Prologue



That...was the greatest moment of my life...I'll never forget it...

I can finally be in the police force and show that I can do something to change the world...


My name is Thomas Damron, age 21 and one of the green horns in the criminal affairs department. Its been 3 years since I graduated high school and set out to be a cop. I never thought it would be this great...or this ruthless. Everyday I see people in the office running around with their heads off. It's stressful being a cop you know, but it's exciting too. It was hard for me...I never thought I'd ever be able to pass those tests in the academy. Anyway, I work in criminal affairs as one of the detectives. Who's my superior you ask? Well you guys should know it's Detective Dick Gumshoe. The guy usually leading the investigations I've seen on the news. I don't know how it came to be, but he saw something in me that he rarely sees in rookies. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to set out to be a cop. Stopping bad guys, helping people in need, having kids look up to me as a hero, it's what I thought itd be like. I THOUGHT so anyway...

This day...would change my life forever...

A murder had occured on the day of December 5th. It was cold outside I'll give mother nature that, but what I saw that day...I felt colder inside than mother nature could ever want it to be. My own parents were killed in a homicide that day, and I was never so distraught in my whole life. I felt like I was in a deep darkness. That day during the investigation, I begged Dick to let me help in the initial investigation.

"Please Sir! Please let me help in this case! It's my family for crying out loud!"

And with a sad look on his face he shook his head.

"I can't let you do that pal. Not with your emotions flying around like they are now."

"WHY THE HELL NOT!? ITS MY FAMILY!"

"Look pal...I'll let you help in this case on one condition."

I looked at him strangely as I nodded for him to continue.

"You go flying around like you are now pal and I'm putting you at desk jockey."

"Yes sir!" I saluted him as I began to search for clues to my family's killer...

(please comment for I would like to know what I should improve and criticism is welcome )

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Last edited by DetectiveTomDamron on Fri Nov 02, 2007 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Seems very interesting, but I sense that the twist of this plot might range of Phoenix getting the killer off the hook to revenge of some sort.

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Wow, it's looking good so far. One thing I can definitely tell you to improve on is your grammar. Now, don't go thinking I'm badmouthing your story or anything, just please make sure your story has good grammar. I love a good story, but as we've seen, with even just a few typos here and there in the Ace Attorney games, they can dampen the mood of the situation. I'm interested to see what happens next, but please look into making sure your grammar is okay. I'll be watching this one... (I really should trademark that phrase... nah.)

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Yay! I'm like the guys at Capcom when it comes to typing the dialogue. Lol, thanks though I'll keep it in mind.

Anyway on with the story...

Chapter One: The Enigma of the Investigation
As I looked around the corpses in horror, I felt a sadness only those who lost something special could know. I looked around the bodies finding wounds everywhere. I looked towards Gumshoe in confusion as to how they died.

"Sir what the hell happened here? There are so many different wounds on these bodies, I can't tell what the cause of death was."

I started to point out the different wounds starting from the stab wounds in the stomach and neck, the bullet holes in the heart and head, and bruises all over the bodies.

"Wow pal, this is one sick killer we're dealing with here. Are you sure you can go through this kid?"

"Sir...I got to find out who did this one way or another. If I can't handle this job, then I won't be able to handle any other investigations."

"Alright then kid, I'll go check if there were any witnesses to the murder, and you can check out the bodies with the forensics." He smiled at me as he walked out of the room.

I asked the guys that were specialists on this kind of investigating. They were even puzzled when they couldn't find the exact death of the bodies. I looked at the body once more, and nothing was different than the last time I checked.

I thought to myself as I continued checking the body, "If we assume that the victim died instantly, then the bullet holes in the head and chest would be the likely fatal wounds. However if we assume that way, we could be missing something big."

I asked the forensics if they found out when the murder was and they nodded. They told me the murder happened at 11 P.M. and the death was instant. So I asked them about the bullet holes and the cause of death. They confirmed it was the bullet in the head that caused their demise. I started puzzling about the other wounds though.

