Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (UPDATE 06/26/08)

Tue Apr 22, 2008 8:15 am

Arti_Rei

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I haven't properly or even formally introduced myself to this lovely community, so hi! :edgy:

As the title implies, I'm going to make a fanfiction with possible more than five chapters since I'm focusing on a case for our favorite attorney.

Honestly, I only joined the forums for ONE, SINGLE-MINDED PURPOSE: TO SHIP FEENIE x IRIS USING A CONTINUATION FIC!!! :keiko:

I also borrowed writer's permission from one important Mia_Fey for one of her brilliant insights concerning the couple, so I hope my research isn't all for nothing. :yuusaku:

Because I really want this fiction to pull through.

Anyway, I have to do some more researching and plotbunny-catching to put the story into motion, and on an MS word document sheet, so wish me luck!!!!!!!! :D

Irving wrote:

Don't push my buttons, Buttons!

Last edited by Arti_Rei on Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:02 pm, edited 10 times in total.

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (COMING SOON!)

Tue Apr 22, 2008 10:52 pm

Mia_Fey

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It's always nice to see more Phoenix/Iris fics being written. There isn't nearly enough fan stuff around for this darling couple and I'm certainly looking forward to your fic. Good luck with catching those plot bunnies. That can be very hard.

On an unrelated note, are you C.M. Kearney at fanfiction.net? It's not important. I'm just curious. :)

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (COMING SOON!)

Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:08 am

Arti_Rei

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Ha-ha yup, that's right! And I swore I'd work hard to make this a memorable fic. I want a serious plot, not run-of-the-mill, because that's how much I value how :phoenix:

and

have their relationship progress: and what better way than with a continuation fic? :3

Random: I'm completely disregarding the events taking place in GS4, otherwise my story would be killed. :larry:

Thank you~

WE NEED MORE FEENRIS SHIPPERS OVER HERE! :flail flail:

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (COMING SOON!)

Wed Apr 23, 2008 9:57 am

Arti_Rei

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The prologue has been updated.

FIND IT HERE, AND LET THE TURNABOUT BEGIN.

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (PROLOGUE UP!)

Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:27 pm

Gregory Wright

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Boy...the Testimony section is full of pleasant surprises today! I look around and find a new fic for each of my top two pairings! I better get to bed soon, but I promise I will be back with a progress review within the next couple days. :butzthumbs:

Graphiction!; Crime and Punishment; Treasure in the Abyss; --Sig by Vickinator

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (PROLOGUE UP!)

Wed Apr 23, 2008 3:23 pm

Mia_Fey

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Well, you've certainly sparked my interest. :) That little cliff hanger at the end and the ambiguity in the chapter have done their job playing on the reader's natural curiosity to draw them into the story. As this is only the prologue, there isn't much to judge the story story on yet, but I quite like what I see of your writing style. I look forward to more.

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (PROLOGUE UP!)

Thu Apr 24, 2008 12:58 am

Arti_Rei

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Lol, thank you Mia_Fey! :edgy:

Don't be fooled by the prologue though...cough...it's just me making up for my lack of being able to turn this whole story into a visual novel. *sob*

I made up for it with a lot of fancy innuendo :hotti:

As soon as I get chapter one up, I'm pretty sure you'd find that I'm silly enough to use a particular format for the story. :payne:

One I hope no one takes badly to. Since I kind of got some readers hooked onto the prologue itself, including you. So forgive me if the first chapter completely rips you from the poetry of the prologue! :larry:

I can only promise you that WIT and HUMOR are actually my strongest points when it comes to writing (nowadays!). TY for the review!! =DDDDD

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (PROLOGUE UP!)

Thu Apr 24, 2008 11:42 am

Arti_Rei

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CHAPTER 1 UP.

FEENIE X IRIS ON THE GO ^_^

Tell me if it's pathetic please :hobohodo:

And just say it: that my writing style is so random, you need more than five arms to grab all types!

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER 1 UP!)

