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Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Esta un pollo en mís pantalones

Gender: Female

Location: The Netherlands

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2008 6:39 pm

Posts: 374

I'm quite new here, but I've been lurking here for quite a while. And after I read some fanfictions, I decided I had to write one too (I like writing, but I barely do fanfictions).
So, here you go.

Title: The snow whispers goodbye .
Author: x_Marushi
Rating: I don't know, but there's no mature content, only a looot of crying.
Genre: Overdramatic
Status: Completed
Summary: 3 years after Phoenix retrieved his badge he gets a client accused for murder, but he doesn't expect his client to be someone he already knew...

Starting notes;
This is what you get if you listen 1 song over and over again. (FYI, Beyoncé - If I were a boy). It's quite emo, sorry for that. I just assumed Phoenix got his badge back after Apollo somehow proved the fake evidence was a set-up, that's what I mean with 'retrieved'. Also, my English isn't perfect. So I'd appericiate if you point out my mistakes so I can learn from that.
That, and enjoy reading (:

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

December 17, 15:30 AM
District Court
Courtroom No. 4


And just like that, I had to prove her ‘not guilty’. Just when I thought all my days in court had ended, she showed up. I can’t believe I saw her after all those years we’ve been together. Even though I can’t believe I had to see her like this...

My name is Phoenix Wright and I’ve been a defense attorney for quite a few years. I accieved some fame by solving cases that would’ve been open and shut on the first glance. There was a time that the 3 of us were like a real family, never to be seperated. Then, when I lost my badge 10 years ago, our connextion whittered until we never saw each other again. Thanks to Apollo, they retrieved me my badge. All the memories we had together came back to the surface again. Times we laughed, times we cried... I came back to court a couple of times, but somehow, things didn’t feel the same: I was on my own. Sometimes Trucy and Apollo came to support me, but it was never the same, and it would never be.


And now, three years after my last trial, I got a call. I barely recognized her voice, but when she told me to go to the detention center I got a feeling I was about to meet someone I hadn’t seen for a long time. She was accused of murder, of course. And she wanted me to help her out, one last time. I couldn’t refuse, she was desperate. And now, I’m standing in court one more time, to prove Pearl’s innocence.

When she sat there in the defendant chair, she had grown so much. She was already 17 years old, and almost done with her training as a spirit medium. I’ve thought about visiting her and Maya a lot, but somehow, I couldn’t get myself to buy me a train ticket. She looked at me and smiled at me. Little Pearl, how much I’ve missed you and Maya...

That’s when I heard the sound of the Jugde his gavel. He asked the prosecution to state his claim against the defendant. He started talking about she’s a heartless killer, and how he couldn’t understand how she could kill her own mother, who was just set free from prison. He called Ema Skye to the stand, where she told all the details about the crime scene and Morgan’s death. She was killed the 16th of December on a mountain with a pocket knife, stabbed right in her heart. Appearantly, it were Pearl’s fingerprints on the knife. I fought my battle with the prosecution with all I had. Pearl had lost her pocket knife the same day on the same mountain, so she couldn’t stab her with it, but there weren’t any witnesses to confirm this, or other people on the mountain that day who saw the crime. Pearl didn’t had an alibi, because she wás taking a walk with her mother, they talked about everything that happend the times they weren’t together, but they seem to have gotten in a fight, and Pearls went home. Morgan had problems with walking earlier, so she couldn’t catch up with her. I did everything I could to prove her ‘not guilty’ like I promised, but because Pearls, or anyone else, couldn’t tell if there were other people on the mountain, I lost.

I saw two bailliffs grabing her by her arms and draging her out of the courtroom, screaming she didn’t do it and crying for my help. But all I could do was watch how she was dragged away. I wanted to ran after her, to tell her things would be alright, but the prosecution stopped me and told me I couldn’t do anything. When she was out of sight the prosecution let go of me. I looked him in the eyes and couldn’t say anything. It was like something took over me when I punched him in the face and ran out of the courtroom.

