Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 11:46 pm

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:Working on the next one?

Trying to think of which characters to use. TBH, I want to avoid using Godot and even Franziska, and I wanted to put Gumshoe in it, but he's not in either of the next two chapters. My older brother was also begging me to do one with Phoenix, Godot, Iris, and Dahlia being channeled by Maya so that she and Iris don't look any different, which would be fun to write, but would probably end up distracting from the fic. So if I do that, I'd need to save it for a particularly boring set of chapters, which is decidedly not 9 and 10.

Saresa · Post by **Saresa** » Tue Jul 15, 2014 12:12 am

Again, excelent spork, Airey. And again, fic!Trucy was terribly out-of-character and I laughed at every other line from the sporkers. I expected at least a reaction from Franziska when Godot called her "wild mare"... (Though I remember her not trying to whip him on 3-5... I need to play that case again.) Anyway, great job!

Apollo: I don't want to end up with a sporker's instinct... I'll never be able to read something without thinking of snarky comments again.

It has already affected Phoenix, Edgeworth, Franziska and even Maya. You're just the next in line.

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:And I'll leave this post with a final opinion. I'd like to see a little more diversity to the sporker characters: Gumshoe, Pearl, Larry, Mia; Klavier and Ema; Athena, Juniper, Simon, Fulbright. DD's been out long enough. We don't need to shy away from them. If anyone's looking for DD character smilies, I think Mijumaru (SuperAJ3) has a collection somewhere.

Good luck, future sporkers. Airey, keep up the good work.

YES!!! Please, let's use DD characters already, I'd love to see their reactions!

Spoiler:

Pessimistic_Fool · Post by **Pessimistic_Fool** » Tue Jul 15, 2014 4:18 am

Thoughts on the newest spork:

-Ooh, Godot. Interesting character choice.

-Franziska gave up on her plan to point out every error fast.

-The bit with Maya realizing the name pun is very nice. ^^

-I also like the nostril part.

Overall, a good spork, as expected from you. :)
I think Godot was well in character, would like to see more of him.

In other news, I'm about to finish my own spork.
ETA: And here it is.
(Sorry for taking so long - I'm haven't been an active fan for a while, so it's getting harder to write the characters.)

TODAY'S SPORK: ANOTHER MULTIPARTER????
Our sporkers encounter a very uncooperative original character. She is rude, she is unreasonable, she is Edgeworth's girlfriend. (No, really.) In a world with no logic, no motivation and no subtlety, Phoenix tries to solve the case nobody could be bothered to investigate.

Rating:

Two Sahwits. I feel like it deserves more, but I'm bad at rating these things. This fic has plot holes, lame excuses for them, and it likes wasting time.

[The freshly refurbished theater opens its door for the first time after what seems like a very long break. The faint scent of paint and glue fills the air. Not a trace of the once broken equipment, or any signs of aging for that matter, is to be found as our sporkers majestically-]

Phoenix: WATCH IT!! *stumbles and crashes against the metal door frame*

Athena: Whoa! *trips and lands flat on the ground*

Apollo: Oof! *falls on top of her*

Speakers: Oh yeah. "Caution. Slippery surface."

Apollo: Gee, thanks for the warning. *grumpily stands up and dusts himself off*

Speakers: And look what our little plugged time duct has spit up. My, my. It's a girl!

Athena: *angrily wringing her hands* Don't act as if you weren't expecting me. One of your goons slipped the "invitation" right under my door. And why is it waterproof?

Apollo: Water, fire and Trucy-proof. I don't even know how they do that. *mumbles* Mind sharing your secret?

Phoenix: *looks around* Is Edgeworth not coming today?

Speakers: Oh, he is. For the moment, however, he is regrettably being delayed. We required a quick word with him regarding some undesirable...actions.

Phoenix: (Undesirable actions?)

Speakers: Anyway, there's nothing to worry about. Please take your seats.

[While our sporkers are still on the way to do so, the lights dim and the fic starts playing.]

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Following the Law
By: ThatViolentAttorney
The boring era of the Wright Anything Agency comes to an end, as a new(ish) Defense Attorney joins there cause! Follow Phoenix and the new Defense Attorney through five cases to solve the never-ending string of murders that she has come across her entire life. Help her find who she truly is. Undecided pairing (either OCxPhoenix or OCxMiles) and written similar to the game. Enjoy!:)

Athena: *ponders* An original character solving five cases with Mr. Wright while she's still new, and thrown into "undecided pairing" with two main characters? Can you say "Mary Sue"?

Speakers: Can you say "irony"?

Apollo: *already annoyed* Can we get on with it?

Case 1: Revive the Turnabout, Investigation - Part One
"Who…who's there…oh, it's you."
"Yes, hello doctor."
"What is it you- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
CRASH
BANG

Phoenix: *just stares at the screen in confusion* What is even going on in this scene?

Athena: Maybe they accidentally switched to a comedy channel?

"Hahahahahaha…now to pin it on that person..."
Date: January 22, Time: 10:37am, Location: Wright Anything Agency
Yet another boring day at the office. Athena and Apollo are out together, working on a case, so it's just Pearls, Trucy and I.

Phoenix: *sighs* Not one of those present tense first-person fics... they give me a headache!

Athena: *to Apollo* I think he's more worried about his pride than his head.

Apollo: He should be. With an introduction like that, I give this fic five minutes before something bad and probably embarrassing happens to him.

Phoenix: (I can hear you, you know...)

But we have nothing to do, so Pearls and Trucy have gone out shopping for a while, leaving me here on my own.
*RING*…*RING*…*RING*…*BLEEP*
"Hello, Wright Anything Agency here." Yes, finally a client.
"Wright." Oh, it's just Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Why did he call the agency and not me?

Athena: I hear it's a popular way to find out if somebody's home. You know. For burglers.

Phoenix: Honestly, with how cluttered everything is at the office, I'm not sure I would find the phone to answer it even if I were around.

"Oh, hey Edgeworth."
"I need you to get down to the Detention Centre; I'll explain when you get there." He hung up. Ok…so where does that leave me? It's nice to know I get a say in this…
Date: January 22, Time: 10:49am, Location: Detention Centre Entrance
"I wonder what Mr Edgeworth wants?" Trucy pondered out loud.

Phoenix: Wait, what is Trucy doing at the detention center? ...The... ...British "detention centre", apparently. And in past tense.

Apollo: If it has anything to do with her "shopping" trip, remember I wasn't there. You can't blame me. (Or maybe the police finally got wise about our shenanigans in the last fic...) *groans* (Why am I still thinking of that mess?)

"Maybe he got arrested again…"
"Do you think so?" Pearls gasped.
"He did not get arrested again." Came the sullen voice of the aforementioned Prosecutor; scaring the hell out of all three of us.
"E-Edgeworth…there you are…er…what did you want…?" I managed to get those words out. Kind of...
"A friend of mine has been arrested for murder. I recommended you to be her lawyer." He stated simply.

Phoenix: A female friend? Of Edgeworth's? You couldn't find any more realistic way to introduce your original character?

Voice from behind: I assume the assistant gallery can only hold so many members.

Phoenix: *turns in surprise* How long have you been standing there?

Edgeworth: Only about a minute. I would apologize for the delay, but honestly, I don't mind too much.

[He walks up and takes a seat next to Phoenix.]

Athena: Really, Boss, didn't you hear the doors? Maybe Apollo's constant screaming finally took its toll on your ears.

Apollo: (I wonder if she's ever heard the saying about the pot and the kettle.)

"Oh…well, h-"
"No objections, Wright. Defend her, she cannot do it herself and neither can I. I can assure you, however she is 100% innocent." Edgeworth glared at me.
"O-ok…before I talk to her, tell me about the murder."
"It was a doctor at the hospital she was in; the reason she was arrested is because of her motive – which is that she may be angry because of a failed operation.

Apollo: She was arrested because she may be angry? That's the best motive they could come up with? Sounds like the police in this case weren't very eager to do their job.

There was also evidence to suggest her guilt, it seems, but I think it has been falsified."
"Falsified? Falsified by who?"
"I believe the evidence to be falsified by the real killer."

Phoenix: Is your fic self mocking me, or is that really the impression the author has of you?

Edgeworth: If it is, they clearly started off with the wrong-

Athena: Sh! Fourth wall! Punishment!

Edgeworth: ... ...-case, then. *quietly, to Phoenix* You actually taught her the rules?

Phoenix: Nope. Must be Trucy's doing.

"Who is?"
"I don't know yet!"
"Right…my bad…"
"I have other places to be; your client's name is Evie Law. Don't try to pull any stunts on her – she was a Lawyer too." And with that he left.

Athena: *grins* She was such a good lawyer that they even changed the spelling to honor her name.

Phoenix: If she was such a good lawyer, why isn't she defending herself?

Athena: Because then she couldn't be in a "possible pairing" with you, Boss.

Phoenix: Right. Silly me.

"Your defendant is another defence Attorney?" Pearls gasped.
"Seems like it. Let's go and see what Miss Law has to say about this."
Date: January 22, Time: 10:55am, Location: Detention Centre, Visitors Room
A woman with blonde hair and blue eyes sat in front of me, she was pale and tired looking.
"So you're Phoenix Wright? I've heard lots from Miles about you." She said.

Athena: A female first-name basis friend... she hasn't been on screen for five minutes and already levelled up.

Edgeworth: As long as it serves to reduce the length of this fic, I'm all for it.

Apollo: Me, too. We don't need another epic-length shipfic with too many details.

"You have? Like what?"
"He said you'd defend me in court tomorrow. You don't have to though, I don't really care."
"What do you mean you don't care?" Pearls gasped.
"I just don't care about my life anymore," She dismissed us by looking to her left, "I have nothing to live for anyway. I lost my job, my home, and my driver's licence. I might as well be framed for a murder I didn't commit."

Phoenix: Gee, isn't it nice to work with such a helpful and optimistic client?

Apollo: With an attitude like that, it's no wonder she couldn't find a lawyer.

"Well I can't allow that!" I slammed my hands on the table in front of me, "You can't give up! Edgeworth still cares, you know!"
She rolled her eyes. "Let's just get on with the interview shall we?"
Fine, Evie Law, you have your way…for now.
"So tell me about why you were in hospital on the day of the murder."
"I had a bad traffic accident about a year ago. My leg and head have been messed up since, so they've kept me at that Hotti Clinic to help me recover."

Phoenix: For a year?! I wouldn't even want to stay a week in that place!

Apollo: Not to mention her medical bill must be through the roof.

"It sounds serious. I also heard Edgeworth mention something about a failed operation?"
"Yes. The victim, Igor Jones, was the surgeon for one of my many operations around the time of the accident. I didn't hold a grudge against him though; it was human error."
3 Psyche-locks appeared over her heart.
"She's got Psyche-locks?!" Pearls hissed at me.

Athena: Uhm... I don't want to sound dumb, but... 'the heck are those things?

Phoenix: It's a long story. All you need to know is they mean she's hiding a secret.

Athena: *raises an eyebrow* Wasn't that kinda obvious even without the locks?

"Yeah, looks like our client is hiding something about her failed operation." I breathed back to her.
"What're you two muttering about?"
"So tell me, Miss Law, about your alibi?"
"My alibi…I…don't have one." She grimaced, looking to the floor.
"…! What?! Why?!"

Apollo: Because the author was too lazy to think of one.

"I can't seem to remember what I was doing at the time of the murder…" She grasped her elbow, much like Edgeworth does.
"B-But that doesn't mean it was you!" Trucy gasped.
"I know! I know it wasn't me! But the police seem to think it was, so the Prosecution will hold on to every thread and any thread to get me convicted.

Phoenix: Maybe fic-Edgeworth should have used his connections to find her a better prosecutor then, instead of making me do all the work. ...No offense.

Edgeworth: None taken.

My lack of an alibi practically seals my fate…"
"I'll do what I can to find out what you were doing at the time of the murder." I tried to reassure her.
Moving on, what should I ask her about next?

Edgeworth: I would suggest asking about her operation and the part she is hiding from you, but going with this writer's logic, you're more likely to ask her what she had for lunch that day.

"So, Miss Law, tell me about yourself."
"…Well, before my accident I was practising for a Law Firm not far from here as a Defence Attorney. That's about it really…" she grunted.
"What Law Firm was it?"
"Grossberg Law Offices. I worked under Marvin Grossberg, but because of my accident I am unable to work, and he no longer wants me working there."

Apollo: Well, if she can't work, I wouldn't want her "working" for me, either. That'd just be freeloading. And if he ever told her to do anything, she'd probably sue him.

Edgeworth: Hmm... actually, I'm surprised she never thought of sueing him over her unemployment. Certainly in this universe, she would have a good chance to succeed.

Phoenix: Not if she asked you to do it. The way this author wrote you so far, you have the same work enthusiasm as Larry. Drunk Larry. At four am.

She folded her arms and looked to her right.
"I…see…erm…"
"What?" She snapped.
"I'll go and gather some clues." I stood up to leave.
"Good luck."
Date: January 22, Time: 11:32, Location: Hotti Clinic, Reception
Oh for the love of GOD someone save me. NOT that "Director" again.

Phoenix: I feel you, fic-me. I feel you.

Apollo: That guy? Well, I can't say I'm surprised the other clinic threw him out, but still...

"…and the murder a few days ago is very, mm, tragic, isn't it, yes? …Mmmm, yes, quite. The victim was that lousy Doctor Jones." He sniffed.
"Tell me about this 'lousy Doctor Jones'!" I demanded, before he could go off topic again.
"Hmm…yes…well, he's made quite the error with his patience, Evangeline Law." He sniffed.

Athena: *looking disgusted* What's with all the sniffing? Somebody needs to get him a Kleenex.

Apollo: Is that your only problem with that creep?

Athena: Well, it's one they could solve, at least.

"What did he do?"
"…"
"…"
"…He messed up in an operation."

Apollo: What, was he waiting for his cue? Did he forget his line? Did he go for a sandwich?

"Care to elaborate?"
"…Hmm…yes. No. Not really. No."
"What?! WHY?!"
"Mr Nick! Calm, you're in a hospital!" Pearls hissed.
"S-sorry…"
"Hmm, yes…I can't just blab to anyone. I've been told to keep my trap shut, see?"
"By who?"
"A young lady with a whip."

Phoenix: There's another one? Or did Franziska start a second career as nurse Ratched?

Edgeworth: Don't give them ideas, please.

Athena: Maybe she was originally supposed to have a role in this fic, and went all the way over there to make sure he'd keep her out of it.

He smirked. What a dirty old man.
"But…" he began.
"Yes?"
"You might be able to buy this information from me." Cue the creepy smile.
"…H-how?" PLEASE DON'T KILL ME FRANCISKA.
"You must be Evangeline's Lawyers."
"…Evangeline?"
"He means Evie Law." Trucy suggested.

Phoenix: Oh, right, Trucy was there! Um... why did I take her along, again?

Apollo: To say hi to Dr. Freak over there? I don't know, she's made friends with stranger people.

"Oh, right. She didn't say her name was short for Evangeline…"

Edgeworth: No, he did. Right at the beginning. When he identified her as Doctor Jones's "patience".

"AHEM. Mmm, yes. So you're her lawyers. Promise me that when you get her acquitted, she'll give me a lil' kiss on the cheek."
Somehow I don't think Evie will appreciate me selling her kisses off like this…
"Sure, whatever you want for that information." PLEASE DON'T KILL ME EVIE.
"Well, after her nasty traffic accident a while back, Evangeline was left with a crushed leg, and a serious head injury. Hmm, yes, anyway. She had to have brain surgery, but Doctor Jones accidentally nicked some brain tissue causing her to get brain damaged. It's affected her pretty bad; at first she couldn't remember anything; not even the identity of that posh man who visited her every evening. Little by little she was able to regain her memory, but there are still things she doesn't remember, and this one time I was talking to her and she forgot the conversation seven times!

Phoenix: Oh come on, author, we both know what his "conversations" look like. I don't think they are worth repeating seven times, especially when it's hard enough to keep a clean mind listening to them the first time.

Athena: I bet that's how he lost all those teeth, n'est-ce pas?

This month she's been a lot better though, especially with her memory, but her seizures have been bad, apparently."
Interesting…so Evie is brain damaged?

Apollo: Everyone{/b] in this fic is brain damaged.

And this causes memory loss and seizures? This may explain her lack of an alibi. It's time to get some more information from the fake director.
"So, Evie is brain damaged?" I ask him.
Phoenix: Is there an echo in here?

Edgeworth: Let's just hope it isn't another time loop.
"Poor Evie…" Pearls muttered sadly.
"Hmm, yes, quite. It's a shame; she's so intelligent; used to be a Prosecutor you know."
"Prosecutor? I thought she was a Defence Attorney?"
"Hmm, yes. Same thing."
"I don't think we're going to get any more out of him about Evie's brain damage." Trucy said.
"Yeah…," I sighed, "So tell me about this posh man?"

Phoenix: *monotonously* Gee, I wonder who it can be. Oh, the suspense is killing me. *suddenly looks at Athena* What are you doing, Athena?

Athena: *looks up and stops shaking Widget* Huh? Oh, that was you? I thought the voice sounded odd just now...

"Hmm, yes, him," The fake director didn't seem happy about him, "He's Evangeline's 'old friend'; he visited her every evening, without fail. He helped her with her memory…hmm, yes."
"What did he look like?"
"Kind of posh-like. Wore frills, mmm. Yes. Here's a picture of them. I took it about three months ago, it was a day that Evangeline's memory was particularly bad.
The fake director handed me a picture of Evie and the "posh man". Evie was crying, and the "posh man" was holding her shoulder, trying to console her it seems.
"Wait a sec…" I looked at the picture with pure shock.
"That man is…" Pearls caught on fast, too.
"Mr Edgeworth!"

Athena: And the audience gasped with the lack of surprise.

Phoenix: No, I'm sure someone out there must have read this far thinking it was an Interview with the Vampire fic.

Spoiler: Chapter 2

Chapter 2
Date: January 22, Time: 11:43, Location: Hotti Clinic, Reception
Edgeworth?! Edgeworth is the 'posh man' the fake director was talking about?!
Photo of Evie and Edgeworth added to the Court Record.

Phoenix: Photo of Evie and Edgeworth taken from Court Record and casually forwarded to Maya for a good laugh.

Edgeworth: Letter mysteriously interrupted and returned to sender with a formal cease and desist order.

Apollo: *mumbling under his breath* I swear these guys are twelve years old when they're together like this.

Phoenix: Did you say something, Apollo?

Apollo: *sits up, grinning nervously* N-no, don't mind me. Just talking to myself.

"Well, I guess it makes sense if the two of them are friends, so it makes sense for him to take care of her." Pearls deduced.
"But with that much commitment? He went to her every evening without fail; their relationship must be more than just friends." I counter-argued.
"Ahem. Anyway. As I was saying…" the fake director cut in.
"Sorry, continue Mr Hotti."

Phoenix: You know, I don't think that's his real name.

Apollo: You think? After knowing him under two different names, I totally thought this must be the real thing. Next time you'll tell me he's not a real doctor!

Phoenix: You're not supposed to spork me, Apollo.

Apollo: Sorry. It just felt natural after all the stupid things our fic selves have said.

"That man helped her with her memory…hmmm…yes, it's gotten better. Especially recently…hmmm…she keeps reading a case file by her bed in her room. Pretty sure he paid for that private room, too." The fake director added as an after-thought.
"Case file, huh…Mr. Hotti, where is Evie's room?" I asked.
"Hmm…it's down the hall…to the left. Third one." He informed me.
Time to go check this place out, I guess.
Date: January 22, Time: 11:55am, Location: Hotti Clinic, Private Room 2b

Phoenix: ...or not 2b, now that that "doctor" knows where it is.

Edgeworth: *groans*

Athena: Gee, Boss. That joke was so terrible, it's downright depressing.

We entered a small room that was evidently Evie's. It had a duffel bag with her initials on it, and on the bedside table a picture of her receiving her Attorney badge. There was also a hairbrush, a pair of crutches, and in the unmade bed sat a case file.

Edgeworth: I considered this common knowledge, but as the author seems to be unaware of it, let me point out that case files are confidential material, and must be handled responsibly. Leaving them out in the open like a stamp-album is not only a bad idea, but also bares the risk of them falling into the wrong hands.

Athena: Especially with that sniffling "doctor" around.

First, I examined the duffel bag. Nothing important in it, just a few pieces of clothing and general essentials and a few law books.
"Wait a second…." Trucy began, "What's this?"
She pulled out what looked like a letter from the Crown Prosecution Service in England!
"That's weird…what's an American Defence Attorney doing with something like this?" Pearls wondered.

Apollo: She must have taken it from the "detention centre".

"Weird…it's asking her to prosecute in England, but she's a defense attorney…" Trucy pouted in confusion.
That is pretty weird.

Phoenix: I agree, author. Why is she pouting? How do you even "pout in confusion"?

Edgeworth: To make it worse, I can't even see this as a spelling error. If you are unfamiliar with a word or phrase, I suggest you stick to something you know.

Letter from the Crown Prosecution Service added to the Court Record.
"Looking at the bedside table, Evie is clearly not a tidy person." Pearls frowned.
"In her defence, she may not have been able to – it looks like she had to get around on crutches." I chuckled.

Athena: "In her defence, tally ho, I am a very British defence attorney. Pip pip!"

Apollo: ...And the award for Most Overblown Reaction to a Minor Spelling Error goes to...

Athena: Oh come on, you guys started it.

"That's true…."
Next, I picked up the case file. Flicking through it, there was information on a trial that happened 23 years ago. It was the murder of a woman named…Alice Law!
"Could that have been…Evie's mother?" Trucy gasped.
"How awful…Evie's mother was murdered 23 years ago." Pearls agreed.
"Check it out…the suspect was never caught…but not only that, Evie was a witness!" Trucy pointed out.
"How awful…she would've only been 7 at the time."

Phoenix: How does she know this? We never learned about her age.

Apollo: She probably pulled it out of her magic panties, just like how the writer keeps pulling stuff out of their ass.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Apollo Justice to please watch his language.

Apollo: Not making any promises.

Case file added to the Court Record.
"Oh! Look what I found tucked into one of Evie's law books!" Pearls handed me a sheet of paper. It was a letter from the hospital, detailing the operations Evie had over her time here. More specifically, it covered Evie's failed operation.

Edgeworth: Why was this not handed in as evidence?

Athena: I guess that book really needed a bookmark. Priorities and all that.

"So…Evie had a bleed on her brain after her accident. The victim, Doctor Jones, was the surgeon – he accidentally nicked some brain tissue, causing Evie to fall into a 5 week coma, and also resulting in brain damage that caused memory loss and seizures." I summarised to Pearls and Trucy.
"We should try and find some more information on her accident – we could try and ask Evie, or we could ask Mr Edgeworth." The girls concluded.

Phoenix: Because they were both so open about that topic to begin with. Why did we go to the clinic again? Shouldn't they have some kind of information about it there? Do we have to go back?

"We'll ask Edgeworth – I get the feeling Evie won't be willing to tell us anything about it."
Date: January 22, Time: 12:35pm, Location: Los Angeles Prosecutors Building, Prosecutor's Office
"I thought I'd be seeing more of you today, Wright." Edgeworth greeted us from his desk.

Phoenix: How long has it been since I first met Ms. Law, at this point?

Athena: *thinks* Uhm... About an hour and a half.

Phoenix: Your fic-self isn't too far on the patient side, is he, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Or maybe he just wants his part in this story to be over. No, that would make too much sense.

"Edgeworth, I was wondering if you could tell us about Evie's accident."
He suddenly looked very uncomfortable, as if it was dragging up old memories. "If it helps her cause, ask away."
"Thank you, Edgeworth. So what happened? It was about a year ago, right?"
"That is correct. It happened on one of her days off, actually. She used to ride a motorcycle, and was just about to leave a place she'd had lunch at, when a car on the road next to it lost control and slammed into her. She hadn't put her helmet on yet, so her skull got fractured, and she ended up with a bleed on her brain. The accident nearly killed her…"
"It must have been difficult. So what about the driver of the car?"

Phoenix: I think this would have been really good to know before we went through all that effort. If he wants me to win her case so bad, why didn't he tell me all this in the first place?

Apollo: I guess you never asked.

It seemed suspicious that Edgeworth nor anyone else had mentioned this person.
Edgeworth's face grew cold and angry. "He got away. According to witnesses, the man in the car fled after hitting her. He was never caught."
"Oh damn…that's tough."
"The police speculate that he was so shocked, and probably afraid that he'd killed her that he fled to save his own ass."
Wow, I've never heard Edgeworth cuss before.

Edgeworth: Actually, fanfic writers seem to enjoy having me talk like this. I'm afraid you will find that this idea isn't quite as unique as you think.

"So they never caught him, huh…wait, how'd you know he was a man?"
"Witnesses testified that it was a white, middle-aged man driving."
"I see…"
"So, Wright, any other questions?"
"I do have one…about your relationship with Evie Law."
"We're just friends." Two psyche-locks appeared over his heart. I thought Edgeworth was supposed to be helping?!

Athena: Looks like she levelled up again and got upgraded to obvious girlfriend.

Widget: This ought to be good.

Phoenix: So much for "undecided pairing". Is this author going to write us into a love triangle? *shudders at the thought*

"If that's it, you'd best get going. Before you go, take these. It's a document specifying how Evie came to get her brain damage and newspaper article on her accident.
Document on Evie's brain damage added to the Court Record.
Newspaper Clipping on Evie's Accident added to the Court Record.
"Alright, I'll be back later."

[The lights come on. Our sporkers blink and look around in confusion.]

Athena: That's it already? I could swear we were in the middle of a chapter. And it was just starting to get interesting, too.

Speakers: Oh, don't worry, you will be back.

Apollo: *sarcastically* Hooray...

Speakers: But for now, we will take a break. Some of you are probably needed in another theater. As for Miles Edgeworth 82...

Edgeworth: Why do you keep calling me that?

Speakers: The Management's dramatic pauses will not be interrupted! As we were saying, you have been warned. We strongly urge you to cease meddling with our source material. We don't know how you did it, but it is fairly clear that you're behind the new copy protection. We will let it slide this time, mostly because it didn't take all that long to go around it, but further manipulations will not be tolerated.

Phoenix: What are they talking about?

Edgeworth: *visibly unimpressed* I haven't the slightest idea.

Speakers: That is all. We look forward to seeing you again next time.

[The doors open. After a short moment of hesitation, our sporkers leave the theater. When will they return? Where will the ships in this fic go? And what may this new theater room hold in store for them? Only time will tell...]

