Board index » Present Evidence » Present Testimony

Page 31 of 69[ 2726 posts ]
Go to page Previous  1 ... 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34 ... 69  Next

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Just out of curiosity, what fandom is it?

Also, if you can find a fic that's inoffensive except for having a weird fetish or a hilariously improbable pairing, that's pretty mild-to-moderate. (Hilariously improbable pairings are my bread and butter when it comes to sporking stuff from small fandoms.)
Alternately, you could just tackle something truly horrendous right out of the gate. Although that strategy might work better for an individual sporker than a sporking community... but tackling the worst of the worst can be quite a draw, which may mean more sporkers for your theatre, and it also establishes dominance in the sporking community that you ain't afraid of no fic. :tigre:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Too many thoughts and nothing to do~

Gender: None specified

Location: The Noponis

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 4:01 am

Posts: 34

Well, it's the Xenoblade Chronicles fandom... hence all those Smash crossover fics where Shulk ends up "really feeling it".
And thanks for the advice! It's a pretty big help.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good if I ever use Comic Sans, Arial, Times New Roman, Brush Script, Papyrus, Curlz, Ravie, et cetera."
Friends don't let friends use bad fonts.
Unironically, anyways.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2012 9:38 am

Posts: 16

I've been a big fan of the sporking theater since the backup forums, but I've never written a spork myself.
Can't promise anything since I rarely do anything not related to college :sadshoe: , but I'm considering re-sporking The Greatest Mystery. It's an obvious trollfic, but I find it hilarious. It's a shame the original spork is gone ...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Ooh, I vaguely remember that fic.
Go nuts with it! It's not like we're ever gonna get the original back. Are you planning on bringing in L4D characters as crossover guest sporkers, or just doing it the traditional PW-characters-only way? Either way's good!

BTW, welcome to the sporking theatre~
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

Evolina wrote:
I've been a big fan of the sporking theater since the backup forums, but I've never written a spork myself.
Can't promise anything since I rarely do anything not related to college :sadshoe: , but I'm considering re-sporking The Greatest Mystery. It's an obvious trollfic, but I find it hilarious. It's a shame the original spork is gone ...

Welcome to the management! :karma:
Your avatar is Luna, I already know I'll like you.
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

I really want to move on to sporting different fics (especially Gantantic) so I'm giving up on Turnabout Storm. So here's my official rating:

:sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
I rate it three sahwits. While the stuff based on the original wasn't too bad, the "expanded" scenes were terrible. Not only does the author proceed to throw in Twilight/Phoenix shipping against the original creator's wishes but also adds Edgeworth/Rarity shipping even though Edgeworth never went to Equestria in the original. And, as a parting 'gift' to the audience, The author also decides to change the ending so Phoenix leaves behind Maya, Larry and everyone else and stays in Equestria. The ending alone deserves a sahwits for how insultingly OOC it is.

Turnabout Storm part Seven

The sporkers for today's fic are:

(Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey are zapped into the sporking theater. However, the theater is a little bit different this time. Clouds of cotton candy rain down chocolate milk, long-legged bunnies run around in circles, and the seats of the theater have now been replaced with Escher-style chairs.)

Edgeworth: What kind of absurdity is this?

Maya: Wow, he changed the seats from last time!

Phoenix: Who changed the seats, Maya? Do you know who did this?

Maya: Discord.

Phoenix: Who?

Maya: Nick, I told you after I returned from the last sporking, remember? The Ponification of Chaos that took over the sporking theater? Remember?

Why the Master of the Kurian remembers little ol’ me? And you even got me new playthings! Why, I’m simply honored by your generosity, Mindless Maya!

(With a puff of plaid smoke, Discord appears in front of the three sporkers while wearing a tuxedo.)

Phoenix: (What in the world?)

Edgeworth: ...I can’t believe it. Somehow, Management got him….

Yes, it’s everypony’s favorite reality warper and god of chaos, Discord. Thank you, thank you…

Phoenix: And just when I thought Management was just a dog…

What? No applause from the peanut gallery? Well, we’ll have to change that now, won’t we?

(All of a sudden, Discord disappears, leaving behind only a shower of confetti and an ominous laugh behind in his wake…)

Maya: Geez, I wonder what that was all about.

Phoenix: …

Maya: Nick?

Phoenix: …Maya, where’s Edgeworth?

(Phoenix looks around. It appears that Edgeworth has gone missing until…)

Phoenix: Huh? What’s that in Edgeworth’s seat?

Maya: It’s a cat! Discord must have turned Mr. Edgeworth into a cat.

(Sure enough, the once-frilly prosecutor has turned into fluffy, gray kitty cat with a scowl that would make a certain memetic cat proud.)

Phoenix: *picks Edgeworth up* Aw, who’s a cute little prosecutor? You are! You… Ouch!

Phoenix drops Edgeworth and holds his bleeding forearm. It appears Edgeworth had scratched him in annoyance.)

Maya: Bad Edgeworth! Don’t scratch Nick!

Edgeworth: *hisses*

(Luckily, the lights dim before a literal catfight can break out.)

(The author of this fic generously posts a link to Mia’s second trial to explain how Phoenix and Mia met. Blech. Who needs this boring backstory stuff anyhow? All it does is prolong the wait until the real fun happens…)

Phoenix: Well, he’s somewhat right. Shouldn’t the readers of this fic have played the third game by now? Or at least know Mia is my mentor?

Edgeworth: Meow, meow… (It’s as if the writer expects that his audience doesn’t understand anything he’s talking about. That’s never a good sign.)

Maya: Nick, look at Edgeworth! He’s trying to communicate with us. Aw, isn’t that so cute!

Edgeworth: *growls*

(Blah, blah, drama, blah, blah… Porcupine Lawyer feels bad that he’d accuse poor little Fluttershy and betray his precious friends… angst, angst, angst… Ooh! A flashback!)

Phoenix: Well, I’d like to see you accuse Adrian, I mean Fluttershy, and not feel sorry about it, Mister Discord!

Edgeworth: (You really have no idea what you’re up against, do you?)

Fey & Law offices

3 years earlier

“My name is Phoenix Wright and I’M FINE!” Phoenix shouted.

“My name is Phoenix Wright AND I’M FINE!!!” he shouted louder…

“MY NAME IS PHOENIX WRIGHT AND I’M FINE!!!!!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.

Maya: I thought you were going to mimic the style of the fic, Discord. What gives?

Well, what can I say? I wouldn’t be chaos incarnate if I were predictable, now would I?

Maya: Phooey. I was really looking forward to seeing Nick wear 3-D glasses.

Phoenix: Uh, Maya? Shouldn’t you be more concerned that the author apparently confused me with Apollo? Or that they left out the “Co.” in Fey & Co. Law Offices?

Just then, the door of his office burst open and a tall, beautiful woman entered, dressed in a rather revealing black business suit accented with a tan scarf and a comma-shaped gemstone worn as a pendant around her neck. “Phoenix, are you okay?” asked Mia Fey, the head of Phoenix’s law firm.

Maya: Hey! My sister’s outfit isn’t revealing! She just has really large boobs, that’s all!

Phoenix: (I’m not going to comment on that one…)

The rookie attorney looked up in surprise. “Oh! Hey, chief. I was just practicing for my very first trial, which is tomorrow,” he added needlessly—she knew perfectly well he was making his court debut as a defense attorney the following day. “The guys back in law school said this tape would really help me out…” Phoenix explained, a little sheepishly.

Phoenix: If I knew it was pointless to tell Chief that my first trial was tomorrow, then why did I feel the need to tell her anyways?

Maya: I dunno. Maybe you were nervous?

Mia sighed in relief. “Thank goodness! When I heard the screeching coming from the office, I thought someone was murdering you!” she teased, crossing her arms and putting on an amused grin.

Ugh… that wasn’t screeching, that was step four! Phoenix said to himself.

Phoenix: Or as I like to call it, “Step No-Paycheck-For-Apollo-This-Week.”

Maya: Nick, that’s mean!

Phoenix: But his screaming was driving away all our customers!

Mammary Glands asks Porcupine Lawyer about his client. Porcupine Lawyer tells her that the client is his friend and then calls him a dunce. (Oh, the tragedy!) Mammary Glands, being as uptight as Little Miss Friendship-is-Magic Twilight Sparkle, scolds him for this.

Maya: Mia wasn’t uptight; she was the best big sister in the world!

Phoenix: (No comment on how he calls her “Mammary Glands”?)

He glanced up at her. “I mean, what if he really killed that woman? What do I do? Do I still lie and try to defend him, or should I side with justice and let him be punished…?” Phoenix sought advice from Mia, an accomplished attorney who had not only once defended him but had also given him his first job upon graduation from law school, taking him on as a junior partner when nobody else would give him the time of day.

Phoenix: Well, I’ve found my answer to that question at least.

Mammary Glands proceeds to preach about trust and blah, blah, blah… This is getting to be as fuzzy-wuzzy as those Elements of Boring if you ask me…

Edgeworth: (Nobody did ask you, you self-absorbed tyrant.)

“Hey, um… do you by any chance know who the prosecutor is?” Phoenix asked his boss.

She looked surprised by the question. “The… prosecutor?” Mia thought for a bit. “I believe it’s Winston Payne. You know… ‘The Rookie Killer’?” she said in a slightly teasing tone.

“R-Rookie Killer?” Phoenix repeated in disbelief, the answer not helping his nerves. I don’t like the sound of that title!

Edgeworth: (Pity he hasn’t earned it.)

Phoenix: Don’t worry. He hasn’t earned it.

Edgeworth: (!)

Maya: Look, Edgeworth just got up all of a sudden! Aw, Is the poor kitty frightened?

Edgeworth: *hisses*

Blah, blah, callback, blah, flashback ends.

Phoenix: The flashback was a nice break from the trial stuff, but I just don’t get what any of this has to do with the story.

Maya: I know what it’s for!

Phoenix: Really?

Maya: C’mon, Nick, it’s obvious! *singing* Padding, padding, padding, padding…

Phoenix: (Oh. Right.)

Ponyville District Court

June 10th, 11:55 AM

“Twilight!” Phoenix called after the violet unicorn as she walked towards the courthouse exit, her equine head bowed low in sorrow. “Twilight, please! Just let me explain…” he pleaded, catching up to her in the middle of the entrance lobby, putting a hand on her shoulders.

She threw it off hard, all but flinging it away with her magic. Surprised, he drew back as she turned her head fractionally towards him, just enough that he could see the tears streaming down her cheeks. “Phoenix… I was wrong about you…” Twilight choked out, her words hitting the human lawyer like she’d kicked him in the gut a second time.

“Twilight wait! I—” Phoenix tried again, but the violet unicorn trotted away without another backwards glance. Exiting the courthouse, she disappeared from sight, emphatically closing the lobby doors behind her with a flare of her horn, leaving the human lawyer abandoned and alone.

Phoenix: I know I should be upset that my partner just abandoned me, but honestly I’m just glad that I don’t have to see anymore of the interspecies shipping.

Edgeworth: (We all are, Wright.)

His head slumped as the full weight of her rejection hit him, leaving him leaning on a column for support. She’s gone… oh, who am I kidding, she’s right… I did absolutely TERRIBLE in there! Now two of her friends are suspects; what do I do now? he asked himself, feeling unspeakably awful about Fluttershy. He found another bench in front of the column and sat down on it, off his feet for the first time in several hours. I don’t have any leads at all, nobody to turn to. I’m all by myself… which means, I can’t even get back home… his thoughts fell silent for a moment, the human lawyer hunched over and brooding, his forehead resting against his palms.

Maya: I don’t know, Nick. Even if you were mean to Fluttershy, I can’t see Celestia keeping you in Equestria because of it.

I can. Do you believe that Ol’ Crusty-pants Celestia turned me into stone for 1000 years just because I wanted to have a little fun? And she even has the gall to call me a tyrant! I’m not the one who turned people into stone!

At that moment, a bright pink earth pony with a very fluffy mane and tail appeared in front of him.

Maya: Ah! It’s Pinkie Pie!

Phoenix: Who?

Maya: Nick! Pinkie Pie is best pony! How can you not know who she is?

Phoenix: I’ve already told you once, Maya. I don’t watch this stuff.

Edgeworth: (Argh! Of course Pinkie Pie is Maya’s favorite.)

“Hey, Mr. Frowny-Wowny. What’s the matter?” she asked, quite bubbly for someone who just met a total stranger.

Phoenix blinked and looked up at unfamiliar equine, swearing he could hear an odd but upbeat and catchy tune that almost seemed to be carried in with her. Huh? Where did she come from? She smells like cotton candy… the human lawyer sniffed the air, suddenly and not unpleasantly reminded of the fairs he’d attended as a kid.

Edgeworth: ("Not unpleasantly"? Why not just say pleasantly, author?)

“Cotton Candy?” The new pony looked puzzled for a moment. “Oh! You must have smelled the shampoo I’m using!” she said, running a hoof through her floofy hair.

“Oh… that explains it, then…” Phoenix shrugged, his common sense kicking in a little late yet again. “Wait! Did I just say that, or think tha~…?” his brain tied itself in knots over the question, and all he could suddenly think to ask was…

Phoenix: What the—?

Maya: Oh, don’t worry. That’s just Pinkie Pie.

Phoenix: B-But reading minds is impossible!

