Title: Wright Under The Skye
Author: GamerErman2001
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Comedy/Parody
Status: Completed
Pairing: Ema/Phoenix
Summary: Phoenix, Ema, and Maya investigate the murder of Lana Skye. Very silly and probably full of plot-holes!


Wright Under The Skye
*Phoenix's Office August 16th Noon*
Phoenix: Maya, that was the silliest Steel Samurai film yet! They had him fighting with a giant pencil as a spear and throwing razor-sharp books as projectiles!
Maya: Oh, well I think they are trying to get kids to read.
*Maya kisses Phoenix on the cheek*
Phoenix: I thought you didn't love me, err,... romantically.
Maya: It's not that Nick! You had beef on your cheek.
*Rapid knocks*
Phoenix: Who is it now?!
Gumshoe: It's me! Let me in!
*Phoenix opens the door*
Gumshoe: I got something really important guys! It's Franziska Von Karma. She's been accused of murder!
Phoenix: I knew that she was mean, but I don't think she could directly kill anyone!
Gumshoe: She's been arrested for the murder of Lana Skye at the Liberty Park.
Phoenix: Lana? Why would she kill Lana?
Gumshoe: Lana Skye had insulted Ms. Von Karma's reputation.
Phoenix: She surely wouldn't want me as a lawyer. Me being a fool and all.
Maya: Nick, we've got to help her! Remember she gave us the evidence that put that bad man in prison and allowed me to live? Plus, she promised me a whip just like hers!
Phoenix: *Oh great. Just what I need. Maya whipping me.*
Gumshoe: Ms. Von Karma really wants you to defend her! She said "That Mr. Wright, he seems a fool at first. But he always turns out right in the end!" Hehe, "Wright". You're the Wright man for the job, hey?
Phoenix: Oh. Well please drive me to the detention center.
Gumshoe: Don't you got a car?
Phoenix: No.
Maya: ...and no license and no permit. When he tried the driving test, he crashed and had to pay $50,000 in damages.
Phoenix: *It was half the money I ever got...*
Gumshoe: Okay. But it'll cost you $1000.
Phoenix: WHAT?!!!
Maya: How can you say that?! Gumshoe is a poor person.
Phoenix: *Unless I get cases from people who actually have money, I'll probably be the poor person!*
*Detention Center*
*Franziska is smiling like a fool.*
Maya: Hey! Where's my whip?!
Phoenix: Please, not now.
Franziska: Maya! You fool. *Whips at Maya's direction, only to hit the glass*
Maya:Aww... I really wanted to show Pearl how to...
Phoenix: *Interrupts* ANYWAY! Tell me what happened.
Franziska: You fool! You have no knowledge of what happened?! Fine then. I will tell you. While I was at Liberty Park On August 15th at 5:00 PM, someone stole my whip. I don't know who, and I still have this one I got for Maya.
Maya: Ooh! Can I have it?!
Franziska: No! The person who stole my whip went and killed Lana Skye. That is all that I know.
Phoenix: Oh well that's too bad. I guess I'll have to recommend a good defense,
Maya: *Interrupts* Phoenix Wright! He wants to be your defense!
Franziska: Well, I'll have to accept then! You're the best defense who will take my case.
Phoenix: What?! I didn't mean...
Maya:... to be so pushy? Ya, you're really bad about that Nick. You could learn a thing or two from me!
*They leave and Gumshoe is waiting with Ema Skye outside*
Gumshoe: Hey this girl came up asking about where you were! I had to wait quite a while! Like 10 minutes!
Ema: Hello Mr. Wright.
Maya: Who is this?! Is she your girlfriend?
Phoenix: No. She is Ema, she helped me solve a case while you were away, where Edgeworth tried to blame Lana Skye for a murder. Through a bunch of strange events, we ended up solving three cases. I almost got Ema declared guilty... something that still frightens me at night.
Ema: Ya, my name's Ema Skye! I'm studying to solve cases scientifically as a detective!
Maya: I'm Nick's assistant! I am a disciple in the Kurain Channeling Technique! It's really awesome and creepy! We sometimes use it to help solve cases!
Ema: Wow! We have SOOO much in common!
Maya: Ya!
Phoenix: *Science and the Occult are similar? Did I miss something here? Crazy girls.*
Maya: I heard that!
Phoenix: *No you didn't!*
Ema: Yes, she did.
Phoenix: *Damn it.*
Ema: Please don't curse.
Maya: Who wants hamburgers?
Ema: I do!
Gumshoe:Ooh, can I have some? I don't get enough money for anything but a few cans of food.
Maya: Oh, sure!
Phoenix: *Ahem!* Aren't you forgetting about something?! Like why Ema is here? And what about the case?
Ema: Oh my! I was just so happy to see you again! I forgot about work! ... I came here to help figure out who killed Lana.
Maya: We should head over to the burger shop now!
Phoenix: No we need to investigate right away!
Maya: Aww... I really wanted to stop by The Steel Samurai's Mystery Burgers Shop!
Phoenix: *Mystery being the most important word in that title.*
*They walk toward the park.*
*Liberty Park August 16th 1:15 P.M.*
Gumshoe: I needed to do more investigating anyway.
Phoenix: Can you give us some evidence?