FenFen · Post by **FenFen** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 1:22 am

Wow. What a contrived fic you had to review there, Pessimistic_Fool. I mean come on, I would think that after seeing such tired cliched OCs, the authors would throw in the towel for writing Mary Sues and actually try to expand on characters so that they are genuinely interesting. It just gives a bad name to OCs, even to the ones that are legitimately well written and work well within the context of the story that is being written. But, I will digress and say that AA fanfics seem to be getting better and it actually becomes harder to find a bad one to spork, most likely one of the reasons that the forum has been empty until recently. I was thinking of sporking one myself that was just some nonsense about the Roman Empire and a time-travelling Phoenix that inexplicably comes to defend someone from the Roman empires and it's just train wreck of a fic. Another thing that's weird is random cameos from Bobby Fulbright and Simon Blackquill, which are nonsensical because of the fact

Spoiler:

. Here's the link if you want to read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9936350/1/T ... rneys-ever

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 1:37 am

Nice spork, Pessimistic_Fool!

I liked it! I liked Athena, although I will admit you could clearly use a little practice writing her. I feel like she should be a little more chatty. (I also feel like there's a better way to phrase that.) But other that that, it was really good! And the fic was really stupid.
Also, was that a reference to my own sporkings that I saw?

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 2:58 am

Actually, I like Athena here, but I agree she usually sounds a bit too much like Trucy. Trucy is more of the prankster type than Athena is, while Athena tends to be a bit more aggressive with jokes. It's not so much that she should be more "chatty", but that she should be a little more on the offensive, for lack of a better description. (But no one would compete with the von Karmas when it comes to aggressiveness.)

But never mind that.

Phoenix: You know, I don't think that's his real name.

Apollo: You think? After knowing him under two different names, I totally thought this must be the real thing. Next time you'll tell me he's not a real doctor!

Phoenix: You're not supposed to spork me, Apollo.

Apollo: Sorry. It just felt natural after all the stupid things our fic selves have said.

Apollo has officially snapped. This counts as a memorable moment in the history of our sporking theater, right? It deserves to have a picture drawn, right? You can just imagine Apollo taking a stab at Nick with a spork, right?

Speakers: The Management's dramatic pauses will not be interrupted! As we were saying, you have been warned. We strongly urge you to cease meddling with our source material. We don't know how you did it, but it is fairly clear that you're behind the new copy protection. We will let it slide this time, mostly because it didn't take all that long to go around it, but further manipulations will not be tolerated.

And this is why Chief Pros. Edgeworth was long due for the sporking theater. Thanks for bringing in the DD flavor.

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:08 am

I almost put Larry in this one. I can't write Larry. Count yourselves lucky.
Law Plus Chaos, part five.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth

"I suppose that's a given, isn't it?"
Ema Skye!

"It smells like paint thinner in here. That can't be good."
Apollo Justice!

"This is going to get old."
and...
Godot!

"It beats sitting around in prison all day."

[We open up in our sporking theatre, which has, at last, been given some attention from the maintenance crew. Godot, in his prison uniform and with his mysteriously-refilling coffee mug, is already seated, as is Detective Ema Skye, who may or may not be supposed to be keeping an eye on him.]

Ema: ...I'm pretty sure that it's not physically possible for a human to distinguish between 250 different types of bitterness.

Godot: I said 253. Pay attention, will you?

Ema: Whatever. I mean, I know bitterness is the most easily-detected flavor, but 250's just pushing it. *munches Snackoos*

Godot: 253. *sips coffee*

[The theatre doors open and in walk Miles Edgeworth and Apollo Justice, who seem to have both come from the same place. Maybe. We just don't know about Edgeworth. Time is weird. Anyway, they take their seats.]

Apollo: -but on the plus side, at least this one doesn't have any OCs in it.

Edgeworth: For the time being, at least.

Godot: Hello, Red, Edgeworth. *sips coffee*

Ema: Hi, Apollo, Mr. Edgeworth. *munches Snackoos*

Apollo: (This is going to be a very long spork, isn't it?)

[The lights dim, and chapter nine - for those of you playing along at home - begins.]

Daylight was too bright to describe the coldness in the detention center.

Ema: Good thing daylight isn't usually used to describe temperature.

Apollo: Don't even bother, Ema. The entire fic makes this much sense.

Apollo never really took notice of the cold when he visited his clients in prison, but somehow he did now. Nerves had killed the heat, he was meeting his biological father for the first time at twenty-three. Although, Maya, Phoenix, Iris, Thalassa and Trucy was at his side, he was still nervous and his mother and half-sister could see it. They both held onto his hand as a sign of support.

Apollo: Between this and the goodnight kisses in the last chapter, it's like the author can't decide if I'm 23 or six.

Godot: If a grown man came to visit me with both hands being held by female members of his family, I would laugh at him.

Edgeworth: And if they weren't family members?

Godot: I would congratulate him.

When Trucy felt his sweaty palms she held onto him tighter.

"So you're Diego's son?" Maya asked in shock.

"Yeah."

"You know you're lucky too see him," Maya said happily. "Your biological father's still alive. And at least you'll get a chance to see him. Mine died when I was younger and I don't know what happened to Pearly's uncle..." The Fey women seemed to have always end up marrying jerks.

Godot: As someone who wanted to marry a Fey woman, *points mug at screen* I take offense to that.

Apollo: (In other words, the fic has it right.)

"Diego might be able to be himself again. He's still calling himself Godot."

"So what brings you here Miss Fey?" Apollo asked. "And how do you know him?"

"I have to channel Mia for him," Maya replied. "Because Mia was his girlfriend. I usually do it when I visit him." She too kind, for someone who had killed her mother.

Apollo: The fic actually has a point, though. You and Ms. Fey got along just fine the last time we sporked this, Mr. Armando.

Godot: It's complicated, Red.

Ema: Really?

Godot: Okay, not really. But I don't feel like telling you.

"You can actually do that?" Apollo asked in shock.

"I've seen it happen," Phoenix confirmed and continued with: "it's all true. I've seen it with my own eyes."

Ema & Edgeworth: *rolling eyes*

Finally, they had reached Godot's cell. The guard opened up the gates and there stood Godot, exactly how he was in the recent picture; cold, weary and full of despair. The cell stunk of caffeine exhaling from Godot's mug.

Godot: If you can't stand the smell of coffee, I would recommend going very, very far away. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: Yes, we've all figured that out by now.

Phoenix walked over to him with a smile on his face. "Your son's here to see you Godot," he said.

Godot slammed his coffee down and roared: "I'll decide if he's my son."

Ema: ...you can't really decide that, though. If it's your sperm, it's your son.

Edgeworth: I don't think it's intended to be so literal, Ema.

Phoenix moved backwards, as Apollo stepped forward. Godot's hands snuggled up to the coffee mug. The piercing light from his visor made him look intimidating.

Godot: Heh. Intimidating. I like the sound of that.

Ema: Hmm... *looks at Godot's mask carefully* How does this thing work, anyway?

Godot: Don't talk about things that no one really needs to know. That's one of my rules.

Apollo: (I never really noticed it, but the way it glows is kind of creepy. ...it makes me feel like he's going to sneak up on someone with a sword or something.)

Trucy caught up, still holding onto his hand. All that was heard was footsteps mixed with Godot's gulping. "Hey there," Trucy waved at Godot and both she and Trucy sat around the table with Godot.

"You're little Miss Wright huh?" he asked, slamming his empty mug on the floor.

"That's me!" Trucy nodded.

Godot clicked his fingers and Larry passed over another cup of coffee.

Godot: As if I'd let anyone else handle my coffee. Especially when I can do this. *chugs rest of the mug in his hand, summons another one, sips that*

Ema: ...um.

Edgeworth: Don't question it.

Larry gasped as he stared at Trucy. "So son," he said to Apollo. "How do like your coffee?" The first question he asked his son was strange. Then again, he heard Godot drank at least over twenty cups of coffee per day.

Edgeworth: It's either "at least twenty" or "over twenty". Not both.

Apollo: And that seems like a pretty conservative estimate, too...

"Oh my god Lucy it's you!" Larry shrieked out.

"It's Trucy," Phoenix corrected.

"Great to see ya though," Larry shook Trucy's hand.

"Hey Butsy!" Godot sudden boom shook Larry. "Extra filled mugs, bring some milk and sugar just in case." His heard moved around watching everyone around him. "I wanna speak to my son alone."

"Can Trucy stay?" Apollo requested.

"Little Miss Wright can stay if she wants," Godot replied.

Ema: Looks like Mr. Armando forgot what the word "alone" means.

Godot: Believe me, that is not something you forget while in prison. *sips coffee*

"We'll be outside if you need anything," Phoenix said. He left with Thalassa and Maya, leaving the bars wide open until Larry returned with the extra coffee and mugs.

Apollo: The security at this prison seems kind of... lax.

Edgeworth: I expected as much, considering they hired Larry of all people as a guard.

Godot: Admittedly, even if the security were this terrible, I would stay in my cell anyway. *pauses, sips coffee* Actually, I'd probably step out for a bit. Maybe take a stroll outside. But I'd come back.

"I didn't even know you existed," Godot admitted. "I thought Thalassa was bullshitting when she told me about you being my son.

Godot: Hey, author. I like bitter drinks in my mouth, not bitter language.

Ema: The author can't hear you, Mr. Armando.

Godot: It was worth a shot.

It's been over twenty years since I last saw her. I've only just remembered her."

"In London?" Apollo asked. So far things were not looking too good, but Apollo was going to get the truth – even if it was painful.

"Yes," Godot responded, "in the city of London. I'm assuming she told you this, but she was married at the time."

"She told me last night," Apollo said.

"Let's have a look at that bracelet," Godot requested. Apollo gave out his arm and his father inspected the bracelet. "I bought your mom that bracelet from Candem Market.

Apollo: Something about that seems really wrong, but I can't put my finger on why.

Ema: ...did you never see the footage that went into the MASON system?

Apollo: What footage?

Ema: Nothing. I didn't say anything. *looks away, munches Snackoos*

She's passed it onto you. How long have you been wearing it?"

"For a long time really," Apollo answered. "I always liked it for some reason and I've never left the house without it. Sometimes it helps me though the trials."

"Wright mentioned something strange about the bracelet."

Edgeworth: It certainly looks strange.

Apollo: Let's not get into this.

"Hey guys here's the coffee!" Larry announced pushing a trolly and leaving it next to Godot.

Ema: I thought he already came back.

Apollo: He did?

Ema: Well, it said "until Larry returned with the extra coffee and mugs" earlier, so it sounded like he'd already come back when you and Mr. Armando's conversation started.

Apollo: ...yeah, you're right. Maybe there's two of them?

Edgeworth: ...

Ema: W-What's wrong, Mr. Edgeworth? Why do you suddenly look so horrified?

"Come quicker next time we have guests," scolded Godot. Larry closed the gate and locked it so Trucy, Apollo and Godot had some privacy.

Ema: ...did he just lock Apollo and Trucy in a prison cell with a convicted murderer?

Edgeworth: This isn't the first time in this fic he's done something like that.

Ema: Oh. *munches Snackoos* What happened last time?

Edgeworth: He locked himself in a prison cell with a convicted murderer.

Ema: ...I don't even know what to say to that.

Apollo: (That's a first.)

"So is Little Miss Wright you're girlfriend or your sister?" Godot asked with a tone of curiosity.

"Both," Trucy whispered. "But Mom, Mommy Iris and Daddy can't know."

Ema: Wait. What?!

Apollo: That's pretty much the premise of the fic.

Ema: Why?!

Godot: A question I ask myself every day. *sips coffee*

"I never really thought of us as a relationship..." Apollo confessed. He blushed, blanketing his face with hands. Why did Trucy have to tell his father that?

"Ha! Liar!" Godot smirked and continued talking with,"Little Miss Wright's the real deal when it comes to magic, particularly when it comes to the bedroom."

Godot: ...and how, exactly, would I know that?

Ema: I really don't want to know.

Edgeworth: And I suppose we have another person to add to the list of people who are taking this far too well.

Apollo: Is there anyone in the fic who isn't on the list?

Edgeworth: No.

"WHAT!" Apollo shrieked out.

"Noticed how Polly doesn't flat out say no?" Trucy asked. Her hat pointed sideways as she giggled.

Ema: This is terrible.

Edgeworth: We've noticed.

Apollo: Am I the only one wondering about the sideways hat?

Godot: Yes.

Godot replied, "I sure do. And luring your brother to the bedroom not only takes a lot of guts but also a lot magic." A grin was left on his face. "Not even I would dare to seduce my sexy relatives."

Godot: Well, I suppose if everyone had incestuous tendencies, no one would mind actual acts of incest very much.

Edgeworth: We can also add you to the list of people who are taking this far too well in real life.

Godot: I try. *sips coffee*

"The first time we did it, we didn't know were related until afterwards."

"Oh really?" Godot asked. "And does Thalassa, Daddy Wright and Mommy Iris know about this?"

Ema: ...didn't Trucy just say that they didn't?

Apollo: I don't think the author pays attention to what they write.

Ema: That's just as well. I think I'm losing braincells just skimming this.

"No they don't," Apollo replied as he nodded in unison with Trucy.

"Don't worry Polly-Pocket," Godot whispered, flinging his mug around.

Edgeworth: "Flinging his mug around"?

Apollo: Forget that. "Polly-Pocket"? Really? That might be even worse than "Polly-babes".

Ema: I don't know about that... Polly-Pocket. *snickers*

Apollo: Ema, please don't.

"You're secret is safe with me. So anyway, Polly-Pocket when's your next trial?"

Edgeworth: *sigh* Where's Franziska when you need her?

Ema: How did they manage to get the "your" wrong in one sentence and get it right in the very next one?

"On Thursday," Apollo replied. "The defendant's my friend Wocky and it's a retrial. Last time I lost the trial big time against Franziska Von Karma."

"I can't stand women like her," Godot admitted.

"I hate her guts too," Trucy added. "She hurt him till he was unconscious. "Apollo was more focused on his father's coffee drinking. He had never seen a man consume so much coffee in his life, let alone contain so much in prison.

Godot: "Contain so much in prison"? Is that supposed to be some sort of comment about my weight, Red?

Apollo: ...I don't even know how to respond to that.

[Apollo and Godot make small talk about Wocky. The conversation turns to Mia, but it's still boring.]

"You sure do drink a lot of coffee Dad," Apollo said.

Edgeworth: It certainly didn't take you very long to start calling him "Dad".

Apollo: Believe me, Mr. Edgeworth, if my father had been totally absent from my life for 22 - er, 23 - years, I would probably never call him Dad.

Godot: That's just as well. I'd never call you son, even if it was somehow remotely possible. *sips coffee*

Apollo: (Ouch. That's cold.)

Apollo had only just finished his first mug. He had lost count how many cups his father had drank already. Godot responded with a grin as gulped down his coffee in two gulps and served himself another mug. Trucy and Apollo sat there amazed. "I don't drink if often only around four cups a week."

Godot: Heh. You're a weakling who will be washed away by the tides of fate.

Apollo: I am not about to get into this conversation.

Ema: It's too late, Polly-Pocket. *starts snickering again*

Apollo: *puts head in hands and groans*

"Only four cups a week?" Godot gasped. "I already went crazy spending over a year without coffee."

"How much coffee do you drink a day?" Apollo asked, trying to hide his shock.

"How many cups of darkness I drink daily I don't know," Godot replied. He held the mug in pride up to his chin. "I do know that I always seventeen cups per trial." Apollo's forehead banged onto the table and his legs dropped to the floor. Godot looked over and chuckled, "what's up with you Polly-Pocket? You need your coffee more dark?"

Ema: Did Apollo really just fall out of his chair for no reason?

Edgeworth: Well, slapstick is fairly common in self-styled crackfics.

Godot: ...why is there a desk in my prison cell? *sips coffee* Not that I would mind it, but still.

"A SON? He never told me anything about a son!"

"Mia, he's only just found out."

"Anyway Nick it's been a while," Mia said, and a smile curled on her lips.

Godot: *imitates Folgers commercial announcer* We've secretly replaced Mia Fey with her younger sister, Maya. Let's see if anyone notices.

Ema: ...that made me kind of uncomfortable, actually.

Godot: That's usually the reaction my impressions get.

Mia Fey was Phoenix's mentor. "You've sure had a rough time and I'm pretty glad you're retaking the exam."

"Eight years go pretty fast," Phoenix mumbled. Mia Fey was Phoenix's mentor.

Edgeworth: ...the author really isn't paying attention. And here I hoped we were only kidding about that.

Ema: Hmm? What happened? I wasn't paying attention either. *munches Snackoos*

Edgeworth: The author had the same sentence two lines apart. And it was something we already knew, too.

[The fic summarizes what happened to Mia, because clearly none of the readers would know this.]

"All of this family thing seems pretty complicated,"Mia commented on the situation. "You're such a trouble magnet, Nick."

"Trouble can be fun sometimes," Phoenix replied.

Ema: But... incest.

Edgeworth: Don't fight it, Ema. Just ignore it.

Ema: I really don't think it's going to go away if I ignore it, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I didn't say it would. It just makes it slightly more bearable.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform all sporkers that they are to pay attention.

Edgeworth: Hmph. There goes that strategy.

"How was it Apollo?" Thalassa asked the minute he stood out of the cell.

"It was all right," Apollo answered. "No idea how he drinks so much coffee."

"Probably pees it out," Phoenix chuckled. Then everyone glared at him.

"Phoenix..." growled Apollo, gritting his teeth.

Edgeworth: Well, apart from the utter immaturity that is actually, slightly, in-character...

Apollo: ...why am I on a first-name basis with Mr. Wright of all a sudden?

Ema: Also, that much coffee in your system would kill you. Scientifically speaking.

Godot: Are you sure about that? *sips coffee*

"That's one mental image about Dad I DO NOT WANT!"

"Sorry," Phoenix muttered, but still secretly laughing.

"Daddy's always full of dirty jokes," Trucy pointed out to the group.

Edgeworth: ...as anyone who's ever sporked with him can attest to.

Apollo: Really? He doesn't seem that bad.

Edgeworth: I assume he's matured. Somewhat.

"I have heard some of them," Iris giggled. Now all eyes were on her as well.

Godot: She's a monk. I'm surprised her ears didn't catch on fire the first time she heard one. *sips coffee amusedly*

[Mia and Godot talk about Apollo. Right in front of him, apparently. Apollo and Trucy are never mentioned as having left Godot's cell, apart from the fact that they're talking to Phoenix and Iris suddenly.]

"Kitty," Godot helplessly whispered. "I don't know if I should respect Thalassa or loath her. She abandoned Polly-Pocket and never told me she was pregnant. She lost my email address."

Godot: In that case, I fail to see where respect factors into this.

Apollo: I still don't get why the author chose who they did for my parents. I'd actually really like to hear the reasoning behind it...

Ema: ...an email address? Not a phone number?

Godot: Apparently I didn't actually want to be contacted. *sips coffee* That's just as well.

[Mia and Godot continue chatting. It really isn't that bad, per se, so we don't need to see it.]

Edgeworth: Is it just me, or does the Management have a tendency of cutting out the last few lines of the chapter?

Speakers: It's not our fault that the author gives up on the last few lines of each chapter and they're not very funny.

Edgeworth: Fair enough, I suppose. If it gets us out of here faster...

Spoiler: The second chapter begins playing.

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 6:39 am

^ It's come to the point that I have to keep reminding myself that the author is writing a crack fic, but this fic gives crack fics a bad name. Also, crack fics aren't supposed to be 24 chapters long. It was silly at first, but now it's become pretty boring.

But anyway, nice sporking once again. I'd like to point out that Godot still feels a little out-of-character at times, though. I feel like his jokes ought to be a little bit more bitter like he is. They've become a bit, dare I say it, light.

You have a good grasp on AJ characters, I see. How about adding in Klavier at some point? I'm sure he'll show up again in the fic.

SenorJustice-dono wrote:I was thinking of sporking one myself that was just some nonsense about the Roman Empire and a time-travelling Phoenix that inexplicably comes to defend someone from the Roman empires and it's just train wreck of a fic. Another thing that's weird is random cameos from Bobby Fulbright and Simon Blackquill, which are nonsensical because of the fact
Spoiler:
that a.) Blackquill is out of jail after DD, despite the fact that the fic has him in jail with one of the main characters, and b.)"Bobby Fulbright" is still in his detective guise, just to sput his catchphrase
. Here's the link if you want to read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9936350/1/T ... rneys-ever

You're free to join in if you're up for it. We have a rule against too many ongoing sporkings at once, especially if they're of multi-chapter fics, but since this is just a one-shot tale, it should be fine.

Right, Pessimistic?

Pessimistic_Fool · Post by **Pessimistic_Fool** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 10:13 am

Thank you for your positive comments, guys. :)
I will work on my Athena impression next time I use her.
(And yes, Airey, of course I had to reference your sporking. Poor Apollo wouldn't live it down that easily. ;))

@rubia: I think more sporks are always nice, especially if they're one-parter between multiparters. Plus my next part will probably take a while, since I'm already slow with them and would like to replay some cases for research.

As for Airey's new sporking:

-Chad from Maintenance tells me to let you know the time outlet in theater B should be fully reinstalled by Tuesday. Of course, I don't know how far we can trust those guys when it comes to time measurement. Bunch of lazy procrestinators, they are. It worked fine for me after the cleaning, though, so if it still causes you problems, try using the one in theater C. (It's hidden behind one of the speakers.) ;)

-The first sentence of the new chapter was already so bad. Brightness = temperature? Duuuuuuude, can you smell the sound of those colors? (Also leaves me wondering if the writer of that fanfic never saw a fridge before.)

-I still like how you write Godot and Apollo. I think those two are my favorite characters in your sporks. Ema reacting to Godot is also very funny.
And now I want to read a fic with two Larrys. Oh, the horrors. XD

-Between the horrible nicknames, the squickship fodder and everything happening inside that prison, I can't decide if this is a troll fic or if the author is really that oblivious to human behavior.

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:42 pm

Sadly, I can't find a fic with two Larrys. I feel tempted to mess around, but I don't think I'd ever finish it if I started on something that awkward. (Then again, I have played with the idea that Larry has an evil twin involved in a political conspiracy behind every case in the series...)

I don't remember if anyone's sporked this one yet. I just stumbled around until I happened upon it one day. It's dated in 2013 and isn't complete yet, but when you have an intro like that, I think we can play with it. While it's possible this is a troll fic, I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and say it's all kinds of terrible. The only thing that suggests it's "Ace Attorney" is that Phoenix is paired with an OC immediately and they wed shortly. Those are usually the best ones to spork, yeah?

I can't say how much time I can spend on a sporking myself, but if no one's going for this one (or no one has yet to go for it), I can volunteer. It's been a while since I've reviewed a fic.

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 5:08 pm

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:Sadly, I can't find a fic with two Larrys. I feel tempted to mess around, but I don't think I'd ever finish it if I started on something that awkward. (Then again, I have played with the idea that Larry has an evil twin involved in a political conspiracy behind every case in the series...)

I don't remember if anyone's sporked this one yet. I just stumbled around until I happened upon it one day. It's dated in 2013 and isn't complete yet, but when you have an intro like that, I think we can play with it. While it's possible this is a troll fic, I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and say it's all kinds of terrible. The only thing that suggests it's "Ace Attorney" is that Phoenix is paired with an OC immediately and they wed shortly. Those are usually the best ones to spork, yeah?

I can't say how much time I can spend on a sporking myself, but if no one's going for this one (or no one has yet to go for it), I can volunteer. It's been a while since I've reviewed a fic.

I can safely say no one's done it yet - I checked. Go for it.

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Thu Jul 17, 2014 6:18 am

It's ~~late~~ early. I just got severe writer's block on both of the fics I'm working on. PWLib doesn't run on my computer. And the upcoming trial is going to be crazier than anything this fic has thrown at us so far. Double post or not, it's time for...
Law Plus Chaos, part six.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!

"Why is the Management so determined to have me sit through this entire thing?"
Apollo Justice!

"Why can't they just make Mr. Wright do this?!"
Ema Skye!

"Turns out you can't bribe Lang's goons with Snackoos."
Klavier Gavin!

"As long as we don't have any murderers as guest stars, we should be fine, ja?"
and...
Godot!

"I'm a star, and the audience loves me."

[We open up once again in our sporking theatre, where today's sporkers are already seated.]

Klavier: ...I take back what I said about us being fine.

Godot: Ha...! *sips coffee* Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Rock Star. I'm perfectly harmless.

Klavier: Is that true, Fräulein Detective? Weren't you in here yesterday?

Ema: Yeah. *munches Snackoos* He didn't try to escape, at least.

Edgeworth: I think you should be more worried about what this fic will do to us, Gavin.

Apollo: Have you heard what happened in the previous ten chapters?

Klavier: Of course. Herr Edgeworth gave me the gist of it before you got here.

[The lights dim.]

Klavier: Ach, he were go~

He surprised himself on a Thursday morning. Apollo had been awake since yesterday at five o'clock in the morning. The recent coffee craves had kept him more awake than usual. After the trial, he vowed to crash out in bed – tired or not. He yawned and his head tilted onto Trucy's shoulder.

"Are you tired already?" Trucy asked.

"I've no no sleep since yesterday,"

Ema: As opposed to yes yes sleep.

Edgeworth: Since he's supposed to be tired, I suppose we can let this slide.

Ema: I don't think the author did it on purpose, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I am aware of that.

Apollo managed to yawn out. "But I'll be fine, trust me."

"That's a dangerous lack of sleep Apollo," Trucy told him.

"Really?"

"OF COURSE IT IS!" Trucy snapped.

Klavier: Looks like she's trying to steal your Chords of Steel, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: She's not the first one this fic.

"You were the one waking me up last night," Apollo whispered to Trucy. "Throwing your clothes everywhere like that."

Klavier: Herr Forehead, isn't she underaged?

Edgeworth: She's also related to him. Don't forget that.

Apollo: I was trying to, Mr. Edgeworth.

"Let's think about the trial," suggested Trucy.

The bright walls, the stiff bailiff and the portrait of the judge captured Apollo's attention. They were in the defense lobby awaiting Wocky's retrial. The defendant had his back slouched against the wall, whilst finishing off a can. Wocky was calmer and had less angst than last trial. In fact he had a smile on his face.

"You look happy today Wocky," Trucy said as she approached him.

"You're going to be face-to-face with Mrs. DeLite again," Apollo told his client. "I thought you'd still be a bit upset over the fact that she's married."

"I'm over that bitch," Wocky confirmed.

Klavier: I don't recall Herr Kitaki talking like that.

Ema: I think the author's trying to be edgy. *munches Snackoos*

Godot: If you have to try, you probably aren't. That's one of my rules. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: (Why did I decide to sit between these two? ...it's like "food noises" in surround-sound.)

"First of all, I got a new girlfriend and secondly and even if I do get found guilty again, Luke will come back. He'll help my homies and I get out."

Apollo: Did he just... tell his lawyer that he was planning on breaking out of prison?

Klavier: Looks like this'll be an easy trial for me. *snaps fingers*

Wocky smiled at Apollo, and twirled his fringe as if it was suppose to make Apollo feel better. It only made Apollo feel worse. "You guys remember Alita?"