Thu Apr 24, 2008 7:33 pm

Gregory Wright

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I see we're just beginning our first investigation so Iris has yet to make a prominent appearance, but I like what I see. It'll be interesting to see how someone managed to force-feed the victim coal. The Prologue was an interesting read, though the tense changes and occasional awkward and/or esoteric description made the going a bit slow. Rereading it knowing what I know now, I can see a case-opening FMV in my head--and a visually appealing one at that--but I might recommend editing that Prologue a bit. This is not to say that I think it's pathetic--just that it could use a little reworking to better get the point across. Of course, it would be very petty of me to point to a problem and not offer a solution, so my services as an editor are available if you desire them. You've got a promising story here. Do keep at it. :phoenix:

Graphiction!; Crime and Punishment; Treasure in the Abyss; --Sig by Vickinator

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER 1 UP!)

Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:24 pm

Mia_Fey

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You're right that the first chapter has a very different feel from the prologue, but different doesn't mean bad. I actually really like the chapter and how it felt almost as though you were collecting the evidence along with Phoenix as in the game. I also like the easy humor that you have running through the chapter which makes it fun to read. I noticed a couple minor grammar mistakes, but nothing so bad as to interfere with the flow of the story so I'll refrain from whining about them. Keep up the great work! :butzthumbs:

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER 1 UP!)

Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:20 am

Arti_Rei

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Thank you for the responses! :phoenix:

I'm actually kind of awkward at the beginning, and yeah. It's starting to unsettle me how quickly the style changed.

I admit there's something flakey about the prologue, then there's chapter 1 that has yet to end with the "To be continued." credit.

I just hope the next chapter lifts some of that uneasiness/discomfort/nausea from the previous.

Well...the least I can do is romanticize the plot? Ha-ha, just kidding!

Tis an honor to have been reviewed by two geniuses. :larry:

Now, I shall start working on chappie 1, part 2 now. :edgy:

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER 1 UP!)

Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:34 am

superangelo128

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Woah that was YOU? I just read that fanfiction.net without realizing it was you >_>

Anyways, a good start. Like Mia said, Chapter 1 almost seems like going through an actual case. (with inner thoughts and everything!)

Can't wait to see what role Iris plays in this.

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER 1 UP!)

Fri Apr 25, 2008 11:21 am

Arti_Rei

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superangelo128 wrote:

Woah that was YOU? I just read that fanfiction.net without realizing it was you >_>

Anyways, a good start. Like Mia said, Chapter 1 almost seems like going through an actual case. (with inner thoughts and everything!)

Can't wait to see what role Iris plays in this.

-smirk- Wouldn't you like to know? >w<

Find out in the next chapter! :redd:

Irving wrote:

Don't push my buttons, Buttons!

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER 1 UP!)

Fri Apr 25, 2008 1:57 pm

Arti_Rei

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NEW CHAPTER UP!

The Feenris shipping finally emerges.

Better than the last one hopefully?

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (NEW CHAPTER UP!)

Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:49 pm

superangelo128

You're too slow!

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Actually, I'd say it's the best chapter so far (if Only cuz Iris is finally in ^_^)

That's cool how you got the school teacher idea, and put in perfectly!

Love the P x I awkwardness. Good stuff.

Story's looking great so far, please continue!

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (NEW CHAPTER UP!)

Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:07 pm

Gregory Wright

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Haven't had a chance to read the latest chapter yet and may not get to for a couple days--I'll be leaving town this afternoon, I'm waiting for an important call, and this wireless connection doesn't like fanfiction.net for some reason--but in the meantime I think I should clear something up about my last post. I had nothing negative to say about Chapter 1 or the change in style from the Prologue to it. All of my critical analysis was devoted to the Prologue itself. My apologies if I gave the wrong impression. :gregory:

Anyway, I look forward to reading the next chapter. Once I have done so, I'll be back with another review. :edgy:

Graphiction!; Crime and Punishment; Treasure in the Abyss; --Sig by Vickinator

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (NEW CHAPTER UP!)

Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:20 pm

Mia_Fey

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I'm rather embarrassed to admit that you temporarily fooled me into believing that the school teacher might be involved with the murder (which wouldn't be quite so bad had I not known that you were going to make Iris a teacher in the story, but since I did know... <_<). It just shows that you are laying out the story well. The characters are portrayed well and the interaction between them is very believable (particularly the awkwardness between Phoenix and Iris at their first meeting and Gumshoe's clueless nature). I'm surprised to find that Phoenix and Iris didn't keep in touch during her incarceration since he visiting her at the end of the game, but that can be easily explained in the next chapter. The only thing that really bothers me in the story is nitpicky and stupid, but I'm going to bring it up anyway (please forgive me and feel free to ignore me :payne:

). Using punctuation to show emotion works well in the game, but it doesn't translate well into story form. You might be better off describing the characters' reactions then doing something like “…!” That could just be me though. After all, every writer has their own style. Anyway, it was a good chapter and I enjoyed reading it. Nice job!

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (NEW CHAPTER UP!)

Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:08 am

superangelo128

You're too slow!

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Sorry for being a bit off-topic but...

Arti Rei, I just read your fanfiction.net and noticed you like the Tales series! *holds up a high-five*

I like Kyle/Reala as well as liking ToD1, Tod2, Symphonia, and Abyss. I've also tried out the others. Have you played Tales of Destiny PS2 Remake?

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (NEW CHAPTER UP!)

Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:51 am

Arti_Rei

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superangelo128 wrote:

Sorry for being a bit off-topic but...

Arti Rei, I just read your fanfiction.net and noticed you like the Tales series! *holds up a high-five*

I like Kyle/Reala as well as liking ToD1, Tod2, Symphonia, and Abyss. I've also tried out the others. Have you played Tales of Destiny PS2 Remake?

Um...let's discuss that somewhere else outside of this thread? :lana:

My general response to the issues of my story format: Yeah, I understand. I started getting a bad feeling about the format. I just wanted to try and recreate that feeling when playing the game. x.x You know, stimulate the reader's imagination. But I guess it wasn't really that great. I just can't find it in me to novelize the whole thing. I think it's part of my fantasizing this to be a visual novel rather than just a story.

Granted I can't change the format anymore since I've already made up my mind. Hopefully, I can just make the next few chapters with less imagination needed by the readers. x.x; The dialogue, the parentheses, the italics and the bold, is my excuse for not being able to turn this into a visual novel, again.

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (NEW CHAPTER UP!)

Sat Apr 26, 2008 6:54 pm

Mia_Fey

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You sound... a bit discouraged. I hope that wasn't due to my minor criticisms. The story really is very enjoyable. Rereading my last post, I think I came off sounding harsher then I intended. I'm sorry.

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (NEW CHAPTER UP!)

Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:20 pm

superangelo128

You're too slow!

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Huh I liked the format. REad exactly like the game! Which was awesome... to me anyways.

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (NEW CHAPTER UP!)

Sun Apr 27, 2008 12:08 pm

Arti_Rei

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Mia_Fey wrote:

You sound... a bit discouraged. I hope that wasn't due to my minor criticisms. The story really is very enjoyable. Rereading my last post, I think I came off sounding harsher then I intended. I'm sorry.

I did? XD No, don't worry about it! I expected some doubts about the story format on behalf of the readers!

What I'm having trouble with from here on, is laying out the cards. :meekins:

It's actually kind of confusing having to let the truth be revealed one at a time, but anyway! More descriptive chapters coming soon! And I want to end the first chapter with the next, so watch for it :D

Irving wrote:

Don't push my buttons, Buttons!

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (NEW CHAPTER UP!)

Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:13 pm

Arti_Rei

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CHAPTER 4 UP!!!!!!

Onward with the Feenris love, as well as the murder case. XD

This one's a little bit better than its precedents, so I hope you guys like x.x;;

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER FOUR UP!)

Tue Apr 29, 2008 6:08 pm

superangelo128

You're too slow!

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W00t, just read it. Awesome.

Hmm who would be a good prosecutor? Edgeworth left according to your story..

My two guesses are either Franziska or... Klavier? Klavier would be awesome, though the timeframe may not make sense. I guess Payne is a possibility but it since it's a case with investigation probably not. And maybe like a 1% chance of Godot? lol.