Edgeworth: Meow, meow, meooow! (Trust me, Wright, stop trying to mix logic with Pinkie Pie; it’s easier that way.)

Maya: Aw, he’s still trying to talk with us!

Edgeworth: *growls*

Stinky Pie introduces herself and asks Porcupine-Lawyer if he has seen a spiky-haired monster around. Why, what a coincidence, I think I’ve seen one around here, too…

Phoenix: Why do they keep making that joke? It isn’t even funny.

Maya: That’s what you think!

Phoenix: (Why do I even bother?)

Porcupine Lawyer rudely starts screaming in the whatever lobby. Stinky Pie tries to cheer him up.

Phoenix: It’s the defendant’s lobby.


Embarrassed by his outburst, he righted the bench and sat back down heavily on it, clutching his head in his hands. “How can I? I did such a lousy job in court today, and Twilight probably hates my guts for what I did,” Phoenix vented, thinking that the violet unicorn had every right to—he hated his own guts for what he’d done to Fluttershy, certain he would never live it down.

“Hey, you know Twilight? Me too!” Pinkie exclaimed.

Phoenix: ...Um, did she miss the part about Twilight hating my guts? Why is she so happy about meeting someone Twilght hates?

Maya: That’s Pinkie Pie.

Phoenix: (I expect I’m going to hear that a lot.)

He looked up in surprise. “You know Twilight Sparkle?”

She nodded eagerly. “Yep! We’re the bestest of best friends!” Pinkie proclaimed, but then looked behind her. “Oh, that reminds me! I’m supposed to go to court today, and cheer for Rainbow Dash! Sorry, gotta run!” The pink earth pony went bounding down a corridor using a springing gait, all but bouncing on all four hooves as she moved.

Phoenix: ………How does one miss an entire trial like that?

Edgeworth: (She probably got distracted by greeting everyone she saw on the way.)

Porcupine Lawyer informs Stinky that she missed the whole trial and introduces himself as Rain-blow’s lawyer.

To his surprise, the pink earth pony seemed genuinely impressed. “OOoooooOoooohhhh… neato! So what’cha doing now, Feenie?” Pinkie asked, coming up with her own nickname for Phoenix.

Phoenix: *wincing* I-Is she going to refer to me by that… that name for the rest of the fic?

Yep. *bursts out laughing* Isn’t it wonderful, Feenie?

Phoenix: (I know now it was Iris who called me that, but still…)

Phoenix was startled by that. “‘Feenie’? T-that’s~…” the human lawyer couldn’t finish his sentence, remembering painfully the last person who had called him that… and what she had done to him. “Never mind,” he shook his head sharply, not wanting to dwell on that unhappy chapter of his life again. “Well, I don’t know what I should be doing right now, to be honest. I have no leads at all…” Phoenix told her, slumped over in his seat while looking down on the floor, at least happy to have a friendly ear, even one that belonged to an odd pink pony.

Phoenix: …

Edgeworth: (Well, at least we know this fic is taking place before Iris v. State.)

Pinkie studied the human lawyer for a moment, seemingly trying to figure out what would cheer him up. “Why don’t you… go talk to Dashie about the trial?” she suggested, sensing that he was the kind of person who needed to be doing his job and making headway to be happy.

Maya: Well, Nick is a boring old workaholic, so…

Phoenix: Hey!

Edgeworth: (Feeling better, Wright?)

The human lawyer looked up sharply at that. “Wait a minute… she had psyche-locks!” he remembered.

Phoenix: Why does the author think I’m so incompetent? I don’t need someone to tell me I need to break psyche-locks!

“Psyche-locks?” Pinkie tilted her head curiously, getting an awfully sweet smile on her face. “Is that some kinda breakfast cereal? Sounds yummy! Is it made with real locks and not grossy-wossly artificial locks?” she asked him eagerly.

Phoenix: …

Maya: That’s Pinkie Pie.

Phoenix: (…who eats locks?)

Phoenix had no idea how to answer that, but was genuinely grateful to the pink earth pony for snapping him out of his funk. “Thanks for the advice, erm… Pinkie Pie. I’m gonna go to the detention center now!” he announced, getting up and walking away with purpose, leaving a beaming Pinkie behind as he exited the court lobby and headed across the cobblestone street.

Maya: Yay! Now we get to find the secret behind the psyche-locks!

Phoenix: Yes, the painfully obvious secret.

(The lights flicker back on to reveal Discord doing some redecorating.)

*snap* Too boring, *snap* too dull, *snap* too mundane, *snap* too stale, *snap* too normal…

Phoenix: D-did I just see a cow with a disco ball for a head float by? (And he says it’s too normal around here?)

Ooh, I know! *snap* Now, that’s it! *snap*

(With another snap of his fingers, Discord disappears with a lavender poof.)

Phoenix: (Is it just me or did it suddenly get colder in here?)

Maya: …

Phoenix: …Maya? (What’s with that face?)

Maya: Nick… your… *bursts out laughing*

Phoenix: What? My— AAHHHHHHH!

(Gone is Phoenix’s trademark suit, for now he is decked in only burgundy briefs with the words “Edgeworth is my Sugar-Daddy” printed in bright white text.)


Edgeworth: (I see Discord has been reading up on past sporkings…)


Well, if you say so…

(With a polka-dotted poof, Phoenix becomes buck naked as—)


(Discord snaps his fingers, bringing back the sporking and Phoenix’s Discord-made underpants.)

Phoenix: (What did I ever do to deserve this?!)

Ponyville Detention Center

June 10th, 12:00 PM

It took Phoenix less than a minute to walk to the Detention Center, given the facility was just across the plaza that fronted the courthouse. The two white-furred male pegasus guards let him in with a minimum of hassle this time, though his ears flushed when he heard them snickering over his heart-shaped Equestrian Attorney Badge behind his back.

Maya: *laughing* Look, even Nick’s ears are flushing right now!

Phoenix: (Thanks for rubbing it in…)

His embarrassment was only deepened as he was escorted down the hallway by two uniformed earth pony stallions to the partitioned meeting room where Rainbow Dash would be waiting for him. They looked very odd to him wearing just police uniform shirts and ties; it seemed to Phoenix that what they were wearing only drew attention to what they weren’t... and the human lawyer found himself wincing as their ambling movements drew attention to certain... attributes their tails didn’t fully hide as they walked in front of him. Phoenix was relieved when they left him outside the meeting room and their hindquarters weren’t staring him in the face any longer.

All: …

Phoenix: Why does this author keep forcing sex into this? Isn’t this based on a kid’s show?

Edgeworth: (I don’t think many parents would be okay with their kid reading a murder mystery either, Wright.)

Rain-blow loudly proclaims that she wants to be proclaimed guilty because those oh-so-wonderful photos were released to the public. Unfortunately, Porcupine Lawyer talks her out of it.

Maya: “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore!”

“Thanks for trying to cheer me up though, I appreciate it,” she told him sincerely, sitting on her haunches and favoring him with a weak smile.

“You’re welcome.” Phoenix acknowledged.

“By the way…” Dash added in a mild tone, giving him a sidewise look.

“Yes, what is it?”

Rainbow Dash flared her wings in anger, rearing up and slamming her hooves into the clear partition separating them, causing it to rattle hard and Phoenix to flinch back.“What was that TERRI-bad performance in court today?! Were you TRYING to get me sent to the sun? I could’ve done a better job defending MYSELF!” Dash blasted him, instantly changing her attitude.

Phoenix: Terri-bad?

Edgeworth: (While Dash’s vocabulary has always been… unorthodox, I don’t remember her smashing words together like that.)

“I-I… uhh…” Phoenix could only stammer as Rainbow continued to berate him.

“Every defense attorney must suck horse apples, if YOU’RE supposed to be the best one!” she went on angrily, causing Phoenix to cringe at the image THAT brought to mind, especially with the memory of two stallion hindquarters fresh in his head.

Phoenix: Well, it wouldn’t be in my mind if you stop trying to force those images into the story in the first place.

Maya: Yeah! Stop it with the bestiality stuff!

Rainblow is upset at Fluttershy for ‘betraying’ her by testifying at the trial. Then, Phoenix starts using his crutch, I mean magatama.

Phoenix: Hey, the magatama is not a crutch! (And why doesn’t Fluttershy get a mean nickname, too?)

Phew… it still works after that incident this morning… Phoenix thought in relief, remembering what had happened in the courtroom lobby before the trial.

As Twilight enveloped the Magatama with her magic to float it over, the gemstone artifact suddenly glowed a bright green within her violet aura.

“Huh?” was all Phoenix got out before the Magatama flashed a brilliant white. “WHAT THE…?” he stumbled backwards and went blind for a moment; when his vision cleared he was lying on the ground again… and so was Twilight a few feet away…

Phoenix: Was that flashback really necessary? Is it really that hard for your audience to remember events from a couple chapters ago?

Blah, blah… magatama section starts… nobody cares…

[Locks Left – 3]

“Sorry, but I don’t believe you, my little pony. Not for a single solitary second,” Phoenix crossed his arms.

Maya: He said it!

Edgeworth: (He said it!)

Phoenix: I said it?

Porcupine-Lawyer voices the Obvious Conclusion #1: Rainblow was meeting Ace Swine.

Phoenix: We’re skipping the magatama sequences?

Edgeworth: (At least we don’t have to go over things everyone has already guessed.)

[Locks Left – 2]

Though visibly flustered, Rainbow tried to recover. “I-I mean… ah, no, you’re wrong! H-he was just competition. Why would I want to meet him? I have better things I could be doing!” she groped for an excuse, trying to sound confident but failing badly.

He raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

Her eyes got evasive again. “I don’t know… napping? Something like that.”

Edgeworth: (Or your job.)

Now for Obvious Conclusion #2: Rainblow was meeting Ace Swine because of those gorgeous pictures of her.

Maya: Rainbow Dash always dresses in style.

Phoenix: Huh?

[Locks Left – 1]

Phoenix put the photographs away, vowing to never look at them again if he could help it. “This brings us to the money question… why did he have these pictures?” the human lawyer asked, almost rhetorically.

“Who knows? He’s dead, what a bummer, guess we’ll never know!” Dash said in a feigned nonchalance that would have fooled nopony, let alone an experienced attorney.

“I actually think I know why,” Phoenix said, having reached the conclusion on his walk over to the Detention Center.

Phoenix: I’m sure I would’ve figured out what Swift was doing before then. It’s not like I’m not familiar with what blackmailing looks like.

Edgeworth: (And if Wright had already figured out the answer, why would he ask the question “almost rhetorically”?)

And with that, Porcupine-Lawyer guesses Obvious Conclusion #3: Ace Swine was blackmailing Rainblow Dash so she wouldn’t interfere with him winning the race. And with that he wins a prize!!!

Phoenix: Do we finally get out of here? (And can I finally get my suit back? If anyone else sees me in these…)

One more chapter! *cackles*

Phoenix: (Argh! Why did I fall for that?)

(The lights are turned on with a checkerboard poof of magic.)

Maya: So… who wants to bet what’s going to happen in the next chapter?

Phoenix and Edgeworth: ………

(Phoenix has fallen onto his backside, completely frozen in spot, meanwhile Edgeworth is all puffed up with an arched back.)

Maya: Edgeworth… Nick… what’s wrong?

Phoenix: …………..D-Dahlia?

Maya: What! What do you mean by ‘Dahila’?

Why, allow me to show you…*conjures mirror*

(Maya looks into the mirror but instead of seeing her reflection, she sees Dahila’s.)

Maya: Ack! B-B-But I can’t look like…. Ack!

Phoenix: (Why did Discord have to make Maya look like her of all people? As if I wasn’t miserable enough!)

(Without another word, Discord starts playing a third chapter.)

The psyche-locks broken, the chains that surrounded Rainbow Dash retracted and disappeared from Phoenix’s vision, leaving her secrets exposed. “It’s true… Ace was trying to force me to drop out of the Equestrian 500,” the cyan pegasus admitted, finally opening up to the human lawyer.

Phoenix nodded in satisfaction, reminding himself to thank Maya and Pearls again for the artifact that had assisted him in so many cases already.

Maya: Oh, you’re welcome, Nick.

Phoenix: ……

Maya: Nick?

Phoenix: (T-That face…)

Maya: Nick, if you’re going to ignore me I’ll just have to play with Edgew— Wait, come back here, kitty!

(Maya chases after the fleeing Edgeworth. The two run around in circles, apparently forgetting that one cannot escape the theater while a spork is in session.)


Phoenix: (……I think I just wet myself.)

“How did it start?” he wanted to know, returning the Magatama to his inner jacket pocket.

Dash took a deep breath, as if steeling herself before she began her story. “I got home two days ago and saw this letter on my doorstep,” she told him, passing a piece of folded parchment through a slot at the bottom of the partition.

Blackmail Letter found by Rainbow Dash on her doorstep

“I’ll let your secret out if you don’t drop out of the Equestrian 500. Meet in the Everfree Forest clearing 8:35 PM for negotiations.”

Phoenix: Wait, how does Rainbow have that on her in the detention center? Shouldn’t the police have taken that from her?

Maya: *still chasing Edgeworth* Maybe she... ha… took it back from them.

Phoenix: (…then wouldn’t the police just take it again?)

Rainbow waited for Phoenix to finish reading it out loud before she continued.
“At first I didn’t know what secret it was talking about… but attached to the message was one of those pictures…” she said, cringing anew at the memory.

