I made a little Thanksgiving tale for you unlucky victims lucky readers!
Title: Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Wright!
Author: GamerErman2001
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Comedy, slice of life
Status: Completed
Summary: Maya and Ema invite a few "friends" over to Wright's apartment for Thanksgiving. Rated PG-13 for Steel Samurai violence, a few obscenities and a sexual reference. Sequel to Wright Under the Skye, http://forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=4282, although NOT directly related.
Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Wright!
Phoenix sat watching the TV, insulted because he had nowhere to go to for a Thanksgiving dinner. It was around 11 A.M. and all that was on was a children's cartoon. Suddenly, there was a rapid knocking at the door. Wright turned the TV off, hoping that someone was inviting him to a Thanksgiving dinner at the last minute. He opened the door, and found Maya and Pearl standing and smiling excitedly, in their usual channeling costumes.
"What is it?" said Wright.
"I came over to bake your turkey!" Maya exclaimed.
"WHAT?!" Wright responded in a quite rude tone.
"Remember? We were going to have a Thanksgiving dinner at your apartment!" Maya said.
"Nobody ever told me that..." Wright said.
"Surely you jest! She's the woman you love! You remember everything she tells you because you're her special someone, and she's your special someone!" Pearl said in a really excited voice, putting on a really cute face.
"PEARLY! You're embarrassing me!" Maya exclaimed. "Ema! I thought you told him!"
Ema came over, still wearing a lab coat over a school uniform, and said "But I thought you told him!"
"I didn't!" Maya responded.
Ema and Maya stared at Pearl. "Well don't look at me! I'm just a kid!" Pearl said in a care-free tone.
"Well, this presents quite a problem. You see, all I have are frozen meals. No turkey, no stuffing, no potatoes, or much of anything else!" Phoenix said.
"Well, looks like we'll just have to go and buy some stuff then! Come on guys!" Maya said.
"We really don't have time since the guests will arrive at..." Ema started.
"DO YOU WANT TO EAT OR NOT?!" Maya interrupted.
"Well, uh, bye then..." Ema said.
"No! We're taking Nick with us!" Maya said. Pearl grabbed Phoenix by the collar, while he felt very weak for being dragged by a ten-year old girl. After driving past several stores, they finally found an open "Wall Cart Super-D-Duper Center."
They charged in and a greeter in a wheelchair said "Welcome to Wall Cart! It's Super-D-Duper! Now let me stick this smiley on that little girl!"
Pearl kicked the man out of the wheelchair and said "Mummy said to never talk to strangers!"
"Gah! I think I broke something!" the poor old greeter said, lying on the floor.
"I'd love to help you, but I'm in a rush!" Ema said as she tripped over the greeter.
Phoenix stepped over the greeter and tried to pull Ema up, but she was too heavy and he ended up somehow falling as well, both of them landing on the greeter. "Gah! I guess I'll be thankful if I can get to a hospital!" the greeter said in a forcedly calm tone. Then Ema and Phoenix got up off of him. "Oh, thank the good Lord!" the greeter said as he passed out.
Maya grabbed a cart and started going towards the meats. "OK now listen! We need to get a turkey, some potatoes, stuffing, rolls, and some corn! Ah, now here's the turkeys!" Maya said.
"Wow. Scientifically speaking, these are all very fat." Ema said.
Maya looked over the turkeys. "Let's get this one!" Maya said, pointing at a really large large turkey, that had so much fat that sagged in such a way it didn't even look like a turkey.
"OBJECTION! I'm not getting that! I know, blood has just been flowing through my arteries lately, but that just has way too much fat!" Wright objected.
"Good evidence! Science always works best." Ema commented.
"Have either of you cooked a turkey?" Maya said.
"No." said Phoenix.
"No, I never had to!" Ema said.