Anyways, good job so far please continue on it!

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER FOUR UP!)

Tue Apr 29, 2008 6:43 pm

Gregory Wright

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Chapter 4...wow. I've got some catching up to do. Anyway, just read the section in which we meet Iris. Hilarious stuff. Nice twist too, having Phoenix find himself torn between logic and his emotions right off the bat. You did a good job with Gumshoe's speech and imagination as well. Beautiful. I look forward to reading the rest.

Graphiction!; Crime and Punishment; Treasure in the Abyss; --Sig by Vickinator

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER FOUR UP!)

Tue Apr 29, 2008 11:37 pm

Mia_Fey

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That was quite good! You did better with the story format in this chapter. I still have a couple complaints, but since I've already mentioned them and since I'm mostly just being nitpicky (I'm sorry!), I'll leave it alone. The scene with the clock was just adorable. Anyway, nice work! I can't wait to find out who the prosecutor will be in the next chapter.

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER FOUR UP!)

Wed Apr 30, 2008 2:14 am

Arti_Rei

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In a collection response to all yaz: THANK YOU FOR THE FEEDBACK =D

As for the prosecutor, hmm............

To be determined at a later date! Till then! :hobohodo:

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER FOUR UP!)

Sun May 11, 2008 1:28 pm

Arti_Rei

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The latest chapter has finally come up.

Beaniez! No wait...I mean, An eeny weeny badge that looks like an oversized pin in your inventory!

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (UPdated!)

Sun May 11, 2008 4:41 pm

superangelo128

You're too slow!

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As M. Bison would say... "YEESS! YEEEESSSSSS!"

-Glad you brought Klavier, I didn't think he was OOC towards Phoenix since certain AJ events didn't happen. It makes sense for him to treat him like he treated Apollo.
-Iris seemed fine to me.

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (UPdated!)

Mon May 12, 2008 3:46 am

Mia_Fey

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Klavier!!!!!!!!!!!!!

... Okay, I have that out of my system now... I swear. :P This chapter was quite good. I really love Phoenix's internal monologue. It's perfect. You really have a great feel for him overall. The only part that struck me as off with Phoenix is the way he speaks to Gimlet in the beginning. Even if he's unsure himself, he does usually try to put on a good face for his clients (as Mia taught him). "It doesn’t matter what type of prosecutor shows up once the trial starts. They all share one common trait: to be ruthless.” It just strikes me as being a bit to harsh considering she has every right to be worried and that would likely only make her more nervous. A part of his job is reassuring her that he'll do everything in his power to help her and offer her what comfort he can. Still, that was the only part of Phoenix that struck me as off.

I loved how you have Iris chime into help. I thought that you handled her well. She needs to speak up for Gimlet's (and Phoenix's <_<) sake so she does, but you can still see her underlying shyness in the story. In the game, Iris's greatest strength appears when she needs to help another particularly when it involves someone she cares for, so the way you portray Iris's actions here strikes me a being very true to her character.

Klavier seems fine overall. A part of me thinks that he might show Phoenix a bit more respect then he would show Apollo though (In comparing his attitude toward Apollo in the game and Phoenix in your story, he seems to treat them in a rather similar manner which strikes me as a bit... off). Phoenix is a seasoned attorney with an incredible reputation, while Apollo was a barely a newbie. Yes, Klavier would definitely revert to his normal persona once the trial was underway for the most part, but a part of me still expected more acknowledgment from him about Phoenix's accomplishments and perhaps some awe particularly since certain events didn't occur. He does treat Apollo with respect (ignoring the teasing which is more Klavier showing a certain amount of fondness for Apollo then disrespect... That's just Klavier's way of interacting with others), but I think Phoenix would warrant a greater amount of respect right from the start because of his reputation. Could just be me though. ... I'm not sure I'm making much sense tonight. By the way, "Turnabout Attorney" is love.

... And "Here comes *insert name here*" belongs to Apollo alone. Phoenix shall leave Apollo's catch phrase alone. That is all. :P

Overall, an excellent chapter. I look forward to more.