Gumshoe: No way.
Phoenix: Ema, you ask him.
Ema: Why?!
Phoenix: You'll see.
Ema: Give me your evidence!
Gumshoe: You put it so politely! Of course I will.
Phoenix: *He's a sexist pig at heart.*
Gumshoe: Okay now look. Here's this whip, you see.
Ema: Cool! Can I have one?
Gumshoe: Not this one! It's evidence.
Maya: Ema, how would you like to whip me?
Ema: What?!
Phoenix: *Ahem* The fingerprints!
Gumshoe: Damn it, I forgot about those!
Ema: Ack! We can investigate scientifically. I'll just do it myself. Hm... there are initials of F.V.K.! I'll just put this white powdery stuff all over the whip. *She finds two distinct finger prints* Now, who's the lucky fingerprint.
Maya: John Cleese?
Ema: No. Try someone less famous and more close to this case.
Phoenix: Franziska Von Karma?!
Ema: By my nerdy pink glasses, you're right! The left one is Franziska's!
Phoenix: What about the right one? Is it Franziska's?
Ema: Nope.
Maya: Ooh! Eric Idle! Michael Palin!
Phoenix: Please, shut up if all you can think of is Monty Python.
Maya: Ni!
Phoenix: It seems like that's all the people we know who would have touched this whip.
Maya: Oh come on! It must be Graham Chapman's!
Phoenix: He's ceased to be. Gone to meet his maker. Any more evidence, Gumshoe?
Gumshoe: No!
Maya: What?!
Phoenix: Double what?!
Ema: Er... triple what?
Gumshoe: Edgeworth is coming over to investigate!
Edgeworth: Ah! My name is being mentioned as I entered. Hello, Mr. Wright.
Ema: I'm your greatest fan! Please give me an autograph!
Edgeworth: Bug off you annoying fan. Mr. Wright, I'm afraid you must leave. You see, you shouldn't be investigating this. You'll just have to wait until tomorrow. Go home and watch the Iron Ninja or whatever it is you like to watch so much. Tomorrow, we'll meet in court.
Ema: *Starts bowing down* Pretty please give me an autograph!
Edgeworth: I am a mean god. Put up with it.
Phoenix: What?! We were able to investigate other cases!
Edgeworth: I think you'll find that I had let it slide.
Maya: Wah! Why can't you remember the name of Steel Samurai?
Edgeworth: Because I have a mental age of over 5. Even that Ema Skye there who foolishly worships me has a higher mental age. Now leave or I shall have to press charges!
*They head back to the offices*
*Wright and Co. Office 2:30 P.M.*
Maya: I enjoyed those hamburgers!
Phoenix: I can tell. You had five...
Maya: Edgeworth said that I had the mental age of 5 didn't he?! Do you think that?
Phoenix: ....Er.....Um....
Ema:No.
Maya:Well, I have to run off and pick up Pearly from school.
*Maya runs out*
Ema: Now what?
Phoenix: Well, I have no work to do now.
Ema: Really? That's sad.
Phoenix: No, I'm actually glad. I don't like work to well.
Ema: What?! Everyone should love their work! I know when I become a detective I'll love my work! Scientifically speaking, of course! And the work will make me so happy I'll be able to put up with anyone!
Phoenix: I was wondering, did you mean Maya had the mental age of under 5 when you said "No."?
Ema: Yes, she's around 4.
Phoenix: I thought so.
*Time passes while Phoenix and Ema talk. They get along really well*
*Phoenix and Ema find themselves cuddled up around 3:15 P.M. when Maya and Pearl run in*
Maya:*Whispering* Aww..., that's so cute.
Phoenix: Ow! *Pearl is hitting Phoenix* OBJECTION! DON'T HIT ME!
Pearl: *Still hitting Phoenix* I thought you were Mystic Maya's special someone! You cheating bastard!
Maya: PEARL! Don't use language like that. And me and Nick were never romantically involved!
Ema: Who is that little girl?
Phoenix: That's Pearl. She's a spirit medium of greater skill than Maya. And smarter.
Maya: HEY! I can hear what you're saying!
Ema: She seems cute.
Pearl: When I'm through with you, you're going to find me more scary than Satan himself!
Maya: Pearl! If you have nothing nice to say, DON'T SAY IT! And that goes for you too Nick!
Pearl: I'm gonna kill you all!
*Phoenix gets up and Ema leaves*
Pearl: GRR!
Phoenix: Whoa, calm down!
Pearl: You bastard!
Maya: Where'd you learn to speak like that?!
Pearl: From you and the Steel Samurai!
Maya: Oh. Never mind then.
Phoenix: Hey let's watch some TV! How about South Park?
Maya: No, let's watch the Steel Samurai.
Phoenix: Aww, man! It's one we've seen five times already! Let's watch some other show!
Maya: Remember that curse I warned you about...
*The next day*
*Court Room Number 666 August 16th, 9:00 A.M.*
Judge: Court is now in session for the trial of Franziska Von Bad Karma.
Edgeworth: You honor, her name is Franziska Von Karma.
Judge: Wahahah! Slip of the tongue!
Franziska: Keep it up, and you'll get a slip of the whip.
Judge: Guilty! Haha, only joking.
Phoenix: *So much for an unbiased judge.*
Edgeworth: The prosecution would like to call a gumshoe named Dick Gumshoe!
Ema: He's so lovely! *swoons*
Phoenix: *Heh, I'm pretty attractive.*
Maya: I'm certain she was referring to Edgeworth.