When I walked outside, the clouds were gray and ready to let go of the first snow. Memories came back about how I made special Christmas-burgers for Pealy and Maya once. We were eating happily when it started snowing outside. Pearly just jumped out of her chair, screaming: ‘Yaaay! I love snow!’ and ran outside to play in the snow. There wasn’t many, yet she managed to built a small snowman. Maya ran after her, draging me outside too. I told them they should’ve put on a coat before running outside, but they were already picking up all the snow they could find to throw it in each others faces. I didn’t last long, or I got a nice punch of snow in my face too. Before I knew it, we were all busy making another snow man so that the other one wouldn’t be lonely and we laughed our lungs out. When there wasn’t enough snow to make something else, we went inside to eat the rest of our burgers. Needless to say, the next day they both had a cold and couldn’t come out of their beds. When I went to take a look at them, I heard them wisper that it was all worth it, and that they hoped all Christmas eve’s could be like this.

I wandered the streets alone. I had finally locked my memories of them away so that they wouldn’t cause me any pain and regret anymore. I never saw them again, and I was satisfied with me being all alone. But now... Poor Pearls didn’t kill anyone, I’m sure of it! I just couldn’t prove it, and now she’ll die. Only because I couldn’t prove the obvious. What will happen when Maya hears it? She barely had any family left, and now, because of me, she doesn’t have anyone anymore. She’ll be forced to life alone the rest of her life. What if can’t handle it? What if she comits suicide? Poor Maya, poor Pearl... What have I done?

I didn’t knew how long I’ve walked around, or where I walked to, but after some time I woke up from my thoughts when my cell phone rung. I had recieved a text message from the prosecution with the Pearls’ execution date: Just in two days. She only had two days to live. That’s when I decided I’d go to her execution, to apologize.

Two days later I arrived 15 minutes before the execution. I only saw two people: Maya and Detective Gumshoe. ‘Hey, pal. I read it in the newspaper, so I came to support you guys.’ He said when he saw me. Maya looked at me, once. But she immediatelly turned away and I saw a single tear slide down her cheek. She trusted me, and I betrayed her like this... I felt miserable. Just when I thought I’d be better off home, Pearl was brought in. She smiled at Maya, looked at Gumshoe with a little suprise in her eyes, and then her eyes filled with tears. Shen she looked at me, she tried to look angry, disappionted, but she couldn’t. All she could was cry. The guard gave her 5 minutes to tell us her last words, before she would wave us her last goodbye. Maya immediatelly ran towards her to hug her. I felt their love shine, she held her tight and didn't let go. Pearls cried and cried and asked her to save her, but we all knew she couldn’t. Gumshoe walked to Pearls and told her he’d miss her. I only stood, for five minutes and saw them cry. When the guard grabbed her to take her away, Maya fell on her knees and started to cry harder. And just when the doors were gonna close, we heard her scream: ‘Goodbye, Maya, Gumshoe.. Goodbye Nick!’ The doors closed and the room was silent, you could only hear Maya cry. ‘Let’s go, pal.’ Said Gumshoe and I followed him to the exit, hearing Maya wispering. ‘Why did you do this...?’. With teary eyes I stepped outside, to see the snow fall down.


‘Pearls, the sky cries for you.’

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

End notes
I life in the Netherlands, they don't give the death sentence here, so i wouldn't know about the proses (Thankfully). So that might be a little off. I also managed to get myself crying, but that's probably because I'm a pussy xD.

Anyway, don't hessitate to give critic of feedback <3
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Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:36 pm

Posts: 61

I'm afraid I'm not much good at criticism, I'm afraid, though I'll give it a go (hey, I'll never learn if I don't try).

In a few places there were spelling and grammar mistakes, but nothing heinous. In some places you could have expanded it a bit more, too, by taking the pace more slowly and adding more description (that was done in the Christmas scene, which, by the way, was adorable :pearl-blush: ). I know nothing about the process of carrying out a death sentence either, so that didn't trouble me.

As for the actual content - aw, Pearls! :nixiesob: An interesting concept. I was expecting her to be saved at the last minute, so while it wasn't exactly a cheerful surprise, having the courage to go ahead and let her face her sentence made it touching. *Sniffs.*

In other words, I enjoyed it. As a first PW fanfic, it has great potential! I'm just sorry my supposedly constructive criticism is useless. :sadshoe: Now, if you'll excuse me, I just have to go and find a Pearl to hug... :pearl:
Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Where's Pikachu? ...I mean Wally!

