rest of them don't even fit the case.
Wait! Give us another chance. I'll get everyone to sing better!
Wright, let it go. It's obvious that you all suck at singing.
This court finds all of the defendants of bad singing and lyric adaptation. Court is adjourned!

---

That was fucking GENIUS!

---

And thus comes another attempt of Mit-chan's Ultimate Humor! Enjoy darn it!

"Wait...WHO'S ON THE PROSECUTOR'S BENCH?!"

+In a maid outfit+ "Who's the naughty little jerk?!"

"I am!"

"Who do whips and chains excite?"

"ME!"

+Spits out some generic cola+ ". . .I KNEW IT!"

". . . . . .Oh shi-"

". . .Is there something you haven't been telling me?"

"Matteo! How could you?!" +Crushed look+

"That's it...I'm calling my father to personally execute you with a taser..."

"I love you Juan...I love you Fran...I can't choose..."

"What is Miss Prosecutor Lady doing to Mr. Nickel Samurai?"

"Um...Pearly...you'll know when you're older..." +Cough. Drags Pearl away.+

"Am I gonna die?"

"Yes." +Whips, chains, knives, and pitchforks+

"I knew I should have went to that monastery when I was sixteen..."

---

Well, ladies and gentlemen, do you know why I have brought you here today?
Let me guess. You brought me and Edgeworth here to beat the crap out of each other while Ema and Maya dress up as the Elite Beat Divas and cheer us on as they dance to Shanghai Honey?
*Pulls out notepad* No, but I'll write that idea down. Brilliant. Anyways, we're here to harass your replacements. The new guys.
Umm...They aren't exactly new...GS4 has been out for months in Japan.
Yeah, but Apollo Justice *everyone in the room shudders* hasn't come out in America. So, we might as well initiate these people.

To be continued

---

Time for (bad) Song/dance crossover(NOT|OFFICIAL TRANSLATION & NOT TRANSLATED BY ME)

( , , on stage)

I want to be the one who
Can solve the Mysteries that take control of our lives
with my friends we will go anywhere in this world


Forever for all of time!

Booooooon

Oh this dream, that will warp and loop
inside my mind
Plays around with my heart, I imagine someday
that it might Absorb us all!

( & appear out of nowhere)

I still remember that sunny day
Magical games that we used to play
pour down endlessly, couldn't possibly
take these memories from me

I'll see you tomorrow, then we can say
"we're laughing and humming all of the way!"
Gather happiness, using togetherness
You'll find it isn't hard if you can really try

Gotta learn to chase it, gotta yearn to grasp it
We love dreaming big, so dream and dream
"suki deshou"

*All do "the pose" if you know the song...you'll know *
__________________

Sucked and cookies if you guys the song....

---

Another song! There aren't really spoilers, it's just lots of swearing. Ayup.

---

*runs into Phoenix's office* Oh Mr. Nick! Mr. Nick! I found some letters addressed to you! Mystic Maya told me you might want to see these!

*ignoring Pearl while playing Spider Solitare on the computer* Uh-huh. Whatever you say doll.

Let me read the first one! *opens up envelope* Dear Mr. Nick... *starts to read through the letter* .....sea-qwall.....boobs....

WOAH PEARLS! YOU SHOULDN'T BE READING THAT!!!! *takes letter*

Lets see.... Dear Mr. Wright,

Your outtake on the parody of Blue's Clues was hysterical! I would love it if you made a sequel to the infamous Boob's Clues! But instead of Mia, focus more on the lovely handsome Grossberg. He could use more screentime. He is so full of lovin!

Yours Truly,
A happy fan!

What the crap? They want a sequel? I almost died in the first one.... you know what? Screw him. In fact. Screw all the fans!

Mr. Nick! You sound like Ms. Von Karma when shes around Mr. Ed-gi-werth. She said something about screwing him and....

Moving on!

I'm going back to my game now.

But Mr. Nick! There are so many more letters for you! *takes out a letter* Lets see..... I.... love.... you...

GASP! A letter of confession! Are you cheating on Mystic Maya?

Gimme that! *snatches letter and mumbles* I have no idea what you are talking about....