"Oh her," Apollo replied. "She tried to marry you to get a hold of your family fortune..."

"The prison officer with that goatee adores her. He tried to help her get out, I dunno if they got away with it or not. But it was him who pushed me.

Edgeworth: Nngh... I still find it almost impressive that the author can successfully get Larry so blatantly out-of-character.

Ema: "Almost" impressive?

Edgeworth: It's mostly depressing.

None of them believe me, and worst of all they think I want Alita back. I'm over her too!"

There was still something not quite right about Wocky. Apollo believed that Desirée set him up and hopefully he could prove it in court today. It was his new relationship with Pearl, it just seemed that Wocky was hasty. If he was in Wocky's situation, hooking up with another girl after your ex just framed you for rape was the last thing he'd do.

Apollo: Of course, I also would never sleep with Trucy, especially if she were my half-sister.

Godot: So you're saying your judgement can't be trusted, Red?

Klavier: At least that much is in-character.

Apollo: (Yeah, yeah, Mr. Machi-Tobaye-is-definitely-the-killer.)

"WOCKY!" The lobby was filled with Pearl's frantic voice. She scurried over to Wocky and squeezed him. "Are you okay?" Pearl asked. "How's your injury?"

"Yeah, I'm all right," said Wocky. "I can't believe prison was so boring man. There's like nothing to do other than gay things.

Edgeworth: I suppose that's why Luke Atmey and Matt Engarde of all people are lovers.

Klavier: I have no idea who those people are.

Ema: Neither do I, really. (Although the Engarde one sounds familiar.)

Edgeworth: In the case of the latter, at least, that might be for the best.

I can't wait to get out!"

"Don't worry my dear," Pearl assured Wocky and went on to say, "I believe that Mr. Polly and Mr. Klavier will sort this out." She turned over to Apollo. "You do your best today Mr. Polly, okay? No bullying this time."

Apollo: I - I do NOT bully witnesses!!

Klavier: Then what do you call-

Apollo: PRESSING!!

"The trial's starting soon so we better get ready," Trucy suggested.

"All right, here comes JUSTICE!" Apollo roared.

"Ha!"

Apollo thought he could recognize that voice. He turned to see the face of his father.

"Hey there Polly-Pocket."

Ema: *snickers*

Godot grinned with a mug of coffee in his hands. "Just wanted to see my son in action!"

Godot: Heh. *sips coffee* I hear your trials are as chaotic as Wright's are, actually.

Apollo: ...yeah. You could say that.

Ema: At least they're interesting.

"Hello Mr. Godot," Pearl said kindly.

"D-Dad!" Apollo exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in prison."

"I've been released on compassionate grounds," Godot smirked. "If it weren't for you and my medical records, the progress would have been much longer."

"So you seen Phoenix lately?" Apollo asked a random question.

Edgeworth: So... you and Wright being on a first-name basis wasn't just a throwaway error. Interesting.

Apollo: I have no idea what this means, and I don't want to.

Klavier: How bad could it possibly be, Herr Forehead?

Ema: Don't ask questions like that in a sporking theatre, fop.

He was still getting used to the fact that he was the love-child of a singer and a coffee-maniac.

Apollo: I though Thalassa Gramarye was a magician.

Ema: Maybe... she did both? It's possible, scientifically speaking.

Apollo: (What does being multi-talented have to do with science?!)

"Your old man not good enough for you?" Godot asked.

"Of course not!" Apollo shrieked. "You're fine."

"What's with the raspy voice son?"

"It's my CHORDS OF STEEL!"

"Keep it smooth son," Godot told him. "Just keep it smooth.

Edgeworth: ...and what, pray tell, does that mean?

Godot: *says nothing, sips coffee*

Edgeworth: (I think the fic lost him.)

We better get going."

And they all followed Godot into the courtroom. Apollo, Trucy and Godot stood together in the defense bench as Wocky sat in the defendant's chair.

Ema: Wouldn't the defense bench get pretty cramped with three people behind it? It's roomy, but not that roomy.

Apollo: No, three people fit.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Apollo Justice that we have a very strict Dual Destinies spoilers policy in place.

Klavier: I didn't even think it was a spoiler until you brought it up.

Speakers: Oh. Um, oops. ...at least it wasn't anything major.

Godot: Ha...! Professional as always.

Speakers: Shut up.

Pearl was at his side with her arms over his neck. She took a seat behind the defendant's chair after the judge walked into the room.

"All rise," cried the bailiff. Everyone were on their feet. "The court is now in session for DeLite Vs Kitaki."

Edgeworth: It should be "State v. Kitaki", actually. Not that trial begins like that.

Klavier: Were you seriously expecting the author to their research?

Edgeworth: If they wanted to attempt to write a court scene, then yes, they should have.

It was a different judge today. Chocolate skin and Jamaican, he sat in the judge's chair with the gavel in his hand. He was young and slim, which seemed kinda refreshing since most of the judges Apollo's seen have been old or middle-aged. "You may be seated," the judge announced in a Jamaican accent. He placed a metal strip on the side with the text: "Judge Albert Salsa"engraved on it.

Godot: Oh, look, a different judge. *sips coffee*

Ema: I don't think "Salsa" is a Jamaican name.

Apollo: It isn't. Also, I've only ever had one judge preside over any of my cases... wait, how old is he, anyway?

Klavier: I don't think anyone knows, Herr Forehead.

Edgeworth: Well, he apparently hasn't changed in all the years between my first debut and your time, so...

Ema: "First" debut?

Edgeworth: Let's not discuss this here.

"The defense is ready your Honor," Apollo announced.

"The prosecution is also ready, Herr Judge!" Klavier told Judge Salsa.

"I prefer if you guys addressed me as 'My Lord'. Is that fine with you guys? Just makes me feel more cool. Know what I'm saying?"

Edgeworth: Oh.

Klavier: Well, this looks like it'll be an entertaining trial! *kicks back, puts feet on seat in front of him*

[Apollo comments that Judge Salsa is odd. Godot tells him to keep calm and smile, somehow without using any of his rules.]

"I feel there is no need for an opening statement so would the defense please give a summary of the previous trial to the court?" Judge Salsa requested. "Most of you should know what happened anyway but it's always good to have recap."

Edgeworth: Why do I have the sudden urge to bang my head against a wall?

Klavier: Can you imagine if our courts were this laid-back?

Ema: I don't think we'd ever be able to convict anyone.

Edgeworth: At least not with due process of law, anyway.

Apollo has never seen a judge with Judge Salsa's sort of attitude before. Despite wanting to object to his behavior, he did what he was told. "The trial was a disaster," Apollo started for emphasis. He thought it could give it a bit more kick. Not only had he felt pressurized to clear Wocky's name, he also had to resist Trucy's flirting.

Apollo: There are so many things wrong with that last line I don't even know where to begin.

Klavier: Hmm, let's see... Fräulein Wright isn't that kind of girl, and neither are you.

Ema: I think that covers it, actually. That's only two things.

Apollo: But it's so wrong it counts for at least a thousand.

Doing all this in hope he could impress his father.

Godot: Not objecting to Judge Salsa's objectionable behavior isn't all that impressive, Red.

Apollo: Why do you people always forget THAT'S NOT ME UP THERE?!

Klavier: Ouch. I need my ears, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: S-Sorry.

"Opening statement had a delay and two witnesses were not cross-examined and another witness has come to step up." Apollo announced.

"Seems like the trial had some flaws," Judge Salsa confirmed.

Edgeworth: Understatement of the century, everybody.

Klavier: Herr Edgeworth... are you bitter about having been in every chapter of this so far?

Godot: He's about as bitter as my coffee. *sips said coffee*

Klavier: ...do you take it black?

Godot: Blacker than your serial-murdering brother's heart, Rock Star.

Klavier: ...

"Judge Udgey needs to stop being so gullible. He was in quite a hurry, he had a meeting that day."

All: ...

Godot: ...comments, anybody?

Ema: I... was kind of expecting Mr. Edgeworth to make a comment about how judges shouldn't rush trials just because they're busy, or something.

Edgeworth: What? ...sorry, I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that the author apparently thinks that "Udgey" is his actual name.

Apollo: What is his name?

Edgeworth: I don't think anyone actually knows.

"Von Karma's intelligence is fierce, right Herr Forehead?" Klavier asked pointing at Apollo.

Klavier: What am I trying to say here?

Ema: I... I don't know.

"I agree that she was fierce," Apollo replied. "Prosecutor Von Karma was far too fierce."

"She can whip me anything she likes," was what slipped out of Judge Salsa's lips.

Apollo: Eurgh.

Edgeworth: Please don't let this turn into that kind of fic.

Godot: I thought the Management cuts out sex scenes. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: Yes, but they also appear to have a very odd definition of "sex scene".

Klavier chuckled and said "ah seconded, Herr Ju- I mean My Lord!" His ocean blue eyes stared at Apollo.

Edgeworth: I usually see phrases like "ocean blue" in yaoi fics. I suppose I can't really say I'd be surprised if it starts heading in that direction, though. Just grateful it isn't Wright and me for once.

Klavier: You know, I'm flattered, Herr Forehead, but I don't necessarily swing that way.

Apollo: I wasn't- wait, "necessarily"?

Ema: He wrote a song called "My Boyfriend is the Prosecution's Witness". I don't know what you were expecting.

Godot: Looks like things can be just as interesting in the sporking theatre as they can in the fic. *sips coffee amusedly*

Apollo: What?! Okay, no. We are not getting into this conversation.

Ema: Well, you asked.

Klavier: *has been giggling to himself this entire conversation*

"Third it Herr Forehead!"

"We should get on with the trial," Apollo suggested.

"The defense must be gay," Judge Salsa boomed.

Apollo: WE ARE NOT GETTING INTO THIS CONVERSATION!!

Klavier: *starts laughing harder*

"Objection!" Godot roared. His was set loose as a wild coffee cup flew onto Judge Salsa's face – drooling down his clothes.

"Hey white boy, what was that for?" Judge Salsa muttered to Godot. "You better be careful."

"My son's straight for your information," Godot announced.

Godot: I don't know that.

Apollo: H-Hey...

Ema: Um, also, I wouldn't call Mr. Armando white.

"Well he should act straight."

Edgeworth: *raises eyebrow* And how exactly is one supposed to do that?

Godot: ... *sips coffee thoughtfully* ...I was going to make a comment about how it was you who was asking that, but I decided against it.

Edgeworth: Good to know.

"We're not here to discuss my son's sexuality," Godot snapped, "Nor are we here to discuss ladies. We're here to determine if the defendant really raped Mrs. DeLite."

Judge Salsa glared at Godot and snapped back with, "I'm the judge I can do whatever I want."

Klavier: *still laughing* This trial is terrible.

Ema: At this rate, we're going to be stuck in it forever.

Klavier: *stops laughing* Don't say things like that, Fräulein Detective. You never know what will happen.

Ema: Hmph. *munches Snackoos*

He clapped, then rubbed his hands together. "Now let's down to business. Ladies first, Mrs. DeLite take to the stand."

Apollo did not feel comfortable with Judge Salsa; his behavior was very unprofessional, and his attitude stank of rotten fish.

Godot: That's a terrible comparison. Try a coffee metaphor next time.

Apollo: And how would you describe this?

Godot: Coffee with far too much cream and milk, spilled on the radiator and never cleaned up six months later.

Ema: I don't even want to think about that.

[Apollo wonders where Gumshoe is. Godot says he wouldn't be surprised if Gumshoe's kid "turned out retarded". Dessie testifies.]

"I believe it's time for some spicy cross-examination," Judge Salsa announced rubbing his hands together. "It's hot in here, someone give me some whisky."

Klavier: Aaaaaaaand now he's going to get drunk. Can you imagine prosecuting in a trial where the judge is drunk?

Apollo: No. Can you imagine defending in a trial where the judge is drunk?

Klavier: Nien.

Edgeworth: Are we even sure this is a real judge?

Godot: No.

Ema: I don't think they let people like this be judges... scientifically speaking.

"Objection!" Klavier got their first. "In before Herr Forehead!" he announced. "My Lord, I wouldn't be drinking during a court proceeding if I were you."

"Well," Judge Salsa announced. "I'd advise the defense and prosecution not to use your ding dong on your siblings."

Apollo felt like he had just been owned.

Apollo: *puts head in hands*

Klavier: ...what does he mean by the defense and the prosecution? I... *goes pale* Oh nien.

Ema: Let's, uh, just move on, shall we?

Looking across, Klavier was trying hard not to grit his teeth. "Anyway," Klavier shacked his anger off. "Herr Forehead, the moment you have been waiting for has arrived. So let's rock."

"Cross examine me?" Desirée gasped.

"PLEASE BE NICE TO MY WIFE!" Ron yelled.

"Nothing to worry about Frau and Herr DeLite," Klavier told them. "I hope you've both been telling the truth or it's going to be a long day which we don't really want."

Edgeworth: It's already a long day which we don't really want.

Godot: Such is the life in the sporking theatre. *sips coffee* Still beats prison.

[Apollo begins cross-examining Dessie.]

"I have a copy of a conversation on MSN," Apollo said. "Which the defendant said under the screen name of Gangster Fox: Yo Dessie I love you so much. And under the nameDessie Delight, you reply with: Aww I love you so much Hun. Glad we're going out. This means you were dating the defendant before the 'crime' occurred."

Godot: That's certainly a convenient bit of conversation. *sips coffee amusedly*

Edgeworth: I still fail to see how the victim's relationship to the perpetrator is important here. It's not impossible for someone to rape their significant other.

Apollo: I really don't know anymore.

Desirée's innocent disguise had cracked spreading whispers across the room. She remained silent and continued to clench her fists.

"That's not me!" Desirée shouted.

"We have a witness that can confirm that it was you.

Ema: And who would this be?

Klavier: Someone watching Fräu DeLite type out her conversations online, ja?

Apollo: At this point, that actually seems pretty likely.

Edgeworth: It also seems pretty likely that this witness will never be named. Or else they'll be someone who can only confirm that the defendant was talking to someone with the screenname "Dessie Delight".

She can also confirm that you WERE dating Wocky for three months!" Apollo announced. "She watched you lie through your teeth in the last trial and she's going to help us get to the truth this time."

Edgeworth: -ah. It's Pearls.

Godot: So, screenname.

Edgeworth: Most likely.

"Objection!" Klavier shouted. "If this witness knew Frau DeLite was lying why didn't she do anything. More importantly why wait until she is dating the defendant?"

"Why the new witness is dating the defendant is a mystery to me," Apollo admitted. "But two people stopped her from testifying last time. Those two people were Maya Fey and Franziska Von Karma."

Klavier: I more or less know these people - I don't think they would work very well together.

Ema: Was this explained?

Edgeworth: Yes, but the explanation involved claiming that Kristoph Gavin was a rapist.

Klavier: ...I feel as though a long shower is in order now.

Apollo: That was my reaction, too.

"Makes sense," Klavier seemed to have shrugged it off. "Fräulein Von Karma knew it would stain her perfect record so they made the witness not testify.

Edgeworth: Her perfect record was broken years before this fic takes place, and she no longer concerns herself with it, for the most part.

Godot: I don't know why you're still hoping the author will eventually get someone in-character.

Edgeworth: *sigh* I don't know why, either.

[Pearl Fey takes the stand.]

"So Fräulein wanna start your testimony?" Klavier asked in enthusiasm.

"Sure," Pearl replied. "But before I do, can I just say it's a pleasure to be at your noble presence."

Godot: *twitches* ... *chugs rest of coffee, summons new one*

Edgeworth: (Why do I have the sudden feeling that wherever Wright is, he's started screaming?)

She smiled and faced Godot, "Mr. Godot, it's wonderful to see you out and about again. After what you did to Aunt Misty, I never thought you would be dead by now."

Ema: ...but he's at the defense bench. He's not dead by now.

Apollo: Well, in an earlier chapter, Mr. Edgeworth thought Mr. Wright was dead even though he was-

Edgeworth: Justice, please. I'm still trying to pretend that never happened.

Apollo: At least it hasn't come up again.

"I thought the same too," Godot said. Apollo glanced at her father's face of shock. Godot seemed to look as if he was looking at a ghost.

"Wocky's such a gentleman don't you think?" Pearl asked with such innocent eyes.

"Yeah," Judge Salsa replied. "He's awesome. Now isn't she just adorable?"

Klavier: At least the judge is on your side for once, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: Yeah. For once.

"I can't object to that My Lord," replied Klavier who was playing with his hair.

"This is the most poorly run trial I've ever seen," Godot whispered to Apollo.

Ema: Looks like the author has at least that much self-awareness.

Edgeworth: All the tongue-in-cheek in the world can't save this trainwreck.

"She lied in the last trial," was Pearl's start to her testimony. "Dessie said she loved Wocky. They said they were on the phone a lot and they acted like they were very much in love. Wocky would never stop talking about her. He had loads of pictures of her. And Dessie also called him Cutie Pie."

"IT'S ALL !" Ron squealed during the entire testimony.

Godot: All what?

Klavier: I don't think we'll ever find out.

Judge Salsa banged his gavel, pointed at Ron and roared: "YOU SHUT UP!" He cleared his voice and kindly looked and Pearl and said, "carry on guys."

Ema: Um.

Godot: How professional. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: Again - are we even sure this is a real judge and not some random person who wandered in off the street and picked up a gavel?

After cross-examining Pearl, Apollo managed to create in his mind, a good summary of the events: Desirée had an addiction to spending which drove Ron to robbery and prostitution. Ron had been broke for a while, so she used Wocky to get a hold of some of the family's money. To cover up her plans, she lied about Wocky raping her. It was pretty much the same as the last theory he tried to pull off. Then he felt like he had forgotten something. Something important. He checked though the court records and his eyes focused on Luke Atmey's letter. The man should be here, and if he can prove Wocky's innocence, he could get another man back in jail too.

Ema: Have a little faith in the police force - we'd get him back in jail anyway.

Apollo: Are you sure? I mean, some of the arrests I've seen haven't exactly been the most... reasonable...

Ema: ... *ka-tonk!*

Apollo: (She Snackoo'd me.)

Desirée was back to the stand again and Klavier had been asking her questions for quite a while. This was it, the time to finally gang up on Desirée. As Luke said, humiliating her was the key to this case, but he hoped he didn't need to take it that far.

"This baby of yours," Klavier pointed out."I was wondering if there was any chance Wocky was the father?"

He's made a good point, thought Apollo. Then wondered why he didn't think of that.

Edgeworth: I... feel as though this has come up before... why didn't you think of that?

Apollo: Because fic-me is incredibly incompetent?

Klavier: And perverted. Don't forget perverted.

Apollo: You weren't even here until the beginning of this chapter!!

Klavier: And for that, the Management has my thanks, and possibly my autograph if they want it.

Speakers: We're good.

"It has nothing to do with the case," Dessie snapped Again, Apollo could perceive her lies.

"We're just here for the truth Frau," Klavier ensured her. "Just tell us and you go home like nothing happened."

Klavier: Actually, if Herr Kitaki is declared not guilty, Fräu DeLite might be charged with filing a false report.

Edgeworth: Somehow, I doubt the author knows.

Godot: Or cares. *sips coffee*

"Or do we have to say it for you?" Apollo offered.

"You and Gavin sure act like partners in crime," Godot muttered after starting another cup of coffee.

Klavier: Anything to find the truth, Herr Armando~

Godot: That was the fictional version of myself making that criticism, not me. Incidentally, don't think I didn't pick up on your attempted sucking-up to your superior. *sips coffee amusedly*

Edgeworth: Don't even try it, Gavin. I... don't actually know if I'm Chief Prosecutor right now... how old am I?

Speakers: The Management would like to suggest that Miles Edgeworth not attempt to pinpoint exactly where in canon he came from.

Edgeworth: I gathered that.

[Apollo presents Luke Atmey's letter.]

Care to explain why Luke said you are sterile Mr. DeLite?"

"Dessie really wanted a child," Ron admitted. His head lowered as his eyes rolled to the ground. "And I'm sterile so the prosecutor in the last trial said to cut that bit out because they thought it would give Dessie a motive to lie."

Apollo: Yes, but... why did Luke Atmey know this in the first place?

Ema: Scientifically speaking... we probably don't want to find out.

Apollo: (The sad thing is she's probably right.)

"You lied about getting rape didn't you!" Apollo asked. "You dated Wocky for money!"

Edgeworth: *sighs deeply, puts face in hands* No, it was in order to get pregnant. This should be blindingly obvious by now.

Godot: I think fic-Red's a little slow on the uptake.

Apollo: Really? I hadn't noticed.

Edgeworth: Justice. Again, direct your sarcasm towards the fic, not your fellow sporkers.

Apollo: ...sorry. (But you're one to talk.)

"DESSIE DOSEN'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY!" Ron yelled. "All she wanted was baby."

"IT WASN'T RAPE!" Desirée snapped out.

All: ...

Klavier: Well, at least our fic-selves can go home now.

[Dessie explains that she did, in fact, want a baby.]

"When Ronnie caught us, I felt scared and guilty. I could not believe that I made Ronnie cry so much. Admitting I cheated on him would have only made him feel worse, so I said he raped me."

"I think honesty was the best policy here," Trucy told Desirée. "This could have been easily avoided. What's wrong with adoption?"

"Everyone was so supportive," Desirée admitted as if Trucy never spoke at all. "When Maya heard about it, she got me to talk to Miss Von Karma straight away. "

Edgeworth: *sighs deeply again* And of course, things like this just make it harder to catch actual rapists.

Apollo: At least it ended well... sort of, anyway.

Godot: This is chapter eleven, right? Out of 24? *sips coffee* We're almost halfway through.

Ema: Um, now that this is getting resolved... what happens next?

Klavier: Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, Fräulein Detective.

Ema: Well, whatever it is, I really hope I'm not involved.

"It's all my fault Dessie," Ron sobbed. "I couldn't give you a baby."

"Don't blame yourself Ronnie," Dessie said in a calm soothing voice. "It's mine – I cheated and lied to you."

"It's finally over," Godot announced.

Godot: Not with thirteen chapters to go it isn't.

Edgeworth: Please, don't make this any worse than it already is.

Godot: I'll do my best. *sips coffee*

"ZVARRI!"

"I know that voice!" Godot snapped.

A man in a black cloak tumbled down from the ceiling and removed the cloak. It was Luke Atmey grinning as he stroked his nose.

Klavier: ...how long has he been on the ceiling? Actually, how did he get on the ceiling?

Edgeworth: Presumably the same way you did in chapter five.

Klavier: Was? ...oh, right. That.

Ema: ?

Apollo: Has no one noticed that he's stroking his nose? No? Okay. Whatever.

"What's up Luke?" Wocky cried out.

"You're the guy who wrote this letter to me?" Apollo asked. Is this guy seriously Wocky's friend?

"Indeed I am," Luke announced. "A marvelous job you did Sir Apollo Justice and Sir Prosecutor. Very well done indeed. And as promised, I am here to hand myself in."

"Let's cut to the chase," Judge Salsa snapped in the beat oh his gavel. "The defendant is now cleared of all charges. Mrs. DeLite you should be punished for perjury but since you're hot, I'll you off.

Godot: Wait, is he letting her get away with perjury because she's hot? *sips coffee thoughtfully* Why did I never get bonus points with the judge because I'm hot?

Edgeworth: This man should be removed from his position.

Klavier: But Herr Edgeworth... no one ever gets punished for perjury anyway.

Edgeworth: ...the reasoning behind it is absolutely disgraceful.

That is all this case is dismissed. And would a bailiff please lead Atmey back to his prison cell. And I need to go to the bathroom" He spoke in such speed, that Klavier gave him a look of disdain, twitching at the Judge as he left the courtroom. Apollo followed his dad to the defense lobby and it wasn't long before Pearl and Wocky joined him. Apollo felt his lips vibrating like he was desperate to throw up.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" Apollo roared. He could not contain himself anymore. It was something he wanted to say for the whole trial.

Ema: *imitates GLaDOS* He says what we're all thinking!

Godot: And you said my impressions were bad.

Ema: I never said that. *munches Snackoos*

[A bit of post-trial chit-chat, and the chapter closes out with this:]

And the moral of Wocky's trial was to keep safe online. At least Apollo knew he should say no to online dating.

Apollo: *opens mouth* ... *closes mouth, shakes head*

Ema: Well, we can't really argue with that.

Spoiler: Chapter 12 begins.

Saresa · Post by **Saresa** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:23 pm

I'm a bit confused about the latest events involving Edgeworth:

Pessimistic_Fool wrote:Phoenix: *looks around* Is Edgeworth not coming today?

Speakers: Oh, he is. For the moment, however, he is regrettably being delayed. We required a quick word with him regarding some undesirable...actions.

Pessimistic_Fool wrote:Speakers: The Management's dramatic pauses will not be interrupted! As we were saying, you have been warned. We strongly urge you to cease meddling with our source material. We don't know how you did it, but it is fairly clear that you're behind the new copy protection. We will let it slide this time, mostly because it didn't take all that long to go around it, but further manipulations will not be tolerated.

And now this with him not knowing from what time he is from... did I miss anything? Or it will be explained in future sporkings?

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:38 pm

Saresa wrote:I'm a bit confused about the latest events involving Edgeworth:

Pessimistic_Fool wrote:Phoenix: *looks around* Is Edgeworth not coming today?

Speakers: Oh, he is. For the moment, however, he is regrettably being delayed. We required a quick word with him regarding some undesirable...actions.

Pessimistic_Fool wrote:Speakers: The Management's dramatic pauses will not be interrupted! As we were saying, you have been warned. We strongly urge you to cease meddling with our source material. We don't know how you did it, but it is fairly clear that you're behind the new copy protection. We will let it slide this time, mostly because it didn't take all that long to go around it, but further manipulations will not be tolerated.
And now this with him not knowing from what time he is from... did I miss anything? Or it will be explained in future sporkings?

Him not knowing what time he was from was actually a joke about the fact that I have no idea what I'm even going for when I write him... and I guess copy protection refers to the fact that you can no longer highlight/copy stuff on fanfiction.net without installing a browser script?

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:10 pm

I should have installed a browser script earlier. Now I feel like I've wasted so much time copying every single error from that error-infested fanfic. Never again.

I'm just tinkering with a few edits here and there in my spork now. Since the fic hasn't been updated in an entire year, I suppose it's not going to update again any time soon, so I might as well fit everything in one post.

And hopefully I can finally spare some time for my blog again. It doesn't feel right leaving it like that.

Edit: Here ya go. Please keep in mind that I have never officially sporked anything before, but it is a hobby I sometimes take out for walks.

Phoenix Wright READ THE STORY TO FIND OUT!

Rating:

I'll stick with four, since I am still able to read it all the way through, and it's supposed to be an innocent fluff fic. However, if this fic is intended to be a troll fic, it's one of ill taste. Nothing important happens, nothing is explained, and nothing is interesting about it. I'll persist only for these three chapters, and I'm done.