"Well then, overruled." Maya said, as she grabbed the turkey and heaved it into the cart. "Now right over there's produce!" as she pushed the cart with more strength than the little engine that couldn't. She grabbed the largest bag of potatoes and the largest bag of corn she could find. "Now we need stuffing! So we need to get a lot of candy and ground beef!"
"WHAT?!" Phoenix yelled "That's not what you stuff a turkey with!"
"Have you ever stuffed a turkey?" Maya asked.
"No, but I saw my mom stuff a turkey!" Phoenix replied.
"Overruled!" yelled Maya. She headed back to the meats. Maya looked at all the ground beef, and picked up a large bag.
Ema looked at the fat content and said "This is approximately 66.6% fat!"
"Exactly!" Maya said as she laid it in the cart. "Now we need to go find some candy!"
"Was the Mark of the Beast referring to this ground beef?" Ema asked.
They rushed over to the candy aisle, and Maya picked up a bag of the most disgusting Halloween candies. "Now where did Pearl go?!" Phoenix exclaimed.
"Oh great. She's probably in electronics!" Maya replied, and they rushed over to electronics. They found Pearl playing a video game system.
"That game is really fun! It has you stealing cars and killing hookers! I love it! All whores don't deserve to live!" Pearl said.
"Oh great. I hope she doesn't go calling me a whore again." Ema whispered to Phoenix.
"Oh I forgot! Thanks for reminding me that you're a whore!" Pearl said, hearing Ema whisper.
"Now Pearl, even if she is a whore, now don't go killing her for being a whore or calling her a whore. And don't start punching her and Nick again." Maya said, as she pushed the cart towards the check-out, which had a long line. They waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, the old lady who tried to pay with cash realized she didn't have exact change and just decided to not buy her stuff. The young blond lady waiting on them rang up their food.
"Nick, you pay!" Maya said.
"Ya, you pay Nick!" Ema said.
Wright almost objected, but he just couldn't object to Ema. So he paid with a credit card. "You have to sign that display thing." the young lady who was running the register said. Phoenix grabbed the little stylus, and tried to sign. It failed, because his hands were shaking. He tried again, and it failed for no good reason. Finally, he just drew PW on it and it accepted it. "Thank you for shopping the Super-D-Duper way!" said the cheerful young lady, as she checked to make certain her boobs looked nice.
As they left, they saw the greeter that Phoenix and Ema assaulted, I mean fell on, being carried to an ambulance. They rushed to Ema's truck and speeded home.
As they carried their groceries up to Phoenix's hallway, they were startled by the voice that would make Satan tremble in fear. "FOOLS!" Yelled Franziska, as she whipped Phoenix, Maya, Ema and even Pearl. "First Wright has his little Chinese whore invite me to your Wright's apartment for Thanksgiving, and I find you foolish fools are still getting the turkey 30 minutes past the time you foolishly told me to be here!" She then whipped everyone of them again for good measure. "YOU ARE STILL FOOLISH FOOLS!"
"Ah, Wright. I should have guessed that you would forget about this." Edgeworth said, while stroking his own gigantic ego.
"Well, looks like we need to let you in!" Wright said, as he unlocked the door. The two prosecutors ran in. "Geez, Maya. Next time you could tell me that I'm hosting a holiday dinner. And tell me who you invited..."
"Nick! You know I have the memory of a dried trout!" Maya replied.
"Sadly, yes I do." Wright said as he walked in. Maya heaved the groceries through the living room into the kitchen, while Ema and Pearl walked in and stood soundly.
"So Wright, what have you been up to?" Franziska asked.
"Well, I defended Jack Thompson. He was to be put in jail for the charges of trying to get rid of the right of free speech." Wright said.
"Ooh, I've always hated that foolish right..." Franziska commented.
"I managed to get him out of it by having a doctor declare him mentally insane." Wright said.