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (UPdated!)

Mon May 12, 2008 4:55 am

Arti_Rei

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Lol! Glad people liked Klavvy's appearance in the story? Some certain people sure are happy. XD *whispers* Fangiirrrrrrrlsszzzz..........

And yes! I know it's Apollo's catchphrase, but I thought it would work for Feenie. x.x; My bad. Don't worry! It was just a one time thing so don't get your, unmentionables in a twist. :edgy:

Hmm...I did wonder if Feenie's behavior to Gimlet was ok. Not so ok, but I guess it's ok? (^^:)/\

And I'm glad Iris came out just fine! :D I was worried about her in the courtroom. Since like, she was like, talking for like, more or less twelve times in court, like? For like, her own trial? :ini:

The only thing I fret about is that the trial got messy in the beginning? And that Klavvy chose not to hide the bloodz on the curtains, which is...weird? And un-prosecutor like? I DON'T KNOW! :meekins:

Well, if the blood turns out irrelevant, PAY CUT for Gumshoe! :gant:

As for Turnabout Attorney, WHY THE HECK NOT? You've got Demon Prosecutor, and Prosecutor Prodigy. So how come Feenie doesn't have a title after the little fame he's earned? ;.;

Anyway, going to continue to the next chappie, so stay tuned people! :D

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (UPdated!)

Sat May 17, 2008 12:15 am

Arti_Rei

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CHAPTER 6 UP.

UPPITY! NO MORE MR. NICE LAWYER!

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (FINAL CHAPTER 2 UP!)

Sat May 17, 2008 4:51 am

Mia_Fey

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Very nice work. I quite enjoyed the chapter and I actually don't have much more to add. The only thing that strikes me as strange is Klavier calling Phoenix "Herr Porcupinehead."

Spoiler: 4-4

Anyway, good job. I hope to see more soon. :edgy:

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (FINAL CHAPTER 2 UP!)

Sat May 17, 2008 9:26 am

Arti_Rei

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Mia_Fey wrote:

Very nice work. I quite enjoyed the chapter and I actually don't have much more to add. The only thing that strikes me as strange is Klavier calling Phoenix "Herr Porcupinehead."

Spoiler: 4-4

Anyway, good job. I hope to see more soon. :edgy:

True, that. As the story continues, all will be made clear for everyone? Lol, I mean, just wait for it. :P

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (FINAL CHAPTER 2 UP!)

Sat May 17, 2008 3:13 pm

superangelo128

You're too slow!

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YYYESSS YESSSS!

Awesome chapter, keep it up!

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (FINAL CHAPTER 2 UP!)

Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Arti_Rei

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THANK YOU! :ron-jazz:

Irving wrote:

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Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (FINAL CHAPTER 2 UP!)

Thu May 22, 2008 9:12 am

SET0O0

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Wow...just WOW...putting Xeno_Wright's work aside, yours is one of THE BEST Feenris fics I ever read! :acro:

Keep up the good work and update soon, ya?

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (FINAL CHAPTER 2 UP!)

Fri May 23, 2008 11:34 am

Arti_Rei

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THANK YOU! :keiko:

Next chapter shall be up soon!!!!!!!!! ^______^

Irving wrote:

Don't push my buttons, Buttons!

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (FINAL CHAPTER 2 UP!)

Thu May 29, 2008 12:44 am

Arti_Rei

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Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2008 3:36 am

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CHAPTER 3 UP AT LAST.

The prosecution's shooting poison arrows in this round!

Irving wrote:

Don't push my buttons, Buttons!

Re: Ticking Turnabout: A Feenris fiction (CHAPTER 3 UP!)

Thu May 29, 2008 2:04 am

Mia_Fey

True love is forever.

Gender: Female

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:55 am

Posts: 2182

I like it. :) The characters were portrayed well and the plot continues to get more interesting. Keep it up. :butzthumbs:

Proud Supporter of Phoenix/Iris, Ron/Dessie, Klavier/Ema, and Apollo/Vera
Fanfics Updated-12/25