-------------------------------

There are several rooms in the Sporking Theater that are currently in use when our guests arrive. It is an eerily quiet night, nevertheless, and the usual men-in-black patrol stands guard in the theater lobby.

Speakers: Welcome back, fellow sporkers! Tonight, we have a special feature presentation to set the mood. As usual, we'll be withholding the title for the sake of surprise, but please pick up a copy of the memo lying on the front desk before you proceed to the gallery.
But first off, presenting our guests of honor:

Breaking the laws of physics among other things, Phoenix Wright!

Great. The hair jokes are back again.

Breaking all logic and Nick's bank, Maya Fey!

A growing girl's gotta get her goodies!

Breaking his back for the loves of his life, Larry Butz!

What? When a man's in love, he's gotta go all the way! And beyond!

And finally, breaking the spines of foolish fools everywhere, Franziska von Karma!

It's never my fault that they always deserve it.

Larry: Franzy! Good to see ya!
Franziska: YOU! Why are you here!?
Larry: Aw, come on. It's been a while since the last we've seen each other, and... huh? Why hasn't she whipped me yet?
Maya: What? Do you actually miss getting whipped!?
Larry: Of course not! I'm just saying it's weird...
Phoenix: She had her whip confiscated the last time she came by.
Franziska: *glare*
Phoenix: *grin* (It's actually pretty refreshing being able to come here and not worry about that whip.)
Franziska: Mark my words, Phoenix Wright. A von Karma is always resourceful, no matter what the circumstances, and I WILL find a way to make you regret underestimating me.
Phoenix: (...Honestly, I'm not sure what worse you could do to me that the fics themselves can do.)
Maya: Apparently, there's a romance/horror story on this time. It says so on the memo.
Phoenix: Oh, lovely. (This better not be another squicky ship with Franziska... or worse, yet another Mary Sue.)
Larry: Romance, eh? Looks like it's right up my alley!
Franziska: [swats him with memo] You will remain silent unless being spoken to.
Larry: ...
Phoenix: [reading off memo] W-what!? Three chapters in one sitting!?
Franziska: *swat* Phoenix Wright...! This better not be some inane joke of yours!
Phoenix: It's not! I didn't write the memo! (Did she really just swat me with paper?)
Franziska: This is beyond ridiculous! How do they expect us to sit through three whole chapters!?
Maya: Well, it says the chapters are pretty short.
Franziska: That's no excuse! If only they weren't protected by the law, or I would prosecute them myself!
Speakers: The Management would like to remind Franziska von Karma that we have rights to a fair trial.
Franziska: You... you foolish fools! That was highly uncalled for! How dare you insult my professionalism!?
Maya: *whisper* (Nick, Ms. von Karma looks about ready to snap...)
Phoenix: *whisper* (At least being swatted with paper doesn't hurt.)
Speakers: Without further ado, the room is now open. Please enjoy your stay!
Franziska: ...Avoiding confrontation like the cowards they are. Hmph, I have no time to waste my precious breath here! [marches inside]
Phoenix: (Something tells me that she's going to waste her breath a lot anyway...)
Maya: Well, there's no point in staying out here. I hope there'll at least be some theme-matching treats!
Phoenix: I think you're out of luck. It's nowhere close to Halloween.
Maya: Aw...

They hesitantly file in and take their seats. Fortunately for Maya, the snack table has been amply refilled, so she first helps herself to a tray of goodies before returning to her seat. The lights then dim.

Phoenix Wright READ THE STORY TO FIND OUT!

Phoenix: I can already see where this is going.
Maya: Is it telling you to read the story or something?
Phoenix: Demanding in all caps, even.
Franziska: Not to mention, there's a missing comma.
Phoenix: (Somehow, I get the feeling she's going to have a lot of proofreading to get through...)

Spoiler: Chapter 1

Spoiler: Chapter 2

Spoiler: Chapter 3

To everyone's surprise, the lights now turn back on.

Phoenix: W-what? Was that all to that third chapter?
Maya: S-so are we done...?
Speakers: This is a notice from the Management. Given the current status of the fanfic and its undecided future, we will have no choice but to cut it abruptly short at this moment. Please excuse the inconvenience.
Larry: It's all over! Woohoo!
Phoenix: Yesssss!
Maya: We did it! We survived!
Franziska: Management! Return me my whip at once! You keep your promise!
Phoenix: ...what?
Speakers: Very well, Ms. von Karma, but please keep in mind that future instances of equipment abuse will not be tolerated. Should you violate that rule yet again, your whip will henceforth be confiscated upon your arrival.
Franziska: Yes, yes, I understand... Now where is it!?
Speakers: One of our agents is coming over with the delivery as we speak. Enjoy the rest of your night, ladies and gentlemen!

As soon as the speakers go mute, a tight tension fills the air. True enough, a man in black arrives with her precious item. As soon as Franziska wields the weapon with a proud air and firm grip, the other three are quietly inching toward the exit.

Franziska: And where do you think you're going?
All three: ...!
Franziska: I swore to you that as soon as I regained my whip, I would deliver unto you an eternity of suffering, and I always make due with my vows! Get back here and receive what you deserve!

And so, the Sporking Theater closes on yet another lively night. While Franziska von Karma tails those three in hot pursuit with a wildly flailing whip, there's the shadow of a figure lurking around the theater hallways.

Silhouette: ...I see the good ol' Sporking Theater is back in business. Time for a certain hero of truth and justice to make her stunning reappearance!

And with that, the figure vanishes into the shadows as swiftly as it has come.

Saresa · Post by **Saresa** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:05 pm

@Airey @Rubia Actually there is a very simple way to copy them. Just save the chapters as HTML only, then open them on your browser and copy on a text processor.

And great job, Rubia! I haven't found many gems like that on Fanfiction.net lately... should I call myself lucky?

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:23 pm

@Saresa: I've had the script installed ever since copy protection was first added.

@Rubia: Excellent job! I especially liked the mysterious silhouette at the end!

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:59 pm

Thanks, guys. I debated with myself for a while about whether to enhance the sporking with an actual story or just leave it as a plainly exclusive event.

This also means that the next time Franziska appears, she will have her whip again. Oh, joy. Also, Kay should appear in a future sporking some time. I kinda miss how she teleports everywhere.

It was a pretty fun experience. Now I feel like trying another one... if I can find one that terribad. Any ideas, guys?

FenFen · Post by **FenFen** » Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:40 am

Saresa wrote:@Airey @Rubia Actually there is a very simple way to copy them. Just save the chapters as HTML only, then open them on your browser and copy on a text processor.

And great job, Rubia! I haven't found many gems like that on Fanfiction.net lately... should I call myself lucky?

Umm...I may sound like an idiot if it really is as simple as it sounds and I am overthinking it

, but, how do you save it as an HTML?

Saresa · Post by **Saresa** » Sat Jul 19, 2014 1:34 am

Right-click on the page and select "Save as...", then choose "Web page, HTML only" when saving. Then, just open the file and do as you please =)

FenFen · Post by **FenFen** » Sat Jul 19, 2014 1:55 am

Thanks. I am currently still working on my spork of "The extreme skip of time:the meeting of the greatest attorneys ever". I have been a bit shorthanded on time this week, so I am just finishing up with the intro and haven't actually delved into the sporking yet. I also want to do as diligent of a job as possible seeing how I want to show that I am a competent sporker to the rest of this community. I probably expect to see this sporking done by Monday, unless something else gets in my way.

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Sat Jul 19, 2014 2:02 am

So I'm searching around on ff.net again. The ones that catch my eye are usually the ones that have a pretty unusual prompt. They aren't always that bad, actually, but I feel like I could give them a good sporking anyway.

And on that note, has anyone checked out this one? It's actually a pretty well written one, but its use of unusual diction is only asking for witty retorts. I also do object to how some of the characters are portrayed, since I'm so picky about this sort of stuff for some reason. I'm up for another round.

Saresa · Post by **Saresa** » Sat Jul 19, 2014 3:31 am

Wow... that fic deserves a good sporking. It felt like the author was trying to bend the characters' personalities just to create a story around each word. However, there are other multiparters going on... things can get a bit confusing.

I would like to find a fic to start sporking too, but it's hard to find something really bad nowadays and I'm not very creative myself. But I'll try anyway.

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Sat Jul 19, 2014 4:53 am

@Rubia: I tried to skim it, but just reading the summary gave me a headache. If you wanna go for it, good luck!

Law Plus Chaos, part seven.
I'm changing the rating to a

now that the rape trial "plot" is resolved. From here on out, it only gets even more insane... and yet, incredibly boring. It's like the fanfiction equivalent of roofieing everyone at a party and then all you do is sit in the corner and vomit on yourself until everybody else wakes up.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!

"I've been in here so many times I'm running out of things to say in my introduction."
Hobo Nick!

"And I would've gotten out of this one, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!"
Apollo Justice!
:think-think-think:

"There has to be a flaw in the security somewhere..."
aaaaaaaaaaaaand...
Dual Destinies-era Pearl Fey!

"I'm pretty sure I've only been in here once... it was pretty weird, though."

[We open up in our lovely sporking theatre, where Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix Wright, and Apollo Justice are already seated.]

Edgeworth: Enjoy your little vacation, Wright?

Apollo: How'd you get away from them?

Phoenix: How am I supposed to know? I just wasn't summoned for a few chapters, that's all. What happened, anyway?

Edgeworth: They brought in Diego Armando. You completely missed it.

Phoenix: ...I meant in the fic.

Apollo: We have no idea, Mr. Wright. But it was stupid.

Edgeworth: The Management has decided to provide scripts of the chapters we've already gone over, for the sake of everyone who doesn't have to sit through the entire thing. *tosses script at Phoenix*

Phoenix: *skims the last six chapters* Yep. It's stupid alright. *puts script down* ...aren't we supposed to have someone else?

[Phoenix's question is answered by one Pearl Fey, age 17, walking into the theatre and sitting next to Edgeworth, because Apollo is already sitting on the not-Edgeworth side of Phoenix.]

Pearl: Hi, Mr. Nick, Mr. Edgeworth, Apollo!

Phoenix: P-Pearls?! They brought you in?!

Pearl: Well, yes! They told me that you needed my help, Mr. Nick, and Mystic Maya said that if I went, she wouldn't have to.

Phoenix: B-But Maya knows what kind of thing goes on in this fic!

Pearl: I'm not a little girl anymore, Mr. Nick. I can handle it. By the way, how come you're dressed so casually? And you look a little funny with stubble.

Edgeworth: Actually, I agree on that last point.

[The lights dim.]

Phoenix: Oh, look, it's something for you to that doesn't involve picking on me.

Apollo: (Well, maybe if you bothered to look a little more presentable...)

"Come out tonight!" Demanded Wocky through the phone. "Bring Apollo with ya too. I'm meeting up with Machi this afternoon. He said he has something to tell you."

"Sure," Trucy replied. "I'll get Polly to come. I'll drag him if I have to."

"That's good," Wocky replied. "I don't want Klavier to come – he's being a whack ass."

Apollo: Um, where are we going? I'm afraid to find out...

Phoenix: Forget that. Pearls, cover your ears.

Pearl: I hear worse words than that at school all the time, Mr. Nick.

Phoenix: ... *sheds single tear*

"Apollo shouted at him through the phone just now," Trucy told him. "What happened?"

"Klavier fucked off with this pink chick."

Edgeworth: Actually, most of this fic makes me want to cover my ears.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that sporkers are required to pay attention at all times.

"OH MY GOD!" Trucy shrieked. "I can't believe it! He cheated on Ema?"

Apollo: Yeah, raise your hand if you didn't see that coming.

Pearl: *is the only one to raise her hand*

Apollo: Do you even know either of them?

Pearl: ...no, not really. But people shouldn't cheat on their special someones!

Apollo: I... don't think they're special someones.

"Yeah right when her sister's around that dumb dickhead."

"I thought he loved Ema..."

"Seems like he was talking shit."

"Aww..." Trucy sighed. "Poor Ema.

Edgeworth: Poor us.

So who else is going?"

"Vera, Pearl, Cody and my friend Matt. Matt's gonna be a bit late but he'll come."

Pearl: So... I guess these people are my friends in this fic, right? Who's Matt?

Apollo: Did you not get a script?

Pearl: I - I saw a sex scene in the second chapter. I didn't want to read it after that...

Edgeworth: Hmm. They gave us uncut scripts?

Phoenix: Apparently.

"That sounds good! I haven't seen Vera in a while."

"Wait outside my place at seven. We'll go over to the park and just hang out."

"I'll be there!" Trucy assured Wocky. "I'll see you there." They both said their goodbyes and departed the telephone. She faced a depressed Apollo and said: "We're gonna meet up at Wocky's place at seven and hang out in the park."

"I'm not going if Klavier's going!" Apollo snapped. He did not want to see his face, nor even think about Klavier. "After what he did to Ema..."

Phoenix: Anyone want to place any bets on a love triangle?

Apollo & Edgeworth: No.

Pearl: Mystic Maya said not to get involved in your gambling.

"Do you like Ema or something?" asked Trucy.

"Of course I like her," Apollo snapped. "As a friend, mind you."

"Liar!" giggled Trucy.

Phoenix: Well, if anyone had made any bets, they could pay up now.

Edgeworth: Wouldn't it be more like a love square, since Trucy would obviously be involved? Or a pentagon, since April May is also involved?

Apollo: More like a square stacked on top of a triangle, since it'd be Trucy<->me->Ema<->Prosecutor Gavin->April May. *pauses, then puts head in his hands* Why am I even thinking about this?!

Pearl: Don't give up, Apollo! The fic can't kill us!

Edgeworth: (After what happened in chapter six, I wouldn't be too sure about that...)

"And he might not be, Wocky said he's being a jackass."

"Just tell me what happened last night?" Apollo asked Trucy.

"Godot had to carry you because you couldn't walk," Trucy started.

Apollo: *breathes a huge sigh of relief* Good. I was worried it was something else-

"Then he placed you on the bed.

Apollo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!

Phoenix: Apollo, we kind of need our sense of hearing.

I was sitting next to you

Apollo: AAAAA- wait, that actually rules out Mr. Armando. *sinks into seat* Did the fic have to be cut up like that?

Speakers: Yes.

then you grabbed my breasts when I was changing into my pajamas. Then Iris walked in and saw you grabbing my naked body and she hit you on the head and you passed out. She fainted after I was changed."

Phoenix: While I'm not entirely sure that's something Iris could do, I have to say I support her decision.

Pearl: You're not very respectful of women in this fic, are you, Apollo?

Apollo: I-It's only fictional!

"... No wonder she fainted."

Edgeworth: After waiting for Trucy to finish getting dressed, of course.

Phoenix: Because anything else in this fic makes sense?

"Don't worry about it though," Trucy assured. "Next time, I wanna get hammered too."

"With a hangover like this it's not worth it."

Apollo: I... don't think that's the issue here...

Pearl: Trucy's really in with the wrong crowd in this fic, isn't she?

Phoenix: From the looks of it, so are you.

"You should get drunk again you know," Trucy told him. "You were hilarious."

"And you're saying I'm boring when I'm sober?"

"You're cute when you're sober."

Apollo had some deep concerns for Trucy.

Edgeworth: I think we all do.

Phoenix: (And not just in the context of the fic, either.)

For Larry Butz, there is one thing more important than life itself: Alita Tiala. Accomplished was the only way to describe Larry's current emotion. She was free from the clutches of the law and protected in the last place they would ever find her. Her fresh identity was now Sister Tia – a humble nun at Hazakura Temple. Sister Andrews called him to say that she was doing fine, and that satisfied him. He would be sure to visit at some point. It was a hbeautiful concept to think about as he walked down a busy street. Of course he had to woe for Alita's absence, but the prisoners noticed his joy.

Apollo: Oh, great. We're back to this.

Edgeworth: Better this than a continuation of the idiocy that was the first part of chapter six.

Pearl: What happened in chapter six, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: No.

He saw his friend, Phoenix sitting on the bench having a cigarette.

Pearl: Mr. Nick! Smoking is bad for you!! It's even worse than grape juice!

Phoenix: I don't smoke! A-And grape juice is not bad for you!

Apollo: Then why don't you ever let Trucy have any?

Phoenix: Because I'm a responsible adult!

Edgeworth: *snorts*

He wanted to show him something. "NICK!" Larry yelled as he scurried to Phoenix. "I got something to show you!"

"What is it?" asked Phoenix.

Larry took his magazine out of his pocket, unfolded it quickly and then showed Phoenix a page. It was a picture of Maya Fey – naked, with a shower of burgers surrounding her.

Apollo: Because that's completely appropriate to show your friends.

Edgeworth: Actually, that's about par for the course with Larry.

Phoenix: Um... Pearls, are you okay?

Pearl: ..................no.

Burger King was on the left corner. Phoenix grabbed the magazine out of his hands as fast as he could. His eyes became fixed to Maya's smile and the way she bravely showed off her body.

"WHAT THE FUCK MAYA!" Phoenix roared.

"She looks so hot in that picture," Larry smirked.

"As nice as that picture is," Phoenix admitted. "I feel sorry for her: I think Franziska's going to give her a whipping."

Phoenix: That's really not the issue here!

"Maya would do anything for a burger," Larry said. "Even go naked for Burger King."

Pearl: No! Mystic Maya would never do that! She'd just make Mr. Nick buy her one!

Phoenix: Yeah! Wait. ...yeah, she would!

Edgeworth: ...Justice, you can pick your jaw up now.

Apollo: W-What? Sorry, it's just... naked woman out of nowhere...

Pearl: Don't look at Mystic Maya like that! *slaps Apollo*

Apollo: Ouch-!

[Larry is in looooooooove with Alita, and misses her now that she's on the lam.]

Four locks appears appeared out of nowhere around Larry's heart. With that he couldn't exactly believe Larry's "love" had disappeared without a trace. Whatever he was hiding it didn't matter to Phoenix. As tempting as it was to break those locks, now wasn't the time. When the time was right – Larry's secret about his love would be revealed.

Phoenix: ...what, am I busy or something? I love breaking psyche-locks.

Apollo: (Note to self: do not lie to Mr. Wright. I'm afraid to know how you break one of those things...)

"Sounds bad," Phoenix replied simply nodding.

"Anyway Trucy is so gorgeous!" Larry seemed to have snapped out of his Alita mood. "She did such a sexy job on those Wonder Bar performances."

"Any perverted thoughts about my daughter," warned Phoenix, "I'll punch you in the face."

Pearl: Look, Mr. Nick! You're in-character!

Phoenix: Wow! That's pretty much the first time this fic.

Apollo: ...which is why you haven't punched me yet.

Edgeworth: Shame it isn't going to last.

Apollo: Which means I don't have to watch myself get punched...

[Phoenix tells Larry Alita is a murderer. Larry defends Alita by insulting Wocky.]

"You wouldn't wanna say that in front of Pearls," advised Phoenix. "That's her boyfriend."

Pearl: Oh, I have a special someone in this fic?

Edgeworth: Yes. He's the person who was swearing at the beginning of the chapter.

Pearl: *disappointment*

"WHY IS SHE DATING THAT..." Larry fell silent.

"PEARL THAT'S HIM! THAT'S THE DUDE WHO TRIED TO KILL ME!"

Larry bit his lip as he turned to see the last person he wanted to meet. He turned around to see Pearl and Wocky approaching him with fury. Larry faced Phoenix, stepping backwards he said, "I'll see you later Nick!" He dashed off without another word. Phoenix chuckled at Pearl chasing Larry with her floating fist.

Apollo: As opposed to her normal fist.

Pearl: Maybe it's a fist-shaped balloon?

Edgeworth: Where would you even get that?

Pearl: Um, wrestling matches, maybe...?

Larry screamed when Wocky grabbed his shoulders, dragging in into a corner with an angry Pearl. Phoenix didn't know about Wocky, but could sure knew how to punch someone. He knew – Pearl punched him many times before.

Phoenix: Technically, it's usually a slap.

Pearl: But I only do it when you're being unfaithful to Mystic Maya!

Phoenix: *sigh*

"Why did you have to do it?" Franziska barked with her whip lashing on the floor. "It's nothing but foolishness."

Edgeworth: Where did - nevermind. Clearly the author forgot how to use linebreaks again.

"It was only a bit of fun," Maya answered. "I don't think getting naked for burgers is a bad thing."

"It is a bad thing, Maya Fey!" Franziska objected as her whip landed on Maya's waist. "It's foolish, disturbing, vile and ... foolish!"

"Franzy," Maya said in a soothing voice. "You don't need to be so overprotective."

"I'm not being overprotective!" Franziska screeched.

"All right there Maya?" Phoenix interrupted.

Edgeworth: Or... maybe it wasn't a scene-change after all, if Wright is still here.

Phoenix: Or this takes place later in the day.

Apollo: Where are we, anyway?

Edgeworth: The Infinite Plane of Non-Description.

"Hi Nick!" It felt awkward seeing Maya in her acolyte clothes after seeing her bare all in that poster.

Pearl: Mr. Nick, you should be more respectful towards Mystic Maya!

Phoenix: At least I'm not gay in this fic.

Pearl: ...well, I guess so...

Edgeworth: Although the more I see Franziska and Maya in this fic, the more I have a sneaking suspicion that Maya's the gay one this time around.

Pearl: ...

[Turns out Maya and Franziska are shopping.]

"Pearly says she's going out tonight with Wocky, Trucy, Machi, Cody, Apollo and Vera." Maya mentioned. "So I was wondering if you wanted to meet up tonight?"

"Trucy hasn't told me about this," Phoenix noticed. "She usually tells me."

"I'm sure they'll be safe," Maya said.

"With that foolish filthy fool around?" Franziska shirked. "That Apollo Justice is a foolish pedophile."

Apollo: Mr. Edgeworth, are you sure I can't sue the author for character defamation?

Edgeworth: If it were possible to sue fanfic authors, would I really still be here?

"Good thing Trucy's not hearing this."

Pearl: It is, actually. Where is she, anyway?

Phoenix: Far away from here.

Edgeworth: I still wonder how exactly Kay managed to bribe the Management into not choosing her as a sporker anymore.

[A well-known musical theme begins to play, and the sporkers look up. However, instead of a certain Great Thief, a balled-up piece of paper is dropped onto Edgeworth's head, and the music fades, with no dramatic entrance having been made.]

Apollo: *shouts up at speakers* That was a cop-out!!

Pearl: What does it say, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: *unfolds piece of paper* It says... "The Management's condition was that you sit through the entire rest of the fic without skipping any chapters. I figured you could handle it, so I agreed for you. Don't worry - I have plenty of continue buttons! Love, Kay."

Phoenix: ... *chuckles*

Edgeworth: *sighs deeply and sinks back into seat* Well, I suppose I should just give up on life entirely.

Pearl: Y-You'll be fine, Mr. Edgeworth!

Apollo: Yeah, just fine!

Phoenix: I don't think the Management responds to dramatic suicide threats, Edgeworth.

Speakers: We don't.

Edgeworth: *sighs again*

muttered Phoenix. Trucy already despised Von Karma, the hate-level would have only risen. Seriously, calling Apollo that was out of order.

Apollo: No, it wasn't.

Edgeworth: Normally I'd point out that Trucy is, in fact, post-pubescent, but in this case I won't.

"THAT WAS MEAN FRANZY!" bellowed Maya. "HE CAN'T BE A PEDO: THEY'RE TWINS!"

All: ...

Phoenix: Look at all those beautiful contradictions.

"They're half-siblings, not twins," Phoenix corrected her.

"Well they look like the same age and they're always together," Maya defended herself. "And Trucy said twincest when we caught them kissing."

"She said wincest Maya," Phoenix objected. "WINCEST!"

Edgeworth: You know, Wright, it's almost impressive how much of a failure as a parent you are in this fic.

Phoenix: ...

Pearl: I - I don't even know what to say to this.

Apollo: I don't think anyone does.

"So how old are they?"

"Apollo's twenty-three and Trucy's fifteen. Her birthday's coming up soon."

"SHE HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME!" Maya shouted in happiness. "I remember you telling me that on MSN. And I'll give you some more Steel Samurai films soon. Franziska doesn't want them. The Steal Samurai Kink Meme freaked her out."

Pearl: The Steel Samurai has a kink meme?

Phoenix: Pearls, let's really, really not talk about kink memes.

"It was an archive of foolish pieces based on a foolish show!" Franziska barked. "That damn fool Miles Edgeworth has that foolish site bookmarked as well!"

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: No objections, Edgeworth? I'm surprised. ...maybe you really do have it bookmarked in real life!

Edgeworth: Of course I don't. Don't be daft.

Apollo: (Is it just me, or did my bracelet react just then?)

"Miles wanted that kept a secret," Maya reminded Franziska.

"I've never heard of Kink Memes," admitted Phoenix.

Phoenix: Ah... I miss that kind of innocence...

Pearl: Um, the Mr. Nick is this fic is the same age as you are now, I think.

Phoenix: Yes, but fic-me's never been in a sporking theatre!

Edgeworth: ...although if he had, this whole mess might have been avoided.

Apollo: What, sporking leads to better fanfiction?

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Miles Edgeworth and Apollo Justice that attempts to flatter us will be ignored.

"Consider it a blessing Phoenix Wright," Franziska told him.

"Check them out," Maya whispered in Phoenix's ear. "They're really fun!"

"We have to get going now Maya Fey," Franziska hissed dragging Maya with her.

As she was dragged away, Maya called out: "I'll come to your office tonight Nick. Bye!"

"See you there," Phoenix said as he waved his best friend goodbye. Tonight was going to be fun, he knew it.

Pearl: At least your fic-selves are having fun!

Edgeworth: I really rather they didn't.

Apollo: At least that was the end of the chapter. *sigh* Onto the next one!

Spoiler: Chapter fourteen begins.

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Sun Jul 20, 2014 8:02 pm

So, I've already started on my sporking, just two chapters in. I'd like to submit something as well, but I'm not sure if I should butt into the ongoing sporkings. For one, I wouldn't know which characters are going to be taken over the course of them. For another, the progress in this thread could be a little jumbled among us.

Now, I could try to fit as much as I can in a single post, but not only would that be torture for me, it'd also turn the sporking a bit dull if I stuck with the same characters throughout, as much as I'd like to play with them. I have so many ideas for Phoenix losing a bet and being forced to turn OOC for the rest of the sporking.

Well, in the end, it's up to the rest of ya. Is anyone really interested in what I'm going to come up with, or are we willing to wait to prevent any hassle whatsoever? (I mean, it wouldn't be the first time someone posted a spork that seemed to contradict the loose reality we've set in this theater, but I prefer to minimize the times it happens.)

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Mon Jul 21, 2014 4:23 am

@Rubia: I agree that it might be a little much to have three different multi-parters going on at once. However, I'm more than halfway done with this, and considering I usually post a new part every day/every other day, I'll be done with this entirely in less than two weeks. (I also don't have anything lined up after this.) Maybe you should start posting yours when I'm done with mine?