Franziska: *Whips Ema* Mr. Wright's aides must NOT fall asleep. Fool.
*Dick Gumshoe takes the stand.*
Judge: Name and occupation, please.
Gumshoe: I've been here over a dozen times! You should know.
Judge: I can't remember you! I can only remember a few things.
Phoenix: *He's rather forgetful.*
Judge:..................................................
Phoenix: OBJECTION! Your forgetfulness, insist that the dick tells his name and occupation!
Judge: What he said.
Gumshoe: My name is Dick Gumshoe and I'm a detecting dick.
Maya: Oh my!
Edgeworth: OBJECTION! If the witness will use such innuendos, I shall get a headache and barf like a creepy little kid!
Judge: Please keep from using sexual jokes. Also be erect!
Gumshoe: I'd would be if Ema would take off her...
Edgeworth: Aspirin and anti-nausea liquid, please?
Judge: I meant stand erectly!
Ema: Am I that gross?
Phoenix: No. Haven't you ever noticed Edgeworth wears purple? It's his way of stating he goes the other way.
Ema: Ohhh, like that is he?
Judge: Would you please testify about the evidence soon? A Steel Samurai marathon starts at 3:00 P.M.
Maya: Please Nick. Get this done before 3:00 P.M. even if it kills Franziska.
Gumshoe: Well at Liberty park we found some important evidence. We found a whip bearing F.V.K., which are no doubt Franziska's initials. We found a dead Miss Lana Skye who had been hit rapidly by a whip. Here is the autopsy report and a photo of the corpse. Director Hotti insisted on studying this corpse, and he made a lot of noise clanking around with her corpse in the morgue!
Judge: We accept this whip into the evidence, along with the photo, and autopsy report.
*Phoenix examines the court record. The whip, a whip stained with the blood of many fools but only one finger print. An autopsy report that says that she died from violent lashing of a whip. A photo of the corpse, which had a bloody back, a bullet hole in her clothes and a gun next to her.*
Maya: Hmm... this seems a little strange.
Ema: Think about it scientifically, Phoenix! The whip and the autopsy are both obviously false.
Phoenix: Hmm... I don't see the contradiction.
Edgeworth: OBJECTION! There are NO contradictions! Mwahahah!
Judge: He's right. But you can still look for them.
Phoenix: Hmm...
Ema: There's a contradiction in the whip.
Phoenix: OBJECTION! This whip is clearly not the defendant's!
Judge: How so?
Phoenix: There is a V!
Franziska: *Whips Phoenix* FOOL!
Judge: It's Franziska Von Karma.
Edgeworth: Even he could remember that! No offense, your forgetfulness.
Judge: None remembered.
Maya: Uh... Nick. Don't you get a penalty for that?!
Judge: Oh sorry! I forgot. PENALTY!
Phoenix: *Thanks Maya. You're really saving my ass today.*
Ema: Nick! Use science! Remember how we found TWO fingerprints on the whip from two different people?!
Phoenix: *Always about the science with her!* OBJECTION, your forgetfulness! The whip Gumshoe showed us yesterday had TWO finger prints on it!
Edgeworth: Ack!
Judge: Hm... is this true?
Edgewortht: .....Yes.
Phoenix: Edgeworth replaced the original whip with another one!
Judge: Then how did blood get on this?
Phoenix: I think you'll find most of it is my blood, your forgetfulness.
Judge: Gumshoe! Go check this blood!
Gumshoe: Sir, yes sir! *Runs out with the whip.*
Judge: Now we wait. In the meantime, I am certain that Phoenix has some more objections. Do you?
Phoenix: None your forgetfulness.
Ema: Nick! What about that bullet?
Phoenix: OBJECTION!...
Judge: ...
Phoenix: Where? I don't see any bullet in the court record.
Judge: *sigh* Dumbass. You get a penalty.
Edgeworth: MWAHAHAH! You shall never win!
Phoenix: Maya? Ema? Help me?
Maya: *sleeping with drool coming out* Oh my, Steel Samurai, you do have a big spear in your pants.
Phoenix: *I hope she's talking in her sleep again.*
Ema: *sigh* OBJECTION!
Judge: *shocked!*
Edgeworth: *shocked!*
Phoenix: *shocked!*
Maya: *sleeping and drooling!*
Ema: In the photo of the corpse, there is a bullet hole in Lana's clothes! Yet in the autopsy report it makes no mention of it. Also, no note of the bullet is in the court record! Also in the photo, there is a gun but it's not in the evidence. *slams desk* EDGEWORTH IS A FRAUD! AND HE'S QUEER! *points at Edgeworth* AND NOW I POINT AT YOU!
Phoenix: Yes! What she said!
Judge: Mr. Wright is right! Explain this, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: Err.... I dunno!
Judge: Oh my! Now we shall take a ten minute recess for us to think about this!
*Lobby of Court 666 1:34 P.M.*
Franziska: Good work out there Mr. Wright!
Phoenix: Hey, I'm Wright all the time!
Ema: Uhh... I sort of told him both the contradictions. And I made the second successful objection.
Maya: I really want to meet the Steel Samurai and get a hotel room!
Ema: Err... okay.
Franziska: I'd go for the Pink Princess!
Ema: Err... gross.
Gumshoe: *Barges in* Hey guys! I totally forgot that Edgeworth had me fake the evidence! But I won't mention that in court, okay Nick? My pay would be lowered.
