I can't tell who's saying what! You sound too alike!
(Phoenix, you dumbass!)

---

Why don't you trust me, Edgeworth? We're friends, aren't we?
Yes, but, if I know what would happen if I did trust you.
(Envisioning)
Hey, Edgey, just stay quiet for all of the trial, okay?
.....
What...You trust me, don't you?
I suppose. Fine.
(in the trial envisioning)
Your Honor, the prosecution and I agree that the defendant is innocent.
R-Really? Does the prosecution have any objections?
*too stunned to respond*
Well, okay, then.

(end envisioning)
Then you'd celebrate at Disney and make me go on "It's a Small World" over and over.
.......
I think you gave him a heart attack.
....Get your overpaid pager-toting ass out of my game.

Hello, everyone and welcome to "Shipping Weekly" where once a week we take the couples you submit to us and make them happen. What's up first Maya?

(pulling a letter out of a giant pile of mail). Hm, Nick, it looks like... OMG IT'S US!!!!

WHAT? Open a another one!

(opening another one) No! It's ANOTHER ONE!!! (opens all letters) THERE ALL US!!!

WHAT? Who sent them?

"Dear Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya,

Now that I sent you this you have to ship yourselves. YAY! Love, "

+ WTF? PEARL?!?!

---

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. I invite everyone to come and sit at the feet of dear ol' Damon Gant as he brings about another story.

YAY! As your faithful... and probably only listener Mr. Gant, I will happily oblige and sit at your feet!!! *sits down*...... you forgot to wash in between your toes again.

Silence my little lambchop. Today we indulge into the world of comedy with today's story!

Comma-dee?

That is correct!!! Today I will read a story about how a few of our famous heroes well..... you shall see for yourself! I entitle this story Club of Sketches!!! Oh ho ho ho!

I thought you said it was about comedy, not drawing..... and you're not reading from anyone's diary again, are you???

Maybe.....

But I thought you said....

STORY!!!!
------------------*at a club*----------------

I can't believe you talked me into this Larry....

But I hear that the comedian they have tonight will be sensational!!! They say his humor is perfect!!!

I'm just here for the food.

Perfect? HA! You fools don't know the meaning of perfect! Nobody does! That's because perfectness does not exist in this cruel world of ours. We are all destined to suffer. We are all destined to die. ALL OF US! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE!!!

Edgeworth, you are such a square....

*up on stage* Hey youse!!!! Give yer hands up for the most perfect comedian of all time. MANFRED VON KARMA!!!

.....................................

*grabs a mike* I am perfect!!!!

audience:.....................

LAUGH!!!! IT WAS A PERFECT JOKE!!!!!!

audience: ha...... ha...... ha......

SILENCE!

audience: .........................

BOO!!!! You suck!!!!!

everyone but Phoenix and Von Karma: GASP!!!!

You dare mock my perfectness you imperfect excuse of a wriggling piece of flesh?

Yes. You suck.

SAY IT TO MY FACE!!!!

*walks up on stage and gets in Von Karma's face* YOU FREAKIN' SUCK!!!!

EAT THIS PUNK!!!! *tasers Phoenix*

NICK!!!!! NO!!!!

AHEM!!! That was situational comedy!!! LAUGH!!!!!

audience: Ha...... ha......... ha........

random audience member: Don't kill me!

Was that a laugh I did not hear???

random audience member: No God!!!

Good!!! CEASE LAUGHING!!! You have all been a great audience! Good night!!! *leaves*

Lets all give it up fer Mr. Von Karma! Youse bettah all clap!

I could do so much better than that.

I told Wright..... death is unavoidable. I need a drink....

Pshtt.... I'll show them all!!!! *goes up on stage and takes mike*

Hey youse!!!! Youse ain't part of the acts!!! Get off mah stage!!!

What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches, the other watches cells!!! *breaks out laughing*

random audience member: I don't get it.

Ok.... ok.... I got another one!!! Um.... boy I just flew in from Kurain and boy are my arms tired.

YOU SUCK!!!!

Wait wait!!! I got another one! What about that airline food huh? I mean, gosh really..... that stuff..... its so....

