For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout (updated 6/2/20 : Present Testimony

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For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout (updated 6/2/20

Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:09 am

Bruce Goldberg

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Location: Back to making donuts and slides everywhere...

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Well, there's just one chapter at the moment. I have no idea on how this fanfic will pan out but so far, the pairings I have already thought of is Nick/Iris and as well as Franziska/Miles...

Here's the prologue: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4024307/1/F ... _Turnabout
Here's the 1st Chapter (First Investigation day): http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4024307/2/F ... _Turnabout
Here's the 2nd Chapter (First Trial Day): http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4024307/3/F ... _Turnabout

The next chapters are so far broken down into the following:
Case 1: Two months before Phoenix loses his badge, takes on a simple case (hit and run victim)
Case 2: One month before Phoenix loses his badge, takes on a more complicated case with blackmail and blood money
Case 3: A few days after the implementation of the Jury System, another case (thinking about Versachi and his murder for this one)
Case 4: Reflection on in between the 7 years
Case 5: Drug cheat case (Marion Jones)
Case 6: Final Case (Jack the Ripper and Glasgow murders)

Last edited by Bruce Goldberg on Wed Feb 06, 2008 8:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout

Mon Feb 04, 2008 4:46 pm

Mia_Fey

True love is forever.

Gender: Female

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:55 am

Posts: 2182

Nice start. The beginning is quite cute. I look forward to more.

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout

Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:40 pm

Gregory Wright

My son is bored. Care to play with him?

Gender: Male

Location: Minnesota

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2007 4:06 am

Posts: 725

Ah, very good. You captured a moment that to my knowledge none of the rest of us P/I writers has attempted so far. Meshes pretty nicely with my own fic too. Perhaps you've read it? I have him visiting her weekly. I like what I see and it looks like you're playing right into my preferences. :franny:

This promises to be fun.

Graphiction!; Crime and Punishment; Treasure in the Abyss; --Sig by Vickinator

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout

Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:03 am

Bruce Goldberg

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Updated the initial post with a new chapter. Mia_Fey, Gregory, hope you like this one...

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout

Tue Feb 05, 2008 8:51 pm

Mia_Fey

True love is forever.

Gender: Female

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:55 am

Posts: 2182

Nice work. I quite liked the new chapter. Some constructive stuff now. Feel free to ignore me. A few minor things bothered me so I figured I'd mention them. One is that I'm surprised that in the story Phoenix hasn't visited Iris in two weeks. That's a long time not to go see the woman he loves and I always assumed her would have visited her more (but that could just be me so feel free to ignore me). Also the fact that his new client calls him Phoenix right off the bat when in the game he is always referenced as Mr. Wright (particularly by people who haven't known him long. The use of his first name just seems a bit familiar and strikes me as strange). Last, Gumshoe's quirky nickname for everybody is "pal" and not "buddy." It's just a part of his personality, so I figured I'd mention it. Nothing big. The scene with Iris was cute (particularly them both touching the glass at the same time was rather touching) and the start of the investigation was written out in a clear fashion which allowed me to follow it easily. I do like this story and I look forward to more. Keep up the good work.

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout

Tue Feb 05, 2008 9:56 pm

Gregory Wright

My son is bored. Care to play with him?

Gender: Male

Location: Minnesota

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2007 4:06 am

Posts: 725

I second Mia_Fey's opinion. I know in his position I'd try to visit her pretty regularly--roughly every few days or so. I also agree that Darren would probably address Phoenix as "Mr. Wright", especially in light of the reverence he has for him. Now for my contribution:

There are times when it gets a little confusing as to who's speaking, as in this example.

Spoiler:

When you squint and go over the lines with a fine-tooth comb they make sense, but it would flow a little better if you attached the characters' expressions to their lines and/or perhaps deleted the more basic descriptions entirely, like this:

Spoiler:

or this:

Spoiler:

You could also try this:

Spoiler:

I realize structural editing like this can be a bit of a chore. I hope I haven't made your job too tedious. :will:

Anyway, good work. I like how the case is turning out.

Graphiction!; Crime and Punishment; Treasure in the Abyss; --Sig by Vickinator

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout

Tue Feb 05, 2008 10:03 pm

Bruce Goldberg

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Good grief, looks like I've confused everyone on my styling. Alright, I'll probably refine it later during my break at work.

Alright, changed all the little annoyances that everyone wanted changed...

EDIT: Added the next chapter. See first post!

Last edited by Bruce Goldberg on Wed Feb 06, 2008 8:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout (updated 6/2/20

Wed Feb 06, 2008 8:42 am

Bruce Goldberg

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EDIT: Editted the previous post...

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout (updated 6/2/20

Wed Feb 06, 2008 6:07 pm

Mia_Fey

True love is forever.

Gender: Female

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:55 am

Posts: 2182

Nice work! That was an interesting chapter. The set up was much clearer and easier to follow in this chapter which is excellent. Something really stupid bothered me though. “Err, yes. Personal issues. Is that a crime, Mr Right?” “It’s W-right. Could you append that to your testimony?” Okay, its stupid, but the fun of the wright, right puns in the game is that the two words really do sound the same. Phoenix shouldn't have been able to hear a difference unless the guy had been mispronouncing his actual name or had really overemphasized the "Right" to purposely insult him which doesn't seem to be the case here... I'm sorry for being overly picky here. I did mention that this point was stupid, but it bugged me a bit. I'll stop now. :oops:

Out of curiosity, are the other characters going to put in an appearance (I know that Miles and Franziska will because of the pairings you mentioned, but I was thinking of like Maya and Pearl)? Keep up the good work!

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout (updated 6/2/20

Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:58 pm

Bruce Goldberg

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Gender: Male

Location: Back to making donuts and slides everywhere...

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Posts: 488

Well, the thing is that Maya and Pearl will be set to appear in this next chapter. That's the original plan but that went out the door after I constantly revise the original guidelines that I had set.

Miles and Franziska will appear but actually much later. Possibly during the month before Phoenix loses his badge and as well as during the flashbacks. I have no idea on how they will reappear later in the series but I'm seriously contemplating telling something about them in the trials after Apollo Justice...

About your sticking point, well, that was deliberate as I wanted to see whether or not anyone will pick out on that. Obviously someone who hasn't played Phoenix Wright wouldn't pick up on that. Remember that Fanfiction.net sometimes have people that have no idea on the games so that's the reason. I write for both the fans and as well as people that haven't even played the game before.

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout (updated 6/2/20

Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:16 am

Allan's Aokage

Four is Death

Gender: Male

Location: Wales. That little place next to England.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:14 pm

Posts: 2284

Awesome stuff. =D

Other then your sometimes rough writing style =P

Re: For Memories and Truth: Requiem to Turnabout (updated 6/2/20

Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:35 am

Bruce Goldberg

Weeeeeee!!!!!

Gender: Male

Location: Back to making donuts and slides everywhere...

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 3:16 am

Posts: 488

What rough writing style? <_< >_>

/hides back into the closet...

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