"I remember that case! You told me the prosecutor got ten doctors and everyone of them declared Mr. Thompson insane!" Edgeworth said. "Then when Thompson walked outside they had to have Gumshoe, Maggey, Meekins, and Marshall all guard him from the raging crowds of gamers!"
"How amusing! Recently I hired Winston Payne as my aid, but he was actually more harm than having no aid!" Franziska said.
Ema walked up to Edgeworth and bowed on one knee. "PLEASE OH PLEASE GIVE ME AN AUTOGRAPH!" she said as she held up her lab coat.
"Oh fine. But it'll cost $100. Moneys been running short lately and I can't go writing for free!" Edgeworth replied.
"Wright, you can pay him!" Ema said.
"Oh fine then." Wright said, as he handed over a 100 dollar bill.
"He's so cheap. He still owes me for Oldbag's stick of gum."Edgeworth said, taking the $100 as he grabbed his pen.
"Yeah, he sure is!" Ema replied.
"ACK!" Wright said. Suddenly someone rapidly knocked at the door.
"HEY PAL! LET ME IN!" a voice yelled. Wright ran over and opened the door. Gumshoe was standing there, in his old disgusting trench coat, next to Maggey, who was wearing jeans and some crappy pop music T-shirt.
"Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Wright!" Maggey said.
"Aw! Mr. Scruffy Detective found his special someone!" said little Pearl, putting on a very cute face.
"Yeah I guess so..." Gumshoe started.
"WAIT! We're not lovers like that!" Maggey said.
"WAH! It's so sad! They're breaking up already!" Pearl said, crying.
"Aw, don't cry! Look what I have! A genuine pistol!" Gumshoe said.
"Hey, Ema! Lets play cops and robbers!" Pearl exclaimed, as she charged into Gumshoe. Gumshoe dropped the gun, and Maggey tried to pick it up and accidentally fired it. The bullet hit Wright's hair.
"NO! MY LOVELY SPIKEY HAIR! YOU'VE RUINED ONE OF THE SPIKES! WAH!" Wright said with an unusually large amount of sadness.
"Has anyone seen Wright get that emotional?" Edgeworth asked. Everyone hadn't.
"You see! I ruined poor Wright's hair! I'm always unlucky." Maggey said.
"Hey you're not too unlucky! You got me, right?! That's lucky, isn't it?!" Gumshoe said. Maggey didn't respond, leaving an awkward silence. "Aw man, way too hurt a guys feelings..." he said with a frown.
"TRICK OR TREAT!" a child-like voice yelled at the door. Ema opened the door, and found the local judge which Wright, Maya, and Ema, could instantly recognize. He was in his usual judicial gown, asking for candy.
"It isn't Halloween. It's Thanksgiving." Ema said, quite annoyed by the judge's stupidity.
"Oh! I forgot. Hey, you have a lot of people in there. You having a Thanksgiving dinner? I just remembered that someone invited me here! Someone who I can't remember very well." the judge said.
"It was Ema who invited you." Ema replied, using the third-person to see if he could even remember who she was.
"Oh yeah! That was that older sister who cut herself wasn't it?!" the judge said.
"No, it was me, you old geezer!" Ema said in an angry tone.
"Respect your elders! After all, old age isn't all that bad when you consider the alternative." the judge said.
Scientifically, the alternative is better sometimes, Ema thought. "Of course old age is better!" she said cheerfully.
Phoenix sat asking Edgeworth the usual questions. "Are you gay? You sure seem gay! Why do you wear a gay suit? Why don't you have a girlfriend?" All of the questions Edgeworth would ignore for being silly.
Suddenly Maya charged into the living room. "Ema! Could you cook the food for me?"
"OK." Ema said, as she went into the living room.
"Edgeworth! Are you gay? You sure seem gay! You didn't bring a girlfriend!" Maya said excitedly.
"Argh! Would you guys please stop asking such a queer question!" Edgeworth replied, feeling quite annoyed.
"Well, how would you like to go out to dinner with me tomorrow?" Maya asked even more excitedly.
"I have no interest in you!" Edgeworth yelled.
Maya said "Oh... then I guess you must be gay!!"
"Believe me. He is. He wouldn't go out with me either." Franziska said.
"It's about time for the Thanksgiving Steel Samurai special!" Maya said in with a look of exhilaration that was of a greater amount then most people ever experience in their whole lives. "OHMIGOSH, I'm such a fangirl of the Steel Samurai."