Law Plus Chaos, part eight.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!

"Is there something - anything else I could do?"
Hobo Nick!

"Give it up, Edgeworth. We're never getting out of here."
Apollo Justice!

"UNHAND ME!!"
Klavier Gavin!

"Hello darkness, my old friend..."
and...
Godot!

"Am I even in these chapters?"

[We open up, to the surprise of no one, in our sporking theatre, where today's sporkers are already seated.]

Edgeworth: I don't know whether to blame Kay or to blame you, Wright.

Phoenix: What. It's not like she asked me if she should sell you to the management.

Godot: Sold to the management?

Edgeworth: *sigh* Wright asked me to tell Kay to convince the management to keep Trucy out of the spork of this fic.

Klavier: And it worked, ja?

Apollo: Yeah, but at the cost of him "agreeing" to be in every part of the spork.

Speakers: And of course, any attempt by Miles Edgeworth to escape will result in Trucy Wright immediately being added to the sporking cast.

Edgeworth: Nngh... (Better her than me, but I don't think it's possible for my escape to be anything more than an attempt...)

[The lights dim, and the fic begins playing.]

The temple sucked. She hated the frost that crawled on her skin.

Godot: Two sentences in and someone already has frostbite. *sips coffee*

Apollo: That probably wasn't what was meant.

Klavier: This isn't about what the author meant, Herr Forehead. It's about what the author wrote.

The food was too boring for her tastes. She found the uniform lame – the sleeves annoyed her with its tightness. Chore after chore was an excessive bore. She didn't want to return to prison, yet had an agonizing temptation to leave. Too bad she was doomed to stick around the temple. Larry instructed her to obey Sister Bikini until he arranged the money he promised her.

Edgeworth: No doubt by doing something illegal, judging by the rest of this fic.

Phoenix: I thought that was already established.

Edgeworth: As soon as leave the sporking theatre, I try very hard to forget what I just saw. So no, I'm not entirely sure of most of the specifics.

Klavier: You can always borrow my script, Herr Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: No. I'd rather not be sure.

The only thing she found fascinating was the fund Sister Bikini mentioned last night. Since a former nun was jailed for helping out on a murder, they had become ridiculously rich. Bikini didn't even need the money.

Godot: Because that follows logically. *sips coffee*

Phoenix: I'm sure Sister Bikini could find something to do with that money.

Godot: Like getting another snowmobile?

Phoenix: I was gonna say "hiring a masseuse".

Klavier: With a name like Bikini, I wouldn't mind being the masseuse...

Phoenix, Edgeworth & Godot: *snicker*

Sister Andrews seemed nice when she first met her, but now she's becoming suspicious. She'd follow her every step, and have an awkward freak out afterwards. What was up with her?

Larry was a complete gobemouche.

Apollo: A complete... what?

Godot: Gobemouche. A gullible person. I think it's French.

Apollo: No wonder I didn't recognize it... I'm surrounded by people who speak German.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Apollo Justice not blatantly rip jokes off of Dual Destinies.

Apollo: Well, excuse me for living.

Anything she said, he would believe it in an instant. Larry would even believe that her ex-fiancé was abusive if she told him. Bless the naïve underdog, she thought. Just the odd sneak outs of the temple wouldn't go unnoticed. She could buy some stuff and make the excuse that she was going shopping when she returned.

Phoenix: She's a fugitive. Do the police not interrupt criminal's grocery trips now?

Godot: Well, it would be rude. *sips coffee* They might have frozen food in the car.

Lying free of her nun uniform, Alita slipped on a pink dress from Larry's shopping bag.

Phoenix: ...except Larry's the one who's shopping now, not Alita...

Apollo: Let's not question it and just move on.

[Larry is, in fact, here. He tells Alita that Pearl is dating Wocky. Alita tells Larry that Wocky was physically abusive.]

Apollo: Does this author just hate Wocky or something?

Klavier: Actually, that is something I could see Fräulein Tiala claiming, considering she framed him for a murder she sort of did in self-defense...

Apollo: Wocky's behavior in the rest of the fic is a trainwreck, though.

Godot: In other words, he fits right in.

"We're gonna be rich baby?" Larry growled.

Edgeworth: Why is there a question mark? Is he unsure?

Phoenix: There's also no comma, so maybe he's unsure if they're going to turn into an infant that has a lot of money...

Edgeworth: ...I'm going to pretend you didn't say that.

His breathe smuggled her ears and the grip of his hands made Alita pant. "Anything you want, I'll fight to get."

Apollo: Smuggled?

Phoenix: Please don't tell me have to read the lead-up to a sex scene involving Larry of all people. It's already bad enough that they had to do ones with Trucy, but those ones made me want to bleach my mind, not my eyes.

Apollo: ...you sure didn't seem to mind all that much in the second chapter.

Phoenix: Trucy was in here, too. I didn't want to freak her out.

[They don't actually have sex. Alita asks to go clubbing. Larry agrees to take her sometime.]

"One crate left," growled Matt. "And you guys better make the most of it."

Edgeworth: They already drank an entire crate of alcohol?

Phoenix: I'm pretty sure most of the people here are underaged, too.

"Okay guys," Wocky announced to his group of friends, leading them through the back passage of a building. "It's party time!"

"Why do we have to go the back passage?" asked Trucy.

"They won't ID you that way," replied Matt. He wrapped his arm around Trucy and Machi like his own children.

Phoenix: *twitch*

"Besides, I got a nice place reserved for us."

The more Matt grinned with flashing teeth with alcohol waving around, the less Apollo trusted him. He was getting horrible images of him molesting Trucy,

Phoenix: *horrified silence*

Godot: ...which of course means that it'll happen at some point. *sips coffee*

Apollo: Don't even joke about that, Mr. Armando.

Godot: What? I can almost smell the attempted "foreshadowing", and believe me, Red, it does not smell good.

and he hoped it was all it would be. Red flashed from blue to purple to yellow and back to red in the room. "Follow me!" Matt shouted to them. The beat of the loud music echoed in their heads. Vera had been holding tight onto Apollo's arm he whole time since entering the club.

"YOU ALL RIGHT VERA?" Apollo asked.

"It's scary," Vera admitted. The last time she was surrounded by such an intense crowd was when she was on trial for patricide.

Klavier: That... is one heck of a comparison.

Apollo: It's not one that's out-of-character for her, though.

Klavier: Who in their right mind would take her clubbing, anyway? She obviously wouldn't enjoy it.

Edgeworth: No one in this fic is in their right mind, Gavin.

Klavier: Ah. Well, I've only been in this spork for one part so far, ja?

Her was never revolved around wild nights,

Phoenix: Her... her what?

Edgeworth: What tense is this even going for?

so Apollo understood why Vera was so afraid of the people dancing about. He even spotted something who looked a little like his former mentor, Kristoph Gavin.

Godot: Last time I checked, he was still in prison.

Phoenix: Maybe he escaped, too.

Apollo: Oh, please no.

Klavier: It's only fictional, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: Yeah, tell that to your sweat.

Might have even been Klavier.

Klavier: I... don't look that much like him, ja?

Godot: You've got the same dumb hairstyle. *sips coffee*

Klavier: Th-there's nothing wrong with my hair, Herr Armando!

[Matt Engarde takes them all the VIP room.]

"All of these folks better be older than eighteen," the bouncer warned Matt.

All: *laughter*

Edgeworth: In all seriousness, you'd expect the age limit to be 21, since the club likely serves alcohol.

Klavier: Not necessarily, Herr Edgeworth. Many clubs let 18-year-olds in. They just don't sell them alcohol. An understandable mistake, though. You've never been clubbing, have you?

Edgeworth: No. What of it?

Klavier: ...nothing, Herr Edgeworth.

Phoenix: (I'd love to see that, actually.)

[Wocky and Cody step out to have a smoke. Engarde busts out the booze.]

"A tiger bit my nose this morning, and everything became sparkly," said Matt after four bottles.

Phoenix: ...are we sure that alcohol is the only thing in those bottles?

Godot: Is it common to lace whiskey with LSD?

Phoenix: Why are you asking me? I don't drink whiskey.

Apollo: Right. He only drinks grape juice.

Godot: Everyone knows the only worthwhile drink is coffee. *sips said coffee*

Apollo felt left out: he was still on his first. No matter how much everyone else seemed to have fun drinking and smoking God-knows-what, Apollo knew he had to steer clear from the temptation, and watch over Trucy. So far, not much progress has been made, she was on her third bottle and was mixing drinks.

Klavier: I don't think you're doing a very good job of watching Fräulein Wright, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: Yes. This much is obvious.

"Sounds interesting," murmured Vera. She had been giving Matt strange looks ever since he got here. She seemed content until Matt graced (or disgraced) them with his presence. She glared with anxious eyes hugging her sketchbook tight. Apollo wouldn't be surprised if Vera started drawing pictures of Matt being a devil. She would not touch the drinks.

Edgeworth: ...making her the only sensible person here.

Phoenix: It's not like getting drunk is inherently insensible, though.

Edgeworth: Do you even listen to yourself, Wright?

Apollo: She'd only be 20 in this fic, I think.

Klavier: Of course. Underage drinking is never a good idea.

"You two like whisky?" Matt asked, rolling on the table.

Edgeworth: What is it with people rolling around in this fic? Wright was doing it in an earlier chapter.

Phoenix: Of course you'd remember that, but not what Larry was up to.

Edgeworth: I really don't want to know what Larry was up to.

[Engarde makes dead dad jokes and pressures Vera to drink.]

"Someone kick this dude's head" prayed Apollo. His sister granted his wish. Trucy who had began playing on the pole flicked her leg causing Matt to roll off the table.

All: *applause*

[Turns out Larry took Alita to the club that night. Alita sees Wocky.]

Alita had found her opportunity. She tip-toed towards the side of the of the wall and leapt through the door outside. The night was black. The wind was singing a hallow and almost non-existent melody. There her ex-fiancé was – standing with his back against the wall smoking a cigarette.

"So how's it going Wocky-pocky," Alita whispered. She walked over to Wocky, removed her shades, and then grinned.

"Fuck off and die Alita," Wocky requested in a bitter tone.

Godot: I've been trying to ignore the dialogue tags, but... *sips coffee* Requested? Really now.

Edgeworth: Come to think of it, the author seems to be one those people who take the "use 'said' as little possible" advice a little too seriously.

Apollo: Whatever it is they're doing, it's irritating.

Klavier: I'd rather read the dialogue tags than the dialogue itself.

"We need to talk," Alita said. "I'm not happy that little slut of yours gets away with beating up my boyfriend."

"Like you give a shit about him," Wocky laughed. "The minute he gives everything to you, you'll be out be out of his life and you'll smash his heart apart. Just like how you did it to me."

"And the minute you notice Pearl is a complete retard, you'll dump her."

"FUCKING BITCH," Wocky spat, "I'LL KILL YOU!"

Godot: *sips coffee* Well, that escalated quickly.

Klavier: *sigh* Hasn't Herr Kitaki had enough run-ins with the law already?

Phoenix: As if anyone in this fic learns anything.

Apollo: ...which is why you let Trucy go to an 18+ club with me.

Phoenix: Yes.

"Then Larry will kill you," Alita hissed and remained calm.

Phoenix & Edgeworth: No, he won't.

Godot: Most likely he'd get accused of the murder himself. He has a knack for trouble, doesn't he?

Phoenix: Well... when something smells, it's usually the Butz.

Apollo: (That is probably the least mature saying I've ever heard. Where did he pick that up, grade school?)

"He's works his ass off everyday, stealing money, making money, and buying gifts just for me. This necklace I'm wearing costs a thousand dollars, but he took it just for me. So what are you getting me for Christmas?" Alita giggled stroking Wocky's cheek.

"Fuck all," Wocky snapped. He slapped Alita's wrist, then stepped backwards.

Klavier: I thought he was standing against the wall already.

Godot: Evidently he's a ghost.

[Alita tells Wocky to give her $9,000 by December 26. They argue for a bit.]

"If you don't give me nine-thousand dollars by Christmas day. Larry's gonna tell everyone you're abusive, and I'll kill Pearl."

Godot: *sips coffee* Not while I'm around.

Phoenix: Also, Larry wouldn't get involved in a blackmail scheme. Probably.

Klavier: So she ended up moving the deadline back a day, but didn't increase the amount of money, too?

Apollo: Why not just make it an even $10,000?

Edgeworth: Evidently she needs the money for some specific purpose.

She could see him shiver the moment she mentioned Pearl's death. They both engaged in a long piercing stare until Wocky bowed his head. His eyes were clenched. "I knew you'd do it if I brought her into this," Alita cackled.

"Wait, just said the 26th earlier," Wocky snapped.

"I changed my mind," said Alita. "I'll be waiting in that car park near the courtroom.

Edgeworth: The courtroom. Not the courthouse. The courtroom.

Phoenix: No, the car park near the courtroom, not the courtroom itself.

Klavier: Is there a car park in the courthouse now? Interesting! Although... if I used it, the noise from my hog might interrupt a few trials.

Apollo: (Yeah, yeah. We get it. You're manly and sexy for owning a loud motorcycle.)

I'll be there from eleven till midnight," Alita yawned as her hand rested on her hips. "I'll want the money then. You've got twelve weeks to do it in, so you'll be fine."

"And you'll regret it one day."

Godot: Why say "one day" when you could say "in about five minutes", then pull out your cell phone and call the police?

Phoenix: I guess everyone in this fic kind of forgot that she's an escaped convict.

Apollo: That includes the police, too, apparently.

Klavier: Is there a single person in this fic that's actually, well, competent?

Edgeworth: No.

Klavier: Not even you, Herr Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Especially not me.

Phoenix: We've made it nine chapters without the whole body-double thing being brought up, Edgeworth. I think you're safe.

Edgeworth: If it comes up again, then, I'm blaming you.

Phoenix: (You probably would have done that anyway.)

Wocky gritted his teeth. "You'll regret bringing Pearl into this shit!"

"Anything else you want to say to me?" Alita asked. Wocky quickly shook his head and stuck his two fingers up at Alita and walked away. "In that case, I'll bid you goodnight."

Godot: She's not even going to stop him? I suppose she'd deserve it if he actually had called the police.

Klavier: ...she'd deserve it anyway, Herr Armando.

Godot: Sorry. Prison does funny things to your mind. *chugs coffee*

[Vera runs away from Engarde. Apollo follows her.]

"Me too," Apollo said to make her feel better. To be honest, he had a bad feeling something bad was going to happen anyway. He had missed a call, and his heart skipped a beat when it was Phoenix that tried to ring him. He rang Phoenix, knowing that this it was a somewhat important call. Phoenix was quick to pick the phone up.

"Hello Apollo," Phoenix said.

"Hey there, ya called."

"Tell Trucy to turn her phone on," he requested sounding angry.

Phoenix: I still can't believe fic-me let fic-Trucy go clubbing with fic-Apollo.

Godot: It seems like one of the milder examples of your stellar parenting skills, Wright.

Phoenix: I am aware of this.

"Her phone ran out of battery," Apollo replied. "And she's in the bathroom right now," he lied, knowing Phoenix was going to ask to speak to her.

Apollo: Oh yes. Very responsible of me.

Klavier: At this rate, Herr Forehead, I wouldn't trust you to watch over a potted plant.

Phoenix: He can't be trusted to watch over a potted plant in real life.

Apollo: (Geez, I forget to water Charley once...)

"As soon as she's out, get her to call me!"

"Okay," Apollo nodded.

"And I want Trucy home by eleven. I'd be grateful if she comes home sober."

Edgeworth: That's the first reasonable thing you've said the entire fic, Wright.

Phoenix: Assuming that last sentence translates as "If either of you show up even slightly buzzed, you are both in for a world of hurt."

Apollo: I am really, really glad I can safely say I will never be in this situation in real life.

"We'll be there on the dot!" Apollo promised. At least he hoped he could keep that promise.

"I'll be seeing you at eleven."

And Phoenix hung up.

Klavier: And of course, Herr Forehead and Fräulein Wright are going to show up at home at, say... several hours past midnight. Assuming they even make it home that night.

Godot: I'd ask you if you somehow got ahold of the script of chapters that we haven't seen yet, except it's incredibly obvious where this is going. *sips coffee amusedly*

"HEY THERE YOU ARE POLLY!" Trucy screamed. She jumped down the stairs as her legs shook like an earthquake. "THE VODKA AND WHISKY ARE LUSH," she screamed. "I LURVE YOU POLLY AND I LURVE YOU VERA!"

"...What about Machi?" asked Vera.

"I ADORE HIM TOO!"

"Why are you shouting?" questioned Apollo. "We're not deaf."

"BECAUSE I WANNA MAKE SOME NOISE!" screeched Trucy. "IT'S PARTY TIME ANYWAY!"

Apollo: Fic-me is doomed. Again.

Edgeworth: At least, you would be if Wright were in-character.

Klavier: I wonder if there's a certain point of out-of-character-ness where it's no longer considered fanfiction?

Godot: As opposed to... original fiction?

Klavier: Yes! Because clearly, these aren't really us, just very similar-looking people who happen to share a name, assuming the name in the fic is spelled correctly.

Edgeworth: Well, if that were true, we could always try suing for copyright infringement.

Phoenix: Lawsuits don't work against this.

Edgeworth: I know. I've tried.

Apollo knew it was a bad situation, but Phoenix wanted Trucy to call him on her phone. He rang Phoenix again and passed the phone over to her. "Trucy, your father wants to talk to you."

Trucy snatched the phone and before Phoenix could even get the chance to reply she screamed, "HELLO DADDY I LOVE YOU!"

"I love you too," Phoenix chuckled. Apollo could feel his brain about to explode.

Apollo: ...

Klavier: Um, Herr Forehead, are you okay?

Apollo: I think the fic is watching us...

God knows what the call was going to be like. "So are you having a good time?"

"YEAH! I'M HAVING AN AMAZING TIME WITH PEARLS, POLLY, VERA, WOCKY, CODY, MATT AND MY BOYFRIEND MACHI!"

"You have a boyfriend?" Phoenix asked. "When was this?"

" HE ASKED ME OUT TODAY, HE WAS SO SWEET HE GAVE ME A DRINK AND I FINISHED IT."

Phoenix: ...

Godot: I suppose fic-Trucy is doomed, too. *sips coffee*

Phoenix: Just watching this gives me this weird urge to ground her.

Apollo: I really don't think that'd stop her.

Phoenix: ...true.

"Lovely," said Phoenix. "I want you home by eleven!"

"WHAT?" Trucy snapped. "ONLY ELEVEN? BUT I WANNA PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG!"

"Are you drunk or is this not Trucy?"

"YES IT'S ME TRUCY, NO I'M NOT DRUNK I'M JUST HYPER."

"... just be home by Eleven!"

"OKAY BYE DADDY!"

Edgeworth: Did you just buy a pathetically obvious lie? Again?

Phoenix: Apparently.

Apollo: Wait. I'm the narrator, right?

Klavier: I believe so.

Apollo: How are we hearing Mr. Wright's end of the phone conversation?

Godot: Wiretapping, Red? Shame on you. *sips coffee*

Apollo: ...

As the phone call ended she crawled over Apollo's lap, stretched and hopped back up on her feet.

"I'm feeling better now," Vera announced. "Thanks for making me feel better you two. Let's go back in."

The three of them returned to the VIP room, and they were no more drinks from Matt's supply. It didn't surprise Apollo one bit. He checked his watch; the little hand was on ten, and the big hand was on the twelve. They didn't have much long, so he thought he might as well make the most of it. He was staying sober and even if Matt forced it down, he'll spit it out.

Klavier: Is being force-fed alcohol really a concern here?

Apollo: These people aren't just irresponsible, they're aggressively irresponsible.

Klavier: The unintentional humor in this fic is rapidly disappearing.

Apollo and Vera looked like the odd two out as the only sober people in the room. Wocky and Pearl were under the table making love,

Godot: *spits out coffee*

Phoenix: Wh- What?!

Edgeworth: I don't even know where to begin with this...

Klavier: (At least my co-sporkers are still amusing.)

Trucy, Matt, Machi and Cody were bouncing around the room like balls in a football match.

Then there was Apollo and Vera, sitting on the table, chatting and doodling in Vera's sketchbook. They didn't need to be drunk to have a great time. And time sprinted to the morning.

Apollo: It's like the author's actually trying to put in a moral.

Klavier: Like the "keep safe online" thing from the end of chapter 11?

Godot: I think after all the moral depravity in this fic, the author feels the need to prove that only their sanity and writing skill is questionable. *sips coffee*

Apollo: ...as proved by metaphors like "time sprinted to the morning".

Late, dark and cold. Apollo was exhausted, whilst Trucy insisted on partying. Everyone else crashed out at Wocky's house apart from Matt who went off in the same car he came out from earlier. Apollo hoped Vera was okay, no doubt it would be the first time she's ever had a sleep-over before. He wouldn't have minded crashing out at Wocky's but he remembered what Phoenix said: home at eleven and no later! It was now three minutes away from Three O'clock in the morning.

Klavier: Ha! Called it.

Apollo: No one is impressed, Prosecutor Gavin.

The funny thing was that Phoenix hadn't rang at all.

Phoenix: Maybe I really am dead.

Edgeworth: Again, I really doubt the author is self-aware enough to have one character point out that the other is extremely out-of-character.

Apollo and Trucy were playing tug-o-war with their arms. Apollo trying to take Trucy home, and Trucy trying to run back to the club.

"We're going to wrong way home!" Apollo told her.

"Polly it's only 3:AM"

"You should have been home four hours ago," Apollo reminded him. It shouldn't take more than four hours to take her home, but she kept going AWOL. Apollo almost had a panic attack. Vera did too. "Besides, some of you lot aren't even allowed to be in them clubs."

"Relax Polly," Trucy giggled. "Being a rebel is fun." She pointed at the lamppost, dashed to it and shouted, "POLEDANCING!"

"No Trucy!"

"Yes!"

Phoenix & Apollo: *loud groaning*

Apollo knew that the pair of them must have looked like idiots, what made it worse was the the streets were filled with more drunks. Apollo tried to catch up with her, but by the time he reached the lamppost Trucy was interested in she had already started climbing on it. He wanted to slap all the other drunks who persuaded Trucy to keep climbing.

Godot: Why is the street filled with drunks?

Klavier: Maybe the club closed at three and kicked everyone out. But at least, if everyone else is drunk, Herr Forehead and Fräulein Wright can't really look like idiots.

Apollo: That's not very comforting, you know.

Klavier: Hey, I have to work with what I have, ja?

"GET DOWN PLEASE TRUCY!" Apollo demanded.

"But I love it up here," moaned Trucy. Her fingers dangled from the poles and her legs were tangled where her fingers were.

Edgeworth: ... *tilts head* What position is she even in?

Phoenix: My head hurts just looking at this.

It didn't look like a comfortable position to be in. She absorbed the attention she received and lifted her dress a little higher. Apollo closed his eyes and slapped himself on the forehead. He knew should have looked out for her much more than he did.

Godot: *sips coffee* Really? Hmm. I don't think anyone noticed.

Apollo: There's no need to be so sarcastic, Mr. Armando...

Klavier: You're one to talk, Herr Forehead.

Suddenly, she jumped off the lamppost. Apollo leapt below, reached his arms out to grab her, but he slipped and his forehead faced the cold pavement. The pain from falling over was nothing compared to the shock in his heart. Trucy could be dead and he failed to save her. But he didn't hear anything crash apart from himself. His body ached too much to get up, he could feel his eyes shut and his mind about to melt into a deep sleep. And he couldn't even hear her anymore.

Apollo: Um... what just happened here?

Phoenix: Let's see... Trucy jumped off the lamppost and apparently flew away. You, meanwhile, tripped, fell, and gave yourself a concussion.

Apollo: At least I'll be unconscious for whatever happens next.

"What are you doing walking in the streets at this time?" That voice, that deep voice was so familiar. Apollo rolled over to his his father's visor glow into his eyes. Trucy was slouched over in his arms. "Trite rang me," Godot announced.

Apollo raised an eyebrow. "Trite?"

"Phoenix Wright obviously," he snapped. "Anyway, I told him you guys were sleeping at mine."

Godot: Because what every irresponsible teen needs is an irresponsible adult to cover for them. *sips coffee*

Apollo: I'm not a teen.

Edgeworth: You... look quite a bit younger than you actually are, Justice.

Klavier: I think it's because you're short and you yell a lot.

Apollo: ...thanks. (Jerks.)

That explains why Phoenix didn't call.

"Thanks Dad," Apollo smiled.

"You're welcome," Godot responded. "Now let's get you two to bed." He dragged Apollo off his feet and took him to his house which was right in front of him. "And I'll give you some nice black coffee to keep you warm."

Klavier: You're sending them to bed and yet you're giving Herr Forehead coffee? I suppose we can add this to the ever-lengthening list of things that don't make sense...

Godot: I fail to see the problem here, actually.

Klavier: ...

Phoenix: You get used to it.

Spoiler: Chapter 16

FenFen · Post by **FenFen** » Tue Jul 22, 2014 8:45 pm

Well, my sporking is taking a lot longer than I thought, especially since everything got erased. Have to start all over again.

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Tue Jul 22, 2014 8:50 pm

SenorJustice-dono wrote:Well, my sporking is taking a lot longer than I thought, especially since everything got erased. Have to start all over again.

Oooh, ouch. I know your pain, pal.

I might upload part 9 of Law Plus Chaos later today, though, so at least there'll be something new in the thread anyway.

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:05 am

Double post, doesn't count because it's been a day. (Right?)

Bad news everybody: I discovered that this fic is not, in fact, hosted on AO3 only as I previously thought. It's also on fanfiction.net. And it has 42 reviews. Most of which are positive. That's right, folks. People like this fic.
Law Plus Chaos, part nine.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!

"And here I was thinking that the Management's inability to keep to a schedule was a good sign..."
Hobo Nick!

"For the last time, that's not actually my name."
Apollo Justice!

"There are plenty of other people who are in this fic a lot, too."
Maya Fey!

"...how much do I really want to read the script of past chapters...?"
and
Ema Skye!

"This is stupid."

[We open up on a beach near Barcelona... just kidding, we open up in our sporking theatre. Where else would we open up? All of today's sporkers are already seated, with the exception of Ema Skye, who is only now walking in.]

Edgeworth: What took you so long, Ema? We've been waiting for you for quite a while now.

Maya: It's only been five minutes. If that.

Edgeworth: It's five minutes in the sporking theatre. That's at least six minutes too many.

Ema: Well, apparently I wasn't supposed to be here today. Someone put in a request or something, so I guess it was kinda last-minute.

Phoenix: Hmm, a request?

Apollo: (Wait a minute. ...please don't let her find out it was me.)

Edgeworth: Request or not, it's better to get these things over with as fast as possible. Maya?

