Maya: …What’s his problem?
Phoenix: Something tells me it’s the Management’s fault.
Apollo: Of course it’s their fault. How could it not be.
Kay: So, uh, you guys need a summary of the last two chapters?
Speakers:
Nope, they don’t. Not from you, anyway…Kay: … *sticks tongue out*
Quote:
Chapter 3: Maya
Maya: Oh, hey! It’s a chapter about me!
Phoenix: Brace yourself, Maya… the Management warned you not to channel anyone.
Maya: Don’t worry, Nick! I can take any punishment that comes my way!
Phoenix: (Really? Then why is it that whenever something that’s a hassle for you, you call on Mia to take your place…?)
Quote:
Maya was very glad that as she had grown, her bust size had even surpassed that of Mia's. They were very useful for fulfilling her new addiction: men.
Maya: …
Phoenix: (And there’s that slap to the face.)
Maya: …Nick, please don’t narrate the pain I feel.
Quote:
Today's prey was some brown-haired prosecutor she had met at the courthouse. His name was something starting with an S, she didn't quite remember it.
Kay: W-what!? No, it can’t be!
Maya: Who?
Kay: Er… i-it’s no one you need to know! Heh heh…
Speakers:
Sebastian Debeste, you mean? He’s a rookie prosecutor that Edgeworth & co. met during their second game of investigations.Apollo: Will you quit flaunting your right before us? We get it.
Quote:
He was cute enough, but rather quirky. She liked that, though. He always carried a baton with him, apparently.
Kay: No… it IS him!
Maya: A baton…? This isn’t going where I think it is, is it?
Kay: Er… Don’t worry, Maya! We’re here for you, right guys?
Phoenix, Apollo: R-right…
Maya: …What’s with the hesitation?
Quote:
[Cue sex scene with said baton.]
Maya: Eeeek! …Huh?
Kay: Wow, close call by the narrator!
Phoenix: What’s this? The Management is actually cutting out graphic scenes?
Speakers:
Because this isn’t a punishment sporking.Maya: It isn’t?
Phoenix: What does that matter? You usually don’t cut it out anyway!
Speakers:
Because it’s not just any surprise sporking either.Kay: Then what is it?
Speakers:
Well… we like to call it a “Gotcha! sporking”.Apollo: Okay. You have to be doing that on purpose!
Speakers:
Still denying whatever you’re talking about.Quote:
It was then when her phone started ringing. Nick never called unless it was absolutely necessary, because he was just that stingy, so she picked it up.
Phoenix: Hey, now. The real reason I don’t call people that often is because of my payment plan.
Maya: That’s why I keep telling you should switch to unlimited!
Phoenix: And pay double the price when I only need so many hours? No thanks.
Maya: But then the only other way we can communicate is by letter and those take you forever to respond!
Apollo: …Um, whatever happened to email or webchat?
Kay: Oh, don’t mind them. I hear they’re technologically challenged.
Phoenix: I prefer the term “tech newbie”, thank you.
Maya: At least I have an excuse by living out in the countryside. What do you have, Nick?
Phoenix: I… I’m just not into those things, that’s all.
Apollo: You know this is why Athena spammed your phone with messages the other day?
Phoenix: …I’m sorry. I try to learn, I really do.
Quote:
[Phoenix calls to get Maya back to the office to watch Trucy. Maya agrees and offers to bring Pearl along.]
Phoenix: Where was I going? And what happened to Apollo or Athena?
Speakers:
You all got cases.Phoenix: All of us!?
Apollo: Why is our firm suddenly filling up with cases?
Kay: ’Cause it got merged with Mr. Edgeworth’s dad’s office.
Guys: …What.
Speakers:
And there was a government-issued rehab project involving attorneys teaming up with formerly convicted criminals.Guys & Maya: What!?
Maya: What kind of stupid, crazy, makes-no-sense plot is this!?
Speakers:
It’s known as “The Hellspawn” for a reason.Kay: Well, I still don’t get how Mr. Ficwright knew about Fictrucy being left alone if he left before he knew Ficpollo got his.
Speakers:
…Good point. I’m looking through the script, and nowhere does it explain that.Maya: Hmm… Leave it up to “The Hellspawn” to leave open plot holes!
Quote:
"I think I love you." The S-guy said after she hung up. Maya just ignored him and called Pearl.
Kay: Ouch… Well, if we aren’t getting confirmation of that guy, then maybe it’s really someone else-
Speakers:
It’s definitely Sebastian.Kay: You didn’t need to say anything.
Speakers:
That’s for cutting me off earlier while I was relaying the summary.Kay: Hey, gimme a break! All I got was one line!