GET OFF THE STAGE LOSER!!!

FINE!!! BE THAT WAY JERK!!!!

Thank you!!! Now, to get on with the next act!!! Lets give it up for Mr. Marshall everyone!!!

Howdy pardners. How are ya'll doin'!!! Me, I'm doin' great, my wife just left me and I'm feeling as fit as Richard Simmons.

*at the bar* Don't tell me he's gay too!!! Why must all these men hit on me???

Hiya pal!!!

Oh crap!!! Hallucinations already!!!

So then my kid says diarrhea, and I say, no you fool! I said onomatepia!!! DUR!!!

*audience starts to laugh nonstop*

This.... this is funny??? This is all crap!!! Why did I come in the first place???

Ok folks! Seriously!!! Now when I was heading overseas on the plane, I got served Steak. I looked at the attendant and said "what kinda cut is this ma'am?" and she says "a cut of meat sir." and then I said "ok, that's cool with me."
-------------------------------------
MAKE IT STOP!!!!!

Why, whatever is wrong?

These jokes suck!!! Every last one of them!!!

That's because I'm making this story off the top of my head. I don't have a book with me this time. The jokes are all my own Pearl-dickie!

I feel like these jokes are getting more and more stale.

Fine..... I'll end the story right now....
--------------------------------------
*gets up* You suck Marshall.

Wanna say that to my face pardner?

I got a better idea. *gets on stage and kisses Jake*

Oh yea pardner. I like this action.

:edgey: LEMME IN YOU TWO!!! *jumps on stage and joins the twosome*
---------------------------------------
GAH!!!! MY VIRGIN EARS!!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE NIGHTMARES!!! COMMA-DEE SUCKS!!!

Mmm.... oh yeah..... Wrighto.... give him a little more tongue..... delicious.

You are the most disgusting old man I have ever met!!! I hate you!!!

You know you will be here next week for my next story!

.......... I know......... *leaves*

Well..... what have we learned today folks? Easy. Wrighto making out with any hot young man turns me on. It should turn you on as well. I will convert you all to.... *gets hit upside the head and gets knocked out*

That should teach you for turning me gay Gant. Leave that for the fandom, please! At least in the fandom its not really me.... right???

(CI): Phoenix, Maya is the love of your life. Go to her now so I can write up so fanfics and take some hot pics of you two making out so I can sell them to some suckers for some outrageous price that requires many multiple payments all while using false advertising.

(in a trance) Yes.... Maya is waiting for me. I must go to her now... *leaves room*

(CI): Dance puppet. Dance.

---

-Tosses a pencil toward the ceiling.-
"HEY! You tell me not to do that and then you do it?"
"...If it makes you feel any better, I do this same hypocritical thing at home."
"You do?"
"...Yes." -Smirk.-
"Lemme guess...you tell your bro not to play with his--"
"He's allowed to play with his food."
"Hmm...You tell him not to talk with his mouth fu--"
"He's allowed to do that too."
"What don't you let him do?"
"I told him it's not good to have guests."
"Then you have a whole ton of guests?"
"Yes."
"YOU FREAKING JERK! YOU'RE MEANER TO FAMILY!"
"..."
"You're such a damn hypocrite and I hate hypocrites! You're not allowed to hate hypocrites!"
"You hypocrite..."

---

What does the scouter say about the enemey prosicuters power level
ITS OVER NINE THOUSANDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THATS NOT POSIBLE!!!!!

---

I'm holding a contest to see if I can get a girlfriend!

Hey, Nick! Can I be your girlfriend? Please?
No! No begging! NEXT!

Scientifically speaking, I'm the right one for you!
You're an idiot, Emma. You're too young. NEXT!

OK, Phoenix. I am good?
You're dead! And you're Maya! NEXT!

I...
NEXT! You're not a girl anyway...

Feenie!
I don't want the devil! NEXT!

Aww, Feenie. You can't object me!
I don't give a damn! NEXT!

There's no more? Why?
: WE HATE YOU PHOENIX/MR. WRIGHT/NICK/FEENIE!
: I hate you too!