Against his better judgment, Phoenix decided he had to ask. “About those pictures… w-why are you…?”

Dash didn’t let him finish, rearing up and slamming her hooves into the partition again at Phoenix’s chest level. “IT’S A HOBBY, ALRIGHT!? I BET YOU HAVE SKELETONS IN YOUR CLOSET TOO, MISTER-20-SOMETHING-WHO-PLAYS-WITH-TOYS!” she yelled at him, eyes livid.

Phoenix: Ah! (Discord, Maya and now the fic… Why is everything trying to scare me all of a sudden?)

Maya: *cackling* I’ve got you now, my pretty!

Edgeworth: Mrow!

Phoenix: (…She’s enjoying this, isn’t she?)

“Okay, okay! I won’t ask about them anymore!” Phoenix promised, holding up his hands in placation, trying to calm her down again. “Do you have any idea how he got them?” he asked, reflecting that he did indeed have a skeleton or two of his own…

Phoenix: (Don’t look at Maya, don’t look at Maya, don’t look at Maya…)

Maya: Nick! Look at who I caught!

Phoenix: Maya, put Edge— (Urk!)

She shook her head violently, still riled up. “I have no clue! My best guess is that jerk was stalking me, trying to get dirt on me,” Dash snorted as she finished the sentence, Phoenix realizing that it was the first time he’d seen an actual equine mannerism similar to the horses he had known in his own world.

Phoenix: That’s an odd observation to make.

Maya: Yeah. Don’t humans snort, too?

Porcupine-Lawyer asks Rainblow why she brought the cloud to the meeting and set it off.

Dash let out one last heavy sigh. “Okay… I’ll tell you…” the cyan pegasus decided, sitting down on her haunches as Phoenix took out his notepad again and clicked his pen open, listening attentively. “I did move the cloud there and I did set it off. I just want to give him a scare, that’s all!” she hastened to add.

“A scare?” Something clicked inside of Phoenix’s head. “So you really did preposition the cloud over the forest clearing?” he asked, scarcely able to believe Trixie had actually been right about that.

She nodded, looking with some interest at the thing he was writing with—it wasn’t a quill, and she didn’t see him dip it in ink, so how did it work? “As soon as I saw the requirements of the blackmail letter, I knew it was Ace, and that all those rumors about him were true—he’s a blackmailing cheater! So, I set up the cloud over the clearing earlier that day with the intent of declining his little offer,” Dash proclaimed, pawing angrily at the floor with her hoof and glaring at something in the darkness behind Phoenix, as if remembering her meeting with Ace.

Phoenix: But why do that? Wouldn’t she get in trouble for stealing from her workplace?

Maya: I don’t know, Nick. I mean, I steal from your wallet all the time and I don’t get in trouble for it.

Phoenix: …

Phoenix was surprised. “So you weren’t going to drop out in spite of him leaking the pictures?”

Dash looked up sharply at that. “NO WAY!” she shouted, taking Phoenix aback. “I’m not going to let some LOSER have his way with me, even if it meant those pictures getting out! I have too much pride for that!” she told him, flaring her wings and thumping her hoof to her chest.

Phoenix: So those photos were going to get out regardless…

Phoenix couldn’t help but grin at that, deciding the cocky and occasionally obnoxious pegasus pony had some redeeming features after all—the courage of her convictions not least among them. “I find that really admirable…” he told her, and meant it, offering her an approving grin.

She blushed a bit. “Heh, thanks… this is also my first year competing in the race; I just reached the required age to participate. I’ve been way too anxious to just drop out! R.B.D spells VIC-TOR-Y!” Dash boasted, her old self reemerging for a moment.

Edgeworth: (No, R-B-D spells RBD.)

Phoenix: Wait, I thought “Rainbow” was just a single word.

Maya: It is.

Phoenix: So why does she have her initials like “R.B.D.” when it should be “R.D.”?

Maya: I don’t know.

Porcupine Lawyer gives Rainblow Dash advice on the race.

Maya: Nick, I didn’t know you’ve raced before!

Nick: Well, you know… (I didn’t know either.)

Phoenix was starting to think that when—not if, but when, he forcibly insisted to himself—he got Rainbow Dash acquitted, he might want to stick around to watch the race. “But let’s get back on topic, shall we? I’m supposed to be your lawyer, not your coach.”

“Riiight…” Dash said, nodding. “Anyway, I wasn’t planning on killing him, just to give him a bit of a startle… you know, just kicking some dirt on his face for messing with me?” she explained, waiting for Phoenix to nod his understanding before going on. “The cloud shoots a lightning bolt directly under it when activated. I mess around with ponies by scaring them with clouds all the time, but I got an extra big one in his case, to make the sound as loud as possible,” she added. “I guess it was a little dangerous getting one that big…”

Phoenix: I’d think it be dangerous to set off lightning anywhere near somepony. You can’t control the other lightning bolts, after all.

“So it didn’t hit him when you set it off?” Phoenix had to ask, jotting down another note.

She shook her head sharply. “No! I made sure it wasn’t over him!” the cyan pegasus swore. “Even though it was dark out, like you said in the court today, I could see that the bolt didn’t even come close to touching him. When the lightning bolt lit up the area, it made him scream like a little girl and left a really sissy look on his mug. You should have seen it; it was priceless!” Dash said, nearly laughing. “Then I just hightailed it out of there as fast as I could.”

Edgeworth: (Shouldn’t that be scream like a little filly?)

That’s probably when Fluttershy saw her, Phoenix noted to himself, the dots starting to connect in his head. “Why didn’t you tell anyone about this blackmail earlier?”

Her expression dropped again. “I didn’t want anypony to know about the blackmail… because… you know… they would wonder what he was blackmailing me with…?”

“I see…” Phoenix nodded slowly. Then those pictures would get out anyway… he realized, starting to understand how trapped she must have felt.


Phoenix: Well, at least the author has a passable understanding of my character.

Maya: At least when he isn’t trying to ship you with Twilight.

Phoenix: Thanks for reminding me…*groan*

Porcupine Lawyer starts asking how Ace Swine ended up dead if the first bolt didn’t kill him.

Phoenix and Maya: *chanting* Second bolt, second bolt…

Rainbow’s eyes narrowed, swearing she’d get back at the mare magician for all her insults if it was the last thing she did… even if she had to do it from the sun. “That’s true. It’s a new type of storm cloud the pegasi are using to protect ponies from situation like this. Since it can’t hit in the same place twice, they can just stand under the cloud after the first bolt,” Dash explained.

Phoenix: Um, if they really want to make safe lightning, why don’t they just put on some magic spell that makes the lightning harmless?

Maya: Silly Nick! Only unicorns can use magic spells!

Edgeworth: (But he does have a point.)

“So the safest place is under the cloud…” Phoenix realized in wonder. “That’s really something; the weather just works by itself where I live,” he reflected, thinking of the unpredictable weather patterns back home—he’d gotten soaked by a surprise downpour while walking to work without an umbrella the previous week; he still wasn’t happy about the dry-cleaning bill for the mud that got splashed on his suit by a passing car.

She looked almost wistful at that. “I kind of wish it worked that way here; I’d have a lot more free time on my hooves so I could perfect my ’Sonic Rainboom’ or my ’Fantastic Filly Flash!’ Dash pumped her chest in pride as she announced her signature moves.

Maya: Uh, didn’t the Everfree forest freak out Rainbow Dash because the weather worked on its own there?

Edgeworth: (Another out-of-character moment, I see.)

Are those dance moves or something? Phoenix wondered, his mind going in some decidedly odd directions over the second name she gave. His eyes widened at one such image, which he quickly purged—he’d clearly been hanging around these ponies too long if he was thinking things like that! “From what I hear, you’re also the weather manager. I need some information regarding how the lightning here in Equestria works,” Phoenix stated, flipping over a page of his notepad, vowing a rush order on the brain bleach when he got home.

Maya: They’re flight moves, Nick. Rainbow Dash wants to become a Wonderbolt, remember?

Nick: (I’m just concerned on what kind of mental image I was supposed to have there.)

Ace Pointer questions on how a lightning bolt could be silenced.

She thought about that. “I suppose if it hit something small in the air that was close enough to the cloud… yeah, it wouldn’t make a sound… and I know what you’re thinking, but that couldn’t happen,” she anticipated his next question.

Maya: Never say never!

Phoenix: (This is good information to keep in mind.)

“Why not?”

“That itchy racing suit.” Dash said, making an annoyed face and scratching motions with her hooves.

Blah, blah, blah… more talk about the racing suit.

“Weren’t there some exposed parts on it though?” he asked, remembering what Twilight had said during the trial… suddenly seeing her tear-streaked face again.

“Yes, there are… but while you’re in the flying position those parts are covered up. They’re only exposed while you’re on all fours and grounded,” Dash detailed. At Phoenix’s request, she drew a rough illustration of the suit in the flying and walking positions on a piece of notepad paper he passed her through the slot, showing how a small ring of the neck just above the shoulders was exposed when grounded.

Phoenix: But why expose them in the first place?

Edgeworth: (Plot convenience.)

Blah, blah, blah, conversation, conversation…

“Here, take this…” Dash said, passing Phoenix an odd-looking and rather over-sized key through the slot.

“A key? What is it for?” Phoenix asked, picking it up, thinking it looked like a house key from a century past… and belatedly wondering where she had kept it.

Dash gave a look Phoenix could only describe as seductive yet mischievous. “Ace’s hotel room,” she told him with a very smug look, tossing her head and running a hoof back through her shock of multicolored mane hair.

Phoenix: What! How did she get this? And why wasn’t it taken as evidence? And why is Rainbow looking at me seductively?

Edgeworth: (Apparently the author isn’t satisfied with just having you and Twilight want to have interspecies sex. Rainbow must want it as well.)

Phoenix gaped. “W-WHAT?! How did you get this?” he demanded to know.

“I was angry when I thought he was stalking me, so I snuck into his hotel room to find dirt on him! It was under the mat… what a stupid place to leave your key, huh?” Dash said, grinning at her own cleverness.

All: …

Phoenix: Well, they answered one question at least…

The human lawyer went silent, his mouth still wide agape. “Yeah… stupid place…” he agreed weakly. Note to self: Put key to office in different hiding spot! he resolved, adding the key to his inventory.

Maya: *snickers*

Phoenix: H-hey! A lot of people keep their key under their welcome mat. (It’s not just me!)

Blah, blah, conversation, Rainblow Dash hates Fluttershy now, blah, blah, blah, the end.

Edgeworth: (I’m guessing that’s the set-up for the friendship lesson of this fic.)

(Lights appear out of nowhere.)

Phoenix: Finally!

Oh, oh, what’s the rush? Isn’t hanging out with your friend Discord so much fun?

Edgeworth: (No. No, it isn’t.)

Well, nopony asked you, Mr. Sourpuss!

Edgeworth: *growls*

Phoenix: Can I at least have my clothes back?

Edgeworth: (And my body?)

Maya: Yeah! I want my face back, too! I don’t want to have Dahila-face for the rest of my life.

Alright, fine. *snaps his fingers*

(And with that, everything goes back to normal. Phoenix’s suit returns, Edgeworth is human and Maya looks like Maya. All is well…)

Edgeworth: Ack!

(…except for the fact that Edgeworth’s suit is now pastel pink.)

Edgeworth: This is pink! This suit is pink! Discord!

What’s all this fuss about? I gave you what you asked for, didn’t I?

Edgeworth: This suit is pink!

No, it’s not. It’s wine red.

Edgeworth: No, it’s pink.

No, it’s wine red.

Edgeworth: It’s pink!

It’s wine red.

Edge worth: Pink!

Wine red.

Edgeworth: This. Suit. Is. Pink.

It. Is. Wine. Red.

Edgeworth: My suit is pink, dammit!

So what’s the problem? *snap*

(And with that, Discord disappears for the final time.)

Edgeworth: …

Phoenix: …Edgeworth?


Maya: *whispering* Pst! Nick! Let’s get out of here before he gets mad at us!

(Phoenix and Maya depart, leaving behind the humiliated prosecutor whose gaze is raised to the green sky.)

Edgeworth: …………One day, Discord, one day…

(And with that Edgeworth stomps off, his head filled with thoughts of nigh-impossible revenge.)
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Ah, I was wondering when you were going to post this!
Now, I demand that someone draw fanart of this sporking. :karma: I'll probably do it myself eventually, tbt.

Well, if you're retiring from Turnabout Storm, I'm still interesting in seeing the full thing sporked. I'll take part eight if no one else wants to! What number chapter was the last one you did?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

Part 15.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Jeez, every time I open up this fic I remember what a behemoth it is and get startled. I mean, I know I write unnecessarily long fics, but... holy heck.

Edit: 416,396 wordssssss.... The Brothers Karamazov is ~364,153 words, for reference.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

"She just has really large boobs, that's all!" Wonderful.
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Racing through the sky like a Missile

Gender: Female

Location: LA, Japanifornia

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 6:17 am

Posts: 6172

I finally got around to reading the latest of "Turnabout Storm", and... wow.

Between the fic and the sporking, I'm not sure in which that Nick is more out of character. Granted, being butt naked is one thing, but playing with Kittyworth and getting frightened by Dahlia... nah, I'm not seeing it.