Maya: Okay! *shouts up at speakers* Hey!! We're ready to start the fic!! Roll text!!

[The lights dim.]

"I love this dress!" Alita praised the apple green velvet hanging from her shoulders. Brighter sequins wrapped around her waist and flowers sewn across the about the tone of her voice made her look like she was lying. She was the type who liked the finer things in life; diamond rings, nothing but the prettiest clothes and jewelery. Larry bought this dress for Alita for five dollars in a charity shop. And he had a feeling that she despised charity shops with a passion. After all, they don't exactly give her the most finer luxuries in life. Everything had to be platinum. If it wasn't pretty, then Alita had no interest in it. Larry considered himself a lucky man for having a girlfriend with a divine taste.

Ema: Back to incoherency, I guess. It was a good break while it lasted.

Apollo: So you don't know who sent in a request?

Ema: No, but when I find them...

Apollo: (I don't like the look in her eyes.)

[Larry and Alita are arguing about stupid things and it's not very funny.]

Maya: Nothing in this fic is very funny.

Phoenix: That's what we're here for.

Edgeworth: No, Wright. Don't give into the Management.

"We're gonna have some fun in the casino," Larry said. Larry had a plan.

Phoenix: It was not a very good plan.

Edgeworth: I think that's a given.

If they won a little bit of money, he would propose to her tonight. He was already wanting to put a ring around her one way or another. If they make a loss for tonight, he would ask her later on.

Maya: ...assuming she didn't dump him first.

Apollo: That seems likely.

[Alita comments that Larry's stupid plan is, in fact, stupid. Larry doesn't care. Suddenly unannounced scene change!]

Apollo almost felt sorry for Klavier for getting shot, then dumped by his girlfriend in the same day.

Ema: Almost?

Apollo: Apparently I don't actually feel bad for him.

Ema: ...who shot the fop?

Apollo: That would be Pearl Fey.

Maya: What.

But he didn't. He cheated and suffered the consequences.

Edgeworth: I was under the impression that him getting shot in the leg by a pink, fluffy "toy" pistol had nothing to do with his infidelity.

Ema: ...a pink, fluffy pistol? Where did...?

Phoenix: Amazon.

Ema: ...

Maya: ...and Pearly shot him?

Apollo: On accident, yeah.

Maya: ...huh.

Ema: I don't even know what to say to this.

He was not going to defend Wocky in court, not this time. It was completely out of his hands now. He might be called to be a witness but he could see Wocky and Pearl getting into trouble. He didn't know if the two of them got arrested for shooting Klavier, but he didn't see him dropping the charges any time incident in the car thrown aside, Apollo was really worried for Trucy's welfare.

Ema: But... the fop was the one who got shot.

Phoenix: Have you seen the sort of things Trucy's been doing in this fic?

Ema: I've been trying not to, thanks.

She was coming home late all the time due to skipping detention from bringing alcohol into school.

Edgeworth: Why is she coming home late if she's skipping detention?

Phoenix: You know, I really don't want to find out what she's been doing instead of going to detention.

Naturally, skipping detention made her have more detentions and to top that she had one on Saturday!

Edgeworth: That... doesn't seem like an effective method of discipline.

Maya: Wouldn't she just skip the new detentions?

Ema: I figured that you'd never had detentions in school, Mr. Edgeworth, but that is kind of how they work.

Edgeworth: ...

Apollo: Um, Ema, what exactly did you do to get put in detention?

Ema: I kind of... lost the science department at my high school.

Apollo: (...note to self: hear this story later.)

Apollo had never heard of having detention on a Saturday. He never really had any since he was just the nice quiet guy who always did what he was told.

Phoenix: Apollo being quiet? It's official: we're in the bizzaro-verse. Next thing you know, Edgeworth will have an inexplicable French accent and will be shooting arrows at everyone.

Edgeworth: ...excuse me?

When he was training to be a lawyer and was under influence by Kristoph, he was determined to boost his confidence. His chords of steel where a way to get out of his shell.

Apollo was going to spend the night at his dad's house and Trucy decided to tag along. She's been less flirty with him since dating Machi, but he was concerned she was flirting elsewhere. They spent the day with their mother, Thalassa for the day, then drove to Godot's flat.

When the two of them walked into Godot's apartment, Godot was already standing there with a cup of coffee on each side. "Polly-Pocket we need to talk," Godot announced. His tone waa deep and his voice was cold and serious.

"You mean now?" Apollo asked. There wasn't really anything else he could say.

"Now and in private," he replied. He glared at Trucy and said, "Trucy, you can get ready for bed."

Apollo: Why is Trucy spending the night at Mr. Armando's house, anyway? Or me, for that matter.

Maya: I guess the author thinks you're really as old as you look.

Apollo: ...h-hey now, Ms. Fey.

"Follow me son!" Godot told him. So Apollo did what he was told. He was lead into the kitchen with a chair. Apollo had a feeling he knew what Godot was going to talk about: Trucy. "Sit down and help yourself to some coffee," he said. "It's gonna be a while."

"If it's in private, why do you have the door open?" Apollo asked.

"So I can see if Trucy tries to overhear the conversation."

"Okay."

"Have any idea what I want to talk to you about?" Godot asked, removing his mask.

"Uhm... Trucy?"

"You got it in one!" Godot smirked and clapped his hands. It was the first time Apollo ever saw his father without his mask on. He looked... different and older than the man in the picture his mother showed him.

Edgeworth: But how exactly he looks different, we will never know, since the author failed to describe it.

Phoenix: Well, he probably has a scar from being stabbed in the face.

Ema: He got stabbed in the face? Ouch.

Maya: It was for a good cause.

Apollo: (...wasn't that when he was killing your mother?)

"Well this 'relationship' she seems to be so proud off with you seems to be pushing your buttons. I don't wanna hide anything else from you anymore so I'm gonna keep the record straight: Incest is wrong no matter how much Trucy tries to sugar coat it. You agree with me right?"

"Yeah Dad, I do."

Phoenix: Look, Edgeworth. Someone's saying something that actually sounds like something a reasonable human being would say!

Edgeworth: Too little, too late, Wright.

"She's not treating you like she should be," Godot snapped. "I'm not letting Trucy think she can have you as her bit on the side."

Apollo: Aaaaaand back to understating the whole "incest" thing.

"I don't think you understand..."

"It's not me who doesn't understand; it's you."

"You know... Trucy's young and wants to be free. I don't like some of the things she does or the people she hangs round with but she's still cool."

"That doesn't give her the right to cheat on you!"

Ema: Um... *flips through script* I thought the last chapter implied that it was over.

Apollo: That's what I thought, but apparently the author can't just let me be.

Edgeworth: Such is the life of anyone whom any half-witted fanfiction author decides they can write...

Phoenix: I bet I'm in more fanfics than you.

Maya: Aren't you two usually in fanfics together?

Edgeworth: I'm in more games than you, anyway.

Phoenix: Because one more game than me is such a big lead.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth and Phoenix Wright that breaking the fourth wall is strictly forbidden.

"Dad it's not like that!" Apollo snapped. "It was just twice."

"Not to her it wasn't!" Godot corrected him. "She's using you as a bit on the site. She needs to grow up, stop being slutty and start getting back to school and you need to be manly enough to stand up to her flirts!"

"You don't understand. You're making her sound like something she isn't."

"I think she's a slut," Godot whispered slurping down her coffee.

Ema: ... *flips through script again* You know, I think I agree. Scientifically speaking, anyway.

Phoenix: Don't make me come over there.

"DAD THAT'S GOING TOO FAR!"

"Like mother like daughter!"

"NOW YOU ARE GOING TOO FAR!"

"I'm trying to help you out," said Godot. "Stop shouting."

"HOW IS BASHING MY SISTER AND MOM HELPING ME?" roared Apollo. "It's not doing anything!"

Maya: That's actually a good point. What is this accomplishing, anyway?

Edgeworth: Is anything in this fic accomplishing anything?

Maya: Also a good point.

"Look Apollo, she's under-aged, " Godot reminded Apollo. "They're not gonna care if she made a move on you. All they're gonna care about is that you shagged a minor.

Ema: Normally you'd expect this to be at the beginning of the conversation. You know, after the whole "incest is wrong and you shouldn't do it" thing.

Apollo: No, because that would be sane.

I don't want you going down the same route as me. You've got great things ahead of you. And I don't want you getting clogged up with hatred... like me. I thought it would make things better, but it drove me to kill."

Phoenix: Somehow, I don't feel like their situations are comparable.

Maya: Unless Trucy poisoned Apollo. And left him in a coma for five years.

Apollo: I think I'd remember that, Ms. Fey.

Maya: You wouldn't if you were in a coma!

"I'm not gonna kill anybody," Apollo promised his father, "I wouldn't."

"I care about you, and if things continue the way they are, then you probably will end up like me. Haters are gonna hate but don't dive in it too much? You know if you and Trucy stop sexing it up now, you two could pretend it never happened and Wright would never have to know."

Edgeworth: ...I thought Wright already knew.

Phoenix: Believe me, I wish I didn't.

Maya: My fire extinguisher offer still stands, Nick.

Phoenix: Maya, really, no.

"You think it's fair on him keeping a secret like this?" Apollo asked. "I work on getting the truth out, wouldn't that make me a hypocrite and I don't want to be a hypocritical."

"Some things are best left unsaid," Godot told him. "In this case, the truth is too bitter to let out."

"You know if you really had a problem with me you could have said it to my face," Trucy sobbed. Apollo knew it, she was listening the entire time.

Ema: Wasn't Mr. Armando keeping an eye out for that?

Edgeworth: Evidently his intention wasn't to stop her.

Ema: Why kick her out of the room in the first place, then?

Edgeworth: Because in this fic, everyone has undergone a special type of lobotomy that removes the sections of the brain governing logic.

Ema: ...that's pretty much the entire frontal lobe, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I am aware.

"What can I say?" Godot asked himself. "The truth hurts."

"You could apologize," Apollo suggested.

"Nah!"

"You should!" Apollo barked.

"Don't raise your voice at me like that son."

"I'm not a kid anymore."

"You'll always be a kid to me."

Apollo: Um, when did I first meet him in this fic? A couple days ago?

Maya: It's because you look really young!

Apollo: I know, Ms. Fey. I have been informed. (At least some women think it's attractive...)

"Dad can you please apoligize to Trucy for me?" he requested. "Trucy and Phoenix have helped me out on a lot of things and you should be grateful for the both of them. I know Phoenix would be really pissed off if he found out what you called her. And it would be really nice if I could peace for once in my life."

"Okay you got me! I'm sorry Trucy."

"Apology accepted I guess," Trucy smiled.

"Oh yeah, Maya and Lana's trying to convince Klavier to drop the charges on Wocky and Pearl. Looks like it's working. Big Wins is still pretty pissed off though."

"If Klavier does drop the charges, then Wocky and Pearl are REALLY lucky," Apollo said.

"At least every thing's all settled then.

Maya: You know what's really bothersome? When someone forgets to add the second quotation mark. It's like everything that comes after it is a part of the same quote.

Phoenix: Thanks, Maya. Now that's going to be bugging me for the rest of the chapter.

Ema: Or at least until the author screws up and adds double quotation marks somewhere.

"Hey Lana what's up?" Mike asked as he picked up the phone.

"Better not waste your opportunity Mike," Lana said. "She's dumped him today. She found out about the cheating."

"That's good," Mike grinned as he spoke. "That's beautiful news. "Looks like we don't have to go that far after all,"

"I still going ahead with Salsa's idea," Lana told Mike. "It will be much more entertaining."

" I personally think Salsa's plans aren't necessary any more," Mike said as he sat down with a herbal cigarette. "She's safe from him know. And your sister's strong, he won't be able to win him back easily."

"I'm beginning to think you're only saying this cause you hate Salsa."

"It's got nothing to do with Salsa okay?" Mike objected. "As far as I'm concerned we don't need him. Look Lana I love your sister and I want the best for her. I just can't stand that bastard taking advantage of her."

"I love her too," Lana agreed. "Now if you can win her heart, your job is pretty much done. I'm still going ahead with the original plan. By the way if you upset Ema I'll kill you."

And Lana hung up.

"That's fine by me."

Ema: Sooo... what's going on here?

Edgeworth: I thought you read the script of the last few chapters.

Ema: I did. Sort of. It didn't make any sense. ...scientifically speaking, of course.

Phoenix: And that's how you know that you're still reading Law Plus Chaos.

Ron shivered even from the warmth of the fire, hugging himself. His arms shook like a vigorous tree in a tornado about to crash.

Edgeworth: These similes are getting out of hand.

[Ron DeLite angsts. It's boring.]

Pushing his head deeper into his cushion, he stretched his legs out as his foot tapped the mattress. He yawned as he forced himself out of bed and tip toed to the fridge. He wanted to return to his dreams but he knew he had to eat something, even if it was only pork pies with an over-powering pepper flavor. He fancied some boiled eggs now he saw three eggs in the tray, but the room didn't have a cooker, oven or microwave; just a humble kettle plugged in next to the sink.

He wasn't sure if a kettle would boil an egg but he was gonna give it a shot. He picked up two and saved the other one for tomorrow.

Apollo: And the point of this scene was...?

Phoenix: It's not like there's a plot to distract from.

For everything Pearl hates about Wocky, there was two traits she liked.

Maya: Only two? Why is she dating him, then?

Edgeworth: Because the author feels the bizarre need to pair absolutely everyone.

Phoenix: You haven't been paired with anyone.

Edgeworth: I'm not in this fic.

Phoenix: Oh, so now chapter six didn't even happen?

Edgeworth: I don't know what you're talking about.

She didn't like his whole gangster image, but loved his bravery and the way he treated her. She hated some of his habits like drinking and smoking, but she liked how she was able to tame him when he needed it. Pearl suggested Wocky to give up smoking so Plum wouldn't go mad next time she smelt tobacco.

"Are you going to Mystic Maya's party?" Pearl asked. "I'm sure the clan would love to see you again; that's what Mystic Maya said. She says she has a big announcement too."

Maya: I wonder what I'm gonna say?

Ema: We probably don't want to know.

"I guess I could come," Wocky said. "Is Maya getting married or something if she says something about some announcement?"

"I'm not sure," Pearl said. "She hasn't told me so it must be big; she usually tells me everything. You know I always wanted her to get married and have babies with Mr. Nick but he's engaged to my half-sister. Maybe it's for the best, only time will tell."

Maya: Somehow I don't really see Pearly giving up on that.

Phoenix: I don't know. As she got older, she's mellowed out a bit.

Maya: I keep forgetting you're from the future.

Edgeworth: How else do you explain his slovenly appearance?

Phoenix: Excuse you.

The bold words in today's newspaper lured Pearl's eyes into the article.

BEWARE: KILLERS ON THE LOOSE!

Following the news of killer Diego Armando being released on compassionate grounds last month, last week it has been reported that over fifty prisoners have managed to escape jail including former Steel Samurai star, Matt Engarde.

Maya: That still doesn't make sense.

Ema: What else is new?

Many of the them were found within five days of breaking out, but there are still eleven confirmed to be out on the streets. All the prisoners were convicted murderers. Chief Gumshoe pleas the public to remain calm and report with any information they have regarding the missing prisoners.

Edgeworth: "Chief Gumshoe"?

Phoenix: *shrugs* It's a pretty common headcanon.

Speakers: ...the Management is pretty sure that counts as breaking the fourth wall. Stop that.

Apollo: Wasn't he a normal detective during the rape trial?

Edgeworth: I honestly don't remember anymore.

"We must get these criminals locked up," Gumshoe cried in the official statement last night. "These are very dangerous individuals who should have been executed a long time all need to work together to get them all back behind bars." Ron DeLite was reported missing days after the killers made their escape. Police believe he was kidnapped by Matt Engarde and Luke Atmey, who shared a civil relationship in prison. "DeLite's disappearance has made it even more vital to find them all as quick as we can before they kill again. New procedures are also needed to make sure they don't escape again."

Maya: I hope the new procedures involve firing Larry.

Prison officers have been heavily criticized for sleeping on the time the prisoners escaped. One was even suspected of having an affair with them.

Ema: So it didn't occur to anyone that it might have been an inside job?

Edgeworth: No frontal lobes, remember?

The list of wanted people follows;

* Alita Tiala - Used mafia family for inheritance and killed boss.

* Matt Engarde - hired an assassin to kill his rival.

* Luke Atmey - A blackmailer/con-artist/murderer

* Kristoph Gavin - Mentally disturbed. Hacked into the justice system for years. Killed two men and attempted to kill a young girl.

Apollo: ...

Phoenix: "Hacked into the justice system for years"? Hacked?

Ema: Um, Apollo, are you okay?

Apollo: Just thanking my lucky stars this is only fictional.

* Dee Vasqueuz - Killed colleague Jack Hammer.

Edgeworth: Her crime mostly amounted to tampering with the crime scene, since the death was not only accidental, but the deceased was trying to kill her. She should not be in prison at this point.

Phoenix: There you go again, trying to bring logic into this thing.

Edgeworth: I can't help it, Wright.

* Mimi Miney - Faked her death and stole her sister's identity. Used spirit medium to kill her former boss.

* Lance Amano - Faked a kidnapping and killed a man to frame his lover.

* Ernest Amano - Involved with lots of smuggling and murdering to years.

* Jacques Portsman - Smuggler, shot his best friend.

* Namow Latnem- Chopped up her husband for falling for another woman.

Apollo: Is her name... "Mental woman" spelled backwards?

Ema: Yes.

Apollo: That doesn't even sound like a real name.

Phoenix: This coming from someone named "Apollo Justice"?

Apollo: (This coming from someone named "Phoenix Wright"?!)

* Edward Fartalot - Killed parents last year using gases.

All: ...

Maya: *immature snickering*

Edgeworth: *deep sigh*

If you see any of these people report to the police as soon as possible.

"Loads of people escaped jail last week..." Pearl mumbled. The first couple of pages about the killers on the loose. Some of them which, Pearl vaguely remembered when Phoenix was a lawyer. Some of them were new names to her, but she still felt concerned that the killers could be behind them right now or crawling around them. "Alita's one of them."

"That newspaper got it wrong," Wocky said. "Matt and Luke have been out of prison for a while now. And I know Alita's been out longer than a week."

"How do you know?" Pearl asked.

"I've seen her around," Wocky said. "I saw her the night we were out with Matt in that club."

"Did she speak to you?"

"Yeah she did," Wocky said.

Ema: But of course he didn't call the police. *munches Snackoos* Typical.

Maya: I don't know why you guys keep trying to make this fic make sense. It's clearly a lost cause. *pause* What, no comment about never giving up, Nick?

Apollo: You're mixing up with back when he still had morals, ethics, and an attorney's badge.

Phoenix: I'm sitting right here, Apollo.

Apollo: (Whoops.)

[Wocky tells Pearl about the blackmail. That Mike guy shows up.]

"Lying to the police is not a good thing," Mike warned him. "I will find out. Oh and was it you who shot Klavier?"

"It wasn't me if was my girl Pearl," Wocky answered.

"I swear it was an accident," Pearl squealed.

Mike tapped Pearl's shoulder and said, "good on you."

Ema: I don't like him either, but if someone shot the glimmerous fop I'd still arrest them for it.

Apollo: Even if it was a fluffy, pink pistol bought off of Amazon?

Ema: ...I guess I'd wait until I was done testing my snacks to see if someone's spiked them with LSD or something. *munches Snackoos*

[The Mike guy is apparently trying to find Ron DeLite. Someone finally points out that Larry just might have been involved in the prison escape.]

Truth be told, he always had a soft spot for the teenage scientist that always looked up to him in Europe when he said she could be his partner in investigation. She was always perky and full of energy. He could also tell she had a crush on him and he was banking on her having that old flame still burning somewhere inside of her as he went to woo her.

What he had heard from Lana wasn't all that pretty. Ema had changed a lot in the years he had not seen her. She was more beautiful, for sure by the pictures he was given. Yet he heard she was also jaded from apparently not getting into CSI like she had wanted. Ema had become somewhat bitter, eating snackoo's like there was no tomorrow. If he knew that she would get so addicted to them, he would have never given her that bag such a long time ago.

Ema: ...so the author's OC is supposed to be the guy who introduced me to Snackoos?

Edgeworth: Come to think of it, when did you get addicted to Snackoos? It's a fairly recent thing, isn't it?

Ema: It's not an addiction. I can stop anytime I want. *munches Snackoos*

Edgeworth: *sigh* That's what they all say.

Phoenix: (Why does he glare at me when he says that...?)

Before he knew it, he was in front of her door. Resigning himself to being taken, if this flirting worked, he knocked on the door after taking a deep inhale of his cigarette and letting the fruity scent out.

Maya: Cigarettes don't smell very fruity.

Apollo: Maybe it's one of those flavored ones.

Maya: I thought cigarettes could only be smoke-flavored?

Apollo: Um...

Ema: No one here smokes.

Maya: I guess we'll never know.

[Ema and Mike chat a bit. Apparently Ema likes him.]

Apollo: (That's a new one.)

"Yeah...Klavier was a real gentleman. I always thought of him as a fop, but a good person overall. He was sweet to me on our dates, but apparently I didn't give him what he wanted." Ema said, bitterness and anger lacing her voice.

"That would be?" Mike asked, grabbing the ashtray she pointed out to him and dumping a bit of the ashes of his cigarette in it before taking another breath of the addicting substance.

"Sex...I refused to sleep with him...then he goes and cheats on me with some big titted cow cat girl!" Ema said quietly at first, but eventually her voice rose up to shouting level.

"Heh." Mike knew this story all too well. Being the ladies man he was, he had seen and done a little bit of everything that did not require him to bow at a woman's feet.

"If I ever see that fop again I'm gonna punch him in the face!" Ema continued to rant before munching on her snackoo's at a wild pace.

Ema: I'm just gonna ignore the entire rest of that conversation and comment on the fact that I work with the fop whether I like him or not. The next time I see him would probably the next morning.

Apollo: Now I feel kind of bad for him.

Edgeworth: And that is why dating in the workplace is typically forbidden.

Maya: Not that it stopped Mia...

"Simmer down there speedy. Let's just go towards the good times and try to forget about this 'fop'." Mike suggested, rummaging through her kitchen drawers before pulling out an ice cream scooper and getting two bowls before putting a generous amount of the ice cream in them.

"You're too sweet Mr. Blitz. You always put me first, back then." Ema said with a somewhat sad smile as she remembered her adventures of sorts in Europe.

"I'm still putting you first now." he pointed out as he led her to a sofa that was put up against a wall across from the TV stand.

"Yeah..." Ema said with a blush on her face.

'Such a troubled girl.' Mike thought as he sat down next to her.

Ema: No I'm not. *munches Snackoos angrily*

Phoenix: It's not really an insult, Ema.

Apollo: She takes a lot of things as an insult, Mr. Wright.

Ema: *throws Snackoos at Apollo*

"You must be Phoenix Wright," the woman spoke. Phoenix shook hands and said, "I'm Kay Faraday, Edgeworth's told me a lot about you."

"It's nice to you again," Phoenix said. "I see you haven't changed much."

Maya: Gah!

Phoenix: Sudden scene change, Maya. I'm not in the room with Ema and the Mike guy. ...I think.

Edgeworth: At least Kay's putting in an appearance in the fic...

[A familiar musical theme beings playing, and Kay Faraday descends via rope from the air vents. For real this time.]

Kay: Did someone mention me?

Edgeworth: Only a dozen times over the course of the sporking.

Kay: I was busy.

Edgeworth: Doing what, exactly?

Kay: So, does anyone notice the contradiction in the part of the fic that was just quoted? Come on, Mr. Edgeworth. I know you saw it!

Edgeworth: Answer my question, Kay.

Apollo: Um, does it have to do with the fact that what Kay says implies that she's never met Mr. Wright before, but what Mr. Wright says implies that he's known Kay for a while?

Kay: Ding ding ding! Give the attorney a prize!

Maya: Can I get a prize too?

Ema: Did you bring anything to get us out of here? Or snacks, at least?

Maya: Please tell me you brought snacks.

Kay: I had a bag of popcorn, but there's no microwave in here anymore, so...

Phoenix: (Anymore? As in, there was a microwave in here at some point...?)

"Yeah," Kay replied. She removed her scarf which was just a lighter shade of blue than her hair. "So what did you want to talk about?"

Phoenix grinned, then looked seriously asking, "I was wondering if you could do me a favor?"

Kay: So, um, what's going on in this fic?

Edgeworth: Morally depraved things.

Maya: You should probably be worried about what kind of favor Nick's asking for.

Kay: Oh, so it's one of those fics. Okay! *sits down*

Trucy was rather pleased with her birthday present from her dad: a new best friend. Apollo didn't know why Phoenix couldn't just admit that he forgot to buy her a present and just introduced a friend to her. The new friend was called Kay Faraday.

Maya: Ohhh, so it was something harmless after all.

Phoenix: Fic-me is a cardboard cutout, remember, Maya. Not a disgusting pervert like fic-Apollo.

Kay: Wouldn't I be a lot older than Trucy, though? I mean, I'm like two years older than Apollo.

Apollo: Trucy usually hangs out with people several years older than her.

Phoenix: And there's nothing wrong with that.

Her smile was just as optimistic as sunshine. Apollo was relieved that Trucy had finally found a new friend seemed nice. Phoenix thought Kay would be a calming influence on her.

Edgeworth: I sincerely doubt Kay could be a calming influence on anybody.

Kay: Hey, I'm not here to keep people calm. I'm here to cheer people up.

Maya: But the bag of popcorn you brought was totally inedible.

Kay: How was I supposed to know they took out the microwave?

Phoenix: (Okay, seriously, since when was there a microwave in here?!)

[Phoenix, Apollo, Trucy, and Kay all head to Maya's party.]

The party was better than Apollo had expected. There was vodka being distributed around Kurain Village but Phoenix had been keeping an eye on Trucy. She had stuck with Kay at all times, just like Phoenix instructed her to do while they were in the car with Larry. They spotted Pearl running around trying to make sure everyone was behaving themselves for Maya's party. He turned his head when he saw Franziska von Karma sitting in the corner with a glass of wine. (He was more surprised she had no whip on her. Perhaps Pearl and Maya confiscated it for the night.)

Kay: No fair. Only I'm supposed to have the powers of the Management!

Speakers: So THAT'S how...

Kay: What? I didn't say anything.

[Maya has an announcement to make.]

"Now for the big announcement. I wasn't sure weather to do it the easy way to put it on facebook or announce it in person. In the end I decided to do it on my birthday..."

"What is it Mystic Maya?" Pearl asked. She jumped in excitement. "Is it a baby?"

"No," Maya said. "I am happy to announce that I am a very proud lesbian."

All: ...

Maya: Well alrighty then.

Phoenix: At least it isn't me for once.

Edgeworth: At least that explains why you were working with Franziska.