Phoenix: Oh, it's okay. We can probably win anyway. This must be hard for you, Ema.
Ema: Yes, I never knew that Edgeworth was gay...
Phoenix: I meant Lana dying.
Ema: She was a mean bitch anyway.
Franziska: That's the spirit!
*Court Room Number 666 1:44 P.M.*
Judge: Now, Gumshoe, is this blood Lana's?
Gumshoe: No. There is Mr. Wright's blood on it. And many witnesses and yours, your honor.
Judge: You shall address me as your forgetfulness!
Edgeworth: Any other people's blood?
Gumshoe: Well, Lana's blood is not on there. However, Edgeworth's is.
Judge: How did Edgeworth's blood get on it?
Edgeworth: I HAVE NO IDEA!
Franziska: Ahh, it's the only way to get him to be straight in bed.
Judge: Is this true, Edgeworth?!
Edgeworth: .... Yes. It's just too kinky for me to resist.
Judge: So I think we can decide that this is not the murder weapon. Also Edgeworth must have faked evidence. And also that this autopsy report was NOT done by a real doctor. So we will have a real doctor examine the corpse. And Gumshoe shall investigate the crime scene with the help of Edgeworth.
Phoenix: OBJECTION! Edgeworth will just forge more evidence.
Judge: Promise not to forge evidence, Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: Promise.
Judge: That is all! We shall reconvene tomorrow at 9 A.M.
*Lobby of Court 666 2:16 P.M.*
Maya: YAY! WE WON!
Phoenix: No, we have to come back tomorrow.
Maya: What? *cries*
Franziska: *whips Maya* Crying will get you no where!
Maya: WAH!
Franziska: Well, Ema, I am impressed by your defense skills. Mr. Wright, why don't you go and get a brain?
Phoenix: Huh?
Ema: Thanks!
*Edgeworth storms over* Edgeworth: WHOOOOOOOOOP! MR. WRIGHT!
Phoenix: I'm right in front of you.
Edgeworth: If you investigate, I will press charges. Against you and your precious Maya and Ema. And you would get life in prison.
Phoenix: Damn it.
Ema: Wait a minute! You can't...
Edgeworth: Shut up you fool! *punches Ema*
Ema: Ow.
Franziska: Man after my own heart!
Maya: OH MY GOSH IT'S LIKE 2:20 P.M.! Let's go home because if there's bad traffic I might miss the Steel Samurai!
Phoenix: It takes 10 minutes to go home, and the Steel Samurai starts at 3:00 P.M.
Maya: But how long with bad traffic?
Phoenix: I don't know.
Maya: Wah! See?! Ema, we need to drive home NOW! Come on Nick!
*Wright and Co. Offices 2:35 P.M.*
Maya: OH NO! What time is it? There was bad traffic!
Phoenix: It's 2:35.
Maya: OH MY GOSH! It took us over 12 hours!
Phoenix: 2:35 P.M.
Maya: Oh.
Ema: Does she always get confused like that?
Phoenix: You have no idea!
Maya: Oh, I just remembered. I promised that Pearl would get to go to the theme park, but I'll miss Steel Samurai if I do that! Can you do it Nick?
Phoenix: How? I can't drive. I haven't got a car.
Ema: I'll drive you. I've always wanted to go to a theme park anyway.
*Ema's truck 3:00 P.M.*
Ema: Have you been staring at me all this time?
Phoenix: Huh? No. I looked away once.
Ema: Hey there's Pearls!
Phoenix: WHOOOOOOOOOOP! PEARLS! COME HERE!
Pearl: *Opens door and jumps in the middle seat, and fastens her seat belt.* Huh? EMA?! *Starts punching Nick* You cheating bastard!
Ema: She's insane, isn't she?
Phoenix: Why couldn't you have a vehicle with a back seat?!
Pearl: You whore! *Starts punching Ema*
Ema: Oh great. She's trying to make me flat-chested now. Hey Nick, go open the glove compartment.
Phoenix: *Opens it up* Hey! Duct tape!
Ema: Yeah. Tape her arms together.
Phoenix: *Tapes her hands together*
Pearl: *Starts kicking*
Ema: Tie her legs together.
Phoenix: *Ties her legs together*
Pearl: Whore! Cheating bastard! You tie up children!
Ema: Now stick duct tape over her mouth.
Phoenix: *Puts tape over Pearl's mouth*
Pearl: *muffled yelling*
Phoenix: Won't this seem a little suspicious?
Ema: Why?
*On the Highway, 3:15*
Ema: No officer! I was just taking her to the theme park for my friend Maya!
Officer: Oh really.
Ema: Yes, and she was trying to beat both of us up!
Officer: Ya, right!
Phoenix: It's the truth.
Officer: That's not any reason to tie her up.
Phoenix: It is!
Officer: Okay, I kind of hate kids, so I'll tell you what: untie her and give me your duct tape and I'll let you by with a $50 ticket marked speeding.
*Phoenix and Ema untie Pearl and give the officer the duct tape*
Officer: And here's your speeding ticket.
Ema:*closes window* Pearl, will you please calm down?
Pearl: Whore! *Punches Ema*
Phoenix: Stop that, please!
Ema: Ya, stop that!
Pearl: Okay. *Starts punching Nick*
Phoenix: *Looks lovingly at Ema with a smile on his face while being punched in the stomach by Pearl.*
Pearl: Stop that smiling! You cheating bastard!
Phoenix: This is going to be a long drive.
Ema: That it is.
*At Berry Big Theme Park 4:15 P.M.*
Phoenix: Hey Pearl? Remember that circus we went to called Berry Big Circus? This place is owned by the same people!