Other than that, though, Discord is already nominated as best Management. Even The Dog can't top that. <3

But whew, even the sporkings of that fic are getting really long. I love the developments, but it's getting harder to navigate the page, even with spoiler tags.
The home of the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney blog:
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at Further updates will be pending.

AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: ... /rubia_ryu
My misc translation and work promos here at
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Other than that, though, Discord is already nominated as best Management.

Oh really? *Starts searching for an Ace Attorney fic crossing over with a certain franchise*
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171


Ack! Did I make Nick really out-of-character? I mean, Airey didn't seem to mind but if you think so, I wouldn't mind some help on making him more in character next time.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: Female

Location: Germany

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2011 1:42 pm

Posts: 233

One thing I notice at the beginning of your spork, cuteyounggirlplus: It seems, cuteyounggirlplus, that you use Edgeworth's name quite a lot. Why is that, cuteyounggirlplus? It seems a bit redundant, cuteyounggirlplus. Normally, people don't feel the need to point out someone's name in every sentence, cuteyounggirlplus. That makes it sound like they're making a point of it for some reason, cuteyounggir- okay, I guess you get my point. ;)
When a character's name is constantly repeated, it starts to look suspicious after a while. The readers might start to ask themselves what all the emphasis is about. Have Phoenix and Maya(and the narrator) mocking his name? Are they trying to break some weird record for "most repetitions of a main character's name in twenty minutes"? Are they getting payed for every time they mention it?
Since he then got turned into a cat, it was only a problem for a short bit, so nothing dramatic. But something you may want to improve in future sporkings.
And I might have missed something here... Is there a reason why Maya keeps calling him last-name-only? Has Larry's bad influence finally rubbed off on her?

For what it's worth, I don't think your Phoenix was horribly out of character. Maybe a bit serious, but he can't always have good days. Although I do think he sounds closer to the turnabout musical Phoenix, with a dash of Apollo added to him. A bit more tired-of-your-crap and more casually to the point than usual. But again, bad days and all that.
The little bit where you took his clothes off actually made he laugh audibly, which is hard to do, so kudos for that. ;)

One little missed opportunity: When Phoenix complained about the audience not being trusted to remember things that happened minutes ago, I wisgh you would have included a side snark regarding Dual Destinies. As you did allow fourth wall breaks earlier in the spork, it would have added a nice touch.

As a side note - is Discord part of Team Colorblind, or is he just being a troll? From what I know about him, I'd assume the latter, but I don't watch the series, so it could be a weekness of him that is important to remember for plot purposes, in which case I'd want to know so I don't get confused if it comes up again (old woman that I am). ;)
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

@Pessmistic_Fool Thanks for your tips! As for your question, Discord is 100% troll.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

You know who would make an awesome Guest Management? Monokuma. If we ever get a Danganronpa crossover, I request Monokuma as Guest Management.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Are any of these sporkable? Or these? (The second result there looks promising.)
Also apparently googling "Ace Attorney Dangan Ronpa fanfiction" gets you my account...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

Oh, I'm still working on Gantanic. I was just talking about Monokuma because of the success of Discord.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Consider my previous post a general question.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Racing through the sky like a Missile

Gender: Female

Location: LA, Japanifornia

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 6:17 am

Posts: 6172

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Are any of these sporkable? Or these? (The second result there looks promising.)
Also apparently googling "Ace Attorney Dangan Ronpa fanfiction" gets you my account...

That fic with the purposely unfinished ending is definitely worthy. Who the heck thinks it's a good idea to leave a story ending up to the viewers? That's not how writing a story works. Of course, it leaves us sporkers plenty of ideas to fill the void as well.

The NicoB fanfiction... is definitely worth a sporking too, but I don't think I'm a viable contender, as my mind has been warped by watching his LPs. XP

The rest seem alright, even the crack fluff one in the second link. It's not nearly as inane as some other crackfics we've dealt with.
The home of the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney blog:
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at Further updates will be pending.

AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: ... /rubia_ryu
My misc translation and work promos here at
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

I could try sporking the NicoB one, but I only watched his Zero Escape and Ace Attorney lets plays.
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

On a road to nowhere.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:19 pm

Posts: 51 ... -christian

This just keeps happening...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

DrOcsid wrote:

This just keeps happening...

...Oh God... :payne:
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Woah, I almost forgot about this thread. I've been busy(???).
I'll start on the next part of Turnabout Storm tonight... maybe....
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Woah, I almost forgot about this thread.

Oh, Airey, why have you forsaken us?
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Oliver wrote:
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Woah, I almost forgot about this thread.

Oh, Airey, why have you forsaken us?

No one posted anything in a week and I have a short attention span. :yogi:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Oliver wrote:
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Woah, I almost forgot about this thread.

Oh, Airey, why have you forsaken us?

No one posted anything in a week and I have a short attention span. :yogi:

... *sigh*
Of course you do. :sadshoe:
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Racing through the sky like a Missile

Gender: Female

Location: LA, Japanifornia

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 6:17 am

Posts: 6172

As a heads-up, guys, given that I've been piling on work lately, I probably won't get started on another sporking in a long time, say, until December, so I'll leave with you this one for now. I'm also already tired of this particular fanfic, so if anyone wants to tackle it, help yourself.

And Airey, I will get to those translation requests as soon as I'm available. To the rest of you, keep up the good work and don't give in, regardless of how long this thread is neglected. ;)


Featured fic: The Hellspawn

Rating: 3x :sahwit:
Still here, since I made the rating based on what I saw of the third and fourth chapters as well, but I haven't seen anything beyond them, so... maybe it'll change?

Cast: :phoenix: :maya: :apollo: :kay: :edgeworth:


[From where we last left off, Phoenix, Maya, and Apollo were appalled to be back.]

Speakers: Now, narrator. If you give such vague descriptions, you’re not doing your job justice.

[Er, sorry, sir. Let me try that again. Three of our most intrepid sporkers have once again found themselves standing before a theater lobby full of ill-perceived secrets…]

Speakers: Worth a screeching chord or two!

Apollo: Are you two doing that just to spite me?

Speakers: We have no idea what you’re talking about.

Maya: Better question! What’s so big that we all have to be transported here without warning?

Speakers: What do you think? Our sporkings are so much more important than whatever you guys were up to, right?

Phoenix, Apollo: *mildly irritated*

Speakers: Gee, by your mildly frustrated reactions, I wonder what it was...

Maya: Yeah, me too. They've kept leaving me in the dark...

Speakers: Come now, Maya Fey, surely you would… Oh, that’s right. You haven’t been confirmed yet.

Maya: Huh? Wait, are you talking about…?

Phoenix: What’s this? Is the Management blatantly disregarding their own rules about breaking on the fourth wall?

Speakers: We’re not breaking anything. We’re simply leaning on it.

Phoenix: Hey, talking about what characters are “confirmed” is clearly beyond the fourth wall in any situation, so bite on that.

Speakers: And in any situation, the rules applied to the sporkers are not the same applied to the Management, so there.

Apollo: Oh, come on! Don’t fall back on that excuse!

Phoenix: Forget it, Apollo. This isn’t an argument we can win…

Speakers: So true. By the way, Maya, just between the two of us…

Maya: Yeah?

Apollo: There’s no point in whispering to us through the speakers if we all hear it, you know…

Speakers: You’re not allowed to channel Mia or anyone else during this session.

Maya: Huh? Why not?

Speakers: Normally, we don’t have control over your powers, but this time, we’ve evened the odds.

Maya: “Evened the odds”? What are you talking about?

Speakers: I’m saying that thanks to the latest upgrades to our teleporter, we have the ability to return you to a previous time in your life as we so choose.

All: W-what!?

Speakers: So if I were you, I would be wise not to tempt us by dragging you back to before you try to channel… or further.

Maya: …Okay, I’ll be good.

Apollo: …Just how far are they going to go to keep us submissive?

Phoenix: To anything, really, since we can’t sue them without something backfiring.

Speakers: Now, lady and gentlemen, shall we proceed to the sporking in questi-

???: Don’t forget about me!

[And as per her trademark technique, Kay Faraday bursts in on the scene… through the front doors.]

Kay: It’s ’cause there are cameras on the roof now. I can’t burst in from there anymore…

Maya: Kay! What are you doing here?

Kay: I thought it was unfair that we had no recurring characters this round since it’s supposed to be a sequel, so here I am!

Apollo: Huh? This sporking is a sequel? So we’ve actually missed the first chapter or two?

Kay: Yeah, but don’t worry. I can explain pretty much everything.

Speakers: Ahem, I’m afraid that would be my job? You weren’t invited this time, so shoo.

Kay: Oh, come on! What’s wrong with another sporker to join the cast? You even have me listed above…

Speakers: Never bring up the sporking header! We will send you to another time if you violate the rules so blatantly again!

Kay: …Yeesh, sorry.

[The speakers click out into silence. Now faced with an even more threatening Management, just what shall our heroes do…?]

Phoenix: Press forward.

[…! W-why that’s… absolutely stunning, Mr. Wright! Yes, push onward, brave sporkers! You have my full support to survive through the onslaught that awaits you…]

Phoenix: Just one thing, Narrator. Could you quit trying so hard to decorate your narration?

[Sorry, but orders are orders.]

Maya: Shouldn’t you stand up to them some time? I mean you have so much power of control-

[Aaand without further discussion, the sporkers are guided along to their seats on schedule for the show to begin.]

Maya: …What’s his problem?

Phoenix: Something tells me it’s the Management’s fault.

Apollo: Of course it’s their fault. How could it not be.

Kay: So, uh, you guys need a summary of the last two chapters?

Speakers: Nope, they don’t. Not from you, anyway…

Kay: … *sticks tongue out*

Chapter 3: Maya

Maya: Oh, hey! It’s a chapter about me!

Phoenix: Brace yourself, Maya… the Management warned you not to channel anyone.

Maya: Don’t worry, Nick! I can take any punishment that comes my way!

Phoenix: (Really? Then why is it that whenever something that’s a hassle for you, you call on Mia to take your place…?)

Maya was very glad that as she had grown, her bust size had even surpassed that of Mia's. They were very useful for fulfilling her new addiction: men.

Maya: …

Phoenix: (And there’s that slap to the face.)

Maya: …Nick, please don’t narrate the pain I feel.

Today's prey was some brown-haired prosecutor she had met at the courthouse. His name was something starting with an S, she didn't quite remember it.

Kay: W-what!? No, it can’t be!

Maya: Who?

Kay: Er… i-it’s no one you need to know! Heh heh…

Speakers: Sebastian Debeste, you mean? He’s a rookie prosecutor that Edgeworth & co. met during their second game of investigations.

Apollo: Will you quit flaunting your right before us? We get it.

He was cute enough, but rather quirky. She liked that, though. He always carried a baton with him, apparently.

Kay: No… it IS him!

Maya: A baton…? This isn’t going where I think it is, is it?

Kay: Er… Don’t worry, Maya! We’re here for you, right guys?

Phoenix, Apollo: R-right…

Maya: …What’s with the hesitation?

[Cue sex scene with said baton.]

Maya: Eeeek! …Huh?

Kay: Wow, close call by the narrator!

Phoenix: What’s this? The Management is actually cutting out graphic scenes?

Speakers: Because this isn’t a punishment sporking.

Maya: It isn’t?

Phoenix: What does that matter? You usually don’t cut it out anyway!

Speakers: Because it’s not just any surprise sporking either.

Kay: Then what is it?

Speakers: Well… we like to call it a “Gotcha! sporking”.

Apollo: Okay. You have to be doing that on purpose!

Speakers: Still denying whatever you’re talking about.

It was then when her phone started ringing. Nick never called unless it was absolutely necessary, because he was just that stingy, so she picked it up.

Phoenix: Hey, now. The real reason I don’t call people that often is because of my payment plan.

Maya: That’s why I keep telling you should switch to unlimited!

Phoenix: And pay double the price when I only need so many hours? No thanks.

Maya: But then the only other way we can communicate is by letter and those take you forever to respond!

Apollo: …Um, whatever happened to email or webchat?

Kay: Oh, don’t mind them. I hear they’re technologically challenged.

Phoenix: I prefer the term “tech newbie”, thank you.

Maya: At least I have an excuse by living out in the countryside. What do you have, Nick?

Phoenix: I… I’m just not into those things, that’s all.

Apollo: You know this is why Athena spammed your phone with messages the other day?

Phoenix: …I’m sorry. I try to learn, I really do.

[Phoenix calls to get Maya back to the office to watch Trucy. Maya agrees and offers to bring Pearl along.]

Phoenix: Where was I going? And what happened to Apollo or Athena?

Speakers: You all got cases.

Phoenix: All of us!?

Apollo: Why is our firm suddenly filling up with cases?

Kay: ’Cause it got merged with Mr. Edgeworth’s dad’s office.

Guys: …What.

Speakers: And there was a government-issued rehab project involving attorneys teaming up with formerly convicted criminals.

Guys & Maya: What!?

Maya: What kind of stupid, crazy, makes-no-sense plot is this!?

Speakers: It’s known as “The Hellspawn” for a reason.

Kay: Well, I still don’t get how Mr. Ficwright knew about Fictrucy being left alone if he left before he knew Ficpollo got his.

Speakers: …Good point. I’m looking through the script, and nowhere does it explain that.

Maya: Hmm… Leave it up to “The Hellspawn” to leave open plot holes!