^ Even if all the girls in the world dump him, Nicky will still have his box.
You bet your ass.

I don't know how to tell you this Mr.Edgeworth....so I'll let these guys do it!
You have AIDS!
Yes,you have AIDS!
I hate to tell you boy,but you have AIDS!
You got the AIDS!
You may have caught it when you stuck that filthy needle in here!
Or maybe all that unprotected sex that you hear!
It isn't clear!
But what we're certain of is..
You have AIDS!
Yes,you have AIDS!
Not HIV!
But full-blown AIIIIIIDDDSS!
Be sure that you seeeeee,that this is not H.I.VVVVVVV...
BUT FULL BLOWN AIIIIDS!
Not really H.I.V but FULL BLOWN AIIIDS!
I'm sorry,I wish it was something less serious..
BUT ITS AIDS!
YOOOU'VE GOT THE AIIIIIIDDSS!!

...oh,great.WONDERFUL WONDERFUL.WHY COULDN'T I JUST DIE! WAAAAAH!

---

PHOENIX WRIGHT: AWESOME ATTORNEY

I'm a lawyer!

And I'm jailbait!

Shut up, bitch.

I'm innocent!

But all this evidence proves without a doubt that you did it. You even confessed.

Just trust me, you cockfag!

Lolk.

NOW TO COURT

Rabble rabble rabble

BAM! BAM! BAM!

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I'm such an awesome prosecutor. No one can beat me.

No one cares, call your shady witness.

That guy like, did it and crap.

OBJECTION! ....wait.

OBJECTION! OBJECTION!

*playing DS* Shit. *presses X button*



You're totally lying.

NOO!!!! YOU PICKED OUT A FLIMSY INACCURACY IN MY TESTIMONY! I TOTALLY DID IT! AHHHHHHH!!!!



Gross.

NOO! YOU BEAT ME LIKE IT WAS NOTHING EVEN THOUGH I'M THE BEST LAWYER IN THE COUNTRY!

I'm just cool like that.

Fuck this shit.



UNNECESSARY CHEERING AND CONFETTI

You did it!

Shut up and take your pants off.

THE END

Dedicated to Egoraptor

@Waff: Ego has totally gotta animate that. Totally sounds like one of his movies! Great job!

---

Okay, "Nothing To Hyde" and "T3h Waffleman" just made me laugh like a retard.
Moving on...

I know you think I look great, but I put on weight
I've got three months to go-o! There's a bun in my oven from after school lovin'
..With lazy-eye janitor Joeeeee!
*thumbs up*
((You too!?))
<chorus>

What a secret! Oh what a secret! Better keep it! You betta keep it!
</chorus>
Don't rat me out, or you'll get cut!

Zip your lip and keep your big muoth shut!
HEY! *frolics onstage* I've got a secret, too!
I'm gay.
We know.

Since everybody's coming clean, I never learned to read.
My locker's full of crystal meth and extacy and weed.
And also theres another thing you never would have guessed
I was born with my heart on the outside of my chest!
<chorus>
I also only have one nut!
Zip yo lip and keep your big mouth shut!

(Sorry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1GH92mv ... 2&index=10 was stuck in my head)

---

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! DETECTIVE GUMSHOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Uh Sir? Are you alright?
What? De-Detective. I- I can't believe you. Be-Before my dad died he told me "Always start the new year with a shout" I-I-I can't believe you judge me for that.
OmigoshsirI'msosorrypleaseforgivemeohgoshI'msosorryIdidn'tknow.
Nah, Just kidding, I'm totally wasted.
?

---

FRICTIOOOOOOOOOOOON

---

GET THE TV ON!I NEED TO SEE THIS!
--------------------
You're watching MTV.Hey!This is one part of the day we actually play music.Here they are!
AMERICA!
FUCK YEAH!
Coming again!
TO SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKING DAY--YEAH!
...We are sorry for all troubles.We had no idea their song had that much cursing.
Play a different song!Quick!
JEEENNY I GOT YOUR NUMBER!
I NEED TO MAKE YOU MINE!
JEEENY DON'T CHANGE YOUR NUMBER!
EIGHT-SIX-SEVEN-FIVE-THREE-OH-NINEE!
BOOO!
GET OFF THE STAGE!