Pearl: And you're taking that piece of trash Ema here instead of Maya, you cheating bastard!
Ema: Oh, calm down. Wouldn't you like some ice cream?
Pearl: ...Sure.
*Ema walks away to buy ice cream*
Phoenix: Surely Maya has told you that she was never romantically interested in me?
Pearl: Yes.
Phoenix: Well then, how is it cheating?
Pearl: She's hiding her feelings, you idiot liar!
*Ema gives Nick and Pearl ice cream cones*
Pearl: *charges at Phoenix, and sticks her ice cream cone at his groin area* TAKE THAT!
Phoenix: That was cold... literally.
Pearl: *Steals Nick's ice cream cone and throws it at Ema's groin area*
Ema: Grr! I thought this stupid kid would be calmed down by now!
Phoenix: Pearl, if you don't settle down, we're going to take you back home and you'll be in big trouble with Maya.
Pearl: Okay. Fine then.
Ema: What do we do now?
Phoenix: Well personally, I'd love to ride that giant roller coaster. But I don't know that you two girls could handle it.
Ema: I bet we could!
Phoenix: Hahah! I doubt it.
*They all go on and ride the roller coaster.*
Phoenix: *barfs* Argh!
Pearl: Let's go again!
Ema: Great idea!
*Pearl and Ema drag Nick on to the roller coaster and they ride again*
Phoenix: I've stopped barfing.
Ema: Well, that's good.
Phoenix: I stopped because I barfed up everything in my stomach.
Ema: Why did you have to barf on me? This was a really nice skirt.
Pearl: You mean a really short skirt, whore!
Phoenix: Pearl Fey! Please clean up your speech or you'll have to go home, and you'll be in big trouble!
Pearl: Ha! You stupid bastard! You wouldn't dare. *punches Nick on the head.*
*Wright and Co. Law Offices 5:45 P.M.*
Maya: PEARLY! You are a very bad girl! You have been mean to two of my best friends, and even worse you're making me miss the Steel Samurai! You don't get to go to school any more!
Pearl: Yay!
Ema: Er... Maya, she probably doesn't like school anyway.
Maya: Well then, I'll take away your precious toys! And make you go to school!
Pearl: Aw, shit!
Ema: Come on Nick, I can drive you home.
Phoenix: Forget to lock the place while I'm gone will ya, Maya?
Maya: Already forgotten! *turns on Steel Samurai*
*Wright's Apartment 6:10 P.M.*
Phoenix: You carry spare clothes in your truck?
Ema: Yes. It's an old habit.
Phoenix: I was thinking, in court you practically saved my case.
Ema: Well, I guess I did help some...
Phoenix: Do you have a job?
Ema: No.
Phoenix: Well, how would you like to be my aide? Work with me and Maya to help solve cases? Add a scientific perspective?
Ema: Thinking about it scientifically, that would be a good choice. So sure!
*Phone rings*
Phoenix: Hello? Larry Butz?
Larry: Help me Nick! I saw someone murder Lana Skye! Oh, and I was just about for her hand! I'll never be able to be involved with a girl again! It's just too sad to lose Lana!
Phoenix: By my porcupine hair please come over!
Larry: I'm outside your door. Nice girl you got there! Can I have her number?
Phoenix: No. *hangs up*
*Phoenix opens the door*
Ema: Who is this Harry Butz guy? Some prosecutor?
Larry: No way! I've got a better job now! I'm selling boot-leg Steel Samurai tapes! By the way, is Maya here? She just bought 50 tapes, I wondered if she wanted more.
Phoenix: No I'm afraid she isn't here. Please come in and sit down!
*Larry and Nick sit down next to Ema*
Phoenix: So Larry. Tell me everything that happened!
Larry: I was at Liberty Park, and I went to the restroom. Now as I walked out, I saw this hot chick with blue hair go in the lady's room! But the strange thing is, another woman in the same clothes went up and shot my poor little Lana!
Ema: He's a little bit of a womanizer, isn't he?
Phoenix: Yes. He thought the Blue Badger was hot until he realized it was male. Did she have a whip?
Larry: No. But that hot chick with blue hair had two whips!
Phoenix: Hm... that's odd. You should tell Edgeworth this. You could be a valuable witness!
Ema: I wonder how Lana got a bloodied back? And where did that whip come from?
Phoenix: That's a good question.
Larry: Uh... Maybe that chick with the blue hair was framed!
Phoenix: That is a possibility. Larry, please go see Edgeworth this instant! The truth of this matter will be revealed by your testimony.
Larry: OK! *Runs out the door*
Ema: Nick...
Phoenix: Yes?
Ema: I want you to make science... to me.
*Wright's bedroom August 17th, 7:30 A.M.*
*Phoenix wakes up to find Pearl punching his groin.*
Pearl: GRR! YOU CHEATING BASTARD!
Phoenix: Ow.
*Maya runs in.*
Maya: Pearl stop that! Hey Nick, looks like you got laid!
Phoenix: ACK!
Maya: I say again, Pearl stop that!
*Maya grabs Pearl, but Pearl bites. Pearl then jumps out the window.*
Maya: Oh crap! She landed on the fire escape! Why do they have to have those everywhere?!
*Maya goes out the window to chase after Pearl.*
Ema: I take it that was your first time?
Phoenix: Ack! How did you know?
Ema: Well it first occurred to me when you had to look up how to...
Phoenix: Oh. *Phoenix gets up and opens the closet.*