Anyways, lets read us that letter. Dear Phoenix,

I love you and the way you always get the bad guys in the end. The way you actually.... you know what. Cut the suck up crap. I'm getting to the point. How in the world did you get through law school. Lord knows you have sucky driving skills and you are more poorer than a starving child in a third world country. Tell me you have parents somewhere. I'm sure everyone is wondering who or where they are. Unless you are some kind of fugitive on the run after robbing so many banks, but I doubt you would do something like that you freakin' pansy. Show me some proof of your parents and maybe I'll buy the sequel to your crappy video game. And if you show the viewer some crappy photo of you between two adults with some horribly cropped heads on the bodies, so help me I will hunt you down and devour your soul.

Anonymous

What the crap? This person is such an idiot! Of course I have real parents! They just aren't significant to the plot advancements of the video game!

Then who are they?

....

Y'know.... thats a good question Pearls. Usually, I'd show you through one of my many pictures, but since my life is threatened and the readers would rather a good story to go along with this instead of the author trying to describe some crappy details of a picture. I'd say pack your bags! We are going on a road trip to find my parents!

YAY! Road trip! I'll go tell Mystic Maya! *runs off*

Hmm.... do I even have any parents? I'm really confused.... well the first place I could go to is the hospital for my birth records. Maybe I can find out at least the names of my parents from that!

*arrives with * So Pearly tells me we are going on a road trip.

Of course!

With you? May I remind you of that Boob's clues incident?

May I remind you it was all fictional? Is Pearls married to Gant? No he...

Thats because I gave him someone much more enjoyable.
_____________________________

Okay little one! Where is Mr. Gant's popsicle stick? Tell me and you win!

Ooh! I know I know!

TOO LATE!!!! RAEP TIME!!!!
_____________________________

Whatever. Look. I need some roadies with me to make this funny much more enjoyable. You in?

What's in it for me? You better say something good quick before I knee you in the groin again.

Tickets to Steel Samurai land! They just opened it up last week!

Oh goody! Count me in!

*to herself* Guess I'll have to pick up the gun then....
______________________________

*driving a car* I hate my frikkin' life.

I don't know why I'm even here.

NICK! Why must we go with you?

For the sake of humor and more character interactment! You can only imagine how dull it gets when you're only around two other kids.

HEY!

But remind me why we are here. Its not like I would volunteer for one of your shinanigans.

Because if you don't do as I say, I will show these pics of what you and Gumshoe did at the Christmas party.

What the heck, Wright?

Why me?

And why are these pics so life threating Edgey?

Because if you show them to the general public, the Gumshoe/Edgeworth fanfic pairings will grow.

And the Phoenix/Edgeworth shipping will decrease!

*mutters* But I don't want that.

What?

NOTHING!
_________________________

And so our friends arrive at the hospital where Phoenix was born. If you think I have enough imagination to think of a name for the hospital then you are highly mistaken. Use your own imaginations. I'm sure you got one somewhere.

Here we are! The place where I was born!

Whats the name of this hospital again?

Screw you.

What did you say? *clutches fist*

Steel Samurai land?

That's what I thought!

This better be quick Wright. I hate the smell of decaying corpses.

This isn't a nursing home.

Sure feels like one.

Ooh! Hot nurse at 2 o' clock! Don't mind me!

This place sure looks alot fancier than the hospital I went to when I got into a car wreck. In fact, I don't think it was a hospital at all. It was more like a cardboard box. And my wounds weren't treated either. I just got attacked by rabid squirrels... and kids throwing rocks at me...... how did I recover?

*runs up to Phoenix* Mr. Nick! Mr. Nick! I found somebody so you can check your records!

Ehehehe. Greetings friends. *looks at Maya* How are you there my lovely. You look deliciously tender.

Say that again and I'll dislocate your ribs and prevent you from ever having kids.

Ehehehe. Feisty.... *looks back at Phoenix and whispers* She your mistress?

DOC!!!!

Actually, I came to check my birth records out. The name is Wright. Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix with a P!

Oho! Emm.. yes. I already have the records in my hands right here! Feel free to check them out!

*takes a look at his birth records* Lets see here......

Holy crap! It can't be!

Nick! That's impossible.... isn't it?

Well, this is da most confusing thing I have ever seen pal.

You sure that this is even factual? You can't trust that doctor.

They misspelled Mr. Nick's name! Didn't they? I told him to spell it with a P!

*a loud slapping noise is heard from the distance*

I said here please! Not herpes!

How... can this be true?