"I think I love you." The S-guy said after she hung up. Maya just ignored him and called Pearl.

Kay: Ouch… Well, if we aren’t getting confirmation of that guy, then maybe it’s really someone else-

Speakers: It’s definitely Sebastian.

Kay: You didn’t need to say anything.

Speakers: That’s for cutting me off earlier while I was relaying the summary.

Kay: Hey, gimme a break! All I got was one line!

[Maya gets dressed and leaves the hotel for the train station to meet up with Pearl. On the ride, she meets with a “big mustached man in a kimono”.]

Apollo: W-wait… that isn’t who I think it is, is it?

Kay: Uh-oh… not another of Ayam’s consorts, I hope.

Maya: When did I become poster girl for having “consorts”…?

Apollo: If it really is him, then the “consort” part is the last thing you should worry about.

Maya: Huh? Why?

Apollo: He’s former Yakuza.

Maya: …Nick, I’m scared.

Phoenix: Sorry I can’t help you there.

Maya sat next to him and tried to start a conversation.

"Nice weather, huh?" Maya asked.

"The weather of my soul, though, is as bad as it could be." He replied.

Apollo: I never knew he was this… poetic.

Maya: Oh, it’s not that bad. You should hear Nick in the winter.

Phoenix: Maya…

Maya: I’m just kidding! Yours only gives people chills. And it’s in winter, so it could even be the wind.

Phoenix: And maybe you ought to stop before you blow it out of proportion.


Kay: …Is it me or is there a breeze in here?

Speakers: That should be the A/C, but now we’re not entirely sure either…

"And why is that?"

"Last week, I discovered that my wife has a secret son with other man."

"Ouch. That gotta be hard."

Apollo: Wait, what? Are we talking about the same woman?

Phoenix: Care to enlighten us?

Apollo: That woman unsheathes a sword hidden in her broomstick as soon as anyone says anything bad about the Kitakis. She would not be caught dead with another man under their tight principles.

Phoenix: Hmm… yep. That’s the Yakuza for you.

Maya: And spirit mediums! Don’t forget us!

Phoenix: (Well, given how scarcely marriages work out for you all anyway…)

Maya: That’s beside the point!

Phoenix: Would you quit reading my thoughts? It’s gotten annoying.

Maya: Silly, Nick! I don’t need to read your thoughts to know what you’re thinking!

Phoenix: (…And now, it’s gotten creepy…)

"You have no idea. My entire life is crumbling down."

"Sometimes, things need to crumble down to build better things on top of them."

"What do you mean?"

She kissed him. At first, he tried to resist, but then he kissed her back.

Girls: Eww!

Maya: Skip! Skip!

Speakers: It’s just a kiss.

Maya: Between a former Yakuza and a spirit medium! Have you no shame!?

Speakers: You’re asking us this now?

Maya: …

Kay: You guys are mean.

"I don't know your name, miss." He said once they pulled back.

"I'm Maya. What's your name, sir?"

"People call me Big Wins."

Apollo: *sigh*

Kay: Er… this isn’t going to end up as some sort of innuendo joke, right?

Speakers: If you’re curious, we could bring back the scripts.

Phoenix: Why did you take them away again?

Speakers: Because going in blind makes for more excitement?

Guys: No, it doesn’t.

Speakers: “Yes, it does” times infinity.

After that, they were making out until Pearl's train get.

Kay: “Train get”? Hey, that meme only works with the right context!

Phoenix: What context?

Kay: When you acquire something in your inventory, duh!

Maya: Unless it’s evidence, then it’s added to the Court Record!

Kay: Wait, the train is evidence? Of what?

Apollo: Of a meme with no context whatsoever.

Kay: …Spoilsport.

"Danm it, Mystic Maya!" Pearly shouted when she saw them. "You can cheat on Mr. Nick like that!" Her boyfriend was really rubbing off on her. He was a foulmouth.

Phoenix: … (Poor Pearls. Can’t even get the swearing right…)

Apollo: Uh… that boyfriend better not be who I think it could be…

Kay: Who?

Apollo: A certain wannabe gangster kid who is also this Yakuza man’s son.

Maya: No! Don’t bring Pearly into this too! *yanks something*

Phoenix: Maya, let go of my tie!

"Who's Mr. Nick?" Big Wins asked.

"Don't mind her." Maya replied. "This city isn't for two girls to walk alone. Would you accompany us?"

"But of course."

And so they did.

Maya: Really? ’Cause Pearly and I stop by Nick’s place all the time and we don’t run into any problems.

Kay: Yeah, I run around on my own when I’m not with Mr. Edgeworth.

Guys: *sharing looks of concern*

Apollo: Maybe it’s best that you not do that anymore…

Phoenix: (Maybe it’s best that I get some insurance for kidnappings…)

Speakers: Why haven’t you?

Phoenix: …Because I didn’t get around to it? Paying extra for things that shouldn’t happen is…

Maya: A good idea?

Phoenix: …Okay, okay. (I can’t be that transparent, can I? Nah, no way…)

When they got to the agency, Trucy was kissing Mr. Hat.

All: *flabbergasted*

Speakers: Like getting slapped twice in the face.

When she noticed them, she blushed.

"W-what!?" She stuttered. "I was just feeling lonely. Boys at school never get close to me because they say that I'm weird."

Phoenix: Trucy, lonely? She’s about the most social girl I know at that school.

Apollo: Yeah, so many of the guests at her magic shows are her classmates.

Maya: I’d think boys are just dying to get close to her.

Phoenix: Maya, don’t put it like that. You’re making me worry…

Apollo: After that case where your daughter’s panties were stolen, you sure didn’t seem to care.

Phoenix: They’re a prop, Apollo. Don’t forget that.

"I'm pretty sure that you can aim higher than a puppet." Maya said. "Pearly, teach Trucy how to get a boyfriend. Meanwhile, I'll show Big Wins the bedroom."


"You'll now when you get a boyfriend." Maya dragged Big Wins to the bedroom without further ado.

Maya: If Apollo was right about fic-Pearly’s boyfriend, I don’t think she’d make a good role model…

Apollo: After what we’ve seen of fic-you, she wouldn’t either…

Phoenix: Better yet, why is fic-Maya taking this man to a bedroom in the office?

Kay: You have a bedroom in your office?

Phoenix: No. I mean to ask why is there a bedroom at all there? It’s an office building, not an apartment.

Apollo: Uh… not to be rude, Mr. Wright, but it wouldn’t be right if they started… doing something right there.

Phoenix: …That’s beside the point.

When he took off his clothes, she realized where the name came from. She took off her robe and caressed his face, but then someone knocked at the door.

Kay: Oof. I hate it when I’m right about these things…

Maya: Why hasn’t the Management cut this bit out…?

Speakers: Hm? Oh, sorry, folks. It must have slipped my mind.

Phoenix: Lies aren’t very becoming of managers.

Speakers: Shove off, ya poor excuse of a boss.

Phoenix: Excuse me? You really want to play this game?

Apollo: Mr. Wright, please don’t get lured in like that…

"Mystic Maya, there's a man here saying something about a door." Pearl informed.

Kay: Oh, right. Gummy broke the front door when he was here earlier.

Phoenix: W-what? How did that happen?

Kay: He wrenched it too hard when he was leaving.

Apollo: Geez, was he that desperate to leave?

Kay: He did take a lot of abuse from it, though…

Apollo: From the DOOR?

Speakers: Because he’s supposed to be that stupid in this fic.

Phoenix: Now that’s just insulting… (…Even if it is him.)

Maya: So, uh… how did fic-me and fic-Pearly not notice earlier that it’s broken?

Speakers: Because she’s supposed to be that stupid in this fic.

Maya: Hey!

Speakers: What? I didn’t say you were.

"Tell him to enter."

Then a boy not much older than Pearly came in. He had black hair and was wearing a green jacket and green pants.

Phoenix: No… that can’t be…

Maya: B-but… it is…

Kay: Who?

"My name is Cody Hackins, they repairman. Apparently there is a door to fix here."

Phoenix, Maya: Cody!?

Kay: Again, who?

Phoenix: A witness from a past case of mine.

Maya: He was but a boy then… and an avid fan of the Steel Samurai. I wonder where he is now?

Phoenix: (…Are you speaking from your timeline or mine?)

He started to say, but when he saw her naked, his pants fell off. Turned out he wasn't wearing underwear. His thing was bigger than any other that Maya had ever seen.

Girls: Eek!

Maya: Augh! My eyyyes!

Kay: I can’t unsee! I can’t unsee!

Apollo: Ugh… he’s supposed to be around Pearl’s age!? That’s just not right…

Phoenix: *unamused*

The name Cody Hackins had a familiar ring, but she didn't know why. He was short and his facial hair was just starting to grow. That was the face of a virgin.

Now Maya had a difficult choice to make. The experience of Big Wings or the youth of Cody. But then it hit her. She didn't need to decide. She could have both.

Maya: Nooooo! I can’t take any more of this!

Speakers: No channeling.

Maya: I-I know, but… *whimper*

Phoenix: (Well, maybe she’ll come to learn NOT to ditch us next time she’s really uncomfortable here…)

Maya: …Nick, why do you have to be making that evil-looking smirk?

[The lights have come on once again… for a quick break.]

Apollo: Hard to believe that’s never been stated outright until now.

Speakers: Because it’s so much more interesting to surprise you all! *snap*

[Zappers! Enter the Spork B*tch.]

Edgeworth: Why must you introduce me like that!?

Kay: Hey, Mr. Edgeworth! Welcome back!

Phoenix: Oh, so you are joining us this time.

Edgeworth: *crosses arms* How fortunate for you.

Phoenix: Fortunate? How so?

Edgeworth: Come on, Wright. Every time we both show up for a sporking, it means at least one of us is going to get the figurative “kick me” sign on his back.

Apollo: That’s the Chief Prosecutor for you… never misses a beat even when he’s dragged in here spontaneously.

Maya: So, who’s up this time: Nick or Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: It’s me.

Phoenix: Huh? And what are you basing that guess on?

Edgeworth: Logical induction. It’s also called “experience”; something I recommend you become reacquainted with.

Speakers: …*blissful sigh* This is why we all so love seeing you two suffer together…

Both: Shunt off.

Speakers: Will do. Narrator?

[Roger. The lights dim once more…]

Edgeworth: I may regret asking, but… what’s been going on so far?

Maya: *droop* You don’t wanna know…

Kay: The Management won’t even let Maya channel anyone! Normally, even I’d be able to slip away…

Speakers: Ahahaha- no. You ain’t pulling another of that on us… as long as I’m around.

Edgeworth: …I see. And how are you doing?

Maya: I’m okay now. It got pretty bad at the end there, but whew! I still made it through! Someone sure deserves a medal for endurance!

Phoenix: You mean me or Edgeworth?

Apollo: Or me!?

Maya: …Okay, so you guys probably deserve several.

Chapter 4: Miles

Edgeworth: Of course. This is exactly why they would want me here.

Phoenix: Let me guess: there’s going to be some intimate interaction between the two of us…

Edgeworth: Wright!

Phoenix: What? It’s going to happen.

Edgeworth: That’s no excuse to put us in more misery…

Phoenix had always liked licking Miles' face.

Edgeworth: Now look what you’ve done.

Phoenix: Hey! Don’t start playing the blame game with me!

Maya: You’re a little late, Mr. Edgeworth. The rest of us have already been playing it with him!

Kay: It’s his fault for being so tech-new.

Edgeworth: *smirk* Hmm… I suppose his presence here does have some use after all.

Phoenix: Enough already! And what do you mean by that, Edgeworth!?

He put the dog back on the floor and looked at Helena.

Maya: Oh, so it’s a dog named Phoenix!

Apollo: I know it’s obvious where the author was going with it, but I’m at least a little relieved…

Phoenix: (…The damage was done, though.)

Maya: Wait, where was Phoenix the dog from again…?

Edgeworth: The von Karmas’ residence.

Maya: Ah, that… *blinks* Uh-oh.

Kay: So, uh… who’s “Helena”?

[In short, a Mary Sue who’s Franziska’s middle sister.]

Kay: Ah, tsk tsk, gotcha.

Edgeworth: Oh? The narrator is actually cutting out material?

Speakers: Don’t get too comfy, Miles Edgeworth. There’s plenty more to see.

Edgeworth: No worries. I don’t consider missing material as a good sign.

Franziska's older sister had moved with her after she was brain damaged in that street fight. Aside from the inability to speech properly, Franziska was able to do a normal life, so it wasn't really necessary, but Helena had insisted in staying with her anyways.

Edgeworth: …What?

Phoenix: Oh, wow… the author actually has a reason to write Franziska out of character.

Edgeworth: I don’t think an out-of-character explanation serves as a legitimate reason for more out-of-character hijinx.

Phoenix: I never said it was legit.

Miles wasn't going to complain. He still remembered that magical night they shared in the von Karma mansion, when he became a man and she became a woman.

Edgeworth: H-hold on there… Exactly with whom am I being paired with…?

Phoenix: I’d think it’s the OC. Isn’t that always the case?

Edgeworth: I figured so, but for a moment there, it seemed as if the author was still referring to Franziska…

Maya: Maybe it’s a three-way?

Both: Maya!

Apollo: Ms. Fey! Even after the last chapter, you still have the gall to bring that up!?