Ema: All your suits are the same!
Phoenix: Yeah, I really liked this one suit. So I got several of them.
Ema: I guess that's a smart idea.
Phoenix: It's not. I hate this suit now.
Ema: And why do you have twenty pillows in there?
Phoenix: My hair often shreds up pillows. One day Maya left her cat here, and it was sleeping under the pillow. The poor cat died horribly by my hair.
*Pearl jumps back into the bedroom and jumps on the bed for no apparent reason.*
Maya: *Yelling from outside.* Argh! Lucky I fell into the garbage! No wait, this is a garbage truck! AIEE!
Phoenix: *stares out window* You think you can jump out?
Maya: No.
Phoenix: Well try to get the driver's attention.
Maya: HEY! DUMB GARBAGE DRIVER! I'M NOT GARBAGE!
Truck Driver: Oh man!*Stops truck and gets her out.* Dumb Asian chicks always trying to illegally immigrate through garbage trucks! You really are garbage!
Phoenix: *Stops staring out the window* She'll be okay. Where's Pearl?
Ema: She ran in the kitchen. I think she's getting a toaster.
Phoenix: Why?
Ema: I have no idea. *Gets hit in the head by a flying toaster* To do that.
Phoenix: Ack! Are you all right?!
Ema: Yes, I'm fine. But is it just me, or are there pink elephants in this room?
Phoenix: *Runs into the living room after Pearl*
Phoenix: Pearl! You must calm down! Why did you try to throw a toaster at Ema?
Pearl: Because she's a whore!
*Maya runs in, covered with trash.*
Maya: Nick! I've got something really important to ask you! My newspaper didn't come today!
Phoenix: What is it you needed?
Maya: Is the Steel Samurai on today?!
Phoenix: What?! You had to have Pearl try to kill Ema and me just to know whether or not a stupid kid's show is on?!
Maya: Yes! Is it on?
Phoenix: *Checks newspaper*
Maya: *impatiently* Is it on?! Is it on?! Is it on?!
Phoenix: No.
Maya: WAH! I wanted to see the Steel Samurai!
Phoenix: Sheesh. *It's just a dumb show, dumbass*
Maya: That show's not dumb! WAH!
Phoenix: Don't you need to take Pearl to school?
Maya: It's Saturday!
Phoenix: WAH!
*Ema walks in*
Ema: Why is that stupid little girl always around?
Pearl: I'm not stupid! *punches Ema*
Ema: Gah! That hurt!
Maya: Pearl, please stop hitting her!
Pearl: Never! She's helping Nick cheat on you!
Maya: PEARL! FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME YOU STUPID BRAT! I NEVER LOVED NICK!
Pearl: What? Do you mean you abandoned Nick? *starts punching Maya*
Maya: *Kicks Pearl* That's how it feels when someone kicks you.
Pearl: Wow. I had no idea that hurting people actually hurt. I'll never do it again, I promise!
Phoenix: *I see a psyche-lock.*
Ema: Was there something we needed to do today?
Phoenix: What? I totally forgot about the case! Argh!
*They all rush out*
*Court Room 666 August 17th, 9:05*
*Phoenix, Ema, Maya, and Pearl charge in.*
Judge: We had to wait five minutes for you idiots!
Edgeworth: Why Maya, that trash on your channeling costume is an improvement! Exactly what channeling should be compared to!
Maya: Thank you, HEY WAIT A MINUTE!
Phoenix: *Edgeworth has always insulted Maya lately.*Now what was the case today?
Judge: The murder of Lana Skye.
Edgeworth: Hahah! He forgot! Didn't you Mr. Wrong?! AHAHAH!
Judge: Stop laughing. Although it is pretty funny! Hahahah!
Edgeworth: Hahah!
Maya: HAHAHAHAH!
Audience: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!
Pearl: HAHAHAHAHAH! *punches Ema*
Ema: Please, you could go to jail for that.
Judge: Little girl, please go to the children's area. This case will be much too violent for you!
*Police man takes her out, while she is yelling "Whore! Cheating bastard!"*
Judge: Looks as though the last thing she needs is to be exposed to more violence. Now Ema and Maya look awfully young...
Edgeworth: ... And so does Franziska! How about this? We have Franziska declared innocent for crimes and sent to the children's area with Ema and Maya.
Judge: Splendid idea!
Phoenix: *Please let him do so, please let him do so.*
Edgeworth: Please. I was being sarcastic.
Judge: Ack, my parents told me 50 years ago I wasn't old enough to understand that! When will I start understanding it?
Phoenix: Give it another 50 years.
Edgeworth: The prosecution wishes to call Dick Gumshoe!
Judge: Okay. Do that...*sigh*... again.
*Gumshoe takes the stand*
Gumshoe: OKAY! Looks like it is totally true evidence today! No forgeries whatsoever!
Judge: Good! Now show us the first juicy piece of evidence!
Gumshoe: First is a pistol. It was used to shoot Lana Skye.
Judge: Hm... it's report says it has Franziska Von Karma, and Oldbag's finger prints on it.
Phoenix: Why is Oldbag not a suspect?!
Edgeworth: She has no charges against her.
Ema: But she should...
Edgeworth: Do you have a law degree?
Ema: No.
Edgeworth: Then you wouldn't understand. You see, we have a witness for later, who shall prove that Franziska is guilty of this sadistic murder.
Judge: Surely there must be more evidence.