"Why did I get a strange vision of an alien Maya and an emo Edgeworth?" Wright said.
"It really stings that you didn't understand me. I'm already emo!" Edgeworth said.
"THE STEEL SAMURAI?! I LOVE THAT SHOW! I HAVE EVERY SINGLE PLUSHIE, DVD, VHS, LASERDISC, ART BOOK, CHILDREN'S NOVEL, ACTION FIGURE, TOILET COVER AND TRADING CARD RELATED TO THAT SHOW!" the judge said, like a big fan girl, I mean, very over-excited fan boy. Maya turned on the television and switched it to the right channel.
"Heh, Steel Samurai! I like to watch that for a good laugh!" Franziska said.
"Why don't we watch football on Thanksgiving like everyone else?" Wright asked.
"Look at us. Are we like everyone else?!" Maya said.
"No..." Wright said.
On the television a historian appeared. He said "The story of Thanksgiving that you have heard is full of lies. There was a hero who saved Thanksgiving. That hero's name was, the Steel Samurai!" All of a sudden, the Jammin' Ninja appeared on the screen, playing a guitar for some critters. The Steel Samurai jumped out from nowhere, ripped off the Jammin' Ninja's head, stuck it on the point of a spear, and started dancing. The animals watched in horror, and were then smashed by the titles of the Steel Samurai, which fell down hard like a 16-ton weight. The titles read "Steel Samurai: The Story of Thanksgiving, written by the 1337 Sal Manela."
Then a short theme song was played while the Steel Samurai danced with his spear, which still had a decapitated head on it. Children sang "Steel Samurai! Steel Samurai! He solves everything with violence! Steel Samurai! Steel Samurai! He's so awesome he has no problems with the law!" Then some stupid commercial came on.
"Heehee! The Steel Samurai killed the Jammin' Ninja! Just like real life!" Maya laughed, while Franziska, Gumshoe, Phoenix, and Edgeworth were too shocked to speak.
"I love this show! Extreme violence for kids! That is MY kind of show!" The judge said.
"Er... man. How was this rated G?" Wright said.
"The G must stand for Gratuitous Violence." Edgeworth replied. All of a sudden, the show came back on.
On the television, there were a bunch of Indians and pilgrims. They fought and fought. The Indians claimed that the pilgrims had a giant turkey come over and eat all their food. The pilgrims claimed that the Indians had a giant turkey came over and try to eat all their food. Then a giant turkey came and killed them all. Then it changed the scene to China, with Columbus begging the Steel Samurai to come to America. "Come with me to America!" Columbus yelled at the end of the conversation.
The Steel Samurai killed a random cat and yelled "OK! FOR GREAT JUSTICE!" they went to the ship and started sailing. After a few days, a giant sea serpent stuck his head out of the water. The Steel Samurai jumped on top of it and was thrown off at a great velocity. Then, he just so happened to fly towards America and land on the gigantic turkey. The Steel Samurai's first instinct was to kill it. The giant turkey fell on some random maidens and children. The Steel Samurai grabbed a torch and lit the turkey. Then after a while, everyone started eating the turkey.
Some Indians came up to the Steel Samurai and yelled "RAPE OUR DAUGHTERS, PLEASE!"
The Steel Samurai then said "OH YEAH!" Like the Kool-Aid guy.
Then the scene changed to a historian. "Then they wrote the Pilgrim's Progress to worship the Steel Samurai. That is the end." The credits played while it played the song Another One Bites the Dust, while showing numerous turkeys being killed.
"I want to be just like the Steel Samurai!" Pearl said with an admiring voice.
"That was the greatest episode ever!" Maya screeched.
"What about the Christmas one where the Steel Samurai kills Santa Clause and Jesus to become the king of Christmas?" the judge asked.
"I've never seen that one!" Maya said, as she turned off the TV.
"The Steel Samurai killing..." Wright started.
"Santa and..." Gumshoe continued.
"Jesus?!" Edgeworth finished.