Maya: ...interesting choice of ships the author has there.

"Is that it?" Phoenix asked.

"Yeah," Maya replied. "I love girls," she grinned.

Everyone was silent. All but one of the shrine maidens who gave Maya an applause. Then everyone else started clapping apart from some of the elders who crunched their lips.

Ema: Because that's not cliche at all.

Apollo: I like how Mr. Wright just takes it in stride. He's not even surprised at all.

Phoenix: The same is true of literally everything else in the fic, Apollo.

Apollo: Oh. Right...

Pearl saw a couple of the elders, who were close friends with her mother, smiling and winking at Pearl. Where they thinking, what Pearl thought they were thinking?

Phoenix: I certainly hope they're not thinking what I think they're thinking.

Edgeworth: Wright!

Maya: Nick!

Ema, Apollo, & Kay: Mr. Wright!

Phoenix: Hey, the fic's the one who keeps doing things like that! Not me!!

"I would also like to say something too," Pearl said. "I'm not going to tolerate anymore silly or outrageous plots in this family anymore." There might not even be any plots, but Pearl wanted to make sure her opinion was out there to her clan. She lost her mother and aunt to the madness, she wasn't going to lose anyone else for it. "...Uhm," she ran out of things to say when Maya stared at her with wide eyes. "Let's make sure Mystic Maya enjoys the rest of her day."

Maya: Oh, so she was just worried about the fact that it'd be up to her to produce an heir.

Edgeworth: ...what did you think they were thinking?

Maya: Um, nothing.

Spoiler: Chapter 18

Darth Wiader · Post by **Darth Wiader** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 6:14 am

I've found a fic that deserves to be sporked. I'd spork it myself if I didn't suck at it.

Here's the link (MAY BE NSFW): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5857234/1/Blackmail

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 8:10 am

Guess what I learned ~~this~~ yesterday morning? The author of this fic not only is a member of this forum, but actually submitted Judge Salsa and Namow Latnem into the OC contest. In the same division I'm competing in. Am I... am I in the twilight zone...?
Law Plus Chaos, part ten.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!

"..."
Hobo Nick!

"Is it just me, or are these slowing down?"
Maya Fey!

"Why do I have this weird feeling that I was picked specifically because something awful happens?"
and...
Pearl Fey! Age 17, that is.

"There's no way out of this place, is there?"

[We open up in our sporking theatre, which is probably in Barcelona for all we know. Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth are already seated.]

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: You seem awfully... complacent today.

Edgeworth: I've lost the will to fight along with my will to live.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Miles Edgeworth buck up a bit.

Edgeworth: I give up...

Speakers: *sigh* What kind of Sporking Bitch are you?

Phoenix: I like how it's an official title. Or at least a proper noun...

[Maya and Pearl Fey enter the sporking theatre, and take their respective seats.]

Maya: But seriously though, Pearly, you got tall. Taller than me...

Pearl: Y-You're not short, Mystic Maya!

Edgeworth: ...

Maya: Psst... Nick, what's wrong with Edgeworth?

Phoenix: He's sulking.

Edgeworth: I am not!

Pearl: Maybe we should just get started...

Trucy waited until Apollo had fallen asleep to leave her home. Phoenix was out somewhere and Iris was at work. She received a text message by Wocky asking if she and Apollo were interested in partying at Matt's place.

Phoenix: What.

Maya: Partying with Matt Engarde? This chapter's off to a great start.

Edgeworth: It's only going to get worse from here on out.

Trucy replied yes, even though she never told Apollo. She could feel it in her bones that he would one-hundred percent say no. So off she went, taking the key to the house with her. Once again she was daring with what she wore: a black mini-skirt, red corset, and high heels to match.

Phoenix: What.

Pearl: Um... Mystic Maya, I think the fic broke Mr. Nick.

Maya: Uh...

Edgeworth: We're not even a full paragraph in.

Phoenix: *says nothing, just continues staring at screen*

At least Apollo would have her trusted Mr. Hat around.

She had severe trouble walking down the steps with her high heels. She was worried about a lot of vain things such as her hair, or if her shoes broke or what to do if she had any funny looks from the guys. These heels were from her future step-mother, Iris. Almost falling down the stairs five times made her wish that she had worn flat shoes.

Needless to say, she was relieved when she reached the ground floor. No more steps for a while. Trucy knew she could walk fine in heels on a flat ground. She knew she would need lessons in walking in heels.

Pearl: Why does the fic spend so long on this...? Are Trucy's shoes important?

Edgeworth: No. Nothing is.

Maya: Cheer up, Mr. Edgeworth! Seriously, cheer up before you get the rest of us depressed, too.

She eventually met Wocky in the car park.

"Hi Wocky," she said as she approached him. "I'm excited for tonight aren't you?"

"Yeah," Wocky said. "Is Apollo coming?"

"Apollo didn't want to come," said Trucy. "Apollo's still shaken up after what had happened. He's not ready to go out yet."

"Guess it's just me, you and Machi going to Matt's place tonight."

"Where's Pearl?" Trucy asked.

"She's gone on a trip with Maya," Wocky told her. "She's not back until next Monday."

Maya: Well, at least Pearly's not partying with Matt Engarde!

Phoenix: ...yes... at least... there's that...

Pearl: ...I'm kind of worried for Mr. Nick, Mystic Maya.

Maya: I think we're gonna have to do this chapter on our own, Pearly.

Edgeworth: ...

Pearl: Aww...

"You look nice today," Machi said smiling.

Maya: At least his English improved!

"Hi Trucy, you going somewhere?"

"Oh hi Kay," Trucy shouted.

[Predictably, a well-known musical theme begins playing, and Kay Faraday appears out of only God knows where.]

Kay: Someone summoned me?

Maya: The fic summoned you.

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: ...

Kay: Um, what's wrong with them?

Pearl: The fic... it broke them.

Phoenix: I'm not broken.

Maya: Well, it broke Mr. Edgeworth.

Kay: ...maybe I'll stay with you guys for a bit.

She held onto her heart, took a breath then hugged Kay. "You have me a shock there. Your hair looks cool tonight," Trucy complimented on Kay's blue curls.

Kay: My hair's not curly.

Pearl: Maybe you had curled it to look nice for the party?

Phoenix: I don't think this is that kind of party, Pearls.

Pearl: What kind of party is it, then?

Phoenix: ... (I shouldn't have said that.)

She faced the boys and said, "Wocky, Machi this is my new friend, Kay."

"Nice to see you Kay." Machi bowed as he shook her hand.

"Yo!" Wocky gave Kay a high-five.

"Nice to meet you two," Kay said scratching her neck. "So where are we going?"

"We're going to Matt's house," Trucy told her.

"Who's Matt?"

Pearl: He's the nasty man who hired an assassin who kidnapped Mystic Maya!!

Kay: I know. I've read the script!

Maya: Was that even mentioned in the script?

Kay: ...I've also been watching you guys spork!

Edgeworth: Well, I can't say it hasn't come up since part seven.

Phoenix: Oh, look who's talking again.

Edgeworth: You're one to talk.

Kay: Enough talking!

"He's Wocky's friend," replied Trucy. "I met him while we were having a nights out once. We got on really well, we almost kissed."

Phoenix: *TERRIFIED SILENCE*

Pearl: M-Mr. Nick? Are you okay?

Maya: I think he's watching his worst nightmare up on the screen, Pearly.

Pearl: Ooh. Hang in there, Mr. Nick!

"That's cool."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, nothing wrong with me at all."

"So how long is this party going to last for?"

"A long time."

"Define a long time."

"Till 6am."

"That's a long time, shouldn't we let your dad know?"

"He wouldn't let me go if he knew,"

Kay: I've completely lost track of who's supposed to be talking.

Phoenix: *continues staring at the screen in abject horror*

Edgeworth: Well, it appears that Wright can tell which line of dialogue belongs to Trucy, at least.

Maya: This fic can't be good for him.

"He'd be worried if we don't tell him were you're going."

"Just relax, we'll be safe."

Pearl: B-But that means that something bad is going to happen!

Edgeworth: Bad things have been happening ever since the author decided this fic was a good idea.

[A bit more chit-chat, and they leave for the party.]

Forty-five minutes later, they had arrived to a cottage in the middle of the forest. Lying on the doorstep was Matt Engarde himself. As expected he had a crate of beer next to him. Trucy peeped through the cottage's window and saw lots of guests inside and outside. As the car doors opened, the smell of tobacco and drugs filled the whole car, and they hadn't even been in for five minutes.

All: ...

Edgeworth: *clears throat* What exactly does it mean by "they hadn't even been in for five minutes"?

Kay: Maybe that's how long they've been in the car?

Edgeworth: They've been driving for forty-five minutes.

Pearl: I... I don't think that's the problem, Mr. Edgeworth...

Edgeworth: It's better to focus on the irrelevant details, Pearls.

"That's weird," said Wocky. "None of the cats are about."

Maya: ...don't tell me this is the same place where the crazy cat lady serial killer lived.

Kay: I think it is.

Pearl: How many cats were there?

Maya: Enough that the cottage would probably never smell like anything other than cat pee ever again.

Pearl: Ewww...

[Chit-chat. It's boring. Surprise!]

"And who's this sexy chick?" Matt asked looking up Kay's skirt.

Kay: Wh- well, EXCUSE ME.

Maya: Is there anyone in this fic who hasn't had this sort of thing happen to them yet?

Edgeworth: ...I'm afraid to say it, but I think I'm the only one.

Phoenix: You were only in it for one chapter. A quarter of one chapter, actually.

Edgeworth: Which is probably how I managed to avoid it...

"Kay Faraday," said Wocky.

"Why Hello there," Matt purred. He licked his lips, moving his head near Kay's blue hair.

"Uhm... hi..."

Kay: I would punch this guy. I would definitely punch this guy.

Maya: I would join you.

Pearl: I'm kind of scared...

"You know how to impress a friend Wocky," Matt told him, patting his shoulder. "We've got lots of good guests inside," Matt added, "you'll all enjoy yourself here."

"Is Luke in there?" asked Wocky.

"Nah." Matt shook his head and spat on the floor. "He's fucked off somewhere."

Maya: Isn't he dead? Who was it that got made into a pie?

Pearl: Made into a... what?

Edgeworth: No, the person who was made into a pie was Jaques Portsman.

Pearl: Made into a pie?!

Kay: This fic is messed up.

Edgeworth: Very astute observation, Kay.

"Guess we'll see him later,"

"Yeah."

"Trucy, I need a word with you in private."

Phoenix: Who's asking this question?!

Maya: Calm down, Nick, it's just a fic.

Phoenix: ...

Pearl: I'm sure this isn't leading anywhere bad!

Edgeworth: Don't get his hopes up like that.

"Okay," said Trucy as she stepped out of the car.

"I'll be there in a minute, I'm gonna park this thing somewhere." Wocky locked the door and drove near the trees.

"Will Trucy be fine?" Kay asked.

"Course she will," Wocky repllied, smiling. "Matt won't hurt a fly."

Phoenix: *puts head in hands*

Edgeworth: Kay, is it possible to convince the Management to just skip this chapter?

Kay: Uh, probably not. It took me a while to convince them to trade you for Trucy.

Edgeworth: ...

Maya: So that was your idea?

Kay: No.

Speakers: Yes.

Meanwhile, Matt had led Trucy into a bedroom. He had locked the doors immediately after they both entered the room.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that he is to look at the screen at all times.

Pearl: I'm... I'm kind of worried for Mr. Nick, Mystic Maya.

Maya: He's made it through worse before.

Edgeworth: You should try appearing in more parts of the sporking, Maya.

Maya: Haha. No.

Trucy was quick to notice the modern style and bright red furniture. "Nice room," said Trucy.

"Thanks," Matt said. "Why don't you sit down on the bed."

Trucy had a feeling that Matt was going to kiss her.

Phoenix: *starts moaning*

Edgeworth: Get out from under the seat, Wright, before the Management punishes all of us.

Phoenix: It's like the author specifically asked themselves who the worst possible person for Trucy to sleep with was...

Kay: Actually, I think they might have done that.

Edgeworth: Not helping, Kay.

She wasn't sure what would happen, but the jiggling in her stomach felt there was an invisible fire in the room. As she was instructed, she sat on the bed. "So what did you want to talk about?" she asked. She watched Matt remove his blazer and undo a couple of his buttons. He pounced on the bed and glared at her. "Sorry, did you not hear me?"

Matt chuckled. "Oh I heard you well. It's just I know your father very well."

Maya: Well, I guess that's one way of putting it.

"Really?" Trucy gasped. She leaned her head closer towards Matt. "You two are friends?"

"Not really," Matt admitted. He began to tickle her neck. "But we did have a nice conversation."

"About what?"

"Just a general manly talk."

Phoenix: *bitter laughter*

Pearl: Is there any more room under there, Mr. Nick?

Maya: Pearly, no.

He lay on his bed, stretching his arms out and shook his hair. "He's an alright dude, you're lucky to have him as a father. Even though he got both me and my boyfriend in jail."

"What did you do?" Trucy asked. The curiosity about Matt suddenly increased from the minute she stepped into his room to that very moment. She felt like the princess surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves.

Edgeworth: A surprisingly adept simile, actually.

Kay: Meaning that Trucy is going to get ripped to shreds?

Edgeworth: Unfortunately, yes.

Phoenix: Can we not talk about this?

Maya: Come out from under the seat first.

Phoenix: No.

"I hired someone to kill my rival."

"How come?"

"Because, my rival had bullied me all my life. He made me feel worthless, but I wouldn't stop chasing my dreams just because he had the same ambitions as me."

Phoenix: *bitter laughter resumes*

Maya & Edgeworth: *join in said laughter*

Pearl: ...I don't get it.

Kay: Eh.

"Why couldn't you have just made up with each other?" Trucy wondered. "It would have been much more easier."

"I tried to once," Matt said. "He threw me in a bin for it. My rival and I had been in a war for many years, and I decided it was time to make it stop."

"Then you met Luke?"

Kay: That probably shouldn't be what she asks questions about, but who am I to question the author?

Edgeworth: The author deserves to be questioned.

Kay: Weren't you just saying it was easier not to resist?

Edgeworth: *sigh*

Pearl: I think having you around cheered him up, Kay!

Kay: Of course it did!

"I met him about a week after I was sent down." Matt told her. "We didn't get along at first, but one day we had to share a cell and things just clicked. And eventually we were partners."

"So what's it like dating a guy?"

"No difference to dating a girl."

"It's nice to get out you know," Matt confessed, then roared with laughter.

Maya: So... if that last line was Engarde, who was speaking before him?

Pearl: I guess there's three people in the room? Which means they can't do anything dirty, Mr. Nick!

Phoenix: If anything, that only means that it's going to lead to-

Maya: Nick!

Phoenix: Okay, okay! Forget I said anything!

Pearl: ...?

"Out where?"

"Jail, not easy when a lot of people are out to get me." Matt went below the bed and reached out a bottle of whiskey. "I miss the old days like these."

"So what do you think of me?" Trucy asked. "It's kinda clear that you trust me."

"You're pretty," Matt grinned. "And very reliable. You wanna do it?"

Phoenix: What? *stands up* What?!

Maya: Uh...

Phoenix: Don't tell me they're going to-

"Okay," Trucy said. "We've got nothing to lose."

"It would be best not to tell ya dad."

Trucy was right. They did end up kissing in the end.

Phoenix: ...

Pearl: ...um, Mr. Nick?

Phoenix: *takes deep breath*

[The scene suddenly changes to the HAT-3 space shuttle.]

Sol Starbuck: ...? Do you hear that?

Other astronaut: Yeah... it sounds kind of like... screaming?

Sol: It sounds like someone I know, actually...

[We return to our sporking theatre. Phoenix Wright is unconscious in his seat, half a shattered bottle of grape juice in his lap, the other half on the floor. Everyone else looks varying stages of frightened.]

Edgeworth: ...

Maya: ...

Pearl: ...

Kay: ...

Pearl: Um, isn't being unconscious against the rules?

Speakers: We'll, uh, we'll let it slide this time.

[Fic goes back to WAA. Phoenix, Apollo, and Iris figure out that Trucy has gone out partying.]

Apollo had also never seen Phoenix squeal so much before.

Maya: Oh. That's... pleasant.

Pearl: Should we do something about Mr. Nick...?

Edgeworth: He would probably just get mad at us for waking him up.

Kay: Besides, these chairs aren't that bad for your neck. Probably.

Maya: Let's just try not to be around when he wakes up, shall we?

Edgeworth: I can live with that.

Pearl: ...

Phoenix grabbed his phone out of his pocket and placed it near his ear. "POLICE! ... YES um hi Gumshoe my daughter has gone missing! ... WHAT YOU'VE FOUND HER WHERE? ... PARTYING WITH MATT ENGARDE! ... GET HER OUT NOW! ... HALF AN HOUR! OH GOD WHERE IS THIS PLACE? ... Okay, I'll be at the station."

"They found her?" Apollo asked.

"Yeah she was parting with that SCUMBAG MATT ENGARDE!"

"Any chance Matt as in the one with the scar on his face?" Apollo asked. "I never liked him."

"Yeah," Phoenix sighed. He punched the table, and then Apollo's stomach. "YOU KNEW MY DAUGHTER WAS HANGING ROUND A MURDERER AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?"

"I didn't know he was a murderer okay?"

"Have you read the newspaper?" Phoenix roared. "He's a wanted man!"

"Damn!"

Pearl: ...I'm pretty sure Apollo reads the newspaper.

Kay: That's a pretty mild reaction to finding out your sister is probably in a ditch somewhere.

Maya: That's pretty morbid, Kay.

Kay: I figure that as long as Mr. Wright's passed out, I can make jokes about his daughter like that. Right?

Edgeworth: Kay, please don't.

Kay: Sorry.

"Hi Kay," Trucy cheered as she hopped around the room. "What's with the serious face?

"Trucy, it's time to go," Kay told her straight up. Her tone was sharp and agressive.

Kay: Ooh, look, I'm being responsible!

Edgeworth: (That's a rarity.)

Maya: I think that's the first responsible person in the whole fic, actually.

Kay: Even better!

[The cops are coming!]

"Shut up and get in my car!" Mike demanded.

Pearl: Is someone getting kidnapped? Haven't there been enough kidnappers in this fic?!

Maya: I thought the Mike guy was the detective.

Edgeworth: He is. He's also corrupt.

Pearl: So is he kidnapping someone or not?

Maya: Anything's possible, Pearly.

"No you can't tell me what to do," Wocky roared.

"Why?"

"I've already got my own car and anyway, I didn't do nothing wrong!" Wocky growled.

"You put your friends in danger and chill out with criminals and you say you're doing nothing wrong?"

Edgeworth: Well, at the very least he's not doing something illegal, assuming he can convince everyone that he didn't know they were escaped prisoners...

Maya: It's still wrong, though.

Edgeworth: Oh yes. Very wrong.

"They're my friends," Wocky hissed.

"You should learn the difference between your fake friends from your real friends, and don't bother mixing them up either."

"Shut up I'm having fun!" Wocky announced. "I'm not taking shit from someone who had a threesome with Namow Latnem and Salsa!"

Edgeworth: *puts head in hands*

Pearl: ...um, Mystic Maya, what exactly does it mean by-

Maya: No, Pearly.

Kay: Ooh.

[Mike argues with Wocky, then tries to convince the league of irresponsible teenagers to split before the fuzz arrives.]

Maya: Is it just me, or is the quality of the cut summaries really dropping?

Speakers: Hey, we get bored, too.

"EVERYBODY FREEZE!"

A large group of police officers had surrounded the area. Loud sirens scared the birds away and two men stepped out of the black car. One was Gumshoe, the other man was someone who Mike had seen around. A man named Lang who was as fierce as his intentions where. His blond spikes stood out from the torch lights.

Edgeworth: Because Agent Lang was exactly what we needed to make this fic just the right amount of insane.

Kay: I kinda want to see what the author's going to do to him.

"Where do you think you're going Blitz?" Lang asked Mike.

"Aww we were just heading home," Mike sighed.

"Well you guys can wait for a while," Lang told Mike. "And what are them kids doing here at this time of night?"

"Beats me," Mike answered. "I was just about to take them home."

Maya: Because that's not suspicious at all.

"They can stay in the car, you can help me with the investigation." Lang told them. "We got questions for them anyway."

"You guys gotta wait patiently in the car for me," Mike told them.

"Listen up everyone, there are killers on the loose and they are in this area." Gumshoe roared. "Everyone get on the floor right now!"

Nothing happened. Lang held his pistol and fired it on the roof.

Kay: So did he fire the gun at the roof, or did he climb up on the roof and then fire his gun from there?

Pearl: Um... the first one?

Kay: Aw. That's boring.

"Anyone who does not cooperate in the next 10 seconds will be arrested!" roared Lang. "NOW GET ON THE FLOOR!"

Everyone apart from a rowdy crowd got down and they were escorted by the police. "Search all the rooms," Lang announced. "Check the kitchen Mike!" Lang ordered. "Gumshoe examine the bedrooms! The rest of you ask everyone questions. Feel free to arrest anyone suspicious."

"That was just where I was going to go!" Mike said as he walked into the kitchen. "I think the kitchen is the only place we need to investigate."

"I'll be the judge of that!" Lang responded.

"Look what I've found," Mike shouted as he walked into the kitchen. Matt Engarde soaked in red with his face covered in pies. A seashell card with writing stood out on the bloody floor. Mike bent down to see it. In cursive writing, the card said:

Pleasure doing business with you Luke.

"We'll also need to check the pies too," Mike said.

Pearl: Huh?

Maya: What just happened?

Edgeworth: With any luck, the author will forget about this entirely, and we will never find out.

"Why are you packing your stuff for?" asked Trucy. Her stomach jumped, and her back bounced upon the wall.

Kay: Wait. What is she doing here?

Pearl: Um...

Maya: I have no idea what I'm looking at...

Edgeworth: That's normal for this fic.

"Where are you going?" she stuttered again. She was startled by Apollo's movements and they seemed to be far too hasty for his own good. She didn't want him to go, she'd had almost nobody to keep her company. She flicked her hair, rolled her skirt up to see if he would notice.

"Moving in with my dad," said Apollo who had all his stuff packed. and on his back. "I think it's the best thing to do. To spend some more time with my dad." Apollo faced the wall when Trucy's skirt shrunk.

Pearl: I... I don't think skirts are supposed to do that.

Maya: And isn't Apollo, like, 23 in this?

Kay: I think so.

Maya: ...huh. Okay.

[Trucy and Apollo chat.]

"I'm going to be all alone for the next few weeks."

"No you won't," replied Apollo. "You'll have your dad and Iris."

"No list of boyfriends, no partying, no getting drunk."

A pause of noise and then Apollo said, "I think it's exactly what you need."

"You should be supporting me!" shouted Trucy.

"I think one boyfriend is more than enough anyway."

"Nothing went wrong," Trucy defended herself. "I had a fantastic time."

All: ...

Maya: I'm really glad Nick's passed out right now.

Pearl: Um, are we sure he's still breathing...?

Kay: Yeah, pretty sure.

Pearl: Okay. Just checking...

"You could have been arrested," reminded Apollo. He despised seeing Trucy in such a state, the sooner he left, the more time she could spend to recover.

"Arrested for what?" Trucy seemed to be completely oblivious about last night. "The police arrived cause they wanted to arrest Matt."

"You don't have any idea how serious this is don't you?" Apollo glared at her.

"What are you talking about?" giggled Trucy. One minute she was panicking, next she was angry, or giggling then returns with a vicious cycle. "I'm grounded for two weeks and Daddy will get over it."

Edgeworth: In the unlikely event that something similar happened in real life, I highly doubt Wright would just get over it.

Pearl: If something like this happened in real life, I'd think that someone killed Trucy and replaced her with someone else...

Edgeworth: ...

Pearl: D-Did I say something wrong, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: ...no. It's fine.

"You were partying with a killer!" Apollo grunted. He dropped his luggage and screamed. "More than one actually, Matt was murdered last night, Luke's been arrested for it."

Maya: Okay, now I wish Nick were awake. *shouts into Phoenix's ear* Hey!! Nick!! Matt Engarde died!!

Phoenix: *no reaction*

Edgeworth: At what point can we request a stretcher?

Speakers: Once the sporking is finished.

"Matt's dead... That can't be true."

"Well it is," Apollo announced in a more colder tone. "Never liked him anyway."

"You can at least show some respect for the dead."

Maya: Nah.

Pearl: This fic is weird...

"He could have hurt you maybe even killed you."

"Well he didn't!" spat Trucy. "He liked me Apollo."

"You can't be serious."

"I am because I slept with Matt!" Trucy announced it like a prostitute with no remorse.

Kay: Hmm. Well, I guess if Mr. Wright had woken up already, this line would've knocked him back out.

Edgeworth: He should count his blessings, I suppose.

it wasn't the sister he adored anymore. "You're just making this up to just to wind me up because I can't remember what happened last night." Apollo very truly wished this was the case.

"I really wish you were lying about sleeping with Matt," Apollo muttered.

"I wish we were never related now!"

Kay: I'm pretty sure everyone wishes that.

Edgeworth: This fic would be a trainwreck with or without incest.

Maya: Yeah, but then we wouldn't have to had sit through that stupid "wincest" pun like six times.

Trucy faced the wall and refused to look at him. "I wish we never met."

"My dad's waiting for me, bye." Apollo held his head down and scurried his way out.

Pearl: ...that's not very nice of him.

Maya: What else was he supposed to say?

Pearl: I don't know... nothing in this fic makes sense to me.

Edgeworth: Nothing in this fic makes sense to any of us.

The door slammed in time with Phoenix's fist on the wall.

"That's four months you're grounded," announced Phoenix.

"Shit!"

"And another," Phoenix shouted again.

"Why is it three months? Don't tell me you were listening to me."

Kay: Three months? Wasn't it just four months? And another, so five months?

Maya: Maybe Trucy's trying to confuse him.

Pearl: I don't think Mr. Nick would fall for that.

Edgeworth: I don't know. It seems likely to me.

"I heard every word of it!" "And I'm disgusted by the way you're reacting right now. You slept with a killer and pushed your brother out the house and there's not even any remorse in you. That is not the daughter I knew and love. You worried the hell out of us and you're just acting like it was an amazing. Tell me, why are you being so out of character lately?"

All: ...

Kay: And there it is!

Edgeworth: Now the author just needs to acknowledge that everyone else is out-of-character as well. And then issue an apology for writing this fic. And then resolve only to publish works where they are 100% sure that everyone is in-character.

Maya: I don't think that's gonna happen, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: *deep sigh*

[Phoenix slowly begins to react to all this like a normal parent. It's not that bad, so we're skipping it.]

A gang of police officers slammed through the door. Without a care in the world, Lang marched inside held Trucy against the wall and handcuffed her without another word. He tossed her to the police as if she was a piece of meat being thrown at a wolf.