..We are extremly sorry.We will try to put something good on.
. . .
Hey...get back on the stage!W...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?GET AWAY!GET AWAY!AUUUGHH!
We are experiencing technical difficulties!Tune into MTV some other day,please.
---------------------------------
..that was the best show.Ever.
Wish I could go see it live,though.

. . .
Hey,little girl.Did you want to know...a seeecret?
Cause I know one,and it is soooo good to hear it.You want to know what it schwas?
Alright,I'll tell you what it schwas.I know...how to count...all de way...to schfifty-five.
..and I will tell you how to do it.Faster than you can say "Poopty Peupty pant-ss".
You ready to hear it,baby?Arrright.
Schwam.Doo.Two and heif.Scheven.Schforteen-teen.Schwenty-one.Schwenty-seven-heif.
Twenty-seven,Thirty-seven---
WHAT YOU SAYYYYY?
Shiggity-schwove,
Schifty-five!
Girlfriend's age:
Schfifty-five.
My IQ:
Schfifty-five.
You must pay!5+5 is..
FIFTY FIFTY FIFTY!!

---

All your base are belong to us.

---

(2 years after Gs3) Hey nick, wanna hook up again and drink?

You do realize that I'm out of work and strapped for cash right?

pfft, who cares, I got something...uh...important to talk about!

you can say it right here, right now.

how should i say this.....m...m...w...would you come to Kurain and marry me? i can support you and stuff.

hell no! i ain't got no income but i'm not pitiful!

.......well, it's worth a shot i guess....

(another year passed....)

Nick, I heard you got a job at some pub!!

umm, yeah, it's better than nothing i guess...

now you have some income, wanna get hitched?

wtf? no. (leaves)

awww come on Nick, I know you want me bad.....

what did you say?! and stop following me around!

(2 more years passed..)

Royal Flush bitch! pay up now!!!

(some random guy) Damnit!!! but i don't have any money.....here take my daughter instead!

(crying ) waaaah!! daddy don't leave me!!!

heh, i don't want your kid....money, now!!

girl's voice: heya Nick! sleep with me!!

WTF who's that?!

( sneaks away without ) why hello~ooo there Nick! gosh, you look so sexy with the hobo get-up now!

(sigh) so that's your thing, huh? what do you want?

actually, I still haven't given up on the idea of marry-

Hold it right there! (looks around). Here! (presents Minuki)

waaah!! daddy!! daddy!! w-where is he?

(this might work...) here, meet my adopted daughter...

T-t-this girl!!?! Nick, what's the meaning of-

Yeah, I kinda picked her up...uh....recently...yeah...so give up with the freaky marriage already!!

so you want a daughter, but not with me?!!

well, that's kinda the whole point.

(Maya ran out crying )

phew, that ACTUALLY worked!

*sniff* are you my daddy now?

gah! I s-s-uppose- WAIT wtf I'm saying! I don't want you kid, go away!

WAAAAAH!!! I WANNA GO HOME NOW!!! GIVE ME BACK MY DADDY!!

shi- OK calm down alright, I'll.....uhhh...teach you to play.....uhhh...poker! alright?!

really?

(phew.) yeah, the key in poker is body language y'see.....*blah blah*

(2 years later)

HA! four Jacks! pay up now!!

*sigh* here you go again pal....

Nick you bastard! did you cheat again man?


OBJECTION! I haven't shown my cards yet!

heh. I want to see you try girly....

TAKE THAT! STRAIGHT FLUSH UP YOUR-

ok, ok, you win, we get it already....

yay!

Hey Nick! let's play poker! i'm betting you to marry me if I win! as a return I'll sleep with you if you win!

GAH! not maya again!! isn't the bet one-sided as well?!


---------------
So, that's how I adopted Minuki, and keeping it low as a hobo....eventually...