"Hey pal! That would be killing two of the greatest examples ever known!" Gumshoe yelled. "I don't like that! One of those guys is real, you know."
"Oh, don't tell me you believe that old carpenter story who heals lepers and yells about His Father." Maya replied.
"No, I meant Santa!" Gumshoe laughed.
Ema ran out of the kitchen. "The turkey is pitch black now. Scientifically, is that done enough?"
"WHAT?!" Wright said. "That's plenty done enough! It's burnt if it's that color!"
Everyone charged into the kitchen. They stared at the burnt, fattening turkey, with a strange stuffing of ground beef and numerous Halloween candies, and with skin that had mounds of butter spread all over it. "Who wants to carve the turkey?" Maya said.
"I will. In my old house, the man of the house always carved it!" Phoenix said.
Franziska whipped him and said "I WILL! All that I know is that if I don't carve that turkey, I'll have an uncontrollable urge to carve something else!"
"AIE! .... I guess we should let Franziska do it." Phoenix said.
Franziska went and took the knives, and carved it with a disturbing and sadistic looking smile. "You foolish turkey, who foolishly lived at a foolish farm, and got butchered by a foolish farmer. Then you foolishly got shipped so some foolish fool could buy you." she threw pieces of the turkey onto plates.
"Let's eat, pal!" Gumshoe said.
"Shouldn't we pray for God to bless this food first?" Edgeworth asked earnestly. Everyone laughed.
"Even foolish Christians don't pray anymore!" scoffed Franziska.
"Well, I always pray to Santa to ask for Christmas toys..." said Gumshoe.
"Let's just go ahead and eat this foolishly damned meal." Franziska said. Everyone grabbed the plates of food. They had potatoes drowned in gravy, corn drowned in butter, rolls also drowned in butter, turkey, and mounds of stuffing. Everyone grabbed their plates and started eating. All of a sudden, Maggey, Ema, Franziska, Edgeworth, the judge, and Pearl all stopped eating. They unanimously started spitting out their food. "WHAT FOOL MADE THIS FOOLISH SHIT?!" Franziska screamed.
"Scientifically, this is the worst food in existence! And I totally have scientific proof of that!" Ema said.
"This food is proof that bad cooking is both a crime and a sin!" Edgeworth scoffed.
"I'm certain I've had worse, but I can't remember when I did." the judge said.
"I'm so unlucky today..." Maggey said as she tripped.
"Mystic Maya, you are really great and I do love you, but you're the worst cook that's ever lived!" Pearl said.
"Hey, it's only a little worse than instant noodles." Gumshoe said.
"Yay! More for me! Hey Nick, can I eat your plate too?"
"Er.... OK." Wright said. Everyone but Gumshoe and Maya left to the living room.
"Do you have any champagne?" Franziska asked.
"No." Wright said. "I don't drink, so I never buy alcohol!"
"Well, what kind of Thanksgiving party is this?" Franziska said. All of a sudden, Maggey, Franziska, Edgeworth, and the judge all left.
"Great. Well, this was a very crappy Thanksgiving." Wright said.
Not much more happened that night. Gumshoe realized Maggey had left, and had to be driven home by Ema along with Maya. When Wright went to bed, he prayed to God. "Oh Holy Father, please stop Maya from being a glutton! She ruined my Thanksgiving... and this isn't a selfish request! I mean, gluttony is a deadly sin! So it could save her soul!"
THE END.

Please tell me what you think!

---

That was very amusing.
It must have taken a long time to right that.
Excellent job!
:]

---

Thank you for your response, VioletBlu. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it!

Although it did take a few hours, I would have just spent that time surfing the internet anyway.

---

That was very strange. But I laughed through most of it anyway. >.> So...good job? XD Pretty good for what it is. ^^

---

That figures. I have a strange sense of humor. And I also didn't intend for it to be too normal.

---

*blink* Um... What just happened?

---

Pure nonsense intended to be humorous.

---

Last bumped by PrinceDaniel07 on Sat Jan 17, 2009 6:17 am.