Maya: Hey, you gotta catch up with the times.

Kay: Don’t you know it!

Girls: *hi-five*

Guys: …

Despite her father's insistence, Helena had never wanted to become a prosecutor, so he ran away from home at the age of twenty.

Apollo: W-wait. “He”?

Maya: Wow, I didn’t know he’d be that heartbroken.

Edgeworth: Or that young.

Kay: Hey, everyone’s got a little bit of “young maiden” in them sometimes!

Guys: Not even close.

Kay: You hear that, Maya? They’re so in denial.

Maya: That’s the real shame.

[Somehow, somewhere, she got married, had a daughter and had the gall to return to the von Karmas.]

Kay: Wow, that’s a gutsy move right there!

Maya: Did they welcome her back like nothing happened?

[Well, Manfred did disown her, but through the power of her Sue-ness, he took it back.]

Edgeworth: Now, that’s an impossibility if I’ve ever heard one.

Phoenix: What? The power of Sue-ness or that he’d take her back?

Edgeworth: That’s like comparing a black hole to a vacuum cleaner, Wright.

Phoenix: …Did you just refer to Manfred von Karma as a vacuum cleaner?

Edgeworth: Don’t dissect the analogy!

[And the best part of all, her husband and daughter died in a car crash, and all she had left was the twenty-year-old dog.]

Apollo: “Best part of all”…? What part of it is even “good”?

Phoenix: Considering how sadistic the Management is, I think their favorite bit may be the deaths.

Speakers: Excuse me? How shallow do you think our tastes are?

Maya: Or maybe it’s the twenty-year-old dog that’s somehow not dead yet?

Kay: Hey, wasn’t the Management run by a dog or something?

All: …

Edgeworth: Perhaps that’s it.

The driver who rolled them over escaped and Helena spent her free time trying to find him. Miles usually helped her with it. They suspected that the culprit was the same person who beat up Franziska, and also the same guy who raped Helena. It had to be someone that hated the von Karma family.

Phoenix: Huh, so it was an act of spite?

Edgeworth: Or, perhaps not all of these unrelated events coincide upon a single suspect?

Kay: That’s just silly! We always run into irrelevant details that end up tying into the case big time!

Edgeworth: Kay, a few exceptions do not make the norm.

Maya: Funny, ‘cause I pretty much expect that to happen when I’m working with Nick.

Edgeworth: That’s because he’s Wright.

Phoenix: *dry laugh*

But today he wasn't there for Helena, but for Franziska. They were waiting for her in the living room. A comfy and luxurious stance, as expected of a von Karma.

Maya: Huh? Who was there for Helena?

Phoenix: We last left off on the von Karma hater, right?

Kay: Wait, so he’s coming to kill her!?

Apollo: Are we missing anything again?

Speakers: Of course not. The narrator cuts things out when necessary, but we can’t help it if the source does the same.

Apollo: …So, uh, they’re just sitting there waiting for a killer?

Edgeworth: Even the characters realize the inevitability of their doom.

Kay: Hey, so they DO know the “hellspawn” is coming! That summary lied to us!

Edgeworth: If a simple fugitive represents the titular “hellspawn”, then yes, the summary did indeed lie to us by stating it would affect “everyone”.

Kay: So he’s not? Then what is it?

Maya: We may never know…

"I'm sure she'll come soon." Helena said with her sweet voice. "She's probably taking her time to get dressed perfectly. You know how she is."

"Indeed." Miles replied. "I know her as well as you."

Apollo: I’m no expert on romance novels, but this is just sad. Did they have nothing to do other than wait?

Phoenix: For a killer to come by their door, no less.

Maya: Hold on! Is the killer a guy or girl? I’m so lost…

Edgeworth: I can only assume the author was referring to Franziska as the person fic-me and Helena were waiting for.

Kay: Nah, that can’t be it. It’s not suspenseful enough.

As if their words had summoned her, Franziska walked into the room.

"Waht do u want, littrle britherr?" She asked.

All: …

Apollo: They’re waiting for someone to kill you, to help put you out of your misery.

Phoenix: Took the words right out of my mouth.

"I need you to take a case." Edgeworth explained.

"But i got fiv of thm on me plat already."

Phoenix: She’s still working!?

Edgeworth: Ironically, that is the von Karma way… to push against all odds and strive for perfection.

Phoenix: …Normally, I would be able to pay some level of respect to that cause, but here…

"Pass them to the Paynes. Winston is busy with that child abuse scandal, but Gaspen is free. This one is more important."

Kay: Wow, Mr. Edgeworth. Did the von Karmas really have that much influence that they could push cases off on other people?

Edgeworth: …It’s certainly not unheard of when considering what kind of man Manfred von Karma is.

Maya: Whoa, that moment when the fic is actually realistic for once…


"Lance Amano has been murdered. I still owe a lot to his father, so I want this case to get a satisfying resolution. The defendant is Ted Tonate and you will be facing Phoenix Wright."

Kay: Whoa! Lance!?

Speakers: Ah, yes. We may have purposefully neglected to mention that the victim from the prison escape back in chapter one is indeed Lance Amano.

Edgeworth: In other words… responsibility falls to you for “purposefully neglecting to mention” a plot point that would actually help tie this story together!

Speakers: It was broken anyway…

Edgeworth: That’s beside the point! You do not skip over an entire chapter just to throw in a new revelation just like that! You’re just as bad as these fics!

Speakers: Aw, you know that’s not true! We just love watching you people squirm, is all!

Edgeworth: You’re only proving my point.

"Graet." Franziska smirked. "My wip has being missing that ful." She whipped a lamp in joy and broke it. Then she got out of the room as if it hadn't happened.

"When will she mature?" Miles wondered aloud.

"She's always been pretty hard to deal with." Helena agreed.

Apollo: Again, they really have nothing better to do? They don’t even care for the broken lamp?

Maya: I’m beginning to wonder if Mr. Ficworth and Helena are totally drugged up, so they can’t be bothered to move.

Phoenix: Can we please not step into that conversation?

Kay: It’s pretty much the only thing that could explain it, though.

Edgeworth: Or, perhaps they aren’t staying in their own house.

All: *stare*

Phoenix: Edgeworth, I did NOT expect that tangent from you.

Edgeworth: I suppose for the sake of creative licensing, the design of the house may be different across perspectives, but this setting looks a bit too much like a hotel lobby for my comfort.

Maya: …Wow, now that you mention it, it really does. There’s even a counter for the receptionist.

"But that didn't stop you from giving up your job as a minister in Europe to take care of her."

"Well, she's my sister. And now I have a job here in the Justice Department."

"And since you're in charge, the levels of corruption have dropped to historical minimums."

Phoenix: Hold it!

Speakers: What is it now, Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: To be honest, I’m surprised… I wouldn’t have expected the fic to produce this level of wit.

Edgeworth: Wright, what excuse do you have to take THIS tangent?

Phoenix: Think about it. A completely naïve and inexperienced individual takes control of the justice department. Thus, it results in the decrease of reported corruption charges because those who have been corrupt will be more easily able to pull the rug over her eyes on any potential scandals. She essentially becomes a puppet figurehead.

Maya: Whoa! I didn’t even think about it that way!

Kay: Wow, Mr. Wright! That actually makes a whole lot of sense!

Edgeworth: …Not bad, Wright, but you’ve made one crucial mistake.

Phoenix: And that is?

Edgeworth: You’re assuming the author thought this through that far. What evidence do you have to even suggest the plausibility of what you’re claiming?

Phoenix: …Plausible or not, it’s still a possibility. Management, isn’t there anything suggesting that the author meant to write this story as a crackfic or trollfic?

Speakers: Hmm… Well, there is one thing in the tags on the page that says “it’ll only get worse”… *gasp*

Phoenix: Well, then. There’s your proof right there, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: *smirk* …Hmph. Lucky as usual, Wright. If the Management hadn’t brought that up, you would have wasted these several minutes talking about nothing.

Phoenix: Hey, anything to get us through this tedious session.

[So after Franziska’s gone, the two get into an awkward conversation about the hopeless romantic Miles and the perturbed Helena… about committing incest. So, she tells him to “go home”… and that’s it for this chapter.]

Edgeworth: *sigh*

Kay: Don’t worry, Mr. Edgeworth. At least fic-you and Helena aren’t related by blood.

Edgeworth: That’s no relief, but thank you anyway, Kay.

Maya: Blame the author for mixing up pronouns and leading us astray about who’s trying to kill who and who Mr. Ficworth is even getting it on with…

Phoenix: I think it’s best we just call it a day and forget everything as usual.

Apollo: Finally, music to my ears!

[The lights have returned, to the sighs of relief of the attending party.]

Speakers: Oh, come on! That was totally anti-climactic! We may have met our regular two-chapter quota, but maybe just one more…

All else: NO!

Phoenix: It may have been two chapters, but each one was too long, even with edits!

Edgeworth: It may not be nearly as droning of a session as with a certain crossover fic, but at least that session had a different Management to liven things up.

Phoenix, Maya: …

Maya: I knew it. Mr. Edgeworth DID like being a kitty.

Edgeworth: What in your right mind led to THAT!?

Kay: What? Mr. Edgeworth was a kitty!? Are we talking in the fics, or…?

Speakers: Well… if you want that character back so badly, I suppose we don’t have to keep him exclusive to that crossover fic…

Guys: NO!

Maya: Oh, yeah. That reminds me. Apollo turned into a lizard before.

Apollo: Ms. Fey, did you really have to bring that up again…?

Kay: …You guys have some of the best adventures without me. Hmph.

Maya: Aw, don’t worry, Kay! You can just join us next time!

Kay: Heh! No need to tell me twice! I’m on it!

[And with high spirits, our young ladies charge out the door, eagerly awaiting sporkings to come. As for the gentlemen…]

Phoenix: This will mark the beginning of a new nightmare.

Edgeworth: With him by the Management’s side, it’s no wonder we can’t touch them…

Apollo: How much more will we have to suffer before these psychos are satisfied…?

Speakers: From what I can tell… they’re in such high spirits that it must have overflowed into the negatives!

[Oh, uh… Sir, they’re all giving you “the finger”. We can’t exactly broadcast it, can we?]

Speakers: It’s fine. Just blur it out on camera.

[Will do, sir. And now that the rest of our sporkers have taken their leave, we come the end of another wonderful sporking session! Everyone, tune in next time for another exciting adventure!]
The home of the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney blog:
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at Further updates will be pending.

AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: ... /rubia_ryu
My misc translation and work promos here at
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

As horrible as that fic made me feel, at least Cody got some love... In more ways then one. :hotti:
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

I came to the thread to get started on Turnabout Storm part 8 and I see that Rubia has posted a sporking. Whyyy didn't I get the notification email? :meekins:

This fic is a monster. I... am kind of curious about the sex scene with the baton. Or at least the thought process that leads to a sex scene involving a baton.
And I find it kind of odd that the fic identified Winfred Kitaki by his mustache instead of his eyebrows.
Boys at school never get close to me because they say that I'm weird.

Maybe it's because you're kissing a puppet, Trucy.
Also "That was the face of a virgin" what.

Have I mentioned that I love veteran sporkers (read: Phoenix and Edgeworth, also Apollo even though he's still relatively green compared to them) getting fed up with the Management?
Also, also, Franziska needs to spork a chapter with her in it. Just... that dialogue....

...I might help myself to The Hellspawn at some point. But certainly not the next part. Gotta do Turnabout Storm - and certainly I'll put Kay in this time. :redd: Who else wants a go?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

I might do the Hellspawn...
Once I finally get started on my Alternative sporking (Get it?) again.
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

I also want to do some of The Hellspawn but I'm not sure I'm capable of handling Chapter 6. The reactions to that one are going to be intense...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: Male

Location: Spain

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:38 pm

Posts: 477

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
This fic is a monster.

A monster? More like... a hellspawn :moe-laugh: .

Someone had to say it.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

luck wrote:
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
This fic is a monster.

A monster? More like... a hellspawn :moe-laugh: .

Someone had to say it.

...Is it bad that I somehow didn't think of that?
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

I know we haven't even gotten around to sporking chapters 5 and 6 of Hellspawn (6 is going to be a fun one.) but we have to get Judge Courtney in for chapter 7. I think I might attempt to of chapters 5 and 6 but I'm worried I'll get Phoenix's characterization wrong again.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Let's do this before I get distracted again.

Today's sporkers!
Phoenix Wright!
:nick: "I'm just required to be in this, aren't I?"
Maya Fey!
:maya: "You are the main character, Nick."
Kay Faraday!
:kay: "I was promised sporkers turning into animals."

[We open up in our sporking theatre, where-]

Speakers: Nope, nope, nope, we don't have time for that, Mr. Narrator.

Maya: I didn't know we were on a schedule.

Speakers: We're not. I actually just want the little raven-girl to apologize for being so presumptuous.

Kay: Crow! And I'm not little.

Phoenix: Kay, there's no point to arguing with him.

Speakers: Anyway, what I really want to know is who's been promising things that I'd do. Ms. Fey?

Maya: What? Don't look at me. I didn't do anything.

Speakers: I al~ways keep tabs on the other sporkings going on, you know.

Maya: Dang.

Phoenix: At least we're not doing another chapter of The Hellspawn.

Kay: Yet.

[On that ominous note, the lights dim.]
Spoiler: Chapter 16
Maya: How is it supposed to be ominous when it has nothing to do with the fic we're sporking right now?