"If the bullet in the head caused the deaths then why all the other wounds? And another thing, where are the weapons that caused all these injuries? Finally, was this murderer someone that close to my family that they went this far to destroy their bodies?"

I sighed depressingly as I shook my head. I told the forensic team I was going to search the rest of the house. As I walked along my own house, I started feeling alone. So alone that no one could pick me up. I started walking to the kitchen, and I noticed things that were out of place. The windows were broken from the inside, the bloody footprints on the floor and on the sink, and bloody handprint on the bathroom door. I put on my gloves and began to search the windows. There I found that there were very tiny drops of blood on the sharp edges of the broken glass. I thought to myself about whose blood was on the glass. As I stowed it away as evidence, someone approached me. It was Miles Edgeworth in the flesh.

"Ah, so you're the new recruit Detective Gumshoe told me about."

"Y-y-yes sir. Thomas Damron, sir."

"Hmm...may I see that piece of glass you just picked up Detective Damron?"

"Sure sir. There's some blood at the edge of that piece of glass. I'm not quite sure if it's one of the victim's blood or possibly the murderer's."

"I have to give you credit Detective. I don't think any ordinary detective could have found this. It might just be the lead this investigation needs. If this is indeed the murderer's DNA, this could blow the whole investigation wide open. Oh, and I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your parents...it must have been tragic."

"Don't worry about that sir. Even though my parents are gone, I will still go on as a detective. Besides...I've heard what happened with your father those long years ago. I know how you feel now. Thank you sir."

"Detective...would you mind if I helped you investigate? If that's no trouble for you."

"Um...sure sir, you're the prosecutor anyway, and I figured you've done this kind of thing before. Let's see now that was the window...now about those bloodstains on the sink and bathroom door. There are two ways that the blood on the sink could be there. Either one, the murderer bashed one of the victims' heads on the sink, or two if the murderers tried to wash away whatever they stabbed the victims with. If we assume that one happened, the blood would be undeluded. However if two happened, then it would look lighter because water was added to it. According to my theory and the blood in the sink, it is there because the blood wasnt drained properly because of the water still there."

"Very impressive, Detective Damron. I like the way you think. Now about the door, there are a couple problems with that as well. Is the handprint the victim's or the murderer's?"

"Hmm...let's see now... according by the way the hand is shaped and that there is some smearing...I'd guess that the blood belongs to one of the victims."

As I discussed everything with Edgeworth, the forensics were taking pictures of everything we were discussing. The window, the sink and the bathroom door were all clues one way or another. As we headed out for the night. I talked to Gumshoe about Edgeworth, and the more he talked about him the bigger the smile he would get.

Whoever this killer is, I swear I'll bring him to justice. I'd stake my life and profession on this.

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...Do you have Microsoft Word or another type of software like that? It would help a lot with the constant small typos, like leaving out commas and apostrophes. Then you could copy and paste it into the post box.
While I usually don't like self-plugs in fics, this one is...ok. In ch.1, you seem more like a scientific investigator than a detective at the beginning. Also, Edgeworth seems too OOC. I doubt, no matter how observant a rookie would be, he would do more than comment on the evidence and go "Hm." when you showed him the glass. Gumshoe seems...ok. While I doubt he would even let you anywhere near the case, being directly related to the victims, you can't really do all that much if you aren't involved with the actual investigation. Also, we have no idea when this is. Is it on the game's timeline? Is it completely unaffiliated with the game except for Gumshoe and Edgeworth? Need some details on that. All in all...it needs a lot of work. But after that work, it'll be a lot better. Story so far-2.7/5. Ch. 1-1.7/3. You really need to fix the typos (it's killing the story), and fix Edgeworth.
(An example of Edgeworth's OOCness-""I have to give you credit Detective. I don't think any ordinary detective could have found this. It might just be the lead this investigation needs. If this is indeed the murderer's DNA, this could blow the whole investigation wide open..." Too nice to a rookie. Perhaps you could study how he treats Gumshoe and transpose a bit so that it fits your character.)

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