What has startled Phoenix and the gang? What could possibly be troubling him that he has found in his birth records? Heck if I know, I need some time to come up with an idea to finish the story! So until then.... to be continued.... (if I ever get around to it! lol)

---

Off Topic: SirSprague, that has just won the interwebz.

On topic: Another one of Mit-chan's lame attempts at comedy involving...a SONG. But not just any song...ALBUQUERQUE by Weird Al Yankovic!

---

[quote="dullahan1]What has startled Phoenix and the gang? What could possibly be troubling him that he has found in his birth records? Heck if I know, I need some time to come up with an idea to finish the story! So until then.... to be continued.... (if I ever get around to it! lol)[/quote]
Alright, I can't wait to find out what happens next! This is so awesome and funny, Dulla!

(EZ) Phew.. .finally got away from them....

Hey, I think I saw him run that way!

alright, this time we get it out of him!

Oh god... the horrors.. BAGPUSS NO!!! PLEASE UGH!! GANT!! STOP PLEASE STOP!!!

What the hell is wrong with you Wright?

The dissapprovals... I can't... OH GOD NOT THE STEAMROLLER!!!!

just leave him, its his fault for not escaping in time

(EZ) OH CRAP!!! -sees Nick, Maya, and Edgeworth-

HOBOGODOT DOESN'T APPROVE!!

OMG NO!!!! -Nicks runs and hides in a dumpster-

-silence-

-tumbleweed rolls by- Sup guys! -tumbleweed rolls away-

(EZ) DAMN IT TSS!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!!!!

------------------------------------------------------
meanwhile......

YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA BITCH!!!

(RevFist) I got no clue what your talking about -eating enchilada- This is mine!

SCREW YOU!!!!

-chops off head-

DON'T STEAL MY ENCHILADAS!

(Darzie) What the hell TSS?

DIE!!!!

-chops off Darzies head-

I'm eating waffleman's enchilada

(Waffle) Not my Enchilada!!

-chops head off-

ITS MINE NOW BITCH!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(EZ) Aw crap........

Looks like TSS is busy with his business...

Are you gonna tell us or what?

Please Mr. Dio.. i swear I won't eat the Enchilada....

Is he gonna be OK?

(EZ) Dunno.. no one really survived TSS hell trail, Nick was the first...

-opens the dumpster- NICK GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THERE!

NO!@! -goes into fedal position-

(EZ) Yea..... well... uh... >_> HEY IS THAT A STEEL SAMURAI PARADE!!

WHERE!! -both look-

(EZ) SUCKERS!!! -Takes off and runs away again-

There he goes again...

He can run, but he can't hide forever!

We need some rienforcements for the next time.

Agreed:

-Maya and Edgeworth leave to plot EZ's capture-

Please..... Beef.. not there, anything but there!!!!

-they forgot Nick in the dumpster-

---

Dulla, that was hilarious! :D

---

Previously on um..... wait. I never did give my last funny a title, did I? Oh well, who cares! Previously on my last funny...
________________________________
I'd say pack your bags! We are going on a road trip to find my parents!
______________
Okay little one! Where is Mr. Gant's popsicle stick? Tell me and you win!
______________
I think I just felt my heart stop.
______________
What is his condition doctor?

I'm sorry.... but from the way it looks, he will never be able to do kinky things with you ever again.

NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw Minuki! C'mon! Getting saved in church isn't that bad.
______________
How... can this be true?
______________

And now on with today's special feature.

______________

How... can this be true?

Dang it Wright! You just said that three seconds ago in the previews.

Oh, well still, this is quite unsettling.

What is it? I wanna know! Tell me pppppppplllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

Shut her up! I got a headache!

Leave it to me pal! *goes up to Pearl* How would you like to fire a real pistol?

Really? That sounds so cool!

Mr. Gumshoe!

Relax! It's just a water gun!

I heard that! It's not nice to lie to a lady y'know! *knees Gumshoe*

Adda girl! I have taught you well!

*bows* Yes sensei.

Looks like its back to the hospital.... I mean box for me....

Will you people shut up? We still haven't revealed why I am so shocked!

Let me do it and get straight to the point. Everyone is shocked because we have just found out that Wright has a twin..... *cringes*

Oh wow! Two Mr. Nicks! That is awesome! But what about your mommy and your daddy?

It doesn't say. Its whited out...... WHY?

Oh... ehehe.... that would be my fault as I....erm... well... spilt some ink over the names, so I used ehh.... white out to cover my mistake.