Speakers: There is such a thing as living in the moment too much, you know.

June 10th, 12:30 PM

Phoenix exited the Detention Center to find the midday sun shining bright against a pristine blue sky—a far cry from the smog and haze that too often choked the air of his city from home.

Phoenix: It's not that bad. You're making it sound like Beijing or something.

Kay: Besides, it's not like they don't have stuff that would produce pollution in Equestria. They have trains.

Phoenix: ...even you've watched it?

Kay: Um, of course!

Looking up, he noticed a few fluffy clouds hanging overhead, some of which he swore were moving in different directions from each other. Shrugging it off as another magical feature of Equestria—having witnessed one seeming-impossibility after another, he’d given up being surprised by such things—

Maya: Which means, obviously, that they're gonna come up later...

[The Incredible Objecting Hedgehog decides to go investigate. Somewhere. He seems to have been overtaken by indecision!]

Phoenix: (Ugh, are we seriously back to the nicknames again?)

Twilight… he thought again, wishing the violet unicorn was still there with him. Even aside from the help and protection afforded him by her wondrous magic, she’d proved an excellent assistant and sounding board, a more mature-version of Maya in so many ways. If she could just channel Mia, she’d be the full package…

Maya: Nick!!

Phoenix: What?! It's not me saying that! You know that!

Kay: What would a pony channeling a human even look like in the first place?

Speakers: Hmm, let's find out.

[There is a puff of brightly-colored smoke, and Maya is turned into something like this.]

Maya: ...okay, this is way too topical.

Kay: Who's presumptuous now?

Phoenix: ...

Speakers: ...I'll admit that this isn't getting the reaction I'd hoped. Everyone here is laaame.

Maya: Hey, you didn't even make me a unicorn!!

[Coiffure du Clou continues talking to himself about the investigation, and is surprised by the annoying pink one.]

Maya: ...also, I don't fit in the seats anymore.

Speakers: Maybe you should have though of that before you became a pony.

“What are you doing here?” Phoenix asked, standing up and brushing the dust off his suit, hoping he wouldn’t have to get it dry-cleaned again—that was so expensive!

Kay: It doesn't look expensive to me.

Phoenix: It's... not. Why would I get something dry-clean only when I'm just going to sweat all over it?

Maya: That's kind of gross, Nick.

Phoenix: You're a horse, you don't get to complain about it.

“I followed you! The guards wouldn’t let me in though, so I talked to them while waiting for you!” she explained. “Right, boys?” Pinkie grinned back over her shoulder to the pair of white pegasus sentries standing at the doorway… except they were no long standing. One was propped back against the wall looking in an almost-catatonic state, a thin line of drool connecting his snout to his belly, while his partner was huddled on the ground with his hooves clamped hard over his ears, eyes shut tight and gritting his teeth as if in pain.
“Oh, for the love of all things holy… please… take her awaaaaay!!!” he begged Phoenix, all but crying.

Kay: Hmmm... usually I'd take that as a bad sign.

Maya: Can't be worse than the Oldbag.

[Red Dye No. 5 Pie attempts to enlist Blue-and-Pointy's help in finding something. Hopefully, it's her sanity.]
She gave him an almost conspiratorial look, motioning him to move closer and bend down. “It’s a SECRET!” Pinkie whispered in his ear, barely audible.
Phoenix fell silent for a moment, more than a little confused. “So you want me to find something… but you won’t tell me what it is…?” he summarized, starting to understand why the guards had cracked. Pinkie’s logic was clearly in a class of its own…

Maya: Haha, classic Pinkie.

Kay: I'm pretty sure some of the people that Mr. Edgeworth has argued with had worse logic than this.

Phoenix: Somehow, I'm not surprised.

“Correct-a-mundo!” Pinkie said, beaming.
“That makes no sense!” Phoenix complained, but then got an idea. Wait a minute… “Actually, uh, Pinkie Pie?”
“Yes?” she said eagerly.
“Do you know where ‘Sugar Cube Corner’ is?” he asked.
Pinkie grew an even larger grin on her face. “OOoooohhh… You want to bake cupcakes with me at Sugar Cube Corner! Mr. and Mrs. Cake always let me help out, now I have an assistant! YAY!” she cheered in excitement, rearing up again.
The human lawyer was so dumbstruck by that logical leap that he was tempted to make an objection, but Pinkie gave him no chance,

Phoenix: Objection! You can't just steamroller over me!

Speakers: Oh, so the Management's been wasting their time cutting up the fic nicely for you, then?

Phoenix: Actually, I'm sure I remember at least one occasion where it wasn't cut up very nicely...

continuing on her tangent without pause. “You know how to make cupcakes, right? It’s okay if you can’t, I can teach you if you don’t know… it’s really, really, REALLY easy!” Pinkie said, then sucked up a huge amount of air aaaand~~

Maya: ...a musical number?

Phoenix: That's what it looks like.

Kay: Ooh, I got this. Toss~ a~ fig~ and save~ the~ date~ and bread and butter, chant and mutter, mar-i-nation, in-can-tation, chocolate icing, timeline splicing, yeast is rising, rectifyiiiiing...

Phoenix: ??

Maya: I knew you'd like Friendship is Witchcraft!

Kay: Is it bad that I like it more than the original?

Speakers: I hate to say it, but it is much funnier. Shame on YouTube for blocking it~

Phoenix felt the bottom of his jaw drop away, amazed and appalled that she could talk that fast without even having to come up for air the whole way! And every single word she said at that speed hit his head like daggers jamming through his ears, causing his brain to start to shut down rather than try to process it all, giving the human lawyer a strong urge to clamp his hands over his own ears just as the second guard had done… lest he end up in a catatonic state like his partner!

Kay: I guess it's a moot point if she was just talking fast, though. Eh.

Phoenix: If you're trying to write someone talking fast, why not just get rid of the spaces between the words?


Phoenix: ...alright, alright, I get it.

Of course I know how to make cupcakes; what does she think I am, a hobo? Phoenix thought derisively, wondering where the sudden image of himself wearing a hooded sweatshirt and playing poker in a dive bar while sipping grape juice came from.

Kay: That joke was so forced, I forgot to laugh!

Maya: Why don't you use your psychic powers for good, Nick?

Phoenix: Would winning the lotto be considered 'for good'?

Maya: Depends on how many burgers you buy me.

Phoenix: Can ponies even eat burgers?

Maya: ...! Nooooo!! Discord, what have you done?!

Speakers: I was wondering when you were going to notice your herbivorisness.

[Did you know there was an account from the bombing of Hiroshima that described a poor horse with all of its skin blown off, so that it ended up being per-fect-ly pink? I just thought that was interesting. Anyway, Pinkie Pie agrees to show our favorite pre-hobo to the hotel... if he can tell her a good joke.]
Why do they call me ‘Phoenix Wright’?” Phoenix asked Pinkie, hearing a well-timed drumroll being played by the performing troupe across the plaza.
Pinkie looked towards the sky to think for a bit, then back at him for the answer. “Hmmm… I don’t know, why?” she asked, eagerly awaiting the punchline.
“Because, I’m always… ‘WRIGHT’!”
The troupe drummer played a rimshot.

Sporkers: .............

Phoenix: (Between Discord's comment and the horrible joke, I don't think anyone knows what to say.)

Maya: ...the author couldn't even come up with their own joke?

Kay: Lame! *thumbs down* Boo!

Maya: Also - Pinkie Pie's my favorite pony, but now I can't unsee that, Discord!

Speakers: What? I just said, I thought it was in~ter~est~ing.

Kay: I guess you could say that Pinkie Pie was your favorite pony, Maya.

Maya: Is Discord just picking on me in particular today? No fair!

Kay: Yeah, no fair!

Phoenix: (...I stand corrected.)

[Feenie-weenie's joke bombs about as badly as Little Boy.]

Kay: That's just disrespectful!

Maya: If we ask you to stop making nuclear bomb jokes, would that just encourage you?

Speakers: Yes.

Phoenix: Also, don't call me "Feenie".

“Well, uh… This one time I cross-examined a parakeet! What’s the deal with that?!” he grinned goofily.
Again… silence…
I guess you had to be there… Phoenix cringed after failing to even get a chuckle.

Maya: Polly was a parrot, not a parakeet. They're not even similar!

This is a lot harder than I thought… I’m a lawyer, not a comedian! he complained with his thoughts,

Kay: I think Mr. Edgeworth would beg to differ.

Phoenix: Do I seriously have to endure his snark even when he's not here?

but tried one final joke. “Umm… did you know I had the entire l left side of my body cut off once? Don’t worry… I’m all ‘Wright’ now! Heehee… hee… hee…”

Maya: That's even worse than the first one! *stamps hooves*

Pinkie remained silent, and so did the troupe drummer. The pink earth pony looked about to say something when her attention was caught by Phoenix’s suit collar. “Oh hey, what’s that?!” she pointed with a hoof to his left jacket lapel.
“This? Oh… it’s my Equestria Attorney badge. That’s how I got in the detention center.” Phoenix said, taking it off and showing it to her.
To his shock, Pinkie began to giggle, her eyes going wide. “Oh, wow! That’s the GIRLIEST thing I’ve ever seen!

Kay: Said the talking pink pony with the poofy mane.

Phoenix: And hopefully all of her skin.

Maya: Nick, I was trying to forget about that!

Phoenix: Sorry!

Speakers: What, do you have something against Fun Fact Power Hour, starring Discord?

That must have been the reason why you were pretending to be so bad at telling a good joke! To build up to flashing that ridiculous-looking thing!” Pinkie reasoned, breaking out into full-scale laughter. “Oh, you sure are a knee-slapper, Feenie!” she told him between guffaws as she rolled on the ground in front of him, laughing hysterically.
Phoenix watched her in disbelief, his ears and cheeks burning with intense embarrassment and humiliation at the effect the silly-looking badge had on even the flimsiest ponies he met. I really feel like sobbing to myself in a dark corner right now…

Phoenix: That's normal in a badfic. Or a sporking theatre.

Maya: Y'know, shouldn't she not think there's anything weird about the badge? I mean, even though Nick's alway showing his off, I'm pretty sure everyone already knows what an attorney's badge looks like.

Kay: Yeah, she shouldn't even notice it. She should laugh at something else.

Phoenix: It beats making a joke about my hair for the zillionth time.

Trying to salvage what little remained of his dignity, he sucked it up and repeated his original request: “So, will you show me where this hotel is now?” he all but pleaded, but Pinkie still laughed and laughed… leaving Phoenix uncertain if he should be glad that he made her laugh or just depressed over how…

Maya: Oh, the colored text is back!

Phoenix: Interesting.

Kay: What does the last part of the sentence even mean?

Phoenix: It means that the author really should have gotten an editor.

“Uh… P-Pinkie?” Phoenix tried again as her laughs died down to few scattered titters.
“Oh right! The hotel is THIS waaaay!!” Pinkie stood up and bounded off like a gazelle, leaving the human lawyer behind.
“Hey! Wait up!” Phoenix yelled, running after her as she took off across the plaza, the pink earth pony springing impossibly high with each four-legged leap she took…

Phoenix: Is it just me, or is it kind of weird to compare one four-legged animal to another four-legged animal?

Kay: Maybe a little bit.

Maya: ...wait, is this the end of the chapter?

Kay: Oh, it is.

Maya: Is it just me, or did nothing happen in that chapter?

Phoenix: Nothing whatsoever. We could have cut it out entirely.

Speakers: Yes, we could have, but then where would we be without your sci~ntillating wit, Sanic?

Phoenix: I'm just going to assume you're talking about the sporking, not what I said in the fic...

Kay: Speaking of stuff you said in the fic - Maya, what would it look like if you channeled your sister right now?

Maya: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Let's find out!

[Maya closes her eyes to concentrate, and... grows slightly taller.]

Mia: ...

Phoenix: ...

Kay: Hi!

Mia: ...Phoenix, why am I a... *looks at hooves* stuffed animal?

Phoenix: Maya got turned into a pony.


Phoenix: It could be worse. She got turned into Dahlia last part.

Mia: That would be worse.

Speakers: Tsk, tsk, time's a-wasting, Lady Fanservice!

Mia: Excuse me?

Spoiler: Chapter 17
Despite his determination to resume the investigation and visit the hotel room immediately, Phoenix found his attention—and appetite—drawn by the enticing aroma of sweets and coffee coming from a cottage that looked like it had jumped right out of the pages of Hansel and Gretel, made to look like it was constructed completely from candy. An overhead sign announcing it to be the aptly named Sugar Cube Corner, Phoenix found his mouth watering as they passed it—he hadn’t a proper meal, just a pretrial snack since arriving—and Pinkie noticed, all but shoving him inside.

Mia: So what's going on?

Kay: Beats me. I've only been in this one part so far.

Phoenix: I think I've been in every part except one, and I still don't know. But apparently I haven't eaten in a while.

Mia: Sweets probably aren't the best idea in that case.

Inside, he met the proprietors—a pleasant blue-and-beige earth pony couple with brownie and baking cutie marks unimaginatively but appropriately called The Cakes,

Kay: Pfft, I don't think this author has any right calling somebody else unimaginative.

Speakers: They certainly got imaginative with the Phoenix Wright/Twilight Sparkle romance.

Mia: With the what now?