I see....so that's why minuki always beat me and kyouya at poker....man, It's always right after payday too!!

good thing it's not strip poker too.....but come to think of it....Minuki never really strike me as a rich girl after all that winnings...

heh heh. (suckers!!! 90% of her winnings are mine!!)

Schfifty five song=WIN

---

FIXED.

---

Random thought in my head...

OBJECTION! *owned*

OBJECTION! *owned*

OBJECTION! *super owned*

OBJECTION! *pwned*

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE WRIGHT! I GOT YOU ONCE!

Oh snap! I do not remember such a truth! (Crap he's onto me....)

THATS RIGHT WRIGHT! Remember that case about 7 months ago?

IM GUILTY GUILTYGUILTYGUILTYGUILTYGULITY GUILTY!

BOOYAH!

oh ya....the verdict on that was...

OBJECTION! *owned in you face*

---

- So, people who haven't played GS4 have been wondering... Where the hell is Maya?
- ... I ate her.
- Wh-whaaat!?
- She was kinda big, so I had to chew her up into little peices first, but yeah...
- And that's how I became a hobo!
- (" " face )

---

Posted this a long time ago on gamefaqs but:

Tonight, you.
Thats my line......

---

huh?
HEY!Hey pals!Someone sent us Rock....rock....
I believe it's called "Rock Band".It's a video game where you are in a "Rock Band".
...
umm...
We didn't have that game in Texas....Let's play!
---------
Select...select "Highway Star"!I wanna sing that!
But I wanted "Main Offender"...
Main Offender is,r-really stupid.Y-you sound like a girl when you try to s-sing that.
awww...Jake,pal,what do you think?
"Wanted Dead or Alive",partner!
. . .Let's just play "Creep" by Radiohead.Alright?
Fine...
Alright,I'm playing the guitar thing,pals!
I'll play drums.
Bass,partner.
...I have to be the singer?Awww...

WHEN YOU WEre HerE BEFooooore
COULDN'T Look IN YOUR Eye
YOU'RE JusT LIKE A ANGEll
yoUR SKIN MAKES ME CRYYY
I'm winning! I'm winning,I'm winning winning winning pal!
Good job!
BRING ME BACK IN!BRING ME BACK IN!
YOU FLOAT LIKE A FEAATHER
IN A BEAUTIFUL WORLD,I WISH I WAS SPECIAL
YOU'RE SO FU---
Don't say it,pal!
We lost some points missing that lyric..oh well!
YEAH YEAH YEAH YOU BROUGHT ME BACK IN!

BUT I'M A CREEP,I'M A WEIRDO
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?I DON'T BELOOONG HEEERE
You're about to fail!Hit more notes!
Don't you mean,play more notes?Hitting them would be violent.
Just play!We're gonna win,just play!

I DON'T CARE IF IT HURTS---
HUH?The power went off...WAH!
WAHHHHH!
BOO-HOO!
IN TEXAS,THAT WOULD'VE NEVER HAPPEN!GAWD!

*walks in* You aren't real rockstars,you know.
wuh---WHUUUUH??
You'll never have hair this long,either.
But I don't want that kind of hair,pal!
Well,screw you all!You'll never be that good!Get out of here!

Well,the power is back on..and they aren't here...I'm gonna play their Rock Band!
. . .
WHAT??I'M FAILING??
TH-THIS GAME CAN'T TAKE MY AWESOMENESS!GODDAMN!

..Hey,you guys mind if I play?
..hello?Anyone here?
..oh well.*begins to play*

---

: In A.D. 2101, war was beginning.
: What happen ?
: Somebody set up us the bomb.
: We get signal.
: What!
: Main screen turn on.
: It's you!!
: How are you gentlemen!!
: All your base are belong to us.
: You are on the way to destruction.
: What you say!!
: You have no chance to survive make your time.
: Ha Ha Ha Ha ....
: Captain!! *
: Take off every 'ZIG'!!
: You know what you doing.
: Move 'ZIG'.
: For great justice.
*fails*
: Miracle never happen...

---

: Soo, I was thinkin' dat with my new look I could, I dunno, help out the environment or somthin'...
: Screw the environment, I want some BEEF.
: Beef is bad carma, you guysssss...