I hate incompitent doctors.

I am not an incompitent doctor.... I specialize in breast examinations. *goes up to Maya* You my dear could be on the brink of cancer. How about letting Mr. Hotti examine you?

How about I go ripping out your eyeballs and skipping rope with them before lodging your eyes straight up your nostrils?

That sounds arousing.

THAT IS IT! *runs up to Hotti, but Phoenix grabs her before anything bad happens*

Maya.... do this now, and no theme park for you.

B...But.... I... I... *looks at Phoenix, then looks at Hotti* You got off easy today. Take that as a warning.

AHEM! Enough with all this lollygagging!

Miles? Did you just say what I think you said? Where is your shame man?

Eh... what?

Look everyone. According to this, my twin lives in uh.... Brooklyn, NY. (A/N: Yea, I'm sure you can see where this is going, but who really cares!)

Let me guess, roadtrip?

Well of course!

Oh c'mon Nick! 5 minutes in the car with all you guys was bad enough, but thats like, what? 3 days!

I'm sorry I'm not that interesting pal....

You didn't do anything!

Well, I'm not going!

Pictures.....

Well, I'm not going in that cramped up car!

Then how about taking a plane?

I'm afraid of heights and big things.....

Oh ho ho!

....like planes.

Oh..... *walks away*

We could always take a train!

I uh... can't.... I had a bad experience with um trains....

(flashback)
___________________

(lil edgey): Oh boy daddy! I can't believe I'm actually riding in a train!

Yes my boy! Oh what a beautiful day it is!

*walks up to Gregory* Why, hello there, do you mind if I talk to you for a little bit in the other car?

I don't see why not! *looks over at Miles* Daddy will be back in a bit, so be a good boy until then. *walks off with Karma*

Yay!!!! CHOO CHOO....... Um..... I'm getting bored! I'm gonna go see what daddy is up to! *heads towards the other car and sees Karma and his dad with his shirt off*

D....Daddy?

Its not what it looks like son! I was just giving my respects to our lord by um.... showing him the heimlech manuver.

Your dad is my man-slut kid.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(end flashback)
______________________
And I have been emo ever since.

I thought it was because of DL-6.

You really are a gullible idiot.

Well geez. If we can't ride in a train, or car, or those big scary planes, how are we going to get there???

*holds up a magazine* I have a plan!

NO! Anything but that!

Larry, remind me why I brought you along again?

............

Precisely! So we are going to do this my way, you all got that?

YAY ROADTRIP!!!!!! *mumbles* I'll kill you Nick...*
_______________________

*holding a steering wheel* I don't even wanna know how you talked me into this....

Oh c'mon Edgeworth! Traveling in beat up old RV's is the new way to travel!

I found some moldy cheese under the table!

Seriously! Sounds like lunch to me!

There better be some hot babes at these truck stops Nick!

Don't worry Larry..... I'm sure there will be... as long as you shut your yap.

For some reason, these seats smell the same way as my sister's room whenever she got through making out with her boyfriend....

TMI Maya!

Y'know.... now that I think about it, none of us have ever been romantically involved, have we?

I do not have feelings for Wright!

Huh?

Way to be defensive there.

What do you mean? I am stating the obvious, thats all.

OOoooooooooooookay.

I have been romantically involved with lots of cute girls!

You don't count. Your longest relationship was 5 minutes...

Geez.... you sure are mean. What have I done to you?

Something in a previous life I am sure.

Um.... I have been uh.... romantically involved..... I love my mommy.

Thats sweet, but I don't think thats what they mean pal.

Well..... I mean... um... mommy well... played with me.... when she was... mad.... in her bedroom....

..........

..........

..........

..........

....... I don't get it.

Next subject! PLEASE!

I'm hungry!

Totally didn't see that one coming....

Stop by that burger place over there please Edgeworth!

No way! I ain't stopping at no stinkin' trucker eatery! This is an RV, not a big rig! They'll..... they'll..... pick on me.

DO IT OR SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR FAMILY GEMS!

Yes ma'am!!!!
__________________________

What awaits our band of misfit heroes within the truck stop? Will Edgeworth ever get over his horrible past? What other dirty secrets do the Fey women hold? And will Phoenix ever meet his brother, or will the story just prolong itself with fillers before the writer gets sick of writing this funny? Find out next time!