Gumshoe: Here is a whip. Has the fingerprints of Franziska and Oldbag on it, and is stained with the blood of Lana Skye.
Judge: WAIT! How can this be?!
Edgeworth: That last one was the wrong whip. It was some other one. This is the real one. See? It has F. V. K. as initials on it.
Judge: Anymore evidence?
Gumshoe: The same photo as before, sir!
Judge: Oh. Well it seems true now.
Gumshoe: I also have this autopsy report.
Judge: Excellent! Let's see. Shot and whipped. Whipping couldn't have killed her, it says. Shooting her did, though.
Gumshoe: That's it!
Judge: Really?! No way! Hmmm.... is there any problems with this evidence?
Ema: Seems to be none.
Maya: Uhh... where are we again?
Phoenix: No objections, your forgetfulness.
Judge: What? No way!
Edgeworth: I will call a witness. I shall call Larry Butz!
Gumshoe: I already have to go down? Way to hurt a guy's feelings... WAH! *Leaves the stand.*
Larry: *takes the stand*
Judge: Name and occupation.
Larry: I'm Larry Butz, and I sell boot-leg Steel Samurai tapes!
Judge: WHAT?!
Edgeworth: ACK!
Phoenix: *YOU IDIOT!*
Maya: Can I have some more...
Ema: *knocks out Maya*
Phoenix: What did you do that for?
Ema: Scientifically, she would be arrested for buying illegal video tapes if she bought them knowing they were boot-legged.
Phoenix: Oh. No I meant, why can't you just let her be arrested?
Ema: She's like a baby! Do you give a baby to social services for dying of starvation?
Phoenix: Huh?!
Judge: GUILTY! GUILTY! LARRY BUTZ IS GUILTY!
Edgeworth: That is for another case and another time. Now we must show how guilty Franziska is!
Franziska: If you do that, you'll truly know the fury of guilt on your conscience!!!
Edgeworth: Would the witness please say what he saw?
Larry: I was going out of the rest room, and I saw this chick on the pathway in clothes just like Franziska's! She went and shot my poor Lana Skye.
Judge: That's all?
Larry: Yes.
Maya: *wakes up.* Mm... that felt good. I mean like really, really good. Hey Nick, could you punch me next?
Phoenix: Maybe later. Larry, you say you saw someone in clothes just like Franziska's. Did she have blue hair?!
Larry: Ack! No! She had gray hair! And she had a non-existent rack!
Judge: I hardly think that whether or not she carried a spice rack is important to this case.
Larry: No! I mean like a "BOOBIES!" kind of rack.
Judge: OH! Oh my! This is not a suitable subject for the court room! How would you like it if I started talking about my small penis?!
Edgeworth: No talk of small things, please.
Phoenix: Larry, DID you see Franziska at that park?
Larry: Yeah! Right before she was shot, Franziska walked walked into the rest room!
Phoenix: Why didn't you say this before?
Larry: Edgeworth promised me a date with his friend if I didn't mention it!
Judge: *Shocked!*
Phoenix: *Shocked!*
Ema: *Shocked!*
Maya: Uh... why'd you do that, Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: Uh.... I'm not a good lawyer...*cries*
Phoenix: I would like to suggest this: Oldbag disguised as Franziska. She went and shot Lana Skye. She then stole Franziska's whip, and went back and whipped the corpse.
Edgeworth: You're right. Franziska is innocent.
Judge: But, what about motive?
Edgeworth: Lana called Oldbag a crazy old lady. Please, just bang you little gavel. I really don't want to have Oldbag as a witness.
Judge: Usually I wouldn't do this, but I just hate Oldbag so much. Wright's client is innocent. Oldbag is guilty. THAT IS ALL!
*2:45 P.M. Lobby of court room 666.*
Franziska: Yay! I got declared innocent!
Phoenix: Yup. Now as for the bill: IT'S OVER 9,000!
Franziska: Why not times four? It's less than I charge!
Phoenix: 36,000 dollars?! That's the largest payment I've ever recieved!
Franziska: Oh wait a minute. I was going to get a Hummer. So looks like I can't really pay you!
Phoenix: HUH?!
Franziska: Shaddup, foo'! *runs out*
Ema: I bet this'll hurt my pay...
Maya: Pay? What?! I don't get any pay!
*Edgeworth walks over.*
Edgeworth: No hard feelings, eh?
Phoenix: You wouldn't let us investigate. Why did you do that?!
Edgeworth: It's a law...
Phoenix: What law?
Edgeworth: OK. It was a joke. I made it up. Just a practical joke, OK?
Phoenix: WHAT?!
Edgeworth: Sheesh! Calm down! It's not like you were defending a real person. Just the spawn of Satan.
Phoenix: That's true.
*Gumshoe carries Pearl over.*
Pearl: WAH! Maya is crying over Phoenix!
Maya: No. I was just crying because there is no Steel Samurai to watch today.
Pearl: Well she's hiding it!
Gumshoe: Aw, cheer up kid! Look what I got! It's a real gun!
Pearl: *Starts smiling.* Hey Ema, let's play Cops and Robbers with it!
Ema: What?! Let's not.
Gumshoe: What?! You don't get to play with it, little girl! Pearl is joking, right?!
Phoenix: Nope.
Gumshoe: Hahah! I can tell sarcasm when I see it! Er... hear it! Wright is always so sarcastic!
Pearl: *Steals gun.* Whee! Who gets shot first?! * Fires gun*
THE END.