(whoever gets where that's from wins a cookie)

---

Hey I was about to do that!

---

No you weren't!! You've never even HEARD of Zero Wing!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... You've broken me!
No! I broke your phsyche locks, idiot!
*psyche locks explode*
*one of the shards hits Dofa*
*dies*

That's the greatest part of the whole thing. I was NOT expecting that.

You win.

---

Well Mr Justice, if I were to take you into the comapny, what starting salary would you be looking for?

Well, I was thinking about $125'000, depending on the benefits package.

Hmmm... well, what would you say to four weeks vacation, full dental and medical cover, and a brand new Lexus?

Oh my God! Are you joking?!!

I am actually, yes. But hey, you started it.

---

Actually, I saw it on a Phoenix Wrong and wanted to try it. So... Fool!

---

So someone took my lunch money in grade school and because of the fake trail you became a lawyer?
Yep. And because you have a cute butt.
What was that?
Nothing!
Well no freaking duh someone took your money, you wear a friggen suit to school! you also had gray hair when you were NINE! You're a swirly-magnet for god's sake!
But... I thought everyone liked my shouldermapads!

---

After a good long day,I get to kick back and watch some good 'ol TV.Phew..

(on the TV)HEY!DO YOU WANT TO FEEL SOO ENERGETIC?
TRY LAWYERTHRIST!ENERGY DRINK FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF ENERGY!
With all new flavors like SHOCKLATE!CHOCOLATE ENERGY!IT'S LIKE ADDING CHOCOLATE TO AN ELECTRICAL STORM!
SOUND THE ALARM!You're going to be UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC!
What's that?You want strawberry?Well how about RAWBERRY?!MADE WITH LIGHTNING!
REAAL LIGHTNING!
SPORTS!YOU'LL BE GOOD AT THEM!IT'S A ENERGY DRINK FOR MEN!
MENERGY!
These aren't your dad's puns--these are energy puns!TURBOPUNS!!
SCIENCE!ENERGY!SCIENCE!ENERGY!ELECTRO-LIGHTS,POWER-LIGHTS,MORE LIGHTS THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR!
You'll be so fast Mother Oldbag will be like:
" Sloooooow doooowwn!"
And you'll be like:
" FUCK YOU!"
AND THEN YOU'LL KICK HER IN THE FACE WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS!
YOU'LL HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY-ENERGY!IT'S RUNNING ALL THE TIME!
POWER-RUNNING!POWER-LIFTING!POWER-SWEEPING!POWER-DATING!POWER-EATING,POWER-LAUGHING spawning BABIES!
SO MANY BABIES!400 BABIES!GIVE SHOCKLATE TO YOUR BABIES AND THEY'LL BE GOOD AT SPORTS!
Make your babies run ABNORMALLY FAST!They'll run as fast as KENYANS!
People will watch them running and think they're KENYANS!
They'll race as fast as KENYANS!
As if they were actual KENYANS!
They'll have a race with KENYANS!
And then there'll be a tie and they'll get deported back to KENYAAA!
Hey!Go with the sure thing,don't gamble with YOUR energy!
Snaaake-Eyeees!
Try LAWYERTHIRST!The energy drink that will make you-AAH!-SPORTS!-AAAAAH!-

...Mr.Garyuu.
..yes?
Can you buy me three crates of LawyerThrist?
..Oh,sure!I already have about ten crates of it.
LAWYERTHIRST GIVES ME WINGS!
I drink it after my alone time wi--
THAT JOKE IS OLD AND UNFUNNY.
..with a good book.
STILL OLD AND UNFUNNY.
I can't afford LawyerThirst.
I steal LawyerThirst everyday from random people.


Who knows what the TV advertisment was based off?

---

I have no clue what the layerthirst one was off but it made me laugh.

I'm gonna come at jew liek a SPIDERMONKEY!

---

I can't wait for another GS4 joke, or a Gant joke, I'll even take both with pie.