"What do you think your doing?" Phoenix shouted.

Lang turned, grinning he said, "I'm arresting her for the murder of Matt Engarde."

Pearl: I thought they said they thought Mr. Atmey had done it.

Maya: Nope. Not dramatic enough.

Edgeworth: Of course. Because a slow return to sanity needs to be distracted from...

"Lang is it?" Phoenix said. "Edgeworth's mentioned you a couple of times. Have you ever heard of knocking?"

Kay: No, I don't think he has, actually.

Maya: Trucy just got arrested.

Kay: I guess Mr. Wright couldn't stay in-character for long.

"I'm innocent!" Trucy squealed.

"Nobody is innocent in this world, lady!" Lang roared.

"YOU LET GO OF MY DAUGHTER RIGHT NOW!" Phoenix shouted as he followed Lang and the others to the police station.

Pearl: Wait! Look! Mr. Nick's characterization is back!

Edgeworth: You realize, of course, what this implies?

Maya: I'm afraid to ask.

Edgeworth: It's a possibility that the author is actually capable of writing us in-character.

Kay: You mean they just choose not to?

Edgeworth: Either that, or they choose not to put in the appropriate amount of effort.

Maya: ...you know, somehow that makes it even more depressing.

Edgeworth: I am aware...

Apollo didn't know. His eyes were beginning to droop. He was fighting with himself to stay awake. He couldn't afford a wink of sleep, thanks to Wocky's firm belief he was set up and Godot's belief Trucy killed Matt. In an ideal world, he would straight away have disagreed with both of them. It was the spur of the moment that he chose to accept to defend Luke, and they haven't met properly yet. Although he had heard some good words about him from Wocky.

Pearl: Wait, who's been arrested here?

Maya: I have no idea.

The case was now a double murder. Matt's death bed was nothing more than murderer pies. Apollo yawned, stretched his arms out and stared at all the court records. Apollo asked himself why he took on this case when he knew he was going to lose it. The answer; he wasn't so sure. In fact he didn't have a clue. Wocky and Godot were sitting on the table when Apollo received a phone call from Ema. He always knew her as a moody madame, but her tone though the telephone represented rage flooding his ears.

"So what's going on Ema?" Apollo asked.

"Bad news is bad," Ema muttered, her clattering teethe could be heard from the phone. "Lang's arrested Trucy, and they're questioning her."

"... What?"

Kay: You know it's bad when even the characters in the fic are as confused as you are!

Edgeworth: I... what are the grounds for arrest for either of them, since they apparently arrested two different people...?

Maya: Do you really think it's going to explain?

Edgeworth: ...

[Discussion of the case continues. We have no idea what's going on.]

Pearl: *whispers* I think the Management's losing it.

Speakers: It's like the author's just throwing words at the wall to see what sticks.

Kay: Hey, I though we were supposed to be ones sporking here!

Speakers: ...

"He didn't catch Shelly De Killer," confirmed Godot. "However, he managed to get a statement from him. Here it is:

I has hired by the delicate beauty, Mrs. DeLite to snatch her husband from Mr. Atmey. When I met him, he confessed to holding DeLite hostage and refused to hand him over. Mr. DeLite was tired up in a bed with harsh scratches on his back. I have heard that Engarde had escaped jail, and that he was assisting Atmey. he then gave me an offer I couldn't refuse, he would let me kill Engarde for an offer of $1000 to take home to Mrs. DeLite. He also gave me a letter, written by Mr. DeLite to send to his wife. After killing Matt, I tried contacting Luke with no response. I hunted around to see if Mr. DeLite was around, but no success."

Maya: ...huh?

Edgeworth: I have completely given up on understanding.

Maya: Yeah, I think we gathered that by now.

Apollo read it twice and showed it to Wocky. With no hesitation, his eyes rolled an he objected, "Luke wouldn't just let Matt get killed like that. De Killer is working with Mike."

"Really?" Apollo asked. "You think that Mike guy is behind this?

"Well Mike was a gangster," added Godot.

"He still is," Wocky shouted. "I'm sure of it! I hate him. He tried to split my parents up and he's always stalking me."

Kay: Yeah, I've completely lost track of what's going on.

Pearl: Mike's the detective, right?

Maya: I don't even know anymore.

"He didn't seem that bad when he was over," said Apollo.

Godot finished his coffee and said, "Trucy was in the room that night. If we can prove Trucy killed Engarde then we'll have a case."

"No." Apollo shook his head. He knew he had to disagree. "She doesn't have a motive."

"She shagged him for the money then killed him and dragged his body to the kitchen."

Maya: ... *pokes Phoenix*

Phoenix: *no reaction*

Pearl: Are you sure he's not dead, Mystic Maya?

Maya: Well, he's still got a pulse, as far as I can tell...

[Godot insists that Trucy killed Engarde.]

Speakers: Now there's a sentence we never though we'd have to write.

Kay: Kay Faraday would like to request that the Management refrain from making unnecessary comments!

Speakers: ...we'll get you one day.

The phone vibrated in Apollo's jacket. He picked up his phone in a split second as if his life had depending on it. "Hello, hi Ema what is it?"

"Trucy's been released without charges.

Edgeworth: *sigh* What was the point of arresting her in the first place?

Maya: What is going on?!

Pearl: I don't know... I really don't...

I'm driving her to your dad's house."

"Great news," Apollo cried out. All the tension had seemed to vanish when he heard Ema's voice. "Tell her I'll see her in a bit!" As the phone call ended he punched the air and said,"Trucy's been released without charges. She's coming round now. Maybe she can help with the trial tomorrow."

"Are you sure you're going ahead with this?" Godot asked. "Can ya do it?"

"Can I do it? Yes I can!" Apollo roared with enthusiasm.

"Even if Franziska Vonwhippingburg is the prosecutor tomorrow?"

"...Maybe." Apollo knew that Godot was hiding a smirk, slurping his millionth cup of coffee. "Thanks for being a moodkiller dad."

"My pleasure son."

"My pops is like that with me all the time," said Wocky.

Pearl: Um, what happened to the discussion about Trucy being the real killer?

Kay: What, you wanted to see that?

Pearl: No, it just doesn't make sense to drop it like that...

Edgeworth: Nothing in this fic makes sense. Whatsoever.

Maya: Except for maybe Nick's engagement to Iris.

Pearl: What?!

Maya: ...I didn't say anything.

Spoiler: Chapter 20

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:08 am

Darth Wiader wrote:I've found a fic that deserves to be sporked. I'd spork it myself if I didn't suck at it.

Here's the link (MAY BE NSFW): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5857234/1/Blackmail

I have read this one before. Well, I have read part of it before I ditched it. I feel like it's been done, though, and I'm not sure if it's on the backup forums or in this thread...

Still, I kinda have one in progress, so it might be a bit much for me to jump on it. Who's up for it?

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:Guess what I learned ~~this~~ yesterday morning? The author of this fic not only is a member of this forum, but actually submitted Judge Salsa and Namow Latnem into the OC contest. In the same division I'm competing in. Am I... am I in the twilight zone...?

Well, that's uh... interesting. If you know the author's username, I hope you've asked that person for permission for this sporking. If not, well, let's just hope they don't get too upset over their work being shamed here. Just take care next time when you pick a fic to spork. We don't want to spork those that the authors can see for themselves here because we're sneaky little gremlins like that... and to prevent any hurt feelings for not first asking for permission.

Edit: Oh, now I find out it's Chloe. Ah, well, she usually doesn't care what people do with her fanfics, but it's only polite to ask, since she definitely has been around the Sporking Theater before. And this automatically confirms "Law Plus Order" as pure unadulterated crack. All the more fun, eh?

Glad to see Kay back again. I think I've come up with an idea how the Management can trap her in the theater. They're supposed to be kinda fed up with Kay bouncing everywhere she pleases. You may see it when I get to a sporking sometime. >:)

P.S. I replied to the pm you sent me, but I just replied to your friend's account. Do you need me to resend it to the right addressee?

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 6:36 pm

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Darth Wiader wrote:I've found a fic that deserves to be sporked. I'd spork it myself if I didn't suck at it.

Here's the link (MAY BE NSFW): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5857234/1/Blackmail
I have read this one before. Well, I have read part of it before I ditched it. I feel like it's been done, though, and I'm not sure if it's on the backup forums or in this thread...

Still, I kinda have one in progress, so it might be a bit much for me to jump on it. Who's up for it?

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:Guess what I learned ~~this~~ yesterday morning? The author of this fic not only is a member of this forum, but actually submitted Judge Salsa and Namow Latnem into the OC contest. In the same division I'm competing in. Am I... am I in the twilight zone...?
Well, that's uh... interesting. If you know the author's username, I hope you've asked that person for permission for this sporking. If not, well, let's just hope they don't get too upset over their work being shamed here. Just take care next time when you pick a fic to spork. We don't want to spork those that the authors can see for themselves here because we're sneaky little gremlins like that... and to prevent any hurt feelings for not first asking for permission.

Edit: Oh, now I find out it's Chloe. Ah, well, she usually doesn't care what people do with her fanfics, but it's only polite to ask, since she definitely has been around the Sporking Theater before. And this automatically confirms "Law Plus Order" as pure unadulterated crack. All the more fun, eh?

Glad to see Kay back again. I think I've come up with an idea how the Management can trap her in the theater. They're supposed to be kinda fed up with Kay bouncing everywhere she pleases. You may see it when I get to a sporking sometime. >:)

P.S. I replied to the pm you sent me, but I just replied to your friend's account. Do you need me to resend it to the right addressee?

I'm pretty sure that fic hasn't been sporked yet. Someone else brought it up earlier - or maybe someone else brought up another fic by the same author - or maybe I just found it on my own, but I do remember checking even the backup thread to see if anyone's got to it.

Do you think I should stop making jokes about the author? Actually, how acceptable are jokes about the author in the first place...? I usually make them in my sporkings, but then again I usually keep the fics I'm sporking anonymous.
Regardless, I have always figured that everyone was out-of-character on purpose, I was just baffled by apparent serious plot in conjuction with everyone being hilariously OOC.

It doesn't really matter.

Rubia Ryu the Royal · Post by **Rubia Ryu the Royal** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 7:02 pm

Well, I usually wouldn't make fun of the author in the first place, but it's no problem if you slip in a few quips about the author here or there. And it's a good idea to think of the fics as submitted anonymously, but knowing who the author is shouldn't stop a good sporking.

For optional added comedic effect, the characters doing the sporking may assume the fic is being written seriously, but it's likely they wouldn't remain in the dark for that long either. Your choice.

Chloe · Post by **Chloe** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 7:05 pm

Anyone is free to spork my fics. Since a lot of my Ace Attorney fics are cracky, I don't feel the need to be offended by them. I enjoyed them.

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 7:09 pm

Chloe wrote:You can spork mine if you want. I think it would be quite funny.

Thanks.

(Incidentally... the person who left the Simon Blackquill review on AO3? That was my older brother, although it was my idea. Thought you might want to know.)

Edit: ...did you edit your post in the thirty seconds between my clicking "reply" and my posting...?

Chloe · Post by **Chloe** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 7:16 pm

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Chloe wrote:You can spork mine if you want. I think it would be quite funny.
Thanks.

(Incidentally... the person who left the Simon Blackquill review on AO3? That was my older brother, although it was my idea. Thought you might want to know.)

Edit: ...did you edit your post in the thirty seconds between my clicking "reply" and my posting...?

Yeah I edited it because I didn't realise that you already started. XD

That was one of my favourite reviews.

Nearavex · Post by **Nearavex** » Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:41 pm

We better get going."

And they all followed Godot into the courtroom. Apollo, Trucy and Godot stood together in the defense bench as Wocky sat in the defendant's chair.

Huh... Turnabout Generations, anyone? Looks like fandom likes to put these three behind one bench. Also, about same fic:

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the love envelope.

Chloe · Post by **Chloe** » Wed Jul 30, 2014 11:37 am

I love the envelope.

I remember Turnabout Generations I loved the music they added in the trial.

Spoiler:

AireyVerkhovensky · Post by **AireyVerkhovensky** » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:31 am

You know what would make the envelope even better? If April May/Machi were a thing. Too bad it's illegal. (Not that that would stop anything in this fic.)
Law Plus Chaos, part eleven

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!

"Somehow, it seems odd that it isn't the middle of the night right now.
Hobo Nick!

"...why do I not remember most of part ten?"
Apollo Justice!

"What do you mean this fic isn't supposed to be taken seriously? Does my suffering look like a joke to you?!"
Ema Skye!

"So what happens in this chapter? An alien invasion?"
and, in her sporking theatre debut...
Lana Skye!

"...huh?"

[We open up Barcelona, which is clearly where the sporking theatre is, because no one told me no. Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix Wright, and Apollo Justice are already seated.]

Apollo: I heard about what happened in the last part of the sporking, actually.

Phoenix: What did happen, anyway? The last thing I remember is... Matt Engarde... and Trucy...

Apollo: I heard Mr. Wright was knocked unconscious somehow... how exactly did that happen?

Edgeworth: Everyone else in the sporking theatre at the time was sworn to secrecy.

Apollo: ...

Phoenix: ...what did you do to me?

Edgeworth: Not us. Don't blame us. Blame the fic.

[Ema and Lana Skye enter the sporking theatre.]

Ema: -and if you break any of the rules, the Management will punish you somehow.

Lana: And the punishments are individualized?

Ema: Yeah. For you, for example, they would probably make you do a sporking with Damon Gant. *takes seat*

Lana: Hmm. I'll be sure to follow the rules as closely as possible. *takes seat next to Ema* Hello, Mr. Edgeworth, Mr. Wright, Mr...?

Apollo: Oh, Justice. Apollo Justice.

Lana: Right. I've heard about you.

Apollo: You have?

Ema: *munches Snackoos* Oh, will you look at that? The lights are dimming.

The sound of the ocean was just a doorstep away. The moon was sleeping and the sun wide awake.

Lana: ...what?

Ema: Scientifically speaking, that probably means it was daytime.

Lana: Why not just say that?

Edgeworth: Ms. Skye, it's best not to think too deeply about this fic.

Standing on a white balcony was Alita and her former cellmate, Lana. They had just reached their hidden location and were grateful no police stalked them. The two of them didn't expect to meet each other at a murder-scene-to-be.

Lana: ...

Apollo: Did you read the script of chapters 1-20?

Lana: I glanced through it, but I thought there was no way that was what was actually in the fic.

Phoenix: It is.

Ema: You're actually involved in a plot to pin a murder on the glimmerous fop.

Lana: ...does the author hate me or something?

Edgeworth: I think we're all wondering that.

Alita and Lana found each other interesting, but didn't expect to stay in touch after leaving prison. Now they had become overnight partners-in-crime. For the two of them, time had been frozen. They could relax and stare at the ageless sea.

Lana: So there's no real point to pointing out that this is out-of-character.

Ema: Yep.

Lana passed Alita a cup of tea. Alita accepted and held the cup with her hand. "Thanks for your help last night Alita," Lana bowed and shook Alita's hand. "I appreciate your support."

"You know I'm always happy to help a friend," Alita said.

"Men are all a waste of space.

Phoenix: Looks like someone took the whole "attraction to Mia" thing a bit too far.

Lana: Intellectual attraction, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: (I'm not the one who phrased it that way in the first place.)

I can make it better so you won't have to worry about money or men at all," Lana assured Alita. She held onto her scarf and flicked it on her head.

"How would you do that?" Alita asked. "I'd find my life very diffulcult without a man or money."

"I'd kill you."

Ema: ...

Lana: I've managed to avoid the sporking theatre so far, and I have to come in over a fic like this?

Edgeworth: That's about how it works in here.

Apollo: Yeah, Mr. Edgeworth's pretty much an expert on this place by now.

Edgeworth: Which is not something I needed reminding of, Justice.

"Oh Lana," chuckled Alita. "You're full of cruel jokes. So last night you said you teamed up with Albert Salsa and Mike Blitz."

"They're not just the only people, I've had a quick deal Kristoph Gavin."

"Ironic," Alita reasponded. She patted Lana's back and contunied with, "since you're trying to frame his brother for murder."

"By the way I planted evidence that Franziska hired you to kill Thalassa," Lana confessed.

Lana: ...why?

Edgeworth: Actually, we still don't know.

Phoenix: I don't remember this.

Edgeworth: You could read the script for chapters 19 and 20...

Phoenix: But... Matt Engarde and Trucy...

"I hope you don't mind?"

"Those two brats have probably told the police I killed her anyway," replied Alita. "You're hoping Klavier gets into this case..."

"Yes," confirmed Lana. "Kristoph being snapped in the car park with that lady who looks like Iris should be enough to lure Klavier in. If he chooses to prosecute Franziska, it will be even better. Salsa is the judge for that trial and he will make sure he will fail the trial."

"Surely it's going to be equal if Maya has no experience."

Phoenix: Wait... that implies Maya will be defending.

Edgeworth: She is.

Phoenix: ...how?

Apollo: Apparently she stole your badge. And that was the reason Mr. Gavin tried to ... I can't even say it without wanting to go bathe in bleach.

Ema: You would get severe chemical burns from that, Apollo.

Apollo: I know.

"Maya's Mia Fey's younger sister," told Lana. "She's stronger than she looks. I'm sure she knows the tricks and tools of the trade."

"Do you think they'll find me here?" asked Alita, changing the subject. "If Larry fucks up and the police come here I'm doomed."

"I might have almost tarnished you from that fake evidence," Lana muttered. "Since they didn't catch you, you're fine. I'm the last person they'd expect to help you.

Lana: Probably because it would never happen in real life.

Ema: Listen to Mr. Edgeworth, sis. It's best not to resist.

Lana: ...

If Everything goes to plan, you and Larry will have your happily ever after, Klavier will be executed, Mike and Ema will be married and I will runaway with my son."

Apollo: Wait.

Lana: I have a son?

Ema: I'm getting married?!

"You just said men are a waste of space," Alita reminded her.

"To me they are," Lana replied. "But Mike really fancied Ema, so I used him. I told him to date Ema and he agreed to help me frame Klavier. And Machi is my son, so he's the only exception."

Lana: Um...

Phoenix: At least now you know what's going on.

Lana: I kind of wish I didn't.

Edgeworth: We all wish that in here.

[Lana and Alita chat some more. Alita and Larry are going to move to Blackpool, England. We still don't know why or how Machi is Lana's son.]

"Fuck my life," muttered Apollo.

Apollo: (I can't say I don't agree with the sentiment, but...)

"Don't be so hard on yourself," said Trucy. "You only lost because I fainted. You probably could have beaten her easily if it wasn't for me. I'm ready to go now."

"You have to wait until the nurse says something," Phoenix told them. "They did a check up on you."

"All I did was faint," moaned Trucy.

Phoenix: Does the author have some kind of checklist of the worst things that Trucy can do or have happen to her?

Edgeworth: They probably have a list like that for every single character.

Apollo: And it just gets worse as they get down the list.

Ema: Which is why everything is so much worse at the end of the fic. *munches Snackoos*

Lana: What were the earlier chapters of the fic like?

Edgeworth: I would say tolerable, but that would be a lie.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Iris asked. "You gave us all a heart attack."

"Yeah I'm fine," Trucy replied. "The nurse will say the same thing to me as well."

"Do you know what happened last night?" Apollo asked.

"What happened last night?" Trucy asked.

Phoenix: I actually want to find out myself, but at the same time, I really don't.

Edgeworth: Typical.

Apollo turned to Phoenix and Iris. "You guys tell her about our mom?" Apollo asked Phoenix.

"Not yet," Phoenix admitted. "I was going to tell her when we got home."

"What happened to our mom?" Trucy asked. "How come she hasn't turned up?"

Phoenix bent down to Trucy's bed, held her hand and said, "Mom won't be turning up: she was murdered. They've arrested Godot and Franziska for the murder, but they suspect Alita Tiala."

Lana: Then... why did they arrest Godot and Franziska?

Apollo: Because they think Ms. von Karma hired Alita to murder Trucy's mom.

Lana: And Godot was arrested because...?

Ema: Because screw logic, that's why. *munches Snackoos*

"Really?" Trucy gasped. "That's so sad. I can't believe it. So that's why Apollo's saying his life sucks right now."

"Got it in one," moaned Apollo.

"Good morning Trucy," called the nurse as she walked through the door. "We've had a check up on you and we've found what happened to you."

"What is it?" asked Trucy.

"I am sorry for inform you that you've had a miscarriage," announced the nurse in the hospital room.

Phoenix: ...

Apollo: ...

Phoenix: ... *opens mouth*

Edgeworth: No! No screaming!

Phoenix: I can't take much more of this, Edgeworth!

Ema: Do you think she had a miscarriage because of all the drinking, or...?

Phoenix: Not helping, Ema!!

The news had made Apollo, Iris, Trucy and Phoenix gasp in unison. A silent shock shaking their sanity to rock bottom. Everyone was speechless. Phoenix removed his beanie and looked at Trucy with a mixture of anger and sympathy. His eyes had widened and the words were stuck.

"I was pregnant?" Trucy stuttered

"You were pregnant," the nurse told them. "You were in your eight week of pregnancy."

"I didn't... know I was pregnant," Trucy cried. "I didn't get morning sickness or anything like that."

"Did you have any cravings at all?" asked the nurse.

"I had one for vodka if that helps..."

"The alcohol might have killed your baby," said the nurse.

Ema: Ooh. *munches Snackoos*

Lana: ...so, how old is Trucy?

Apollo: She's 16 in this fic, I think.

Lana: Who was giving her vodka?

Apollo: Actually, there weren't very many people who weren't giving her vodka.

[Everyone reacts fairly normally for a miscarriage, so we'll just skip it.]

Apollo thought who would have screwed Trucy eight weeks ago. The very answer of his own question disturbed him. He knew only one person that could have gotten Trucy pregnant at that time: him.

Apollo: ...!!

Phoenix: ...

Ema: Well, on the plus side-

Lana: Ema, you probably shouldn't finish that sentence.

Ema: Sorry. *munches Snackoos*

Apollo slapped his forehead, sighed and leaned his back against the wall. He had no idea how he was going to handle defending his father in court. Things had gotten worse.

Apollo: NO, REALLY?!

Edgeworth: Inside voice, Justice.

Who would have thought of Lana Skye to be such the nasty type? Everybody in prison thought she such a lovely and kind-hearted... what a lot of fail those girls were. If she was really that kind-hearted she would never have landed in that dirty cell in the first place. I knew Lana was a piece of dirty work right from the moment I saw her.

Lana: Excuse me?

Edgeworth: It's a waste of time to bother defending yourself from the fic, Ms. Skye.

Ema: Why is it suddenly in first-person?

Prosecutors were usually commit the biggest crimes,

Edgeworth: Excuse me?

Phoenix: Weren't you just telling Lana not to bother defending herself?

Edgeworth: ...right.

because it's so easy for them to get away with it. Lana used to be a police officer as well. I'm not so sure what happened next. She told me she hated being a prosecutor and that she was blackmailed. The blackmailer was the father of her child and he said he would kill Ema if she ever rebelled.

Lana: ....................

Ema: Oh.

Lana: Are you sure there isn't a way out of this place?

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Lana Skye that leaving during the sporking is strictly forbidden.

Lana: ...

It's sad really. But I think it's the best thing that ever happened to her. The father of her son had turned her into a crazy bitch: and I liked it. Bitches are always more interesting than nice ones. I'm not really so sure why Lana and I get along: we just do.

As much as Wocky and his slut assume I murdered that lawyer's mother, I actually had nothing to do with it. It was by sheer luck that I met Lana that day. She told me her plans to destroy Klavier Gavin for revenge on cheating on her sister. I'm supporting her because I don't like him either, well of course I wouldn't; he caught me out.

I don't know about this deal she made with Kristoph, but I don't care about it since I don't know him that well. Larry hates his guts and with horrible fake blond hair I can see why.

Apollo: What on earth is going on here?!

Phoenix: Why is it in first-person? Seriously, there was no explanation for this.

Edgeworth: Maybe we'll get one at the end of the passage.

Phoenix: You should really know better than to be optimistic in regards to this fic.

After I met up with Lana, I heard Wocky and Pearl's voices. I went over to them just to pay them a visit. I wanted to know how much work he was putting in to my lovely pocket. As I expected, he wasn't going to give me any of it. They were such cheeky little monsters. I should have killed Pearl right there, but Wocky's heart is still damaged, I wouldn't wanna break it... just yet.

Screw Wocky's money though, Larry and I have got a fortune. So glad I left that stupid temple. It was all work and no play, the women in the temple were boring. They drove me insane. I hate Larry for forcing me to go into that awful place. I pushed one of the nuns who were stalking me into the river.

Phoenix: So she just casually murdered one of the Hazakurian monks...?

Edgeworth: Sounds like it.

Phoenix: You'd think Larry would draw the line somewhere.

Edgeworth: Yes, you'd think that, but you'd probably be wrong.

Don't think she's ever coming back. That silly woman showed me were Bikini (what a stupid name for a nun) hid her money. I filled an empty suitcase of it and ran off in Larry's car.

Larry had always been there for me ever since I was convicted. I hate him; he's ugly, annoying and had no sense of style. I also think his dedication and determination to make me happy is also kinda cute. Still, he makes me cringe. That orange jacket he wears all the time is just bright and hideous. If I had known him before, I wouldn't have even approached him.

He does so much for me, if I was any nicer I would feel so sorry for him. I should let him go, I'm constantly taking advantage of him. Nah! That's way too soppy, that's not the real me. The real Alita is a bitch, and proud to be one. I'm not like Iris, who gets beat around the bush with no idea what I want in life.

Lana: So this must be the part of the fic where the antagonist turns to the audience and explains their motivation.

Ema: In first-person perspective, no less.

I know exactly what I want: money and a rich husband. I'm half way there, Larry isn't exactly rich, but he's been robbing banks

Phoenix & Edgeworth: *groan*

and saving money to buy me fabulous gifts, it's almost too much. I know he loves me, but I'm too much of a bitch to love him at the moment. Maybe I could love him someday. Right now I only love the attention he gives me. If more people were like this to me, I would have probably turned out better.

Lana: You can't blame your own actions on other people.

Apollo: I don't think we're supposed to be emulating Alita.

Lana: I know. It's an attitude that bothers me nonetheless.

Not that it matters anymore. It won't be long until I can finally have a chance to have the wonderful life I deserve. I will have money that will never run out and a man who genuinely loves me. Oh how the ladies would envy me. I can't help it that I still live in a teenage dream, I love it. I don't wanna grow up at all.

But no one can be perfect can they?

Edgeworth: Hmm. That's the end of the chapter.

Phoenix: Wait, that's it? No explanation for the sudden perspective change?

Ema: I thought for sure it was going to be a letter or a diary entry.

Edgeworth: No. Apparently it's still narration. The narration just happens to be first-person monologuing for some reason.

Spoiler: Chapter 22