Gender: Female

Location: Cannock of course...like you know where that is?

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:25 pm

Posts: 602

I think it was good, especially for a first fanfic.

I do have a few small critisisms of spelling and grammar like Toastbutler said. I could only point out a few though.
It was a very sad story and i thought it was very unfair of Maya and Pearl to be angry at Phoenix for not saving Pearl if there was no evidence. After all, he did try his best! The Snow scene was very very cute and i liked how it was writen.

I'd give it 8 or 9/10 as I like all that emotional over dramatic stuff. :maya:



:phoenix:
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Please click my signiture to read Mia Fey - The Story
A second chance - Gumshoe centric oneshot
Finding Mr.Wright - Phoenix/Maya
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Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Yay for Shoe!

Gender: Female

Location: Ohio

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2007 6:37 pm

Posts: 526

Good story, but I have to object to killing Pearl! She's my favorite character! I would be so sad if this story were actual canon :sob:
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Many thanks to Elriel for the wonderful signature and Don S. for the adorable avatar!
Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Witness my stand... FOUGHT THE LAW!!!

Gender: Male

Location: Santiago, Chile

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:38 am

Posts: 458

It was quite... sad. However, I liked it, a lot.

I saw some problems in your vocabulary like with using life when you had to use live.
I saw you could have gone further with the story or to be exact how was the process of Pearls, the prosecution: who was the prosecutor, etc.

I almost cried. :larry:

Good work! :godot: :franny: :phoenix: :edgy:
Thanks. It was, is and always will be a pleasure.
"Getting into law school will make you realize how fucking bonkers these games are... like REALLY"
Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 9:41 am

Posts: 123

:beef: You. Did. Not. Just. Do. That. :zenitora:
:acro:

Even so, my initial reaction doesn't stop me from liking this story. I love the emotional heartstring-pulling sorts of fics. (The christmas scene was especially...haunting...given the context) So, despite hating you for killing Pearls, it was a good story overall. (And I should speak for myself...my first PW fic was something reminicent of this too...so I can't really hate you for it without being hypocritical... <_<)

So great work! :godot:
Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Esta un pollo en mís pantalones

Gender: Female

Location: The Netherlands

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2008 6:39 pm

Posts: 374

I laughed so hard reading the red text, really xD
Sorry for killing Pearls, really xD.

& thanks a lot for the sweet comments everyone <3
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Seizing the day - or trying to.

Gender: Female

Location: Right behind you.

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 5:54 pm

Posts: 63

Aww, so sad! I nearly cried! Why did you kill Pearl... I thought she was impossible to kill, because she's so cute! Again, a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but nothing really horrible. Good!
Image OBJECTION! I may be green, but I can still beat you with my epic broomstick! (Avatar copyright Atlus.)
Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Audere est facere.

Gender: Female

Location: 14.7°N, 121°E

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:36 pm

Posts: 532

:nixiesob: :sob:

If I were behind the judge, I'd force him to issue a ten-minute recess, knock him out, copy his outfit, get a bogus voice recording and announce my verdict as :not-guilty:

I'd give the story plot a 9.5/10, since it seemed realistic and emotional, although no one would want Pearl to die. And as far as grammar goes, I'd give it a 9/10, with just a few mior mistakes on your part, being from the Netherlands. And, wait, this is your first fanfiction? I would've thought that this could've come from a pro! Great job!
I've been away for far too long.
So long, in fact, that all of my signatures now exist behind a paywall.
Bummer.
Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Gender: Female

Location: Sydney

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2009 2:19 pm

Posts: 398

Awwwwwww, P-p-p-p Pearl.... :sadshoe: ... :larry:
It's a good fic but but but.... Poor Pearl
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Made by me :D
Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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Till the landslide brought me down...

Gender: Female

Location: Sydney

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2009 12:03 pm

Posts: 1198

Aww its so sad that pearly's gone (but she's not dead yet >_O so...)
anyways, this is a good fanfic!
(so its not to late to channel morgan to say who the real killer is)
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Re: Just another fanfictionTopic%20Title
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:)

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Location: UK

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 11:33 pm

Posts: 3478

Poor Pearl.
But yeah, good fic. =)
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