Quote:
[Maya gets dressed and leaves the hotel for the train station to meet up with Pearl. On the ride, she meets with a “big mustached man in a kimono”.]
Apollo: W-wait… that isn’t who I think it is, is it?
Kay: Uh-oh… not another of Ayam’s consorts, I hope.
Maya: When did I become poster girl for having “consorts”…?
Apollo: If it really is him, then the “consort” part is the last thing you should worry about.
Maya: Huh? Why?
Apollo: He’s former Yakuza.
Maya: …Nick, I’m scared.
Phoenix: Sorry I can’t help you there.
Quote:
Maya sat next to him and tried to start a conversation.
"Nice weather, huh?" Maya asked.
"The weather of my soul, though, is as bad as it could be." He replied.
Apollo: I never knew he was this… poetic.
Maya: Oh, it’s not that bad. You should hear Nick in the winter.
Phoenix: Maya…
Maya: I’m just kidding! Yours only gives people chills. And it’s in winter, so it could even be the wind.
Phoenix: And maybe you ought to stop before you blow it out of proportion.
*whoosh*
Kay: …Is it me or is there a breeze in here?
Speakers:
That should be the A/C, but now we’re not entirely sure either…Quote:
"And why is that?"
"Last week, I discovered that my wife has a secret son with other man."
"Ouch. That gotta be hard."
Apollo: Wait, what? Are we talking about the same woman?
Phoenix: Care to enlighten us?
Apollo: That woman unsheathes a sword hidden in her broomstick as soon as anyone says anything bad about the Kitakis. She would not be caught dead with another man under their tight principles.
Phoenix: Hmm… yep. That’s the Yakuza for you.
Maya: And spirit mediums! Don’t forget us!
Phoenix: (Well, given how scarcely marriages work out for you all anyway…)
Maya: That’s beside the point!
Phoenix: Would you quit reading my thoughts? It’s gotten annoying.
Maya: Silly, Nick! I don’t need to read your thoughts to know what you’re thinking!
Phoenix: (…And now, it’s gotten creepy…)
Quote:
"You have no idea. My entire life is crumbling down."
"Sometimes, things need to crumble down to build better things on top of them."
"What do you mean?"
She kissed him. At first, he tried to resist, but then he kissed her back.
Girls: Eww!
Maya: Skip! Skip!
Speakers:
It’s just a kiss.Maya: Between a former Yakuza and a spirit medium! Have you no shame!?
Speakers:
You’re asking us this now?Maya: …
Kay: You guys are mean.
Quote:
"I don't know your name, miss." He said once they pulled back.
"I'm Maya. What's your name, sir?"
"People call me Big Wins."
Apollo: *sigh*
Kay: Er… this isn’t going to end up as some sort of innuendo joke, right?
Speakers:
If you’re curious, we could bring back the scripts.Phoenix: Why did you take them away again?
Speakers:
Because going in blind makes for more excitement?Guys: No, it doesn’t.
Speakers:
“Yes, it does” times infinity.Quote:
After that, they were making out until Pearl's train get.
Kay: “Train get”? Hey, that meme only works with the right context!
Phoenix: What context?
Kay: When you acquire something in your inventory, duh!
Maya: Unless it’s evidence, then it’s added to the Court Record!
Kay: Wait, the train is evidence? Of what?
Apollo: Of a meme with no context whatsoever.
Kay: …Spoilsport.
Quote:
"Danm it, Mystic Maya!" Pearly shouted when she saw them. "You can cheat on Mr. Nick like that!" Her boyfriend was really rubbing off on her. He was a foulmouth.
Phoenix: … (Poor Pearls. Can’t even get the swearing right…)
Apollo: Uh… that boyfriend better not be who I think it could be…
Kay: Who?
Apollo: A certain wannabe gangster kid who is also this Yakuza man’s son.
Maya: No! Don’t bring Pearly into this too! *yanks something*
Phoenix: Maya, let go of my tie!
Quote:
"Who's Mr. Nick?" Big Wins asked.
"Don't mind her." Maya replied. "This city isn't for two girls to walk alone. Would you accompany us?"
"But of course."
And so they did.
Maya: Really? ’Cause Pearly and I stop by Nick’s place all the time and we don’t run into any problems.
Kay: Yeah, I run around on my own when I’m not with Mr. Edgeworth.
Guys: *sharing looks of concern*
Apollo: Maybe it’s best that you not do that anymore…
Phoenix: (Maybe it’s best that I get some insurance for kidnappings…)
Speakers:
Why haven’t you?Phoenix: …Because I didn’t get around to it? Paying extra for things that shouldn’t happen is…
Maya: A good idea?