---

: Why aren't the pairings dead yet? By all rights it should be dead by now. Surely you people can't keep on coming up with new material or rehashing erotic fanfictions about random pairings like Mr Payne and Polly. I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

: I know, I'll force that "RevFirst" guy to make a funny. *pokes me him*

(RevFirst) : *wakes up on the table* Huh... What?

: *throws money* Funny. Now.

---

Act 1:
Sometime at night, Miles Edgeworth crashed at Franziska von Karma's home in America...

: *on his couch and just finished a movie* *sniffle* *sniffle*

: Miles... Are you crying?

: Well, it's just... that was the most beautiful film I've ever seen.

: Really? Wow! *picks up the DVD case* I didn't think you could be so moved by- "Dude, Where's my Dildo?"!?

: Crap!

: *drops the case*...Miles, you son-of-a-fool! I told you never to go through my stuff!



DING! DONG!

: Go open the door, cum-bucket.

: Oh shut up, you... you woman lover! *walks to the door*

: Oooh, what a comeback.

: *opens the door* What are you two doing here at a time like this?

: Edgeworth! You gotta see this!

: ...Yes?



: My eyes! My fucking eyes!! My eyes...

: Foolworth! Isn't that a little rude? It's just a senseless pairing.

: Senseless pairing!? Senseless-fuckin' piece of dog shit! The whole thing is diarrhea coming out of my dick.



: The pairing is as appealing as a fuckin' ooze-infested dirty fuckin' sewer rat shot. There's more amusement playing with dog turds. Wright’s my ass and Maya’s my balls.

: I wanted to simply annoy you but I never expected-

: Pairings are like an inside-out asshole regurgitating putrid anal fecal matter. I’d rather fuckin' yank all the hairs out of my scrotum. I’d rather drink diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo’s anus. It suckin' fucks, it fuckin' sucks, and... I don't like it.

(LySs) : *hiding behind the bushing* What the- Wait till I get my hands on-

(CI) : *next to her* Not yet. We attack at dawn.

: You damn Wright/Maya shippers! I can hear you both! ...Nevermind. I'm on a quest to find out this pairing madness!

: Don't be a fool. Shouldn't you, Mr Wright and Maya be on some road trip?

: Well, I want to go on this quest and I'm not blackmailed. There's a difference. *walks on*

(CI) : None shall go to the forbidden area.

: What?

(LySs) : You must never understand the enigma of the pairing.

: I have no quarrel with you two but I must find out.

(CI) : Then you shall die.

: I command you, as Miles-fucking-Edgeworth, to stand aside!

(LySs) : We shippers move for no one.

: ...

: ...

: ...

: *unconscious due to shell shock? What a wuss*

: So be it!

*insert epic fight scene which ended with Edgeworth throwing Maya at Chinese Infantry and LySs*

(CI) : ...What was the point of that?

: Yeah! Take that you jerk!

(LySs) : That was just a minor inconvenience.

: Well, that's the idea. Slowed you down.

(CI) : I'll say. Ow.

: Didn't see that coming, did ya?

(LySs) : No.

: Well, you know, take that!

(CI) : Interesting... You're more powerful than I expected. You've combined your hatred and confusion to draw out more power.

: Sorry, you lost me there.

(LySs) : We shall join you on your quest.

(CI) : As a wise man said, it's for the sake of humor and more character interactment. You can only imagine how dull it gets when you're only by yourself... touching yourself.

: I guess you two will do. Let's get a move on!

: ...*goes back to her house to finish the porno*

---

Act 2:
The next morning, Edgeworth and his minions(!?) went to the Grey Surgical Clinic to meet an old enemy...

: *sleeping*

: *walks in behind him* There's some funny looking people who wants to see you.

: *still has his eyes closed* ...Miss Miney.

: With a giant Frappuccino weapon.

: Miss Miney, I'm going to turn around now and you'd better be on fire. You're standing there in flames and the only person who can put you out is me! Because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!!

: *walks in* Thanks nurse, I'll take it from here.

: Whatever. *holding her personal hitlist and walks off*

: What do you want?

: Sources tell me that you have Damon Gant locked up here for some mental projects.

: And what if I do?

: I need to ask him some questions about the whole pairing joke.

: Pairing joke? That isn't worth risking your virgin ass.

(CI) : The frilly prosecutor said he wants Damon Gant.

(LySs) : Won't let him have access to the man and you'll face-

: *sees the others cover their ears* What!? What's going on!?