Phoenix: Assuming it's not brought up this chapter, we should definitely pretend that it doesn't exist.

[Despite his mentor's advice, Sideways Goku fills up on sweets and moves on to the hotel.]

Phoenix: (His nicknames for me are getting more and more out there...)

“Daaaaa da la~ dada daaa da da daaat da daa… … Dat daa~ da daaa…”
That song she’s humming sounds, really, really familiar… Phoenix realized as they reached the Hotel, tossing his empty cup in a wastebasket by the front door. He was sure he’d heard that tune before, but for the life of him couldn’t remember from where…

Kay: *starts singing again* Watch as I work my gyp-sy mag-ic, seapony tears and provolone! God help the outcast with her witchcraft, someday I'm gonna go home! So~medaaay I'm gonna goooo hooooooooome...

Mia: I'm pretty sure that's not it.

Entering, they walked down a corridor, dodging a couple unicorn cleaning crews until Pinkie spotted the room number they were looking for. “Lookie! Here’s that room!” Pinkie announced, jumping up and down in excitement.
Phoenix took out the key that Rainbow Dash had given him, but hesitated at using it. “Hmm… Do you think we’ll get in trouble for going in his room without asking?” he asked Pinkie, having second thoughts.
“Don’t be such a chicken, Feenie! Gimme that key!” the pink earth pony snatched the key right out the human lawyer’s hand, shoving him back as she did so.

Speakers: On one hand, this is the same country whose ruler turned me into stone just for have a bi~t of fu~n. But on the other hand, once those Elements of Hegemony ponies get involved, well, they can just get away with anything, so there's no need to worry.

Kay: I thought we were the ones sporking, not you.

Speakers: Careful, Miss Yatagarasu, you're looking at a one-way ticket to chaos.

Kay: Sounds fun!

Phoenix: Hold out for a round-trip ticket, Kay.

[The Skinned Pony and Feiner-Weiner enter the hotel room and look around.]
As he scanned a few of the spines, he wondered why there would be so many books in a simple hotel room and guessed it was due to the fact Equestria didn't have television or internet, so the books simply substituted for that in the bizarre world he now occupied… which, the more he thought about, almost struck him as an early 20th century analog for his own in terms of architecture, technology and décor—the apparent ‘Stallion of Liberty’ picture on the back wall notwithstanding

Kay: Huh, that's an... oddly specific observation.

Phoenix: It's not even accurate. I'd say it's closer to average modern architecture, but with a level of technology I'm more comfortable with.

Kay: ...what, no cars or computers?

Phoenix: Well...

Mia: He's right, actually - calling it 'early 20th century' doesn't make any sense, especially "notwithstanding" the Statue of Liberty expy. The real-life Statue of Liberty has been around since 1886.

Kay: Maybe the author meant early 19th century?

Phoenix: That would make even less sense.

On the right side of the room, Phoenix noticed a wooden ladder propped up against bookshelf; looking at it made him feel homesick for some reason.

Kay: Hmm... the only one like that I can think of is the one in Mr. Edgeworth's office.

Phoenix: ...why am I homesick for Edgeworth's office?

Mia: Because even if you're being shipped with Twilight Sparkle, you still can't escape the awkward slash implications.

Phoenix: (Please, don't remind me...)

[The world's worst dynamic duo investigates the crime scene, and Pinko Pie rattles off a bunch of shoehorned references that I don't really care about, and as such I'm not going to list them.]

Mia: (Sounds like he didn't get all of them.)

“Look Feenie, a step-ladder! Is that a clue?” she asked in excitement, bouncing up and down again.
Somehow, he didn’t quite share the thrill of her ‘discovery’. “One: that’s not a clue. Two: that’s not a step-ladder, it’s a ladder,” Phoenix enlightened her.
“There’s a difference?” Pinkie asked, head tilted in confusion.
“There’s a BIG difference!” Phoenix proclaimed, a pet peeve of his having been triggered. “A step-ladder has an A-frame that folds while a ladder is flat like that one. It really bothers me when people don’t know the difference!”

Kay: That has got to be the weirdest inversion of the ladder-stepladder debate I've ever seen.

Mia: The whole debate is pointless. There's no difference between the two.

Phoenix: Chief, please don't start with this...

Speakers: Besides, in your current form, how are you supposed to climb a ladder, step- or otherwise?

Mia: *trots around a bit* I seem pretty flexible for a horse, so I wouldn't have any problems.

Speakers: Such confidence.

[Anyway, the inane debate continues for a while, and then the Cupcakes references start rolling in.]

Phoenix and Mia: The what?

Kay: Ooh, believe me, you do not want to know.

[Hedgehog-head wonders why a pegasus would need a ladder, then Pinkie Tryhard finds a clue.
Torn Resignation Letter
Someone was planning on quitting something after the Equestrian 500. The other half is missing.

Kay: I smell a scandal.

Mia: What's the Equestrian 500? A horse race?

Phoenix: Pretty much.

Kay: I don't think there'd be much betting in a kid's show, though.

Speakers: That's what YOU think.

“It would only make sense that Ace wrote this, since it’s his room, but… who was he writing it to?” Phoenix scratched his chin, pondering.
“Maybe he~” Pinkie began to suggest, only to gasp loudly when her tail started to tremble. “OH NO!!”
This made Phoenix jump in surprise, his shoulder accidentally banging one of the bookcases. “Ssshhhh!!!! We aren’t supposed to be in here, remember? What’s the problem!?” Phoenix asked, sticking a finger in front of his lips and steadying the bookshelf with his other hand.
“My tail’s twitching!” Pinkie exclaimed.

Mia: They make medication for that, you know.

Phoenix blinked at the nonsensical statement, not understanding why he was still surprised at anything she did or said. “So? My foot fell asleep, but you don’t see me freaking out,”

Kay: It fell asleep while you were standing up? You should definitely be freaking out, then - you probably have a blood clot! Those can travel up to your lungs and kill you, you know! That's why you always have to make sure to walk around every few hours when you're on a long flight.

Phoenix: Uh... thanks? (I already knew about the walking around part, but I thought it was just so you don't get cramps...)

Phoenix retorted, but before he could say anything more Pinkie dove head first under the table and stayed there.
Why is she hiding under that table? “Pinkie Pie, stop fooling around and~” he was cut off as something large suddenly tumbled off the top of bookshelf and hit him right on his huge noggin.

Phoenix: *looks at Mia* I think proportionally, ponies have bigger heads than humans.

Mia: I think a lot of space is taken up by the eyeballs, though.

[Blah blah Pinkie Sense blah blah...]
“That’s ridiculous! You can’t tell me you can make predictions like that based on body spasms!” Phoenix shot back, while Pinkie Pie was studying the fallen object–a very thick book.

Mia: And here I thought it was going to be a clock shaped like a certain statue.

Phoenix: That's... morbid....

[The book that spontaneously fell over (witchcraft! Witchcraft, I say!) turns out to be a spell book. Despite the fact that humans have less magic in them than my left little finger, Wrrrrright flips thrrrough the spellbook.]
“Huh? Look at this…” he said, lowering it so she could see.
Pinkie leaned over to see. “Continue from here, third line,” she read the short handwritten message, written in ink on the upper left corner of the left-hoof page.
“Seems someone scribbled a note here,” Phoenix mused, his head starting to throb.
“You can get in big trouble for writing on hotel’s books like that!” Pinkie noted, a tut-tutting sound to her voice.
Phoenix shook his head, aggravating his pain.

Mia: Phoenix, I think fic-you has a concussion.

Phoenix: Been there, done that.

“No, I don’t think this is the hotel’s book. Twilight said these advanced spell books are only available in Ca~… Can~… nyee~~” he finally gave up, unable to remember what that place was. “I forget the name, but it starts with a hard ’C’ as I recall…” Phoenix said.
“Cookie?” Pinkie blurted out.
“Carrot?” she tried again.
Phoenix’s headache was getting worse.

Kay: Wow, you're starting to sound like Mr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: I was just about to say, if he were here...

Speakers: An excellent idea, admittedly, but we're far too close to the end of the sporking to have any fun with him now. My sin-cer-est apologies.

Phoenix: ... (I feel like I just dodged a bullet.)

[They put the book back, or at least try to. Porcu-lawyer rips his suit-

Phoenix: Objection! My suit fits too well to rip!

-and Pinkie Whine finds another clue: a sheet of parchment with some names.]
List of several names, including Rainbow Dash:
Rainbow Dash - 8:35
• Lenora
• Cruise Control
• Danger Zone
• Loop Deloop
• Steel Wing
• Morhaymoto
• Leroy Wingkons
• Alucard
• Hotshot
• Hurricane Wind

Kay: ...Alucard?

Mia: It clearly wasn't a strange enough crossover on its own.

[Despite it being extremely obvious as to what the list is, Animé Hair Attorney and Pinko Stinko spend most of the rest of the chapter wondering about it.]

Mia: I almost feel insulted on your behalf, Phoenix.

Phoenix: Thanks?

Kay: Plus, it doesn't reflect very well on you to have a stupid apprentice!

Mia: That too.

Phoenix: ...

“And just who are you two?!” asked an impossibly familiar voice.
Phoenix froze. OH NO! WE’RE CAUGHT!!! he shouted in his mind, certain they were dead meat…

Speakers: A cliffhanger! My favorite! ...or at least they are when there's any a~ctual suspense.

Kay: Hey, I actually am wondering about who just walked in on them. I thought Mr. Wright was the only Ace Attorney character to get stuck in Equestria!

Phoenix: Wait, it's another Ace Attorney character?

Kay: Isn't that why the voice is "impossibly" familiar?

Mia: I think you two are having far too much fun breaking the fourth wall with impunity.

Phoenix: (It is oddly satisfying...)

Speakers: There's no need to worrrrry about it, Crow-girl. In fact, something in today's sporking could even be considered foreshadowing for what happens in the fic next.

Kay: Ooh.

Mia: Speaking of things in today's sporking...

Speakers: Of course. I shouldn't deny the world of such awe-inspiring character traits for long.

[In a puff of smoke on the exact opposite end of the color wheel as the first once, Mia Fey is turned back into a human.]

Mia: Much better.

Kay: Aww... I never got in on the fun after all...

Phoenix: You heard that the "fun" last time involved me in my underwear, didn't you?

Kay: That's not that bad. At least for the spectators!

Phoenix: ........

Mia: It's just as well that I missed it, I suppose.

Phoenix: Let's not talk about it.

Kay: You brought it up.

Speakers: Don't dawdle now, my little humans. I'm a very busy daconequus.

[The previously undescribed but assuredly chaotic-looking theatre doors swing open on their own, and today's sporkers don't waste another minute leaving.]

Speakers: Well. That was enjoyable.

[I wish you'd let me describe the theatre, sir. It's like a Salvador Dalí painting in here.]

Speakers: Yes, some of my best work, isn't it~? *finger snap*

[Sigh... the theatre returns to normal.]

Speakers: Haha... tune in next time for two whole chapter's worth of pointless investigation! We don't get another court scene until chapter 40 or so~
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar


Gender: Male

Location: Location

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:40 am

Posts: 2451

The Incredible Objecting Hedghehog should be canon.
Phoenix Wright : Ace Sonic OC also needs to happen.
______ ___________ ______
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Racing through the sky like a Missile

Gender: Female

Location: LA, Japanifornia

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 6:17 am

Posts: 6172

Lady Miaaaa! And nice reference to Twilight "cosplaying" as Maya. ;)

Another job well done by our loyal draconequus and his lovely nicknames for Nicky. (But wouldn't the "Sideways Goku" turn his hair vertical? Nick seems more like Half-a-Goku.) That transformation was a little lacking in reactions. Not that I'd expect them to get so hyped over it, but it seemed like a missed opportunity for some jokes. :/

Also, there was that point where Discord DIDN'T get all the references? That's surprising. Is there something I can clarify for you, or do you actually get them all?

Since I've seen the original video series, I know who's coming up next, but... over twenty more chapters of investigations? How did this author manage to drag it out THAT long? I know it's been said before, but this fic puts filler to shame. The Hellspawn does drag out a lot too, but at least it doesn't take over, what, 70 chapters?

If I'm going to get back to sporking some time, I might get back to Hellspawn or try a hand at a couple more Turnabout Maelstrom... or
The home of the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney blog:
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at Further updates will be pending.

AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: ... /rubia_ryu
My misc translation and work promos here at
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

I didn't get the references myself, actually. It might have been because I was too lazy to think about it, though.

...yeah, I just went back and checked the fic. They were all Harry Potter references. Whoops.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Racing through the sky like a Missile

Gender: Female

Location: LA, Japanifornia

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 6:17 am

Posts: 6172

Whoops, hit the submit button too soon. I meant to say if I don't tackle either of those for any reason, I could still take on a slew of one-shots sometime. Maybe even an update to the kink meme spectacular... but doesn't have to be exclusive to the kink meme. Any suggestions?
The home of the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney blog:
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at Further updates will be pending.

AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: ... /rubia_ryu
My misc translation and work promos here at
Page 31 of 69 [ 2726 posts ] 
Go to page Previous  1 ... 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34 ... 69  Next
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  

 Board index » Present Evidence » Present Testimony

Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to:  
News News Site map Site map SitemapIndex SitemapIndex RSS Feed RSS Feed Channel list Channel list
Powered by phpBB