Phoenix: …Okay, okay. (I can’t be that transparent, can I? Nah, no way…)
Quote:
When they got to the agency, Trucy was kissing Mr. Hat.
All: *flabbergasted*
Speakers:
Like getting slapped twice in the face.Quote:
When she noticed them, she blushed.
"W-what!?" She stuttered. "I was just feeling lonely. Boys at school never get close to me because they say that I'm weird."
Phoenix: Trucy, lonely? She’s about the most social girl I know at that school.
Apollo: Yeah, so many of the guests at her magic shows are her classmates.
Maya: I’d think boys are just dying to get close to her.
Phoenix: Maya, don’t put it like that. You’re making me worry…
Apollo: After that case where your daughter’s panties were stolen, you sure didn’t seem to care.
Phoenix: They’re a prop, Apollo. Don’t forget that.
Quote:
"I'm pretty sure that you can aim higher than a puppet." Maya said. "Pearly, teach Trucy how to get a boyfriend. Meanwhile, I'll show Big Wins the bedroom."
"Why?"
"You'll now when you get a boyfriend." Maya dragged Big Wins to the bedroom without further ado.
Maya: If Apollo was right about fic-Pearly’s boyfriend, I don’t think she’d make a good role model…
Apollo: After what we’ve seen of fic-you, she wouldn’t either…
Phoenix: Better yet, why is fic-Maya taking this man to a bedroom in the office?
Kay: You have a bedroom in your office?
Phoenix: No. I mean to ask why is there a bedroom at all there? It’s an office building, not an apartment.
Apollo: Uh… not to be rude, Mr. Wright, but it wouldn’t be right if they started… doing something right there.
Phoenix: …That’s beside the point.
Quote:
When he took off his clothes, she realized where the name came from. She took off her robe and caressed his face, but then someone knocked at the door.
Kay: Oof. I hate it when I’m right about these things…
Maya: Why hasn’t the Management cut this bit out…?
Speakers:
Hm? Oh, sorry, folks. It must have slipped my mind.Phoenix: Lies aren’t very becoming of managers.
Speakers:
Shove off, ya poor excuse of a boss.Phoenix: Excuse me? You really want to play this game?
Apollo: Mr. Wright, please don’t get lured in like that…
Quote:
"Mystic Maya, there's a man here saying something about a door." Pearl informed.
Kay: Oh, right. Gummy broke the front door when he was here earlier.
Phoenix: W-what? How did that happen?
Kay: He wrenched it too hard when he was leaving.
Apollo: Geez, was he that desperate to leave?
Kay: He did take a lot of abuse from it, though…
Apollo: From the DOOR?
Speakers:
Because he’s supposed to be that stupid in this fic.Phoenix: Now that’s just insulting… (…Even if it is him.)
Maya: So, uh… how did fic-me and fic-Pearly not notice earlier that it’s broken?
Speakers:
Because she’s supposed to be that stupid in this fic.Maya: Hey!
Speakers:
What? I didn’t say you were.Quote:
"Tell him to enter."
Then a boy not much older than Pearly came in. He had black hair and was wearing a green jacket and green pants.
Phoenix: No… that can’t be…
Maya: B-but… it is…
Kay: Who?
Quote:
"My name is Cody Hackins, they repairman. Apparently there is a door to fix here."
Phoenix, Maya: Cody!?
Kay: Again, who?
Phoenix: A witness from a past case of mine.
Maya: He was but a boy then… and an avid fan of the Steel Samurai. I wonder where he is now?
Phoenix: (…Are you speaking from your timeline or mine?)
Quote:
He started to say, but when he saw her naked, his pants fell off. Turned out he wasn't wearing underwear. His thing was bigger than any other that Maya had ever seen.
Girls: Eek!
Maya: Augh! My eyyyes!
Kay: I can’t unsee! I can’t unsee!
Apollo: Ugh… he’s supposed to be around Pearl’s age!? That’s just not right…
Phoenix: *unamused*
Quote:
The name Cody Hackins had a familiar ring, but she didn't know why. He was short and his facial hair was just starting to grow. That was the face of a virgin.
Now Maya had a difficult choice to make. The experience of Big Wings or the youth of Cody. But then it hit her. She didn't need to decide. She could have both.
Maya: Nooooo! I can’t take any more of this!
Speakers:
No channeling.Maya: I-I know, but… *whimper*
Phoenix: (Well, maybe she’ll come to learn NOT to ditch us next time she’s really uncomfortable here…)
Maya: …Nick, why do you have to be making that evil-looking smirk?