(Godot Fan) : Menstrual Stain! Some stay clean and others feel the pain! Menstrual Stain!
A baby unborn never to gain a sin! Menstrual Stain! The dress code say it can't be here again! Menstrual Sta-

: Oh dear God! Make him stop! Here's the keys to that bastard's room! *gives it to Edgeworth*

(Godot Fan) : Pleasure doing business with you. *hides in the shadow*

---

Act 3:
Now to Damon Gant's room where he's forcibly staying there for mental projects of pedophilia...

: *puts the key in te hole* Minions. Ready your breakfast and eat hearty... For tonight, we dine in a place that makes Hell look like Disney World!

(CI) : You sure about that? I couldn't tell the difference between the two.

(LySs) : You went to Hell, Cee-Eye?

(CI) : Well, I died from AIDS in the Channel Six: Turna-

: *opens door*

: WHAT-

(LySs) : -THE-

(CI) : -FUCK!?

: ...

(CI) : Wrong funny, Mr Freelance Photojournalist.

: Says you.

: Quiet! Let's revert our eyes back to Damon Gant!



: Why are you-

: The day I killed your mother and raped your village was the most important day of your life. But to me, it was Tuesday.

: *runs crying*

(LySs) : ...What?

: Oh, it's Edgey! I was meant to go and say that to Wrighto, I keep on mixing you two fruits up like that.

: *in a white coat* Here's your hourly pills-a Mr Gant.

: *takes them* Thanks and that's Mama Gant to you!

: Sir, that's-a the 13th time you said it this week.*leaves*

: Now, where were we?



Last edited by RevFirst on Fri Sep 07, 2007 8:28 pm, edited 7 times in total.

YAY! The keys to Edgeworth's room!

*opens door*

Wow, look at all the tea! ...Burn, BURN! HEH HEH!

---

Rev, that was purely awesome! Great job! I laughed so hard it hurt, so if I'm going to the hospital, I shall be suing you!

---

how come I am only featured in my own funnies... >_> meh.. what ever...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

And now the Continuing adventures ofMaya Edgeworth and Phoenix IN!

DISCOVERING ERGHEIZ ZERO'S SECRET!!

Alright, I've called everyone here so we can discuss an important matter!
What is it miles?
Yes, this better not be a waste of time!
it isn't I assure you, Maya?
We have one suspect we must apprehend, one, Ergheiz Zero! Here is his picture



So why are we here? And why is Phoenix Wright on the floor in a fetal position?
Oh god, please... NO!!!! GANTA CLAUSE I DON'T WANT YOUR PRESENTS!!!!
Ignore him...
We are gathered here to learn as much as we can about this Ergheiz Zero and why he goes by "HoboGodot"
Why don't you just ask Godot?
We tried, but we can't seem to get a hold of him....
So we the best way to get down to business is to capture EZ.
Why should we care about capturing some fool?
Because he is rich and we want to know how he is making money off of the "HoboGodot" handle!
---------------------------------------------------
meanwhile..
(EZ) Man, this sucks... why wont they leave me alone...

---------------------------------------------------
So basically that is how Phoenix ended up scared for life.
Oh, so my whipping doesn't scar you but all of a sudden a disapproval and you go fetal on us.
Oh god.. the horrors.. You'll cry too if you've gone through what I saw!!
Yea, you where the Idiot to stay there!
Just get back to the point, how do we catch EZ!
Well ,we where thinking we could try to catch him with some coffee, since he goes by the Godot handle he should have a weakness to it.
I don't see any Fail with that.
Neither do I

------------------------------------------
some time later.

(EZ) Man I am so thirsty.....

here he comes, quick ready the coffee trap!
rodger!

-smells the aroma of coffee-
(EZ) OH! COFFEE!! -makes his way towards it-

(GF) COFFEE!! -goes and snags the coffee-

OH NO OUR TRAP!!

(EZ) Hey GF, how's it going?

(GF) -drinking coffee- doing well.

-spits it out-

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BLEND!!

crap grab him nick!!

(EZ) HO CRAP!! NOT AGAIN!! -runs away from Maya, franny and Nick!

I missed him...
YOU FOOL YOU LET HIM GET AWAY!
Mommy.......

---

Last edited by Ergheiz Zero on Fri Sep 07, 2007 8:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.

