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TheObjectionist wrote:
This is awesome. Frank Sahwit. Didn't expect that.
Well, nobody expected Mr. Rogers in the original rendition either.
Not bad, Judgio, but there were some likes that didn't quite match up properly.
Quote:
Damon got pissed and began to attack
but didn't expect to be blocked by Wocky
I would reccommend either changing the word "Attack" or the word "Wocky" so one matches up with the other. in the original, "Wocky" was "Shaq". So... that could be a problem unless you modified the context of the first line, eventually changing "Attack" with something rhyming with "Wocky".
Quote:
Bruce Goodman popped out of his grave
This line wouldn't fit in with the beat. I recommend adding two syllables before or after Bruce Goodman like: "The late Bruce Goodman popped out of his grave." as Abraham Lincoln (the one in the original context)'s name is five sylables while Bruce Goodman's is three.
Quote:
and blew Don Tigre away with a rat-a-tat-tat
This is the opposite problem. I would say take out "Don" and it should remain consistent.
Quote:
while Bruce Goodman tried to pole vault
Same problem here as before, add "The Late" after Bruce Goodman to make it consistent.
Quote:
then they both got hit by a Apollo's Perceive Stare, oooh
Take out "a" and either "Apollo" or "Perceive". There are too many syllables for it to sound right.
Quote:
who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
as WIll Powers changed into The Steel Samurai
Same problem as the first problem. You have endings of lines that don't rhyme. This line sounds really stupid, but here's an alternate:
"Who fell over on the ground, eyes of disdain
as Powers suddenly changed into Winston Payne"
Quote:
then Shoe the kitten and Missile the Dog and
"The Pink Princess and Topaz Ninja"'s Mary Sues and
Dahlia Hawthorne and The Blinged'Up Redd and
Dick Gumshoe and Edgey the Emo
Naruhobo, the Nickel Samurai, Hotti, and the Judge whose Canadian
Ouendan, Billy Bob Johns, every single 1-3 Mafian
Naruhodo A. Wrighto and Trucy Wright,
Spark, Turner Grey, Maggey, and Ini who thinks she's bright
This is just a random jumble that doesn't work at all, no offense to you personally.
Here's the original lyrics for this part:
Quote:
then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
These names aren't picked in a random order. They all have significance to the lyrics and the tempo. It still follows the two line rhyme rule that this song follows constantly. Also, some of the lines have in-line rhyming rules, so it is indeed very tricky.
"Then Missle the Dog and Shoe the Cat and
Wendy Oldbag, that miserable old bat and
Bruto Cadaverini and Miss Ini,
Ol' Neil Marshall and don't forget Bikini,
Lisa, Dr. Grey, Dahlia Hawthorne, and Victor
Atmey, Valerie, every Starry School Ranger
Prosecutor M. Edgeworth and Dick Gumshoe
Maya Fey, Mia Fey, Pearl Fey, and Ms. Andrews"
See? It really is quite difficult.
Anyway, how's that for the revisions?