Board index » Present Evidence » Present Testimony

Page 1 of 1[ 6 posts ]
 


Turnabout JusticeTopic%20Title
User avatar

Perfect Prosecutor

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 9:47 pm

Posts: 39

This is my first Ace Attorney fanfic, so let's see what happens...

Title: Turnabout Justice
Author: Prosecutor Von Karma
Status: In Progress
Rating: 8+
Genre: Mystery/Comedy
Pairing: Not certain (at the moment)
Summary: It was a dark, stormy night. Three people were in an office building downtown. Lightning strikes, and the power goes out. It was silent for a moment, then a gunshot and a faint scream were heard.

June 7
9:58 PM
Wright Anything Agency

Apollo was watching TV with Trucy. On the TV, a breaking news bulletin appeared.

"We bring you this Breaking News Bulletin!
A murder has taken place at the office of Synergy Corp.
The victim is Ann Thrax, a Senior Executive for the company.
One suspect has been apprehended, by the name of Klavier Gavin.
Klavier is also the leader of the rock band, The Gavinners.
We are WQRX 8, bringing you this breaking news bulletin.
"

:minuki: - Apollo, we should go defend Klavier.
:odoroki: - Are you kidding? Every defense attorney in the nation wants him as a client.
:minuki: - So, it's worth a shot.
:odoroki: - Alright. But the detention center is closed, we'll go tomorrow.

June 8
6:12 AM
Wright Anything Agency

:minuki: - Wake up Apollo! We have to go talk to Klavier!
:odoroki: - Ah. Trucy, it's 6:15 in the morning. Can we go a little later?
:minuki: - Don't be silly, Polly. The best time is the present!

June 8
7:32 AM
Detention Center

:kyouya: - Are you here to laugh at me, Herr Forehead?
:odoroki: - No, of course not, Klavier.
:kyouya: - Then you are here to pay my bail, ja?
:odoroki: - Um, no.
:minuki: - We want to defend you!
:odoroki: - (You could wait until he's ready.)
:kyouya: - Herr Forehead, you are too inexperienced to defend me. Prove to me that you are worthy, and I'll reconsider...


To be continued.


This is very similar to Turnabout Goodbyes, but with an Apollo-style Twist.


Last edited by Prosecutor von Karma on Sun Mar 02, 2008 5:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Turnabout JusticeTopic%20Title
User avatar

Level Up! - Magican Girl Form!

Gender: Female

Location: The House

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:08 pm

Posts: 94

Hn... :| I want to like it, I really do... But using the emotes for speech and such really... doesn't work for me. I'm sure it's good, it's just not my cup of tea.

Sorry if that came off harsh; I tend to be a bit brutal in my honesty.
Image
Fanfic: Here!
Last Updated: 7/17/08
Idea, Art, and Discussion Post: Here!
OTHER STUFF PARI DOES:
Sprites: Here!
*Major thanks to Eduds for the sprites of Talia and Elissa!*
Re: Turnabout JusticeTopic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:37 am

Posts: 26

I really like the idea and I believe you can make up a really good plot for this story.
Emotes could be used for conversations if they were used correctly. Even though you have emotes as the faces of the characters you've forgotten to describe the enviroment, the reacts and the feelings of the characters. I personally prefer the "text only" type of writing, because then one has to visualize the moment by her/himself. You should write every moment with at least a little bit of details.

However, I really would like to see how the story continues but I expect you to do some work for the feeling, if you understand. :)

EDIT: Btw, loved the name Ann Thrax! Just awesome :will:
Re: Turnabout JusticeTopic%20Title
User avatar

Perfect Prosecutor

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 9:47 pm

Posts: 39

Thank you all for your comments... I will try text only to see how it works...

Apollo and Trucy went to the scene of the crime...

June 8
10:42 AM
Synergy Corp.
4th Floor

Adrian Andrews appears out from behind a desk. "Oh, hi guys," she says in a sort of surprised manner. "How can I help you?" she asks. "We're investigating a crime scene!" yells Trucy excitedly. "Erm, Trucy, we're not supposed to investigate a crime scene," whispers Apollo. "What was that?" Adrian asks. "Oh nothing," says Apollo. "So, um, are you the witness to the crime?" asks Apollo. "No, I just work here. I seem to be having a problem with my computer," she replies. "I don't know anything about the murder, just in case you want to know," she adds. "Let's go look somewhere else," says Apollo, with an annoyed expression on his face.

"So, Polly, where's the crime scene?" asks Trucy curiously. "Well, I would assume that would be the area that is taped off with "Do Not Cross-Police Line" tape is," answers Apollo. "Apollo, there's no one here," whines Trucy disappointedly. "No, that's a good thing," states Apollo reassuringly, "We can take a look for ourselves." "Alright!", yells Trucy, as her face lights up like a lightbulb.

While looking at the scene, Apollo and Trucy found many items. First, they found a scarf, with large amounts of blood on it. Next, they found a shocking piece of evidence. "Apollo, is that a knife?" asks Trucy, surprised. "Yes, with no blood on it," he answers.

That leaves the questions:

Who does the scarf belong to?
Why is there no blood on the knife?
and
Why didn't the prosecution take all that evidence already?

To be continued...



I sort of like the text-only format as well. Thanks, people. :minuki:
Re: Turnabout JusticeTopic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:37 am

Posts: 26

That's a lot better! I'm looking forward to next chapter. :)
Re: Turnabout JusticeTopic%20Title
User avatar

Perfect Prosecutor

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 9:47 pm

Posts: 39

Sorry for the delay.


June 8
10:53 AM
Synergy Corp
4th Floor

That wasn't all the two found. The two also found a slip of paper that said...

"Take a break at 10:30.
I need to talk to you.
This is important.

Thanks,
(the name has been smudged out)


"We better hold on to this," says Apollo. "Let's go back to the detention center!" yells Trucy, a little louder than she should've. "Ok," agrees Apollo.

June 8
11:27 AM
Detention Center

"Hi Klavier! We found some information," says Trucy enthusiastically. "Did you find my innocence, ja?" asks Klavier jokingly. "No, but we did find these things," replies Apollo. Apollo shows Klavier the scarf. "I've seen this scarf before... Ah! It's the victims," Klavier says. Apollo shows Klavier the knife. "That's not mine," Klavier says. "I didn't say it was," replies Apollo. Apollo shows Klavier the note. "WHAT?" screams Klavier. "Have you seen this before?" asks Apollo. "I haven't just seen it... I wrote it..." replies Klavier. "I suppose you know something that no one else does," Klavier says, "you can defend me, Herr Forehead." "ALRIGHT!" screams Trucy. "Trucy, calm down," says Apollo.

To be continued...

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  

 Board index » Present Evidence » Present Testimony

Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 28 guests

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to:  
cron
News News Site map Site map SitemapIndex SitemapIndex RSS Feed RSS Feed Channel list Channel list
Powered by phpBB

phpBB SEO