(Refrencing 20000 post party at BBC Coffee Bar)

(Ergheiz Zero) Congrats QBall you made the 500th page first post AND the 20000 post

(QBalltheQ) HELL YES! Whats my prize?

(Gant) AN ASSRAPE FROM ME

*is carried away*

(Ergheiz Zero) MAUAHAHAHAHAH

(QBalltheQ) DAAAAAMMMMNNNNNN YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU!

*many hours later*

GET BACK HERE! WE ARENT DONE YET!

Screw you!

*pulls out gun*

*bang bang bang bang bang bang*

To the party!

goes to the party where (ImAFoolishFool), (Trabz) (Rebel Vanguard) and (Ergheiz Zero) are partying

REEEVVVVVVEEEEENNNNGGGGEEEEE!

*click*

???

*click* *click*

SHIT! Outta ammo

Shoots

Cant beat Ergheiz Zero noob

end

---

EXTERMINATE! EX-TER-MINATE!

Quick, doctor. Get out your sonic screwdriver!

Right away! *brings out radio*

THE WORLD WILL END IN 5 SECONDS! Thank you for waiting.

AAHH! *boom*

---

Hehehehehe. Doctor Who...*Takes out notebook* Make Doctor Who joke that is even more pwnage. Got it. *Puts notebook away*
----
Why did you bring us out to these woods?
For the new peoples's initiation. Okay, so what supplies do we have?
We have a rope, a garden hose, and an inner tire tube, that has been cut so it's no connected.
Where did we get all those.
Don't look at me. Elias got them.
I found them in Nick's bedroom after he and Maya walked out.
...I really can't visualize anything involving those objects.
Neither can I, but who cares?
All the non-PhoenixXMaya fans.
Whatever.
Well what are we going to do with those random things.
Depends. Do you and Maya want them back once we're done?
I don't really care.
Me either.
Okay then. Let's get going.
----Hours later----
*Speaking in a dramatic whisper throughout the entire scene* We have done as you asked. We tied all the things together, and made one long rope, twisting throughout the woods.
*Also speaking dramatically during the scene* You have done well, Wright.
Now tell me, what is it they'll have to do?
They will have to walk the path of the rope.
What!? THat's impossible. Walking the tightrope for that length...
No no no. They'll be on the side of the rope, walking along it on the ground.
What's so hard about that?
I don't know.
----Later, at nighttime----
I have brought you up here to initiate you into the Ace Attorney family.
What are you talking abou...
Those before you have made this path. Now, you must walk the same path, follow it. I am here at the beginning, and I will be with your predesessors at the very end. Anything you encounter in between the beginning and the end...Well, God be with you.
Wow, that's deep. I like men who are deep like that.
I'd like taking you and going de..
Ahem!
Sorry. Anyways, now, I will send you off.
----
*The DBZ end of episode music plays as the DBZ announcer speaks*
One by one, the Apollo Justice characters are let into the unknown, blindfolded. First, hobo Nick goes, then Minuki, then Odoroki, then Ema, then Kyouya. What will they encounter on their way to the end? Find out, next time on Dragon Ball Z!
A-hem!
I mean...next time on Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney!

---

And here comes another one of Mit-chan's Futile Attempts at humor...

I...AM. EL KABONG! +Dramatic entrance complete with guitar.+

...Dude. You're not El Kabong...

+Smashes his guitar over Matt's head El Kabong-style+ I told you. I AM...EL KABONG!

. . .Dude...where am I?

Your mom.

...YOU LIE.

+Picks up remains of his guitar and trashes it, then pulls out a second guitar and El Kabong-style smashes it over Matt's head again, running away.+ I AM EL KABONG!

---

Revenge Of The Villains

We should get revenge on the stupid attorney who imprisoned us!

Yeah!

Get Wright!

Get Wright!

GET NICK!!!

*All exit prison*

*All shot*

*standing with smoking revolver* Just doing my job.

Sniff...i've always wanted to say that line.

---

Um...Wright, why are walking into the bedroom with that radio?

Um...nothing.

*Later*

Dum de dum...hey what's that noise? *enters bedroom*

*Is kissing radio*

WHAT THE BEEP!

Hey, this isn't that sick. Look over there!

+ *kissing* HUH...WE CAN EXPLAIN!

Man, that is sick.

I'm going to go and have alone time now! *grabs radio*

Oh, well. Back to you, Badger! *starts kising *

---