Thanks, I guess.
Yeah Von Karma is cold. But I thought, 'What if he wasn't always like that?'
Um yeah, it has mistakes because I scrapped it.
Miles lack of reaction - well, yeah. He should have reacted more, but as I said, I had scrapped it, and didn't edit before putting it on.
And I left blanks because, to me, the rest seemed like a background scene, a setting, all leading up to one point. Leaving blanks is like leaving some more of the normality that surrounds them, making it more, but less understandable. Shame it didn't work.
Pacing - thanks. I'm not great at pacing, its probably because I had the time on there so you can see how close he was to saving her.
Thanks for the comments, guys!!!

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