---

From the sort of people who brought you "Turnabout Girl Squad" comes:
Maya's Answering Machine

Hi, this is Maya. I'm out looking at the fall colors. Please leave me a message, and I'll call you right back.
beep
Uh... Ms. Fey. Uh, hello. Uh, yes, this is, uh, Mr. Nobody from the Toilet Patrol. And, um, we're just calling because we need you to do a check-up on your toilet. S-so, if you could, uh, stick your head in the toilet and, um, flush the toilet, and then give us a call back and let us know if your toilet is all right. Okay, have a good day! *snicker snicker*
beep
Oh, hey Maya, it's Phoenix, and it is...2:30, and I'm about to leave, so, I'll see you there, and uh, don't be late. Okay, I'll see you there. Bye!
beep
What? Oh, i-it's the machine. Oh, well, hey... hey Maya, it's Edgeworth. And, uh, I was wondering if you... do you still have my CDs? 'Cause I think you still have 'em, and it's been three months and, um, I like those CDs and, uh... and I even got you those same CDs for your birthday and you still have mine...So, i—if you could give 'em back or — I mean, I guess — you know, take your time...you don't have to give 'em back if—if—if you, um... you don't want to. Have a good day, bye.
beep
Oh, hey Maya, it's Phoenix again, and I'm here, and you're supposed to be here, but you're not here. So, um... I guess I'm gonna go in. I'll get you a ticket, and... I'll go in... or maybe I'll wait outside. Um, no, um, or maybe I'll go in. Um, I've got my cell, so give me a call on my cell phone if you get this message. And if not, um, I'll, I'll tell you if it was good. Okay. Bye.
beep
Um... Maya, thi—this is Larry, um, calling you for the first time today. No reason I would've called you before, because, this is the first time... for calling... to you. Uh, so anyway... I need some help baking. I... I can't get these cookies to come out right, and now I'm out of eggs. So, if—if you got any bright ideas, give me a call, um, 'cause I've only called you once, so you can call me back once now, too. Okay... okay bye.
beep
Okay, hey there Maya. It's a— it's the Judge here. And, uh, I'm leavin' ya a, uh, a machine — er a message on yer machine, there. And I—I got a favor to ask you about Phoenix. He's uh— he's kinda been draggin' his tuchus around the courtroom, at a, y'know at the trial there. And I was wondering if you could do something, ya know, to kinda cheer him up. Maybe ta, you know, something that you girls do fer the guys. One of those type things. You know, I don't know, you could do some type of a silly dance, or, uh, put somethin' in his pants... you know, I don't know what you do there, but uh, I'd really appreciate it 'cuz he's been lookin' kinda blue out there be—behind the bernch, so okay then, uh, good day.
end

They'll get better, I swear.

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Yet another Homestar joke. Nice.

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Mr. Wright, you're fired.
WHUT!? WHY!?
Because I'm bored.
..........
-------------------
And that's how I---
WAIT. DOOON'T TELL ME. THAT'S HOW YOU BECAME A HOBO, CORRECT!?
NO. You dimwit, you shouldn't make assumptions. I was about to say "that's how I gained a reason to beat up the judge."
O-Oh...Sorry, sir.
Get out of my box. You've hurt my feelings.
Uhm, but---
OUT! Geez, kids these days...

My first time at a funny. Don't be too harsh, please. Also, I was too lazy to read all 36 pages of them, so I don't know if this has been done before. Here I go.

: Introducing... For the first time ever in North America... A new attorney has arrived... Presenting Capcom's new adventure/visual novel game on the DS...

: With a passionate heart burning red... I... Am...

: APOLLO JUSTICE! ACE ATTORNEY!

: Wait! Stop! Hold everything!

: Mr Wright? What're you doing here? What's the matter?

: Well, Edgeworth needed to find a washroom... But that's besides the point. Anyways... Apollo Justice!? My goodness...

: What? What's wrong?

: I'm sorry, it's just... Your American name... *sigh* Houston, we have a problem...

: Well I think it's an awesome name. You know, Apollo, the Greek god, was the son of Zeus?

: ...

: *claps*

Yeah... I know... it wasn't very good... I'll go home now.

That just made my day *tears*

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