Please feel free to tell me what you think!

AND READ THE ALL NEW SEQUEL WHICH IS WRITTEN BY PROSECUTOR MANELLA: present-testimony/wright-under-the-skye-justice-under-the-skye-rated-t12790.html

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Last edited by PrinceDaniel07 on Sat Nov 22, 2008 12:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Pearly kills someone?!

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Nah, she misses.

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Last edited by PrinceDaniel07 on Sun Oct 21, 2007 1:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Words cannot describe how halarious that was...
The Judge being a fan of the Steel Samurai made my day. Nice job!

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Oh thanks! I'm glad you got a laugh out of it!

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I just liked how Phoenix was so matter-of-fact about being hit in the crotch.

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Oh l0l, I really liked this!!!^_^

"It's 2:35"
"OH MY GOSH! It took us over 12 hours!"

ROFL!! =D

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Um, to sum this up in two words...

EPIC WIN!

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you're a great fanfic writer. keep writing.XD

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Wow! I'm so glad that this old fanfic is read again! I just knew this thing was funny.

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Holy shit. That was bleeding amazing. Especially the brilliant way you put "Graham Chapman is Dead*

You win.

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Thank you, fine sir. I just knew you'd enjoy this story.

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Damn that was the best 40 minutes I've ever spent in these forums!

LOL. "It's over 9000!"
"Why don't you just multiply it by 4?"
"Oh wait a minute. I was going to get a Hummer. So looks like I can't really pay you!"


HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

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YES THANK YOU FOR READING. I'm so glad that some people enjoy this crazy story.

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I_loved_it, omg XD

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I'm glad you did.

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AWESOME! I will now never look at pearl in the same way ever again!

I used to like x but now I like x but I have no idea why...

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Holy Fuck Erman.

You pushed that to the limit! XD

What's funny is I actually prefer x . I was obsessed with Ema when I wrote this, though.... XD

WHY THANK YOU CRAZY BADASS MOTHERFUCKER

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There`s a word better than awesome, even better than great and the word to describe this fanfic is:

EPIC!!!!!!!!!1111111111111ONE

In this forum I never read something so epic!

Good work! or should I say: Epic work!

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Yush. Epicness indeed.

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Last bumped by PrinceDaniel07 on Sun Mar 01, 2009 4:01 pm.